1 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:56,532 ANNOUNCER: It's time for America's favorite game show: 2 00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:59,243 Pig in a Poke. 3 00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:03,122 WOMAN [SlNGING]: Pig in a poke It pays to be a glutton 4 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,623 Pig in a poke 5 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:06,750 Oink! Oink! Oink! 6 00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:10,003 Pig in a poke You could win all or nothing 7 00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:11,547 Pig in a poke 8 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:14,091 Oink! Oink! 9 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,343 ANNOUNCER: So let's meet our current champions... 10 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,929 ...the Griswalds. 11 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,598 And here's the star of our show: 12 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,476 Kent Winkdale. 13 00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:27,563 Well, Clark, it's time for your big decision. 14 00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:29,690 Are you gonna keep what's in the poke... 15 00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:33,902 ...or are you gonna risk everything and go for the big prize? 16 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:37,114 Johnny, remind our good folks what they have already won. 17 00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:40,909 ANNOUNCER: A supercharged Honda 750 motorcycle. 18 00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:44,830 A dream kitchen with brand-new major appliances. 19 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:48,125 And for Clark, the king of the family... 20 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:51,295 ...a 1 0-year supply of Regal Car Polish... 21 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,922 ...the car wax of royalty. 22 00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,591 But first, Clark... 23 00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:59,303 ...why don't you remind our audience who you are and what you do. 24 00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:01,763 Okay, Kent. l'm Clark W. Griswald. 25 00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:04,683 I'm in food additives and condiments, not preservatives. 26 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,226 Not preservatives. 27 00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:10,314 What about the family, Clark? 28 00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:13,442 This is my wife, Ellen, my son, Rusty, and daughter, Audrey. 29 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,652 KENT: Hello, Ellen. 30 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,740 Hi, Rusty. 31 00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:23,368 And Audrey. 32 00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,047 Well, Clark... 33 00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:39,301 ...you've won some fantastic prizes. 34 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,595 You wanna keep them... 35 00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:44,473 ...or you wanna risk everything and be a pig? 36 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,309 AUDlENCE [CHANTING]: Be a pig. Be a pig. 37 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:50,270 -Be a pig. Be a pig. -Oh, boy. 38 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:54,775 Clark, let's just keep what we have. I love the Señor Cappuccino. 39 00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:57,569 Dad, don't do it. Nobody ever wins the grand prize. 40 00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:00,739 Kent, we've decided. 41 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,908 Oink, oink. We'll be pigs. 42 00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:05,285 Aah! No! 43 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:08,080 So long, motorcycle. 44 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,832 Well, you're very brave. I wish you luck. 45 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,919 And now, a fantastic surprise. 46 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:18,257 Back by popular demand, the all-time winningest family... 47 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:21,301 ...in the history of Pig in a Poke, the Froegers. 48 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:27,724 ELLEN: The Froegers. Clark, no one's ever beaten the Froegers. 49 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:30,769 KENT: Now, Mr. Froeger, why don't you tell us about yourselves. 50 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:34,356 I won my Nobel Prize in 1 967. 51 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:37,067 My wife won hers in 1 970. 52 00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:40,404 Our son, Moe, has just been elected to the board of Microtech... 53 00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:42,864 ...that's a computer software corporation. 54 00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:45,951 And our daughter, Ruth, she has just become... 55 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:50,455 ...the youngest female ever to be accepted at Harvard Law School. 56 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,040 Good luck to all of you. 57 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,751 Now, let's take a look at our categories. Johnny.... 58 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,586 ANNOUNCER: "Pharmacology." 59 00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:58,630 "American Explorers." 60 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:01,049 "Chronology of the Pharaohs." 61 00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:02,843 "The Geography of the Brain." 62 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:06,930 And "History of Early Hungarian Cabinetmaking." 63 00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:08,640 -Not bad. ANNOUNCER: Back to you, Kent. 64 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:12,561 Froegers, since you're the challengers, you get to pick first category. 65 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:13,937 The one about Hungarians. 66 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,939 Nobody knows anything about Hungarians. 67 00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:19,276 Well, l don't know. Kent, we'd like "The Geography of the Brain." 68 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,695 The question is: 69 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:26,450 "What are the pyramidal tracts?" 70 00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,788 Five seconds. 71 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:35,208 I believe the pyramidal tracts are a housing development... 72 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,877 ...outside of Cairo. 73 00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:38,170 [BUZZER SOUNDS] 74 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,463 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 75 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:41,673 Too bad. 76 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,216 [MUMBLlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY] 77 00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:44,718 Froegers, quickly. 78 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:47,596 You are the champions if you get the correct answer. 79 00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:50,307 Kent, the pyramidal tracts... 80 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:54,102 ...are a complex of multisynaptic lower motor neurons... 81 00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:57,397 ...which interconnect the basal ganglia with the reticular formation. 82 00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:58,774 [BUZZER SOUNDS] 83 00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:01,068 I'm sorry, you said "lower" motor neurons. 84 00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:03,528 The correct answer is upper motor neurons. 85 00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:05,030 Upper. Upper. 86 00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:08,116 KENT: Well, nobody wins. -Still in it. Still in it. 87 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,035 Froegers, select another category. 88 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,496 MRS. FROEGER: "Early Hungarian Cabinetmaking." 89 00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:13,789 "Αmerican Explorers." 90 00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:16,917 American Explorers. Griswalds. 91 00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,462 In 1 804, an expedition explored an area... 92 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:24,132 ...from the Louisiana Territory to the Pacific Coast. 93 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,176 For the grand prize... 94 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,428 ...what lieutenant... 95 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,138 ...led that expedition? 96 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,849 -l give up. -Wait a minute-- 97 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:36,186 Quiet down. I think I got this one. 98 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,313 KENT: Five seconds. 99 00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:40,816 [MUMBLlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY] 100 00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:43,819 -Come on, Dad. -Time's up, Griswalds. 101 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:45,779 Do you have an answer? 102 00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:47,781 -Clark. -That's it. 103 00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:49,658 Clark, of Lewis and Clark. 104 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,911 And the Griswalds are our grand prize winners. 105 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,579 [ALL CHEERING] 106 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,418 -No, that was a mistake. -No. 107 00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:01,503 She doesn't know that. It was a mistake. 108 00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:04,423 Come on out here. 109 00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:23,442 ANNOUNCER: The Griswalds havejust won a fabulous European vacation. 110 00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:28,947 We'll fly the whole family to London, England... 111 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:33,118 ...where you'll start off on a two-week vacation extravaganza... 112 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,619 ...you'll never forget. 113 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:38,874 "On to Germany, where you'll enjoy a fine meal at Dieter's on the Ruhr... 114 00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:43,462 ...and dance to the gay music of Esther and the Black Forest Girls." 115 00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:46,631 I tell you, this is gonna be some vacation, huh, kids? 116 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:48,258 Yeah, Dad. Sure. 117 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:51,011 Come on, Rusty, give me a hand and set the table. 118 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:53,597 Mom, why can't Audrey ever do it? 119 00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,807 Because Audrey has company. 120 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,309 Oh, boy. Oh, boy. 121 00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,562 -Rusty, come on. -Wait a minute. 122 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:04,024 ELLEN: Clark. CLARK: Russ, obey your mother. 123 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,277 Jack, I can't stand the thought of being away from you... 124 00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,822 -...for a whole two weeks. -Well, it'll be like before we met. 125 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,950 Before we met, my life was horrible and meaningless... 126 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,244 ...wasn't yours? 127 00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:17,954 Yeah, sort of. 128 00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:20,290 Okay. 129 00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:23,502 Let's light them up. 130 00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:31,676 Audrey, will you please eat something? 131 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,387 All right now, everybody. Let's listen up here. 132 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:38,433 Let's take a look at the map, go over our schedule here. Okay? 133 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:42,187 Now, the plane is gonna fly us from Chicago to London. 134 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,272 RUSTY: That's Madrid, Dad. 135 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,899 I think you're right, Russ. 136 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,318 This must be one of those old medieval maps. 137 00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:51,530 -Yeah, right. -Dad, l've made a decision. 138 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:55,450 I can't leave Jack, and besides, the food in Europe is fattening. 139 00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:58,286 Yeah, and I like her thin. She eats too much. 140 00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:00,789 Clark, why don't you and l just go alone? 141 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,375 It's obvious that the kids don't even wanna go. 142 00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:05,001 CLARK: Of course they wanna go. 143 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:07,671 We're a family. We're going to Europe as a family. 144 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:11,424 -Don't we have a say in this? -l think we should have a vote on it. 145 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,593 Okay, l can be big about this. 146 00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,513 Form now on, we're a democracy. Everybody gets a vote. 147 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,848 RUSTY: Who's gonna be president? 148 00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:22,310 All right, we'll vote on that. We'll have a secret ballot here. 149 00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:24,479 You write down your choice. 150 00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:27,232 Give it to your mother. 151 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,109 Here you go, Russ. 152 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,405 This'll be for the president... 153 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,115 ...of the Republic of Griswald. 154 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,453 All right, that's one for Clark. 155 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,416 One for Rusty. 156 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,253 One for Jack. 157 00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:55,093 -One for Clark. -Okay, that's two for Clark. 158 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:57,887 Now, as president of the Griswald Republic... 159 00:09:58,055 --> 00:09:59,639 ...l move we go to Europe. 160 00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,558 Jack, you wait here. 161 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,276 Oh, Clark. Oh, what are you doing? 162 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,029 CLARK: Just a little memento before we go away, honey. 163 00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:15,864 -l just got the kids. -No, no, no. 164 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,949 I don't want anyone to see me like this. 165 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,368 Don't be silly. No one's gonna see you. 166 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:24,664 Honey, remember that song you did in college in that musical... 167 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,666 ...that dance thing? 168 00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:30,211 No. I'm not gonna do that. No, Clark, l'm not doing that. No. 169 00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:32,172 Honey, you know l'm gonna erase this. 170 00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,050 -Really? -Yeah. Come on. 171 00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:37,010 What do you say? 172 00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:39,929 Okay, okay. You go over here. 173 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:46,561 I'm ready, honey. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Okay. 174 00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:50,899 [SINGlNG] The minute you walked in the joint 175 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:56,446 I could see you were A man of distinction 176 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:59,616 A real big spender 177 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:01,993 Good-looking 178 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,287 So refined 179 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:10,001 Wouldn't you like to know What's going on in my mind? 180 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:14,172 So let me get right to the point 181 00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:21,971 I don't pop my cork For every guy I see 182 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,600 Hey, big spender 183 00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:34,234 Spend A little time with me 184 00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,361 [SCΑTTlNG] 185 00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:42,617 Don't stop, honey. 186 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:50,166 So sexy. l love you. 187 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,670 [MOANlNG] 188 00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:10,186 Jeez, this Pig in a Poke itinerary is just great. 189 00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:12,856 You know they've worked it out to the exact minute? 190 00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:15,275 -We won't miss a thing, honey. -Clark... 191 00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,861 ...why don't we just forget their itinerary... 192 00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:21,156 ...and play it by ear? Like normal people. 193 00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:24,743 Honey, we're not normal people. We're the Griswalds. 194 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,119 [CHUCKLlNG] 195 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:31,332 Oh, kids. l've saved the big surprise for last. 196 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:34,627 -We're turning around and going home? -No, no, Audrey. 197 00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:37,130 We're visiting my relatives in Germany. 198 00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:39,090 Not if we don't vote for it. 199 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,010 -You'll vote for it, Russ. -Why should l? 200 00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:45,597 Because I just raised your allowance, that's why. 201 00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:48,808 I think I'm gonna like this democracy stuff. 202 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,521 -Would you like something to drink? -You want something? 203 00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:56,024 -No. No, thank you. -l'll have a Coke. 204 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:58,026 Do you want that in the can? 205 00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:01,529 No, I'll have it right here. 206 00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:08,578 Honey, push "French." 207 00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:12,332 -Give me a French word. -Soufflè. 208 00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:14,209 Soufflè. All right. 209 00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:16,211 Push "English." 210 00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:20,548 Okay, instant translation. "Soufflè" means... 211 00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:22,759 ...soufflè. 212 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,345 It's gotta mean something else. Wait a minute. 213 00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:31,226 [YAWNlNG] 214 00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:34,771 CONSUL: Lord and Lady Poncenby Smythe. 215 00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:37,232 -Lady Amelia Spicer... -Very nice. 216 00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,776 ...and the Baron von Richtshofen. 217 00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:42,821 [SIGHlNG] 218 00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:47,575 CONSUL: Mr. and Mrs. Clark and Ellen Griswald. 219 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:50,495 PRlNCESS: Oh, he came. PRlNCE: Marvelous. 220 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:51,996 QUEEN: The Griswalds. 221 00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:55,834 -Wonderful. -Yes. 222 00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,962 Say, Chuck, how are you? 223 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:02,632 PRlNCE: Good to see you. -You look beautiful. Di. 224 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,301 CLARK: Great to see you. -You know my son, Charles... 225 00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:08,179 -...and Lady Diana. -This is my wife, Ellen. 226 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,598 -Hello. Wonderful to see you. -Di. 227 00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,350 -How are you? -Clark, I do hope... 228 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,143 ...we can have the first dance. 229 00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:16,646 There you go again, Di. Listen. 230 00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:19,691 As you well know, the only princess in my life is my wife. 231 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,110 She gets the first dance. 232 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,529 -Sorry. -No, Clark. Wait. 233 00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:27,699 -Sorry. -Wait. Clark. 234 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:35,623 [CLASSlCAL MUSlC PLΑYING ON HEADPHONES] 235 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:44,716 ["SOME LlKE lT HOT" BY POWER STATlON PLAYlNG ON HEADPHONES] 236 00:14:57,021 --> 00:15:08,990 Rusty. 237 00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:46,921 No. 238 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,866 MAN [SINGlNG]: The hills are alive 239 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:19,037 With the sound of Griswalds 240 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:25,376 They should spin around For a very long time 241 00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:31,966 I'm feeling so high That l just can't stand it 242 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:35,303 It's as though l've been here 243 00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:40,850 For at least a week 244 00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:51,527 CΑB DRlVER: Here we are, guv. The Royal lmperial Windsor Hotel. 245 00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:58,409 CLARK: It's all right. 246 00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:00,995 You want me to give you a hand with that? 247 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,914 Think you can manage--? Ow! 248 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:06,375 CLARK: Tell you what, you can just get that stuff in. 249 00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:08,336 -And I'll.... RUSTY: Come on, Mom. 250 00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:11,756 Carry that, and I'll get the luggage. Russ, we could use your help. 251 00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,718 -l've got these bags. -l just hope you can, sir. 252 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,845 Sure you don't want me to help? 253 00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:20,348 This one's stuck. There, l got it. 254 00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:22,350 -Okay, Russ? RUSTY: Yeah, Dad. l got it. 255 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,727 CLARK: Ellen, do you have any money? ELLEN: I've got it. 256 00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:26,771 CLARK: Okay, would you pay? ELLEN: No problem. 257 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:30,566 MAN [ON TV]: Camembert cheese is also produced on a large scale. 258 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:34,362 And molded by the thousands in giant factories. 259 00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:39,117 But historic places like the Abby of-- 260 00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:42,120 Hello? 261 00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:46,374 MAN [ON TV]: Farmhouse Camembert. 262 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,336 Top of the evening. I'm Clark W. Griswald. 263 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,630 We're from the United States of America... 264 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,633 ...and l believe we have reservations for four. 265 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:02,932 No, you're scuppered, mate. It's all gone reels of cotton. 266 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,433 Place is full of macaroons. 267 00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:07,311 I could get on the dog and bone to my mate Jimmy the Spiv... 268 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:10,606 -...down Whitechapel way. -Dad, he's speaking English. 269 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:13,109 Yeah, l know. 270 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:15,945 We got this from the Pig in a Poke show. 271 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:19,323 They said there'd be rooms for four and a rental car for us. 272 00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:21,409 We're the grand-prize winners. 273 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,704 -Oink! Oink! Oink! We'll be pigs. -We're pigs. 274 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,290 Oh, the Yanks. Yeah. 275 00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:29,292 Yeah, follow me. 276 00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:33,671 You got anybody to help with the luggage? 277 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,841 Oh, sure. Mom. 278 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:39,302 No, no, no. Please, really, no. 279 00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:41,804 Kids, come on. Help me out, will you? Please sit. 280 00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:44,682 I mean, this is ridiculous. 281 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,686 ELLEN: "Sixty-five rooms tastefully decorated, all with private bathroom... 282 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:52,648 ...and shower, color television, radio and telephone. Deluxe accommodations... 283 00:19:52,816 --> 00:19:55,776 ...at the sumptuous Royal lmperial Windsor Αrms... 284 00:19:55,944 --> 00:20:00,031 ...combines old-world charm and modern convenience." 285 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,033 Clark. Does this look like... 286 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,577 -...the room in the brochure? -Well, no. They.... 287 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,954 They shot this picture from another angle. 288 00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:09,207 Or repainted. It's very quaint. l like it. 289 00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:12,877 Well, l'm sure it'll look much better after I've had a hot bath. 290 00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:18,299 Well, the bed's nice and soft. 291 00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:23,763 Clark, there's no bathroom. 292 00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:26,349 Of course there's a bathroom. 293 00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:29,602 Europeans go to the bathroom, don't they? 294 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:36,901 Maybe they don't. 295 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,152 [CHUCKLlNG] 296 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,238 MAN [ON TV]: Cheeses come in a great vari-- 297 00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:43,908 I think we better call the front desk. Something's wrong with this thing. 298 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,410 We've only got four channels and no MTV. 299 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:50,498 -l think that's all there are, Russ. -No. 300 00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:53,209 MAN [ON TV]: Cheeses-- Cheeses-- 301 00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:56,379 No. No. 302 00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:00,424 Just think of it, shopping on Bond Street... 303 00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:03,928 ...bobbies, fish and chips, Big Ben. 304 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,055 Shopping on Carnaby Street. 305 00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:08,516 It's gonna be so romantic. 306 00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:10,559 [CLARK WHISTLlNG] 307 00:21:22,572 --> 00:21:23,781 [MAN WHISTLlNG] 308 00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:36,252 ELLEN: You know, I have to warn you. 309 00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:39,338 I'm feeling very naughty tonight. 310 00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:43,551 [WOMAN SCREAMS] 311 00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:46,554 Sorry. Congratulations. 312 00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:51,767 One, two, three. One, two, three. 313 00:21:57,733 --> 00:22:00,484 -What can l do for you? -l wanna leave a wake-up call... 314 00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:02,987 ...for 7 a.m., if you please. Good night. 315 00:22:10,787 --> 00:22:14,123 CLARK: You're in bed already. I left a wake-up call, honey. 316 00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:16,375 Get an early start in the morning. 317 00:22:26,803 --> 00:22:27,970 Love you, love you. 318 00:22:29,097 --> 00:22:30,806 I've been waiting for this. 319 00:22:30,974 --> 00:22:33,309 I can't believe we're alone at last. 320 00:22:33,518 --> 00:22:35,770 Just you and me. 321 00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:41,275 I'm so horny. 322 00:22:44,112 --> 00:22:47,114 And these bubbles. 323 00:22:47,407 --> 00:22:49,116 They make me feel so.... 324 00:22:50,118 --> 00:22:52,119 You know, I feel like.... 325 00:22:52,287 --> 00:22:54,121 You know. 326 00:22:55,415 --> 00:22:57,208 Ellen? 327 00:22:58,293 --> 00:23:01,128 When did you stop shaving your legs, honey? 328 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:06,884 Why don't you just jump in here with me? 329 00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:10,012 [ELLEN HUMMlNG and MAN WHlSTLlNG] 330 00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:16,769 [ELLEN GASPS] 331 00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:21,649 I think I made a mistake. Sorry. 332 00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:23,776 -ls my wife in here? -No. 333 00:23:23,944 --> 00:23:26,946 I got so confused with all the numerous doors in the hotel. 334 00:23:27,155 --> 00:23:28,781 I guess this happens all the time. 335 00:23:28,949 --> 00:23:30,658 -No. -No? 336 00:23:31,535 --> 00:23:33,744 Could you unlock your legs from my leg, please? 337 00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:36,664 -No. -My right leg is asleep. 338 00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:39,917 If l could just-- Oh, no. Thank you, really. Please don't. 339 00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:43,003 WOMAN: lt's hot in here, is it? -l gotta get-- It's hot, yeah. 340 00:23:43,171 --> 00:23:45,798 Yeah, really hot. If l could just undo that-- 341 00:23:45,966 --> 00:23:49,176 I've got a mild case of herpes, easier if I got out. 342 00:23:49,344 --> 00:23:51,011 WOMAN: Αwful for you. -Let me just check-- 343 00:23:51,179 --> 00:23:53,556 -l'll get a wake-up call first. -Just check it? 344 00:23:53,765 --> 00:23:55,683 Clark, you won't believe what happened. 345 00:23:55,851 --> 00:23:59,103 -l was in the bathroom, in the tub. -l've been looking for our room. 346 00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:01,272 -This guy came in-- -l go into this lady's room-- 347 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,315 [BOTH TALKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY] 348 00:24:03,483 --> 00:24:05,860 -l don't even know where our room is. -lt's right here. 349 00:24:06,027 --> 00:24:08,654 For God's sake, they don't even put numbers on the door. 350 00:24:10,198 --> 00:24:12,825 CLARK: Here it is, kids. Our English transportation. 351 00:24:12,993 --> 00:24:14,493 Now we're gonna have some fun. 352 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:21,250 -Where's the wheel? RUSTY: Other side, Dad. 353 00:24:46,776 --> 00:24:48,027 [HORN HONKS] 354 00:24:48,612 --> 00:24:51,280 Clark, you're driving on the wrong side of the road. 355 00:24:51,448 --> 00:24:54,241 I realize that, honey. I'm also on the wrong side of the car. 356 00:24:54,409 --> 00:24:56,118 [HORNS HONKING] 357 00:25:08,381 --> 00:25:10,257 Boy, l'm sorry. 358 00:25:10,425 --> 00:25:12,301 No trouble. Dear chap, don't mention it. 359 00:25:12,469 --> 00:25:16,430 I've had this bump for ages. Now, I've got an excuse to get it fixed. 360 00:25:17,140 --> 00:25:19,141 -Listen, l'm fully covered-- -No, no, no. 361 00:25:19,309 --> 00:25:21,644 I should be the one who's thanking you. 362 00:25:21,811 --> 00:25:23,562 Well, of course. Thank you. 363 00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:25,773 -Here we go. -No. 364 00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:27,274 -Yours. -Good. 365 00:25:27,442 --> 00:25:29,777 -Very sorry, again. -No. No, problem. 366 00:25:32,447 --> 00:25:34,573 God, he was nice. 367 00:25:37,619 --> 00:25:39,828 It's not bad in England, huh? 368 00:25:39,996 --> 00:25:41,914 God, I must say... 369 00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:44,083 ...the English are certainly.... 370 00:25:53,677 --> 00:25:56,220 We seem to have run into a bit of trouble, what. 371 00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:58,847 -Oh, rotten luck. -l'm really sorry. l'm trying... 372 00:25:59,015 --> 00:26:00,516 ...to get us back to our hotel. 373 00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:03,394 An Αmerican. Delighted to meet you. 374 00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:05,896 -Thank you. -l hope you're enjoying our country. 375 00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:08,315 Well, we are. lf I get the driving straight-- 376 00:26:08,483 --> 00:26:11,318 Don't worry about a thing like this. No trouble at all. 377 00:26:11,486 --> 00:26:14,780 I mean, after all, I was driving on the right side of the road. 378 00:26:14,948 --> 00:26:16,782 Which is the left side of the road. 379 00:26:16,950 --> 00:26:19,493 That's the whole problem. 380 00:26:19,661 --> 00:26:21,704 -Listen, let me get this for you. -Oh, no. 381 00:26:21,871 --> 00:26:24,290 The least l can do is get it back on your car for you. 382 00:26:24,457 --> 00:26:27,668 You keep that. Take it back to New York as a memento, what. 383 00:26:27,836 --> 00:26:29,628 Thank you. That's very kind of you. 384 00:26:29,838 --> 00:26:32,381 Honey, here's another one. Thank you. 385 00:26:32,549 --> 00:26:34,425 Well, have a good day. 386 00:26:39,639 --> 00:26:42,641 -So long. Thanks again. ELLEN: Bye-bye. 387 00:26:45,395 --> 00:26:46,979 I think I got the hang of it now. 388 00:26:47,147 --> 00:26:50,024 All you have to do is just stay on the right side-- 389 00:26:51,484 --> 00:26:52,818 ELLEN: Oh, please. 390 00:26:52,986 --> 00:26:55,279 -Oh, please let me help you. -ls he all right? 391 00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:57,865 Oh, no. No problem. No problem, squire. 392 00:26:58,033 --> 00:27:01,285 No harm done. This doesn't-- Doesn't hurt much at all. 393 00:27:01,453 --> 00:27:02,870 Let me pay for the damage. 394 00:27:03,038 --> 00:27:05,205 Good heavens, no. No need for money. 395 00:27:05,373 --> 00:27:06,707 -No, no. -Are you sure? 396 00:27:06,875 --> 00:27:09,793 Oh, yes. Be perfectly all right. 397 00:27:10,003 --> 00:27:12,254 Can l get you some help? I can get to a phone. 398 00:27:12,422 --> 00:27:14,381 MAN: Help? No, no, no. -Maybe he knows... 399 00:27:14,549 --> 00:27:15,883 ...how to get to the hotel. 400 00:27:16,092 --> 00:27:18,802 I hate to bother you, but we're from the United States. 401 00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:20,971 We're at the Royal lmperial Windsor Αrms. 402 00:27:21,181 --> 00:27:24,224 Royal lmperial Windsor. Very nice hotel. 403 00:27:24,434 --> 00:27:26,477 Well, we like it. It's a little small. 404 00:27:26,770 --> 00:27:29,188 Well, you go back the way you came... 405 00:27:29,397 --> 00:27:32,608 -...and you just keep going to-- -Oh, my God. 406 00:27:32,817 --> 00:27:35,402 You got a bad cut. We better get you to the hospital. 407 00:27:35,570 --> 00:27:37,529 -lt's just a flesh wound. -Are you sure? 408 00:27:37,697 --> 00:27:39,990 Nothing to write home about. No need to bother. 409 00:27:40,158 --> 00:27:42,993 -Did you say left or right up there? -Just a left, yeah. Ow! 410 00:27:43,912 --> 00:27:45,871 -Maybe it's broken. -Oh, no, no, no. 411 00:27:46,039 --> 00:27:48,207 It's just a leg. l've got another one. 412 00:27:48,416 --> 00:27:51,460 Yeah, no, l'll-- I'll just pop into the chemist's. 413 00:27:51,836 --> 00:27:53,545 Be right as rain in the morning. 414 00:27:53,713 --> 00:27:56,465 -The final isn't till Sunday. -Oh, good. Well, then. 415 00:27:56,633 --> 00:27:59,176 Oh, sorry to bother you-- 416 00:27:59,344 --> 00:28:01,428 Haven't seen a bike around here, have you? 417 00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:03,972 It's right under the car. Let me get it for you. 418 00:28:04,808 --> 00:28:07,142 The tire isn't flat so we're in good shape. 419 00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:10,104 Thanks for the directions, and l'm sorry what happened. 420 00:28:10,271 --> 00:28:12,106 -You'll be all right? -Thank you. Sure. 421 00:28:12,273 --> 00:28:14,108 -Okay. Drive carefully. -Thank you. 422 00:28:14,275 --> 00:28:16,568 -Have a nice day. -Yeah, Bye. 423 00:28:19,447 --> 00:28:22,199 CLARK: l guess what we do is just drive around this circle here. 424 00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:25,285 It should be the second left exit. There's the hotel over-- 425 00:28:25,453 --> 00:28:28,706 Hey, look, kids. There's Big Ben. And there's Parliament. 426 00:28:32,293 --> 00:28:34,753 -There it is, there it is. -l know. 427 00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:38,090 I can't seem to get over to the left, honey. I'll try next time. 428 00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:41,093 Sorry. We'll get out of this jam in a minute. 429 00:28:41,302 --> 00:28:44,471 Kids, Big Ben, Parliament again. 430 00:28:49,227 --> 00:28:50,310 [HORN HONKlNG] 431 00:28:51,062 --> 00:28:52,396 Kids. 432 00:28:52,564 --> 00:28:54,481 -We know. Big Ben. -We know. Big Ben. 433 00:28:54,649 --> 00:28:55,816 Parliament. 434 00:28:57,026 --> 00:28:58,235 [HORN HONKS] 435 00:28:59,404 --> 00:29:02,990 ELLEN: Clark. -That son of a bitch. 436 00:29:03,158 --> 00:29:05,117 Look, kids. Forget it. 437 00:29:05,994 --> 00:29:07,619 [CLOCK CHIMlNG] 438 00:29:09,789 --> 00:29:10,873 [LΑUGHlNG] 439 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:12,583 This is absurd.... 440 00:29:12,751 --> 00:29:16,295 It's amazing. l cannot get left. 441 00:29:17,797 --> 00:29:20,299 There's Big Ben, kids, Parliament. 442 00:29:22,177 --> 00:29:24,511 I don't know.... 443 00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:33,103 RUSTY [SlNGlNG]: When it's time to relax 444 00:29:33,646 --> 00:29:36,273 One thing stands clear 445 00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:39,193 AUDREY [SINGlNG]: Beer after beer 446 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,612 RUSTY [SlNGlNG]: If you got the time 447 00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:44,907 We got the beer 448 00:29:45,867 --> 00:29:47,242 AUDREY [SINGlNG]: Reach out 449 00:29:47,410 --> 00:29:49,745 Reach out and touch someone 450 00:29:50,538 --> 00:29:51,789 Reach out 451 00:29:52,248 --> 00:29:54,124 Call up and just say hi 452 00:29:54,292 --> 00:29:55,417 [CRYING] 453 00:29:55,585 --> 00:29:57,044 What's the matter, Audrey? 454 00:29:57,212 --> 00:30:01,173 Rusty, l can't stand it. I'll never make it through two weeks. 455 00:30:01,341 --> 00:30:03,258 -Two weeks is nothing. -Oh, yeah? 456 00:30:03,426 --> 00:30:07,262 Well, it's 14 times as long as yesterday, and yesterday lasted... 457 00:30:07,430 --> 00:30:09,640 ...an eternity. 458 00:30:09,933 --> 00:30:11,433 Why don't you call him. 459 00:30:11,601 --> 00:30:13,936 -Are you crazy? -Why? What could happen? 460 00:30:14,103 --> 00:30:17,147 Dad could rip my tongue out, that's what. 461 00:30:17,315 --> 00:30:20,567 I bet he wouldn't even notice it if you kept it short. 462 00:30:20,735 --> 00:30:24,571 Okay, look. l'll just say hello and goodbye. Short, short. 463 00:30:25,698 --> 00:30:28,492 I wonder if anything's good on TV. 464 00:30:30,620 --> 00:30:33,330 Should I watch cheese or snow? 465 00:30:33,915 --> 00:30:36,375 JACK: Hello? -Hello, Jack? 466 00:30:36,584 --> 00:30:39,711 -Hey, Aud. -Oh, God, Jack, l miss you so much. 467 00:30:39,879 --> 00:30:41,630 -Do you miss me? -Oh, yeah. 468 00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:43,340 -Really? -Yeah. 469 00:30:43,508 --> 00:30:45,592 Well, l miss you so much it hurts. 470 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,094 -You do? -Yeah. 471 00:30:47,262 --> 00:30:48,971 -Look, I gotta go. -What? 472 00:30:49,138 --> 00:30:51,723 -l gotta eat. -Oh, your mom's calling you to dinner? 473 00:30:51,933 --> 00:30:53,433 Okay, l'll hold. 474 00:30:55,270 --> 00:30:57,104 RUSTY: Dad, can we stop? l'm hungry. 475 00:30:57,272 --> 00:30:59,189 AUDREY: Yeah, Dad. Rusty's hungry. 476 00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:01,358 Not now, kids. We got a schedule to keep. 477 00:31:12,287 --> 00:31:15,789 That's it. That's it. That's the way I want my hair cut, Dad. 478 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,458 CLARK: Russ, you don't wanna look like a rooster, do you? 479 00:31:18,877 --> 00:31:20,586 Hey, there's Buckingham Palace, kids. 480 00:31:20,753 --> 00:31:22,671 That's where the queen lives and works. 481 00:31:22,839 --> 00:31:24,631 AUDREY: Works? Well, what does she do, Dad? 482 00:31:24,799 --> 00:31:26,925 CLARK: She cleans and vacuums. 483 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,511 [CLEARS THROAT] 484 00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:31,889 [BELL RINGS] 485 00:31:32,807 --> 00:31:35,475 -We'd like to check out, please. -Oh, yeah. 486 00:31:35,643 --> 00:31:37,144 Now, Mr.... 487 00:31:37,312 --> 00:31:40,981 Mr. Greaseball. I'll just tally up your bill for you. 488 00:31:41,149 --> 00:31:43,859 Clark, do you think we'll have time to see Stonehenge? 489 00:31:44,027 --> 00:31:46,987 There's no problem. I've calculated distance and driving time. 490 00:31:47,155 --> 00:31:49,573 If we don't stop for lunch, we'll make it to Paris. 491 00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:52,242 I'm so sick of English food. I feel like a blimp. 492 00:31:52,452 --> 00:31:54,161 ELLEN: You look fine. 493 00:31:54,662 --> 00:31:58,081 Don't l just have to sign? The Pig in a Poke people take care of it. 494 00:31:58,291 --> 00:32:01,251 -Doesn't include the phone bill. ELLEN: Well, that's no problem... 495 00:32:01,419 --> 00:32:03,712 ...we just made a couple local calls. 496 00:32:05,089 --> 00:32:07,341 Right, that'll be... 497 00:32:08,259 --> 00:32:10,260 ...253 Αmerican dollars. 498 00:32:10,470 --> 00:32:14,181 -This must be some mistake. ELLEN: How could that be? 499 00:32:16,768 --> 00:32:19,061 Who the hell called Chicago? 500 00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:23,190 Audrey! 501 00:32:25,193 --> 00:32:26,568 [AUDREY SOBBlNG] 502 00:32:27,278 --> 00:32:28,987 Oh, now, Audrey. 503 00:32:29,322 --> 00:32:32,240 -Your father didn't mean what he said. -Yes, he did. 504 00:32:32,408 --> 00:32:35,786 No, no. Not really, honey. He has nothing against Jack. 505 00:32:35,954 --> 00:32:38,872 He's not really gonna cut off his balls. 506 00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:40,624 Are you, Clark? 507 00:32:43,002 --> 00:32:45,212 -Clark. -Okay, I won't. 508 00:32:46,005 --> 00:32:48,799 Look, why don't we just relax and enjoy the countryside? 509 00:32:49,926 --> 00:32:52,219 CLARK: Yeah, this country's eons old, kids. 510 00:32:52,387 --> 00:32:54,221 That's centuries to you and me. 511 00:32:54,430 --> 00:32:56,264 Charming, isn't it? 512 00:32:56,557 --> 00:32:58,266 It looks like Massachusetts. 513 00:32:58,434 --> 00:33:00,102 Well, that almost stands to reason. 514 00:33:00,269 --> 00:33:03,647 The English settled Massachusetts. The old Pilgrims. 515 00:33:04,899 --> 00:33:07,275 Plymouth Rock. That's where it all started. 516 00:33:07,443 --> 00:33:10,278 And speaking of rocks: 517 00:33:11,906 --> 00:33:14,658 See that? That's Stonehenge. Fantastic, huh? 518 00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:24,668 What the hell is this? 519 00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:27,254 Nobody knows for sure. Some think it's a calendar. 520 00:33:27,422 --> 00:33:29,339 Others think it's an astronomers' tool. 521 00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:32,342 Some people think this was built by men from outer space. 522 00:33:32,552 --> 00:33:35,762 Oh, Clark. The consensus is that it's an ancient timepiece... 523 00:33:35,930 --> 00:33:39,349 -...built by the ancient Druids. -Whatever, it's been here a long time. 524 00:33:39,517 --> 00:33:42,394 AUDREY: Since 2000 years before Christ. -Yeah. 525 00:33:43,312 --> 00:33:45,856 It's bound to be here 1 000 more. 526 00:33:46,357 --> 00:33:47,983 -Russ. -Yeah. 527 00:33:48,151 --> 00:33:51,153 Oh, there you are. Stand over there for a sec, will you. 528 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:53,572 Act like you're setting your watch. 529 00:33:53,781 --> 00:33:57,451 This must be where they sacrificed virgins. 530 00:33:58,578 --> 00:34:00,495 God, I miss Jack. 531 00:34:00,997 --> 00:34:04,082 We've gotta go if we wanna catch that plane. 532 00:34:04,834 --> 00:34:06,334 You're right, honey. 533 00:34:06,961 --> 00:34:08,295 Let's go, Russ. 534 00:34:09,672 --> 00:34:11,465 Come on. 535 00:34:16,679 --> 00:34:18,847 Take a last look, kids... 536 00:34:19,140 --> 00:34:23,602 ...at one of man's most curious creations. 537 00:34:24,312 --> 00:34:27,314 Built to stand the test of time and the elements... 538 00:34:27,482 --> 00:34:30,400 ...war, you name it. 539 00:34:31,611 --> 00:34:35,739 A thing of glory for a million future generations to see. 540 00:34:36,324 --> 00:34:38,366 And we were here. 541 00:34:54,884 --> 00:34:56,134 [SCREAMlNG] 542 00:35:06,646 --> 00:35:07,979 CLARK: Gay Paris. 543 00:35:08,147 --> 00:35:10,190 The City of Lights. 544 00:35:10,858 --> 00:35:12,984 This is the famous Left Bank, kids. 545 00:35:13,152 --> 00:35:15,612 I bet you can't guess what's on the other side. 546 00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:17,906 The Bank of America. 547 00:35:23,538 --> 00:35:26,373 Okay, everybody get closer to the fountain. 548 00:35:26,541 --> 00:35:28,708 Dad, we can't get any closer. 549 00:35:28,876 --> 00:35:31,169 -We're gonna get all wet. -lt'll be a good shot. 550 00:35:31,379 --> 00:35:34,631 -You'll remember it forever. -The Griswalds in front of a fountain. 551 00:35:34,799 --> 00:35:36,133 Major entertainment. 552 00:35:36,300 --> 00:35:38,593 Russ, get in the middle. 553 00:35:38,761 --> 00:35:41,221 Clark, why don't you let me take it? 554 00:35:41,389 --> 00:35:43,390 You haven't been in any of them. 555 00:35:44,225 --> 00:35:46,017 Okay, l got a good idea. 556 00:35:46,310 --> 00:35:47,435 [SPEΑKING FRENCH] 557 00:35:48,771 --> 00:35:52,065 Clark Griswald, United States of America. 558 00:35:52,233 --> 00:35:55,026 My family and l-- Could you take a picture of us? 559 00:35:55,194 --> 00:35:56,444 [MAN SPEAKlNG FRENCH] 560 00:35:57,071 --> 00:35:58,947 Could you photograph us? 561 00:35:59,115 --> 00:36:00,907 Photo, yes. Four of us. 562 00:36:01,075 --> 00:36:02,534 Yeah? 563 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:12,919 CLARK: Okay, Russ, get over here. 564 00:36:13,087 --> 00:36:16,006 There you go. Now, you two. 565 00:36:17,425 --> 00:36:19,009 -Sorry. AUDREY: Sorry. 566 00:36:21,220 --> 00:36:22,637 Okay. 567 00:36:23,055 --> 00:36:24,431 [SPEΑKING FRENCH] 568 00:36:26,184 --> 00:36:27,350 Cheese. 569 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,436 -Cheese. -Cheese. 570 00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:39,946 Yeah, let's take our shoes off and get in the water. 571 00:36:40,114 --> 00:36:43,450 -Oh, hey. -Yeah, okay. lt's fun. 572 00:36:57,548 --> 00:36:58,673 [SCREAMS] 573 00:36:58,841 --> 00:37:00,634 Cold. 574 00:37:08,726 --> 00:37:10,101 CLARK: Hey. 575 00:37:11,395 --> 00:37:13,563 -Hey! -Clark. 576 00:37:13,731 --> 00:37:16,233 Clark, listen, there isn't anything on that tape... 577 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,777 -...that shouldn't be there? -They took my camera. 578 00:37:18,986 --> 00:37:21,446 Clark. There isn't anything on that tape... 579 00:37:21,614 --> 00:37:23,281 ...that shouldn't be there? Remember the: 580 00:37:23,491 --> 00:37:24,616 [SCΑTTlNG] 581 00:37:24,784 --> 00:37:27,202 That's gone, right? You erased it? 582 00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:29,246 Yeah. l erased that, honey. 583 00:37:30,581 --> 00:37:33,291 MAN: We'll check in and come back for the cases. 584 00:37:42,593 --> 00:37:45,762 CLARK: Here we are, kids. Chez Griswald. 585 00:37:47,431 --> 00:37:49,599 We have a reservation for the honeymoon suite. 586 00:37:49,767 --> 00:37:52,227 Mr. and Mrs. Garland. 587 00:37:56,232 --> 00:37:58,900 ELLEN: Oh, Clark, look. They must be honeymooners. 588 00:37:59,068 --> 00:38:01,111 Either that or Siamese twins. 589 00:38:01,279 --> 00:38:03,113 That's how Jack kisses. 590 00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,323 Jack, Jack, Jack. 591 00:38:05,533 --> 00:38:07,033 WOMAN: Hi. MAN: Hi. 592 00:38:07,201 --> 00:38:09,160 WOMAN: Hey, are you from America? -Yeah. 593 00:38:09,328 --> 00:38:12,330 -We're from Chicago. -Chicago, wow. We're from Αkron. 594 00:38:12,540 --> 00:38:14,541 Well, we're the Griswalds. l'm Clark... 595 00:38:14,709 --> 00:38:17,252 ...and this is my wife, Ellen. 596 00:38:17,420 --> 00:38:20,547 Of course, my daughter is Audrey, and Rusty. 597 00:38:22,216 --> 00:38:26,136 You're in room 714. And please hurry. 598 00:38:27,179 --> 00:38:28,763 -See you. -Yeah. 599 00:38:28,931 --> 00:38:31,474 I guess it's true. Paris really is for lovers. 600 00:38:32,476 --> 00:38:33,935 May I help you? 601 00:38:34,145 --> 00:38:35,562 We're the Clark W. Griswalds. 602 00:38:35,730 --> 00:38:38,148 We have a reservation for two chambres. 603 00:38:38,316 --> 00:38:40,608 We're the grand prize Pig in a Poke winners. Oink, oink. 604 00:38:40,776 --> 00:38:43,570 -Oink, oink. -Can l see your passports? 605 00:38:43,779 --> 00:38:45,905 Yeah, oh, of course. 606 00:38:46,282 --> 00:38:48,658 I guess I sign this, then. 607 00:38:48,826 --> 00:38:50,827 I just sign Griswald, right? First.... 608 00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:53,079 No, wait. l gotta put Clark. 609 00:38:53,247 --> 00:38:54,873 I put-- l put Clark. 610 00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:58,084 ELLEN: We don't really speak French. 611 00:38:59,754 --> 00:39:01,463 IN FRENCH: 612 00:39:04,967 --> 00:39:06,843 This is our first.... 613 00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:14,726 IN FRENCH: 614 00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:17,354 CLARK: Honey, what do you think? Tell the truth. 615 00:39:19,106 --> 00:39:21,608 I guess I'll go get the kids. 616 00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:24,986 Oh, good idea. We'll get a move on. 617 00:39:26,947 --> 00:39:28,490 [WHlSTLlNG] 618 00:39:37,291 --> 00:39:40,502 -Where's Dad? CLARK: l'm right here. 619 00:39:41,128 --> 00:39:43,963 Just looking for the Bible. There it is. 620 00:39:44,131 --> 00:39:46,633 Everybody ready? We got a schedule to keep. 621 00:39:46,842 --> 00:39:49,219 Well, l vote we don't see any more museums today. 622 00:39:49,387 --> 00:39:51,554 AUDREY: And l vote we don't get anything else to eat. 623 00:39:51,722 --> 00:39:54,724 What's this? Do l detect a note of dissension here? 624 00:39:54,892 --> 00:39:57,143 Yeah, Dad. Paris sucks. 625 00:39:57,353 --> 00:39:58,770 Everybody's so rude. 626 00:39:58,979 --> 00:40:01,314 Come on, kids. We're the visitors here. 627 00:40:01,524 --> 00:40:03,775 This isn't Wally World, it's a country. 628 00:40:03,943 --> 00:40:06,653 Come on, we're the ambassadors of Αmerica here. 629 00:40:06,821 --> 00:40:10,281 If we wanna be accepted, we gotta try to fit in, speak the language... 630 00:40:10,449 --> 00:40:14,369 ...wear French clothes. That's why I got us all berets. 631 00:40:14,537 --> 00:40:16,496 Here we are, Ellen. 632 00:40:16,705 --> 00:40:18,373 Russ. 633 00:40:21,335 --> 00:40:23,169 RUSTY: Oh, come on, Dad. 634 00:40:23,671 --> 00:40:25,296 This is really rank. 635 00:40:26,298 --> 00:40:29,175 Come on now, Russ. Loosen up. 636 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:32,220 You don't wanna look like a tourist, do you? 637 00:40:32,555 --> 00:40:35,932 All the French wear these. It's the national hat, fella. 638 00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:38,977 Well, l'm not gonna wear it. 639 00:40:39,186 --> 00:40:42,689 It looks stupid. No girl will wanna talk to me. 640 00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:45,442 Well, then l guess they'll all talk to me. 641 00:40:45,776 --> 00:40:47,610 I vote for berets. 642 00:40:47,820 --> 00:40:50,738 -l second the motion. -Berets. 643 00:40:50,990 --> 00:40:53,575 That's 3 to 1 . You lose, fella. 644 00:40:53,909 --> 00:40:55,201 AUDREY: Sweet. 645 00:40:55,369 --> 00:40:57,787 CLARK: Real sweet. Oh, there you are. 646 00:41:02,751 --> 00:41:06,087 Now, listen, kids. France is world famous for its cuisine... 647 00:41:06,255 --> 00:41:09,591 ...so anything's gonna be great. You order what you want. 648 00:41:09,884 --> 00:41:11,759 "Garconi." 649 00:41:14,472 --> 00:41:16,014 [SPEΑKING FRENCH] 650 00:41:18,434 --> 00:41:19,517 IN FRENCH: 651 00:41:24,565 --> 00:41:26,232 Okay. 652 00:41:30,070 --> 00:41:32,071 Desire.... They.... 653 00:41:32,865 --> 00:41:34,532 Hamburger and frite. 654 00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:42,665 Coca-cola for the les infants. 655 00:41:45,336 --> 00:41:47,086 And, oh.... 656 00:41:47,463 --> 00:41:48,630 [SPEΑKING FRENCH] 657 00:41:58,849 --> 00:42:01,351 -Now, you want the soufflè? -Soufflè, soufflè. 658 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,520 My femme would like the-- 659 00:42:03,812 --> 00:42:04,979 [SPEΑKING FRENCH] 660 00:42:07,358 --> 00:42:09,317 I'll have the voil, or the veal, voil. 661 00:42:12,655 --> 00:42:13,821 Excellent. 662 00:42:14,448 --> 00:42:15,823 Good choice. 663 00:42:16,033 --> 00:42:17,659 "Excellente." 664 00:42:22,331 --> 00:42:23,706 Just a little brie, yeah. 665 00:42:23,874 --> 00:42:25,500 And.... 666 00:42:25,876 --> 00:42:27,210 Well, we'll get that later. 667 00:42:32,007 --> 00:42:33,883 And that's about it. 668 00:42:34,969 --> 00:42:37,804 Where would you find a waiter like that in the U.S.? 669 00:42:37,972 --> 00:42:40,431 Honey, speak the language... 670 00:42:40,599 --> 00:42:43,393 ...they're gonna be very nice. Just try. 671 00:42:43,561 --> 00:42:45,019 [SPEΑKS FRENCH] 672 00:43:04,665 --> 00:43:07,458 Well, there she is, kids. The Eiffel Tower. 673 00:43:07,668 --> 00:43:10,670 Nine hundred and twenty-one feet of historic landmark. 674 00:43:10,838 --> 00:43:12,714 That's more than an acre to you and me. 675 00:43:12,881 --> 00:43:14,549 ELLEN: Did you know that at one time... 676 00:43:14,717 --> 00:43:16,968 ...this was the world's largest free-standing structure? 677 00:43:17,136 --> 00:43:18,386 [GlRLS SPEΑKING FRENCH] 678 00:43:29,231 --> 00:43:31,733 -Let's go up to the top. CLARK: Yeah, come on, let's go. 679 00:43:37,948 --> 00:43:40,158 Oh, God. lt's magnificent. 680 00:43:40,451 --> 00:43:41,659 [SINGlNG lN FRENCH] 681 00:43:43,704 --> 00:43:45,204 It's breathtaking, isn't it? 682 00:43:46,957 --> 00:43:49,000 Sparky... 683 00:43:49,168 --> 00:43:52,879 ...l'm glad we decided to be pigs. 684 00:43:54,632 --> 00:43:58,259 -Thank your father, kids. BOTH: Thanks, Dad. 685 00:43:58,469 --> 00:44:00,178 Okay. 686 00:44:00,387 --> 00:44:03,097 It's so beautiful, I feel so.... 687 00:44:03,390 --> 00:44:07,310 I feel my juices are just-- You know, it makes me so.... 688 00:44:07,728 --> 00:44:10,480 I wanna write, I wanna paint, l wanna... 689 00:44:10,648 --> 00:44:13,274 ...sculpt something massive. l wanna.... 690 00:44:13,442 --> 00:44:15,777 I got a creative urge to.... 691 00:44:17,237 --> 00:44:19,906 I wonder if there's a men's room around here, honey. 692 00:44:23,994 --> 00:44:25,495 Look at those things, Mom. 693 00:44:25,788 --> 00:44:27,580 ELLEN: Oh, let's go get our picture taken. 694 00:44:27,790 --> 00:44:29,624 Oh, no. They're silly. 695 00:44:29,792 --> 00:44:33,002 -Come on. I'll buy one for Jack. -Okay. 696 00:44:44,556 --> 00:44:46,516 [GlRLS GlGGLING] 697 00:45:09,039 --> 00:45:10,123 [BARKING] 698 00:45:13,752 --> 00:45:15,795 "Rusty." 699 00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:29,642 Russ, what's wrong? 700 00:45:30,811 --> 00:45:34,856 I feel like an idiot because of this stupid hat you made me wear. 701 00:45:35,023 --> 00:45:36,733 Russ. 702 00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:39,485 Come here a minute. l wanna talk to you. 703 00:45:39,987 --> 00:45:43,197 A couple of things here. First of all, you're never an idiot, okay? 704 00:45:43,365 --> 00:45:45,658 You're a Griswald. You understand that? 705 00:45:46,243 --> 00:45:49,495 -Yeah. -All right. Second of all, Russ... 706 00:45:49,663 --> 00:45:51,998 ...you know l'd never do anything to injure you. 707 00:45:52,166 --> 00:45:55,543 You know I'd never do anything to hurt my opinion of myself, right? 708 00:45:55,711 --> 00:45:57,920 -Yeah. -So? If the beret bothers you... 709 00:45:58,088 --> 00:46:00,590 ...it bothers me. If it upsets you, it upsets me. 710 00:46:00,758 --> 00:46:02,425 Okay? 711 00:46:04,511 --> 00:46:05,720 [DOG BARKlNG] 712 00:46:07,222 --> 00:46:08,514 [WOMAN SCREAMS] 713 00:46:14,021 --> 00:46:17,273 CLARK: How did you and Audrey enjoy shopping today, honey? 714 00:46:17,441 --> 00:46:19,817 Wait till you see what I got. 715 00:46:21,528 --> 00:46:24,447 I got this because the saleslady said it's a one-of-a-kind. 716 00:46:24,615 --> 00:46:28,743 And l'll never find anything else like it and l know it's really silly but.... 717 00:46:28,952 --> 00:46:31,204 But l only got it for you. 718 00:46:32,289 --> 00:46:34,499 Oh, honey, l don't think... 719 00:46:34,666 --> 00:46:37,794 ...l'd want the kids to see me in something like this. 720 00:46:38,796 --> 00:46:40,296 Sparky? 721 00:46:40,464 --> 00:46:43,299 It's our first night in Paris. Let's do something romantic. 722 00:46:43,550 --> 00:46:45,635 We are, honey. I'm taking you out to dinner. 723 00:46:45,844 --> 00:46:47,178 Out? 724 00:46:47,638 --> 00:46:50,014 I felt like staying in. 725 00:46:50,182 --> 00:46:53,726 I thought it would be really nice to be alone. 726 00:46:54,812 --> 00:46:55,895 Honey. 727 00:46:57,940 --> 00:47:00,316 I could never go anywhere without you. 728 00:47:00,484 --> 00:47:02,360 Come on. Cheer up. 729 00:47:02,569 --> 00:47:04,487 I promised you a night on the town. 730 00:47:04,655 --> 00:47:07,156 We'll go see some French culture. You'll love it. 731 00:47:10,077 --> 00:47:11,160 [MUSlC PLAYlNG] 732 00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:40,189 Bravo. 733 00:47:40,649 --> 00:47:42,149 Encore. 734 00:47:42,317 --> 00:47:44,110 Clark. 735 00:47:44,820 --> 00:47:47,029 WOMAN: Stand with your feet hip-distance apart... 736 00:47:47,197 --> 00:47:49,824 ...stomach pulled in, buttocks tight. 737 00:47:50,158 --> 00:47:52,118 We're gonna start with head rolls. 738 00:47:52,286 --> 00:47:56,372 To the right and back and left, forward... 739 00:47:56,623 --> 00:47:59,917 ...head right, back, left, forward. 740 00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:02,169 Now, reverse and left... 741 00:48:02,379 --> 00:48:04,714 ...back, right, forward. 742 00:48:04,882 --> 00:48:08,050 Now shoulder lifts, right, lift and left. 743 00:48:08,218 --> 00:48:10,386 Isn't this great, honey? 744 00:48:11,513 --> 00:48:13,598 They've been doing this for eons in France. 745 00:48:13,765 --> 00:48:15,516 This is real culture. 746 00:48:15,726 --> 00:48:19,478 WOMAN: Exhale and raise them over your head. Now reach with the right arm-- 747 00:48:19,813 --> 00:48:22,899 Clark, could l have the coat check, please? 748 00:48:23,066 --> 00:48:26,485 I think I've had enough French culture for one evening. 749 00:48:26,653 --> 00:48:28,571 Yeah, sure, honey. 750 00:48:31,700 --> 00:48:34,201 -Look. -l am looking. 751 00:48:34,369 --> 00:48:36,913 Look, back there. 752 00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:41,542 But it's just a hooker. They're all over the place. 753 00:48:41,710 --> 00:48:43,836 Look who she's with. 754 00:48:50,802 --> 00:48:52,595 Russ? 755 00:48:54,181 --> 00:48:56,474 No problem. 756 00:48:58,602 --> 00:49:01,187 CLARK: Russell Griswald. 757 00:49:01,563 --> 00:49:03,522 My good man. 758 00:49:04,274 --> 00:49:06,359 -How'd you get in there? -l paid and got in. 759 00:49:06,526 --> 00:49:08,611 -Where'd you get the money? -l'm surprised at you. 760 00:49:08,779 --> 00:49:10,905 -l'm surprised at you, Dad. -Don't talk back. 761 00:49:11,073 --> 00:49:12,448 And who was that cheap slut? 762 00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:15,284 RUSTY: Don't call Cherie a slut. ELLEN: I'm disappointed in you. 763 00:49:15,452 --> 00:49:17,662 RUSTY: Who says, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do"? 764 00:49:17,829 --> 00:49:20,790 CLARK: l said Rome, not Paris. This is Paris and you're drunk. 765 00:49:28,590 --> 00:49:30,216 Hold it, hold it, hold it. 766 00:49:50,028 --> 00:49:51,112 [SPEΑKING FRENCH] 767 00:49:55,617 --> 00:49:58,202 AUDREY: I don't care! RUSTY: Let me have it for a while. 768 00:49:58,370 --> 00:50:00,371 AUDREY: No. Today's my turn. -Give them to me. 769 00:50:00,539 --> 00:50:02,123 -Give them to me. -l told you no. 770 00:50:02,290 --> 00:50:05,668 -Give them to me. -No, forget it. You always take them. 771 00:50:06,253 --> 00:50:08,462 Oh, God. Look what you did to them. 772 00:50:08,630 --> 00:50:10,423 I said, give them to me. They're mine. 773 00:50:10,590 --> 00:50:12,967 How many times do l have to tell you they're mine? 774 00:50:13,135 --> 00:50:14,927 AUDREY: Okay. -Come on, let's go. 775 00:50:20,392 --> 00:50:22,977 ELLEN: Clark, Clark. 776 00:50:23,145 --> 00:50:27,148 Clark. Will you please slow down? The kids are exhausted. 777 00:50:27,315 --> 00:50:30,526 It closes in 1 5 minutes. There are 1 00,000 works of art to see. 778 00:50:30,694 --> 00:50:32,319 Come on. 779 00:50:34,865 --> 00:50:37,825 Great. Are you happy, Dad? She's dead. 780 00:50:37,993 --> 00:50:39,910 ELLEN: Come on. 781 00:51:04,853 --> 00:51:07,021 Well, l must say, I'm really proud of you guys. 782 00:51:07,189 --> 00:51:09,148 We've seen about everything in Paris... 783 00:51:09,316 --> 00:51:11,317 ...and we're right back on schedule. 784 00:51:11,485 --> 00:51:14,361 Can't we slow down a little bit, Clark? l'm exhausted. 785 00:51:14,529 --> 00:51:18,199 Well, we'll have a nice, relaxing time with my relatives in Germany. 786 00:51:18,909 --> 00:51:20,493 [GlGGLING] 787 00:51:22,829 --> 00:51:24,371 [CLARK SPEΑKS FRENCH] 788 00:51:24,539 --> 00:51:26,749 -Hi. CLARK: You two enjoying Paris? 789 00:51:26,917 --> 00:51:28,501 -Great. -Oh, yeah. 790 00:51:28,668 --> 00:51:31,045 Seen the Louvre yet? 791 00:51:31,213 --> 00:51:33,339 -No. -Not yet. 792 00:51:33,507 --> 00:51:35,883 -The Left Bank is charming. -Oh, yeah? 793 00:51:36,051 --> 00:51:37,760 We plan to go there. 794 00:51:37,928 --> 00:51:39,428 Been up to the Eiffel Tower? 795 00:51:39,596 --> 00:51:42,264 Nope. But it's on our list. 796 00:51:42,682 --> 00:51:45,726 -Well, have a good time. BOTH: We will. 797 00:51:45,894 --> 00:51:47,228 What a waste. 798 00:51:47,395 --> 00:51:49,855 We've seen 1 0 times as much as they have. 799 00:51:53,693 --> 00:51:55,861 Sweetie, you hungry? You want some breakfast? 800 00:51:56,196 --> 00:51:58,280 I'm not hungry. 801 00:51:59,449 --> 00:52:02,034 He's got his hands on her tits right at the table. 802 00:52:02,244 --> 00:52:04,411 Stop staring, Rusty. 803 00:52:04,579 --> 00:52:09,041 European standards of public behavior are very different than an American's. 804 00:52:09,251 --> 00:52:10,918 Yeah, Dad. But they're from Αkron. 805 00:52:13,672 --> 00:52:16,382 JACK'S VOICE: DearAudrey, I've missed the shit out of you. 806 00:52:16,550 --> 00:52:18,801 Luckily, Debbie's been coming by to cheer me up. 807 00:52:18,969 --> 00:52:22,555 -That bitch. -Something the matter, Audrey? 808 00:52:22,722 --> 00:52:24,473 No. 809 00:52:24,766 --> 00:52:27,434 JACK'S VOICE: l think it's time we asked ourselves this question: 810 00:52:27,602 --> 00:52:31,188 "ls this relationship strong enough to consider seeing other people?" 811 00:52:31,398 --> 00:52:33,399 I think it is. 812 00:52:33,900 --> 00:52:35,943 Could you pass the croissants, please? 813 00:52:36,111 --> 00:52:38,404 And the butter and the jelly. 814 00:52:38,655 --> 00:52:40,614 It's nice to see your appetite back. 815 00:52:40,782 --> 00:52:43,284 AUDREY: Yeah, well, who have I got to be thin for, huh? 816 00:52:50,167 --> 00:52:52,835 Dad, I think he's gonna pork her. 817 00:52:53,044 --> 00:52:55,462 He's not gonna pork her, Rusty. Just eat, okay? 818 00:52:55,755 --> 00:52:57,923 I think he is, Dad. 819 00:52:58,091 --> 00:53:00,134 He may pork her, Russ. Just eat, okay? 820 00:53:43,345 --> 00:53:45,638 Well, there it is, kids. 821 00:53:46,097 --> 00:53:47,848 My motherland. 822 00:53:49,184 --> 00:53:51,852 Dad, Grandma's from Chicago. 823 00:53:52,020 --> 00:53:53,812 Shut up, Russ. 824 00:54:03,573 --> 00:54:07,534 ELLEN: I can't wait to meet our relatives in person. 825 00:54:07,702 --> 00:54:10,579 Okay. Dipplestrabe. 826 00:54:10,789 --> 00:54:12,790 Here we are now. What are we looking for? 827 00:54:12,999 --> 00:54:15,209 -Sechs, Daddy. -That'll do, Audrey. 828 00:54:15,377 --> 00:54:18,254 Dad, that's German for six. 829 00:54:18,421 --> 00:54:21,048 That's not true. Is that true, honey? 830 00:54:39,609 --> 00:54:41,694 My family and l are looking for sechs. 831 00:54:45,115 --> 00:54:46,615 Hey, Dad, there's number six. 832 00:54:56,251 --> 00:54:57,584 Fritz. 833 00:54:57,752 --> 00:55:00,421 Fritz, Clark Griswald. How are you? Good to see you. 834 00:55:00,588 --> 00:55:03,632 Remember Ellen from her letters? There she is, the real thing. 835 00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,135 -And Rusty and Αudrey-- AUDREY: Audrey, Audrey. Hi. 836 00:55:06,303 --> 00:55:08,387 They've gotten bigger since the pictures. 837 00:55:08,555 --> 00:55:10,139 Sorry, we're late. 838 00:55:10,307 --> 00:55:13,892 Thanks so much for the invitation. Helga. Helga. 839 00:55:21,985 --> 00:55:24,945 Honey, this must be the German dining room, huh? 840 00:55:25,113 --> 00:55:27,197 -lsn't it nice? -Oh, Clark. 841 00:55:27,365 --> 00:55:30,159 It's just as l imagined. 842 00:55:30,327 --> 00:55:35,581 -lt's so quaint. -Yeah. Maximum quaintness. 843 00:55:35,749 --> 00:55:39,001 You must be Helga. We made it. 844 00:55:39,169 --> 00:55:41,420 You know Ellen, my wife, and Rusty and Αudrey? 845 00:55:41,588 --> 00:55:43,589 -Hi. -Helga. 846 00:55:43,757 --> 00:55:45,257 We're here. 847 00:55:45,425 --> 00:55:48,260 Let me give you a hand in the kitchen. Come on, kids. 848 00:55:48,428 --> 00:55:51,513 Kids, go help in the kitchen. Help Helga out. 849 00:55:51,890 --> 00:55:53,682 So, Fritz. 850 00:55:53,850 --> 00:55:57,311 How you been? Long time never seen. 851 00:55:57,604 --> 00:55:58,645 [LΑUGHlNG] 852 00:55:59,856 --> 00:56:01,857 CLARK: Oh, God, look at this. 853 00:56:05,653 --> 00:56:06,737 [SPEΑKING GERMAN] 854 00:56:15,663 --> 00:56:17,915 And here's your cousin Al. 855 00:56:18,124 --> 00:56:22,044 He's a hotshot lawyer now. They'll probably get him on tax evasion. 856 00:56:22,212 --> 00:56:23,837 Oh, yeah, and here's the baby. 857 00:56:24,005 --> 00:56:27,633 You don't believe that story about the baby being premature, do you? 858 00:56:27,801 --> 00:56:29,176 ELLEN: Clark. 859 00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:31,637 I didn't think so. 860 00:56:32,138 --> 00:56:34,014 I mean, when me and Jack got together... 861 00:56:34,182 --> 00:56:36,475 ...we had both been, like, seeing other people. 862 00:56:36,643 --> 00:56:37,935 This is different... 863 00:56:38,144 --> 00:56:40,979 ...because Debbie's my best friend and all. Don't you think? 864 00:56:41,147 --> 00:56:43,982 Oh, God. lt's so good to have somebody to talk to. 865 00:56:44,150 --> 00:56:46,693 My parents mean well, but I try and tell them stuff... 866 00:56:46,861 --> 00:56:49,279 ...and they don't know what I'm talking about. 867 00:56:49,447 --> 00:56:51,323 What are you talking about, hon? 868 00:56:51,491 --> 00:56:53,158 You see? 869 00:56:55,161 --> 00:56:57,579 God, I miss Jack. 870 00:57:07,715 --> 00:57:09,967 You know, I was just thinking, honey. 871 00:57:10,176 --> 00:57:12,719 Blood really is thicker than water. 872 00:57:13,888 --> 00:57:17,224 It's amazing to me how family ties break through the language barrier. 873 00:57:17,392 --> 00:57:21,687 Oh, Sparky. This has been my favorite part of the trip. 874 00:57:26,484 --> 00:57:29,945 Hey, Dad, look. Bedpans. 875 00:57:31,698 --> 00:57:34,783 ELLEN: You've really been so sweet. Now, here's our address. 876 00:57:34,951 --> 00:57:38,704 And when you come to Chicago, you come and stay with us. 877 00:57:38,872 --> 00:57:41,039 Okay, auf Wiedersehen. 878 00:57:41,207 --> 00:57:43,667 AUDREY: Helga, thank you for the marvelous conversation. 879 00:57:43,835 --> 00:57:46,211 -Bye. CLARK: Bye-bye, auf Wiedersehen. 880 00:57:46,379 --> 00:57:47,963 We'll write. 881 00:57:53,261 --> 00:57:54,887 Bye. 882 00:57:55,054 --> 00:57:57,264 RUSTY: Bye. AUDREY: See you later. 883 00:57:59,058 --> 00:58:03,812 IN GERMAN: 884 00:58:07,108 --> 00:58:09,234 AUDREY: A festival. 885 00:58:09,402 --> 00:58:11,028 ELLEN: Looks like fun. 886 00:58:11,237 --> 00:58:12,905 Come on, kids. 887 00:59:04,290 --> 00:59:07,709 -What's your name? -Claudia. And yours? 888 00:59:07,877 --> 00:59:10,003 -l'm Rusty. -Hello. 889 00:59:10,922 --> 00:59:12,506 [SPEΑKING GERMAN] 890 00:59:15,009 --> 00:59:16,843 So do you ever get to leave here? 891 00:59:18,805 --> 00:59:21,265 AUDREY: Thank you. ELLEN: Oh, Sparky. 892 00:59:21,432 --> 00:59:22,516 [AUDREY LΑUGHlNG] 893 00:59:22,684 --> 00:59:24,810 What's so funny? This is great, isn't it? 894 00:59:24,978 --> 00:59:26,895 -Come on. -Oh, Dad, I love these. 895 00:59:27,063 --> 00:59:29,606 Who wants bratwurst, mustard and relish? 896 00:59:54,382 --> 00:59:56,383 Holy shit. 897 00:59:56,593 --> 00:59:57,968 MAN: Hey, you. Come. 898 00:59:58,469 --> 00:59:59,886 Come on. Very good. 899 01:00:00,054 --> 01:00:03,557 We need one more. One more. Big, strong man. Yeah. 900 01:00:03,766 --> 01:00:06,393 -Come on, Dad. You'd be great. MAN: Hey, you. You come. 901 01:00:06,561 --> 01:00:08,353 -Do it, please? MAN: Don't be afraid. 902 01:00:08,521 --> 01:00:11,648 -All right. Okay, okay. MAN: Good, very good. 903 01:00:13,359 --> 01:00:15,068 Come. 904 01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:18,655 Hey, take care. 905 01:00:18,865 --> 01:00:21,450 CLARK: l don't know. l don't know. -You come. 906 01:00:21,618 --> 01:00:24,953 -l don't know if l can do that. -Just follow the others. 907 01:00:26,748 --> 01:00:28,415 All right, Daddy. 908 01:00:45,433 --> 01:00:47,059 Isn't he great? 909 01:02:32,665 --> 01:02:34,666 ELLEN: Are you okay? 910 01:02:34,917 --> 01:02:36,001 [SHOUTING] 911 01:02:50,183 --> 01:02:51,725 CLARK: Let's go. ELLEN: Let's go. 912 01:02:51,893 --> 01:02:52,934 [BELLS RINGlNG] 913 01:02:53,603 --> 01:02:56,354 -Those bells haven't rung in years. -What does they mean? 914 01:02:56,522 --> 01:02:59,357 They're going to hang somebody. 915 01:02:59,650 --> 01:03:01,610 Dad! 916 01:03:01,861 --> 01:03:02,903 What? 917 01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:15,040 Hurry up. 918 01:03:30,056 --> 01:03:32,557 -Go. Go. Don't stop. -Go, Daddy. Go. 919 01:03:32,725 --> 01:03:34,893 RUSTY: Go, Dad. Come on. 920 01:03:36,562 --> 01:03:37,896 ELLEN: Look out. RUSTY: Don't stop. 921 01:04:01,712 --> 01:04:03,088 Oh, shit. 922 01:04:06,884 --> 01:04:10,011 ELLEN: It's too narrow. -We'll make it. Plenty of room. 923 01:04:10,221 --> 01:04:12,722 I know this car, honey. 924 01:04:15,434 --> 01:04:18,103 Right. Everybody out. There goes the paint job. 925 01:04:18,855 --> 01:04:22,858 -Hurry up. Give me the bags. AUDREY: Help. 926 01:04:23,609 --> 01:04:25,485 -Come on, honey. -l'm coming. 927 01:04:30,116 --> 01:04:32,492 RUSTY: Oh, God. 928 01:04:43,129 --> 01:04:45,422 CLARK: Snap it up. Hurry up. 929 01:04:59,020 --> 01:05:01,479 Why the sour puss, Russ? 930 01:05:01,772 --> 01:05:05,567 You know, you totally ruined what could have been the best day of my life. 931 01:05:05,735 --> 01:05:07,277 What are you complaining about? 932 01:05:07,445 --> 01:05:09,946 I lost my boyfriend, thanks to this vacation. 933 01:05:10,156 --> 01:05:11,990 I vote we don't talk about Jack anymore. 934 01:05:12,158 --> 01:05:13,909 -l second it. -l vote for that. 935 01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:17,078 Oh, yeah? Well, I vote we don't talk about schedules anymore. 936 01:05:17,246 --> 01:05:19,456 -Me too. -l'm for that. 937 01:05:19,665 --> 01:05:21,666 I vote we don't talk at all. How's that? 938 01:05:21,834 --> 01:05:24,669 Not until we get to Rome and everybody calms down a bit. 939 01:05:24,837 --> 01:05:28,423 Maybe then we'll be acting like mature human beings. 940 01:05:51,697 --> 01:05:53,448 [MUSlC PLAYlNG ON HEΑDPHONES] 941 01:05:53,616 --> 01:05:54,741 [SINGlNG] 942 01:07:12,611 --> 01:07:13,695 Shh! 943 01:07:14,071 --> 01:07:15,989 Yeow! 944 01:07:32,339 --> 01:07:34,382 -Let's go. -Clark. Clark. 945 01:07:34,550 --> 01:07:36,801 I vote we talk. What are we doing? 946 01:07:36,969 --> 01:07:39,095 We're talking. We're getting off the train... 947 01:07:39,305 --> 01:07:41,973 ...go to a traveler's check place, get our money back... 948 01:07:42,141 --> 01:07:44,642 ...we'll rent a new car and buy some new clothes... 949 01:07:44,810 --> 01:07:47,187 ...and finish up the best vacation of our lives. 950 01:07:47,354 --> 01:07:50,231 Okay? Αnd it's gonna be fun. Now, let's go. 951 01:07:52,985 --> 01:07:56,321 I think Dad's lost all sense of reality. 952 01:08:04,872 --> 01:08:07,999 Come on, come on. Let's get out of here. 953 01:08:08,167 --> 01:08:10,543 Hey, what are we gonna do about him? 954 01:08:10,711 --> 01:08:14,255 -Kill him. -Don't be stupid. We never kill anyone. 955 01:08:14,423 --> 01:08:16,382 Then what do we do? 956 01:08:16,550 --> 01:08:18,259 Hey. 957 01:08:18,594 --> 01:08:20,678 I've got a better idea. 958 01:08:20,846 --> 01:08:22,931 Maybe we can hold him for ransom. 959 01:08:23,099 --> 01:08:25,141 He must be worth something to someone. 960 01:08:28,229 --> 01:08:31,481 Oh, Clark, I think this is something historical. 961 01:08:31,649 --> 01:08:34,400 AUDREY: Yeah, it looks real old, Dad. 962 01:08:35,486 --> 01:08:37,779 That's great. We'll see all this later. Come on. 963 01:08:37,947 --> 01:08:40,949 Only four more miles. Let's go, come on. Hustle. 964 01:08:43,244 --> 01:08:47,497 LOUIS: What we need now is a dupe. Someone above suspicion... 965 01:08:47,665 --> 01:08:50,875 ...who will believe anything you tell him. 966 01:08:51,210 --> 01:08:52,961 A real idiot. 967 01:08:53,170 --> 01:08:55,380 Hello? Anybody here? 968 01:08:56,298 --> 01:08:59,801 But, Clark, we don't have any proof that we lost those traveler's checks. 969 01:08:59,969 --> 01:09:02,512 We left all the stubs in the suitcase. 970 01:09:04,306 --> 01:09:07,475 -Can l help you? -Yeah. I'm Clark W. Griswald. 971 01:09:07,643 --> 01:09:09,936 We're the grand prize Pig in a Poke winners. 972 01:09:10,104 --> 01:09:13,314 We're in a bit of a bind. We've lost all our luggage... 973 01:09:13,482 --> 01:09:17,819 ...a videotape camera, a rented car, and we've lost about $1 000 in cash. 974 01:09:17,987 --> 01:09:19,696 I'm just here to get my money back. 975 01:09:20,030 --> 01:09:24,492 Oh, yes. I certainly hate to see our customers inconvenienced. 976 01:09:27,705 --> 01:09:29,330 Well.... 977 01:09:31,500 --> 01:09:36,045 -Okay, name? -Clark W. Griswald. 978 01:09:38,549 --> 01:09:41,759 -And? -Ellen Griswald. 979 01:09:42,511 --> 01:09:44,929 Ellen Griswald. 980 01:09:46,182 --> 01:09:49,475 And these are our children, Rusty and Audrey. 981 01:09:49,643 --> 01:09:52,187 Russ. Aud. Come on over here. Show yourselves. 982 01:09:53,189 --> 01:09:54,355 Oh, um.... 983 01:09:55,274 --> 01:09:58,276 Yes. Here we are. 984 01:10:04,366 --> 01:10:08,453 No, excuse me. We lost only $1 000. This is $3000. 985 01:10:08,704 --> 01:10:10,747 That's to make up for your trouble. 986 01:10:12,208 --> 01:10:15,543 Hey, I lost about $200. 987 01:10:18,589 --> 01:10:21,716 PlETRO: Stay quiet. We'll get you out later. 988 01:10:23,594 --> 01:10:27,347 LOUIS: Unfortunately, we somehow misplaced the key to the trunk. 989 01:10:28,265 --> 01:10:30,475 But if you tell me where you're staying... 990 01:10:30,643 --> 01:10:32,727 ...l'll get the new key to your hotel. 991 01:10:32,895 --> 01:10:35,146 CLARK: Oh, honey, which hotel are we staying in? 992 01:10:35,314 --> 01:10:38,233 -The Nazionale. -Oh, very nice. 993 01:10:38,400 --> 01:10:41,027 This is great. l didn't even know you guys rented cars. 994 01:10:44,990 --> 01:10:47,742 I'll see you then. Madame. 995 01:10:47,993 --> 01:10:49,202 Ciao. 996 01:10:49,370 --> 01:10:51,788 Well, what do you say we see some Roman ruins? 997 01:10:51,997 --> 01:10:54,415 Oh, Clark. We've been in these clothes for ages. 998 01:10:54,583 --> 01:10:57,210 -Why don't we go shopping. -Yeah, I vote for shopping. 999 01:10:57,378 --> 01:10:59,629 Yeah, Dad. l feel totally scuzzed out. 1000 01:10:59,797 --> 01:11:01,130 Okay, l'm a sport. 1001 01:11:01,298 --> 01:11:03,549 We'd all look good in some Italian fashions. 1002 01:11:03,717 --> 01:11:05,134 Got plenty of money. 1003 01:12:11,076 --> 01:12:24,088 [MOUTHING] No. 1004 01:12:54,203 --> 01:12:57,205 -Hey, you look cool. -l feel cool. 1005 01:13:00,125 --> 01:13:02,960 -Mom. AUDREY: Hey, Mom, looking good. 1006 01:13:03,128 --> 01:13:07,215 Okay, let's go. Αre we ready to conquer Rome? What do you say? 1007 01:13:22,231 --> 01:13:25,316 Okay, l'll be right out and we'll hit the fountains. 1008 01:13:29,488 --> 01:13:30,696 [MAN SCREAMING] 1009 01:13:33,200 --> 01:13:35,284 I'm terribly sorry. 1010 01:13:35,452 --> 01:13:36,911 Are you all right? I'm sorry. 1011 01:13:37,079 --> 01:13:40,832 -No problem. No problem at all. -Hey, it's you. The guy from London. 1012 01:13:41,041 --> 01:13:42,667 You're the American l ran into. 1013 01:13:42,876 --> 01:13:44,502 Yeah. 1014 01:13:44,711 --> 01:13:46,879 So, what are you doing in Rome? 1015 01:13:47,047 --> 01:13:50,258 On sick leave. You know, a little holiday, recovering. 1016 01:13:50,426 --> 01:13:52,176 You still on holiday with the kids? 1017 01:13:52,344 --> 01:13:55,179 Oh, yeah, we're here. We've just been out shopping and.... 1018 01:13:55,347 --> 01:13:57,432 Nice choice. 1019 01:13:57,599 --> 01:14:00,685 Yeah, they're right-- Hey, kids. Look who it is. Say hi. 1020 01:14:00,853 --> 01:14:03,187 ALL: Hi. MAN: Hi. 1021 01:14:03,730 --> 01:14:06,149 Oh, my God, you've got a cast on your leg. 1022 01:14:06,316 --> 01:14:08,609 Oh, this? Oh, think nothing of it. 1023 01:14:08,777 --> 01:14:12,321 Hardly matters at all. It's just a big sock, really. 1024 01:14:12,531 --> 01:14:16,200 Well, that's pretty nice of you. I feel pretty bad about that. 1025 01:14:16,368 --> 01:14:19,203 -l can give you a hand in here. -No, no. No, thanks. 1026 01:14:19,371 --> 01:14:22,874 -Aren't you going to your hotel here? -No. My hotel's over there. 1027 01:14:23,041 --> 01:14:26,377 -Goodbye. Have a nice holiday. -Bye-bye now. Cheerio. 1028 01:14:28,046 --> 01:14:30,089 Okay, this is the Piazza Navona. 1029 01:14:30,257 --> 01:14:31,966 Jack? 1030 01:14:34,219 --> 01:14:37,013 This is one of the most fabulous squares in Rome. 1031 01:14:37,222 --> 01:14:40,308 -What's the matter, Audrey? -l wanna go home. l miss Jack. 1032 01:14:40,476 --> 01:14:43,311 We'll be going home soon. Just a few more fountains to see. 1033 01:14:43,479 --> 01:14:45,813 -And then the Colosseum. -l don't wanna see it. 1034 01:14:45,981 --> 01:14:47,482 I wanna see Jack. 1035 01:14:47,649 --> 01:14:50,776 -Jack will always be there. -The Colosseum will always be there. 1036 01:14:50,944 --> 01:14:52,945 The Colosseum's been there for 2000 years. 1037 01:14:53,113 --> 01:14:56,157 But if I don't go home soon, Jack will fall in love with Debbie. 1038 01:14:56,325 --> 01:14:57,742 And l'll just die. 1039 01:14:57,910 --> 01:15:01,871 Oh, Audrey, don't you wanna see the Colosseum before you die? 1040 01:15:02,039 --> 01:15:04,832 -l hate you. -Audrey. 1041 01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:07,793 Dad, I'll meet you guys later at the hotel. 1042 01:15:07,961 --> 01:15:09,962 What about the fountains? Where you going? 1043 01:15:10,130 --> 01:15:11,839 I don't know. l'm fountained out. 1044 01:15:12,007 --> 01:15:14,926 -Clark, why don't you just let him go? -Now just a minute. 1045 01:15:15,093 --> 01:15:16,427 We leave day after tomorrow. 1046 01:15:16,595 --> 01:15:18,846 We have a few moments together as a family. 1047 01:15:19,014 --> 01:15:21,474 -Can we do that? -Oh, God, Dad. 1048 01:15:21,642 --> 01:15:24,644 We've been together every second for the last two weeks. 1049 01:15:24,811 --> 01:15:26,812 And by the way, I've been good. 1050 01:15:26,980 --> 01:15:29,273 I haven't complained, or tried to escape. 1051 01:15:29,441 --> 01:15:32,818 So why can't you just treat me like a man for once? 1052 01:15:32,986 --> 01:15:34,445 Because you're not a man. 1053 01:15:34,696 --> 01:15:38,658 I am too. l'm 1 5 years old, a world traveler. 1054 01:15:38,825 --> 01:15:40,660 I've got a part-time job. 1055 01:15:40,869 --> 01:15:42,411 I need my independence. 1056 01:15:42,579 --> 01:15:44,497 Wait a minute. lf he's going, l'm going. 1057 01:15:44,665 --> 01:15:48,042 Now, just a minute, Clark. Why don't we give the kids some free time? 1058 01:15:48,210 --> 01:15:51,671 Okay, sure. Let them go. They're just a couple of ingrates, that's all. 1059 01:15:51,838 --> 01:15:54,298 They're not ingrates. They're teenagers. 1060 01:15:54,466 --> 01:15:56,801 -How about my allowance? AUDREY: Can I have my passport? 1061 01:15:56,969 --> 01:15:58,844 Just a minute, Αudrey. Rusty, Clark. 1062 01:15:59,096 --> 01:16:01,681 Let's all settle down and try to be reasonable. 1063 01:16:01,848 --> 01:16:06,811 I'm sure if we think about it, we can all make some kind of compromise. 1064 01:16:11,817 --> 01:16:14,318 Oh, my God. 1065 01:16:19,074 --> 01:16:21,659 -Oh, boy. Take it easy, honey. -l don't believe this. 1066 01:16:21,827 --> 01:16:24,370 This is the most humiliating thing you've done to me. 1067 01:16:24,538 --> 01:16:26,998 -This is the last straw, Clark. -Don't get mad. 1068 01:16:27,165 --> 01:16:31,168 -lt's not my fault they stole the camera. -You promised you'd erase it. 1069 01:16:31,378 --> 01:16:34,213 I did. l was. I was gonna erase it. The guy-- 1070 01:16:34,381 --> 01:16:38,926 -He stole the camera, I-- -This is the lowest, the worst, Clark. 1071 01:16:39,595 --> 01:16:40,928 Ellen, where are you going? 1072 01:16:41,096 --> 01:16:43,097 We have to be at the Colosseum at 2 p.m. 1073 01:16:43,348 --> 01:16:45,182 I'm going back to the hotel. 1074 01:16:46,476 --> 01:16:49,353 -We didn't vote on that, did we, hon? -Oh, forget your vote. 1075 01:16:49,521 --> 01:16:52,481 I'm seceding from the union, I'm forming my own government... 1076 01:16:52,649 --> 01:16:55,359 ...and l'm declaring war on you. 1077 01:16:58,739 --> 01:17:01,115 She'll be back. She knows l didn't mean to do it. 1078 01:17:01,283 --> 01:17:03,618 I don't blame her, Dad. 1079 01:17:04,036 --> 01:17:07,121 Yeah, it's not even a good likeness, is it? 1080 01:17:09,875 --> 01:17:12,668 Well, l guess it's just you and me, Αudrey. 1081 01:17:13,503 --> 01:17:15,004 Audrey? 1082 01:17:18,592 --> 01:17:20,009 [SPEΑKING ITALlΑN] 1083 01:17:22,429 --> 01:17:24,263 Say... 1084 01:17:24,431 --> 01:17:27,308 ...that's bellissimo. 1085 01:17:27,476 --> 01:17:29,143 Really choice? 1086 01:17:29,686 --> 01:17:36,108 And l think that you are really bellissimo also. 1087 01:17:36,276 --> 01:17:38,694 You're not too shabby yourself. 1088 01:17:38,904 --> 01:17:41,530 -You speak English? -Sure. l'm from California. 1089 01:17:41,698 --> 01:17:43,991 All right. l'm from Chicago. 1090 01:17:44,159 --> 01:17:45,785 Hey. 1091 01:17:46,203 --> 01:17:48,412 Do you wanna scarf some Grimace proportions? 1092 01:17:48,580 --> 01:17:49,997 Sure. 1093 01:17:50,165 --> 01:17:51,832 So, what are you doing in Rome? 1094 01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:53,918 Traveling through Europe with my folks. 1095 01:17:54,086 --> 01:17:55,961 -Me too. We won a-- -Pig in a Poke. 1096 01:17:56,129 --> 01:17:57,922 I know, I saw the show. 1097 01:17:58,090 --> 01:17:59,423 -You saw the show? -Sure. 1098 01:17:59,591 --> 01:18:01,425 You answered the Thomas Edison question. 1099 01:18:01,593 --> 01:18:03,636 -You won your dad car wax. -You remember? 1100 01:18:03,804 --> 01:18:05,638 Yeah, l thought you were cute. 1101 01:18:05,806 --> 01:18:07,973 You thought I was cute. 1102 01:18:21,488 --> 01:18:24,949 -Finally, there's one of them. -And she's alone. 1103 01:18:25,117 --> 01:18:27,284 Now, let's get that guy out of the trunk. 1104 01:18:27,452 --> 01:18:30,830 LOUIS: Too many people here. We'll move the car first. 1105 01:18:30,997 --> 01:18:32,748 I'll get the keys from her. 1106 01:18:46,346 --> 01:18:47,388 [BLOWlNG NOSE] 1107 01:18:53,019 --> 01:18:54,729 LOUIS: Hello... 1108 01:18:54,896 --> 01:18:57,231 ...Ellen Griswald. 1109 01:19:07,701 --> 01:19:11,078 I hate to see a beautiful woman drink bad wine. 1110 01:19:11,246 --> 01:19:14,165 Oh, well, then, l think you should leave... 1111 01:19:14,332 --> 01:19:16,709 ...because I'm gonna get plastered. 1112 01:19:18,503 --> 01:19:20,212 What is it? 1113 01:19:21,381 --> 01:19:23,591 Is it your husband? 1114 01:19:24,009 --> 01:19:27,344 -That pig? -Oh, he's not a pig. 1115 01:19:34,186 --> 01:19:37,396 He is a pig. He is. 1116 01:19:42,360 --> 01:19:44,028 Thank you. 1117 01:19:46,031 --> 01:19:49,033 Hello, operator? l'd like the number for information, please. 1118 01:19:49,201 --> 01:19:51,535 No, I wanna call the airport. 1119 01:19:52,037 --> 01:19:53,037 [SPEΑKING ITALlΑN] 1120 01:20:00,420 --> 01:20:03,964 No, Pan Am. 1121 01:20:04,132 --> 01:20:05,549 Pan-o Am-o? 1122 01:20:05,759 --> 01:20:09,929 Thank you very much. Have a nice day. 1123 01:20:10,305 --> 01:20:11,388 [WΑITER SPEAKlNG ITALIAN] 1124 01:20:11,556 --> 01:20:14,767 I'm sorry. 1125 01:20:48,301 --> 01:20:51,303 And then I rolled over onto the floor and l started going: 1126 01:20:51,847 --> 01:20:53,389 [SCΑTTlNG] 1127 01:20:55,225 --> 01:20:56,767 And l was completely naked. 1128 01:20:56,935 --> 01:20:59,103 Well, not completely naked, I had on a towel. 1129 01:20:59,271 --> 01:21:04,275 But he promised me he'd erase that. He promised me he'd erase it. 1130 01:21:04,651 --> 01:21:07,152 I'm a ruined woman. 1131 01:21:08,363 --> 01:21:10,447 I thought this was gonna be... 1132 01:21:12,367 --> 01:21:15,494 ...like some kind of second honeymoon. 1133 01:21:15,996 --> 01:21:18,163 What we should've done is left the children... 1134 01:21:18,331 --> 01:21:20,499 ...with Helga and Fritz. 1135 01:21:21,418 --> 01:21:23,168 Thank you. 1136 01:21:24,045 --> 01:21:27,840 I'm sorry. I should really go to my room now. 1137 01:21:28,008 --> 01:21:30,175 I'm going to throw up. 1138 01:21:34,848 --> 01:21:39,018 -Let me help you. Come on. -Oh, no, no. I'll be fine. 1139 01:21:39,185 --> 01:21:41,437 I think you'll feel better if you lie down. 1140 01:21:44,733 --> 01:21:47,943 I've developed this whole philosophy about dealing with my parents. 1141 01:21:48,153 --> 01:21:50,946 It's like, if I'm in school or hanging out or something... 1142 01:21:51,156 --> 01:21:55,451 ...there's all this pressure, you know? To act cool or do the right thing. 1143 01:21:55,869 --> 01:21:58,662 But if I'm with my parents, who really cares? 1144 01:21:58,830 --> 01:22:00,915 They don't know what's cool and what's not. 1145 01:22:01,082 --> 01:22:03,459 So you can just put everything on hold, right? 1146 01:22:03,668 --> 01:22:05,586 You got a great way of looking at stuff. 1147 01:22:05,754 --> 01:22:08,797 -Thanks. -You know, l'm having a great time. 1148 01:22:09,174 --> 01:22:11,467 -Me too. -God, imagine... 1149 01:22:11,676 --> 01:22:14,428 ...coming to Rome to meet someone from California. 1150 01:22:14,596 --> 01:22:16,513 Really. 1151 01:22:19,392 --> 01:22:22,061 Oh, whatever happened to us? 1152 01:22:22,979 --> 01:22:25,022 We were high-school sweethearts. 1153 01:22:25,190 --> 01:22:27,191 We never even did it until we got married. 1154 01:22:27,359 --> 01:22:29,902 Well, at least until we decided to get married. 1155 01:22:30,070 --> 01:22:33,572 And l left him all alone in that-- That-- That piazza. 1156 01:22:33,740 --> 01:22:36,742 I said the F word in front of my children. 1157 01:22:36,910 --> 01:22:39,536 What kind of a woman am l? 1158 01:22:40,330 --> 01:22:42,498 -Exciting. -What? 1159 01:22:42,707 --> 01:22:45,042 Don't fight it, Ellen. 1160 01:22:45,210 --> 01:22:47,378 What are you--? What are you doing? 1161 01:22:47,545 --> 01:22:50,673 -Let me take you away from all of this. -l don't wanna be away. 1162 01:22:50,840 --> 01:22:52,633 I want my Sparky back. 1163 01:22:53,343 --> 01:22:56,011 It was just a little argument. He'll probably be here any minute. 1164 01:22:56,221 --> 01:22:57,304 [POLlCE SlREN WAlLlNG] 1165 01:22:57,472 --> 01:22:59,515 And he's very jealous. 1166 01:23:00,100 --> 01:23:01,600 I'm calling the manager. 1167 01:23:03,144 --> 01:23:06,271 LOUIS: I wouldn't do that if I were you. 1168 01:23:09,401 --> 01:23:10,526 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 1169 01:23:11,736 --> 01:23:13,570 Hello? 1170 01:23:15,156 --> 01:23:17,908 Are you taking any calls? 1171 01:23:19,577 --> 01:23:21,745 -Hello? -The police are here. 1172 01:23:21,913 --> 01:23:24,415 Stay away from the Fiat. I'm getting out of here. 1173 01:23:24,582 --> 01:23:26,375 I'll be right down. 1174 01:23:26,876 --> 01:23:28,961 Hello, Debbie? Αudrey. 1175 01:23:29,129 --> 01:23:31,880 We got a score to settle, and you know what l mean. 1176 01:23:32,048 --> 01:23:34,591 If you wanna salvage the last shred of friendship... 1177 01:23:34,759 --> 01:23:37,052 ...that exists between us, you'll do me a favor. 1178 01:23:37,262 --> 01:23:39,596 Yeah, l want you to book me on a Pan Am flight... 1179 01:23:39,764 --> 01:23:42,683 ...out of Rome into Chicago today. 1180 01:23:43,268 --> 01:23:45,352 Yeah, l'll hold. 1181 01:23:47,939 --> 01:23:49,106 Bitch. 1182 01:23:54,946 --> 01:23:57,573 -Mom? -Take the car keys. 1183 01:23:58,408 --> 01:24:00,659 -Mom. ELLEN: Find your father. 1184 01:24:00,827 --> 01:24:02,828 LOUIS: Come on, come on. 1185 01:24:05,540 --> 01:24:07,291 Don't move. 1186 01:24:16,801 --> 01:24:19,636 Mom? Mom. 1187 01:24:20,138 --> 01:24:22,473 Mom, where are you going? 1188 01:24:23,433 --> 01:24:25,559 Mother. 1189 01:24:25,977 --> 01:24:29,605 -Hi, hon. What's the matter? -Dad, l think Mom's been kidnapped. 1190 01:24:30,857 --> 01:24:34,109 -Where's the car? -Over there. Here's the keys. 1191 01:24:45,205 --> 01:24:46,371 [HORN HONKS] 1192 01:24:57,342 --> 01:24:59,718 LOUIS: Get out. -Stay there. Sparky. 1193 01:24:59,886 --> 01:25:00,928 There they are. 1194 01:25:24,661 --> 01:25:27,121 AUDREY: Hey, Dad, there's the Colosseum. 1195 01:25:34,170 --> 01:25:36,672 Well, God, I've been talking so much. What about you? 1196 01:25:36,881 --> 01:25:38,549 What are your parents like? 1197 01:25:38,716 --> 01:25:41,635 Well, there's really not that much to say. 1198 01:25:41,803 --> 01:25:44,012 They're just, like, normal parents. 1199 01:25:47,517 --> 01:25:49,143 [SCREAMlNG] 1200 01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:56,400 My dad's all right. He's a little slow sometimes. 1201 01:26:03,908 --> 01:26:06,118 God, that's Dad. 1202 01:26:07,078 --> 01:26:08,495 -Get in. RUSTY: What happened? 1203 01:26:08,663 --> 01:26:10,956 Oh, not much. Mom's been kidnapped. 1204 01:26:35,815 --> 01:26:37,191 Darn it all. 1205 01:26:45,158 --> 01:26:47,284 Excuse me. There's a man in the trunk. 1206 01:26:47,452 --> 01:26:48,994 What? 1207 01:26:49,454 --> 01:26:52,289 ELLEN: Clark. Clark. 1208 01:26:54,125 --> 01:26:55,709 Ellen. 1209 01:26:56,044 --> 01:26:58,045 I'm coming, honey. 1210 01:27:06,179 --> 01:27:08,972 Clark. Clark. 1211 01:27:30,245 --> 01:27:32,371 ELLEN: Take my hand. 1212 01:27:37,794 --> 01:27:40,170 Clark, where are you going? 1213 01:27:40,380 --> 01:27:42,381 Get back here. 1214 01:28:07,156 --> 01:28:08,490 What--? 1215 01:28:08,658 --> 01:28:10,158 Where are--? 1216 01:28:10,326 --> 01:28:12,327 You-- You bastard. 1217 01:28:14,038 --> 01:28:15,747 Come here. 1218 01:28:18,376 --> 01:28:20,294 Come here. What the--? 1219 01:28:20,461 --> 01:28:22,462 -Hello. -Oh, hello. 1220 01:28:22,630 --> 01:28:25,090 -Still on holiday, are you? -Yeah, jeez, l'm sorry. 1221 01:28:25,258 --> 01:28:29,177 -l'm looking for somebody else. -No problem, l'm used to it. Good luck. 1222 01:28:30,680 --> 01:28:33,181 Look out. l'll get him. 1223 01:28:38,855 --> 01:28:40,480 He kidnapped my wife. 1224 01:28:42,984 --> 01:28:45,110 -You all right? -Oh, yeah. 1225 01:28:45,403 --> 01:28:47,738 Oh, Clark. 1226 01:28:49,240 --> 01:28:50,407 [POLlCE SlRENS WAILING] 1227 01:28:58,291 --> 01:29:00,250 [POLlCE SHOUTING lN lTΑLlAN] 1228 01:29:01,753 --> 01:29:04,588 I love you, Sparky. You're my hero. 1229 01:29:04,756 --> 01:29:06,256 I know. 1230 01:29:06,591 --> 01:29:09,760 Your parents are actually pretty cool. 1231 01:29:09,927 --> 01:29:13,013 Yeah, they're good for a few laughs sometimes. 1232 01:29:13,806 --> 01:29:16,433 Now can we go home? 1233 01:30:04,440 --> 01:30:08,735 Clark, Clark. Look. 1234 01:30:09,278 --> 01:30:10,737 Hey, kids. 1235 01:30:10,905 --> 01:30:12,697 Look, the Statue of Liberty. 1236 01:30:13,699 --> 01:30:16,576 RUSTY: Great. -l never thought l'd be so glad... 1237 01:30:16,744 --> 01:30:19,162 -...to see the Statue of Liberty. -Me either. 1238 01:30:19,872 --> 01:30:21,957 Boy, the great thing about traveling... 1239 01:30:22,166 --> 01:30:24,918 ...is you really learn to appreciate coming home. 1240 01:30:30,675 --> 01:30:32,509 I gotta go. 1241 01:30:37,723 --> 01:30:40,475 I never realized how much I've missed Αmerica. 1242 01:30:41,227 --> 01:30:44,271 Bet Αmerica's missed the Griswalds too, honey. 1243 01:30:47,400 --> 01:30:51,236 I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Let me get up-- My jacket is caught here. 1244 01:30:56,576 --> 01:30:57,742 [SCREAMlNG] 1245 01:31:01,998 --> 01:31:05,375 RUSTY: Yep, the Griswalds are back. 1246 01:33:56,422 --> 01:33:58,423 [ENGLISH - US - SDH]