1 00:00:02,156 --> 00:00:03,865 [Man On TV] Riley Morton coming up now. 2 00:00:03,949 --> 00:00:06,785 Kelly at second. Started the inning with a double. 3 00:00:06,870 --> 00:00:08,495 That seems like an hour ago. 4 00:00:08,580 --> 00:00:11,041 - Honey, I thought you were gonna take out the garbage. - I am. 5 00:00:11,125 --> 00:00:15,503 High fly to right. Hooking, hooking- Foul. [Crowd Jeers] 6 00:00:15,588 --> 00:00:18,257 - Phil. - Yes. Getting it. 7 00:00:18,342 --> 00:00:22,595 Good guys trail 3-2, last of the ninth, one out- 8 00:00:22,721 --> 00:00:25,849 I was- I was gonna get it. [Man Continues On TV] 9 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,227 Dylan. Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. 10 00:00:29,312 --> 00:00:31,856 Um, I'm just waiting for Haley. 11 00:00:31,982 --> 00:00:33,983 Did you ring the bell? I texted. 12 00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:36,027 She said she'd be down in just a minute. 13 00:00:36,153 --> 00:00:38,822 Oh, great. Tell her I said "Hi." I will. 14 00:00:38,907 --> 00:00:41,408 Dylan! D-Money! 15 00:00:41,493 --> 00:00:43,620 Chillin' with Dylan the villain! 16 00:00:43,746 --> 00:00:45,747 "D" to the "Y" to the- Hey, Mr. Dunphy. 17 00:00:45,831 --> 00:00:46,956 Hey! Come on in. 18 00:00:47,041 --> 00:00:49,000 You're just in time to catch the end of the game. 19 00:00:49,085 --> 00:00:50,753 Oh, I'm not really a baseball guy. 20 00:00:50,837 --> 00:00:52,254 [Phone Beeps] Haley says "Hi." 21 00:00:52,381 --> 00:00:54,590 I was just being facetious. Come on. I'll catch you up. 22 00:00:54,675 --> 00:00:57,386 - [Crowd Cheering On TV] - Sit it. Park it. 23 00:00:57,470 --> 00:01:00,389 [Chuckles] Come on. I don't bite. 24 00:01:02,058 --> 00:01:03,351 [Growls] Kidding. 25 00:01:03,435 --> 00:01:05,019 [Chuckles] I'm kidding. 26 00:01:05,104 --> 00:01:07,188 Okay. See that guy? He's the tying run. 27 00:01:07,272 --> 00:01:10,693 Interesting story about him. He's been stuck on second base forever, 28 00:01:10,777 --> 00:01:12,945 and I'm pretty sure he's gonna try and steal third, 29 00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:15,699 which is just a terrible, terrible idea. 30 00:01:15,783 --> 00:01:17,742 How are you and Haley doing? 31 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:27,044 I wish I could stay home with you and fly toy airplanes. 32 00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:30,632 These aren't toy airplanes, Manny. These are models, and they're very complicated. 33 00:01:30,717 --> 00:01:33,885 You wanna fly one of these, you gotta be familiar with airfoil, 34 00:01:33,970 --> 00:01:35,888 drag, lift and thrust- 35 00:01:35,973 --> 00:01:37,932 and these are all principles of aerodynamics. 36 00:01:38,016 --> 00:01:39,726 The box says "12 and up." 37 00:01:39,810 --> 00:01:41,937 What? 38 00:01:42,981 --> 00:01:45,023 You can fly toy planes with Jay next time. 39 00:01:45,150 --> 00:01:47,401 Today you have to spend time with Luke. Why? 40 00:01:47,485 --> 00:01:49,738 Because his mother invited you, so you go. 41 00:01:49,822 --> 00:01:51,823 Family needs to be close. Right, Jay? 42 00:01:51,907 --> 00:01:54,200 I'm pretty sure this is a typo. 43 00:01:54,326 --> 00:01:57,246 [Gloria] Men need their hobbies. Manny's father had many hobbies. 44 00:01:57,330 --> 00:01:59,749 Like hiking in the desert, 45 00:01:59,833 --> 00:02:02,169 that kind of skiing that they drop you from the- 46 00:02:02,253 --> 00:02:04,171 How do you say in English? [Lmitates Rotor Blades] 47 00:02:04,297 --> 00:02:06,214 Helicopter. Yes. 48 00:02:06,299 --> 00:02:09,218 Once, on a dare, he even boxed with an alligator. 49 00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:13,139 "Wrestle." You wrestle- You can't box with alligators. 50 00:02:13,265 --> 00:02:17,060 Are you sure? How would they get the gloves on those little claws? 51 00:02:17,145 --> 00:02:19,021 Aren't they like tiny little hands? 52 00:02:19,105 --> 00:02:20,982 No! 53 00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:23,401 Okay, now I forgot what we're talking about. Anyways, 54 00:02:23,486 --> 00:02:26,070 hobbies are important for the men, 55 00:02:26,155 --> 00:02:28,073 whether you're risking your life... 56 00:02:28,158 --> 00:02:31,202 or flying little planes from a safe distance. 57 00:02:33,873 --> 00:02:36,291 ♪♪ [Dance: Woman Singing] Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing? 58 00:02:36,375 --> 00:02:39,377 Uh, we're just gonna buy some diapers. It'll just take a second. 59 00:02:39,504 --> 00:02:42,590 This is Costco. Yeah, which is where we buy diapers. 60 00:02:42,674 --> 00:02:44,091 Since when? 61 00:02:44,176 --> 00:02:47,054 Do you remember when we adopted that baby a few months back? 62 00:02:47,180 --> 00:02:50,766 Since then. [Parking Brake Clicks] 63 00:02:50,850 --> 00:02:52,309 Mitchell is a snob. 64 00:02:52,393 --> 00:02:55,104 No. N-No, I-I'm discerning. 65 00:02:55,189 --> 00:02:57,982 Official slogan for snobs. 66 00:02:58,067 --> 00:03:00,110 When we first met, he wouldn't even look at me... 67 00:03:00,195 --> 00:03:04,365 because I was a hick from the farm in Missouri, and he's a big city mouse. 68 00:03:04,449 --> 00:03:06,993 [Stammers] Who says "city mouse"? 69 00:03:07,078 --> 00:03:09,996 Country mice. 70 00:03:10,081 --> 00:03:11,915 [Bat Cracks] Ground ball to short. Sanchez- 71 00:03:12,041 --> 00:03:14,710 I think I'm gonna go wait in the car. Okay. 72 00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:17,672 - Hey, if you're on your way out, can you grab the garbage? - I got it. 73 00:03:17,756 --> 00:03:20,342 - Okay. We got it. - [Man On TV] So, one out left- 74 00:03:20,426 --> 00:03:22,344 - He's a little jumpy. - Oh, go figure- 75 00:03:22,428 --> 00:03:25,389 a teenage boy doesn't want to hang out with his girlfriend's dad. 76 00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:28,476 Thought we were past all that. I'm all about- 77 00:03:28,602 --> 00:03:31,938 I'm all about taking it to the next level. Really? 78 00:03:32,064 --> 00:03:34,108 Thought you were all about keeping it real. Yes. 79 00:03:34,192 --> 00:03:37,361 But the whole point of keeping it real is so you can take it to the next level. 80 00:03:37,445 --> 00:03:41,449 - Did you really not know that? - You haven't exactly taken it to the next level with my dad. 81 00:03:41,534 --> 00:03:43,201 What are you talking about? 82 00:03:43,327 --> 00:03:46,956 We've been married for 16 years, and you still walk on eggshells around him. 83 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,250 What? Are you kidding? 84 00:03:49,334 --> 00:03:52,129 Jay and I are total buds. 85 00:03:53,715 --> 00:03:55,632 [Doorbell Rings] [Dog Barks] 86 00:03:55,717 --> 00:03:58,093 You-You want to just hang out? 87 00:03:58,177 --> 00:04:02,098 Brought six friends, so that just- [Chuckles] 88 00:04:02,182 --> 00:04:04,142 That's- 89 00:04:05,562 --> 00:04:07,855 [Man] ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 90 00:04:07,939 --> 00:04:11,902 ♪ Hey, hey Hey, hey ♪ 91 00:04:11,986 --> 00:04:15,113 ♪ Hey, hey Hey ♪♪ 92 00:04:20,871 --> 00:04:23,164 Manny brought his favorite game to play with Luke. 93 00:04:23,248 --> 00:04:25,083 It's called Empire. 94 00:04:25,168 --> 00:04:27,836 You use strategy to expand territories and take over the world. 95 00:04:27,921 --> 00:04:30,672 Luke is gonna love that. He's out back playing. 96 00:04:30,757 --> 00:04:33,384 Do you need me to get you something while I'm out shopping? 97 00:04:33,469 --> 00:04:35,720 That's such a nice offer, but I think we're good. Thanks. 98 00:04:35,804 --> 00:04:38,057 Okay. What about this? 99 00:04:38,141 --> 00:04:40,351 You don't even say "Hello" to Gloria and Manny? 100 00:04:40,435 --> 00:04:43,729 Hi, Gloria and Manny. Okay, Mom, what about this? 101 00:04:43,855 --> 00:04:47,150 No. You're wearing a dress. [Gasps] Mom, come on. 102 00:04:47,234 --> 00:04:49,486 What? It's gonna kill you to look like a girl for one afternoon? 103 00:04:49,570 --> 00:04:52,448 But it's a wedding for some friend of yours I never even heard of. 104 00:04:52,532 --> 00:04:55,284 It's non-negotiable. You can borrow a dress of Haley's again. 105 00:04:55,369 --> 00:04:59,498 No. That sends an ugly message- that I'm Haley. 106 00:04:59,582 --> 00:05:01,959 You know, instead of trying to force me to wear a dress, 107 00:05:02,043 --> 00:05:04,963 why don't you worry about getting Luke to wear some pants? 108 00:05:05,047 --> 00:05:09,717 What? Why does he do this? 109 00:05:10,804 --> 00:05:12,346 Luke! 110 00:05:12,430 --> 00:05:14,390 Pants! Come on! 111 00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:21,147 [Phil] Jay and I are buds, for sure- 112 00:05:21,232 --> 00:05:24,568 but with kind of, um, an invisible asterisk. 113 00:05:24,653 --> 00:05:27,905 Um, he's not, uh- He's not a talker. 114 00:05:27,990 --> 00:05:30,742 Or-Or a hugger. 115 00:05:30,827 --> 00:05:33,578 Once he ran over my foot with his car. 116 00:05:33,663 --> 00:05:35,914 To-To be fair, he had just given up smoking, 117 00:05:35,999 --> 00:05:38,418 but basically we're-we're buds. 118 00:05:39,670 --> 00:05:41,587 Do you have to just stand there? 119 00:05:41,672 --> 00:05:43,924 You're making me feel uneasy. 120 00:05:44,009 --> 00:05:45,884 Oh. 121 00:05:45,969 --> 00:05:47,636 [Clears Throat] 122 00:05:47,721 --> 00:05:49,639 Oh, for God's sake. Sit here. Here. 123 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:52,600 Hold this wing like this while I adjust this. 124 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,602 Okay. 125 00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:56,939 Come on. Here. 126 00:06:06,075 --> 00:06:08,285 Not too hard. [Muttering] 127 00:06:10,122 --> 00:06:12,707 Alex, why don't you come shopping with me? 128 00:06:12,791 --> 00:06:15,836 Maybe I can help you find something that you like. 129 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,338 That's a really nice offer, but it's not really her thing. 130 00:06:18,423 --> 00:06:20,674 Actually, I'd love to go. 131 00:06:20,759 --> 00:06:22,552 See, you don't know what my thing is. 132 00:06:22,636 --> 00:06:24,471 You have no idea what my thing is. 133 00:06:24,555 --> 00:06:26,473 I know what your thing is. 134 00:06:26,557 --> 00:06:29,018 Your thing is to provoke, just like your sister's thing... 135 00:06:29,102 --> 00:06:32,104 is to never come out of her room, and your brother's thing- 136 00:06:32,189 --> 00:06:34,190 Well, there's your brother's thing. 137 00:06:34,274 --> 00:06:38,528 Luke! Put 'em on! Mm-hmm. 138 00:06:38,613 --> 00:06:41,198 [Phil] The thing about me and Jay is our relationship's... 139 00:06:41,282 --> 00:06:45,745 always been stuck in that, um- that primal place where it started. 140 00:06:45,829 --> 00:06:48,415 You know, he's the old silverback protecting his females, 141 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:52,753 then along comes this younger, stronger gorilla swinging in, beating his chest. 142 00:06:52,837 --> 00:06:55,590 You know, naturally, the ape ladies come running, 143 00:06:55,674 --> 00:06:57,926 presenting their nice scarlet behinds. 144 00:06:58,010 --> 00:07:00,762 Papa ape wants to stop all that, but he can't. 145 00:07:00,846 --> 00:07:04,308 You know? That's-That's life. I'm not the enemy. 146 00:07:05,477 --> 00:07:07,521 The enemy is poachers. 147 00:07:12,151 --> 00:07:14,278 That'll do it. Don't touch it. 148 00:07:14,363 --> 00:07:17,782 [Model Clattering] 149 00:07:19,409 --> 00:07:21,078 All right. 150 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:27,877 You wanna go fly it? Sure. 151 00:07:30,673 --> 00:07:34,301 Oh. Hey, I got the toothpaste and the soap. 152 00:07:34,386 --> 00:07:37,096 Good. Now we can open that general store. 153 00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:38,973 I thought we were just here to get diapers. 154 00:07:39,057 --> 00:07:42,310 We had a saying on the farm: As long as you're bringing the mule to the market, you- 155 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,437 I feel you rolling your eyes at me. 156 00:07:44,522 --> 00:07:47,275 We met at one of Pepper's legendary game nights. 157 00:07:47,359 --> 00:07:49,735 I remember Mitchell because he kept rolling his eyes... 158 00:07:49,862 --> 00:07:52,280 every time I would get a little boisterous. I did not. 159 00:07:52,364 --> 00:07:54,616 A little bit. 160 00:07:54,701 --> 00:07:57,703 Yeah, maybe a little bit. Anyway, we were- 161 00:07:57,787 --> 00:08:00,456 we were playing charades, and I had no idea how to act out my clue. 162 00:08:00,541 --> 00:08:02,792 And all I could think of to do was- 163 00:08:03,794 --> 00:08:06,045 And without missing a beat, Cam says- 164 00:08:06,131 --> 00:08:08,007 Casablanca. 165 00:08:08,133 --> 00:08:10,217 All I did was this- Casablanca. 166 00:08:11,219 --> 00:08:12,846 Casablanca. 167 00:08:12,930 --> 00:08:15,056 Can we just please get the diapers and get out of here? 168 00:08:15,141 --> 00:08:17,184 Fine, but I wanna stop by the wine section first. 169 00:08:17,268 --> 00:08:20,146 [Chuckles] Wait. There's a wine section? 170 00:08:20,272 --> 00:08:22,732 Yeah, a really good one- just past the tires. No way. 171 00:08:22,816 --> 00:08:25,736 They do not have- Oh, my God. 172 00:08:25,820 --> 00:08:29,031 Oh, my- Cam. Cam. The paper shredder I wanted. 173 00:08:29,115 --> 00:08:30,741 Huh? Confetti and crosscut. 174 00:08:30,825 --> 00:08:33,077 Yep. [Chuckles] 175 00:08:33,162 --> 00:08:36,581 [Gasps] Oh, my God. Amazing. 176 00:08:36,665 --> 00:08:38,333 Yeah. 177 00:08:40,837 --> 00:08:44,757 Cam, what is this place? 178 00:08:44,841 --> 00:08:47,594 [Timer Dings] 179 00:08:47,678 --> 00:08:50,555 Those cookies smell like heaven. Your own recipe? 180 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,558 No, I just throw 'em in the oven. 181 00:08:52,643 --> 00:08:55,645 And added the secret ingredient of caring? 182 00:08:55,729 --> 00:08:57,605 Sure. 183 00:08:57,689 --> 00:08:59,608 So, you and Luke having a good time? 184 00:08:59,692 --> 00:09:02,069 I don't know. He won't come out of his box. 185 00:09:02,153 --> 00:09:06,157 Maybe I'll just stay here and spend some time with my sister. 186 00:09:06,242 --> 00:09:09,744 Oh, right. I guess technically I would be your stepsister. 187 00:09:09,828 --> 00:09:13,540 My mother says we are never to use the word "step" because it means "not real." 188 00:09:13,667 --> 00:09:15,834 And we are a real family. Mmm. 189 00:09:17,170 --> 00:09:19,172 So what is the matter, Claire? 190 00:09:20,424 --> 00:09:23,343 - What? - You seem sad. 191 00:09:25,264 --> 00:09:27,598 It's just stuff with Alex. You know, kid stuff. 192 00:09:27,683 --> 00:09:29,350 [Scoffs] Kids. 193 00:09:29,434 --> 00:09:32,521 You don't have to tell me. My school is full of them. 194 00:09:34,857 --> 00:09:37,986 I was thinking after lunch we can go and do a little shopping. 195 00:09:38,070 --> 00:09:39,988 I'm not getting a dress. 196 00:09:40,072 --> 00:09:42,031 I don't care. I'm not your mother. 197 00:09:42,116 --> 00:09:44,201 I know. You're my grandmother. 198 00:09:44,286 --> 00:09:46,453 Step-grandmother. 199 00:09:46,538 --> 00:09:49,290 Anyways, today, think of me as a girlfriend. 200 00:09:49,374 --> 00:09:52,877 Two girls out for an afternoon of fun. 201 00:09:52,962 --> 00:09:56,464 What do you usually do with your girlfriends? 202 00:09:56,549 --> 00:10:00,094 I don't know. We go out. We talk, drink wine. 203 00:10:00,220 --> 00:10:01,971 Can I drink wine? No. 204 00:10:02,055 --> 00:10:03,890 Some friend. 205 00:10:03,975 --> 00:10:07,311 Well, you can still talk to me about anything. 206 00:10:07,395 --> 00:10:09,939 Yeah, adults always say that, but they don't mean it. 207 00:10:10,024 --> 00:10:13,484 When my mom says I can ask her anything, I really can't. 208 00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:15,486 She just freaks out. 209 00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:19,158 I won't freak out. Shoot. 210 00:10:19,242 --> 00:10:21,160 Okay. 211 00:10:21,244 --> 00:10:22,996 How many men have you slept with? 212 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,623 Eight. Next. 213 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:33,049 Now can I try it? No. 214 00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:37,512 I should get one of those. I've always loved planes. 215 00:10:37,597 --> 00:10:41,767 If things had gone a little differently in my life, I think I would have been a pilot. 216 00:10:41,851 --> 00:10:45,355 Hey, what would happen if you turned the remote off and then back on real fast? 217 00:10:45,439 --> 00:10:48,232 Yeah, you'd have been a great pilot. 218 00:10:48,359 --> 00:10:51,862 So, can you do a- Can you do a loop-de-loop? If I wanted to. 219 00:10:51,946 --> 00:10:54,031 No way! Can I try it? 220 00:10:54,115 --> 00:10:56,034 No. 221 00:10:57,953 --> 00:11:01,664 I can see why you like this. It's so peaceful. 222 00:11:01,749 --> 00:11:06,003 It's like the whole world just... disappears out here. 223 00:11:08,716 --> 00:11:10,634 I remember this one summer- I'll tell you what. 224 00:11:10,718 --> 00:11:12,386 There's another trick called "threading the needle." 225 00:11:12,470 --> 00:11:14,805 I used to do it with Claire and Mitch when they were kids. 226 00:11:14,931 --> 00:11:16,557 You wanna try it? How's it go? 227 00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:18,559 You grab one of those hoops over there... 228 00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:22,398 and go to the far, far, far end of the field... 229 00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:25,317 and stand there, and I fly the plane through it. 230 00:11:25,402 --> 00:11:28,113 Um, that sounds awesome! 231 00:11:28,239 --> 00:11:30,156 And then I get a chance flying it? No. 232 00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:32,617 Okay. [Clears Throat] 233 00:11:43,214 --> 00:11:44,881 How's this? 234 00:11:44,966 --> 00:11:46,925 Not far enough. Go on. 235 00:11:47,009 --> 00:11:49,429 - Okay. Further down. - You can't go too far. 236 00:11:49,513 --> 00:11:52,014 Right. Okay, I get it. I get it. 237 00:11:57,021 --> 00:11:59,189 How's this? Good. 238 00:11:59,274 --> 00:12:02,569 Now stand still. Don't move. 239 00:12:02,653 --> 00:12:06,156 Okay, let's do it. Whoo! 240 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,826 Whoo! I love it! 241 00:12:08,910 --> 00:12:12,371 I love... it! [Laughing] 242 00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,635 You drove a plane into my face. 243 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,680 You must have moved. I told you to stay still. 244 00:12:26,806 --> 00:12:28,682 I didn't move. Try not to talk. 245 00:12:28,808 --> 00:12:31,977 I want to make sure nothing's broken. [Groaning] 246 00:12:32,061 --> 00:12:36,399 Alex and I can't just disagree. I mean, she has to turn everything into a fight. 247 00:12:36,484 --> 00:12:38,651 Hmm. A strong, independent woman. 248 00:12:38,736 --> 00:12:41,280 Sounds like somebody else I know. 249 00:12:41,364 --> 00:12:44,283 I was never hostile though. I mean, this whole thing with the dress- 250 00:12:44,367 --> 00:12:46,286 Never had this problem with Haley. 251 00:12:46,370 --> 00:12:49,498 Maybe Alex doesn't want to compete with her big sister. 252 00:12:49,582 --> 00:12:52,125 Maybe she's trying to create her own identity. 253 00:12:52,210 --> 00:12:54,462 Put her in a dress, and she disappears. 254 00:12:54,588 --> 00:12:58,257 For one afternoon? I wouldn't give up being myself for even one second. 255 00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:00,761 Wow. 256 00:13:00,845 --> 00:13:03,388 Sometimes it's hard to remember you're only 10 years old. 257 00:13:03,515 --> 00:13:05,934 And three-quarters. Yeah. 258 00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:08,811 [Phone Rings, Beeps] [Clears Throat] Hello? 259 00:13:08,896 --> 00:13:11,064 Hey, it's Mitchell. Do you guys eat olives? Olives? 260 00:13:11,148 --> 00:13:12,858 Really good olives? Yeah. 261 00:13:12,943 --> 00:13:14,568 You got it. [Phone Beeps] 262 00:13:14,653 --> 00:13:17,071 Mitchell, I found the diapers. They're over here. 263 00:13:17,155 --> 00:13:19,324 Cameron, guess what I found? 264 00:13:19,408 --> 00:13:22,577 Coffins. They sell baby formula and they sell coffins. 265 00:13:22,662 --> 00:13:25,038 You can buy literally buy everything you need from birth to death. 266 00:13:25,122 --> 00:13:27,416 Oh, my God. Look at these diapers. 267 00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:29,377 [Gasps] Look how cheap they are! 268 00:13:29,503 --> 00:13:32,714 Oh. You know what we should do? We should get enough for the next year or two, right? 269 00:13:32,799 --> 00:13:34,800 Where would we keep them? 270 00:13:34,926 --> 00:13:38,346 They sell sheds. Really? You want to buy a diaper shed? 271 00:13:38,430 --> 00:13:41,015 We're those guys now? The guys with a diaper shed? 272 00:13:41,141 --> 00:13:44,895 Just grab two more. I'm not grabbing two more, Mitchell. It's time to go. 273 00:13:44,980 --> 00:13:48,065 Come on, come on. We need, uh- Hey, excuse me. 274 00:13:48,149 --> 00:13:50,401 Where did you get that flatbed thing? Over there. 275 00:13:50,527 --> 00:13:53,029 Go grab one of those. Really? 276 00:13:53,114 --> 00:13:55,198 Yeah. Get two. 277 00:13:58,036 --> 00:13:59,954 I'm in the applesauce aisle. 278 00:14:00,038 --> 00:14:02,290 So, anyways, after charades, we went out for coffee. 279 00:14:02,374 --> 00:14:07,713 And I learned that he loves art. He plays the piano. He speaks French. 280 00:14:07,839 --> 00:14:11,050 Un peu. You see? I-I misjudged him. 281 00:14:11,135 --> 00:14:13,136 Yeah, I'm sort of like Costco. 282 00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,972 I'm big, I'm not fancy, and I dare you to not like me. 283 00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,183 Yeah, and I'm kinda more like that, um- 284 00:14:18,268 --> 00:14:22,062 [Sighs] What is the name of that little shop we went to in Paris? 285 00:14:22,147 --> 00:14:24,691 You are such a snob. 286 00:14:27,528 --> 00:14:29,529 Casablanca. 287 00:14:30,532 --> 00:14:32,491 I have a small flower on my ankle... 288 00:14:32,576 --> 00:14:36,913 and a tiny little butterfly on my... thigh. 289 00:14:36,998 --> 00:14:38,290 How high up? 290 00:14:38,416 --> 00:14:41,335 Pretty high. Did you do it to look sexy? 291 00:14:41,419 --> 00:14:44,589 No- Did you do it for a guy? Does Grandpa like it? 292 00:14:44,673 --> 00:14:47,008 No, no and yes. 293 00:14:47,092 --> 00:14:49,135 That's gross. Mmm. 294 00:14:49,261 --> 00:14:51,680 Let's go back to your piercings. No, no, no. 295 00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:55,601 I've answered enough of your questions. Now it's your turn to answer one. 296 00:14:55,685 --> 00:14:57,395 What is it? 297 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,397 Why you don't want to wear a dress? 298 00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:02,734 Because I don't want to look like Haley and her stupid friends. 299 00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:05,321 I wear dresses and I don't look like Haley. 300 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,699 You are Haley, just 40 years older. 301 00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,118 Ten. Twenty. 302 00:15:10,203 --> 00:15:13,872 Deal. Alex, why are you fighting me on this? 303 00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:17,418 Just- It doesn't matter if I dress up. I'm not pretty like Haley and you. 304 00:15:17,544 --> 00:15:20,505 That's ridiculous! You're beautiful. I'm not. 305 00:15:20,589 --> 00:15:23,425 But that's okay. I'm the smart one. 306 00:15:23,551 --> 00:15:27,971 Mmm. The cute busboy doesn't know that you're smart. What? 307 00:15:28,098 --> 00:15:31,351 He's been smiling at you every time he comes to the table. He does not! 308 00:15:31,435 --> 00:15:34,604 Why do you think we are the only people with bread? 309 00:15:36,108 --> 00:15:40,569 Look. One day you're going to want to date a cute guy like that. 310 00:15:40,654 --> 00:15:44,032 And when that day comes, you're going to want to look beautiful, 311 00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:45,992 and then you'll wear a dress. 312 00:15:48,371 --> 00:15:50,331 So, you ever kiss another girl? 313 00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:53,251 That's no way to talk to your grandmother. 314 00:15:53,460 --> 00:15:56,672 Was my mom hard on me growing up? Yeah, she was. 315 00:15:56,756 --> 00:16:01,552 But you know what? Back then everything was Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem. 316 00:16:01,637 --> 00:16:03,304 [Door Closes] They didn't understand- 317 00:16:03,389 --> 00:16:05,014 ¡Hola! We're back. [Alex] Hello. 318 00:16:05,141 --> 00:16:07,642 Hey, how'd it go? It was great. 319 00:16:07,727 --> 00:16:10,020 - Did you have fun with Luke? - Well, not- 320 00:16:10,105 --> 00:16:11,772 We had a great time. 321 00:16:11,857 --> 00:16:15,485 Alex, I've been thinking, and... 322 00:16:15,570 --> 00:16:19,030 if you don't want to wear a dress to the wedding, it's not the end of the world. 323 00:16:19,115 --> 00:16:22,160 It's all right. I bought one. 324 00:16:22,244 --> 00:16:24,162 [Both Laugh] 325 00:16:24,288 --> 00:16:27,165 Do you see how she has to provoke me? We'll talk about it next week. 326 00:16:27,249 --> 00:16:29,418 [Pounding On Door] [Jay] Claire! 327 00:16:29,502 --> 00:16:31,378 Clear the way. Coming through. Ow! 328 00:16:31,504 --> 00:16:33,130 Coming through. Easy. Easy, fella. Ow! 329 00:16:33,256 --> 00:16:35,341 I need to rest my face. You're fine. 330 00:16:35,426 --> 00:16:36,676 You'll be all right. Hang on. 331 00:16:36,761 --> 00:16:38,511 Oh, my God! Get the door. 332 00:16:38,596 --> 00:16:39,679 Ah! Dad? 333 00:16:39,764 --> 00:16:41,140 Little accident. Nothing big. 334 00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:43,517 I was in a plane crash. What happened? 335 00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:45,728 We were threading the needle, and somebody moved. 336 00:16:45,812 --> 00:16:50,317 - No, I didn't. You did it on purpose. - That's the painkiller talking. 337 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,068 He's a little loopy. [Groaning] 338 00:16:52,195 --> 00:16:53,905 How bad is it? Well, the wing is cracked, 339 00:16:53,989 --> 00:16:56,574 - the propeller's bent, but I can- I can- - I mean Phil. 340 00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:59,744 I was in a plane crash. Thanks, Dad. 341 00:16:59,828 --> 00:17:01,997 I didn't ask him to be there. He insisted. 342 00:17:02,081 --> 00:17:03,999 He took a chance. This is what happened. 343 00:17:04,083 --> 00:17:06,753 - Kind of like the time you ran over his foot. - You ran over his foot? 344 00:17:06,879 --> 00:17:08,963 That was an accident. You know, Dad, you did it on purpose. 345 00:17:09,048 --> 00:17:11,925 - We all saw the tire marks on the lawn. - I had just quit smoking. 346 00:17:12,051 --> 00:17:14,178 [Phil Groans] See, you're upsetting your husband. 347 00:17:14,262 --> 00:17:16,222 Water. I'll get it. 348 00:17:18,683 --> 00:17:20,644 Ay. You okay? 349 00:17:20,728 --> 00:17:23,814 Gloria! Thank God you're here. 350 00:17:23,898 --> 00:17:25,816 Don't worry. I'm here too. 351 00:17:25,900 --> 00:17:28,236 Who's this? 352 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,238 Wasn't my fault. [Scoffs] 353 00:17:30,322 --> 00:17:33,283 I have seen you thread the needle a million times. You never miss. 354 00:17:33,409 --> 00:17:36,829 Yeah. I must be getting old. Why don't you just admit it? You never liked Phil. 355 00:17:36,913 --> 00:17:38,872 Put that down. You do not get a cookie. 356 00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:43,002 I like Phil. It's just that sometimes he tries too hard, you know? 357 00:17:43,087 --> 00:17:45,672 And it's just kind of- [Whispering] Irritating. 358 00:17:45,756 --> 00:17:49,176 Okay, maybe he tries too hard because you make zero effort with him. 359 00:17:49,261 --> 00:17:51,512 You know what? In the 16 years that we've been married, 360 00:17:51,596 --> 00:17:54,975 have you one time told him that you liked him? 361 00:17:55,101 --> 00:17:57,352 Not in those exact words, no. No. 362 00:17:57,436 --> 00:18:00,940 Not in any words, Dad. How do you think that makes me feel? 363 00:18:02,568 --> 00:18:04,652 You've never told your son that you love him? 364 00:18:04,736 --> 00:18:07,197 Whoa, whoa. When did we jump to love? 365 00:18:07,282 --> 00:18:09,241 And he's technically not my son. 366 00:18:09,367 --> 00:18:12,704 Ah. So that means that you don't love Manny either? Sure, I do. 367 00:18:12,788 --> 00:18:16,249 I mean, believe me, when I was in that park, I really wished Manny was there. 368 00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:21,338 For what? So that you could fly the plane into his head? Huh? 369 00:18:21,423 --> 00:18:24,675 Dad, thanks so much for bringing Phil home. 370 00:18:24,759 --> 00:18:27,637 I found one of your little flaps in his hair. So- 371 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,643 Actually, this is called an aileron. 372 00:18:32,769 --> 00:18:34,979 It controls the horizontal- Because that's what matters right now. 373 00:18:35,981 --> 00:18:37,899 Bye, Dad. 374 00:18:46,952 --> 00:18:50,580 - Hey, Phil. - Jay. 375 00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:55,169 [Groans] What are you, made of china? 376 00:18:55,253 --> 00:18:57,547 [Groaning] 377 00:18:57,632 --> 00:19:01,718 Phil, I just want you to know I'm sorry. 378 00:19:01,802 --> 00:19:04,430 And whether I, uh, missed or you moved- 379 00:19:04,556 --> 00:19:07,308 I didn't. Either way. 380 00:19:07,392 --> 00:19:09,560 I just want to say that I like you. 381 00:19:09,686 --> 00:19:12,272 Really? Yeah. 382 00:19:12,357 --> 00:19:14,358 What do you like about me? 383 00:19:17,571 --> 00:19:19,781 You're a nice guy. 384 00:19:19,865 --> 00:19:22,825 Try real hard. 385 00:19:22,910 --> 00:19:24,954 I do. 386 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:28,207 And you're a good dad. Hey, I'm a good dad. Come here. 387 00:19:28,291 --> 00:19:31,336 Come here, you. [Groans] 388 00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:35,340 This feels so right. [Groans] [Door Opens] 389 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,343 What's going on? 390 00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:41,222 There was a little accident, but Jay's telling Phil how much he loves him. 391 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:43,433 Oh. Well, that's nice for Phil. 392 00:19:43,518 --> 00:19:45,686 That's great, since he's never said anything like that to my boyfriend. 393 00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:47,729 - Let it go. - No, it's not okay. 394 00:19:47,814 --> 00:19:50,566 No, Mitch is right. Go in there too, Cam. Come on. 395 00:19:50,693 --> 00:19:52,235 You're kidding. Okay. 396 00:19:52,319 --> 00:19:53,945 - Jay! - I'm gonna get this. 397 00:19:54,071 --> 00:19:55,697 Come on in, Cam. Just a little hug. 398 00:19:55,781 --> 00:19:57,199 - Get in here. - Say it. 399 00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:59,535 - [Jay] Whoa! Hey, hey, hey! - Say it! Say it! 400 00:19:59,619 --> 00:20:01,328 I like you too, Cam. Aw! 401 00:20:01,454 --> 00:20:03,456 What do you like about him? Oh, geez. 402 00:20:03,541 --> 00:20:05,083 Where did you get that camera? 403 00:20:05,209 --> 00:20:07,836 Only the greatest store on earth. [Laughs] 404 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,423 [Whispers] Thanks, Dad. 405 00:20:10,507 --> 00:20:12,049 Manny, picture! Get in there too. 406 00:20:12,134 --> 00:20:14,301 [Phil] Get in here, mi amigo. Oh! 407 00:20:14,386 --> 00:20:16,388 Stay still. Say "cheese." 408 00:20:16,514 --> 00:20:18,056 Don't push it. [All] Cheese! 409 00:20:18,141 --> 00:20:19,182 Picture. 410 00:20:19,308 --> 00:20:21,226 Cheese! [Gloria] Cheese. Queso. 411 00:20:21,310 --> 00:20:22,687 [Gloria Laughing] [Chattering, Laughing] 412 00:20:22,813 --> 00:20:25,231 [Phil] Oh, boy! [Laughing Continues] 413 00:20:25,315 --> 00:20:27,859 [Phil] Doesn't it feel like these arms could go around the world? 414 00:20:27,943 --> 00:20:29,903 [Cameron Groans] I think I strained something. 415 00:20:33,074 --> 00:20:35,577 I always wanted a daughter- 416 00:20:35,661 --> 00:20:37,579 to dress her up in pretty dresses, 417 00:20:37,663 --> 00:20:40,999 do her hair, her nails, her makeup. 418 00:20:41,083 --> 00:20:43,085 [Laughs] 419 00:20:43,170 --> 00:20:46,630 No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, 420 00:20:46,715 --> 00:20:50,052 I made up Manny like a girl and told everybody that he was my daughter. 421 00:20:50,136 --> 00:20:52,054 [Laughs] 422 00:20:52,138 --> 00:20:54,056 Ay, but just for a few times. 423 00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:55,767 I didn't want to mess with his head. 424 00:20:55,851 --> 00:21:00,521 When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died. 425 00:21:09,533 --> 00:21:10,533 ENGLISH - US - PSDH