1
00:00:03,192 --> 00:00:04,859
Hey, ladies. Uh, welcome.
2
00:00:04,927 --> 00:00:06,669
I'm Sam. How can I help?
3
00:00:06,737 --> 00:00:09,063
That's not his real name.
I worked in a furniture store.
4
00:00:09,131 --> 00:00:11,198
Salesmen pay for their kids'
llege with lies.
5
00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:12,800
- I can't have kids.
- Lie.
6
00:00:12,869 --> 00:00:14,835
[Inhales sharply] Okay, Sam,
7
00:00:14,904 --> 00:00:17,705
we're looking for a recliner
for my mother-in-law.
8
00:00:17,740 --> 00:00:20,474
- Oh. Uh, over here's our Branson G-7.
- That's a lie.
9
00:00:20,543 --> 00:00:22,610
- Uh, very popular with bachelors...
- Lie.
10
00:00:22,678 --> 00:00:23,644
- And newlyweds.
- Lie.
11
00:00:23,713 --> 00:00:25,479
- Also comes in corduroy.
- Another lie.
12
00:00:26,824 --> 00:00:28,936
Hey, Eddie, look. A love seat.
13
00:00:29,452 --> 00:00:31,961
You should get one for Alison
now that you two are...
14
00:00:32,063 --> 00:00:33,362
[Imitates kissing] [Laughs]
15
00:00:33,431 --> 00:00:34,955
What are they talking about?
16
00:00:35,024 --> 00:00:37,666
Nothing... Just dumb-wads being dumb.
17
00:00:37,735 --> 00:00:39,602
He and Alison are smooching.
18
00:00:39,704 --> 00:00:41,170
With their lips!
19
00:00:41,239 --> 00:00:42,504
[Smooching]
20
00:00:44,175 --> 00:00:47,042
You kissed Alison?
Why didn't you tell me?
21
00:00:47,111 --> 00:00:48,510
N... [Sighs] I don't know.
22
00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:49,637
It wasn't a big deal.
23
00:00:49,739 --> 00:00:51,772
Yeah. No, it's cool. [Chuckles]
24
00:00:51,841 --> 00:00:55,017
I don't tell you every time
I kiss your mom, so I get it.
25
00:00:55,086 --> 00:00:56,619
Twice this week, by the way.
26
00:00:58,913 --> 00:01:01,464
_
27
00:01:01,559 --> 00:01:04,151
The D1. Good taste, and it's affordable.
28
00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:06,153
$300 plus the $75 handling fee.
29
00:01:06,255 --> 00:01:07,763
I'll handle it myself.
30
00:01:07,865 --> 00:01:09,932
That's the cost of getting it
here from our factory in Georgia.
31
00:01:10,001 --> 00:01:12,660
The only way to avoid that fee
is to go there and pick it up.
32
00:01:12,762 --> 00:01:14,562
Well, with gas mileage,
33
00:01:14,664 --> 00:01:18,065
plus wear-and-tear on the car,
minus food,
34
00:01:18,134 --> 00:01:21,569
I'd still save over $20 if I
went and picked it up myself.
35
00:01:21,637 --> 00:01:23,470
Uh, yeah, I guess,
you know, technically,
36
00:01:23,539 --> 00:01:25,739
but uh [scoffs] it's not
worth the trip to Georgia.
37
00:01:25,841 --> 00:01:26,840
So you're telling me
38
00:01:26,876 --> 00:01:28,676
if you saw a $20 bill on the street,
39
00:01:28,778 --> 00:01:29,877
you wouldn't pick it up?
40
00:01:29,979 --> 00:01:32,112
No, I... I would.
41
00:01:32,214 --> 00:01:33,914
I ate a cinnamon hot ball
off the ground this morning.
42
00:01:33,983 --> 00:01:35,249
Finally, the truth.
43
00:01:35,318 --> 00:01:37,718
Plus I love organizing road trips.
44
00:01:37,787 --> 00:01:40,321
They are the ultimate test
of efficiency and cunning.
45
00:01:40,356 --> 00:01:42,890
I'm in. I love road trips, too...
46
00:01:42,992 --> 00:01:47,102
Snacks, radio, hanging a towel
in the window to block the sun.
47
00:01:47,204 --> 00:01:49,096
We're also in.
48
00:01:49,131 --> 00:01:50,798
The World's Largest
Peanut is in Georgia.
49
00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:52,333
Disney Adventures magazine
50
00:01:52,401 --> 00:01:54,001
called it "Worth pulling over for."
51
00:01:54,678 --> 00:01:55,889
_
52
00:01:56,018 --> 00:01:58,878
_
53
00:01:59,059 --> 00:02:02,176
_
54
00:02:02,311 --> 00:02:03,377
We're going on a road trip!
55
00:02:03,446 --> 00:02:05,446
Three times.
56
00:02:05,548 --> 00:02:07,081
[Chuckles] [Sighs]
57
00:02:07,149 --> 00:02:09,450
S03E17 The Flush
58
00:02:09,552 --> 00:02:10,651
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
59
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:12,319
♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪
60
00:02:12,421 --> 00:02:14,555
♪ If you don't know,
homey, now you know ♪
61
00:02:14,657 --> 00:02:15,889
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
62
00:02:15,992 --> 00:02:18,158
♪ Homey,
you don't know where I come from ♪
63
00:02:18,260 --> 00:02:19,627
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
64
00:02:19,729 --> 00:02:21,033
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
65
00:02:21,096 --> 00:02:22,479
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
66
00:02:22,598 --> 00:02:23,764
We'll pick up Emery and Evan from school
67
00:02:23,866 --> 00:02:25,032
and hit the road from there.
68
00:02:25,134 --> 00:02:26,266
Perfect.
69
00:02:26,369 --> 00:02:27,334
I baked us some brownies,
70
00:02:27,436 --> 00:02:29,003
and I grabbed some sodas.
71
00:02:29,105 --> 00:02:30,204
Bottles... smart.
72
00:02:30,306 --> 00:02:32,172
This will mean six less
bathroom trips for the boys.
73
00:02:32,274 --> 00:02:33,440
[Chuckles]
74
00:02:33,542 --> 00:02:35,175
Jessica, do you think that's
enough food for the weekend?
75
00:02:35,277 --> 00:02:37,277
Oh, we'll also get discount
fruit from road stands.
76
00:02:37,380 --> 00:02:38,879
It's much cheaper than city fruit.
77
00:02:38,981 --> 00:02:41,615
Wow. You really are the
master of road trips.
78
00:02:41,717 --> 00:02:44,051
Someone has to be.
79
00:02:44,153 --> 00:02:46,620
Hey, bachelor! [Both chuckle]
80
00:02:46,722 --> 00:02:48,589
Hey,
what do you got planned for the weekend?
81
00:02:48,691 --> 00:02:49,857
Oh, I got a pile of squirrel kills
82
00:02:49,959 --> 00:02:52,526
I've been meaning to taxidermy
if you want a fur fix.
83
00:02:52,628 --> 00:02:53,927
Oh, I'd love to,
but I thought it would be good
84
00:02:54,030 --> 00:02:55,729
for Eddie and I to have a guys' weekend.
85
00:02:55,831 --> 00:02:57,631
[Both chuckle]
86
00:02:57,733 --> 00:02:59,199
Yeah, we haven't been talking much,
87
00:02:59,301 --> 00:03:01,201
so we're gonna hang out,
just the two of us...
88
00:03:01,337 --> 00:03:02,736
Eat pizzas, hit the driving range,
89
00:03:02,838 --> 00:03:04,071
watch "Police Academy" movies.
90
00:03:04,173 --> 00:03:06,840
Ah. I remember I had a guys' weekend
91
00:03:06,909 --> 00:03:09,410
with my father, Marvin Sr.
92
00:03:09,512 --> 00:03:12,046
He paid an angel to make me a man.
93
00:03:12,148 --> 00:03:13,147
Oh.
94
00:03:13,249 --> 00:03:16,116
Um, my dad didn't believe in weekends.
95
00:03:16,218 --> 00:03:18,252
The most we ever bonded
was the one time he told me
96
00:03:18,354 --> 00:03:20,587
I did a good job carrying
soup to the table.
97
00:03:20,690 --> 00:03:23,557
[Laughs] [Engine starts]
98
00:03:23,659 --> 00:03:25,092
Hey! Don't I get a kiss goodbye?
99
00:03:25,194 --> 00:03:26,760
Oh, the engine's already running.
100
00:03:26,862 --> 00:03:28,262
It would waste gas to get out now.
101
00:03:28,364 --> 00:03:29,897
I'll say goodbye when I get back.
102
00:03:29,999 --> 00:03:32,633
[Chuckles]
103
00:03:32,735 --> 00:03:35,002
[School bell rings]
104
00:03:35,071 --> 00:03:36,470
Anyone up for bowling this weekend?
105
00:03:36,572 --> 00:03:38,472
- Can we use bumpers?
- Hell, yeah.
106
00:03:38,574 --> 00:03:40,908
I'm out. I got a guys'
weekend planned with my dad.
107
00:03:41,010 --> 00:03:43,277
Oh, cool. I do that with my dad, too.
108
00:03:43,379 --> 00:03:44,845
We're just in different
cities when we do it.
109
00:03:44,947 --> 00:03:47,915
I think it'll be pretty cool...
Sit around in our underwear,
110
00:03:47,983 --> 00:03:50,484
eating take-out, not brushing our teeth.
111
00:03:50,553 --> 00:03:51,685
Sounds amazing.
112
00:03:51,787 --> 00:03:53,554
I'm stuck at home with my four sisters.
113
00:03:53,656 --> 00:03:56,423
Crying, slapping, door slamming...
114
00:03:56,492 --> 00:03:58,192
[Sighs] I'm just trying to watch
"Seinfeld."
115
00:03:58,294 --> 00:04:00,494
You guys want to come over
to my house this weekend?
116
00:04:00,596 --> 00:04:01,862
Yes!
117
00:04:01,931 --> 00:04:03,897
I mean,
are you sure it's cool with your dad?
118
00:04:03,933 --> 00:04:05,933
Of course! Guys' weekend.
119
00:04:06,035 --> 00:04:08,202
All: Guys' weekend.
120
00:04:11,507 --> 00:04:13,340
I spy with my little eye s...
121
00:04:13,442 --> 00:04:14,641
The freckle on my chin.
122
00:04:14,710 --> 00:04:16,343
Mommy, you win again!
123
00:04:16,445 --> 00:04:18,145
[Scoffs] Wow, Jessica.
124
00:04:18,247 --> 00:04:20,347
He didn't even get the
clue out that time.
125
00:04:20,449 --> 00:04:21,648
I'd make a great spy.
126
00:04:21,751 --> 00:04:23,517
I spy what you're gonna
spy before you even spy it.
127
00:04:23,619 --> 00:04:25,352
[Chuckles] This is so fun.
128
00:04:25,454 --> 00:04:27,654
Oh!
129
00:04:27,723 --> 00:04:29,256
[Truck horn honks] [Screams]
130
00:04:29,325 --> 00:04:31,125
What the hell was that?!
131
00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:32,793
I... I got him to honk.
132
00:04:32,895 --> 00:04:34,528
[Scoffs] You know...
133
00:04:34,630 --> 00:04:35,562
[Trunk horn honks]
134
00:04:35,664 --> 00:04:37,564
Ah!
135
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,700
Mom, look,
the cheap gas station is up ahead.
136
00:04:39,769 --> 00:04:41,869
They give you a free lighter
if you pay with cash.
137
00:04:41,937 --> 00:04:43,804
Oh. [Breathing heavily]
138
00:04:43,906 --> 00:04:46,440
Honey's horn game
almost made me miss it.
139
00:04:47,343 --> 00:04:49,810
I spy some good boys.
140
00:04:56,185 --> 00:04:59,386
[Door opens, closes]
141
00:04:59,455 --> 00:05:01,455
What in hot ham was that?
142
00:05:01,557 --> 00:05:03,791
You almost blew the whole trip.
143
00:05:03,859 --> 00:05:04,958
What are you talking about?
144
00:05:05,027 --> 00:05:07,494
You have to be very careful
with Mom on road trips.
145
00:05:07,596 --> 00:05:09,329
She's great if things go her way,
146
00:05:09,398 --> 00:05:11,598
but as soon as something
happens she doesn't like...
147
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:14,334
She turns into... a road grump.
148
00:05:14,436 --> 00:05:15,435
A "road grump"?
149
00:05:15,471 --> 00:05:16,937
There's several warning stages...
150
00:05:17,039 --> 00:05:18,472
- Squeezing the wheel...
- Muttering.
151
00:05:18,541 --> 00:05:19,706
Screaming at cars.
152
00:05:19,775 --> 00:05:22,543
And finally, speaking only in Mandarin.
153
00:05:22,611 --> 00:05:25,078
If that happens, forget it.
154
00:05:25,147 --> 00:05:27,114
She's in Grumpville. Trip over.
155
00:05:27,216 --> 00:05:29,149
That's why we missed the
World's Largest Peanut
156
00:05:29,251 --> 00:05:30,951
when we drove from D.C. to Orlando.
157
00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:32,786
Eddie kept asking, "How much longer?"
158
00:05:32,888 --> 00:05:34,121
and Mom lost it.
159
00:05:34,156 --> 00:05:35,189
C'est fini.
160
00:05:35,257 --> 00:05:36,990
Well, if that's true, why are you going
161
00:05:37,059 --> 00:05:38,458
on another road trip with her?
162
00:05:38,561 --> 00:05:40,727
Because we all got
things we can't explain,
163
00:05:40,830 --> 00:05:43,163
and ours is seeing that big peanut,
okay?
164
00:05:43,232 --> 00:05:44,731
And this time, we're prepared.
165
00:05:44,767 --> 00:05:47,601
We've got mix tapes, Boggle,
a book of funny limericks.
166
00:05:47,703 --> 00:05:51,338
And I've got my Jodie Foster
impression locked and loaded.
167
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:52,573
Hmm.
168
00:05:52,608 --> 00:05:54,975
[Thuds, squeegee squeaks]
169
00:05:58,647 --> 00:05:59,947
When can I stop smiling?
170
00:06:00,015 --> 00:06:01,215
You can't.
171
00:06:03,085 --> 00:06:03,984
[Video game plays]
172
00:06:04,086 --> 00:06:05,552
♪ Ba ba-ba-ba ba ♪
173
00:06:05,654 --> 00:06:06,820
♪ Ba ba-ba-ba ♪
174
00:06:06,889 --> 00:06:08,522
♪ Everybody 'za now, 'za ♪
175
00:06:08,591 --> 00:06:09,356
Hey, Dad.
176
00:06:09,458 --> 00:06:12,359
Oh, hey... dudes.
177
00:06:12,461 --> 00:06:13,460
- Hey, Mr. Huang.
- Hey.
178
00:06:13,562 --> 00:06:14,661
What's going on?
179
00:06:14,730 --> 00:06:16,230
Well,
I was bragging about our guys' weekend
180
00:06:16,298 --> 00:06:19,900
and these fools got jealous,
so I invited them to join.
181
00:06:19,969 --> 00:06:22,402
Um, but, Eddie,
the driving range at the club
182
00:06:22,504 --> 00:06:24,171
might not be able to
accommodate such a big group.
183
00:06:24,273 --> 00:06:25,839
I'm sure it'll be fine.
184
00:06:25,908 --> 00:06:28,342
Yeah, Eddie can just go all Mr.
Fruzetti on them and they'll cave.
185
00:06:28,444 --> 00:06:29,977
[Laughter] I don't get it.
186
00:06:30,079 --> 00:06:31,879
Mr. Fruzetti's our science teacher,
187
00:06:31,981 --> 00:06:33,313
and whenever he gets frustrated,
188
00:06:33,415 --> 00:06:34,781
he starts to spit when he talks,
189
00:06:34,884 --> 00:06:36,617
so people just give in
'cause they don't want to get wet.
190
00:06:36,685 --> 00:06:38,819
[Imitates Mr. Fruzetti]
"Eddie, don't sthquirt that.
191
00:06:38,888 --> 00:06:40,721
It's all sthodium sthulfide."
192
00:06:40,823 --> 00:06:42,522
[Laughter]
193
00:06:42,591 --> 00:06:44,391
[Laughs] That's funny.
194
00:06:44,493 --> 00:06:45,859
You never told me that before.
195
00:06:47,463 --> 00:06:49,129
Okay.
196
00:06:49,231 --> 00:06:51,298
Guys' weekend, king-sized edition...
197
00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:52,566
I'll order extra pizzas.
198
00:06:52,635 --> 00:06:54,301
Yes! [Laughs]
199
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:56,570
Hey, Trent!
200
00:06:56,639 --> 00:06:58,572
Get the hell in here,
you orange bastard,
201
00:06:58,674 --> 00:07:00,073
before I Fruzetti all over you.
202
00:07:00,175 --> 00:07:01,149
[Laughs]
203
00:07:01,252 --> 00:07:02,217
Hi, Mr. Huang.
204
00:07:02,319 --> 00:07:04,453
[Laughs] All right.
205
00:07:07,358 --> 00:07:08,557
Sorry I was late.
206
00:07:08,626 --> 00:07:10,284
I was just picking up some beer.
207
00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:11,326
[Dramatic music]
208
00:07:11,428 --> 00:07:13,720
All: Whoa!
209
00:07:13,822 --> 00:07:15,856
How quickly can we get rid of your dad?
210
00:07:19,974 --> 00:07:21,206
You got actual beer?!
211
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,040
The magician! How did you do it?
212
00:07:23,169 --> 00:07:24,075
My older sister was...
213
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:26,254
Trish, 25, attended Rutgers.
214
00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:27,778
Was getting beer for a party,
215
00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:29,380
and I caught her in a rare good mood.
216
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,182
And she just bought it for you,
just like that?
217
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:33,551
I had to give her all my savings...
60 bucks...
218
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:36,153
And promise not to talk or
sing around her for a year.
219
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:37,455
But you love to sing.
220
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:38,856
[Sighs] I know.
221
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:40,658
And you're sure it's
not that non-alcoholic
222
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:41,926
Sailor Boy stuff, right?
223
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,495
Nope. It's an India Pale Ale.
224
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,531
Damn, son. That's imported.
225
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:47,899
Look, my sister...
226
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:50,167
Teaches swim lessons,
goes to work in a bathing suit.
227
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:52,136
Said she was never doing this again.
228
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:54,505
We got a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
229
00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:55,740
We can't just waste it.
230
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:56,707
That's for sure.
231
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,276
Hey, boys.
232
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,899
Who wants to learn poker?
233
00:08:05,769 --> 00:08:10,821
♪ Your love is better
than ice cream ♪
234
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:15,226
♪ Everyone here knows how to fly ♪
235
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,596
♪ Do, do, do-do do ♪
236
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:22,066
[Inhales sharply]
237
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,335
[Song restarts] Again?
238
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:27,843
Is this mix tape just
"Ice Cream" over and over?
239
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:30,808
Mommy loves this song, Honey.
240
00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:33,878
Yes, Honey. You can never
have too much of a good thing.
241
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:36,414
[Exhales sharply]
242
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,249
[Brakes squeal]
243
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,518
[Horns honk] [Sighs]
244
00:08:40,587 --> 00:08:41,953
[Music stops]
245
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,487
So much traffic.
246
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:46,157
People need to learn how to drive.
247
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,392
Someone better be dead.
248
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:49,860
It looks like all old people.
249
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:52,630
Snowbirds,
heading north now that winter's over.
250
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,198
Maybe they would get there faster
251
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:57,301
if they could see over
the steering wheel!
252
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:00,638
[Whispers] Stage three...
Yelling at cars.
253
00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:03,127
[Whispers] Quick, do your impression.
254
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:05,843
[As Clarice Starling] You see a lot,
Dr. Lecter.
255
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:08,245
But are you strong enough to point
256
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:12,016
that high-powered
perception at yourself?
257
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,451
[Sighs]
258
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,355
[Horns honking]
259
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:19,390
Uh...
260
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:21,792
[Gasps] Oh,
what if we stop for ice cream
261
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,461
while we wait for traffic to clear.
262
00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:25,596
You know, ice cream like the song?
263
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,932
I'll pay so it doesn't cut
into your chair savings.
264
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:29,266
Oh, that's a good idea.
265
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:30,968
That's more efficient than wasting gas
266
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,770
sitting in traffic.
267
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:35,406
These skeletons will clear
out once the sun sets.
268
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:36,774
The old hate the dark.
269
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:38,275
[Turn signal clicking]
270
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:42,513
All right, boys. Take your time.
271
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:43,881
There's no clock in poker.
272
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:45,449
Check your cards, read your opponents,
273
00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:47,318
formulate your strategies.
274
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,253
All: All in.
275
00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:50,454
You sure?
276
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:51,822
All: We're sure.
277
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:55,059
Oh!
Trying to push the big cat around, huh?
278
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:57,528
Well, the only thing I fold is laundry.
279
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,263
I'll pay to see 'em.
280
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:03,267
[Sighs]
Well, looks like you win again, Dad.
281
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:04,669
Game over. We're out of money.
282
00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:05,803
Oh, no, no, no, no.
283
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,571
We'll consider it
another practice round.
284
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:08,706
[Chuckles] [Sighs]
285
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:11,075
Now, again, don't go all in
286
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,843
unless you've got the cards, okay?
287
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,679
Leave the bluffing to the experts.
288
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:16,180
[Chuckles]
289
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:19,250
Man, I'm getting tired.
290
00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:23,654
Me too. Brutal week.
291
00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:25,189
I'm feeling my age.
292
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,424
[Both yawn]
293
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:28,325
Maybe we should call it a night.
294
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,394
It's only 5:00. It's still light out.
295
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:32,363
We've got hours of
"Police Academys" to watch.
296
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:34,899
We got the entire weekend, Dad.
297
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,734
Don't want to burn us
out the first night.
298
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,036
Got to be fresh for the driving
range in the morning, right?
299
00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:42,873
Well, I guess I can't argue with that.
300
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:44,208
[Chuckles] Good night, fellas.
301
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,209
All: Good night!
302
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:46,410
Good night. [Chuckles]
303
00:10:48,471 --> 00:10:53,161
_
304
00:10:55,377 --> 00:10:56,279
_
305
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,922
Kitty, kitty, kitty.
306
00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:59,690
[Both chuckle]
307
00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:00,725
All right.
308
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,227
I'm so amped to party.
309
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,530
It's lukewarm.
310
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,365
Who's gonna take the first sip?
311
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,695
I'll do it.
312
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,646
How is it?
313
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:24,448
- Can you taste the hops?
- Are you drunk?
314
00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:27,952
I don't know. I definitely feel weird.
315
00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:30,654
He's buzzin'. Oh, my God. He's buzzin'.
316
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:33,424
Do girls look more attractive?
317
00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:38,195
That was some quick thinking back there.
318
00:11:38,297 --> 00:11:39,563
You really saved us.
319
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:42,066
Yeah, we were seconds away
from haring Mandarin swears.
320
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,168
Hey,
your "Ice Cream" mix gave me the idea,
321
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:45,536
and I probably would
have missed that sign
322
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,571
if you hadn't primed me with all that
"I spy".
323
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:49,614
Celebratory lick?
324
00:11:50,943 --> 00:11:52,276
Traffic's clearing.
325
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,911
Should be smooth sailing
from here on out.
326
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:56,080
Big Peanut, here we come.
327
00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:58,682
[Screams]
328
00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:03,487
Oh, no. A parking ticket's
like a thousand bad traffics.
329
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,923
[Groans]
330
00:12:06,025 --> 00:12:07,424
Everybody ready to hit the road?
331
00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:09,059
All board! Yay! You know it.
332
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:10,895
Jessica: Okay.
333
00:12:11,519 --> 00:12:13,966
_
334
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,500
[Sighs] Practice round?
335
00:12:16,602 --> 00:12:17,501
[Laughs]
336
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,903
Hey, ho!
337
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,138
Figured I didn't need to knock
on account of guys' weekend.
338
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:22,506
Come right on in. [Door closes]
339
00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:24,208
I thought Eddie could
use these tomorrow.
340
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,409
They're Nicole's old sticks.
341
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:26,911
They banned her from the golf course
342
00:12:26,979 --> 00:12:28,445
for hitting too many "geese burners."
343
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:29,713
[Laughs] Thanks, Marv.
344
00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:30,881
Yeah.
345
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:33,050
- So, how's it going?
- Okay.
346
00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:35,219
Eddie's buddies crashed the party,
but I just rolled with it.
347
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:36,787
Going with the flow...
348
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:39,156
That's the backbone of any guys'
weekend.
349
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:40,457
Where are the little rug sniffers?
350
00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:41,926
They went to bed.
351
00:12:41,994 --> 00:12:43,527
Before midnight?
352
00:12:43,629 --> 00:12:45,696
With all that testosterone?
353
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:46,997
No.
354
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,532
The boy's got a VCR in his room?
355
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:49,733
Not anymore.
356
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:51,802
He was taping cable shows
in the middle of the night.
357
00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:53,504
Well, that rules out ta-ta movies.
358
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,272
- He's got fireworks?
- We're Chinese.
359
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:57,441
The boys have been over
fireworks since they were five.
360
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:59,043
Well, did they sneak out to go egging?
361
00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:00,477
Jessica painted the windows shut.
362
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:01,779
Then it's got to be booze.
363
00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:03,681
- What? No way.
- Booze.
364
00:13:03,749 --> 00:13:05,816
Eddie's growing up,
but he's not there yet.
365
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:07,251
Okay, maybe you're right.
366
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,619
[Chuckles] I don't mean to overstep.
367
00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,855
Who knows a son better than his father,
right?
368
00:13:10,923 --> 00:13:12,923
I'll leave you to it.
Hit 'em long and straight.
369
00:13:13,025 --> 00:13:13,991
- All right, Marv.
- Okay.
370
00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:15,693
[Chuckles]
371
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,933
Hey,
just checking to make sure everythi...
372
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:24,802
You're drinking?
373
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:26,604
No. Eddie's the only one who had any.
374
00:13:26,672 --> 00:13:28,472
None of us even tried it. Where is he?
375
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,307
He had a few sips and
said he felt weird.
376
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:31,642
And then he ran into the bathroom.
377
00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:34,283
Did Eddie O.D.?
378
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,280
No, he'll be fine.
379
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,949
But this should be a lesson
to all of you not to drink.
380
00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:41,385
I'm gonna have to call your
parents and let them know.
381
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,588
Go home. Party's over.
382
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,224
- Sorry, Mr. Huang.
- See ya.
383
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:51,195
[Scoffs]
384
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,767
[Water shuts off] Oh, God.
385
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:01,171
What's happening to me?
386
00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:04,708
Oh, God, oh, God.
387
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:06,477
Oh, God. What?
388
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:07,578
[Knock on door]
389
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,013
Louis: Eddie, can I come in?
390
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:11,015
No, Dad.
I'm... I'm doing something in here.
391
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:13,550
Eddie, I know about the beer.
Just open up.
392
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:14,785
Crap.
393
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,253
Trust me, you don't want to see this.
394
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,288
Open up the door right this minute.
395
00:14:18,469 --> 00:14:20,791
Okay. You asked for it.
396
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:28,632
We need to talk.
397
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,367
What's happening to us?
398
00:14:30,469 --> 00:14:31,936
The Asian Flush.
399
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,273
What's wrong with me? Am I drunk?
400
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,577
Calm down. Getting agitated
will just make it worse.
401
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:40,911
Worse?!
402
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:42,713
It's called the Asian Flush.
403
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,181
It's an allergic reaction.
404
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,684
Your body lacks the
enzyme to process alcohol.
405
00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:47,785
It doesn't affect everyone.
406
00:14:47,853 --> 00:14:49,153
Your mom and grandma don't have it.
407
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,754
[Sighs] What's gonna happen to me?
408
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,723
Well, everyone reacts different.
409
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,959
For me, my face gets hot and red,
410
00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:57,761
my throat and eyes get itchy,
and my heart races.
411
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,830
You didn't drink much,
so it shouldn't last long.
412
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,995
Great... just another way I'm
different from everyone else.
413
00:15:03,669 --> 00:15:05,402
This is like an all-body heat.
414
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:07,204
Look, I was just as confused as you
415
00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:08,706
when I first discovered it.
416
00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:10,541
It happened my freshman year in college.
417
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:11,575
[Laughter]
418
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,210
Oh! Hey, man!
419
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:15,279
I was already self-conscious
being an Asian kid
420
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,847
in a mostly white school,
421
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,616
and now the one thing
that was supposed to help
422
00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:21,118
my social anxiety only made it worse.
Not bad.
423
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,254
And then... And then I did the worm.
424
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,189
[Laughing] Oh, yeah!
425
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,724
[Laughter]
426
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:27,891
Your face.
427
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,460
Oh! You look like your sweater.
428
00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:30,394
What's wrong with you?
429
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:32,863
I don't know.
430
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:34,898
[Panting]
431
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,102
Really, Maryland?
432
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:39,503
You rain for three straight months,
433
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,972
but tonight there's not even a breeze?!
434
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:43,841
I don't feel so good.
435
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:44,842
Oh, yeah. That's another thing.
436
00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:47,278
We also get an accelerated hangover.
437
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,079
Come on. I got something that'll help.
438
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:53,550
Hey!
439
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,486
They're just giving it away.
440
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,354
I don't want to jinx it,
441
00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,991
but I think this might
be my best road trip yet.
442
00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:02,993
It is. It totally is!
443
00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:05,262
[Laughs]
444
00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:07,498
I can't take it anymore.
It's too much pressure.
445
00:16:07,566 --> 00:16:09,199
Girl, you got to hold it together.
446
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,168
That's what I'm saying. I can't.
447
00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:13,737
We're hostages. You know that, right?
448
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,906
We just have to keep
it up a little longer
449
00:16:15,941 --> 00:16:19,677
so we can see the Peanut,
pick up the chair, and get home.
450
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:21,745
Why do you want to see
this peanut so badly?
451
00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:24,048
Because it's the world's biggest peanut.
452
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,949
What is she not understanding?
453
00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:27,818
Can you explain it to her, please?
454
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,153
Aah!
455
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:31,355
Another ticket?
456
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:33,090
What do you mean "another ticket"?
457
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:37,394
Here you go. Try this.
458
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,534
Ugh! It tastes worst than the beer.
459
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,202
Oh, yeah. It's disgusting.
460
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:46,570
I call it Lou Brew.
461
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,906
It also gets out permanent
marker and blood stains.
462
00:16:48,974 --> 00:16:49,773
I don't get it.
463
00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:51,375
I've seen you drink alcohol before
464
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,010
and this never happened to you.
465
00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:55,112
Well,
I've learned to adapt over the years.
466
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,881
At first, around my white friends,
I'd fake drunk.
467
00:16:57,983 --> 00:17:01,051
Good one, Clark! [Laughs]
468
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:05,055
Whoo! Another round! [Laughs]
469
00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:07,391
Then if I was with my Chinese friends,
470
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,727
I could just let it fly
because they understood.
471
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:11,495
Hey, I think it spread to my eyelid.
472
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:13,163
Hey, check this out!
473
00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:15,099
[Laughs]
474
00:17:16,335 --> 00:17:17,935
I got that butt thing again.
475
00:17:18,003 --> 00:17:19,903
Oh, Hank! Hank!
476
00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:22,940
If I pass out, I've got $2 worth
477
00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:24,641
of Bob Seger in the jukebox.
478
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:27,044
If "Like a Rock" comes on, wake me up.
479
00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:28,879
Can someone turn the A.C. up?
480
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:31,682
It is hot as hell in here.
The twins are drenched.
481
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,617
[Laughter]
482
00:17:33,652 --> 00:17:36,320
Louis: And then, eventually,
I developed a pre-game routine
483
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:37,821
to fight it the best I could.
484
00:17:37,923 --> 00:17:40,324
My Flush Pack... Before I drink,
485
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:41,425
I take these precautions
486
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,026
and it lessens the side effects...
487
00:17:43,095 --> 00:17:47,364
PEPCID, inhaler, eye drops, TUMS.
488
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,833
You have to do all this
nonsense every time you drink?
489
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,469
I don't write checks my body can't cash.
490
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:54,037
Also, there's some cash in here.
491
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:56,807
I don't understand.
492
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,709
Why didn't you just tell
me about the tickets?
493
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:01,278
Well, because every little
thing sets you off...
494
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,147
Honey... because you're a road grump.
495
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,848
[Sighs]
496
00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:06,450
What are you talking about?
497
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,252
As soon as things don't go your way,
498
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:11,488
you get super sensitive
and make everyone tense.
499
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:13,123
No, I don't.
500
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:14,558
I run on a schedule,
501
00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,460
but that's just to make
things more efficient.
502
00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:17,761
I'm a road boss.
503
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,763
Road trips are supposed to be fun.
504
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:21,498
If I knew it was gonna be like this,
505
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,167
I would have just given you the $20
506
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:24,835
to buy the chair back in Orlando.
507
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,204
[Sighs]
508
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,801
You both feel this way?
509
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,310
I didn't know.
510
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:35,212
I don't want to be a road grump.
511
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:37,448
I want to have fun on this trip, too.
512
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:38,949
It's too late.
513
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:41,251
You're already mad about
the parking tickets.
514
00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:45,088
[Gasps]
515
00:18:45,191 --> 00:18:46,890
What parking tickets?
516
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,725
Jessica, they can track you
down by your license plate.
517
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:49,993
Oh, yeah?
518
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:57,167
Anyone asks, our plates got stolen
519
00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:59,470
and someone else got those tickets.
520
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:02,739
Uh [laughs] an unmarked car?
521
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,008
- Now it's a road trip!
- Yes!
522
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,577
Let's go see that peanut!
523
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,579
- Yes! Let's do it!
- Let's go!
524
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,380
And last, just to be safe,
525
00:19:10,449 --> 00:19:12,883
I rubber-band these
gauze pads in my armpits
526
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:13,951
to soak up the sweat.
527
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:16,820
First we can't drink milk, and now this.
528
00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:18,480
Asians got jobbed.
529
00:19:18,549 --> 00:19:20,157
Why did you never tell me about this?
530
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:23,093
I was going to when you were
old enough to start drinking.
531
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,728
I guess I didn't realize you were there.
532
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,989
Yeah, well, I learned my lesson.
533
00:19:27,057 --> 00:19:28,891
Your mom and I will take
that into consideration
534
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:30,200
when we figure out your punishment.
535
00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:32,561
Damn. [Sighs]
536
00:19:32,663 --> 00:19:35,230
Well, if it helps, it wasn't planned.
537
00:19:35,332 --> 00:19:36,999
It just sort of happened.
538
00:19:37,101 --> 00:19:38,834
Honestly, this weekend I was just hoping
539
00:19:38,903 --> 00:19:41,570
to sit around in our
underwear watching TV...
540
00:19:41,672 --> 00:19:43,238
Both: Not brushing our teeth.
541
00:19:43,340 --> 00:19:44,206
[Chuckles]
542
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:45,607
This all seems like a lot of work
543
00:19:45,709 --> 00:19:47,209
for something that tastes like garbage.
544
00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,777
Well, if you want to talk about it,
545
00:19:48,879 --> 00:19:51,140
or anything else, I'm here.
546
00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:55,025
I actually do have some
questions about kissing.
547
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:57,294
How do you know if you're good at it?
548
00:19:57,329 --> 00:19:59,663
Well,
if she's anything like your mother...
549
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,598
You know what? I'm not feeling so great.
550
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:02,799
Maybe we can talk more later.
551
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,401
Whenever you want.
552
00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:05,502
Come on. Let's get the rest
553
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:06,503
of the beers and dump them out.
554
00:20:06,605 --> 00:20:07,971
Oh. It was just the one.
555
00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:10,374
The five of you were
going to split one beer?
556
00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:11,742
It was all he could afford.
557
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:14,406
Trent paid his sister 60 bucks for it.
558
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,880
She said she was losing money.
559
00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:18,507
[Chuckles]
560
00:20:20,494 --> 00:20:22,987
Why do they have a swimming
pool at a police academy?
561
00:20:23,090 --> 00:20:25,074
Don't start asking questions,
or it all falls apart.
562
00:20:25,151 --> 00:20:26,517
[Door opens]
563
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,656
Hey, you're back. How was the trip?
564
00:20:28,939 --> 00:20:30,562
[Muttering in Mandarin]
565
00:20:32,135 --> 00:20:33,670
Mom's speaking Mandarin.
566
00:20:33,739 --> 00:20:35,171
You didn't see the big nut, did you?
567
00:20:35,274 --> 00:20:37,073
- Nope.
- Didn't even get the chair.
568
00:20:37,175 --> 00:20:38,706
What happened?
569
00:20:39,044 --> 00:20:40,510
Let's go see that peanut!
570
00:20:40,612 --> 00:20:42,312
- Yes!
- Let's go!
571
00:20:42,414 --> 00:20:44,014
[Indistinct radio chatter]
572
00:20:44,124 --> 00:20:46,391
And that's for driving
without license plates.
573
00:20:47,570 --> 00:20:50,173
_
574
00:20:50,276 --> 00:20:52,749
_
575
00:20:52,853 --> 00:20:54,785
_
576
00:20:54,935 --> 00:20:56,234
Goodbye, Big Peanut.
577
00:20:56,459 --> 00:20:57,876
Maybe it's better not
to meet your heroes.