1
00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:10,219
How are you doing?

2
00:00:10,220 --> 00:00:11,220
Oh, charm.

3
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:13,500
Jamie, darling.

4
00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,460
I've just seen the cast list, and guess
what?

5
00:00:16,740 --> 00:00:18,180
I'm Laertes, and you're Ophelia.

6
00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:19,640
Oh, fantastic.

7
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:20,980
Who's my mother? Terry.

8
00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:22,280
Oh, you're kidding.

9
00:00:22,780 --> 00:00:23,820
Yeah, I know. Very beautiful.

10
00:00:24,140 --> 00:00:26,920
Look, we're all going to Paris this
weekend. You know, you've just got to

11
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:30,180
Oh, I can't. I've got tap on Friday and
jazz dance this afternoon.

12
00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:31,519
Oh, no.

13
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,900
Pity. Deal. I'll see you at the Impro on
Monday.

14
00:00:34,260 --> 00:00:35,260
Okay, bye.

15
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:36,280
Bye.

16
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:43,499
Oh, hi, Perry.

17
00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:44,500
Hi.

18
00:00:57,900 --> 00:00:58,900
Well,

19
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:03,159
there you have it, Matt.

20
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,180
If the Iranians won't play ball with the
Americans, the Russians will ignore the

21
00:01:06,180 --> 00:01:08,540
Germans if we don't bring the checks in.
You can bank in it.

22
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:11,280
Important tax for you, Commander.

23
00:01:12,220 --> 00:01:13,220
Thanks, Doreen.

24
00:01:13,620 --> 00:01:14,920
How's that nice young man of yours?

25
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:20,440
Thompson. Sir.

26
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:21,539
D .S.

27
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:23,060
Doris. Sir, sir. F .O.

28
00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:26,000
Marjorie. Am I, am I not the head of D
.I. 5?

29
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:30,640
Yes, sir, yes, sir. Thompson, would you
say it was my duty to protect the free

30
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,940
world from international terrorism? Yes,
sir. So why am I being bothered with

31
00:01:33,940 --> 00:01:36,640
this domestic crime? It's your daughter,
sir. It's my, it's my work.

32
00:02:38,380 --> 00:02:41,840
Commander Jackson here. I want all
available men taken off the Operation

33
00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:46,280
case. Three cars to our shoot watch. I
want all ports and airports closed as of

34
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,540
now. And Bridget, make sure my wife's
put down her sedation. See to it.

35
00:02:53,660 --> 00:02:55,640
One, two, one, two.

36
00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:56,860
Is it on?

37
00:02:57,060 --> 00:02:58,700
Oh, take it away, Sam.

38
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,900
Hello, you who, you secret service man.

39
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,920
We've got your baby daughter, got to
catch...

40
00:03:16,980 --> 00:03:19,540
These people are kitchen sink lunatics.

41
00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:24,580
In broad daylight, they went up to the
Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, obliged a

42
00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:28,720
19 -year -old drama student, my
daughter, into the back of a car and

43
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,480
as calm as you please to compose this
ransom threat.

44
00:03:37,130 --> 00:03:42,570
We want 200 ,000 pounds, and this is how
you get it.

45
00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:51,010
100 ,000 from the National Theatre, 50
,000 from the Royal Opera, 40

46
00:03:51,010 --> 00:03:57,870
,000 from the Royal Shakespeare Company,
and wait for it, 10 from you, the

47
00:03:57,870 --> 00:03:59,890
ever -so -secret servant.

48
00:04:00,430 --> 00:04:02,030
What a dreadful song.

49
00:04:02,490 --> 00:04:04,470
It's my daughter, the peddler!

50
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,300
I'm afraid you're going to have to sit
this one out, Jackson.

51
00:04:07,620 --> 00:04:08,620
Your final word?

52
00:04:08,860 --> 00:04:12,320
No. I've taken a precaution of having
you suspended from duty.

53
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,560
Just until this matter is resolved.

54
00:04:15,540 --> 00:04:16,860
Nepotism, I'm sure you understand.

55
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:20,920
Johnson!

56
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,560
You've given us five days.

57
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,960
Bastards! Sounds like a tire -lever job,
sir.

58
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:31,120
No. I don't want any mechanics in this
job. This is strictly sub -department.

59
00:04:34,380 --> 00:04:35,380
Anyone in mind, sir?

60
00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:36,860
Yes.

61
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:39,880
Bonehead and foil.

62
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:43,260
But, sir, they've been in the outtray
for six months. So?

63
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,760
Well, it means, sir, that they're not
indexed, and nobody knows where they

64
00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:51,980
Thompson, if they are alive, they are
breathing. If they are breathing, they

65
00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:56,440
breathing air. And, laddie, if you are
breathing air, you are paying tax.

66
00:04:57,460 --> 00:04:58,480
Find them! Sir.

67
00:05:05,070 --> 00:05:06,070
Can you hold?

68
00:05:08,890 --> 00:05:11,270
We'll call you back in a fortnight.
Thank you.

69
00:05:13,890 --> 00:05:15,010
Sorry to keep you.

70
00:05:15,310 --> 00:05:16,310
Who's calling?

71
00:05:16,790 --> 00:05:17,830
I'll see if he's in.

72
00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:22,230
Mr Bonehead?

73
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:23,349
Yes, dear?

74
00:05:23,350 --> 00:05:24,770
There's a Mr Thompson on the line.

75
00:05:25,110 --> 00:05:26,350
Thompson? Yeah.

76
00:05:26,610 --> 00:05:28,350
Says you worked in a circus together.

77
00:05:32,210 --> 00:05:33,210
I'm in a meeting.

78
00:05:36,650 --> 00:05:38,150
Mr. Thompson. He's in a meeting.

79
00:05:39,330 --> 00:05:40,690
I'm afraid. I've no idea.

80
00:05:41,530 --> 00:05:42,790
Okay, then. Bye.

81
00:05:46,010 --> 00:05:47,010
Nobs.

82
00:05:47,870 --> 00:05:49,510
Yes, it is a mouthful, isn't it?

83
00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:54,370
Nobs Academy for what?

84
00:05:55,210 --> 00:05:56,430
Oh, my God.

85
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,950
No, Thompson, no. I'll deal with them
myself.

86
00:05:59,630 --> 00:06:01,210
And you say you found foil?

87
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:04,130
Where?

88
00:06:18,070 --> 00:06:19,910
Oh, Mr Boyle. Yeah?

89
00:06:20,230 --> 00:06:21,670
There's a letter for you.

90
00:06:21,910 --> 00:06:24,750
Oh, thanks, Mickey. I suppose it's more
of that fan mail.

91
00:06:25,150 --> 00:06:26,830
Yeah, that or the income tax. Yeah.

92
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:31,130
Oh, by the way, there's a message for
you here from a Mr Thompson.

93
00:06:31,630 --> 00:06:33,770
He said you used to work at the zoo
together.

94
00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:38,270
Yeah, well, look, if he calls again,
Mickey, do me a favour and tell him I'm

95
00:06:38,270 --> 00:06:39,270
dead.

96
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,000
Right, gentlemen, hands out your pocket.

97
00:06:43,460 --> 00:06:45,420
What you see before you is a motor car.

98
00:06:45,980 --> 00:06:49,900
It's a joke public and means a
conveyance from point A to point B.

99
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,480
That gentleman is history.

100
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:57,960
It's the TV tough guy.

101
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,660
A motor car is his mistress.

102
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,300
His lover.

103
00:07:05,140 --> 00:07:06,140
His best friend.

104
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:08,320
Don't forget that.

105
00:07:09,219 --> 00:07:10,440
Write it down, then forget it.

106
00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:11,660
OK.

107
00:07:11,820 --> 00:07:15,480
There are two types of TV tough guy. The
double act, Starsky and Hutch, Freebie

108
00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,600
and the Bean, and the loner, Clint
Eastwood and Chuck.

109
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:19,100
Dirty Harry, sir.

110
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,800
Very good example. Write that one down,
everybody. Right.

111
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,220
I'm going to deal with the loner first.

112
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:27,480
Camera's running.

113
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,080
Sound's rolling.

114
00:07:29,940 --> 00:07:31,240
I've got to get inside that car.

115
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,700
What's the first thing I do? Troy, stop
the engine, sir.

116
00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:37,080
No. Anybody, quickly, come along.

117
00:07:37,530 --> 00:07:40,550
door at him, sir. Very good. Well done,
Chuck. All right, what's the first thing

118
00:07:40,550 --> 00:07:42,490
I do with this door handle, Stig? Press
it down, sir.

119
00:07:42,870 --> 00:07:46,810
No. I do not press it down. The first
thing you do with the door handle is you

120
00:07:46,810 --> 00:07:47,890
do not look at it.

121
00:07:48,730 --> 00:07:51,510
And this is a good opportunity for a
nice profile shot.

122
00:07:51,950 --> 00:07:53,790
Use it. You might not get another
opportunity.

123
00:07:54,570 --> 00:07:55,970
Plenty of looking up and down that
street.

124
00:07:56,530 --> 00:07:59,070
International terrorists in town. The TV
tough guy never does what?

125
00:07:59,830 --> 00:08:01,630
Wayne? Locks his car, sir. And why?

126
00:08:01,990 --> 00:08:02,990
Wasting film, sir.

127
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:07,080
Well done. Very good indeed, Chuck. Very
good. OK, we're getting inside this

128
00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:08,780
car. Come along, gather round.

129
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,640
Right then, I'm in the car. What's the
first thing I do? Dean?

130
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,080
Seatbelts.

131
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:18,560
Dean.

132
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,660
I've got 30 seconds of film time to get
across London.

133
00:08:24,540 --> 00:08:27,700
There are 14 armed terrorists awaiting
to pump me full of lead.

134
00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:30,220
Now, I'm going to take this...

135
00:08:35,309 --> 00:08:37,230
Perhaps I ought to get out and check the
tread on the tires.

136
00:08:39,909 --> 00:08:42,090
All right, all right, all right,
gentlemen. Joke's over.

137
00:08:42,429 --> 00:08:45,510
Remember, there's no clunk click on
these trips.

138
00:09:04,650 --> 00:09:08,550
Wouldn't you like to have fun, fun, fun?

139
00:09:08,850 --> 00:09:15,730
How's about a few laughs, laughs,
laughs? I could show you a good

140
00:09:15,730 --> 00:09:19,770
time. Show you a good time.

141
00:09:24,290 --> 00:09:26,830
Listen, Ophelia, my lovely.

142
00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:30,030
You're mine to be Miss Improvisation at
Drama College.

143
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:34,200
But here, you're nothing more than a
meal ticket for me and Laughing Boy

144
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,120
to set ourselves up for life.

145
00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:39,900
You're with the professionals now, dear.
And we mean business.

146
00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:41,420
Show business.

147
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:42,840
From the top, Jimmy.

148
00:09:43,940 --> 00:09:46,300
You bloody fools!

149
00:09:47,140 --> 00:09:48,180
Look at you.

150
00:09:48,740 --> 00:09:52,880
Two tired, washed -up pub entertainers
on a fantasy to nowhere.

151
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:54,620
You're jealous, aren't you?

152
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:58,300
Because I've got a career ahead of me. A
future.

153
00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:05,840
Ed Putnam films, Bill Forsythe comedies,
experimental plays at the National

154
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:06,840
Theatre.

155
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:13,480
You know I need somebody to help. I just
need somebody to help.

156
00:10:16,740 --> 00:10:19,220
Here. Do you know what happened to me
the other day?

157
00:10:19,540 --> 00:10:22,760
No. I went to the doctor's. I told him I
had a dream.

158
00:10:22,980 --> 00:10:24,840
I told him I was a bivouac.

159
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:28,120
No. Do you know what happened the next
day? No.

160
00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:31,830
I went back again and I told him I had
another dream, like I was a big top.

161
00:10:32,310 --> 00:10:38,710
One word, just one little word, and
it'll be underwater acting from here on

162
00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:40,230
if you know what I mean.

163
00:10:41,530 --> 00:10:44,530
Doctor said the trouble with you is
you're too tense!

164
00:10:47,530 --> 00:10:49,450
Right, you ready to start building,
then?

165
00:10:49,770 --> 00:10:51,310
What the hell am I supposed to build?

166
00:10:52,530 --> 00:10:56,210
This. The dawning of a new age.

167
00:10:56,610 --> 00:10:57,870
What the hell are you talking about?

168
00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:04,040
Family style. Let's have a good old
knees -up with a bit of after -hours

169
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,040
drinking.

170
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,220
Entertainment complex.

171
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,540
That is not what we're talking about at
all.

172
00:11:10,140 --> 00:11:16,120
What we're talking about is a very cosy
family style, wear -whatever -you -like

173
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,140
sort of complex called the Black Wanger.

174
00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:25,200
The Black Wanger? We are not calling it
the Black Wanger. Oh, yes, we are.

175
00:11:25,540 --> 00:11:26,840
Yes, we are.

176
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:30,320
No, we're not. You might as well call it
the bent copper splat wanger and have

177
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:31,320
done with it, eh?

178
00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:39,960
But, and it's a very, very big but,
watch that shiny car roof.

179
00:11:40,180 --> 00:11:41,099
Why, Troy?

180
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,120
Reflection, sir. Of what?

181
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:43,079
Double chins.

182
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,440
Absolutely correct. So what are we like
working with, everybody?

183
00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:46,860
Violin roofer.

184
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,820
Correct. Tell that producer it's your
career.

185
00:11:50,260 --> 00:11:51,560
Let's get back inside this car.

186
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:54,680
What's the first thing that happens when
the TV tough guy's inside his car?

187
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:55,760
Anybody? Quickly, come on.

188
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,180
No? Disco music.

189
00:12:02,780 --> 00:12:04,120
All right, all right.

190
00:12:04,580 --> 00:12:05,459
Calm down.

191
00:12:05,460 --> 00:12:06,640
Party's over. Come along.

192
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:08,800
Concentrate.

193
00:12:09,420 --> 00:12:10,420
Mirror actor.

194
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,920
And you still couldn't see it, could
you?

195
00:12:19,340 --> 00:12:20,680
I'm not a fudge packer.

196
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,820
The Russians used a gay sewer on me and
you fell for it.

197
00:12:26,350 --> 00:12:30,290
Eyebrows were raised. Yeah, and a few
trousers were dropped. So what?

198
00:12:30,730 --> 00:12:32,690
All that's all about on Hampstead East.

199
00:12:33,010 --> 00:12:34,010
That wasn't me.

200
00:12:34,490 --> 00:12:35,950
That was the guy's theorem.

201
00:12:36,450 --> 00:12:37,450
You think I didn't know that?

202
00:12:37,670 --> 00:12:39,030
I had no control over the situation.

203
00:12:39,870 --> 00:12:43,290
You think I wanted to lose the two most
accomplished and feared agents in the

204
00:12:43,290 --> 00:12:44,350
history of DI5?

205
00:12:45,490 --> 00:12:46,550
Creme de la creme.

206
00:12:47,730 --> 00:12:52,010
The two guys I took from a special
branch and educated personally became

207
00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:53,010
like servants.

208
00:12:54,370 --> 00:12:55,430
You think I wanted that?

209
00:12:58,120 --> 00:12:59,120
X3 safe house.

210
00:12:59,220 --> 00:13:01,120
5 .30 tomorrow. Be there.

211
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:02,320
With foil.

212
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:10,360
Well, you can say what you like about
capitalism, Jenny, but it took you

213
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,279
public school.

214
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,280
Public school?

215
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,060
You call that an education?

216
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,660
20 emotionally raped 13 -year -olds
giggling in the tuck room at the very

217
00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:20,160
mention of the word Tampax.

218
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:26,060
Sexually repressed minors whose only
advantage in adult life would be to...

219
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:30,320
themselves stupid with a banana because
hubby is away on business, and then be

220
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,680
able to orgasm very loudly in Latin.

221
00:13:33,220 --> 00:13:38,660
Jenny, if your mother was alive today, I
shudder to think how she would react to

222
00:13:38,660 --> 00:13:41,300
hear you talking like that. March and
fall to the stage, please.

223
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:43,360
March and fall to the stage. Thank you.

224
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:52,920
It's him, isn't it?

225
00:13:53,140 --> 00:13:55,640
The oafish parasite of a husband of
yours.

226
00:13:56,220 --> 00:14:00,360
Who, because he wrote two column inches
for the New Statesman, has the audacity

227
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:05,820
to call himself a man of letters and is,
in point of fact, a works -shy, shit

228
00:14:05,820 --> 00:14:07,700
-stirring, pinko bastard.

229
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,620
Let's take a rest from the top pocket.

230
00:14:09,860 --> 00:14:13,600
Thanks. ...graduate grant at Sussex
University with a wife and two fists to

231
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:16,940
keep. It's hardly likely to induce...
Did you play squash on the weekend?

232
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:20,900
Joking. After Friday night, I was really
wrecked. That grass really... Meaning

233
00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:21,900
of the word?

234
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:23,640
Are you still here?

235
00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:24,900
Roger!

236
00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:26,130
Hi, darling.

237
00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:30,030
Still trying to get off at Dunkirk, are
we?

238
00:14:30,790 --> 00:14:35,210
I loathe and detest you. Roger, don't!
You keep out of this!

239
00:14:38,290 --> 00:14:39,290
Hey!

240
00:14:40,150 --> 00:14:41,890
Hey, you can't go down there.

241
00:14:43,510 --> 00:14:47,090
DR5, Joe Knightley. Shut up, you
gibbering antique.

242
00:14:47,690 --> 00:14:51,590
This isn't a garret club, Grandad. This
is reality.

243
00:14:52,090 --> 00:14:55,780
Three -bedroom, semi -detached... Up to
my neck in debt reality.

244
00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:57,119
Our debt.

245
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,120
Shut up!

246
00:15:00,340 --> 00:15:03,400
Not for me, the upbringing of you and
your ill subscribers.

247
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:09,440
No, for me, it was the comprehensive,
the polytechnic, and yes, I did go on

248
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,160
demonstrations. And I did wear a duffel
coat.

249
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:16,420
And I was grateful for the two weeks
holiday I had in Greece with a first

250
00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:19,220
sociology student who wouldn't let me
fuck her!

251
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:20,499
What?

252
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:21,500
Oh, yes.

253
00:15:21,980 --> 00:15:23,760
And what have I got to show for it?

254
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:30,070
two emotionally retarded kids, a Volvo
with all -day running lights, and an

255
00:15:30,070 --> 00:15:32,230
erotic wife with strength marks!

256
00:15:55,050 --> 00:15:56,090
So what do you think of the play?

257
00:15:56,590 --> 00:15:57,770
Fight sense of atrocious.

258
00:15:59,590 --> 00:16:00,730
Apart from that, it was okay.

259
00:16:01,650 --> 00:16:04,830
Yeah, well, it's a major indictment
against middle -class values. It's a

260
00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:05,830
profound piece of theatre.

261
00:16:09,630 --> 00:16:10,750
Anyway, it's had great reviews.

262
00:16:15,730 --> 00:16:17,110
So what do I owe this honour?

263
00:16:20,890 --> 00:16:23,330
The commander wants us back in a gamble.

264
00:16:23,810 --> 00:16:24,810
Forget it.

265
00:16:24,990 --> 00:16:28,390
If you think I'm going out on a West End
run, two beer commercials, a three

266
00:16:28,390 --> 00:16:31,990
-week shoot in Spain, just to drive
round a souped -up Ford Capri wearing

267
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:33,310
underpants, you're dreaming.

268
00:16:33,630 --> 00:16:34,670
Don't knock it, Foyle.

269
00:16:35,350 --> 00:16:38,150
You fight international terrorism,
you're called a bird.

270
00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:40,350
You haven't changed.

271
00:16:41,070 --> 00:16:42,070
Neither have you.

272
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:46,450
I mean, how many birds are you pulling
doing that crap?

273
00:16:47,470 --> 00:16:48,590
Political comedy?

274
00:16:49,390 --> 00:16:51,870
I've had more laughs watching orphans
burn.

275
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,000
Foil.

276
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,680
What? She's an actress.

277
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,460
She's been kidnapped.

278
00:17:09,339 --> 00:17:10,339
Who's our agent?

279
00:17:12,140 --> 00:17:14,560
Peggy. Peggy. Peggy Ramsey? That's it.

280
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:17,680
I'll do it.

281
00:17:19,579 --> 00:17:20,579
Well, let's go.

282
00:17:27,470 --> 00:17:32,010
So the idea is you get all the money off
the National Theatre, Royal Opera House

283
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,270
and the Royal Ballet.

284
00:17:33,490 --> 00:17:39,050
Yep. So you can build a vaudeville fun
palace for the people right here on that

285
00:17:39,050 --> 00:17:40,050
site. Yes.

286
00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:46,210
Um, so how can a person like me fit into
all this?

287
00:17:46,810 --> 00:17:48,430
You don't.

288
00:17:48,790 --> 00:17:50,810
Because I'm a middle -class drum
student.

289
00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:54,010
You think I don't feel for the people as
well?

290
00:17:55,690 --> 00:17:58,650
Haven't stood on the stage at college
and known what it is to communicate?

291
00:17:59,130 --> 00:18:01,910
To reach out and touch people's minds?

292
00:18:02,630 --> 00:18:06,070
I'm 19 years of age and scream after.

293
00:18:06,450 --> 00:18:10,950
What chance have I got out there and
snared in that vicious circle of agents'

294
00:18:11,070 --> 00:18:15,610
phone calls, cocktail parties, expensive
restaurants that is contemporary

295
00:18:15,610 --> 00:18:16,610
British theatre?

296
00:18:17,050 --> 00:18:19,170
But that's what you want, isn't it?

297
00:18:20,050 --> 00:18:22,910
I'm just a symbol of everything you're
fighting against.

298
00:18:23,130 --> 00:18:24,130
Me.

299
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:25,680
Janie Jackson.

300
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,420
Just another stain on the casting couch.

301
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:36,820
Hey, Salma. Never mind. You can always
take up singing.

302
00:18:55,820 --> 00:18:56,820
There's three bottles outside.

303
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:57,960
He's in.

304
00:18:58,320 --> 00:18:59,580
And a carton of orange juice.

305
00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:01,220
He's on his own.

306
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:03,320
Any eggs?

307
00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:04,940
No.

308
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:08,720
Good.

309
00:19:11,460 --> 00:19:12,620
Well, there you have it, gentlemen.

310
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,840
She's the daughter of a high -ranking
civil servant.

311
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,860
She's been kidnapped, and I want her
returned in one piece.

312
00:19:19,380 --> 00:19:22,920
The list of demands is on this tape.
Listen to it. There'll be a lab report

313
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:23,920
the morning.

314
00:19:28,270 --> 00:19:32,130
When do we pick up the 5 ,000 walkie
-talkies? Yeah, when?

315
00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:36,090
Ah, yes, I nearly forgot.

316
00:19:36,810 --> 00:19:38,470
This is our deep -sea operation.

317
00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:39,850
Strictly butted and underground.

318
00:19:40,270 --> 00:19:42,190
So there's your London transport passes.

319
00:19:43,210 --> 00:19:45,110
And a bag of 10p's for the phone.

320
00:19:46,790 --> 00:19:47,830
You're mad.

321
00:19:49,350 --> 00:19:51,250
There's no zooming about in fast cars.

322
00:19:51,450 --> 00:19:52,089
Come on.

323
00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:53,490
Have a look at these, gentlemen.

324
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,520
We're found in the body of a Russian
agent.

325
00:19:58,060 --> 00:20:00,480
I personally have the negatives.

326
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:13,980
It's a gay theorem file.

327
00:20:15,580 --> 00:20:16,580
Double tune.

328
00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:28,690
You're working off a bit of fat.

329
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:33,190
It's freezing out there.

330
00:20:34,690 --> 00:20:35,710
It's cold in here too.

331
00:20:35,910 --> 00:20:36,910
Don't you have time for an eating?

332
00:20:37,490 --> 00:20:38,490
Yeah, it's on.

333
00:20:41,690 --> 00:20:42,690
Cues everywhere.

334
00:20:43,290 --> 00:20:44,710
Probably unemployed for them.

335
00:20:45,530 --> 00:20:47,230
Yeah, well, they've got to eat, you
know.

336
00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:51,310
What's that?

337
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:54,650
Oh, that was made by the same person who
made Princess Diana's wedding dress.

338
00:20:56,810 --> 00:20:57,810
And what's that?

339
00:20:57,970 --> 00:20:58,970
It's a cup.

340
00:20:59,410 --> 00:21:00,410
It's a dirty cup.

341
00:21:06,930 --> 00:21:10,650
Anyway, I can't see why they don't just
give them the money. We've got enough.

342
00:21:11,490 --> 00:21:13,870
Yeah, well, it's not government policy
to give them to kidnappers.

343
00:21:14,530 --> 00:21:15,530
Anyway, you're wrong.

344
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:19,730
Theatre, opera, ballet needs as much
government money as it can get.

345
00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:21,770
VAT's killing off the business.

346
00:21:22,430 --> 00:21:24,190
Just kill it off permanently, if you ask
me.

347
00:21:24,890 --> 00:21:27,310
Only middle -class posers go and see
that junk, anyway.

348
00:21:27,610 --> 00:21:28,610
Junk?

349
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:29,870
Junk, Bonet.

350
00:21:30,310 --> 00:21:33,590
Where else in the world are you going to
see superbly staged Greek dramas?

351
00:21:34,330 --> 00:21:36,990
Greece? Oh, with the greatest actors in
the world?

352
00:21:38,170 --> 00:21:42,710
Greatest actors in the world, Boyle? You
wouldn't get Sylvester Stallone or Lee

353
00:21:42,710 --> 00:21:44,410
Marvin doing that crap, would you?

354
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:46,150
That's not acting, son.

355
00:21:46,530 --> 00:21:47,650
It's acting, son.

356
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:57,560
with nuts and honey.

357
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,820
You wanna see a psychiatrist, Royal?

358
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,240
Delicious.

359
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,040
We'd better be off.

360
00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:33,080
Keep practicing the scowls, love.

361
00:22:33,300 --> 00:22:34,360
When will you be back?

362
00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:35,720
About four o 'clock.

363
00:22:37,420 --> 00:22:41,360
Now, we're going to have to lock the
door so you don't escape.

364
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:42,960
Oh, don't worry about me.

365
00:22:43,260 --> 00:22:44,700
I'm doing a petty hurt.

366
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,900
I think I'm coming round to your way of
thinking.

367
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,380
She knew what I was thinking. She
chopped herself.

368
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:07,320
What have we got so far?

369
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,640
One black, one white.

370
00:23:11,500 --> 00:23:12,500
How do we know that?

371
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,080
Laboratory vocal cam report.

372
00:23:18,060 --> 00:23:19,580
Commander talked to me earlier on.

373
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:25,640
Speaker's black, six foot, mid
-thirties, and gay.

374
00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:31,340
No, he's not black.

375
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:33,040
What about the piano?

376
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:41,200
Dial a plane suggests a man five foot
tall, 140 pounds, short stubby fingers

377
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,040
long scruffy hair.

378
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,240
We're talking about double act.

379
00:23:46,460 --> 00:23:47,660
Yep, looks like it.

380
00:23:54,340 --> 00:24:01,220
You fancy a pub

381
00:24:01,220 --> 00:24:02,800
crawl? What, the whole of London?

382
00:24:03,180 --> 00:24:04,580
There's only one place this pair could
work.

383
00:24:05,860 --> 00:24:06,860
Knees up, country.

384
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:08,840
East End.

385
00:24:08,860 --> 00:24:09,860
Let's go!

386
00:24:15,940 --> 00:24:16,940
Take a 38.

387
00:24:17,060 --> 00:24:18,060
Take a 42.

388
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,780
No! Make it a giggling monster.

389
00:24:50,580 --> 00:24:51,920
Good. Excellent.

390
00:24:52,260 --> 00:24:54,240
So, Bonehead and Foil are out in the
open.

391
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:55,860
No, just follow them.

392
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,820
Seems everything's going just as we
planned.

393
00:25:09,420 --> 00:25:10,780
Where? Rat and puppy.

394
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:22,760
Drop the trumpet!

395
00:25:22,980 --> 00:25:24,360
Move! Let's go! Move!

396
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,380
Where did you get these?

397
00:25:33,540 --> 00:25:34,540
Gene Junction.

398
00:25:34,940 --> 00:25:35,940
Gene Junction?

399
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:38,400
Why didn't you get Levi's?

400
00:25:39,220 --> 00:25:40,520
Put them on, Phil. It's got money.

401
00:25:46,060 --> 00:25:47,680
You keep your eye on Commander Jackson.

402
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:48,899
Who knows?

403
00:25:48,900 --> 00:25:51,860
You could be in his shoes by the end of
the week. Good Lord willing, any creek

404
00:25:51,860 --> 00:25:52,860
don't rise.

405
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:55,940
Let's hope so, sir.

406
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,320
How many times in one day can a bloke in
my way be in front before he runs

407
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:01,740
around needlessly killing people for?

408
00:26:02,380 --> 00:26:03,600
How many? One more.

409
00:26:04,100 --> 00:26:08,960
I know, I know, I know, Thompson, but
you're... Thompson!

410
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,620
I know you're the only backup you've
got. Uh -huh.

411
00:26:11,940 --> 00:26:12,980
Well, keep your eye on them.

412
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:13,999
Mm -hmm.

413
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,380
And, Thompson, I have...

414
00:26:16,139 --> 00:26:19,280
Send a psychiatrist round to my wife
immediately, will you? Mm -hmm. And more

415
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:20,840
sedatives. Jesus Christ.

416
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:22,860
I'm browned off with this bus game.

417
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:24,240
You thinking what I'm thinking?

418
00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:26,060
Yeah. All right, let's go!

419
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:32,640
Now, check a bird out the other night.

420
00:26:45,260 --> 00:26:48,480
I'm not saying she was skinny. I'm
saying that her eyes were actually in

421
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:49,480
file.

422
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:52,580
Working in the garage as a dipstick.

423
00:26:54,660 --> 00:26:57,440
I took her home. The old man opened the
door, put her straight in the umbrella

424
00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:58,540
stand. I said, here, here.

425
00:27:01,980 --> 00:27:05,400
We sat on the sofa. I put my arm round
her. She said, here, here, here.

426
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:06,920
I said, where, where, where?

427
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:12,540
I took her down to a nudist colony last
year. I had to bring her home after two

428
00:27:12,540 --> 00:27:13,940
days. The dog kept trying to bury her.

429
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:15,340
Well, thank Christ we're mobile.

430
00:27:15,900 --> 00:27:18,660
Yeah, I've got a really bad headache, so
I haven't got a lot of fast driving in

431
00:27:18,660 --> 00:27:19,199
the world.

432
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:20,560
Listen, what happens if she's dead?

433
00:27:21,860 --> 00:27:23,200
Get down there while she's still warm.

434
00:27:25,860 --> 00:27:27,080
All right, Doug, you have a check.

435
00:28:13,649 --> 00:28:17,170
We don't know where the girl is yet. We
could smash it out of them, Foyle.

436
00:28:17,630 --> 00:28:20,250
Now then, what about an old sing -song
then?

437
00:28:21,690 --> 00:28:23,810
How's about that ugly one there?

438
00:28:25,510 --> 00:28:26,770
Come on, get up there.

439
00:28:29,290 --> 00:28:33,430
Kill the bastards. We don't know where
the girl is yet. I'll just get up there

440
00:28:33,430 --> 00:28:34,430
and sing a straight number.

441
00:28:35,510 --> 00:28:36,510
I can't.

442
00:28:37,250 --> 00:28:38,330
What do you mean you can't?

443
00:28:39,770 --> 00:28:41,450
I can't sing, Foyle.

444
00:28:43,150 --> 00:28:44,550
Oh, great time to tell me about it.

445
00:28:45,870 --> 00:28:47,030
Please release me, Flat.

446
00:28:48,370 --> 00:28:52,230
Oh, please release me.

447
00:28:52,610 --> 00:28:54,090
Let me go.

448
00:28:58,110 --> 00:29:02,810
Because I don't love you anymore.

449
00:29:21,420 --> 00:29:23,160
Best thing we've had around here for a
while.

450
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:25,480
Good -looking, too.

451
00:29:28,100 --> 00:29:33,860
Our lives would be a sin.

452
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,560
Please release me, my...

453
00:30:01,290 --> 00:30:04,150
Well, then, Pillock, he's a kidnapping
bastard, and I'm going to kill him.

454
00:30:05,630 --> 00:30:06,630
Nice boy, son.

455
00:30:07,870 --> 00:30:09,210
Plenty of charisma, you know?

456
00:30:09,430 --> 00:30:10,430
Oh, thanks.

457
00:30:10,790 --> 00:30:14,530
Ever thought of taking in a
professional, like? You know, a nice

458
00:30:15,150 --> 00:30:17,290
Yeah, well, that's... It's a reptile.
Piss off.

459
00:30:19,230 --> 00:30:20,230
Who's the gorilla?

460
00:30:21,030 --> 00:30:22,270
Right, that is it.

461
00:30:26,110 --> 00:30:27,130
Right, fly me to the moon.

462
00:30:27,410 --> 00:30:28,590
What, you got a rocket then, son?

463
00:30:29,330 --> 00:30:32,080
Only joking. How many bars you want?
When you're behind them, you can count

464
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:36,640
them, can't you? Left, right, left,
right, left, right. Fly me to the moon

465
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:38,820
take me up among the stars.

466
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,900
Let me see what life is like on Jupiter
and Mars.

467
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:47,240
In other words, you kidnapping bastard,
I love you, pretty baby.

468
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,780
In other words, you're dead, I love you.

469
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,340
Let's do lunch. Yeah, let's touch base.

470
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:58,600
Yeah, let's go.

471
00:31:18,570 --> 00:31:19,569
There is somewhere.

472
00:31:19,570 --> 00:31:20,570
Don't squirt out.

473
00:31:20,770 --> 00:31:21,770
Just go.

474
00:31:26,190 --> 00:31:32,370
I'm together.

475
00:31:49,710 --> 00:31:51,990
I don't want you to harm a head on her
head.

476
00:31:52,410 --> 00:31:54,750
Yeah, well, if she's an actress, Guff,
she's wearing a wig.

477
00:31:55,730 --> 00:31:56,509
Let's go!

478
00:31:56,510 --> 00:31:57,510
Daddy!

479
00:31:59,550 --> 00:32:00,550
Daddy!

480
00:32:02,610 --> 00:32:03,610
Daddy!

481
00:32:03,950 --> 00:32:04,950
Daddy!

482
00:32:06,610 --> 00:32:07,990
What time's our time, Poyle?

483
00:32:08,270 --> 00:32:09,430
Where are we, Rotherhithe?

484
00:32:09,890 --> 00:32:11,690
Downriver? About 6 .15, 6 .20?

485
00:32:12,070 --> 00:32:13,070
Let's go!

486
00:32:21,710 --> 00:32:22,710
a week for that roof hold.

487
00:32:23,110 --> 00:32:24,110
Pretty stressed concrete.

488
00:32:24,690 --> 00:32:25,690
Three months of end mix.

489
00:32:26,070 --> 00:32:27,070
That too.

490
00:32:27,110 --> 00:32:28,110
Two and a half tons.

491
00:32:29,290 --> 00:32:30,290
Let's go.

492
00:32:34,550 --> 00:32:35,870
How long will it take to get back to
your place?

493
00:32:36,550 --> 00:32:38,130
About an hour.

494
00:32:39,190 --> 00:32:42,350
You know those really tight black jeans
you've got?

495
00:32:44,670 --> 00:32:45,670
He's going to clean.

496
00:32:50,890 --> 00:32:53,930
I really respect you, not just as a
Secret Service agent, but as a man.

497
00:32:56,490 --> 00:32:57,490
Yeah.

498
00:32:58,530 --> 00:33:00,070
I love you, Foyle.

499
00:33:01,990 --> 00:33:02,990
I love you.

500
00:33:05,010 --> 00:33:06,010
Oh, God.

501
00:33:08,310 --> 00:33:09,730
All those months you were running knobs.

502
00:33:10,630 --> 00:33:13,090
I missed you so much, Bonehead. I ached
for you.

503
00:33:13,690 --> 00:33:18,050
I used to walk past the theatre hoping
to bump into you.

504
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,460
I thought I'd lost it. I'll phone it.

505
00:33:26,900 --> 00:33:27,900
Jenny!

506
00:33:30,860 --> 00:33:33,840
This is Commander Jackson, DI5.

507
00:33:34,180 --> 00:33:35,580
You are surrounded.

508
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:42,540
It's no youth, Commander. She is one of
us now.

509
00:33:43,100 --> 00:33:44,100
Jenny!

510
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:48,220
If they've so much as laid a finger on
you, I promise... I won't hold it

511
00:33:48,220 --> 00:33:49,660
you. Leave me.

512
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,679
I scrimped and saved every penny.

513
00:34:37,260 --> 00:34:38,860
And I did it for you, Jenny.

514
00:34:39,420 --> 00:34:40,500
Because I love you.

515
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:43,440
Very touching, George. You've gone quite
far enough.

516
00:34:44,540 --> 00:34:46,760
I'm sorry, George. We never intended to
kill you.

517
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:51,360
We? Yes, we. I've been working with the
KGB since I joined this service.

518
00:34:51,699 --> 00:34:56,040
I'm a full colonel now. You may remember
it was I who recommended Thompson to

519
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,520
DI5. You bastard.

520
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:00,120
I'll take the Admiral.

521
00:35:00,340 --> 00:35:01,340
I'll get Thompson.

522
00:35:01,620 --> 00:35:02,620
Cover me.

523
00:35:02,780 --> 00:35:05,200
So, uh, how does my daughter come into
this?

524
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:09,360
As you're probably aware, Commander, the
British Theatre, in which your

525
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:13,180
daughter's in no small way connected, is
internationally considered the finest

526
00:35:13,180 --> 00:35:14,180
in the world.

527
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:18,500
Imagine that. A British touring company,
not unlike the Royal Shakespeare,

528
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:20,240
visiting a foreign country?

529
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:26,020
Politicians, financiers, judges, they'll
turn out in their droves to celebrate

530
00:35:26,020 --> 00:35:27,040
this cultural event.

531
00:35:28,300 --> 00:35:31,220
I'm sorry, I still don't understand,
Admiral.

532
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,180
Or should I say, Colonel?

533
00:35:33,540 --> 00:35:34,740
Never slow, George.

534
00:35:34,980 --> 00:35:38,580
The entire cast is recruited from final
year drama students.

535
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:40,780
Of course, they all have to be
vaccinated.

536
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:43,300
You bastard.

537
00:35:43,940 --> 00:35:45,440
Subliminal triggering, George.

538
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,000
We infect them with a secret serum.

539
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:49,400
To do what?

540
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:51,700
The production, let's say, is Henry IV.

541
00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:54,720
Prince Hal has just returned from the
war.

542
00:35:55,020 --> 00:35:59,820
A messenger enters stage right and says,
odds goblet, tis strange, my lord.

543
00:36:00,170 --> 00:36:04,730
On hearing this line, Commander, the
entire cast, programmed by the serum,

544
00:36:04,730 --> 00:36:09,330
amok and decapitates the entire front
row of the audience, thereby causing a

545
00:36:09,330 --> 00:36:10,930
major diplomatic incident.

546
00:36:11,150 --> 00:36:12,190
The rest, I'm sure you know.

547
00:36:12,410 --> 00:36:16,510
But why kidnap my daughter? We didn't.
An unfortunate coincidence.

548
00:36:17,110 --> 00:36:21,750
Quite by chance, these two vaudeville
morons took it upon themselves to kidnap

549
00:36:21,750 --> 00:36:25,950
your daughter, to raise money to finance
a pathetic theatrical venture in

550
00:36:25,950 --> 00:36:27,830
London's wasted dockless.

551
00:36:29,070 --> 00:36:33,350
And I'm sure you realize, having heard
her sing, your daughter is expendable,

552
00:36:33,350 --> 00:36:34,730
indeed you are yourself.

553
00:36:35,650 --> 00:36:38,590
And so are you, Captain Birdseye.

554
00:36:47,150 --> 00:36:48,150
Freeze!

555
00:36:48,790 --> 00:36:51,790
State, if this is a film, how would you
end it?

556
00:36:52,330 --> 00:36:56,910
You and Foyle fight your way out,
followed by 40 seconds of quick -fire

557
00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:58,860
Then credits roll. Nah, not enough
stunts.

558
00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:03,080
Dean, you and Foil take the girl and
escape in a speedboat. Like the

559
00:37:03,100 --> 00:37:03,939
not enough violence.

560
00:37:03,940 --> 00:37:04,698
Try it.

561
00:37:04,700 --> 00:37:07,740
Helicopter appears from nowhere, crashes
into the building, kills everyone

562
00:37:07,740 --> 00:37:11,200
except you and Foil. Like the
helicopter, but a wee bit too expensive.

563
00:37:11,780 --> 00:37:12,780
Chuck!

564
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:15,280
Hail a crossfire.

565
00:37:16,700 --> 00:37:19,100
Everybody dies except you and Foil.

566
00:37:20,220 --> 00:37:24,960
Foil turns very slowly to Bonehead and
says, Jesus Christ, I hate killing

567
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:25,960
people.

568
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:31,240
Followed by helicopter shot moving away
in the distance. Good boy, good boy.

569
00:38:25,390 --> 00:38:27,230
Jesus Christ I hate killing people.