1
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,405
Mother told me.
2
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,767
Yes, she told me.
3
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,844
That I'd meet girls like you.
4
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,490
She also told me.
5
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:31,043
Stay away
You'll never know what you'll catch.
6
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:36,766
Cooper, it's open.
7
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:37,840
It's open?
8
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:38,927
Come on!
9
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,165
It's supposed to be awesome.
10
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,686
- Thank you.
- Hey, give me back my quarters, you hoser!
11
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,125
Mom!
12
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,884
They just seem a little weird.
13
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:56,760
Surrender, surrender.
14
00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:02,370
But don't give yourself away.
15
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,921
Whatever happened to all this season's.
16
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,082
Losers of the year?
17
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,921
Every time I got to thinking.
18
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:34,368
Where'd they disappear?
19
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,569
But when I woke up, Mom and Dad.
20
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:42,168
Are rolling on the couch.
21
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,241
Damn.
22
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:45,441
What?
23
00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:48,721
I suck.
24
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,004
Mommy's all right, daddy's all right.
25
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:56,722
They just seem a little weird.
26
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:57,801
Wow, Sam.
27
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:02,411
How are you so good at this?
You've never even played it before.
28
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:03,606
I don't know.
29
00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,887
There's a pattern to how they're moving.
Watch.
30
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,645
I don't see it, but you sure as hell do.
31
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,126
Away.
32
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,722
Surrender, surrender.
33
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:31,725
But don't give yourself away.
34
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,690
Surrender, surrender.
35
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,889
But don't give yourself away.
36
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:41,487
Use the Force. Use the Force.
37
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:50,880
Hey, Chewie.
38
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,525
You're a superstar, dude.
39
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,409
And it's time to show the world.
40
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,124
Surrender.
41
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,921
But don't give yourself away.
42
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,322
Surrender, surrender.
43
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:07,240
But don't give yourself away.
44
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:08,890
Attention, all contestants.
45
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,566
The competition will start in 15 minutes.
46
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,122
You too? That's so funny.
47
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:18,881
Really?
48
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,084
I think you're pretty darn foxy yourself.
49
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,922
Lady Lisa,
I'll love you till the end of time.
50
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,008
- Who are you talking to?
- Nobody!
51
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:33,161
We'll talk later.
52
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,607
You're Ludlow Lamonsoff,
the Wonder Kid, right?
53
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:37,921
Who told you that? The government?
54
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:41,368
'Cause I'm this close to figuring out
the secret of the Bermuda Triangle.
55
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:43,968
Wow, you don't have any friends, do you?
56
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:45,610
Just my grandma.
57
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,081
Yoo-hoo!
58
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,281
Well, Wonder Kid, you can hang out with us.
59
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,051
Really?
60
00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,481
What's up, geeks and goobers?
61
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,927
They call me the Fire Blaster!
62
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,968
'Cause my hands are blazing fast,
63
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:07,364
and also I will blast and burn
all my competitors' weak-ass moves.
64
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,608
You must be the local talent.
65
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,241
If this was a fugly contest,
I'd be in trouble.
66
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:21,642
At least we didn't make up
our own nicknames, Fire Blaster.
67
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,768
Who cares who came up with it?
68
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,763
It's totally tubular.
69
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:29,481
Welcome, gamers, to the first annual.
70
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:33,121
Worldwide Video Arcade Championships!
71
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:39,009
Tonight, we have representatives here
from the Guinness Book of World Records,
72
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:42,482
as well as NASA, the National Aeronautics
and Space Administration,
73
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,006
who will be videotaping
tonight's competition
74
00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:49,369
to be included in a compilation of 1982's
news events and popular culture.
75
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:53,088
That videotape will be placed
in a space probe
76
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:56,243
which will be launched by NASA
into our solar system
77
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:59,403
with the hope of connecting to,
and perhaps providing a message for
78
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,450
extraterrestrial life, should it exist.
79
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:03,925
Oh, it exists.
80
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,128
Ladies and gentlemen,
81
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,249
start your gaming!
82
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,689
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
what an evening we have had here.
83
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,445
Six new US records set.
84
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,000
- Three new world records set.
- Oh, yeah.
85
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:34,610
And, as the smoke clears,
right now we have a tie.
86
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,560
Two hundred and fifty-nine points
87
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,405
for your new Pac-Man world champion.
88
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,767
The Fire Blaster, Eddie Plant!
89
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,363
Go, Fire Blaster!
90
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,249
And 259 points
91
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,006
for your new Galaga Centipede
world champion, rookie sensation,
92
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,730
Sam Brenner!
93
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,369
Yeah, Sam!
94
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,770
Well, gentlemen,
how 'bout we break this tie.
95
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:00,887
Let's play.
96
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,281
Donkey Kong!
97
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,727
- Good luck, man.
- Thanks.
98
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,041
You have the patterns down pretty good
with these games.
99
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,764
You're gonna be tough to beat.
100
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,161
Buddy you're a boy make a big noise.
101
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,369
Playing in the street
gonna be a big man some day.
102
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,011
You got mud on your face
You big disgrace.
103
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,924
Kickin' your can all over the place.
104
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:41,326
- Singin '
- We will, we will rock you.
105
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:45,644
We will, we will rock you.
106
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,048
You see, the thing about Donkey Kong is,
107
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:57,006
At the higher levels the barrels become
more random, possessed almost.
108
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,771
And playing by the patterns
doesn't do the trick anymore.
109
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,126
Does it, Brenner?
110
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:05,364
We will, we will rock you.
111
00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:22,327
Congratulations.
112
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,921
On coming in second!
113
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,048
Fire Blaster is the world champ!
114
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:36,567
The local yokel looked destiny in the eye
and blinked.
115
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:40,167
He's a loser,
and he will always be a loser.
116
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:41,571
Sam!
117
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,404
Sam, Sam, wait.
118
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:44,481
Sam, listen.
119
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,005
You're still gonna go to MIT
120
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,082
and invent something
that makes you a millionaire.
121
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,242
And maybe even marry Olivia Newton-John.
122
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,522
I was actually thinking Samantha Fox.
123
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,443
Nice, but she's no Sheena Easton.
124
00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:58,720
Well,
125
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,484
there's always Madonna.
126
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,525
How about Scarlett Johansson?
127
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,681
So hot.
128
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,684
Mmm. Not Halle Berry hot, but so, so hot.
129
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,046
And don't forget Katy Perry.
130
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,809
What are we doin' right now? We're too old.
It's just gross already.
131
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,450
Plus, you're married to a woman
who hates you.
132
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,126
She doesn't hate me.
She just doesn't get it, you know.
133
00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:19,687
We don't have the free time to do stuff
together like we did 10 years ago.
134
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,330
This job is killing me, man.
135
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,368
If I were you,
136
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:27,365
maybe a half hour a day,
turn off the cell phone,
137
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,920
shut down the emails,
put away the Reggie bars
138
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,081
and focus on your wife.
139
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,686
The President's
gaffe-filled summer continued today...
140
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:34,881
Hold on a second. I gotta see this.
141
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,646
At Joseph Knibb Elementary School to
promote his new youth reading initiative.
142
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:39,801
Here's what happened.
143
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:44,283
"Mittens jumped up onto the table
and knocked over the whole bowl of soup."
144
00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,886
"Mrs. Pickles gassed... Gasped."
145
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:47,961
She gasped.
146
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,602
"And the whole room fell silent."
147
00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:52,330
"This was casta..."
148
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:53,680
"This is cast..."
149
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,050
"Catatastrophic."
150
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,286
Catastrophic.
151
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:58,850
I got it, sweetheart, okay?
152
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,605
Why'd you yell at me?
153
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:02,806
You're mean.
154
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,086
Leave her alone.
155
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,564
The President can't read.
156
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,320
You gotta learn how to read, buddy.
It's as simple as that.
157
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,242
I was on three hours' sleep, all right?
158
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:22,885
Your economics
are hurting poor people!
159
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,041
Nice to see ya!
160
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,566
You've got the blood of
innocent children on your hands.
161
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:27,641
Thank you for your support.
162
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,722
I can't afford to go to
college because of you!
163
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:30,801
That's a lovely dress.
164
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,884
- You're ruining the country!
- Yeah, we're all in this together, now.
165
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:35,481
You got a rough life, bud.
166
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:36,971
- Sir? Okay.
- Thank you.
167
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:39,801
But at least you have a life.
168
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,247
Look, Brenner,
you're meant for something more than this.
169
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,926
You just need to channel your genius
into something productive.
170
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,360
I mean, you were incredible at video games
back in the day,
171
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,164
but that's a useless skill now.
172
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:50,844
It's like being a great blacksmith.
173
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:55,165
Ooh! That hurt, man.
That's catatastrophic that you said that.
174
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:56,685
I'm gonna get you back for that.
175
00:10:56,800 --> 00:11:00,486
Mr. President,
if you take away all the libraries, sir,
176
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,449
how will the children ever learn to read?
177
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,087
Blacksmith, over and out.
178
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,890
Hello. I am a nerd from the Nerd Brigade.
179
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:45,089
Here to nerd out
on all your audio and visual needs.
180
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,721
Do you have to say that
every time you show up at a house?
181
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,564
If I wanna get paid, yes.
182
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,130
Isn't that kind of demeaning?
183
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,690
Only if someone brings it up.
184
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,128
- Okay, I won't bring it up, then.
- Thanks.
185
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,766
Come on in.
186
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,761
So, what am I installing?
187
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,889
A new 85-inch, 4K, 3D TV,
188
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:07,681
- PlayStation 4, 7.1 surround-sound speakers.
- Mmm-hmm.
189
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,570
Really, if you guys sell it,
we've probably bought it.
190
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,449
Huh. Is it your birthday?
191
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,000
No, my parents are getting a divorce.
192
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,124
Oh. So it's like 10 birthdays.
193
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:20,524
Yeah, my dad cheated on my mom
with his 19-year-old Pilates instructor.
194
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,364
Her name's Sinnamon, with an "S"
195
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,841
which really tells you
all you need to know about her.
196
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,243
No, I could hear a little more.
You got any pictures?
197
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:28,765
I'm kiddin'. I'm sorry to hear that.
198
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,524
My mom kind of hates him right now.
199
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:34,241
And she says she's gonna invent a
slut-seeking missile to take out Sinnamon.
200
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:38,370
Okay, Matty, you don't need to tell
the nice installer man our whole life.
201
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,121
Whoa.
202
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,044
I'm sorry, "Whoa"?
203
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,606
- What?
- No, just you. Whoa.
204
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:49,241
Me? Whoa?
I don't even know what that means.
205
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:54,645
I mean, it's just, when your son told me that
your husband left you for a 19-year-old,
206
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,409
I guess I thought you were gonna be, like
207
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,881
one of those
"hot when we first met in high school,"
208
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:05,010
"but then let herself go
and got a potbelly and turkey neck"
209
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,451
"with a hairy chin."
210
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,684
But clearly that's not the case.
211
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,125
So more like,
212
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,682
"Whoa, I should have brushed my teeth
before I left the house this morning."
213
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,081
Or studio apartment,
if we're getting real here.
214
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,401
Did you really
not brush your teeth this morning?
215
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:22,206
No, I did.
216
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:26,487
I guess I should just start
settin' this stuff up right now.
217
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,331
Go get 'em.
218
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,330
Colonel Devereux.
219
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,084
You need to see this, sir.
220
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,291
We're under attack.
221
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,804
What the hell are those things?
222
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,364
So are you a gamer?
223
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,241
Uh...
224
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,401
Yeah.
225
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,528
I played when I was your age.
226
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,485
Were you any good?
227
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:17,689
I was pretty good
at some of the classic games.
228
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,445
Hmm. Classics.
You mean like Halo and Call of Duty.
229
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,727
No! The real classics.
230
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,923
Defender, Pac-Man, Asteroids.
231
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,889
Games you played in an arcade
232
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,406
which was a building outside of your house.
233
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:34,371
You would go there with your friends,
listen to music, cute girls everywhere.
234
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,091
In ancient times,
they called it "socializing."
235
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,326
What are you guys talking about?
236
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,211
- Video games.
- Video games.
237
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:48,687
I'll be right back.
238
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,087
Mrs. Van Patten.
239
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,764
All finished up down there.
240
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,842
I need you to sign the work order.
241
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,120
Okay.
242
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,646
Mrs. Van Patten, are you in the closet?
243
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:04,881
Yes.
244
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,404
Not judging,
but what are you doin' in the closet?
245
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,810
I'm mostly crying.
246
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,450
A little drinking.
247
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,721
Probably equally crying and drinking.
248
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,610
Something I do often, also.
249
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,523
But why in the closet?
250
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,531
Because I don't want Matty to see me.
251
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,844
I'm comin' in the closet, Mrs. Van Patten.
252
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,209
I'm opening the door.
253
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,690
Are you all right?
254
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:45,206
I'm sobbing on the floor of my closet
drinking Chardonnay out of a sippy cup.
255
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:46,850
So I guess not.
256
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:49,207
Sorry. I withdraw the question.
257
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,002
Oh, God.
258
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:00,081
- Wanna talk about it?
- No.
259
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,281
Yes!
260
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,771
Yes.
261
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,364
Oh, God.
262
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:15,568
Sir, we are in the midst of an aerial
attack by an unidentified force!
263
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,642
Activate the QRF.
264
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,968
Mama! No!
265
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:17,450
We were high-school sweethearts.
266
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,090
- Mmm-hmm.
- The perfect couple.
267
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,084
Do you know that he
proposed in a waterfall?
268
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,640
- I mean, a freaking waterfall.
- Smooth.
269
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,166
But now,
according to a text I got 20 minutes ago,
270
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:30,164
he's marrying
a 19-year-old named after a spice.
271
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,963
It's not even spelled correctly.
272
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,485
Mmm.
273
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:39,323
It's just not where I thought I'd be
at this point in my life.
274
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,721
Oh, God. I hear that.
275
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:45,202
I was supposed to have a baby
with my ex-wife.
276
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,760
And the doctor
who was helping us make the baby
277
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,444
did help us make the baby.
278
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,522
But, unfortunately, I wasn't in the room.
279
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,571
Maybe this really is all for the best.
280
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:06,531
How do you mean?
281
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,888
You already married the wrong guy.
You got the worst part over with.
282
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,926
True, and you married the wrong girl.
283
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,843
Maybe it just means
we're gonna meet the right person now.
284
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,161
Yeah.
285
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,046
Yeah.
286
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,001
Whoa!
287
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,249
Are you trying to kiss me?
288
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:38,526
Absolutely not.
289
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:39,886
Oh, God.
290
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,649
Sorry, I thought we were having a moment.
291
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,688
We were. A moment.
292
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,721
Look, you seem like a very nice guy,
but I just met you, okay?
293
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,211
And, no offense,
294
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,921
I don't think my rebound guy
is a 210-pound person
295
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,810
that installs flat screens for a living.
296
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,408
First of all, 208.
297
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,882
And, wow,
I didn't peg you as the snobby type.
298
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,724
Snob? Me?
299
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,211
Okay.
300
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,691
I am not a snob.
301
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:13,766
Okay, well, let's just say I was a
billionaire, and we were out on my giant yacht
302
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,486
in the middle of the Mediterranean,
sipping champagne,
303
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:17,846
and I went in to kiss you.
304
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:19,360
Would you have kissed me back, then?
305
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,001
Hold that thought, snobby.
306
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:26,891
Big Man!
307
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,769
Can you get to
the White House right now?
308
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,524
I'll be there in 15.
309
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:32,886
While I'd love to stick around
310
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:36,123
and listen to you lie about not wanting to
make out with the yacht guy,
311
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,201
I have to go.
312
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,567
For the record, I'm an amazing kisser.
313
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:41,880
All us nerds are.
314
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,008
'Cause we appreciate it more.
315
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,644
You didn't even brush your teeth
this morning.
316
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,324
I ate a Tic Tac.
317
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,410
Too late, sweetheart.
You had your shot and ya blew it.
318
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,010
I'm not following you.
319
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,482
Yeah, whatever you say, stalky. It's over.
Deal with it.
320
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,569
Whoa, she went from zero
to psycho in 3.4 seconds,
321
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:28,801
a new world record.
322
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:45,481
Hey, Steve-O.
323
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,848
There's a crazy woman following me. I
guarantee she's here to shoot the President.
324
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,002
And if I were you,
I'd break out the billy club
325
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,923
and go full throttle on her, seriously.
326
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,729
Go right on through, Lieutenant Colonel.
327
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,840
At this point, it's
primarily data collection.
328
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:13,207
- Why are you following me?
- Oh, God.
329
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,727
Oh, God. I can't believe
they even let you in here.
330
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:17,881
Right.
331
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:22,003
Colonel Van Patten,
you can go right into the Situation Room.
332
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,969
Yeah, see, they need me
in the Situation Room,
333
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,407
- so have fun doing whatever you're doing.
- Mmm.
334
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,649
Mr. Brenner, the President is
waiting for you in the Oval Office.
335
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,004
Somebody's more important.
336
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,889
Freddy, can you keep the
riffraff outta here?
337
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:48,805
Yo, wassup?
338
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,121
Oh, come on,
you couldn't have at least changed?
339
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,089
You told me to rush right over.
340
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,686
What's going on, man?
Why's it so crazy out there?
341
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,240
Our Air Force base
in Guam was attacked.
342
00:21:58,320 --> 00:21:59,526
By who?
343
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,170
I'm not sure.
That's what I wanted to ask you.
344
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,402
Come here. Check this out.
345
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,165
- Me?
- Yes, you. Come here.
346
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,250
Listen to this.
347
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:12,204
Does that sound familiar to you?
348
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,647
Yeah. Where do I know that from?
349
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,203
- Can you freeze it?
- Yeah, hold on.
350
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:21,482
Go in tighter.
351
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:23,720
That can't be real.
352
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,888
Okay, so you're seeing
the same thing I'm seeing.
353
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:30,048
What kind of mushrooms
did that guy put on our burgers?
354
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,520
- They're ready for you, Mr. President.
- Great.
355
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,649
Now I gotta explain this
to the National Security Council.
356
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:37,006
Listen, do me a favor, Sam.
357
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:38,241
Watch that again, okay?
358
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,085
And just see if there's anything
you can find to help us out.
359
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,924
Yeah. Can I sit in your chair?
360
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,650
No, you can't, and everything's recorded.
361
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,326
Okay, I won't. I won't. I won't.
362
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,681
I'm sittin' in the chair. Gimme a break.
363
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:58,528
Mr. President, we told the press that it was
an advanced weapons test that misfired.
364
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,841
- So there's no mass panic yet.
- Well, good.
365
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,968
Then let's solve this
thing before there is.
366
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,725
Mr. President, someone's made
a major breakthrough in drone technology
367
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:06,847
and it wasn't us.
368
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,570
This has got
Moscow's fingerprints all over it.
369
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,166
Nonsense!
It's an Iranian black-ops sideshow.
370
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:12,241
I guarantee it.
371
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:13,721
I have a theory.
372
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,326
I think, based on analysis
of the footage,
373
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:20,325
that preliminary indications
are that we were attacked by.
374
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:22,441
Galaga.
375
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:24,846
By who, sir?
376
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:26,731
Galaga.
377
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,410
Sons of bitches.
378
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,247
Then let's blow Galaga to hell.
379
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:32,521
Who's Galaga?
380
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:37,045
It's an old-timey video game, '80s kind
of folks like my dad used to play.
381
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:40,920
Mr. President, there is no nation on Earth
that has the military technology
382
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,844
to simply pixelate entire buildings.
383
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:44,921
Except Iran.
384
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:46,366
Forget Iran!
385
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,886
I'm thinking this is a cutting-edge
multinational enterprise.
386
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,406
An NGO, a think tank,
maybe even a corporation.
387
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,847
We're thinkin' Iran
when we should be thinking Google.
388
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:55,925
So let's blow up Google.
389
00:23:57,120 --> 00:24:00,363
Can somebody take Grandpa's keys away
before he drives us into a ditch?
390
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,843
- Who is this person?
- The sandwich guy?
391
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:10,684
This here is, uh,
my old arcade game technical
392
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,167
advisor person-guy.
393
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,008
Sam Brenner. He works in the tech sector.
394
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,844
So Caltech, MIT?
395
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,285
MIT. Yes.
396
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,601
Mississippi Institute
of Technology, though.
397
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:22,806
Not the one you were thinking of.
398
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,405
Anyway, more to the current point,
399
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,086
uh, Mr. Brenner here
was the World Galaga Champion.
400
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,561
He knows everything
there is to know about this game.
401
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,644
So, what is it you and your orange shorts
barged in here to say?
402
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,610
Oh, just the Galaga that attacked us,
403
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:37,603
that doesn't exist anymore.
404
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,571
Hello. You can download Galaga
on your phone for $1.99.
405
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:44,320
Yeah, not this version though, Blue Lagoon.
406
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:48,121
The Galaga that exists
now came out in 1986.
407
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,726
But this is the 1982 arcade version.
408
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,491
And all those machines, they recalled them,
they reprogrammed them,
409
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,369
because there were glitches
in the original code.
410
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,728
You can see from the giant space bugs,
the way they come swoopin' in.
411
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:00,086
Kind of ziggy-zaggy.
412
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:01,560
Ziggy-zag? Is that the snobby term?
413
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,162
So someone
designed these space bugs
414
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,801
after an old out-of-print version
of a video game from 30 years ago
415
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,166
that nobody would know today?
416
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,120
Does she really get to talk twice?
She's not even at the grown-ups table.
417
00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:15,523
I'm sorry. Is this a National
Security Council meeting,
418
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:16,965
or a dorm-room drug party?
419
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,201
Our nation has just been attacked
by an unknown military force.
420
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,681
If this gets out to the press
that we're pinning the blame
421
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,250
on some old computer game,
422
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:29,211
they'll not only mock you in the news,
Mr. President, they'd impeach you!
423
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,890
So I suggest the man in the orange shorts
leave the room immediately.
424
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:38,767
And those of us with long pants
and government positions
425
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,650
can discuss our options.
426
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:47,561
All right, Brenner. Do me a favor.
Take off, all right? I appreciate the help.
427
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:48,881
Bye!
428
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,767
Sorry, everybody.
429
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,285
Mr. President.
430
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,960
Generals and Admirals.
431
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,326
Guys in suits.
432
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:02,406
Zac Efron.
433
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:04,687
Gandalf,
434
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:06,842
and Harry Potter in the same room.
435
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:08,121
Imagine that.
436
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,683
Grandpa,
we'll see you around the, uh, nursing home.
437
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:14,804
Oh, uh, the sandwich guy is here.
438
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:17,001
Fooled you.
439
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,960
Past the shortstop
into left center field for a single.
440
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:26,926
That's the second straight inning
where Washington has led off with a single.
441
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,083
They're talking about how
he's standing straight up over the plate.
442
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,241
That seems to be working out for him,
443
00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:34,091
'cause he just drove
that ball into the gap hard.
444
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,766
First pitch
taken outside for a ball, 1-0,
445
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,046
and the 1-0 swung...
446
00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:39,121
Brenner!
447
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,603
What's your problem, dude?
448
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,331
- What's goin' on?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
449
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:50,447
No, Brenner!
450
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,170
No, Brenner, no, no, no!
451
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:55,005
Stop! It's me! It's me! It's Ludlow!
It's Ludlow.
452
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,162
- Ludlow Lamonsoff, the Wonder Kid?
- Yeah.
453
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:00,287
How'd you get into my van?
454
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,160
I've been in there ever since
you went to that nice lady's house.
455
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:04,281
She's cute, by the way.
456
00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:05,361
- What?
- Hey!
457
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,844
- What is that?
- This is moisturizer.
458
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:11,645
Show me what that is.
459
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,166
Chloroform?
460
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:15,646
Is that what that says?
461
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,131
You were gonna drug me?
462
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,248
- Only as a last resort.
- What are you...
463
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,160
- There was something I had to tell you.
- Why didn't you call me, then?
464
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,882
Because the CIA
has been tapping my phones
465
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,770
ever since I found out
the Zapruder film has been edited.
466
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,604
JFK shot first!
467
00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:32,407
Ludlow, it is you!
468
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,927
- Hi, buddy! Let me look at you!
- Hey! Good to see you, my boy!
469
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:40,004
How are you? My goodness! Look at you!
470
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,082
- I know.
- Stayin' in shape!
471
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,288
I'm on an all protein diet,
but I'm also doing carbs.
472
00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:46,010
- Good.
- But seriously, Brenner.
473
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,927
There's something I have to show you.
474
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,048
And let's just say
475
00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:52,724
it's a game changer.
476
00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:59,010
You're the first guest I've had here.
Voluntarily.
477
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:00,286
That's a shocker.
478
00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:08,169
If Lady Lisa was real,
479
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:11,409
she'd have about
17 restraining orders out on you.
480
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:12,686
Actually, I think if she was real,
481
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,524
things might just play out
a little bit differently.
482
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,165
- Hmm?
- You wanna know how I know that?
483
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:17,605
- Mmm.
- If She Was Real.
484
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,682
A book written and illustrated
by Ludlow Lamonsoff.
485
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:20,847
Oh, boy.
486
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,721
You should sell that at Barnes and Unstable.
487
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,245
- Do you want a copy?
- No.
488
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:32,401
I have eight others.
489
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,046
Why am I here right now?
Why did you try to roofie me?
490
00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:37,043
- Right. Thank you for reminding me.
- Uh-huh.
491
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:39,122
Okay. Follow me.
492
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:43,642
Earlier today, our military base in Guam
was attacked by this guy, Galaga.
493
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,241
How would you know that?
494
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,721
I have a pen pal in Guam.
His name is Baubau.
495
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:48,926
Baubau was terribly frightened,
496
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,322
so I hacked into the government's servers
to assure Baubau that everything was okay.
497
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:53,401
But you know what?
498
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:54,641
- What?
- Everything was not okay.
499
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:56,091
Ludlow!
500
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,562
Did you get me some diet root beer
while you were out?
501
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:01,802
- You remember my grandma.
- Sure.
502
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,690
She's still a character
after all those years.
503
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:09,131
No, no, Grandma! It's funny.
I didn't get a chance to because, um...
504
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:10,884
Oh, what happened? Oh, I remember now.
505
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:14,931
I'm trying to save the world
from annihilation!
506
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,331
Are you nuts?
507
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,010
You cracker!
508
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:19,809
Don't yell at me!
509
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:24,321
So look, I know that sometimes people
think of me as a bit of a conspiracy nut.
510
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:25,401
Right.
511
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,121
But sometimes, Brenner, sometimes
512
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,202
the conspiracies are real.
513
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,768
Have you been playing Space Invaders
a lot lately?
514
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:33,921
I have. How did you know that?
515
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:35,849
'Cause you're invading my space. Back up.
516
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:38,365
Brenner, do you remember
when we were children,
517
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,841
and we played
in that video game championship?
518
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:42,729
Of course, buddy.
519
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:44,760
Do you remember how
there was a tape of the event
520
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:47,007
and all the games that were played
that was then put in a capsule
521
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:48,730
and shot out into the universe
522
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,167
- looking for extraterrestrial life?
- Mmm-hmm.
523
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:55,404
I have reason to believe
that some alien life force found that tape
524
00:29:55,520 --> 00:30:00,048
and has sent down real-life versions
of what they saw
525
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:01,360
to attack us.
526
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:03,011
Brenner, I spent the day on 4chan
527
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,924
searching for messages
from the aliens to prove my theory.
528
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,889
- And you wanna know something?
- Tell me.
529
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:09,565
I came up absolutely empty.
530
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:12,081
So then, as a distraction, I got up
531
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,687
to try to watch an episode of One Tree Hill
that I recorded on my VCR last night.
532
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,250
I've been binge-watching to catch up.
533
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,163
And you don't have cable because...
534
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,130
Because the government spies on us
through our cable boxes, Brenner.
535
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:23,361
That's been proven.
536
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:25,169
And you don't want them to see you
dancin' around
537
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:26,920
in your underwear for Lady Lisa. I get it.
538
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,486
No, that tape was burned three months ago.
Anyway...
539
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,163
In the middle of the UHF broadcast,
540
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:37,529
something peculiar interrupted
Sophia Bush's sexy shenanigans.
541
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:39,250
No, you're the freak with the fat...
542
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:46,409
Inhabitants of Earth,
543
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,366
we are a race from the planet Volula.
544
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,285
We came to you in these
familiar Earth forms
545
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,408
to tell we received your vessel.
546
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,802
And in it, your hostile challenge.
547
00:30:56,880 --> 00:31:01,886
We accept your offer to compete
in winner-take-all battles.
548
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:06,682
Gather your bravest warriors
to face our bravest warriors!
549
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:08,723
The winner takes the loser's planet.
550
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,609
You have already lost the first battle.
551
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,121
And for our victory,
we have taken a trophy.
552
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:16,050
I'm okay, Mama.
553
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,171
I love you.
554
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:20,804
That's not the real Madonna!
555
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,689
You will get three lives.
556
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,125
You have two lives left.
557
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:29,285
Losing both will lead
to the total destruction of your planet.
558
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,681
The next battle is in 15 hours
559
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:35,287
"at coordinates 27° 24' 79".
560
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,760
Okay, I got lost about halfway through.
561
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,802
Why does Madonna
wanna take over our planet?
562
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,726
These moron aliens think that
the footage NASA sent up to space
563
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:46,569
of us playing video games in 1982
564
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,324
was a declaration of war.
565
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:53,327
Intergalactic war, Mr. President.
Isn't that crazy? Isn't that unpredictable?
566
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:54,765
Lud, listen.
567
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,922
You helped unscramble my Cinemax
when we were kids.
568
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,365
I think you can call me Chewie.
569
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:00,962
What do they mean by three lives?
What is that?
570
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,846
Uh-huh. If I may. See, that's just it.
571
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:07,891
It's like the video games of old,
Chewie Mr. President.
572
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,611
One quarter, three lives.
573
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,765
This is clearly not a quarter.
This is far more valuable. May I keep this?
574
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:15,524
- Put it back on the desk.
- Fair enough.
575
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,602
We lost the first one, Galaga.
576
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:19,450
Two more losses and...
577
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:20,760
It's game over.
578
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:22,410
Now, assuming that...
579
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,562
- You know what, that's not happening.
- Fair enough.
580
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:28,281
Assuming that Alien Madonna's numbers
are actually latitude and longitude,
581
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,603
then we can safely assume that
the next attack should happen somewhere
582
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:33,131
in Northern India tonight.
583
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,965
If you can get your guys from the NSA
to clean up the signal,
584
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,964
then we can pinpoint
exactly where the attack is gonna be,
585
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:42,123
and maybe even which game
they're gonna use to attack us.
586
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,487
- Right?
- I can't authorize a military response
587
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:48,485
based off a video that looks like
it was made by a couple high school kids.
588
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,643
You gotta at least warn the people of India
somethin' could be comin'.
589
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:54,564
The whole country thinks
I'm a buffoon right now as it is.
590
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,291
Look, I can't risk it, Brenner.
I just can't!
591
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,722
So I guess we've been dating for almost
three years now.
592
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:03,484
Yes, almost three.
593
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,370
They have been the best years of my life.
594
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:09,686
And I think
we have something very special.
595
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:13,771
Raj, is this what I think it is?
596
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,884
Will you marry me?
597
00:34:09,720 --> 00:34:11,609
Don't sweat the whole Taj Mahal thing.
598
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:14,570
It's probably better that there's only
an even six Wonders of the World now.
599
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,244
You know what? I get it. I screwed up.
600
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:17,970
It won't happen again. Shut up.
601
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,530
Good morning, Mr. President.
602
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:23,484
What's Radio Shack Robbie doing here?
And this other
603
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:24,760
fella.
604
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:26,962
Hi. Ludlow Lamonsoff.
605
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:28,929
We've actually met before,
but you wouldn't remember
606
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,049
because it was in the back of Brenner's van
and I was watching you through a window.
607
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:35,688
You smell so nice,
like the Book of Genesis.
608
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,087
Mr. Lamonsoff and Mr. Brenner
609
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:41,164
have agreed to share their video game
expertise with you and your team.
610
00:34:41,240 --> 00:34:42,241
Happy to do it.
611
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:43,401
With all due respect, sir,
612
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:46,689
having civilians with zero security
clearance in this facility is...
613
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:49,923
These civilians have
better insight into our current crisis
614
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:51,570
than my entire administration.
615
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:54,126
I dunno if I wanna do it now.
She's being so mean.
616
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:55,326
- I kind of wanna leave.
- Okay.
617
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:57,129
- If he leaves, I leave. We're a team.
- Stop it.
618
00:34:57,240 --> 00:34:59,925
- This is how it's gonna be the whole time?
- Guys, knock it off. Lead the way.
619
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:01,206
Of course, Mr. President.
620
00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:06,811
So have we made any progress, Colonel?
621
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:08,644
Enormous progress, sir.
622
00:35:08,720 --> 00:35:11,644
We now understand the entities
that attacked us were made of energy.
623
00:35:11,720 --> 00:35:12,960
Intelligent energy.
624
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,046
- Morning, Colonel.
- Good morning, Michael.
625
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,087
Michael's a robot!
626
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,448
I think maybe the extraterrestrials
took what they saw in the orbiter
627
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:26,410
and recreated the same things
using light energy.
628
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:29,364
And then sent these light creatures
back at us.
629
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:34,122
That's why solid matter, bullets
and missiles, won't harm them.
630
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:35,361
Can anything harm them?
631
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:36,680
Maybe.
632
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:41,211
The cubes we recovered in Guam
are normally pretty feisty.
633
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:42,880
- Hey, look at that!
- Whoa!
634
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:44,725
Oh, he didn't like it though.
635
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,129
But they calm down pretty quick
636
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,931
when we hit them with
some super-charged light particles.
637
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,007
And the slut-seeking missile,
I'd love to see that.
638
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,287
- Do you have that around here?
- You are so smart.
639
00:35:58,360 --> 00:35:59,805
Yeah? You think so?
640
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:02,486
Is that how you got into
the Mississippi Institute of Technology?
641
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,847
You know, I wish I never went
in that closet with you.
642
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,685
I was very happy
drinking and crying by myself.
643
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:09,171
I so regret trying to kiss you.
644
00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:12,323
I would kiss the guy in the yacht 100 times
before I kissed you.
645
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:21,845
- Moving on.
- Yeah.
646
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,206
We have begun instructing
the Navy SEAL task force
647
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:27,964
on the use of the prototype weapons.
648
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:30,240
- What do we train for?
- War!
649
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:31,850
- Why do we fight?
- To win!
650
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,530
- When do we quit?
- Never!
651
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,364
- What do we train for?
- War!
652
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,090
- Why do we fight?
- To win!
653
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,367
- When do we quit?
- Never!
654
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:44,162
Perhaps our new expert advisors
would like to say a few words to the SEALs.
655
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:45,921
Oh, boy.
656
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,891
Men, you have served this nation
with distinction,
657
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:55,000
in combat zones, in every nook and cranny
of this godforsaken world,
658
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,329
defeating every enemy
they've thrown at you.
659
00:36:58,640 --> 00:36:59,760
Hey, what's up?
660
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:01,320
Brenner?
661
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,806
- I couldn't get a babysitter.
- Oh.
662
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:09,603
The President has brought in
these two civilian Arcaders
663
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:11,762
who we are required to listen to
664
00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:15,005
for 120 seconds,
665
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:16,361
starting...
666
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:17,566
I can't do this.
667
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:18,720
- You can do this.
- Uh, no.
668
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:19,841
Now!
669
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:21,570
I can't do this. I'm gonna throw up!
670
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:24,246
We know how to do this. They don't.
Just act the part.
671
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:25,560
Hey, guys.
672
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:29,162
How are you? Hey, thank you, General Zod,
for that beautiful intro.
673
00:37:29,240 --> 00:37:31,891
Hey, uh, fellas. Good to see you.
674
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:32,961
Um...
675
00:37:33,240 --> 00:37:36,483
Let me introduce myself.
My name is Sam Brenner.
676
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:40,246
And this is the Wonder Kid,
also known as...
677
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,522
Your worst nightmare!
678
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:47,929
Looks to me, Brenner,
679
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,685
like someone forgot to send us
the best of the best.
680
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:51,807
Oops.
681
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,771
And instead,
dropped off a bunch of incontinent,
682
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:57,968
adult diaper-wearing,
683
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:01,203
candy-assed, cries-himself-to-sleep,
684
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,760
women-baby-man-people!
685
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:05,770
What am I lookin' at right now?
686
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,647
Are you guys soldiers?
Or the cast of Magic Mike?
687
00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:12,451
You gonna fight? Or dance naked?
688
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:16,284
From now on,
689
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,170
you maggots, you little girl maggots...
690
00:38:19,240 --> 00:38:21,811
Whatever the hell
the female form of maggot is.
691
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:22,961
Magina?
692
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:24,565
You magina!
693
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,644
When you magina poop your pants,
694
00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:29,722
you're gonna be thinking of me!
695
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:30,961
In your pants!
696
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:32,565
You know what I mean.
697
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,084
Do you feel me?
698
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:39,048
Do you feel me, sailor?
699
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:41,928
You beautiful Nubian man!
700
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,924
You gorgeous specimen
of what God can make!
701
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:47,771
Do you feel me?
702
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:49,410
I think you're about to feel him, Lud.
703
00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:51,401
I can't move.
704
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,003
Lemme help you. Hey, come here.
705
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,162
Sorry. Don't touch the guy. Just sit down.
706
00:38:56,240 --> 00:38:57,520
- Did I do good?
- You did awful.
707
00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:58,641
Sit down.
708
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:01,325
Sorry about that, everybody.
709
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:03,250
I know it's weird.
710
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:06,682
Two buffoons like me and this guy
giving advice to you badasses.
711
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:10,048
But the truth is we've been training.
712
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:13,846
Since childhood, we've been training
our prefrontal cortex
713
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:17,129
to perform extremely complex motor feats
714
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:22,411
with hand-eye coordination
unique to a very specific cognitive acuity.
715
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:25,290
I learned a lot of big words
at the dorm-room drug parties.
716
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:29,168
All of it's been meaningless
in all areas of our life.
717
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:35,287
But suddenly, it might be comin' in handy
to saving our planet.
718
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:39,486
So we're hopin' you guys can forget
about us bein' civilian morons,
719
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:43,121
and let us teach you a few things
in the little time we have.
720
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:46,490
I think we might help you win this thing.
721
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:50,966
There is only
one objective in Asteroids.
722
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:55,409
That is to destroy every rock
and every saucer.
723
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,450
You don't wanna get hit
by any of these boulders.
724
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:01,410
That's why I recommend
stayin' in the middle.
725
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,926
Just 'cause you see a hammer
doesn't mean grab it.
726
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,002
You're not gonna climb a ladder
with a hammer in your hand.
727
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:07,889
- Very good.
- Good piloting, Maverick!
728
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:10,966
Don't lock into radar.
729
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:13,008
Okay, it's fine, son. It's fine.
730
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,162
You just blew up our entire planet.
731
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:17,767
Ain't no way Inky's catching up to you!
732
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:24,007
I want you to focus mostly on the ships.
733
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:27,687
Every 10,000 points,
you get another triangle ship.
734
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:29,489
That's a good thing.
735
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:32,841
Damn.
736
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,362
He's still the master.
737
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:36,771
This is just like
when we were dating.
738
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,161
- Aw.
- No distractions, just us.
739
00:40:39,240 --> 00:40:40,924
And cake.
740
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:44,010
Whoa, Big Man. Settle down there
with that butterscotch frosting.
741
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:45,969
What? Too much? Well, you know what?
742
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,805
You're really not gonna like what I do
with the rainbow sprinkles.
743
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,804
- Come on now! No! I love it!
- Will! No!
744
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:53,689
Here comes the sprinkle monster!
745
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,041
Mr. President.
746
00:40:58,640 --> 00:40:59,721
Yes, Jennifer.
747
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,963
We just received an alien transmission
from the "Where's the Beef?" lady.
748
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:04,087
What did she say?
749
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,401
First of all, she asked where the beef was.
750
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:09,484
Then she said that the next battle
was on at sundown tomorrow.
751
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:13,087
5130' 29 " latitude. 09' 42" longitude.
752
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:14,207
Where is that?
753
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:38,605
Go! Go! Go! Move! Move! Move!
754
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:50,445
Clear the area!
755
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:53,525
The lot of ya, come on! Move it!
756
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,204
I said, move it!
757
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,851
- What's all this then, mate?
- Hey, I got this. Hi.
758
00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,206
We're Americans.
759
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,362
Our Navy SEALs were given permission
by your government
760
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:04,284
to prepare for an
extraterrestrial invasion,
761
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,842
which we believe will occur at these
coordinates in approximately 60 minutes.
762
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:10,360
We're shootin' a beer commercial.
763
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:13,648
Oh, right, then. Break a leg, then, yeah?
764
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:17,369
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What was that, man? Why'd you lie to him?
765
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:20,125
I'm trying not to cause total panic, Yank.
766
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:21,961
And, you...
767
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:26,522
I don't want to hear another
word out of you. All right?
768
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:29,965
You walkin' wiener coat.
769
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,802
What's a wiener coat?
770
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:40,041
Madam Prime Minister, I can't thank you
enough for your cooperation on this.
771
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:41,730
But of course, Will.
772
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:44,087
Well, I trust with the
concord of our powers
773
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,891
we can duff up the jiggery-pokery
of these blighters
774
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,809
and send them scuffering back
775
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:51,207
to the fractious firmament
from whence they came!
776
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:52,281
I know, right?
777
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,160
Bang on!
778
00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:58,004
No idea what she just said.
779
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,008
I just wanna touch it.
780
00:43:03,720 --> 00:43:07,770
Easy with those light cannons, gentlemen.
We don't have any backups.
781
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:10,602
These ray guns gonna work, Van Patten?
782
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,091
We had no way to field-test them, sir.
783
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:14,766
But our computer models show
a great likelihood of effectiveness.
784
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:18,481
"Great likelihood"? You're sending my men
into battle with untested ordnance?
785
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,723
I had two days to do things
never done before on this planet, sir.
786
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:24,521
Just remember who you're talking to, missy.
787
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:26,601
All right!
788
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:31,208
Anybody who doesn't need to be here,
follow me to the support area.
789
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:33,690
That means you two nipple-twisters.
790
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:36,567
Move it!
791
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,206
Hey, Colonel. Don't worry.
They're gonna work.
792
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,808
The US military was attacked
and what does President Cooper do?
793
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,042
His critics say, "Nothing."
794
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:51,283
That's not strictly true. He made a cake.
795
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:53,283
No, because I'm the sprinkle monster!
796
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,084
You are my sprinkle monster!
797
00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:59,721
- Let's put that on pause, Sean.
- Thank you.
798
00:44:02,720 --> 00:44:04,051
Turn it off.
799
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:05,891
Apologies, Will.
800
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:10,042
Just wanted to spend some quality time
with the wife.
801
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:11,531
Oh, I understand.
802
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:14,649
My husband actually said that we don't
spend time together like we used to,
803
00:44:14,720 --> 00:44:18,486
so I took him to one of those, um,
do-it-yourself pottery studios.
804
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:22,406
And he made me a "World's Sexiest
Prime Minister" coffee mug.
805
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:25,810
Well, maybe he sees somethin' that
nobody else does, you know.
806
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:30,602
Anything, Colonel Van Patten?
807
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,321
It's eerily quiet, Mr. President.
808
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:44,007
In case it's Space Invaders,
809
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:45,081
I just thought of something
I should tell...
810
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,009
Please return to the support area!
811
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:49,282
Okay, but there's a 5 plus 1 formation,
all right?
812
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:52,842
If we need ya, we know where to find ya.
All right?
813
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:54,325
Now, bugger off.
814
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:57,291
Bloody geek.
815
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:38,050
It's Centipede.
816
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:46,764
Okay, boys! Do exactly
what we talked about!
817
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:49,081
Shoot each centipede from the head down!
818
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:53,051
Do not hit him in the middle
or he will split into two!
819
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:12,204
No! No!
Didn't we just say don't split him in half?
820
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:13,486
Shoot for the head!
821
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:15,688
The mushroom things are in the way!
822
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:18,888
You shoot the mushroom things!
Like the game!
823
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:26,121
Guys, every time he hits a mushroom,
he's gonna change direction!
824
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:31,442
My God! Will you please find the pattern
and anticipate!
825
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,568
I don't know the patterns!
826
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:35,483
Sergeant Duff! 12 o'clock!
827
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:53,246
What the hell kind of
beer commercial is this?
828
00:46:53,720 --> 00:46:58,408
If I say it's a beer commercial,
it's a bloody beer commercial.
829
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:08,410
Get your flabby ass back here, Yank!
830
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,362
Shock and awe, baby!
831
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:34,204
High score, alien trash!
832
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:35,770
You messed with the wrong planet!
833
00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:37,842
From Land's End to John o'Groats!
834
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:40,366
- What the hell are you saying?
- I don't know!
835
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:47,291
Hey, Ludlow! Grab a light cannon!
Get out here now! I need your help!
836
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,886
Me? No! Look at me! I look delicious!
837
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,440
They'll gobble me up like space dim sum!
838
00:47:54,720 --> 00:47:56,051
It's level two!
839
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:58,407
We're the only ones who can do this!
840
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:00,363
Come on! You're the Wonder Kid!
841
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:03,484
You have no authority
to dispense weapons here, Mr. Brenner!
842
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,131
Mr. President?
843
00:48:05,720 --> 00:48:07,882
Let the nerds take over.
844
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:10,050
What was that, sir?
845
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:12,407
Let the nerds take over!
846
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:15,724
Let the nerds take over!
847
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:18,805
Brenner's right.
848
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:21,810
I am the Wonder Kid.
849
00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:36,725
Everyone's watching to
see what you will do.
850
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:41,044
Everyone's looking at you, oh.
851
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:42,446
This is the best, huh?
852
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:46,570
I've never been happier and more alive!
853
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:53,481
Everyone's trying to get it right.
854
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,291
Get it right.
855
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:59,682
Everybody's working for the weekend.
856
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:05,970
Everybody wants a new romance.
857
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:11,971
Everybody's going off the deep end.
858
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:14,725
Okay. You can let go of each other now.
859
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:19,289
Everybody needs a second chance.
860
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:20,771
Oh.
861
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:24,287
You want a piece of my heart?
862
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,488
All right, you finish that.
I'll finish this.
863
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:35,966
It's been 30 years since I kicked your
butt, and it's gonna happen again!
864
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:50,651
With the arms!
865
00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:52,571
Let's take it forward.
866
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:55,930
Then take it back.
867
00:49:58,280 --> 00:49:59,930
- Enjoy it!
- Hey!
868
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:07,601
Come here!
869
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:10,081
You little...
870
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,606
Who are you, mister?
871
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:25,650
Son, I'm just a loser
who's good at old video games.
872
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,441
Well, thank God for that.
873
00:50:28,720 --> 00:50:30,961
Drinks are on the US government!
874
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:33,884
Which is covering up the truth
875
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:36,440
about the ancient pyramid
under the Hoover Dam!
876
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:40,131
You know, you're all right, Brenner.
877
00:50:40,200 --> 00:50:42,123
You're all right too, snobby.
878
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:45,884
You gonna nurse that all night long,
or when are you gonna start hittin' it?
879
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:48,361
We ding up a few foreign belligerents,
beer is fine.
880
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:50,687
We defeat a full-on alien invasion,
881
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:53,604
I'm thinking something a little stronger.
882
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:55,640
- Mmm-hmm.
- No.
883
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:57,887
You're really challenging me
to drink you under the table?
884
00:50:57,960 --> 00:50:58,960
- You got it.
- Oh!
885
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:00,968
I'm not so sure you can, buddy.
886
00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:03,806
I was the vodka shot record holder
in my class at West Point.
887
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:06,121
Well, one time I drank
15 milkshakes at Denny's,
888
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:07,884
so we'll see what happens.
889
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:10,567
Where are my gamers at, huh?
890
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:13,849
Looks like all the time you wasted
when we were kids is finally payin' off.
891
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:15,763
- Yeah, baby.
- All right, huh?
892
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:18,047
Sir, may I have the honor
of pouring you a frosty?
893
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,404
The President can't be seen drinking
during times of crisis.
894
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:23,806
So nobody look!
895
00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:25,769
That's it. Look away!
896
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:28,249
Inhabitants of Earth.
897
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:31,881
Congratulations, you have won this battle.
898
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:37,529
Please accept one of our warriors
as a trophy of your victory.
899
00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:45,921
Aw.
900
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:48,641
The next challenge will not be as easy.
901
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:51,650
The details will be sent
via this signal shortly.
902
00:51:51,720 --> 00:51:55,520
Remember,
we are still leading two battles to one.
903
00:51:56,200 --> 00:52:00,285
One more loss for you
will mean the annihilation of your world.
904
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:02,966
Good luck and may the best planet win.
905
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:06,720
Well, you heard 'em.
906
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:08,206
Let's get back to work.
907
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:10,169
We gotta get you guys
ready for your next battle.
908
00:52:10,240 --> 00:52:11,651
Battle? Us? Huh?
909
00:52:11,720 --> 00:52:13,290
This is like a regular thing now?
910
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:16,240
Remember when I told you that
you were meant for something more in life?
911
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:17,560
Yeah.
912
00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:19,324
This could be it, buddy.
913
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:21,323
There's nobody better than you.
914
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:22,401
Well,
915
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:24,881
not at every game.
916
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:28,131
No. No! Never gonna happen.
917
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:30,406
You know, he's right, Brenner.
918
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:33,080
We don't even know where
to find that idiot!
919
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:40,170
Eddie Plant.
Married and divorced four times,
920
00:52:40,240 --> 00:52:43,767
declared bankruptcy in 1991 and 2004.
921
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:46,161
In 2005, he was caught
hacking cell phone companies
922
00:52:46,240 --> 00:52:48,481
and adding one of those fees you see
on your bill every month,
923
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:50,284
- but have no idea what it is.
- What an idiot.
924
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:52,488
Made about 50 million
before he was convicted and sentenced
925
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:54,449
to 20 years in prison.
926
00:52:58,360 --> 00:53:00,761
Guards, get me outta here.
927
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:03,241
It's that mean Centipede killer.
928
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,529
I hope he don't zap me with his space gun.
929
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:08,090
How are you, Eddie?
930
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:10,049
'Sup, Second Place?
931
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,407
Oh! And your sidekick here,
932
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:13,766
Presi-donut.
933
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:18,405
I didn't know you can have
an approval rating so catatastrophic.
934
00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:21,370
- Okay, look, Eddie, here's what we need.
- I know what you need.
935
00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:23,568
You need the Fire Blaster.
936
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:24,926
Who's the Fire Blaster?
937
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:27,731
Me. That's my nickname, sugar buns.
938
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:30,601
Oh, yeah. That's right.
The one you made up for yourself.
939
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:32,250
Yeah. Who cares who made it up?
940
00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:33,924
It's totally tubular!
941
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,001
Yeah.
942
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:40,086
See, this is why I don't think
I can have Brenner on my team.
943
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:41,730
He's just not really a gamer.
944
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:44,485
Break out a bag of quarters. Pick a game.
I'll destroy you at it.
945
00:53:44,560 --> 00:53:46,528
Oh, I'll pick a game, all right.
946
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:51,404
- Okay. I'm leaving.
- No, no, no. Hey, here, come on.
947
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:52,561
Sit down.
948
00:53:53,720 --> 00:53:55,404
Okay, in exchange for helping us,
949
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:59,326
I will personally speak to the parole board
about reducing your sentence.
950
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:04,642
- Pass.
- Pass?
951
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,128
That deal don't work for Eddie Plant.
952
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:10,488
You want the Fire Blaster's help,
he has some demands.
953
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:12,080
Demands?
954
00:54:20,240 --> 00:54:22,402
The Bifocal Blaster is here, by the way.
955
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:27,681
I want an island.
956
00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:28,921
Oh, my God.
957
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:31,844
There are 18,617 named islands
958
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:34,446
that are part of the United States
and its territories.
959
00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:37,763
Not to mention
all the countless unnamed ones,
960
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:40,684
like the soon-to-be-called Edwahii.
961
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:42,565
Mmm. You're not getting an island.
962
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:46,523
Then I want a full pardon.
I wanna get outta here for good.
963
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:49,524
And after I do,
I don't wanna pay no taxes like,
964
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:50,721
forever.
965
00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:53,883
And no sales tax.
If I wanna buy some, for instance, gum,
966
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:56,725
I wanna flash me a card
that says "I saved the world."
967
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:59,929
I don't have to pay
no shitballs taxes on the gum.
968
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:05,282
And I want a stealth-attack helicopter,
like they fly over the Super Bowl
969
00:55:05,360 --> 00:55:07,362
at my disposal, at all times.
970
00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:09,124
You know, so I can fly around.
971
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:12,562
If the world's still here,
I don't wanna deal with traffic no more.
972
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:15,171
And lastly,
973
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:18,847
I want you to set up a romantic rendezvous
974
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:22,328
between me,
Serena Williams and Martha Stewart
975
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:24,880
in the Lincoln Bedroom.
976
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:29,124
Number one. You're not getting a helicopter
or any sort of flying or driving vehicle.
977
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:31,561
Number two.
I'm pretty sure the federal government
978
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:34,160
could do without your income taxes
and be fine.
979
00:55:34,240 --> 00:55:38,768
And number three.
If you help us beat these things,
980
00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:40,808
I think we can get you outta here.
981
00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:44,526
And the Martha-Serena sandwich?
982
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:47,088
Pick one of 'em. We'll set up a coffee.
983
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:48,924
Serena Williams. And we are closed.
984
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:53,921
Hello?
985
00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:56,691
I understand.
986
00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:00,049
It's happening tonight.
987
00:56:00,120 --> 00:56:01,201
Where?
988
00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:02,281
New York City.
989
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:05,611
Oh! Fuhgeddaboutit!
990
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:08,650
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
991
00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:28,045
Hello, Big Apple.
992
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,851
The cavalry has arrived.
993
00:56:37,600 --> 00:56:39,090
Thanks for comin'.
994
00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:42,289
We saw how you guys
took care of the centipedes.
995
00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:44,089
We hope you can do the same for us.
996
00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:46,845
We hope so also.
Well, what are we dealin' with?
997
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:48,851
Over here.
998
00:56:50,520 --> 00:56:53,729
Rookie, just tell 'em what you saw.
999
00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:56,604
It was awful.
1000
00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:59,206
It was like one of those monster movies,
you know?
1001
00:56:59,280 --> 00:57:00,361
But this time
1002
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:01,965
the monster was real.
1003
00:57:02,040 --> 00:57:03,963
And who was this monster?
1004
00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:06,760
Pac-Man.
1005
00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:08,763
Pac-Man? Boom. That's my jam.
1006
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:10,763
Let's get us some light cannons
and blow this sucker back
1007
00:57:10,840 --> 00:57:12,285
to whatever planet it came from.
1008
00:57:12,360 --> 00:57:14,761
No! No, light cannons don't kill Pac-Man.
1009
00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:16,330
Those little ghosts do.
1010
00:57:16,400 --> 00:57:18,801
Boom! Let's get us some little ghosts.
1011
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:20,484
You want ghosts?
1012
00:57:21,040 --> 00:57:22,530
She's got ghosts.
1013
00:57:32,360 --> 00:57:35,443
We used the energy force-field technology
from the cube
1014
00:57:35,520 --> 00:57:38,444
to develop four mini-generators
for each of the cars.
1015
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:39,520
Ghosts.
1016
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:42,888
We're calling them XM950 attack modules.
1017
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:44,530
Okay and we're callin' 'em Mini Ghosts
1018
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:47,080
'cause we'll never remember
what you just said.
1019
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:49,921
Why are there four of 'em?
There's only three of us. Who's our fourth?
1020
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:53,402
May I introduce to you
Professor Toru Iwatani.
1021
00:57:55,880 --> 00:57:57,564
The creator of Pac-Man.
1022
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:14,165
You speak Japanese?
1023
00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:15,571
No.
1024
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:17,961
Sir, what an honor.
1025
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,327
Thanks for all the joy
you brought to our lives.
1026
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:21,880
Awesome.
1027
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:26,565
I made your game my bitch.
1028
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:31,123
What is a
1029
00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:32,440
"bitch"?
1030
00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:34,124
Don't worry about it. He's a criminal.
1031
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:41,563
- You all right?
- Yeah.
1032
00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:45,008
Okay, now, assuming they play by the rules
of the game like they did with Centipede,
1033
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:48,926
if you guys hit Pac-Man three times
with this energy field, we win.
1034
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:51,163
Ludlow's right. You do smell good.
1035
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:54,810
- Good luck.
- Yeah.
1036
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:10,841
Gentlemen, I'll be sending
Pac-Man's current coordinates
1037
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:12,604
to each of your car's GPSes.
1038
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:14,131
Let's locate and eliminate.
1039
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:17,606
Come on, guys.
1040
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,002
Pac-Man's a bad guy?
1041
00:59:43,960 --> 00:59:45,849
Pac-Man is not bad!
1042
00:59:46,520 --> 00:59:49,842
I created him to bring joy
to all the people of the world.
1043
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:51,206
They have brainwashed him!
1044
00:59:53,680 --> 00:59:57,651
Deep down, he's kind, gentle.
1045
00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:02,202
Someone you can tell your troubles to
or grab a hamburger with.
1046
01:00:07,640 --> 01:00:08,880
You'll see.
1047
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:15,441
Professor Iwatani, get back in the car!
1048
01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:17,488
Professor Iwatani, what are you doin'?
1049
01:00:17,560 --> 01:00:20,006
I will talk to him. He's my son!
1050
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:21,491
No, that's a bad idea.
1051
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:30,525
Hello,
1052
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:33,208
my sweet little boy.
1053
01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:36,003
Look how big you've grown!
1054
01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:38,569
I'm so proud of you.
1055
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:41,367
It's so sweet. He's so sweet.
1056
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:45,641
But all these destructive things
you're doing,
1057
01:00:45,720 --> 01:00:47,006
it's wrong.
1058
01:00:48,840 --> 01:00:50,444
I'm your father.
1059
01:00:53,520 --> 01:00:54,760
I know
1060
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:56,406
you're a good boy.
1061
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:05,206
No!
1062
01:01:07,360 --> 01:01:10,364
Somebody kill this stupid bitch!
1063
01:01:11,880 --> 01:01:16,761
That was some twisted
Pinocchio-Geppetto stuff right there.
1064
01:01:19,960 --> 01:01:21,291
All right, losers!
1065
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:23,600
It's three on one.
1066
01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:24,921
Let's hit it.
1067
01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:56,802
Pac-Man's faster than I remember.
1068
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:02,327
Pac-Man's always been faster
than the ghosts.
1069
01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:04,562
We're gonna have to outmaneuver his ass.
1070
01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:17,363
Wonderfro,
you and Silver Medal break off.
1071
01:02:18,520 --> 01:02:20,488
I'll stay with Big Yellow.
1072
01:02:24,480 --> 01:02:26,482
Whoa, Eddie,
how did you do that so fast?
1073
01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:28,523
'Cause I'm the champ, Lieutenant Long Legs.
1074
01:02:34,240 --> 01:02:35,321
Nope!
1075
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:37,961
What's up?
1076
01:02:41,520 --> 01:02:43,010
Oh, yeah!
1077
01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:50,201
Good one, Eddie.
1078
01:02:52,200 --> 01:02:53,440
One down.
1079
01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:54,567
Two to go!
1080
01:03:00,040 --> 01:03:01,451
All right, Pac-Man Number Two
1081
01:03:01,520 --> 01:03:04,251
just regenerated four streets away
headed northbound.
1082
01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:07,929
Turn east at the next intersection.
1083
01:03:08,000 --> 01:03:09,001
Brenner, go straight.
1084
01:03:09,240 --> 01:03:10,287
Got it.
1085
01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:12,200
Ludlow, go left.
1086
01:03:13,240 --> 01:03:16,050
Eddie, at the next intersection, turn left.
1087
01:03:17,200 --> 01:03:18,281
We got him!
1088
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:20,203
He's got nowhere to go!
1089
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:28,127
Oh, God. No!
1090
01:03:28,240 --> 01:03:29,321
"Oh, God. No," what?
1091
01:03:29,400 --> 01:03:30,686
He ate the power pellet.
1092
01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:33,127
Pac-Man's got 10 seconds
where he can eat us.
1093
01:03:36,360 --> 01:03:37,885
Why me?
1094
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:47,449
Oh, God. Don't eat me,
don't eat me, don't eat me.
1095
01:03:47,520 --> 01:03:48,931
Please, please, don't eat me!
1096
01:03:55,560 --> 01:03:57,562
Guys! Help!
1097
01:03:57,640 --> 01:03:59,768
I'm gonna die a virgin!
1098
01:04:13,880 --> 01:04:16,611
Why are you doing this to me?
1099
01:04:18,560 --> 01:04:20,483
You've been brainwashed!
1100
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:23,166
You're a good boy!
1101
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:25,442
Ludlow, run! Pump your legs! Go, baby!
1102
01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:31,970
Attaboy, Eddie!
1103
01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:36,160
You just got fire-blasted, sucka.
1104
01:04:36,640 --> 01:04:37,641
Uh-huh.
1105
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:40,968
What?
1106
01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:43,801
How the hell did he get over there so fast?
1107
01:04:45,680 --> 01:04:46,841
Way to go, champ.
1108
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:49,367
Aren't you glad you sprung me,
Second Place?
1109
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:51,529
Yeah, thrilled.
1110
01:04:51,600 --> 01:04:54,206
One more to go and it's happy hour.
1111
01:05:04,800 --> 01:05:07,531
So I guess they're just leaving me here.
1112
01:05:12,840 --> 01:05:15,161
Now it's time for the hat trick.
1113
01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:28,327
Wow!
1114
01:05:28,640 --> 01:05:30,324
Brenner, it's on you.
1115
01:05:30,400 --> 01:05:32,971
There are still three other
power pellets out there.
1116
01:05:33,040 --> 01:05:34,530
So stay alert.
1117
01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:35,801
I got this.
1118
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:37,925
If I don't,
1119
01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:39,684
the world ends.
1120
01:05:39,840 --> 01:05:41,365
Can't let that happen.
1121
01:05:41,520 --> 01:05:43,682
Come on, Brenner. Come on.
1122
01:05:49,400 --> 01:05:52,244
Brenner, he's leading you directly
towards one of the power pellets.
1123
01:05:52,320 --> 01:05:53,765
Get out of there.
1124
01:06:01,680 --> 01:06:02,681
One.
1125
01:06:03,200 --> 01:06:04,361
What the hell is he doing?
1126
01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:06,801
Two.
1127
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:10,168
Damn it, Brenner.
I have a son who I'd like to see grow up.
1128
01:06:10,240 --> 01:06:12,049
Three. You'll see your boy grow up.
1129
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:16,447
Four.
1130
01:06:16,520 --> 01:06:19,251
Brenner, get out! He's going to eat you!
1131
01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:22,447
Five.
1132
01:06:24,920 --> 01:06:26,001
Six.
1133
01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:29,087
Seven.
1134
01:06:31,200 --> 01:06:32,326
Eight.
1135
01:06:33,680 --> 01:06:34,841
Nine.
1136
01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:41,247
Ten.
1137
01:06:51,080 --> 01:06:54,289
You did it! Brenner! That's the one, baby!
1138
01:07:05,280 --> 01:07:06,805
He's over here!
1139
01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:34,327
Fire Blaster, I love you!
1140
01:07:34,840 --> 01:07:35,966
Hey, guys!
1141
01:07:36,040 --> 01:07:38,850
Sorry. Coming through.
I'm one of tonight's heroes. Sorry.
1142
01:07:38,920 --> 01:07:40,001
Hey!
1143
01:07:40,320 --> 01:07:41,367
Hey.
1144
01:07:41,960 --> 01:07:43,200
Check it out.
1145
01:07:44,160 --> 01:07:46,925
I think I might have found our next trophy.
1146
01:07:51,320 --> 01:07:52,651
It's Q*bert.
1147
01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:55,007
Yeah, I know! I know.
1148
01:07:55,840 --> 01:07:57,126
Can I kill it?
1149
01:07:57,200 --> 01:07:58,326
No!
1150
01:07:58,480 --> 01:08:01,563
Let's get to know him a little bit.
Ask him some questions.
1151
01:08:01,680 --> 01:08:02,920
And then we'll kill him.
1152
01:08:03,000 --> 01:08:04,047
Huh?
1153
01:08:04,680 --> 01:08:07,411
- I'm joking. Just put the blanket on him.
- Bye.
1154
01:08:07,520 --> 01:08:08,965
- Mr. President!
- Mr. President!
1155
01:08:09,040 --> 01:08:10,320
- Yes, Hal.
- Mr. President,
1156
01:08:10,360 --> 01:08:13,921
your approval ratings have tripled
since this crisis began.
1157
01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:17,049
Do you feel the heretofore sanguine causata
1158
01:08:17,120 --> 01:08:19,327
are tracking toward
an auspicious denouement?
1159
01:08:20,960 --> 01:08:22,610
Oh, shut up, Hal.
1160
01:08:22,680 --> 01:08:25,445
You're just using big words
to try to make him look like an idiot.
1161
01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:29,211
We love you, Mr. President.
Thank you for saving us.
1162
01:08:30,480 --> 01:08:32,323
Please, don't thank me.
1163
01:08:32,400 --> 01:08:35,882
It's Sam Brenner and his team who have
brought us here to the brink of victory.
1164
01:08:36,160 --> 01:08:38,400
And we understand
you're holding a soirée in their honor.
1165
01:08:38,560 --> 01:08:41,848
Is that a good idea when another attack
may be imminent?
1166
01:08:42,000 --> 01:08:43,161
No need to worry.
1167
01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:46,210
They will have their Arcader uniforms on
underneath their tuxes,
1168
01:08:46,280 --> 01:08:48,362
ready to go at a moment's notice.
1169
01:08:48,720 --> 01:08:50,245
And for the record, Hal,
1170
01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:53,369
I happen to know
what several of those big words meant.
1171
01:08:54,040 --> 01:08:57,726
I drank a few cold sanguines
on my last trip to México.
1172
01:08:58,880 --> 01:09:00,609
Bite on that, Hal!
1173
01:09:00,880 --> 01:09:03,724
You! You! You! You! You!
1174
01:09:10,720 --> 01:09:12,722
I don't know what would be worse.
1175
01:09:13,560 --> 01:09:15,085
Them failing,
1176
01:09:15,560 --> 01:09:18,166
or them actually pulling this off.
1177
01:09:18,240 --> 01:09:19,651
What was that, Jim?
1178
01:09:19,720 --> 01:09:22,087
Can you shut up for five seconds?
1179
01:09:26,800 --> 01:09:28,802
We need to increase the rate of fire.
1180
01:09:28,880 --> 01:09:31,929
Now you already calculated
that in your beautiful mind, didn't you?
1181
01:09:33,720 --> 01:09:35,768
There's no
rhyme or reason to this game.
1182
01:09:35,920 --> 01:09:39,163
I mean, where are the patterns?
He just attacks out of left field.
1183
01:09:39,240 --> 01:09:42,289
Patterns? Is that why you were so good
with Pac-Man and Centipede?
1184
01:09:42,440 --> 01:09:43,805
You memorized the patterns?
1185
01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:45,689
Yeah. Only way to beat these things.
1186
01:09:45,760 --> 01:09:48,843
Count the bullets, calculate the speed,
crunch the numbers.
1187
01:09:48,920 --> 01:09:50,206
Where's the fun in that?
1188
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:52,009
Oh, boy. Why? What do you do?
1189
01:09:52,160 --> 01:09:55,164
You gotta pretend you're the guy
and you don't wanna die.
1190
01:09:55,320 --> 01:09:58,881
Yeah, that sounds cool,
but it's not gonna work every time.
1191
01:09:58,960 --> 01:10:01,167
Well, that's why
you have your reset button.
1192
01:10:01,480 --> 01:10:03,642
Yeah, we didn't have those growin' up.
1193
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:07,088
Most violent game I've ever seen.
1194
01:10:07,160 --> 01:10:08,844
I don't think it's healthy for you.
1195
01:10:08,920 --> 01:10:10,081
It's fine. I can handle it.
1196
01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:12,447
No, I'm not talkin' to you.
I'm talkin' to homeboy.
1197
01:10:12,720 --> 01:10:16,327
So much blood!
1198
01:10:16,640 --> 01:10:19,007
Yeah. Hey. You know what'll cheer you up?
1199
01:10:19,160 --> 01:10:20,924
- A cheese ball.
- Yep.
1200
01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:22,001
Huh?
1201
01:10:22,280 --> 01:10:23,645
Come on, suck one up.
1202
01:10:24,480 --> 01:10:25,970
Take a handful.
1203
01:10:27,960 --> 01:10:31,203
That was smooth.
That was very smooth.
1204
01:10:31,360 --> 01:10:33,169
You know, we should get him some exercise.
1205
01:10:33,240 --> 01:10:35,004
Maybe throw him
on the trampoline for a little bit?
1206
01:10:35,160 --> 01:10:37,401
Trampoline!
Trampoline! Trampoline!
1207
01:10:37,480 --> 01:10:38,925
Okay. How about me and him do that
1208
01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:42,049
while you go ask my mom
to the ball tomorrow night?
1209
01:10:42,360 --> 01:10:44,647
Unfortunately,
I'm not attracted to your mother.
1210
01:10:44,840 --> 01:10:46,490
Bullcrap.
1211
01:10:46,640 --> 01:10:48,210
You're right, I am. Okay.
1212
01:10:48,360 --> 01:10:49,850
Here. Finish these.
1213
01:10:50,520 --> 01:10:53,205
You're gettin' chubby.
1214
01:10:54,840 --> 01:10:55,966
Hi.
1215
01:10:56,640 --> 01:10:57,687
Hi.
1216
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:00,161
So...
1217
01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:02,526
So...
1218
01:11:02,880 --> 01:11:03,881
Whoo!
1219
01:11:09,440 --> 01:11:10,726
Sorry!
1220
01:11:10,800 --> 01:11:12,962
Again! Again! Again! Again!
1221
01:11:13,800 --> 01:11:17,771
So I'm feeling obligated to make
an appearance at that thing tomorrow night.
1222
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:19,649
I was wondering, when you got there,
1223
01:11:19,720 --> 01:11:23,441
if possibly you'd like to hang out with me
while I was there?
1224
01:11:23,520 --> 01:11:24,726
- Like a date?
- Like a date, but...
1225
01:11:24,840 --> 01:11:25,887
- Ooh!
- Yeah.
1226
01:11:25,960 --> 01:11:27,405
I dunno about that.
1227
01:11:27,480 --> 01:11:29,801
I'm a snob. I have mental problems, so...
1228
01:11:29,880 --> 01:11:32,087
Well, you know, you are and you do,
1229
01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:34,686
but I'm willin' to overlook that
for the evening.
1230
01:11:35,200 --> 01:11:36,200
Okay.
1231
01:11:36,240 --> 01:11:37,526
- You will?
- Mmm-hmm.
1232
01:11:51,320 --> 01:11:52,685
Three, four.
1233
01:11:55,760 --> 01:11:58,161
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Thanks.
1234
01:11:58,240 --> 01:12:00,049
Nice welcome, for a change, huh?
1235
01:12:05,720 --> 01:12:08,371
Bring it down, Travolta. Bring it down.
1236
01:12:11,080 --> 01:12:14,084
They love the Big Man!
Good to see the respect, pal.
1237
01:12:17,720 --> 01:12:19,131
Well, lookie here, Serena.
1238
01:12:19,200 --> 01:12:21,680
They threw me a big party to thank me
for savin' the world.
1239
01:12:22,240 --> 01:12:24,368
And you get to stand next to me all night.
1240
01:12:24,800 --> 01:12:26,723
- Champagne, sir?
- Thanks.
1241
01:12:27,200 --> 01:12:29,680
- They promised me an island if I did this.
- Ah.
1242
01:12:30,000 --> 01:12:31,923
I'm dying to meet Sam's new ladyfriend.
1243
01:12:32,000 --> 01:12:34,765
She's nothin'.
It's just a little hangin' out thing.
1244
01:12:34,840 --> 01:12:35,966
Yeah, right.
1245
01:12:36,160 --> 01:12:37,685
Is she pretty, Will?
1246
01:12:37,840 --> 01:12:40,969
Uh, define pretty.
I mean, you're pretty.
1247
01:12:41,360 --> 01:12:43,169
- Extremely pretty.
- Thank you.
1248
01:12:43,240 --> 01:12:47,370
She, I think, in the classical sense of the
word, is certainly... I mean, I feel...
1249
01:12:47,440 --> 01:12:49,204
- Brenner, help me out here.
- No, you're doing great.
1250
01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:50,520
- Keep going.
- Okay.
1251
01:12:50,600 --> 01:12:53,843
Uh, You know, she, for
military personnel, certainly.
1252
01:12:53,920 --> 01:12:54,921
I mean...
1253
01:12:55,080 --> 01:12:56,764
You're the First Lady,
1254
01:12:56,920 --> 01:12:58,365
she's a 10.
1255
01:13:03,680 --> 01:13:04,966
Hey, Brenner.
1256
01:13:07,000 --> 01:13:08,490
Hey, Brenner.
1257
01:13:09,520 --> 01:13:11,488
Excuse me for a second.
1258
01:13:12,080 --> 01:13:14,526
Come on, Matty. Let's dance!
1259
01:13:19,920 --> 01:13:21,285
You look nice in a tux.
1260
01:13:22,240 --> 01:13:24,481
Green's officially my favorite color now.
1261
01:13:25,400 --> 01:13:27,050
I have a question for you.
1262
01:13:27,200 --> 01:13:30,409
President said I'm on call tonight,
so I can only have half a beer.
1263
01:13:30,480 --> 01:13:31,561
Um...
1264
01:13:31,640 --> 01:13:34,564
I know you like drinkin' out of sippy cups,
1265
01:13:34,680 --> 01:13:36,170
but wanna split a bottle with me?
1266
01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:39,570
What happened?
1267
01:13:40,080 --> 01:13:42,287
- You brushed your teeth.
- Yes! Yes.
1268
01:13:42,360 --> 01:13:43,521
All right. Lead the way.
1269
01:13:43,600 --> 01:13:44,761
You got it.
1270
01:13:48,440 --> 01:13:51,887
Welcome to your life.
1271
01:13:52,440 --> 01:13:56,764
There's no turning back.
1272
01:13:56,840 --> 01:14:00,731
Even while we sleep.
1273
01:14:00,800 --> 01:14:03,041
We will find you.
1274
01:14:03,120 --> 01:14:06,522
Acting on your best behavior.
1275
01:14:07,600 --> 01:14:09,887
So let's hear about Sinnamon.
What does she look like?
1276
01:14:10,040 --> 01:14:12,008
- Oh, God. Are you kidding?
- I wanna know.
1277
01:14:12,080 --> 01:14:14,970
She's a husband-stealing Pilates teacher.
She's hot!
1278
01:14:15,040 --> 01:14:16,485
- Uh-huh.
- And limber.
1279
01:14:17,440 --> 01:14:18,441
That doesn't matter.
1280
01:14:18,520 --> 01:14:20,568
Yes! Actually, it does.
1281
01:14:20,880 --> 01:14:22,564
She's not perfect, though, right?
1282
01:14:22,640 --> 01:14:24,529
Girls like that who steal husbands,
1283
01:14:24,800 --> 01:14:26,962
they always got one thing wrong with them.
1284
01:14:27,240 --> 01:14:28,321
Come on.
1285
01:14:29,040 --> 01:14:31,441
- Her forehead's too big?
- No.
1286
01:14:31,520 --> 01:14:32,931
- Mole on the chin?
- No.
1287
01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:34,809
- Two different nostrils?
- No!
1288
01:14:36,040 --> 01:14:37,690
She's flawless.
1289
01:14:37,960 --> 01:14:39,246
She is.
1290
01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:43,247
I mean, her eyes.
Okay, her eyes are a little far apart.
1291
01:14:44,800 --> 01:14:46,086
Kind of looks like a flounder.
1292
01:14:46,160 --> 01:14:48,447
There it is! Good.
1293
01:14:48,520 --> 01:14:52,047
So tonight, your dopey ex-husband's gonna
be lookin' into those eyes and sayin',
1294
01:14:52,120 --> 01:14:54,009
"What kind of choice did I make?"
1295
01:14:54,080 --> 01:14:56,560
"I used to stare into the most
beautiful eyes I've ever seen,"
1296
01:14:56,640 --> 01:15:00,770
"and now I'm stuck starin'
at the Filet o' Fish sandwich."
1297
01:15:00,840 --> 01:15:02,444
Did you just say I have beautiful eyes?
1298
01:15:02,640 --> 01:15:04,529
While insulting the other chick.
1299
01:15:04,760 --> 01:15:08,242
Wow. That is really,
really, really, really good.
1300
01:15:08,320 --> 01:15:09,651
Thank you.
1301
01:15:11,720 --> 01:15:14,929
Can I have some of that? No?
I thought we were splitting it.
1302
01:15:16,080 --> 01:15:17,445
Hooyah!
1303
01:15:17,640 --> 01:15:21,645
So glad we've almost made it.
1304
01:15:21,720 --> 01:15:25,247
So sad they had to fade it.
1305
01:15:25,320 --> 01:15:28,483
Everybody wants to rule the world.
1306
01:15:33,000 --> 01:15:35,207
They wanna rule.
1307
01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:37,328
Why do they act so mean?
1308
01:15:39,600 --> 01:15:41,841
You know, everybody's like,
1309
01:15:41,920 --> 01:15:44,366
"Brenner this" and "Brenner that."
1310
01:15:44,440 --> 01:15:48,331
But make no mistake,
Fire Blaster's the leader of this crew.
1311
01:15:48,520 --> 01:15:50,124
Who's the Fire Blaster again?
1312
01:15:50,280 --> 01:15:53,409
Me, Serena! All right, lemme
just cut to the chase here.
1313
01:15:53,480 --> 01:15:55,448
Fire Blaster's been in
prison for eight years.
1314
01:15:55,520 --> 01:15:58,126
He hasn't been with a woman since '05.
1315
01:15:58,880 --> 01:16:02,487
You're in for the time of your life.
1316
01:16:02,560 --> 01:16:05,291
You even think about touching me,
I'm gonna smack you through the wall.
1317
01:16:05,360 --> 01:16:07,124
Mmm. I'd have it no other way.
1318
01:16:10,000 --> 01:16:12,082
Should've gone with Martha Stewart.
1319
01:16:12,480 --> 01:16:16,087
At least then, I'd have a tasty panini
cooked for me or some shit.
1320
01:16:19,320 --> 01:16:21,288
So, what are you gonna do after all this?
1321
01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:23,362
You gonna go back to the Nerd Brigade?
1322
01:16:23,680 --> 01:16:24,681
Wow.
1323
01:16:25,080 --> 01:16:26,764
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1324
01:16:26,840 --> 01:16:29,002
Probably. I mean...
1325
01:16:29,640 --> 01:16:30,801
What else would I do?
1326
01:16:31,040 --> 01:16:33,327
I mean, it just seems like
someone with your skills,
1327
01:16:33,440 --> 01:16:36,569
you'd be better off inventing technology
rather than installing it.
1328
01:16:36,880 --> 01:16:40,407
No, of course.
I would love to do somethin' different.
1329
01:16:40,800 --> 01:16:42,529
You know, I had my shot
1330
01:16:42,600 --> 01:16:44,489
when I was a kid in the arcades.
1331
01:16:45,120 --> 01:16:46,201
But
1332
01:16:46,760 --> 01:16:48,569
I blew it.
1333
01:16:49,080 --> 01:16:52,084
Yeah, I always think maybe my life
would've been different.
1334
01:16:52,520 --> 01:16:55,330
Any time I'm getting on a roll,
1335
01:16:55,400 --> 01:16:58,961
or I feel like everything's going great,
1336
01:16:59,960 --> 01:17:02,804
that giant ape throws another barrel at me.
1337
01:17:05,560 --> 01:17:09,451
But it's all good. Don't worry.
1338
01:17:09,560 --> 01:17:10,561
Hooyah.
1339
01:17:11,200 --> 01:17:12,201
Hooyah.
1340
01:17:13,320 --> 01:17:17,405
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am proud to introduce a special message
1341
01:17:17,480 --> 01:17:21,121
to the Arcaders from the students of PS 427
1342
01:17:21,600 --> 01:17:23,250
in New York City.
1343
01:17:26,400 --> 01:17:28,767
New York was in trouble.
1344
01:17:28,960 --> 01:17:31,008
Pac-Man caused a ruckus.
1345
01:17:31,080 --> 01:17:33,606
But the Arcaders saved us.
1346
01:17:33,680 --> 01:17:35,603
'Cause they're bad mother...
1347
01:17:39,720 --> 01:17:40,926
People of Earth,
1348
01:17:41,240 --> 01:17:43,481
you have violated
the rules of warfare, dudes.
1349
01:17:43,840 --> 01:17:45,171
Violated the rules?
1350
01:17:45,320 --> 01:17:48,881
Because of this,
you forfeit and your planet is now ours.
1351
01:17:49,920 --> 01:17:54,084
Dudes, in 12 hours, we'll commence with
the all-out destruction of Earth.
1352
01:17:55,080 --> 01:17:59,324
After that, we will sing this
about your precious planet.
1353
01:17:59,480 --> 01:18:03,724
She's gone.
1354
01:18:03,800 --> 01:18:06,565
I'd better learn how to face...
1355
01:18:07,080 --> 01:18:09,520
What the heck are they talkin' about?
1356
01:18:19,000 --> 01:18:20,650
Where you goin', Fire Blaster?
1357
01:18:20,840 --> 01:18:22,808
On, hey, kid. Uh...
1358
01:18:22,880 --> 01:18:25,281
I told Serena
I needed to get some air, you know?
1359
01:18:25,440 --> 01:18:27,169
Only known her half an hour
and she's already like,
1360
01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:29,641
"Mrs. Fire Blaster this.
Mrs. Fire Blaster that."
1361
01:18:30,400 --> 01:18:33,643
A cop fished these out of the East River
the night you fell in.
1362
01:18:33,800 --> 01:18:35,609
I was gonna give 'em back to you,
1363
01:18:35,680 --> 01:18:38,809
but I saw some interesting things
written on the inside of the lenses.
1364
01:18:40,400 --> 01:18:42,562
The Pac-Man cheat code for super-speed.
1365
01:18:43,040 --> 01:18:44,883
- You're a cheater.
- So what?
1366
01:18:45,520 --> 01:18:48,729
I used cheat codes back in the day
to help me dominate.
1367
01:18:48,800 --> 01:18:51,690
So I figured, why not use it for
the big show. And it worked.
1368
01:18:51,760 --> 01:18:53,762
You've been a cheater your whole life?
1369
01:18:54,560 --> 01:18:55,721
No.
1370
01:18:55,800 --> 01:18:58,087
Only since I was 10.
1371
01:18:58,160 --> 01:19:02,324
That's how I beat your boy Brenner
at the World Championship. Oh, yeah.
1372
01:19:04,280 --> 01:19:07,284
I owe everything I have
to these bitchin' shades.
1373
01:19:12,680 --> 01:19:13,841
What did you do?
1374
01:19:13,920 --> 01:19:17,242
I didn't do anything.
I thought we obeyed every rule.
1375
01:19:17,320 --> 01:19:18,924
Ya thought wrong, civilian!
1376
01:19:19,000 --> 01:19:21,207
We squandered our one chance on you!
1377
01:19:21,280 --> 01:19:22,691
A hi-fi repair man.
1378
01:19:22,760 --> 01:19:23,921
But I swear...
1379
01:19:24,000 --> 01:19:27,368
But nothin'! You heard Hall and Oates!
You blew it!
1380
01:19:27,600 --> 01:19:28,681
I've seen your files.
1381
01:19:28,840 --> 01:19:31,047
You've never accomplished
a damn thing in your entire life.
1382
01:19:31,160 --> 01:19:34,323
Brenner won two battles, Admiral.
That's two more than you.
1383
01:19:34,400 --> 01:19:36,050
I wouldn't get
smart with me, Colonel.
1384
01:19:36,120 --> 01:19:39,203
You were all over this sideshow that did
nothing but waste valuable time.
1385
01:19:39,480 --> 01:19:42,165
Sometimes I wonder if you're not working
for the Martians yourself!
1386
01:19:42,320 --> 01:19:43,481
Drop dead, Admiral.
1387
01:19:43,560 --> 01:19:44,561
You're done.
1388
01:19:44,640 --> 01:19:46,404
All right. Hey, guys! That's enough.
Listen.
1389
01:19:46,480 --> 01:19:48,640
We tried something. It didn't work.
1390
01:19:51,040 --> 01:19:52,280
What is that?
1391
01:19:52,640 --> 01:19:53,766
Matty!
1392
01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:06,609
Matty!
1393
01:20:13,240 --> 01:20:16,483
I can't believe they took Matty
as a trophy. I am so sorry.
1394
01:20:16,640 --> 01:20:18,563
Well, there's gotta be somethin' we can do.
1395
01:20:18,720 --> 01:20:19,720
Where's Eddie?
1396
01:20:19,760 --> 01:20:23,128
Eddie. Yeah. He crawled into a hole.
We'll never see him again.
1397
01:20:24,120 --> 01:20:25,884
Chewie won't take my calls.
1398
01:20:26,040 --> 01:20:28,407
Violet got the boot.
We're on our own, guys.
1399
01:20:28,480 --> 01:20:30,050
This feels like my planet.
1400
01:20:30,120 --> 01:20:33,806
No fun. No laughter. Only war.
1401
01:20:34,080 --> 01:20:35,081
Wait.
1402
01:20:35,360 --> 01:20:38,682
Wait a second. Q*bert is from there.
He knows all their secrets.
1403
01:20:38,760 --> 01:20:40,330
We were once a happy planet.
1404
01:20:40,400 --> 01:20:42,164
Before you threatened us.
1405
01:20:42,240 --> 01:20:45,767
But we didn't threaten you!
You saw footage of old games.
1406
01:20:46,120 --> 01:20:47,770
They do not know they are games.
1407
01:20:47,920 --> 01:20:50,400
Well, why don't you tell them that, Q*bert,
and stop them?
1408
01:20:50,480 --> 01:20:51,527
It's too late.
1409
01:20:51,600 --> 01:20:55,321
And now the mothership is creating
millions of video-game warriors
1410
01:20:55,400 --> 01:20:56,890
to destroy your planet.
1411
01:20:57,360 --> 01:21:00,967
Look, all we have to do is get inside
the mothership and try to stop them.
1412
01:21:01,120 --> 01:21:02,760
We can rescue Matty while we're up there.
1413
01:21:02,920 --> 01:21:04,809
Up there. You wanna go up there?
1414
01:21:05,000 --> 01:21:08,243
I don't know about that.
You know, they took away our light cannons.
1415
01:21:08,400 --> 01:21:10,084
I don't think that's such a good idea.
1416
01:21:10,240 --> 01:21:12,607
We have something better
than light cannons.
1417
01:21:12,800 --> 01:21:14,928
We have a positive can-do attitude.
1418
01:21:15,280 --> 01:21:16,281
Ah.
1419
01:21:16,520 --> 01:21:19,285
I'm kidding. We are all gonna die.
1420
01:21:20,160 --> 01:21:21,286
I'm just...
1421
01:21:21,520 --> 01:21:22,726
Sorry.
1422
01:22:02,280 --> 01:22:03,725
Are you sure we wanna do this?
1423
01:22:03,800 --> 01:22:06,280
I mean, maybe we could just find
another planet to live on.
1424
01:22:06,480 --> 01:22:08,847
Shut up, dude.
We're gettin' on that ship.
1425
01:22:09,000 --> 01:22:11,446
And the only way to do that is
to get directly under it.
1426
01:22:11,840 --> 01:22:13,365
That's the only way in.
1427
01:22:25,120 --> 01:22:26,121
Oh!
1428
01:22:28,200 --> 01:22:30,248
Arcaders are comin'! Don't worry!
1429
01:22:35,240 --> 01:22:36,810
Come on! Come on! Come on! Go!
1430
01:22:36,880 --> 01:22:37,881
Stay with me!
1431
01:22:56,280 --> 01:22:58,521
Nobody's better at the crane game than me.
1432
01:22:58,840 --> 01:23:00,171
Chewie?
1433
01:23:00,320 --> 01:23:02,209
What's with the disguise, buddy?
1434
01:23:02,360 --> 01:23:04,442
They tried to take me
to some underground bunker,
1435
01:23:04,520 --> 01:23:06,204
so I went rogue.
1436
01:23:10,200 --> 01:23:11,929
Oh, yeah!
1437
01:23:13,000 --> 01:23:16,163
Wonder Kid, you gotta stay on the ground.
These people need protection.
1438
01:23:16,240 --> 01:23:17,241
Oh, thank God.
1439
01:23:17,400 --> 01:23:20,006
Hey, live long, laugh much, love often.
1440
01:23:20,320 --> 01:23:21,321
Yeah.
1441
01:23:21,400 --> 01:23:22,447
That's it.
1442
01:23:23,120 --> 01:23:24,326
No.
1443
01:23:24,400 --> 01:23:25,606
Back it up.
1444
01:23:26,960 --> 01:23:28,121
Thanks for bein' my friend.
1445
01:23:28,680 --> 01:23:30,091
'Course, buddy. I love ya.
1446
01:23:30,240 --> 01:23:32,083
Now go kick some ass.
1447
01:23:34,800 --> 01:23:37,087
Mr. President, may I have a light cannon?
1448
01:23:42,200 --> 01:23:46,285
La la la la la la
Sing a happy song.
1449
01:23:46,360 --> 01:23:47,361
Ooh.
1450
01:23:47,440 --> 01:23:48,441
La la la la la la.
1451
01:23:54,000 --> 01:23:55,968
Don't tell anyone I killed a Smurf.
1452
01:24:12,960 --> 01:24:14,200
Hey!
1453
01:24:14,280 --> 01:24:16,328
Get away from those kids now!
1454
01:24:18,080 --> 01:24:19,127
Please?
1455
01:24:28,800 --> 01:24:30,290
Hey!
1456
01:24:52,640 --> 01:24:56,087
I spent most of my formative years
1457
01:24:56,160 --> 01:24:58,162
trying to figure out a
way to bring you to life
1458
01:24:58,640 --> 01:25:00,608
all Weird Science-style.
1459
01:25:01,480 --> 01:25:03,528
I used every birthday wish,
1460
01:25:03,600 --> 01:25:06,046
every 11:11 on the clock,
1461
01:25:06,160 --> 01:25:09,528
every little chicken wishbone I could find,
and ladybug.
1462
01:25:10,040 --> 01:25:11,610
I prayed for this.
1463
01:25:14,360 --> 01:25:15,361
Oh.
1464
01:25:16,680 --> 01:25:19,001
But apparently, you don't feel the same.
1465
01:25:27,360 --> 01:25:30,045
Okay. We're
under it, Q*bert. Now what?
1466
01:25:34,520 --> 01:25:36,443
Well, well, well.
1467
01:25:36,520 --> 01:25:38,090
Look who's here.
1468
01:25:38,160 --> 01:25:40,049
Q*bert the traitor
1469
01:25:40,120 --> 01:25:42,327
and his cheating friends.
1470
01:25:42,400 --> 01:25:44,721
Come to beg for a second chance?
1471
01:25:44,880 --> 01:25:48,327
You're in luck.
The boss wants to meet ya in person.
1472
01:25:48,880 --> 01:25:50,609
So come on up!
1473
01:25:50,680 --> 01:25:55,607
If you defeat him, you save your planet
and destroy our warriors.
1474
01:25:55,680 --> 01:25:57,170
But if you lose...
1475
01:26:08,040 --> 01:26:09,610
See you on the other side.
1476
01:26:23,880 --> 01:26:26,247
You are so powerful, just as I...
1477
01:26:31,880 --> 01:26:35,521
You win!
I'm not gonna fight you anymore, okay?
1478
01:26:35,600 --> 01:26:37,489
I know that you have love in your heart,
1479
01:26:37,560 --> 01:26:40,928
and I know that I could make you happy,
but if you need to kill me,
1480
01:26:41,080 --> 01:26:43,560
then you're just gonna have to go ahead
and kill me.
1481
01:26:46,040 --> 01:26:50,284
At least I can die a happy man
knowing that I found true love.
1482
01:27:24,760 --> 01:27:27,570
And I couldn't even get a handshake
from Serena Williams.
1483
01:27:27,760 --> 01:27:29,125
Well, well, well.
1484
01:27:29,280 --> 01:27:31,169
Didn't think I'd see you again.
1485
01:27:31,320 --> 01:27:35,405
I had to prove to myself and to the world
that I could do this without cheating.
1486
01:27:35,600 --> 01:27:36,761
Wait, you cheated?
1487
01:27:36,920 --> 01:27:38,001
Moving on.
1488
01:27:44,480 --> 01:27:46,687
You gonna introduce me to your girlfriend?
1489
01:27:47,600 --> 01:27:48,931
Fiancée.
1490
01:28:03,200 --> 01:28:05,521
Where are we, Q*bert? What is this place?
1491
01:28:05,600 --> 01:28:06,965
I don't know.
1492
01:28:07,040 --> 01:28:08,724
But I'm scared.
1493
01:28:09,840 --> 01:28:11,285
Great.
1494
01:28:19,720 --> 01:28:20,846
What is that noise?
1495
01:28:29,640 --> 01:28:31,961
What the hell was that?
1496
01:28:37,560 --> 01:28:39,483
Donkey Kong.
1497
01:28:39,560 --> 01:28:41,562
The one game you suck at.
1498
01:28:41,720 --> 01:28:42,721
Yeah.
1499
01:28:43,120 --> 01:28:45,248
Mom, up here!
1500
01:28:46,200 --> 01:28:47,565
Matty!
1501
01:28:47,720 --> 01:28:48,846
Mom!
1502
01:28:49,000 --> 01:28:50,650
Where the hell is my mama?
1503
01:28:50,840 --> 01:28:52,524
We're coming for you, honey!
1504
01:28:58,720 --> 01:29:00,006
Oh, no.
1505
01:29:18,280 --> 01:29:19,691
There's too many of them!
1506
01:29:19,760 --> 01:29:20,886
This way!
1507
01:29:23,760 --> 01:29:25,603
Only one way to beat this game. Jump!
1508
01:29:27,880 --> 01:29:28,961
Up the ladder! Fast!
1509
01:29:32,080 --> 01:29:33,286
Incoming!
1510
01:29:34,240 --> 01:29:35,241
Oh!
1511
01:29:53,800 --> 01:29:55,165
Q*bert! Look out!
1512
01:29:55,240 --> 01:29:56,730
Oh!
1513
01:29:57,240 --> 01:29:59,083
Q*bert!
1514
01:30:13,320 --> 01:30:15,891
I can't do this.
There's no pattern.
1515
01:30:15,960 --> 01:30:18,930
Pretend you're the guy
and you don't wanna die.
1516
01:30:20,920 --> 01:30:22,001
I don't wanna die!
1517
01:30:22,840 --> 01:30:24,490
I couldn't even beat Eddie Plant!
1518
01:30:24,640 --> 01:30:28,486
Eddie Plant's a cheater!
That's why he was so good in New York.
1519
01:30:28,640 --> 01:30:30,688
He used cheat codes.
1520
01:30:31,240 --> 01:30:34,130
He did the same thing to you
when you were kids.
1521
01:30:34,920 --> 01:30:37,207
You know what that means, right?
1522
01:30:40,600 --> 01:30:43,490
I'm the Donkey Kong champion of the world.
1523
01:30:43,640 --> 01:30:46,371
And the Donkey Kong champion of the world
doesn't need patterns.
1524
01:30:46,640 --> 01:30:47,641
Reset button.
1525
01:30:53,680 --> 01:30:55,967
Buddy you're a boy make a big noise.
1526
01:30:56,040 --> 01:30:59,203
Playing in the street
gonna be a big man some day.
1527
01:30:59,280 --> 01:31:00,805
You got mud on your face.
1528
01:31:00,880 --> 01:31:02,211
Freeze, Chewie!
1529
01:31:02,680 --> 01:31:05,001
Kickin' your can all over the place.
1530
01:31:05,120 --> 01:31:08,920
- Singin '
- We will, we will rock you.
1531
01:31:09,200 --> 01:31:10,201
Brenner!
1532
01:31:11,520 --> 01:31:14,967
We will, we will rock you.
1533
01:31:16,880 --> 01:31:19,042
Mom, Mom! Q*bert's not dead!
1534
01:31:20,040 --> 01:31:22,008
Help me! Help me!
1535
01:31:22,200 --> 01:31:24,362
Nah, I'm pretty sure he's dead, Matty.
1536
01:31:24,520 --> 01:31:25,521
Mom!
1537
01:31:26,200 --> 01:31:28,009
Please.
1538
01:31:28,080 --> 01:31:29,445
Okay, fine.
1539
01:31:29,520 --> 01:31:30,931
What? No!
1540
01:31:31,080 --> 01:31:32,081
No!
1541
01:31:32,360 --> 01:31:35,364
We will rock you
1542
01:31:38,680 --> 01:31:40,409
Violet, get outta there!
1543
01:31:46,720 --> 01:31:47,721
Look out!
1544
01:31:54,800 --> 01:31:57,963
We will, we will rock you.
1545
01:31:58,040 --> 01:31:59,041
We're trapped!
1546
01:32:00,680 --> 01:32:04,207
We will, we will rock you.
1547
01:32:04,280 --> 01:32:05,281
Brenner!
1548
01:32:06,640 --> 01:32:10,486
We will, we will rock you.
1549
01:32:12,280 --> 01:32:16,683
We will, we will rock you.
1550
01:32:16,800 --> 01:32:18,564
Here, grab onto my mighty hammer.
1551
01:32:21,960 --> 01:32:23,121
You loved saying that.
1552
01:32:23,200 --> 01:32:24,406
Yes, I did.
1553
01:32:27,120 --> 01:32:30,727
Brenner!
Whatever you're doing, please hurry up!
1554
01:32:39,320 --> 01:32:42,290
I've been waitin' to do this since 1982.
1555
01:32:54,800 --> 01:32:56,086
Yeah!
1556
01:32:56,240 --> 01:32:57,810
Yeah! Yes!
1557
01:32:57,960 --> 01:33:00,850
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
1558
01:33:12,520 --> 01:33:14,522
Matty! Oh, God!
1559
01:33:15,840 --> 01:33:17,842
- You okay?
- Yeah.
1560
01:33:18,160 --> 01:33:20,003
You were so awesome down there!
1561
01:33:20,640 --> 01:33:23,120
You're my second favorite president.
You know Obama's still my man, right?
1562
01:33:23,240 --> 01:33:24,526
Oh, okay.
1563
01:33:33,200 --> 01:33:35,885
Hey! We won!
1564
01:33:36,680 --> 01:33:38,125
No more taxes!
1565
01:33:39,440 --> 01:33:41,169
We did it, baby!
1566
01:33:41,520 --> 01:33:42,885
We did it.
1567
01:33:43,040 --> 01:33:44,166
No.
1568
01:33:44,720 --> 01:33:46,722
No. No!
1569
01:33:46,800 --> 01:33:49,644
Lady Lisa!
1570
01:33:49,720 --> 01:33:51,882
No!
1571
01:34:08,680 --> 01:34:10,887
Eddie, never thought I'd see you again.
1572
01:34:10,960 --> 01:34:14,601
Brenner, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for
cheatin' back in the day when we was kids,
1573
01:34:14,680 --> 01:34:17,081
and for cheatin' again
more recently.
1574
01:34:17,160 --> 01:34:19,003
I'm not goin' back to
prison for that, am I?
1575
01:34:19,080 --> 01:34:22,209
No, but you need to admit to Brenner
that he's the best in the world.
1576
01:34:22,440 --> 01:34:24,169
Eh, no way.
1577
01:34:24,320 --> 01:34:25,401
Prison.
1578
01:34:29,040 --> 01:34:30,246
Brenner,
1579
01:34:33,080 --> 01:34:34,684
you are the best
1580
01:34:36,040 --> 01:34:37,405
in the world
1581
01:34:38,560 --> 01:34:40,927
at the Donkey Kong.
1582
01:34:41,720 --> 01:34:43,006
That's right. I am.
1583
01:34:43,080 --> 01:34:44,844
Ludlow. What's the matter, buddy?
1584
01:34:45,440 --> 01:34:47,681
I finally had the one thing I wanted
1585
01:34:48,400 --> 01:34:50,402
and now I'm back to being all alone.
1586
01:34:50,680 --> 01:34:53,445
Lady Lisa, she made an appearance.
1587
01:34:53,520 --> 01:34:58,447
And while you guys were out, you know,
savin' the world, you kind of destroyed his.
1588
01:34:59,120 --> 01:35:00,610
Oh, that's horrible.
1589
01:35:00,920 --> 01:35:04,288
It's just, how come he gets to stay?
Why are you still here?
1590
01:35:04,560 --> 01:35:06,050
I'm sorry.
1591
01:35:06,200 --> 01:35:07,565
Q*bert's a trophy.
1592
01:35:07,760 --> 01:35:09,444
And I guess we get to keep the trophies.
1593
01:35:10,080 --> 01:35:11,081
Yeah.
1594
01:35:13,880 --> 01:35:15,006
Aw.
1595
01:35:22,600 --> 01:35:24,204
Q*bert, what is it?
1596
01:35:38,000 --> 01:35:39,001
Aw.
1597
01:35:40,000 --> 01:35:43,322
Wait, no one else is weirded out by this?
That was just Q*bert.
1598
01:35:43,480 --> 01:35:45,360
- Mr. President! Please!
- Yes, Renee.
1599
01:35:45,480 --> 01:35:47,562
Mr. President, are we out of danger?
1600
01:35:47,760 --> 01:35:50,161
Yes. In fact, I am pleased to announce.
1601
01:35:50,320 --> 01:35:53,802
I have brokered a peace treaty
with the alien invaders.
1602
01:35:56,160 --> 01:35:59,164
This peace is due to, and only due to
1603
01:35:59,320 --> 01:36:01,527
the bravery of the Arcaders,
1604
01:36:01,920 --> 01:36:05,811
who, against all odds,
stepped up and saved us all.
1605
01:36:06,760 --> 01:36:08,091
Eddie Plant,
1606
01:36:08,160 --> 01:36:09,924
Ludlow Lamonsoff,
1607
01:36:10,000 --> 01:36:11,365
Sam Brenner,
1608
01:36:11,520 --> 01:36:13,966
and Lieutenant Colonel Violet Van Patten
1609
01:36:14,440 --> 01:36:15,965
are American heroes.
1610
01:36:16,640 --> 01:36:18,051
World heroes.
1611
01:36:19,680 --> 01:36:20,681
Yeah!
1612
01:36:21,200 --> 01:36:24,044
"World hero"?
I guess you're not a nerd anymore.
1613
01:36:24,200 --> 01:36:26,000
You don't want me to
stop being a nerd, ever.
1614
01:36:26,600 --> 01:36:27,886
Why is that?
1615
01:36:27,960 --> 01:36:31,043
'Cause like I said,
nerds are the greatest kissers.
1616
01:36:31,960 --> 01:36:33,962
I'll be the judge of that.
1617
01:36:52,880 --> 01:36:55,645
Mother told me Yes, she told me.
1618
01:36:55,720 --> 01:36:59,247
That I'd meet girls like you.
1619
01:36:59,600 --> 01:37:01,728
She also told me.
1620
01:37:01,800 --> 01:37:06,727
Stay away
You'll never know what you'll catch.
1621
01:37:07,080 --> 01:37:13,531
Just the other day I heard
of a soldier's falling off.
1622
01:37:13,640 --> 01:37:19,522
Some Indonesian junk that's going round.
1623
01:37:21,120 --> 01:37:24,727
Mommy's all right, daddy's all right.
1624
01:37:24,800 --> 01:37:28,247
They just seem a little weird.
1625
01:37:28,360 --> 01:37:31,728
Surrender, surrender.
1626
01:37:31,800 --> 01:37:36,806
But don't give yourself away.
1627
01:37:37,560 --> 01:37:40,404
Hey, hey.
1628
01:37:48,720 --> 01:37:51,610
Hey, kids. Daddy's home.
1629
01:37:51,680 --> 01:37:54,047
- Daddy!
- Daddy! Daddy!
1630
01:37:54,120 --> 01:37:56,168
- Dad! Dad!
- Daddy! Daddy!
1631
01:37:56,240 --> 01:37:58,242
Daddy! Daddy!
1632
01:38:04,120 --> 01:38:06,851
This is not a game now.
1633
01:38:06,920 --> 01:38:09,810
Nobody can save you.
1634
01:38:09,880 --> 01:38:11,803
Spent up all your change.
1635
01:38:11,920 --> 01:38:15,606
And now your turn is done.
1636
01:38:15,680 --> 01:38:21,403
We won't be afraid
'cause we're the ones who made you.
1637
01:38:21,480 --> 01:38:23,482
Knock you out the frame.
1638
01:38:23,560 --> 01:38:26,325
We won't stop until you're gone.
1639
01:38:26,400 --> 01:38:28,243
Game on.
1640
01:38:38,160 --> 01:38:39,161
Game on.
1641
01:38:45,160 --> 01:38:47,447
Assassin, soldier and a captain.
1642
01:38:47,520 --> 01:38:50,330
Feel the passion,
no compassion, but I'm askin'.
1643
01:38:50,400 --> 01:38:53,131
You say you ready, well, I'm attackin'.
1644
01:38:53,200 --> 01:38:56,090
A predator in my competitors this second.
1645
01:38:56,200 --> 01:38:58,851
I'm never lackin'
Boy, I'm ready for that action.
1646
01:38:58,920 --> 01:39:02,367
That was braggin'
Man, what happened to you has-beens?
1647
01:39:02,440 --> 01:39:05,205
It's amazin' all the places
and the people faces.
1648
01:39:05,280 --> 01:39:07,601
Ah, bought the tour bus like a spaceship.
1649
01:39:07,680 --> 01:39:10,126
I'm racin' against nothin' but time.
1650
01:39:10,200 --> 01:39:13,124
Probably wouldn't be so lost
if you was watchin' the signs.
1651
01:39:13,200 --> 01:39:16,807
They gon' play me like a PlayStation
from playin' on that station.
1652
01:39:16,880 --> 01:39:19,486
But I'm a be the face of a generation.
1653
01:39:19,560 --> 01:39:22,484
Kids wit' no patience or directions.
1654
01:39:22,600 --> 01:39:25,490
Never doubt or question my effort.
1655
01:39:25,560 --> 01:39:28,166
Game on, game on
Hope you people ready.
1656
01:39:28,240 --> 01:39:30,811
I'm reloaded, and I hope
my trigger finger steady.
1657
01:39:30,880 --> 01:39:33,645
This is not a game now.
1658
01:39:33,720 --> 01:39:36,564
Nobody can save you.
1659
01:39:36,640 --> 01:39:38,642
Spent up all your change.
1660
01:39:38,720 --> 01:39:42,247
And now your turn is done.
1661
01:39:42,320 --> 01:39:48,168
We won't be afraid
'cause we're the ones who made you.
1662
01:39:48,240 --> 01:39:53,167
Knock you out the frame
We won't stop until you're gone.
1663
01:39:53,240 --> 01:39:55,368
Game on.
1664
01:40:04,760 --> 01:40:05,761
Game on.
1665
01:40:05,840 --> 01:40:07,126
Can't Xbox me in
1666
01:40:07,200 --> 01:40:11,489
'Cause in my lane
no controller but me playin' my game.
1667
01:40:11,560 --> 01:40:13,244
- This a different league.
- League.
1668
01:40:13,360 --> 01:40:14,566
A different bracket.
1669
01:40:14,640 --> 01:40:15,971
I'm a different gene - Gene.
1670
01:40:16,040 --> 01:40:17,451
A different faction.
1671
01:40:17,520 --> 01:40:19,921
I will never fall off, I just fall back.
1672
01:40:20,000 --> 01:40:23,288
Don't make me pull up,
pull up where you boys ball at.
1673
01:40:23,360 --> 01:40:25,806
And show you little fake hustlers
what the trap is.
1674
01:40:25,880 --> 01:40:28,963
I have you runnin' suicides all practice.
1675
01:40:29,040 --> 01:40:31,805
I got warrior blood
I fear no heir.
1676
01:40:31,920 --> 01:40:34,400
No army, no weapon, no man.
1677
01:40:34,480 --> 01:40:40,249
Killer instinct, I just go harder
than harder hard, but I pull larger.
1678
01:40:40,320 --> 01:40:43,483
I can't let you Mini-Mes
steal my Austin Powers.
1679
01:40:43,640 --> 01:40:46,041
I've traveled plenty
seas, spent many hours.
1680
01:40:46,120 --> 01:40:48,566
To make Flocka be the best he can be.
1681
01:40:48,640 --> 01:40:51,246
So you gon' show respect
when you talkin' to me.
1682
01:40:51,320 --> 01:40:54,483
That number one spot
legacy I see is my hit.
1683
01:40:54,560 --> 01:40:57,564
And what you take what you is,
what you leave behind.
1684
01:40:57,640 --> 01:41:00,325
This is not a game now.
1685
01:41:00,400 --> 01:41:03,404
Nobody can save you.
1686
01:41:03,480 --> 01:41:05,528
Spent up all your change.
1687
01:41:05,600 --> 01:41:08,922
And now your turn is done.
1688
01:41:09,040 --> 01:41:14,410
We won't be afraid
'cause we're the ones who made you.
1689
01:41:14,920 --> 01:41:17,048
- Knock you out the frame.
- Squat, squat.
1690
01:41:17,120 --> 01:41:20,090
- We won't stop until you're gone.
- Squat, squat, squat, squat.
1691
01:41:20,160 --> 01:41:24,131
- Game on.
- Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up.
1692
01:41:25,520 --> 01:41:29,969
- Game on.
- Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up.
1693
01:41:31,720 --> 01:41:33,210
Game on