1 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,480 Yes, it's been a very difficult few months. 2 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,240 When something like this happens in such a small village, 3 00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:27,960 the repercussions are felt everywhere. 4 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:34,400 It was a very, very tough time for the whole community and... 5 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:39,200 ..by the end, I think I could say it left us exhausted. 6 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:42,760 BBC NEWS THEME TUNE PLAYS 7 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:45,760 Police discovered nearly 170 of them in a nearby lock-up garage 8 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:49,280 and dozens more in a room at the local bowls club. 9 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,720 The ringleader of the plot was... 10 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,960 Look at Martin there, without a beard. 11 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,760 Looks like a shaved worm. 12 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:57,920 Have you got anything to say, Mr Mucklowe? 13 00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,560 Any apology? 14 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,160 Anything to say today? 15 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,920 Just you wait till the next bit, as well... 16 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,240 The prosecution's case hinged on evidence given 17 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:12,120 by Martin Mucklowe's own family, in particular his daughter Kerry. 18 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,440 Now, this... 19 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,080 ..actually amazes me. 20 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:17,280 You know why? 21 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,920 Because there's not a human on this planet who looks like that. 22 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:23,080 Oh, Kurtan, stop winding yourself up! 23 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,840 Kerry, you look like a sponge, for Christ's sake. 24 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:28,560 Your chins are so large it looks like you're wearing an aeroplane 25 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,040 pillow the wrong way around. 26 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,000 And my nose, they've drawn my nose bigger than yours. 27 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:37,360 That's like drawing a parish church bigger than the Shard. 28 00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:40,000 Mind-boggling. 29 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:45,400 Martin got two years in the end, didn't he? 30 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,800 Yeah. 31 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,840 Kerry had to testify against him in court, 32 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,080 as well, didn't you? 33 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:51,240 Yeah, I did, yeah. 34 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:52,360 And so did I. 35 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:54,600 He was not best pleased with that, I can tell you. 36 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,720 He just tried to intimidate me the whole time. 37 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,040 First he was staring at me like that. 38 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,440 And then he was doing stuff like that. 39 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,800 And then when the judge looked over at him, he just turned 40 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:04,840 it into that. 41 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,040 Kerry got community service, as well, in the end, 42 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,400 didn't you? 43 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,440 Yeah. 44 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:15,320 We looked then we saw him step in on the mat. 45 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:17,320 We looked and we saw him, 46 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,880 the cat in the hat. 47 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:22,000 For my community service, I basically had to read books 48 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:26,520 to the visually impaired, which was as bad as I thought 49 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,080 it was going to be. 50 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:33,840 Basically, it's a picture of a cat in a very much too large of a hat. 51 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:38,360 And there's a little fish in a bowl, looking out as if to go... 52 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:39,960 "What the fuck?" 53 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,680 And I believe it's in connection with the hat. 54 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:48,600 Well, we did hope Martin being sent away would give Kerry some sort 55 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:52,240 of closure, but that doesn't seem to have been the case at all. 56 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:56,360 Yes, I did testify against my dad, but they made me do it, 57 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:59,000 unfortunately, when I actually didn't want to do it. 58 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,320 But when the police were talking to me, 59 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:05,960 I got the intention from them that if I didn't testify 60 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:10,720 against my dad, I would get ripped apart by police dogs. 61 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:15,880 They didn't say it, but it's what they didn't say. 62 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,160 Well, you know my feelings on Martin. 63 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,920 Don't like the man, so I was very happy seeing him sent down, 64 00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:23,240 you know? Don't think Kerry was. 65 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,000 Which is probably part of the reason why she's sort of misbehaving 66 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,520 at the moment. 67 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,400 Argh! 68 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,160 What are you doing? 69 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:32,680 Sorry. 70 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,200 Yes, I am worried about Kerry at the moment. 71 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,480 Her behaviour's completely off the rails, at present. 72 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,360 Frankly, she is behaving like the Antichrist. 73 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:46,600 Everyone slags you off, Colin, at the bowls club. 74 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:50,080 Arthur calls you an absolute bozo. 75 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,960 He says you're shit at bowls. 76 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,080 Keep walking! 77 00:03:56,080 --> 00:04:00,040 This is her in the village shop last Wednesday morning. 78 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:05,640 I had to beg Mrs Wicks not to share this with the police, 79 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,360 but, I mean... 80 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:10,520 Utterly mindless. 81 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:17,320 When you're on two wheels, you can do whatever you want. 82 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,800 It's like an elephant trying to ride a tricycle, 83 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,280 watching her go down the road. 84 00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:27,440 Shut up. You're just saying that, because you ain't got a bike. 85 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,880 She can't fit her arse on it. 86 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,640 I can. I just choose not to. 87 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:39,880 Yeah? 88 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,760 What? 89 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:47,800 Who? 90 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:54,720 Yeah. 91 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:00,080 Oh, that's sad. 92 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,560 What for? 93 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,920 Oh, that is sad. 94 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,640 KNOCKING AT WINDOW 95 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,800 Fuck's sake. 96 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,680 Fucking hell. 97 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:25,040 Here's Kurtan! Oh, my God, I actually nearly died then. 98 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:27,160 I'll scare her. 99 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,280 Let me have a go. 100 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,480 Let me have a go. All right, careful. 101 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,880 My dad actually used to have one of them. Yeah? Yeah. 102 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:40,320 It is my dad's! Yeah? 103 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:42,560 Look, M-M, Martin Mucklowe. 104 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,720 That's my dad's intimidation mask. 105 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:48,080 Intimidation mask? Yeah, he used to wear it when Dominic Littlewood 106 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,160 knocked on the door. 107 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,280 Who's Dominic Littlewood? 108 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:52,880 The guy from Cowboy Builders, 109 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:54,440 the little funny bald bloke. 110 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:55,920 Oh, yeah. 111 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,560 What was he after? 112 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,160 Something about a driveway. 113 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,200 Unfinished, I imagine. 114 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,840 Where did you get this? 115 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,560 From Sandra's garden, she was throwing it out 116 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,160 with a load of other stuff. 117 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,080 What the fuck? 118 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:12,200 Where you going? Sandra's. 119 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,000 That's annoying. I literally just got here. 120 00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:22,480 Sandra is Martin's partner and although she's had two kids 121 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,680 with Martin, I actually think she's all right. 122 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,440 But her and Kerry don't get on at all. 123 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:30,600 You know. They're like two rats arguing about who can be first 124 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,880 behind the Pied Piper, not realising that he's leading 125 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:36,400 them both over a cliff. 126 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,440 Onto some, like, jagged rocks, you know? 127 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,880 So it doesn't matter who's first behind the Pied Piper, 128 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:45,000 because they're both going to get their heads crushed in. 129 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,920 Oh, my God. 130 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,680 Oh, my God. 131 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:51,920 How has she thrown out all my dad's stuff? 132 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:53,760 I absolutely... I cannot stand that woman. 133 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:55,680 I'm actually going to knock her out if I see her. 134 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,080 Kerry, Kerry, Kerry, Kerry. I actually will. 135 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,000 Why are you throwing all my dad's stuff away, 136 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,400 you mentalist? 137 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:04,080 I'm not getting into this now, Kerry, all right? Sandra! 138 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:05,520 Talk to me! 139 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:06,920 I'm not doing this now! 140 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:08,640 Not today! 141 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,040 I can't... Kurtan. 142 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,480 Let's just get this stuff. 143 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,080 What are we taking? 144 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:16,400 Leathers. 145 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:17,920 Get the radio. 146 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,040 Get that other bag. 147 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,160 Yeah. 148 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,720 How do I think Sandra thinks about me after the trial? 149 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:30,160 I actually know how Sandra thinks about me after the trial, 150 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:34,000 because I went on her Facebook page and she posted the status that said, 151 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:38,600 "Hate fake people that testify against my partner Martin." 152 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,400 And I commented underneath it saying, "Are you talking about me?" 153 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,240 And then when I went back to check to see if she'd commented, 154 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:48,400 she'd actually blocked me and she'd blocked me from Instagram, 155 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,080 as well, so I think that says it all. 156 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,800 Hello, hello. Come on in. 157 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,400 Lovely to see you. Hello, boys. Thanks for having us. 158 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:56,680 How lovely to see you. 159 00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:00,200 It's been a very tough time for Sandra and her children. 160 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,440 I've got squash, I've got biscuits. 161 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,960 Since Martin was convicted, the council have given her 162 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,880 an eviction notice, because of the house being involved 163 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:13,640 in Martin's criminal activity, so Sandra came to me for help 164 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,880 and I'm glad she did because, together, we're going 165 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,200 to file an appeal. 166 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,040 So that brings us to number six. 167 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,560 That's great, Sandra. 168 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,080 This is probably the most important bit of the form. 169 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,800 It's where we need to state as clearly as possible our case 170 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,120 against the eviction order, so... 171 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,360 It wasn't Martin that put the hoovers in the house, 172 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:34,840 it was Kerry. 173 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:38,960 Right. Because Kerry stole a key from Martin and let herself 174 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,120 in when we were out and put the hoovers there. But I'm not... 175 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:46,440 And said if Martin didn't let her, she was going to drown Mr Chuckles 176 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,440 in a bucket of bleach. 177 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:49,760 Who's Mr Chuckles? 178 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,400 The boys' chinchilla. 179 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,480 Right. 180 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,520 But Sandra, I don't think that's something Kerry would do. 181 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,480 I do know her... But she did. 182 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,600 And, before she left, she ran up a £300 telephone bill 183 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,480 on Babestation. 184 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,840 Right. She must have had the flu at the time, because the entire 185 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:10,280 living room was littered with scrunched-up tissues and none 186 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:13,080 of us in the house had a cold. 187 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,680 Right. So shall I just write that down? 188 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:19,520 Let's come back to that in a minute, shall we? 189 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,560 The worrying thing is I've learned how much Martin has been playing 190 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:25,720 Sandra and Kerry off each other. Which is no surprise, 191 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:29,760 really, but it's concerning to hear the lies Martin was feeding 192 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,080 Sandra about Kerry. 193 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,840 One of which was that Kerry had cashed in all the family's 194 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:41,400 premium bonds and spend the money on Nazi paraphernalia. 195 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:46,680 And another was that Kerry had been beating Martin with an iron pole. 196 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,560 This is all my dad's stuff. 197 00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:51,720 This is what Sandra's just going to chuck out, 198 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:53,240 she's such an evil witch. 199 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,480 So controlling, as well. 200 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,040 You know she didn't even let my dad go out, because she used 201 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,880 to think my dad was cheating on her. 202 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,440 Really? Yeah. 203 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:05,040 She wouldn't even let him go to skittles, because she used 204 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:07,240 to think the skittles were shaped 205 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,520 like curvy women's bodies. 206 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,560 And she had a Taser, as well, and she used to Taser him 207 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,720 in the crotch every time there was a programme 208 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,160 with a woman on it. 209 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:20,040 But the only show that my dad could actually watch in the end 210 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,840 was Blue Planet, but he wasn't even allowed to watch the dolphin bit, 211 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,480 because she'd think that he'd get turned on 212 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,560 by the dolphins' blowholes. 213 00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:31,640 It must have been absolute hell for my dad. 214 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,080 Number seven. 215 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:34,760 Well, that's easy. 216 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:38,320 Today, the vicar has been helping me appeal the eviction. 217 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:39,560 He's been so great. 218 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:42,240 He's helped with everything. And now I feel a bit bad 219 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,720 that Martin always used to call him a bald nonce, 220 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,120 cos I've left him on his own with the boys loads 221 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:48,680 and they've never said anything... 222 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,360 I know you said no wafers, but I brought some out 223 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,200 just in case. 224 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,720 Thank you, Vicar. 225 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,640 That's no problem, I'll just be in the office. 226 00:10:57,880 --> 00:10:59,400 See what he's like? 227 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,040 He thinks of everything. 228 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:04,200 And it's been quite revealing hearing his side of things. 229 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:07,040 Because, like with the hoovers, according to Martin, 230 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,760 Kerry was the brain behind the whole thing. 231 00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:13,720 Mum! 232 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,560 There's no holes in my crumpets! 233 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,560 There's no holes in my crumpets! 234 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,920 Oh, yeah. There they are. 235 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,240 Yeah, I did, yeah. 236 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,800 Since the trial, I haven't been working at the bowls club. 237 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,680 Basically Terry let me go. 238 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,120 Initially I thought it might be something to do 239 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,680 with the hoovers being stored there and that, 240 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:59,520 but Terry just said the club can't afford to have the luxury 241 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:04,480 of a bar manager at the moment and, yeah, it was sad, but Terry's 242 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,960 a businessman at the end of the day, so I've got to respect his decision 243 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,080 and I'll always do what's best for that club, 244 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,560 that's the thing. 245 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,440 But that's just life, I suppose, isn't it? 246 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,680 Just full of hellos and goodbyes. 247 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:22,680 This happens to be one goodbye that is tough to take. 248 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,800 But we'll move on. 249 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:29,080 Kurtan is very, very, very bad at moving on. 250 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:33,000 Like, once he fixates on something, he just won't let it go. 251 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,960 He's like a ghost with unfinished business. 252 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:41,120 They're bowling like a bunch of absolute pubes out there today. 253 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,720 INDISTINCT CHATTER 254 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,320 How have they all aged so horribly 255 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,200 in such a short space of time, as well? 256 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,640 Brenda, I literally can't believe she's just sat there laughing, 257 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:52,800 like it's funny. 258 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,240 Bishops Cleeve are literally creaming us 259 00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:01,240 and Brenda, she's just sat there, with her visor on, laughing. 260 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,240 It's been amazing, going through my dad's things, 261 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,680 because I found out so much about him. 262 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:18,680 Like, I found out that my love of two wheels is actually in my DNA, 263 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:22,240 because my dad was in a biker gang called Satan's Fingers. 264 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,000 Here, look. 265 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,600 Can you see? 266 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:30,000 How good does this jacket look on me, as well? 267 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,720 Proper smart. 268 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,080 Lethal. 269 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,520 See, this is the old gang, look, here. 270 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,360 That's my dad, there. 271 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,280 He was called Lady's Finger. 272 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,400 That's Crazy Finger. 273 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,000 That there's Fish Finger. 274 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,720 And that there's Pull My Finger, because he was the joker 275 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,640 of the pack... 276 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:57,280 Until he killed himself. 277 00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:02,000 One day he just walked into the sea, and he just kept on walking. 278 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,000 No-one knows why. 279 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,560 God, woke up in a cold sweat this morning thinking, 280 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,280 "Shit, ain't ordered in the Mini Cheddars 281 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,560 "for the County Cup semis." 282 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,880 Because they're like crack to old people. 283 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,920 Then halfway through my conversation with Steve, the supplier, 284 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:27,840 I realised I don't work at the bowling club no more. 285 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,920 It's nice having my days back, I suppose. 286 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,320 So I've actually been getting into fitness recently, 287 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,520 just like working out, doing weights and that. 288 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,320 Already really noticing the difference, just 289 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:43,080 in the definition, really, and core strength. 290 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,640 Oh, here he is. 291 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,040 Is that a ghost I see before me or is that the real Arthur? 292 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,480 Oh, shut up! I was going to go through with it. 293 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,160 No, you weren't! I was! I was. 294 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:55,240 But my veins is too small. They couldn't get the needle in. 295 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,360 Honest! Yeah, yeah, whatever! 296 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,800 Basically, Arthur went to Switzerland to get euthanized 297 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,160 at a euthanasia clinic. 298 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,680 He had this chronic stomach pain. 299 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:09,200 He was just being a massive emotional drain on his family. 300 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,320 But in the last minute, he chickened out. 301 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,240 He's hardly shown his face since. 302 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,600 And everyone from the bowls club were a bit pissed off 303 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,400 because they threw, like, this massive leaving party for him. 304 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:23,160 They even all clubbed in to fly his old schoolmate over from Australia. 305 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,560 Cost, like, four grand. 306 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:29,480 And him and Arthur ended up falling out at the end of the night 307 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:30,720 over a bloody bar tab. 308 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:37,040 Well, that would be absolutely amazing, Trev. 309 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:40,320 Yeah. Are you serious...? 310 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:44,160 Yeah, cos...what, all I need to do is just sort out a list. 311 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,200 So, basically, I had this idea, because everybody's turning 312 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,200 their back on my dad and that, to get back in touch 313 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,560 with the Fingers, and my dad's old mates. 314 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:55,160 And I found one of the numbers on the back of this bit of paper, 315 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,440 and it's one of the Fingers, called Trev. 316 00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,160 And I rang him up and spoke to him and he was just so lovely 317 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,600 about my dad. 318 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,000 He said that I should go and visit him because he's got 319 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,000 so many stories to tell me about my dad. 320 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,000 And they sound really funny. 321 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,720 Like one, apparently, involves a nun, 322 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:16,080 a condom machine at Heston Services and a very young 323 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,360 Charlie from Casualty. 324 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:34,600 Come on through. 325 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,960 This is where I've been working out, really. 326 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,920 Basically Slugs has been telling everyone he's opened a gym, 327 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,080 but it's just a bench press in the garden. 328 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,920 But now I've got a bit more time on my hands I thought, "Fuck it," 329 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,880 might as well use it, you know. 330 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:51,200 I would work out at home, but Nan doesn't let me, 331 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,320 because I left a dumbbell on the carpet once. 332 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:55,760 It left an indent. 333 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,320 She went absolutely apeshit about it. 334 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,600 It was a new carpet, that's why. 335 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,160 Thinking about getting like a punchbag to hang off there, 336 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:06,200 that would be good. 337 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,960 Maybe like some sort of bin, just fill it with protein powder 338 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,160 and a scoop and just help yourself whenever you want, really. 339 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,880 But, yeah. 340 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,360 That's excellent. 341 00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:16,840 I'm really impressed. 342 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,360 Do my arms look bigger to you, Vicar? 343 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,760 Erm... Yes, I'd say so. 344 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,160 Yeah? 345 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,520 Bet you can't get out of my grip. 346 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,680 OK. Yes, very good. 347 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:38,920 Very strong. 348 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:43,280 KURTAN EXHALES 349 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,240 Yep. 350 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:49,480 Beast Mode. 351 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,320 One, two... 352 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,440 I'm not sure if Kerry's told you, but she wants me 353 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:58,000 to drive her over to see one of Martin's old friends. 354 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,840 ..five... Well, I'm... 355 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,080 ..six... No. 356 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,560 No? 357 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,200 I'm in two minds about it, really. 358 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,840 Why? What's the problem? 359 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,840 Well, I just don't know what she is... 360 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,280 Yeah, take it. 361 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,360 ..what she hopes to gain from it. 362 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:16,200 I mean, she seems obsessed with this biker gang. 363 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,960 The last thing I want is her getting involved with Martin's old friends. 364 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,240 Honestly, Vicar, you've just got to let it go. 365 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,800 Let her be, for God's sake. 366 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,160 At the end of the day, she'll be obsessed by the bikers 367 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,680 one week and then the next week, it'll be something else. 368 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:30,720 Last week she was obsessed with saving the bees. 369 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,440 And the other day I literally saw her purposely stamp on one. 370 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:34,560 Yes, you might be right. 371 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,360 I just... 372 00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:38,480 I just wasn't sure if it's the right thing to do, 373 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,960 given her state of mind at the moment. 374 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:44,040 I actually don't want to be harsh, Vicar, but I actually think 375 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,120 you might have Munchausen syndrome. 376 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:48,760 You know, you're making Kerry think she's got something wrong 377 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,480 with her when, actually, I think it might be you that's a little bit 378 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:52,680 sick in the head. 379 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:56,000 What, Munchausen? 380 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,440 Huh? 381 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,240 Shit. 382 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:14,480 Yes, I think I will take Kerry to see this chap. 383 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,760 And although I don't think it's necessarily the best thing 384 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:21,600 for her to be doing at the moment, I'm going to listen to Kurtan 385 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:22,800 on this occasion. 386 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:26,000 He certainly knows her the best. 387 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,440 Polly says I need to listen more. 388 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,120 We all have our faults. 389 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:36,080 She doesn't listen either, to be honest. 390 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,480 Between you and me, she puts far too much sugar 391 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,680 in her strawberry jam and then she wonders why she's not 392 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,360 placed in the jam festival each year. 393 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,720 I'm so excited about today. 394 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,560 The only thing I'm not excited about is spending two hours 395 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:03,760 with the vicar in the car, because his music tastes are so bad. 396 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,760 Like, he said if God had a singing voice, 397 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,920 it would sound a lot like David Gray. 398 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,440 Whereas I think if the devil had a singing voice, 399 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,120 it would sound a lot like David Gray. 400 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,080 Morning, Kerry. 401 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,600 All right? 402 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,480 Right. Seat belt, please, Kerry. 403 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,280 I haven't even got in the car yet. 404 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,480 Give me a chance. 405 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,680 19,000 people die a year from not wearing a seat belt. 406 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,280 Oh, this is going to be fun. 407 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:54,360 Kayleigh says I've let myself go a bit. 408 00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:59,120 So I set up this gym in my back yard and I've been 409 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:01,360 working out ever since. 410 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,960 How many is that? 411 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,720 That's got to be enough. Yeah, I have spent a lot of time 412 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,120 just getting screwed over in the past. 413 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:11,120 Not just by one woman, I think quite a lot of them 414 00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:12,760 have done this to me. 415 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,720 At the moment, I'm taking a break from it all. 416 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,240 Because it's just... 417 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:21,680 It's too hard. 418 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,320 Yeah, I know where Slugs is coming from. 419 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,160 I had a relationship 420 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,680 of my own that broke down recently. 421 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,880 And because, you know, in a relationship you don't always 422 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:37,040 have to say, you know, how much you care about someone, 423 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,160 how much like them, because you do it through 424 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:40,480 actions, as well. 425 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:44,200 You just do it by being there, by turning up half an hour early 426 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,200 before a shift. 427 00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:50,640 Going two hours after you're meant to have finished, you know. 428 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:56,560 Staying at the bowls club all night, just so the toilets are perfectly 429 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,920 clean before the County Cup. 430 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,080 That's, you know... 431 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,480 That's love. 432 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:10,880 Now, Kerry. 433 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,160 I've been talking to Sandra. 434 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,920 Why? Well, because I felt it was important. 435 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,080 I think we need to get to the bottom of things. 436 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,920 Look, I think there may have been a few crossed wires. 437 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,720 Sandra can go eff herself as far as I'm concerned. 438 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,560 Kerry. I didn't even swear, then! 439 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,920 I find abbreviating it just as offensive. 440 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,960 Oh, great, so I'll just be mates with the woman who used 441 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,640 to beat my dad with an iron post, shall I? 442 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:33,920 That sounds like such a laugh. 443 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,160 I don't think that's true. 444 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:36,760 It is true. 445 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:38,320 No, I don't think she did that. It is. 446 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,120 Anyway, don't you want to get to know your brothers a bit better? 447 00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:42,680 No. They're my half-brothers. 448 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,520 I know... All right, your half-brothers. 449 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,240 If they don't make the effort with me, why should I actually make 450 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:48,720 the effort with them? 451 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,400 They're ten and six, Kerry. 452 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,400 Yeah, age is no excuse. 453 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,680 Anyway, Sandra's got a nice little gift coming 454 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,360 to her through her letterbox... 455 00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:00,280 What do you mean by that? ..soon from me. 456 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:01,920 What do you mean by that? 457 00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:03,440 What don't I mean by that? 458 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:04,640 What DO you mean by that? 459 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,640 It's a nice little surprise, if you like surprises 460 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:08,920 that are pig shite. 461 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,600 No, Kerry. No. Yeah. 462 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,960 No, you're not going to do that. I am going to do that. 463 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,680 No, you're not. You're just showing off. I'm not showing off! 464 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:17,320 You are showing off. Oh, what, to them? 465 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,760 I don't even care about them. 466 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:27,160 standing on the wall 467 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:30,120 standing on the wall 468 00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:34,480 should accidentally crawl 469 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,720 trousers and paralyse your... 470 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,600 standing on the wall... 471 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:41,840 That's good, I like that! 472 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,320 standing on the wall 473 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:47,280 Standing on the wall 474 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:51,080 trouser leg and paralyse your... 475 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,600 standing on the wall 476 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:57,560 standing on the wall 477 00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:01,040 should accidentally fall 478 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,080 leg and paralyse your... 479 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:05,680 480 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,720 standing on the wall 481 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:15,040 Join in! 482 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:16,520 483 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,960 should accidentally fall 484 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:23,160 and paralyse your... 485 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,440 Massive bollocks. All right, Kerry. 486 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:29,800 Shall we do it again? No. 487 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,200 Terry! 488 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,280 That's Terry there, look, sat down. 489 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,440 The one with the leather jacket, that's him. 490 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:50,880 Actually, give me a minute. 491 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,440 I might just say hello. Stay there. 492 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,440 All right, Terry. All right, Kurtan. 493 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:04,560 Yeah. 494 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:05,960 How's things? 495 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:09,200 Yeah, good. Yeah, yeah, not bad at all, thanks. 496 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,120 How's the club, then? 497 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:13,640 Colin's still driving me up the wall. 498 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:15,000 Some things don't change. 499 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,920 No, they don't. 500 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,680 Anyway, nice to see you, Kurtan. 501 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,680 All right. Yeah, cool. 502 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,360 All right, cheers, Terry. 503 00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:24,680 Yeah, see you. 504 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,360 Did you see that? 505 00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:36,000 There's a game on now and he's just sat there necking pints. 506 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,960 There'll be no-one behind the bar. 507 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,800 I tell you what, he'll have a riot on his hands 508 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:44,280 when all the old duffers realise there's no sandwiches. 509 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,480 He's just sat there self-medicating with Stowford's Press. 510 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,600 You know, it's very clear the bowls club is going to the dogs 511 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,960 and that's sad, really. 512 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:01,840 I'm taking no pleasure in seeing that or seeing Terry just totally 513 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,480 consumed by his own self-loathing. 514 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:10,040 But if there's a lesson learnt here, it's that if you remove 515 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:14,680 a vital cog in that machine, that machine will just implode. 516 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:17,960 You know, it's like taking an engine out of a Fiat Panda. 517 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,280 Yes, it will freewheel for a bit, but at some point 518 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,000 it'll just plough into a wall. 519 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,520 It definitely is this road? 520 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,960 That's what the map said, I think. 521 00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:32,920 It seems a bit out of the way, no? 522 00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:35,920 Yeah... Let's keep going. 523 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:37,840 Is that it, do you think? 524 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:42,000 Yeah. Crumbs. 525 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,680 Wow. That's a bit odd. 526 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,080 Do you think that's him? 527 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:53,120 Yep. 528 00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:55,080 I think that must be him. 529 00:26:58,440 --> 00:26:59,680 Right. 530 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,160 Do you want to get out first? 531 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,040 Yeah, if you like. 532 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:06,360 It's all right, Kerry, I'm coming in with you. 533 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:11,400 Hello, are you Trevor? 534 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,680 I am, yeah. Hello, I'm Francis Seaton. 535 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,120 Lovely to meet you. Nice to meet you. Are you Kerry, then? 536 00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:18,320 Yeah. Oh, you're Trev? 537 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:22,000 I am. Trev, really nice to meet you, mate. 538 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,160 Wow. It's really nice, yeah. 539 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:25,680 All right. Yeah. 540 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:27,680 That's good. All right. 541 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,760 Did you find it all right, this place? 542 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:31,200 Yeah, I found it all right, yeah. 543 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,760 Well done. Well, you'd better come in. 544 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,960 Thank you so much for having me, Trev. 545 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,960 You know how much this will mean to my dad. 546 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,440 It's my pleasure. I'm just really sorry to hear about his troubles, 547 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:51,080 that's all. Yeah, it's an absolute stitch-up. 548 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:52,840 It's what they do to us bikers. 549 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,800 Well, yeah. You'd know. 550 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,840 And he was a bloody good biker, your dad. Was he? 551 00:27:57,840 --> 00:27:59,280 Oh, yes, he was. 552 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,680 And he had the looks for it, and all. Yeah? 553 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:05,280 Everyone knew him because of this big beard he had. 554 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:06,760 Big beard?! 555 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,600 Yeah, yeah. Really? Dad?! A big beard, yeah. 556 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:09,920 Didn't you know about that? 557 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:11,720 No, I didn't know Dad had a massive beard. 558 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,960 Well, there's a story there. Yeah? 559 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,880 1976, we were all riding down to Durdle Door 560 00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:21,160 and word gets out that a coachload of Donny Osmond fan girls has broken 561 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:23,280 down on their way back from this London gig. 562 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:26,520 And apparently they're queueing up to give out 563 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:30,160 blowers to any biker who'd give them a backy back down to Weymouth. 564 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:34,160 So, Kerry, us Fingers - we are piling it down the A419 565 00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:37,280 and we are as stiff as pool cues. 566 00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:39,880 And then my gas tank puckers up and I'm left stranded on the side 567 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,320 of the road, knowing full well that if I don't get 568 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:43,760 down there quick, 569 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:46,240 the only person left to suck me off will be the bus driver. 570 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:49,640 And then suddenly your dad appears. 571 00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:52,640 And he takes the straw out of his milkshake and he sucks 572 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,680 the petrol out of his gas tank and he spits it into mine, 573 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:58,160 and he carries on until his gas tank is completely empty. 574 00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:00,880 And he looks at me and he says, 575 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:02,760 "Trev... 576 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:04,000 "..you deserve this blow job 577 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:05,800 "more than me." 578 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:09,800 That's beautiful. 579 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:13,040 So anyway, I give him a big hug by the side of the road and I jump 580 00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:15,400 back on my bike and as I'm pulling away, 581 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,240 I look in my wing mirror and I see he's lighting up a cig. 582 00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:20,960 Before you know it, his whole beard's gone up. 583 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,360 He burned his follicles so bad they wouldn't grow back. 584 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,040 No?! 585 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:26,800 Really?! 586 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:31,480 That was Big Martin for you, always putting other people first. 587 00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:36,640 It's been absolutely amazing, off the chart, meeting Trev today. 588 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:39,720 Like, I was a little bit nervous at the start because of the axe 589 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:43,440 and the dead animals and that, but he's been absolutely great. 590 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,160 And especially after everything that's happened with everyone 591 00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:49,440 turning their back on my dad, you know, it's so important 592 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,880 that people know the Martin Mucklowe that I know. 593 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:55,520 And not the peeping one. 594 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,640 I just can't help myself. 595 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:05,480 Got to pop by bowls club and see the utter carnage unfold. 596 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,120 Terry will be late with the sarnies, 597 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,840 that'll send Arthur into a rage, he'll be fucking throwing chairs 598 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,040 again, Len will be kicking over the tables. 599 00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:15,800 They're like dominoes. 600 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,160 When one starts, they all bloody kick off. 601 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,560 Watch out, Len's about. 602 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,800 That's a sore sight for sad eyes, isn't it? 603 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:27,960 All right, Len, what are you eating? 604 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:31,440 Cornflakes. Where did you get them from? The food bank. 605 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:34,320 You all right? 606 00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:36,320 No. What's happened? 607 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:37,840 I'm banned. 608 00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:39,640 What you done now, you doughnut? 609 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:41,840 Len ain't done nothing. 610 00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:43,800 Len, you haven't been using that selfie stick 611 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,120 to look up women's skirts again, have you? 612 00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:47,200 No. 613 00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:48,640 Well, what have you done? 614 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:50,480 I only go in the bowls club to keep warm. 615 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:52,880 I've got nowhere to go. 616 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:55,120 Neil chucked me out because I couldn't afford 617 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:56,920 to buy a drink. 618 00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,120 Sorry to hear that, mate. 619 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:00,960 Terry kicked you out? 620 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,160 Not Terry, Neil, the barman. 621 00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:05,480 Barman? 622 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:06,520 Yeah. 623 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:09,520 What do you mean, barman? 624 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,000 There's a new barman? 625 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:12,960 How many times I got to tell you?! 626 00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:14,640 All right. Fucking hell. 627 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,280 That's... That's not true. 628 00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:22,600 He's losing his fucking marbles, that's what. 629 00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:24,640 Hang on, hang on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 630 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:26,520 See - no barman. 631 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:28,600 Hang on, who's that? 632 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:33,040 He's got my tie on, that's weird. 633 00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:34,480 He's serving drinks. 634 00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:37,600 That's a new barman. 635 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,520 I don't believe that. 636 00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,920 That's a massive knife in the back. 637 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,280 Is that Arthur laughing? 638 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,360 I've never seen Arthur laugh. 639 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,840 He told me he ain't laughed since he was part of the squadron 640 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,640 that carpet-bombed Dresden. 641 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,760 Which either means it was so harrowing for him that he hasn't 642 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:02,240 been able to laugh since, or it was the last thing 643 00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:03,960 that genuinely tickled him. 644 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:05,240 I just... 645 00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:09,120 A new barman? 646 00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,800 I feel... I feel a bit sick, actually. 647 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:15,120 I need to go home. 648 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,160 See you later, Len. Ta-ra. 649 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:25,120 So I think that's the Fingers, am I right? 650 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:28,280 Oh, look at that. There's the Fingers, there. Another one of the Fingers. 651 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,960 I remember that. I remember that very well. 652 00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:33,120 You all look absolutely mad. Yeah, yeah. 653 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,600 There's another one of you and my dad. 654 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:37,160 There's some other ones... 655 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,440 Hold on, that's not Big Martin. 656 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,680 Yeah, well, he's put on a lot of weight. 657 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:43,480 No, no, no. 658 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:45,920 That's Big Martin there, Martin Bullard. 659 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:48,080 We call him Big Martin because he's five foot five. 660 00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:50,800 That man there, that's Martin Mucklowe, that is. 661 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,240 Yeah, that's my dad. 662 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:01,440 Martin Mucklowe's a bastard. 663 00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,960 He was a liar, he was a cheat, he was a thief, he was selfish, 664 00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:09,480 he was a backstabber. 665 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:12,680 He had no morals, he broke every code the Fingers swore by. 666 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,560 And you do know he was responsible for Pull My Finger 667 00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:18,520 committing suicide? You do know that, don't you? What do you mean? 668 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:25,920 Derek Sprawls was his birth name. 669 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:28,720 Poor sod. 670 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:35,720 He was born with the worst case of cleft pallet I've ever seen. 671 00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:39,440 A face even a mother couldn't love, a face so twisted it looked like two 672 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,760 hands wringing out a damp cloth. 673 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:47,800 So they sold him to some Romany Gypsies... 674 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:51,320 ..for a rusty Ford Prefect and as much lucky heather 675 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:52,840 as they could fit in the boot. 676 00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:56,120 He worked the carnivals. 677 00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:58,400 Unloved. 678 00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:00,600 Overworked. 679 00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:07,120 Arms like tree trunks from spinning the waltzer carts 15 hours a day. 680 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:12,080 That's where he met Sue, local farmer's girl. 681 00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:16,320 A girl so big she had to have a whole cart just to herself. 682 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:20,760 But Derek didn't mind about that. 683 00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:23,000 He loved her, you see? 684 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:26,320 But Martin, being Martin, he couldn't stand to see 685 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,200 Derek happy. 686 00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,600 So one summer solstice, we're down at Stonehenge watching 687 00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:33,520 the sun go down, we hear those grunts from behind the stones. 688 00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:36,360 And we all go over to investigate. 689 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,880 And there's Martin and Sue, they... 690 00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:45,240 Well, you can probably guess what they were up to. 691 00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:51,960 What were they up to? 692 00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:59,720 Martin was stuffing her. 693 00:34:59,720 --> 00:35:03,200 He was stuffing her so hard from behind, with no care, 694 00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:07,320 no love or nothing, it was just a cold-hearted stuffing. 695 00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:14,920 And all the time he's grinning at Derek, as if to say, 696 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:19,320 "Whatever you love, Derek, I will take it from you... 697 00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,520 "..and shag it." 698 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:34,920 You all right, Kerry? 699 00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:47,880 I know just the man to help get us through this. 700 00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:56,320 MUSIC: Babylon by David Gray 701 00:35:57,400 --> 00:35:58,880 702 00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:02,640 bad mistakes I've made 703 00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:09,320 704 00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,320 705 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:21,080 was never in doubt 706 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:26,440 let go of your head 707 00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:30,120 708 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:34,720 let go of your head. 709 00:36:34,720 --> 00:36:36,920 Sorry, it's actually making me feel car sick, 710 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,520 you singing like that. Sorry. 711 00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,560 Terry, right, hired a new bar manager, 712 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,320 yeah, after telling me they couldn't afford to have one. 713 00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:56,880 He lied to me. 714 00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,320 And to rub it in, he posted a picture of the new barman 715 00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:01,040 on the Facebook page. 716 00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:05,640 Look at that - posing with my food hygiene certificate. 717 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,800 The certificate I earned with my hard work, 718 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,960 not his, and he's posing with it like he earned it. 719 00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:13,800 You know, I'm utterly raging now. 720 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,520 I think you've really got to let it go now. 721 00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:18,600 Let it go! 722 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,800 You are such an unemotional slab of ham, Kerry. 723 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:25,400 Listen right, I got that hygiene rating to a three. 724 00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:26,960 Do you know what it was before? 725 00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,160 A one? No! No, no, no, no. 726 00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:30,760 It was a none, yeah? 727 00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:34,080 That kitchen was condemned, that kitchen was not fit to serve 728 00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:35,760 food from. And do you know why? 729 00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,960 Why? Because Terry used to use the raw chicken board to cut the lemons 730 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:43,400 on for the cokes and he used to laugh about it, as well. 731 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,920 I've got so much shit on that man you would not believe. 732 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:47,800 Yeah, go on. 733 00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:50,840 All right, another time, yeah, before a bowls match, 734 00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,760 he walked over to the buffet table when no-one was there, 735 00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:56,280 he said, "Kurtan, watch this", dropped his keks 736 00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,960 and farted on the quiches. If that came out, that'd ruin him. 737 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:00,920 That would ruin him, actually. 738 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:02,800 Yeah. 739 00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:06,920 And another thing Terry don't know is that I still know the security 740 00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,640 code to the back door, so I could just go in there at night 741 00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:11,800 when no-one's there, get my certificate back, 742 00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:14,600 which is mine, and I could rob the tills if I wanted to. 743 00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:16,920 I mean, I probably wouldn't, but I could. 744 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:18,960 You could, yeah. 745 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:22,040 Terry's too much of an old scrote to know how to change the code. 746 00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:24,600 That's why he needed me, to do all his tech stuff... 747 00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:27,240 Yeah. ..because he's too much of a digital dinosaur. 748 00:38:27,240 --> 00:38:29,080 Yeah. 749 00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:31,000 I could ruin that club like that. 750 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:32,640 You could, actually. 751 00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:34,320 I could. You really could, yeah. 752 00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:37,720 What's that fucking smell, by the way? 753 00:38:37,720 --> 00:38:39,320 It's just some pig shit. 754 00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:40,720 Pig shit?! Yeah, in a bag. 755 00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:43,360 What've you got that for? 756 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,880 I was going to post it through Sandra's letterbox, 757 00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:47,520 but I think I've changed my mind. 758 00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:54,880 I'm not sure Kerry got what she wanted from going 759 00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:56,400 to see Trevor. 760 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:02,680 But I'm pretty certain she got what she needed in the long-term. 761 00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:08,160 So I was watching this Henry VIII documentary last night 762 00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:11,760 and in many ways he's a lot like my dad, 763 00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:13,080 because at first 764 00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:16,480 you think, "Oh, Catherine of Aragon's got a screw loose," 765 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,280 or "Anne Boleyn seems like a bit of a psychopath." 766 00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:22,280 But by the time you get to Catherine Parr, 767 00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:25,600 you do start to wonder whether the problem 768 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,320 might lie with Henry. 769 00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:32,520 And it's a shame because if the wives had just chatted 770 00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:34,040 to each other... 771 00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:37,960 Like, if Jane Seymour had just sat down with Catherine Howard, 772 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:41,800 Catherine Howard would not have touched him with a barge pole. 773 00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:46,480 Hiya, are you are right? 774 00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:50,960 I just wondered if I could come in and have a chat...with you. 775 00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:56,360 Yeah, come in for a cup of tea. All right, cheers. All right, boys. 776 00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:57,760 Yeah. Yeah. 777 00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,160 What are you up to? 778 00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,240 Playing with Lego. Lego?! 779 00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:03,200 I absolutely love Lego. 780 00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:12,240 I thought about going to Terry's house 781 00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:13,600 and just having it out with him 782 00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:16,640 and planting one on his alcoholic tomato nose, 783 00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:18,960 but that would be too easy. 784 00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:23,240 Keep your enemies close, but keep your friends close as well, 785 00:40:23,240 --> 00:40:25,720 because they are your friends at the end of the day. 786 00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:33,880 Revenge is a dish best served covered in pig shite. 787 00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:47,680 BEEPING 788 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:16,840 So Terry's changed the code. 789 00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:20,360 Erm... 790 00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:28,960 I don't really know what to do now, to be honest. 791 00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:39,760 I think I'll just... I'll probably just go home now, 792 00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,760 if that's all right? 793 00:41:43,720 --> 00:41:46,160 Smart fox, actually, Terry. 794 00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,080 I should have known. 795 00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:49,960 Nothing gets past him. 796 00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:01,560 Fuck sake. 797 00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:09,200 Basically, guys, I'm going to teach you how to run really fast. 798 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:12,360 So you've got to put your hands like this so they slice 799 00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:15,280 through the air and you're more aerodynamic. 800 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:19,920 It's basically what all athletes do, and wrestlers do it, as well. 801 00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:23,120 So if you want to start from here. 802 00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:24,720 Here. 803 00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:28,160 I've seen a really positive change in Kerry since she started spending 804 00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,680 more time with her half-siblings. 805 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:34,280 They've given her a sense of purpose that I think she's been craving 806 00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,320 for a long time. 807 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:39,760 Push forward, rip out their insides, take them out, walk away, 808 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:43,480 drop entrails, walk off the crime scene. 809 00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,360 And I think it's helping her move on from Martin knowing 810 00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:50,080 there are people out there who do value spending time with her. 811 00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:51,320 Well, this is Marvin. 812 00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:53,320 Say hello, Marvin. Hello. 813 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,240 And then we've got Martin. 814 00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:57,120 Big Martin. Say hello, Martin. 815 00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:58,440 Hello! 816 00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,360 I've absolutely loved getting to know my brothers 817 00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:02,640 the last few weeks. 818 00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:05,840 Mostly for their benefit more than mine, only because I am 819 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:07,560 a mentor to them. 820 00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:10,640 In like, I'm a Mr Miyagi to their Karate Kid. 821 00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:13,000 Do you guys like cats? 822 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:16,520 Yeah. Do you like hats? Yeah! 823 00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:19,920 Do you like cats in hats? 824 00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:22,000 Yes. 825 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:25,000 Well, I tell you what, Marvin, there's this amazing book 826 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:26,480 that I've been reading. 827 00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,960 It's basically about a cat who wears a hat. 828 00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:30,640 The Cat In The Hat! That's it! 829 00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:33,160 But the hat's very much too large. 830 00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:34,640 You've read that one? 831 00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,840 Yeah, I have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 832 00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:46,840 Fuck! What? 833 00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:48,400 Fuck! That's Terry. 834 00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:50,400 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. He's coming up the path. 835 00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:53,440 Oh, my God. That actually is Terry as well. 836 00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:55,240 What's he coming to your house for? 837 00:43:55,240 --> 00:43:57,000 I don't know. 838 00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:59,400 Do you reckon he knows what I was going to do to the club? 839 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:00,680 Fuck! Probably. 840 00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:03,480 The CCTV, that's what he saw me on. 841 00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:07,080 Don't answer it. Of course I'm going to answer it. 842 00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:09,760 Why?! Because I don't know who it is. It's fucking Terry! 843 00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:11,920 It might not be. Kerry, don't! No.. 844 00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:14,280 All right, Terry. Fuck. 845 00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:15,760 Yeah, he's just in here. 846 00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:17,960 It is Terry. Oh, right. 847 00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:23,720 All right, Terry. 848 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:30,160 I tried ringing you, but your phone weren't working, so I went 849 00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:31,760 round your nan's. 850 00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:34,000 She said you'd be here. 851 00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:35,560 Oh, all right. 852 00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:39,800 What you doing tomorrow, then? 853 00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:43,120 Tomorrow? 854 00:44:44,240 --> 00:44:46,120 Nothing. Why? 855 00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:49,840 We're a bit short behind the bar, if you fancy a shift? 856 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,200 Yeah, I could do that. Excellent. 857 00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:56,400 Yeah, I'm free. Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then. 858 00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:57,960 Usual time. Okey doke. 859 00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:01,320 You can keep an eye on old Colin's bags. We still can't find them. 860 00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:03,960 Some things don't change, eh? See you later. 861 00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:06,240 See you, Terry. 862 00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:12,000 Yes, I am aware I said I wouldn't work for Terry again, 863 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:15,040 but I just can't quit him, you know? 864 00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:17,200 Yeah, we might have a fiery relationship, 865 00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:20,520 but when we're together behind that bar, it's just... 866 00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:22,360 It's just pure chemistry, isn't it? 867 00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:24,400 That's what it is, yeah. 868 00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:27,840 There's something in my eye.