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[ Static ]

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[ Polka music plays ]

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♪ My dreams are all dead
and buried ♪

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♪ Sometimes I wish the sun
would just explode ♪

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♪ Just explode

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♪ When God comes and calls me
to his kingdom ♪

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♪ I'll take all you polka people
when I go ♪

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♪ When I go, when I go

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[ Yodeling ]

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♪ Let her blow now

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♪ Hey, oh
♪ Let her blow now

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♪ Hey, oh
♪ Let her blow now

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♪ Hey, oh
♪ Let her blow now

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♪ Hey!

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My turn.
Hell no.

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Man, let me drive that thing!
Come on.

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Do not touch the trim!

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Nubbins: As y'all know,

19
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we're gearing up
for our big mission trip.

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Could we please not
go to Haiti this year?

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We go where God calls us,
Early.

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Well,
if he calls from Haiti,

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let's don't pick up
the damn phone.

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'Cause I hated Haiti.
You feel me?

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Probably why
they call it Haiti,

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'cause everybody
hates it.

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I hate it.

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I had such a bad time
in Haiti.

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I mean, pardon my French,
but [Bleep] Haiti.

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Let me remind everyone --

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this ain't
some beach vacation.

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We're there to build homes
and spread the gospel.

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Well, I'm gonna spread
some suntan lotion,

34
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spread some legs,
spread the word

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that Early Cuyler's
comin' to town, baby!

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Unless it's Haiti.

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I ain't goin'
to Haiti again.

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We're going to
Quetzaltenango, Guatemala.

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Jackpot!

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Toes in the sand
and beer in my hand!

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Quetzaltenango, baby!

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Well, go on.

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Pack your swimsuit
and your boogie board.

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The bus leaves next Sunday.

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Next Sunday!
A full week from right now!

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Hell yeah! Whoo!

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[ Tires squealing
in distance ]

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[ Hushed voice ]
I lied, y'all.

49
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The bus leaves
tomorrow morning, 3:00 a.m.

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under cloak of night.

51
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But you just told Early
a week from now.

52
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And hopefully
God will forgive me,

53
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but God don't want him down
there, and neither do I.

54
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Wait, so are you leaving him
here with us?

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It's just a week,
Ruby Jean.

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Ah, don't sugarcoat it.

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It's the rest
of our lives!

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♪♪

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Early: Well, now...
[ Gasps ]

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Well,
if it ain't Jimmy Buffett

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setting sail
for Margaritaville.

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If I didn't know better,

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I'd say you but sneakin' off
on a mission trip.

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I-I just like
to be ready early, y'know.

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Not so early
like we're leaving early.

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Not like six days early
or anything.

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[ Chuckling ]
It ain't like we're kinda

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sneakin' out
under the secrecy of darkness

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or under the cloak of night

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or nothin' like that
or anything, y'know.

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[ Speaking Spanish ]

72
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Oh, you're learning Mexican,
are you?

73
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That's good.
Oh, yeah.

74
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I even made me
some index cards here

75
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with some common
Mexican phrases.

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Go on. Quiz me.

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"Hello."

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Hola.

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"Where is the bathroom?"

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Dónde está el baño.

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"Your breasts are plump

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and...sexual to me.

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May I pour a full gallon of milk
upon them?"

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Down there,
it's respectable to ask.

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You don't want to be
too forward.

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You know, this just may not
be the trip for you.

87
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Listen, I'll --
I'll see you later.

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I got to get to,
uh, work?

89
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You know,
what I get paid for?

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Uh, drivin' my police car

91
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and, uh, bein' uh,
a sheriff?

92
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Without
your gun and badge?

93
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Well, it's uh...

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kinda like a...
casual Monday.

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[ Clears throat ]
See ya later.

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He bought it.
[ Chuckles evilly ]

97
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[ Engine starts ] Monday's
ain't never casual.

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You think I don't know
corporate culture?

99
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[ Speaking Spanish ]

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[ Hushed voice ] Let's go.
Quick. Keep your feet movin'.

101
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Go. Go, go.

102
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Come on, Sheriff,
we got to go!

103
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I-I ran into Early.

104
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But don't worry,

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I'm -- I'm pretty sure
I shook him.

106
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God help me,
I told him so many lies.

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[ Match strikes ] Early: A
turtle of lies, would you say?

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Ohhh...hey, Early...
you made it.

109
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You think my boogie board's
gonna fit

110
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under that
storage compartment?

111
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Just made it last night --
Chinese gypsum.

112
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[ Strained ] Get in there,
you son of a bitch!

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Early, we can't
have you down there

114
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if you're
just gonna surf.

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I know that.
I'm also scuba diving.

116
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I'm ready to explore
the briny deep!

117
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I got you a new
[grunting] toothbrush!

118
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You got to keep them
pearly whites sparkly clean!

119
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You think I'm some kind of fool?
[ Thwack! ]

120
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If I get back
from preaching Jesus' word

121
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and I find out you been
[bleep] with me,

122
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you been [bleep]
the damn wrong [bleep]hole.

123
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I will burn that goddamn house
to the ground

124
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with every damn one of us
in it.

125
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You get my message?

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Now give me
my damn toothbrush.

127
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Okay, love you!
I love you, Daddy.

128
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I love you too, son!

129
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Now, preacher,

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I expect to have
the same itinerary

131
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as everybody else.

132
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Fine. Fine,
here you go, big man.

133
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Buildin' houses?
6:00 a.m.?

134
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Who made this son-of-a-bitch
vacation schedule?

135
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♪ Kumbaya, my lord

136
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♪ Kumbaya

137
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I thought
we was buildin' a wall

138
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to keep 'em out --

139
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not four walls
and a roof!

140
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,790
God damn,
it's hot out here!

141
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,955
What kind of dumb-ass people
live in a place this hot?!

142
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♪ Kumbaya, my lord What happened
to "America First," huh?

143
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♪ Kumbaya Hell, I got holes in
my own son-of-a-bitchin' roof!

144
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If I wanted
to work on a house,

145
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I could've stayed home
and done that!

146
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,869
You think I like
workin' on houses?

147
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Hell, no!
My house is a piece of shit!

148
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Rusty:
Hey, Granny, look at this.

149
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I found all these samples

150
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in the dumpster
behind the paint store.

151
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Oh, it's beautiful, baby.

152
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Like Joseph's
coat of many colors.

153
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,489
Sure is nice not having

154
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that old damn
third wheel around.

155
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You know, sometimes,
squeaky wheels,

156
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they get greased.

157
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"Woman, please, no!"

158
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[ Gunshot ]
[ Chuckles ]

159
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Granny, come on, now.

160
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You know
no one would blame us.

161
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Whoop--

162
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[ Gunshot ]
Gimme that.

163
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Listen, I think Daddy's
gonna come back a changed man

164
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after spending some time
down there

165
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and spreadin'
the gospel.

166
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I hope he's spreadin'
his ass cheeks

167
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in the Guatemalan jail.

168
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♪♪

169
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Sheriff: Hoo-whee!

170
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Stick a fork in me,
ha, I'm done.

171
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,677
Early, will you pray
in fellowship with me?

172
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:52,047
God damn it, ain't we talked
to him enough today?

173
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:55,862
Blessed Jesus,

174
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,589
I thank thee
for the opportunity

175
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to build houses down here,

176
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even though I claim to be
a master electrician,

177
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:05,569
and you and I both know,
very well, that I am not.

178
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:08,499
Please allow us
safe passage back to America,

179
00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:12,436
where the food doesn't give me
such explosive diarrhea.

180
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[ To the tune of "Kumbaya" ]
♪ Copper pipes, my lord

181
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:17,878
♪ Copper wire

182
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,881
♪ Head to town, my Lord

183
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♪ Find a buyer

184
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I mean, half the time
when I squat over

185
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:26,054
one of these holes
in the ground,

186
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I -- I mess
right in my pants

187
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:30,221
'cause I can't get
no leverage.

188
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,927
♪ Tie one on, my lord

189
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,389
♪ And drink some drinks

190
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:34,957
♪ Get [cha-ching] up,
my lord ♪

191
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♪ Cause hijinks
Whoo!

192
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:39,574
Lord, I only packed
seven pairs of undies

193
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,640
and I've fully wrecked
six of them.

194
00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:44,069
Why would you create
such a place?

195
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:47,984
Anyway, I should
wrap this up, so...amen.

196
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,138
What the --?

197
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:51,406
His boogie board.
His note cards.

198
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,075
Everything
he would have with him

199
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,823
if he were leaving, gone.

200
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:58,018
[ Latin club music playing ]

201
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:08,755
Yeah, baby!

202
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,556
Let's get some leche
up in here in this bitch!

203
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:12,168
Somebody's gonna
finally let me do it!

204
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:14,499
Hell yeah! Owww!

205
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:15,635
Señorita?

206
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:16,639
[ Cow moos ]

207
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,270
[ Men grunting ]

208
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:21,165
Sheriff: The copper pipes.
The copper wires.

209
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,238
Everything Early
would probably

210
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,146
rip off of
a job site, gone.

211
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,608
Unbelievable.

212
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:27,747
Don't I know it.

213
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:28,751
[ Spits ]

214
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,182
The crime down here sucks.

215
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,017
Where are all the pipes,
Early?

216
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,322
What you mean
"all the pipes"?

217
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:34,863
There's still some PVC
up there.

218
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,818
'Cause nobody wants PVC!

219
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:38,027
Ooh, but they go crazy

220
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,488
for that copper though,
won't they?

221
00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:41,087
Whoo! The market for that
is robust!

222
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,298
I knew it was you.
Drive him to the airstrip...

223
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:44,970
Whoa, whoa!
Hey, wait, wait!

224
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,968
...and put him on a flight home.
You the same sombitches

225
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,300
that beat my ass
three hours ago!

226
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,295
[ Wailing ]
Corruption!

227
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,538
Early: Landscaping...
paint job...

228
00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:56,114
Looks nice what y'all done
with the place.

229
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,983
Gon' look even better
all lit up at night...

230
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,182
on fire.

231
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,223
Aww.
You just got home.

232
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:04,689
Why not kick back
and relax,

233
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:07,958
and not say all that
ominous, terrifying shit

234
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,358
for a little bit?

235
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,119
What do you -- what do you mean
light it on fire?

236
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,328
So they won't think
it was me.

237
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,629
So they don't know
what I'm doin',

238
00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:17,202
or what I done,
or what I plan to do!

239
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:20,000
Yeah, I still don't know
what your doin'.

240
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,543
Or what you done.

241
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:23,339
Or what you're
plannin' to do, Daddy.

242
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,170
I'm sayin', if it was me,

243
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,205
how did my house
burn down too?

244
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,880
Thus there's not a way
it was me.

245
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,240
To do what?

246
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,308
To burn
the goddamn church down

247
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,016
for how they hurt
my damn feelings down there.

248
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:38,389
If in fact
that is what I did,

249
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:41,558
which is not what I did,
'cause I didn't do it!

250
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:46,357
Rusty: Daddy, why do we always
got to solve our problems

251
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:47,703
by burnin' the house down?

252
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,198
Didn't I just
go over this?

253
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,059
It's like we don't
communicate no more!

254
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,098
[ Glass shatters ]

255
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,272
♪♪

256
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,241
[ Grunting ]
There we go.

257
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:59,369
Bienvenidos
to your new casa.

258
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:03,006
[ Electricity crackles ]

259
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,383
Ohh, Sheriff.

260
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:06,511
Look, I prayed
that this would work,

261
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,946
and now I'm prayin'
for forgiveness.

262
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,722
Can we all join hands?

263
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:14,451
Come on, y'all,
we got a flight to catch.

264
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:20,229
Well, you know, Satan,
he's --

265
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,960
he also works in
mysterious ways too.

266
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,226
Oh,
you're a preacher now?

267
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,104
'Cause you certainly
ain't an electrician.

268
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:27,233
What the hell?!

269
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,897
Our sanctuary!

270
00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:29,896
Put it out!

271
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,097
Everybody put it out!

272
00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:32,868
Ah, don't worry,
Pastor Nubbins.

273
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,236
Maybe some Guatemalans
will fly up here,

274
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,905
with fancy t-shirts on,

275
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:38,254
and rebuild you a church.

276
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,208
Early, what the hell
are you doing here?

277
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,417
When y'all sent me home
the way you done,

278
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,549
every voice in my head
was a-tellin' me,

279
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,294
"burn that damn church down

280
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,759
and then burn
your own house down, too,

281
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,419
so they won't think
you done it."

282
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,327
But I didn't
burn this church down.

283
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,259
Because I was raised
better than that.

284
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,434
This here
was done by lightning.

285
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,003
Lightning?
Uh-huh.

286
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,431
Lightning strike.

287
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,426
Straight from
Jesus' fingertips, probably.

288
00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:03,768
You know how he hates for me
to get my feelings hurt.

289
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:05,914
For some reason,
I don't believe you, Early.

290
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,439
Hell, how could I be lying?
It hit my place too.

291
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:10,735
Your place burned too,
Early?

292
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,578
Well,
there's no way he's lying.

293
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,952
And Sheriff
ain't lying neither.

294
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:16,121
His place burned, as well.
What?!

295
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,789
Momma!
[ Whining ] No!

296
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:20,318
Looks like the Christ child
is smiting you all

297
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,593
for all the hubris
of what --

298
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,361
[ Gunshot ]
Oh, my God!

299
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,290
Early!
Oh, no!

300
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:28,525
My only boy, struck
down in his prime! Oh!

301
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:30,701
Uh...
By lightning.

302
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,631
Lightning got him,
right?

303
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:34,426
I mean, there's no question.
Lightning.

304
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,597
-Oh, yeah. Yeah.
-Yeah.

305
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,795
-Yeah.
-Looked like lightning.

306
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,637
It looked like
you kinda shot --

307
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:40,142
[ Gunshot ] My knee!
[ Whimpers ]

308
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,683
Lightning can hit anyone.

309
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:45,810
Anyone...

310
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:48,116
I'll just write it up
as lightning.

311
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:56,018
♪♪

312
00:10:56,056 --> 00:11:03,956
♪♪

313
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:11,937
♪♪