1 00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:40,514 (F) BASTIAN! 2 00:00:43,107 --> 00:00:44,352 BASTIAN! 3 00:00:46,745 --> 00:00:48,170 (M) Hey, are you awake? 4 00:00:48,367 --> 00:00:50,357 In vain I tried not to make noise. 5 00:00:57,129 --> 00:01:01,314 - PASTEVKA - Season one, episode two "Identity Card" 6 00:01:01,338 --> 00:01:06,238 ViruseProject.TV vk.com/viruseproject youtube.com/virusman t.me/viruseproject_tv 7 00:01:06,321 --> 00:01:07,721 Good morning! 8 00:01:07,721 --> 00:01:10,421 Registered letter for Herr PastEvka. Is he home? 9 00:01:10,421 --> 00:01:11,621 Yes, it's me. 10 00:01:11,621 --> 00:01:13,421 Joke! Who doesn't know you! 11 00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:16,754 I was a fan of your week-long show. Even my mother watched it. 12 00:01:16,778 --> 00:01:19,752 You will need an autograph for my device. 13 00:01:19,973 --> 00:01:20,973 Here. 14 00:01:26,243 --> 00:01:27,538 Thank you. 15 00:01:27,562 --> 00:01:28,913 So... 16 00:01:28,937 --> 00:01:33,738 Oh, it looks like a serious office! They probably did something wrong, or didn’t pay taxes. 17 00:01:33,762 --> 00:01:35,654 Or speeding. 18 00:01:35,678 --> 00:01:40,146 Or maybe he killed the cheerful postman, and now I'm being summoned to court. 19 00:01:40,170 --> 00:01:42,493 I understand, Herr PastEvka. I understand. 20 00:01:42,517 --> 00:01:45,368 When you are nervous, you may not say such things. 21 00:01:46,235 --> 00:01:48,148 I was just joking. 22 00:01:48,148 --> 00:01:51,748 Everything is fine, everything is fine! We'll do better next time. 23 00:01:51,748 --> 00:01:53,348 Well, why be offended? 24 00:01:53,348 --> 00:01:58,492 As a person from the GDR, I am constantly asked: What did you have that we didn’t? 25 00:01:58,516 --> 00:02:01,153 Humanity, Herr PastEvka! Humanity! 26 00:02:01,177 --> 00:02:04,233 We treated each other like human beings! It's clear!? 27 00:02:05,614 --> 00:02:07,114 Seek happiness there! 28 00:02:07,985 --> 00:02:09,585 What did you say? 29 00:02:09,786 --> 00:02:11,386 So that I can go back home? 30 00:02:11,386 --> 00:02:13,386 No, good luck there - with Frau Bruck. 31 00:02:13,386 --> 00:02:17,386 I understood you perfectly. You meant for me to go away! 32 00:02:17,386 --> 00:02:20,786 Do you know what my family had to sacrifice, to come here? 33 00:02:20,786 --> 00:02:22,786 I didn't mean anything like that. 34 00:02:22,786 --> 00:02:25,086 We barely escaped from there, Herr PastEvka. 35 00:02:25,086 --> 00:02:27,481 In 1984, on an inflatable boat! 36 00:02:27,505 --> 00:02:30,505 I said, “Good luck there,” meaning my neighbor! 37 00:02:30,505 --> 00:02:31,905 Do you know what it's like? 38 00:02:31,905 --> 00:02:33,305 She's a real dragon! 39 00:02:33,305 --> 00:02:35,805 You really better hold your tongue! 40 00:02:35,805 --> 00:02:37,505 You are abnormal! What's wrong with that!? 41 00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:43,058 Am I crazy? Yes, more normal than you! And unlike you, I retained my humanity! 42 00:02:43,058 --> 00:02:45,458 What are you carrying? What do you have to do with it? 43 00:02:45,458 --> 00:02:46,758 (F) What is it here? 44 00:02:46,758 --> 00:02:49,558 Ah, Pastevka! Everything is clear, who else? 45 00:02:49,558 --> 00:02:51,458 (M) Nothing is clear! What do you want? 46 00:02:51,458 --> 00:02:54,444 I will not allow some TV star to insult me! 47 00:02:54,444 --> 00:02:56,644 (F) Yes, yes, yes, he’s a master at this! 48 00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:57,744 (M) Well, of course. 49 00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:00,044 I'm an honest person doing honest work... 50 00:03:00,068 --> 00:03:02,318 That's it, I'm tired of it! All the best! 51 00:03:02,342 --> 00:03:04,355 Nobody has complained about me yet! 52 00:03:06,322 --> 00:03:09,235 Listen, maybe you can take Helmut Krauss right away? 53 00:03:09,325 --> 00:03:10,965 Of course, this is... 54 00:03:10,989 --> 00:03:16,412 Of course you recognize Helmut Krauss. Do you remember that one? the fat neighbor from the children's TV series "Dandelion"? 55 00:03:16,436 --> 00:03:18,484 It will be great! I'm sure! 56 00:03:18,508 --> 00:03:20,100 Yes! Okay, Regina. 57 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,671 Everything is clear. See you soon! 58 00:03:22,283 --> 00:03:23,656 (F) Good morning, my love! 59 00:03:23,656 --> 00:03:24,899 (M) Good morning! 60 00:03:28,427 --> 00:03:29,762 (F) Will you have breakfast with me? 61 00:03:29,786 --> 00:03:33,722 (M) No, on the way. You must submit an application to the passport office. 62 00:03:33,722 --> 00:03:37,422 Confirmation of the loss has arrived from Russia. Regina will give me a lift. 63 00:03:37,422 --> 00:03:39,922 (G) Will you pick up a parcel for me at the post office? 64 00:03:39,922 --> 00:03:43,218 (M) You know, me and Helmut Krauss must be at the recording studio at 5 o'clock. 65 00:03:43,242 --> 00:03:44,342 (F) Why? 66 00:03:44,342 --> 00:03:49,831 (M) We will voice two arrogant vegetables in a new cartoon. Something like Finding Nemo. 67 00:03:49,994 --> 00:03:52,024 (F) And you are two talking vegetables? 68 00:03:52,048 --> 00:03:54,248 (M) Yes, I'm Artie - a baby artichoke. 69 00:03:54,248 --> 00:03:57,491 And Helmut Krauss - Eddie, celery is the leader of the vegetable uprising. 70 00:03:57,515 --> 00:04:01,215 (F) Well, since you are so busy, I'll play it safe and go get the parcel myself. 71 00:04:01,215 --> 00:04:04,290 (M) What does “play it safe” mean? Am I not able to pick up the parcel? 72 00:04:08,086 --> 00:04:09,520 (G) This is an important premise. 73 00:04:09,544 --> 00:04:12,244 Today we are celebrating Kim's birthday. 74 00:04:12,244 --> 00:04:13,272 (M) With us? 75 00:04:14,260 --> 00:04:15,860 Why not HAgen? 76 00:04:15,860 --> 00:04:18,060 (F) He has a date. He'll come later. 77 00:04:18,060 --> 00:04:21,284 (M) HAgen dating a lady on his daughter's birthday? 78 00:04:22,509 --> 00:04:24,100 What an asshole! 79 00:04:24,670 --> 00:04:26,471 What did he say to the little toad? 80 00:04:26,495 --> 00:04:30,411 (F) And you keep your mouth shut. He went for an interview for his daughter. 81 00:04:30,435 --> 00:04:32,720 (M) That's how it is! Wonderful father! 82 00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:35,243 (G) Here is the notice. 83 00:04:35,772 --> 00:04:37,659 I'll cross this out. 84 00:04:37,893 --> 00:04:40,190 And this is a power of attorney receipt from me. 85 00:04:44,283 --> 00:04:47,171 Are you sure it will be better this way? 86 00:04:49,829 --> 00:04:51,125 (M) Yes, what’s wrong? 87 00:04:53,825 --> 00:04:57,925 Yes, of course. This is understandable. I just thought that this artichoke... 88 00:04:57,966 --> 00:05:01,185 I thought it was better to speak in a high voice. That's it... 89 00:05:01,185 --> 00:05:03,736 "Hey, vegetarians shouldn't eat meaty tomatoes!" 90 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:05,039 For example. 91 00:05:05,664 --> 00:05:06,838 Below? 92 00:05:07,110 --> 00:05:11,575 You want..? The celery should speak in a low voice. We need to somehow... 93 00:05:11,599 --> 00:05:13,551 Or maybe taller? 94 00:05:13,551 --> 00:05:16,251 "Hey, vegetarians shouldn't eat meaty tomatoes!" 95 00:05:16,251 --> 00:05:17,519 Like this, for example. 96 00:05:17,543 --> 00:05:18,729 Yes. 97 00:05:19,764 --> 00:05:23,205 Okay... then we'll discuss everything in the studio, right? 98 00:05:23,529 --> 00:05:25,129 Clear. You are a director. 99 00:05:25,129 --> 00:05:27,529 Yes, see you soon. Thank you. Bye. 100 00:05:27,529 --> 00:05:29,529 (F) I would voice the artichoke in a low voice. 101 00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:31,104 Artichoke. 102 00:05:31,104 --> 00:05:35,128 (M) It won't work. The fact is that this is a baby artichoke. 103 00:05:35,348 --> 00:05:37,459 In addition, Helmut Krauss will be there. 104 00:05:37,459 --> 00:05:41,009 How will he voice celery? Of course, in a low voice. 105 00:05:41,033 --> 00:05:45,433 (G) I see. By the way, you can't be late. The studio only gave us one hour. 106 00:05:45,433 --> 00:05:48,209 (M) Forgive me, stupid artichoke, but you eat like an eggplant. 107 00:05:52,818 --> 00:05:57,011 Listen, am I experiencing deja vu, or is this the 12th time we’ve passed through here? 108 00:05:57,035 --> 00:05:58,597 (F) I'm looking for where to park. 109 00:06:00,322 --> 00:06:02,135 (M) We are like fish in an aquarium. 110 00:06:05,519 --> 00:06:07,027 (F) There is one place! 111 00:06:07,165 --> 00:06:09,479 (M) Carefully, carefully, he is backing away. 112 00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,653 (F) Those who didn’t have time were late. 113 00:06:11,677 --> 00:06:15,132 (M) That was a bad idea. He saw the place first. 114 00:06:15,132 --> 00:06:16,346 What the hell!? 115 00:06:18,648 --> 00:06:20,503 I wanted to stand here. 116 00:06:20,503 --> 00:06:22,122 (F) What were you waiting for? 117 00:06:22,122 --> 00:06:25,622 (M) I parked in reverse. Who knew some goat would show up? 118 00:06:25,622 --> 00:06:29,022 So calm. Why become rude? Regina... 119 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:31,164 I didn’t expect this from you, Herr PastEvka. 120 00:06:31,755 --> 00:06:34,794 What do I have to do with it? I'm a passenger. 121 00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:38,294 (F) Be a man and find yourself another parking spot! Horror! 122 00:06:38,294 --> 00:06:41,251 (M) Let's get out of here! This is my place! 123 00:06:41,251 --> 00:06:43,886 The place is not yours! You didn't buy it. 124 00:06:44,411 --> 00:06:47,611 It's a shame that people don't know what an asshole you are, Herr PastEvka. 125 00:06:47,611 --> 00:06:50,881 Is this an English car? Do you see right hand drive here? 126 00:06:51,438 --> 00:06:53,461 Regina, he has the right to this place. 127 00:06:53,485 --> 00:06:56,271 (F) Fuck it. Shut your mouth, puppy! 128 00:06:56,295 --> 00:06:57,295 (M) Stop it! 129 00:06:57,295 --> 00:06:59,319 You won't get away with this. 130 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:03,500 (F) That's it! Roll to the cops! Let them laugh at you there too! 131 00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:04,933 (M) Regina, that's enough! 132 00:07:06,580 --> 00:07:09,456 Hello! Donate to circus animals! 133 00:07:09,702 --> 00:07:10,702 What? 134 00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:13,745 Where is your Lama? Usually you go with a llama. 135 00:07:13,769 --> 00:07:17,183 There is no use asking him! He won't even give up a parking space! 136 00:07:17,207 --> 00:07:19,681 Oh, listen! Enough already! 137 00:07:20,017 --> 00:07:21,899 Look! Attentively! 138 00:07:21,923 --> 00:07:23,569 Here's my donation. 139 00:07:24,232 --> 00:07:25,232 Like this. 140 00:07:25,256 --> 00:07:28,183 I wonder how much you will donate for a new llama? 141 00:07:32,769 --> 00:07:33,769 Thank you. 142 00:07:34,532 --> 00:07:36,713 No, I got excited. Let's do it like this. 143 00:07:36,737 --> 00:07:38,408 Here, take some change. 144 00:07:38,432 --> 00:07:39,638 Like this. 145 00:07:40,837 --> 00:07:42,839 Yeah, great. Have a good day! 146 00:07:45,501 --> 00:07:47,099 (F) Bastian, do you have any change? 147 00:07:47,123 --> 00:07:48,477 (M) Otherwise. 148 00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,525 No, I gave all my change to the guy from the circus. 149 00:07:52,549 --> 00:07:53,619 (F) Damn. 150 00:07:53,643 --> 00:07:55,643 (M) Yes, I gave everything to the lama, but I have to pay. 151 00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:58,772 (G) I'm tired of getting fines. Already hit 4 times this week. 152 00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:01,878 (M) Do you know what my stupid neighbor is doing? 153 00:08:01,878 --> 00:08:04,474 She stuffs something into the coin slot. 154 00:08:04,474 --> 00:08:09,327 And then he puts a note under the windshield. "The parking machine didn't work." 155 00:08:09,351 --> 00:08:10,675 (F) Not stupid. 156 00:08:10,910 --> 00:08:14,432 (M) But it’s illegal. Although if Brooke can do it..? 157 00:08:15,090 --> 00:08:16,290 (F) I'll look for a pen. 158 00:08:16,290 --> 00:08:17,497 (M) And I’ll give you a piece of paper. 159 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:18,897 So. 160 00:08:20,976 --> 00:08:25,960 Those who can pull it out will see an advertisement for this stupid circus with llamas. 161 00:08:29,097 --> 00:08:30,153 Like this. 162 00:08:30,253 --> 00:08:33,258 I didn't think being a petty criminal was so funny. 163 00:08:45,216 --> 00:08:46,216 Good afternoon. 164 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:47,240 (F) Hello. 165 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:51,903 (M) I would like to get a new ID card. The old one was stolen in Russia. Here... 166 00:08:51,903 --> 00:08:52,903 (F) No need. 167 00:08:52,903 --> 00:08:54,403 (M) Don't you need confirmation? 168 00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,403 (F) Here is the coupon. Wait your turn. 169 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,903 (M) I waited for him for a month and a half. 170 00:08:57,903 --> 00:09:00,245 (F) Here is the coupon, wait. Fourth window. 171 00:09:01,934 --> 00:09:03,934 (M) Is ​​it possible to shorten it somehow? 172 00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:04,834 (F) No. 173 00:09:04,834 --> 00:09:07,018 You see that this is Bastian PastEvka? 174 00:09:07,018 --> 00:09:08,305 (M) No need, Regina. 175 00:09:08,329 --> 00:09:09,985 (F) Yes, even the Pope. 176 00:09:10,009 --> 00:09:11,152 What do you want? 177 00:09:11,152 --> 00:09:12,752 (M) Have you seen the Pope? 178 00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,352 (G) I need a parking permit. 179 00:09:14,376 --> 00:09:15,576 (M) Did you hear? 180 00:09:15,576 --> 00:09:16,776 (G) Second window. 181 00:09:16,776 --> 00:09:18,371 (M) What about Mama Rimskaya? 182 00:09:19,588 --> 00:09:21,664 (F) Oh, it’s my turn. 183 00:09:22,118 --> 00:09:24,118 (M) P..p..why so fast? 184 00:09:24,118 --> 00:09:25,174 (F) No idea. 185 00:09:32,149 --> 00:09:33,578 (M) Hello, star! 186 00:09:36,432 --> 00:09:40,432 Look, it's not my turn soon. Can I go away for a while? 187 00:09:40,432 --> 00:09:43,388 (G) How do I know whether it’s possible or not? I'm not your mother. 188 00:09:43,579 --> 00:09:46,829 (M) Absolutely right. Although there is something similar. 189 00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:47,806 (F) What? 190 00:09:48,934 --> 00:09:52,051 (M) See you soon. I wish you a good working day. 191 00:10:05,374 --> 00:10:08,051 Good afternoon. I would like to pick up a parcel. 192 00:10:08,051 --> 00:10:11,392 (F) Of course, Herr PastEvka. Then I need notice. 193 00:10:11,416 --> 00:10:13,092 (M) Of course. Here you are. 194 00:10:14,415 --> 00:10:19,683 (G) It was written out for Anna-Maria LEifert, and on the reverse side everything is crossed out. 195 00:10:19,707 --> 00:10:25,107 (M) Oh, exactly. This is my friend. I have a receipt. She asked me to pick it up. 196 00:10:25,107 --> 00:10:26,307 Here you are. 197 00:10:29,742 --> 00:10:33,734 (F) Here I only see dates performances with the lamas of the Kvaks circus. 198 00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,143 (M) What? Can't be. 199 00:10:36,562 --> 00:10:38,412 Just a second... I have it... 200 00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:40,856 Damn. 201 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:41,880 (F) Lost? 202 00:10:42,853 --> 00:10:43,853 (M) Worse. 203 00:10:46,032 --> 00:10:49,247 Could you just give me the package? You know me. 204 00:10:49,426 --> 00:10:51,735 (F) Yes. But the package is not for you. 205 00:10:52,490 --> 00:10:56,190 (M) Yes, as I already said, the package is for my friend. I did have a receipt. 206 00:10:56,190 --> 00:10:58,190 The newspapers wrote that he had no girlfriend. 207 00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:02,369 Oh yeah? I assure you, we have been dating for two whole years! And we even sleep together. 208 00:11:02,369 --> 00:11:06,067 I need this package. This is a gift for my niece. 209 00:11:06,067 --> 00:11:09,367 She has problems with nutrition. She will vomit all over my apartment. 210 00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:13,567 (F) Not everyone who has eating problems vomits. Bad joke, Herr PastEvka. 211 00:11:13,567 --> 00:11:14,967 People are suffering. 212 00:11:15,974 --> 00:11:19,340 (M) Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I didn't know that you... 213 00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:21,864 (F) I know I have a fat ass. 214 00:11:21,888 --> 00:11:25,349 (M) What? No. That's not what I wanted to say. Vice versa. 215 00:11:25,373 --> 00:11:29,535 You're plump, but not that plump... You look great. 216 00:11:29,535 --> 00:11:30,884 It suits you. 217 00:11:30,884 --> 00:11:32,807 (F) Oh, yes? What is it going to? 218 00:11:32,831 --> 00:11:34,329 To my fat ass? 219 00:11:35,205 --> 00:11:37,200 (M) A..a..what about the parcel? 220 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,700 (G) Without a power of attorney receipt, I can’t do anything. 221 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,770 Sorry, I'm going out to puke. 222 00:11:41,770 --> 00:11:43,382 (M) Oh, okay, sorry! 223 00:11:44,643 --> 00:11:45,643 Infection! 224 00:11:57,664 --> 00:11:58,664 No! 225 00:11:58,688 --> 00:11:59,949 No, no, no! 226 00:12:08,348 --> 00:12:10,006 This is timing! 227 00:12:13,938 --> 00:12:15,347 Just look! 228 00:12:16,263 --> 00:12:17,263 Hello! 229 00:12:17,287 --> 00:12:19,799 It's a small world. Isn't it true, Herr PastEvka? 230 00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:20,887 Yes... 231 00:12:21,334 --> 00:12:23,578 You misunderstood me then. 232 00:12:23,602 --> 00:12:26,675 If I were driving, then, of course, I would give way to you. 233 00:12:27,743 --> 00:12:29,749 How can I help, Herr PastEvka? 234 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:34,705 In Russia my identity card was stolen. Here is confirmation of the theft... 235 00:12:34,729 --> 00:12:37,912 It won't be needed. Do you have your birth certificate with you? 236 00:12:38,611 --> 00:12:41,183 No. But.. it.. uh... 237 00:12:41,207 --> 00:12:43,419 Last time I received my ID... 238 00:12:43,419 --> 00:12:46,894 With every new application You must provide a birth certificate. 239 00:12:46,918 --> 00:12:49,377 Yes. But I don't have it with me. 240 00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:50,966 I got it. 241 00:12:51,059 --> 00:12:55,952 Therefore, I ask you to come again, but already with a certificate. 242 00:12:55,952 --> 00:12:58,152 But.. I waited for an hour! 243 00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:01,152 Come on. That's how long I spent looking for a parking spot. 244 00:13:01,152 --> 00:13:03,669 Well, what about going for pistols and seconds? 245 00:13:03,669 --> 00:13:07,946 Herr PastEvka, the next client wants to be served. 246 00:13:11,969 --> 00:13:13,430 (F) Can I have an autograph? 247 00:13:13,497 --> 00:13:15,360 (M) Yes, of course. What's your name? 248 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,398 (F) ZhanIn. 249 00:13:20,246 --> 00:13:21,146 (M) Please. 250 00:13:21,146 --> 00:13:22,046 (F) Thank you. 251 00:13:22,046 --> 00:13:23,625 (M) Zhanin, will you do me a favor? 252 00:13:23,625 --> 00:13:24,625 (F) Of course. 253 00:13:24,649 --> 00:13:26,165 (M) Will you write something for me? 254 00:13:39,595 --> 00:13:40,778 Well... 255 00:13:45,374 --> 00:13:46,374 Just a second. 256 00:13:46,398 --> 00:13:48,103 Yes, Regina? 257 00:13:48,670 --> 00:13:51,370 Oh my God! I completely forgot about Helmut Krauss! 258 00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:53,796 And now he...? No! 259 00:13:54,073 --> 00:13:56,634 Don't let him go. I'll be there in 5 minutes! 260 00:13:56,658 --> 00:13:58,096 Yes, I see. Bye! 261 00:13:59,824 --> 00:14:00,824 (F) Goat! 262 00:14:16,312 --> 00:14:17,312 (M) Helmut! 263 00:14:17,626 --> 00:14:20,068 Hey Bastian, what happened? 264 00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:21,479 Oh, thank you. 265 00:14:21,503 --> 00:14:25,062 I'm sorry, please. I was at the passport office, then at the post office... 266 00:14:25,488 --> 00:14:27,886 It didn't turn out the way I imagined. 267 00:14:27,886 --> 00:14:29,886 It's not difficult for me to wait a little. 268 00:14:29,886 --> 00:14:33,886 I think it's about duplication two stupid vegetables can already be forgotten. 269 00:14:33,910 --> 00:14:38,610 Everything is fine. My manager has already agreed. We'll duplicate it tomorrow morning. 270 00:14:38,610 --> 00:14:40,110 You can spend the night at my place. 271 00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:41,510 I can go to the hotel. 272 00:14:41,510 --> 00:14:45,110 No, I invite you. We can rehearse at the same time in the evening. 273 00:14:45,110 --> 00:14:46,405 So go ahead. 274 00:14:46,429 --> 00:14:48,929 Listen, let's go to the post office first, okay? 275 00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:53,733 Let's pick up a gift for my little fat niece. It's her birthday today. 276 00:14:53,942 --> 00:14:56,642 I don't care. You are the boss. 277 00:14:56,642 --> 00:14:57,995 Let me help. 278 00:14:58,348 --> 00:15:01,648 Look, about the duplication... I have to ask. 279 00:15:01,648 --> 00:15:05,488 Celery... you're going to voice it in a low voice, right? 280 00:15:05,512 --> 00:15:06,958 No, tall. 281 00:15:07,103 --> 00:15:09,026 I think maybe falsetto. 282 00:15:09,050 --> 00:15:10,460 For example... 283 00:15:10,983 --> 00:15:13,983 Hey you cucumbers! Why are you so salty? 284 00:15:14,142 --> 00:15:20,177 Yes, but I have a baby artichoke, it’s small, and falsetto, it seems to me, suits him exactly. 285 00:15:20,201 --> 00:15:25,801 Understand? But you are the leader of the vegetable uprising, and his voice should be low. 286 00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:27,073 No. Why? 287 00:15:27,097 --> 00:15:32,000 Because he is an authority! “Hey, you cucumbers, get the hell out of here.” 288 00:15:32,024 --> 00:15:33,158 Understand? 289 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:36,782 I speak in a low voice all the time. Now imagine the voice of a strawberry. 290 00:15:36,782 --> 00:15:37,882 What strawberry? 291 00:15:37,882 --> 00:15:38,882 Ordinary. 292 00:15:38,882 --> 00:15:40,382 I have never duplicated strawberries. 293 00:15:40,382 --> 00:15:42,829 And I do. A film about radishes and strawberries. 294 00:15:42,829 --> 00:15:45,754 These are completely different things. One is a vegetable, and the second is a berry. 295 00:15:46,388 --> 00:15:50,484 I have no choice. I'm voicing a little baby artichoke. 296 00:15:50,484 --> 00:15:52,113 I'll be quick. 297 00:15:52,829 --> 00:15:54,508 Hello, I would like... 298 00:15:55,847 --> 00:15:57,041 Oh no. 299 00:15:57,421 --> 00:15:59,452 Ah, I know you. 300 00:15:59,476 --> 00:16:02,447 You're the neighbor from the TV series "Cornflower"? 301 00:16:02,471 --> 00:16:05,606 "Dandelion". But it hasn't been removed for a long time. 302 00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:08,213 What a shame. We loved him so much. 303 00:16:08,237 --> 00:16:10,937 Yeah. Today they don’t film this anymore. 304 00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:12,409 Greetings, Herr PastEvka. 305 00:16:12,433 --> 00:16:15,039 I would like to pick up a parcel for my friend. 306 00:16:15,203 --> 00:16:17,864 Here's the receipt...please. 307 00:16:17,888 --> 00:16:20,171 No need. I know you. 308 00:16:20,995 --> 00:16:22,289 Wait. 309 00:16:22,772 --> 00:16:25,351 It can't be your friend's handwriting. 310 00:16:25,949 --> 00:16:28,948 The newspapers wrote that he had no girlfriend. I read. 311 00:16:28,948 --> 00:16:31,042 What nonsense? I have a girlfriend. 312 00:16:31,066 --> 00:16:33,087 Don't fool me. 313 00:16:33,111 --> 00:16:36,591 It's fake written by some fourteen year old girl. 314 00:16:36,615 --> 00:16:39,449 In the GDR I worked as a graphologist. 315 00:16:39,473 --> 00:16:41,307 Ah, Stasi, right? 316 00:16:41,331 --> 00:16:45,681 I won't allow myself to be bullied! I didn't expect this from you. 317 00:16:45,681 --> 00:16:48,569 I didn't expect this from you. 318 00:16:48,593 --> 00:16:51,492 Why from me? I'm not a commie. 319 00:16:51,516 --> 00:16:52,526 Communy? 320 00:16:52,550 --> 00:16:56,550 Do you know what my family had to go through? to get to the west? 321 00:16:56,550 --> 00:16:59,416 Now he will talk about his mother and the inflatable boat. 322 00:16:59,416 --> 00:17:01,916 It’s a sin to laugh at this, Herr PastEvka. 323 00:17:01,916 --> 00:17:03,416 Can I pick up the parcel? 324 00:17:03,416 --> 00:17:07,416 Like me, you know very well that this is a forgery of a document! 325 00:17:07,416 --> 00:17:10,434 I should report this to the police, Herr PastEvka! 326 00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:12,458 Not to the authorities in East Berlin. 327 00:17:12,458 --> 00:17:13,458 Helmut... 328 00:17:13,458 --> 00:17:17,958 I've had enough! I always did my job honestly and efficiently! 329 00:17:17,958 --> 00:17:23,958 The Stasi almost arrested my Brother! Mom, with a bad heart, fled to the west on an inflatable boat. 330 00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:26,994 That's what he said! Let's go! 331 00:17:27,018 --> 00:17:29,018 I'll pick up the parcel another time. 332 00:17:29,018 --> 00:17:30,212 Good idea. 333 00:17:30,212 --> 00:17:31,995 I've always been kind to people... 334 00:17:31,995 --> 00:17:33,995 Yes, yes, yes! Goodbye! 335 00:17:33,995 --> 00:17:37,436 Not for me insulted by some pompous TV stars! 336 00:17:39,444 --> 00:17:41,444 Ay-ay-ay! And where do they get these? 337 00:17:41,444 --> 00:17:43,016 What to give your niece? 338 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:44,299 How old is she? 339 00:17:44,323 --> 00:17:45,969 14 or 15. 340 00:17:45,993 --> 00:17:47,471 What is her hobby? 341 00:17:47,495 --> 00:17:49,091 Getting carried away? Food. 342 00:17:49,115 --> 00:17:52,984 She is constantly chewing something. She could be your niece. 343 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,163 I have an idea. 344 00:18:09,457 --> 00:18:10,785 (F) This is him. 345 00:18:10,809 --> 00:18:12,265 It's about time, right? 346 00:18:12,289 --> 00:18:13,585 Present! 347 00:18:15,476 --> 00:18:17,069 (M) Surprise! 348 00:18:17,962 --> 00:18:21,864 Hi Kim. Hello Anna. Guess who I brought! 349 00:18:25,609 --> 00:18:27,355 Well? How do you like the gift? 350 00:18:27,734 --> 00:18:32,201 This is my friend Anna, this is my niece Kim, and this is Helmut Krauss. 351 00:18:32,225 --> 00:18:36,244 Better known as neighbor Herr PaschUlke from the children's series "Dandelion"! 352 00:18:36,244 --> 00:18:41,240 And also as the official voice of Samuel L. Jackson. In Pulp Fiction, right? 353 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,117 Okay, Bastian. 354 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:46,280 Nice to meet you. 355 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,280 Hello. 356 00:18:47,304 --> 00:18:49,605 Well, Kim, you didn't expect this, did you? 357 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,629 (F) No. 358 00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,343 (M) Happy Birthday! 359 00:18:55,796 --> 00:18:57,204 So... 360 00:18:57,972 --> 00:18:59,265 (F) Did you take the parcel? 361 00:19:00,433 --> 00:19:02,230 (M) There was a small problem. 362 00:19:02,254 --> 00:19:04,654 (F) Oh, no, Bastian, I was counting on you. 363 00:19:04,654 --> 00:19:08,226 (M) There was a problem at the post office. You know our new postman. 364 00:19:08,226 --> 00:19:09,458 (F) Yes, good man. 365 00:19:09,458 --> 00:19:12,458 (M) Yes.. no. And he is from the GDR, and this is immediately obvious. 366 00:19:12,458 --> 00:19:13,458 (F) What are you talking about? 367 00:19:13,458 --> 00:19:17,186 (M) Your kind postman did not want to give the parcel. 368 00:19:17,210 --> 00:19:19,010 He didn't believe your receipt. 369 00:19:19,010 --> 00:19:20,310 Helmut will confirm. 370 00:19:20,310 --> 00:19:21,937 Yes, a strange guy. 371 00:19:22,374 --> 00:19:23,922 (F) I told you so. 372 00:19:24,774 --> 00:19:26,653 (M) What delicious burgers. 373 00:19:26,677 --> 00:19:29,331 (F) Please have a seat. Help yourself. 374 00:19:29,355 --> 00:19:31,611 Why a receipt? Does he know you? 375 00:19:31,611 --> 00:19:36,483 (M) Oh, let's forget about the parcel. Because Helmut and I came up with something better. 376 00:19:36,483 --> 00:19:37,583 Yes, Helmut? 377 00:19:38,247 --> 00:19:40,636 What a delicious burger! 378 00:19:40,660 --> 00:19:44,276 Like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction. Yes, Kim? 379 00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:46,678 Are we happy, Vincent? 380 00:19:46,702 --> 00:19:48,095 I'm trudged! 381 00:19:48,873 --> 00:19:50,573 (F) What about the gift, Bastian? 382 00:19:50,573 --> 00:19:52,193 (M) Yes, of course! 383 00:19:55,164 --> 00:19:56,370 Attention! 384 00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:58,562 This is a stunning gift. 385 00:19:58,936 --> 00:19:59,936 Open it up. 386 00:20:07,609 --> 00:20:09,243 (F) What is this? 387 00:20:09,267 --> 00:20:13,750 (M) This is "Gimnik" - an electric vibration massager for the waist. 388 00:20:14,510 --> 00:20:19,299 You don't like the gym. And so we thought sit in front of the TV and let the baby... 389 00:20:21,642 --> 00:20:23,231 does all the work for you. 390 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,336 (F) What an ass you are, Bastian! 391 00:20:26,795 --> 00:20:28,510 (M) Actually, this is Helmut's idea. 392 00:20:28,510 --> 00:20:30,507 What? No, no, no! 393 00:20:30,531 --> 00:20:33,031 You said yourself that she is fat and insatiable. 394 00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:34,431 She's not fat at all. 395 00:20:34,455 --> 00:20:36,855 (F) What the hell!? Look at yourself! 396 00:20:36,855 --> 00:20:38,688 (M) At least I gave flowers. 397 00:20:38,688 --> 00:20:40,401 Which I gave you. 398 00:20:41,376 --> 00:20:43,258 (F) Why are you giving him flowers? 399 00:20:43,282 --> 00:20:45,482 When was the last time you gave me flowers? 400 00:20:45,482 --> 00:20:47,982 (M) Actually, they were for the fat woman at the post office. 401 00:20:47,982 --> 00:20:49,200 (F) How interesting. 402 00:20:49,224 --> 00:20:51,300 You can take it back! 403 00:20:51,324 --> 00:20:54,963 (M) You yourself complained that you couldn’t fit into your clothes. So I thought... 404 00:20:55,526 --> 00:20:58,899 (F) Then put this massager on your head and let it vibrate! 405 00:21:00,479 --> 00:21:01,779 (M) Dear girl! 406 00:21:01,779 --> 00:21:02,785 What are you doing? 407 00:21:02,785 --> 00:21:06,257 (F) Now I’m angry too! Was it difficult to pick up the parcel? 408 00:21:06,281 --> 00:21:10,911 (M) What is it all about? Because of that stupid postman who is offended by everyone? 409 00:21:12,792 --> 00:21:14,004 Who else is this? 410 00:21:14,028 --> 00:21:15,228 (F) Maybe dad? 411 00:21:15,228 --> 00:21:17,141 (M) He's dating some lady. 412 00:21:17,141 --> 00:21:18,141 (F) What? 413 00:21:18,165 --> 00:21:20,702 (M) I meant the lady from the employment service. 414 00:21:20,726 --> 00:21:22,436 (F) Go ahead! 415 00:21:23,464 --> 00:21:24,958 (M) Kim, this is... 416 00:21:24,982 --> 00:21:26,396 Have a sip of something. 417 00:21:26,420 --> 00:21:27,528 Yes, exactly. 418 00:21:28,310 --> 00:21:29,310 Congratulations. 419 00:21:31,235 --> 00:21:32,235 (F) BASTIAN! 420 00:21:34,299 --> 00:21:36,133 Gentleman from the law enforcement service. 421 00:21:36,502 --> 00:21:38,346 It's better for you to hear it for yourself. 422 00:21:39,968 --> 00:21:40,968 (M) Hello. 423 00:21:40,968 --> 00:21:44,968 Herr PastEvka. This receipt with your name... 424 00:21:44,968 --> 00:21:51,965 I found it folded in the slot of a parking meter in the parking lot near the passport office. 425 00:21:51,989 --> 00:21:55,707 She was put there... by force. 426 00:21:57,074 --> 00:21:59,361 Can you guess how she got there? 427 00:22:07,451 --> 00:22:08,887 Fine. Scene two. 428 00:22:08,911 --> 00:22:10,511 Evening came. 429 00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:13,724 Silence. The potatoes talk quietly. 430 00:22:13,979 --> 00:22:17,654 Artie, the artichoke, has come to the celery, Eddie. 431 00:22:17,678 --> 00:22:21,037 "Eddie, hurry up! We have a problem with the black roots!" 432 00:22:21,061 --> 00:22:22,346 Sorry, Artie! 433 00:22:22,346 --> 00:22:26,693 But no one says "black roots" anymore. That's right - "roots of African-American origin." 434 00:22:26,717 --> 00:22:31,148 Helmut, speak in a low voice. It feels like Eddie Murphy and Jar Jar Binks meet. 435 00:22:31,172 --> 00:22:34,599 I always say low. I would like it tall. 436 00:22:34,623 --> 00:22:36,672 Then voice the pickled cucumber. 437 00:22:36,696 --> 00:22:38,584 The pickled cucumber is already taken. 438 00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:40,401 Kim, what do you like best? 439 00:22:41,437 --> 00:22:43,739 (G) A film in which none of you are involved. 440 00:22:44,972 --> 00:22:48,159 (M) This is the offended birthday boy. 441 00:22:48,159 --> 00:22:49,444 Anna, did you hear? 442 00:22:56,073 --> 00:22:57,254 Dad? 443 00:22:57,658 --> 00:22:58,725 Hello Bastian. 444 00:22:58,874 --> 00:23:02,611 (F) You know, if you don’t want to, say so! I'm tired... 445 00:23:02,635 --> 00:23:03,860 (M) What is this? 446 00:23:06,556 --> 00:23:08,846 Well, we can go to Grandma Geti. 447 00:23:08,870 --> 00:23:10,770 Geti's grandmother died 4 years ago. 448 00:23:10,770 --> 00:23:11,970 2 years ago. 449 00:23:11,970 --> 00:23:15,787 I know she died, HAgen! I meant in the cemetery! 450 00:23:17,494 --> 00:23:19,723 Can we have some more... water? 451 00:23:19,747 --> 00:23:21,546 Thank you. 452 00:23:21,570 --> 00:23:29,570 ViruseProject.TV