1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,757 ADULT SHELDON: Not all science is created equal. 2 00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:09,885 There's physics, the undisputed king of science. 3 00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:11,721 There's chemistry. It's no physics, 4 00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:14,265 but it's not a bad way to pass a rainy afternoon. 5 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,892 And then there's biology, 6 00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:19,020 the squishiest of the sciences. 7 00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:20,396 Ugh! 8 00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:22,773 Once you have deposited enough saliva 9 00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:25,276 in the blue Benedict's solution, 10 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,528 we'll mix it in the centrifuge. 11 00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:29,864 After that, we'll pass it through the spectrometer 12 00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:32,658 to measure how much glucose is present. 13 00:00:32,742 --> 00:00:34,618 And won't that be a party? 14 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:35,911 Sheldon. 15 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,629 [whirring] 16 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:47,923 [hissing, clanging] 17 00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:54,638 Oh, dear. Oh, dear. 18 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,682 It's warm. Oh, dear. 19 00:00:57,767 --> 00:01:00,644 ♪♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪♪ 20 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,481 ♪♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪♪ 21 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,067 ♪♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪♪ 22 00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:08,402 ♪♪ I am a mighty little man ♪♪ 23 00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:12,615 ♪♪ I am a mighty little man ♪♪ 24 00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:18,930 And then there was some extra money in the budget, 25 00:01:18,954 --> 00:01:20,557 so I was able to order those tackling dummies 26 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:21,874 I had my eye on. 27 00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:24,043 I don't understand why the football program gets 28 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:26,253 so much money while the equipment in the science lab 29 00:01:26,337 --> 00:01:28,047 is outdated and falling apart. 30 00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:29,298 Oh, I can explain that. 31 00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:30,382 This is Texas. 32 00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:32,426 - Pass the ribs. - Well, it's not fair. 33 00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:33,594 It's a school. 34 00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:35,304 Education should be their priority. 35 00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:36,889 All right, I'll explain it again. 36 00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:38,325 MEEMAW: I think Shelly's got a point. 37 00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:40,601 The school is supposed to prepare these kids 38 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,019 for the future. How many of 'em 39 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:44,355 are gonna be professional football players? 40 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,065 No one at this table. 41 00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,734 But how many of 'em are gonna be scientists? 42 00:01:48,818 --> 00:01:50,444 I know. 43 00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:52,613 George, isn't there a way they can take some 44 00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:54,615 of the football money and spend it on science? 45 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,951 Really? I need to explain it again? 46 00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:59,012 You know, moonpie, in the '60s, when the hippies wanted 47 00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:01,497 to change things, they would just protest. 48 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,249 - You were a hippie? - Oh, no. 49 00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:05,751 But I wrote a letter complaining about the hippies, 50 00:02:05,835 --> 00:02:07,962 and the police chased 'em right out of that park. 51 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,089 So my point is... 52 00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:11,412 maybe you could write a letter. 53 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,717 Ooh. Maybe I can lodge a formal complaint 54 00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:16,053 with the school board about the sports budget infringing 55 00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:17,304 on the other departments. 56 00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:18,472 Okay, last time: 57 00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:20,266 Canada, 58 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:21,976 the other states, 59 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:23,561 us. 60 00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:27,231 [indistinct chatter] 61 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:31,235 - [shouts] - [shouts] 62 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,404 What are you doing standing there? 63 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,739 I wrote a formal complaint letter to the school board 64 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,950 on how much money is spent on football. 65 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,869 I was hoping you could deliver it to them. 66 00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:41,954 You do realize your father's a coach here. 67 00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:43,330 Yes, sir, I do. 68 00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:45,225 Maybe you ought to talk to him about this first. 69 00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:46,250 I did. 70 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,169 He didn't care for the idea at all. 71 00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,462 Well, there you go. 72 00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:52,339 There I go what? 73 00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:55,134 Let me see that. 74 00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,429 [sighs] "Barbaric sport... 75 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,181 encourages bloodlust similar 76 00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,016 to Roman gladiator games... 77 00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:04,226 Christians, lions... 78 00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:06,770 money better spent on science and learning." 79 00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,355 You're joking, right? 80 00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:10,983 Did you see the word "bazinga" anywhere in that letter? 81 00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:16,197 Out. 82 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,116 I'll just have to go over his head. 83 00:03:22,912 --> 00:03:24,413 President Cooper. 84 00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,248 That's serendipitous. 85 00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,043 SHELDON: Hello. 86 00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:30,419 - [gasps] - [shouts] 87 00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:31,587 What? 88 00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:34,506 I understand that you're in charge of student elections. 89 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,050 [exhales] 90 00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:37,134 I am. 91 00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:39,345 I'd like to run for class president. 92 00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,055 Really? 93 00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,514 Really. 94 00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:44,600 Okay. 95 00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:47,144 You can sign up, but I have to warn you, 96 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:50,189 you'll be running against Nell Cavanaugh. 97 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:51,732 So? 98 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:54,026 She's well-liked by the student body. 99 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:55,109 So? 100 00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:58,530 These elections tend to be a bit of a popularity contest. 101 00:03:58,614 --> 00:03:59,907 So? 102 00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,408 You're gonna make me say it, huh? 103 00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:02,576 Say what? 104 00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:04,578 People don't like you. 105 00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:07,456 Well, as my meemaw likes to say, water off a duck's back. 106 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,583 Elections shouldn't be about popularity. 107 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:11,877 They should be about who has the best ideas. 108 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,296 And what's your idea? 109 00:04:14,380 --> 00:04:15,839 Less money on football, 110 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,132 more on science. 111 00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:20,219 Really? 112 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,763 Guess what? I'm running for class president. 113 00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,390 Good for you. 114 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:26,016 You're encouraging him? 115 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,768 He's gonna get destroyed. 116 00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,144 You don't know that. 117 00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:30,938 I feel like I do. 118 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:32,940 Well, whether you win or not, 119 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,692 I think it's great that you're trying. 120 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,694 But you think I'll win, right? 121 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,322 God's listening, Mom. 122 00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,242 I think it's certainly possible. 123 00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:45,244 Do you have a campaign strategy? 124 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,705 - No. - Do you have a catchy slogan? 125 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,999 - No. - Does he have a shot at winning? 126 00:04:50,082 --> 00:04:51,083 No. 127 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,797 Hello. I'd like to speak to the mayor, please. 128 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,007 My name is Sheldon Cooper. 129 00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,466 I'm running for class president 130 00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:02,553 and was hoping he could give me some advice. 131 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:03,971 I'm ten years old. 132 00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,407 But if it helps get him on the phone, 133 00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:07,599 I'm well-behaved, a straight-A student, 134 00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:09,727 and have impeccable hygiene. 135 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,312 [beep] Hello. 136 00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:12,563 This is Mayor Harrison. 137 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,190 I understand you are running for office. 138 00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:16,734 Class president. 139 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,652 Do you have any advice on how to win? 140 00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:20,738 The most important thing is to get out there 141 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,573 and connect with people. 142 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:23,866 That's tricky. 143 00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,701 I'm not terribly fond of people. 144 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,995 Well, you might need to get over that. 145 00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,371 Assuming I can, 146 00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:30,748 how do I connect with them? 147 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,958 A friendly handshake is a great start. 148 00:05:33,042 --> 00:05:34,043 Oh, boy. 149 00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:35,878 Now I have to touch them? 150 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,231 ADULT SHELDON: Over the next few days, 151 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:39,923 I mounted my campaign. 152 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,801 My name is Sheldon Cooper, and I'm running for class president. 153 00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:44,011 Okay. 154 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,804 Put her there. 155 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:48,891 Greetings, fellow students. 156 00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,768 I'm running for class president. 157 00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,895 Here's a button. 158 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:55,731 Have a grown-up put them on you. 159 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,107 They're sharp. 160 00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,360 Hello. I'm Sheldon Cooper, 161 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:01,153 and I'm running for class president. 162 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,488 - Yeah? - I understand 163 00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:03,947 you had a baby last year. 164 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,075 If you bring it in, I'll try to kiss it. 165 00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:16,210 Vote Sheldon for class president. 166 00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,545 Vote Sheldon for class president. 167 00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:21,757 Vote Sheldon for class president. 168 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,509 Don't worry... it's a number two. 169 00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:25,302 You can use it on standardized tests. 170 00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:28,055 - Okay. - And, of course, homework. 171 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,348 I love homework. 172 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,683 Well, it's so nice to finally meet you. 173 00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:32,976 I'm Nell Cavanaugh. 174 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,395 My opponent. 175 00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:37,147 I would shake your hand, but my mom is washing my mittens. 176 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:39,066 Okay. 177 00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:40,901 [chuckles] 178 00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:42,111 She was really nice. 179 00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:44,196 She even said, "May the best student win." 180 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,531 That's sweet. 181 00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,116 This was a great idea. 182 00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:49,451 Children like cupcakes, and by giving them cupcakes, 183 00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,620 they'll transfer that affinity to me. 184 00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:54,873 That's another way of looking at it. 185 00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,793 By that reasoning, a rich person could simply buy people's votes. 186 00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,711 It's been known to happen. 187 00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:02,673 Until my ship comes in, I guess it's cupcakes. 188 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,008 Georgie, check it out. 189 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,511 Oh, man, I hate that he's doing this. 190 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:08,846 What? It's cute. 191 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,139 It's embarrassing. 192 00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:12,516 I would think you'd be proud of him. 193 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,060 That's 'cause you're a better person than me. 194 00:07:15,144 --> 00:07:17,604 Maybe you ought to ask God to take away your anger 195 00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,148 and replace it with love. 196 00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:21,567 Can I ask him to take away my brother instead? 197 00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:22,818 Georgie. 198 00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:24,611 Not kill him. 199 00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:26,530 Just strand him on an island somewhere. 200 00:07:27,573 --> 00:07:30,367 A nice island, with coconuts and stuff. 201 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,662 [indistinct chatter] 202 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,085 [chuckling] 203 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:48,760 Nell Cavanaugh, 204 00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:51,930 it appears we're taking the mittens off. 205 00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,391 Well, that's unfortunate. 206 00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,143 Oh, this goes well beyond unfortunate. 207 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,728 It's flat-out unfair. 208 00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,063 Did you not say that you love homework? 209 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,191 Of course I said it. I say it all the time. 210 00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:05,068 But she took it out of context and is using it against me. 211 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,154 Well, that is what happens in politics. 212 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,697 People stretch the truth. 213 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,532 Well, those people are dirty dogs. 214 00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:11,742 They certainly are. 215 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,827 Now, let me ask you something. 216 00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:15,871 How bad do you want to win this election? 217 00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:19,041 Bad enough to let 105 kids shake my mitten. 218 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,444 Okay, then you need to toughen up. 219 00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:22,711 Politics is not for the weak-kneed. 220 00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:25,464 Are you suggesting that I fight fire with fire? 221 00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:26,757 I am. 222 00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:30,135 So going to my room and crying in my pillow is not an option? 223 00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:31,345 It is not. 224 00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:35,265 Then I have some thinking to do. 225 00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:38,894 MISSY: Oh, yeah. 226 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,229 You're screwed. 227 00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:41,897 Which is why I need your help. 228 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,065 Why me? 229 00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:45,609 You're ruthless. I've seen you cheat at Candy Land. 230 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:47,903 Thanks. Go on. 231 00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,279 Well, I'd like to retaliate, 232 00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:50,822 but I don't know anything about her. 233 00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:52,950 Make something up. 234 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,035 Ooh, tell people she has head lice. 235 00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:57,037 I won't resort to lying. 236 00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,666 There's a Denise Cavanaugh in my class. 237 00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,834 - Could be her little sister. - So? 238 00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:04,604 I'll see if I can dig up something about Nell 239 00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:05,879 you can use against her. 240 00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:07,506 Thank you. 241 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,217 Georgie, I hate to have to ask this, 242 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,052 but are you going to vote for me? 243 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,428 No. Go away. 244 00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:14,513 Are you sure? 245 00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:16,723 If I win, I can make you a hall monitor. 246 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:18,767 Imagine the respect you'll get then. 247 00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:20,519 Get lost. 248 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:30,779 GEORGE JR.: Lord, please take away my anger toward my stupid brother. 249 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:32,114 My life is hard enough. 250 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:33,865 Don't let him be president. 251 00:09:33,949 --> 00:09:35,867 And while we're talking, 252 00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,995 Veronica... help me out. 253 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:41,248 Encourage her to do something with me she'll regret. 254 00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:42,416 Amen. 255 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:45,586 [school bell rings] 256 00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:48,839 Remember, tomorrow we'll be dissecting worms! 257 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,257 [groaning] 258 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,759 Ah, your sadness makes me happy. 259 00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:54,803 Mr. Givens, I just wanted you to know 260 00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:56,805 that I'm still working hard on my campaign 261 00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:58,974 to get more funding for the science department. 262 00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:02,352 Oh, great, 'cause I've got to dig up tomorrow's worms myself. 263 00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,813 Anything you can do to help me win a decisive victory 264 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,857 come Election Day would be much appreciated. 265 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,358 Oh, well, I'm sorry, Sheldon. 266 00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:10,562 The faculty doesn't get involved in student elections. 267 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,321 Oh, I understand. 268 00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,740 You have to remain neutral. Wink, wink. 269 00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:17,117 I'm sorry, wink, wink? 270 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,745 You want new science equipment and I want that for you. 271 00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,539 One hand washes the other. Wink, wink. 272 00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:25,334 Oh, sure, wink, wink. 273 00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:28,086 Now you're getting it. Wink, wink. 274 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,047 Wink, wink. 275 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,173 Wink, wink. 276 00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:34,176 [sighs] That kid creeps me out. 277 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:37,179 ADULT SHELDON: Another hurdle in my political career was glossophobia: 278 00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:38,930 fear of public speaking. 279 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:42,142 I've been known to experience dry mouth, perspiration, 280 00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,311 heart palpitations, and fainting. 281 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:46,104 A similar response to what I experience 282 00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:47,648 around unleashed dogs. [line ringing] 283 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,691 Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper. 284 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,610 Can I please speak with Pastor Jeff? 285 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:54,529 PEG [over phone]: Hold on. [coughing] 286 00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:57,783 Hey, Sheldon, what can I do for you? 287 00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,701 I need to give a speech at school, 288 00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:01,662 but I have a fear of public speaking. 289 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,455 Since you give a sermon every Sunday, 290 00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,415 I was hoping you'd have some words of advice. 291 00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,876 As a matter of fact, I do. 292 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:11,296 When I look down on my congregation and I feel nervous, 293 00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:14,299 I just ask the Lord to speak through me. 294 00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:16,301 Like a ventriloquist? 295 00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:17,886 Not exactly. 296 00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:19,429 I think of it more as a... 297 00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:20,681 Like one of the Muppets? 298 00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,099 No, not that either. 299 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,142 'Cause you do look a little like Kermit. 300 00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:26,561 Uh, okay, good luck to you, Sheldon. 301 00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:28,563 Hello? 302 00:11:28,647 --> 00:11:30,774 Dr. Sturgis. Can you give me any advice 303 00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,068 on how to overcome a fear of public speaking? 304 00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,821 Ah, you know, when I was a young man 305 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:39,574 I had a terrible fear of speaking to an audience. 306 00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,159 What did you do? 307 00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:43,662 Actually, it kinda took care of itself. 308 00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:47,332 One day I was, uh, playing miniature golf 309 00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:51,128 with some colleagues and I got struck by lightning. 310 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,255 - Oh, dear. - No, it was fine. 311 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:57,801 When I came to, I found myself with the gift of gab. 312 00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,136 Big crowds, 313 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,847 small crowds, you couldn't shut me up. 314 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,765 I don't see how that can benefit me. 315 00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:06,435 Not unless you'd like me to take you miniature golfing 316 00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:09,062 next time there are clouds on the horizon. 317 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,157 - Everything okay? - No. 318 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,076 I have to give a speech in front of the entire assembly. 319 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,704 Oh. Got a little stage fright? 320 00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,456 Unfortunately so. 321 00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:30,459 Just thinking about it causes my bladder to misbehave. 322 00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:32,711 [chuckles] Yeah, I been there. 323 00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:34,379 You have? 324 00:12:34,463 --> 00:12:35,922 Sure. 325 00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,466 When I first started coaching, 326 00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:39,176 I was real nervous to talk to the team, 327 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,386 you know, give a locker room speech. 328 00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:43,305 Then one day it dawned on me. 329 00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:45,390 I'm not just talking to football players. 330 00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:47,809 I'm talking to teenage football players. 331 00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:50,061 Most of them aren't listening to a word I'm saying. 332 00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:51,980 That's an interesting perspective. 333 00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,648 I'll tell you something else. 334 00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,318 You don't give yourself enough credit for how brave you are. 335 00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,695 - I don't? - No. 336 00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:01,865 Sheldon, you are ten years old, going to high school. 337 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:05,076 Everyone's older than you, everyone's bigger than you, 338 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:09,122 but you keep at it, day after day. 339 00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:11,500 That's brave. 340 00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,502 Any kid who can do that could give a speech 341 00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:16,254 to the United Nations if he had to. 342 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,549 Thanks, Dad. 343 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,019 I heard what you said in there. 344 00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:33,146 - That was very beautiful. - Thanks. 345 00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:36,441 I gave a similar speech to my team last week. 346 00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:38,819 Boy, did we get our asses kicked. 347 00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:44,657 ADULT SHELDON: Emboldened by my father's pep talk, 348 00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:46,493 I began working on my speech. 349 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,662 I aspired to walk in the footsteps 350 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:50,831 of history's greatest orators: 351 00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:53,083 Socrates, Winston Churchill, 352 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,169 and, last but not least, Professor Proton. 353 00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:57,921 Hey, I spoke to Nell's sister. 354 00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,673 Found out some interesting stuff. 355 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,176 Thanks, but I've decided I don't want to stoop to her level. 356 00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:05,345 If I can't win on the quality of my ideas, 357 00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:07,597 then I'd rather lose with my head held high. 358 00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:08,974 That's really stupid, 359 00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:11,434 but in case you change your mind... 360 00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:16,523 All right, y'all have heard 361 00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:19,526 from your secretary candidates, your treasurer candidates, 362 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,236 your vice presidents... 363 00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:23,280 It's time for the big finale, 364 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,908 the closing event, the headliners... 365 00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:30,036 Nell Cavanaugh and Sheldon Cooper. 366 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,290 One of these two will be president of your class, 367 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:36,293 so listen to what they've got to say and choose wisely, 368 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:39,337 which will be a whole new experience for most of you. 369 00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:43,049 Remember, heckling will get you detention. 370 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:44,467 BOY: Bite me! [crowd laughs] 371 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,636 Bryan Larkin, two days! 372 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,722 You want to try for a week? 373 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,724 I didn't think so. 374 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,767 Nell, floor is yours. 375 00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:55,061 [cheering and applause] 376 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,776 STUDENTS: Nell! 377 00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:02,903 [whooping] 378 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:05,155 Thank you, Ms. MacElroy, 379 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,616 Principal Petersen, our hard-working teachers, 380 00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,117 and my fellow students. 381 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,579 I'm blessed to call so many of you friends. 382 00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,432 Y'all probably know everything about me already. 383 00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:16,124 Lord knows I love to talk. [laughs] 384 00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:17,459 [laughter] 385 00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:20,754 So instead of going on about myself, 386 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:23,840 I'd like to talk to you about my opponent. 387 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,759 Sheldon Cooper has been lobbying 388 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:28,053 for new science equipment here at Medford High, 389 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:31,890 and while that sounds wonderful, the truth is, 390 00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:37,145 he thinks our school wastes its money on football. 391 00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,940 [students booing] 392 00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:42,275 Do we really want a class president 393 00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:45,236 who doesn't care about football? 394 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,197 STUDENTS: No! 395 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,950 I know I am proud to be a Medford High cheerleader, 396 00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:51,785 and I love football! 397 00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:55,622 [cheering and applause] 398 00:15:55,705 --> 00:16:00,126 But you know the one thing I love more than football? 399 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:01,795 God. 400 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:04,422 [students affirming] 401 00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:06,549 [applause] 402 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,193 Let me tell you another interesting fact 403 00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:09,386 about my opponent. 404 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:13,723 Did you know that Sheldon Cooper is an atheist? 405 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,684 [students gasping] That's right. 406 00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:18,728 He doesn't believe in God. 407 00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,397 Just keep that in mind 408 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,816 when you cast your vote today. 409 00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:25,860 I'm Nell Cavanaugh. Go Wolves! 410 00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:30,031 [cheering and applause] 411 00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:36,621 And now, please welcome Sheldon Cooper. 412 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,877 ♪♪♪♪ 413 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:52,530 [whispering] No one would fault you if you ran out the back door. 414 00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:07,861 ♪♪♪♪ 415 00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:22,709 [quietly] Nell Cavanaugh is... a Yankee. 416 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:25,128 [gasping] 417 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:27,881 She may love football and she may love God, 418 00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,632 but she was born in Scarsdale. 419 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,342 That's in New York. 420 00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:34,262 [gasping, booing] 421 00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:35,346 There's more. 422 00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:39,100 My opponent didn't move to Texas until she was seven years old. 423 00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:41,019 In fact, in her bedroom 424 00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:43,646 there is a pennant for the New York Yankees. 425 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,149 [students jeering] 426 00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:52,238 While I may not be a fan of organized religion or sports, 427 00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:55,283 I promise, if you vote for me, I'll do my best 428 00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:58,078 to get new science equipment for our school. 429 00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:03,291 Uh... 430 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,794 Don't mess with Texas! 431 00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:08,713 [cheering and applause] 432 00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,761 [chanting] Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! 433 00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:18,389 Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! 434 00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:21,017 Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! 435 00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,144 Sheldon! Sheldon! 436 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,689 [whooping, whistling] 437 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,115 [xylophone playing] 438 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:40,078 ADULT SHELDON: Before I became Dr. Sheldon Cooper, 439 00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:41,913 I was President Sheldon Cooper. 440 00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:43,164 And I don't mind telling you, 441 00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:45,792 they both look pretty darn good on business cards. 442 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:48,503 One of my first responsibilities as class president 443 00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:50,839 was delivering the morning announcements. 444 00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:53,675 Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance. 445 00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:56,928 I pledge allegiance to the Flag... 446 00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:59,389 SHELDON AND CLASS: Of the United States of America... 447 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,308 SHELDON AND GEORGE SR.: And to the Republic for which it stands... 448 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:03,852 One Nation... 449 00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:06,062 Here's a fun fact about the next two words: 450 00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:08,523 "Under God" wasn't added to the Pledge of Allegiance 451 00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:09,983 until 1954. 452 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,026 My first act as your president 453 00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:14,362 is to remove the words "under God" from the Pledge 454 00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:15,530 in order to honor 455 00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,240 the separation of church and state 456 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,783 in this public high school. 457 00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:20,243 PETERSEN: Okay, that's enough. 458 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,720 SHELDON: You can't take my microphone. 459 00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:23,514 - I'm the president. - [whispering] Thank you. 460 00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:25,748 PETERSEN: All right, let's try this again. 461 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,500 I pledge allegiance to the Flag... 462 00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:29,919 PETERSEN AND CLASS: Of the United States of America, 463 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,089 and to the Republic for which it stands... 464 00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:34,340 One Nation 465 00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:35,592 under God, 466 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:39,804 indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.