1
00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:15,681
Cheater, cheater, cheater
Cheater, cheater bitch
2
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,099
Cheater, cheater bitch, cheater...
3
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,267
What's that?
4
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,062
Summer's making TikToks now,
calling me out.
5
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:24,233
Cheater, cheater bitch
Cheater, cheater, cheater bitch
6
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,192
It's been a week of this shit.
7
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,736
I'm over it.
8
00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:32,823
Hate to say it, song kind of slaps.
9
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,033
It's a total banger.
10
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,870
- It's got that...
- Yeah.
11
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:42,667
Cheater, cheater, cheater
Cheater, cheater bitch
12
00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:43,668
Cheater, cheater bitch
13
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:45,796
- Cheater bitch--
- I can hear you guys.
14
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,713
Sorry.
15
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,841
How was dinner with your folks?
16
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:52,552
Great. I've been teaching my dad
how to play Call of Duty.
17
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,846
We stayed up all night
shit-talking twelve-year-olds.
18
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,641
- They're destroying you two, aren't they?
- Yeah. They're assholes.
19
00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:01,060
Also, you remember my army buddy, Jorge?
20
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,436
The guy I hid from?
21
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,690
He's coming back to town,
and I'm actually gonna hang with him.
22
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:08,985
That's great. In the therapy biz,
we'd say you're trending upward.
23
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,361
Thanks.
24
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:13,406
Still, I guess the best thing
about all this,
25
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,159
I discovered sitting in the shower.
26
00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:19,078
- I don't think I'm ever going back.
- Tell me about it.
27
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:22,708
Until I got my shower stool,
I don't think I'd ever washed my feet.
28
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:24,501
That's nasty.
29
00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:26,962
Dad, you're oversharing again.
30
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:29,464
Why haven't you left?
31
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,800
Finally. Are we going?
32
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,886
No, wait.
I gotta fill my water bottle again.
33
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:36,596
Okay, that's gonna take an hour.
34
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,347
I'm gonna start
my hiking conversation now.
35
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:41,809
Charlie and I signed the paperwork.
We've decided to adopt.
36
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,019
Yay!
37
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,187
- Hey!
- Congratulations.
38
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:45,938
- Thank you.
- How did you land on adoption
39
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,733
as opposed to just spotting a baby
you like and having Liz steal it for you?
40
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,526
I would totally steal a baby.
41
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,819
We know.
42
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:54,739
So, this way, at parties
I can get all emotional and be like,
43
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,574
"It's like our baby adopted us."
44
00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:58,242
That's the best.
45
00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,577
- Yeah.
- You'd be good at that.
46
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,329
I'm just excited
to see you with a dad bod.
47
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,873
So was I,
but I lost a coin toss with Charlie
48
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:07,085
to see who gets to let themselves go
and who has to stay shaved and ripped.
49
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,712
Guys, though, we can't get too excited,
50
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:12,132
because Stuart said it might take forever.
51
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:13,716
But I don't get it.
52
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:16,886
How did you navigate the Mebane deal
without upsetting the partners?
53
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:20,097
You know, I just got in the sea about it
and I figured it all out.
54
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:23,309
- Congrats.
- Got in the sea about it? I like it.
55
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,395
That's my favorite way to solve problems.
56
00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:28,648
Anyway, I...
57
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:32,109
You know, I just stopped by
to talk shop with my mentor.
58
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,528
- That'd be me.
- That guy.
59
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:36,072
And he also told me
that you were gonna be here.
60
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:39,575
So I decided to put on my tightest pants
61
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,285
and remind you that the guy
62
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:44,247
who asked you out
on your voicemail still exists.
63
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:45,581
- Okay.
- Unfortunately,
64
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,250
I think I put on a couple of pounds
65
00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:51,003
'cause these bad boys are cutting off
the circulation to my gooch.
66
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,505
They are tight.
67
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,924
I'm gonna head out,
peel myself out of these pants.
68
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,092
- See you later.
- Bye.
69
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,845
- See you, Derrick.
- Bye.
70
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,848
How do you let those two scoops
just walk away?
71
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:04,058
What I'd do to that if I was a woman.
72
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:06,102
Good news, Derek,
you don't have to be a woman.
73
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,146
- Grab a spoon.
- What's the spoon for?
74
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,897
All right, listen up.
75
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:13,442
I'll admit, okay,
I let that get away from me a bit.
76
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:17,530
After the stuff happened with my mom,
D-Two did call to check in on her,
77
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:20,867
but I didn't answer because I felt bad
that I didn't reach out first
78
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,869
- after I bailed on him.
- Wow.
79
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:26,289
Plus, now I think I'm a little intimidated
because if we do hook up,
80
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,541
then he would be, like,
the hottest guy I've ever been with.
81
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,625
- Yeah.
- Right.
82
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:30,877
One of the hottest.
83
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,712
No. The hottest by far.
84
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,130
Did you see that guy?
85
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:37,301
I am this close to throwing it all away
for a threesome with the Dereks.
86
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,343
Well, thanks for including me.
87
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,678
Only if the other one's there.
88
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:44,892
Okay. Yes, he is very attractive,
89
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,561
but who's Gaby's second hottest?
90
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,730
- Keith?
- Oh, my God! Keith.
91
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,773
- Keith was hot.
- Keith. Yeah.
92
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:55,151
- He was crazy hot.
- I still text him.
93
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,320
So, we have Derrick.
94
00:03:57,321 --> 00:03:59,488
Then we have Keith coming in a hot second.
95
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,575
- Yeah.
- Then we have...
96
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:03,952
Jimmy.
97
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,246
Jimmy.
98
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,748
- Joey.
- Oh, my God!
99
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,000
- Oh, my God.
- Joey who lives in his van? Joey?
100
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,543
- Yeah.
- Yeah, a cool van.
101
00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:14,128
And he had a big ol' dick.
102
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,588
Can't beat that.
103
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:16,881
- No.
- Fuck Joey.
104
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:20,343
Are you okay, boo?
I mean, I'll put you in fourth.
105
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:22,679
I'm fucking third, and you all know it.
106
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,264
Let's go hiking.
107
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:58,381
{\an8}Cheater, cheater, cheater
Cheater, cheater bitch
108
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:00,634
{\an8}Cheater, cheater bitch, cheater--
109
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,219
{\an8}Summer's talented.
110
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:04,637
{\an8}I know. It's so catchy.
111
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,889
{\an8}- Yeah.
- I know you're seeing Alice later,
112
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:09,601
{\an8}so I just thought you should know
what she's dealing with.
113
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:11,436
{\an8}Hello?
114
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:12,855
Come on in, Dan.
115
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,316
Sorry, but where were you sitting?
116
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:18,193
Right there.
117
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,153
He can't handle the warm spot.
118
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,657
{\an8}Then you two will have
plenty to talk about.
119
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,077
{\an8}Have a seat, Dan.
120
00:05:28,287 --> 00:05:30,038
{\an8}Stan's wedding is tomorrow.
121
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:34,584
{\an8}He's my closest friend,
but he'll be busy getting married,
122
00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:37,920
{\an8}and sitting alone at a table of strangers
is my nightmare,
123
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,799
{\an8}so I don't think I can do it.
124
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:43,635
{\an8}Dan, you know how I'm always
preaching about forward motion?
125
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,804
{\an8}Forging this friendship with Stan
is a huge breakthrough,
126
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:51,058
{\an8}but I think maybe it also gave you
the opportunity to stop.
127
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,810
{\an8}Stopping can be forward motion.
128
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,354
{\an8}Stopping can't be forward motion.
129
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:57,232
{\an8}Look, big part of friendship
is being there for each other.
130
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,693
{\an8}Do you wanna show up for Stan or not?
131
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:04,822
{\an8}Yeah. I'd love to be there for him.
132
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,449
Then you're going to that wedding.
133
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:10,077
I doubt it. I'm terrified and stubborn.
It's a deadly combo.
134
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:13,789
Dan, I'm sorry, but in terms of patients,
I'm on a fucking hot streak.
135
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,709
I might be undefeatable,
which means you and I,
136
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,294
we gotta break through this wall.
137
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,754
In one session?
138
00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:21,381
You're right, that's insane.
139
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:24,425
Okay. We're gonna
spend the whole day together.
140
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,804
You and I are gonna
kick this problem's ass. Starting now.
141
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,642
{\an8}Shit. You know what? I have another
patient scheduled for later,
142
00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:34,101
{\an8}and I'm supposed to get my teeth cleaned.
143
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:35,895
{\an8}All right, I need to make some phone calls
144
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,106
{\an8}and then we're gonna kick ass.
Starting now.
145
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,402
It's your own warm spot, Dan. You're fine.
146
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,239
Thanks for bringing me coffee again.
147
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,990
Even though I do have class
in five minutes, so...
148
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,158
- That's okay.
- Yeah.
149
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,410
I was gonna tell you all about myself,
but I'll condense it.
150
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,328
Please do.
151
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,080
I'm from Massachusetts.
152
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,414
Allergic to penicillin.
153
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:58,502
I love anything Alfredo,
even though I'm not great with dairy.
154
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:02,506
I once met Craig from Craigslist.
Terrible dude.
155
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:05,883
Wow, there's, like,
two deal-breakers in there.
156
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:06,926
Which ones?
157
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,136
Well, definitely the
Alfredo-making-you-shit-your-pants part.
158
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,264
Worth it.
159
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:13,933
Oh, shit.
160
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,769
- What?
- It's Keisha. Don't look.
161
00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:20,982
Wow. Yeah, she's coming.
Is she a threat? Should we run?
162
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:23,192
No, she's here on a track scholarship.
She'll catch us.
163
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,527
- Jesus.
- Hey.
164
00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:25,821
What's up?
165
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:30,867
My essay on family systems is due,
like, right now.
166
00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:32,869
Could you read it and give me notes?
167
00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:33,870
Just to be clear,
168
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:37,123
you want me to read and fix it
before you give it to me to read again?
169
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,249
Yes, please.
170
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,542
Ovaries of steel. I like it.
171
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,336
- Here. Give it to me.
- Thank you.
172
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,380
Sorry. Once again.
173
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,716
It's okay,
because now I'm gonna use your guilt
174
00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:48,259
to make you go
on a real date with me later.
175
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,094
- Really?
- I'll go out with you right now.
176
00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:51,179
- Wait, what?
- What?
177
00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:54,600
You're always talking about self-care.
I mean, this is self-care.
178
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:57,685
Also, I have it on good authority
that her coochie is on lock.
179
00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:58,978
And yours is open for business?
180
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,063
Inappropriate.
181
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,481
But, yeah. 24-7.
182
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,150
I'm not sure what your deal is, Keisha,
183
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,153
but you should probably
patch things up with your dad.
184
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:09,071
Keisha, do not fuck with my game.
185
00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:11,116
Derrick, let's do it. This afternoon.
186
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:13,744
- All right.
- Wow.
187
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,624
Well, I had to. I needed to shoot my shot.
188
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,167
Excuse you.
189
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,210
Is this gonna affect my grade?
190
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:24,213
I'm gonna level with you, Keisha, probably.
191
00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:25,589
Probably.
192
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,720
Okay, why would anyone
wanna sit at a communal table?
193
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,972
This is classic exposure therapy, Dan.
194
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:38,017
Did you know that
fear-inducing situations,
195
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:41,230
they activate this little cluster
of neurons in your amygdala?
196
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:45,399
And exposure therapy
can help silence those fear neurons.
197
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,693
- No way.
- Yeah.
198
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:48,653
I didn't follow any of that.
199
00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:50,239
You just trust me. It works.
200
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:54,367
I used to be afraid of spiders,
for example, so I got this book on 'em.
201
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,118
I learned their weird little ways,
202
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:59,706
and eventually I got to the point
I could catch one.
203
00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:04,210
And now, if I see one of those
weird little fuckers,
204
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:07,172
I look him dead in his eight little eyes
and I say, "I'm the boss!"
205
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,300
- Cool.
- Got the pancakes, huh?
206
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,261
I did. They're fucking insane.
207
00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:15,180
Yeah. What about you?
208
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:19,893
Yeah. These are pancakes, and I got them.
209
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,689
- Yeah, it's fucking insane.
- Yeah.
210
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:28,776
Excuse me for one second.
211
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,946
- It's...
- Hey, is everything okay?
212
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:32,990
Did you see the rainbow this morning?
213
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:37,828
Now that he's gone,
we don't need to talk anymore, so...
214
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,705
- Little force field.
- Hey.
215
00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:43,040
I have to go take care of something
at my daughter's school.
216
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,961
Thank God. This was a bad idea.
217
00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:49,715
Hey. You sure you're cool being done here?
218
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,509
Look, I'm sorry I broke your hot streak.
219
00:09:56,263 --> 00:10:00,016
Connor still hasn't called me
since he went back to college.
220
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:03,227
Have you ever been ghosted by something
you squeezed out of your hoo?
221
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,146
I have not.
222
00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:09,192
Hey, come on by the microbrewery.
223
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:10,735
I wanna show you something.
224
00:10:10,736 --> 00:10:14,113
I hope it's a list of synonyms
for microbrewery.
225
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,156
So pretentious.
226
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:17,533
- Good pretentious?
- Maybe.
227
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,619
See you later.
228
00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:24,790
Paul. Hi. Cool.
229
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,417
This is my friend Mac.
230
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:28,794
No, we don't need to do this.
I'm heading in.
231
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:29,880
Okay.
232
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:34,218
- For me?
- Yeah.
233
00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:37,136
You gonna eat that?
234
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:40,556
This thing that I paid for
and then brought over here to the table?
235
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:41,642
I don't know.
236
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:45,603
Hey, Paul... No way, you have a friend?
237
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,397
We're not putting labels on it.
238
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,857
I am Ray and we are in love.
239
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,276
Adorable.
240
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:53,486
I just wanted to let you know
241
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:56,073
that what you saw with Mac and me
was perfectly innocent.
242
00:10:56,990 --> 00:11:01,328
When you make a point to come inside
and overexplain yourself,
243
00:11:02,079 --> 00:11:04,331
then I definitely believe you.
244
00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:09,961
Also, could you do me a solid
and not mention this to Derek?
245
00:11:09,962 --> 00:11:11,963
The plot thickens. There's a Derek.
246
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,089
I don't love him.
247
00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:18,344
Listen, Mac and I are just old friends,
and my husband doesn't like him.
248
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,596
I feel compelled to ask.
249
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,683
This Mac guy... Stupid name, by the way.
250
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:24,851
Agreed.
251
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,228
Is he married?
252
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,605
- No.
- Does he listen to you?
253
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:32,984
Does he seem to give a shit
about your problems?
254
00:11:32,985 --> 00:11:35,571
Yes. That's friendship.
255
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:37,906
Yeah, sure.
256
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,575
- Ray, you're single.
- Yes.
257
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:44,370
Do you hang out with attractive women,
just so that they can be friends?
258
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,538
Yes, one.
259
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:46,665
See?
260
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,333
I keep waiting for her to make a mistake.
261
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:50,419
And then...
262
00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:55,090
So, that's two votes for
"Mac wants to fuck you."
263
00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:58,551
Okay, Statler and Waldorf,
you're both wrong.
264
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,094
No one wants to fuck me.
265
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:04,808
I mean, obviously people wanna fuck me,
but you know what I meant.
266
00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:08,228
How do you know her?
267
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:10,772
She almost shit in my desk once.
268
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:17,195
So, the fight started when Summer
played the "cheater bitch" video
269
00:12:17,196 --> 00:12:18,988
to the entire cafeteria.
270
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:21,073
- Okay.
- Alice grabbed Summer's phone
271
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,784
and threw it
into a bucket of ranch dressing.
272
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:26,121
Then there was screaming,
and shoving, and...
273
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:30,708
I'm listening to you.
274
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,835
So, then there was screaming, and shoving,
275
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:36,589
and somehow Mrs. Pritchard,
the art teacher,
276
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,342
was called a lonely, old skank...
277
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:41,844
- And went home, crying.
- Right.
278
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:47,434
I'm calling it RanchGate,
because I enjoy puns.
279
00:12:48,477 --> 00:12:49,686
That's not really a pun.
280
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,105
Just putting "gate"
at the end of something isn't a pun.
281
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,440
Anyway, go on.
282
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:57,110
Both Alice and Summer are suspended.
283
00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:00,822
I mean, we haven't seen
this type of violence since, well,
284
00:13:01,907 --> 00:13:03,407
the last time you were here.
285
00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:04,868
Which begs the question...
286
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:08,621
How are you and Alice doing?
287
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:13,961
I understand that you have
father-daughter tattoos.
288
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:18,507
Yes, but they are in tasteful
and in appropriate locations.
289
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:20,925
In appropriate.
290
00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:25,054
I'm saying in, space, appropriate.
Not inappropriate.
291
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:28,808
What I'm trying to articulate to you
is that we are doing great.
292
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,059
Everything is back to normal.
293
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:33,020
Dad, who's this guy?
294
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,564
That's my patient, darling.
295
00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:37,984
Who doesn't wanna be here
because his issues stem from high school.
296
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,153
Everybody's issues
stem from high school, Dan!
297
00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:43,198
We're done here.
298
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:47,159
So, what did you need to talk to us about?
299
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,745
It's our prospective parent biography,
isn't it?
300
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:52,748
I told you your title sounded
like a Grindr profile.
301
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:55,918
"Two daddies looking for a third"?
It worked before, it'll work again.
302
00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:58,754
What even is Grindr? Wink.
303
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:01,340
- Did he say wink?
- He said wink.
304
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,426
Anyway, great news.
305
00:14:03,427 --> 00:14:05,178
It rarely happens this fast,
306
00:14:05,179 --> 00:14:08,932
but your biography must've been fine,
because a mother has chosen you.
307
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,350
Oh, my God. When?
308
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:15,021
She's being induced tomorrow.
The baby will be yours by dinner.
309
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,772
- Holy shit.
- I have a massage...
310
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,650
- That is so exciting.
- ...that's too late to cancel.
311
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,739
So, obviously you're grounded
until the suspension is over.
312
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:25,823
It was only for today.
313
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:28,744
This fucking school really knows
how to teach a lesson, huh?
314
00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:31,954
So, I'm not allowed to go anywhere
until sunset?
315
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:34,082
No. You can go one place.
316
00:14:35,209 --> 00:14:36,792
You can go talk to Summer.
317
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,295
Why would I do that?
318
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:42,089
I've tried to apologize to Summer
so many times about Connor.
319
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:45,802
Sorry I'm not perfect.
I've been fucking grieving.
320
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:49,473
What?
321
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,267
I've been where you are,
322
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:56,771
walking around thinking that
nobody else's shit compares to mine.
323
00:14:56,772 --> 00:15:00,066
But, kid, just because Mom died
doesn't mean we get to go around
324
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,027
thinking that nobody else
is dealing with stuff.
325
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:06,280
I mean, do you have any idea
what else is going on in Summer's life?
326
00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:09,867
Well, she told me she hasn't
talked to her dad in a few years.
327
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,161
That must be hard.
328
00:15:12,204 --> 00:15:13,038
And?
329
00:15:14,206 --> 00:15:15,207
And...
330
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,377
she's been selling her mom's pills.
331
00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:20,127
What else?
332
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:24,508
She said that Connor's the best thing
that's happened to her in a while.
333
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,263
Fuck.
334
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:30,722
Fuck.
335
00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:32,765
Solid dad work.
336
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,434
I'm on fire lately.
337
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:35,936
Thanks.
338
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:42,567
- It's so weird that you're still here.
- Agreed.
339
00:15:42,568 --> 00:15:44,610
- You hungry? I'm hungry.
- I could eat.
340
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,155
- Look, a spider.
- I'm the boss.
341
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,370
Huh?
342
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:57,456
- Can't believe you actually came.
- I gotta be honest,
343
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,835
I didn't really believe
you owned a microbrewery.
344
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:04,089
It's real. I've got a full kitchen staff
and a bartender named Hector.
345
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:07,133
- Hector sounds fake.
- Yeah. There's no Hector.
346
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:09,093
Also, I have no idea how to make beer.
347
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:10,970
Well, I assumed that. Yeah.
348
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,055
Still...
349
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,100
check this out.
350
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:19,271
Wow. What did you do?
351
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:24,025
Well, I mean, it doesn't make
a ton of sense in a brewery, but...
352
00:16:24,026 --> 00:16:27,738
Whatever. I'll just make a new beer
and call it Hound Dog Ale or some shit.
353
00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:29,405
Drunk people love dogs.
354
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:31,490
That is how I started fostering.
355
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:35,120
I got drunk on merlot and the next day
decided to save every dog in the world.
356
00:16:38,457 --> 00:16:41,084
Look, I can tell
you're going through a rough time.
357
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,379
I just wish you could see yourself
through my eyes.
358
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:49,258
You're so cool, and funny, and talented.
359
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,969
I mean, look at these photos.
360
00:16:53,347 --> 00:16:55,557
You see the world
in a way nobody else does.
361
00:16:57,518 --> 00:17:01,313
I can't even tell you
how much this means to me.
362
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:06,234
Lizzie, I'd do anything for you.
363
00:17:17,496 --> 00:17:21,458
Sorry. I have to go. I can't do this.
364
00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:27,047
Fuck.
365
00:17:28,966 --> 00:17:32,385
For a third first date,
biking is a pretty big swing,
366
00:17:32,386 --> 00:17:36,055
but luckily,
I have this supes cute biking outfit,
367
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:39,225
and I think it's fire.
368
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,852
Wow.
369
00:17:40,853 --> 00:17:42,645
Wow as in, like, I look good,
370
00:17:42,646 --> 00:17:44,564
or wow as in,
I just got a lot of camel toe?
371
00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:46,941
Wow as in, goddamn, you look good.
372
00:17:46,942 --> 00:17:48,901
Well, then I think I just might...
373
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,404
keep this bad boy.
374
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:53,406
All right,
please tell me we don't have to bike far.
375
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:55,658
Just, like, 200 yards to the park,
you know?
376
00:17:55,659 --> 00:17:58,369
We'll sit, have some wine,
377
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,830
talk about how much more we wanna bike
but we never do.
378
00:18:00,831 --> 00:18:02,498
I love almost exercising
379
00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:03,625
- as an excuse to drink.
- Yeah.
380
00:18:05,294 --> 00:18:07,378
Well, what kind of wine did you--
381
00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:08,671
Thank God you're home.
382
00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:12,175
I'm sorry to interrupt what I can
only assume is a camel toe intervention.
383
00:18:12,176 --> 00:18:13,551
I knew it.
384
00:18:13,552 --> 00:18:14,803
It was cute.
385
00:18:15,429 --> 00:18:19,223
They wanna give us a baby, like,
tomorrow, and I am losing my shit!
386
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:22,185
Charlie sent me out for supplies,
but I don't know what a baby needs,
387
00:18:22,186 --> 00:18:25,314
so I panicked and got 20 diapers
and a tiny chicken costume.
388
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:27,982
That's cute.
It's making my ovaries tingle.
389
00:18:27,983 --> 00:18:29,735
That's either really good for me
or really bad.
390
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,865
We weren't supposed to be
paired this fast.
391
00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,034
I've only read one baby book.
392
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:38,994
Started one baby book.
393
00:18:39,912 --> 00:18:41,078
Fine, I bought a baby book.
394
00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:42,288
Just get to the truth.
395
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:43,706
I don't even have a baby book!
396
00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:45,958
- There we go.
- There's no time to childproof the house,
397
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,793
buy a car seat, eat for two.
398
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,670
I want my nine months!
399
00:18:49,671 --> 00:18:51,964
Why don't you just
tell your husband you're not ready yet?
400
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:54,300
No, other Derrick.
I went back and forth too much
401
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:56,469
when we started the whole baby thing.
402
00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:58,596
You might not know this about me,
but I flip flop a lot.
403
00:18:58,597 --> 00:19:00,848
- I picked that up.
- I don't flip flop that much.
404
00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:02,726
Oh, my God.
I'm flip flopping on flip flopping.
405
00:19:03,644 --> 00:19:05,561
I promised Charlie that I was ready,
406
00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:08,147
and now if I say that I'm not,
he'll never trust me again.
407
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,982
He already thinks I have
one foot out the baby door,
408
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:10,900
which, by the way,
409
00:19:10,901 --> 00:19:13,152
we'll have to add to our house
if the doggy door's too small.
410
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,487
Are baby doors even a thing?
411
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:16,113
- No.
- No.
412
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:18,407
Please help me. I am begging you.
413
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,744
Brian, have a seat, okay?
414
00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:23,496
Look, I know that this is hard and scary.
415
00:19:23,497 --> 00:19:27,250
- Yeah.
- But I promise you I will think about it,
416
00:19:27,251 --> 00:19:31,671
while Derrick and I exercise
for ten seconds and then get super drunk.
417
00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:33,589
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
418
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,008
No, it's okay.
419
00:19:35,843 --> 00:19:39,762
How about this?
You call Charlie and everyone you trust,
420
00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:41,806
we'll get in the sea about it,
and we'll figure it out.
421
00:19:41,807 --> 00:19:43,516
- Okay.
- Yeah?
422
00:19:43,517 --> 00:19:45,643
Yeah, that sounds great.
I like that. Let's do that.
423
00:19:45,644 --> 00:19:48,856
- All right. I'll get you some water.
- Thank you. I'm so thirsty.
424
00:19:49,648 --> 00:19:50,649
How did he know?
425
00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:52,692
I like him.
426
00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:56,487
He makes me simultaneously
feel calm and horny.
427
00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:57,573
Me too.
428
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:02,118
And if I don't get to fuck him tonight,
I'ma murder you.
429
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:03,494
- Okay.
- Okay?
430
00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:05,288
- I understand.
- Okay.
431
00:20:05,289 --> 00:20:06,622
I get what you're saying,
432
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:08,541
but I thought you were excited
about seeing Jorge.
433
00:20:08,542 --> 00:20:11,711
I was, but that was because
he was the only guy in our squad
434
00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:13,172
who was always in a good place,
435
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:15,840
and now he wants to see me
'cause he's fucking struggling.
436
00:20:15,841 --> 00:20:17,341
Well, people struggle.
437
00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:20,220
I know, but what advice can I give him?
438
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:23,973
Get kicked out of your place?
Move in with your shrink?
439
00:20:23,974 --> 00:20:26,809
I mean,
I am the last guy he should be leaning on.
440
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,770
I wouldn't lead with any of that stuff.
441
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:32,815
But, Dan, maybe you could tell Sean
442
00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,817
what made it easier for you
to open up to me.
443
00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:37,612
Is it because he looks like
a sad oak tree?
444
00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:40,072
Say what you want, Paul,
but just this morning,
445
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,825
a woman told me I was one of the
five hottest guys she'd ever been with.
446
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:44,327
So, fifth?
447
00:20:44,328 --> 00:20:46,455
Fourth. Suck it.
448
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:48,290
Anyways. Dan.
449
00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:50,626
Well,
450
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:55,505
honestly, I think I started opening up
the day you said you were...
451
00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:57,090
you were lonely too.
452
00:20:58,342 --> 00:21:00,676
Guess I wanted a therapist
as screwed up as I was.
453
00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:03,639
If that's the case, bull's-eye.
454
00:21:04,765 --> 00:21:08,018
But you're right, fucked-up people
are good at helping fucked-up people.
455
00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:09,853
I mean, look at us.
456
00:21:11,605 --> 00:21:12,606
What do you say?
457
00:21:14,233 --> 00:21:15,566
Oh, shit.
458
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:17,485
- Hey, Brian. What's up?
- Thank God you picked up.
459
00:21:17,486 --> 00:21:19,529
I thought you'd have work
or something boring.
460
00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:21,030
Jimmy, listen, you have no idea...
461
00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:24,534
We all know he's gonna go on for a while
before I have to say anything, so...
462
00:21:24,535 --> 00:21:25,702
Sorry. Sean, continue.
463
00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:28,288
Fuck it. I'll do it. I'll see him.
464
00:21:29,498 --> 00:21:31,583
Thanks, Jimmy's-other-patient.
465
00:21:32,251 --> 00:21:33,752
Didn't I see you this morning?
466
00:21:34,503 --> 00:21:35,337
Are you okay?
467
00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:38,881
- Is he holding you against your will?
- Yes.
468
00:21:38,882 --> 00:21:41,259
No, Dan, you want to be here.
469
00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:42,969
- I changed my mind.
- No, you did not.
470
00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:44,053
Paul, he did not.
471
00:21:44,054 --> 00:21:46,097
I'll get you a list of other therapists.
472
00:21:46,098 --> 00:21:48,892
It's nothing personal.
I do it for all of Jimmy's patients.
473
00:21:50,269 --> 00:21:51,645
I gotta go see Alice.
474
00:21:52,646 --> 00:21:54,105
Are you even listening
to a word I'm saying?
475
00:21:54,106 --> 00:21:56,274
- Oh, shit.
- I will start over. I swear to God.
476
00:21:56,275 --> 00:21:58,235
Brian, of course I'm listening to you.
477
00:21:58,902 --> 00:22:00,404
Thanks for agreeing to talk to me.
478
00:22:01,113 --> 00:22:02,948
I'm suspended,
I have nothing better to do.
479
00:22:05,617 --> 00:22:06,910
Did your dad lose his shit?
480
00:22:07,953 --> 00:22:10,330
Well, he grounded me
for three whole hours.
481
00:22:12,541 --> 00:22:13,750
How'd your mom take it?
482
00:22:14,585 --> 00:22:17,003
She got kicked out of
Casino Morongo last night,
483
00:22:17,004 --> 00:22:19,923
so I think this is pretty low
on her priority list.
484
00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:21,466
- Damn.
- Yeah.
485
00:22:23,010 --> 00:22:26,138
- What'd she do?
- She put the dice in her mouth again.
486
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:32,561
This is all my fault.
487
00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:37,982
I fucked you over,
and you really didn't deserve it.
488
00:22:37,983 --> 00:22:41,777
I mean, everybody bailed on me
when Mom died but you stuck by me,
489
00:22:41,778 --> 00:22:44,947
and I've been so fucking selfish,
490
00:22:44,948 --> 00:22:48,827
and I haven't thought about all of
the shit that you've been dealing with.
491
00:22:49,453 --> 00:22:51,997
It won't happen again. Promise.
492
00:22:53,165 --> 00:22:53,999
Thanks.
493
00:22:56,210 --> 00:22:57,044
I love you.
494
00:22:57,628 --> 00:22:58,962
I love you.
495
00:23:07,346 --> 00:23:08,847
What are you gonna do about Connor?
496
00:23:10,057 --> 00:23:13,142
Okay. So, fall break I'm gonna kiss him
497
00:23:13,143 --> 00:23:16,312
and then I'm gonna cry,
and I'm gonna say, "That was a mistake."
498
00:23:16,313 --> 00:23:20,525
And then during his midterms,
I'm gonna soft launch a boyfriend.
499
00:23:20,526 --> 00:23:22,109
- Oh, shit.
- Yeah. Like, at dinner,
500
00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:23,903
with the guy hand, you know?
501
00:23:23,904 --> 00:23:27,574
And then I'm gonna get back with him
on Thanksgiving,
502
00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:30,118
but I'm gonna say I'm too full to hook up.
503
00:23:31,912 --> 00:23:34,248
I am loving this revenge arc for you.
504
00:23:34,998 --> 00:23:37,792
Ch-Cheater, cheater, cheater bitch.
505
00:23:37,793 --> 00:23:41,588
Cheater, cheater, cheater, cheater biatch.
506
00:23:42,548 --> 00:23:43,549
Hey.
507
00:23:44,132 --> 00:23:46,133
How do I keep running into you?
508
00:23:46,134 --> 00:23:47,134
Alice couldn't make it.
509
00:23:47,135 --> 00:23:49,929
She's with Summer,
so I told her I'd let you know.
510
00:23:49,930 --> 00:23:51,557
Why didn't you just call?
511
00:23:53,809 --> 00:23:55,142
Well...
512
00:23:55,143 --> 00:23:58,104
Oh, God, no.
513
00:23:58,105 --> 00:24:01,233
{\an8}Relax. I know the rules.
514
00:24:01,775 --> 00:24:04,278
Tropical. The good shit.
515
00:24:10,367 --> 00:24:12,285
- Thanks for coming, everyone.
- Yeah.
516
00:24:12,286 --> 00:24:14,537
I still fricking can't believe that by
"get in the sea"
517
00:24:14,538 --> 00:24:16,372
you meant get in the sea.
I thought it was, like,
518
00:24:16,373 --> 00:24:18,541
a metaphor where he was like, "Oh, no."
519
00:24:18,542 --> 00:24:22,003
Like, "Our profits are down,"
like, "Let's get in the sea on it."
520
00:24:22,004 --> 00:24:23,379
Nope.
521
00:24:23,380 --> 00:24:27,675
The ocean is a magical place.
It helps you see things clearly.
522
00:24:27,676 --> 00:24:29,385
Well, still not the worst
fucking date I had.
523
00:24:29,386 --> 00:24:31,554
- Hey, Jimmy? What the fuck are you doing?
- Yeah.
524
00:24:31,555 --> 00:24:33,806
I'm still not supposed to
get my tattoo wet.
525
00:24:33,807 --> 00:24:39,312
Bri, I'm freezing my titties off.
Is this working? You getting any clarity?
526
00:24:39,313 --> 00:24:40,397
Yeah.
527
00:24:41,231 --> 00:24:44,525
I don't think Jimmy should've
gotten a tattoo. It's stupid on him.
528
00:24:44,526 --> 00:24:45,610
It's really bad, Jimmy.
529
00:24:45,611 --> 00:24:49,447
Also, I can't handle a kid right now,
530
00:24:49,448 --> 00:24:54,410
but I know that it could be ages
before we get another chance.
531
00:24:54,411 --> 00:24:59,916
So, like...
So we just say yes, ready or not?
532
00:24:59,917 --> 00:25:01,376
Question.
533
00:25:03,754 --> 00:25:04,588
Brian, right?
534
00:25:05,339 --> 00:25:06,672
Yes, Jimmy's patient.
535
00:25:06,673 --> 00:25:08,758
This has all been about how you feel,
536
00:25:08,759 --> 00:25:12,011
which reminds me of when I hang out
with my pal, Stan.
537
00:25:12,012 --> 00:25:16,350
Everyone's checking on him
and his feelings, but never mine.
538
00:25:16,934 --> 00:25:19,352
So as a guy who is also overlooked,
539
00:25:19,353 --> 00:25:22,105
did anyone ever ask your husband
how he feels?
540
00:25:24,942 --> 00:25:26,108
I'm terrified.
541
00:25:26,109 --> 00:25:29,403
What? You're terrified?
Why didn't you say something?
542
00:25:29,404 --> 00:25:32,740
I feel like I have to be the brave one,
even though I'm just as scared as you.
543
00:25:32,741 --> 00:25:35,076
But I want the nine months.
544
00:25:35,077 --> 00:25:38,996
I wanna get the call to the hospital
and have a cute, little backpack.
545
00:25:38,997 --> 00:25:40,457
Too cold for a speech, Charlie!
546
00:25:41,124 --> 00:25:43,043
Babe, I love you.
547
00:25:46,630 --> 00:25:49,466
We shouldn't have a baby
until the time is right for both of us.
548
00:25:50,884 --> 00:25:52,468
- Really?
- Really.
549
00:25:52,469 --> 00:25:54,888
We're not having a baby!
550
00:26:07,693 --> 00:26:08,694
You ever gonna talk?
551
00:26:10,612 --> 00:26:11,780
Mac kissed me.
552
00:26:12,364 --> 00:26:14,199
Who could've seen that coming?
553
00:26:16,618 --> 00:26:19,246
Full disclosure, I should say that...
554
00:26:22,416 --> 00:26:23,709
we kissed each other.
555
00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:27,044
What the fuck? Why are you laughing?
556
00:26:27,045 --> 00:26:28,881
Life, I guess.
557
00:26:30,090 --> 00:26:33,593
I just recently had to face
my own infidelity,
558
00:26:33,594 --> 00:26:36,013
20 years after the fact.
559
00:26:36,597 --> 00:26:37,471
How'd that go?
560
00:26:37,472 --> 00:26:39,182
We're friends again
561
00:26:39,183 --> 00:26:42,269
which means I have to talk to her
on the phone every week, so...
562
00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:44,605
not good.
563
00:26:45,355 --> 00:26:46,689
How do I fix this?
564
00:26:46,690 --> 00:26:48,734
Easy. Time machine.
565
00:26:49,610 --> 00:26:53,988
I just keep trying to figure out
why I did this.
566
00:26:53,989 --> 00:26:55,490
- This isn't ab--
- It doesn't matter.
567
00:26:56,074 --> 00:26:58,368
There are a million reasons why,
and I've heard 'em all.
568
00:26:58,952 --> 00:27:03,539
Feeling neglected, lost, lacking purpose,
569
00:27:03,540 --> 00:27:06,501
empty nest, big birthday coming up.
570
00:27:06,502 --> 00:27:08,128
I don't have birthdays anymore.
571
00:27:08,712 --> 00:27:09,880
That must be nice.
572
00:27:10,506 --> 00:27:12,256
What am I supposed to do now?
573
00:27:12,257 --> 00:27:13,675
Well, you can bury it,
574
00:27:15,260 --> 00:27:16,470
try and live with the guilt,
575
00:27:17,304 --> 00:27:21,558
hope that it motivates you
to become a better partner.
576
00:27:22,643 --> 00:27:23,893
But in my experience,
577
00:27:23,894 --> 00:27:29,607
most people end up tortured
by what they did forever and ever.
578
00:27:29,608 --> 00:27:30,608
Or?
579
00:27:30,609 --> 00:27:35,072
Or you could come clean,
face the repercussions,
580
00:27:36,323 --> 00:27:40,577
and hope that that motivates you
to become a stronger couple.
581
00:27:41,328 --> 00:27:42,578
But in my experience,
582
00:27:42,579 --> 00:27:45,831
most people end up
tortured by the guilt forever and ever.
583
00:27:45,832 --> 00:27:47,458
Well, there's gotta be a third choice.
584
00:27:47,459 --> 00:27:50,128
Well, I hear they're very close
to space travel.
585
00:27:53,715 --> 00:27:55,675
- What would you do?
- Oh, Liz. I...
586
00:27:55,676 --> 00:27:57,636
Come on. Please, tell me.
587
00:28:00,013 --> 00:28:03,016
Secrets have a way of getting out.
588
00:28:05,143 --> 00:28:07,437
There's not a secret that I ever kept
589
00:28:08,856 --> 00:28:11,608
that I didn't wish
I'd told the fucking person.
590
00:28:23,161 --> 00:28:24,329
These are disgusting.
591
00:28:25,330 --> 00:28:26,164
Give 'em back.
592
00:28:33,338 --> 00:28:35,882
Wow, another weird almost-date,
593
00:28:35,883 --> 00:28:39,595
except this time I'm dressed
like a ashy beach hippie.
594
00:28:42,264 --> 00:28:43,431
I'm gonna kiss you.
595
00:28:43,432 --> 00:28:45,558
You know it's just, like...
596
00:28:45,559 --> 00:28:47,310
- It's better if you just do it.
- Damn it.
597
00:28:47,311 --> 00:28:49,103
Please tell me I didn't mess this up.
598
00:28:49,104 --> 00:28:51,981
Look, I knew I shouldn't have
taken you to, like, the sea.
599
00:28:51,982 --> 00:28:53,066
That was, like, so...
600
00:29:00,741 --> 00:29:01,574
Yep.
601
00:29:01,575 --> 00:29:04,368
Do you wanna get in my sea?
602
00:29:04,369 --> 00:29:06,287
Sorry. I don't know why I said that.
603
00:29:06,288 --> 00:29:07,581
Just erase that from your mind.
604
00:29:09,458 --> 00:29:12,127
But I really like you, Derrick.
605
00:29:13,504 --> 00:29:16,048
Same. Like, a lot.
606
00:29:19,092 --> 00:29:22,428
Help me find a reason
to not fuck you immediately,
607
00:29:22,429 --> 00:29:24,388
because I wanna just kind of do this...
608
00:29:24,389 --> 00:29:27,100
- Right.
- ...whole thing right.
609
00:29:30,103 --> 00:29:32,438
- Can't think of anything. Let's go do it.
- Sir.
610
00:29:32,439 --> 00:29:34,857
- Yeah. All right.
- Please. I almost did it.
611
00:29:34,858 --> 00:29:36,442
- I almost sprinted up there.
- I know. Okay.
612
00:29:36,443 --> 00:29:37,778
- All right, jokes aside.
- Yeah.
613
00:29:39,154 --> 00:29:41,364
We can't because for one,
614
00:29:41,365 --> 00:29:44,742
I am covered in sand.
615
00:29:44,743 --> 00:29:46,786
As am I, yeah. And that would just be
616
00:29:46,787 --> 00:29:48,497
- just painful, awful.
- Yeah.
617
00:29:50,290 --> 00:29:51,290
This is okay, right?
618
00:29:51,291 --> 00:29:55,087
Of course.
I'm gonna go see Keisha anyway, so...
619
00:29:56,380 --> 00:29:58,047
You crazy.
620
00:29:58,048 --> 00:29:59,841
All right. Well, good night.
621
00:29:59,842 --> 00:30:00,967
Night.
622
00:30:00,968 --> 00:30:02,052
Thanks.
623
00:30:03,887 --> 00:30:05,973
I wanted to talk to you guys
about something.
624
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,517
Summer and I made up today,
which was great,
625
00:30:09,518 --> 00:30:11,894
but she said the thing
that hurt her the most
626
00:30:11,895 --> 00:30:14,313
was the fact that
I hadn't been honest with her,
627
00:30:14,314 --> 00:30:18,985
and I just think we should tell my dad
that we've been talking to you, Louis.
628
00:30:18,986 --> 00:30:21,112
- I think it's the right thing to do.
- I agree.
629
00:30:21,113 --> 00:30:22,364
I do too.
630
00:30:24,575 --> 00:30:28,077
But I'm just wondering if there's any way
631
00:30:28,078 --> 00:30:32,081
you can be strong and brave
and tell Jimmy,
632
00:30:32,082 --> 00:30:38,004
and I can sort of not be mentioned,
or be part of it at all, in any way.
633
00:30:38,005 --> 00:30:40,007
- I don't think you wanna be that guy.
- Boo.
634
00:30:40,591 --> 00:30:43,009
So, we're going with me
also being strong and brave?
635
00:30:43,010 --> 00:30:45,637
Got it. Great.
636
00:30:48,390 --> 00:30:50,350
You think scarf lady's still here?
637
00:30:52,311 --> 00:30:54,020
I mean, it's been seven hours.
638
00:30:54,021 --> 00:30:55,938
Yeah, you're right. Oh, by the way,
639
00:30:55,939 --> 00:30:58,817
that Derrick dude was the most
handsome man I've ever seen.
640
00:30:59,401 --> 00:31:00,735
Yeah, one of the most handsome.
641
00:31:00,736 --> 00:31:03,655
No. Like, the most handsome man.
642
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:06,450
Today was a fun day.
643
00:31:07,075 --> 00:31:10,787
Even if we didn't kick anything's ass.
644
00:31:12,289 --> 00:31:15,042
Dan, think about all the stuff
you did today.
645
00:31:15,626 --> 00:31:19,378
You went to a high school,
you talked to strangers,
646
00:31:19,379 --> 00:31:21,964
you got undressed and got in the ocean
647
00:31:21,965 --> 00:31:23,967
around a bunch of people
you'd never even met before.
648
00:31:24,551 --> 00:31:26,719
And yes, at first I had to prod you
to get you to talk,
649
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,222
but by the end, you were out there,
doggy paddling,
650
00:31:29,223 --> 00:31:31,058
dropping truth bombs
in your tighty-whities.
651
00:31:31,683 --> 00:31:32,975
Those were boxers.
652
00:31:32,976 --> 00:31:35,978
Well, they're snug, but they look great.
653
00:31:35,979 --> 00:31:37,813
Yeah, I think the scariest part
654
00:31:37,814 --> 00:31:42,486
was hanging out one-on-one for ten minutes
with that terrifying teenage girl.
655
00:31:43,237 --> 00:31:44,654
She was batshit.
656
00:31:44,655 --> 00:31:46,949
- Again, that's my daughter.
- Nice kid.
657
00:31:47,491 --> 00:31:49,159
But, yeah, if you can handle her,
658
00:31:50,661 --> 00:31:52,538
you can handle Stan's wedding.
659
00:31:55,666 --> 00:31:57,834
This means your hot streak's
still going, right?
660
00:31:57,835 --> 00:31:59,169
Fuck yeah, it is.
661
00:32:00,921 --> 00:32:03,006
- You want a hug?
- Not ever.
662
00:32:03,966 --> 00:32:08,679
And then, you know, I stopped and left.
663
00:32:10,013 --> 00:32:11,723
It was so stupid.
664
00:32:12,516 --> 00:32:14,685
I know you must be so hurt.
665
00:32:18,230 --> 00:32:19,398
Please, say something.
666
00:32:20,941 --> 00:32:22,108
How long was the kiss?
667
00:32:22,109 --> 00:32:23,150
What?
668
00:32:23,151 --> 00:32:24,403
How long was it?
669
00:32:25,946 --> 00:32:29,574
I'll do Cincinnati,
and you tell me to stop.
670
00:32:29,575 --> 00:32:32,952
You know, like one Cincinnati,
two Cincinnati.
671
00:32:32,953 --> 00:32:35,204
- It's Mississippi.
- I do Cincinnati.
672
00:32:35,205 --> 00:32:36,123
Okay.
673
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,459
One Cincinnati.
674
00:32:40,460 --> 00:32:42,713
Are you fucking kidding me?
675
00:32:44,965 --> 00:32:46,216
- Two Cincinnat--
- Stop.
676
00:32:47,676 --> 00:32:49,218
So it was two Cincinnatis.
677
00:32:49,219 --> 00:32:53,056
No. It was, like,
one Cincinnati and a Cincinnat.
678
00:32:53,932 --> 00:32:54,933
Liz...
679
00:32:57,311 --> 00:33:00,730
I support you in everything you do.
680
00:33:00,731 --> 00:33:03,149
You signed us up to foster dogs,
681
00:33:03,150 --> 00:33:06,069
you basically adopted
our neighbor's child.
682
00:33:08,071 --> 00:33:12,450
You make jokes about me. Who cares?
They bounce off.
683
00:33:12,451 --> 00:33:13,535
You know why?
684
00:33:14,077 --> 00:33:14,911
No.
685
00:33:14,912 --> 00:33:19,790
Because deep down,
I thought we were so solid.
686
00:33:19,791 --> 00:33:20,958
We are.
687
00:33:20,959 --> 00:33:23,003
I don't ask you for much.
688
00:33:24,421 --> 00:33:25,422
Ever.
689
00:33:26,173 --> 00:33:28,884
You knew how I felt
about that fucking guy,
690
00:33:29,510 --> 00:33:31,053
and you did this anyway.
691
00:33:33,931 --> 00:33:36,224
Wait. I'm sorry.
692
00:33:36,225 --> 00:33:38,185
I didn't mean for this to happen.
693
00:33:38,852 --> 00:33:40,144
I wanna figure it out.
694
00:33:40,145 --> 00:33:42,481
We can figure this out.
695
00:33:44,107 --> 00:33:47,193
Look, at least I told you.
696
00:33:47,194 --> 00:33:52,490
Isn't that better that I told you,
than you find out on your own?
697
00:33:52,491 --> 00:33:53,575
Right?
698
00:33:54,117 --> 00:33:55,369
Gotta give me one.
699
00:33:57,913 --> 00:34:00,998
Hey, crush it at that wedding.
700
00:34:00,999 --> 00:34:02,042
Thanks, Jimmy.
701
00:34:30,779 --> 00:34:31,780
Fuck.