1
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:27,416
And what the case
here clearly needs is...

2
00:00:28,375 --> 00:00:30,666
My daughter! He's got my daughter!

3
00:00:31,166 --> 00:00:32,416
Judge, you're mistaken.

4
00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,541
The only need is me.

5
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:44,250
-This way!
-No. This way.

6
00:01:09,416 --> 00:01:10,250
Hey!

7
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:15,732
Where's her daughter?

8
00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:27,250
Watch out! It's gonna blow!

9
00:01:35,833 --> 00:01:36,833
Cut there.

10
00:01:36,916 --> 00:01:38,818
Reset.

11
00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:41,291
What are you doing?

12
00:01:41,416 --> 00:01:42,958
You know me.
I never do my own stunts.

13
00:01:43,041 --> 00:01:44,042
Clarky boy. You're up.

14
00:01:44,125 --> 00:01:46,613
Well, maybe if you worked out
once in a while, Brad.

15
00:01:46,916 --> 00:01:48,667
Some of the biggest stars
do their own stunts.

16
00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:51,917
Not this big star, but if you wanna
talk about it further over drinks?

17
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,875
Mm. Can my husband
and two small children come too?

18
00:01:54,958 --> 00:01:57,041
You're cute. I'll take a rain check.

19
00:01:57,125 --> 00:01:58,750
-Alf.
-Brad.

20
00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:01,125
Wonderful work today.

21
00:02:01,458 --> 00:02:05,000
<i>It's a Killing Time 7's</i>gonna
be fresher than<i>4</i>and<i>5.</i>

22
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,083
Well, thanks, buddy.

23
00:02:06,166 --> 00:02:08,458
But I still have concerns
over scene 22.

24
00:02:08,583 --> 00:02:10,625
I think I'm coming off a little...
unlikeable,

25
00:02:10,708 --> 00:02:12,208
and the woman's really underwritten.

26
00:02:12,291 --> 00:02:14,041
-Well, I may...
-Not now, sugar.

27
00:02:14,125 --> 00:02:16,167
You know what?
I'm gonna sort that for you.

28
00:02:16,250 --> 00:02:17,250
You're my man.

29
00:02:19,708 --> 00:02:21,166
Stand by, everyone.

30
00:02:22,666 --> 00:02:24,125
Good luck, Maggie.

31
00:02:24,208 --> 00:02:25,625
It's Martha.

32
00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:29,583
Who cares?

33
00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:39,208
Hey.

34
00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:45,375
I'm so sorry to ask, Mr Mac,
but would you say it, please?

35
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,791
The only need... is me.

36
00:02:49,916 --> 00:02:52,041
I'm going to miss these movies.

37
00:02:52,125 --> 00:02:54,541
Miss? What do you mean, miss?

38
00:02:55,541 --> 00:02:57,625
I don't believe it.
They don't wanna make<i>Killing Time 8?</i>

39
00:02:57,708 --> 00:02:59,666
Still. You had a good run.

40
00:02:59,750 --> 00:03:01,291
We only made seven films.

41
00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:03,458
Each one better than the last.

42
00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:06,845
You know what, forget it. Fine.

43
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,041
What's next?

44
00:03:09,083 --> 00:03:10,791
Listen, Brad, I'll level with you.

45
00:03:10,875 --> 00:03:12,500
There is no next.

46
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:16,041
Er, the bottom line is people
don't want to hire you.

47
00:03:16,958 --> 00:03:19,750
What? Why?
'Cause I'm too expensive?

48
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,666
Er, because you're difficult.

49
00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:25,000
You're late on set, and you refuse
to do your own stunts.

50
00:03:25,083 --> 00:03:26,292
You don't remember names.

51
00:03:26,375 --> 00:03:27,750
You failed your medicals.

52
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,042
Oh, my God.
How many times do I have to say it?

53
00:03:30,125 --> 00:03:32,041
It was the day after the Super Bowl.

54
00:03:32,125 --> 00:03:34,564
When me and the boys get together,
stuff goes down.

55
00:03:35,541 --> 00:03:38,333
There's gotta be
some kind of romcom I can do.

56
00:03:38,958 --> 00:03:40,416
Or a biopic.

57
00:03:40,958 --> 00:03:44,166
We could use this as an opportunity
for me to really stretch.

58
00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:47,833
With the right makeup artist,
I could play Barack Obama.

59
00:03:47,916 --> 00:03:49,125
Christ.

60
00:03:49,208 --> 00:03:51,666
Yeah. Probably still too young, huh?

61
00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:53,791
Look, there is
one thing knocking around.

62
00:03:53,875 --> 00:03:54,875
What?

63
00:03:56,458 --> 00:03:57,958
Theatre in England.

64
00:03:58,958 --> 00:04:00,250
In front of a live audience?

65
00:04:00,333 --> 00:04:01,333
Exactly.

66
00:04:01,416 --> 00:04:04,208
Well, it's something
I've always wanted to do, but...

67
00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:07,875
you and I both know I only ever took
that one film acting class.

68
00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:12,333
I mean, I might be a natural,
but theatre kind of scares me.

69
00:04:12,416 --> 00:04:14,833
-You, scared?
-I've only ever done films.

70
00:04:14,916 --> 00:04:18,375
Well, it's exactly the same.
Just louder.

71
00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:20,333
-Really?
-Yeah.

72
00:04:20,416 --> 00:04:21,916
Are you sure that's it?

73
00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:23,666
Trust me.

74
00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:25,041
Huh.

75
00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:26,875
Louder.

76
00:04:28,541 --> 00:04:30,583
You know what? Count me in.

77
00:04:30,666 --> 00:04:33,875
Great. Now we are talking
about a very traditional production,

78
00:04:33,958 --> 00:04:36,000
but with your name on the marquee,
it'll sell out in seconds.

79
00:04:36,083 --> 00:04:37,125
Me, a sell out!

80
00:04:37,208 --> 00:04:38,750
You said it, kid, not me.

81
00:04:38,833 --> 00:04:41,500
And doesn't your daughter live
in England?

82
00:04:41,583 --> 00:04:44,875
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't get to
see her as much any more.

83
00:04:44,958 --> 00:04:46,833
Well, this is a chance to reconnect.

84
00:04:46,916 --> 00:04:50,458
We're connected. I just don't get
to see her as much as I want to.

85
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,500
So. Theatre in England?

86
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:53,916
Yes!

87
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,000
You know what?

88
00:04:55,083 --> 00:04:57,916
We're gonna show the whole world
what Bradley Mac can do.

89
00:04:58,416 --> 00:05:00,625
Because when push comes to shove...

90
00:05:01,708 --> 00:05:03,208
the only need is me.

91
00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:07,708
Oh, Jesus.

92
00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,541
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

93
00:05:17,125 --> 00:05:19,369
Would you like to have
a look at the menu, sir?

94
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,958
I'm sorry to disturb you,

95
00:05:36,041 --> 00:05:40,041
but we've been watching you
the whole flight. My husband and I...

96
00:05:43,416 --> 00:05:46,791
We're just huge fans of
the<i>Killing Time</i>movies.

97
00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:48,916
Thank you. That's very kind.

98
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,750
It's so inspiring to see

99
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:55,000
a man of your age
still throw themselves around.

100
00:05:55,708 --> 00:05:58,750
In-in all fairness,
I like the first one

101
00:05:58,833 --> 00:06:02,750
much more than the last one,
but who cares?

102
00:06:02,833 --> 00:06:04,666
-They're fun!
-Yeah.

103
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:09,333
What kind of woman doesn't love
a cuddly older man?

104
00:06:09,833 --> 00:06:13,166
-Chocolate chip cookie?
-No. I'm good, thanks.

105
00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:14,708
Have a good flight.

106
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,541
Hello, Mr Mac.

107
00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:22,500
Hi.

108
00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:25,541
Hi again. I'm just in the limo.

109
00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:29,416
<i>-Rented, but still a limo.</i>
-Where are you?

110
00:06:29,541 --> 00:06:30,625
<i>No, I'm outside.</i>

111
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,875
<i>I've got a sign. You won't miss me.</i>

112
00:06:32,958 --> 00:06:33,958
Where outside?

113
00:06:34,041 --> 00:06:35,875
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

114
00:06:38,083 --> 00:06:40,750
Mr Mac, I'm Nigel Brand.

115
00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:42,500
Here to take you to the Savoy.

116
00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:44,250
The Savoy again.

117
00:06:46,541 --> 00:06:49,208
I gotta say, I'm a huge fan.

118
00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:51,083
I just loved<i>Top Gun.</i>

119
00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:55,916
Oh, heated seats as requested.

120
00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:01,000
Oh, and here's your natural
volcanic water, sir.

121
00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:02,041
Thank you.

122
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:17,625
♪ <i>Snow is falling all around me ♪</i>

123
00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:22,333
♪ <i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

124
00:07:23,125 --> 00:07:24,875
<i>♪ It's the season ♪</i>

125
00:07:24,958 --> 00:07:27,791
<i>♪ Love and understanding ♪</i>

126
00:07:27,875 --> 00:07:31,750
♪ <i>Merry Christmas, everyone</i> ♪

127
00:07:32,708 --> 00:07:36,750
<i>♪ At the parties and celebrations ♪</i>

128
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:41,333
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

129
00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:46,625
{\an8}<i>♪ Time for presents
And exchanging kisses ♪</i>

130
00:07:46,708 --> 00:07:50,708
{\an8}<i>♪ Time for singing Christmas songs ♪</i>

131
00:07:52,416 --> 00:07:56,500
<i>♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪</i>

132
00:07:57,208 --> 00:08:00,708
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="
Underneath the mistletoe ♪</i>

133
00:08:00,833 --> 00:08:03,208
<i>♪ And kiss by candlelight ♪</i>

134
00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:07,208
<i>♪ The room is swaying
Records playing ♪</i>

135
00:08:08,041 --> 00:08:11,958
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

136
00:08:12,541 --> 00:08:17,166
<i>♪ Oh, I wish
That... every day was Christmas ♪</i>

137
00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:21,416
<i>♪ What a nice way to spend the year ♪</i>

138
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:22,500
<i>♪ Whoo, yeah ♪</i>

139
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,979
And on your left,
Mr Mac, you're gonna see...

140
00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,041
Mr Mac?

141
00:08:41,916 --> 00:08:45,916
<i>♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪</i>

142
00:08:46,541 --> 00:08:50,708
<i>♪ I'm gonna find that girl
Underneath the mistletoe ♪</i>

143
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:52,375
<i>♪ And kiss by candlelight ♪</i>

144
00:08:52,791 --> 00:08:54,708
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

145
00:08:54,791 --> 00:08:56,583
<i>♪ All around me ♪</i>

146
00:08:57,458 --> 00:09:01,458
♪ <i>Children playing, having fun</i> ♪

147
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,500
<i>♪ It's the season ♪</i>

148
00:09:03,958 --> 00:09:06,666
<i>♪ Love and understanding ♪</i>

149
00:09:07,041 --> 00:09:10,583
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

150
00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:15,416
<i>♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪</i>

151
00:09:16,041 --> 00:09:20,416
{\an8}<i>♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪</i>

152
00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:32,125
<i>♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪</i>

153
00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:37,041
{\an8}♪<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

154
00:09:37,791 --> 00:09:39,250
{\an8}<i>♪ It's the season ♪</i>

155
00:09:39,625 --> 00:09:41,916
{\an8}<i>♪ Love and understanding ♪</i>

156
00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:46,208
<i>♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪</i>

157
00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:51,208
<i>♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪</i>

158
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:55,583
{\an8}♪<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

159
00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:57,833
{\an8}<i>♪ It's the season ♪</i>

160
00:09:58,125 --> 00:10:01,000
<i>♪ Love and understanding ♪</i>

161
00:10:01,458 --> 00:10:05,541
<i>♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪</i>

162
00:10:05,958 --> 00:10:08,416
<i>♪ Oh, snow is falling ♪</i>

163
00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:22,541
All right. Mr Mac.

164
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:24,875
Mr Mac.

165
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,250
Mr Mac, we're here.

166
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:44,041
What are you talking about?

167
00:10:45,625 --> 00:10:46,666
Where's Big Ben?

168
00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:48,250
Harrods? Downton Abbey?

169
00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:50,750
Nah, we missed all that, sleepyhead.

170
00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:54,541
But welcome, Mr Mac, to the Savoy.

171
00:10:56,125 --> 00:10:58,583
Now there is currently
no running water,

172
00:10:58,666 --> 00:11:01,166
but you don't mind
skipping a shower day, do you?

173
00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:02,708
Is this some kind of a joke?

174
00:11:02,791 --> 00:11:04,291
Is what a joke?

175
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,291
Where the hell's London?

176
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,916
Well, it's three hours that way, sir.

177
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:18,166
You are good, my friend.

178
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:20,416
So this is some kind
of hidden camera show.

179
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:21,666
I got it from here.

180
00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:25,541
Hey, Jimmy Kimmel, come out
from wherever you're hiding, dude.

181
00:11:29,875 --> 00:11:33,166
Yeah.
Erm, this is your hotel, Mr Mac.

182
00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:35,916
All the big turns stay
at the Savoy Guest House

183
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,583
when they're performing
at Stoneford's Theatre Royal.

184
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,541
Yeah. I'll... I'll show you.

185
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:50,791
Fine. I'll play along.

186
00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:01,333
-Wow.
-What the...

187
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:09,291
<i>♪ It's beginning to look
A lot like Christmas ♪</i>

188
00:12:10,666 --> 00:12:11,544
There he is!

189
00:12:12,916 --> 00:12:14,750
Get him! Get him!

190
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:37,750
Excuse me. Hello. Um...

191
00:12:37,833 --> 00:12:42,125
Darling, Brad,
here you are at last. Erm...

192
00:12:42,791 --> 00:12:47,000
- Welcome to Stoneford,
-Welcome to Stoneford.

193
00:12:47,083 --> 00:12:49,041
He's even more gorgeous in the flesh.

194
00:12:49,125 --> 00:12:52,500
I'm Callum. The prince.
Massive fan, mate.

195
00:12:53,083 --> 00:12:55,083
The only need is... yeah.

196
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:56,416
Yeah.

197
00:12:56,708 --> 00:12:58,666
Not exactly sure
what's going on here,

198
00:12:58,750 --> 00:12:59,750
but obviously there's been

199
00:12:59,833 --> 00:13:02,333
-some kind of...
-Brenda. Fairy godmother.

200
00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:07,375
Izzy, Cinderella.

201
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,041
-Fanny.
-And Annie.

202
00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:12,792
-We're the ugly stepsisters.
-We do it every Christmas.

203
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,708
-Yeah, and on birthdays.
-Oh, you are filthy!

204
00:13:15,708 --> 00:13:19,541
Bababa, Bababa. Russell.
Baron Hardup.

205
00:13:20,416 --> 00:13:21,928
Hilda from box office.

206
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:24,875
Jean the cleaner.

207
00:13:26,208 --> 00:13:27,208
Jonty on sound.

208
00:13:28,291 --> 00:13:29,375
Frank on lights.

209
00:13:30,666 --> 00:13:31,875
Neigh.

210
00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:35,416
Your distinguished director,
Cassandra Collins, OBE,

211
00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:38,291
under me, over me.

212
00:13:39,833 --> 00:13:42,791
-And you are?
-Jill, the choreographer.

213
00:13:43,833 --> 00:13:46,750
And I hate to be a realist,
but we've only got a few days

214
00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:48,291
to get this show on the road.

215
00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:50,000
So if everyone's finished fawning,

216
00:13:50,083 --> 00:13:51,708
let's take it
from the top of act one.

217
00:13:51,791 --> 00:13:53,458
You'll need these tap shoes.

218
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:57,916
Er, stop. Everybody.
Just stop for a second, please.

219
00:13:58,458 --> 00:14:00,916
Again, not sure
what's happening here.

220
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,041
But I definitely
did not sign up for this.

221
00:14:03,125 --> 00:14:04,708
Sorry, for what, duck?

222
00:14:04,875 --> 00:14:06,958
This, whatever this is. What is this?

223
00:14:07,083 --> 00:14:09,250
A low-rent production of<i>Cats?</i>

224
00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:11,833
Darling. It's a pantomime.

225
00:14:12,041 --> 00:14:13,333
A panto-what?

226
00:14:13,583 --> 00:14:14,958
Cinderella!

227
00:14:15,041 --> 00:14:17,000
And you are our Buttons.

228
00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:18,875
Oh, no, I'm not!

229
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:20,791
Oh, yes, you are!

230
00:14:21,791 --> 00:14:24,500
Is it the large padded horse
that's throwing you off?

231
00:14:25,583 --> 00:14:30,000
Okay. Uh, Brenda, darling,
why don't you show him?

232
00:14:30,208 --> 00:14:31,333
Show me what?

233
00:14:40,166 --> 00:14:44,666
Pantomime, Brad, or panto for short,

234
00:14:45,125 --> 00:14:47,625
is an annual British tradition.

235
00:14:47,708 --> 00:14:49,875
A quintessential part of Christmas.

236
00:14:50,041 --> 00:14:52,708
Think fairy tales, but fun!

237
00:14:52,791 --> 00:14:57,500
Aladdin, Cinderella,
Dick Whittington...

238
00:14:58,208 --> 00:14:59,208
I beg your pardon?

239
00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:02,958
You've got men dressed as women.
Women dressed as men.

240
00:15:03,041 --> 00:15:07,625
Horses played by people plus
pop songs and pyrotechnics.

241
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:11,500
Always a happy ending

242
00:15:11,625 --> 00:15:16,416
with an enormous explosion
covering the whole auditorium.

243
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:20,791
Brenda, try not to be so crude.
There are children present.

244
00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:26,666
Double entendres too, Brad,
you like those, I'm sure.

245
00:15:26,791 --> 00:15:28,416
Mind you,

246
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:31,652
there're a lot
to get your mouth around.

247
00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:35,333
Alright, my darlings, we begin.

248
00:15:41,958 --> 00:15:43,208
Oh, my God.

249
00:15:45,916 --> 00:15:48,458
<i>♪ You look like fun to me ♪</i>

250
00:15:48,541 --> 00:15:52,625
<i>♪ You look a little like
Somebody I know ♪</i>

251
00:15:52,708 --> 00:15:53,958
Come on, sheeple!

252
00:15:54,041 --> 00:15:59,041
<i>♪ How this ends because
<font face="sansSerif"><font color="

253
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,625
<i>♪ Shivers and butterflies ♪</i>

254
00:16:01,708 --> 00:16:05,625
<i>♪ I get the shivers
When I look into your eyes ♪</i>

255
00:16:05,708 --> 00:16:08,708
<i>♪ And I can tell that you're all in ♪</i>

256
00:16:08,791 --> 00:16:11,291
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="
Your heart beating ♪</i>

257
00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:14,291
<i>♪ Padam, pad am, pad am ♪</i>

258
00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:16,458
<i>♪ I hear it and I know ♪</i>

259
00:16:16,541 --> 00:16:20,333
<i>♪ Delete, pad am,
<font face="sansSerif"><font color="

260
00:16:20,458 --> 00:16:23,916
Keep up the energy.
Remember, people are paying for this.

261
00:16:24,541 --> 00:16:26,916
♪ <i>When your heart goes pad am</i> ♪

262
00:16:27,958 --> 00:16:30,750
It'll all make sense
eventually, dear.

263
00:16:30,833 --> 00:16:34,125
<i>♪ I know you wanna
Take me home, pad am ♪</i>

264
00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:37,500
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="
Delete, pad am ♪</i>

265
00:16:37,916 --> 00:16:41,541
<i>♪ When your heart goes pad am ♪</i>

266
00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:45,166
-Ha-ha! Yes!
-Right. Thank you.

267
00:16:45,875 --> 00:16:46,708
Thank you.

268
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,916
Thank you for wasting my time.

269
00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:51,041
Good luck.

270
00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:54,041
Never say good luck
in the theatre, Brad.

271
00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:55,083
Yeah.

272
00:16:55,375 --> 00:16:56,708
We're cursed.

273
00:16:57,500 --> 00:17:00,166
Brad. What's the problem?

274
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:02,083
You're kidding. What's the problem?

275
00:17:02,583 --> 00:17:05,291
Okay, here's the problem.
I'm stuck here in Hookeyville

276
00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:08,500
<i>somewhere north of nowhere,
surrounded by singing sheep</i>

277
00:17:08,583 --> 00:17:11,708
and ageing alcoholics.
Okay. You are my agent.

278
00:17:11,791 --> 00:17:14,708
You need to get me out of here
as quickly as possible.

279
00:17:14,791 --> 00:17:18,250
Oh, but Brad,
you did read the script, right?

280
00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:19,750
No, not, not...

281
00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:22,125
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

282
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,720
Get out of the road, you idiot.

283
00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:26,625
Exactly. Look, honey,

284
00:17:26,708 --> 00:17:29,417
<i>I've been your agent for years,
and the fact of the matter is,</i>

285
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:30,708
<i>you're lazy, ungrateful,</i>

286
00:17:30,791 --> 00:17:33,375
and I've had just about enough
rider requests for one lifetime.

287
00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:36,833
Nobody needs a new pair of briefs
every single day.

288
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:41,833
Brad Apollo Mac,
it gives me the greatest of pleasures

289
00:17:41,916 --> 00:17:44,083
to finally say, you're fired.

290
00:17:44,166 --> 00:17:47,833
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You are fired.

291
00:17:47,916 --> 00:17:49,667
Too late, buster.
You're already off the books.

292
00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:51,416
You're gonna hear from my lawyer.

293
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:53,625
Who cares?
Your lawyer hates you, too.

294
00:17:53,708 --> 00:17:55,583
Merry Christmas, Buttons.

295
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:03,583
I wouldn't worry about it, mate.
Gandalf's done it too.

296
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:07,000
-He still does, in fact.
-Sir Ian McKellen's done pantomime?

297
00:18:07,083 --> 00:18:09,000
Oh, yeah. All the big names.

298
00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:13,208
David Hasselhoff, Pamela Anderson,
Barry off<i>EastEnders.</i>

299
00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:15,083
-Eh?
-I'm dead.

300
00:18:17,875 --> 00:18:20,583
All right then. Here we are.

301
00:18:22,833 --> 00:18:23,833
Wow.

302
00:18:26,541 --> 00:18:28,250
I... I don't really need a
themed room,

303
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:29,309
a regular one'll do.

304
00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:31,625
What you mean, themed?

305
00:18:41,666 --> 00:18:43,250
Hello, girls.

306
00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:45,125
Kieran, what are you doing here?

307
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,667
I'm not gonna let you walk home
in the dark on your own, am I?

308
00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:50,500
-So jump in the motor.
-It's a short walk. We're fine.

309
00:18:50,583 --> 00:18:51,625
It's winter, Jill.

310
00:18:51,708 --> 00:18:53,292
There's a lot
of naughty people knocking about.

311
00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:54,546
You know, like burglars.

312
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:56,555
Oh, you've heard
about that, have you?

313
00:18:56,708 --> 00:18:59,000
Of course, I have.
Everyone's talking about it.

314
00:18:59,083 --> 00:19:01,542
Yeah, well, I hope
you're not mixed up in any of it.

315
00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:04,000
Put the top up, Kieran.
It's freezing.

316
00:19:04,416 --> 00:19:05,416
How's my baby?

317
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:07,083
I'm 13.

318
00:19:07,166 --> 00:19:09,291
Well, you'll always be my baby.

319
00:19:09,375 --> 00:19:11,125
You're looking forward
to spending Christmas

320
00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:12,574
with your old dad this year?

321
00:19:12,791 --> 00:19:14,375
-What?
-It's my turn.

322
00:19:14,458 --> 00:19:16,666
She's got a part in the panto.

323
00:19:16,750 --> 00:19:18,208
We discussed this.

324
00:19:18,708 --> 00:19:20,583
Well, that was before I knew
that you were both working

325
00:19:20,666 --> 00:19:22,166
with that, uh,<i>Killing Time</i>mug.

326
00:19:22,416 --> 00:19:25,708
So, yeah. Christmas
with all your London cousins.

327
00:19:25,791 --> 00:19:27,547
You'd like that, wouldn't you, Cara?

328
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,762
Oh, well, I'll give you a bell.

329
00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:35,333
Love you, baby.

330
00:19:52,666 --> 00:19:56,000
No, that's disgusting.

331
00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:00,416
Oh, crap.

332
00:20:06,083 --> 00:20:09,041
-Hey, Grace, how are you?
-Oh, Brad, are you in England?

333
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:14,291
Er, yeah,
I'm at a silent shamanic retreat.

334
00:20:15,166 --> 00:20:16,333
Mmm.

335
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:17,916
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

336
00:20:18,916 --> 00:20:20,416
<i>Mmm.</i>

337
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,791
Any plans to see
your daughter at all?

338
00:20:22,958 --> 00:20:25,208
Can't really talk right now.
Gotta stay quiet.

339
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:28,833
-Convenient.
-Emma, darling, it's Daddy.

340
00:20:28,916 --> 00:20:32,291
Okay, fine, Grace.
I was supposed to do a play here.

341
00:20:32,375 --> 00:20:33,916
<i>Okay? In the theatre.</i>

342
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,500
Exciting times.
Who's the playwright, Brad?

343
00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:39,250
-Oh, Spencer, you're there too?
-Marlow? Jonson?

344
00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:41,416
It's gonna be
down in Stoneford, okay?

345
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,375
<i>Hey, Em. Hi, sweetheart.</i>

346
00:20:44,458 --> 00:20:46,875
Hi, Dad.
Mum says you're in England.

347
00:20:47,041 --> 00:20:48,375
That's right, governor.

348
00:20:48,458 --> 00:20:49,458
Don't do the accent.

349
00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:51,958
Yeah. Okay. Look,
sweetheart, the sad thing is,

350
00:20:52,041 --> 00:20:54,292
I don't think I'm gonna
be able to see you on this trip.

351
00:20:54,375 --> 00:20:56,125
Well, but you said that last time.

352
00:20:56,208 --> 00:20:59,166
-And the time before that.
-And the time before that.

353
00:20:59,250 --> 00:21:02,458
I know, I know, okay?
But this time is not my fault.

354
00:21:02,541 --> 00:21:03,858
I'm not gonna be here long.

355
00:21:04,083 --> 00:21:05,375
<i>I've been conned.</i>

356
00:21:05,458 --> 00:21:06,917
<i>They weren't even gonna
give me a Winnebago.</i>

357
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,416
But what about Christmas?

358
00:21:09,541 --> 00:21:11,083
Christmas.

359
00:21:11,416 --> 00:21:13,958
Ugh. Oh, honey, I am so sorry.

360
00:21:14,041 --> 00:21:16,139
I promise I'm gonna
make it up to you, okay?

361
00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:19,583
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="
I gave you last year, right?</i>

362
00:21:19,666 --> 00:21:21,542
<i>That way you can get
exactly what you want.</i>

363
00:21:21,625 --> 00:21:22,583
Don't worry, Dad.

364
00:21:22,791 --> 00:21:25,041
Mum always told me
to manage my expectations.

365
00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:27,214
A pretty good life lesson, actually.

366
00:21:27,833 --> 00:21:29,166
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

367
00:21:29,250 --> 00:21:32,567
<i>Please don't be mad at me, okay?
I promise, I will make it up to you.</i>

368
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,291
But now you sleep tight,
my little angel.

369
00:21:49,833 --> 00:21:53,125
Oh no, this is actually happening.

370
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,500
Wait, Mr Mac.

371
00:22:06,750 --> 00:22:07,916
I gotta say, Mr Mac,

372
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,732
I'm surprised you didn't flee
in the middle of the night.

373
00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:14,333
Imagine that.

374
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:17,666
Mad dash to the airport,
straight onto a private jet.

375
00:22:17,750 --> 00:22:20,140
But then again, I know you
wouldn't do that to us.

376
00:22:22,916 --> 00:22:24,875
That's a big bag
for a rehearsal, innit?

377
00:22:30,625 --> 00:22:32,833
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

378
00:22:35,875 --> 00:22:36,708
Excuse me?

379
00:22:37,541 --> 00:22:39,416
Sign in please, Mr Mac.

380
00:22:41,166 --> 00:22:43,458
It's ten past ten.
You are late.

381
00:22:43,541 --> 00:22:45,458
It's fine. I won't be staying.

382
00:22:46,125 --> 00:22:48,291
Why is my name
not at the top of the list?

383
00:22:48,875 --> 00:22:51,041
Well, it's alphabetical, Mr Mac.

384
00:22:52,583 --> 00:22:53,416
Huh.

385
00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:57,125
The name's Albert, by the way.

386
00:22:58,291 --> 00:23:00,125
Albert with an A.

387
00:23:01,083 --> 00:23:02,583
I know your game.

388
00:23:07,291 --> 00:23:08,291
Yeah.

389
00:23:13,625 --> 00:23:14,625
Pbrrr.

390
00:23:18,041 --> 00:23:21,541
-Ciao, Brad.
-Yeah, I know. Hello. Goodbye.

391
00:23:21,625 --> 00:23:22,625
So sad.

392
00:23:22,708 --> 00:23:24,583
Now, I take it
you've read the script.

393
00:23:24,666 --> 00:23:27,792
Sandra, if I had read this script,
I wouldn't have gotten on the plane.

394
00:23:27,875 --> 00:23:29,666
You are hilarious.

395
00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:31,375
So we're gonna be starting
with scene three.

396
00:23:31,458 --> 00:23:32,708
It's a tricky one, mind.

397
00:23:32,791 --> 00:23:35,458
Wonderful. Places, please, darlings.

398
00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:39,166
Oh, hello, Buttons. There you are.

399
00:23:39,250 --> 00:23:41,292
Weren't you supposed to be
with the fairy in the dairy?

400
00:23:41,375 --> 00:23:42,500
The fairy in the dairy, Fanny?

401
00:23:42,583 --> 00:23:44,708
That's right, Annie.
Far better than being on the hunt...

402
00:23:44,791 --> 00:23:47,132
Wait a second.
Why is there plastic on the floor?

403
00:23:47,541 --> 00:23:50,333
And why are you wearing a wig?
In the script it says...

404
00:23:54,416 --> 00:23:55,750
Son of a bitch!

405
00:23:56,333 --> 00:23:58,291
You should have known
from my contract.

406
00:23:58,583 --> 00:24:01,541
I don't do my own stunts.
Somebody call me a car!

407
00:24:01,750 --> 00:24:03,791
-You're a car.
-You're a jerk.

408
00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:05,917
Don't worry, Bradders.
It was an absolute honour

409
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,500
to be punched in the face by you.

410
00:24:07,583 --> 00:24:11,000
-You can even do it harder next time.
-Oh, yeah, Brad, she likes it hard.

411
00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:11,916
Ooh, Fanny.

412
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,541
Okay, that's it. I quit.
I'm on the red eye tonight.

413
00:24:15,625 --> 00:24:17,417
Have you got pink eye, darling?

414
00:24:17,500 --> 00:24:19,625
I've got a cream
that's good for that.

415
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:21,333
What's wrong with you people?

416
00:24:21,416 --> 00:24:24,416
Actually, Brad, darling,
you, erm, you can't quit.

417
00:24:24,500 --> 00:24:29,000
-Excuse me?
-Oh, yes. Cassie's right, darling.

418
00:24:29,083 --> 00:24:32,041
Your clever little agent
added in a liability clause.

419
00:24:32,125 --> 00:24:32,958
Yep.

420
00:24:33,250 --> 00:24:35,416
If you fail
to perform even just one show,

421
00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:38,622
you're liable to be sued for
loss of proceeds for the entire run.

422
00:24:38,791 --> 00:24:42,625
Ooh, I think I might be able
to muster the six bucks.

423
00:24:42,708 --> 00:24:46,083
Mm. The last time I looked,
I think it was two million pounds.

424
00:24:46,166 --> 00:24:47,875
Three million, actually.

425
00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:50,333
You see,
Christmas pantomimes make the money

426
00:24:50,416 --> 00:24:52,042
that keeps theatres open
all year round.

427
00:24:52,125 --> 00:24:54,667
Without that revenue,
a lot of theatres would be forced

428
00:24:54,750 --> 00:24:57,041
to close down.
This one included.

429
00:24:57,166 --> 00:25:00,916
Yeah. Sorry, sorry. Yeah.
That is £3,000,000, not dollars.

430
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:02,458
Okay, darling.

431
00:25:04,666 --> 00:25:06,208
I'm gonna need some privacy.

432
00:25:06,666 --> 00:25:09,375
Oh. Please don't go, Brad.

433
00:25:10,916 --> 00:25:14,916
Hate you, Brad? No.
Why would I hate you?

434
00:25:15,041 --> 00:25:17,458
Your NDAs alone paid
for my new pool.

435
00:25:17,541 --> 00:25:19,333
Okay, good. Good.

436
00:25:19,416 --> 00:25:22,916
That's great. So... am I free?

437
00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:28,250
Well, sadly, Brad,
the contract's pretty tight.

438
00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:31,375
Unless there's some kind
of force majeure.

439
00:25:31,458 --> 00:25:34,666
<i>An explosion, tsunami,
collapse of the Western world,</i>

440
00:25:34,750 --> 00:25:37,375
which, let's face it, isn't far away.

441
00:25:37,958 --> 00:25:39,666
You're doing this, I'm afraid.

442
00:25:39,750 --> 00:25:42,375
No, no, no, Sukie, please. I can't.

443
00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:44,583
Why is this happening to me?

444
00:25:44,666 --> 00:25:47,375
Well, your agent made
a pretty solid deal.

445
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:48,833
Judas.

446
00:25:48,916 --> 00:25:50,833
No, Julie.

447
00:25:51,166 --> 00:25:53,916
You really gotta get better
at remembering people's name.

448
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:55,833
Hey...

449
00:25:59,041 --> 00:26:01,250
What if I just walked,
got on a plane and went home?

450
00:26:01,333 --> 00:26:04,625
Oh, then they will sue
and trust me, they will win.

451
00:26:04,708 --> 00:26:07,333
But, hey, look on
the bright side, Brad,

452
00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:09,916
this pantomime thing's
surprisingly well paid.

453
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:10,833
It is?

454
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:15,708
Sure, and given
the state of your finances,

455
00:26:15,791 --> 00:26:17,303
I would stay put if I were you.

456
00:26:17,416 --> 00:26:18,958
What about my finances?

457
00:26:19,041 --> 00:26:20,375
<i>Oh, Brad, please.</i>

458
00:26:20,458 --> 00:26:25,916
Five houses, one divorce,
200k a year on tulips.

459
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,708
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="
-Why can't anyone get this right?

460
00:26:30,208 --> 00:26:32,500
It was $200,000 over two years.

461
00:26:32,583 --> 00:26:35,666
And they weren't tulips.
They were orchids from Namibia.

462
00:26:35,750 --> 00:26:39,708
Well, Namibia it in the butt,
pal, because the bottom line is,

463
00:26:39,791 --> 00:26:42,875
it's Buttons or bust.

464
00:26:51,708 --> 00:26:52,958
I'm screwed.

465
00:26:58,708 --> 00:27:00,291
Everybody's a comedian.

466
00:27:02,041 --> 00:27:04,708
Right then, what can I get you?
Oh, hello, Brad.

467
00:27:05,250 --> 00:27:07,541
-So you work here too?
-Course I do.

468
00:27:07,625 --> 00:27:09,667
Cost of living, mate,
can never have too many jobs.

469
00:27:09,750 --> 00:27:10,708
You're telling me.

470
00:27:10,791 --> 00:27:14,000
I used to be the face of Breitling,
Gucci, Constipate.

471
00:27:14,625 --> 00:27:15,708
Exactly as it sounds.

472
00:27:15,791 --> 00:27:18,333
Anyways, I'll have
a sparkling kombucha,

473
00:27:18,416 --> 00:27:20,375
a pistachio quinoa power bowl,

474
00:27:20,458 --> 00:27:23,166
and a side order of organic kale,
low-alkaline please.

475
00:27:23,250 --> 00:27:25,291
-Yeah, we don't have that.
-Which part?

476
00:27:25,458 --> 00:27:26,458
Any of it.

477
00:27:28,166 --> 00:27:31,291
Fine. I'll take your average,
run-of-the-mill sushi. Thank you.

478
00:27:34,750 --> 00:27:35,833
Hi, Brad.

479
00:27:36,416 --> 00:27:38,125
Hello, teenage girl.

480
00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:41,958
I'm in the pantomime. Cara.

481
00:27:42,041 --> 00:27:44,333
Of course, you are.

482
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,166
For the Gram.

483
00:27:46,458 --> 00:27:48,791
Oh, God.
I wish I had a gram right now.

484
00:27:56,375 --> 00:27:59,750
Listen, Brad, I just wanted
to apologise for yesterday

485
00:27:59,833 --> 00:28:01,250
for being a bit rude.

486
00:28:01,375 --> 00:28:03,500
It's just we don't have
much time to rehearse.

487
00:28:03,583 --> 00:28:06,375
And you being five days late
wasn't exactly helpful.

488
00:28:06,458 --> 00:28:09,791
-I'm five days late?
-Oh, like you didn't know that.

489
00:28:09,875 --> 00:28:12,500
Of course not.
'Cause I'm not supposed to be here.

490
00:28:12,583 --> 00:28:14,000
My agent tricked me.

491
00:28:14,166 --> 00:28:16,459
I'm supposed to be playing
Macbeth at the Globe.

492
00:28:16,791 --> 00:28:21,666
Oh, well, you'd freeze your tits off.
That place doesn't even have a roof.

493
00:28:22,666 --> 00:28:26,458
Okay. This was my chance to be
taken seriously as an actor.

494
00:28:26,750 --> 00:28:30,958
-And now that's not gonna happen.
-Pantomime is serious.

495
00:28:31,041 --> 00:28:33,541
I'm starting to think
you might be a little serious.

496
00:28:35,083 --> 00:28:37,541
You have a daughter,
don't you, Brad? Emma.

497
00:28:37,625 --> 00:28:39,333
Yes. I may have Wikipedia-ed it.

498
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,583
Can you just imagine
her looking at you on the stage

499
00:28:43,666 --> 00:28:46,583
putting massive smiles
on everyone's faces?

500
00:28:46,666 --> 00:28:48,458
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

501
00:28:48,541 --> 00:28:51,041
Not exactly
the world's greatest dad right now.

502
00:28:51,333 --> 00:28:54,500
Kids are for life, Brad,
not just for Christmas.

503
00:28:56,041 --> 00:28:57,833
And think of Stoneford too.

504
00:28:57,916 --> 00:29:00,625
Do you honestly think
anyone's gonna care?

505
00:29:01,250 --> 00:29:04,791
Er, hello. Look around.

506
00:29:05,458 --> 00:29:08,791
So if you're thinking of leaving us,
Mr Mac, better do so soon

507
00:29:08,875 --> 00:29:11,083
'cause we'd need
to find another Buttons.

508
00:29:12,666 --> 00:29:15,208
-What the hell is that?
-Sushi.

509
00:29:15,291 --> 00:29:16,333
I googled it.

510
00:29:20,708 --> 00:29:23,416
Well, it looks like you win.

511
00:29:24,458 --> 00:29:29,166
I, Bradley Mac, three-time
Razzie nominee, will be your Buttons.

512
00:29:29,250 --> 00:29:31,291
-Bravo!
-Marvellous!

513
00:29:31,375 --> 00:29:33,042
Hey, it's dead flattering that, Brad.

514
00:29:33,125 --> 00:29:34,458
Welcome to the madhouse, darling.

515
00:29:34,541 --> 00:29:36,750
-Who wants a gin?
-Brenda. Not now.

516
00:29:37,166 --> 00:29:38,166
First things first.

517
00:29:38,250 --> 00:29:39,542
I wanna start
with the motivational speech

518
00:29:39,625 --> 00:29:41,125
between Buttons and Cinderella.

519
00:29:41,208 --> 00:29:45,166
Er, sorry, darling...
Erm, motivational speech?

520
00:29:45,291 --> 00:29:46,875
Yeah.
Where he tells her to stay strong

521
00:29:46,958 --> 00:29:48,178
in the face of adversity.

522
00:29:48,458 --> 00:29:50,958
I've done it a hundred times.
Remember?<i>Killing Time 2.</i>

523
00:29:51,041 --> 00:29:53,416
-I was four when that came out.
-Yeah, same.

524
00:29:54,458 --> 00:29:56,791
All I have to do
is get my head in the character

525
00:29:56,875 --> 00:29:59,000
and it should be
smooth sailing from there.

526
00:29:59,250 --> 00:30:02,041
Absolutely, darling,
give us your best shot.

527
00:30:05,583 --> 00:30:08,416
Oh, heavens. He's gonna go
all Method on us, Brenda.

528
00:30:08,500 --> 00:30:09,708
He's not the only one.

529
00:30:12,041 --> 00:30:13,875
Don't cry, Cinderella.

530
00:30:14,875 --> 00:30:19,166
Your stepmother and stepsister
are mean because that's their nature.

531
00:30:19,250 --> 00:30:21,041
Things will get better.

532
00:30:21,625 --> 00:30:23,041
You just have to believe.

533
00:30:25,833 --> 00:30:27,500
And magic will happen.

534
00:30:30,208 --> 00:30:33,791
Can I just, er,
stop you for a moment, Brad?

535
00:30:33,875 --> 00:30:36,333
Too good?
I don't wanna show up the others.

536
00:30:36,541 --> 00:30:38,666
-Almost too good. Yup.
-Ah.

537
00:30:39,125 --> 00:30:41,500
Now, Brad, darling,
you are used to film

538
00:30:41,916 --> 00:30:44,167
where the camera can give you
a lovely big close-up

539
00:30:44,250 --> 00:30:45,916
with the microphone and the edits.

540
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,375
Hey, I'm ready
for my close-up, Mr Mac.

541
00:30:48,458 --> 00:30:50,208
No one's interested
in your muscles, Callum.

542
00:30:50,291 --> 00:30:52,625
-Speak for yourself, love.
-Want a go on that?

543
00:30:52,708 --> 00:30:54,666
But on stage,
it is completely different.

544
00:30:54,750 --> 00:30:58,625
You have to project.
You have to go big.

545
00:30:58,708 --> 00:30:59,541
I know that.

546
00:30:59,666 --> 00:31:00,500
I know that.

547
00:31:00,666 --> 00:31:01,666
Louder.

548
00:31:02,208 --> 00:31:04,708
Louder. Okay. Big, big.

549
00:31:04,916 --> 00:31:06,166
Gorgeous.

550
00:31:06,958 --> 00:31:09,958
And... action!

551
00:31:10,833 --> 00:31:13,583
Don't cry, Cinderella!

552
00:31:13,666 --> 00:31:16,000
Your stepmother
and stepsisters are mean to you

553
00:31:16,083 --> 00:31:17,791
because it's their nature!

554
00:31:18,291 --> 00:31:20,708
Things will get better!

555
00:31:23,041 --> 00:31:24,125
Something like that?

556
00:31:24,458 --> 00:31:26,250
Mm-hmm. Mm.

557
00:31:26,333 --> 00:31:27,333
We're screwed.

558
00:31:33,208 --> 00:31:35,000
Grace.
How's my favourite ex-wife?

559
00:31:35,083 --> 00:31:36,500
<i>Oh, what do you care?</i>

560
00:31:36,708 --> 00:31:40,375
Now, listen,
you can pick Emma up tomorrow.

561
00:31:40,458 --> 00:31:42,875
<i>You should consider
yourself very lucky.</i>

562
00:31:42,958 --> 00:31:44,416
-Tomorrow?
-Yes.

563
00:31:45,041 --> 00:31:47,791
And do not let her down this time.

564
00:31:47,875 --> 00:31:50,167
-What do you mean, this time?
-Oh, come on, Brad.

565
00:31:50,250 --> 00:31:51,333
Forget the Oscars.

566
00:31:51,416 --> 00:31:54,636
You are literally first in line
for Worst parent of the year award.

567
00:31:55,625 --> 00:31:58,125
Some parents are
just so selfish, aren't they?

568
00:31:59,166 --> 00:32:00,083
What the...?

569
00:32:01,833 --> 00:32:02,857
-I'll be there.
<i>-Good.</i>

570
00:32:09,125 --> 00:32:11,875
Oh, Brad, I'm so sorry, mate.
Come here.

571
00:32:11,958 --> 00:32:13,421
-Don't.
-Yeah, no, fair enough.

572
00:32:13,791 --> 00:32:15,416
-We've been broken into.
-What?

573
00:32:15,500 --> 00:32:17,166
Yeah.
Your suite's been ransacked.

574
00:32:17,291 --> 00:32:19,500
Why don't you just get me
another room with a bigger lock?

575
00:32:19,583 --> 00:32:22,708
I would love to, but we,
we are chock full of Santas

576
00:32:22,791 --> 00:32:24,401
and we're the only hotel in town.

577
00:32:25,208 --> 00:32:27,125
Well then, Mr Mac,

578
00:32:27,208 --> 00:32:29,125
you'd better come
and stay at my place.

579
00:32:29,916 --> 00:32:32,292
Thank you, Albert.
But I don't want to put you out.

580
00:32:32,375 --> 00:32:34,333
Oh, it's fine.

581
00:32:34,958 --> 00:32:38,000
We'll find a way to,
uh, squeeze you in.

582
00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:42,598
I could bring whatever's
left of your stuff.

583
00:32:43,250 --> 00:32:44,125
Thanks, Nigel.

584
00:32:45,666 --> 00:32:47,083
Yeah, you're welcome, mate.

585
00:32:49,083 --> 00:32:50,166
Stay safe.

586
00:33:00,291 --> 00:33:03,208
Wow.
It was very thoughtful of you, Alby.

587
00:33:03,291 --> 00:33:05,083
Hey, Albert, please.

588
00:33:05,666 --> 00:33:08,583
Really like the electric car too.
Very green of you.

589
00:33:09,375 --> 00:33:10,208
What's all this?

590
00:33:11,166 --> 00:33:13,791
This is my life,

591
00:33:14,333 --> 00:33:15,833
my whole life.

592
00:33:16,583 --> 00:33:18,625
Huh.

593
00:33:20,416 --> 00:33:22,666
Er... er, you're upstairs.

594
00:33:22,750 --> 00:33:24,166
Er, first floor.

595
00:33:39,583 --> 00:33:41,916
-I've got a question.
-The answer is yes.

596
00:33:42,125 --> 00:33:46,041
Madly in love with each other,
but no, neither of them has a clue.

597
00:33:48,625 --> 00:33:49,958
-I'll get it.
-Yeah.

598
00:33:50,041 --> 00:33:51,041
I'll get it.

599
00:33:51,333 --> 00:33:54,625
Right. Brad. Dare I say,
we're gonna attempt to put you in.

600
00:33:54,833 --> 00:33:56,500
-God help us.
-Fine. Just remember,

601
00:33:56,583 --> 00:33:58,000
I don't do my own stunts.

602
00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:00,875
You don't do your own stunts.
Got it.

603
00:34:01,708 --> 00:34:03,916
Right. To save time,
we're gonna divvy up

604
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,958
some your lines to other people.

605
00:34:08,416 --> 00:34:09,708
I'm a light tenor.

606
00:34:10,916 --> 00:34:11,916
How about you?

607
00:34:12,583 --> 00:34:14,291
A little heavier, but I can sing.

608
00:34:14,916 --> 00:34:17,250
Jill, is this a good time
to tell you that I can actually sing

609
00:34:17,333 --> 00:34:18,833
and I'm a pretty good dancer?

610
00:34:19,333 --> 00:34:20,500
Of course, you are.

611
00:34:24,916 --> 00:34:25,750
Callum.

612
00:34:30,291 --> 00:34:35,500
<i>♪ It's the most
wonderful time of the year ♪</i>

613
00:34:37,333 --> 00:34:41,208
<i>♪ With the kids jingle belling
<font face="sansSerif"><font color="

614
00:34:41,291 --> 00:34:43,333
<i>♪ Be of good cheer ♪</i>

615
00:34:43,958 --> 00:34:49,541
<i>♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪</i>

616
00:34:50,625 --> 00:34:56,291
<i>♪ It's the hap-happiest season
<font face="sansSerif"><font color="

617
00:34:57,666 --> 00:35:01,583
<i>♪ With those holiday greetings
And gay happy meetings ♪</i>

618
00:35:01,666 --> 00:35:03,958
<i>♪ When friends come to call</i> ♪

619
00:35:04,791 --> 00:35:10,750
<i>♪ It's the most wonderful time
<font face="sansSerif"><font color="

620
00:35:11,166 --> 00:35:15,458
<i>♪ There'll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting ♪</i>

621
00:35:15,541 --> 00:35:18,291
<i>♪ And carolling out in the snow ♪</i>

622
00:35:18,375 --> 00:35:22,250
<i>♪ There'll be scary ghost stories
<font face="sansSerif"><font color="

623
00:35:22,333 --> 00:35:26,208
<i>♪ Of Christmases long, long ago ♪</i>

624
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:32,125
<i>♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪</i>

625
00:35:33,875 --> 00:35:37,500
<i>♪ There'll be much mistletoeing
<font face="sansSerif"><font color="

626
00:35:37,583 --> 00:35:40,250
<i>♪ When loved ones are near ♪</i>

627
00:35:40,750 --> 00:35:43,416
<i>♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪</i>

628
00:35:44,333 --> 00:35:47,583
<i>♪ Yes, the most wonderful time ♪</i>

629
00:35:47,666 --> 00:35:51,666
<i>♪ Oh, the most wonderful time ♪</i>

630
00:35:52,375 --> 00:35:56,541
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

631
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:58,875
Bravo!

632
00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:04,083
<i>♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪</i>

633
00:36:04,166 --> 00:36:07,541
<i>♪ Yes, the most wonderful time ♪</i>

634
00:36:07,625 --> 00:36:13,375
<i>♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪</i>

635
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:17,875
Ah, this is gonna be
our best panto ever.

636
00:36:17,958 --> 00:36:19,417
Yeah,
that was supposed to be my song.

637
00:36:19,500 --> 00:36:21,250
Oh, Russell, darling, don't worry.

638
00:36:21,333 --> 00:36:24,504
-You can take a lead on another one.
-Yeah. Only if I get to pick.

639
00:36:24,791 --> 00:36:27,458
I'd like to do
Engelbert Humperdinck's

640
00:36:27,541 --> 00:36:29,625
<i>Lonely Is a Man Without Love.</i>

641
00:36:30,208 --> 00:36:33,541
-Hmm. That'll really get them going.
-It used to, darling.

642
00:36:33,625 --> 00:36:37,583
-Izzy. What's going on?
-Oh, no. It's all right, Brad.

643
00:36:37,666 --> 00:36:39,958
-We don't have to do this.
-Do what?

644
00:36:40,541 --> 00:36:42,542
Well, I know
you like to date your co-stars,

645
00:36:42,625 --> 00:36:45,875
but seriously,
you're old enough to be my granddad.

646
00:36:46,750 --> 00:36:47,583
Wow.

647
00:36:49,416 --> 00:36:50,416
Wow.

648
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,333
Truth is, I was just gonna ask you

649
00:36:52,416 --> 00:36:54,416
what's going on
between you and Callum.

650
00:36:54,500 --> 00:37:00,333
Oh, oh, sorry.
That, erm, well, nothing, I guess.

651
00:37:00,875 --> 00:37:02,541
Every year we do the panto

652
00:37:02,625 --> 00:37:05,333
and every year
we just sort of grow apart.

653
00:37:05,416 --> 00:37:07,125
Too much brawn, not enough brains.

654
00:37:07,208 --> 00:37:09,000
I hate those guys.

655
00:37:10,125 --> 00:37:13,000
Well, at least I now know
what I need to ask Santa for.

656
00:37:13,500 --> 00:37:14,500
What, brains?

657
00:37:14,583 --> 00:37:17,958
No. Something
to stuff your stocking with.

658
00:37:18,083 --> 00:37:21,250
It's double entendre.
You're getting it.

659
00:37:21,333 --> 00:37:24,416
No, you're getting it from Callum.

660
00:37:25,250 --> 00:37:26,250
Too much?

661
00:37:27,291 --> 00:37:28,916
Bren, darling. What's the matter?

662
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:32,875
-It's my digs. I've been broken into.
-No, not another one.

663
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:36,416
Digs is what they call
the accommodation actors stay in.

664
00:37:36,500 --> 00:37:38,000
Gosh. Thanks, Gillian.

665
00:37:38,291 --> 00:37:42,166
-Hey, don't call me Gillian.
-Stoneford just isn't what it was.

666
00:37:42,750 --> 00:37:44,750
I mean, we were a community once.

667
00:37:45,375 --> 00:37:47,958
Now look, blighted by petty crime.

668
00:37:48,041 --> 00:37:50,208
Yeah, we all know who's behind that.

669
00:37:50,333 --> 00:37:52,916
How else can he drive that car?
Hey, Kieran!

670
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:54,833
Leave him, Brenda, please.

671
00:37:55,541 --> 00:37:58,250
I don't know why you
are sticking up for him.

672
00:37:58,333 --> 00:37:59,309
Jill.

673
00:37:59,875 --> 00:38:04,541
Jill, that ex-husband of yours is
a bad 'un if ever there was one.

674
00:38:04,625 --> 00:38:06,750
Right then, who's getting this round?

675
00:38:06,833 --> 00:38:08,458
Are you serious?
You work here too?

676
00:38:08,541 --> 00:38:10,208
Yeah, cough up, rich boy.

677
00:38:10,291 --> 00:38:12,500
Oh, 200 grand for orchids.

678
00:38:12,583 --> 00:38:16,125
It was a hundred grand a year,
and they were from Namibia.

679
00:38:16,208 --> 00:38:17,500
-Oh.
-Oh.

680
00:38:18,041 --> 00:38:21,125
Another round for everybody on me.

681
00:38:23,666 --> 00:38:27,000
Well, I'll see you tomorrow, I guess.

682
00:38:27,083 --> 00:38:30,208
Yeah. Not too many late night bars
around here, are there?

683
00:38:30,291 --> 00:38:32,166
Around here? Nah.

684
00:38:32,916 --> 00:38:35,209
I do have a bottle of wine
in the fridge though.

685
00:38:36,125 --> 00:38:37,458
Oh. Erm...

686
00:38:39,791 --> 00:38:42,208
Mind you, hey, carbs innit.

687
00:38:43,041 --> 00:38:45,208
Right. Gotta look after the temple.

688
00:38:45,458 --> 00:38:46,291
Yeah.

689
00:38:50,166 --> 00:38:52,041
-Here he is.
-Oi, oi!

690
00:38:52,125 --> 00:38:54,250
Stoneford's action hero.
Look at him. Look.

691
00:38:54,625 --> 00:38:56,375
Come on then, show us
some of your moves, huh?

692
00:38:56,458 --> 00:38:57,625
The only need is me.

693
00:38:57,750 --> 00:39:00,917
-I don't want any trouble. Come on.
-Course you don't. You know why?

694
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,195
'Cause you're a little scaredy cat,
ain't you?

695
00:39:03,666 --> 00:39:05,375
You couldn't even block that...

696
00:39:07,541 --> 00:39:09,297
No wonder you ended up in this dump.

697
00:39:10,666 --> 00:39:14,250
-You're a hopeless loser.
-Go home, Kieran. Now.

698
00:39:14,833 --> 00:39:16,053
I'm having a laugh, Jill.

699
00:39:17,666 --> 00:39:18,666
Let's go, boys.

700
00:39:18,750 --> 00:39:20,333
Alright, Kieran, come on.

701
00:39:25,916 --> 00:39:26,833
Jill.

702
00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:30,250
I'll see you tomorrow, Brad.

703
00:39:37,583 --> 00:39:39,167
Never do nothing right.

704
00:39:39,250 --> 00:39:41,348
All you have to do
is stand up for yourself.

705
00:39:43,375 --> 00:39:44,250
Huh?

706
00:39:45,291 --> 00:39:47,333
Hey!

707
00:39:47,875 --> 00:39:50,333
-Stay where you are! Stop!
-Leg it!

708
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,291
Somebody stop them!

709
00:39:57,250 --> 00:39:58,458
What's going on?

710
00:40:00,791 --> 00:40:02,375
He's behind you.

711
00:40:03,583 --> 00:40:04,750
Don't come any closer.

712
00:40:09,125 --> 00:40:11,916
Ah! Ah, ah, me sole!

713
00:40:13,625 --> 00:40:16,250
-Stay down.
-Mate, you saved us!

714
00:40:16,916 --> 00:40:19,166
I got it all on video too.

715
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:22,500
Well done, sir. Nice one.
Thank you.

716
00:40:22,583 --> 00:40:25,375
Arms behind your back. Police.
We've got his accomplice as well.

717
00:40:25,458 --> 00:40:27,556
Looks like
the Stoneford crime spree's over.

718
00:40:29,291 --> 00:40:31,250
Hang on a minute, aren't you...?

719
00:40:31,333 --> 00:40:32,250
I am.

720
00:40:33,208 --> 00:40:34,428
I think I broke it.

721
00:40:34,791 --> 00:40:37,250
247 to base. You'll never guess
who I've just seen.

722
00:40:37,333 --> 00:40:38,875
<i>Go ahead, 247. Surprise me.</i>

723
00:40:38,958 --> 00:40:42,208
{\an8}<i>Hollywood movie star, Brad Mac,
put his trademark action moves</i>

724
00:40:42,291 --> 00:40:43,708
{\an8}<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

725
00:40:43,791 --> 00:40:45,791
{\an8}<i>Not on some Hollywood studio lot,</i>

726
00:40:45,875 --> 00:40:49,541
{\an8}<i>but here in the sleepy town
of Stoneford in England.</i>

727
00:40:49,625 --> 00:40:51,875
{\an8}<i>Mr Mac may not have been
<font face="sansSerif"><font color="

728
00:40:51,958 --> 00:40:55,583
{\an8}<i>but his unusual routine is said
to have been inspired by this:</i>

729
00:40:55,666 --> 00:40:57,583
{\an8}Stoneford's Theatre Royal,

730
00:40:57,666 --> 00:41:00,958
where in just a few days' time,
Brad Mac takes to the stage

731
00:41:01,041 --> 00:41:03,292
-as Buttons in<i>Cinderella.</i>
-Here he is! Here he is!

732
00:41:03,375 --> 00:41:06,625
Oh, Mr Mac, can I ask
exactly what happened?

733
00:41:07,375 --> 00:41:10,708
Well, I think I did what
any concerned citizen would do.

734
00:41:10,791 --> 00:41:15,000
Er, I saw two men trying to rob,
uh, a home, and I chased them.

735
00:41:15,083 --> 00:41:16,416
And apprehended them?

736
00:41:16,500 --> 00:41:18,375
No, the police did that.

737
00:41:18,458 --> 00:41:20,541
But I like to think
that I did my part.

738
00:41:20,625 --> 00:41:22,541
Two men are now in custody.

739
00:41:22,625 --> 00:41:24,125
It turns out they were
part of a criminal gang

740
00:41:24,208 --> 00:41:26,625
that have been targeting
towns in the local area.

741
00:41:26,708 --> 00:41:29,250
Police are confident
that further arrests will follow,

742
00:41:29,333 --> 00:41:31,333
and that the gang's
crime spree has been put to a stop.

743
00:41:31,416 --> 00:41:32,875
All thanks to you, Brad Mac.

744
00:41:33,583 --> 00:41:36,083
-How's the panto going?
-Oh, great. Thank you for asking.

745
00:41:36,166 --> 00:41:39,166
Thank you. Erm, yeah,
strength to strength like my career.

746
00:41:39,458 --> 00:41:41,208
And if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go spend

747
00:41:41,291 --> 00:41:42,833
the rest of the day
with my daughter. Thank you.

748
00:41:42,916 --> 00:41:43,750
Thank you.

749
00:41:43,833 --> 00:41:45,041
Mr Mac?

750
00:41:45,125 --> 00:41:46,958
{\an8}Quick, Brenda,
why don't you tell them

751
00:41:47,041 --> 00:41:49,667
{\an8}about your one night encounter
with Ozzy Osborne in 1985?

752
00:41:49,750 --> 00:41:52,125
{\an8}Oh, with pleasure.

753
00:42:16,791 --> 00:42:19,250
-Spencer.
-Grace!

754
00:42:20,166 --> 00:42:21,416
Spider-Man's here.

755
00:42:21,500 --> 00:42:23,541
-Wasn't in<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="
-No?

756
00:42:23,625 --> 00:42:26,250
I wouldn't know.
I don't watch mainstream movies.

757
00:42:26,500 --> 00:42:30,458
I prefer C<i>inéma Français.</i>
Films with subtitles.

758
00:42:30,541 --> 00:42:32,208
I like French films.

759
00:42:32,375 --> 00:42:34,375
But I don't need
subtitles.

760
00:42:36,166 --> 00:42:37,166
Move, Spencer.

761
00:42:42,250 --> 00:42:44,083
Dad, you finally made it!

762
00:42:44,166 --> 00:42:47,333
Oh, sweetheart,
I am so happy to see you.

763
00:42:47,416 --> 00:42:49,221
We're gonna have
a fabulous day, okay?

764
00:42:50,208 --> 00:42:51,375
When do you need her back?

765
00:42:51,458 --> 00:42:52,791
Oh, after lunch is fine.

766
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,146
Well, that's not gonna give us
a lot of time.

767
00:42:55,500 --> 00:42:57,083
After lunch on Monday.

768
00:42:58,041 --> 00:42:59,541
Three whole days!

769
00:42:59,958 --> 00:43:00,958
Yeah!

770
00:43:02,041 --> 00:43:04,000
Can Daddy talk
with Mummy privately please?

771
00:43:04,083 --> 00:43:05,666
Oh, let's.

772
00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:07,860
We'll be right back.

773
00:43:12,625 --> 00:43:14,291
Okay. I can't do three days.

774
00:43:14,375 --> 00:43:15,375
I'm rehearsing.

775
00:43:15,458 --> 00:43:16,292
I'm sure you can get

776
00:43:16,375 --> 00:43:18,333
one of your little minions
to sort it out.

777
00:43:18,416 --> 00:43:21,375
Okay, Grace. Minions are cartoons.
Everyone knows that.

778
00:43:21,458 --> 00:43:24,250
No, no, no.
Tough, tough, tough.

779
00:43:24,333 --> 00:43:28,291
We are going to Paris
because, newsflash: we are exhausted.

780
00:43:28,375 --> 00:43:30,666
Yeah.
I only get a bonus four times a year.

781
00:43:30,750 --> 00:43:34,500
Spencer,
your bonus is $25,000 a month

782
00:43:34,583 --> 00:43:37,708
I pay her in alimony.
Grace, you cannot spring this on me.

783
00:43:37,791 --> 00:43:40,916
You haven't seen her
twice in the last two years.

784
00:43:41,666 --> 00:43:43,583
This is finally your chance.

785
00:43:43,666 --> 00:43:47,041
-I'm working.
-You're always working.

786
00:43:47,583 --> 00:43:48,916
You're a big boy.

787
00:43:49,166 --> 00:43:50,333
Figure it out.

788
00:44:06,875 --> 00:44:09,802
Well, kiddo, looks like it's
you and me for three whole days.

789
00:44:11,291 --> 00:44:13,875
-Where are we going?
-To the North, me little mucker.

790
00:44:13,958 --> 00:44:15,583
-Dad!
-I know.

791
00:44:16,041 --> 00:44:16,875
Come on.

792
00:44:32,500 --> 00:44:33,833
So this is it.

793
00:44:33,916 --> 00:44:36,125
Stoneford Theatre Royal.

794
00:44:37,416 --> 00:44:38,708
You're in a pantomime?

795
00:44:38,791 --> 00:44:40,541
Yeah. Sorry.

796
00:44:41,416 --> 00:44:43,666
What do you mean, sorry?
I love panto.

797
00:44:43,750 --> 00:44:44,750
You do?

798
00:44:45,916 --> 00:44:49,166
But why are you so young?
Is it set in the past?

799
00:44:49,750 --> 00:44:50,750
How dare you!

800
00:44:51,125 --> 00:44:52,458
Ah!

801
00:44:52,833 --> 00:44:55,370
I wanna introduce you
to a man named Albert. Come on.

802
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,416
Oh, hello, Emma.

803
00:44:59,791 --> 00:45:01,416
My name's Albert.

804
00:45:01,791 --> 00:45:04,625
Yeah, well, come on in, love.
Make yourself at home.

805
00:45:05,833 --> 00:45:06,750
Thank you.

806
00:45:38,666 --> 00:45:39,500
Wow.

807
00:45:39,833 --> 00:45:41,333
Talk about a hint of colour.

808
00:45:42,708 --> 00:45:43,791
I like it.

809
00:45:45,875 --> 00:45:46,750
Yeah,

810
00:45:48,250 --> 00:45:49,958
we should probably close it up.

811
00:46:17,333 --> 00:46:20,041
Don't worry, sweetheart.
Happens wherever I go.

812
00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:24,250
Dad? It's December.

813
00:46:24,875 --> 00:46:25,875
You're right.

814
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:31,916
Thank you.

815
00:46:32,916 --> 00:46:35,500
It's that awful man
from those dreadful films.

816
00:46:36,791 --> 00:46:39,333
-Brad. Hi.
-Gillian.

817
00:46:39,416 --> 00:46:42,041
-Jill!
-Big fan of your work.

818
00:46:42,125 --> 00:46:44,916
Oh, thank you very much.
This is my daughter Emma.

819
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,541
This is my daughter Cara
and her friend Bella.

820
00:46:47,625 --> 00:46:48,958
-Hiya.
-Hi.

821
00:46:49,041 --> 00:46:50,792
Do you wanna go
and grab hot chocolates?

822
00:46:50,875 --> 00:46:53,333
-Yeah, sure. Dad?
-Yeah, of course.

823
00:46:53,416 --> 00:46:54,977
-I'll catch up.
-Great. Let's go.

824
00:46:55,833 --> 00:46:57,250
Jill. Can I have a word?

825
00:46:57,333 --> 00:47:00,166
So Emma's here all weekend, right?
But we're rehearsing.

826
00:47:00,250 --> 00:47:03,291
And I'm really scared
she's just gonna be so bored.

827
00:47:03,791 --> 00:47:06,083
Don't worry.
Cara can look out for her.

828
00:47:06,333 --> 00:47:08,041
-Really?
-Yeah.

829
00:47:08,125 --> 00:47:09,958
She can hang out
with all the kids backstage

830
00:47:10,041 --> 00:47:13,208
and then we'll get her on the stage
for that big ballroom scene.

831
00:47:13,708 --> 00:47:17,041
Oh, my God. That sounds fantastic.
You are a lifesaver.

832
00:47:17,500 --> 00:47:18,333
Whoa.

833
00:47:21,125 --> 00:47:23,500
Actually, Brad,
I have a favour to ask you.

834
00:47:23,583 --> 00:47:24,833
-Yeah?
-Yeah.

835
00:47:24,916 --> 00:47:27,125
On Monday,
the school's holding an event.

836
00:47:27,666 --> 00:47:29,333
The choir will be singing carols.

837
00:47:29,416 --> 00:47:32,291
-There's a tombola.
-Is that like Ebola?

838
00:47:32,500 --> 00:47:34,666
Not quite. One's an African disease.

839
00:47:34,916 --> 00:47:38,000
Erm, then there'll be
a prize-giving, like, fun things,

840
00:47:38,083 --> 00:47:39,708
like Best Christmas jumper.

841
00:47:39,791 --> 00:47:40,708
What?

842
00:47:41,791 --> 00:47:43,750
Oh, no, jumper means sweater.

843
00:47:44,291 --> 00:47:45,458
Oh, thank God.

844
00:47:45,958 --> 00:47:48,833
Little dark for Christmas, right?
Aha. Splat.

845
00:47:49,291 --> 00:47:53,000
So we were hoping someone real famous
might wanna hand out the prizes.

846
00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:55,375
Yeah, I'll do it. What's the fee?

847
00:47:55,875 --> 00:47:57,875
Er, cup of tea and a bourbon.

848
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,125
Huh. You're cute.
I don't drink when I work.

849
00:48:01,208 --> 00:48:04,041
Hot nuts. Come and get your hot nuts!

850
00:48:04,125 --> 00:48:07,916
-Nigel. Don't you sleep?
-Of course not, mate. On the house.

851
00:48:08,250 --> 00:48:10,041
-Thank you.
-Hot nuts.

852
00:48:10,125 --> 00:48:12,416
Warm your hands on me hot nuts.

853
00:48:15,791 --> 00:48:19,833
One and two and three
and four and five.

854
00:48:19,916 --> 00:48:21,083
-Ah.
-Okay. Stop.

855
00:48:21,166 --> 00:48:24,833
Stop. I want Prince Charming,
but it's a bit Prince Alarming.

856
00:48:24,916 --> 00:48:28,833
Sorry, Izzy. Got two left feet.
Toned feet, but...

857
00:48:28,916 --> 00:48:30,666
No, it's me. Really.

858
00:48:30,750 --> 00:48:32,083
Callum, do you mind?

859
00:48:33,125 --> 00:48:34,375
Jill, may I?

860
00:48:36,458 --> 00:48:39,791
-From the top.
-Right. Okay. Watch and learn.

861
00:49:11,416 --> 00:49:12,416
Oh.

862
00:49:43,708 --> 00:49:45,166
Bravo, Jill!

863
00:49:45,250 --> 00:49:47,708
Brenda, please.
I wasn't even warmed up.

864
00:49:47,791 --> 00:49:50,416
All right, my darlings.
Back to the top.

865
00:49:57,250 --> 00:50:00,125
<i>♪ Keep the snow and sleigh rides ♪</i>

866
00:50:00,583 --> 00:50:02,083
Come on, let's go!

867
00:50:03,708 --> 00:50:06,708
<i>♪ Keep the gifts beneath the tree ♪</i>

868
00:50:08,083 --> 00:50:10,333
Oh, this is the best casting!

869
00:50:11,500 --> 00:50:13,000
Come on, hurry up!

870
00:50:13,166 --> 00:50:14,750
-Jill.
-Thanks, Richard.

871
00:50:18,916 --> 00:50:21,708
Yeah, come on! Let's go!

872
00:50:24,125 --> 00:50:26,916
<i>♪ 'Cause all I ever wanted ♪</i>

873
00:50:27,250 --> 00:50:29,416
<i>♪ Was nothing I got ♪</i>

874
00:50:29,500 --> 00:50:35,458
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

875
00:50:36,333 --> 00:50:40,208
<i>♪ Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪</i>

876
00:50:40,291 --> 00:50:45,000
<i>♪ I don't need a thing ♪</i>

877
00:50:45,250 --> 00:50:48,125
<i>♪ I sent a letter to you ♪</i>

878
00:50:48,208 --> 00:50:53,208
<i>♪ On how to make my dreams come true,
<font face="sansSerif"><font color="

879
00:50:53,291 --> 00:50:57,916
<i>♪ What I want for Christmas ♪</i>

880
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:01,250
<i>♪ Hasn't come and I've been so blue ♪</i>

881
00:51:01,333 --> 00:51:06,000
<i>♪ Tell me, what can I do? Oh, yeah ♪</i>

882
00:51:06,250 --> 00:51:09,291
<i>♪ Keep the mistletoe ♪</i>

883
00:51:09,375 --> 00:51:11,375
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

884
00:51:11,458 --> 00:51:15,208
<i>♪ Unless below is what I need ♪</i>

885
00:51:15,291 --> 00:51:17,166
<i>♪ What I need ♪</i>

886
00:51:17,250 --> 00:51:20,750
<i>♪ Santa, can't you hear me? ♪</i>

887
00:51:20,833 --> 00:51:24,916
<i>♪ Santa, can't you hear me? ♪</i>

888
00:51:26,500 --> 00:51:28,041
Yes!

889
00:51:33,666 --> 00:51:34,833
You was amazing today.

890
00:51:35,125 --> 00:51:36,125
You were too.

891
00:51:36,833 --> 00:51:39,375
Can I buy you a drink?

892
00:51:40,541 --> 00:51:41,375
Sure.

893
00:51:43,041 --> 00:51:43,875
Great.

894
00:51:57,666 --> 00:51:58,791
Good morning, Albert.

895
00:51:59,666 --> 00:52:01,041
Yeah. Morning, Brad.

896
00:52:01,416 --> 00:52:03,166
How's young Emma doing?

897
00:52:04,250 --> 00:52:07,250
She's good, thank you. I think
she's really enjoying herself.

898
00:52:07,333 --> 00:52:09,375
-Ah.
-She'll be down in a minute.

899
00:52:09,541 --> 00:52:12,166
-May I?
-Yeah, of course. Yes, of course.

900
00:52:14,666 --> 00:52:15,500
Wow.

901
00:52:21,666 --> 00:52:24,166
-Albert, can I ask you a question?
-Yeah.

902
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,166
When did she pass?

903
00:52:27,250 --> 00:52:29,494
Your wife?
Emma and I saw the dresses upstairs.

904
00:52:30,833 --> 00:52:34,750
My husband passed nine years ago.

905
00:52:35,791 --> 00:52:39,583
New Year's Eve, in fact. On stage.

906
00:52:41,541 --> 00:52:44,416
Malcolm and I were pantomime dames.

907
00:52:44,875 --> 00:52:46,458
Rivals at first.

908
00:52:47,583 --> 00:52:50,958
But, er, 1979...

909
00:52:51,708 --> 00:52:54,125
we got asked to work together.

910
00:52:54,708 --> 00:52:57,791
<i>Cinderella,</i>Oldham Coliseum.

911
00:52:58,666 --> 00:53:01,083
He was a cocky little thing.

912
00:53:01,541 --> 00:53:03,583
I suppose that's why I liked him.

913
00:53:04,333 --> 00:53:06,625
Cheeky, like you.

914
00:53:07,583 --> 00:53:09,458
We toured every year.

915
00:53:10,500 --> 00:53:12,375
Made all our own frocks.

916
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,333
Birmingham.

917
00:53:16,750 --> 00:53:17,916
Newcastle.

918
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:19,166
Hull.

919
00:53:19,791 --> 00:53:20,958
Nottingham.

920
00:53:22,250 --> 00:53:24,541
Until 1992.

921
00:53:24,625 --> 00:53:26,458
What made you stay in Stoneford?

922
00:53:27,291 --> 00:53:31,416
Oh, we were so damn popular,
they put us in every year.

923
00:53:31,500 --> 00:53:35,291
Most pantomimes have
one dame, you see?

924
00:53:35,625 --> 00:53:38,875
But here, there were always two.

925
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:44,791
And people in the town,
oh, God, they loved us.

926
00:53:44,875 --> 00:53:46,916
We couldn't go anywhere.

927
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:49,583
Year round, autographs.

928
00:53:49,666 --> 00:53:51,750
Then selfies.

929
00:53:52,291 --> 00:53:55,541
The Stoneford Christmas lights.

930
00:53:57,291 --> 00:53:59,000
Until that Christmas.

931
00:54:06,541 --> 00:54:08,291
Last show of the year.

932
00:54:09,250 --> 00:54:10,666
Poor Malcolm.

933
00:54:11,708 --> 00:54:13,666
As the final curtain fell,

934
00:54:14,333 --> 00:54:17,041
he was out like a light himself.

935
00:54:19,875 --> 00:54:21,916
I never went on stage again.

936
00:54:24,375 --> 00:54:26,041
Albert, I'm so sorry.

937
00:54:30,416 --> 00:54:33,708
Why do you work the stage door?
You don't need the money.

938
00:54:34,375 --> 00:54:37,291
Theatre's not about money, lad.

939
00:54:38,291 --> 00:54:42,250
Theatre's about love,
passion, people.

940
00:54:45,291 --> 00:54:47,500
I devoted my whole life to it,

941
00:54:49,375 --> 00:54:54,416
and I haven't regretted it
for one single moment.

942
00:54:57,208 --> 00:54:59,083
Come on, Dad.
Let's get you to rehearsals.

943
00:54:59,166 --> 00:55:00,250
Good morning, Albert.

944
00:55:00,750 --> 00:55:02,833
Good morning, my dear.

945
00:55:03,375 --> 00:55:04,625
Thank you, Albert.

946
00:55:08,083 --> 00:55:09,000
Thank you.

947
00:55:09,166 --> 00:55:10,083
Take care.

948
00:55:18,250 --> 00:55:20,333
You are a complete
waste of space, Buttons.

949
00:55:20,458 --> 00:55:22,291
I have no idea why we pay you.

950
00:55:22,375 --> 00:55:24,042
But you don't pay me, Baron Hardup.

951
00:55:24,125 --> 00:55:25,417
That's because I am hard up.

952
00:55:25,500 --> 00:55:26,915
Oh, matron.

953
00:55:27,125 --> 00:55:30,208
Yeah. Why do you need money
anyway, Buttons?

954
00:55:30,291 --> 00:55:34,333
-Yeah, that's right.
-The only need is me!

955
00:55:34,583 --> 00:55:35,500
What?

956
00:55:35,583 --> 00:55:37,625
Why else would you be
killing time in panto land?

957
00:55:37,708 --> 00:55:39,750
Yeah, we're not
in Hollywood now, are we, Buttons?

958
00:55:39,833 --> 00:55:42,166
Yeah, that's right.
Has anyone seen your career?

959
00:55:42,291 --> 00:55:44,000
It's behind you.

960
00:55:44,083 --> 00:55:45,583
Why are you saying that? Stop it.

961
00:55:45,666 --> 00:55:48,041
Oh, no, darling.
It's just topical jokes.

962
00:55:48,125 --> 00:55:50,167
It's the same
with the star turn in every panto.

963
00:55:50,250 --> 00:55:51,667
Just a little light ribbing, dear.

964
00:55:51,750 --> 00:55:54,208
Well, I'm proud of those films,
okay? So you can take that out now.

965
00:55:54,291 --> 00:55:55,708
What are you gonna do? Quit?

966
00:55:55,791 --> 00:55:57,666
I don't think so, ducky.

967
00:55:58,666 --> 00:56:00,750
Oh, that's right.
Swan off to your agent.

968
00:56:00,833 --> 00:56:03,500
What agent?

969
00:56:03,750 --> 00:56:04,666
Oh, he's gone.

970
00:56:08,500 --> 00:56:10,875
Oh, Mr Mac. Mr Mac?

971
00:56:10,958 --> 00:56:12,958
-Sign out, Mr Mac.
-Wait!

972
00:56:14,125 --> 00:56:16,291
Miss Mac. Er... Miss Mac! Uh...

973
00:56:25,166 --> 00:56:26,000
Dad.

974
00:56:27,125 --> 00:56:29,458
Emma, please just go back inside.
Okay?

975
00:56:29,541 --> 00:56:32,175
No. I'm starting to think
that Mum was right about you.

976
00:56:32,625 --> 00:56:34,208
All you care about is yourself.

977
00:56:34,291 --> 00:56:35,333
What?

978
00:56:35,416 --> 00:56:37,221
She says you keep trying to run away.

979
00:56:37,791 --> 00:56:40,416
I didn't really understand until now.

980
00:56:40,500 --> 00:56:42,875
That's not true, okay?
And it's not fair.

981
00:56:42,958 --> 00:56:44,458
Come back in, okay?

982
00:56:45,041 --> 00:56:47,375
For me, please.

983
00:57:02,625 --> 00:57:03,458
Hey.

984
00:57:05,458 --> 00:57:06,291
Ah.

985
00:57:08,291 --> 00:57:11,071
I really want to thank you
for making me come back inside.

986
00:57:11,708 --> 00:57:14,958
You know,
I wanna do this play because of you

987
00:57:15,416 --> 00:57:17,166
and I think I really had fun.

988
00:57:17,250 --> 00:57:18,666
You were really good, Dad.

989
00:57:18,875 --> 00:57:19,875
Thank you.

990
00:57:20,166 --> 00:57:22,458
Salted caramel surprise?

991
00:57:22,666 --> 00:57:24,125
What's the surprise?

992
00:57:24,208 --> 00:57:26,583
Erm, soft in the centre.

993
00:57:26,666 --> 00:57:27,958
Ha ha ha.

994
00:57:29,208 --> 00:57:32,292
Maybe they could go a little easier
on me with the jokes about my career.

995
00:57:32,375 --> 00:57:33,708
They were really funny.

996
00:57:35,666 --> 00:57:38,625
I might be
being oversensitive about this,

997
00:57:38,708 --> 00:57:41,375
but I just don't think
that I'm ready to start joking

998
00:57:41,458 --> 00:57:43,541
about the career I'm about to lose.

999
00:57:43,625 --> 00:57:45,235
What are you talking about, Brad?

1000
00:57:45,458 --> 00:57:47,958
The jokes only work
because you are a star.

1001
00:57:48,791 --> 00:57:49,958
It's a thing we do in England.

1002
00:57:50,041 --> 00:57:51,625
It's called taking the piss.

1003
00:57:52,291 --> 00:57:55,166
Now come on, it's time
for the school prize-giving.

1004
00:57:55,250 --> 00:57:57,791
Not quite the Oscars,
but we should get going.

1005
00:57:58,083 --> 00:57:58,916
You ready?

1006
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:04,041
<i>♪ Deck the halls
With boughs of holly ♪</i>

1007
00:58:04,125 --> 00:58:06,958
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

1008
00:58:21,458 --> 00:58:24,666
Mr Mac, this is an honour.

1009
00:58:24,833 --> 00:58:26,791
Martin. The head.

1010
00:58:26,875 --> 00:58:27,708
Pleasure.

1011
00:58:27,791 --> 00:58:29,041
-Mulled wine.
-Actually...

1012
00:58:29,125 --> 00:58:31,083
It's a British tradition, Mr Mac.

1013
00:58:31,541 --> 00:58:34,166
Well, German. But still.

1014
00:58:34,708 --> 00:58:36,583
Hey, Cara.
Why don't you show Emma around.

1015
00:58:36,666 --> 00:58:37,500
Thank you.

1016
00:58:39,333 --> 00:58:40,541
Gonna earn my keep.

1017
00:58:41,416 --> 00:58:42,250
Good luck.

1018
00:58:43,125 --> 00:58:45,666
Hello, Stoneford!

1019
00:58:48,083 --> 00:58:51,875
Today I'd like to welcome
Hollywood actor Brad Mac...

1020
00:58:51,958 --> 00:58:54,041
...who is here

1021
00:58:54,125 --> 00:58:55,875
to present our Christmas awards.

1022
00:58:58,750 --> 00:59:00,208
Now, it's so important

1023
00:59:00,291 --> 00:59:03,708
that children be inspired
by the theatre.

1024
00:59:04,333 --> 00:59:07,458
That's why our students take
their annual trip to London

1025
00:59:07,541 --> 00:59:11,500
to see the best theatre
this country has to offer.

1026
00:59:12,208 --> 00:59:15,333
<i>Macbeth</i>at Shakespeare's Globe.

1027
00:59:16,041 --> 00:59:16,916
Emma.

1028
00:59:18,708 --> 00:59:21,916
Still, if you're looking
for something a little more fun

1029
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:24,250
this Christmas,
be sure to catch Mr Mac

1030
00:59:24,333 --> 00:59:27,041
in Stoneford's Christmas pantomime.

1031
00:59:29,208 --> 00:59:31,708
Now, shall we get
the prize-giving underway?

1032
00:59:34,583 --> 00:59:37,791
Let's get things started
with this year's highly coveted prize

1033
00:59:37,875 --> 00:59:39,375
for most improved attendance.

1034
00:59:39,458 --> 00:59:41,583
-And the winner is...
-Where's my daughter?

1035
00:59:41,666 --> 00:59:42,583
Grace?

1036
00:59:43,583 --> 00:59:45,458
Emma's around here somewhere.

1037
00:59:45,541 --> 00:59:47,125
-Jill.
-Who? Who's Jill?

1038
00:59:47,291 --> 00:59:48,958
Because she was meant
to be home at 12 o'clock

1039
00:59:49,041 --> 00:59:51,167
and your phone is off
and it's half past three.

1040
00:59:51,250 --> 00:59:53,000
-I was rehearsing.
-Because the hotel said you'd left

1041
00:59:53,083 --> 00:59:54,458
and I can't get a hold of your agent

1042
00:59:54,541 --> 00:59:56,250
because it turns out
you don't have an agent any more.

1043
00:59:56,333 --> 00:59:59,208
-Mum.
-Oh, darling. Oh, sweetheart.

1044
00:59:59,291 --> 01:00:01,458
Oh, okay.

1045
01:00:01,750 --> 01:00:03,250
Sweetheart,
we're gonna go to London now.

1046
01:00:03,333 --> 01:00:04,699
Grace, please don't do this.

1047
01:00:05,083 --> 01:00:06,917
We're having
such a good time, right, Em?

1048
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:10,208
-I'm going to be in the pantomime.
-No, no, no, no.

1049
01:00:10,291 --> 01:00:11,875
That's not
something to be proud of, Em.

1050
01:00:11,958 --> 01:00:14,042
What is it we say about pantomimes,
Spencer? What's the...

1051
01:00:14,125 --> 01:00:15,583
Lowest common
denominator entertainment.

1052
01:00:15,666 --> 01:00:17,333
Well, that's not true.
They're hugely popular.

1053
01:00:17,416 --> 01:00:19,333
That's good you're popular somewhere,
eh, Brad?

1054
01:00:19,416 --> 01:00:20,875
Come on, let's go.

1055
01:00:20,958 --> 01:00:22,250
I don't want to.

1056
01:00:22,333 --> 01:00:23,375
I'm sorry?

1057
01:00:24,416 --> 01:00:25,587
I want to stay with Dad.

1058
01:00:26,541 --> 01:00:28,708
Your father abandoned you, Emma.

1059
01:00:29,125 --> 01:00:32,208
So he could stay in Hollywood
and make sequel after sequel,

1060
01:00:32,291 --> 01:00:34,833
and buy orchid after orchid.

1061
01:00:36,250 --> 01:00:37,333
He promised.

1062
01:00:37,416 --> 01:00:40,083
But your father makes
a lot of promises, Emma.

1063
01:00:41,166 --> 01:00:43,750
Promises he always breaks.

1064
01:00:44,875 --> 01:00:49,166
So, no,
you will not be in the pantomime.

1065
01:00:49,666 --> 01:00:52,446
He probably won't even make it
to opening night, will you?

1066
01:00:52,875 --> 01:00:53,958
So, come on, let's go.

1067
01:00:54,041 --> 01:00:55,833
Grace, please just stop.

1068
01:00:55,916 --> 01:00:57,500
This is not fair.

1069
01:00:57,583 --> 01:01:00,333
We both agreed Emma would stay
with you because you told me

1070
01:01:00,416 --> 01:01:02,125
that's what was best for her,

1071
01:01:02,416 --> 01:01:04,917
and now I'm just starting to think
that that's what's best for you.

1072
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:08,041
I get it. I've been a bad dad. Okay?

1073
01:01:08,125 --> 01:01:13,458
Thoughtless, selfish.
Emma, I promise that stops now.

1074
01:01:14,375 --> 01:01:16,375
I will never run away from you again.

1075
01:01:18,458 --> 01:01:20,375
Most improved attendance.

1076
01:01:22,041 --> 01:01:22,875
It's ironic.

1077
01:01:29,958 --> 01:01:30,958
Mr Mac.

1078
01:01:35,125 --> 01:01:38,791
-Rachel McDonald.
-She's not here.

1079
01:01:39,083 --> 01:01:40,000
Not again.

1080
01:01:58,708 --> 01:01:59,791
How are you?

1081
01:02:02,458 --> 01:02:03,375
Read that.

1082
01:02:06,125 --> 01:02:09,625
'From Hero to Zero.
Washed-up B-list movie star

1083
01:02:09,708 --> 01:02:11,958
ends career with not a bang,
but a whimper.'

1084
01:02:13,708 --> 01:02:15,125
Where did this come from?

1085
01:02:15,583 --> 01:02:19,416
My ex-agent didn't like
the good press that I was getting,

1086
01:02:19,500 --> 01:02:22,416
so she gave them
an alternative narrative.

1087
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:29,041
I was hoping that coming here
would change my life and boy has it,

1088
01:02:29,208 --> 01:02:30,458
it has made it worse.

1089
01:02:31,583 --> 01:02:34,000
Come on, cheer up.

1090
01:02:34,083 --> 01:02:35,625
Things will get better.

1091
01:02:35,875 --> 01:02:39,333
No, not for me. Not here. I'm done.

1092
01:02:39,416 --> 01:02:41,750
I'm going home.
I don't care what it costs.

1093
01:02:43,083 --> 01:02:44,250
And what about us?

1094
01:02:45,208 --> 01:02:48,458
This is our life here, Brad.
This is who we are.

1095
01:02:49,291 --> 01:02:51,208
If you run away
and leave us in the lurch,

1096
01:02:51,291 --> 01:02:53,042
we are the ones
who end up paying the price.

1097
01:02:53,125 --> 01:02:55,041
I'm being humiliated, Jill.

1098
01:02:57,750 --> 01:03:00,708
But look at Albert on stage door
putting you up for nowt.

1099
01:03:01,291 --> 01:03:05,000
Cassandra, holding your hand
through every step of the process.

1100
01:03:05,375 --> 01:03:08,458
And then me. Muggins...

1101
01:03:08,625 --> 01:03:10,041
Along for the ride.

1102
01:03:12,875 --> 01:03:13,958
Okay. Forget it.

1103
01:03:14,916 --> 01:03:16,583
Because it's all about you, Brad.

1104
01:03:17,083 --> 01:03:18,791
'Cause that's how it's always been.

1105
01:03:19,500 --> 01:03:20,750
Your wife's right.

1106
01:03:21,208 --> 01:03:22,208
Ex-wife.

1107
01:03:22,500 --> 01:03:24,250
Yeah. I'm not surprised.

1108
01:03:30,458 --> 01:03:32,541
Bar person, one more for the road.

1109
01:03:37,500 --> 01:03:40,208
Oh, where's Nigel?

1110
01:03:40,583 --> 01:03:41,750
It's his day off.

1111
01:03:41,833 --> 01:03:42,666
Oh.

1112
01:03:43,250 --> 01:03:46,083
Only joking.

1113
01:03:46,166 --> 01:03:47,875
As if I'd get a day off.

1114
01:03:49,583 --> 01:03:52,375
Anyway, mate,
you wanna take it easy, yeah?

1115
01:03:52,583 --> 01:03:54,625
You gotta turn on
the Christmas lights.

1116
01:03:54,708 --> 01:03:56,375
What do you think I'm dressed for?

1117
01:04:08,125 --> 01:04:09,000
Hello.

1118
01:04:09,750 --> 01:04:11,000
<i>Ich bin...</i>

1119
01:04:11,458 --> 01:04:12,458
German.

1120
01:04:13,250 --> 01:04:14,250
Jesus.

1121
01:04:15,791 --> 01:04:18,292
Brenda, you're a connoisseur
of fine liquid entertainment.

1122
01:04:18,375 --> 01:04:22,875
The biggest turnout we've had
for a Christmas light switch on ever.

1123
01:04:24,416 --> 01:04:25,833
I think you might have had enough.

1124
01:04:25,916 --> 01:04:29,125
Welcome to the stage
the mayor of Stoneford!

1125
01:04:29,708 --> 01:04:31,166
It worked for Burton.

1126
01:04:31,250 --> 01:04:35,833
So let's give the cast
of<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

1127
01:04:36,125 --> 01:04:37,708
Thank you, Mr Mayor.

1128
01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,250
Hello, Stoneford.

1129
01:04:40,333 --> 01:04:43,125
Oi, Buttons!
Gonna have another meltdown?

1130
01:04:43,708 --> 01:04:46,041
-Shut up, you loser.
-Ooh.

1131
01:04:46,166 --> 01:04:48,083
I'm Bradley Mac... Ow!

1132
01:04:56,333 --> 01:04:58,333
So that's how it is now.

1133
01:04:58,416 --> 01:05:00,833
I'm just a joke to you all.

1134
01:05:00,958 --> 01:05:02,291
Spiderman's here.

1135
01:05:02,833 --> 01:05:03,666
Okay.

1136
01:05:06,791 --> 01:05:09,958
-How's this for laughs?
-Whoa!

1137
01:05:10,041 --> 01:05:11,291
I can be funny.

1138
01:05:12,083 --> 01:05:13,500
Son of a bitch!

1139
01:05:13,583 --> 01:05:15,041
I can be the clown.

1140
01:05:15,166 --> 01:05:16,000
You're fired.

1141
01:05:17,125 --> 01:05:20,916
It seems like the only thing
I can't be is... a good actor.

1142
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:22,875
-Something like that?
-We're screwed.

1143
01:05:23,291 --> 01:05:24,833
Good father.

1144
01:05:24,916 --> 01:05:28,333
You are literally first in line
for worst parent of the year award.

1145
01:05:28,916 --> 01:05:30,916
Even a good person.

1146
01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:31,875
But he promised.

1147
01:05:31,958 --> 01:05:34,875
But your father makes
a lot of promises, Emma.

1148
01:05:35,125 --> 01:05:37,208
<i>Promises he always breaks.</i>

1149
01:05:38,458 --> 01:05:41,958
-Anyone seen your career?
-It's behind you.

1150
01:05:42,041 --> 01:05:44,958
What are you looking at?
What are you looking at?!

1151
01:05:49,416 --> 01:05:52,541
You want a villain?
I'll be your villain.

1152
01:05:53,166 --> 01:05:54,166
Yeah.

1153
01:05:55,625 --> 01:05:56,708
Here's this.

1154
01:05:59,541 --> 01:06:00,875
Merry Christmas.

1155
01:06:07,958 --> 01:06:09,208
Aargh!

1156
01:06:21,291 --> 01:06:23,833
Mr Mac. You are under arrest.

1157
01:06:24,333 --> 01:06:27,375
And before you ask, yep,
community police officer.

1158
01:06:28,333 --> 01:06:29,875
Help me up.

1159
01:06:30,166 --> 01:06:31,875
Yeah.

1160
01:06:32,666 --> 01:06:33,750
Mr Mac.

1161
01:06:35,583 --> 01:06:37,500
I'm up. I'm up.

1162
01:06:40,791 --> 01:06:42,833
I need to talk to my lawyer.

1163
01:06:43,041 --> 01:06:45,625
They've been contacted. And they want
you to know they're on the way.

1164
01:06:45,708 --> 01:06:47,500
When are they getting here?

1165
01:06:48,125 --> 01:06:49,208
No idea.

1166
01:06:54,083 --> 01:06:56,541
Er, listen, do you mind
if I have a selfie?

1167
01:06:59,125 --> 01:06:59,958
Sure.

1168
01:07:00,041 --> 01:07:00,875
Cheers.

1169
01:07:03,583 --> 01:07:06,916
Oh... Smile.

1170
01:07:07,083 --> 01:07:08,000
Cheers.

1171
01:07:10,708 --> 01:07:11,708
Are you all right?

1172
01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:14,833
No.

1173
01:07:17,166 --> 01:07:19,708
Yesterday I had everything.

1174
01:07:19,958 --> 01:07:21,500
Friends, a job.

1175
01:07:22,958 --> 01:07:24,500
My daughter loved me.

1176
01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:28,250
And I screwed it all up.

1177
01:07:30,708 --> 01:07:32,250
What's gonna happen now?

1178
01:07:32,791 --> 01:07:35,458
Well, you're up in front
of the magistrates Wednesday morning,

1179
01:07:35,541 --> 01:07:38,333
and normally you'd remain
in police custody until then.

1180
01:07:38,708 --> 01:07:41,041
However, on this occasion,

1181
01:07:41,125 --> 01:07:44,625
a respectable member of the community
has come forward and vouched for you,

1182
01:07:44,708 --> 01:07:47,791
so we're happy to release you
into their care until the hearing.

1183
01:07:49,916 --> 01:07:52,500
A respectable member
of the community?

1184
01:07:52,583 --> 01:07:53,416
Yeah.

1185
01:08:02,166 --> 01:08:05,166
Hey, sorry
about what I said at the pub.

1186
01:08:05,250 --> 01:08:08,416
Well, you're probably right.
Whatever it is you said.

1187
01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:10,000
Officer.

1188
01:08:11,750 --> 01:08:12,750
Downstairs.

1189
01:08:14,208 --> 01:08:15,583
I'll make us a brew.

1190
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:17,750
Oh...

1191
01:08:18,875 --> 01:08:20,500
I was so stupid.

1192
01:08:21,083 --> 01:08:23,916
When Grace took her away,
the way she looked at me.

1193
01:08:24,458 --> 01:08:26,708
I'll never get it outta my head.
She was so disappointed.

1194
01:08:26,791 --> 01:08:28,875
She'll understand. In time.

1195
01:08:28,958 --> 01:08:31,708
That's the thing.
With Emma, I'm running out of time.

1196
01:08:31,791 --> 01:08:33,375
If I'm convicted and I get a record,

1197
01:08:33,458 --> 01:08:34,667
they won't let me
back in the country.

1198
01:08:34,750 --> 01:08:36,750
It'll be years
before I can see her again.

1199
01:08:36,958 --> 01:08:39,916
I'm spiralling downward
and I don't know why.

1200
01:08:41,083 --> 01:08:44,291
'Cause this pantomime,
with Albert and... and Emma,

1201
01:08:44,375 --> 01:08:47,208
even the ugly sisters,

1202
01:08:47,708 --> 01:08:49,666
this is the best time I've ever had

1203
01:08:50,625 --> 01:08:52,000
and it's 'cause of you.

1204
01:08:56,333 --> 01:08:57,250
Thanks.

1205
01:08:59,291 --> 01:09:00,875
Cara. Cara!

1206
01:09:00,958 --> 01:09:01,958
She's out.

1207
01:09:02,375 --> 01:09:04,500
You're not supposed
to have a key, Kieran.

1208
01:09:05,083 --> 01:09:07,181
I just wanna see my daughter, Jill.

1209
01:09:07,416 --> 01:09:09,166
Well, she's not here,

1210
01:09:09,250 --> 01:09:10,375
so you gotta leave.

1211
01:09:11,500 --> 01:09:12,708
Got him here with you?

1212
01:09:13,833 --> 01:09:15,333
It's not what you think.

1213
01:09:15,416 --> 01:09:17,416
Since when do you care
about what I think?

1214
01:09:18,750 --> 01:09:20,417
I wanna take Carla
down to London with me.

1215
01:09:20,500 --> 01:09:23,208
No, the pantomime is opening
tomorrow night.

1216
01:09:23,291 --> 01:09:25,541
-You promised.
-Yeah.

1217
01:09:25,625 --> 01:09:27,125
That was when your head was straight

1218
01:09:27,208 --> 01:09:29,257
and not full
of all this Hollywood rubbish.

1219
01:09:29,583 --> 01:09:31,166
She's my daughter as well, Jill.

1220
01:09:31,958 --> 01:09:33,666
She's my daughter as well.

1221
01:09:41,500 --> 01:09:45,166
Only days ago I was standing
outside Stoneford Theatre Royal.

1222
01:09:45,250 --> 01:09:48,750
But there's a rather different stage
set for today; Stoneford Courthouse,

1223
01:09:48,833 --> 01:09:50,541
{\an8}where the fate of Brad Mac

1224
01:09:50,625 --> 01:09:52,875
{\an8}and the local pantomime
will be decided.

1225
01:09:54,250 --> 01:09:56,750
Sweetheart, you sure
you're not gonna join us?

1226
01:09:57,833 --> 01:10:01,166
I don't think I can face it
and I have to fetch Cara from ballet.

1227
01:10:01,250 --> 01:10:04,208
-So I'll just meet you here later.
-What if Brad goes down?

1228
01:10:04,750 --> 01:10:07,083
Then you'll have to get
Pierce Brosnan on the phone.

1229
01:10:07,166 --> 01:10:08,208
Hm... mh.

1230
01:10:08,583 --> 01:10:10,833
Hm, alright, darling, see you later.

1231
01:10:11,833 --> 01:10:14,291
{\an8}Brad's fearsome legal team
flew in overnight

1232
01:10:14,375 --> 01:10:16,666
on an actual private jet
from Hollywood.

1233
01:10:16,750 --> 01:10:20,750
That's right, carbon destroyers,
but hopefully not career destroyers.

1234
01:10:20,833 --> 01:10:22,083
Back to you in the studio.

1235
01:10:41,416 --> 01:10:43,791
We got this, Brad. Fear not.

1236
01:10:43,958 --> 01:10:48,500
You know I'm the best defence lawyer
in California. I'm also the cheapest.

1237
01:10:49,791 --> 01:10:51,833
-Really?
-Oh, no, no.

1238
01:10:51,916 --> 01:10:54,166
I'm just making a joke
to lighten things up.

1239
01:10:59,333 --> 01:11:00,250
All rise.

1240
01:11:01,166 --> 01:11:03,166
Will the defendant please stand.

1241
01:11:08,125 --> 01:11:11,291
Mr Theobald Washington,
you have been charged...

1242
01:11:11,375 --> 01:11:12,208
Objection.

1243
01:11:12,625 --> 01:11:14,625
Who the hell is Theobald Washington?

1244
01:11:14,708 --> 01:11:15,750
That's my real name.

1245
01:11:15,875 --> 01:11:16,958
Theobald.

1246
01:11:17,833 --> 01:11:18,666
For real?

1247
01:11:18,875 --> 01:11:20,541
You chose Brad Mac?

1248
01:11:20,666 --> 01:11:22,583
I chose Bradley Apollo McDonald.

1249
01:11:22,958 --> 01:11:23,791
Oh.

1250
01:11:24,375 --> 01:11:26,000
Carry on, Basil.

1251
01:11:26,083 --> 01:11:29,500
...with the destruction
of city property and being drunk

1252
01:11:29,583 --> 01:11:31,041
and disorderly in public.

1253
01:11:31,666 --> 01:11:32,833
How do you plead?

1254
01:11:33,166 --> 01:11:36,625
Not guilty.

1255
01:11:36,708 --> 01:11:38,041
Well done, Brad!

1256
01:11:40,333 --> 01:11:42,791
Silence!

1257
01:11:43,875 --> 01:11:44,791
Thank you.

1258
01:11:45,291 --> 01:11:48,916
Your Honour,
my name is Sukie Huntington III

1259
01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:50,750
from the Los Angeles law firm

1260
01:11:50,833 --> 01:11:54,458
Brown, Johnson, Klein, Robinson,
Ashwell, Lopez, and...

1261
01:11:56,125 --> 01:11:59,083
erm, oh, yeah, me, Huntington.

1262
01:12:00,500 --> 01:12:01,333
Proceed.

1263
01:12:01,416 --> 01:12:03,375
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...

1264
01:12:03,458 --> 01:12:06,000
Er, this is a magistrate court,
Miss Huntington.

1265
01:12:06,291 --> 01:12:07,375
There's no jury.

1266
01:12:07,625 --> 01:12:10,041
It's Ms. I'm divorced.

1267
01:12:11,125 --> 01:12:14,875
Just like this court.
Divorced from reality.

1268
01:12:15,291 --> 01:12:18,458
For my client has
numerous mitigating circumstances.

1269
01:12:18,541 --> 01:12:21,791
Not only is he a celebrity,

1270
01:12:21,875 --> 01:12:24,458
he is also a member of a minority.

1271
01:12:25,375 --> 01:12:27,541
Which minority are you referring to?

1272
01:12:28,166 --> 01:12:30,541
He's American, Your Honour.

1273
01:12:31,916 --> 01:12:34,833
Mr Magistrate,
can I please say a few words?

1274
01:12:34,958 --> 01:12:35,958
If you must.

1275
01:12:37,041 --> 01:12:40,208
Two weeks ago,
I didn't even know Stoneford existed.

1276
01:12:40,291 --> 01:12:42,875
And then someone will throw a plate

1277
01:12:42,958 --> 01:12:45,958
of shaving foam
directly into your face.

1278
01:12:46,041 --> 01:12:47,000
And then...

1279
01:12:47,083 --> 01:12:49,208
Mr Brosnan?

1280
01:12:50,333 --> 01:12:51,291
Mr Brosnan?

1281
01:12:51,958 --> 01:12:54,446
I certainly didn't know
what a pantomime was.

1282
01:12:54,666 --> 01:12:56,917
And, er, so to find myself
on stage playing Buttons

1283
01:12:57,000 --> 01:12:59,625
in<i>Cinderella</i>came as quite a shock.

1284
01:13:00,666 --> 01:13:02,916
That's not an excuse
for losing control.

1285
01:13:04,458 --> 01:13:07,125
More my attempt at an explanation.

1286
01:13:07,625 --> 01:13:09,708
You have to let him off, Your Honour.

1287
01:13:09,791 --> 01:13:14,250
The Panto needs Brad Mac.
Stoneford needs Brad Mac.

1288
01:13:14,333 --> 01:13:16,083
Don't be too hard on him,
Your Honour.

1289
01:13:16,166 --> 01:13:19,125
-Yeah, that's our job.
-Don't bang up Buttons!

1290
01:13:19,458 --> 01:13:21,583
Don't bang up Buttons!

1291
01:13:21,666 --> 01:13:23,333
Don't bang up Buttons!

1292
01:13:23,416 --> 01:13:24,875
Don't bang up Buttons!

1293
01:13:24,958 --> 01:13:26,250
Silence!

1294
01:13:26,333 --> 01:13:28,416
I've had quite enough
of this nonsense.

1295
01:13:28,500 --> 01:13:29,792
Oh, no, you haven't.

1296
01:13:29,875 --> 01:13:31,500
Oh, yes, I... have. Enough!

1297
01:13:32,833 --> 01:13:35,208
You're turning
this courtroom into a pantomime,

1298
01:13:35,291 --> 01:13:36,791
and this case into a joke.

1299
01:13:36,875 --> 01:13:38,375
Pantomime is not a joke, Your Honour.

1300
01:13:38,458 --> 01:13:39,375
Excuse me?

1301
01:13:41,541 --> 01:13:42,666
The pantomime.

1302
01:13:42,750 --> 01:13:44,041
It's not a joke.

1303
01:13:44,916 --> 01:13:48,208
The Christmas pantomime brings
entire communities together,

1304
01:13:48,291 --> 01:13:49,458
young and old.

1305
01:13:50,250 --> 01:13:52,042
For the young people,
it's probably the first time

1306
01:13:52,125 --> 01:13:53,442
they'll ever see a theatre.

1307
01:13:53,750 --> 01:13:56,958
And for the older people
in the community, like myself,

1308
01:13:58,333 --> 01:14:00,870
it gives us a chance
to reconnect with the young ones

1309
01:14:01,916 --> 01:14:03,833
through a shared smile or a laugh.

1310
01:14:04,958 --> 01:14:06,958
Besides, the Christmas pantomime
makes enough money

1311
01:14:07,041 --> 01:14:09,583
to keep Stoneford's theatre going
all year round.

1312
01:14:10,166 --> 01:14:12,167
Without the pantomime,
the theatre would probably close

1313
01:14:12,250 --> 01:14:13,500
and be gone forever.

1314
01:14:14,625 --> 01:14:15,875
Thank you, Mr Mac.

1315
01:14:16,458 --> 01:14:18,263
Can I please just say one more thing?

1316
01:14:20,416 --> 01:14:25,458
I know you think the panto is silly,
and... and in places it is, by design.

1317
01:14:27,541 --> 01:14:29,916
But I beg you to come see<i>Cinderella,</i>

1318
01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:32,291
not just to see
what's happening on stage,

1319
01:14:32,375 --> 01:14:35,125
but to look around
at the faces of the audience.

1320
01:14:35,791 --> 01:14:38,000
You'll see something
that's so special, so...

1321
01:14:39,333 --> 01:14:40,291
rare.

1322
01:14:41,125 --> 01:14:42,541
You'll see pure joy.

1323
01:14:44,166 --> 01:14:46,020
And at the end of the day,
Your Honour,

1324
01:14:46,125 --> 01:14:48,417
isn't that what
Christmas is supposed to be about?

1325
01:14:48,500 --> 01:14:50,083
Nice words, Mr Mac,
but shall we get back

1326
01:14:50,166 --> 01:14:51,000
to the matter in hand?

1327
01:14:51,083 --> 01:14:52,083
Yes, sir.

1328
01:14:53,000 --> 01:14:55,541
And I have no intention
of banging up Buttons.

1329
01:14:55,625 --> 01:14:56,666
I never have.

1330
01:14:56,750 --> 01:14:58,792
The crimes he's charged with
aren't even jail able.

1331
01:14:58,875 --> 01:15:02,375
-Really?
-£200.

1332
01:15:02,666 --> 01:15:04,333
Justice at last!

1333
01:15:06,041 --> 01:15:08,041
For heaven's sake, clear off.

1334
01:15:12,250 --> 01:15:14,750
My daughter, he's got my daughter!

1335
01:15:14,875 --> 01:15:16,791
Oh, no, he hasn't!

1336
01:15:17,500 --> 01:15:18,916
What is wrong with you?

1337
01:15:19,000 --> 01:15:20,958
It's Kieran. He's got Cara.

1338
01:15:21,125 --> 01:15:23,166
Jill, I'm here for you.
Whatever you need.

1339
01:15:25,083 --> 01:15:25,916
This way.

1340
01:15:26,833 --> 01:15:27,666
No, this way.

1341
01:15:27,833 --> 01:15:30,613
No, Brad. It's literally this way.
I'm tracking his phone.

1342
01:15:33,791 --> 01:15:36,000
Nigel,
we need your help to save Cara.

1343
01:15:36,083 --> 01:15:36,916
You got it, boss.

1344
01:15:38,041 --> 01:15:40,083
-Everybody in.
-Come on. Hurry up.

1345
01:15:43,916 --> 01:15:45,583
Can you go a bit faster?

1346
01:15:45,666 --> 01:15:47,129
He's heading for the motorway.

1347
01:15:49,666 --> 01:15:52,875
Emma, darling,
time for pottery class.

1348
01:15:52,958 --> 01:15:53,791
Emma?

1349
01:15:54,291 --> 01:15:55,166
Emma.

1350
01:15:55,708 --> 01:15:56,541
Emma!

1351
01:15:57,125 --> 01:15:57,958
She's gone.

1352
01:15:59,000 --> 01:16:02,875
She's gone. Spencer, get the car!
We're going to Stoneford!

1353
01:16:08,208 --> 01:16:11,708
Brad, I just wanna say
I'm very grateful you're doing this.

1354
01:16:11,791 --> 01:16:13,291
Of course, we're friends.

1355
01:16:15,083 --> 01:16:16,375
-Cara could be dead.
-Dead?

1356
01:16:16,458 --> 01:16:17,375
-Dead?
-What?

1357
01:16:17,458 --> 01:16:19,312
I thought
it was only a custody battle.

1358
01:16:19,625 --> 01:16:21,833
Somebody say custard?

1359
01:16:21,916 --> 01:16:24,000
'Cause custody. No? No.

1360
01:16:26,708 --> 01:16:28,583
We've left Cassandra behind.

1361
01:16:30,708 --> 01:16:32,625
A part in next year's pantomime.

1362
01:16:32,708 --> 01:16:33,541
Are you serious?

1363
01:16:33,625 --> 01:16:36,375
-Absolutely, darling.
-I mean, that would be wonderful.

1364
01:16:36,458 --> 01:16:38,625
I've always thought there might be
a pantomime in me.

1365
01:16:38,708 --> 01:16:40,583
And I've always thought the same...

1366
01:16:41,250 --> 01:16:42,458
-about a judge.
-Hm.

1367
01:16:45,166 --> 01:16:46,000
Mm-hmm.

1368
01:16:46,083 --> 01:16:47,166
Hm.

1369
01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:51,291
That's his car.

1370
01:17:06,208 --> 01:17:07,333
Everybody stay here.

1371
01:17:08,291 --> 01:17:09,125
Cara.

1372
01:17:10,583 --> 01:17:11,416
Cara.

1373
01:17:13,250 --> 01:17:14,083
Cara.

1374
01:17:14,916 --> 01:17:17,541
Cara! Cara! Cara!

1375
01:17:17,625 --> 01:17:19,750
What's all the shouting about?

1376
01:17:19,833 --> 01:17:21,000
Where's her daughter?

1377
01:17:21,541 --> 01:17:22,375
What do you mean?

1378
01:17:22,458 --> 01:17:24,208
Tell me where her daughter is, now.

1379
01:17:24,458 --> 01:17:25,958
What are you talking about?

1380
01:17:26,041 --> 01:17:28,334
Stop screwing around, Kieran,
or so help me God.

1381
01:17:28,833 --> 01:17:31,458
Or what?
You gonna go and get your stuntman?

1382
01:17:33,500 --> 01:17:35,416
Yah!

1383
01:17:39,250 --> 01:17:40,250
What are you doing?

1384
01:17:41,833 --> 01:17:42,791
Under arm.

1385
01:17:43,750 --> 01:17:45,708
Get him, Brad!

1386
01:17:57,791 --> 01:17:58,791
What are you doing?

1387
01:17:59,041 --> 01:18:00,250
That's humiliating.

1388
01:18:06,708 --> 01:18:07,833
-Ooh!
-Ooh!

1389
01:18:07,916 --> 01:18:08,791
Ooh!

1390
01:18:14,833 --> 01:18:15,791
Ooh!

1391
01:18:27,791 --> 01:18:30,583
-Why are we doing this?
-Because you kidnapped Cara.

1392
01:18:31,208 --> 01:18:32,525
What are you talking about?

1393
01:18:32,875 --> 01:18:34,777
I just dropped her
at the train station.

1394
01:18:35,500 --> 01:18:36,333
What?

1395
01:18:36,833 --> 01:18:38,666
Train... Where is she going?

1396
01:18:39,250 --> 01:18:42,041
Nowhere.
She said she had to meet a friend.

1397
01:18:42,250 --> 01:18:43,250
Yeah, I don't believe you.

1398
01:18:43,333 --> 01:18:45,821
I heard you tell Jill
you were taking her to London.

1399
01:18:46,291 --> 01:18:47,125
I was.

1400
01:18:48,458 --> 01:18:50,165
It's my turn to have her this year.

1401
01:18:52,583 --> 01:18:53,875
Promised her
she could do the pantomime.

1402
01:18:53,958 --> 01:18:55,714
I didn't wanna disappoint her. So...

1403
01:18:57,750 --> 01:18:59,083
I'm a crap dad to Cara

1404
01:19:00,250 --> 01:19:02,083
and I was a crap husband to Jill.

1405
01:19:02,708 --> 01:19:05,250
You're not a crap dad, okay?

1406
01:19:07,166 --> 01:19:08,250
You're there for her.

1407
01:19:09,250 --> 01:19:12,665
That's a lot better than I can say
for myself over the last five years.

1408
01:19:13,333 --> 01:19:15,166
One thing I learnt here in Stoneford,

1409
01:19:15,708 --> 01:19:17,708
life isn't gonna go
the way you want it.

1410
01:19:17,916 --> 01:19:20,458
It is what it is
and you cannot run away from it.

1411
01:19:22,541 --> 01:19:25,375
You just have to embrace it
for all its unpredictability

1412
01:19:25,458 --> 01:19:26,875
with everything you've got.

1413
01:19:32,333 --> 01:19:36,166
Well... you know,
Cara was doing the panto and...

1414
01:19:38,291 --> 01:19:40,166
I would love to see her on stage,

1415
01:19:41,083 --> 01:19:42,083
if it's okay.

1416
01:19:44,500 --> 01:19:45,458
Of course.

1417
01:19:48,083 --> 01:19:50,166
Oh, crap, we gotta go.

1418
01:19:54,708 --> 01:19:55,708
Oh...

1419
01:19:59,416 --> 01:20:02,148
Cara went to see a friend,
she'll meet us at the theatre.

1420
01:20:07,958 --> 01:20:08,791
Let's go!

1421
01:20:24,875 --> 01:20:27,000
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

1422
01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:32,458
<i>♪ Oh
I can't wait to see those faces ♪</i>

1423
01:20:35,375 --> 01:20:38,625
<i>♪ I'm driving home for Christmas
Yeah ♪</i>

1424
01:20:40,166 --> 01:20:42,791
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

1425
01:20:45,583 --> 01:20:48,166
<i>♪ It's been so long ♪</i>

1426
01:20:49,583 --> 01:20:51,833
<i>♪ But I will be there ♪</i>

1427
01:20:51,916 --> 01:20:53,625
<i>♪ I sing this song ♪</i>

1428
01:20:55,000 --> 01:20:57,375
<i>♪ To pass the time away ♪</i>

1429
01:20:57,875 --> 01:21:00,250
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

1430
01:21:00,791 --> 01:21:02,875
<i>♪ Driving home for Christmas ♪</i>

1431
01:21:06,791 --> 01:21:10,666
<i>♪ Gonna take some time
But I'll get there ♪</i>

1432
01:21:23,708 --> 01:21:25,541
Er, you're a big movie star, Mr Mac.

1433
01:21:25,666 --> 01:21:27,167
Isn't the role of Buttons
a small part for someone

1434
01:21:27,250 --> 01:21:28,125
of your stature?

1435
01:21:28,208 --> 01:21:29,708
Well,
I'll quote the great Stanislavski.

1436
01:21:29,791 --> 01:21:31,583
There are no small parts,
just small actors.

1437
01:21:31,666 --> 01:21:33,208
And how are you enjoying
your time in Stoneford?

1438
01:21:33,291 --> 01:21:34,166
Dad!

1439
01:21:34,791 --> 01:21:37,000
Emma! Excuse me. Sweetheart!

1440
01:21:37,208 --> 01:21:39,208
-What are you doing here?
-Mum!

1441
01:21:39,291 --> 01:21:41,042
I snuck out
of the house and took the train.

1442
01:21:41,125 --> 01:21:42,375
Cara met me at the station.

1443
01:21:42,458 --> 01:21:46,791
Oh, sweetheart, I'm so happy
to see you, but you're 12 years old.

1444
01:21:46,875 --> 01:21:49,802
You cannot take a train across
the country by yourself, okay?

1445
01:21:50,625 --> 01:21:51,833
Next time, just call me.

1446
01:21:52,416 --> 01:21:53,250
Come here.

1447
01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:56,250
I see you're getting the hang
of proper parenting.

1448
01:21:56,333 --> 01:21:57,541
Better late than never.

1449
01:21:58,000 --> 01:22:01,000
Oh, on that subject,
it's time to get into costume. Ready?

1450
01:22:01,083 --> 01:22:02,083
Show time.

1451
01:22:19,750 --> 01:22:20,916
It's my first theatre.

1452
01:22:23,833 --> 01:22:27,583
Once upon a time in a magical land...

1453
01:22:28,375 --> 01:22:30,833
Oh, that must be Buttons.

1454
01:22:31,041 --> 01:22:33,500
My oldest and dearest friend.

1455
01:22:33,583 --> 01:22:35,916
I can always rely on Buttons.

1456
01:22:38,958 --> 01:22:42,041
I said, I can always rely on Buttons!

1457
01:22:44,750 --> 01:22:46,875
-Has anyone seen...
-You'll do fine.

1458
01:22:49,125 --> 01:22:50,125
Needed the lipstick.

1459
01:22:50,750 --> 01:22:53,000
One, two, three.

1460
01:22:53,541 --> 01:22:55,333
Buttons!

1461
01:23:14,916 --> 01:23:17,541
Don't worry, mate.
She's been killing time.

1462
01:23:20,708 --> 01:23:22,000
-Cinderella.
-Hmm?

1463
01:23:22,083 --> 01:23:24,833
-I have a secret.
-A secret.

1464
01:23:24,916 --> 01:23:25,916
What is it?

1465
01:23:26,000 --> 01:23:27,667
Well, a secret's something
you tell someone

1466
01:23:27,750 --> 01:23:29,652
that you don't want
anyone else to know.

1467
01:23:30,000 --> 01:23:32,195
I'd stick to movies, mate.

1468
01:23:32,791 --> 01:23:35,166
Do yourself a favour
and shut your mouth.

1469
01:23:35,458 --> 01:23:37,875
I almost forgot my big run-up.

1470
01:23:38,125 --> 01:23:39,708
Ooh.

1471
01:23:44,416 --> 01:23:46,333
I do my own stunts now.

1472
01:23:50,416 --> 01:23:52,333
Just like the other big stars.

1473
01:23:52,583 --> 01:23:53,541
Whoo!

1474
01:24:00,083 --> 01:24:02,278
They're booing you, Fanny.
They're booing you.

1475
01:24:02,375 --> 01:24:04,833
You shan't go
to the ball, Cinderella.

1476
01:24:05,000 --> 01:24:07,916
You shan't, you shan't, you shan't.

1477
01:24:08,333 --> 01:24:10,333
Yeah, rip it, rip it.

1478
01:24:10,583 --> 01:24:13,708
All you have to do
is believe and magic will happen.

1479
01:24:17,833 --> 01:24:20,916
You shall go to the ball, Cinderella.

1480
01:24:24,375 --> 01:24:26,625
Tell you what, mate, there'll be
somebody good looking in here

1481
01:24:26,708 --> 01:24:27,917
you can have a little chat with.

1482
01:24:28,000 --> 01:24:30,583
Let's see if we can find... let's see
if we can find a good-looking fella.

1483
01:24:30,666 --> 01:24:32,500
-There'll be some in here.
-Let's have a little look

1484
01:24:32,583 --> 01:24:35,625
for a good looking fella,
we can find a good-looking fella.

1485
01:24:35,708 --> 01:24:38,208
-See if we can find a...
-Has to be a good-looking fella.

1486
01:24:38,291 --> 01:24:39,708
-A good-looking fella.
-Has to be a good-looking fella.

1487
01:24:39,791 --> 01:24:43,583
Oh, you, sir. You, sir. Can you see
any good-looking fellas in here?

1488
01:25:07,166 --> 01:25:09,708
Pop it on. The doctor says
I've got the feet of an athlete.

1489
01:25:09,791 --> 01:25:11,792
No, he said you've got
athlete's foot, it's different.

1490
01:25:13,500 --> 01:25:15,583
-Toes are curled.
-Look at those chubby feet.

1491
01:25:15,666 --> 01:25:17,417
Hey, you can't say chubby.
That's... you're fattist.

1492
01:25:17,500 --> 01:25:19,833
I think you'll find
you're the fattest.

1493
01:25:20,416 --> 01:25:22,166
Sorry about this, Your Highness.

1494
01:25:23,625 --> 01:25:26,083
-Yes!
-Oh!

1495
01:25:31,250 --> 01:25:34,500
-So we didn't get our prince.
-Never mind.

1496
01:25:34,583 --> 01:25:37,708
Who's ready for the big finale?

1497
01:25:38,250 --> 01:25:41,791
Thanks, everybody.
We'll see you later. Bye!

1498
01:25:47,166 --> 01:25:50,666
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="
And hold my breath ♪</i>

1499
01:25:50,750 --> 01:25:54,500
<i>♪ Scared to rock the boat
And make a mess ♪</i>

1500
01:25:54,625 --> 01:25:57,458
<i>♪ So I sat quietly ♪</i>

1501
01:25:58,333 --> 01:26:00,833
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

1502
01:26:01,833 --> 01:26:05,000
<i>♪ Guess that I forgot
I had the choice ♪</i>

1503
01:26:05,083 --> 01:26:08,166
<i>♪ I let you push me
Past my breaking point ♪</i>

1504
01:26:08,875 --> 01:26:11,250
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

1505
01:26:11,666 --> 01:26:14,666
<i>♪ So I fell for everything ♪</i>

1506
01:26:15,250 --> 01:26:18,041
<i>♪ You held me down, but I got up ♪</i>

1507
01:26:18,666 --> 01:26:21,208
<i>♪ Already brushing off the dust ♪</i>

1508
01:26:21,291 --> 01:26:24,250
<i>♪ You hear my voice
<font face="sansSerif"><font color="

1509
01:26:24,625 --> 01:26:27,208
<i>♪ Like thunder
Gonna shake the ground ♪</i>

1510
01:26:27,333 --> 01:26:29,791
<i>♪ You held me down, but I got up ♪</i>

1511
01:26:30,291 --> 01:26:32,375
<i>♪ Get ready 'cause I've had enough ♪</i>

1512
01:26:32,458 --> 01:26:35,250
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

1513
01:26:35,625 --> 01:26:38,541
<i>♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪</i>

1514
01:26:38,625 --> 01:26:42,625
<i>♪ A fighter
Dancing through the fire ♪</i>

1515
01:26:42,708 --> 01:26:45,416
<i>♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪</i>

1516
01:26:45,500 --> 01:26:49,625
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

1517
01:26:49,708 --> 01:26:53,416
<i>♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪</i>

1518
01:26:53,500 --> 01:26:56,041
<i>♪ Cause I am a champion ♪</i>

1519
01:26:56,375 --> 01:27:00,000
<i>♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪</i>

1520
01:27:07,291 --> 01:27:11,166
<i>♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪</i>

1521
01:27:17,541 --> 01:27:21,708
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

1522
01:27:28,958 --> 01:27:32,041
<i>♪ Roar, roar, roar ♪</i>

1523
01:27:32,500 --> 01:27:36,333
<i>♪ Roar, roar ♪</i>

1524
01:27:36,416 --> 01:27:39,041
<i>♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪</i>

1525
01:27:39,125 --> 01:27:42,708
<i>♪ A fighter
<font face="sansSerif"><font color="

1526
01:27:43,208 --> 01:27:45,625
<i>♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪</i>

1527
01:27:45,916 --> 01:27:49,541
<i>♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪</i>

1528
01:27:49,625 --> 01:27:53,208
<i>♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪</i>

1529
01:27:53,291 --> 01:27:55,750
<i>♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪</i>

1530
01:27:55,833 --> 01:27:59,333
<i><font face="sansSerif"><font color="

1531
01:28:06,625 --> 01:28:10,083
<i>♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪</i>

1532
01:28:16,375 --> 01:28:21,833
<i>♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪</i>

1533
01:28:51,583 --> 01:28:52,416
So...

1534
01:28:55,000 --> 01:28:55,833
Look,

1535
01:28:56,625 --> 01:28:59,666
I'm no good at talking
about feelings and stuff like that.

1536
01:29:00,041 --> 01:29:00,875
Shut up.

1537
01:29:05,375 --> 01:29:06,208
Wow.

1538
01:29:09,833 --> 01:29:11,791
My God.
My hands are still shaking.

1539
01:29:12,208 --> 01:29:15,541
Ah! Darlings, you were marvellous!

1540
01:29:15,625 --> 01:29:17,125
Thank you, Albert.
That means the world to me.

1541
01:29:17,208 --> 01:29:19,000
Coming from a true panto legend.

1542
01:29:19,083 --> 01:29:20,458
You both were.

1543
01:29:21,166 --> 01:29:25,416
Well, that's it. From here on in,
I'm only doing pantomime. I loved it.

1544
01:29:25,500 --> 01:29:27,625
Well, that's good
'cause you still got...

1545
01:29:27,708 --> 01:29:29,666
49 more shows to go.

1546
01:29:29,916 --> 01:29:32,208
What? Are you insane?

1547
01:29:32,291 --> 01:29:34,208
Forty-nine more shows?
I can't do that.

1548
01:29:37,458 --> 01:29:38,416
Just kidding.

1549
01:29:39,458 --> 01:29:40,291
I can't wait.

1550
01:30:32,000 --> 01:30:34,583
Brad, wonderful work today.

1551
01:30:34,958 --> 01:30:37,125
It's a killing field 7.

1552
01:30:42,541 --> 01:30:46,375
Oh, the brake went down.
Sorry. No, I can't...

1553
01:30:46,458 --> 01:30:48,333
Buttons. There you are.

1554
01:30:48,541 --> 01:30:50,750
Weren't you supposed to...

1555
01:30:50,833 --> 01:30:54,000
If all else fails,
just dramatically faint.

1556
01:30:54,625 --> 01:30:55,458
Really?

1557
01:30:57,541 --> 01:30:58,375
You've missed a bit.

1558
01:30:58,458 --> 01:30:59,958
Oh, God.
She's not even good at cleaning.

1559
01:31:00,041 --> 01:31:01,958
-Oh, she's rubbish.
-Oh, ugly as well.

1560
01:31:02,041 --> 01:31:03,416
-Ugh. Ugh.
-Ugh. Ugh.

1561
01:31:03,500 --> 01:31:04,458
Uh, you've sweeped...

1562
01:31:04,541 --> 01:31:06,541
It's in my direction!
I've got allergies!

1563
01:31:06,625 --> 01:31:09,698
-Look at the state of her.
-Oh, I'm triggered. She triggered me.

1564
01:31:09,791 --> 01:31:13,083
Again,
not exactly sure what's happening.

1565
01:31:13,666 --> 01:31:14,833
Show me what?

1566
01:31:16,375 --> 01:31:18,458
That was much better, wasn't it?

1567
01:31:18,916 --> 01:31:22,208
Ooh. Mmm. Mmm.

1568
01:31:26,750 --> 01:31:29,125
What's happened to Brenda?

1569
01:31:29,750 --> 01:31:31,958
We've left Cara behind.

1570
01:31:32,041 --> 01:31:34,208
Cassandra, Cassandra.

1571
01:31:34,291 --> 01:31:35,750
Katy Perry just called.

1572
01:31:36,083 --> 01:31:38,333
She said, I wanna see it again.

1573
01:31:38,416 --> 01:31:39,750
I'm gonna fly to Stoneford.

1574
01:31:40,666 --> 01:31:42,125
-Mmm.
-Oh, no.

1575
01:31:42,208 --> 01:31:46,083
Oh, no, behave!

1576
01:31:46,666 --> 01:31:50,333
Whoo! I wanna have your babies, Brad.
That was marvellous.

1577
01:31:55,750 --> 01:31:58,291
Why are we doing this?

1578
01:31:59,416 --> 01:32:01,125
Because they're paying us.

1579
01:32:07,291 --> 01:32:09,666
I'm so sorry.

1580
01:32:12,250 --> 01:32:13,083
Sorry.

1581
01:32:13,166 --> 01:32:15,708
Finally, a blooper you can't use.