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This programme contains
strong language and adult humour

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Don't look away.

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Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

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Don't put that on telly!

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Oo-ar!

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I might just do this all day.

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Argh!

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This is weird.

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So tight.

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THEY EXCLAIM

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Hello. Welcome to Taskmaster.

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My name is Greg Davies and I sweat.

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I sweat when I eat,

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I sweat when I sunbathe,
I sweat when I...

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You know when I sweat!

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But most important of all,
I sweat the small stuff,

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the decisions that will make
or break the spirits of a comedian.

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So, put some more water on the sauna
coals and bring me some lemons,

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because things are about to get hot!

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Please welcome Amy Gledhill...

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...Armando Iannucci...

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...Joanna Page,

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Joel Dommett,

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and Kumail Nanjiani.

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And next to me, a man who told me
recently in confidence

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that whenever he walks the dog
in his local neighbourhood,

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he never cleans up her poo,
and I quote him -

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"What do I care
if people get ploppy shoes?

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"They should watch
where they're walking."

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It's...

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...little Alex Horne!

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Right. Thank you. Thank you.

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Getting ploppy shoes.
Hello, everyone.

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Here we are.
I've brought you water, Greg...

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OK. ..for a little
team-bonding activity.

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Up for that? Yeah.

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Just drink it how I drink it.
Ready? Yep.

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Here we go. Hit it!

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MUSIC STARTS

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MUSIC STOPS

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Is that the end of this bit?
That's the end of that bit.

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Every cell in my body wants
to chuck this in your face.

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Oh, I sort of want you to, as well.

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Ooh-hoo-hoo!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Right.

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Oh, God.

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Wow.

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That is an unexpected erection.

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So, on with the show.

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Is it time for the prize category?
Yes, and the category is

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the best two things that become
something even better when combined.

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Five points for the best combo.

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Five great combos
for the episode winner.

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OK, Joel,
what two things have you brought in?

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I've brought in a USB stick with my
favourite Christmas song ever on it,

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and it's by Sting...

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Whoa. Mm.

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...and Shaggy.

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They made an album together and on
that album is Silent Night, right?

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I thought I could sing it for you.

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Yes! Yes. Yes.

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Joanna... Yes. ..if I could get you
to do Sting's parts.

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Ah, typecast again.

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There's some bells for you. Brill.

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And then I'll just come in
with Shaggy's part

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when it's necessary.

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OK, go.

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♪ Silent night
Yeah

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♪ Holy night
Mm

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♪ All is calm
Oh

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♪ All is bright

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♪ Chi-da-bye-bye, Shaggy! ♪

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Thank you so much.

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I appreciate it.
That was wonderful.

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Incredible, Joel.
I think this is strong. Ooh!

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Kumail. Hi.

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Can you beat Shaggy and Sting?

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I'm a man of the world, Greg.
You are.

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Pakistani, born and raised,
I live in America,

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I'm shooting a show
in London right now...

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Wow. ..so I bridge cultures.

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That's sort of my cross to bear.

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So, I've come up with a new dish

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that combines two very disparate
foods into one amazing dish.

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It's a kebab with strawberry jam.

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GREG GROWLS
I invented a new dish...

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Hello, Shaggy. ..and I would
like for you to try it.

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Wow. It doesn't look great.

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It doesn't smell great,
if you don't mind me saying.

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Well, I should tell you, the name
of the dish is Racial Harmony...

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...so if you don't like it,

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I'd like you to tell me you're not
a fan of Racial Harmony.

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I didn't think I'd ever say this,

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but Racial Harmony makes me
feel sick!

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Do you want to have
a little nibble of this? Yes.

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Down in one. Down in one.

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All of it. Oh, God.

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Oh, baby girl. Mm.

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Hush in the room! What do you think?

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Yeah, I would never have that again.
Never, ever.

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We've had it confirmed,
it's disgusting,

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so it's not looking good.

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Pop it in your drawer.
Yeah, I'll put it in my drawer.

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Hello, Amy. Hello.

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How are you going to beat that?

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I'll tell you how
I'm going to beat it,

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with a glork, or a forve.

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Or a forve. Yeah.

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So, have you ever been eating
and you think,

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"I can't get this
in my mouth quick enough?"

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Well, that is where
the glork comes in.

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It's a glove and a fork. OK.

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Who's using a knife
and fork these days?

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Yeah. That's a thing of the past.

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It's glork time.

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Do you want to see the glork?
Oh, my God.

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Yes, let's see the glork.
It's glork o'clock! It is.

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It's a lovely, chic glove,

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and then, chip, chip, chip.

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You can fit, like, three chips on -
chip, chip, chip.

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One finger, ah. Chip, chip, chip.

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I like the starting point.

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I'm not sure the reality is
any better than Racial Harmony.

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Armando, can you beat this?
Obviously. Yes.

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It's a song featuring
Lou Reed and the Wombles.

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It's not.

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It's not.

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I just was about to write,
"Armando, five points."

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It's very beautiful.

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It's two completely
contrasting things,

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which, when put together,
creates this natural phenomenon.

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It's sunshine and shit.

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Have a look at this guy here.
It's beautiful.

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It's a soap dispenser.

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Yeah. So here comes the sun.

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It's good.

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They win the soap dispenser,
do they? The pigeon?

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Yeah, and the sun, I think. Oh.

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Joanna.

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I have brought in my own tongue
and a box of popping candy,

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because when I was young, right,
it was really hard to get hold of...

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Here we go!

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In the 1980s, right? In Swansea.

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And now I've discovered,

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"Oh, my God, you can
just buy it on the internet."

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I went online and I've got a box
of about, like, 45 or something

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or about 28. Mm.

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I've got loads and it's really nice.

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You know when you pour
that on your tongue,

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and just that little
ts-ts-ts-ts-ts - that?

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It feels amazing.

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So that's why I love popping candy.

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Yeah, she's brought in popping candy
is the short answer. Right.

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And a fake tongue. There we go.

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I mean, I've got to say,
it's great stuff, isn't it?

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Thank you, Joanna.

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So one point, the glork.

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The glork. Well done, Amy.
One to Amy.

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Two points to the kebab meat...
What?

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...with jam on it.

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Call it by its name.

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OK. The second worst thing
I've seen today is Racial Harmony.

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Some popping candy and a tongue
is better than Racial Harmony.

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Three points.

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You didn't invent
the plopping pigeon,

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but it's a wonderful thing
and I wish I had it,

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so I will give it four points.

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And I mean, how can I not put
Sting and Shaggy,

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a wonderful example of musical
and racial harmony...

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...five points?
Five points for Joel Dommett.

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Task time.

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Ugh.
Well, this really is very exciting.

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I'm back.

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Alex. Kumail.

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Hiya. Hello, Joanna. Ooh.

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The drill.

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Yeah, no, you won't be needing that.

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I'm so sorry. Ooh.

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Sorry, that shouldn't be there.

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Oh, really? Sorry.

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Can I have a go on it first?
Of course, yeah.

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Oh, God. No,
I'm not going to, actually,

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because it might say,
"If you touch the drill..."

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I'm not having anything
hampering me.

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All right, here we go.

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"Make something boring exciting."

188
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"Most exciting boring thing wins."

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"You have 20 minutes.

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"Your time starts now."

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Watching somebody sleeping
is pretty boring,

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but I think for some people
it can be very exciting.

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Like, if they don't know,
that seems exciting.

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Don't put that in the show.

195
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What do you find boring, Amy?

196
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Wood. Planks of wood.

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Rocks. I like rocks.

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I don't think they're boring.
You don't think rocks are boring?

199
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,840
No. Oh, Alex.

200
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,359
OK, this is my first thing, right?

201
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,519
Because this is something
that I do get worried about,

202
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,679
and I'm very nervous
about the whole thing, right?

203
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,639
Because I'm not a comedian,
I don't do stand-up,

204
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and so I'm boring

205
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,479
and I'm going to say me.

206
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,359
Me. Right, so we need
to make you exciting.

207
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,439
I thought this was exciting -
my announcement.

208
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,880
See? What, you think
you're finished? Yeah.

209
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:38,119
Kumail, you find watching people
when they sleep exciting,

210
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,999
but it's only exciting
when they don't know.

211
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,720
Yeah, what's the point if they know?

212
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,120
OK, we're going to start with
Armando and Joann-do.

213
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:02,799
Come on, Alex,

214
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,400
let's go and show them
what exciting really is.

215
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:09,800
Come on.

216
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,520
Greg, I'm coming for you!

217
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,239
Ready? I'm ready. OK.

218
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,839
So most books are categorised
by a system

219
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,879
called the Dewey Decimal system,

220
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,199
which, though effective,
is a bit dull.

221
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,999
So this is an attempt to make

222
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:31,599
the act of book categorisation
much more exciting

223
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,639
by doing it in rhyme.

224
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,440
OK? I'm ready. Here we go.

225
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,799
"Tell you what's boring,
categorising books.

226
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,319
"Let's add some pizzazz

227
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,639
"so it's more exciting
than it looks."

228
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,919
I don't care about the rules...
Yeah. ..and you know why?

229
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:46,599
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

230
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,719
Because I'm exciting and I'm wild.

231
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,239
"Poems by Tennyson,

232
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:53,479
"so poems with titles
that rhyme with venison."

233
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,719
Argh!
JOANNA GASPS

234
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"This one is green and mouldy,

235
00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:00,239
"so it's on the shelf of
books that are oldie."

236
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:01,680
Agh!

237
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,799
"And finally, out with a bang,

238
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:20,319
"categorising
Joey And The Blackbird Gang.

239
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,799
"I hope you've enjoyed this
attempt to sell

240
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:26,720
"categorisation of books
that isn't Dewey Decimal."

241
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:32,839
Fuck you, motherfuckers!

242
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:33,959
JOANNA YELPS

243
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,160
SLOW-MO YELPS

244
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,800
He's got no face!

245
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:48,959
Armando... Yes.

246
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:55,240
...did seeing a mother of four
smashing a £1,500 sheep put your...

247
00:12:56,440 --> 00:13:00,439
...new book categorisation
system into perspective?

248
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:01,639
Yeah.

249
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:02,999
It's terrible, isn't it?

250
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,400
Because after I did that, I thought,
"Oh, I've done really well."

251
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,679
Did you feel free, Joanna?
I felt incredibly free.

252
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,719
It was very exhilarating. Mm-hm.

253
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:13,839
I really enjoyed it,

254
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,839
but I do feel bad now
because he hasn't got a face.

255
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,920
But I didn't feel bad then.
It was good. The sheep's wrecked.

256
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,000
Part one is done. Goodbye.

257
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,239
Hello.

258
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,639
Welcome back to Taskmaster,

259
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,399
where things are
definitely not dull.

260
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,639
Never, because everyone
is trying their very best

261
00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:42,879
to make something boring exciting.

262
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:44,919
Next up, they were both born
in the 1980s,

263
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,479
so they're a little bit younger than
the others,

264
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,119
but they're also not that young,

265
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,840
it's Amy and Joel.

266
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:56,759
Standard boring plank of wood,
yeah? OK.

267
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:59,320
Yeah? You ready?
I'm ready. No peeping.

268
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,119
DRILLING

269
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:05,799
Count down for me.
All right, here we go.

270
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,199
From 100.

271
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,119
100... More exciting.

272
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,679
...99,

273
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:11,880
98...

274
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,919
Are you ready to be excited?
I really am.

275
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:21,479
29, 28... I regret the 100.

276
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,079
27... OK.

277
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:27,919
It's not just a boring plank
any more, it's a sexy lady.

278
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,399
Woo!

279
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:30,919
And look at that.

280
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:32,239
She's got boobies, Alex.

281
00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,240
Yeah, I can see that.
See them? Yeah.

282
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:39,559
Speed up a bit.

283
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:43,440
Five, four, three, two, one, zero.

284
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,000
Come on. Yeah.

285
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:09,800
It's on fire.

286
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,999
I wasn't convinced by the plank
of wood when I first saw it,

287
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,639
but as soon as
the boob reveal happened,

288
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,079
I was just transported back
to those pens, when you...

289
00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:30,759
Yes! Yes! From when you were a kid,

290
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,079
which, genuinely,
first sexual experience for me.

291
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:37,119
So I thought the sexy plank lady
was brilliant.

292
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,360
Great. There you go. Joel...

293
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,239
...I've never seen a boy so happy.

294
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:43,959
Oh, my lord.

295
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,480
Since I saw the pens
when I was growing up...

296
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,040
...I've never made a face like that.

297
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,559
Well, it's time for the final
attempt on the big screen.

298
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,359
Kumail has played
a genetically-engineered,

299
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:58,999
cosmic-powered near-immortal
superhero in a global franchise.

300
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,400
He's also spent 20 minutes
doing this.

301
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,920
ALEX SNORES

302
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,279
BEAR GROWLS

303
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:44,719
DONKEY BRAYS

304
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,039
PIG SQUEALS

305
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,319
DUCK QUACKS

306
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:49,999
SHEEP BLEATS

307
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,320
KUMAIL SIGHS

308
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,400
KUMAIL GRUNTS

309
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,080
Good? Did we get it?

310
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,760
GULPING

311
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,600
That was really good.

312
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:21,439
Really good. It was very creative.

313
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:26,679
And it was very exhausting running
with all those things. Mm.

314
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:30,639
That pineapple is very heavy.
What are these muscles for?

315
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:31,840
Decorative.

316
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,039
Well, I'm going to give
poor Armando just one point.

317
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,839
But I did think it was sort of
adorable,

318
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,479
Armando, I will say that. Thank you.

319
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,959
Then there's a gulf between
Armando's and the next person.

320
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,760
I'm giving tit plank three points.

321
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,359
Moving up,
I'm going to give you four points,

322
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,079
because a lot of imagination
went into it.

323
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:56,439
But I'm giving Joel's spinning bear
heads five points... OK.

324
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,159
...and I'm also giving Joanna

325
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,079
liberating herself by
smashing a sheep five points.

326
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,480
Well done, Joanna.

327
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:10,879
Hey, baby boy. Mm? What's the
scores?

328
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:14,359
Well, she was winning the series,
but she's losing the episode -

329
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:15,399
Amy's in last place.

330
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,719
He was losing the series,
but he's winning the episode -

331
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,479
Joel's in first place
with ten points.

332
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,440
WHISTLING
Wow!

333
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,079
It's all changed.

334
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,519
S'il vous plait, une autre tache.

335
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:29,639
Ah, oui, monsieur.

336
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,480
Qu'est-ce qu'il y a a manger?

337
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,599
Oh-oh!

338
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:45,719
This is nice.

339
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:49,359
A banquet. You may sit down.
Thank you so much.

340
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,600
Ooh, it's lower than you expect!

341
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:58,199
That was much lower
than I was expecting!

342
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,479
Yeah, you don't look very big. No.

343
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:01,999
People have said that.

344
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,319
Ooh.

345
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,079
Oh, look, a cloche.

346
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:08,079
{\an8}We're just adjusting the cameras
to get your height. Yeah.

347
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,519
Did this happen with anyone else?

348
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:11,799
No. Just me? Just you.

349
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:14,159
You set this up for me. Yeah.

350
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,639
Let me just go and get
the child's tripod. Ah.

351
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:21,519
Oh, leather
sounds weird against an old chair.

352
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,720
LEATHER CREAKS

353
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,879
Right, you can open the task
but not the...

354
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,959
LEATHER CREAKS

355
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,159
Not the cloche. Thank you.
Not the cloche?

356
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:32,239
{\an8}I wouldn't dare.

357
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:33,360
{\an8}I'm CLOCHEtrophobic.

358
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:37,679
Oh.

359
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:41,959
"Work out what food is
under the cloche."

360
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:46,559
"When you've done that,
and only when you have done that,

361
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:50,199
{\an8}"you must remove the cloche
and eat the food."

362
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:55,839
{\an8}"Alex will always incorrectly
answer your previous question..."

363
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,799
"And you must not
repeat questions."

364
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,399
"Fastest wins."

365
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,960
"Your time starts now."

366
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:04,520
I'm not good at these ones. I know.

367
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:14,599
Well, I'll tell you now, I didn't
mind CLOCHEtrophobic at all.

368
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,199
Oh! Not at all.

369
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,479
Let's get on with it. Yeah.
I can't wait to see them.

370
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,999
It sounds simpler than
they found it. Right.

371
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:25,199
Mr Nanjiani and Ms Gledhill
are our first competitors

372
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,000
to find out
what nosh is under the cloche.

373
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:32,199
Is this food dairy?

374
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,760
I'm not going to answer
that question.

375
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:38,719
Is it a dessert?

376
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,079
{\an8}Is it a sandwich?

377
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:43,959
{\an8}It is definitely never a dessert.

378
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,639
{\an8}So it's a dessert.

379
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,359
{\an8}Could you feed this food to a baby?

380
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:51,559
{\an8}No. None of it has come from a cow.

381
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,239
{\an8}Is it sweet?

382
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,679
{\an8}It would kill a baby.

383
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,960
So it's milky
and a baby could eat it.

384
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:00,359
Can I get a pen?

385
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:03,120
No, nothing about it is sweet.

386
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:05,559
{\an8}Is it a vegetable?

387
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:06,800
{\an8}No.

388
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,479
{\an8}So it is sweet.

389
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,999
Is it custard?

390
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,559
Yes.

391
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,280
Is it a cow? No.

392
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:21,279
{\an8}Is it custard? Yep.

393
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,520
Is it jelly? No.

394
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,399
It's custard. I think it's custard.

395
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,439
Are you asking me a question?

396
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:34,679
{\an8}Is it a food
that rhymes with Colonel Mustard?

397
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,279
{\an8}Yes. Is it ten feet tall?

398
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:39,279
{\an8}No, it's not,
but you can't open the cloche.

399
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,519
Yes, it's jelly,
and you can't open it yet.

400
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,479
But you said it was custard.

401
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:46,479
{\an8}Is it made up of two parts?

402
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,840
{\an8}Yes. Is it alive? No.

403
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:52,039
{\an8}Yes. Custard and...

404
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:53,199
{\an8}What would you have done?

405
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,639
{\an8}Is it savoury? Yes.

406
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,759
{\an8}Is it ham? No.

407
00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:59,759
{\an8}So it is savoury.

408
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:03,759
Could you dip your finger into it
and eat it that way?

409
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:06,399
Always. Is it salsa? No.

410
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,199
Oh, you COULD
dip your finger into it.

411
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,599
Is it green? Yes. Is it yellow? Yes.

412
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:11,799
Is it purple? No.

413
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,159
Ah!

414
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,039
Savoury and yellow.

415
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,719
Is it tomato ketchup? Yes.

416
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,599
Is it spicy? No.

417
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,479
Is it mustard? No. Ha!

418
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,279
Is it mustard? Yes. Good.

419
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:25,799
Hot sauce? No.

420
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:27,199
It's mustard.

421
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:28,839
Is it custard and mustard?

422
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:29,999
No, you can't open that.

423
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,359
Ah!

424
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,479
Custard and mustard?
Yes, it's hot sauce.

425
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:34,480
I'm going to open it.

426
00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:40,479
Oh, my God,

427
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,079
{\an8}it's custard and mustard!

428
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:44,839
{\an8}You have to eat it
and then I'll stop the clock.

429
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,080
{\an8}I'm going to eat it together
because fuck you.

430
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,720
{\an8}That was so much worse
than I was ready for.

431
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:59,799
{\an8}Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

432
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,399
{\an8}That was a spicy boy.

433
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:02,599
{\an8}Do you want me to stop the clock?

434
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,320
{\an8}Yeah, stop the goddamn clock.

435
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:08,760
Woo! Yeah.

436
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,519
My God, it ended beautifully
with the two quotes,

437
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,599
"Ooh, it's a spicy boy," and,

438
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:19,760
"I'm going to eat them together
because fuck you."

439
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,199
Do want me to tell you
who was the slowest? Yes.

440
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:30,159
The slowest, just, was Kumail -
35 minutes, 56 seconds.

441
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,079
35 minutes I did that?

442
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:34,119
And 56 seconds.

443
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:36,079
And weirdly,
you've done it pretty well.

444
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:37,080
Ooh.

445
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,039
WHISTLING

446
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,199
Amy asked twice as
many questions as you,

447
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,320
but she asked a question
every 11 seconds.

448
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,439
33 minutes and 25 seconds. Wow.

449
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,599
Well, now for two
super switched-on guys,

450
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,280
they're Armando and Joel.

451
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:58,279
Is it... Is it meat?

452
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,000
Is it bird-based? It is, yes.

453
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:04,439
Is it an egg? No.

454
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,359
Wait, wait, what did you say no to?

455
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:08,279
Wait, what did you say...?
Wait, wait, wait.

456
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:09,319
What did I ask?

457
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,479
Have you ever thought
about simplifying the rules?

458
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:12,520
Yes, cabbage.

459
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,599
Right, is it chips? Yes.

460
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,439
{\an8}What was my last one?
Yes, it's chips.

461
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:22,879
Was that a question?

462
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,839
Is it trifle? Yes.

463
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,599
Is it ice cream?

464
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,319
It's nothing to do with trifle.

465
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:30,759
{\an8}It's trifle, then.

466
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,520
{\an8}No similarities! Oh...

467
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,959
What? Put it back on.

468
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:38,799
You still don't know exactly
what it is.

469
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:39,879
Keep going.

470
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:43,759
{\an8}Do you enjoy them with vinegar?

471
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,280
Yes, it's chips still.

472
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,079
It's chips?

473
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:49,120
Yes.

474
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,280
{\an8}No, what are you doing? Oh, what?

475
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:56,680
{\an8}I thought I was supposed
to say what it was and then open it.

476
00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,879
You have seen it now. No, I haven't.

477
00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:01,640
{\an8}Will this stop if I...?

478
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:06,040
ARMANDO GRUMBLES

479
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,079
LEATHER CREAKS

480
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:11,639
{\an8}Is it custard?

481
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:14,640
No, if you stab your eye with
a fork, we'll carry on.

482
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,519
KLAXON BEEPS

483
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,079
Oh.

484
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,440
JOEL PANTS
Oh, no!

485
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:25,800
Oh!

486
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,959
BELL DINGS

487
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,120
JOEL SIGHS

488
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:43,960
Oh, my God!

489
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,879
{\an8}Is it custard in one bowl
and mustard in another bowl?

490
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:50,880
{\an8}Yes.

491
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,599
It's custard and mustard.

492
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,839
{\an8}Is this a floor?
No, it's definitely not.

493
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:03,599
Oh, so that's yes.

494
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:05,159
{\an8}So it's mustard and custard.

495
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,000
{\an8}You can now open the cloche
and eat it.

496
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:10,600
{\an8}I've stopped the clock.

497
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:14,599
{\an8}Oof! Oh!

498
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:15,839
I think I need to, like,

499
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:17,840
seriously go back to school
or something.

500
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,319
What I don't understand
was it got harder...

501
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,399
Mm. Yes. ..after I'd seen it. Yeah.

502
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,079
That's the bit...

503
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,479
You were both quicker than
the outside two.

504
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:35,999
Quicker than...
But they looked at the food!

505
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,559
Yeah. Well, exactly. Yeah.

506
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,279
Armando looked at it
after ten minutes

507
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:41,000
and got it right after 21.

508
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:44,959
Joel looked after six minutes

509
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,079
and got it right after
26-and-a-half minutes.

510
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:48,959
Oh, my God!

511
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:50,319
Neither of them got it right
in the end.

512
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,079
They both looked again
to get it right.

513
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,799
So they get nothing?
I imagine so. Yeah.

514
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:56,119
Time for a break.

515
00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:57,759
Put that phone down,
no doomscrolling.

516
00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,119
Stand up, stretch your legs,

517
00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:02,759
go into the garden and shout,
"I am alive," into the night sky.

518
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,200
I mean it. Do it now.

519
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:14,960
Hello.

520
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:17,359
Yes, it's part three,

521
00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:19,559
and there's an incredibly
irritating task in play.

522
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,079
All the contestants have to do

523
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,159
is work out what food is
under the cloche,

524
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:26,399
whereas I have to answer their
previous question incorrectly -

525
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,360


526
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,600
...there's just one person left.

527
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:36,759
It's the final page. It's Joanna.

528
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:37,879
Right, there's...

529
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,719
Oh, I can lift it
and see how heavy it is.

530
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:41,120
Oh, it's very light.

531
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:44,160
I can smell it.

532
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:47,119
I can smell it. It's savoury.

533
00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,039
Is it savoury?

534
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,159
Is it sweet? No.

535
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:52,200
Yes, it's savoury.

536
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:56,999
Ugh. I don't like it.

537
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:58,239
It's not that nice.

538
00:27:58,240 --> 00:27:59,639
Is it runny? Yes.

539
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,159
Is it hot?

540
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:05,239
Ooh, now... Mm...

541
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,279
No.

542
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,119
Well, that means it's half
and half, then.

543
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:10,199
Is it...?

544
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:13,719
{\an8}Is it... Is it yellow?

545
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,159
Yes.

546
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,239
Is it cheese? No.

547
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,999
What the hell is yellow and runny?
Is it custard? Yes.

548
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,839
{\an8}Baked beans?

549
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:25,639
{\an8}No, don't lift up the cloche.
It's custard.

550
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:26,959
It's custard,

551
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:28,879
but there's some other thing with it

552
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:31,279
which is savoury, but it smells.

553
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:35,239
It smells horrible.
It smells a bit like salad cream.

554
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:36,519
I'm just going to say some things.

555
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:38,319
You're right,
it's mustard and something.

556
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:41,599
JOANNA AND AUDIENCE GASP
You just said something.

557
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:46,359
I've been saying custard
and you just said mustard.

558
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,399
I'm making a guess.

559
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,719
It's custard and mustard.

560
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:51,960
You may open the cloche.

561
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:54,520
{\an8}Oh, you managed to stack them.

562
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:58,479
God, it stinks!

563
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:00,679
Will you hold my nose for me,
please? I'd love to.

564
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:02,039
OK. Got it. Thank you.

565
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:03,959
Ready? OK. One, two, three, go.

566
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:05,519
Oh, my God, it's horrible! Mm-hm.

567
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:07,159
Oh, my God, I...

568
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:09,320
I've stopped the clock. Ble-ugh!

569
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:20,639
Well, I mean, let's say it as it is
- someone fucked up.

570
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:22,119
Mm. He sabotaged it.

571
00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:23,639
I was doing so well and...

572
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:24,839
No, he gave you the answer.

573
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:26,759
He didn't sabotage it.

574
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,639
The shaking system was good. Mm-hm.

575
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,319
Yeah, the shaking was
a good strategy,

576
00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:31,519
but you know
what was a better strategy?

577
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,440
Having you tell her the answer.
Yeah.

578
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,119
I mean,
we're going to have to allow it

579
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:38,759
because it's his mistake,
not Joanna's, so...

580
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:40,599
Mm. But how did she do?

581
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:41,679
She won.

582
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,919
She did really well.
Well done, Joanna.

583
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:44,960
Of course she did!

584
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,639
Armando and Joel both cheated -
very naughty boys -

585
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:54,159
so zero points each.

586
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,800
Three to Kumail, four to Amy
and five to Joanna Page.

587
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,159
Difficult task, wasn't it?
Difficult task. Yes, very difficult.

588
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:04,199
All you had to do
was ask one question. Yeah.

589
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,639
Because I had to answer every
question incorrectly.

590
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,159
If you'd asked me what WASN'T
under the cloche,

591
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,000
I would have told you there
was mustard and custard.

592
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:14,999
Done. It doesn't matter. Alex...

593
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,359
Oh, my God!

594
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:19,400
Alex, you must fuck yourself.

595
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:23,240
On that. On that.

596
00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:26,440
Oh, my God!

597
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,679
Let's task again.
Like we did last summer,

598
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:32,479
but for now, we're back in the lab

599
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:34,399
and it's everyone's
favourite type of test -

600
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:35,720
multiple choice.

601
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,320
Alex. Hello there.

602
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:52,360
OK.

603
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:56,719
Oh, geez.
Right, failed at that one.

604
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:58,920
Two tasks. Pardon?

605
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:03,520
{\an8}Oh, three tasks!

606
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:07,399
"If you opened this task first,

607
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,879
"you must pop the balloon,
then open another task."

608
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:12,039
{\an8}Am I allowed to open this?
Because I...

609
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:14,639
{\an8}You've got a choice of three
to open.

610
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:19,279
"If you opened this task first,
you must spin 360 degrees..."

611
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:21,119
"Ten times,
then open another task."

612
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:22,279
Well, I'm not going to do that.

613
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,920
{\an8}"If you opened this task first,
you must completely cover..."

614
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,080
"..the balloon in tinfoil.

615
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:30,679
{\an8}"Then open another task."

616
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:31,800
What are you thinking?

617
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,040
I'm not, really.

618
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:40,200
I think I've realised
that's not really my vibe.

619
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:46,799
Let's see them do some stuff, you.
OK.

620
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:49,519
Well, first, just like my third
favourite battery,

621
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:51,519
it's double A - Armando and Amy.

622
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:53,719
And just so you know,
my second favourite battery is a C

623
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:55,119
because they're manly
and my favourite

624
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:56,600
is a triple A because they're cute.
Here we go.

625
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,239
Yeah,
I'm going to do the balloon first.

626
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:01,599
"Complete all three tasks.

627
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:03,120
"Fastest wins, and you must...

628
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:06,159
{\an8}"..you say."

629
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:07,560
"Fastest wins, and you must...

630
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:12,399
"Your time starts now," mate.

631
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,239
"If you opened this task first,

632
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:17,039
"you must pop the balloon,
then open another task," mate.

633
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:19,399
"Pop the balloon
and then open another task..."

634
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:21,639
Task. Ta... Open another task!

635
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:23,119
I'm scared of popping balloons, mate.

636
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:25,239
Oh, right. Wa-hey!

637
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:27,999
AMY SCREAMS
Mate!

638
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:29,440
Oh!

639
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:31,680
Mate.

640
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,479
"If you opened this task second,

641
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:35,959
{\an8}"you must put the tinfoil

642
00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:37,399
{\an8}"and all the dice in the jar,

643
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:39,399
{\an8}"seal the jar, then open
another task."

644
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:41,520
OK, mate.

645
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:44,479
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

646
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,439
I've not quite got the inflection.

647
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,879
Not quite got the inflecTION.

648
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:50,040
OK.

649
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,759
Two tasks done. Done.
Two tasks done!

650
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:57,439
Ah, OK.

651
00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:00,479
"If you opened this task third,
you must eat a yellow sweet,

652
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:01,919
"then you are finished," mate.

653
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,400
"A yellow sweet,
then you're finished."

654
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,879
Oh, you fucker, mate.

655
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,399
Is it one of these die?

656
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:13,759
It probably would be, wouldn't it?

657
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:16,200
Right, hang on, I'll do this
a bit more carefulLY!

658
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:21,759
That was aggressive.

659
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:23,559
Sorry about that, mate.

660
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:26,639
Does it look like a yellow dice?

661
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:28,439
Di-ICE.

662
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:30,120
Dice is nice.

663
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,119
AMY GASPS

664
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:36,000
Oh! Urgh!

665
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,079
OK. I have to eat the whole thing?

666
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:42,200
Swallow it, yeah? Yeah, don't choke.
OK, mate.

667
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,160
I'm just going to look for
a yellow sweet.

668
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:48,480
Mm-hm.
ARMANDO CLEARS THROAT

669
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:54,040
I've stopped the clock, mate.
Thanks, mate.

670
00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,359
Where did you go? I can't remember,

671
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:02,439
but the good news is I found
a yellow sweet,

672
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,520
so I'll just eat that.

673
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:08,920
Where did you find it?

674
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:11,480
Wrapped around a banana.

675
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:14,720
I've stopped the clock. Thank you.

676
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:20,480
You really lost your mind,
didn't you?!

677
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,399
I thought...
Until you found the sweet, Amy,

678
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:28,079
I thought we'd finally broken you.

679
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:30,639
There was one "mate" that I said
not in my accent

680
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:33,200
and that's when I knew I was angry,
because I said, "Mate!"

681
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:36,919
What did Armando eat at the end?

682
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:38,999
It was a yellow sweet. I mean...

683
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,319
Well, you said it was
previously wrapped around a banana.

684
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,799
It was banana skin.
It was banana-flavoured yellow.

685
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,520
You'd scraped some banana skin off
and tried to pass it off as a sweet?

686
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:49,399
Wait, so that was not a sweet?

687
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:50,959
It looked like a sweet, didn't it?
Yeah.

688
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:52,960
It tasted like a sweet.
But what was it? It was a sweet.

689
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:56,519
It was banana skin.
It was banana skin.

690
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:58,999
Why did you not take a piece of
the actual banana? Yeah.

691
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:00,040
Why is it the skin?

692
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:02,479
Yeah.

693
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,639
Why is it the only non-edible part?

694
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:06,319
I'll tell you this -

695
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:09,159
you could make an argument that
I should disqualify him for that,

696
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:12,360
but I'm not going to because
the whole thing broke my heart.

697
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:17,919
Two more? Two more.

698
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:21,239
And now it's two stars from
the 2020 film Dolittle.

699
00:35:21,240 --> 00:35:23,839
It is Joanna and Kumail,
who were both in Dolittle.

700
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,199
Aw! What?!

701
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,639
I'm going to just do this.
Fine. Yeah.

702
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:31,400
"Complete all three tasks.
Fastest wins, and you must..."

703
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,999
That comes very naturally to me.
I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

704
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:39,000
"And you must...

705
00:35:42,240 --> 00:35:43,240
{\an8}...you say."

706
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:45,760
"Your time starts now."

707
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:48,799
"If you opened this task first,

708
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:51,439
"you must spin 360 degrees
ten times,

709
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,879
"then open another task."

710
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:55,799
"You must completely cover
the balloon in tinfoil,

711
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:58,599
"then open another task."
I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

712
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:01,760
One, two, three, four.

713
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:06,639
Cool. One done.

714
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:08,239
I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

715
00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:11,279
Nine, ten. I'm impressed.

716
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,120
OK, I'm going to go for this one.

717
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:15,799
"If you opened this task second,

718
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:19,079
{\an8}"you must spin 360 degrees 20 times,

719
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:20,159
{\an8}"then open another task."

720
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:21,679
{\an8}I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

721
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,359
"If you opened this task second,

722
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:30,479
"you must put the tinfoil
and all the dice in the jar."

723
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:32,839
Oh, my God. I'm assuming it's...

724
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,160
Agh! Agh! Agh!

725
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:42,439
One, two, three, four, five.

726
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:43,639
{\an8}Oh, and I've just found a sweet.

727
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:45,079
{\an8}But it didn't say
to put the sweet in,

728
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:48,120
{\an8}so I'm keeping that because
I probably need that for later on.

729
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,999
I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

730
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,840
I'm Kumail Nanjiani. 20.

731
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:01,759
Right.
"If you opened this task third,

732
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:06,239
"you must wrap the yellow sweet
in the tinfoil,

733
00:37:06,240 --> 00:37:07,560
"then you are finished."

734
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,959
"You must eat a yellow sweet,
then you are finished."

735
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:13,240
I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

736
00:37:16,240 --> 00:37:19,959
Oh, that's not a yellow sweet,
is it? I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

737
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,319
It's a pink sweet, right? Right.

738
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:26,640
So I'm going to suck this one
because it might be a changing one.

739
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,039
Where is there a sweet?

740
00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:32,400
There's a sweet somewhere,
but where?

741
00:37:34,240 --> 00:37:36,920
Where is it?
JOANNA EXHALES

742
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:44,799
Even an idiot would have to agree
that's a yellow sweet.

743
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:45,920
I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

744
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,679
I've stopped the clock.
This is weird.

745
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:51,920
JOANNA EXHALES

746
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:54,319
Right.

747
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,719
I'm going to take this apart.

748
00:37:56,720 --> 00:37:57,799
Oh, my God.

749
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,599
I'm sorry, I'm quite astounded
by my own thinking.

750
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:02,999
I am absolutely and utterly chuffed.

751
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:04,239
I've stopped the clock.

752
00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:05,599
Whew! Flipping heck.

753
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:08,400
I'm chuffed. I'm chuffed.
I'm chuffed.

754
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:13,999
I couldn't quite tell

755
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,759
what sort of mood Joanna was in
at the end of that.

756
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:17,199
No, mixed emotions. Yeah.

757
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,599
It was utter relief. Yeah.

758
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,639
I think I went in, like,
cameramen's pockets and stuff.

759
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:24,559
I was searching, like, everyone.

760
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:26,919
Kumail. Greg.

761
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,960
Were you asked to say your name
in the style of Roger Moore?

762
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:33,520
I can't help it,
I'm Kumail Nanjiani. Woo!

763
00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:37,639
OK, time for the final ad break.

764
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,719
Today's episode will end
with somebody celebrating onstage

765
00:38:40,720 --> 00:38:43,479
with a jammy kebab
and a prosthetic tongue.

766
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:45,199
Oh, I love jam!

767
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,439
He does. He loves jam.

768
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:48,440
See you in a bit.

769
00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:59,359
Hello!

770
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:01,039
It's the final part of the show

771
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,839
and we need to finish
what we started in the lab.

772
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,559
Our guys had to complete three tasks

773
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:08,679
which they could tackle
in whichever order they liked.

774
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:11,679
One person left.
He's part man, he's part egg,

775
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:13,640
he's Joel Dom-elette.

776
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:19,519
"Complete all three tasks.

777
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:20,560
"Fastest wins, and you must..."

778
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:24,599
{\an8}"..you say." You say.

779
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:26,039
"Your time starts now." Starts now.

780
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,759
"You must pop the balloon,
then open another task."

781
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:29,760
Another task.

782
00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:37,999
"You must eat a red sweet
and then open another task."

783
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:39,399
Another task.

784
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,200
Red sweet? Mm-hm. Red sweet.

785
00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:45,079
Is there a red sweet in here?
You're looking for a red sweet.

786
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:47,160
I'm looking for a red sweet.
Mm. Red sweet.

787
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:51,079
AUDIENCE GASP

788
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:52,559
You're thinking about eating
the wax?

789
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:54,440
I'm thinking about eating the wax.
The wax.

790
00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:58,000
That's your red sweet, is it?

791
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:03,000
That nice?

792
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:07,639
Mm. OK, so we're saying
you've done two tasks. Yep.

793
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:09,199
Can't wait for that waxy poop.

794
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:10,839
"If you opened this task third,

795
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:15,079
"you must spin 360 degrees 30 times,
then you are finished."

796
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:17,600
Yes! I love this stuff. Here we go.

797
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:21,880
I've just seen the red sweet.

798
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:34,760
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine...

799
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:40,279
...25, 26, 27, 28... Getting fast.

800
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:42,320
...29, 30.

801
00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:45,840
I can't stop. I can't stop.

802
00:40:49,240 --> 00:40:50,520
This is exhilarating!

803
00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:54,480
You started so fast. I know.

804
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:04,079
Look, this episode,
I think we've learnt

805
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,199
that there's a lot of things
that I'm not good at,

806
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:09,119
and spinning, I'm good at that.

807
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:10,279
You were really good at it.

808
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:12,239
I mean, you were so good
you'd spun more than 30 times.

809
00:41:12,240 --> 00:41:15,319
But did you have to say the last
two words for the whole thing?

810
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:16,679
He was meant to,
you're right, Kumail.

811
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:17,719
And after eating the wax seal,

812
00:41:17,720 --> 00:41:21,319
he stopped saying
the end of the sentence again,

813
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:22,759
but I imagine Greg didn't mind

814
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:23,919
because he liked the spinning
so much.

815
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:25,319
I'll just check in. He just...

816
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:27,439
Do you mind about him not
repeating the word?

817
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:29,799
I don't mind because he span
so many times.

818
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:31,679
I thought that was the case, yeah.

819
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,239
So it doesn't matter
if you do the task or not?

820
00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:35,520
Not really. OK.

821
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:39,879
Here are the scores.

822
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:41,399
Joanna, you were actually
the slowest.

823
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:43,239
11 minutes 30,
so it's one point for you.

824
00:41:43,240 --> 00:41:47,400
Armando next, nine minutes 12
including banana skin.

825
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:50,119
We'll allow it.

826
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:52,559
Amy gets three points -
six minutes, five seconds.

827
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:54,839
So it's between Kumail and Joel.

828
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:59,000
One of you took five minutes 40,
the other four minutes 57.

829
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:04,239
Joel, you get five points.

830
00:42:04,240 --> 00:42:06,319
Oh! You got four minutes 57.

831
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:08,639
Kumail gets four points
in second place. Ah!

832
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:11,399
Well done, Joel Dommett.

833
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,640
It's an injustice. I'm so sorry.

834
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:19,720
Gosh. That does seem grossly unfair.

835
00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:24,640
Please make your way to the stage
for the final task of the show!

836
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:33,240
Hello.

837
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,839
Well, then, my boy,
who will be reading out the task?

838
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:40,079
I'm your baby boy. Amy Gledhill.

839
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:41,320
Thank you, baby boy.

840
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:47,559
"Be the first to communicate
the item to your team.

841
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:52,039
"You must not make any noise,
you must use your pencil and ball,

842
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:55,079
"and you must stare
at both throughout.

843
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:58,039
"You must stay on your spots
at all times.

844
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:02,959
"Best team of communicators
after five rounds wins."

845
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,279
Fantastic. OK.

846
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:06,760
Is this a task
where we have to follow the rules?

847
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:14,239
I'm going to come over and show
Amy and Joanna the first item.

848
00:43:14,240 --> 00:43:15,480
This is the first one. Ready?

849
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,640
It's like charades. It is charades.

850
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,039
So remember, no noise,

851
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,879
you must use your items
and stare at them.

852
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:28,080
- Ready?
- Ready.
WHISTLE BLOWS

853
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:32,159
Dog. Bowling.

854
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:34,239
Dog's right! Done. Oh.

855
00:43:34,240 --> 00:43:36,639
Right. It's a quick one
and they're 1-0 up.

856
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:38,400
Yeah. Good.

857
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:41,720
OK. Ready?

858
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:48,159
Don't look. All right.

859
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:50,400
Mm. Different reactions.

860
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:54,999
Round two. 1-0 to the team of two.
Remember, shout it out.

861
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,039
Canoe. Boat. Rowing. Oar.

862
00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:59,319
A gondola.

863
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:01,479
Gondola. Gondola.

864
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,159
Canoe. Canoe. Ship.
Ship. Yacht. Battleship. Venice.

865
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:07,519
Venice. Pirate ship. Sea. River.
Sailing.

866
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:09,679
A stream. A river. Stare at your
items, please. The sea. The ocean.

867
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:11,839
Stare at your items. Ocean.
Stare at your items. Sea. Ocean.

868
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:13,039
Ocean.

869
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:14,599
Ocean! It is the ocean!
But we said ocean, too!

870
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:15,879
She said it first!
She said it first!

871
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:17,919
She said it first!
She did say ocean first.

872
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:19,599
The gallery are actually
checking it...

873
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:21,840
Yeah. ..cos here, we're all
about the rules.

874
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,280
We have analysed the footage
and the fastest team was...

875
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:30,639
...Joanna and Armando.

876
00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:33,799
Oh! Oh! Ooh.

877
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:34,919
So please switch round again.

878
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:36,999
You're 2-0 up.

879
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,919
One more will get you the win,
but how big will the win be? Oh.

880
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:41,159
Hello again. Hello.

881
00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:43,319
I'm bad at this. No, you won't be.

882
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:44,719
You're in movies!

883
00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:45,760
You can do this!

884
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:48,360
Yes, you're Kumail Nanjiani.

885
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:51,240
Ready? Go.

886
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:56,839
Toothbrush.
Please stay on your spot, Kumail.

887
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:58,159
The rules!

888
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:00,639
Corn. Corn. Sweetcorn.
Corn on the cob.

889
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:01,719
Nice and silent.

890
00:45:01,720 --> 00:45:03,039
Straw. Straw. Fork.

891
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:05,559
Stare at your items.
Fork. Knife. Spoon.

892
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:06,839
Fork. Knife. Spoon. Straw. Suck.

893
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:08,439
Keep your eye on the ball.

894
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:09,999
Stare at your items, please. Eating.

895
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:11,119
Peas.

896
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:12,479
Food. Food. Food.

897
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:13,719
Spaghetti.

898
00:45:13,720 --> 00:45:14,959
Yes! It is spaghetti!

899
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:16,760
AMY SQUEALS
Incredible.

900
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:20,559
Amazing. Just about.

901
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:22,479
OK, switch around.

902
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:24,399
It's 2-1, they're back in it.
Switch around again. Oh.

903
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:25,759
Right. We're back in it. OK.

904
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:27,559
Hello, Armando. Hi, Alex.

905
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:28,879
Don't give anything away
when you see it.

906
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:29,920
Is that all right?

907
00:45:31,240 --> 00:45:32,280
Thank you.

908
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:37,960
OK.

909
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:42,159
Please look at your items. Cool.

910
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:44,320
Greg Davies. Yes, it is Greg Davies!
Yes!

911
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:47,999
It's 2-2. Ooh.

912
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:51,719
Well done! That was amazing!
Right. Wow.

913
00:45:51,720 --> 00:45:53,519
Right. Oh, wow. Remarkable.

914
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:56,599
Back in the game.
OK, well, this is the final one.

915
00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:58,039
OK.

916
00:45:58,040 --> 00:45:59,079
We can do this. Come on, buddy.

917
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:01,480
We can do it. We can do this.
You guys are so great.

918
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:07,560
OK.
Whoever gets this wins the task.

919
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:12,839
JOANNA AND JOEL GROWL

920
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:13,840
Javelin.

921
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:16,159
Brushing your teeth. Dragon.

922
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:17,919
Dragon. Monster. Uh...

923
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:19,839
Uh... Do...

924
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:20,959
Art.

925
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:22,199
What is that?
Can you do something else?

926
00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:24,039
Look at your items.
Look at your items. Eating.

927
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:26,159
Wax. Seal.

928
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:28,400
A bat. A bat.

929
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:31,759
A vampire. Yes, it is vampire!
It's vampire!

930
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:33,480
Yeah!

931
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:39,919
OK, we'll add those
to the final scores.

932
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:41,240
Come down and join me!

933
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:51,159
Woohoo!

934
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,999
Well...
Five points to the team of three,

935
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:55,639
and then how many
for the team of two?

936
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:58,039
Well, they did OK - three points?
Three points?

937
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:00,280
OK, so three for the team of two,
five for the team of three.

938
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:05,679
How has that affected
the final scores?

939
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:07,479
Well, Armando,
you won't believe it,

940
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:09,919
is in last place with ten points.
Mm.

941
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:11,999
The other two boys are at the top.
Kumail's got 18 points,

942
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:14,479
but the winner of this episode,
the first time he's won a show,

943
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:15,840
is Joel Dommett. No way!

944
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:19,640
Joel Dommett wins!

945
00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:27,160
Please go and have your celebrations
with the best combination!

946
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:46,480
Subtitles by Red Bee Media