1 00:00:06,484 --> 00:00:07,681 Okay, here's another one. 2 00:00:07,717 --> 00:00:12,520 TechCrunch says, "Laurie Bream spotted lunching at the Rosewood 3 00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:14,888 "with yet another rising tech star, Sam Herron. 4 00:00:14,924 --> 00:00:18,459 Could this finally be the new CEO of Pied Piper?" 5 00:00:18,495 --> 00:00:20,828 Maybe she's just fucking them all. 6 00:00:20,863 --> 00:00:23,164 It's been ten days. You know what would be nice? 7 00:00:23,199 --> 00:00:26,566 If I found out what Laurie wanted to do with my company from her 8 00:00:26,602 --> 00:00:28,235 instead of the fucking Internet. 9 00:00:28,270 --> 00:00:31,971 Richard, the accountants finally agreed to release our books. 10 00:00:32,007 --> 00:00:33,507 Okay. 11 00:00:34,976 --> 00:00:38,745 Hey, Richard. Is there anything we should be doing? 12 00:00:38,780 --> 00:00:40,113 I don't know. Why are you asking me? 13 00:00:40,149 --> 00:00:42,114 I'm not the CEO. There is no CEO. 14 00:00:42,150 --> 00:00:46,585 Because, apparently, Jack's empty fucking chair is a better choice than I am. 15 00:00:46,621 --> 00:00:50,956 So, maybe... maybe ask the chair, see what it thinks. 16 00:00:50,991 --> 00:00:52,391 Say what you will about the chair, 17 00:00:52,426 --> 00:00:55,060 but at least it never told me to build a fucking box. 18 00:00:55,095 --> 00:00:57,496 True. Compared to Richard, it's a lot sturdier. 19 00:00:57,532 --> 00:01:01,533 And it has a lot less of Barker's ass rubbed all over it. 20 00:01:07,380 --> 00:01:11,498 ♪ 21 00:01:11,578 --> 00:01:13,444 Are you serious? 22 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,046 On top of Jack's ridiculous severance package, 23 00:01:16,081 --> 00:01:19,216 we spent a thousand dollars on each one of your fucking monitors? 24 00:01:19,251 --> 00:01:22,619 We did? Huh. That's very pricey. 25 00:01:22,655 --> 00:01:25,889 So what? Raviga funded us for $5 million. 26 00:01:25,924 --> 00:01:28,525 There's no way we burned through all that. 27 00:01:28,561 --> 00:01:31,695 Do you have any idea how these deals work? That money's tranched. 28 00:01:31,730 --> 00:01:32,861 What's that? 29 00:01:32,897 --> 00:01:34,863 Well, from the Old French for "slice." 30 00:01:34,899 --> 00:01:36,965 Yeah, try to keep up, Dinesh. 31 00:01:37,001 --> 00:01:38,634 We get our money in stages. 32 00:01:38,670 --> 00:01:40,903 Right? We get $2 million upfront 33 00:01:40,938 --> 00:01:42,938 to get us going, to design and build the product, 34 00:01:42,973 --> 00:01:46,775 but we don't get the next three million until we take a product to market. 35 00:01:46,811 --> 00:01:48,811 And Jack was okay with hemorrhaging money, 36 00:01:48,846 --> 00:01:50,545 because he thought we were launching the box 37 00:01:50,581 --> 00:01:53,181 and then getting the next three million in the next few weeks. 38 00:01:53,217 --> 00:01:56,084 But the platform will take way longer to launch than that. 39 00:01:56,119 --> 00:01:59,554 Yes. So we are effectively a $250 million company 40 00:01:59,590 --> 00:02:02,056 who just took $5 million in funding 41 00:02:02,092 --> 00:02:04,226 and now we're dead-ass broke. 42 00:02:04,261 --> 00:02:05,893 Our burn rate is astronomical, 43 00:02:05,929 --> 00:02:08,662 and every day we sit in limbo like this... 44 00:02:12,235 --> 00:02:13,800 What if we don't? 45 00:02:13,836 --> 00:02:16,403 What if we don't sit in limbo? 46 00:02:16,439 --> 00:02:18,272 Like fuck limbo, right? 47 00:02:18,307 --> 00:02:23,243 I mean, right now, let's... let's fire all these fucking sales assholes, 48 00:02:23,278 --> 00:02:25,945 and break the lease on this place and get the fuck out of here. 49 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:29,482 Can we do that? There's no CEO here to approve any of that. 50 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:32,885 Yeah. There's also no CEO here to tell me not to do it, right? 51 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,854 That's right. You're the CTO. 52 00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:36,856 Technically, you're the ranking officer. 53 00:02:36,891 --> 00:02:38,157 Fucking A. 54 00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:41,260 Look, when, or if, a new CEO comes to take over the company, 55 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:45,230 we will do what they say to the best of our abilities. 56 00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,432 But there is a very real possibility 57 00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:50,235 that there won't be a company for them to take over 58 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:52,404 if we don't do something about it now. 59 00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:55,374 - So, no more surprise waffles. - What? 60 00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:56,841 - No more Chef Amy. - No! 61 00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:59,243 And no more of these stupid offices, okay? 62 00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:01,145 We're going to move back to the hostel. 63 00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:02,146 - Fuck. - Dinesh, 64 00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:04,415 we need to cut every corner, save every penny, 65 00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:07,951 and plow it into engineers to build the platform. Okay? 66 00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:09,420 Then we will be back on track. 67 00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:12,990 So Gilfoyle, Dinesh, pack up those gold-plated monitors 68 00:03:13,025 --> 00:03:14,957 because we are selling them. 69 00:03:14,993 --> 00:03:17,126 Jared, come on. Let's do this. 70 00:03:17,162 --> 00:03:19,763 - Hmm. - Well, that sucks. 71 00:03:23,702 --> 00:03:25,702 Jesus. 72 00:03:30,175 --> 00:03:33,309 Okay, guys. Can I have your attention, please! 73 00:03:33,344 --> 00:03:34,710 Yeah, next goal wins. 74 00:03:34,745 --> 00:03:38,414 No. Uh, not... Now. Sorry, it's got to be now. 75 00:03:38,449 --> 00:03:40,716 And so, bring it in, Dang, 76 00:03:40,751 --> 00:03:43,985 uh, Chef Amy, Jan the Man, Keith, Northeast regional. 77 00:03:44,021 --> 00:03:45,521 And do you still have your shadow? 78 00:03:45,556 --> 00:03:47,055 - Yo! - Hey, there he is. 79 00:03:47,090 --> 00:03:48,856 Okay, uh... circle up. 80 00:03:48,891 --> 00:03:51,058 All right, I have some news for you. 81 00:03:51,093 --> 00:03:52,727 Is this about the new CEO? 82 00:03:52,762 --> 00:03:54,329 Re/Code is saying it could be Reid Hoffman. 83 00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:57,398 No. I... don't know anything about that. 84 00:03:57,434 --> 00:04:01,035 No, no. There's no new CEO. There's no new employees of any kind. 85 00:04:01,070 --> 00:04:05,372 There's actually... It's more about you guys becoming former employees. 86 00:04:05,407 --> 00:04:07,574 So, look... 87 00:04:07,609 --> 00:04:09,509 We're heading in a different direction. 88 00:04:09,545 --> 00:04:12,412 And what that means is, if I haven't taken you aside 89 00:04:12,448 --> 00:04:13,980 and spoken to you privately about staying on, 90 00:04:14,015 --> 00:04:17,551 that does mean that you are... terminated, immediately. 91 00:04:17,586 --> 00:04:21,588 So, Dang, Chef Amy, Jan the Man, all of Sales, 92 00:04:21,623 --> 00:04:23,689 I am, uh, really sorry about all this. 93 00:04:23,725 --> 00:04:26,559 Are you sure that you can fire us, like, legally? 94 00:04:26,594 --> 00:04:28,861 Yeah. Yes, absolutely. 95 00:04:28,896 --> 00:04:32,398 I'm CTO. I'm the highest ranking officer, so yes answer. 96 00:04:32,433 --> 00:04:35,835 You're... you're still CTO? Laurie hasn't fired you yet? 97 00:04:35,870 --> 00:04:38,504 No, she has... Why would she fire me? 98 00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:40,672 Well, Code/Rag said that your tech is mediocre 99 00:04:40,707 --> 00:04:42,674 and that's why no one will take the CEO job. 100 00:04:42,709 --> 00:04:44,008 - What? - Yeah. 101 00:04:44,043 --> 00:04:46,244 That's why I assumed that you'd been fired. 102 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:49,046 Uh, maybe she's waiting till Friday to fire him. 103 00:04:49,082 --> 00:04:50,415 Oh, that makes sense. 104 00:04:50,450 --> 00:04:52,950 No, it doesn't make sense. That's not what's happening, okay? 105 00:04:52,986 --> 00:04:54,586 I'm not getting fired. That's crazy. 106 00:04:54,621 --> 00:04:56,487 I haven't read this article. Okay, maybe I'm too busy 107 00:04:56,522 --> 00:04:59,456 making the tech awesome, because it's not mediocre. 108 00:04:59,492 --> 00:05:01,958 It's actually... turns out, it's fucking revolutionary. 109 00:05:01,994 --> 00:05:04,094 So, I guess that's the truth. 110 00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:06,963 And also, I'm not fired, these guys aren't fired, you all are fired. 111 00:05:06,999 --> 00:05:10,601 Everyone from this wall is fired. So, enjoy being fired. 112 00:05:18,009 --> 00:05:19,475 Jesus! This is a good apple. 113 00:05:19,511 --> 00:05:20,843 Where did you get this? 114 00:05:20,879 --> 00:05:23,846 - Oh, I have a fruit guy. - Fantastic. 115 00:05:23,882 --> 00:05:25,681 Read me back what we have so far. 116 00:05:25,717 --> 00:05:29,652 Uh, "Bachman and Bighetti shall each include in this venture 117 00:05:29,687 --> 00:05:31,653 "any and all portfolio companies. 118 00:05:31,688 --> 00:05:34,456 The exception shall be for Pied Piper." 119 00:05:34,491 --> 00:05:37,626 Hey, how... how come Pied Piper is not a part of it? 120 00:05:37,661 --> 00:05:40,796 'Cause, you know, I actually used to work there, so maybe it should be? 121 00:05:40,831 --> 00:05:44,065 Big Head, Pied Piper is no longer an incubating entity. 122 00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:47,101 It would be unfair to you and to me and to them for me 123 00:05:47,137 --> 00:05:49,670 to relinquish any of my shares in their company. 124 00:05:49,705 --> 00:05:54,308 And besides, like you, I'm giving up everything else I have of value... 125 00:05:54,343 --> 00:05:58,011 shares, options, cash, liquid assets. 126 00:05:58,047 --> 00:06:00,147 Wait. So all my assets? 127 00:06:00,182 --> 00:06:01,682 That seems like kind of a lot. 128 00:06:01,717 --> 00:06:04,818 It is a lot, Big Head. We're both giving up a lot. 129 00:06:04,853 --> 00:06:07,253 And we're both gaining a lot also. 130 00:06:07,288 --> 00:06:09,923 And that's what every successful partnership is about. 131 00:06:09,958 --> 00:06:13,927 Committing fully, blindly, and without concern of the consequences, 132 00:06:13,962 --> 00:06:16,095 - like marriage. - Right. 133 00:06:16,130 --> 00:06:18,264 Oh, here. Get this down. 134 00:06:18,299 --> 00:06:20,667 In the event of a tie vote, 135 00:06:20,702 --> 00:06:22,634 any disagreement shall be settled 136 00:06:22,670 --> 00:06:27,038 with a toss of a coin of Mr. Bachman's choosing. 137 00:06:29,009 --> 00:06:30,241 What the fuck are you doing in here? 138 00:06:30,277 --> 00:06:32,043 Can't you see we're having a meeting? 139 00:06:33,246 --> 00:06:35,313 Go ahead, Big Head, read that back to me. 140 00:06:35,349 --> 00:06:37,583 Oh, um... "In the event of a tie..." 141 00:06:39,285 --> 00:06:40,618 The fucking juicer's broken! 142 00:06:40,653 --> 00:06:43,354 This is he second one in two days! 143 00:06:45,124 --> 00:06:48,493 CJ Cantwell of Code/Rag writes, and I quote, 144 00:06:48,528 --> 00:06:51,328 "Having met this many candidates without closing one, 145 00:06:51,364 --> 00:06:55,466 "one can't help wonder why Pied Piper can't land a man. 146 00:06:55,501 --> 00:06:58,902 "Could the vaunted tech of founder Richard Hendricks, 147 00:06:58,937 --> 00:07:01,838 "whom I once called 'the next Mark Zuckerberg, ' 148 00:07:01,874 --> 00:07:07,310 be turning Pied Piper from a unicorn into a donkey wearing a party hat?" 149 00:07:07,345 --> 00:07:08,478 And? 150 00:07:08,514 --> 00:07:10,647 And, she's slandering my tech. 151 00:07:10,682 --> 00:07:13,048 It's the one thing that's working around here. 152 00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:15,183 Look, I think if I just talk to her, 153 00:07:15,219 --> 00:07:16,552 I can get her to change it. 154 00:07:16,587 --> 00:07:20,723 No. I do not want you to engage with a muckraker like CJ Cantwell 155 00:07:20,758 --> 00:07:22,892 simply to salve your male ego. 156 00:07:22,927 --> 00:07:25,193 My male ego has nothing to do with this, Laurie. 157 00:07:25,229 --> 00:07:27,496 Look, good coders won't want to work 158 00:07:27,532 --> 00:07:29,297 for a company they think has shitty tech. 159 00:07:29,333 --> 00:07:30,932 I need to get ahead of this now. 160 00:07:30,967 --> 00:07:33,134 And if I don't, we're done. 161 00:07:33,169 --> 00:07:34,903 Richard, whether you appreciate this or not, 162 00:07:34,938 --> 00:07:36,704 I do actually have a plan here. 163 00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:39,574 You can meet with everyone in Palo Alto to replace me as CEO. 164 00:07:39,609 --> 00:07:41,576 I'm not going to tell you how to do your job. 165 00:07:41,611 --> 00:07:44,546 Okay, but I need to do something about this, now. 166 00:07:44,581 --> 00:07:47,147 She-she... she's calling us the next Clinkle. 167 00:07:47,182 --> 00:07:49,149 Clinkle, Laurie. Clinkle. 168 00:07:49,184 --> 00:07:51,051 You... you do know what happened to Clinkle, right? 169 00:07:51,086 --> 00:07:53,820 Do you want us to be Clinkle? Please, just stop saying "Clinkle." 170 00:07:53,856 --> 00:07:55,856 It jars the ear. Fine. 171 00:07:55,891 --> 00:07:58,592 I will have my office set up an interview. 172 00:07:58,627 --> 00:08:01,361 But I want you to present yourself well, Richard. 173 00:08:01,396 --> 00:08:03,363 Be showered, groomed, well-dressed. 174 00:08:03,398 --> 00:08:07,833 And you will need to sit down with our head of PR beforehand to go over talking points. 175 00:08:07,869 --> 00:08:08,701 Why? 176 00:08:08,736 --> 00:08:11,370 Because you are in an emotional state, 177 00:08:11,405 --> 00:08:12,939 and when you are emotional, 178 00:08:12,974 --> 00:08:14,840 you become highly inarticulate. 179 00:08:14,876 --> 00:08:17,810 Well, I don't say that's true. 180 00:08:20,714 --> 00:08:22,380 Okay. Yes. Fine. Sure. 181 00:08:22,415 --> 00:08:23,514 Um... 182 00:08:23,550 --> 00:08:25,016 And thank you, Laurie. 183 00:08:28,589 --> 00:08:30,822 Before you ask, the answer is yes. 184 00:08:30,857 --> 00:08:32,991 I did blow all these hard drives clean. 185 00:08:33,026 --> 00:08:35,694 - So... - You really are a moron. 186 00:08:35,729 --> 00:08:38,295 The only way to really blow the hard drives clean 187 00:08:38,330 --> 00:08:40,297 is to take a drill and punch a hole through it. 188 00:08:40,332 --> 00:08:43,968 All right, calm down, Snowden. I zeroed them all out, we're fine. 189 00:08:44,003 --> 00:08:48,706 Welcome, welcome. Uh, we have lost our lease, so everything must go. 190 00:08:48,741 --> 00:08:53,110 The chairs are arranged in ascending order of lumbar support. 191 00:08:53,145 --> 00:08:55,678 So, have a gander. 192 00:08:56,681 --> 00:08:58,380 Oh, uh, word to the wise: 193 00:08:58,416 --> 00:09:01,651 the Haworths are like a spa day for the buttocks. 194 00:09:01,686 --> 00:09:04,020 Yeah, and I have a fragile posterior. 195 00:09:04,055 --> 00:09:06,589 My aunt used to call me "glasshole." 196 00:09:06,625 --> 00:09:08,557 So, you can take it from me. 197 00:09:08,593 --> 00:09:10,292 Look at these fucking maggots. 198 00:09:10,328 --> 00:09:12,494 Crawling all over our garbage, 199 00:09:12,529 --> 00:09:15,097 leaving their slime of mediocrity. 200 00:09:15,132 --> 00:09:18,166 I thought you'd feel right at home in a marketplace, 201 00:09:18,201 --> 00:09:20,268 haggling, selling your monkey paws, 202 00:09:20,303 --> 00:09:23,171 looking for Indiana Jones in a wicker basket. 203 00:09:23,206 --> 00:09:25,240 Okay. Marion was in the wicker basket, 204 00:09:25,275 --> 00:09:28,610 Indiana Jones was tipping them over, you fucking idiot. 205 00:09:28,645 --> 00:09:30,210 Hi. 206 00:09:30,246 --> 00:09:31,979 Let me know if you have any questions. 207 00:09:32,015 --> 00:09:35,382 Well, how about that? I made my first sale. 208 00:09:35,417 --> 00:09:37,918 I've organized a lot of estate sales, 209 00:09:37,954 --> 00:09:39,219 so this is kind of my wheelhouse. 210 00:09:39,255 --> 00:09:41,388 - What? - I have a lot of elderly friends. 211 00:09:41,423 --> 00:09:43,024 Oh, that is a fun item. 212 00:09:43,059 --> 00:09:45,692 That's a hardware fan. 213 00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:50,296 You've got the yellow hoodie on today. 214 00:09:50,331 --> 00:09:52,132 Oh, yeah. 215 00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:53,700 Wait a second. 216 00:09:53,735 --> 00:09:55,301 None of these are signed. 217 00:09:55,336 --> 00:09:59,005 Oh yeah. Um, it's just my business manager had some questions 218 00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:01,507 about the way some of this stuff was being arranged. 219 00:10:01,543 --> 00:10:04,843 Like he said something about how it's not a corporation. 220 00:10:04,879 --> 00:10:07,913 It's just a general partnership or something. 221 00:10:07,948 --> 00:10:10,448 I mean, he told me I didn't understand, which is true, 222 00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:11,650 so he wanted to maybe talk to you about it. 223 00:10:11,686 --> 00:10:14,687 So you want to lawyer up, huh? Is that what we're doing? 224 00:10:14,722 --> 00:10:16,889 I don't think he has a law degree. 225 00:10:16,924 --> 00:10:21,292 Big Head, I would hope that a handshake deal would be good enough for you. 226 00:10:21,327 --> 00:10:23,327 Because we're headed down a long road, 227 00:10:23,362 --> 00:10:25,897 and that road must be paved with trust. Blind trust. 228 00:10:25,932 --> 00:10:29,300 And you bringing in these so-called "experts..." 229 00:10:29,335 --> 00:10:31,969 ...really gives me pause, 230 00:10:32,005 --> 00:10:34,338 and it insults my honor. 231 00:10:34,373 --> 00:10:37,974 Huh. Uh, sorry, hold on. I got to take this. I'll be right back. 232 00:10:38,010 --> 00:10:39,910 Sorry. Hello? 233 00:10:39,945 --> 00:10:42,512 Hey. Uh, how do I look? 234 00:10:42,547 --> 00:10:45,682 If I'm being honest, like a ventriloquist dummy. 235 00:10:48,153 --> 00:10:49,485 Uh... Okay. 236 00:10:49,521 --> 00:10:51,888 Well, you know, that's actually kind of fitting, 237 00:10:51,924 --> 00:10:54,356 because I'm on my way to Raviga right now 238 00:10:54,391 --> 00:10:57,426 to meet with a PR person to tell me exactly what to say 239 00:10:57,461 --> 00:10:59,729 to a reporter and how to say it. 240 00:10:59,764 --> 00:11:00,863 Well, that does make sense. 241 00:11:00,898 --> 00:11:03,799 You do tend to babble on when you're under pressure. 242 00:11:05,069 --> 00:11:06,869 Why does this thing people say? 243 00:11:09,473 --> 00:11:11,039 Why indeed? 244 00:11:11,074 --> 00:11:12,207 That was weird. 245 00:11:12,242 --> 00:11:15,276 I just got a call from Laurie Bream's office, at Raviga, 246 00:11:15,311 --> 00:11:18,613 asking if I'd want to interview for the job of CEO at Pied Piper. 247 00:11:18,648 --> 00:11:21,750 What? Are you fucking kidding me? 248 00:11:21,785 --> 00:11:23,184 That's exactly what I said. 249 00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:25,987 Then I said no, and then we both hung up. 250 00:11:26,022 --> 00:11:30,190 I mean, I assume they hung up. I had already hung up, so... 251 00:11:30,226 --> 00:11:33,326 Wow. Wow. Okay. 252 00:11:33,362 --> 00:11:35,863 Okay. Yeah, great. Big Head. 253 00:11:35,898 --> 00:11:37,965 Big Head! Fucking kidding me? 254 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,933 What the fuck is going on? 255 00:11:39,969 --> 00:11:42,202 Big Head, you can insult me all you want 256 00:11:42,238 --> 00:11:44,404 by involving your self-described shylocks, 257 00:11:44,439 --> 00:11:47,039 but to insult Richard and humiliate him, 258 00:11:47,075 --> 00:11:49,909 that's like kicking a child who's done nothing to deserve it. 259 00:11:49,944 --> 00:11:52,544 I may not be able to finish my ramen. 260 00:11:52,580 --> 00:11:54,613 I told them no. 261 00:11:55,850 --> 00:11:58,350 Hi there. Richard Hendricks here to see Dawn Simon, PR. 262 00:11:58,386 --> 00:12:01,853 Sure, she'll be meeting you in the small conference room. Um, do you need me... 263 00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:03,789 No, no. I, uh... I know where it is. 264 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,924 It turns out, I actually know something. 265 00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:07,959 I'm not a fucking idiot. 266 00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:13,165 - Richard Hendricks. Hi. - Before we get any further, 267 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,667 I just want you to know that, um, I'm not going to be yelling at you, 268 00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:17,468 but I probably am going to yell. 269 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,336 - Okay. - Okay. Uh... 270 00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:21,772 because this is bullshit. 271 00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:24,074 Honestly, I mean, I get it. This is your job. You're in PR. 272 00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:27,077 Your job is to pretty much tell me what I can't say. 273 00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:29,680 I mean, when I talk to this reporter, I probably can't say 274 00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:33,317 how fucked up it is that, um, Laurie Bream fired me, 275 00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:35,885 and then replaced me with Action Jack Barker. 276 00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:38,855 I probably can't say how the only action he took was 277 00:12:38,890 --> 00:12:41,524 to essentially pick the wrong product and then bleed the company dry. 278 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:45,361 And I probably can't say how fucking pissed off I am 279 00:12:45,396 --> 00:12:48,898 that Laurie Bream is out there gallivanting around the Valley, 280 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:52,968 interviewing every dickhole on Earth for my job, 281 00:12:53,003 --> 00:12:54,769 including Big Head... 282 00:12:54,805 --> 00:12:57,572 a man that I fired by the way, and no offense, I like him. 283 00:12:57,607 --> 00:13:00,242 I do actually, he's a close friend of mine, been that way for years. 284 00:13:00,277 --> 00:13:02,945 He is a bit of a simpleton, his name's fucking Big Head. 285 00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:04,379 But, okay, look. 286 00:13:04,414 --> 00:13:08,851 I want to be CEO of Pied Piper, okay? 287 00:13:08,886 --> 00:13:12,987 It is my company. I worked my ass off to build this company, okay? 288 00:13:13,022 --> 00:13:14,889 That's my job. I deserve it. 289 00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:17,225 And it fucking kills me that Laurie is out there 290 00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:19,961 trying to give it to someone else, anyone but me. 291 00:13:19,996 --> 00:13:22,029 But I probably can't say that, can I? 292 00:13:22,966 --> 00:13:24,932 You can say anything you want to say to me. 293 00:13:24,968 --> 00:13:26,667 All right. 294 00:13:27,903 --> 00:13:30,403 Thank you for meeting me, Monica. 295 00:13:32,274 --> 00:13:34,274 You are from...? 296 00:13:34,309 --> 00:13:36,343 Baltimore. 297 00:13:39,047 --> 00:13:41,781 HL Mencken hails from Baltimore. 298 00:13:41,816 --> 00:13:43,183 Who? 299 00:13:43,218 --> 00:13:44,783 Widely perceived as a racist, 300 00:13:44,818 --> 00:13:49,154 but... his work on the English language is comprehensive, 301 00:13:49,190 --> 00:13:53,893 and his perspicuous skewering of evangelicals is laudable. 302 00:13:53,928 --> 00:13:58,230 Monica, my mission here is not merely to have fun. 303 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,165 That's... that's okay. 304 00:14:01,201 --> 00:14:04,602 When I voted against you, at the board meeting, I just want... 305 00:14:04,637 --> 00:14:07,438 Monica, this is not about you, for once. 306 00:14:08,441 --> 00:14:10,674 I brought you here to say... 307 00:14:11,677 --> 00:14:12,911 I am sorry. 308 00:14:12,946 --> 00:14:14,345 For...? 309 00:14:14,381 --> 00:14:16,381 Ah, yes, of course. You are going to make me say it. 310 00:14:16,416 --> 00:14:18,348 Why am I not surprised? 311 00:14:18,384 --> 00:14:20,850 I made a mistake with Richard Hendricks. 312 00:14:20,886 --> 00:14:22,920 And out I went, right on my ass. 313 00:14:22,955 --> 00:14:28,025 And then Laurie put that jackhole Barker in to bankrupt the company. 314 00:14:28,060 --> 00:14:29,793 But does she cop to that? No, no, no. 315 00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:33,964 Because the Laurie-tron 6,000 isn't programmed to admit when she's made a mistake. 316 00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,299 I made an error. 317 00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:39,936 Wow, um, that's really big of you to admit. 318 00:14:39,971 --> 00:14:42,538 I should not have removed him as CEO, 319 00:14:42,573 --> 00:14:45,908 and installing Jack Barker in his place only compounded that error. 320 00:14:45,944 --> 00:14:49,946 But if that's true, then why are you meeting with so many other CEO candidates? 321 00:14:49,981 --> 00:14:51,314 I am meeting publically 322 00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,415 with a number of high-value candidates 323 00:14:53,450 --> 00:14:58,519 I know to be unavailable, as well as with a number of less-qualified candidates 324 00:14:58,555 --> 00:15:01,056 with whom Richard compares favorably. 325 00:15:01,091 --> 00:15:02,657 That's why you called Big Head. 326 00:15:02,692 --> 00:15:06,227 Yes. You see, Richard must not be perceived 327 00:15:06,263 --> 00:15:08,296 as being the most expedient candidate. 328 00:15:08,332 --> 00:15:11,932 He must be seen as the correct candidate. 329 00:15:13,269 --> 00:15:14,935 This is very exciting for Richard. 330 00:15:14,971 --> 00:15:18,973 I have been impressed by his conduct in a tough situation. 331 00:15:19,008 --> 00:15:21,208 - Mm-hmm. - He's shown mettle. 332 00:15:21,243 --> 00:15:22,476 Definitely. 333 00:15:22,511 --> 00:15:24,711 Therefore, I will call for a vote at the next board meeting 334 00:15:24,746 --> 00:15:26,346 to offer him the job. 335 00:15:26,381 --> 00:15:30,183 That is of course assuming he continues to demonstrate an air of professionalism. 336 00:15:32,287 --> 00:15:34,854 Hi, Dawn. Are you waiting for someone? 337 00:15:34,889 --> 00:15:37,290 Yes. I'm supposed to be meeting with Richard Hendricks 338 00:15:37,325 --> 00:15:39,425 before he sits down with a Code/Rag reporter. 339 00:15:39,461 --> 00:15:42,928 Oh, that's weird. I saw him earlier. 340 00:15:42,964 --> 00:15:44,196 And that is why... 341 00:15:45,065 --> 00:15:46,798 I'm just being honest here. 342 00:15:48,702 --> 00:15:52,837 I think that Peter Gregory is better off where he is. 343 00:15:52,873 --> 00:15:56,274 Just saying, because if he knew what Laurie was doing to his company, 344 00:15:56,310 --> 00:15:58,776 he probably would want to take a gun and blow his brains out. 345 00:16:00,013 --> 00:16:01,245 Uh, okay. 346 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:04,615 We should probably start talking about the things that I can say. 347 00:16:04,650 --> 00:16:06,850 Um... 348 00:16:06,886 --> 00:16:09,720 Richard. Richard Hendricks? 349 00:16:10,890 --> 00:16:12,556 Yes. Who are you? 350 00:16:12,591 --> 00:16:14,858 Dawn Simon, Raviga's publicity director. 351 00:16:21,066 --> 00:16:22,765 So that would make you...? 352 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,834 CJ Cantwell, Code/Rag. 353 00:16:25,837 --> 00:16:27,837 Thank you, I think I have everything I need. 354 00:16:33,878 --> 00:16:35,710 Please tell me that went well. 355 00:16:38,049 --> 00:16:42,951 Yep. No, yeah. It, uh... it-it was gone great. 356 00:16:42,986 --> 00:16:46,055 Yep. It had gone. 357 00:16:47,624 --> 00:16:49,158 It was great. 358 00:16:49,193 --> 00:16:50,526 Uh, she's a... she's a great guy. 359 00:16:50,561 --> 00:16:54,362 Really. Gir... girl. She's... she's cool. She's a cool one. 360 00:16:54,397 --> 00:16:57,331 Cool. Um, so I can just... I can get out here? 361 00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:58,866 - Just 'cause I got another thing. - Yeah. 362 00:16:58,901 --> 00:17:01,502 Slow down. Listen to me. Look, in my defense, 363 00:17:01,538 --> 00:17:04,272 I said those were all the things I can't say, okay. 364 00:17:04,307 --> 00:17:05,639 So it's kind of like I didn't even say them. 365 00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:08,341 But you did say them, at a meeting you scheduled with a reporter. 366 00:17:08,377 --> 00:17:09,709 Reporter? Come on, you're a tech blogger. 367 00:17:09,744 --> 00:17:13,080 Oh, really. Hard to see why Laurie insisted on a PR rep for you. 368 00:17:15,317 --> 00:17:18,952 Look, uh, just... tell me what I can do to kill this? 369 00:17:18,987 --> 00:17:21,321 - You want me to spike the story? - Yes, please. 370 00:17:21,356 --> 00:17:25,124 Give me something better. I don't know, go on a drunken racist Twitter rant, 371 00:17:25,159 --> 00:17:27,726 or, uh, get in your car, run over Elon Musk, 372 00:17:27,761 --> 00:17:30,129 and give me an exclusive from jail. Yeah. 373 00:17:30,164 --> 00:17:32,498 Otherwise, I'm posting this at noon tomorrow, so... 374 00:17:32,533 --> 00:17:34,400 No, no, no, no. Look. Look. 375 00:17:34,435 --> 00:17:36,602 If you want to leave, you're going to have to run me over! 376 00:17:46,079 --> 00:17:47,979 These offices were nice. 377 00:17:48,014 --> 00:17:51,048 Now everything looks so bare. 378 00:17:51,084 --> 00:17:54,619 Yeah. There is a certain sad vulnerability to it. 379 00:17:55,755 --> 00:17:58,689 Have you ever seen a naked dead person? 380 00:17:58,725 --> 00:18:01,057 No. No. No. 381 00:18:02,595 --> 00:18:05,729 Well, the good news is, we cleared almost... 382 00:18:05,764 --> 00:18:08,665 $70,000 from selling all this stuff. 383 00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:11,701 That's not enough to afford all the coders we need. 384 00:18:11,737 --> 00:18:13,537 We need at least a dozen. 385 00:18:13,572 --> 00:18:15,905 Where would we even put them now? 386 00:18:17,074 --> 00:18:18,674 Shall we? 387 00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:25,548 Wait. Where's my hard drive? 388 00:18:25,583 --> 00:18:27,016 What did it look like? 389 00:18:27,051 --> 00:18:29,952 It just looked like a normal standard hard drive. 390 00:18:29,987 --> 00:18:31,554 You sure it was in your bag? 391 00:18:31,589 --> 00:18:33,355 Yeah, it was in my bag. 392 00:18:34,558 --> 00:18:39,327 Could it maybe have slid out and was next to your bag, 393 00:18:39,363 --> 00:18:42,797 which was next to all the hard drives we got rid of? 394 00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:46,668 Did you sell my personal hard drive? 395 00:18:46,703 --> 00:18:50,671 You didn't happen to wipe that one clean, too, did you? 396 00:18:50,706 --> 00:18:53,207 - My personal hard drive? - Yeah. 397 00:18:53,242 --> 00:18:54,508 No! 398 00:18:54,544 --> 00:18:55,543 Fuck! 399 00:18:55,578 --> 00:18:58,212 So it had our confidential IP on it? 400 00:18:58,247 --> 00:19:03,217 Yes. All the work we did on the platform, the box, everything. 401 00:19:03,252 --> 00:19:06,887 Well, what's gone is not necessarily lost. 402 00:19:06,922 --> 00:19:08,888 Okay, we just need to find it. 403 00:19:08,923 --> 00:19:11,324 I found my retainer in the school dumpster. 404 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,694 I found my biological father in a militia up in the Ozarks. 405 00:19:14,729 --> 00:19:16,028 This should be no problem. 406 00:19:16,064 --> 00:19:18,030 Don't worry, Dinesh, we'll find it. 407 00:19:26,106 --> 00:19:30,442 Uh, does he not know we're moving out? 408 00:19:30,477 --> 00:19:32,544 Should we tell him? 409 00:19:32,580 --> 00:19:37,015 No. Jack paid him in full up front, and... 410 00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:39,618 he seems so at peace. 411 00:19:39,653 --> 00:19:42,320 All right. All right. 412 00:19:48,761 --> 00:19:51,195 I am such an idiot. 413 00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:52,963 You've got no choice, Richard. 414 00:19:52,998 --> 00:19:55,866 You need to go in to Laurie and just tell her what happened. 415 00:19:55,901 --> 00:19:58,368 What? It's bad enough she's going to find out 416 00:19:58,403 --> 00:20:00,169 what I said after this piece posts online. 417 00:20:00,205 --> 00:20:03,206 You want me to go in and tell her right to her face? 418 00:20:03,242 --> 00:20:04,173 No fucking way. 419 00:20:04,209 --> 00:20:06,643 You could spin it. Tell her you're sorry. 420 00:20:06,678 --> 00:20:09,246 I had it. I had my old CEO job back, 421 00:20:09,281 --> 00:20:11,114 and I fucked it up. 422 00:20:11,149 --> 00:20:12,616 I'll get it. 423 00:20:14,386 --> 00:20:18,387 Ah. The Super Angel Premium Deluxe. 424 00:20:18,422 --> 00:20:20,556 In the flesh. 425 00:20:20,591 --> 00:20:25,193 Yeah, I had to drive to San Mateo to get one that has auto-reverse. 426 00:20:25,229 --> 00:20:26,595 Why didn't you send your assistant? 427 00:20:26,631 --> 00:20:28,731 She was on the phone, so... 428 00:20:28,766 --> 00:20:34,001 Well, Big Head, it takes a brave man to admit his mistakes, 429 00:20:34,036 --> 00:20:36,638 and with this token of apology, 430 00:20:36,673 --> 00:20:38,539 you've officially righted your wrong. 431 00:20:38,575 --> 00:20:41,809 Consider the matter resolved. 432 00:20:41,844 --> 00:20:43,944 Cool. 433 00:20:43,980 --> 00:20:46,714 Traditionally the offender shakes the offendee's hand, 434 00:20:46,750 --> 00:20:49,283 so you would come to me. 435 00:20:50,286 --> 00:20:52,786 That's an honest Thomas. 436 00:20:52,821 --> 00:20:57,291 Gentlemen, Monica, from the ashes of whatever happens here 437 00:20:57,326 --> 00:21:01,861 will rise the Phoenix that shall be known as Bachmanity. 438 00:21:01,897 --> 00:21:04,498 That's what you're going to call your company? 439 00:21:04,533 --> 00:21:07,300 Yeah, well, before it was going to be Bachman Capital. 440 00:21:07,335 --> 00:21:11,404 Because I provide the Bachman, and he provides the capital. 441 00:21:11,439 --> 00:21:15,073 Yeah, but then, we compromised, and made it Bachmanity, 442 00:21:15,109 --> 00:21:21,213 'cause it's Bachman from him, and then the "Etti" from me. So it's two syllables each. 443 00:21:21,248 --> 00:21:25,082 Very much into keeping score, this one. Have a seat. 444 00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:27,885 I'll go fetch the documents and my Montblanc. 445 00:21:27,921 --> 00:21:29,921 Psst! 446 00:21:32,426 --> 00:21:36,428 So, slight hiccup. I tracked down the woman who bought the drive, 447 00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:39,698 but she wasn't interested in selling it back. 448 00:21:39,733 --> 00:21:42,199 Apparently, she's already given it to her elderly father 449 00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:45,202 and booked the Geek Squad to set it up for him this afternoon. 450 00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:48,238 What about my drive? All our stuff is on there. 451 00:21:48,273 --> 00:21:51,908 I think we're fine. She said he mostly uses the computer 452 00:21:51,944 --> 00:21:53,777 to download photos of old ships. 453 00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:57,247 I don't think he'll be able to find our files even if he wanted to. 454 00:21:57,282 --> 00:22:00,650 Well, I mean, hopefully. But still... 455 00:22:00,685 --> 00:22:03,219 Dinesh is right, this is sloppy. 456 00:22:03,254 --> 00:22:04,821 Where does this guy live? 457 00:22:04,856 --> 00:22:07,790 Oh shit, Richard, I'm sorry, man. 458 00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,492 Initial here and here. 459 00:22:09,527 --> 00:22:13,295 No. It's okay. I... I deserve it. It's my own fault. 460 00:22:13,331 --> 00:22:15,063 And you're going to want to sign here. 461 00:22:15,098 --> 00:22:17,799 Still man, that just really sucks. 462 00:22:17,835 --> 00:22:20,702 You know, I bet... I bet you wish you could just scrub the whole Internet, 463 00:22:20,738 --> 00:22:22,070 like Gavin Belson does, right? 464 00:22:22,105 --> 00:22:27,709 Whoa, weird. Every single one of my signatures looks totally different. 465 00:22:27,745 --> 00:22:29,411 - Wait. What? - Yeah, look. 466 00:22:29,446 --> 00:22:32,145 This one's in cursive, this one's just printed, and then I, 467 00:22:32,181 --> 00:22:34,348 one I just wrote "Big Head," but that's not going to hold up. 468 00:22:34,384 --> 00:22:38,986 No, no, no. Did you just say Gavin Belson scrubbed the Internet? 469 00:22:39,021 --> 00:22:40,421 Oh, yeah. 470 00:22:42,124 --> 00:22:44,592 Yeah, and then they told me to my face, 471 00:22:44,627 --> 00:22:46,427 that after Nucleus was shut down, 472 00:22:46,462 --> 00:22:48,528 Gavin had one of his execs order them to scrub 473 00:22:48,563 --> 00:22:52,164 all negative mentions of Nucleus off of Hooli Search. 474 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,933 Wow. 475 00:22:53,968 --> 00:22:55,702 Okay, when exactly did this happen? 476 00:22:55,737 --> 00:22:58,004 No, no. Actually, uh... 477 00:22:58,039 --> 00:23:01,173 you told me that you would spike my story if I give you something better. 478 00:23:01,209 --> 00:23:02,409 This is better, right? 479 00:23:02,444 --> 00:23:05,711 Yeah. Light-years better, actually. Your story's spiked. 480 00:23:05,746 --> 00:23:06,879 Great, okay. 481 00:23:06,914 --> 00:23:09,782 As long as we're trading apples for comparable apples, 482 00:23:09,817 --> 00:23:12,618 I've got a fresh and juicy that's ripe for the picking. 483 00:23:12,653 --> 00:23:15,287 Ms. Cantwell, what say you to an exclusive 484 00:23:15,322 --> 00:23:18,323 on the launch of a future financial behemoth? 485 00:23:18,358 --> 00:23:20,325 How about we just stick with Gavin? 486 00:23:20,360 --> 00:23:22,993 Gavin for Richard? Deal? 487 00:23:23,029 --> 00:23:24,094 Done. 488 00:23:25,097 --> 00:23:28,032 Monica, do you really need to be here? 489 00:23:35,508 --> 00:23:38,543 - Geek Squad. - The computer's right here. 490 00:23:40,679 --> 00:23:43,079 You're not wearing the shirt. 491 00:23:43,114 --> 00:23:45,348 I spilled coffee on it. 492 00:23:45,383 --> 00:23:47,050 I'm a nerd. 493 00:24:06,170 --> 00:24:10,005 All right. We're all set here. 494 00:24:17,013 --> 00:24:18,179 Yes! 495 00:24:18,214 --> 00:24:20,782 Can I have my hard drive? 496 00:24:21,751 --> 00:24:25,453 Oh, no. You fucking dick. 497 00:24:27,991 --> 00:24:29,023 Shit. 498 00:24:33,395 --> 00:24:35,762 You're gonna be replacing it. 499 00:24:42,237 --> 00:24:44,237 You're back. How did the board meeting go? 500 00:24:44,272 --> 00:24:45,672 Well, um... 501 00:24:45,708 --> 00:24:48,674 You're looking at the past, present, 502 00:24:48,710 --> 00:24:52,444 and possibly future CEO of Pied Piper. 503 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:56,649 - That is fab... - Oh... 504 00:24:56,684 --> 00:24:58,651 - Congratulations! - Jared... 505 00:24:58,686 --> 00:24:59,752 My captain! 506 00:24:59,787 --> 00:25:03,022 "O captain! My captain! Rise up and hear the bells. 507 00:25:03,057 --> 00:25:07,425 Rise up... for you the flag is flung... for you the bugle trills." 508 00:25:07,460 --> 00:25:09,761 All right. Dismissed. 509 00:25:09,796 --> 00:25:12,030 Well, uh, just to remind you, 510 00:25:12,065 --> 00:25:14,432 Pied Piper is still a sinking ship, so... 511 00:25:14,467 --> 00:25:16,034 Enough with the maritime metaphors. 512 00:25:16,069 --> 00:25:19,771 This is honestly like the best birthday gift that I ever could've asked for. 513 00:25:19,806 --> 00:25:21,705 - It's your birthday? - Oh, I don't know. 514 00:25:21,741 --> 00:25:24,107 The CPS worker couldn't find my birth certificate, 515 00:25:24,143 --> 00:25:27,011 but... maybe now it is. 516 00:25:27,046 --> 00:25:32,249 And in other good news, we've managed to fill out our engineering team. 517 00:25:32,284 --> 00:25:34,685 Did you tell them that my Fage's off-limits? 518 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,386 Oh, that... that won't be a worry. 519 00:25:36,422 --> 00:25:37,788 Come meet them. 520 00:25:37,823 --> 00:25:40,523 All right, guys, who wants to start work on the fragment uploader? 521 00:25:40,559 --> 00:25:42,959 Uh, Gleb, why don't you and Sanjay take it? 522 00:25:42,994 --> 00:25:44,561 Richard, say hi. 523 00:25:44,596 --> 00:25:47,396 Yes, uh, hello. I am, uh, Richard Hendricks, 524 00:25:47,432 --> 00:25:50,767 the CEO of Pied Piper. Welcome aboard. 525 00:25:50,802 --> 00:25:52,735 - Hello. - What the fuck is going on here? 526 00:25:52,771 --> 00:25:54,704 We got a little creative. 527 00:25:54,739 --> 00:25:57,138 Uh, I read that the woman who started Pegg'd built 528 00:25:57,174 --> 00:26:01,309 her entire app using a team of coders from India, she never met in person. 529 00:26:01,344 --> 00:26:03,745 And it only cost $15,000. 530 00:26:03,781 --> 00:26:05,614 So, yeah, so we figured why limit ourselves 531 00:26:05,649 --> 00:26:07,315 to a few expensive people in the Valley, 532 00:26:07,350 --> 00:26:11,019 when we could afford a full complement if we outsourced? 533 00:26:11,055 --> 00:26:14,455 Uh, Richard, I know we said that we sold everything in the offices 534 00:26:14,490 --> 00:26:18,659 to pay for these guys, but that was not exactly true. 535 00:26:18,695 --> 00:26:20,761 Um, we kept one thing. 536 00:26:20,797 --> 00:26:22,730 Okay. 537 00:26:25,702 --> 00:26:28,102 Oh, wow. It's the CEO chair. 538 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:32,672 Ah. 539 00:26:33,675 --> 00:26:34,708 Have a seat. 540 00:26:34,743 --> 00:26:36,610 Okay. 541 00:26:40,515 --> 00:26:41,748 Okay, uh... 542 00:26:41,783 --> 00:26:44,017 Well, uh, why don't we, uh, 543 00:26:44,052 --> 00:26:48,020 go around the room or screens or whatever, and, uh, introduce ourselves? 544 00:26:49,023 --> 00:26:53,959 Hello, my name is Gleb. I am in Bulgaria. 545 00:26:53,995 --> 00:26:56,996 Hello, I am Sanjay. I am here in Mumbai, India. 546 00:26:57,031 --> 00:26:58,396 - You having trouble? - No. 547 00:26:58,432 --> 00:27:02,134 I am Elisabet. I am speaking to you from Estonia. 548 00:27:02,169 --> 00:27:04,468 Uh, thank you for the... 549 00:27:04,504 --> 00:27:07,005 Whoa! 550 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:08,673 It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. 551 00:27:08,708 --> 00:27:10,708 - I got it. I got it. It's fine. - Dude. 552 00:27:10,744 --> 00:27:13,177 You're making a great first impression. 553 00:27:13,212 --> 00:27:15,513 Sorry. Can we go to the... do the names one more time?