1 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:13,714 ( woman moans ) 2 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:17,418 Woman: OH MY GOD, DON'T DO THAT. 3 00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:20,654 Man: DON'T DO-- THIS? 4 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:25,493 YES! DON'T DO THAT SOME MORE. 5 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,262 TELL ME. 6 00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:30,198 OR I WON'T DO THIS. 7 00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:32,133 OKAY. 8 00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,635 ALL I KNOW IS HE'S IN D.C. BUYING SOME COMPANY. 9 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:37,371 DON'T STOP! 10 00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:39,540 NO. I'M STOPPING. 11 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:40,874 WHICH COMPANY? 12 00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:44,712 RYAN, IF I WANTED TO TALK BUSINESS, I'D HAVE SEX WITH MY HUSBAND. 13 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:48,649 WHICH COMPANY? 14 00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,851 ( phone rings, machine picks up ) 15 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:53,154 Hi, Donald and Veronica can't come-- 16 00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,389 - ( machine beeps ) - Man: Veronica? It's me. 17 00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,325 - MY GOD, IT'S DONALD! - PICK IT UP. 18 00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,360 Call me when you get back. 19 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:00,761 - HI, SWEETIE. - Hey, baby. 20 00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:03,464 I was about to hang up. Whatcha doing? 21 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:06,100 UH... HAVING MY NAILS DONE. 22 00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:09,103 I wanted to tell you my plane's landing in an hour. 23 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:12,773 - I'm gonna play a quick 18, then we'll go to dinner. - OKAY. 24 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,743 LISTEN, SWEETIE, I GOTTA RUN. 25 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:17,611 MY MANICURIST IS GIVING ME DIRTY LOOKS. 26 00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:20,214 - I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT. - All right, talk to you then. 27 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:23,217 I GOTTA RUN, TOO. 28 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,719 WHY?! WE HAVE ALL AFTERNOON. DONALD'S PLAYING GOLF. 29 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:28,122 I KNOW. I'M PLAYING WITH HIM. 30 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:29,123 WHAT?! 31 00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,864 LET'S HEAD FOR LONG ISLAND. 32 00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:49,210 BEAUTIFUL SHOT! 33 00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:52,380 200 YARDS. RIGHT AT THE FLAG. 34 00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:53,614 IF YOU WANT ME AS A CLIENT, 35 00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:56,684 KEEP YOUR COMPLIMENTS COMING, AND YOUR BALLS IN THE ROUGH. 36 00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:00,120 I'LL DO MY WORST, SIR. 37 00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,495 WHERE'D YOU LEARN TO SWING LIKE THAT? 38 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,263 BUSINESS SCHOOL. 39 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,836 HOW'D THINGS GO IN D.C.? 40 00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:17,405 AFTER OUR LITTLE MEETING, 41 00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:19,873 AND THE HALF A MILLION ADDITIONAL SHARES I PURCHASED, 42 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:21,609 WE HAVE FULL COOPERATION 43 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,277 FROM THE JASCO PHARMACEUTICALS BOARD. 44 00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:25,913 SIR, THAT MUCH STOCK'LL PUT YOU OVER THE LIMIT. 45 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:28,382 NOT IF YOU DON'T BUY IT IN YOUR OWN NAME. 46 00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:31,685 SOUNDS LIKE SIMPSON PUBLISHING'S INVOLVED IN A MERGER. 47 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:38,359 WATCH CNBC TOMORROW MORNING. 48 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:47,235 CINDY, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GET DRINKS TONIGHT? 49 00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:49,937 NEVER. 50 00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,905 GREAT, RAINCHECK IT IS, THEN. 51 00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:54,975 Intercom: Ryan Turner's on line one. 52 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,311 Hey, gorgeous. 53 00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:59,647 HEY, HONEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 54 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,216 YOU-- IN ABOUT EIGHT HOURS. 55 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:05,219 OH, RYAN, 56 00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:07,988 YOU ARE SO ROMANTIC. 57 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,990 - I know. - ARE WE STILL ON FOR DINNER? 58 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,293 Yes, we are. I'll meet you there at 8:00. 59 00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:14,628 AND WAIT TILL YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE PLANNED FOR DESSERT. 60 00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:17,598 OOOH, I'LL BRING THE CHERRY. 61 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,233 - I wish. - BYE. 62 00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,471 I UNDERSTAND THE POSSIBILITY 63 00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:26,006 OF BREAKING A NAIL IS LOOMING OVER EVERY WORD, 64 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,641 BUT YOUR DEADLINE IS-- 65 00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:28,909 NOW. 66 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,678 OKAY! JEEZ! 67 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,946 WHY DOES EVERYBODY WANT SOMETHING FROM ME? 68 00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:34,948 YOU WRITE AN ADVICE COLUMN? 69 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,618 I HAVE PROBLEMS TOO, YOU KNOW. 70 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:38,919 YES, I KNOW. 71 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,954 I MEAN, LISTEN TO THIS LETTER, 72 00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,892 "DEAR CINDY, I WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL, 73 00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,961 BUT MY HUSBAND IS AGAINST IT. WHAT SHOULD I DO?" 74 00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:50,298 I MEAN, THIS WOMAN IS SUCH A MESS. 75 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:51,932 SO WHAT DID YOU TELL HER? 76 00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:52,900 SIMPLE. 77 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:58,772 "WHY DO YOU NEED SCHOOL? YOU HAVE A HUSBAND. 78 00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,842 IF YOU WANT TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF, DO CHARITY WORK. 79 00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:03,877 GO BUILD HAIRDO'S FOR THE HOMELESS, 80 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,013 BETTER YET, GO GET YOUR OWN HAIR DONE." 81 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,881 THIS WOMAN POURS HER HEART OUT TO YOU, 82 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,683 AND YOU GIVE HER BEAUTY TIPS? 83 00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:10,984 WHAT'S WRONG HERE? 84 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:13,554 I HAVEN'T GIVEN YOU ANY. 85 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,557 CINDY, THIS IS A QUALITY NEWSPAPER. 86 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:20,961 PAGE, WE'RE NOT FRIENDS, SO I CAN BE HONEST WITH YOU. 87 00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:23,531 MY GRANDMOTHER'S LEGS HAD BETTER CIRCULATION 88 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:26,900 THAN THIS "QUALITY" NEWSPAPER. NO ONE EVEN BUYS IT. 89 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,603 THEN I WOULD BE HAPPY TO BUY OUT YOUR CONTRACT. 90 00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:31,705 I WISH! 91 00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:33,941 BUT WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE FLAT-- 92 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,609 BROKE. 93 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,978 SO YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO LET ME DO WHAT I DO. 94 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,748 WITH THE STYLE, GRACE, AND FEMININITY 95 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,516 I DO IT WITH. 96 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,523 ( humming ) 97 00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:52,493 I LOVE IT WHEN YOU SING, HONEY, IT REALLY TURNS ME ON. 98 00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:54,628 REALLY? HA HA. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO SHOPPING? 99 00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:55,896 WHOA! 100 00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,598 WE'RE WALKING HERE! 101 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:58,899 HUH? 102 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,834 SHE'S JUST LIKE MY THERAPIST. 103 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:02,903 TURNING EVERYTHING AROUND MAKING IT SEEM LIKE 104 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:05,339 - I'M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. - THEN QUIT. 105 00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:08,008 - YOU SAID NOBODY READS YOUR COLUMN ANYWAYS. - I CAN'T JUST QUIT. 106 00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:12,580 IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A HUSBAND TO TAKE CARE OF ME. 107 00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:13,847 ( sighs ) 108 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,949 SO WHAT'S WITH THE CHAMPAGNE? 109 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,820 I GOT INFORMATION 110 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,856 FROM DONALD SIMPSON ABOUT A MERGER. 111 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:25,626 IT'LL MAKE MY CLIENTS-- AND ME-- A FORTUNE. 112 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:26,894 ( pops ) 113 00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,129 Barry: IF SIMPSON TOLD YOU, ISN'T THAT ILLEGAL? 114 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:32,700 NO. DONALD WOULD NEVER RISK AN S.E.C. VIOLATION. 115 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:34,835 I OVERHEARD HIM AND HIS LAWYERS. 116 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,505 THIS IS THE OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME. 117 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,440 I'M EVEN MARGINING MY OWN PORTFOLIO. 118 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:40,808 WHAT'S MARGINING? 119 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:44,612 Mrs. Sherman: IT'S BUYING ON CREDIT. THEY DON'T EVEN GIVE YOU A CARD. 120 00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,614 - YOU CHECKED THIS OUT? - OF COURSE. 121 00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,649 SIMPSON HIMSELF BOUGHT STOCK-- 122 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,518 IN HIS WIFE'S MAIDEN NAME. 123 00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:53,421 - WHICH STOCK? - JASCO PHARMACEUTICALS. 124 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:55,556 THEY'RE DEVELOPING SOME ANTI-AGING DRUG. 125 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:58,692 WHEN IT HITS THE SHELVES, THE STOCK COULD JUMP 1000%. 126 00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,694 YOU COULD STILL GET IN. 127 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,830 NNNN... 128 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,699 Mrs. Sherman: NNN-NO! FORGET IT. 129 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,768 WE'LL HANDLE ANTI-AGING THE OLD FASHIONED WAY. 130 00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:10,070 SURGERY! RIGHT, HONEY? 131 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,773 YEAH. WHATEVER. 132 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,141 A TOAST! 133 00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,711 COME ON. 134 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:21,415 TO KATHY'S NEW ASS; 135 00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:23,016 BARRY'S SUCCESSFUL PRACTICE; 136 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:26,487 AND RYAN, BECOMING A RICH PARTNER, 137 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,622 SO WE CAN ENJOY THE LIFE WE DESERVE AND MORE. 138 00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:31,625 AND MORE. 139 00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:34,161 AND MORE! AND MORE! ( laughing ) 140 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,764 ( both laughing ) 141 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,005 I GOTTA GO. 142 00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:47,675 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? COME BACK HERE. 143 00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,777 RYAN, I LOVE YOU. 144 00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:52,480 I KNOW. BUT I'VE GOT TO GO TO WORK. 145 00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,548 IT'S 3:00 A.M. 146 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,684 I'VE GOT TO CALL TOKYO BEFORE THEY CLOSE. 147 00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:57,685 FEEL FREE TO SLEEP IN. 148 00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:58,752 SLEEP IN? 149 00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,821 HOW ABOUT I MOVE IN? 150 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,590 ( chuckles ) 151 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:06,760 I'M SERIOUS. WE'D GET TO SEE SO MUCH MORE OF EACH OTHER. 152 00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:09,029 I'M READY TO HAVE A DOORMAN IN MY LIFE. 153 00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:11,865 I LIKE THE WAY THINGS ARE. 154 00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:15,235 WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF I TOLD YOU I'D LEAVE YOU IF YOU DIDN'T LET ME? 155 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,705 I'D SAY YOU WERE LYING. 156 00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:18,772 OH REALLY? 157 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,875 SEE? 158 00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:25,713 RYAN, YOU KNOW ME SO WELL. WE BELONG TOGETHER. 159 00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:27,548 WE ARE TOGETHER. 160 00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,550 ( sigh ) 161 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:37,157 WALT? 162 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,126 GOOD MORNING, MR. TURNER. 163 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,194 YOU'RE A DOORMAN, WALT. 164 00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:43,230 HOW GOOD COULD IT POSSIBLY BE? 165 00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:46,033 THANK YOU, SIR. 166 00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,811 YO' BUD. 167 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,750 YOU GOT A DOLLAR? 168 00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,652 YEAH, MILLIONS OF THEM. 169 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:07,655 ME, TOO. 170 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,141 ( cash drawer chings ) 171 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,844 ( gong ) 172 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,852 HI, RYAN TURNER-SAN. 173 00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,654 GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN. 174 00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:43,824 ASAHI, HAKASHIRO-SAN. I HAVE GOT A VERY LUCRATIVE INVESTMENT 175 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,693 YOU NEED TO JUMP ON IMMEDIATELY. 176 00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:48,762 ( bells tolling ) 177 00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:51,999 YOU GONNA GIVE BOWIE THAT TIDBIT AS WELL? 178 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:55,068 MICHAEL, YOU KNOW YOU'RE MY FAVORITE CLIENT. 179 00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:58,639 BOWIE'S ONLY MY FAVORITE CLIENT WHEN I'M ON THE PHONE WITH HIM. 180 00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:01,675 HE DOES SELL MORE RECORDS THAN ME. DOESN'T HE, RYAN? 181 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,712 THEREFORE, I WANT TO HAVE ONE MORE SHARE THAN HIM. OKAY, MAN? 182 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,947 - EXCELLENT. - THANK YOU, RYAN. 183 00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:15,188 - ( stock exchange bell ) - ( office chatter ) 184 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,825 JASCO WILL BE UP AT LEAST 30 POINTS BEFORE NOON. 185 00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:19,893 Man: How in the hell could you know that? 186 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:21,729 I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW I KNOW-- 187 00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:23,797 Secretary: Mrs. Ellis is on line two. 188 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,666 HELLO, MARLENE. 189 00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:27,167 Marlene: I want Jasco-- 190 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,769 GOOD CHOICE. EXCELLENT CHOICE. 191 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,671 - DON'T THANK ME NOW. - But I want to. 192 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,973 IF YOU'RE ON THIS SIDE OF THE WORLD, LET'S GET TOGETHER. 193 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,708 - It's a date. - ALL RIGHTY. 194 00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:37,077 ARE YOU IN OR OUT? 195 00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:40,681 All right, put me down for 10,000 shares, market price. 196 00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:43,617 You folks at Beacon Trade never let me down before. 197 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,753 DONE. 198 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:48,922 Rumors of a merger fueled an early morning explosion 199 00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:50,858 of Jasco Pharmaceutical stock, 200 00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:53,160 but now trading has been halted 201 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,028 because a news conference has been called. 202 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,698 YES... YES! 203 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,833 NO, I DON'T KNOW WHY HE WOULD HAVE DONE THAT. 204 00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:03,036 I'M GOING TO LOOK INTO IT. I'M ON TOP OF THAT, OKAY? 205 00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:05,305 THANK YOU FOR CALLING. 206 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,311 MORNING, SIR. 207 00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,346 COFFEE? 208 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,015 ABOUT FIVE HOURS AGO. 209 00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:17,685 FILE THESE BUY ORDERS, AND GET MY PHONE SHEET, PLEASE. 210 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:20,821 TED WANTS TO SEE YOU. 211 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,856 ( office clamoring ) 212 00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:33,834 YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO CALL AMIR, 213 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,669 MY CLIENT, AT 5:00 A.M.? 214 00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:39,239 CARL, WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING AT 5:00 A.M. 215 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,742 IN YOUR MODERATELY ATTRACTIVE SUBURBAN HOME, 216 00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:44,344 WITH YOUR MODERATELY ATTRACTIVE SUBURBAN WIFE, 217 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:45,445 I WAS HERE, 218 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,849 ASSURING THAT MY FUTURE WOULD LOOK NOTHING LIKE YOURS. 219 00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,318 AND BY THE WAY, IT WAS AFTERNOON IN KUWAIT. 220 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,689 VERY IMPRESSIVE NUMBERS THIS MONTH, RYAN. 221 00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:58,792 THANK YOU, SIR. WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE DEAL I'M WORKING ON NOW. 222 00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:01,094 YOU KEEP THIS UP AND I CAN SEE A PARTNERSHIP. 223 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,731 I GUESS WE HAVE THE SAME VISION. 224 00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:06,366 Secretary: EXCUSE ME. 225 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:09,202 RYAN, DONALD SIMPSON'S HOLDING A PRESS CONFERENCE. 226 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,337 YES. 227 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,741 WATCH THIS, SIR. 228 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,278 THIS DAY IS GOING TO CHANGE MY LIFE. 229 00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:21,281 Jasco was riding a tide of speculation, 230 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,116 but the press conference that just wrapped up 231 00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:25,385 turned out to be less than positive. 232 00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:27,921 So in the final analysis we concluded that the merger 233 00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:30,323 was not to our fiscal advantage. 234 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,492 Simpson Publishing has voted to focus 235 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,295 on our core interest, which is the newspaper business. 236 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,964 WHAT? WHAT? 237 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:39,132 Reporter: With trading halted, Jasco Pharmaceuticals 238 00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:41,168 announced stunning news that it has defaulted 239 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,103 on interest payments on its debt, 240 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,805 and will file for bankruptcy. 241 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:47,808 It's stock is expected to plummet when trading resumes. 242 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,309 YOU WERE RIGHT, TURNER. 243 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:52,813 JASCO STOCKS WERE GONNA EXPLODE. 244 00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:55,148 KABOOM! 245 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,154 ( screeches ) 246 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,067 Woman: SIR... SIR, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED IN THERE. 247 00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:15,903 YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED IN THERE. 248 00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:17,771 WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON? 249 00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:20,407 TURNER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 250 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,943 YESTERDAY, YOU SAID YOU WERE ACQUIRING JASCO. 251 00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:23,576 I HEARD YOU! 252 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:26,914 OH, RYAN, RYAN. OH MY GOD. 253 00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:30,483 YOU DIDN'T USE THAT INSIDE INFORMATION, DID YOU? 254 00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:32,786 YES, I DID. 255 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,489 - DID YOU LOSE A LOT? - A FUCKING FORTUNE. 256 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:39,226 CLIENT'S MONEY. MY OWN. 257 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,094 OHHH! 258 00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:43,831 TSK, TSK, TSK. RYAN... 259 00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:46,299 RYAN. 260 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,805 YOU SCREWED MY WIFE. 261 00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,442 I SCREWED YOU BACK. 262 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,348 YOU WOULD UNDERMINE YOUR OWN MERGER, 263 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,416 JUST FOR RETRIBUTION? 264 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,585 ARE YOU INSANE? 265 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:10,858 THERE'S NO STRONGER MOTIVATION THAN MONEY, OR REVENGE. 266 00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:13,793 I ALREADY HAVE MONEY. 267 00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:20,100 HAVE A GOOD DAY. 268 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,870 ( marching music ) 269 00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:37,450 WE JUST LOST HALF OF OUR TOP CLIENTS, RYAN. 270 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,519 WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS? 271 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:43,156 I WAS SET UP. IT WAS FALSE INFORMATION. 272 00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,892 THE S.E.C. CALLED. 273 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:48,195 YOU THINK THEY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU WERE SET UP? 274 00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:51,098 - THIS WAS ALL LEGAL. - WHAT ABOUT DUE DILIGENCE? 275 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:55,002 WE JUST LOST $52 MILLION OF OUR CLIENTS' MONEY. 276 00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:58,071 - FOR WHAT? A TIP? - MY SOURCE WAS DONALD SIMPSON HIMSELF. 277 00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:01,474 OH, GREAT. WELL, I GUESS YOU CAN ASK HIM FOR A JOB. 278 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,243 NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT-- 279 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,312 IT'S THE FUCKING S.E.C.! 280 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:11,651 IF WE KEEP YOU ON IT'S GOING TO LOOK LIKE WE CONDONE INSIDER TRADING. 281 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,153 I'M SORRY. 282 00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:19,159 DON'T-- DON'T DO THIS, PLEASE. 283 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:22,062 I MARGINED MY OWN ACCOUNT. 284 00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,663 AWW. 285 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,665 WELL. 286 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,635 I GUESS YOU MADE TWO STUPID MISTAKES THEN. 287 00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:32,372 Cindy: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME. 288 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:36,476 OKAY, OKAY. THIS CHANGES MY PLANS COMPLETELY. 289 00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:40,280 BUT I'M AN ADAPTER. I CAN MAKE MYSELF BELIEVE 290 00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:42,515 THAT THIS IS WORSE FOR YOU THAN IT IS FOR ME. 291 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,584 I JUST HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF 292 00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:47,120 THAT YOU ARE RYAN TURNER. 293 00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:48,155 OH! 294 00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,389 AND HONEY, 295 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:52,159 IF ANYONE CAN BOUNCE BACK FROM THIS YOU CAN. 296 00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,194 RIGHT? 297 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,230 - RYAN. - JIM. 298 00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,666 - SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING. - THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 299 00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,568 - WALK WITH ME. - SURE. 300 00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,636 I GUESS YOU HEARD, I LEFT BEACON TRADING. 301 00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,672 EVERYBODY'S HEARD. 302 00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:07,674 I HAVE ADMIRED YOUR FIRM FOR QUITE AWHILE. 303 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:10,677 I FIGURED NOW WOULD BE A GREAT TIME TO JOIN FORCES. 304 00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,612 UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE DOWNSIZING. 305 00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:16,216 JIM, SIX MONTHS AGO YOU WERE BEGGING ME, 306 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,118 - NOW I'M-- - POISON. 307 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,254 I'M SORRY, RYAN. IT'S-- I JUST-- 308 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,156 I CAN'T HELP YOU. 309 00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,524 ( sighs ) 310 00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:37,670 NANCY, HI. 311 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,139 RYAN. 312 00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,141 I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU FOR DAYS. 313 00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,675 YEAH, UH, I'VE BEEN VERY BUSY 314 00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,577 IT'S BEEN TOTALLY-- 315 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,279 I GOT YOUR MESSAGES. 316 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:48,715 THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO. 317 00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:51,018 LOOK, RYAN, 318 00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,986 I MADE SOME CALLS. 319 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:55,688 LOOKS LIKE THEY MIGHT BE INVESTIGATING YOU. 320 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,992 Judge: RYAN EDWARD TURNER, 321 00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:01,594 WHILE THIS COMMISSION FINDS INSUFFICIENT EVIDENCE 322 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,231 FOR INDICTMENT, YOUR CONDUCT LEAVES US 323 00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:07,467 NO ALTERNATIVE BUT TO REVOKE YOUR BROKER'S LICENSE. 324 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,502 ( gavel bangs ) 325 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,275 THIS ONE WAS DECLINED, TOO. 326 00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,646 TRY THIS ONE. 327 00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,681 ( beeping ) 328 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:26,686 I'M GONNA HAVE TO KEEP THIS ONE. 329 00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,457 BUT WE ACCEPT FOOD STAMPS. 330 00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:40,167 Man on phone: You're jeopardizing your economic future. 331 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,303 PATRICK, I DON'T REALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MY FUTURE. 332 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,305 I'M GONNA CASH IN MY RETIREMENT FUND. 333 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,340 You're gonna pay a hell of a penalty. 334 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,109 JUST DO IT! 335 00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:04,091 Woman: THIS IS FOR THE 13,500 WE AGREED ON. 336 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:06,159 IF YOU COULD JUST SIGN. 337 00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,366 HERE. 338 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,169 GREAT. 339 00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:19,506 GOOD. WE'LL HAVE EVERYTHING OUT BY 5:00. 340 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,742 MR. TURNER, I AM SO SORRY 341 00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,512 THAT YOU'VE BEEN EVICTED FROM 989. 342 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,580 THANKS, PAUL. 343 00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:59,646 WHEN I SAID I WANTED US TO LIVE TOGETHER, 344 00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:02,649 I MEANT AT YOUR PLACE. 345 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,756 ( television playing ) 346 00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:25,338 RYAN, YOU HAVEN'T MOVED IN A WEEK. 347 00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:26,739 LET'S GO OUT. 348 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:30,843 WE'RE LIVING TOGETHER. 349 00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:35,415 WE'RE WELL PAST THE GOING OUT STAGE. 350 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,650 FINE! I'M GOING OUT WITH CATHY THEN. 351 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,935 ( huffs ) 352 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:58,471 WHAT'S GOING ON? 353 00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:00,473 I'LL PUT THIS DELICATELY. 354 00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:03,810 YOU'RE A LOSER AND I'M LEAVING YOU. 355 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,546 THINGS WILL GET BETTER. 356 00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,648 I'M TIRED OF WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE 357 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,850 ENJOY THE LIFE I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE. 358 00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,719 MY LIFE IS FLYING BY. 359 00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,687 DO YOU SEE A ROCK ON MY FINGER? 360 00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:16,456 I GET IT. 361 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,258 WHO IS HE? 362 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,659 HE? 363 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:22,695 OH, YOU THINK THIS IS ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE? 364 00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:27,267 HONEY, THIS ISN'T ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE. 365 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:28,935 THIS IS ABOUT YOU. 366 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,972 HIS NAME IS FRANCISCO, 367 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:37,677 AND HE OWNS A DIAMOND MINE IN BRAZIL. 368 00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:41,481 WHEN DID YOU MEET THIS GUY? 369 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,582 MM-- ( mumbling ) 370 00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,751 TUESDAY, BUT HE LOVES ME. 371 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:48,688 SO YOU'RE JUST GIVING UP ON US? 372 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,657 IF GOD WANTED ME TO MARRY POOR 373 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,892 HE WOULD HAVE MADE ME HOMELY. 374 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:55,362 WHAT ABOUT YOUR JOB? WHAT ABOUT YOUR COLUMN? 375 00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,330 OH, I'M DONE WITH EVERYTHING HERE. 376 00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:59,866 I'M JETTING OFF WITH FRAN-CHESCO. 377 00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:02,302 - FRANCISCO. - YEAH, HIM. 378 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,204 ( sighs ) 379 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,510 BY THE WAY, THE RENT'S DUE. 380 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:17,284 * SO LONG TONIGHT 381 00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:20,387 * EXCUSES FOR LOSERS 382 00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:23,290 * SO LONG TONIGHT 383 00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:26,459 * EXCUSES FOR LOSERS... 384 00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:31,631 THAT'S A ZIPKIN, ISN'T IT? 385 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,600 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 386 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,302 YEAH? 387 00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:37,870 DR. LOU ZIPKIN, 388 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:40,573 MADISON AVENUE. 389 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,241 WHO TOLD YOU? 390 00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:46,946 CALL ME. 391 00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:49,282 I CAN FIX IT. 392 00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:50,683 ASS! 393 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,554 I CAN FIX THAT, TOO! 394 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,457 RYAN, SORRY I'M LATE. 395 00:20:57,490 --> 00:21:00,393 I HAD TO DO A LIPO-INJECTION ON AN ANOREXIC WOMAN. 396 00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,862 NOW SHE WANTS TO BE THE FAT LADY AT THE CIRCUS. 397 00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:05,064 CINDY LEFT ME. 398 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,733 NO?! 399 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,668 I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING. 400 00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:11,438 - ARE YOU INSULTING MY EX? - OF COURSE NOT. 401 00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:14,307 - SHE'S A BITCH. - IS ALL I WAS SAYING. 402 00:21:14,341 --> 00:21:18,311 SHE LEFT ME FOR SOME BRAZILIAN GUY. 403 00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:20,380 AND AFTER ALL THAT WORK I DID ON HER. 404 00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:22,915 ( snaps fingers ) WE CAN BUILD YOU A NEW ONE. 405 00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,817 IT'S NOT JUST HER. 406 00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:26,686 MY WHOLE LIFE IS A MESS. 407 00:21:26,719 --> 00:21:29,689 I COULD KILL MYSELF, BUT I'D PROBABLY GO TO HELL, 408 00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:31,691 AND THAT WOULD BE REDUNDANT. 409 00:21:31,724 --> 00:21:34,394 YOU'D BE AMONG FRIENDS. 410 00:21:34,427 --> 00:21:36,496 YEAH, FRIENDS. NOBODY LIKES ME, BARRY. 411 00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:38,765 COME ON. "NOBODY" IS OVERSTATING IT. 412 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,669 WAS I THAT BIG AN ASSHOLE? 413 00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:45,372 I WOULDN'T SAY BIG. 414 00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:47,640 HUGE? 415 00:21:47,674 --> 00:21:49,676 GIGANTIC. 416 00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:51,778 PAUL BUNYAN COMES TO MIND. 417 00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,346 ALL RIGHT, I GET IT. 418 00:21:54,914 --> 00:21:56,416 LET ME HAVE A BEER. 419 00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:58,050 - GET HIM A BEER. - ( phone ringing ) 420 00:22:00,687 --> 00:22:02,689 ( ringing ) 421 00:22:07,894 --> 00:22:09,462 YEAH? 422 00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:11,931 IS CINDY THERE? 423 00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:14,601 - Who's this? - WHO'S THIS?! 424 00:22:14,634 --> 00:22:17,670 You're calling me. 425 00:22:17,704 --> 00:22:19,639 THIS IS PAGE HENSEN, HER PUBLISHER 426 00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:21,674 FROM THE "JOURNAL." WHO'S THIS? 427 00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:24,477 THIS IS RYAN TURNER, HER BOYFRIEND, 428 00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:26,413 - FROM SYRACUSE. - Well... 429 00:22:26,446 --> 00:22:27,914 SHE LEFT A CONFUSING MESSAGE, 430 00:22:27,947 --> 00:22:29,682 SOMETHING ABOUT MOVING TO BRAZIL. 431 00:22:29,716 --> 00:22:32,585 CAN YOU TELL ME WHETHER SHE'S COMING TO WORK, 432 00:22:32,619 --> 00:22:35,488 or whether I can take her off payroll? 433 00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:36,723 PAYROLL? 434 00:22:36,756 --> 00:22:38,791 I DON'T HAVE TO PAY HER IF SHE DOESN'T WORK. 435 00:22:38,825 --> 00:22:40,893 THAT'S THE WAY WE DO THINGS IN THIS COUNTRY. 436 00:22:40,927 --> 00:22:42,962 It's progressive, don't you think? 437 00:22:42,995 --> 00:22:45,998 APPARENTLY YOU MISUNDERSTOOD CINDY'S MESSAGE. 438 00:22:46,032 --> 00:22:48,000 WHAT SHE WAS TRYING TO SAY 439 00:22:48,034 --> 00:22:50,803 WAS SHE'S NOT MOVING TO BRAZIL. 440 00:22:50,837 --> 00:22:53,005 IN FACT, SHE'S HARDLY MOVING AT ALL. 441 00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:54,941 SHE'S SICK-- 442 00:22:54,974 --> 00:22:56,743 BRAZILIAN FLU. 443 00:22:56,776 --> 00:22:58,645 BRAZILIAN FLU? 444 00:22:58,678 --> 00:23:00,112 PUT HER ON THE PHONE. 445 00:23:00,146 --> 00:23:02,148 I CAN'T. SHE HAS LARYNGITIS. 446 00:23:02,181 --> 00:23:04,617 HER DOCTOR ORDERED TOTAL VOICE REST. 447 00:23:04,651 --> 00:23:07,520 HER DOCTOR? 448 00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:08,988 WHAT'S HIS NAME? 449 00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:12,625 AH... DR. BARRY SHERMAN. 450 00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:16,696 PERHAPS SHE SHOULD TAKE AN EXTENDED LEAVE. 451 00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:19,499 No, Cindy wants to do the column from bed. 452 00:23:19,532 --> 00:23:21,501 SHE SHOULDN'T BE WITHOUT AN INCOME 453 00:23:21,534 --> 00:23:23,503 WHEN SHE'S THIS SICK, SHOULD SHE? 454 00:23:23,536 --> 00:23:25,071 ( sighing ) 455 00:23:25,104 --> 00:23:28,575 FINE. I GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE. I'LL SEND HER LETTERS OVER. 456 00:23:28,608 --> 00:23:29,909 No! 457 00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:32,712 SHE'S CONTAGIOUS. I'LL COME PICK THEM UP. 458 00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:34,747 ( dial tone ) 459 00:23:37,950 --> 00:23:41,087 SHE'S CONTAGIOUS, AND HE'S COMING HERE? 460 00:23:42,689 --> 00:23:44,591 OH BOY! 461 00:24:02,609 --> 00:24:04,711 Receptionist: CHELSEA JOURNAL. 462 00:24:04,744 --> 00:24:06,746 SURE, HANG ON ONE SECOND. 463 00:24:08,881 --> 00:24:10,850 ( woman moans ) 464 00:24:10,883 --> 00:24:14,153 I'M LOOKING FOR PAGE HENSEN. 465 00:24:14,186 --> 00:24:16,589 AND I'M LOOKING FOR A MAN 466 00:24:16,623 --> 00:24:19,659 WHO APPRECIATES THE SIGHT OF A 70-YEAR-OLD WOMAN 467 00:24:19,692 --> 00:24:21,694 IN A BUBBLE BATH. 468 00:24:23,062 --> 00:24:25,131 I SEE. 469 00:24:25,164 --> 00:24:26,799 IS SHE AVAILABLE? 470 00:24:26,833 --> 00:24:28,835 BUSINESS OR PLEASURE? 471 00:24:28,868 --> 00:24:29,836 BUSINESS. 472 00:24:29,869 --> 00:24:33,640 SERIOUS OR MONKEY? 473 00:24:33,673 --> 00:24:35,141 NONE OF YOUR. 474 00:24:35,174 --> 00:24:37,644 JUST TELL HER RYAN TURNER IS HERE, 475 00:24:37,677 --> 00:24:39,178 CINDY'S FRIEND. 476 00:24:39,211 --> 00:24:42,014 - ( beeping ) - THE BOYFRIEND'S HERE. 477 00:24:48,821 --> 00:24:51,524 HI, I'M PAGE HENSEN. 478 00:24:51,558 --> 00:24:53,760 HI, RYAN TURNER. 479 00:24:53,793 --> 00:24:55,194 COFFEE? 480 00:24:55,227 --> 00:24:58,865 - SURE. - IT'S OVER THERE. 481 00:24:58,898 --> 00:25:00,733 LET ME-- SAY UP FRONT 482 00:25:00,767 --> 00:25:02,301 THAT I AM NOT AT ALL COMFORTABLE 483 00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:04,303 WITH CINDY WORKING FROM HOME. 484 00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:06,839 I LIKE TO DO THINGS A CERTAIN WAY AROUND HERE. 485 00:25:06,873 --> 00:25:08,741 WHAT WAY IS THAT? 486 00:25:08,775 --> 00:25:11,611 AROUND HERE. WHERE I CAN CONTROL THEM. 487 00:25:12,812 --> 00:25:15,147 ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU'VE EVER CONTROLLED CINDY? 488 00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:17,249 WELL-- 489 00:25:17,283 --> 00:25:18,985 YOU'RE NOT WRONG. 490 00:25:19,018 --> 00:25:20,620 WHICH MAKES ME RIGHT. 491 00:25:20,653 --> 00:25:23,222 OTHER THAN BRILLIANT, IT'S MY FAVORITE THING TO BE. 492 00:25:24,724 --> 00:25:27,226 THAT WAS A JOKE. 493 00:25:27,259 --> 00:25:28,995 IF YOU WANT LEVITY, MR. TURNER. 494 00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:32,298 I CAN SQUEEZE YOU IN AROUND 4:00 P.M. A WEEK FROM THURSDAY-- 495 00:25:32,331 --> 00:25:34,767 CINDY KNOWS HER DEADLINE. HAVE A NICE DAY. 496 00:25:45,244 --> 00:25:48,214 CINDY'S DEADLINE IS 3:00 P.M. 497 00:25:48,247 --> 00:25:49,716 THANK YOU. 498 00:25:49,749 --> 00:25:52,018 BUT I'M OPEN-ENDED. 499 00:25:55,922 --> 00:25:57,924 ( hard rock music playing ) 500 00:25:59,692 --> 00:26:01,293 THIS THE MAIL ROOM? 501 00:26:01,327 --> 00:26:03,730 UH, DUH! 502 00:26:03,763 --> 00:26:07,634 I'M HERE TO PICK UP ALL THE LETTERS FROM THE "DEAR, CINDY" COLUMN. 503 00:26:09,068 --> 00:26:10,737 ALL THE LETTERS? 504 00:26:10,770 --> 00:26:12,371 THAT'S WHAT I SAID. 505 00:26:12,404 --> 00:26:13,773 OKAY. 506 00:26:13,806 --> 00:26:15,808 I'LL GET YOU ALL THE LETTERS. 507 00:26:20,379 --> 00:26:22,048 ( groaning ) 508 00:26:28,054 --> 00:26:29,889 ALL THE LETTERS. 509 00:26:34,260 --> 00:26:35,962 Ryan's voice: "DEAR CINDY, 510 00:26:35,995 --> 00:26:38,330 I HAVE A SMALL MOUSTACHE, BUT WAXING IS PAINFUL 511 00:26:38,364 --> 00:26:40,833 AND I CAN'T AFFORD LASER REMOVAL. 512 00:26:40,867 --> 00:26:43,903 DO MEN REALLY MIND THIS? SIGNED, HAIR LIP." 513 00:26:44,904 --> 00:26:46,338 ( computer chimes ) 514 00:26:46,372 --> 00:26:48,875 "DEAR ADOLF, THE ONLY HANDLEBAR 515 00:26:48,908 --> 00:26:50,710 A MAN WANTS TO HOLD 516 00:26:50,743 --> 00:26:53,079 IS ON A HARLEY. 517 00:26:53,112 --> 00:26:55,347 IF A GUY WANTS TO MUNCH HAIR 518 00:26:55,381 --> 00:26:57,850 HE KNOWS WHERE TO FIND IT." 519 00:26:59,351 --> 00:27:00,820 DAMN! 520 00:27:00,853 --> 00:27:02,855 THAT'S GOOD ADVICE. 521 00:27:09,862 --> 00:27:12,264 "DEAR CINDY, I'M PLANNING MY WEDDING, 522 00:27:12,298 --> 00:27:15,167 BUT WHEN I TRY TO GET OPINIONS ABOUT COLOR SCHEMES, 523 00:27:15,201 --> 00:27:17,003 MY FIANCE DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE. 524 00:27:17,036 --> 00:27:20,039 DOES THAT MEAN THAT HE REALLY DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED? 525 00:27:20,072 --> 00:27:22,775 SIGNED, THE WEDDING ZINGER." 526 00:27:27,413 --> 00:27:29,381 "DEAR ZINGER, 527 00:27:29,415 --> 00:27:32,451 WHILE YOU'RE LOOKING AT WEDDING COLOR SCHEMES..." 528 00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:35,988 "...HE'S OUT LOOKING AT ALL THE ASS HE'S NEVER GONNA TOUCH AGAIN. 529 00:27:36,022 --> 00:27:38,157 JUST MAKE THE COLOR SCHEME BLACK, 530 00:27:38,190 --> 00:27:40,727 'CAUSE IT'S THE DARKEST DAY OF HIS LIFE." 531 00:27:44,163 --> 00:27:46,766 THESE SOUND LIKE THESE WERE WRITTEN 532 00:27:46,799 --> 00:27:50,069 BY SOME SHALLOW, CALLOUS ANTI-FEMINIST. 533 00:27:50,102 --> 00:27:53,005 MAY BE YOU SHOULD READ THEM AGAIN? 534 00:27:53,039 --> 00:27:55,041 APPARENTLY, CINDY'S AILMENT 535 00:27:55,074 --> 00:27:57,676 HASN'T HEIGHTENED HER SENSITIVITY. 536 00:27:59,145 --> 00:28:02,181 PERHAPS YOU'RE INCAPABLE OF SEEING THE INSIGHT 537 00:28:02,214 --> 00:28:04,183 AND PROFUNDITY OF HER WRITING? 538 00:28:04,216 --> 00:28:07,353 ARE YOU IMPLYING I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO MY JOB? 539 00:28:07,386 --> 00:28:08,354 MAYBE SOMEBODY SHOULD. 540 00:28:08,387 --> 00:28:10,790 HOW SUCCESSFUL IS YOUR LITTLE PAPER, ANYWAY? 541 00:28:10,823 --> 00:28:13,726 - YOU'RE RIGHT. - USUALLY. 542 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,362 PERHAPS WE WOULD BE MORE SUCCESSFUL WITHOUT THIS COLUMN. 543 00:28:16,395 --> 00:28:18,364 CANCELLED. 544 00:28:18,397 --> 00:28:20,933 WAIT A MINUTE. YOU CAN'T DO THAT. 545 00:28:20,967 --> 00:28:23,002 SEE THE NAME PLATE? CAN! HAVE! 546 00:28:24,503 --> 00:28:27,006 - LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING-- - WHATEVER IT IS, 547 00:28:27,039 --> 00:28:29,776 I SUGGEST YOU SAVE IT FOR A LARGER, MORE ATTENTIVE CROWD. 548 00:28:29,809 --> 00:28:31,978 FINE. FINE! 549 00:28:32,011 --> 00:28:34,280 YOU DON'T DESERVE MY-- 550 00:28:35,514 --> 00:28:38,050 GIRLFRIEND'S BRILLIANT MIND. 551 00:28:39,852 --> 00:28:41,120 DO YOU BELIEVE HIM?! 552 00:28:41,153 --> 00:28:43,389 HE IS-- 553 00:28:43,422 --> 00:28:45,191 HE HAS SOME... 554 00:28:45,224 --> 00:28:46,458 ASS! 555 00:28:46,492 --> 00:28:48,194 NERVE! 556 00:28:54,066 --> 00:28:55,201 WAIT A SEC. 557 00:28:55,234 --> 00:28:57,804 LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT WHILE I'M SOBER. 558 00:28:57,837 --> 00:29:00,773 - YOU TOOK OVER CINDY'S-- - SHH! 559 00:29:00,807 --> 00:29:02,875 YOU TOOK OVER-- COLUMN? 560 00:29:02,909 --> 00:29:05,077 YOU CAN'T TELL A SOUL. 561 00:29:05,111 --> 00:29:06,412 OR CATHY! 562 00:29:06,445 --> 00:29:08,447 AND THE NEWSPAPER BOUGHT IT? 563 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:09,882 WELL, NOT EXACTLY. 564 00:29:09,916 --> 00:29:13,252 THIS SO CALLED PUBLISHER CALLED ME-- CINDY-- 565 00:29:13,285 --> 00:29:17,489 SHALLOW, CALLOUS, INSENSITIVE, 566 00:29:17,523 --> 00:29:20,259 THEN SHE FIRED CINDY-- ME-- US. 567 00:29:20,292 --> 00:29:23,362 OH, SO YOU'RE STILL OUT OF WORK? 568 00:29:23,395 --> 00:29:26,332 OH NO. I'M NOT FINISHED. I FOUND CINDY'S CONTRACT, 569 00:29:26,365 --> 00:29:28,534 AND SHE'S NOT TAKING THIS LYING DOWN-- 570 00:29:28,567 --> 00:29:30,436 SICK AS SHE IS. 571 00:29:30,469 --> 00:29:31,971 WELL-- 572 00:29:32,004 --> 00:29:34,140 THAT CINDY'S GOT BALLS. 573 00:29:34,173 --> 00:29:36,775 SHE DOES NOW. 574 00:29:45,417 --> 00:29:48,187 COULDN'T KEEP AWAY, COULD YOU? 575 00:29:48,220 --> 00:29:51,057 MUST BE THAT BAD GIRL VIBE I GIVE OFF-- 576 00:29:51,090 --> 00:29:53,425 PHEROMONES AND POLIGRIP. 577 00:29:53,459 --> 00:29:54,994 ENTICING, 578 00:29:55,027 --> 00:29:56,996 BUT I'M HERE TO SEE MS. HENSEN. 579 00:29:57,029 --> 00:30:00,900 SHE TOLD ME TO SEND YOU AWAY IF YOU EVER SHOWED UP AGAIN. 580 00:30:00,933 --> 00:30:03,402 SO, IF YOU WANT TO GET TO HER, 581 00:30:03,435 --> 00:30:04,904 YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME, 582 00:30:04,937 --> 00:30:08,607 AND I CAN MAP OUT A VERY DIRECT ROUTE. 583 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:12,344 HOW ABOUT A COMPROMISE? I'LL PINCH YOUR BUTT AS WE WALK. 584 00:30:12,378 --> 00:30:14,280 THAT'S SEXUAL HARASSMENT! 585 00:30:14,313 --> 00:30:17,049 - THAT'S FOREPLAY. - ( giggling ) AH. 586 00:30:17,083 --> 00:30:19,151 ALL RIGHT. 587 00:30:22,955 --> 00:30:24,991 NO, WAIT. 588 00:30:25,024 --> 00:30:27,059 STOP. 589 00:30:27,093 --> 00:30:28,895 NO, YOU CAN'T. 590 00:30:28,928 --> 00:30:30,897 I TRIED TO STOP HIM. 591 00:30:30,930 --> 00:30:32,331 IRIS, OUT. 592 00:30:32,364 --> 00:30:34,533 TURNER, FOLLOW. 593 00:30:40,940 --> 00:30:43,342 I CAME TO GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE. 594 00:30:43,375 --> 00:30:45,011 OH! THIS SOUNDS GOOD. 595 00:30:45,044 --> 00:30:47,579 CINDY IS DEVASTATED THAT YOU WOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE 596 00:30:47,613 --> 00:30:51,117 OF HER DISABILITY AS A PRETENSE TO BREACH HER CONTRACT. 597 00:30:51,150 --> 00:30:54,220 YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS? PLEASE LEAVE. 598 00:30:54,253 --> 00:30:56,588 I'M SORRY. THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT. 599 00:30:56,622 --> 00:30:58,590 LEAVE! 600 00:30:58,624 --> 00:31:00,259 I RECOMMEND YOU RECONSIDER 601 00:31:00,292 --> 00:31:02,161 BEFORE HER DAMAGES INCREASE. 602 00:31:02,194 --> 00:31:03,462 "DAMAGES"? 603 00:31:03,495 --> 00:31:05,898 CINDY'S PAIN AND SUFFERING. 604 00:31:05,932 --> 00:31:07,533 MR. TURNER, YOU'RE ON MY TURF, 605 00:31:07,566 --> 00:31:09,301 AND I KNOW PUBLISHING. 606 00:31:09,335 --> 00:31:11,603 CINDY WROTE ABOUT MUNCHING HAIR, 607 00:31:11,637 --> 00:31:13,172 AND GETTING ASS. 608 00:31:13,205 --> 00:31:15,942 SHE'S THE ONE IN BREACH, NOT ME. 609 00:31:15,975 --> 00:31:18,277 IF YOU WANT TO TAKE ME ON LEGALLY, 610 00:31:18,310 --> 00:31:20,312 I'M READY FOR A FIGHT. IS CINDY? 611 00:31:28,054 --> 00:31:29,388 NO. 612 00:31:31,623 --> 00:31:33,592 IRIS, HELP. 613 00:31:33,625 --> 00:31:35,327 OH, WHAT'S THIS PIECE OF PAPER 614 00:31:35,361 --> 00:31:36,528 FALLING TO THE FLOOR 615 00:31:36,562 --> 00:31:38,931 WITH A HOME ADDRESS ON IT? 616 00:31:40,499 --> 00:31:41,567 THANK YOU. 617 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,303 SHE LIKES ROSES. 618 00:31:44,336 --> 00:31:46,605 I LIKE TULIPS. 619 00:31:51,443 --> 00:31:53,579 ( doorbell rings ) 620 00:32:02,688 --> 00:32:04,123 ( rings ) 621 00:32:05,591 --> 00:32:07,593 ( whispering ) SHIT. 622 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:15,667 ( rings ) 623 00:32:18,570 --> 00:32:20,606 ( clattering ) 624 00:32:23,675 --> 00:32:26,545 GO AWAY, MR. TURNER. 625 00:32:26,578 --> 00:32:28,714 - I CAN'T DO THAT. - ( doorbell rings ) 626 00:32:28,747 --> 00:32:31,250 IT'S EASY. JUST PRETEND YOU'RE WALKING IN, 627 00:32:31,283 --> 00:32:33,019 EXCEPT GO THE OTHER WAY. 628 00:32:34,420 --> 00:32:37,289 - ( rings ) - JUST GIVE ME TWO MINUTES. 629 00:32:37,323 --> 00:32:38,690 I'M ENTERTAINING. 630 00:32:38,724 --> 00:32:40,626 NO, YOU'RE NOT. 631 00:32:40,659 --> 00:32:42,061 ( rings ) 632 00:32:42,094 --> 00:32:43,629 I'LL-- CALL THE POLICE. 633 00:32:43,662 --> 00:32:45,664 - NO, YOU WON'T. - ( ringing ) 634 00:32:45,697 --> 00:32:47,699 THIS IS MY HOME, MR. TURNER. 635 00:32:47,733 --> 00:32:50,036 I DON'T MIX BUSINESS AND PLEASURE. 636 00:32:50,069 --> 00:32:52,771 I DON'T THINK YOU MIX PLEASURE AND PLEASURE. 637 00:32:52,804 --> 00:32:55,274 YOU ARE WAY OUT OF LINE. 638 00:32:55,307 --> 00:32:59,711 JUST GIVE ME TWO MINUTES, AND I PROMISE I'LL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN. 639 00:32:59,745 --> 00:33:01,513 I CAME TO... 640 00:33:01,547 --> 00:33:03,382 APOLOGIZE. 641 00:33:08,220 --> 00:33:10,089 TWO MINUTES. 642 00:33:11,723 --> 00:33:14,760 AND THE TOCK IS CLICKING. 643 00:33:19,565 --> 00:33:21,433 ENTERTAINING, HUH? 644 00:33:27,739 --> 00:33:29,675 NICE PLACE... 645 00:33:29,708 --> 00:33:31,710 I'M SURE YOU CAME WITH A POINT. 646 00:33:32,744 --> 00:33:35,581 I CAN'T GO BACK TO CINDY AND TELL HER SHE LOST HER COLUMN. 647 00:33:35,614 --> 00:33:38,317 I SEE. WHERE WILL YOU BE GOING THEN? 648 00:33:38,350 --> 00:33:40,652 CINDY IS VERY SICK. 649 00:33:40,686 --> 00:33:43,222 PLEASE, HAVE A LITTLE EMPATHY. 650 00:33:43,255 --> 00:33:45,257 EMPATHY? 651 00:33:45,291 --> 00:33:48,727 EVERY CENT I COULD BEG AND BORROW WENT INTO MY PAPER. 652 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:52,131 CINDY'S COLUMN HAS NEVER REALLY FIT IN WITH MY VISION. 653 00:33:52,164 --> 00:33:55,234 SHE LACKS WARMTH, INSIGHT, 654 00:33:55,267 --> 00:33:58,304 AND MOST IMPORTANT, SENSITIVITY. 655 00:33:58,337 --> 00:33:59,705 PEOPLE CHANGE. 656 00:33:59,738 --> 00:34:03,509 PEOPLE'S LIVES CHANGE. PEOPLE, I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT. 657 00:34:03,542 --> 00:34:06,178 THINGS HAPPEN THAT CHANGE PEOPLE. 658 00:34:07,579 --> 00:34:09,781 GIVE HER ONE MORE CHANCE. 659 00:34:09,815 --> 00:34:12,651 AS A FAVOR TO ME? 660 00:34:12,684 --> 00:34:14,520 AND WHAT DO I OWE YOU? 661 00:34:17,456 --> 00:34:20,426 WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PUT ON LIPSTICK AT THIS HOUR? 662 00:34:20,459 --> 00:34:22,161 I'M NOT WEARING LIPSTICK. 663 00:34:23,462 --> 00:34:25,164 YES, YOU ARE. 664 00:34:25,197 --> 00:34:27,599 I MIGHT BE GOING OUT LATER. 665 00:34:27,633 --> 00:34:29,268 NO, YOU'RE NOT. 666 00:34:29,301 --> 00:34:31,603 IF I PUT MY MAKEUP ON AT NIGHT, 667 00:34:31,637 --> 00:34:34,406 IT SAVES ME 20 MINUTES IN THE MORNING. 668 00:34:37,576 --> 00:34:39,211 TIME'S UP. 669 00:34:40,212 --> 00:34:41,580 OKAY. 670 00:34:47,219 --> 00:34:48,754 HEY. 671 00:34:50,356 --> 00:34:52,691 ONE MORE CHANCE. 672 00:34:52,724 --> 00:34:55,361 SEE, YOU DO HAVE A SOFT SPOT. 673 00:34:55,394 --> 00:34:57,596 AND RIGHT NOW, I'M STARTING TO THINK 674 00:34:57,629 --> 00:34:59,831 SOMEONE DROPPED ME ON IT. 675 00:35:05,871 --> 00:35:07,806 ( groans ) 676 00:35:07,839 --> 00:35:10,809 - Ryan: "DEAR CINDY--" - NOW REMEMBER, YOU'VE GOT 677 00:35:10,842 --> 00:35:13,745 TO REACH DOWN, WAY PAST THAT CYNICISM. 678 00:35:13,779 --> 00:35:15,614 "DEAR CINDY--" 679 00:35:15,647 --> 00:35:19,818 PAST THOSE HARDENED LAYERS OF EGOMANIACAL SELF-ABSORPTION. 680 00:35:19,851 --> 00:35:21,720 "DEAR CINDY--" 681 00:35:21,753 --> 00:35:23,555 YOU'RE A GIRL-- 682 00:35:23,589 --> 00:35:26,658 - I GET IT. THANKS. - I'M SAYING BE SENSITIVE. 683 00:35:26,692 --> 00:35:28,560 "DEAR CINDY, MY EX AND I BROKE UP, 684 00:35:28,594 --> 00:35:30,729 BUT I STILL CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. 685 00:35:30,762 --> 00:35:33,599 IS FOUR MONTHS TOO MUCH TIME TO GRIEVE MY LOST LOVE? 686 00:35:33,632 --> 00:35:36,402 SIGNED, NOT A MOURNING PERSON." 687 00:35:36,435 --> 00:35:39,338 OH GOOD, A NEUROTIC ONE. 688 00:35:39,371 --> 00:35:42,608 NOW YOU, BEING A SENSITIVE WOMAN, SAY... 689 00:35:43,709 --> 00:35:45,677 "FOUR DAYS IS TOO MUCH TIME. 690 00:35:45,711 --> 00:35:50,749 THE BEST WAY TO GET OVER A MAN, IS TO GET UNDER A NEW ONE." 691 00:35:50,782 --> 00:35:53,285 NO, YOU CAN'T SAY THAT. 692 00:35:53,319 --> 00:35:54,686 I JUST DID. 693 00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:57,623 - IT'S NOT SENSITIVE. - MAYBE IT IS TO A WOMAN. 694 00:35:57,656 --> 00:35:58,757 NO. SAY... 695 00:35:58,790 --> 00:36:01,627 "HE PROBABLY LEFT YOU 'CAUSE YOUR ASS GOT TOO BIG." 696 00:36:01,660 --> 00:36:02,961 SAY THAT! 697 00:36:02,994 --> 00:36:06,365 THEN TELL HER I CAN FIX IT. PUT IN MY NAME AND OFFICE NUMBER. 698 00:36:06,398 --> 00:36:08,700 - THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU. - IT COULD BE. 699 00:36:08,734 --> 00:36:10,636 I'LL GIVE YOU A FINDER'S FEE. 700 00:36:10,669 --> 00:36:12,471 BARRY, NO. 701 00:36:12,504 --> 00:36:14,506 FINE. READ THE NEXT ONE. 702 00:36:17,709 --> 00:36:19,878 "DEAR CINDY, I CAUGHT MY HUSBAND CHEATING--" 703 00:36:19,911 --> 00:36:22,581 PROBABLY DUE TO A FALLING BACKSIDE... 704 00:36:22,614 --> 00:36:25,351 GRAVITY HITS, HE LOSES INTEREST. 705 00:36:25,384 --> 00:36:26,885 IT'S SAD, REALLY. 706 00:36:26,918 --> 00:36:28,654 TELL HER I CAN FIX IT. 707 00:36:28,687 --> 00:36:30,656 PUT IN MY NAME AND OFFICE NUMBER. 708 00:36:30,689 --> 00:36:31,990 BARRY, NO. 709 00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:34,626 YOU'RE LOSING A LOT OF MONEY YOU COULD USE. 710 00:36:36,362 --> 00:36:39,298 THIS GOES ON. "I CAUGHT MY HUSBAND CHEATING, 711 00:36:39,331 --> 00:36:40,732 BUT THAT'S NOT THE WORST OF IT. 712 00:36:40,766 --> 00:36:42,601 THE WOMAN IS NOT HALF AS ATTRACTIVE AS ME. 713 00:36:42,634 --> 00:36:45,203 AM I WRONG FOR FEELING TWICE AS HURT?" 714 00:36:47,806 --> 00:36:50,376 WHAT WOULD A WOMAN SAY? 715 00:36:53,679 --> 00:36:55,481 OH. 716 00:36:57,949 --> 00:37:00,252 OH GOD, NOT CATHY? 717 00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:03,221 All: OHM-MMM. 718 00:37:05,657 --> 00:37:09,661 - All: OHM. - ( cell phone ringing ) 719 00:37:12,464 --> 00:37:15,301 OHM GONNA GET THAT. 720 00:37:15,334 --> 00:37:16,568 HELLO. 721 00:37:16,602 --> 00:37:20,439 HI, HONEY. I JUST NEED TO ASK YOU A HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION. 722 00:37:20,472 --> 00:37:22,741 - I'M PRACTICING YOGA. - Barry: It'll just take a second. 723 00:37:22,774 --> 00:37:26,445 SAY A MAN IS CHEATING WITH A WOMAN 724 00:37:26,478 --> 00:37:28,847 that's not half as attractive as his wife, 725 00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,483 SHOULD THE WIFE BE UPSET 726 00:37:31,517 --> 00:37:34,420 THAT THE OTHER WOMAN IS UGLY? 727 00:37:34,453 --> 00:37:36,955 ALL RIGHT, YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH, WHO THE HELL IS SHE? 728 00:37:36,988 --> 00:37:40,826 - WHAT? NO, NO-- - YOU COULDN'T BE MAN ENOUGH TO TELL ME IN PERSON? 729 00:37:40,859 --> 00:37:43,429 - Honey, honey-- - I'M SORRY, PROCEED. 730 00:37:43,462 --> 00:37:45,731 IT'S THAT BITCH RECEPTIONIST WITH THE HAIRY CLEAVAGE! 731 00:37:45,764 --> 00:37:47,933 - RHONDA? - I KNEW IT! YOU CHEATIN' BASTARD. 732 00:37:47,966 --> 00:37:49,668 I'LL BE OFF IN A SEC. 733 00:37:49,701 --> 00:37:51,403 I'M CALLING A LAWYER! 734 00:37:51,437 --> 00:37:53,004 CATHY, HONEY, RELAX, 735 00:37:53,038 --> 00:37:54,940 - I'M NOT CHEATING. - What? 736 00:37:54,973 --> 00:37:56,742 I SWEAR, I WOULD NEVER. 737 00:37:56,775 --> 00:37:59,678 OH. WELL... 738 00:37:59,711 --> 00:38:02,681 THEN I SAY HE DESERVES TO GET STUCK WITH THE UGLY ONE. 739 00:38:02,714 --> 00:38:04,783 I GOTTA GO, HONEY. LOVE YA, BYE. 740 00:38:06,385 --> 00:38:08,487 WHAT? 741 00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:11,022 SOMEBODY WANT TO USE THE PHONE? 742 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:16,728 THAT'S A GOOD POINT. 743 00:38:18,730 --> 00:38:20,632 WHAT DID SHE SAY? 744 00:38:20,666 --> 00:38:21,800 HMM? 745 00:38:21,833 --> 00:38:24,870 OH, THAT... IF THE HUSBAND'S CHEATING, 746 00:38:24,903 --> 00:38:26,872 HE DESERVES TO END UP WITH THE UGLY ONE. 747 00:38:31,643 --> 00:38:33,679 SHE MAY BE ONTO SOMETHING. 748 00:38:33,712 --> 00:38:36,682 Ryan: "THEY SAY DOGS ARE A MAN'S BEST FRIEND. 749 00:38:36,715 --> 00:38:39,551 YOUR MAN FOUND A REAL BARKER. 750 00:38:39,585 --> 00:38:41,720 BUT REMEMBER, WHEN YOU LIE DOWN WITH DOGS..." 751 00:38:41,753 --> 00:38:43,555 Page: "...YOU WAKE UP WITH FLEAS. 752 00:38:43,589 --> 00:38:45,724 BUT WHEN YOU LIE DOWN WITH UGLY DOGS, 753 00:38:45,757 --> 00:38:49,395 YOU WAKE UP ALONE, BECAUSE EVEN THE FLEAS DON'T WANT YOU." 754 00:38:50,962 --> 00:38:54,533 I HAVE TO ADMIT THEY'RE... BETTER. 755 00:38:54,566 --> 00:38:57,035 BETTER? THEN THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT? 756 00:38:58,670 --> 00:39:00,706 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SAID TO HER, 757 00:39:00,739 --> 00:39:01,840 BUT IT HELPED. 758 00:39:01,873 --> 00:39:05,043 I TOLD HER SHE'S NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S SUFFERING. 759 00:39:06,578 --> 00:39:10,015 DON'T GET ME WRONG, I STILL THINK SHE HAS A LONG WAY TO GO. 760 00:39:10,048 --> 00:39:11,883 BUT YOU'LL... PRINT THESE? 761 00:39:11,917 --> 00:39:13,084 AND PAY FOR 'EM? 762 00:39:15,621 --> 00:39:16,988 I GUESS SO. 763 00:39:17,022 --> 00:39:19,024 CINDY IS GONNA DIE WHEN I TELL HER. 764 00:39:22,528 --> 00:39:25,831 DO I DETECT... HUMOR? 765 00:39:26,998 --> 00:39:29,535 SLIPS OUT, NOW AND THEN. 766 00:39:33,705 --> 00:39:34,973 SHE LIKES THE COLUMN. 767 00:39:35,006 --> 00:39:37,008 I TOLD YOU. 768 00:39:37,042 --> 00:39:39,645 BUT RYAN, DEAR, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, 769 00:39:39,678 --> 00:39:41,780 MISSPELL A WORD NOW AND THEN. 770 00:39:41,813 --> 00:39:43,682 CINDY ALWAYS DID. 771 00:39:44,750 --> 00:39:46,418 HOW DID YOU KNOW? 772 00:39:46,452 --> 00:39:49,688 SURE. GORGEOUS, THEREFORE STUPID. 773 00:39:49,721 --> 00:39:51,957 WHY AM I ALWAYS A STEREOTYPE? 774 00:39:51,990 --> 00:39:54,693 WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL PAGE? 775 00:39:54,726 --> 00:39:56,728 I HAVE A FEELING ABOUT YOU. 776 00:39:59,197 --> 00:40:01,567 ONE MORE WORD OF ADVICE, THOUGH. 777 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:03,134 THIS ISN'T A GAME. 778 00:40:03,168 --> 00:40:05,904 PEOPLE MIGHT ACTUALLY READ THIS DRIVEL. 779 00:40:05,937 --> 00:40:08,106 SOME FOLKS HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO TURN. 780 00:40:08,139 --> 00:40:10,676 SO IF YOU'RE GONNA DO IT, DO IT FOR REAL. 781 00:40:10,709 --> 00:40:12,744 DON'T BE A MAN, 782 00:40:12,778 --> 00:40:15,547 BE HUMAN. 783 00:40:31,530 --> 00:40:33,732 HOW MUCH CAN THIS REALLY HURT? 784 00:40:37,536 --> 00:40:38,970 OW. OW! 785 00:40:39,004 --> 00:40:41,172 Ryan: "DEAR HAIR LIP, 786 00:40:41,206 --> 00:40:44,009 IF A MAN HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR FACIAL HAIR, 787 00:40:44,042 --> 00:40:48,213 STRAP HIM DOWN, RIP OFF HIS 5:00 SHADOW WITH HOT WAX, 788 00:40:48,246 --> 00:40:51,683 AND ASK HIM IF ANY WOMAN IS WORTH THAT TWICE A WEEK." 789 00:41:02,293 --> 00:41:03,995 EXCUSE ME. 790 00:41:04,029 --> 00:41:05,631 YOU FORGOT YOUR BAG. 791 00:41:05,664 --> 00:41:08,266 OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 792 00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:09,935 YOU'RE WELCOME. 793 00:41:09,968 --> 00:41:11,703 YOU FLIRTED WITH HIM. 794 00:41:11,737 --> 00:41:13,672 CAN I HELP IT IF THEY STILL LOOK AT ME? 795 00:41:13,705 --> 00:41:17,643 - WOMEN LOOK AT ME, YOU KNOW. - WHY DO YOU THINK I'M STILL WITH YOU? 796 00:41:17,676 --> 00:41:19,578 - ACK! - ( woman laughs ) 797 00:41:25,751 --> 00:41:28,820 LISTEN TO THIS ONE. "DEAR CINDY, 798 00:41:28,854 --> 00:41:31,757 I'M IN A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH A GREAT GUY. 799 00:41:31,790 --> 00:41:35,093 IT'S JUST THAT SOMETIMES I GET THE URGE TO STRAY..." 800 00:41:35,126 --> 00:41:37,596 "...MAYBE THE STABILITY BORES ME, 801 00:41:37,629 --> 00:41:40,932 OR I JUST CRAVE THE EXCITEMENT OF SEX WITH SOMEONE NEW. 802 00:41:41,933 --> 00:41:44,703 HELP, I'M CONFUSED." 803 00:41:44,736 --> 00:41:46,805 AND THEN THIS CINDY WOMAN WRITES BACK, 804 00:41:46,838 --> 00:41:48,840 Ryan's voice: "DEAR CONFUSED, 805 00:41:48,874 --> 00:41:51,577 ALTHOUGH MULTIPLE PARTNERS 806 00:41:51,610 --> 00:41:53,211 CAN BE EXCITING, 807 00:41:53,244 --> 00:41:58,016 YOU HAVE TO THINK OF THEM AS YOU WOULD A SNOWSTORM..." 808 00:41:58,049 --> 00:42:00,652 "...YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW WHEN THEY WILL COME, 809 00:42:00,686 --> 00:42:03,254 HOW LONG THEY WILL LAST, 810 00:42:03,288 --> 00:42:05,724 OR HOW MANY INCHES YOU WILL GET..." 811 00:42:05,757 --> 00:42:08,326 Iris: "...STICK TO WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE. 812 00:42:08,359 --> 00:42:12,664 IT'S SO MUCH NICER TO WATCH THE STORM PASS 813 00:42:12,698 --> 00:42:15,200 CUDDLING WITH SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU." 814 00:42:15,233 --> 00:42:17,669 I FEEL SO LONELY. 815 00:42:17,703 --> 00:42:19,805 CIRCULATION'S UP 3%. 816 00:42:19,838 --> 00:42:21,272 THANK YOU. 817 00:42:23,809 --> 00:42:25,343 APPARENTLY PEOPLE ARE-- 818 00:42:25,376 --> 00:42:27,178 HOW DO I SAY THIS? 819 00:42:27,212 --> 00:42:29,147 THEY'RE READING IT. 820 00:42:29,180 --> 00:42:32,317 THAT'S ALWAYS GOOD WITH A NEWSPAPER, HONEY. 821 00:42:32,350 --> 00:42:33,985 EXCUSE ME. 822 00:42:34,019 --> 00:42:36,955 - OH! - MR. TURNER. COME IN. 823 00:42:36,988 --> 00:42:38,990 SOMEONE'S EXCITED TO SEE ME. 824 00:42:39,024 --> 00:42:41,059 HELL-- THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS WHEN I WEAR 825 00:42:41,092 --> 00:42:43,895 A RAYON BLOUSE WITH NO BRA. 826 00:42:43,929 --> 00:42:46,197 COLOR ME EMBARRASSED. 827 00:42:47,999 --> 00:42:50,836 I AM VERY PLEASED WITH CINDY'S PERFORMANCE. 828 00:42:50,869 --> 00:42:54,606 I GUESS THIS ILLNESS HAS HAD A PROFOUND EFFECT ON HER AFTER ALL. 829 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:57,776 - OR... YOU HAVE. - THANK YOU. 830 00:42:58,977 --> 00:43:00,646 ANYWAY... 831 00:43:00,679 --> 00:43:02,848 I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. 832 00:43:04,349 --> 00:43:06,952 IT'S THE FIRST PAYCHECK THAT CINDY ACTUALLY DESERVES. 833 00:43:06,985 --> 00:43:09,387 FORGOT ALL ABOUT THAT. 834 00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:11,657 THAT'S GREAT. 835 00:43:13,992 --> 00:43:16,061 YOU LOOK NICE TODAY. 836 00:43:16,094 --> 00:43:17,796 THANK YOU. 837 00:43:17,829 --> 00:43:20,799 BUT MAY I REMIND YOU, YOU'VE BEEN AROUND A SICK WOMAN? 838 00:43:20,832 --> 00:43:23,835 NO, YOU HAVE A DEFINITE GLOW. 839 00:43:29,808 --> 00:43:32,644 IF YOU'RE NOT TAKING HIM, I WILL. 840 00:43:32,678 --> 00:43:34,846 IRIS, WHAT ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT? 841 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:36,815 HE OBVIOUSLY WANTS ONE OF US. 842 00:43:36,848 --> 00:43:38,784 HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. 843 00:43:38,817 --> 00:43:41,720 WHAT THE HELL. SHE'LL BE DEAD SOON, ANYWAY. 844 00:43:41,753 --> 00:43:44,690 ( rap music playing ) 845 00:44:00,471 --> 00:44:02,273 DUDE, I AM SO NOT HAPPY 846 00:44:02,307 --> 00:44:04,843 WITH THE DIRECTION THIS SEEMS TO BE GOING. 847 00:44:04,876 --> 00:44:07,212 DUDE, GET OVER IT. 848 00:44:15,821 --> 00:44:17,723 ( knocking ) 849 00:44:20,759 --> 00:44:22,327 ( pounding ) 850 00:44:23,328 --> 00:44:25,430 ALL RIGHT, WHERE THE HELL IS SHE? 851 00:44:25,463 --> 00:44:27,332 CINDY? SHE'S NOT HERE. 852 00:44:27,365 --> 00:44:30,068 EVERY TIME I CALL HERE, YOU TELL ME SHE CAN'T TALK. 853 00:44:30,101 --> 00:44:32,871 WHEN I CALL AT THE OFFICE, THEY TELL ME SHE'S WORKING AT HOME. 854 00:44:32,904 --> 00:44:34,740 SHE'S TALKING TO SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, 855 00:44:34,773 --> 00:44:36,708 AND IT'S NOT ME AND IT'S NOT HERE. 856 00:44:36,742 --> 00:44:38,476 WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? 857 00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:41,446 ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT THE TRUTH, CATHY? FINE. 858 00:44:41,479 --> 00:44:43,915 CINDY WENT AWAY FOR AWHILE, ON PERSONAL BUSINESS. 859 00:44:43,949 --> 00:44:46,985 - CINDY TELLS ME EVERYTHING. - NOT THIS. 860 00:44:47,018 --> 00:44:49,087 HER COLUMN IS STILL BEING PRINTED. 861 00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:51,122 SHE'S EMAILING IT. 862 00:44:54,059 --> 00:44:56,795 YOU'RE LYING. AND I'M NOT LEAVING-- 863 00:44:56,828 --> 00:44:59,330 UNTIL I GET SOME ANSWERS. 864 00:44:59,364 --> 00:45:02,801 OKAY. YOU WANT THE REAL TRUTH? 865 00:45:05,837 --> 00:45:08,173 CINDY'S... PREGNANT. 866 00:45:08,206 --> 00:45:09,941 WHAT?! 867 00:45:09,975 --> 00:45:11,476 OH MY GOD! 868 00:45:11,509 --> 00:45:13,812 HER ASS IS GONNA GET SO FAT. 869 00:45:13,845 --> 00:45:16,314 WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL ME? 870 00:45:16,347 --> 00:45:18,950 WAIT-- THAT IS SOMETHING SHE WOULD TELL ME! 871 00:45:18,984 --> 00:45:20,451 BUT-- 872 00:45:20,485 --> 00:45:22,253 IT'S NOT MY BABY. 873 00:45:23,321 --> 00:45:25,423 OH MY GOD. 874 00:45:25,456 --> 00:45:28,860 IT WAS GUNTHER, HER TRAINER. I TOLD HER TO PUT AN END TO IT. 875 00:45:28,894 --> 00:45:30,862 OOPS. 876 00:45:30,896 --> 00:45:33,865 OH, RYAN, YOU MUST BE DEVASTATED-- 877 00:45:33,899 --> 00:45:35,967 EVEN MORE SO NOW. WHEN YOU TALK TO CINDY, 878 00:45:36,001 --> 00:45:38,469 TELL HER BARRY CAN HELP WITH THE STRETCH MARKS. 879 00:45:38,503 --> 00:45:41,106 AND IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, DON'T HESITATE TO CALL. 880 00:45:41,139 --> 00:45:43,141 LIKE YOU HAVE IN THE PAST. 881 00:45:57,588 --> 00:45:59,858 Woman's voice: "DEAR CINDY, 882 00:45:59,891 --> 00:46:02,360 I'VE RECENTLY BEEN INTRODUCED TO YOUR COLUMN, 883 00:46:02,393 --> 00:46:03,761 AND I THINK YOU'RE GREAT. 884 00:46:03,795 --> 00:46:07,532 I DON'T HAVE MANY PEOPLE TO TALK TO, SO I THOUGHT, WELL... 885 00:46:07,565 --> 00:46:09,467 HERE GOES. 886 00:46:09,500 --> 00:46:11,870 MY SON HAS THE AIDS. 887 00:46:11,903 --> 00:46:14,105 I NEVER APPROVED OF HIS LIFESTYLE, 888 00:46:14,139 --> 00:46:16,341 AND WAS ALWAYS HONEST ABOUT IT. 889 00:46:16,374 --> 00:46:18,844 NOW, I LIVE IN SHAME, 890 00:46:18,877 --> 00:46:21,980 AND HAVE BEEN TELLING PEOPLE HE HAS CANCER. 891 00:46:22,013 --> 00:46:25,951 I KNOW MOST OF YOUR STUFF IS ABOUT BROKEN HEARTS AND ROMANCE, 892 00:46:25,984 --> 00:46:29,120 BUT WHY CAN'T I MOVE PAST THIS? 893 00:46:29,154 --> 00:46:32,824 I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO FIND AN ANSWER HERE. 894 00:46:32,858 --> 00:46:34,826 PLEASE... 895 00:46:34,860 --> 00:46:36,862 HELP ME." 896 00:46:40,999 --> 00:46:43,869 Ryan: "I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO FIND AN ANSWER, 897 00:46:43,902 --> 00:46:46,204 PLEASE HELP ME." 898 00:46:49,941 --> 00:46:52,944 YOU CAN'T GIVE ONE OF YOUR CLEVER ANSWERS ON THIS ONE. 899 00:46:52,978 --> 00:46:54,846 THIS IS SERIOUS. 900 00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:58,249 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'M IN WAY OVER MY HEAD. 901 00:46:59,550 --> 00:47:01,853 I'M GETTING OUT WHILE I STILL CAN. 902 00:47:01,887 --> 00:47:03,154 ALL RIGHT, RYAN. 903 00:47:03,188 --> 00:47:05,190 HEY, LISTEN, IF YOU WANT TO QUIT, 904 00:47:05,223 --> 00:47:08,093 I DON'T BLAME YOU. WHEN I WAS STARTING OUT, 905 00:47:08,126 --> 00:47:10,628 THIS DOCTOR ASKED ME TO CONSULT ON THIS BURN VICTIM. 906 00:47:10,661 --> 00:47:14,532 I GO IN THE ROOM. THIS GUY'S GOT THIRD DEGREE BURNS ON 90% OF HIS BODY. 907 00:47:14,565 --> 00:47:18,069 HE WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN I-IT-- IT WAS HORRIFYING. 908 00:47:18,103 --> 00:47:20,138 AND I LOOK AT THE GUY, AND I WAS-- 909 00:47:20,171 --> 00:47:21,940 I WAS SCARED SHITLESS, ALL RIGHT? 910 00:47:21,973 --> 00:47:23,875 SO I RAN OUT OF THERE. 911 00:47:23,909 --> 00:47:26,511 AND THEN I WAS EMBARRASSED. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 912 00:47:26,544 --> 00:47:28,947 SO I CALLED A FRIEND OF MINE, TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED. 913 00:47:28,980 --> 00:47:31,582 YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID? HE GOES, "HEY, YOU'RE SCARED. 914 00:47:31,616 --> 00:47:34,352 HOW DO YOU THINK THAT BURN VICTIM FEELS?" 915 00:47:36,021 --> 00:47:37,655 SMART FRIEND. 916 00:47:37,688 --> 00:47:40,258 YES, YOU WERE. 917 00:47:43,494 --> 00:47:45,563 THANKS, BARRY. 918 00:47:50,268 --> 00:47:53,038 Ryan's voice: "IT IS NOT HOW YOUR SON DIES, 919 00:47:53,071 --> 00:47:55,140 BUT RATHER, HOW HE LIVED. 920 00:47:55,173 --> 00:47:58,009 HE MAY NOT AGREE WITH ALL YOUR LIFE CHOICES EITHER, 921 00:47:58,043 --> 00:47:59,577 BUT I'LL BET HE LOVES YOU. 922 00:47:59,610 --> 00:48:02,513 DON'T BE ANGRY AT YOURSELF FOR FEELING SHAME, 923 00:48:02,547 --> 00:48:05,416 BE ANGRY AT THE PEOPLE WHO INSTILL SHAME IN YOU. 924 00:48:05,450 --> 00:48:08,519 LET GO OF YOUR PREJUDICE, AND GRAB HOLD OF YOUR SON. 925 00:48:08,553 --> 00:48:12,123 YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME AFTER HE'S GONE FOR ANGER." 926 00:48:20,398 --> 00:48:22,533 Man's voice: "DEAR CINDY, I'M LOSING MY HAIR, 927 00:48:22,567 --> 00:48:25,070 AND I'M LOSING MY CONFIDENCE WITH WOMEN. 928 00:48:25,103 --> 00:48:27,572 AM I JUST BEING PARANOID?" 929 00:48:27,605 --> 00:48:29,207 "TRUST ME. 930 00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:31,642 A LOT OF WOMEN KNOW YOUR HAIR LOSS IS CAUSED 931 00:48:31,676 --> 00:48:35,380 BY AN OVERSUPPLY OF MALE HORMONES. 932 00:48:36,347 --> 00:48:38,349 REMEMBER THIS THOUGHT-- 933 00:48:38,383 --> 00:48:40,251 THE MORE HAIR YOU LOSE, 934 00:48:40,285 --> 00:48:42,420 THE MORE HEAD YOU GET." 935 00:48:47,558 --> 00:48:49,660 ( phone ringing ) 936 00:48:51,162 --> 00:48:53,631 HELLO? CATHY? 937 00:48:53,664 --> 00:48:55,533 OKAY, RELAX. TAKE A BREATH. 938 00:48:55,566 --> 00:48:58,403 - CHANNEL 5-- TURN IT ON! TURN IT ON! - I WILL. THANKS. 939 00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:05,043 ...Causing quite a buzz in the Tri-state area, 940 00:49:05,076 --> 00:49:07,378 is advice columnist, Cindy Styne, 941 00:49:07,412 --> 00:49:09,680 who has a rather unorthodox approach, 942 00:49:09,714 --> 00:49:11,716 and unique perspective, to say the least. 943 00:49:11,749 --> 00:49:13,985 For example, a woman writes in 944 00:49:14,019 --> 00:49:17,555 she's having no luck finding the perfect caring guy. 945 00:49:17,588 --> 00:49:19,690 So Cindy advises, 946 00:49:19,724 --> 00:49:21,559 "The problem isn't finding a boyfriend 947 00:49:21,592 --> 00:49:23,628 who is perfect, gentle and caring. 948 00:49:23,661 --> 00:49:25,463 The problem is, 949 00:49:25,496 --> 00:49:28,299 guys like that already have boyfriends." 950 00:49:29,367 --> 00:49:31,969 "New York 1" is hoping to get an exclusive with her. 951 00:49:33,238 --> 00:49:35,573 I MAY HAVE TO GET HER EXCLUSIVELY, TOO. 952 00:49:36,707 --> 00:49:39,444 GET ME AN ADDRESS ON CINDY STYNE. 953 00:49:51,756 --> 00:49:54,192 PAGE, WE'RE GOING TO MAKE PAYROLL. 954 00:49:54,225 --> 00:49:56,061 - YOU'RE KIDDING? - I'M NOT KIDDING. 955 00:49:56,094 --> 00:49:58,496 - SO DON'T TAKE OUT THAT SECOND MORTGAGE. - OKAY. 956 00:49:58,529 --> 00:50:00,065 HEY, IF YOU'RE LUCKY... 957 00:50:00,098 --> 00:50:02,133 YOU MAY EVEN BE ABLE TO CASH YOUR OWN PAYCHECK. 958 00:50:02,167 --> 00:50:04,702 - THAT'S FANTASTIC! - PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THIS, OKAY? 959 00:50:04,735 --> 00:50:07,338 OTHERWISE THERE'S A FREE-FOR-ALL ON THE OFFICE SUPPLIES. 960 00:50:07,372 --> 00:50:09,574 - HI. - HELLO. 961 00:50:09,607 --> 00:50:11,342 DID YOU SEE IT ON TV? 962 00:50:11,376 --> 00:50:14,045 YES, ALONG WITH HALF A MILLION OTHER WOMEN IN THE CITY. 963 00:50:14,079 --> 00:50:16,347 AND TO THINK, YOU WERE GOING TO CANCEL THE COLUMN. 964 00:50:16,381 --> 00:50:18,549 I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT WHEN I'M WRONG. 965 00:50:18,583 --> 00:50:19,650 GREAT. GO AHEAD. 966 00:50:19,684 --> 00:50:21,619 - WHAT? - ADMIT IT. 967 00:50:21,652 --> 00:50:23,721 THE ADMISSION WAS INHERENT IN WHAT I SAID. 968 00:50:23,754 --> 00:50:26,224 STILL, WON'T IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER TO ACTUALLY SAY IT? 969 00:50:26,257 --> 00:50:29,160 NO. BUT IF IT WOULD MAKE YOU FELL BETTER, 970 00:50:29,194 --> 00:50:31,729 I WAS WRONG. HAPPY? 971 00:50:31,762 --> 00:50:34,065 LET'S NOT POINT FINGERS. 972 00:50:34,099 --> 00:50:37,468 MR. TURNER, I WAS ALREADY GOING TO RENEW CINDY'S CONTRACT. 973 00:50:37,502 --> 00:50:39,404 I DON'T KNOW. 974 00:50:39,437 --> 00:50:41,139 WHAT DON'T YOU KNOW? 975 00:50:41,172 --> 00:50:44,175 CIRCULATION IS UP 20%. 976 00:50:44,209 --> 00:50:47,312 CINDY MAY HAVE SOME STIPULATIONS BEFORE SHE RE-SIGNS. 977 00:50:47,345 --> 00:50:49,347 WHAT KIND OF STIPULATIONS? 978 00:50:49,380 --> 00:50:50,648 YOU KNOW CINDY. 979 00:50:50,681 --> 00:50:52,783 I COULD TALK TO HER. I DO HAVE SOME INFLUENCE. 980 00:50:52,817 --> 00:50:55,686 PERHAPS WE COULD DISCUSS HER DEMANDS OVER DINNER? 981 00:50:55,720 --> 00:50:57,555 - TONIGHT? - NO, I CAN'T TONIGHT. 982 00:50:57,588 --> 00:51:00,525 I HAVE TO REVIEW A PERFORMANCE ARTIST. 983 00:51:00,558 --> 00:51:02,360 WHAT ABOUT DRINKS BEFOREHAND? 984 00:51:02,393 --> 00:51:05,863 FINE. 6:30 AT THE PARK GRANT. 985 00:51:05,896 --> 00:51:07,798 I'LL SEE YOU THERE. 986 00:51:11,469 --> 00:51:12,670 IRIS! 987 00:51:12,703 --> 00:51:16,307 THE SEXY TURQUOISE ONE WITH THE SPAGHETTI STRAPS, HONEY. 988 00:51:16,341 --> 00:51:19,710 NO, I WAS LOOKING FOR TODAY'S GALLEYS. 989 00:51:19,744 --> 00:51:21,612 RIGHT THERE ON YOUR DESK. 990 00:51:21,646 --> 00:51:23,514 I SEE. THANK YOU. 991 00:51:25,150 --> 00:51:26,651 NOT THE NAVY SUIT? 992 00:51:35,826 --> 00:51:37,862 HELLO. 993 00:51:39,230 --> 00:51:40,398 Bartender: WHAT CAN I GET YOU? 994 00:51:40,431 --> 00:51:42,367 COSMOPOLITAN, PLEASE. 995 00:51:43,334 --> 00:51:44,902 BEFORE YOU MAKE ANY DEMANDS, 996 00:51:44,935 --> 00:51:46,404 JUST REMEMBER CINDY'S COLUMN 997 00:51:46,437 --> 00:51:49,207 WAS CLOSE TO EXTINCTION A FEW WEEKS AGO. 998 00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:51,176 YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE. 999 00:51:51,209 --> 00:51:54,712 I'M READY TO LISTEN, AND I'M OPEN TO COMPROMISE, 1000 00:51:54,745 --> 00:51:57,648 BUT PLEASE KEEP IN MIND HER RECENT SUCCESS 1001 00:51:57,682 --> 00:52:01,452 WAS PARTLY FUELED BY MY PATIENCE AND LENIENCY. 1002 00:52:01,486 --> 00:52:03,388 WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON A DATE? 1003 00:52:03,421 --> 00:52:05,856 OF COURSE, I DO INTEND TO PLAY HARDBALL. 1004 00:52:05,890 --> 00:52:08,426 WITH A MAN THAT THOUGHT YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL? 1005 00:52:08,459 --> 00:52:10,428 BUSINESS IS BUSINESS. 1006 00:52:10,461 --> 00:52:12,697 A DATE THAT KEPT YOU UP ALL NIGHT THINKING ABOUT IT? 1007 00:52:12,730 --> 00:52:14,765 THIS IS A BUSINESS MEETING. 1008 00:52:14,799 --> 00:52:17,635 AND I'VE GIVEN UP DATING. 1009 00:52:17,668 --> 00:52:18,903 OH, GIVEN UP? 1010 00:52:18,936 --> 00:52:21,639 SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN HURT PRETTY BADLY. 1011 00:52:23,941 --> 00:52:25,510 THAT BAD, HUH? 1012 00:52:25,543 --> 00:52:28,313 ( sighs ) 1013 00:52:28,346 --> 00:52:30,248 I WAS INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE. 1014 00:52:30,281 --> 00:52:32,817 AS IT TURNS OUT, I WANTED ONE MAN 1015 00:52:32,850 --> 00:52:34,585 TO FULFILL MY EVERY NEED, 1016 00:52:34,619 --> 00:52:37,255 HE WANTED EVERY WOMAN TO FULFILL HIS ONE. 1017 00:52:37,288 --> 00:52:39,457 HIS WIFE KICKED HIM OUT, TOO. 1018 00:52:39,490 --> 00:52:41,292 NOW, ABOUT THIS CONTRACT. 1019 00:52:41,326 --> 00:52:43,694 SO CLEARLY, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DON'T WANT IN A MAN. 1020 00:52:43,728 --> 00:52:45,463 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 1021 00:52:45,496 --> 00:52:47,432 SOMEONE WHO CAN CONCENTRATE. 1022 00:52:47,465 --> 00:52:49,667 - SERIOUSLY. - THANK YOU. 1023 00:52:51,369 --> 00:52:53,304 WHAT EVERY WOMAN WANTS. 1024 00:52:53,338 --> 00:52:55,773 SOMEONE WARM. SOMEONE SENSITIVE. 1025 00:52:55,806 --> 00:52:58,376 SOMEONE WHO'LL CRY WHEN I SMACK HIM. 1026 00:52:58,409 --> 00:53:00,478 REALLY? WHAT DO YOU WANT IN A MAN? 1027 00:53:02,413 --> 00:53:04,782 SOMEONE WHO'S NOT DECEITFUL. 1028 00:53:08,419 --> 00:53:09,720 THIS CONTRACT... 1029 00:53:11,389 --> 00:53:13,491 SORRY. RIGHT. 1030 00:53:13,524 --> 00:53:15,693 OKAY... 1031 00:53:15,726 --> 00:53:18,296 I THINK A 5% INCREASE IN SALARY IS FAIR. 1032 00:53:18,329 --> 00:53:19,564 FOR A TRANSIT WORKER. 1033 00:53:19,597 --> 00:53:21,399 50% OF THE PROFIT INCREASE, 1034 00:53:21,432 --> 00:53:23,634 MOVE THE COLUMN TO PAGE FOUR. 1035 00:53:23,668 --> 00:53:25,670 I SEE YOU CAME PREPARED. 1036 00:53:27,572 --> 00:53:29,674 - OKAY. - SO TELL ME... 1037 00:53:29,707 --> 00:53:32,643 WHAT IS IT, EXACTLY, THAT YOU WANT IN A WOMAN? 1038 00:53:33,678 --> 00:53:36,314 CINDY, FOR EXAMPLE? 1039 00:53:36,347 --> 00:53:40,751 MAYBE 50% IS A LITTLE HIGH. 1040 00:53:40,785 --> 00:53:42,787 CLEARLY EVEN YOU HAVE EXPECTATIONS. 1041 00:53:42,820 --> 00:53:44,422 FRONT PAGE BILLING, 1042 00:53:44,455 --> 00:53:46,324 AND 10% OF THE PROFIT INCREASE. 1043 00:53:46,357 --> 00:53:49,660 WHAT DOES SHE DO TO DESERVE THIS KIND OF LOYALTY? 1044 00:53:51,529 --> 00:53:55,533 CINDY CHANGED MY LIFE WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT. 1045 00:53:56,701 --> 00:53:58,503 DID SHE? 1046 00:54:03,541 --> 00:54:05,410 HER TERMS SEEM FAIR. 1047 00:54:05,443 --> 00:54:08,346 I'LL HAVE MY ATTORNEY DRAW UP PAPERS. 1048 00:54:08,379 --> 00:54:09,714 THAT'S IT? 1049 00:54:09,747 --> 00:54:11,616 DO YOUR BUSINESS AND LEAVE? 1050 00:54:11,649 --> 00:54:13,384 I FEEL SO CHEAP. 1051 00:54:13,418 --> 00:54:15,986 I TOLD YOU I WAS REVIEWING A PERFORMANCE ARTIST TONIGHT. 1052 00:54:16,020 --> 00:54:18,723 I COULD WALK YOU TO A CAB. OR, YOU KNOW, TAG ALONG. 1053 00:54:18,756 --> 00:54:21,626 I'M NOT SO SURE YOU WOULD ENJOY THIS. 1054 00:54:21,659 --> 00:54:22,993 IT'S VERY PROGRESSIVE. 1055 00:54:23,027 --> 00:54:25,363 YOU DON'T THINK I'D FIT IN WITH THE ELITIST, 1056 00:54:25,396 --> 00:54:28,466 HIGH-BROW, ARTSY FARTSY DOWNTOWN SCENE? 1057 00:54:28,499 --> 00:54:30,901 I CAN BE AS PROGRESSIVE AS THE NEXT GUY. 1058 00:54:32,537 --> 00:54:35,540 OKAY, COME ON. 1059 00:54:44,815 --> 00:54:47,552 - WHAT IS "PROJECTED PASTELS?" - ( music plays ) 1060 00:54:47,585 --> 00:54:49,720 YOU'LL SEE. 1061 00:55:13,911 --> 00:55:17,515 OKAY, MAYBE NOT AS PROGRESSIVE AS THE NEXT GUY. 1062 00:55:22,453 --> 00:55:24,655 THE ARTIST INSERTS THE HOSE 1063 00:55:24,689 --> 00:55:27,425 AND FILLS HIMSELF WITH PAINT. 1064 00:55:27,458 --> 00:55:29,794 YOU'RE KIDDING. 1065 00:55:33,097 --> 00:55:34,732 YOU'RE NOT KIDDING. 1066 00:55:34,765 --> 00:55:38,135 NOW HE'LL PROJECTILE RELEASE THE PAINT 1067 00:55:38,168 --> 00:55:40,405 ONTO THE CANVAS. 1068 00:55:40,438 --> 00:55:42,740 WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BRUSHES? 1069 00:55:43,774 --> 00:55:46,076 HE CALLS IT "ENEMART." 1070 00:55:46,110 --> 00:55:48,846 IT REPRESENTS THE WASTE OF HIS LIFE 1071 00:55:48,879 --> 00:55:52,082 BEING RELEASED FROM THE BOWELS OF HIS BEING. 1072 00:55:53,584 --> 00:55:55,420 ( applause; laughter ) 1073 00:56:09,166 --> 00:56:11,168 DO YOU FIND THIS OFFENSIVE? 1074 00:56:11,201 --> 00:56:16,541 NO. WHAT ABOUT THIS COULD POSSIBLY BE OFFENSIVE? 1075 00:56:18,208 --> 00:56:21,446 ( applause ) 1076 00:56:25,450 --> 00:56:27,652 I'M SO SORRY. 1077 00:56:27,685 --> 00:56:30,054 JUST BECAUSE I GOT A LITTLE PAINT IN THE FACE 1078 00:56:30,087 --> 00:56:31,856 FROM A MAN'S ASS? 1079 00:56:31,889 --> 00:56:33,123 ( laughing ) 1080 00:56:33,157 --> 00:56:36,393 BUT IT WAS A WELL RESPECTED ASS. 1081 00:56:38,663 --> 00:56:41,532 YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR EXPRESSION. 1082 00:56:41,566 --> 00:56:43,100 IT WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF CUTE. 1083 00:56:43,133 --> 00:56:45,002 YOU THINK SO? 1084 00:56:55,946 --> 00:56:59,517 I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT. 1085 00:57:19,236 --> 00:57:21,205 HEY, DUDE. 1086 00:57:21,238 --> 00:57:22,973 BLOW ME! 1087 00:57:23,974 --> 00:57:25,175 ( whistle ) 1088 00:57:25,209 --> 00:57:27,645 HELLO? COULD YOU CASH YOUR PAYCHECK, PLEASE, 1089 00:57:27,678 --> 00:57:29,547 SO I CAN BALANCE MY BOOKS FOR ONCE? 1090 00:57:29,580 --> 00:57:32,783 THEN WHAT AM I GOING TO PUT UNDER MY COFFEE CUP, STEVEN? 1091 00:57:32,817 --> 00:57:34,919 IRIS, YOU'RE KILLING ME. 1092 00:57:34,952 --> 00:57:36,954 I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT. 1093 00:57:36,987 --> 00:57:38,889 THEN SUFFER IN SILENCE, STEVEN! 1094 00:57:38,923 --> 00:57:40,124 UH-OH. 1095 00:57:41,225 --> 00:57:43,227 SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE YOU RIGHT NOW. 1096 00:57:43,260 --> 00:57:45,162 - DID SHE SAY THAT? - SHE IMPLIED IT, 1097 00:57:45,195 --> 00:57:48,165 WHEN SHE SAID SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE YOU RIGHT NOW. 1098 00:57:48,198 --> 00:57:50,267 HAVE YOU SEEN THE AMOUNT OF MAIL FOR CINDY? 1099 00:57:50,300 --> 00:57:52,069 YOU AND I BOTH KNOW IT'S BECAUSE OF ME. 1100 00:57:52,102 --> 00:57:54,271 NOW, I WANT TO SEE PAGE, AND I WON'T BE TOLD NO. 1101 00:57:54,304 --> 00:57:55,840 NO! 1102 00:58:05,315 --> 00:58:07,084 PAGE? 1103 00:58:07,117 --> 00:58:09,687 WHAT'S GOING ON? 1104 00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:12,122 I NO LONGER HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CINDY'S COLUMN, 1105 00:58:12,156 --> 00:58:13,691 SO YOU CAN DELIVER IT TO IRIS-- 1106 00:58:13,724 --> 00:58:15,860 THIS IS ABOUT YOU KISSING ME LAST NIGHT. 1107 00:58:15,893 --> 00:58:17,562 ME?! YOU? 1108 00:58:17,595 --> 00:58:19,229 I DID NOT. 1109 00:58:19,263 --> 00:58:21,732 IT SURE TASTED LIKE YOU. 1110 00:58:21,766 --> 00:58:23,901 YOU LEANED IN... 1111 00:58:23,934 --> 00:58:25,903 AND I LOST MY BALANCE. 1112 00:58:25,936 --> 00:58:27,738 AND FELL ONTO MY FACE? 1113 00:58:29,206 --> 00:58:32,009 IT WAS AN UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT. 1114 00:58:32,042 --> 00:58:33,644 I KNOW. DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT 1115 00:58:33,678 --> 00:58:35,312 WHEN TWO PEOPLE ACCIDENTALLY CONNECT? 1116 00:58:35,345 --> 00:58:37,848 PAGE, WHAT IS GOING ON? 1117 00:58:39,950 --> 00:58:41,586 WELL, LET'S SEE. 1118 00:58:41,619 --> 00:58:44,121 YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP, THAT'S INFIDELITY. 1119 00:58:44,154 --> 00:58:46,323 - ACTUALLY, I CAME TO TELL YOU-- - I'M NOT FINISHED. 1120 00:58:46,356 --> 00:58:49,259 YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER WORKS FOR ME, 1121 00:58:49,293 --> 00:58:50,795 THAT'S UNETHICAL. 1122 00:58:50,828 --> 00:58:52,863 SHE'S BECOME MY BIGGEST ASSET, 1123 00:58:52,897 --> 00:58:54,264 THAT'S PLAIN FACT. 1124 00:58:54,298 --> 00:58:56,266 IF YOU'D CHEAT ON HER, YOU'D CHEAT ON ME, 1125 00:58:56,300 --> 00:58:58,102 THAT'S COMMON SENSE. 1126 00:58:58,135 --> 00:59:00,104 AND I WANT YOU TO LEAVE THIS OFFICE, 1127 00:59:00,137 --> 00:59:01,872 THAT'S ABOUT IT. 1128 00:59:01,906 --> 00:59:05,075 NO, IT'S NOT. THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I HAVE TO TELL-- 1129 00:59:05,109 --> 00:59:07,277 - I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! - STOP INTERRUPTING ME! 1130 00:59:10,948 --> 00:59:13,984 CINDY IS NOT WHO YOU THINK SHE IS. 1131 00:59:14,018 --> 00:59:15,653 I KNOW. 1132 00:59:17,354 --> 00:59:18,989 HOW DO YOU KNOW? 1133 00:59:19,023 --> 00:59:20,991 THE LETTERS. 1134 00:59:21,025 --> 00:59:23,594 YOU COULD TELL FROM THE LETTERS? 1135 00:59:23,628 --> 00:59:25,362 YES. 1136 00:59:25,395 --> 00:59:28,265 NOW THEY'VE STARTED WRITING ME. 1137 00:59:28,298 --> 00:59:29,900 LISTEN TO THIS, 1138 00:59:29,934 --> 00:59:32,236 "DEAR EDITOR, I WROTE CINDY FOR ADVICE 1139 00:59:32,269 --> 00:59:34,605 ON WHAT TO DO ABOUT MY HUSBAND HITTING ME. 1140 00:59:34,639 --> 00:59:38,075 SHE PUT THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE THE WAY NONE OF MY FAMILY OR FRIENDS COULD. 1141 00:59:38,108 --> 00:59:40,077 THEY ALL TOLD ME TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE. 1142 00:59:40,110 --> 00:59:42,146 CINDY TOLD ME TO SAVE MYSELF. 1143 00:59:42,179 --> 00:59:44,682 I GOT OUT, THANKS TO HER. 1144 00:59:44,715 --> 00:59:46,383 IF SHE HAS GIVEN THIS GIFT TO ME, 1145 00:59:46,416 --> 00:59:49,286 I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW SHE'S AFFECTED OTHERS. 1146 00:59:49,319 --> 00:59:51,889 GOD BLESS YOU AND CINDY." 1147 00:59:53,423 --> 00:59:57,294 SHE IS NOT THE PERSON WHO I THOUGHT SHE WAS-- AT ALL. 1148 00:59:57,327 --> 01:00:00,631 CINDY HAS BECOME THE DIFFERENCE IN PEOPLE'S LIVES. 1149 01:00:02,032 --> 01:00:03,801 AND SHE SHOULD KNOW THAT. 1150 01:00:05,302 --> 01:00:06,971 SHE DOES. 1151 01:00:08,238 --> 01:00:11,108 I WON'T BE BOTHERING YOU, ANYMORE, PAGE. 1152 01:00:13,177 --> 01:00:16,313 I'LL HAVE CINDY EMAIL HER COLUMN FROM NOW ON. 1153 01:00:43,708 --> 01:00:45,342 CAN I HELP YOU? 1154 01:00:45,375 --> 01:00:48,979 LUCY STONE, FOX NEWS, "NEW YORK REPORT." 1155 01:00:49,013 --> 01:00:52,182 - AND YOU ARE? - WONDERING WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE. 1156 01:00:52,216 --> 01:00:54,218 I JUST WANTED TO ASK A FEW QUESTIONS 1157 01:00:54,251 --> 01:00:56,954 TO THE WOMAN THAT SEEMS TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. 1158 01:00:56,987 --> 01:00:58,388 CINDY DOESN'T DO INTERVIEWS. 1159 01:00:58,422 --> 01:01:00,224 SHE PREFERS TO KEEP HER ANONYMITY. 1160 01:01:00,257 --> 01:01:02,092 CAN I USE YOUR PHONE 1161 01:01:02,126 --> 01:01:03,861 TO CHECK IN WITH THE NEWSROOM? 1162 01:01:03,894 --> 01:01:05,429 SURE. 1163 01:01:06,897 --> 01:01:08,198 ( lock clicks ) 1164 01:01:13,070 --> 01:01:15,740 IT'LL WAIT. WE ONLY TRUST SECURE LAND LINES. 1165 01:01:15,773 --> 01:01:17,241 DO YOU MIND IF I USE YOUR RESTROOM? 1166 01:01:17,274 --> 01:01:20,377 IT'S BROKEN. I CAN GIVE YOU A CUP. 1167 01:01:20,410 --> 01:01:23,313 OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, 1168 01:01:23,347 --> 01:01:25,916 HERE IS MY CARD, IN CASE SHE CHANGES HER MIND 1169 01:01:25,950 --> 01:01:27,985 WHEN SHE SEES IT'S LUCY STONE. 1170 01:01:28,018 --> 01:01:30,888 YOU'LL BE THE FIRST ONE SHE CALLS, LUCY STONE. 1171 01:01:30,921 --> 01:01:33,357 - AND AGAIN, YOU ARE? - GONNA CLOSE THE DOOR NOW. 1172 01:01:34,859 --> 01:01:37,327 Donald: NO, NO, NO, TELL HIM I'M BUSY. 1173 01:01:37,361 --> 01:01:39,396 I HAVE NO TIME TO TALK TO HIM NOW. 1174 01:01:39,429 --> 01:01:42,767 IF WORSE COMES TO WORST, I'LL CALL HIM TOMORROW AT HIS OFFICE. 1175 01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:44,268 CAN I HELP YOU? 1176 01:01:44,301 --> 01:01:45,970 BYE-BYE. 1177 01:01:47,504 --> 01:01:49,306 MS. HENSEN, 1178 01:01:49,339 --> 01:01:51,909 I WAS HOPING WE COULD HELP EACH OTHER. 1179 01:01:51,942 --> 01:01:55,145 I BELIEVE THIS IS MY DESK, MR. SIMPSON. 1180 01:01:55,179 --> 01:01:58,248 I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I'M ON THE WRONG SIDE OF IT. 1181 01:01:58,282 --> 01:02:00,150 WELL, FORGIVE ME. 1182 01:02:01,351 --> 01:02:03,821 SO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? 1183 01:02:03,854 --> 01:02:07,825 YOU OWN MY COMPETITION, AND I WOULDN'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE? 1184 01:02:07,858 --> 01:02:11,261 WHAT I DON'T KNOW IS WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE. 1185 01:02:11,295 --> 01:02:13,230 WELL, I-- 1186 01:02:13,263 --> 01:02:15,165 I HAVE A LITTLE PROPOSITION FOR YOU. 1187 01:02:15,199 --> 01:02:18,368 JUDGING BY YOUR UNINVITED INTRUSION, 1188 01:02:18,402 --> 01:02:20,337 I'M SURE IT'S VERY LITTLE. 1189 01:02:22,039 --> 01:02:24,875 YOU SEEM LIKE A NO NONSENSE WOMAN, AND I ADMIRE THAT. 1190 01:02:24,909 --> 01:02:27,978 AT LEAST I KNOW I'M DEALING WITH AN EQUAL. 1191 01:02:28,012 --> 01:02:29,814 ANY WOMAN WHO ASPIRES 1192 01:02:29,847 --> 01:02:31,782 TO BE EQUAL TO MEN IN BUSINESS, 1193 01:02:31,816 --> 01:02:33,317 SIMPLY LACKS AMBITION. 1194 01:02:34,384 --> 01:02:36,053 OKAY. 1195 01:02:36,086 --> 01:02:38,188 HOW'S THIS FOR AMBITION? 1196 01:02:38,222 --> 01:02:40,224 I WANT TO BUY OUT CINDY'S CONTRACT. 1197 01:02:40,257 --> 01:02:42,026 CINDY'S NOT FOR SALE. 1198 01:02:42,059 --> 01:02:44,461 I HAPPEN TO KNOW THIS NEWSPAPER IS LOSING MONEY. 1199 01:02:44,494 --> 01:02:46,463 YOU CAN'T AFFORD NOT TO SELL HER. 1200 01:02:48,598 --> 01:02:51,401 WHEN I WANT SOMETHING, MS. HENSEN, 1201 01:02:51,435 --> 01:02:53,470 I USUALLY GET IT. 1202 01:02:53,503 --> 01:02:56,373 YOU'LL HAVE TO GET IT, 1203 01:02:56,406 --> 01:02:58,008 SOMEWHERE ELSE. 1204 01:02:59,009 --> 01:03:01,145 IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME. 1205 01:03:08,352 --> 01:03:10,888 NEVER WRESTLE WITH A PIG, MS. HENSEN, 1206 01:03:10,921 --> 01:03:12,522 YOU'LL BOTH GET DIRTY, 1207 01:03:12,556 --> 01:03:14,458 ONLY THE PIG LIKES IT! 1208 01:03:14,491 --> 01:03:17,928 AT LEAST I KNOW WHAT SPECIES OF ANIMAL I'M DEALING WITH. 1209 01:03:18,929 --> 01:03:20,430 GOOD DAY, MR. SIMPSON. 1210 01:03:25,936 --> 01:03:28,405 TV announcer: This is "Fox 5, Live." 1211 01:03:28,438 --> 01:03:31,909 - Live from lower Manhattan... - DID I TELL YOU I WAS AN EARLY RISER? 1212 01:03:31,942 --> 01:03:33,310 COULD YOU HOLD ON? 1213 01:03:33,343 --> 01:03:36,280 Lucy Stone: Who is this advice columnist who has the answers, 1214 01:03:36,313 --> 01:03:39,884 but for some reason chooses anonymity? 1215 01:03:39,917 --> 01:03:43,587 New York is asking, "Who is Cindy?" 1216 01:03:47,992 --> 01:03:50,127 I ORDERED A SPECIAL MEAL, 1217 01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:52,362 AND THERE IS NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT THIS. 1218 01:03:52,396 --> 01:03:55,332 I SHOULD BE ON YOUR LIST, CINDY STYNE. 1219 01:03:56,901 --> 01:03:58,268 THE CINDY STYNE? 1220 01:03:58,302 --> 01:03:59,904 YEAH. WHY? 1221 01:03:59,937 --> 01:04:01,638 I LOVE YOUR COLUMN. 1222 01:04:01,671 --> 01:04:03,540 YOU'VE READ MY COLUMN? 1223 01:04:03,573 --> 01:04:06,276 I EVEN WROTE TO YOU. BUT YOU HAVEN'T ANSWERED IT YET. 1224 01:04:06,310 --> 01:04:09,413 REALLY? WAS YOUR LETTER STUPID? 1225 01:04:09,446 --> 01:04:12,516 - PARDON? - YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE 1226 01:04:12,549 --> 01:04:15,319 SOME OF THE RIDICULOUS LETTERS I USED TO GET. 1227 01:04:15,352 --> 01:04:17,054 IDIOTS OUT THERE. 1228 01:04:18,255 --> 01:04:20,490 YOU KNOW, SOMEHOW I THOUGHT YOU'D BE DIFFERENT. 1229 01:04:20,524 --> 01:04:22,326 NO. I'M THE SAME. 1230 01:04:22,359 --> 01:04:25,129 Pilot: This is your captain. We're starting our descent 1231 01:04:25,162 --> 01:04:27,597 into New York shortly. And we up here in the flight deck 1232 01:04:27,631 --> 01:04:29,399 want to thank you for flying with us. 1233 01:04:29,433 --> 01:04:32,002 And we hope you have a pleasant stay in New York, 1234 01:04:32,036 --> 01:04:34,104 or whatever your final destination. 1235 01:04:34,138 --> 01:04:35,672 ( ringing ) 1236 01:04:35,705 --> 01:04:38,542 Witnesses reported to us that they spotted Cindy Styne dining. 1237 01:04:38,575 --> 01:04:41,278 OH, YOU HAVE TO GO? WHAT A PITY. 1238 01:04:41,311 --> 01:04:44,381 SO LONG, I'LL TALK TO YOU AGAIN. 1239 01:04:44,414 --> 01:04:45,349 OH! 1240 01:04:45,382 --> 01:04:47,284 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1241 01:04:47,317 --> 01:04:50,087 THE PHONES ARE RINGING OFF THE HOOK. 1242 01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:53,290 I'VE BEEN ON THE PHONE SO MUCH, I'M DEVELOPING A BICEP. 1243 01:04:53,323 --> 01:04:55,292 BICEPS GO THE OTHER WAY. 1244 01:04:55,325 --> 01:04:57,461 OH. MATT LAUER PERSONALLY CALLED. 1245 01:04:57,494 --> 01:05:00,397 - I TALKED TO HIM. - THIS IS INSANE. 1246 01:05:00,430 --> 01:05:03,067 AND THE WIRE SERVICES CALLED 1247 01:05:03,100 --> 01:05:06,170 TO TALK ABOUT NATIONAL SYNDICATION! 1248 01:05:06,203 --> 01:05:10,107 - THAT'S GREAT. - I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU. 1249 01:05:10,140 --> 01:05:12,076 FOR ME, BACK TO THE GRIND. 1250 01:05:12,109 --> 01:05:14,478 - IRIS? - OR NOT. 1251 01:05:16,313 --> 01:05:18,949 LAST YEAR, WHEN YOU GOT THAT HORRIFIC FLU, 1252 01:05:18,983 --> 01:05:20,584 HOW LONG WERE YOU OUT? 1253 01:05:20,617 --> 01:05:23,287 INCLUDING THE DAYS I LIED... 1254 01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:25,990 AND WENT TO CLUB MED, 1255 01:05:26,023 --> 01:05:27,992 ABOUT TWO AND A HALF WEEKS. 1256 01:05:28,025 --> 01:05:29,526 BUT I GOT SICK THERE. 1257 01:05:31,595 --> 01:05:34,098 I'VE BEEN IGNORING MY INTUITION. 1258 01:05:34,131 --> 01:05:36,400 I'M GOING TO GO SEE CINDY. 1259 01:05:36,433 --> 01:05:38,668 PAGE, IS THAT WISE? 1260 01:05:38,702 --> 01:05:41,038 LET ME REPHRASE THAT, 1261 01:05:41,071 --> 01:05:43,140 THAT'S NOT WISE. 1262 01:05:43,173 --> 01:05:45,309 IS THERE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME? 1263 01:05:45,342 --> 01:05:47,277 ALMOST DAILY. 1264 01:05:52,316 --> 01:05:54,218 ( knocking ) 1265 01:05:54,251 --> 01:05:56,220 WHO IS IT? 1266 01:05:56,253 --> 01:05:58,422 IT'S PAGE. 1267 01:05:58,455 --> 01:06:00,357 SHIT! 1268 01:06:00,390 --> 01:06:02,492 I HEARD THAT, RYAN. OPEN THE DOOR! 1269 01:06:07,197 --> 01:06:08,098 ( knocking ) 1270 01:06:08,132 --> 01:06:10,234 I'M IN THE SHOWER. 1271 01:06:11,701 --> 01:06:13,670 I NEED TO TALK TO CINDY. 1272 01:06:15,139 --> 01:06:16,273 ( knocking ) 1273 01:06:16,306 --> 01:06:18,275 NOW IS NOT A GOOD TIME. 1274 01:06:19,343 --> 01:06:20,710 OPEN THE DOOR! 1275 01:06:25,515 --> 01:06:26,616 SHE'S NOT HERE. 1276 01:06:26,650 --> 01:06:28,418 WHERE IS SHE? 1277 01:06:30,087 --> 01:06:31,755 THE MEDIA'S BEEN HOUNDING US. 1278 01:06:31,788 --> 01:06:35,392 SHE COULDN'T GET ANY REST SO I SENT HER TO A PRIVATE HOSPITAL. 1279 01:06:35,425 --> 01:06:38,562 I LOOKED UP THE DOCTOR YOU SAID WAS CINDY'S PHYSICIAN. 1280 01:06:38,595 --> 01:06:40,430 HE'S A PLASTIC SURGEON. 1281 01:06:41,731 --> 01:06:43,133 RIGHT. 1282 01:06:43,167 --> 01:06:44,601 I WANT THE TRUTH. 1283 01:06:46,470 --> 01:06:48,238 THE TRUTH IS... 1284 01:06:48,272 --> 01:06:50,507 DR. SHERMAN IS A PLASTIC SURGEON. 1285 01:06:50,540 --> 01:06:54,178 AND HE WASN'T TREATING CINDY FOR THE FLU. 1286 01:06:55,179 --> 01:06:56,680 KEEP TALKING. 1287 01:06:56,713 --> 01:06:59,383 WHAT HAPPENED IS... 1288 01:06:59,416 --> 01:07:02,719 CINDY'S BREAST IMPLANTS-- SHE HAS THEM, YOU KNOW? 1289 01:07:02,752 --> 01:07:05,489 THEY SHIFTED SO RADICALLY, THAT SHE BECAME... 1290 01:07:05,522 --> 01:07:08,292 FRONTALLY DISFIGURED, 1291 01:07:08,325 --> 01:07:10,494 A ONE BREASTED HUNCHBACK. 1292 01:07:12,162 --> 01:07:15,332 IT WAS LIKE TALKING TO A PICASSO IN CHANEL. 1293 01:07:15,365 --> 01:07:17,767 - OH MY GOD-- - YEAH, IT WAS TERRIBLE. 1294 01:07:17,801 --> 01:07:19,536 YOU MUST THINK I'M A COMPLETE IDIOT. 1295 01:07:19,569 --> 01:07:21,538 I DON'T, BUT IF YOU FEEL I MUST-- 1296 01:07:21,571 --> 01:07:23,340 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, RYAN, 1297 01:07:23,373 --> 01:07:25,609 I CAN SPOT BULLSHIT FROM A BLIMP IN A FOGSTORM. 1298 01:07:25,642 --> 01:07:27,377 NOW WHERE THE HELL IS SHE? 1299 01:07:28,378 --> 01:07:30,114 OH GOD. 1300 01:07:36,186 --> 01:07:38,088 THE REAL TRUTH IS... 1301 01:07:38,122 --> 01:07:40,590 CINDY WENT TO BRAZIL. 1302 01:07:40,624 --> 01:07:42,359 - RYAN! - NO, LISTEN! 1303 01:07:42,392 --> 01:07:45,295 THREE MONTHS AGO, I WAS A GREAT LIAR, 1304 01:07:45,329 --> 01:07:47,397 WITH A GREAT JOB, WHICH I LOST. 1305 01:07:47,431 --> 01:07:49,199 SO CINDY LEFT ME. 1306 01:07:49,233 --> 01:07:51,735 I COULDN'T FIND ANOTHER JOB SO I TOOK HERS. 1307 01:07:53,403 --> 01:07:55,472 YOU TOOK C-- 1308 01:07:55,505 --> 01:07:57,541 WAIT A MINUTE-- 1309 01:07:57,574 --> 01:08:01,245 YOU'VE BEEN ILLEGALLY IMPERSONATING CINDY? 1310 01:08:02,246 --> 01:08:04,414 PERPETUATING A HOAX 1311 01:08:04,448 --> 01:08:06,850 AND LYING TO MY FACE? 1312 01:08:06,883 --> 01:08:09,586 IT SOUNDS A LOT WORSE WHEN YOU SAY IT. 1313 01:08:12,189 --> 01:08:15,125 DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE LEGAL RAMIFICATIONS OF THIS? 1314 01:08:15,159 --> 01:08:16,893 YES, I AM A FRAUD. 1315 01:08:16,926 --> 01:08:19,729 THERE WILL BE A HUGE SCANDAL, RYAN! 1316 01:08:19,763 --> 01:08:22,132 THE PAPERS WILL CRUCIFY ME-- 1317 01:08:22,166 --> 01:08:23,733 NO-- WAIT-- I AM A PAPER. 1318 01:08:23,767 --> 01:08:25,569 I'LL HAVE TO CRUCIFY MYSELF. 1319 01:08:25,602 --> 01:08:28,338 - I WANTED TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH. - THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU? 1320 01:08:28,372 --> 01:08:30,740 BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW I WAS A FRAUD. 1321 01:08:30,774 --> 01:08:33,477 AND I NEEDED A REASON TO KEEP SEEING YOU. 1322 01:08:34,478 --> 01:08:36,346 YOU'RE THE FIRST WOMAN THAT'S MADE ME 1323 01:08:36,380 --> 01:08:38,482 CARE ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN MYSELF. 1324 01:08:38,515 --> 01:08:40,450 OH, PLEASE! 1325 01:08:40,484 --> 01:08:43,387 ADD THAT TO YOUR LIST OF LIES AND DECEPTION. 1326 01:08:43,420 --> 01:08:47,257 EVERYTHING YOU'VE SAID TO ME HAS BEEN A LIE. 1327 01:08:47,291 --> 01:08:50,126 IS THERE ANYTHING, AT ALL, ABOUT YOU THAT'S TRUE? 1328 01:08:51,861 --> 01:08:54,531 JUST... THE STUFF YOU PRINTED. 1329 01:08:59,603 --> 01:09:01,738 I AM SO OUT OF HERE. 1330 01:09:01,771 --> 01:09:03,407 I LOVE YOU. 1331 01:09:05,309 --> 01:09:08,545 THE HARDEST PART ABOUT THIS WAS NOT BEING ABLE TO TELL YOU. 1332 01:09:08,578 --> 01:09:10,347 OR KISS YOU. 1333 01:09:11,648 --> 01:09:14,351 YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD LET YOU KISS ME? 1334 01:09:14,384 --> 01:09:16,386 AFTER THIS?! 1335 01:09:17,554 --> 01:09:19,356 HOW CLICHE IS THAT? 1336 01:09:19,389 --> 01:09:21,191 WHAT? "PASSION OVERTAKES THEM"? 1337 01:09:21,225 --> 01:09:23,327 WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DEALING WITH HERE? 1338 01:09:23,360 --> 01:09:27,231 I DON'T KNOW. I JUST LOVE YOU. 1339 01:09:28,365 --> 01:09:34,904 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING... 1340 01:09:34,938 --> 01:09:37,941 CINDY, WHERE DO YOU SEE THE COLUMN GOING? 1341 01:09:37,974 --> 01:09:40,577 - CINDY, WHY THE SECRECY? - Where have you been hiding? 1342 01:09:40,610 --> 01:09:42,479 What the hell is going on? 1343 01:09:42,512 --> 01:09:44,481 ( reporters clamoring ) 1344 01:09:44,514 --> 01:09:46,483 GET MY CAR. 1345 01:09:48,485 --> 01:09:50,354 HURRY! 1346 01:09:50,387 --> 01:09:52,522 HURRY? YOU NEVER WANTED ME TO HURRY BEFORE. 1347 01:09:52,556 --> 01:09:54,658 BEFORE MY TEMPERATURE GOES DOWN. 1348 01:09:54,691 --> 01:09:57,427 STOP COMPLAINING, YOU ALWAYS WANTED A NOONER. 1349 01:09:57,461 --> 01:09:59,696 YEAH, BUT WHAT'S THE RUSH TO HAVE CHILDREN? 1350 01:09:59,729 --> 01:10:02,466 CINDY'S HAVING ONE, SO-- ( kissing ) 1351 01:10:02,499 --> 01:10:04,901 - IT GOT ME THINKING. - CINDY'S IN BRAZIL. 1352 01:10:05,902 --> 01:10:09,306 - CINDY'S IN BRAZIL?! - WHAT? NO, I MEAN-- 1353 01:10:09,339 --> 01:10:12,242 CINDY'S BRA IS CHILLED. LET'S MAKE BABIES. 1354 01:10:12,276 --> 01:10:13,810 OKAY. 1355 01:10:17,481 --> 01:10:18,982 OOOH! 1356 01:10:19,015 --> 01:10:21,418 - ( grunts ) - OWWW! 1357 01:10:21,451 --> 01:10:24,354 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - IT'S THE YOGA. 1358 01:10:24,388 --> 01:10:27,591 IT FAMILIARIZES ME WITH MUSCLES I NEVER EVEN KNEW I HAD. 1359 01:10:27,624 --> 01:10:30,994 I-I CAN'T MOVE THE-- OH MY GOD! MY-- 1360 01:10:31,027 --> 01:10:32,396 EXACTLY. 1361 01:10:32,429 --> 01:10:34,398 NOW TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON? 1362 01:10:34,431 --> 01:10:36,366 I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! I SWEAR! 1363 01:10:36,400 --> 01:10:38,368 OK-AAAY. 1364 01:10:38,402 --> 01:10:40,270 TALK! 1365 01:10:40,304 --> 01:10:42,372 ( screaming ) 1366 01:10:42,406 --> 01:10:44,040 FEEL THE LOVE! 1367 01:10:44,073 --> 01:10:46,410 OKAY, OKAY! I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK! 1368 01:10:49,846 --> 01:10:51,348 Ryan: SO? 1369 01:10:51,381 --> 01:10:54,451 HAVE I REDEEMED MYSELF? 1370 01:10:55,919 --> 01:10:57,521 Page: ALMOST. 1371 01:10:58,522 --> 01:11:00,324 KEEP TRYING. 1372 01:11:10,066 --> 01:11:13,503 YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN. 1373 01:11:14,938 --> 01:11:17,541 APPARENTLY, SO ARE YOU. 1374 01:11:18,875 --> 01:11:20,910 WHO ELSE KNOWS ABOUT THIS, BESIDES YOU AND-- 1375 01:11:20,944 --> 01:11:23,680 CLEARLY-- IRIS? 1376 01:11:23,713 --> 01:11:25,449 MY FRIEND, BARRY. 1377 01:11:25,482 --> 01:11:27,451 BUT I TRUST HIM. 1378 01:11:27,484 --> 01:11:30,754 EVENTUALLY, SOMEONE'S GOING TO FIND OUT. 1379 01:11:30,787 --> 01:11:33,423 HOW IS ANYONE GOING TO FIND OUT? 1380 01:11:33,457 --> 01:11:35,024 ( keys jangling ) 1381 01:11:46,436 --> 01:11:48,338 CINDY? 1382 01:11:48,372 --> 01:11:50,674 WELCOME HOME. 1383 01:11:50,707 --> 01:11:53,042 RYAN! 1384 01:11:53,076 --> 01:11:55,745 I HAVE BEEN TO HELL WITHOUT A SUNBLOCK. 1385 01:11:55,779 --> 01:11:57,414 IT WAS AWFUL! 1386 01:11:57,447 --> 01:11:59,883 BRAZIL HAS NO AIR CONDITIONING, 1387 01:11:59,916 --> 01:12:02,051 MOSQUITOES THE SIZE OF PREMATURE BABIES, 1388 01:12:02,085 --> 01:12:04,854 AND NOBO SPEAKS A REAL LANGUAGE. 1389 01:12:04,888 --> 01:12:07,524 AND THEN, RYAN, WHEN I GOT OFF THE PLANE, 1390 01:12:07,557 --> 01:12:10,126 I WAS TOTALLY ATTACKED BY PAPARAZZI, 1391 01:12:10,159 --> 01:12:12,462 LIKE A CELEBRITY. WHAT IS GOING ON? 1392 01:12:16,466 --> 01:12:18,101 WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? 1393 01:12:20,069 --> 01:12:21,838 IN A NUTSHELL, 1394 01:12:21,871 --> 01:12:23,673 YOU LEFT, MY LIFE COLLAPSED. 1395 01:12:23,707 --> 01:12:25,742 I SAID YOU WERE SICK, TOOK OVER YOUR COLUMN. 1396 01:12:25,775 --> 01:12:27,677 IT TOOK OFF, YOU BECAME FAMOUS. 1397 01:12:27,711 --> 01:12:30,380 THE COLUMN TOOK OFF, AND YOU'VE BEEN WRITING IT? 1398 01:12:30,414 --> 01:12:31,381 YOU'VE BEEN ME? 1399 01:12:31,415 --> 01:12:34,418 - ACTUALLY, I'VE-- - DID YOU KNOW HE WAS ME? 1400 01:12:34,451 --> 01:12:36,386 I DIDN'T THEN. BUT I DO NOW. 1401 01:12:39,689 --> 01:12:42,392 SO... YOU'VE BEEN ME, 1402 01:12:42,426 --> 01:12:44,093 WHILE DOING HER, 1403 01:12:44,127 --> 01:12:45,695 YOU USED TO DO ME, 1404 01:12:45,729 --> 01:12:47,363 BUT NOW YOU ARE ME? 1405 01:12:48,465 --> 01:12:49,999 MAYBE? 1406 01:12:50,033 --> 01:12:52,035 WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. 1407 01:12:52,068 --> 01:12:54,103 YOU'RE THE ONE THAT LEFT ME. 1408 01:12:54,137 --> 01:12:56,773 RYAN, I HAVE AN INNOCENT, 1409 01:12:56,806 --> 01:13:00,510 LITTLE AFFAIR IN BRAZIL, 1410 01:13:00,544 --> 01:13:02,779 AND YOU NOT ONLY STEAL MY JOB, 1411 01:13:02,812 --> 01:13:04,748 YOU SLEEP WITH MY BOSS? 1412 01:13:04,781 --> 01:13:06,483 ( footsteps ) 1413 01:13:06,516 --> 01:13:07,917 OH MY GOD! 1414 01:13:07,951 --> 01:13:10,019 YOU'RE ALIVE! 1415 01:13:10,053 --> 01:13:12,589 - RYAN'S BEEN WRITING YOUR COLUMN! - I KNOW. 1416 01:13:12,622 --> 01:13:14,958 HE'S TELLING EVERYONE THAT YOU ARE ON YOUR DEATHBED. 1417 01:13:14,991 --> 01:13:16,493 I KNOW. 1418 01:13:16,526 --> 01:13:18,862 - HE'S ALSO HAVING AN AFFAIR. - I KNOW. 1419 01:13:18,895 --> 01:13:22,065 NO OFFENSE, CIN, BUT YOU'RE BURSTING MY BUBBLEBUTT, HERE. 1420 01:13:23,066 --> 01:13:24,834 ISN'T IT HIGHER? 1421 01:13:24,868 --> 01:13:26,703 MUCH. 1422 01:13:26,736 --> 01:13:28,438 ( Barry panting ) RYAN... 1423 01:13:28,472 --> 01:13:30,707 RYAN, I'M SO SORRY. 1424 01:13:30,740 --> 01:13:34,143 CATHY USED HER SEXUAL WEB TO MAKE ME SPILL EVERYTHING. 1425 01:13:34,177 --> 01:13:37,514 - HEY! - OH! OH. 1426 01:13:37,547 --> 01:13:38,948 OH, NOT GOOD. 1427 01:13:38,982 --> 01:13:41,985 THIS MUST BE THE FRIEND YOU CAN TRUST. 1428 01:13:42,018 --> 01:13:44,621 PAGE, BARRY. BARRY, PAGE. 1429 01:13:44,654 --> 01:13:46,189 PAGE, CATHY. CATHY, PAGE. 1430 01:13:46,222 --> 01:13:48,458 AND YOU ALL KNOW CINDY. 1431 01:13:48,492 --> 01:13:49,993 MMM, THE VICTIM. 1432 01:13:50,026 --> 01:13:51,461 I THINK EVERYBODY SHOULD LEAVE. 1433 01:13:51,495 --> 01:13:54,230 CINDY AND I HAVE SOME TALKING TO DO. 1434 01:13:54,263 --> 01:13:55,565 I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 1435 01:13:55,599 --> 01:13:58,468 I'M MAD AT YOU! AND CINDY NEEDS ME. 1436 01:13:58,502 --> 01:14:00,804 I THOUGHT WE'D GO TO BERGDORF'S ON THE WAY HOME. 1437 01:14:00,837 --> 01:14:03,139 CALL ME. 1438 01:14:10,213 --> 01:14:13,182 RIGHT. UH, WELL... I SHOULD BE GOING TOO. 1439 01:14:13,216 --> 01:14:15,719 YEAH, AND LEAVE THE SHEET. 1440 01:14:15,752 --> 01:14:17,621 I'LL GET MY STUFF OUT TOMORROW. 1441 01:14:17,654 --> 01:14:19,923 NO! HER, LEAVE. YOU... 1442 01:14:19,956 --> 01:14:22,926 I FORGIVE. EVENTUALLY. 1443 01:14:23,927 --> 01:14:26,596 CINDY, I'M IN LOVE WITH PAGE. 1444 01:14:26,630 --> 01:14:28,865 ( laughing ) PLEASE! 1445 01:14:28,898 --> 01:14:31,000 YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE SMART WOMEN. 1446 01:14:31,034 --> 01:14:34,003 I'M NOT THE SAME PERSON. YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LIKE ME. 1447 01:14:34,037 --> 01:14:37,507 YOU'LL MEET SOMEONE ELSE. YOU'RE YOUNG, ATTRACTIVE... 1448 01:14:37,541 --> 01:14:39,909 VULNERABLE, EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE... 1449 01:14:39,943 --> 01:14:42,111 EVERYTHING A MAN LOOKS FOR IN A WOMAN, JUST-- 1450 01:14:42,145 --> 01:14:43,913 NOT THIS MAN. 1451 01:14:46,182 --> 01:14:48,084 MMM, FINE THEN. 1452 01:14:48,117 --> 01:14:49,753 WELL, NOW THERE, SEE? 1453 01:14:49,786 --> 01:14:51,821 I KNEW THAT WE COULD ALL BE UNDERSTANDING, 1454 01:14:51,855 --> 01:14:54,724 - AND AMICABLE, AND-- - I WANT MY JOB BACK, 1455 01:14:54,758 --> 01:14:57,627 AT QUADRUPLE MY OLD SALARY, AND WHAT USED TO BE YOUR OFFICE. 1456 01:14:57,661 --> 01:14:59,863 --AND COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL. 1457 01:14:59,896 --> 01:15:02,231 CINDY, NO. THIS COLUMN IS 1458 01:15:02,265 --> 01:15:04,200 TOO IMPORTANT TO TOO MANY LIVES. 1459 01:15:04,233 --> 01:15:06,235 TOO BAD. I'M TIRED. 1460 01:15:06,269 --> 01:15:08,237 SO YOU TWO HAVE ABOUT A SECOND TO DECIDE, 1461 01:15:08,271 --> 01:15:11,240 OR I GO RIGHT NOW TO NBC NEWS, "LIVE AT 6:00." 1462 01:15:12,676 --> 01:15:14,210 TICK-TOCK OVER HERE. 1463 01:15:15,211 --> 01:15:17,614 YOU CAN'T HAVE THE COLUMN BACK. 1464 01:15:18,682 --> 01:15:20,216 FINE. 1465 01:15:21,217 --> 01:15:23,687 WATCH ME ON TV. 1466 01:15:23,720 --> 01:15:25,922 I'LL BE LIVE AT 6:00. YOU'LL BE DEAD BY 6:30. 1467 01:15:29,659 --> 01:15:31,160 THAT WENT WELL. 1468 01:15:37,734 --> 01:15:39,268 EXCUSE ME, MS. STYNE. 1469 01:15:39,302 --> 01:15:40,837 ( sighs ) WHAT? 1470 01:15:40,870 --> 01:15:43,072 A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME, IF I MAY? 1471 01:15:43,106 --> 01:15:46,109 I DON'T TALK TO UNATTRACTIVE STRANGERS. 1472 01:15:48,211 --> 01:15:50,213 IS THAT YOUR ROLLS? 1473 01:15:51,214 --> 01:15:52,982 YES, I'M DONALD SIMPSON. 1474 01:15:53,016 --> 01:15:57,120 AND I OWN "THE NEW YORK CHRONICLE" AS WELL AS 32 OTHER PAPERS. 1475 01:15:57,153 --> 01:16:00,256 AND I'D LIKE YOUR COLUMN "CINDY-CATED" ACROSS THE COUNTRY. 1476 01:16:00,289 --> 01:16:02,091 YOU SHOULD KNOW, I'M NOT THE ONE-- 1477 01:16:02,125 --> 01:16:03,693 I'M OFFERING SIX FIGURES A YEAR. 1478 01:16:03,727 --> 01:16:05,995 - BUT YOU KNOW-- - PLUS AN EXPENSE ACCOUNT. 1479 01:16:07,030 --> 01:16:09,933 - KEEP TALKING. - HOW ABOUT A COMPANY CAR? 1480 01:16:10,934 --> 01:16:13,302 LIKE A MERCEDES SL-ANYTHING? 1481 01:16:14,303 --> 01:16:16,740 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SIGN SOME PAPERS. 1482 01:16:19,108 --> 01:16:21,310 - SHE'S BLUFFING. - SHE'S NOT BLUFFING. 1483 01:16:23,179 --> 01:16:25,314 YOU'RE RIGHT, SHE'S NOT BLUFFING. 1484 01:16:25,348 --> 01:16:27,350 GO AFTER HER. SHE'S NOT BLUFFING. 1485 01:16:27,383 --> 01:16:30,319 - IS THIS FOR REAL? - ABSOLUTELY. 1486 01:16:36,893 --> 01:16:38,828 Ryan: CINDY! 1487 01:16:48,772 --> 01:16:51,007 WHAT'S WRONG WITH US? 1488 01:16:54,077 --> 01:16:55,679 I DON'T KNOW. 1489 01:16:57,380 --> 01:16:59,382 WE SHOULD BE UPSET. 1490 01:17:00,684 --> 01:17:02,886 THINGS COULDN'T BE WORSE. 1491 01:17:04,120 --> 01:17:06,322 THEN WHY AM I SO HAPPY? 1492 01:17:06,355 --> 01:17:10,093 WELL, BECAUSE YOU FINALLY GOT ME INTO BED? 1493 01:17:10,126 --> 01:17:12,395 WELL, THERE'S THAT. 1494 01:17:14,263 --> 01:17:16,199 IF ALL THIS HAPPENED SO THE TWO OF US 1495 01:17:16,232 --> 01:17:18,668 COULD BE TOGETHER, THEN IT WAS WORTH IT. 1496 01:17:22,205 --> 01:17:25,374 WE MAY BE SCREWED, BUT WE'RE SCREWED TOGETHER. 1497 01:17:25,408 --> 01:17:27,310 LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, 1498 01:17:27,343 --> 01:17:30,313 TOMORROW MORNING WHEN WE WAKE UP, 1499 01:17:30,346 --> 01:17:32,716 WE GET THE UNFORTUNATE PLEASURE 1500 01:17:32,749 --> 01:17:35,318 OF WATCHING SIMPSON ANNOUNCE HIS VICTORY ON TV. 1501 01:17:35,351 --> 01:17:38,221 AND IF I KNOW CINDY, 1502 01:17:38,254 --> 01:17:40,223 SHE'LL BE RIGHT THERE WITH HIM, 1503 01:17:40,256 --> 01:17:42,325 GLOATING. 1504 01:17:46,095 --> 01:17:48,031 I DON'T EVEN CARE. 1505 01:17:49,198 --> 01:17:51,000 HOW ABOUT YOU? 1506 01:17:55,138 --> 01:17:56,706 ( cash register rings ) 1507 01:17:59,308 --> 01:18:01,044 CINDY... 1508 01:18:25,401 --> 01:18:27,203 I NEED YOUR HELP. 1509 01:18:28,204 --> 01:18:30,173 OF COURSE YOU DO. 1510 01:18:31,207 --> 01:18:33,209 I CAN INJECT SOME OF THE FAT 1511 01:18:33,242 --> 01:18:35,044 I TOOK FROM CATHY'S ASS 1512 01:18:35,078 --> 01:18:38,081 INTO IT-- IT'LL GIVE YOU AT LEAST AN EXTRA TWO INCHES. 1513 01:18:38,114 --> 01:18:40,216 - BARRY, WAKE UP! - WHAT? WHAT? 1514 01:18:40,249 --> 01:18:42,251 I NEED 200 GRAND, AND I NEED IT NOW. 1515 01:18:43,286 --> 01:18:45,889 MMM-MMM-MMM. 1516 01:18:47,056 --> 01:18:48,224 - NO. - NO? 1517 01:18:48,257 --> 01:18:50,426 NO. 1518 01:18:50,459 --> 01:18:52,395 RYAN... 1519 01:18:52,428 --> 01:18:54,764 YOU'RE A BAD STOCKBROKER. 1520 01:18:54,798 --> 01:18:57,166 SEE, YOU LOSE PEOPLE'S MONEY. 1521 01:18:57,200 --> 01:18:59,002 I'M NOT A STOCKBROKER ANYMORE. 1522 01:18:59,035 --> 01:19:01,204 EXACTLY, I'M NOT GIVING MY MONEY TO A... 1523 01:19:01,237 --> 01:19:02,939 FEMALE COLUMNIST. 1524 01:19:02,972 --> 01:19:06,109 - I'M NOT A FEMALE. - YOU COULD BE. 1525 01:19:07,877 --> 01:19:09,345 BARRY, YOU GOTTA HELP ME. 1526 01:19:09,378 --> 01:19:11,881 - NO, I CAN'T-- NO. - BARRY, I GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO! 1527 01:19:11,915 --> 01:19:13,917 - IT'S TOO MUCH! - I GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO. 1528 01:19:13,950 --> 01:19:15,819 BESIDES, RYAN, ALL MY MONEY'S TIED UP. 1529 01:19:18,554 --> 01:19:20,456 WHAT ABOUT CATHY'S MONEY? 1530 01:19:21,557 --> 01:19:23,326 OKAY. 1531 01:19:23,359 --> 01:19:26,963 - REALLY? - WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR? 1532 01:19:29,498 --> 01:19:32,368 LOOKS GOOD FOR THE LAST ISSUE. 1533 01:19:33,870 --> 01:19:35,171 WELL, WELL. 1534 01:19:36,405 --> 01:19:38,007 YOU USUALLY SNEAK OUT OF BED 1535 01:19:38,041 --> 01:19:40,009 AND LEAVE A WOMAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? 1536 01:19:40,043 --> 01:19:41,878 YOU CALLED? 1537 01:19:41,911 --> 01:19:44,080 I'M SORRY. BUT LAST NIGHT I CAME UP WITH 1538 01:19:44,113 --> 01:19:46,415 AN IDEA THAT COULD SAVE YOUR PAPER. 1539 01:19:46,449 --> 01:19:49,218 - HOW? - BEATING SIMPSON AT HIS OWN GAME. 1540 01:19:49,252 --> 01:19:52,288 IF I CAN GET 200 GRAND, I CAN TURN IT INTO MILLIONS. 1541 01:19:52,321 --> 01:19:55,224 I BORROWED 50. HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE? 1542 01:19:55,258 --> 01:19:58,227 SHE HAS NOTHING. 1543 01:19:58,261 --> 01:20:00,864 LESS THAN NOTHING. IF YOU COUNT INTEREST. 1544 01:20:00,897 --> 01:20:04,100 DAMN IT. WHERE AM I GOING TO GET MY HANDS ON 150 GRAND? 1545 01:20:04,133 --> 01:20:05,601 HERE'S MY CHECKBOOK. 1546 01:20:05,634 --> 01:20:07,837 IRIS, NO. I DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY. 1547 01:20:09,072 --> 01:20:10,974 YOU HAVE 150 GRAND? 1548 01:20:11,007 --> 01:20:13,509 - IN ONE OF MY ACCOUNTS. - SHE'S LOADED. 1549 01:20:13,542 --> 01:20:15,879 I'M A GREAT HOUSEKEEPER. THREE DIVORCES-- 1550 01:20:15,912 --> 01:20:17,947 I KEPT EVERY HOUSE. 1551 01:20:17,981 --> 01:20:21,084 - SHE JUST WORKS HERE FOR FUN. - OR UNTIL I FIND MY-- 1552 01:20:21,117 --> 01:20:23,086 - ( check rips ) - NEXT HUSBAND. 1553 01:20:24,153 --> 01:20:25,989 IRIS, I'LL PAY YOU BACK. 1554 01:20:26,022 --> 01:20:27,590 OH, I DON'T WANT IT BACK. 1555 01:20:27,623 --> 01:20:29,425 I JUST WANT A PIECE. 1556 01:20:29,458 --> 01:20:32,028 IRIS! 1557 01:20:32,061 --> 01:20:34,530 I WANT PART OWNERSHIP OF WHATEVER HE HAS PLANNED, 1558 01:20:34,563 --> 01:20:37,266 OR I'LL CASH ALL MY PAYCHECKS, 1559 01:20:37,300 --> 01:20:39,235 AND BREAK YOU. 1560 01:20:40,303 --> 01:20:42,071 I COULDN'T THINK OF A BETTER PARTNER. 1561 01:20:43,272 --> 01:20:45,274 OH, NO! 1562 01:20:45,308 --> 01:20:47,643 IT'S PAINFULLY CLEAR THAT YOU'VE BEEN USING ME 1563 01:20:47,676 --> 01:20:51,480 - TO GET TO HER. - AND YOU MAPPED OUT A VERY DIRECT ROUTE. 1564 01:20:51,514 --> 01:20:54,450 BUT-- I HAVE, IT SEEMS, 1565 01:20:54,483 --> 01:20:57,486 FOUND CONSOLATION IN THE ARMS OF ANOTHER MAN. 1566 01:20:58,922 --> 01:21:00,323 A YOUNGER MAN! 1567 01:21:00,356 --> 01:21:03,126 WHOEVER HE IS, HE'S A LUCKY MAN, TOO. 1568 01:21:03,159 --> 01:21:05,261 YOU BET YOUR ASS! 1569 01:21:05,294 --> 01:21:07,296 ( chattering ) 1570 01:21:10,299 --> 01:21:12,268 ANDY, HOW ARE YOU? 1571 01:21:12,301 --> 01:21:13,369 GOOD TO SEE YOU. 1572 01:21:13,402 --> 01:21:15,972 WILLY, HOW ARE YOU DOING? 1573 01:21:16,005 --> 01:21:18,141 - HEY, DORIS. - HEY, RYAN. 1574 01:21:18,174 --> 01:21:19,408 HELLO. 1575 01:21:19,442 --> 01:21:21,377 EXCUSE ME. CAN I HELP YOU? 1576 01:21:21,410 --> 01:21:23,246 I DON'T THINK SO, BUT THANK YOU. 1577 01:21:23,279 --> 01:21:26,015 WELL, WELL. 1578 01:21:26,049 --> 01:21:28,017 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, TURNER? 1579 01:21:28,051 --> 01:21:30,920 I THOUGHT YOU'D BE LIVING OFF YOUR FAMOUS GIRLFRIEND. 1580 01:21:30,954 --> 01:21:34,057 REMEMBER WHEN I SAID YOUR WIFE WAS MODERATELY ATTRACTIVE? 1581 01:21:34,090 --> 01:21:36,292 YEAH. 1582 01:21:36,325 --> 01:21:37,393 I LIED. 1583 01:21:37,426 --> 01:21:40,263 I DIDN'T KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE. 1584 01:21:42,165 --> 01:21:44,200 YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR A JOB? 1585 01:21:44,233 --> 01:21:47,236 TABLES ARE ABOUT TO TURN, CARL. 1586 01:21:52,741 --> 01:21:55,011 RYAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 1587 01:21:55,044 --> 01:21:57,413 - YOU'RE LOOKING AT YOUR NEW CLIENT. - WHAT? 1588 01:21:57,446 --> 01:22:00,416 I WANT TO BUY 50,000 SHARES OF SIMPSON PUBLISHING. 1589 01:22:00,449 --> 01:22:02,518 NOW. 1590 01:22:02,551 --> 01:22:05,054 Cathy: I TOLD YOU, NO INVESTMENTS. 1591 01:22:05,088 --> 01:22:07,256 WE'RE RUINED. RUINED. 1592 01:22:07,290 --> 01:22:09,325 BYE-BYE, DESIGNER CLOTHES. 1593 01:22:09,358 --> 01:22:11,360 NOW, I'LL HAVE TO SHOP ON CANAL STREET. 1594 01:22:11,394 --> 01:22:13,362 BYE-BYE TO OUR VACATION. YOU PROMISED ME 1595 01:22:13,396 --> 01:22:16,299 YOU WOULD TAKE ME TO EGYPT TO SEE THAT GIANT SPHINCTER. 1596 01:22:16,332 --> 01:22:17,700 WHAT ABOUT OUR MORTGAGE, HUH? 1597 01:22:17,733 --> 01:22:19,702 BYE-BYE, DOORMAN, CO-OP. 1598 01:22:19,735 --> 01:22:22,405 WE'LL END UP LIVING IN A REFRIGERATOR CARTON, 1599 01:22:22,438 --> 01:22:24,974 WEARING KLEENEX BOXES FOR BEDROOM SLIPPERS, 1600 01:22:25,008 --> 01:22:27,276 AND SNATCHING PIGEONS FOR A LITTLE PROTEIN, 1601 01:22:27,310 --> 01:22:29,445 PRAYING FOR RAIN SO WE CAN SHOWER. 1602 01:22:29,478 --> 01:22:32,248 AND IF YOU THINK I'M SELLING MY JEWELRY, 1603 01:22:32,281 --> 01:22:33,983 YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING. 1604 01:22:34,017 --> 01:22:35,618 AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE, 1605 01:22:35,651 --> 01:22:38,021 MR. BEST FRIEND! 1606 01:22:38,054 --> 01:22:40,689 I HOPE YOU HAVE THE NUMBERS OF SOME VERY GOOD HOOKERS, 1607 01:22:40,723 --> 01:22:43,426 BECAUSE MY LEGS ARE SHUT. 1608 01:22:43,459 --> 01:22:45,394 DO YOU HEAR ME?! 1609 01:22:45,428 --> 01:22:47,296 WELDED. 1610 01:22:50,199 --> 01:22:52,201 ( door slams ) 1611 01:22:54,603 --> 01:22:56,505 YEAH-- 1612 01:22:56,539 --> 01:22:59,342 AND AN EGG ROLL. 1613 01:22:59,375 --> 01:23:01,410 YEAH, "WELDED." 1614 01:23:01,444 --> 01:23:03,712 I'LL BRING YOU TO THE MIKE, AND YOU'LL SAY HOW HAPPY 1615 01:23:03,746 --> 01:23:06,449 YOU ARE TO BE PART OF THE SIMPSON PUBLISHING EMPIRE, 1616 01:23:06,482 --> 01:23:08,451 - I'LL TAKE OVER FROM THERE. - YEAH, WHATEVER! 1617 01:23:08,484 --> 01:23:10,286 - HOW DO I LOOK? - LIKE GOLD. 1618 01:23:10,319 --> 01:23:11,787 ( gasps ) 1619 01:23:11,820 --> 01:23:13,422 OH. 1620 01:23:14,423 --> 01:23:17,193 DONNY-- OH! 1621 01:23:18,527 --> 01:23:20,363 IT'S BEAUTIFUL. 1622 01:23:21,564 --> 01:23:23,266 Ryan: A POPULAR COLUMNIST 1623 01:23:23,299 --> 01:23:25,268 MAY BE DEFECTING TO ANOTHER PAPER. 1624 01:23:25,301 --> 01:23:26,435 WHO? WHEN? 1625 01:23:26,469 --> 01:23:28,704 ABOUT AN HOUR IS ALL I CAN LEGALLY SAY, 1626 01:23:28,737 --> 01:23:30,706 BUT YOU CAN DO THE REST SINCE YOU ARE-- 1627 01:23:30,739 --> 01:23:32,441 LUCY STONE. 1628 01:23:33,642 --> 01:23:35,478 THANK YOU, JIM. 1629 01:23:35,511 --> 01:23:37,546 Lucy: And here in New York, 1630 01:23:37,580 --> 01:23:39,582 reliable sources tell me that 1631 01:23:39,615 --> 01:23:43,186 everyone's favorite advice columnist may be a free agent. 1632 01:23:43,219 --> 01:23:46,222 Could that be what today's press conference is about? 1633 01:23:46,255 --> 01:23:48,691 Woman: OVER HERE. THAT'S THE CAR, BOYS. 1634 01:23:48,724 --> 01:23:51,294 STAND BACK. STAND BACK. 1635 01:23:51,327 --> 01:23:52,528 Man: MR. SIMPSON. 1636 01:23:52,561 --> 01:23:54,530 MR. SIMPSON, CAN YOU CONFIRM THE RUMORS? 1637 01:23:54,563 --> 01:23:55,664 PLEASE, SIR? 1638 01:23:55,698 --> 01:23:58,167 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CINDY STYNE. 1639 01:23:58,201 --> 01:24:00,369 Woman: WILL YOU BE LEAVING "THE JOURNAL"? 1640 01:24:00,403 --> 01:24:02,138 - NO COMMENT NOW. - NO COMMENT. 1641 01:24:02,171 --> 01:24:04,107 Man: CINDY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 1642 01:24:04,140 --> 01:24:05,408 NO COMMENT ON THAT, EITHER. 1643 01:24:05,441 --> 01:24:07,210 Woman TELL US ABOUT THE DRESS. 1644 01:24:07,243 --> 01:24:09,345 The dress? I had it made. 1645 01:24:09,378 --> 01:24:12,415 Woman: Rumors that popular columnist Cindy Styne 1646 01:24:12,448 --> 01:24:15,218 might be defecting to the "New York Chronicle" 1647 01:24:15,251 --> 01:24:17,453 has sent Simpson's stocks up eight points. 1648 01:24:17,486 --> 01:24:19,155 NOW WHAT? 1649 01:24:19,188 --> 01:24:21,357 LET'S GO WATCH A VICTORY. 1650 01:24:21,390 --> 01:24:24,360 Donald: SO, WE'VE SUCCESSFULLY CONCLUDED 1651 01:24:24,393 --> 01:24:26,329 AN EXCLUSIVE FIVE YEAR CONTRACT. 1652 01:24:26,362 --> 01:24:28,231 AND AFTER LENGTHY NEGOTIATIONS, 1653 01:24:28,264 --> 01:24:31,234 I'M VERY PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE 1654 01:24:31,267 --> 01:24:33,736 THE ACQUISITION OF "ASK CINDY." 1655 01:24:33,769 --> 01:24:36,472 WHICH WILL DEBUT NEXT WEEK IN NATIONAL SYNDICATION. 1656 01:24:36,505 --> 01:24:39,108 AMY, GET READY. 1657 01:24:39,142 --> 01:24:41,444 RYAN, IT'S GOING UP SO FAST, THE TICKER CAN'T KEEP UP! 1658 01:24:41,477 --> 01:24:43,446 SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, 1659 01:24:43,479 --> 01:24:45,448 LET ME INTRODUCE OUR NEW CHRONICLE GIRL, 1660 01:24:45,481 --> 01:24:47,583 Ms. Cindy Styne. 1661 01:24:47,616 --> 01:24:49,385 CINDY. 1662 01:24:49,418 --> 01:24:50,753 AMY? 1663 01:24:50,786 --> 01:24:53,289 - How much is it up? - 30 POINTS! 1664 01:24:53,322 --> 01:24:54,557 HAH! 1665 01:24:54,590 --> 01:24:55,858 WE JUST MADE A MILLION FIVE. 1666 01:24:57,260 --> 01:24:59,295 - THANK-- OOH. - ( feed back ) 1667 01:24:59,328 --> 01:25:01,130 - THANK YOU, DONNY. - SELL. 1668 01:25:01,164 --> 01:25:02,765 Sell. 1669 01:25:02,798 --> 01:25:05,234 - YOU'RE OUT. - Good. 1670 01:25:05,268 --> 01:25:07,470 - NICE MOVE. - ( cheering ) 1671 01:25:07,503 --> 01:25:09,172 Cindy: I'M EXCITED TO BE PART 1672 01:25:09,205 --> 01:25:11,407 OF THE SIMPSON PUBLISHING FAMILY. 1673 01:25:11,440 --> 01:25:13,342 - THANK YOU, CIN-- - AND-- 1674 01:25:15,278 --> 01:25:17,613 EXCUSE ME. AND-- 1675 01:25:17,646 --> 01:25:20,483 THINGS ARE GONNA BE DIFFERENT FROM NOW ON. 1676 01:25:20,516 --> 01:25:22,785 TAKE IT ALL, AND SELL IT SHORT. 1677 01:25:22,818 --> 01:25:23,919 ARE YOU SURE? 1678 01:25:23,952 --> 01:25:26,489 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - TRUST ME. 1679 01:25:26,522 --> 01:25:28,391 I USED TO BE PRETTY GOOD AT THIS. 1680 01:25:29,392 --> 01:25:32,361 I'M BETTING THAT SIMPSON IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. 1681 01:25:32,395 --> 01:25:35,164 ...'CAUSE MY LIFE HAS BEEN A LIVING HELL. 1682 01:25:35,198 --> 01:25:37,666 SEE, IT WASN'T ME WRITING MY COLUMN. 1683 01:25:37,700 --> 01:25:40,403 I WAS IN BRAZIL. 1684 01:25:40,436 --> 01:25:41,270 HAVE YOU EVER BEEN? 1685 01:25:41,304 --> 01:25:43,406 - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. - DON'T BOTHER. 1686 01:25:43,439 --> 01:25:44,807 Cindy: It was an impostor, 1687 01:25:44,840 --> 01:25:48,244 my ex-boyfriend forging my advice. 1688 01:25:48,277 --> 01:25:49,378 ( guffaws ) 1689 01:25:49,412 --> 01:25:51,447 BUT I AM BACK NOW, 1690 01:25:51,480 --> 01:25:54,550 SO NO MORE OF THAT PSEUDO-SENSITIVE CRAP. 1691 01:25:54,583 --> 01:25:56,419 - FROM NOW ON-- - THANK YOU, CINDY! 1692 01:25:56,452 --> 01:25:58,187 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1693 01:25:58,221 --> 01:25:59,922 MS. STYNE'S HUMOR IS ONE OF THE REASONS 1694 01:25:59,955 --> 01:26:02,658 THE SIMPSON PUBLISHING COMPANY IS FORTUNATE TO HAVE HER. 1695 01:26:02,691 --> 01:26:05,394 - LET'S GLOAT. - LET'S. 1696 01:26:05,428 --> 01:26:07,630 THIS CONFERENCE IS OVER. 1697 01:26:07,663 --> 01:26:10,199 HEY! WE GOT A NEW BREAKING STORY. 1698 01:26:10,233 --> 01:26:11,867 MR. SIMPSON? 1699 01:26:11,900 --> 01:26:14,503 CONGRATULATIONS. SHE'S ALL YOURS. 1700 01:26:16,305 --> 01:26:17,540 DONALD. 1701 01:26:18,541 --> 01:26:20,776 WHEN YOU'RE SCREWED, YOU'RE SCREWED. 1702 01:26:26,014 --> 01:26:27,883 COME ON! 1703 01:26:27,916 --> 01:26:29,885 ARE YOU HUNGRY? 1704 01:26:29,918 --> 01:26:31,920 I COULD EAT. 1705 01:26:33,322 --> 01:26:35,491 WE MADE HOW MUCH? 1706 01:26:35,524 --> 01:26:37,926 WELL, YOU MADE... 1707 01:26:37,960 --> 01:26:39,362 IT WAS YOUR MONEY. 1708 01:26:39,395 --> 01:26:41,897 OH! WHA-- 1709 01:26:41,930 --> 01:26:43,899 ( sighing ) 1710 01:26:43,932 --> 01:26:45,934 ( unzipping ) 1711 01:26:47,470 --> 01:26:48,771 ( groans ) 1712 01:26:48,804 --> 01:26:50,406 I HAVE NO IDEA. 1713 01:26:50,439 --> 01:26:52,375 Secretary: I'M SORRY, HE'S IN A MEETING 1714 01:26:52,408 --> 01:26:54,277 Cindy: DON'T START WITH ME. 1715 01:26:54,310 --> 01:26:56,512 DONNY! 1716 01:26:56,545 --> 01:26:58,814 I NEED SOME HELP! 1717 01:26:58,847 --> 01:27:01,484 ( sighs ) 1718 01:27:01,517 --> 01:27:04,553 * LOOKS SO GOOD... 1719 01:27:04,587 --> 01:27:07,423 ( giggling ) 1720 01:27:07,456 --> 01:27:08,491 WHOA! 1721 01:27:08,524 --> 01:27:10,993 * FEEL YOUR LOVE... 1722 01:27:13,028 --> 01:27:13,929 - HONEY? - YEAH? 1723 01:27:13,962 --> 01:27:16,999 IS MY TUMMY GONNA LOOK ALL RIGHT AFTER THIS? 1724 01:27:17,032 --> 01:27:19,635 LIKE YOUR NEW ASS... BUT FLAT... 1725 01:27:19,668 --> 01:27:21,637 AND NO CRACK. 1726 01:27:21,670 --> 01:27:23,872 ( whimpering ) 1727 01:27:25,508 --> 01:27:26,975 "DEAR RYAN, 1728 01:27:27,009 --> 01:27:30,513 I WANT TO PROPOSE TO THE ONLY WOMAN I EVER LOVED, 1729 01:27:30,546 --> 01:27:32,781 BUT I'D LIKE TO DO IT IN A SURPRISING WAY. 1730 01:27:32,815 --> 01:27:34,383 ANY ADVICE? 1731 01:27:34,417 --> 01:27:36,852 SIGNED... 1732 01:27:37,853 --> 01:27:39,522 ME." 1733 01:27:46,094 --> 01:27:47,696 HI. 1734 01:27:47,730 --> 01:27:49,698 - ARE YOU READY TO GO YET? - YEAH. 1735 01:27:49,732 --> 01:27:51,500 AS SOON AS YOU APPROVE THIS. 1736 01:27:52,501 --> 01:27:53,836 OKAY. 1737 01:27:55,938 --> 01:27:57,940 ( silent ) 1738 01:28:05,080 --> 01:28:07,282 ( gasps ) 1739 01:28:08,484 --> 01:28:09,785 REALLY?! 1740 01:28:09,818 --> 01:28:11,820 ( screams ) 1741 01:28:17,025 --> 01:28:19,027 YES! 1742 01:28:30,373 --> 01:28:32,375 WAIT! MY PURSE! 1743 01:31:23,078 --> 01:31:28,083 Closed Captioned By: Hollywood, CA Inc.