1 00:00:16,229 --> 00:00:19,430 And you expect me to keep paying for these lessons? 2 00:00:21,190 --> 00:00:23,190 Well, I thought it was beautiful. 3 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:25,710 Was that in the key of e -crap? 4 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:35,170 And as soon as they hear musical skills, we'll pay for more lessons. 5 00:00:36,090 --> 00:00:37,950 Now, throw that thing in the trash. 6 00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:39,450 Yes! 7 00:00:40,350 --> 00:00:41,350 Next! 8 00:00:41,850 --> 00:00:44,390 Oh, there's my little soccer star. 9 00:00:44,970 --> 00:00:48,030 Gracie, tell us why we should pay for another year of soccer. 10 00:00:48,690 --> 00:00:51,070 I'm out of your hair for three hours every Saturday. 11 00:00:51,350 --> 00:00:52,350 You may continue. 12 00:00:54,790 --> 00:00:55,790 There's a check. 13 00:00:55,970 --> 00:00:56,970 Next! 14 00:00:57,310 --> 00:00:58,610 Oh, God. 15 00:00:58,810 --> 00:01:00,470 A tap -dancing child? 16 00:01:01,180 --> 00:01:03,280 Better earn those fancy shoes of yours, girl. 17 00:01:43,690 --> 00:01:47,850 This Treasure Snooper T -700 is the best investment I've ever made. 18 00:01:48,510 --> 00:01:50,130 Goodbye, loser weekends. 19 00:01:50,330 --> 00:01:51,930 Hello, metal detecting. 20 00:01:53,730 --> 00:01:55,150 Well, hello, ladies. 21 00:01:56,010 --> 00:01:58,510 What's sexier than a man who can find treasure? 22 00:02:00,350 --> 00:02:03,250 Hmm. Must be something funny going on behind me. 23 00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:06,310 Guess I missed it. 24 00:02:09,470 --> 00:02:11,990 Ooh, ooh, please be gold coins. Please be gold coins. 25 00:02:12,950 --> 00:02:14,410 Hey, a nickel. 26 00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:16,910 From 1988. 27 00:02:17,690 --> 00:02:19,770 It's like a window into another time. 28 00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:26,330 Please be gold coins. Please be gold coins. 29 00:02:27,430 --> 00:02:28,870 A wedding ring? 30 00:02:29,870 --> 00:02:32,230 Jim, put this back on. Love, Cheryl. 31 00:02:34,010 --> 00:02:35,010 Oh, my. 32 00:02:35,130 --> 00:02:37,070 God, this is Jim's wedding ring. 33 00:02:38,030 --> 00:02:40,510 I remember when he lost this a year ago. 34 00:02:42,290 --> 00:02:46,810 That rascal has worn a cheap look -alike ever since, and Cheryl's never been the 35 00:02:46,810 --> 00:02:47,810 wiser. 36 00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:49,570 God, I love that guy. 37 00:02:55,270 --> 00:02:59,730 Andy! Andy! What did I tell you about digging holes in my front yard? 38 00:03:00,230 --> 00:03:01,970 I can't wait to show him. 39 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,840 Why don't you just take that thing back to your house and use it to try to find 40 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:07,418 a life? 41 00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:10,140 Wow. He's really mad about something behind me. 42 00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:12,180 Must have missed it. 43 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,480 Things happen fast around here. 44 00:03:14,740 --> 00:03:17,920 Hey! Hey! You're not killing me? Is that what you're going to do? 45 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,520 All right, Andy. All right. 46 00:03:23,220 --> 00:03:25,600 Wow. He's squirting me with a hose. 47 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,520 Why would he do that? I'm his best friend. 48 00:03:29,180 --> 00:03:30,440 I know. 49 00:03:30,940 --> 00:03:32,760 I must be on fire. 50 00:03:33,390 --> 00:03:35,610 Stop, drop, and roll. Stop, drop, and roll. Stop, drop, and roll. 51 00:03:37,390 --> 00:03:41,290 Next time, I'm going to get my BB gun and we'll see if you can detect metal 52 00:03:41,290 --> 00:03:42,370 flying in your ass. 53 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:53,970 I wasn't on fire at all. 54 00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:56,730 He's just a big, stupid jerk. 55 00:03:57,650 --> 00:03:58,690 I'll show him. 56 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,440 What is so funny behind me? 57 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:30,840 Poor Andy. 58 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,500 Even with that thing, you can't find your dignity. 59 00:04:35,950 --> 00:04:36,950 and I give him a break. 60 00:04:37,190 --> 00:04:39,570 It was small and hard to find in the first place. 61 00:04:40,950 --> 00:04:42,730 Ah, Cheryl, big sis. 62 00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,110 Always there with a clever quip and an apron. 63 00:04:46,930 --> 00:04:50,270 Reminds me, what was the funny thing you had engraved on Jim's wedding ring? 64 00:04:50,470 --> 00:04:54,310 Oh, Jim, put this back on. Love, Cheryl. 65 00:04:55,890 --> 00:04:56,890 That's funny. 66 00:04:57,410 --> 00:05:01,150 That's what this ring says that I just found buried in the front yard under two 67 00:05:01,150 --> 00:05:02,150 inches of lye. 68 00:05:03,950 --> 00:05:08,040 Jim Lott? His wedding ring? A year ago, and he's been wearing a fake one ever 69 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,040 since. 70 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,980 How do you know he lost it a year ago? 71 00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:12,460 Dana. 72 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:14,540 Sweet, stupid Dana. 73 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:23,060 A thieving treasure hunter can analyze the soil and the position of said 74 00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:26,200 artifact in determining... You were with him when he lost it. 75 00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:28,380 It was a warm spring day. 76 00:05:29,770 --> 00:05:33,930 A day which found Jim and I in possession of a water balloon catapult 77 00:05:33,930 --> 00:05:35,630 good sense to know where to use it. All right. 78 00:05:36,790 --> 00:05:37,790 Gun's up. 79 00:05:38,450 --> 00:05:40,270 Ten bucks, you hit Driscoll's mailbox. 80 00:05:40,730 --> 00:05:42,770 Ten bucks, if you don't lean back so far. 81 00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:44,530 Fire in the hole! 82 00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:47,690 Oh, great! 83 00:05:48,310 --> 00:05:51,750 All right, what else we got? Oh, look at that. 84 00:05:52,170 --> 00:05:55,650 Looks like Al Kranis picked the wrong day to leave his sunroof open. 85 00:05:58,550 --> 00:05:59,550 Gun's up. 86 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,520 Here's somewhere it couldn't have gone far. 87 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,700 I'd say 100 yards with a good tailwind. 88 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,220 Maybe it's in the front yard. 89 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,820 Hey, you're a big nerd. You got one of those metal detectors, don't you? 90 00:06:56,480 --> 00:07:00,420 I've been kicking the tires on a couple, but the online buzz says wait for the T 91 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,800 -700. And nerd's a little harsh. 92 00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:05,900 Cheryl's going to get a little harsh if I don't find that ring. 93 00:07:06,540 --> 00:07:07,540 Come on. Jeez, 94 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,640 Jim. What are you going to do if you can't find your ring? 95 00:07:14,030 --> 00:07:16,870 Well, for some reason, Cheryl's always made a big deal about the ring. 96 00:07:18,050 --> 00:07:19,150 Women, you know. 97 00:07:20,410 --> 00:07:22,050 You know, I could just tell her the truth. 98 00:07:22,410 --> 00:07:23,550 That doesn't sound like you. 99 00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:25,790 She's a reasonable woman. 100 00:07:26,170 --> 00:07:28,390 She knows accidents happen. I mean, look at Kyle. 101 00:07:29,790 --> 00:07:31,250 Well, we'll find out. No! 102 00:07:34,470 --> 00:07:35,470 Cheryl. 103 00:07:36,730 --> 00:07:39,030 You do something new with your hair? 104 00:07:41,650 --> 00:07:43,230 Did you forget something, Jim? 105 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,200 Yes, happy birthday. 106 00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:50,620 Happy anniversary. 107 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,400 Happy Halloween? 108 00:07:55,320 --> 00:08:00,100 What? You forgot to pick up the girls at their dance lesson. Today of all days, 109 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:04,440 after I had to beg, borrow, and steal for an appointment with Todd, the hair 110 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:08,480 genius of Oak Park, I was halfway through my weave with cell phone rings, 111 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,400 threw me crying because you... 112 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,300 We were going to, but then we realized we could fill water balloons with pee. 113 00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:51,600 Once we were bored with that, summer was over, and it snowed. 114 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:58,220 So, he's been lying about this for a year? Oh, Cheryl, you know him. He'll 115 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,340 I just didn't tell you, and that's not the same as lying. 116 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,040 Oh, no. 117 00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:09,100 He lied. 118 00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:15,980 Cheryl, I swear on this ring, I did not heave water balloons at Al Kranitz's 119 00:09:15,980 --> 00:09:16,980 car. 120 00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:25,560 Cheryl, I swear on this ring, I did not teach Kyle that word. 121 00:09:27,420 --> 00:09:31,020 I swear on this ring, it was here when I woke up. 122 00:09:45,569 --> 00:09:49,890 Cheryl, for once in a twisted marriage, you have cold, hard evidence. You should 123 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:54,210 nail him. Oh, oh, I am going to nail him. I will nail him. He is nailed! 124 00:09:56,370 --> 00:09:57,370 How do I do that? 125 00:09:58,850 --> 00:10:02,110 Easy. We tie him up and beat him. I've got a bat. Oh, great idea. We can take 126 00:10:02,110 --> 00:10:04,750 turns. No, no. I mean, hitting him would feel good. 127 00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:06,870 Really good. 128 00:10:07,710 --> 00:10:08,790 But that's just temporary. 129 00:10:09,570 --> 00:10:10,570 Depends on where you hit him. 130 00:10:14,090 --> 00:10:15,090 Andy. 131 00:10:15,420 --> 00:10:18,520 More satisfying would be a confession. 132 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,240 I'll never get him to confess. He always talks his way out of these things. 133 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,300 We could beat a confession out of him. Yes, I've got a back. 134 00:10:25,860 --> 00:10:26,860 No, no. 135 00:10:27,140 --> 00:10:29,060 We are going to be more subtle. 136 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,620 We are going to use cupcakes. 137 00:10:35,420 --> 00:10:36,420 I'll bring my back. 138 00:10:51,660 --> 00:10:52,599 Beautiful cupcake. 139 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,400 Oh, those are my favorite. I know. 140 00:10:55,940 --> 00:11:02,620 Deep, dark chocolate. But first, everybody has to tell a deep, 141 00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:03,800 dark secret. 142 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,980 Come on, she's only four years old. Let's just eat the cupcakes. 143 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,640 No secret, no cupcakes. 144 00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:14,240 I'll go. I'll go. Okay. Remember that lavender tie you bought me? 145 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:15,480 The one I had monogrammed? 146 00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:19,100 I lost it doing something stupid rather than tell you I went out and bought a 147 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:22,020 similar one and you never caught on. I'm a terrible man. 148 00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:25,500 Sounds like something I would do. 149 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,400 Doesn't it? 150 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,720 Oh, Andy, that's silly. 151 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:34,420 Your family, I would have understood. 152 00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:35,660 Right, Jim? 153 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,960 I mean, anybody can lose something. 154 00:11:38,380 --> 00:11:41,620 You should have just told her. I know. The cover -up is actually worse than the 155 00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:43,720 crime. It always is. 156 00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:51,060 Can we just eat the cupcakes? 157 00:11:51,620 --> 00:11:52,660 That's what we're doing. 158 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,840 Andy, here's yours. 159 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:57,880 Delicious. 160 00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:02,320 This is a good cupcake, but not as good as a clean conscience. 161 00:12:04,060 --> 00:12:05,140 Okay, my turn. 162 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:11,000 Last week, I was up on the roof throwing water balloons filled with my own 163 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,000 urine. 164 00:12:22,380 --> 00:12:24,280 How's the bracelet that Cheryl gave me? 165 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,000 The one I had engraved? 166 00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:31,960 I'm such a jerk. 167 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,480 Is there something weird going on behind me? 168 00:12:39,940 --> 00:12:42,880 You know, Dana, I could have helped you look for that with my metal detector. 169 00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:44,780 Oh, the Treasure Snooper T -7000. 170 00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:46,100 Yeah, 171 00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:48,380 you can find anything with that. 172 00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:50,280 You know, Dana... 173 00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:53,920 At least you didn't hide it from me for weeks, months, or even a year. I mean, 174 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,080 that would have been really hurtful. Yeah. 175 00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:03,780 Don't you think so, Jim? 176 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:10,960 You know, I think... I think ye who least judge, judge the least. 177 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:16,980 Now may I have ye cupcake? 178 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:20,860 Now it's time for your confession. 179 00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:24,540 Sure. 180 00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:30,520 Well, not unlike Dana, I was on the roof. 181 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:34,580 This is very hard for me to say. 182 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:36,840 Go ahead, Jim. 183 00:13:37,060 --> 00:13:38,060 It's time. 184 00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:45,500 Well, I was up on the roof. I don't know why I was up there. 185 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:48,460 Anyway, I... 186 00:13:48,970 --> 00:13:55,410 I lost, I lost hope. 187 00:13:59,150 --> 00:14:01,930 I don't know, life just seemed a little bleak to me. 188 00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:08,690 And I went downstairs and took a nap and I found hope again. 189 00:14:12,630 --> 00:14:14,970 That's your big confession, you lost hope? 190 00:14:15,510 --> 00:14:17,930 I know, it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. 191 00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:19,850 I swear. On my ring. 192 00:14:25,370 --> 00:14:28,910 Thank you for digging so deep, Jim. 193 00:14:29,930 --> 00:14:31,730 I have a special cupcake. 194 00:15:06,060 --> 00:15:07,060 looks delicious. 195 00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:52,720 sinful hit the spot good as gold i'm gonna go 196 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:59,140 get some more milk would you guys uh care for anything uh no no 197 00:15:59,140 --> 00:16:04,680 we're good well if you need anything just give me a ring 198 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:38,360 There's no way he swallowed it. We were all there. We all saw him swallow it. 199 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,100 Well, there's only one way to find out. 200 00:17:08,170 --> 00:17:10,970 I would rather swallow his wedding ring than admit he did something wrong. 201 00:17:11,329 --> 00:17:14,990 You know what I can't believe? That you're still surprised by him. He once 202 00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:16,970 the kids to the circus, came back with a stolen monkey. 203 00:17:19,069 --> 00:17:23,550 This is not over. I don't care what we have to do. I am going to hear the 204 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,450 I swallowed my wedding ring and I lied to you about it. 205 00:17:26,790 --> 00:17:28,810 It's too late now. The evidence is gone. 206 00:17:29,690 --> 00:17:31,770 Well, it's not really gone. 207 00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:35,290 We know where it is. 208 00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:40,490 Presumably, it's coming back. 209 00:17:43,650 --> 00:17:47,210 And when it does, we'll be there. 210 00:17:49,790 --> 00:17:50,790 Oh. 211 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:58,910 Daddy, 212 00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:02,150 I finished that report you wanted me to write. Not right now, honey. I'm in a 213 00:18:02,150 --> 00:18:03,150 bit of a hurry. 214 00:18:07,070 --> 00:18:10,070 Actually, it takes about 12 hours and 25 minutes and 40 seconds. 215 00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:13,570 I can use some reading. 216 00:18:39,020 --> 00:18:40,020 that toilet. 217 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,460 Feel free to light a match. 218 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,820 I think we've crossed the line in this family. 219 00:18:51,580 --> 00:18:53,000 I feel totally invaded. 220 00:18:53,740 --> 00:18:55,300 Yeah, I don't feel so good myself. 221 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,660 It was all Cheryl. All she could talk about was catching you on the pot. 222 00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:02,060 Oh, please. 223 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,120 I had to talk you out of bringing a camera. 224 00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:10,100 I feel totally un... comfortable in the role of this family's moral compass. 225 00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:13,460 Get off your high horse. 226 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:17,040 Were you using that compass when you lost your wedding ring catapulting water 227 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:20,080 balloons at your neighbors or lying about it for a year? 228 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,020 Ridiculing a man's hobby and squirting him with a hose? 229 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:29,960 You guys put a ring in a cupcake, then stood in a bathtub and ambushed me like 230 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,800 bunch of hyenas waiting for a lion to squeeze out a ring. 231 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,560 I gave you that ring. 232 00:19:37,020 --> 00:19:41,740 on our wedding day as a symbol of our love, and you lied to me about losing 233 00:19:41,860 --> 00:19:42,779 I didn't lie. 234 00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:47,380 I just chose not to tell you. Uh -huh. I told you he'd say that. I totally win. 235 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,620 Except for the part about seeing Jim poop. 236 00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:55,640 Carol, I chose not to tell you because I knew you'd get upset. 237 00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:58,600 You just didn't want to get yelled at. That is true. 238 00:19:59,020 --> 00:20:01,840 I mean, the way you looked that day with your hair, you look crazy. 239 00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:06,380 Until five minutes ago, that was the worst thing I'd ever seen. 240 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:10,460 Cheryl, think about it, all right? 241 00:20:10,820 --> 00:20:14,160 I mean, you didn't even notice that I was wearing a different ring. And do you 242 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,420 love me any less right now? 243 00:20:16,260 --> 00:20:17,260 A little. 244 00:20:18,740 --> 00:20:20,780 I feel terrible that I lost the ring. 245 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:22,500 I do. 246 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:25,800 But come on, Cheryl, we got great love here. 247 00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,360 We got great commitment in this relationship. 248 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,160 We don't need a symbol to prove it. 249 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:31,940 I mean, I don't. 250 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,920 And if you do, well, you know where it is. 251 00:20:43,420 --> 00:20:45,380 Kyle, what did you do? 252 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:46,980 You must tell me first. 253 00:20:47,340 --> 00:20:48,340 I first. 254 00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:49,780 Won't you tell him? 255 00:20:55,660 --> 00:21:01,640 Well, Cheryl, to be honest with you, I got it this morning. 256 00:21:05,340 --> 00:21:08,220 What? But we heard the clank. 257 00:21:08,620 --> 00:21:09,700 Yeah, that was something else. 258 00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:17,380 Remind me tomorrow we're going to have some keys made.