1 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,234 Earth. 2 00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:11,362 A cradle for unimaginable beauty 3 00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:14,740 and staggering wonder. 4 00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:18,452 Incomprehensible, overwhelming, 5 00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:23,708 this planet mocks our feeble power to describe it. 6 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:28,754 Yes, to truly appreciate the astounding grandeur 7 00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:34,135 of this planet, sometimes you must defile it. 8 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,513 Behold the defiler. 9 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:43,436 His character is vile, base, and depraved. 10 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,813 Once a proud talk show host, 11 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:49,483 he has been driven by a changing ecosystem 12 00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:52,820 to a drier and harsher climate 13 00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:55,614 the weekly podcast. 14 00:00:55,638 --> 00:01:01,120 Here, without the nourishment of his studio audience, 15 00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:05,416 this clown with dull, tiny eyes, 16 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,294 the eyes of a crudely painted doll, 17 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:12,590 is forced to feed on that me age rest of morsels, 18 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:15,676 the random call-in fan. 19 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:20,806 Unhinged by the feral scent of their mild enthusiasm, 20 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:25,519 he scavenges in distant lands uninvited, 21 00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:29,273 fueled by a bottomless hunger for recognition 22 00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:31,651 and the occasional selfie. 23 00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:42,453 This is madness. 24 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,664 This is lunacy. 25 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,606 This is chaos. 26 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:53,780 This is "Conan O'Brien Must Go." 27 00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:57,885 Norway. 28 00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,387 Hey, Conan. 29 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,347 My name is Jarle, and I'm from Bergen, Norway. 30 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,932 Let me say this correctly. 31 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,059 And first of all, nice to meet you, Jarle? 32 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,477 Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good, yeah. 33 00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:07,687 Tell us a little bit about yourself. 34 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,563 You seem like a nice, cool chap. 35 00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:13,943 I make Norwegian pop, like funk music with my cousin. 36 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,403 - Wait, do you have a group? - Yeah. 37 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:16,821 We have a group called E.D.A. 38 00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,406 Can you rap in Norwegian for me? 39 00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:20,741 - Okay, check it. - Check it. 40 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,333 Wow! I like that. 41 00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:30,584 You should try. 42 00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:40,428 Yes! 43 00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:42,346 I wanna be a hit on the Norwegian pop charts. 44 00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,639 Is that a possibility? 45 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,100 That is an above 0% possibility. 46 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,271 I cannot say that it's over 1%, 47 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,897 but it's, like, definitely like... 48 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,107 Well, come on. 49 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:54,525 In the mid-zeros. 50 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,777 - Listen... okay. - Mid zeros! 51 00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,195 You. 52 00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:00,197 Jarle, it was really nice talking to you. 53 00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:01,949 Let me know if you guys are over here. 54 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,716 A package for Jarle. 55 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:19,717 What? 56 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,552 A package for Jarle. 57 00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:22,994 Yeah, coming. 58 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,248 Did that sound like me? 59 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,770 Hey, y'all, come on out here. 60 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:34,065 - Holy shit. - Ha, ha! Look. 61 00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,025 Oh, my God. 62 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,109 Conan. 63 00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:39,070 Yeah, I came to see you. 64 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,655 You came all this way just for me? 65 00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:41,739 Yes! 66 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,407 - Oh, my God. - Just for you. 67 00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:44,909 - I... - You're trembling. 68 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,452 Wow, this is crazy. 69 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,162 I'm in my goddamn Crocs out here. 70 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:49,955 That's you in your Crocs. That's okay. 71 00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:51,457 That's okay. 72 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:52,833 It's so nice to meet you. - Likewise. 73 00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:54,168 - Yeah. - 100%. Wow. 74 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,336 So you didn't know I was coming? 75 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,088 No, not at all. 76 00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,297 Yes! 77 00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,007 Fantastic. 78 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,176 Wow. Show me the apartment first. 79 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,512 Do you mind if I just check out what you got in here? 80 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:05,513 Go for it. 81 00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:06,931 So you have one Corona, 82 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,265 and you don't even keep it in the fridge. 83 00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:09,433 I don't like that beer. 84 00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:10,810 I don't know where it came from. 85 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,561 You don't have a lot of food. 86 00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,355 Look at this. Look at that. 87 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:17,233 He has one spoon. 88 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,276 What's your deal? 89 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:23,322 You... look, you have left this open. 90 00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:28,327 And it got stale, and it's a solid block. 91 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,204 It's not supposed to be like that. 92 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,497 Look at that! 93 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:32,731 That's crazy. 94 00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,668 How old is this bread? 95 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,086 One week. 96 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,279 One week, and you've left it open. 97 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,096 That's your bread. 98 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,931 This is your bread. 99 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,307 You know what's so great about this bread? 100 00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,000 You can use it to break up the cereal. 101 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,397 I use it for something else. 102 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:59,233 Look at this! Look at this. 103 00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:02,153 These are your goddamn potatoes. 104 00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:03,487 Did you know these were sprouting? 105 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,823 I haven't opened that drawer in, like, a month. 106 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:08,117 Seriously, this is a huge problem. 107 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,744 You can't live like this. - No. 108 00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:12,038 How long have you had this bed spread? 109 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:13,873 Probably since I was a little kid. 110 00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:14,999 Since you were, like, a little boy. 111 00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,042 - Yeah. - Yeah. 112 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,776 Where would I stay if I stayed here? 113 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,340 And you're on there. 114 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,091 Jarle, I'm gonna be honest with you. 115 00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:26,218 This absolutely blows. 116 00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:28,387 I see that now. 117 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,514 Jarle, I noticed that there is a receipt 118 00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:32,016 behind you that's been framed. 119 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,185 What's that receipt for? 120 00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:37,188 So this was just a joke I had with a buddy of mine 121 00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:40,691 after I was at a store, the total value. 122 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:44,236 Oh, 69.69. 123 00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:46,822 So it's a 69 joke. 124 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,575 And you fucking framed it. 125 00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,535 Jarle, you have a band. What's it called? 126 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:53,120 - E.D.A. - What's that? 127 00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,622 - E.D.A. - One more time. 128 00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:55,790 It's E.D.A. 129 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,249 You got it. 130 00:05:57,273 --> 00:05:59,126 Yeah. 131 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,920 How's that band going? 132 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:01,921 Oh, that's going great. 133 00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:02,963 We're having a concert tomorrow. 134 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:04,715 Jarle, what time is your show tomorrow? 135 00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:08,219 Show tomorrow is at, like, 23:30, whatever. 136 00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,804 From now on, as long as we're friends, 137 00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,597 when you discuss time with me, 138 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,516 we use the American system, okay? 139 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,518 I guess above, like, 12 numbers 140 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,061 is too high, like too... 141 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,355 Don't fuck around with me, Jarle, okay? 142 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,690 I'll wipe the floor with you, 143 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:21,983 which actually might be a good idea... 144 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:26,070 Because I think you'd pick up 145 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:28,823 a lot of lint as I drag you around. 146 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,282 I'm definitely gonna check out your show. 147 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:31,784 I would love for that too. 148 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,828 And I also wanna help your career. 149 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,288 If I give you advice and get you help, will you accept it? 150 00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:38,833 - 100%. - Okay. 151 00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,584 After leaving Jarle's apartment, 152 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:42,461 I had to deal with a pressing issue 153 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:43,963 my missing luggage. 154 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,298 My luggage is gone... yeah, completely gone. 155 00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:47,967 It's gone. They don't care. 156 00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,552 What happened is, uh, 157 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,220 flew from LA to London, 158 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,763 London to Oslo, 159 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,640 Oslo to Bergen. 160 00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:57,935 Somewhere along the way, gone. 161 00:06:57,959 --> 00:06:59,353 Anyway, not to worry. 162 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:01,022 The hotel said they sell clothing 163 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:04,275 right across the street, so I came over here. 164 00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,359 And check it out. 165 00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:13,993 Problem solved. 166 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,978 Hi, hi. 167 00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:20,207 What is your name? - Dagfinn. 168 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:21,709 - Dagfinn. - Yep. 169 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:25,046 Kids teased me when I was a kid because my name was Conan. 170 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,964 And your name is "Dogfinn." - Yeah, yeah. 171 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,341 And nothing... no one teased you, right? 172 00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:30,217 - No, nothing like that. - Yeah. 173 00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:31,719 How's your friend Fishface? 174 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:34,889 Is he okay? 175 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,975 Quick question... I just picked this up. 176 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,852 Is this how people dress in Norway? 177 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:41,854 No. No, no. 178 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,189 One "no" is fine. 179 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,815 Why'd you do three no's? 180 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:48,861 Because it's more, eh, ridiculous. 181 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,321 - This is ridiculous? - Yeah, yeah. 182 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,572 They sold me this. 183 00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:52,948 They said that people wear this in Norway. 184 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,599 That's not true. 185 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,371 - Nobody wears this? - No. 186 00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,914 You're saying I look foolish right now? 187 00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,064 Yes. 188 00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:05,211 Dogfinn, if I can call you "Dogfinn," 189 00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:06,921 you don't sugarcoat it, do you? 190 00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:08,589 You tell it just as it is. - Yes. 191 00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:11,241 - So I look like a fool? - Yes, today. 192 00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:14,553 Do you think the women would like this outfit? 193 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:16,555 No. 194 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:17,598 Not today. 195 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:19,016 Do you think a guy might like this outfit? 196 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,601 No, no. 197 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:21,769 No one would like this outfit? 198 00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,396 Yes, that's correct. 199 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,064 So far all you've done is shoot me down. 200 00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,524 Yes. 201 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:27,900 You haven't said one nice thing to me 202 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,151 since I spoke to you. 203 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,070 No. 204 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,571 So you're just being very honest with me 205 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:33,906 that I look... I look stupid. 206 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,241 Yes, today. 207 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,867 - I look like a fool. - Yes, today. 208 00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,953 - Like an idiot. - Yeah, today. 209 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,705 Do you think I should have waited 210 00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:43,290 for my luggage to come back from the airport 211 00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:44,375 rather than buy this? 212 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,293 Yes, yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. 213 00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:47,586 So everything I've done is wrong? 214 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:48,629 Yes. 215 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:50,548 All right, Dogfin, I'm gonna go that way. 216 00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:51,966 - Okay. - You go that way. 217 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,134 No. 218 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,136 I go also that way. - Wow. 219 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,595 God dang. 220 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,139 Dogfin! - Yes. 221 00:08:58,163 --> 00:08:59,473 Yeah, yeah. 222 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:00,725 Wow! 223 00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:03,269 After my run-in with Dogfin 224 00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:08,399 oh, man, look at this incredible drone shot. 225 00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:11,736 Yeah, we're flying over Bergen Harbor. 226 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,864 You gotta use drone cameras on these travel shows. 227 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,241 Look at the detail. 228 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,201 You can see this hotel. 229 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,162 It's beautiful. 230 00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,789 God, I love this drone. 231 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,291 I'm gonna make it my personal mission 232 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:27,376 to use it as much as possible. 233 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,713 Even if it feels a little forced! 234 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,426 After finishing my wine 235 00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:37,178 and a big plate of Norwegian cod, 236 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,972 I decided to head out and discover the wild side 237 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,349 of Bergen's nightlife. 238 00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:43,017 Hi, hi. All: Hi, hi! 239 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:44,268 Hi, hi. 240 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:47,146 This is something that I found in Norway that's a tradition. 241 00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:49,357 People get together, they have a little drink, 242 00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:50,983 and they knit at the same time. 243 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,110 Well, tell me... so you do this twice a month. 244 00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:54,153 How did this get started? 245 00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:55,446 Instagram. 246 00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:56,614 Ah. 247 00:09:56,638 --> 00:10:00,785 Well, what a great old ancient Norwegian tradition. 248 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,454 I don't know how to knit. What do I do? 249 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:04,580 How do I start? 250 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,790 You need to cast on first. 251 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,792 - Cast on, okay. - Cast off. 252 00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:09,460 - Ooh, look at that. - Yeah. 253 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,295 So you just keep doing that. 254 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,963 Can you hand me my glass? 255 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:16,926 Can you... I'll do it if you just keep 256 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,260 mmm. 257 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,470 Mm-hmm. 258 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:20,846 Uh-huh, you're doing very good. 259 00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:23,766 - That's good. - Yeah. 260 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,018 Look, I knitted, everybody! 261 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,272 Very good. 262 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,024 How come you don't seem so happy for me? 263 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,776 It's a simple thing. 264 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,070 It's not a simple thing. 265 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,906 This is the greatest achievement of my life. 266 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:41,492 I'm curious, what were you talking about before I came? 267 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:43,035 What is this... 268 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,745 What you're knitting, what kind of fibers. 269 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,998 Oh, what are you knitting, what kind of fibers. 270 00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:48,582 You know, it's funny you say that. 271 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:52,378 I have been... I touched women's sweaters before. 272 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,214 You need to ask. 273 00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:58,074 And they were wearing them, and they got very upset. 274 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,930 Hey, hey, hey, hey. Easy there. 275 00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,557 Torsten is taken. 276 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:05,933 Yes, but I can feel his fibers. 277 00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,059 Oh, wow. 278 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,940 Ladies. 279 00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:14,150 Ladies, please. 280 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:18,654 Look at that. Look how far I've gotten. 281 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,239 Look at that. Yeah. 282 00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:23,200 It could be, like, a French bikini bottom maybe. 283 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,161 This is the thong. 284 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:28,063 This is the thong that goes up the back. 285 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,084 - A few more? - Yeah. 286 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,461 Trust me, you don't have to. 287 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,993 It's very cold out there. 288 00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,431 Would you assist me here? 289 00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,141 You hold on to that, 290 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,560 and I'll go around this way here. 291 00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,062 And look at that. 292 00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:53,564 That's fantastic. 293 00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:55,483 This is a great new creation. 294 00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:00,988 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 295 00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:04,992 So I took my new wool lingerie and strutted outside 296 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,745 to see one of the world's greatest wonders. 297 00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,830 God, the northern lights. 298 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:12,667 One of the highlights of coming to Norway. 299 00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:16,712 It looks so gorgeous to be here, 300 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,632 to actually see it. 301 00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:22,885 It's just stunning. Wow. 302 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,512 Yeah, the northern lights don't come out 303 00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,138 for another three hours. 304 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:29,225 I'm not gonna stick around for that shit. 305 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:32,853 When you think of Norway, you often think of Vikings. 306 00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:34,522 Well, I'm in Gudvangen. 307 00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,857 It is a recreation 308 00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:39,860 of a Viking village, and the good people here 309 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:42,780 dress as Vikings, live as Vikings. 310 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,323 Sir, what is your name? - Carl. 311 00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:45,866 Carl. 312 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,702 And you are dressed as an authentic Viking. 313 00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:49,036 Is that true? 314 00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,663 As far as we can ascertain, yeah. 315 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,873 That's... that's a real weapon right there. 316 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,208 You're not fooling around. 317 00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:58,129 This is a society where the only response 318 00:12:58,153 --> 00:12:59,964 you have to an insult is violence, so... 319 00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,383 So any time someone says, 320 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,010 "Hey, maybe you could trim that beard, 321 00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:06,053 "it's getting a little long," you can just say, 322 00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:07,972 "It's Viking time," and kill everybody. 323 00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,306 You can. 324 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,850 If the Viking thing ever dries up, 325 00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:12,643 you could be a wizard. 326 00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,729 Yep. I'll keep that in mind. 327 00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:17,356 I don't think you will. 328 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,524 What the hell was that? 329 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:20,067 You have Icelandic chickens. 330 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,447 Thankfully he is only up when the sun is up, 331 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:25,990 so he'll go to bed pretty soon. 332 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,121 Rooster's insane. 333 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,414 I think he's lost his mind 334 00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:35,041 'cause he's living in this Viking village. 335 00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:38,627 That is entirely possible. 336 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:39,628 Yeah. 337 00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:44,866 Kill that thing. 338 00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:47,911 I can't take it anymore. 339 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,105 Well, that shut him the fuck up. 340 00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,732 Bah! 341 00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:01,567 Look at this. This is incredible. 342 00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:05,112 Thank you for inviting me to your authentic Viking world. 343 00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:06,614 And what would this be? 344 00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:09,784 This is gonna be the needle for this cloak pin. 345 00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:12,036 For what? Oh, this is jewelry I'm making? 346 00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:13,371 Yeah. So it's a... 347 00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:14,580 And I thought I was making a weapon. 348 00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:16,749 Can I say something? 349 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,584 You're a very happy, jolly fellow. 350 00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:20,961 I bought my freedom when he captured me as a slave, 351 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:23,714 so yeah, I should be jolly now. 352 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,716 Oh, okay. 353 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,510 Wow. 354 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,928 How would I do as a Viking? 355 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:32,264 I am a redhead, so I probably have Viking DNA in me. 356 00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:35,875 - Conan the Red. - Conan the Red. 357 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:27,403 I am Conan the Red, 358 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,864 son of Thomas, 359 00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:31,991 the microbiologist, 360 00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:35,911 and Ruth, the estate attorney. 361 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,372 I was forged in iron. 362 00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:44,396 I've come here to pillage and murder! 363 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:49,675 I must now meet my tribe, and then they will know fear! 364 00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,667 I am Conan the Red. 365 00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:02,003 Who is your chief? 366 00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:04,547 I am. 367 00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,739 I have to say, I'm not feeling it. 368 00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,201 I wanna learn the ways of a Viking. 369 00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:16,744 Can you sorta show me the ropes? 370 00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:26,962 Are my pants falling? 371 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,090 I think my pants are falling down. 372 00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:33,177 Yes! Right? - Yep. 373 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,762 Why would Vikings do this? 374 00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:36,931 Well, mostly for fun. 375 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:38,432 - For fun? - Yeah. 376 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,142 This isn't, like, a battle skill? 377 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,811 Not for the Vikings. 378 00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,521 So this was a big waste of time what I just did. 379 00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:44,897 - Dah... - Let's go. 380 00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,530 What are we cooking here? 381 00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:54,949 Well, we just melted some ice. 382 00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:56,951 Oh, the old ice stew. 383 00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:58,869 - Yeah, the ice stew. - Oh, wow. 384 00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:00,454 What do you eat here in the village? 385 00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:05,042 Um, onions, turnips, with meat as well 386 00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:07,420 from boar hunting, deer hunting. 387 00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:10,131 Oh, man, this place blows. 388 00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:12,216 Guys, these people are crazy. 389 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,467 They're nuts. 390 00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:16,303 Hey, do you want out of here? 391 00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:17,805 I can get us a van. 392 00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,932 I can get you down to Oslo in two hours. 393 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,225 No, I can. 394 00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:22,601 The van's not over there. 395 00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,645 You don't have to live like this. 396 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,731 Now, Carl, you said that insults 397 00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:28,858 were usually how fights began. - Yes. 398 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:32,177 So why don't you start by insulting me? 399 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:35,096 Come on. Really go for it. 400 00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:42,455 You overgrown ginger lump. 401 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:45,374 You son of a bitch! 402 00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:52,340 Okay. 403 00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:53,531 Again. 404 00:18:09,381 --> 00:18:12,026 I find your sense of humor juvenile 405 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:14,278 and an insult to the concept of humor. 406 00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:23,561 Come on. Try it again, Carl. 407 00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:30,961 You having a stroke, Carl? 408 00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:39,470 You hamburger-eating, diabetic, uh, 409 00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:42,014 joke of a lost British colony. 410 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,810 Wow. 411 00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,354 I'd be insulted, but it's all true. 412 00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:50,564 I don't think you were cut out to be a Viking. 413 00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:51,732 I just don't. 414 00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,484 Now, you showed me your world. 415 00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:54,652 Let me show you mine. 416 00:19:09,941 --> 00:19:11,711 - Skal. - Skal. 417 00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:24,265 Back in civilization, I decided the best way 418 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,975 to help my new friend Jarle 419 00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:28,436 was to join him in the recording studio. 420 00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:31,314 Jarle has teamed up with his partner Christian, 421 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,982 and you two are a writing team. 422 00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,191 Is that right? - That's true. 423 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,192 And you perform together. 424 00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:36,777 And these guys are the engineers. 425 00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:37,903 Is that right? - Yes. 426 00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:39,196 - What is your name? - Morten. 427 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,531 Okay, I'm not gonna remember that. 428 00:19:40,555 --> 00:19:41,574 And what's your name? - Isaac. 429 00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:42,575 Okay. 430 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,035 All right, I'm gonna call you Chip and Chop. 431 00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:45,828 Don't take it personally, but this country 432 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,246 has got a fucked-up language. 433 00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:48,456 I don't know what's going on, okay? 434 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:49,999 If I wanted to be in a Tolkien novel, 435 00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,876 I'd go live in a Tolkien novel. 436 00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:54,712 All right, "Shteeb," "Shteib," let's hear the first song. 437 00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,422 This is called "Welcome to the Clubbin'." 438 00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:58,883 Ah, ah. 439 00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:12,897 Stop right there. 440 00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:15,566 I know a lot about rap, and I've produced 441 00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:17,485 some of the greatest acts in the world. 442 00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:19,487 To me, that sounded like rap. 443 00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:22,448 Now, when he's rapping, what are you doing? 444 00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,492 - Just listening. - Yeah. 445 00:20:24,516 --> 00:20:25,785 Okay. 446 00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:27,495 We have a little bit of a Simon and Garfunkel 447 00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:28,788 thing happening here. 448 00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:29,997 And no offense, I just wanna hear 449 00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:31,207 what you're contributing to this... 450 00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,416 Yeah. 451 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,001 Because I've gotta look at the bottom line. 452 00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:48,015 Okay, I owe you an apology. 453 00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,850 That was fantastic. That was great. 454 00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:52,228 Yeah, I'm now thinking you have to go. 455 00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:53,354 You're less ironic. 456 00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:54,563 You know, you're doing a lot of like... 457 00:20:57,132 --> 00:20:58,317 You know? 458 00:20:58,341 --> 00:21:01,654 And this guy is like... you're laying it down, no apologies. 459 00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,280 There's usually in some of these songs 460 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,366 correct me if I'm wrong... like, a vocal part 461 00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:07,159 that I could maybe add. - Yeah. 462 00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:09,620 But it's something that tells you we're in Norway, 463 00:21:09,644 --> 00:21:11,330 'cause I think that would help, you know? 464 00:21:11,354 --> 00:21:13,874 ♪ Like I'm looking at the fjord ♪ 465 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:15,334 You know what I mean? - Yeah. 466 00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,294 Like he's in the club, but he's looking at the fjord. 467 00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:18,838 That tells you we're in Norway, 468 00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:20,715 possibly Seattle, some Nordic country. 469 00:21:20,739 --> 00:21:22,049 But you know what I mean? 470 00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:23,300 Do you think that would lay in on the bridge? 471 00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:24,635 Yeah, it definitely would. 472 00:21:28,997 --> 00:21:31,100 ♪ I'm looking at the fjord ♪ 473 00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:35,104 ♪ There's salmon in the sea ♪ 474 00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:39,692 ♪ My baby says she's bored ♪ 475 00:21:41,718 --> 00:21:44,113 ♪ She's not in love with me ♪ 476 00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:45,323 ♪ Ha, ha ♪ 477 00:21:46,556 --> 00:21:47,700 ♪ Ha, ha ♪ 478 00:21:48,892 --> 00:21:51,537 ♪ Yeah, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 479 00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:53,456 Oh, yeah. 480 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:54,707 Let's go! 481 00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:56,917 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 482 00:21:58,026 --> 00:22:01,922 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 483 00:22:01,946 --> 00:22:03,716 Excellent. 484 00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:05,509 I think what we do is, we lay that in. 485 00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:07,762 I think this is a bona fide hit. 486 00:22:07,786 --> 00:22:10,556 I wanna get this track played on the radio today, 487 00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:13,893 and I will use all of my connections 488 00:22:13,917 --> 00:22:17,188 in Norway, which is basically you and you. 489 00:22:17,212 --> 00:22:18,439 Yeah. 490 00:22:18,463 --> 00:22:20,608 You... you have, like, no shoulder at all. 491 00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:22,943 This is like... it's like I'm holding on to a butterfly. 492 00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:24,403 I should lift more. 493 00:22:24,427 --> 00:22:26,280 No, no, you shouldn't lift anything at all. 494 00:22:26,304 --> 00:22:28,616 Your arms would fall off and shatter on the floor 495 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,201 like little pieces of China. 496 00:22:30,225 --> 00:22:31,535 Guys, there's one thing we haven't brought up, 497 00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:34,580 which is, what's the financial arrangement here? 498 00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:36,165 Hmm. 499 00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:37,625 You understand that I'm bringing a lot 500 00:22:37,649 --> 00:22:38,918 to the table now. - Absolutely. 501 00:22:38,942 --> 00:22:40,044 Yeah. 502 00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:41,462 So you would both have to take a decrease 503 00:22:41,486 --> 00:22:42,463 in order to make room for me. 504 00:22:42,487 --> 00:22:45,466 You're gonna hear from William Morris Endeavor. 505 00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:46,926 That's WME. - Okay. 506 00:22:46,950 --> 00:22:49,387 As soon as we find a working telephone here, 507 00:22:49,411 --> 00:22:52,431 they're going to call you, and, um, 508 00:22:52,455 --> 00:22:55,101 they're going to explain to you what I'm getting, okay? 509 00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:56,268 Don't fuck with these people. - Okay. 510 00:22:56,292 --> 00:22:57,561 Okay? 511 00:22:57,585 --> 00:22:59,271 I swear to God, don't fuck with these people, all right? 512 00:22:59,295 --> 00:23:01,232 Just give them what they want. 513 00:23:01,256 --> 00:23:03,484 It's gonna be Rick Rosen and Gavin Polone. 514 00:23:03,508 --> 00:23:07,780 And when they're done with you, you'll be two skeletons. 515 00:23:07,804 --> 00:23:09,448 They're criminals. 516 00:23:09,472 --> 00:23:12,159 They once both held Suge Knight out a window. 517 00:23:12,183 --> 00:23:14,078 Yeah, and he shit his pants. - At the same time? 518 00:23:14,102 --> 00:23:15,830 What's that? They each had a leg. 519 00:23:15,854 --> 00:23:18,582 While Jarle and Christian went to an ATM to get my money, 520 00:23:18,606 --> 00:23:20,835 I decided to explore Norway's casual 521 00:23:20,859 --> 00:23:22,586 and shame-free approach to sex. 522 00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:24,922 They call it "sex before coffee." 523 00:23:24,946 --> 00:23:27,842 And as an intellectually curious pervert, 524 00:23:27,866 --> 00:23:29,343 I decided to investigate. 525 00:23:29,367 --> 00:23:32,346 I'm sitting here with Catrin Sagen. 526 00:23:32,370 --> 00:23:36,142 And you are a psychologist and a couples therapist... 527 00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:37,643 Yeah. 528 00:23:37,667 --> 00:23:39,979 And a bit of an expert on sex. 529 00:23:40,003 --> 00:23:41,439 - Yeah, I am. - Okay. 530 00:23:41,463 --> 00:23:43,357 Teach me how to flirt in Norway. 531 00:23:43,381 --> 00:23:47,069 You cannot go into a woman and pay 532 00:23:47,093 --> 00:23:48,696 for the restaurant bill. - Really? 533 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,239 Yes. 534 00:23:50,263 --> 00:23:55,119 That might... she might feel that you are for inequality. 535 00:23:55,143 --> 00:23:57,747 So she... she will not like that. - Right. 536 00:23:57,771 --> 00:24:01,375 But if you don't try to pay it, 537 00:24:01,399 --> 00:24:03,711 she will find you cheap and... 538 00:24:03,735 --> 00:24:05,671 - See, there's no winning. - I know. 539 00:24:05,695 --> 00:24:06,839 It's a game. 540 00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:08,215 Okay, let's try right now. 541 00:24:08,239 --> 00:24:09,967 A meal has just been put. 542 00:24:09,991 --> 00:24:12,053 We're here and we've just... we're eating the meal. 543 00:24:12,077 --> 00:24:13,721 What are you eating, pasta? What are you doing? 544 00:24:13,745 --> 00:24:16,223 - Yes. This is... - No one eats like this. 545 00:24:16,247 --> 00:24:17,892 I don't know what you're doing. 546 00:24:17,916 --> 00:24:19,226 Now we've had our dessert. 547 00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:20,561 I'm having a parfait. - Yes. 548 00:24:20,585 --> 00:24:22,396 Long spoon. 549 00:24:22,420 --> 00:24:24,690 Maybe just a little bit more masculine for my kind 550 00:24:24,714 --> 00:24:25,816 of taste, not that... 551 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,360 No, I... I 552 00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:31,155 it's a tall and it's like... it's a swirling 553 00:24:31,179 --> 00:24:34,200 it's got a lot of little creams and syrups in it, 554 00:24:34,224 --> 00:24:35,409 it's a long spoon. 555 00:24:35,433 --> 00:24:37,286 But you do want to have sex with me, right? 556 00:24:37,310 --> 00:24:38,621 What's that? 557 00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:39,830 So don't do that with the tongue. 558 00:24:39,854 --> 00:24:42,041 - So I've just paid for dinner. - Yeah. 559 00:24:42,065 --> 00:24:43,709 I'll take this. 560 00:24:43,733 --> 00:24:45,044 Take care of this. There you go. 561 00:24:45,068 --> 00:24:46,545 There's my card. All right. 562 00:24:46,569 --> 00:24:48,214 And what's this? 563 00:24:48,238 --> 00:24:49,840 Oh, it was rejected. 564 00:24:49,864 --> 00:24:51,759 Oh. I can pay. 565 00:24:51,783 --> 00:24:54,804 - No, no, that's fine. Here. - Okay. 566 00:24:54,828 --> 00:24:57,264 - Try... try this. - It's a gold platinum card. 567 00:24:57,288 --> 00:24:58,349 Try this card, yeah. 568 00:24:58,373 --> 00:25:00,559 That should... what? 569 00:25:00,583 --> 00:25:02,895 Also? Here, try this. 570 00:25:02,919 --> 00:25:04,563 It's an old Diners Club card. 571 00:25:04,587 --> 00:25:07,274 - Oh. - Now... what? 572 00:25:07,298 --> 00:25:08,693 Oh, come on. 573 00:25:08,717 --> 00:25:12,279 The saying "sex before coffee," 574 00:25:12,303 --> 00:25:16,951 does that mean that Norwegians like to maybe have sex first 575 00:25:16,975 --> 00:25:18,285 and then get to know each other? 576 00:25:18,309 --> 00:25:19,412 Yes. 577 00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:21,038 - That's fascinating to me. - Yeah. 578 00:25:21,062 --> 00:25:23,082 You have sex first, and then you talk. 579 00:25:23,106 --> 00:25:24,792 Yeah. Or never talk. 580 00:25:24,816 --> 00:25:27,378 If you don't like the sex or like the person. 581 00:25:27,402 --> 00:25:29,547 Pretend that we just did have sex... 582 00:25:29,571 --> 00:25:31,799 - Yeah. - And you did not enjoy it. 583 00:25:31,823 --> 00:25:33,968 Would you say anything negative about my body? 584 00:25:33,992 --> 00:25:35,136 No. 585 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,763 What if things were just kind of weird down there? 586 00:25:37,787 --> 00:25:40,016 I wouldn't tell you anything. 587 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,517 - You wouldn't say anything? - No. 588 00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:42,768 What if it's just sort of takes 589 00:25:42,792 --> 00:25:44,270 a sharp turn to the left? 590 00:25:44,294 --> 00:25:46,355 That might be interesting. I don't know. 591 00:25:46,379 --> 00:25:47,815 No, it's not in a... not in a good way. 592 00:25:47,839 --> 00:25:49,066 It's not in a good way? 593 00:25:49,090 --> 00:25:50,276 It is like... it's like it's on a hinge. 594 00:25:50,300 --> 00:25:52,153 - Okay. - It's just... it's 595 00:25:52,177 --> 00:25:55,489 it's like an old rusty gate that's stuck open. 596 00:25:55,513 --> 00:25:58,868 I don't know that I could hook up in the morning and, 597 00:25:58,892 --> 00:26:01,912 and not talk with someone, and then go have coffee. 598 00:26:01,936 --> 00:26:03,331 That's one of the things I've been told is, 599 00:26:03,355 --> 00:26:04,832 I talk a lot during sex. 600 00:26:04,856 --> 00:26:08,127 - Oh. - But I don't say sexy things. 601 00:26:08,151 --> 00:26:10,046 - No. - I just talk a lot about... 602 00:26:10,070 --> 00:26:11,339 - Different things. - Well, just like... 603 00:26:11,363 --> 00:26:12,840 The weather. 604 00:26:12,864 --> 00:26:14,633 Well, Woodrow Wilson comes up a lot. 605 00:26:14,657 --> 00:26:16,469 And I'll say, you know, it's interesting 'cause he 606 00:26:16,493 --> 00:26:19,680 in his first term, he ran on, I'll keep us out of the war, 607 00:26:19,704 --> 00:26:21,182 and then he got us into the war. 608 00:26:21,206 --> 00:26:23,768 And I usually talk about that when I'm climaxing. 609 00:26:23,792 --> 00:26:26,145 - Hmm. That's different. - Yeah. 610 00:26:26,169 --> 00:26:27,772 And he had a stroke in office, 611 00:26:27,796 --> 00:26:30,691 and his wife made many of the decisions. 612 00:26:30,715 --> 00:26:33,819 And so some say she was the first female president 613 00:26:33,843 --> 00:26:35,154 because she was making the decisions 614 00:26:35,178 --> 00:26:36,697 and telling the cabinet. - Yeah. 615 00:26:36,721 --> 00:26:39,116 And then I come. Ah! 616 00:26:39,140 --> 00:26:41,118 - Eh. - You don't like that? 617 00:26:41,142 --> 00:26:44,413 No, it doesn't feel like you're having sex with me. 618 00:26:44,437 --> 00:26:45,915 Oh, I didn't even know you were there. 619 00:26:45,939 --> 00:26:47,625 - Oh, yeah. - No, I do this by myself. 620 00:26:47,649 --> 00:26:49,001 - Oh. - Yeah. 621 00:26:49,025 --> 00:26:50,294 I'm often... - When you're alone. 622 00:26:50,318 --> 00:26:51,796 I often go to a bus station and use the men's room, 623 00:26:51,820 --> 00:26:53,464 and I just take care of business myself 624 00:26:53,488 --> 00:26:54,840 with old Lefty. 625 00:26:54,864 --> 00:26:56,300 And I talk about Wilson. 626 00:26:56,324 --> 00:26:59,470 I lost my virginity rather late. 627 00:26:59,494 --> 00:27:02,682 It was the middle of Obama's first term. 628 00:27:02,706 --> 00:27:05,476 Yeah, you might save that for a later... 629 00:27:05,500 --> 00:27:07,520 Was right around the time they got Bin Laden. 630 00:27:07,544 --> 00:27:09,021 Really? Yeah. 631 00:27:09,045 --> 00:27:10,272 I mean, in fact, I think... 632 00:27:10,296 --> 00:27:11,607 I'm pretty sure it was that night. 633 00:27:11,631 --> 00:27:12,817 Oh. 634 00:27:12,841 --> 00:27:13,985 When they got Bin Laden, and I... 635 00:27:14,009 --> 00:27:15,653 - Never ever tell anyone. - I was in a bar. 636 00:27:15,677 --> 00:27:17,905 And I told a woman that I was part of the team, 637 00:27:17,929 --> 00:27:19,907 and I got laid. - Okay. 638 00:27:19,931 --> 00:27:22,493 Which wasn't really true and also not believable. 639 00:27:22,517 --> 00:27:24,745 I got him tonight, and I flew right back, 640 00:27:24,769 --> 00:27:28,582 and suddenly I'm in a bar in Los Angeles? 641 00:27:28,606 --> 00:27:30,001 Yeah, that's strange. 642 00:27:30,025 --> 00:27:31,252 I'm way too old to be in the military. 643 00:27:31,276 --> 00:27:32,253 Yeah. 644 00:27:32,277 --> 00:27:34,171 - She was not smart. - No. 645 00:27:34,195 --> 00:27:38,009 What if a guy was my age and, including his wife, 646 00:27:38,033 --> 00:27:40,094 he had been with three, 647 00:27:40,118 --> 00:27:42,513 but one of them was more of a procedure? 648 00:27:42,537 --> 00:27:44,473 Like in the health care? 649 00:27:44,497 --> 00:27:45,599 It was a health care situation. 650 00:27:45,623 --> 00:27:46,600 Okay. 651 00:27:46,624 --> 00:27:47,768 And I had 652 00:27:47,792 --> 00:27:50,396 was trying to pass a stone. 653 00:27:50,420 --> 00:27:52,898 And I went to this clinic, and they said, well, 654 00:27:52,922 --> 00:27:54,567 the nurse will first assess. 655 00:27:54,591 --> 00:27:57,320 So this nurse was working on my junk down there, 656 00:27:57,344 --> 00:27:59,322 and then I was like suddenly, ah! 657 00:27:59,346 --> 00:28:00,448 You know, I think... 658 00:28:00,472 --> 00:28:02,325 I don't know how Wilson came up, but he did. 659 00:28:02,349 --> 00:28:03,492 And I was like, ah. - Of course. 660 00:28:03,516 --> 00:28:05,703 And then... now 661 00:28:05,727 --> 00:28:07,455 oh, thank you so much. - Thank you. 662 00:28:07,479 --> 00:28:09,206 - We are having coffee. - Yeah. 663 00:28:09,230 --> 00:28:12,209 So that means I've been with four people in my life. 664 00:28:13,943 --> 00:28:15,880 - Okay. - Yeah. All right. 665 00:28:15,904 --> 00:28:19,258 Next I was off to Lofoten to visit another fan. 666 00:28:19,282 --> 00:28:22,952 That's right. I have two fans in Norway. 667 00:28:24,329 --> 00:28:26,557 Kai, tell me a little bit about yourself. 668 00:28:26,581 --> 00:28:27,892 Who are you? 669 00:28:27,916 --> 00:28:31,312 I am just a run of the old mill fish farmer from Norway. 670 00:28:31,336 --> 00:28:33,230 Do you like going out on the sea 671 00:28:33,254 --> 00:28:35,983 and working with these fish? 672 00:28:36,007 --> 00:28:38,903 It's amazing. We're... we're just two 673 00:28:38,927 --> 00:28:40,988 like, we're colleagues, but basically 674 00:28:41,012 --> 00:28:43,658 we're really good friends going out on the boat, 675 00:28:43,682 --> 00:28:44,825 doing our thing. 676 00:28:44,849 --> 00:28:47,036 Well, you mentioned that you go out 677 00:28:47,060 --> 00:28:49,372 in the sea with someone else. Who is this? 678 00:28:49,396 --> 00:28:51,499 His name is like... in Norwegian, his name 679 00:28:51,523 --> 00:28:53,376 is pronounced "Gard Seeman." 680 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,002 His name is "Guard Semen"? 681 00:28:55,026 --> 00:28:56,796 Yeah, that's 682 00:28:56,820 --> 00:28:58,381 yeah, it's Gard Simen. 683 00:28:58,405 --> 00:29:00,174 Do you ever get irritated with him? 684 00:29:00,198 --> 00:29:02,593 Oh! Every day, every day. 685 00:29:02,617 --> 00:29:04,553 What does Gard Simen do that gets on your nerves? 686 00:29:04,577 --> 00:29:06,472 What doesn't he do that gets on my nerves? 687 00:29:06,496 --> 00:29:08,224 - God! - He just exists. 688 00:29:16,047 --> 00:29:17,483 Hey. 689 00:29:17,507 --> 00:29:19,026 How are you? - Welcome to Norway. 690 00:29:19,050 --> 00:29:20,987 - That's so cool. How are you? - I'm good. 691 00:29:21,011 --> 00:29:22,446 It's so nice to meet you in person. 692 00:29:22,470 --> 00:29:24,657 - Really exciting to see you. - Yeah. 693 00:29:24,681 --> 00:29:26,200 This is so cool. - Yeah. 694 00:29:26,224 --> 00:29:28,869 - It's great. I made it. - Huge. 695 00:29:28,893 --> 00:29:30,287 - This is a big deal. - Yeah. 696 00:29:30,311 --> 00:29:31,706 It's... it's really cool. 697 00:29:31,730 --> 00:29:34,816 I just... I'm really bad at showing emotions. 698 00:29:38,778 --> 00:29:41,716 Kai, we have zero chemistry. 699 00:29:41,740 --> 00:29:43,300 What are we gonna do? 700 00:29:43,324 --> 00:29:44,969 You've got this cool color to your face 701 00:29:44,993 --> 00:29:46,554 from being out on the sea every day. 702 00:29:46,578 --> 00:29:47,847 - Yeah. - Can I get that, you think? 703 00:29:47,871 --> 00:29:49,682 Mm 704 00:29:49,706 --> 00:29:51,976 maybe. 705 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:53,811 We'll try not to have, like, the white mountains 706 00:29:53,835 --> 00:29:55,479 in the background because then you probably 707 00:29:55,503 --> 00:29:57,589 only be able to see your hair. 708 00:30:01,217 --> 00:30:03,904 You're an asshole. He's a total asshole. 709 00:30:03,928 --> 00:30:05,364 Okay. 710 00:30:05,388 --> 00:30:06,615 We're gonna get on the boat, right? 711 00:30:06,639 --> 00:30:07,867 Yeah. 712 00:30:11,478 --> 00:30:14,457 Didn't think I'd have my own gear, did you? 713 00:30:14,481 --> 00:30:17,710 It was a crab took me hand. 714 00:30:17,734 --> 00:30:22,173 A baby horseshoe crab took me hand. 715 00:30:22,197 --> 00:30:23,883 Now, of course, traditionally, 716 00:30:23,907 --> 00:30:27,345 when a fisherman goes to sea, he says goodbye to his family. 717 00:30:27,369 --> 00:30:30,264 It's very emotional, they might not ever see him again. 718 00:30:30,288 --> 00:30:32,892 My family didn't come along for this. 719 00:30:32,916 --> 00:30:37,253 They wanted no part of it, so I hired a family to be here. 720 00:30:39,964 --> 00:30:41,609 Well, I'm off to sea. 721 00:30:41,633 --> 00:30:44,111 I love you guys. - Love you too. 722 00:30:44,135 --> 00:30:47,281 If I don't come back, son, you're in charge 723 00:30:47,305 --> 00:30:49,784 of the family hook, okay? 724 00:30:49,808 --> 00:30:50,868 All right. 725 00:30:50,892 --> 00:30:54,872 Off to my certain death. 726 00:31:26,011 --> 00:31:29,824 Okay, we are at sea, and I'm sitting here with Kai. 727 00:31:29,848 --> 00:31:32,326 And, Kai, this is your co-worker... 728 00:31:32,350 --> 00:31:33,828 Gard Simen. 729 00:31:33,852 --> 00:31:38,916 Kai, you said that sometimes things get rough with 730 00:31:38,940 --> 00:31:40,418 with Gard Simen. 731 00:31:40,442 --> 00:31:42,962 It's two men trapped on a boat together 732 00:31:42,986 --> 00:31:44,630 in the North Norwegian Sea. - Yeah. 733 00:31:44,654 --> 00:31:47,341 What does Gard Simen do that bothers you? 734 00:31:47,365 --> 00:31:48,634 When I try to teach him stuff, 735 00:31:48,658 --> 00:31:51,095 he always disagrees, even though 736 00:31:51,119 --> 00:31:52,430 this is something I know. 737 00:31:52,454 --> 00:31:55,891 When he tells you something, you argue with him? 738 00:31:55,915 --> 00:31:58,644 Sometimes he might not have the best solution. 739 00:31:58,668 --> 00:31:59,645 Bullshit. 740 00:31:59,669 --> 00:32:01,480 I always have the right solution. 741 00:32:01,504 --> 00:32:03,399 Gard Simen, I want you to say something 742 00:32:03,423 --> 00:32:05,234 that you admire about Kai. 743 00:32:05,258 --> 00:32:09,780 I think Kai knows a lot about working on the ocean. 744 00:32:09,804 --> 00:32:11,490 Kai, I would like you to say something 745 00:32:11,514 --> 00:32:13,725 that you admire about Gard Simen. 746 00:32:17,937 --> 00:32:20,065 And take... take your time. 747 00:32:26,988 --> 00:32:28,007 That's my phone. 748 00:32:28,031 --> 00:32:29,216 Who's calling you? 749 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:30,551 I have no idea. 750 00:32:30,575 --> 00:32:31,552 It's a unknown number. 751 00:32:31,576 --> 00:32:33,304 Probably a sales call. 752 00:32:33,328 --> 00:32:34,847 I thought the whole point of doing this was that 753 00:32:34,871 --> 00:32:38,392 you guys are out on the high seas. 754 00:32:38,416 --> 00:32:40,353 And you get a sales call too? 755 00:32:40,377 --> 00:32:42,188 - Yeah. - You get bullshit spam calls? 756 00:32:42,212 --> 00:32:43,689 Yeah. 757 00:32:43,713 --> 00:32:46,192 Sometimes I pick them up just to have 758 00:32:46,216 --> 00:32:47,568 somebody to talk to, but... 759 00:32:47,592 --> 00:32:49,654 Gard Simen, do you realize what an insult that is to you? 760 00:32:49,678 --> 00:32:51,072 Yeah. 761 00:32:51,096 --> 00:32:56,577 Sometimes he comes in here to take a spam call 762 00:32:56,601 --> 00:32:59,038 just so he doesn't have to talk to you. 763 00:33:02,232 --> 00:33:04,877 Oh, my God, that's the worst. 764 00:33:04,901 --> 00:33:06,379 I wanna ask you a quick question. 765 00:33:06,403 --> 00:33:10,174 There's some kind of rivalry between what you guys do 766 00:33:10,198 --> 00:33:11,258 and fishermen. Is that right? 767 00:33:11,282 --> 00:33:12,259 Yeah. 768 00:33:12,283 --> 00:33:13,969 You two are at a bar. 769 00:33:13,993 --> 00:33:16,681 I'm gonna be a cod fisherman. 770 00:33:16,705 --> 00:33:17,932 What do you guys do for a living? 771 00:33:17,956 --> 00:33:19,392 Farm salmon and... 772 00:33:19,416 --> 00:33:21,435 - You farm salmon? - Yeah. 773 00:33:21,459 --> 00:33:24,814 Oh, yeah? I go out and I catch cod. 774 00:33:24,838 --> 00:33:27,274 I catch it like a real man. 775 00:33:27,298 --> 00:33:31,862 What do you do? You grow salmon? 776 00:33:31,886 --> 00:33:33,572 We feed it and then we... 777 00:33:33,596 --> 00:33:36,409 I feed the salmon! 778 00:33:36,433 --> 00:33:39,561 I catch the cod! 779 00:33:41,229 --> 00:33:42,581 Have fun doing that. 780 00:33:42,605 --> 00:33:44,625 I don't have... putting my drink down. 781 00:33:44,649 --> 00:33:47,586 I don't have fun doing it. 782 00:33:47,610 --> 00:33:49,463 I do it 'cause I'm a man! 783 00:33:49,487 --> 00:33:52,383 Hey, calm down, man. 784 00:33:52,407 --> 00:33:55,594 Who the fuck is this guy? 785 00:33:55,618 --> 00:33:58,347 I go out there like a man, 786 00:33:58,371 --> 00:34:01,851 and I catch the cod... 787 00:34:01,875 --> 00:34:07,875 With me hook and me line. 788 00:34:07,964 --> 00:34:10,693 Having gone insane after only ten minutes at sea, 789 00:34:10,717 --> 00:34:12,737 it was time to hit the bar. 790 00:34:12,761 --> 00:34:14,947 All: Skal. 791 00:34:14,971 --> 00:34:17,533 Oh, man. 792 00:34:17,557 --> 00:34:19,035 That's the hardest I've ever worked. 793 00:34:19,059 --> 00:34:20,745 I'm hosing down the ocean. 794 00:34:20,769 --> 00:34:22,121 Who took my fish? 795 00:34:22,145 --> 00:34:25,916 Kai, faster! Faster, Kai! 796 00:34:25,940 --> 00:34:26,917 What do you think? 797 00:34:26,941 --> 00:34:28,085 Should I give a toast to the whole room? 798 00:34:28,109 --> 00:34:29,170 Would that be nice? - Absolutely. 799 00:34:29,194 --> 00:34:30,338 Definitely. 800 00:34:30,362 --> 00:34:32,131 - Are there any fishermen here? - Me. 801 00:34:32,155 --> 00:34:33,591 You're a fisherman? 802 00:34:33,615 --> 00:34:35,426 Oh, we're gonna go... we're gonna fight 803 00:34:35,450 --> 00:34:37,261 'cause I'm a salmon farmer. 804 00:34:37,285 --> 00:34:39,263 Do you wanna fight me? - Yeah. 805 00:34:39,287 --> 00:34:41,307 Wait, you do? 806 00:34:41,331 --> 00:34:42,683 Right here. 807 00:34:42,707 --> 00:34:43,684 You scared of me? 808 00:34:43,708 --> 00:34:44,685 Cut it out. 809 00:34:44,709 --> 00:34:47,104 He's faster than I thought. 810 00:35:05,689 --> 00:35:09,085 After getting beaten senseless by a ten-year-old boy, 811 00:35:09,109 --> 00:35:12,296 I knew there was only one thing that could cheer me up. 812 00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,466 Another gratuitous shot with the drone. 813 00:35:15,490 --> 00:35:17,593 We're getting our money's worth! 814 00:35:21,079 --> 00:35:22,973 I hadn't done any souvenir shopping, 815 00:35:22,997 --> 00:35:25,059 so before I left town, I decided to buy something 816 00:35:25,083 --> 00:35:26,686 my kids would love... 817 00:35:26,710 --> 00:35:28,854 Lofoten's number one product 818 00:35:28,878 --> 00:35:30,898 cod. 819 00:35:30,922 --> 00:35:32,733 This is my carry-on luggage. 820 00:35:32,757 --> 00:35:34,485 Let's cod me up, would you? 821 00:35:34,509 --> 00:35:36,028 I like that one. Okay. 822 00:35:36,052 --> 00:35:37,029 Go. 823 00:35:37,053 --> 00:35:38,864 Great. 824 00:35:38,888 --> 00:35:40,533 Could I get... yeah, three cod heads? 825 00:35:40,557 --> 00:35:42,159 - Yeah. - Okay, great. 826 00:35:42,183 --> 00:35:43,577 Here, help me close this. 827 00:35:43,601 --> 00:35:44,728 Yes. 828 00:35:47,188 --> 00:35:48,481 Yeah. 829 00:35:51,276 --> 00:35:53,045 - Yeah, that's fine. - You got it? 830 00:35:53,069 --> 00:35:55,214 Zip 'er up. 831 00:35:55,238 --> 00:35:57,675 I was off to the airport with my suitcase 832 00:35:57,699 --> 00:35:59,927 packed to the gills. 833 00:35:59,951 --> 00:36:02,805 By the way, that joke was written by AI. 834 00:36:02,829 --> 00:36:04,622 They're coming for us all. 835 00:36:06,416 --> 00:36:08,853 Our tire just went into this ravine. 836 00:36:08,877 --> 00:36:11,522 The car is stuck. 837 00:36:11,546 --> 00:36:15,401 We've only been trapped about, I'd say, five minutes, 838 00:36:15,425 --> 00:36:18,029 but I think we're gonna have to start eating people. 839 00:36:18,053 --> 00:36:22,616 We'll start with the sound technician. 840 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:24,493 No? Okay. 841 00:36:24,517 --> 00:36:28,372 We'll eat an intern first, and then I think, uh, 842 00:36:28,396 --> 00:36:33,377 whichever camera person has more muscle and fat. 843 00:36:33,401 --> 00:36:36,922 I think that's gonna be you, so. 844 00:36:36,946 --> 00:36:40,384 Or we could use the backup vehicle 845 00:36:40,408 --> 00:36:45,056 and just shuttle to the airport and not eat anybody. 846 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:48,142 Those are kind of our two choices. 847 00:36:48,166 --> 00:36:49,894 We got some luck here. 848 00:36:49,918 --> 00:36:52,146 One of these guys had a cable with him, 849 00:36:52,170 --> 00:36:53,939 and he's gonna try and use it 850 00:36:53,963 --> 00:36:56,400 to use this van to pull this van out. 851 00:36:56,424 --> 00:36:58,110 Can we just act like I helped do this? 852 00:36:58,134 --> 00:36:59,987 - Sure. - Watch this. 853 00:37:00,011 --> 00:37:01,947 All right, I think we got it, guys. 854 00:37:01,971 --> 00:37:03,449 I just wanna keep everybody... 855 00:37:03,473 --> 00:37:05,409 Yeah, I'd like to... excuse me. 856 00:37:05,433 --> 00:37:06,452 If it snaps. 857 00:37:06,476 --> 00:37:08,120 Yeah, excuse me. 858 00:37:08,144 --> 00:37:12,625 I'd like to keep everyone back in case this snaps, okay? 859 00:37:12,649 --> 00:37:14,794 How's it looking up there? I don't know his name. 860 00:37:14,818 --> 00:37:16,671 Glorg? 861 00:37:16,695 --> 00:37:18,339 How's it looking up front? What do you think? 862 00:37:18,363 --> 00:37:20,132 We have a good chance? - Maybe. 863 00:37:20,156 --> 00:37:25,262 Okay, well, a Norwegian "maybe" is an American "yes." 864 00:37:25,286 --> 00:37:26,764 I don't know what that means. 865 00:37:28,206 --> 00:37:31,435 It's going a little deeper into the ditch. 866 00:37:31,459 --> 00:37:33,604 I'm not having any effect on this, 867 00:37:33,628 --> 00:37:36,857 but I'm just gonna walk around a lot and look like 868 00:37:36,881 --> 00:37:38,317 how are we looking here? 869 00:37:38,341 --> 00:37:39,860 Try again. 870 00:37:39,884 --> 00:37:41,445 You know, I think it's worth another try, guys. 871 00:37:41,469 --> 00:37:44,365 Let me check the line. 872 00:37:44,389 --> 00:37:45,658 Yeah. 873 00:37:45,682 --> 00:37:47,326 All right, I think we're good. 874 00:37:47,350 --> 00:37:50,538 We've gotta get to the airport to get to Oslo. 875 00:37:50,562 --> 00:37:51,956 We're in desperate situation 876 00:37:51,980 --> 00:37:54,041 'cause we have a dinner reservation at 8:00, 877 00:37:54,065 --> 00:37:55,710 and those are hard to get. 878 00:37:55,734 --> 00:37:59,046 Okay, we've been now here about 25 minutes. 879 00:37:59,070 --> 00:38:01,632 We are rapidly losing body heat. 880 00:38:01,656 --> 00:38:04,492 It would help a lot if I buttoned my jacket... 881 00:38:06,286 --> 00:38:08,246 But I don't like the way that looks. 882 00:38:21,718 --> 00:38:23,988 Fortunately, we made it to Oslo in time 883 00:38:24,012 --> 00:38:25,781 for our dinner reservation. 884 00:38:25,805 --> 00:38:29,785 Unfortunately we never got to taste the flesh of our crew. 885 00:38:29,809 --> 00:38:32,872 And as I promised, I used my connections 886 00:38:32,896 --> 00:38:35,541 to get Jarle and Christian's song played on the radio. 887 00:38:35,565 --> 00:38:37,710 - You are Alex. - I'm Alex. You're Conan. 888 00:38:37,734 --> 00:38:39,587 I am coming to you with an amazing opportunity. 889 00:38:39,611 --> 00:38:40,671 All right. 890 00:38:40,695 --> 00:38:42,590 - I have recorded a song. - Yeah. 891 00:38:42,614 --> 00:38:47,261 And it is by a hip-hop duo in Bergen, okay? 892 00:38:47,285 --> 00:38:48,763 They're called E.D.A. 893 00:38:48,787 --> 00:38:50,598 And I did the vocals for the bridge. 894 00:38:50,622 --> 00:38:51,849 Okay. 895 00:38:51,873 --> 00:38:53,768 I do think when you hear my bridge, 896 00:38:53,792 --> 00:38:57,438 your golden locks are gonna fly off your head. 897 00:38:57,462 --> 00:38:58,939 You'll be bald when this is over. 898 00:38:58,963 --> 00:39:00,441 Okay. 899 00:39:00,465 --> 00:39:01,859 It'll be just some golden Nordic hair 900 00:39:01,883 --> 00:39:03,277 lying on the floor. 901 00:39:03,301 --> 00:39:04,528 The hair will never grow back. - Yeah. 902 00:39:04,552 --> 00:39:06,113 Yeah, you'll be bald the rest of your life, 903 00:39:06,137 --> 00:39:08,115 unless you have the hair on the floor stitched into a wig 904 00:39:08,139 --> 00:39:09,825 and placed on your head. 905 00:39:09,849 --> 00:39:11,285 Before we play the song, give me an example of what 906 00:39:11,309 --> 00:39:12,662 the intro will be like. 907 00:39:12,686 --> 00:39:16,123 Well, I might say something like, 908 00:39:16,147 --> 00:39:17,917 you're listening to "The Afternoon Show" 909 00:39:17,941 --> 00:39:20,503 here at Radio Nova, and we have something real special 910 00:39:20,527 --> 00:39:21,754 coming up for you right now. 911 00:39:21,778 --> 00:39:23,047 I like the "real special." That's cool. 912 00:39:23,071 --> 00:39:25,132 Yeah? Yeah? All right. 913 00:39:25,156 --> 00:39:27,218 We have something real special coming from you. 914 00:39:27,242 --> 00:39:29,095 Mr. Con... Conan O'Brien. 915 00:39:29,119 --> 00:39:31,305 And try... try not to bobble the name. 916 00:39:31,329 --> 00:39:33,641 Just Conan O'Brien. - Conan O'Brien. 917 00:39:33,665 --> 00:39:34,976 Yeah, 'cause the way you said it, 918 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:36,769 it almost sounds like, I'm not even sure who that is, 919 00:39:36,793 --> 00:39:39,063 as opposed to, it's that guy. - Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. 920 00:39:39,087 --> 00:39:40,982 Okay, play up my name a little more. 921 00:39:41,006 --> 00:39:43,651 The most famous comedian in America 922 00:39:43,675 --> 00:39:46,320 has agreed to come to Norway 923 00:39:46,344 --> 00:39:48,990 and bless us with his presence. 924 00:39:49,014 --> 00:39:50,825 You want me to say those words, 925 00:39:50,849 --> 00:39:52,451 "bless us with his presence"? - It'd be nice. 926 00:39:52,475 --> 00:39:53,452 All right. 927 00:40:06,448 --> 00:40:08,676 This song is playing right now all over Norway? 928 00:40:08,700 --> 00:40:12,513 Right now it's just playing downstairs in the building. 929 00:40:12,537 --> 00:40:13,556 Oh. 930 00:40:13,580 --> 00:40:15,599 ♪ I'm looking at the fjord ♪ 931 00:40:18,084 --> 00:40:20,438 ♪ There's salmon in the sea ♪ 932 00:40:22,881 --> 00:40:25,401 Now for another beautiful drone shot, 933 00:40:25,425 --> 00:40:28,904 except flying a drone camera is illegal 934 00:40:28,928 --> 00:40:30,823 within the city limits of Oslo. 935 00:40:30,847 --> 00:40:34,952 But paid a lot for this thing, and I'm gonna use it. 936 00:40:34,976 --> 00:40:36,478 Fire it up, fellas! 937 00:40:53,745 --> 00:40:54,889 What is your name? - Otar. 938 00:40:54,913 --> 00:40:56,057 - Otar? - Yes. 939 00:40:56,081 --> 00:40:58,517 I was told that in Norway, 940 00:40:58,541 --> 00:41:00,186 people like their personal space. 941 00:41:00,210 --> 00:41:01,687 - Yeah. - Right? 942 00:41:01,711 --> 00:41:03,230 So this is the right amount of space. 943 00:41:03,254 --> 00:41:04,732 Yeah, this is the right... this is right. 944 00:41:04,756 --> 00:41:07,234 Okay, now what about... you tell me when I'm too close. 945 00:41:07,258 --> 00:41:09,070 Ah, you're too close, too close. 946 00:41:09,094 --> 00:41:10,237 That's too close. - Okay. 947 00:41:10,261 --> 00:41:11,822 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. 948 00:41:11,846 --> 00:41:13,741 Try it. Just try it. Just try it. Just try it. 949 00:41:13,765 --> 00:41:15,826 Just try it. Just try it. - Okay, try... I'm trying. 950 00:41:15,850 --> 00:41:17,912 A little bit scared, though. - See? 951 00:41:17,936 --> 00:41:19,455 Nothing bad happens when you're this close. 952 00:41:19,479 --> 00:41:21,666 - No, actually it's okay, then. - Yeah, isn't it fine? 953 00:41:21,690 --> 00:41:23,417 You kind of like it, don't you? - Maybe it's okay, then. 954 00:41:23,441 --> 00:41:24,752 Yeah. Is this okay? 955 00:41:24,776 --> 00:41:26,003 You like it? - Yeah, yeah, it's fine. 956 00:41:26,027 --> 00:41:27,254 Listen, I want you to remain perfectly still. 957 00:41:27,278 --> 00:41:29,423 I'm going to lick your cheek, okay? 958 00:41:29,447 --> 00:41:31,467 You can do it. - Okay, let's see. 959 00:41:31,491 --> 00:41:33,511 Yah... 960 00:41:33,535 --> 00:41:36,514 See? Norway can change. 961 00:41:36,538 --> 00:41:38,974 This personal space thing is just ridiculous. 962 00:41:38,998 --> 00:41:40,893 - Okay. Now I'm relaxed. Yeah. - You're good, right? 963 00:41:40,917 --> 00:41:43,020 Okay, your hand is on my ass. 964 00:41:43,044 --> 00:41:44,188 - Hi. - How are you? 965 00:41:44,212 --> 00:41:45,314 What is your name? - Eben. 966 00:41:45,338 --> 00:41:47,608 - Are you Norwegian? - Yeah. 967 00:41:47,632 --> 00:41:48,776 You know, I've noticed... 968 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:50,569 I've been here for a little while... that the Norwegians 969 00:41:50,593 --> 00:41:52,613 are very reserved. 970 00:41:52,637 --> 00:41:53,781 Yeah. 971 00:41:53,805 --> 00:41:56,742 They are very kind of quiet. 972 00:41:56,766 --> 00:41:58,202 Yeah. 973 00:41:58,226 --> 00:41:59,787 They don't have much to say. 974 00:41:59,811 --> 00:42:01,247 No. 975 00:42:01,271 --> 00:42:03,457 - They're very honest. - Yeah. 976 00:42:03,481 --> 00:42:05,793 How do you think I 977 00:42:05,817 --> 00:42:07,235 what do you think of my look? 978 00:42:08,486 --> 00:42:10,881 Yeah, a little bit, um, 979 00:42:10,905 --> 00:42:14,552 perhaps, you know, a little bit too old. 980 00:42:14,576 --> 00:42:16,137 You think I'm too old to dress this way? 981 00:42:16,161 --> 00:42:17,328 Yeah. 982 00:42:20,206 --> 00:42:21,559 What's... what's... 983 00:42:21,583 --> 00:42:23,477 I'm trying to look too young for a guy my age, 984 00:42:23,501 --> 00:42:24,687 is that what you're saying? 985 00:42:24,711 --> 00:42:27,064 Yeah. 986 00:42:27,088 --> 00:42:30,192 So maybe I should dress a little older. 987 00:42:30,216 --> 00:42:31,193 Yeah. 988 00:42:31,217 --> 00:42:32,903 Like wearing clothes 989 00:42:32,927 --> 00:42:34,739 that's more suitable for someone my age. 990 00:42:34,763 --> 00:42:36,741 Yeah. 991 00:42:36,765 --> 00:42:37,867 How old do you think I am? 992 00:42:37,891 --> 00:42:40,202 You're close to 60. 993 00:42:40,226 --> 00:42:42,038 Jesus. 994 00:42:42,062 --> 00:42:43,456 Yes. 995 00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,042 Yeah. Happy for you. 996 00:42:46,066 --> 00:42:47,668 Thank you. 997 00:42:47,692 --> 00:42:48,794 That's so lovely. 998 00:42:48,818 --> 00:42:50,588 All right, so let's review. 999 00:42:50,612 --> 00:42:53,257 Norwegians are quiet. 1000 00:42:53,281 --> 00:42:54,842 - Yeah, a little quiet. - Reserved. 1001 00:42:54,866 --> 00:42:57,678 - Yes. - I dress inappropriately. 1002 00:42:57,702 --> 00:42:59,347 Uh, yeah. 1003 00:42:59,371 --> 00:43:03,351 It's sad the way I'm dressed. 1004 00:43:03,375 --> 00:43:05,919 Okay, if you wanna put it that way, yes, it's sad. 1005 00:43:07,754 --> 00:43:09,106 Would you like to have this coat? 1006 00:43:09,130 --> 00:43:10,858 I don't think I can wear it anymore. 1007 00:43:10,882 --> 00:43:12,026 Maybe you could sell it. 1008 00:43:12,050 --> 00:43:13,444 - It's a Tom Ford? - Yeah. 1009 00:43:13,468 --> 00:43:15,696 I can sell it. 1010 00:43:20,684 --> 00:43:22,102 Really? Okay. 1011 00:43:24,437 --> 00:43:26,207 Nice to see you, sir. Yeah, thank you. 1012 00:43:26,231 --> 00:43:28,584 Finally, the time had come for Jarle and E.D.A. 1013 00:43:28,608 --> 00:43:31,504 to debut our new song at what I was told 1014 00:43:31,528 --> 00:43:33,673 was Norway's largest concert venue. 1015 00:43:54,467 --> 00:43:56,404 Conan O'Brien! 1016 00:43:59,681 --> 00:44:01,909 One, two, three, four! 1017 00:44:01,933 --> 00:44:03,828 ♪ I'm looking at the fjord ♪ 1018 00:44:05,770 --> 00:44:08,082 ♪ There's salmon in the sea ♪ 1019 00:44:10,025 --> 00:44:12,586 ♪ My baby says she's bored ♪ 1020 00:44:14,612 --> 00:44:16,549 ♪ She's not in love with me ♪ 1021 00:44:16,573 --> 00:44:19,051 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 1022 00:44:28,209 --> 00:44:32,273 ♪ Ha, ha ♪ 1023 00:44:32,297 --> 00:44:38,029 ♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪ 1024 00:44:47,187 --> 00:44:48,331 Whoo! 1025 00:44:48,355 --> 00:44:49,957 Long live Norway! 1026 00:44:49,981 --> 00:44:53,044 Whoo! 1027 00:44:53,068 --> 00:44:55,212 Bro, what the fuck just happened? 1028 00:44:55,236 --> 00:44:58,758 Crowd: E.D.A! E.D.A! E.D.A! 1029 00:45:03,661 --> 00:45:05,556 Sadly, the time had come for me 1030 00:45:05,580 --> 00:45:07,767 to leave the beautiful country of Norway. 1031 00:45:07,791 --> 00:45:09,810 Many thanks to the Norwegian people 1032 00:45:09,834 --> 00:45:12,897 for their generous warmth, relentless honesty, 1033 00:45:12,921 --> 00:45:15,399 and their unflinching commitment to cod, 1034 00:45:15,423 --> 00:45:20,136 so much goddamn cod. 1035 00:45:23,181 --> 00:45:27,286 And I'll never forget my Norwegian fans Jarle, Kai, 1036 00:45:27,310 --> 00:45:28,621 and, of course, 1037 00:45:28,645 --> 00:45:30,498 the DJI Inspire 2 1038 00:45:30,522 --> 00:45:32,541 with Zenmuse X5S gimbal 1039 00:45:32,565 --> 00:45:35,711 and Synacor 2.0 image processing. 1040 00:45:35,735 --> 00:45:38,130 I realized I wanted more, so 1041 00:45:38,154 --> 00:45:40,508 there's a kind of wisdom, I think, 1042 00:45:40,532 --> 00:45:46,097 that comes with age and experience. 1043 00:45:46,121 --> 00:45:50,935 You learn about your own mistakes. 1044 00:45:50,959 --> 00:45:53,854 You know, you're a great listener. 1045 00:45:55,213 --> 00:45:58,275 ♪ I'm looking at the fjord ♪ 1046 00:45:58,299 --> 00:46:00,361 Hey, Conan. It's me, Kai, here. 1047 00:46:00,385 --> 00:46:03,656 I don't know if you remember the drink we had in the bar. 1048 00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:06,617 There was a girl there, which I've known for a while. 1049 00:46:06,641 --> 00:46:09,537 Conan gave me a tap on the shoulder and told me to 1050 00:46:09,561 --> 00:46:12,039 to go for it, and I did. 1051 00:46:12,063 --> 00:46:14,959 So we're living together now, and, uh, 1052 00:46:14,983 --> 00:46:17,461 and we're expecting our first baby, a little girl 1053 00:46:17,485 --> 00:46:19,171 now in February. 1054 00:46:19,195 --> 00:46:21,716 Things are going really great. 1055 00:46:21,740 --> 00:46:23,050 Thank you for your visit. 1056 00:46:44,596 --> 00:46:46,639 This is deranged.