1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:09,976 This programme contains violent scenes and images of the deceased from the very start 2 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:17,976 that viewers may find distressing, strong language, offensive and discriminatory attitudes, 3 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:25,960 and scenes of a sexual nature throughout. 4 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:33,720 DISTANT SCREAMING 5 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:38,616 WOMAN WAILS 6 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:40,920 SIRENS WAIL 7 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,840 What is that?! 8 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,480 What is that?! 9 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,520 FRUSTRATED SIGH 10 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,080 Ah-ha! 11 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,280 DOOR OPENS 12 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,920 All right, George? 13 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:51,320 CAR BEEPS 14 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,400 I... normally park at the Richmond Street car park. 15 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,560 ENGINE STARTS 16 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,560 ENGINE REVS 17 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,240 REVVING CONTINUES 18 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,136 Oh, it's still pay and display in this one, the app doesn't work. 19 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:37,216 I'll treat you. 20 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,416 You gonna be here all day? 21 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:40,640 That depends, don't it? 22 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,680 MUTTERS: Fucking hell. 23 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,680 You watching tonight? 24 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:01,640 Is that a football question? 25 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:04,680 Yes. 26 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,120 No. 27 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,320 SECURITY SYSTEM BEEPS 28 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,216 So, you've got this place and the house? 29 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,856 Yeah. But I'm mortgaged to death. 30 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,536 You try making money out of hospitality. 31 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:29,256 The house is thanks to my parents. 32 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,656 I sold theirs and bought number 5. 33 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:32,856 So, they were rich? 34 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,136 What, do I look like Lord Struthers of Morningside? 35 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,656 They just had a nice terraced house in Dundee, 36 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:40,720 so I murdered them and got the money. 37 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,616 What, and then you got this place with Curtis? 38 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,816 Yep. That is my punishment. 39 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,976 I'm buying him out and it's taking for ever, 40 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,976 cos it costs a fortune. He still gets 20% of the profits, 41 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,656 which is kind of 20% of not very much, but still... 42 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:57,080 The bastard. 43 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,720 I'm seeing him tonight, as a matter of fact. 44 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,016 With his newly beloved. 45 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,296 So, this is the thing. Sometimes when you touch it, 46 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:08,680 you get a shock. 47 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,936 Oh, well. It's fine now. Typical. 48 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,600 But when it zaps you, that fuse goes. 49 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,736 This one. It trips. Is that the right word? Trips? 50 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:23,216 I'm gonna have to turn the power off. 51 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,936 I've got the office upstairs, I still need to work. 52 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,096 Yeah, well, I can isolate that. 53 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,376 When did you last get your condition report? 54 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,096 Um, November '25. We're up to date. 55 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,776 So, who did your test for you? Ashbury's. 56 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,496 But they charge 500 quid just for a visit. 57 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,696 Yeah, I don't trust 'em. 58 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,016 Do you know where they get their staff from? 59 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:44,496 Aruba. Do you know where that is? 60 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,016 The Caribbean? Exactly. 61 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,240 And I'm not being racist. Well, a little bit. 62 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,616 I mean, think about it. 63 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:54,800 Aruba. 64 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,616 Who owns that? 65 00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,000 The Netherlands. 66 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,576 And in the Netherlands, the mains wiring is 230 volts, 67 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:05,616 and in Aruba it's 127 volts, 68 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:08,896 so it's two different systems. It's like a fire trap. 69 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:12,120 And why do they do that, eh? Have two different voltages? 70 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:14,936 Tesla. 71 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,656 What, like, Elon Musk? 72 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,976 No, Nikolai Tesla. 73 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,696 He was the man who invented AC/DC. 74 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,456 And when he died, the FBI took all his papers 75 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,976 and they burnt them so no-one could see them. 76 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,776 And then Elon Musk named his company after him. 77 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,856 That's no coincidence, is it? 78 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,296 Meaning? 79 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,520 Exactly. It's a mystery. 80 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,560 When I was young, AC/DC meant bisexual. 81 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,776 Look, there's nothing wrong with this, 82 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:47,696 but I need to get back here, strip everything away, all right? 83 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,496 Is that gonna cost? Well, it's all gonna cost, innit? 84 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,576 Well, you know, I'm not being rude, but you know what happens. 85 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,296 You get an electrician in and they go, 86 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:56,576 "Oh, everything needs rewiring," 87 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,976 and a job that was gonna cost 100 quid ends up costing 10,000. 88 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,776 You calling me a liar? 89 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,456 No. 90 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,536 The way people talk about workmen. 91 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,256 Nobody else would put up with it. 92 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,936 Imagine if I walked in here, eh, and got a pint and said, 93 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,016 "Have you watered this down?" 94 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:14,776 You'd get right on your high horse, wouldn't you? 95 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,176 Do you water it down? No. 96 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,416 Well, there's your first mistake, isn't it? 97 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,896 Paying your ex 20%? I'd start diluting it, mate. 98 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,416 DOOR OPENS Oh. You're here early. 99 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:27,776 Oh, yeah, this is Clive, the electrician. 100 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,456 Hi, Clive. I'm Judy. 101 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,320 Don't charge us a million quid, yeah? 102 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:39,016 Ah, he's the one I told you about! Mm-hm. Clive, from next door. 103 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,056 I met his son online, and I mean online. 104 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,256 He's 16, but said 18, vers bottom. 105 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:46,976 So, what did you do? 106 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,616 Oh, I fucked him. Oh, Leo! 107 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:52,216 Get off! It was mortifying. Said he was zero metres away. 108 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,160 Zero! He must've seen me, though. 109 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,336 You cheeky little bitch. 110 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,736 But I will be the one to block him, thank you very much. 111 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:08,416 It's my street and I was gay before he was even a single spunk. 112 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,576 Oh, my God, now I'm thinking about his father ejaculating. 113 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,416 This is such a terrible day, 114 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,536 and to top it all I'm seeing Curtis tonight. 115 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,336 Talking of tops. 116 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:19,896 What for? 117 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,136 HE SIGHS We're being civilised. 118 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,736 FOOTSTEPS 119 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,176 Could you not talk to him, though? The lad, what's his name? 120 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,416 George. What would we talk about? Morning, Zee. Morning. 121 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,256 Zee, boy next door, 16, 122 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,656 looking for sex online and lying about his age. 123 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:33,816 Should Leo not have a word? 124 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,256 His dad's downstairs, the electrician. 125 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,976 But his dad doesn't know he's gay, so do not say anything. 126 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,336 How do you know he doesn't know? 127 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,336 Because George is alive. 128 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,216 That's a bit 1980s. 129 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,976 You'd be surprised, times are changing. 130 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,736 Not with this family, trust me. 131 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,056 Sit at home with a bad dad and you're as closeted as ever. 132 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,896 Why are you employing him, then? Ahem. 133 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,416 Could you just go and do some work, thank you? 134 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,336 Are you mates with him? The boy? 135 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,336 Why would I be mates with a 16-year-old? 136 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,816 What would we even talk about? About? Bluey? 137 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,736 No, I've hardly said two words to him. He's just like, "Hello." 138 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,536 Oh, I dunno, best not then. Oh, don't take his side. 139 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,296 Yeah, but I can see what he means. It's a funny line to cross. 140 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:09,736 So, the kid goes online, 141 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,896 hooks up, and gets murdered, and that's fine? 142 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,656 But at least he wouldn't have died a virgin. 143 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,720 JUDY CACKLES Oh, power's back on. Hooray. 144 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:19,776 It's weird, innit, 145 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,880 how we know more about his son than he does. 146 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,016 His wife said he had an affair. 147 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,016 For real? In a caravan park. 148 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,776 Oh. Like Jenny and Lee on Gogglebox? 149 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,696 -Maybe it was Jenny. -Sh! - Don't. THEY LAUGH. 150 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,856 He can't hear us. 151 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:39,040 He can't hear us down there, can he? Nah, course not. No. 152 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:41,560 Clive! 153 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,320 Yeah? LEO GASPS. 154 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:49,280 Nothing! 155 00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,816 I'll start putting these back. 156 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:56,296 Well, thanks, yeah. Clive. 157 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,320 Nice to meet ya. I'm Zee. 158 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,656 What's that short for, then? 159 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,880 It's not. I'm just Zee. I chose it myself. 160 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,736 How come? 161 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:15,816 I just did. It's a placeholder till I find the right name. 162 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,216 I'm Hanna. 163 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,640 My girlfriend chose it. She says it's delicate. 164 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,376 How many of you are there? 165 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:27,336 Morning, all. OK, then. What have we got? 166 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,216 No, no, it's straightforward. 167 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:32,656 You just had a broken earth cable, so I just replaced it. It's done. 168 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,816 But...? 169 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:38,496 No, no, you were just unlucky. Put in a new cable. All done. 170 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,480 Oh, OK. Great. Well, that's good. 171 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:45,736 But... Oh, I knew it. How much? 172 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,816 No, it's just this here. I mean, look at it. 173 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:51,336 You've got the whole thing running out of one socket. 174 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,296 You've got your sound system, your lights, your mic. 175 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:56,456 What else is plugged in here? 176 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,696 Smoke machine. Bubble machine. Oil wheel. 177 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,736 Well, look forward to the inquest when you're all burnt 178 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,616 to death. But, look, I can strip away that wall, 179 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:08,536 I can rewire it and put in five sockets. 800 quid, all in. 180 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,856 How long are we out of action? No, it'll just take me one night. 181 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,400 I can isolate this wall so you can keep the bar open. 182 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,920 600.800. All right? And that's final. 183 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,856 It's not just the electrics, is it? 184 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,096 You know, I've gotta redecorate and patch it all in. 185 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,696 So, 800 gets you my lad in, my son. 186 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,936 He's got level 3 joinery, so he can tidy it all up 187 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,696 and then seal it off for you. 188 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,616 How old's your son? 25. 189 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:33,880 He's got two sons. 190 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,456 Why? 191 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,200 What do you mean? 192 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:41,936 Just you have two sons. 193 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,000 So? 194 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:46,560 Nothing. 195 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:49,440 Why'd you say that? 196 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:55,160 I just did, because you have, haven't you? 197 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,760 Does it matter? 198 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:01,800 No. 199 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,400 OK, great. Um... 200 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,520 700.800, all right? 201 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,176 And then we're, er... 202 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,616 MUSIC PLAYS 203 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:15,880 disco. 204 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,616 Hey! Go on, Clive. Woo! 205 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,176 THEY LAUGH AND CHEER 206 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,736 MUSIC OFF 207 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:29,336 That's enough. I'll get started. Er... 208 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,416 What did you get on the van? Two hours? Yeah. 209 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:36,280 All right, well, you'd better make it all day, hadn't you? Your treat. 210 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,120 See you later. 211 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:57,600 Ha-ha. 212 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:14,960 Ah, I'm running late. 213 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,456 Get a taxi and pick me up at 7.30, OK? 214 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:22,296 Why are we having dinner with your ex? No fucking idea. 215 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:26,536 Curtis and Maggie at home. At ten o'clock we are leaving, OK? Bye. 216 00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:28,096 MEN LAUGH 217 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:29,816 He doesn't know what he's talking about. 218 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,536 He was a shit player and he's a shit pundit, I told you. 219 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,656 He doesn't know what he's fucking talking about, he's a... 220 00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:37,176 Oh, he's always on the fucking drink. 221 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,096 EVERYONE: Oh... 222 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,136 Wahey! 223 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:43,840 THEY GROAN 224 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,816 Not in front of my dad, he's a married man. Put it away! 225 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,560 Hey, somewhere to park my bike, anyway. 226 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:33,120 Bloody flipping Curtis and stupid, bloody thick flipping Maggie. 227 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:36,976 Deep breath. 228 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,216 Hi! Hey! 229 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,736 Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, out, out, out. 230 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,576 Oh, that dates you. Sorry we're late. 231 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,856 Oh, you look wonderful. Nice to see you. 232 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:50,656 Oh, I saw Sanjay! Yeah, I know. He said. 233 00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:52,056 It's been ages. How you been? 234 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:57,176 Er, not bad. Not bad. Yeah. You're looking older and fatter and greyer. 235 00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,776 And you're beginning to smell. 236 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,016 THEY CHUCKLE 237 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,376 Let me take that. 238 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,720 So... who else is coming? 239 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,296 Oh, er, well, it's just us. 240 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:11,736 Yeah, I thought we could catch up. Have a chance to talk, you know. 241 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,576 Talk about what? 242 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,640 You know, things. Come on through. 243 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:23,800 Is that enough for you? 244 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,176 And he grabs my laptop and runs. I mean, 245 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,136 he's, what, 6' 3", all muscles. 246 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:34,256 I mean, he's only 25 years old, 247 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:37,656 so he runs like a gymnast, out the front door, gone. 248 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,656 And I run! I run after him into the street, 249 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,616 then I hear this click. It's the door closing behind me, 250 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:47,496 locked, and I'm standing there absolutely naked! 251 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,056 My God, no way. Yeah. I'm standing in the middle of the street 252 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,496 stark bollock naked. 253 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,416 I had to rescue him. Yeah. 254 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,000 Did that really happen? 255 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,880 All hanging out, for all the world to see. Cop a load of this. 256 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,936 But that's it, because Trump is fixing the courts so he can stay 257 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,816 for a third term. Why not a fourth? 258 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,160 Cos you know what this is? The dark age. 259 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,456 It's a new dark age. If I live for 30 more years, 260 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,616 I will die before the dark age ends. 261 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,056 This is it, now. For life. 262 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:31,816 Oh, I've missed all this. Stephanie Soothsayer. 263 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,976 It's a little bit... doom scrolling, don't you think? 264 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,056 Maggie, you can't seriously say these are good times, can you? 265 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,176 Oh, hardly, no, but I think we're in a state of panic. 266 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,960 I don't think it helps. 267 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,416 I panic, apparently. That's not what she means. 268 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:48,456 I just think... 269 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:52,240 We can all worry but we need to do something. 270 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,560 So, we are. 271 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,960 Just sort of a little bit of good in the world, yeah? 272 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,776 Yeah. That's what we wanted to say. It's not a big deal, 273 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,936 we just didn't want you to hear it second-hand. 274 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,280 We are going to foster. 275 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,736 We did the panel on Monday and they've said yes, 276 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,136 so gonna be foster parents. 277 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,456 Oh! I think that's brilliant. 278 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,240 Well done. 279 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:28,176 Nice. That's amazing. Big changes. 280 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:31,576 There's such a shortage. I mean, there is SUCH a shortage. 281 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:32,680 Although... 282 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,496 poor kids having to listen to you two. 283 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,616 CHUCKLING 284 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,616 We're terrified. 285 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,496 And we did try, but I'm 45 now, 286 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,256 and that's not gonna happen. 287 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,936 And this is the next best thing. It's equally good. 288 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:51,160 Yes, it's... Exactly. Sorry. 289 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,416 Mum and Dad, 290 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,816 here's to you. 291 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:59,760 Congratulations. We need people like you. 292 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,456 You get a lot of money. 293 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,256 That's why we're doing it. Cold, hard cash. It's the only... 294 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:09,336 It's just you never said, when we were together. 295 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,456 You never said you wanted kids. 296 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,296 I didn't back then. 297 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,456 What changed? Nothing. I suppose I was a different person. 298 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,616 Oh, now you're better? 299 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:19,880 No. 300 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,560 SOFTLY: Don't. 301 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:31,936 Right, are we all done? We've got a lovely tiramisu. All good? 302 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,560 I'll give you a hand. 303 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,120 Look, come here. 304 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,376 Daddy. 305 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:03,576 Might be a complete nightmare. I might regret every single second. 306 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,120 You can't fuck up their lives, you know. Children. 307 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,776 Cos they'll have had a hard enough time already. 308 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,000 They don't need to come into a house that's... 309 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,280 austere. 310 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,496 Oh, that's what I am, is it? 311 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,656 Well, I was always the one who was a laugh. 312 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,976 I mean, sorry, but our mates did not come round for a hoot with Curtis. 313 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,936 Oh, yeah, you're so funny. I'm laughing. It's just 314 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,936 that you never said anything, ever, about kids. 315 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,360 Jamie adopted, you never said a word, not a hint. 316 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,536 It's like I never knew you. 317 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,856 Except, well, hm-hm, 318 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:39,680 I didn't, did I? 319 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:46,536 You know what's really stupid? Since you left. 320 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,120 Eating on my own. 321 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,576 Sitting there, cut it up into little pieces, I eat, 322 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,896 I put down the fork, I wash up. Just all that ceremony. OK. 323 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:01,056 And then I shit. I shit and I eat. 324 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,416 Might as well be a tube. That's my life. 325 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,056 I'm a tube. 326 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:06,976 Do you still have your key? Have I what? 327 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,056 Your key to the house, have you still got it? 328 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,296 Er, I-I-I don't know, maybe. I didn't formally hand it over. 329 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,760 Why? Would you like me to? No, it's just, like... 330 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,736 you haven't been back, have you? To the house? 331 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:25,400 It's just things keep moving. 332 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,056 When I'm not looking. It's... I feel like I'm going mad. 333 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:32,400 I come back home and it's like things have been moved. 334 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,416 Like a glass... 335 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,336 or a bottle... 336 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:40,920 a letter, or a book that's the wrong way round. 337 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,600 Or a little bit less wine. 338 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,016 And then I turn on the TV. You know when you turn on the TV, 339 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,056 it goes to the last channel you were on? 340 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:55,640 When I turn it on, it goes to channel 161. What the hell is 161? 341 00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,040 You OK? 342 00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:02,896 Yeah. 343 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,240 It's not me. 344 00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:08,696 No, I didn't... I didn't think it was. 345 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,600 I don't really think there's anyone in your house. 346 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,000 No. 347 00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:19,520 I've gone. 348 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,576 Yeah. 349 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,920 I've left you, darling. I've gone. 350 00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:31,160 LEO CRIES 351 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,760 MUSIC: I love you by Billie Eilish. 352 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,200 You OK? Yeah. 353 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,200 Yeah, yeah. 354 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,840 I'm fine. 355 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,216 No, no, no, wait. The best bit, I'll tell you the best bit. 356 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,096 Maggie, sob story, barren Maggie. 357 00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:10,016 When she said, "Did that really happen?" 358 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,656 Oh, my God, yeah, how to kill a fucking story. 359 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,656 "Did that really happen?" Oh, "Hardly." 360 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,616 "Hardly." She said that. 361 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:21,976 "Ooh, hardly." Downton Abbey. "Hardly." 362 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,456 Ah, that's why she snared him. To be a mother, 363 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:29,056 that's what she wanted all this time. I said so. 364 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,936 Do you know what I'm going to do tonight? 365 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,096 APP BLEEPS I'm gonna get laid. 366 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:35,496 I'm gonna get fucked and battered and rimmed. 367 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,696 I am so gonna get rimmed. 368 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,936 Did you know that Curtis has never eaten arse his entire life? 369 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:42,416 Yup, you did tell me. 370 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,536 He'd only eat it with some coriander. 371 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,840 But tonight's the night! 372 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,656 All right, my darling. Goodnight. 373 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,080 Bend over and think of Scotland. 374 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,936 Oh, don't worry, I've only had two beers, 375 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,056 so I won't turn up hung over. This is Leo, my gay neighbour. 376 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:02,936 Oh, if that's not offensive. 377 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,200 Well, it is. So watch it. 378 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,360 Don't talk to your employer like that. 379 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:23,016 You little fuckers. Big fuckers. Hot, hairy, hung. 380 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:24,640 MOANING 381 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:32,640 Yes. 382 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,800 DOORBELL RINGS 383 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,336 Found you. Hello, I'm Dave. 384 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:57,136 I know it says Francesco on the app, 385 00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:02,736 but Francesco gets more results, so, anyway, it's Dave really. 386 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,256 Yeah, hi, I'm Leo. 387 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,856 And that's your real name? Yes. Good start. 388 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:08,760 There's a lot of liars on that thing. 389 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,216 Ooh, nice place. Thanks. 390 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:18,960 Do you own it? I do, yeah. 391 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:24,336 It's nice. And is it just you? 392 00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:30,456 Just me. And that is how it's gonna stay, I'm afraid. Just me. 393 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:31,896 Um... 394 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,616 I'm fine with being on my own. 395 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,616 I didn't come round to marry you. 396 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:38,960 No, but... 397 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,000 I've changed my mind. 398 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:47,296 I'm just not up for it tonight. I thought I was, but I'm not. 399 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:48,640 You know when it just goes? 400 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:51,760 You're kidding me? Sorry. 401 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,080 Another one. 402 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,816 You know, I came all this way. 403 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,736 Well, 662 metres. Not that far. 404 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:07,040 Piss off. 405 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,480 I will. 406 00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:24,080 Oh. 407 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:28,040 MESSAGE ALERT 408 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,400 Oh, fuck. 409 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,376 MESSAGE ALERT 410 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,960 RAISED VOICES 411 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:28,496 ARGUMENT CONTINUES 412 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:30,816 I don't blame him, your own friends treat you like shit. 413 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,096 Yeah, you'd know. 414 00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:35,480 They might as well piss on the floor. I'll get them a trough! 415 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:05,320 MESSAGE ALERT 416 00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:08,400 Apostrophe. 417 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:31,440 I want to know why you would look at something so disgusting. 418 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,256 Fuck you. 419 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,656 Fuck off, then. Fuck off, kid. 420 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,480 FROM NEXT DOOR: All right? 421 00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:34,880 MESSAGE ALERT 422 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,320 MESSAGE ALERT 423 00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:50,680 MESSAGE ALERT 424 00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:54,320 MESSAGE ALERT 425 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,040 MESSAGE ALERT 426 00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,720 I love you. 427 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:04,720 I still love you. 428 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:47,176 LEO GROANS 429 00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:48,720 Oh, no. 430 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,360 MESSAGE ALERT 431 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:13,376 George, I swear, if you tell your girl friends about this, 432 00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:16,176 they will tell you that every single stupid boy does this, 433 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:17,680 and you'll laugh about it. 434 00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,416 Because there's such a big world out there, 435 00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:25,120 and you can have boyfriends or girlfriends or... whatever you like. 436 00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:29,896 You can have all the wild and crazy hot sex you want, 437 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:31,400 night after night. 438 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:37,336 Cos I promise you, George, there's a great big gay life 439 00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:39,040 just waiting for you. 440 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:48,176 DOOR OPENS 441 00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,136 I'm coming in, so hands by your sides, all right? 442 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:54,056 Listen, all this stuff between your mum and me, 443 00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,520 I don't want you hearing that, you know, so, er... 444 00:33:58,840 --> 00:33:59,920 There you go. 445 00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:06,320 You all right? Yeah. Well, you don't look it. 446 00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:11,456 What is it? It's the game. Dog died. 447 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,336 MESSAGE ALERT 448 00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:15,256 Who are you texting? What's it to you? 449 00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:16,616 Oh, come on. It's late, isn't it? 450 00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:18,176 You've got college tomorrow and you know the rules. 451 00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:20,256 The phone's not private until you're 18. 452 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:21,440 So, come on, give us it. 453 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,936 Is it a girl? Shut up. No, has she upset you? 454 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:28,296 Can you just leave me alone? 455 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,536 I wanna tell you something important, all right? 456 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:32,080 They're not worth it. 457 00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:34,960 Not one of them. 458 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:45,800 MESSAGE ALERT 459 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,440 Urgh, you're disgusting. 460 00:35:26,720 --> 00:35:29,496 Morning, all. Morning! Morning, lover boy. How's Curtis? 461 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:34,096 Oh, boring old bastard. Hello, Saul. All right, boss. Nice gaff. 462 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:36,056 You're late. 463 00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:39,816 No. I was in early yesterday because of you. 464 00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:43,496 This is, like, a normal time of day, because I work late. 465 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:44,896 And... 466 00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:46,936 I want to apologise. 467 00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:50,256 If I was a bit rude last night. I, er... Sorry about that. 468 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:51,416 I meant no offence. 469 00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,376 Why, what did you say? 470 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:54,760 It's all done and dusted. 471 00:35:56,720 --> 00:35:57,816 So, are we good? 472 00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:00,016 Told you, got nothing on my conscience. 473 00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:02,656 I only had two pints, so my head is clear. 474 00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:05,696 Not me. I'm fucking hanging. 475 00:36:05,720 --> 00:36:08,176 I'll tell you what, boss. I said to Jude, 476 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,176 "Have you got any paint left from when you last did the walls?" 477 00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,536 She looked in the cellar. And there it was, sitting at the back, 478 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,656 after all these years. No-one ever chucks paint away. 479 00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:16,096 Don't know how to do it. 480 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:18,376 That saves a bit of money. Nicely played. 481 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,136 Well, welcome on board, Saul. All right, 482 00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,096 me and Judy have got the managers' meeting now, 483 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,736 all the bars and clubs with the council. It's a riot. 484 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:29,456 Help yourself to anything, and Mikey can look after you. Mikey, 485 00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:33,456 you've met Clive. That's Saul, Clive's son. All right? 486 00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:34,760 Morning, fellas. 487 00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:38,240 SHE MOUTHS 488 00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:41,160 DOOR OPENS 489 00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:07,856 It's Saul, isn't it? I mean, you're Hotsaul. 490 00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:11,536 Oh, mate, don't tell me you subscribe. It's for girls, you know. 491 00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:13,616 Can't stop me. As long as you're paying. 492 00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:15,096 I'm on there. Are you? 493 00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,616 Mikey Manchester. How much do you make? 494 00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:19,256 20,000 a year. 495 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:22,576 Fucking hell. I make six if I'm lucky. What you working here for? 496 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,776 My dad. He's a... dickhead. 497 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,016 Left us with a load of debts and shit. 498 00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:30,096 But hey, if you ever wanna collab... 499 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:31,696 Oh, mate, not my scene. 500 00:37:31,720 --> 00:37:33,216 I could teach you. 501 00:37:33,240 --> 00:37:34,896 Seriously, just women. Yeah? 502 00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:36,136 Take a Viagra. 503 00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:39,536 Nice try, cheers, mate. Keep subscribing. Have a good wank. 504 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:40,800 I've done that. 505 00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:47,016 I am catnip in this place. 506 00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:51,000 What do you mean? That Mikey lad, asking to diddle me. Begging for it. 507 00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:53,216 So, what did you say? 508 00:37:53,240 --> 00:37:56,800 I said, "Up your arse." That was a mistake. He said, "Yes, please." 509 00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:01,376 And who is she? 510 00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:02,960 I'm Saul. I'm with him. 511 00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:06,000 Well, isn't he the lucky one? 512 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:08,720 Told you. Catnip. 513 00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:16,176 And who are you? 514 00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:17,856 I'm the electrician. 515 00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,256 Oh, the neighbour. That's right. 516 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,400 The horny-handed son of toil. 517 00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:28,416 You're the one with the son. Mm. He said he was hot. 518 00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:30,496 Who did? 519 00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:32,000 Leo. 520 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:34,936 When did he say that? 521 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:38,096 Wasn't he naked, your boy? 522 00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:41,136 Wasn't there a story that Leo was in your house, 523 00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,216 and your son was naked? 524 00:38:43,240 --> 00:38:44,696 Yeah. 525 00:38:44,720 --> 00:38:47,256 When the boss got locked out the house. He means Saul. 526 00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,736 Yeah, well he doesn't mean George, does he? George is 16. 527 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:50,896 He's legal. 528 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:54,496 Melba, it's a bit dangerous in here with the electrics. 529 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:56,656 Let's keep you safe, eh? Sit you by the window. 530 00:38:56,680 --> 00:39:00,056 Hanna's actually nipping out for some toasties if you want one. 531 00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,400 Let's get you a nice cheese and ham to as tie, eh? 532 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,856 Next point of order, Lauchlan McCartney. 533 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:10,616 You'll be glad to hear he's currently residing 534 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,696 at His Majesty's pleasure. Which one's he? 535 00:39:12,720 --> 00:39:15,896 The Bird Man. Big tall skinhead, you've seen him. 536 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,456 He'd bite the heads off pigeons and leave 'em outside Cruz 101. 537 00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:21,616 Oh, yeah. Not any more. Pigeon population is restored. 538 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,096 Next on the list, over to you, Lucille. 539 00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:26,976 This was tough. Miss Titty Ditty. 540 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:30,016 Titty Ditty is a cabaret artist from Glasgow. 541 00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:33,016 We booked her, but she then prints posters 542 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:34,936 and starts advertising on her website, 543 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:36,656 this is her, not us, 544 00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:39,456 and the image had a Star of David on it. 545 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,176 Now, it's got all sorts on it. It's got Spider-Man, 546 00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,536 it's got the TARDIS, it's got Cynthia Erivo. 547 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:47,696 It's a collage, but we get protests. 548 00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:49,816 They think she's anti-Palestine. 549 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,696 And is she? I don't think she could point to Palestine on a map. 550 00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:55,336 She sings limericks on a banjo. The next thing you know, 551 00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:56,616 our staff are being assaulted, 552 00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,416 security, they're getting food flung at them, 553 00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:00,016 chips and stuff thrown in their face. 554 00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:01,456 Who does that? Passers-by? 555 00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,296 No, our lot. 556 00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:07,376 Lesbians at a lesbian bar attacking the lesbian staff 557 00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:10,760 because of a lesbian with a Jewish symbol. What the hell's going on? 558 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:16,136 On behalf of the council, I've got to say, we're very happy. 559 00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:19,496 We can review the use of polycarbonates after 11pm, 560 00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:22,416 but I do have one worry. 561 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:24,680 You have a lot of drag queens on the door. 562 00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:28,600 We do. Are you sure? 563 00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:32,096 We definitely do. I've seen them. 564 00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:34,136 Are you sure about the policy? 565 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:36,216 We think it might drive people away. 566 00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:38,376 I think they draw people in. In fact, I know they do. 567 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:39,856 People love a drag queen. 568 00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:42,416 In 2026? Since time immemorial. 569 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,296 I don't quite understand what the problem is here. 570 00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,736 I'm gay. I go to Canal Street. 571 00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:49,656 I discover that gay means a man in lipstick 572 00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:51,936 and a wig with false breasts and glitter. 573 00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:53,296 How does that represent me? 574 00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:55,136 It's not meant to represent you. 575 00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,456 No, but nothing ever represents me, does it? So, what do you want? 576 00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:00,640 Door staff in... 577 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:04,160 What? 578 00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,896 He's not even gay. He's been seen with a woman called Elaine. 579 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:10,976 He just pretends to be gay to get promoted. 580 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:13,336 That's how it works these days. 581 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:17,416 Ah, I always said the left would eat itself, and the feasting has begun. 582 00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:21,056 They're throwing chips. With tomato fucking sauce. 583 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,176 Do you still have that youth group? 584 00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:24,856 Er, yeah, still going. 585 00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:28,856 I've got a youth for you. Let me save one of them. Just one. 586 00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:30,976 Ah, that's what I like to see. 587 00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,336 At least I can trust you lot. Morning, Melba. 588 00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,896 My meeting was dull, stupid and insane. 589 00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:39,616 Hello, Clive. All good? Saul, happy? 590 00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:42,376 All good. Oh, and Benny from the brewery. 591 00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:45,296 On cue. A warm hand on your entrance. 592 00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:48,216 You wish. Christ, I've had a night and a half. 593 00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:51,416 Hello, Leonardo. Hand those out. Special offers, 594 00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,456 Love Your Best Friend Day on the 31st. What? 595 00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:55,536 I know, I don't know who comes up with this shit, me. 596 00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:56,976 Someone in a room. 597 00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:59,896 So, I went out last night, hooked up with this ice skater. He said, 598 00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:02,056 "I'm with Disney on Ice." I said, "Well, better than being 599 00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,416 "with Disney on fire." No word of a lie, 600 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,616 grabbed his arse, it was like holding a skull. 601 00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:09,136 Ooh, nice. I know. And hung like a deodorant. 602 00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:12,136 Like a lady-size roll-on? Fuck your mother. 603 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:14,536 I'm talking a cannister of Right Guard. Huh? 604 00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:16,616 You should see me, girls, I'm prolapsed. 605 00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:19,416 And he shot his load. Do you know how many ropes? 606 00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:22,616 12. In the face. One, ow, two, ow, three, ow, four, ow... 607 00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:23,976 I was like a battered wife. 608 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:25,616 CLATTER 609 00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:27,560 Trying to work here. 610 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:30,936 Don't you tell me to put a plug in it, darling, 611 00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:32,576 cos I've already got one in. 612 00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:34,976 Benny from the brewery, this is Clive. 613 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:36,496 We're having some electrics done. 614 00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:40,336 Oh. Are you putting the neon back up? Oh, my God. 615 00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,096 That's a thought, I love the neon. 616 00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,776 I love the neon. Do you remember? 617 00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:46,976 Ta-da! CHEERING. 618 00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:49,256 See? Told you. 619 00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:50,576 ELECTRICAL FIZZING 620 00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:51,776 GROANS 621 00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,656 Oh. Shit. 622 00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:54,776 What happened to that thing? 623 00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:57,256 Never bloody worked, did it? And I got the blame for it. 624 00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:59,776 Come on, Curtis. £1,000 that thing cost! 625 00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,656 You wasted £1,000 on a stupid tacky gimmick. 626 00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:03,976 Yeah, we should put it back up. 627 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:08,016 Curtis would be so pissed off. Hey, Clive, can you fix neon signs? 628 00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:10,096 Cost you extra. Where is it? It's not here. 629 00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,936 Oh, no, it's at home, it's at mine. I got it in the divorce. 630 00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:15,616 It's a big old thing. Clive, could you bring it in your van tomorrow? 631 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:17,816 No, I told you, it's a one-day job, innit? 632 00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:20,016 And anyway, I think I'm finished with this place. 633 00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:21,760 Well, I'm still paying you. 634 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:26,256 All right, yeah. I'll go and get it. Where is it? Your house? Um... 635 00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:27,656 I've got the keys, haven't I? 636 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:29,976 No, but I don't like anyone going into my house without me. 637 00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,176 Why not? What am I gonna do? I just don't. 638 00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:34,976 Well, maybe you should come with me, eh? Cos I wanna talk to you 639 00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:39,016 about inappropriate behaviour. Your staff making suggestions 640 00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:42,016 to my son. Oh, shut up, Dad. Don't be stupid. 641 00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:45,296 What did you do? Didn't do anything. 642 00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:47,520 Ooh, drama, salt my popcorn. 643 00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:52,736 He asked him for sex, and I know the law. That's inappropriate. 644 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:55,616 All right, all right, I'll have a word, but come on, Clive. 645 00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:58,896 They're lads. They banter. Wasn't it just banter? 646 00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:01,776 Saul's 25 years old. Exactly, he's not a kid. 647 00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:05,136 Yeah, and he's not bent. Oh, so that's the problem. 648 00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:07,896 I did not make a pass at him. You're kidding me. 649 00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:09,416 What, I'm not seriously getting bollocked? 650 00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:12,136 It's people your age who insist on these rules, 651 00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,176 for good reason. And I think this is private, Zee. 652 00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,016 I saw them. Saul was laughing. 653 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,616 Why is everything always sex with you lot, eh? All the time. 654 00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:21,576 And it's not like that with you? Come on, Clive. 655 00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:22,936 Take me to one of your building sites. 656 00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,296 Let me listen to your mates. I'd be shocked. 657 00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,936 "Fuck your mother," that man said. I mean, "Fuck your mother"?! 658 00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:29,056 Who says that? 659 00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:32,656 I was being professional. This IS my profession. 660 00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:36,176 We're both on Only Fans. Look, and there's Saul... 661 00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:39,680 selling himself here. Have it on the group chat. 662 00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:51,336 Anything good? 663 00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:54,336 That person with the lipstick said that you fancied Saul. 664 00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:55,456 I mean, how old are you, Leo? 665 00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:57,256 "Clive, look, he's 6'5" and strapping. 666 00:44:57,280 --> 00:44:58,896 I'm allowed to notice. 667 00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:01,536 If-If you had a mate who had a daughter who was 25 668 00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:03,576 and gorgeous, you'd notice, so... 669 00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:06,376 MESSAGE ALERT It's not my fault that Saul is... 670 00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:07,696 We've got rules about this. 671 00:45:07,720 --> 00:45:09,800 Saul's an employee. You can't play that. 672 00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:27,256 LEO CACKLES 673 00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:31,200 What? What's so funny? No, it's nothing, it's nothing. 674 00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:33,960 Nothing, really. 675 00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:39,496 You're laughing, aren't you? Just all of ya. 676 00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:41,856 You're laughing at filth. It's just filth. 677 00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:44,496 Deodorants? And you wonder why you get hate. 678 00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:46,776 All right, you can hate us and blame us all you like, 679 00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:48,736 but why don't you sit down with your son, huh? 680 00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:50,800 Your straight son, and ask him? 681 00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:30,880 Subtitles by Red Bee Media