1 00:00:19,749 --> 00:00:23,490 Hell is gone and heaven's here. There's nothing left for us to fear. Shake your 2 00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:24,870 ass, come over here and I'll scream. 3 00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:29,810 I'm a burning effigy of everything I used to be. You're my rock of empathy, 4 00:00:29,810 --> 00:00:30,810 dear. 5 00:00:31,070 --> 00:00:35,950 So come on. Let me entertain you. 6 00:00:37,090 --> 00:00:42,550 Morning, Mark. Morning, Georgie. How was your weekend, Pat? It was lovely, thank 7 00:00:42,550 --> 00:00:44,910 you. Michaela had her school diving competition. 8 00:00:45,450 --> 00:00:48,390 Did she sink like a stone to the bottom of the pool? 9 00:00:49,010 --> 00:00:51,610 Or is her childhood obesity under control? 10 00:00:53,770 --> 00:00:55,610 Actually, she won first prize. 11 00:00:56,170 --> 00:00:58,990 Hey, I'm that pleased for you. 12 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,420 Can I borrow your nice solar -powered calculator? 13 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:05,319 Yeah, sure. 14 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:07,400 I'll tell you where it is. 15 00:01:09,060 --> 00:01:15,080 Me and some of the other girls down at the Jarrow Quaker Jazz Club are doing a 16 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:16,080 little sponsored event. 17 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:17,960 Oh, what's this one for? 18 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:24,800 We're treading water through the night in the Great North Canal for all the 19 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:28,880 little alcoholics in Jarrow and its surrounding environs. 20 00:01:30,470 --> 00:01:33,630 God, that is a big problem, isn't it? Aye, it is. 21 00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:39,870 Did you know that every 38 minutes, an otherwise upstanding member of the 22 00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:45,410 community pops out to buy a newspaper and rolls back a week later stark 23 00:01:45,410 --> 00:01:46,670 naked and covered in tattoos? 24 00:01:50,490 --> 00:01:51,870 Every 38 minutes? 25 00:01:52,370 --> 00:01:56,550 If you don't believe me, log on to the website www. 26 00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,340 I fucking love you, Doc. 27 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:06,300 Forward slash, I've told her I fucking 28 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,300 love you. 29 00:02:09,759 --> 00:02:11,780 How much shall I put you down for? 30 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,480 Let's say 20p an hour. 31 00:02:17,380 --> 00:02:18,860 £2 .40? 32 00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:24,620 To spend 12 hours bobbing up and down in a freezing cold canal full of dead 33 00:02:24,620 --> 00:02:26,880 fish, condom and shite? 34 00:02:29,390 --> 00:02:32,670 In that case, I'll up it to 30p an hour. 35 00:02:32,950 --> 00:02:34,330 £3 .60? 36 00:02:35,170 --> 00:02:41,330 For all those brave little single men who cannae afford to feed their families 37 00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:44,490 cos they've spunked the housekeeping on Diamond White. 38 00:02:47,070 --> 00:02:49,370 OK, 35p an hour. 39 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,990 I don't think I've got your full attention, Martin. 40 00:02:54,130 --> 00:02:57,930 Consider, if you will, all those poor little dads. 41 00:02:58,410 --> 00:03:05,330 who turn up to parents' evening completely twatted and end up dancing on 42 00:03:05,330 --> 00:03:08,970 the desktop shouting, Oi, Mr Roberts, look at my knob. 43 00:03:12,510 --> 00:03:14,610 I'm sorry, Georgie, it's all I can afford. 44 00:03:15,130 --> 00:03:17,270 £4 .20 it is, then. 45 00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:21,310 Let's see no more about it, cos I wouldn't want it to come between us. 46 00:03:24,210 --> 00:03:26,230 It really makes you think, though, doesn't it? 47 00:03:59,370 --> 00:04:00,370 David, what is it? 48 00:04:00,690 --> 00:04:01,750 They've hijacked a plane. 49 00:04:02,210 --> 00:04:04,290 We've got 20 minutes to inform the chiefs of staff. 50 00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:06,390 Chloe, can you get in here? 51 00:04:06,590 --> 00:04:08,550 I'm going to need you to send out an urgent email. 52 00:04:09,070 --> 00:04:11,310 This is too sensitive, David. She's not code red. 53 00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:13,970 Scratch that, Chloe. I'll do this myself. 54 00:04:15,290 --> 00:04:16,269 Thank you. 55 00:04:16,269 --> 00:04:17,769 It's good to have the British with us. 56 00:04:18,529 --> 00:04:19,529 Okay. 57 00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:21,149 To all the chiefs of staff. 58 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:27,720 At 0400 hours this morning, a unified Union airline are headed from Dakota to 59 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,260 Washington and seized by terrorists. 60 00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:32,840 They're demanding that we start to release all political prisoners by 0800 61 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,000 hours, by which time the plane will be over Houston. 62 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:40,200 If we do not acquiesce to these demands, they would explode the aircraft over 63 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,200 the city center. 64 00:04:41,940 --> 00:04:44,240 This is clearly a matter of the utmost urgency. 65 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:45,760 Oh. 66 00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:47,020 What is it? 67 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:48,740 There's no J on this. 68 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,040 What? No J. 69 00:04:55,020 --> 00:04:56,020 Oh, no, there is. 70 00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:58,560 Oh, yeah. 71 00:04:58,780 --> 00:04:59,820 Come on, Tony. 72 00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:08,320 Mother's in there, Tonya. Won't be too ticked. 73 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,920 Lock's wonky, so I'm keeping Dixie. 74 00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:13,860 Wasn't it a lovely wedding, Uncle Derek? 75 00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:16,300 And how's the Naomi's frock, dear? 76 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,100 A symphony in cream. 77 00:05:18,820 --> 00:05:21,380 I wept when I saw those page boys. 78 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:25,400 Not everyone can carry off the munchkin look, but they're... I did her proud. 79 00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:28,260 I wonder who'll be married next in the family. 80 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:29,700 Could be you, Tonya. 81 00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:31,780 You still called him that, Darren? 82 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,560 It'll be two years in June. 83 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,500 No signs of a ring yet, though. 84 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:37,680 It might be you and Uncle Leonard. 85 00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:41,880 I beg pardon? 86 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,720 You and Uncle Leonard, you can now. You know, one of those civil partnerships. 87 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,200 What on earth are you insinuating? 88 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,940 I'm just saying that you and Uncle Leonard could have a gay wedding. 89 00:05:53,510 --> 00:05:54,510 Gay wedding? 90 00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:59,410 Yes, I just thought it might... How very gay. 91 00:06:00,330 --> 00:06:01,850 I've never heard the likes. 92 00:06:02,170 --> 00:06:07,010 I'm sorry, Uncle Derek, are you not... Gay, dear? Oh, dear me, dear? No, dear. 93 00:06:07,810 --> 00:06:12,250 Just because a man minds his P's and Q's and isn't all at sea with a mascara 94 00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:15,810 wand, you assume he travels up the chocolate escalator. 95 00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:19,910 I didn't mean to upset you. 96 00:06:20,569 --> 00:06:24,330 25 years, Mother and I have been putting money in a Christmas card for you. 97 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,210 And this is the thanks we get? 98 00:06:27,450 --> 00:06:28,450 Marry a man? 99 00:06:29,930 --> 00:06:30,930 Marry a man? 100 00:06:31,130 --> 00:06:33,590 How very, very dare you. 101 00:06:34,750 --> 00:06:38,150 And I'd avoid a calf -length skirt in the future if I were you, dear. 102 00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:40,370 Your ankles are too puffy. 103 00:06:42,210 --> 00:06:43,210 Mother! 104 00:06:52,750 --> 00:06:56,870 And I'd just like to remind you that on Bank Holiday Monday, it's our annual 105 00:06:56,870 --> 00:06:58,770 ramble through the local countryside. 106 00:06:59,370 --> 00:07:05,170 The Orange Walk, as we like to call it. And no, you don't need to worry. As 107 00:07:05,170 --> 00:07:09,630 usual, every precaution has been taken to ensure that we avoid normal members 108 00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:10,630 the public. 109 00:07:12,230 --> 00:07:13,510 Something wrong, Sandra? 110 00:07:13,870 --> 00:07:15,150 I'm sorry, Rita. 111 00:07:15,350 --> 00:07:19,630 It's not that I'm not grateful, because I am. But I can't live like this 112 00:07:19,630 --> 00:07:20,630 anymore. 113 00:07:22,570 --> 00:07:24,290 I'm leaving, Russet Lodge. 114 00:07:25,350 --> 00:07:27,010 You can't, Sandra. 115 00:07:28,010 --> 00:07:29,250 Society's not ready. 116 00:07:30,410 --> 00:07:36,950 Well, I am. But, Sandra, I am not creeping around the countryside avoiding 117 00:07:36,950 --> 00:07:38,270 normal people. 118 00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:43,910 I'm not sweeping myself under the carpet like some kind of leper. And I am not 119 00:07:43,910 --> 00:07:47,030 ending up like that. 120 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,330 So what happened, Linda? 121 00:07:52,270 --> 00:07:55,310 Did you have to hack at it yourself with an old pair of kitchen scissors because 122 00:07:55,310 --> 00:07:57,710 the hairdressers couldn't fit you in? 123 00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:03,410 Yeah. You have as much right to a salon finish as anyone else. 124 00:08:05,410 --> 00:08:06,910 I like your fringe, Jenny. 125 00:08:08,350 --> 00:08:10,090 But what's under the hat? 126 00:08:15,450 --> 00:08:16,670 Jenny's new, Sandra. 127 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:17,930 That's not fair. 128 00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:27,580 hours of basket weaving with nothing to look forward to but a self -esteem 129 00:08:27,580 --> 00:08:29,040 workshop with Mick Hocknall. 130 00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:32,760 Ask yourself, is that fair? 131 00:08:34,620 --> 00:08:36,240 Well, not for me. 132 00:08:37,039 --> 00:08:41,820 I want to go out there and hold my red head up high, and I will. 133 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,300 I know what I am. 134 00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:46,780 I am Ginger. 135 00:09:08,430 --> 00:09:09,430 I am Ginger. 136 00:09:10,830 --> 00:09:12,090 I am Ginger. 137 00:09:14,170 --> 00:09:15,490 I am Ginger. 138 00:09:16,650 --> 00:09:17,970 I am Ginger. 139 00:09:18,210 --> 00:09:19,890 I am Ginger. I am Ginger. 140 00:09:23,550 --> 00:09:24,550 Rita, 141 00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:30,750 I... I can't. 142 00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:45,040 Traffic came to a standstill here in central London when a group of civil 143 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:49,080 protesters scaled up onto the roof of a government building to highlight the 144 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:52,760 inequality they believe they suffer at the hands of an unfair society. 145 00:10:02,570 --> 00:10:06,530 Prime Minister's question time was interrupted when a condom full of orange 146 00:10:06,530 --> 00:10:10,950 powder was thrown at Tony Blair during a discussion on the Gingist attacks in 147 00:10:10,950 --> 00:10:11,950 South East London. 148 00:10:12,090 --> 00:10:15,950 It was later discovered that members of the pressure group Gingist for Justice 149 00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:19,610 had infiltrated the House of Commons dressed as ginger nut biscuits. 150 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:38,480 I'm getting burnt. 151 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:44,240 It's fighting for liberation. A few extra freckles is a small price to pay. 152 00:10:44,660 --> 00:10:46,380 I'm sure we're doing the right thing, though. 153 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,860 Don't let yourself down now. 154 00:10:49,580 --> 00:10:52,940 Remember, be a ginger, not a whinger. 155 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,400 Maybe Rita was right. 156 00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:57,920 Maybe we do belong in Rustic Lodge. 157 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,300 Maybe that's all we have a right to expect. 158 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,860 Don't desert me now. 159 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:04,580 We made that point. 160 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,480 The ginger nut is here. 161 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,460 This fight has only just begun. 162 00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:15,060 Rita! 163 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:16,560 Sandra! 164 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:24,960 I knew you wouldn't let us down. 165 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:26,360 Come on, everyone. 166 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,120 There's sandwiches and bottles of sunblock in the bag. 167 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,360 It's time to stand and be counted. 168 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,720 Looks like the protesters are here to stay. 169 00:12:02,940 --> 00:12:05,320 It could be a long night for the police force. 170 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:09,540 This is Gargi Patel in central London reporting for News London. 171 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,880 A communication has been set up with the terrorists. 172 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,800 The code word we have agreed upon is Afghan cave. 173 00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:22,440 It is imperative that any communication with them is preceded by the words 174 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,440 Afghan cave. 175 00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:25,220 Otherwise they will not respond. 176 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,280 Hmm. 177 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,580 How do you make it do that thing? 178 00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:31,300 Where it goes back. 179 00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:37,460 Morning, Neville. 180 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:39,960 My nerves are in bits. 181 00:12:40,620 --> 00:12:41,620 Tough morning? 182 00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:45,120 I'll say. Who was it we had here this morning, Vern? 183 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,580 You'd know them, Neville. 184 00:12:47,940 --> 00:12:53,620 Two blonde, one dark, one mouthy. Not the Chapman twins. 185 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:56,860 There's four of them. 186 00:13:00,330 --> 00:13:01,330 Can't sing. 187 00:13:03,190 --> 00:13:04,190 Right, 188 00:13:04,890 --> 00:13:05,890 right. 189 00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:10,970 Big 190 00:13:10,970 --> 00:13:17,670 eaters, then. 191 00:13:19,870 --> 00:13:25,050 So what were they doing around here, then? 192 00:13:29,610 --> 00:13:31,290 Look at them new apartments by the flyover. 193 00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:32,630 Much more reasonable. 194 00:13:33,210 --> 00:13:35,190 Couldn't be bothered pointing it out to them, Neville. 195 00:13:35,710 --> 00:13:36,950 I didn't take to them. 196 00:13:37,390 --> 00:13:39,510 But then I always preferred brotherhood of man. 197 00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,550 They made some lovely 45s. 198 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:43,950 What did Abba do? 199 00:13:44,470 --> 00:13:46,750 Song about bloody train station. 200 00:13:49,130 --> 00:13:50,130 Onions, my lover? 201 00:13:50,270 --> 00:13:51,109 Yes, please. 202 00:13:51,110 --> 00:13:55,090 And then they all piled back into their camper van and drive off. 203 00:13:55,550 --> 00:13:56,550 Good riddance. 204 00:13:56,850 --> 00:13:57,850 That's what burns. 205 00:14:09,770 --> 00:14:14,270 sausage in a most unsavoury fashion and the woman in the front licking curry off 206 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,270 his jumpsuit. 207 00:14:16,130 --> 00:14:18,010 I wouldn't do that on top of the pops. 208 00:14:18,790 --> 00:14:19,790 Any sauce? 209 00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:21,310 No, thanks. 210 00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:24,610 Can I sell that with you on Friday? 211 00:14:24,870 --> 00:14:26,290 Of course you can, Neville. 212 00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:28,650 See you tomorrow. 213 00:14:31,010 --> 00:14:32,950 And he's coming here to the house. 214 00:14:33,970 --> 00:14:35,030 No, that's fine. 215 00:14:35,430 --> 00:14:37,230 I mean actually here. 216 00:14:38,150 --> 00:14:39,150 No, I'm fine. 217 00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:41,250 Right. 218 00:14:41,810 --> 00:14:45,330 I'm afraid I've got some bad news. 219 00:14:46,630 --> 00:14:49,230 The Land Rover Voyager has gone in for repair. 220 00:14:49,690 --> 00:14:51,690 But, Mummy, how shall we get to school? 221 00:14:52,290 --> 00:14:53,370 Try not to panic. 222 00:14:53,630 --> 00:14:57,390 But it's home economics today, and I'm presenting my scallops wrapped in 223 00:14:57,390 --> 00:14:58,390 Bavarian veal. 224 00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:01,090 I'm afraid the news gets worse. 225 00:15:01,490 --> 00:15:02,369 But how? 226 00:15:02,370 --> 00:15:06,330 We're going to have to have... a hire car. 227 00:15:06,870 --> 00:15:07,870 Hire car? 228 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,700 You mean a car that other people have been in? 229 00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:14,440 It's been delivered by a man from the garage. 230 00:15:15,020 --> 00:15:16,760 Do you mean him? Yes, darling. 231 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:18,680 A mechanic. 232 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:24,839 Morning, darling. 233 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,520 I'm from the garage. I've got your courtesy car. 234 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:28,220 Mummy, what's he saying? 235 00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:31,040 We mean you no harm. 236 00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:32,620 Are you all right, love? 237 00:15:32,740 --> 00:15:35,380 I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're saying. 238 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,120 Leave one of them. 239 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,540 Please don't kill us. 240 00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:48,300 Here, love. 241 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:51,060 I'll leave them here. You take it or leave it, all right? 242 00:15:56,260 --> 00:15:57,540 There's no DVD in the... 243 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,380 I was just having a little bit of a breather. Are you eating crypt? 244 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:35,820 Where are my manners? 245 00:16:36,060 --> 00:16:37,480 Would you like a spring and onion? 246 00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:41,480 No, I wouldn't. Well, that's just as well because these are prawn cocktails. 247 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:44,820 Put them away and get back to work. 248 00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:46,380 Sorry, sister. 249 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:50,880 Bernie, did you write these notes? 250 00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:52,500 Yes, sister. 251 00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:54,420 All up to date as requested. 252 00:16:56,110 --> 00:16:59,590 Have you written, her noo -noo has come up like a grapefruit? 253 00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:02,010 Right, well, I can explain. 254 00:17:02,670 --> 00:17:07,450 I spilled some tea on it. See, I had a mad night on South Tuesday night. Come 255 00:17:07,450 --> 00:17:11,450 Wednesday morning, I was still a bit shaky on the tea round and I scalded her 256 00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:12,450 noo -noo. 257 00:17:13,410 --> 00:17:15,750 So, these are your medical notes. 258 00:17:16,150 --> 00:17:19,210 Her noo -noo has come up like a grapefruit. 259 00:17:19,810 --> 00:17:21,430 It's even bigger than that now. 260 00:17:21,849 --> 00:17:25,010 You want to see it? It's like one of those really big Easter eggs. 261 00:17:25,980 --> 00:17:29,020 Plus, she's a nylon nightie and I think it's aggravated her. 262 00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:32,180 But why have you called it her noo -noo? 263 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:33,940 Cos that's its name. 264 00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:36,180 Do you mean vagina, Bernie? 265 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:41,700 No, see, no. No, I hate that word, sister. I can't bring myself to say it. 266 00:17:42,260 --> 00:17:45,440 See, my sister's called Virginia and I often get the two confused. 267 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:50,920 I had a necklace made for her when she was eight with her name on it, but it 268 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:54,640 wasn't her name, it was the other thing, and, well, you can imagine, I've got 269 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:55,640 rather ugly sister. 270 00:17:57,260 --> 00:17:59,700 I don't tell you what happened with our Clint. 271 00:18:04,820 --> 00:18:07,260 So instead you now say Nunu. 272 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:12,460 As I say to the blokes down the pub who don't fancy, Nunu says no -no! 273 00:18:14,990 --> 00:18:16,910 Actually, I very rarely say that. 274 00:18:20,030 --> 00:18:25,050 I have said it to Miss McFerry, though, cos she's the look of a leather, don't 275 00:18:25,050 --> 00:18:26,050 you think? 276 00:18:26,630 --> 00:18:30,390 Bernie, you're not going to get very far in this profession if you're unable to 277 00:18:30,390 --> 00:18:32,450 use correct medical terminology. 278 00:18:33,210 --> 00:18:34,250 Frankly, I'm amazed. 279 00:18:34,730 --> 00:18:36,430 Usually you've got a mouth like a sewer. 280 00:18:36,730 --> 00:18:38,330 And the morals of a slut, I know. 281 00:18:39,570 --> 00:18:43,730 I guess I'm just a quivering mass of contradiction, sister, if you follow me, 282 00:18:43,770 --> 00:18:45,840 mate. Bernie, what does this mean? 283 00:18:46,060 --> 00:18:48,540 Light blistering to spaniel. 284 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,280 It's my fault again. It was the same tea round. 285 00:18:53,540 --> 00:18:55,200 I have apologised. 286 00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:56,580 Spaniels? 287 00:18:57,460 --> 00:18:58,460 Spaniels ears. 288 00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:00,760 You know, Babylonias. 289 00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:05,580 She's a real hefty set on her as well. It's difficult not to spill stuff on 290 00:19:05,580 --> 00:19:07,720 them. Do you mean breasts, Bernie? 291 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,080 Jesus! 292 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:15,020 These are medical terms, Bernie, and you are a medical professional. 293 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:16,679 I know. 294 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:21,040 I expect you to use correct terminology and to behave in a fitting manner. 295 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,500 After all, this is a hospital, not a playground. 296 00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:28,880 I will not tolerate any more of this inappropriate slang. 297 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:31,120 I understand, sister. 298 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:35,140 Thank you for giving me a second chance and I won't let you down again. 299 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:40,810 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the High Dependency Ward to check on 300 00:19:40,810 --> 00:19:42,550 Mr Chang's swollen goalies. 301 00:19:42,870 --> 00:19:43,870 What? 302 00:19:44,610 --> 00:19:46,890 Honest to God, you should see the size of them. 303 00:19:47,290 --> 00:19:50,810 One's big and bloated, the other one's small and shriveled. They look like 304 00:19:50,810 --> 00:19:51,810 Lauren Hardy. 305 00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:53,190 Bernie! 306 00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:55,430 Frankly, that's the least of his worries. 307 00:19:56,110 --> 00:19:58,530 You should see the state of his rancid little cock. 308 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:09,880 minutes till they blow it. Well, come on then. 309 00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:11,300 Okay. 310 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,660 There are three other prisoners that the kidnappers are demanding to be 311 00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:20,260 released. The first is a man called Hamid Farhan of Jordanian descent. 312 00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:23,080 The second, Faisal Alam. 313 00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:29,060 Now, you know when the NUM lock is on, 314 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:33,240 is it only numbers that you get? 315 00:20:38,510 --> 00:20:42,010 In preparation for next week's exam, I think it's best we do a little test on 316 00:20:42,010 --> 00:20:44,730 the periodic table of elements. 317 00:20:45,190 --> 00:20:46,190 Lauren. 318 00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:48,710 Lauren. Lauren! 319 00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:51,350 All right. 320 00:20:53,310 --> 00:20:54,670 Just Lauren. 321 00:20:55,030 --> 00:20:56,030 All right. 322 00:20:57,010 --> 00:20:58,750 What on earth do you think you're doing? 323 00:20:59,730 --> 00:21:01,890 You were talking to Ryan and Lise. 324 00:21:02,230 --> 00:21:05,210 They're my brethren, though, aren't they? Whilst I was speaking. 325 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,320 So? If you've got something to say, Lauren, why don't you tell the whole 326 00:21:09,820 --> 00:21:11,240 I ain't chatting to this crew. 327 00:21:11,580 --> 00:21:15,100 Well, then perhaps you'd better complete this little test on your own. See if 328 00:21:15,100 --> 00:21:17,200 you like speaking to the whole class after that. 329 00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:21,060 Whatever. OK, right. I'm going to point out some of these symbols on this table 330 00:21:21,060 --> 00:21:22,760 and you're going to tell me what they represent. 331 00:21:23,060 --> 00:21:28,120 And if you don't complete this test with 100 % correct answers, I'm going to put 332 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,120 you on detention. 333 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:29,919 Is it? 334 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:30,920 Yes, it is. 335 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,340 ZN. Stand for? 336 00:21:36,030 --> 00:21:37,590 I think that's correct. 337 00:21:38,850 --> 00:21:40,630 What about C -A? 338 00:21:41,790 --> 00:21:42,790 Calcium. 339 00:21:43,310 --> 00:21:44,930 What does B stand for? 340 00:21:48,810 --> 00:21:51,310 What? What is B for? 341 00:21:52,030 --> 00:21:56,630 B is for boron. 342 00:21:57,890 --> 00:21:58,890 Correct. 343 00:21:59,410 --> 00:22:00,430 And it knows. 344 00:22:03,290 --> 00:22:04,550 M -I. 345 00:22:05,230 --> 00:22:06,230 Am I bothered? 346 00:22:06,270 --> 00:22:07,270 No. 347 00:22:09,690 --> 00:22:10,690 Lauren. 348 00:22:11,410 --> 00:22:12,410 Am I? 349 00:22:12,710 --> 00:22:13,710 Am I bothered, though? 350 00:22:14,930 --> 00:22:16,030 Are you? 351 00:22:16,270 --> 00:22:17,630 Are you disrespecting me? 352 00:22:19,050 --> 00:22:22,470 Are you, Lauren? Yes, I am. Are you a geek? 353 00:22:23,670 --> 00:22:24,970 Lauren, you. 354 00:22:25,590 --> 00:22:27,090 You is a geek, though. 355 00:22:28,290 --> 00:22:29,310 I'm warning you. 356 00:22:29,850 --> 00:22:30,850 B -A. 357 00:22:31,190 --> 00:22:32,730 But are you a geek, though? Lauren. 358 00:22:34,510 --> 00:22:36,730 No, I'm not. Do you dress like one, then? No, I do not. 359 00:22:37,010 --> 00:22:38,590 Do you buy your clothes from a catalogue? No. 360 00:22:38,850 --> 00:22:40,390 Do you pay for them in installments? No. 361 00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:42,370 Your jeans got an elasticated waist? 362 00:22:42,630 --> 00:22:44,910 No. Have you got a reversible fleece? 363 00:22:49,490 --> 00:22:54,210 You've got a reversible fleece, sir. You are a geek. No, I'm not a geek, OK? I 364 00:22:54,210 --> 00:22:55,670 am a science teacher. 365 00:22:56,470 --> 00:22:57,470 Are you Stephen Hawking? 366 00:22:57,770 --> 00:22:58,770 No. 367 00:22:59,230 --> 00:23:02,290 So are you Stephen Hawking, sir? No. Do you wish to be Stephen Hawking? 368 00:23:02,510 --> 00:23:04,040 No. When you're at home, right? 369 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,900 When you're at home, right? Yes. Right, when you're at home, do you pretend to 370 00:23:06,900 --> 00:23:07,900 be Stephen Hawking? No! 371 00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:09,960 You've got a funny little voice box? No. 372 00:23:10,300 --> 00:23:13,340 Do you bowl about in a little wheelchair? Now, that is unacceptable. 373 00:23:13,820 --> 00:23:18,640 Then stop doing it, then. No, that's... That is enough, OK? 374 00:23:19,140 --> 00:23:22,360 You're lucky I'm one of the more reasonable teachers in this school, 375 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,180 you would be in a lot of trouble. 376 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:26,240 As it is, I'm going to give you a second chance. 377 00:23:27,540 --> 00:23:29,620 F. F? No. Bother? No. 378 00:23:31,250 --> 00:23:31,929 Come on. 379 00:23:31,930 --> 00:23:34,550 Look at my face. Look at my face. I ain't even bothered. Look at my face. 380 00:23:34,730 --> 00:23:37,110 Periodic table. I ain't even bothered. Look at my face, though. You're looking 381 00:23:37,110 --> 00:23:39,890 at my face. Face. Look. Bothered. Boron. Bones and burner. I ain't even 382 00:23:39,890 --> 00:23:40,890 bothered. I am sorry. 383 00:23:41,410 --> 00:23:44,590 Albert Einstein. I ain't even bothered. Stephen Hawking. I ain't bothered. 384 00:23:46,350 --> 00:23:47,350 Look. 385 00:23:48,130 --> 00:23:51,890 Face. Bothered. Bones and burner. Go hiking. I ain't even bothered. I ain't 386 00:23:51,890 --> 00:23:53,010 bothered. 387 00:23:54,590 --> 00:23:55,590 Right. 388 00:23:55,790 --> 00:23:56,830 That's it, young lady. 389 00:23:57,230 --> 00:24:00,050 I cannot continue this lesson with you in here. 390 00:24:00,430 --> 00:24:04,710 I have given you plenty of warning. I would like you to collect your things 391 00:24:04,710 --> 00:24:07,030 leave. And don't say another word. 392 00:24:24,470 --> 00:24:27,650 But I'm sorry about that, class. Now, anyone else? 393 00:24:27,930 --> 00:24:28,930 M .G. 394 00:24:29,170 --> 00:24:30,170 Matthew! 395 00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:39,460 The invasion we're dealing with is serious and will carry out these 396 00:24:39,460 --> 00:24:40,980 advise you to consider option red. 397 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,200 Good luck, gentlemen. 398 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,140 Special Agent David Primer. 399 00:24:45,220 --> 00:24:46,220 Send it. 400 00:24:46,780 --> 00:24:48,900 I just hope we're not too late. 401 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,540 Now, where would that have gone? 402 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,880 You mean that little bin thing? 403 00:24:56,540 --> 00:24:57,540 Oh. 404 00:24:58,060 --> 00:24:59,280 It seemed to have gone. 405 00:24:59,860 --> 00:25:01,340 You mean it sent? 406 00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:02,900 No. 407 00:25:03,180 --> 00:25:04,500 I mean it's gone. 408 00:25:05,100 --> 00:25:07,180 What? Oh, no, it's come back again. 409 00:25:08,500 --> 00:25:09,700 Oh, it's gone all together now. 410 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:13,280 Yeah. 411 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:24,680 Did you know you can use different fonts? 412 00:25:43,310 --> 00:25:44,310 you some clothes. 413 00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:46,970 Sorry? What for? 414 00:25:47,370 --> 00:25:50,910 You were right all along. I should have listened to you, but I didn't. 415 00:25:51,670 --> 00:25:54,410 I had a dream. The dream's over. 416 00:25:54,950 --> 00:25:57,610 I thought I could change the world. What was I thinking? 417 00:25:58,470 --> 00:26:02,590 Too much time on my pale, freckly hands. That's my problem. 418 00:26:02,850 --> 00:26:03,850 Sit down. 419 00:26:06,910 --> 00:26:08,910 The dream's not over. 420 00:26:09,610 --> 00:26:11,430 Things are changing. 421 00:26:11,890 --> 00:26:13,430 Not from where I... I'm certain. 422 00:26:14,590 --> 00:26:21,070 Up there, right now, people are quite literally painting the town red. 423 00:26:24,450 --> 00:26:30,230 How do you mean? In response to the protest, gingers everywhere are coming 424 00:26:30,230 --> 00:26:33,210 of their houses, hatless and proud. 425 00:26:33,770 --> 00:26:35,150 I can't believe it. 426 00:26:35,810 --> 00:26:38,390 Restrictions have been lifted in sandwich bars. 427 00:26:38,670 --> 00:26:40,630 Sandra, we're handling food. 428 00:26:45,230 --> 00:26:46,670 Jenny needs to take us seriously. 429 00:26:47,230 --> 00:26:49,050 And I've just spoken to Jenny. 430 00:26:49,430 --> 00:26:51,350 She's in the hairdressers. 431 00:26:51,550 --> 00:26:55,010 And someone has just asked for Auburn highlights. 432 00:26:55,650 --> 00:26:57,390 The fight's over. 433 00:26:58,290 --> 00:27:01,210 The future's bright, Sandra. 434 00:27:01,450 --> 00:27:08,270 The future's... You're free to 435 00:27:08,270 --> 00:27:09,270 leave, Sandra. 436 00:27:19,790 --> 00:27:20,790 We're late. 437 00:27:20,910 --> 00:27:27,330 The people who made Calendar Girls are making a movie about gingers for 438 00:27:27,690 --> 00:27:31,610 We're meeting her at 12. 439 00:27:34,970 --> 00:27:36,270 We're on our way. 440 00:27:40,270 --> 00:27:41,590 Who's playing me? 441 00:27:43,250 --> 00:27:44,510 Bonnie Langford.