1 00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:17,911 "Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. 2 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:21,999 "But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, 3 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:25,669 "which could only be broken by love's first kiss. 4 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,381 "She was locked away in a castle 5 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:32,801 "guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. 6 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:38,140 "Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, 7 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:40,225 "but none prevailed. 8 00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:43,228 "She waited in the dragon's keep 9 00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:46,231 "in the highest room of the tallest tower, 10 00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:50,861 "for her true love and true love's first kiss." 11 00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:53,947 Like that's ever gonna happen. 12 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:57,242 What a load of... 13 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,757 - Go! - Go! 14 00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:06,204 - I think it's in there. - All right. Let's get it! 15 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:09,041 Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? 16 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:12,085 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread. 17 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:16,131 Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. 18 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:20,260 Now, ogres, they're much worse. 19 00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:23,263 They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. 20 00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:25,432 - No! - They'll shave your liver. 21 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:28,769 Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! 22 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:31,396 - Actually, it's quite good on toast. - Back! Back, beast! 23 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,607 Back! I warn ya! 24 00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:39,821 Right. 25 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:59,341 This is the part where you run away. 26 00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:09,142 And stay out! 27 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:14,106 "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." 28 00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:23,615 All right. This one's full. Take it away! 29 00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:28,662 - Move it along. Come on! Get up! - Next! 30 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:31,665 Give me that! Your flying days are over. 31 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:34,376 That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! 32 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:37,212 - Get up! Come on! - Twenty pieces. 33 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,383 - Sit down there! - Keep quiet! 34 00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:45,178 This cage is too small. 35 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,347 Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. 36 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,057 I can change. Please! Give me another chance! 37 00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:51,893 - Shut up. - Next! 38 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,855 - What have you got? - This little, wooden puppet. 39 00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:58,733 I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. 40 00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:02,320 Five shillings for the possessed toy. 41 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,489 - Take it away. - Father, please! Don't let them do this! 42 00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:06,241 - Help me! - Next. What have you got? 43 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:09,202 Well, I've got a talking donkey. 44 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:13,832 Right. Well, that's good for 10 shillings, if you can prove it. 45 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:16,751 Go ahead, little fella. 46 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:19,838 Well? 47 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,632 He's just... He's just a little nervous. 48 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:26,678 He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt! 49 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:29,347 - That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! - No, no, he talks! 50 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,183 He does. 51 00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:33,560 I can talk. I love to talk. 52 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:36,563 I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. 53 00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:39,191 - Get her out of my sight. - No, no! 54 00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:43,695 I swear! He can talk! 55 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,408 Hey! I can fly! 56 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,118 - He can fly! - He can fly! 57 00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,912 He can talk! 58 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:55,582 That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. 59 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:58,293 You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, 60 00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:01,463 but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. 61 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,763 Seize him! 62 00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:14,559 After him! He's getting away! 63 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,612 Get him! This way! Turn! 64 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:33,119 You, there. Ogre! 65 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,497 Aye? 66 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,249 By the order of Lord Farquaad, 67 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,668 I am authorized to place you both under arrest 68 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:45,340 and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. 69 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:49,469 Oh, really? You and what army? 70 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,232 Can I say something to you? 71 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,652 Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible! 72 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:11,491 Are you talkin' to me? 73 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:12,951 Yes, I was talkin' to you. 74 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,537 Can I tell you that you was great back there? I mean, those guards. 75 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,331 They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! 76 00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:20,375 They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. 77 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,377 That really made me feel good to see that. 78 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,505 - That's great. Really. - Man, it's good to be free. 79 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:31,136 Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? 80 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:37,267 But I don't have any friends, and I'm not goin' out there by myself. 81 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,894 Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. 82 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,896 You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. 83 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,190 Together, we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. 84 00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:51,239 Wow! That was really scary. 85 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:52,615 And if you don't mind me sayin', 86 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:55,035 if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 87 00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,870 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 88 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,246 'cause your breath stinks! 89 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,541 Man, you almost burned the hair out of my nose, 90 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,461 just like the time... 91 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,004 And then I ate some rotten berries. 92 00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:08,256 I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. 93 00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:11,051 Why are you following me? 94 00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:14,721 I'll tell you why. 95 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,724 'Cause I'm all alone 96 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:21,561 There's no one here beside me 97 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,772 My problems have all gone 98 00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:27,609 There's no one to deride me 99 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,779 But you gotta have friends 100 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:33,907 Stop singing! 101 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,034 It's no wonder you don't have any friends. 102 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,746 Only a true friend would be that truly honest. 103 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:43,917 Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? 104 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:52,050 - Really tall? - No! I'm an ogre. 105 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:55,345 You know, "Grab your torch and pitchforks." 106 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,430 Doesn't that bother you? 107 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,641 Nope. 108 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,602 - Really? - Really, really. 109 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,814 Man, I like you. What's your name? 110 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,567 Shrek. 111 00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:12,904 Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? 112 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:15,949 You got that kind of I-don't-care what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. 113 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:19,828 I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. 114 00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:24,999 Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that? 115 00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:28,294 That would be my home. 116 00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:32,424 And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You are quite a decorator. 117 00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:35,135 It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. 118 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:39,973 I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. 119 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,438 I guess you don't entertain much, do you? 120 00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,314 I like my privacy. 121 00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:51,234 You know, I do, too. That's another thing we have in common. 122 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,111 Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face. 123 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,779 You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. 124 00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:57,532 Then there's that big, awkward silence, you know. 125 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,163 - Can I stay with you? - What? 126 00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,790 Can I stay with you, please? 127 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:08,209 - Of course! - Really? 128 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:10,795 - No. - Please! I don't wanna go back there! 129 00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:14,674 You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. 130 00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:17,343 But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! 131 00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:20,555 - Please! Please! - Okay! Okay! 132 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:23,224 - But one night only. - Thank you! 133 00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,643 - What are you... No! No! - This is gonna be fun! 134 00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,645 We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, 135 00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:30,523 and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles. 136 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,860 Where do I sleep? 137 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,695 Outside! 138 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:39,282 Oh, well, I guess that's cool. 139 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,034 I mean, I don't know you and you don't know me, 140 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,536 so I guess outside is best, you know. 141 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,748 Here I go. 142 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,169 Good night. 143 00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:56,925 I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. 144 00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:59,677 I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. 145 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:02,055 By myself, outside. 146 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:06,935 I'm all alone There's no one here beside me 147 00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:13,835 I thought I told you to stay outside. 148 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:16,921 I am outside. 149 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:26,889 Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? 150 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,475 It's not home, but it'll do just fine. 151 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:32,604 - What a lovely bed. - Got ya. 152 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,314 I found some cheese. 153 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,025 Awful stuff. 154 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,820 - Is that you, Gorder? - How did you know? 155 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:44,532 Enough! What are you doing in my house? 156 00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:45,867 Hey! 157 00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,954 Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. 158 00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:53,207 Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. 159 00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:58,171 What? 160 00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:03,009 I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! 161 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,720 What do I have to do to get a little privacy? 162 00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:11,017 Oh, no. Oh, no. 163 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,686 No! No! 164 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,649 What? 165 00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:19,734 - Quit it. - Don't push. 166 00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:27,033 What are you doing in my swamp? 167 00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:29,535 Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! 168 00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:32,955 Oh, dear. 169 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,503 All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! 170 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,505 Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! 171 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,548 - Quickly. Come on! - No, no! 172 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:45,009 No, no. Not there. Not there. 173 00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:51,391 Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. 174 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,559 Oh, gosh, no one invited us. 175 00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:56,229 - What? - We were forced to come here. 176 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,439 - By who? - Lord Farquaad. 177 00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:03,277 He huffed und he puffed und he signed an eviction notice. 178 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:06,072 All right. 179 00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:10,410 Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? 180 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,287 I do. I know where he is. 181 00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:17,083 Does anyone else know where to find him? 182 00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,795 - Anyone at all? - Me! Me! 183 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:22,797 - Anyone? - Pick me! 184 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,299 I know! I know! Me, me! 185 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,511 Okay, fine. 186 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:33,474 Attention, all fairy tale things. 187 00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:37,937 Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. 188 00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:41,733 In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, 189 00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:44,944 and get you all off my land and back where you came from! 190 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:57,457 You! You're comin' with me. 191 00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:00,001 All right, that's what I like to hear, man. 192 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:03,755 Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind, big-city adventure. 193 00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:05,840 I love it! 194 00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:07,592 On the road again 195 00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:09,093 - Sing it with me, Shrek. - Hey. 196 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,512 I can't wait to get On the road again 197 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,806 What did I say about singing? 198 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,141 - Well, can I whistle? - No. 199 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:18,019 - Can I hum it? - All right, hum it. 200 00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:50,843 That's enough. He's ready to talk. 201 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:06,234 "Run, run, run, as fast as you can. 202 00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:09,862 "You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!" 203 00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:13,533 - You're a monster. - I'm not the monster here. You are. 204 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:18,287 You, and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. 205 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,872 Now, tell me! Where are the others? 206 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,749 Eat me! 207 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:25,503 I've tried to be fair to you creatures. 208 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:29,090 Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll... 209 00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:32,301 No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. 210 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,053 All right, then. Who's hiding them? 211 00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:39,475 Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? 212 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,894 - The muffin man? - The muffin man. 213 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:45,398 Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? 214 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:48,901 Well, she's married to the muffin man. 215 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,112 - The muffin man? - The muffin man! 216 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:54,198 She's married to the muffin man. 217 00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:55,950 My lord! We found it. 218 00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:59,245 Well, then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. 219 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:17,597 - Magic Mirror... - Don't tell him anything! 220 00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,974 No! 221 00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:23,811 'Evening. 222 00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:25,771 Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, 223 00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:29,233 is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? 224 00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,903 Well, technically, you're not a king. 225 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,779 Thelonious. 226 00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:39,118 - You were saying? - What I mean is, you're not a king yet. 227 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:42,788 But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. 228 00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,832 Go on. 229 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:49,587 So, just sit back and relax, my lord, 230 00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:53,966 because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. 231 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:56,510 And here they are! 232 00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:58,554 Bachelorette number one 233 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:02,683 is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. 234 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:05,019 She likes sushi and hot-tubbing anytime. 235 00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:08,564 Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. 236 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,025 Please welcome Cinderella. 237 00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:13,569 Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl 238 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,154 from the land of fancy. 239 00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:17,949 Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. 240 00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:21,577 Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. 241 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:25,790 Come on. Give it up for Snow White! 242 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,125 And last, but certainly not least, 243 00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:30,211 bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead 244 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:32,838 from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot, boiling lava! 245 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:35,508 But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol 246 00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,219 who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. 247 00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:42,473 Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! 248 00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,892 So, will it be bachelorette number one, 249 00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:48,479 bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? 250 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,731 - Two! Two! - Three! Three! 251 00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:52,149 - Two! Two! - Three! 252 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,360 Three? One? Three? 253 00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,487 Three! Pick number three, my lord! 254 00:19:56,570 --> 00:20:00,324 Okay, okay, number three! 255 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:05,204 Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. 256 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:14,714 Princess Fiona. She's perfect. 257 00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:17,174 All I have to do is just find someone who can go... 258 00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:19,885 But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. 259 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,887 - I'll do it. - Yes, but after sunset... 260 00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:26,058 Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, 261 00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:30,312 and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! 262 00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:32,606 Captain, assemble your finest men. 263 00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:36,485 We're going to have a tournament. 264 00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:41,699 But that's it. That's it right there. That's Duloc. 265 00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:43,367 I told ya I'd find it. 266 00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:47,580 So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. 267 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,749 That's the place. 268 00:20:49,832 --> 00:20:54,045 Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? 269 00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,467 Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. 270 00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:02,428 Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. 271 00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:06,932 Hey, you! 272 00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:10,478 Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. 273 00:21:10,561 --> 00:21:13,189 I just... I just... 274 00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:46,597 It's quiet. 275 00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:51,310 Too quiet. 276 00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:58,025 - Where is everybody? - Hey, look at this! 277 00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:14,834 Welcome to Duloc Such a perfect town 278 00:22:14,917 --> 00:22:18,629 Here we have some rules Let us lay them down 279 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:22,299 Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine 280 00:22:22,383 --> 00:22:26,011 Duloc is a perfect place 281 00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:30,641 Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your face 282 00:22:30,724 --> 00:22:34,311 Duloc is, Duloc is 283 00:22:34,395 --> 00:22:39,233 Duloc is a perfect place 284 00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,158 Wow. 285 00:22:48,117 --> 00:22:52,079 - Let's do that again! - No. No. No, no, no! No. 286 00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:56,792 Brave knights. 287 00:22:56,876 --> 00:23:01,088 You are the best and brightest in all the land. 288 00:23:01,172 --> 00:23:03,591 Today, one of you shall prove himself... 289 00:23:03,674 --> 00:23:06,177 All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. 290 00:23:06,260 --> 00:23:08,053 Sorry about that. 291 00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:13,642 That champion shall have the honor... No, no, the privilege 292 00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:17,730 to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona 293 00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:21,150 from the fiery keep of the dragon. 294 00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:25,446 If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, 295 00:23:25,529 --> 00:23:28,699 the first runner-up will take his place 296 00:23:28,782 --> 00:23:31,577 and so on and so forth. 297 00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:37,333 Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. 298 00:23:42,296 --> 00:23:44,757 Let the tournament begin! 299 00:23:50,346 --> 00:23:52,139 What is that? 300 00:23:54,183 --> 00:23:57,645 - It's hideous! - That's not very nice. 301 00:23:58,604 --> 00:24:00,773 It's just a donkey. 302 00:24:00,856 --> 00:24:03,817 Indeed. Knights, new plan! 303 00:24:03,901 --> 00:24:08,614 The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him! 304 00:24:08,697 --> 00:24:12,660 - Get him! - Hey! Now, come on! Hang on now. 305 00:24:13,869 --> 00:24:14,995 Go ahead! Get him! 306 00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:18,749 Can't we just settle this over a pint? 307 00:24:18,832 --> 00:24:20,084 Kill the beast! 308 00:24:20,167 --> 00:24:23,420 No? All right then. 309 00:24:24,713 --> 00:24:26,799 Come on! 310 00:24:42,690 --> 00:24:43,857 Damn! 311 00:24:57,746 --> 00:24:59,665 Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! 312 00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:09,550 Yeah! 313 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,721 The chair! Give him the chair! 314 00:25:33,324 --> 00:25:35,743 Oh, yeah! 315 00:25:38,704 --> 00:25:39,913 Thank you! 316 00:25:39,997 --> 00:25:43,959 Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! 317 00:25:50,341 --> 00:25:52,301 Shall I give the order, sir? 318 00:25:52,384 --> 00:25:55,971 No, I have a better idea. 319 00:25:56,055 --> 00:26:01,226 People of Duloc, I give you our champion! 320 00:26:01,310 --> 00:26:05,189 - What? - Congratulations, ogre. 321 00:26:05,272 --> 00:26:09,610 You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. 322 00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:14,073 Quest? I'm already on a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. 323 00:26:14,156 --> 00:26:17,368 - Your swamp? - Yeah, my swamp! 324 00:26:17,451 --> 00:26:19,953 Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! 325 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:24,750 Indeed. All right, ogre, I'll make you a deal. 326 00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:28,629 Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. 327 00:26:28,712 --> 00:26:31,423 Exactly the way it was? 328 00:26:31,507 --> 00:26:34,259 Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. 329 00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:37,596 - And the squatters? - As good as gone. 330 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:44,436 What kind of quest? 331 00:26:44,770 --> 00:26:47,272 Okay, let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon 332 00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:50,067 and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp, 333 00:26:50,150 --> 00:26:53,070 which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. 334 00:26:53,153 --> 00:26:54,738 - Is that about right? - You know what? 335 00:26:54,822 --> 00:26:57,616 Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. 336 00:26:57,699 --> 00:27:01,078 I don't get it, Shrek. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? 337 00:27:01,161 --> 00:27:03,247 You know, throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, 338 00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:06,166 grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. 339 00:27:06,250 --> 00:27:08,168 I know what. 340 00:27:08,252 --> 00:27:10,754 Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village 341 00:27:10,838 --> 00:27:12,673 and put their heads on a pike, 342 00:27:12,756 --> 00:27:16,385 gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. 343 00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:18,595 Does that sound good to you? 344 00:27:19,805 --> 00:27:21,306 No, not really, no. 345 00:27:21,390 --> 00:27:25,185 For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. 346 00:27:25,269 --> 00:27:28,021 - Example? - Example? 347 00:27:28,105 --> 00:27:32,443 Okay, ogres are like onions. 348 00:27:32,526 --> 00:27:35,112 - They stink? - Yes. No! 349 00:27:35,195 --> 00:27:36,613 - They make you cry? - No! 350 00:27:36,697 --> 00:27:38,699 You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, 351 00:27:38,782 --> 00:27:40,117 start sproutin' little, white hairs. 352 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,202 No! Layers! 353 00:27:42,286 --> 00:27:44,621 Onions have layers. 354 00:27:44,705 --> 00:27:48,000 Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. 355 00:27:48,083 --> 00:27:50,502 You get it? We both have layers. 356 00:27:52,421 --> 00:27:55,382 You both have layers. 357 00:27:57,134 --> 00:27:59,470 You know, not everybody likes onions. 358 00:27:59,553 --> 00:28:02,181 Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. 359 00:28:02,264 --> 00:28:06,185 I don't care what everyone likes. 360 00:28:06,268 --> 00:28:09,980 Ogres are not like cakes. 361 00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:14,401 You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. 362 00:28:14,485 --> 00:28:17,070 Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," 363 00:28:17,154 --> 00:28:19,656 they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. 364 00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:23,994 No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! 365 00:28:24,077 --> 00:28:26,788 Ogres are like onions! End of story. 366 00:28:26,872 --> 00:28:29,708 Bye-bye. See ya later. 367 00:28:33,921 --> 00:28:37,382 Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. 368 00:28:37,466 --> 00:28:40,469 You know, I think I preferred your humming. 369 00:28:40,552 --> 00:28:43,222 Do you have a tissue or something? 'Cause I'm making a mess. 370 00:28:43,305 --> 00:28:46,225 Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. 371 00:29:26,306 --> 00:29:27,975 Shrek! Did you do that? 372 00:29:28,058 --> 00:29:30,602 Man, you gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. 373 00:29:30,686 --> 00:29:32,980 - My mouth was open and everything. - Believe me, Donkey, 374 00:29:33,063 --> 00:29:35,649 if it was me, you'd be dead. 375 00:29:36,858 --> 00:29:38,485 It's brimstone. 376 00:29:38,569 --> 00:29:41,738 - We must be getting close. - Yeah, right, brimstone. 377 00:29:41,822 --> 00:29:43,448 Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. 378 00:29:43,532 --> 00:29:45,909 I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. 379 00:29:45,993 --> 00:29:47,953 It didn't come off no stone neither. 380 00:30:05,971 --> 00:30:09,308 Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. 381 00:30:12,436 --> 00:30:14,646 Shrek? 382 00:30:14,730 --> 00:30:18,108 Remember when you said that ogres have layers? 383 00:30:18,191 --> 00:30:19,276 Aye. 384 00:30:20,319 --> 00:30:22,821 Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. 385 00:30:22,904 --> 00:30:24,448 Donkeys don't have layers. 386 00:30:24,531 --> 00:30:26,283 We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. 387 00:30:26,366 --> 00:30:29,161 Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. 388 00:30:29,244 --> 00:30:30,454 You know what I mean. 389 00:30:30,537 --> 00:30:33,206 You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. 390 00:30:33,290 --> 00:30:36,126 No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge 391 00:30:36,209 --> 00:30:37,878 over a boiling lake of lava! 392 00:30:37,961 --> 00:30:42,007 Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? 393 00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:44,760 For emotional support, 394 00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:49,389 we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. 395 00:30:49,473 --> 00:30:51,391 - Really? - Really, really. 396 00:30:51,475 --> 00:30:53,477 Okay, that makes me feel so much better. 397 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:54,686 Just keep moving. 398 00:30:54,770 --> 00:30:59,358 - And don't look down. - Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. 399 00:30:59,441 --> 00:31:02,819 Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. 400 00:31:04,946 --> 00:31:06,698 Shrek! I'm lookin' down! 401 00:31:06,782 --> 00:31:09,701 Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off right now. Please. 402 00:31:09,785 --> 00:31:13,330 - But you're already halfway. - But I know that half is safe! 403 00:31:13,413 --> 00:31:16,208 Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. 404 00:31:16,291 --> 00:31:18,710 - Shrek, no! Wait! - Just, Donkey... 405 00:31:18,794 --> 00:31:21,880 - Let's have a dance then, shall we? - Don't do that! 406 00:31:21,963 --> 00:31:25,842 I'm sorry. Do what? 407 00:31:25,926 --> 00:31:29,012 - This? - Yes, that! 408 00:31:29,096 --> 00:31:32,557 Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. 409 00:31:33,642 --> 00:31:34,893 No, Shrek! 410 00:31:34,976 --> 00:31:38,105 - No! Stop it! - You said do it! I'm doin' it. 411 00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:42,442 I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. 412 00:31:45,112 --> 00:31:48,115 That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. 413 00:31:52,661 --> 00:31:54,162 Cool. 414 00:31:54,830 --> 00:31:57,582 So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? 415 00:31:57,666 --> 00:32:01,420 Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. 416 00:32:01,503 --> 00:32:04,423 I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. 417 00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:21,815 You afraid? 418 00:32:21,898 --> 00:32:24,192 No, but... 419 00:32:25,277 --> 00:32:27,612 Good. Me, neither. 420 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,284 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. 421 00:32:32,367 --> 00:32:35,620 Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. 422 00:32:35,704 --> 00:32:37,748 Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. 423 00:32:37,831 --> 00:32:40,459 With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, 424 00:32:40,542 --> 00:32:42,085 it sure doesn't mean you're a coward 425 00:32:42,169 --> 00:32:44,004 if you're a little scared, you know what I mean? 426 00:32:44,087 --> 00:32:46,506 'Cause I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. 427 00:32:48,175 --> 00:32:51,511 Donkey, two things, okay? 428 00:32:52,262 --> 00:32:54,639 Shut up. 429 00:32:54,723 --> 00:32:56,975 Now, go over there and see if you can find any stairs. 430 00:32:57,058 --> 00:32:59,686 Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. 431 00:32:59,770 --> 00:33:04,649 The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. 432 00:33:04,733 --> 00:33:08,320 - What makes you think she'll be there? - I read it in a book once. 433 00:33:08,403 --> 00:33:12,324 Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. 434 00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:15,452 I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. 435 00:33:15,535 --> 00:33:17,496 That's right. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. 436 00:33:22,501 --> 00:33:23,960 I'm gonna take drastic steps. 437 00:33:24,044 --> 00:33:26,838 Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. 438 00:33:26,922 --> 00:33:29,716 I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. 439 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:31,259 I'd step all over it. 440 00:33:34,721 --> 00:33:38,016 Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the... 441 00:33:38,099 --> 00:33:40,185 Dragon! 442 00:33:55,951 --> 00:33:58,203 Donkey, look out! 443 00:34:10,257 --> 00:34:12,259 Got ya! 444 00:34:47,627 --> 00:34:49,296 No. Oh, no. No! 445 00:34:51,131 --> 00:34:52,632 Oh, what large teeth you have. 446 00:34:54,843 --> 00:34:56,344 I mean, white, sparkling teeth. 447 00:34:56,428 --> 00:34:58,680 I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, 448 00:34:58,763 --> 00:35:00,056 but you must bleach or something, 449 00:35:00,140 --> 00:35:02,726 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. 450 00:35:02,809 --> 00:35:05,478 Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? 451 00:35:05,562 --> 00:35:07,397 And you know what else? You know what else? 452 00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,317 You're... You're a girl dragon! 453 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:14,905 Sure. I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. 454 00:35:14,988 --> 00:35:18,783 'Cause you're just reeking of feminine beauty. 455 00:35:18,867 --> 00:35:21,202 What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? 456 00:35:24,205 --> 00:35:26,625 Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm... 457 00:35:26,708 --> 00:35:28,585 I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out 458 00:35:28,668 --> 00:35:30,795 if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. 459 00:35:30,879 --> 00:35:32,672 Shrek! 460 00:35:34,674 --> 00:35:38,386 No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! 461 00:36:11,711 --> 00:36:13,171 - Wake up! - What? 462 00:36:13,254 --> 00:36:14,881 Are you Princess Fiona? 463 00:36:15,548 --> 00:36:17,676 I am. 464 00:36:17,759 --> 00:36:20,303 Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. 465 00:36:20,387 --> 00:36:22,389 That's nice. Now, let's go. 466 00:36:22,472 --> 00:36:24,474 But wait, Sir Knight. 467 00:36:24,557 --> 00:36:26,851 This be-eth our first meeting. 468 00:36:26,935 --> 00:36:30,647 Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? 469 00:36:30,730 --> 00:36:35,068 - Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. - Hey, wait. What are you doing? 470 00:36:35,151 --> 00:36:37,237 You should sweep me off my feet, 471 00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,699 out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. 472 00:36:40,782 --> 00:36:43,576 You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? 473 00:36:47,998 --> 00:36:50,875 But we have to savor this moment! 474 00:36:50,959 --> 00:36:53,712 You could recite an epic poem for me. 475 00:36:53,795 --> 00:36:56,256 A ballad? A sonnet! 476 00:36:56,339 --> 00:36:59,592 - A limerick? Or something! - I don't think so. 477 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:04,097 Can I at least know the name of my champion? 478 00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:06,099 Shrek. 479 00:37:06,933 --> 00:37:09,894 Sir Shrek. 480 00:37:09,978 --> 00:37:14,733 I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. 481 00:37:15,859 --> 00:37:17,861 Thanks! 482 00:37:21,865 --> 00:37:23,700 You didn't slay the dragon? 483 00:37:23,783 --> 00:37:26,244 It's on my to-do list. Now, come on! 484 00:37:26,327 --> 00:37:28,413 But this isn't right! 485 00:37:28,496 --> 00:37:31,791 You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. 486 00:37:31,875 --> 00:37:33,418 That's what all the other knights did. 487 00:37:33,501 --> 00:37:35,795 Yeah, right before they burst into flame. 488 00:37:35,879 --> 00:37:37,797 That's not the point. 489 00:37:39,507 --> 00:37:41,968 Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there. 490 00:37:42,052 --> 00:37:44,095 Well, I have to save my ass. 491 00:37:44,179 --> 00:37:47,390 What kind of knight are you? 492 00:37:47,474 --> 00:37:49,893 One of a kind. 493 00:37:49,976 --> 00:37:52,353 Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. 494 00:37:52,437 --> 00:37:54,981 I believe it's healthy to get to know someone 495 00:37:55,065 --> 00:37:58,610 over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. 496 00:37:59,402 --> 00:38:02,906 I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. 497 00:38:02,989 --> 00:38:06,451 I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of this 498 00:38:06,534 --> 00:38:08,828 magnitude, really, is the word I'm looking for. 499 00:38:08,912 --> 00:38:12,415 Magnitude. Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. 500 00:38:12,499 --> 00:38:14,959 Hey, what are you doing? 501 00:38:15,043 --> 00:38:18,296 Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. 502 00:38:18,379 --> 00:38:21,216 We really should get to know each other first as friends, 503 00:38:21,299 --> 00:38:22,509 or maybe even as pen pals. 504 00:38:22,592 --> 00:38:26,805 'Cause I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards... 505 00:38:26,888 --> 00:38:29,307 Hey, you know, I'd really love to stay, but... 506 00:38:29,390 --> 00:38:31,976 Hey, hey, don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. 507 00:38:32,060 --> 00:38:34,395 You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission to... 508 00:38:34,479 --> 00:38:35,647 What are you gonna do with that? 509 00:38:36,731 --> 00:38:39,359 Hey, now. No way. No! No! 510 00:38:39,442 --> 00:38:42,195 No, no! No. No, no, no! No! 511 00:39:09,055 --> 00:39:11,015 - Hi, Princess! - It talks! 512 00:39:11,099 --> 00:39:14,853 Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. 513 00:39:50,430 --> 00:39:52,348 Okay, you two, head for the exit! 514 00:39:54,684 --> 00:39:57,228 I'll take care of the dragon. 515 00:40:02,609 --> 00:40:04,777 Run! 516 00:40:52,951 --> 00:40:54,285 You did it! 517 00:40:54,369 --> 00:40:57,247 You rescued me! You're amazing. You're... 518 00:40:57,330 --> 00:41:01,084 You're wonderful. You're... 519 00:41:01,167 --> 00:41:03,461 A little unorthodox, I'll admit. 520 00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:08,466 But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. 521 00:41:08,841 --> 00:41:10,760 I am eternally in your debt. 522 00:41:12,428 --> 00:41:16,766 And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? 523 00:41:16,849 --> 00:41:20,186 All right, I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. 524 00:41:20,270 --> 00:41:21,521 She think I'm a steed. 525 00:41:22,981 --> 00:41:24,774 The battle is won. 526 00:41:24,857 --> 00:41:27,360 You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. 527 00:41:28,152 --> 00:41:30,029 - No. - Why not? 528 00:41:30,113 --> 00:41:32,323 I have helmet hair. 529 00:41:32,407 --> 00:41:35,618 Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. 530 00:41:35,702 --> 00:41:38,288 No, no, you wouldn't'st. 531 00:41:38,371 --> 00:41:40,832 But how will you kiss me? 532 00:41:40,915 --> 00:41:44,711 What? That wasn't in the job description. 533 00:41:45,628 --> 00:41:47,130 Maybe it's a perk. 534 00:41:47,213 --> 00:41:51,634 No, it's destiny. You must know how it goes. 535 00:41:51,718 --> 00:41:55,513 A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon 536 00:41:55,596 --> 00:41:58,516 is rescued by a brave knight, 537 00:41:58,599 --> 00:42:01,894 and then they share true love's first kiss. 538 00:42:02,687 --> 00:42:04,063 With Shrek? You think... Wait. 539 00:42:04,147 --> 00:42:07,317 Wait. Wait a second. You think that Shrek is your true love? 540 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,402 Well, yes. 541 00:42:13,448 --> 00:42:15,908 You think Shrek is your true love! 542 00:42:15,992 --> 00:42:17,910 What is so funny? 543 00:42:17,994 --> 00:42:21,080 Let's just say I'm not your type, okay? 544 00:42:21,164 --> 00:42:24,667 Of course you are. You're my rescuer. 545 00:42:24,751 --> 00:42:27,211 Now... Now, remove your helmet. 546 00:42:27,295 --> 00:42:29,505 Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. 547 00:42:29,589 --> 00:42:31,591 - Just take off the helmet. - I'm not going to. 548 00:42:31,674 --> 00:42:32,842 - Take it off. - No! 549 00:42:32,925 --> 00:42:35,011 - Now! - Okay! 550 00:42:35,094 --> 00:42:39,599 Easy. As you command, Your Highness. 551 00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:53,112 You... You're an ogre. 552 00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:57,075 You were expecting Prince Charming. 553 00:42:57,158 --> 00:42:59,660 Well, yes, actually. 554 00:43:01,579 --> 00:43:07,251 Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre. 555 00:43:08,378 --> 00:43:12,548 Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? 556 00:43:12,632 --> 00:43:14,550 He's the one who wants to marry you. 557 00:43:14,634 --> 00:43:16,552 Well, then why didn't he come rescue me? 558 00:43:17,220 --> 00:43:20,973 Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. 559 00:43:21,140 --> 00:43:26,896 But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre and his pet. 560 00:43:26,979 --> 00:43:29,065 So much for noble steed. 561 00:43:29,148 --> 00:43:31,776 Look, Princess, you're not making my job any easier. 562 00:43:31,859 --> 00:43:35,238 Well, I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. 563 00:43:35,321 --> 00:43:40,576 You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, 564 00:43:40,660 --> 00:43:42,995 I'll be waiting for him right here. 565 00:43:43,079 --> 00:43:48,126 Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. 566 00:43:48,209 --> 00:43:50,461 You wouldn't dare. 567 00:43:51,462 --> 00:43:52,922 - Put me down! - Ya comin', Donkey? 568 00:43:53,005 --> 00:43:54,590 Yeah, I'm right behind ya. 569 00:43:54,674 --> 00:43:58,261 Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! 570 00:43:58,344 --> 00:44:01,097 This is not dignified! Put me down! 571 00:44:04,725 --> 00:44:07,353 Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, 572 00:44:07,437 --> 00:44:08,938 but you don't really like her that way. 573 00:44:09,021 --> 00:44:11,399 How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, 574 00:44:11,482 --> 00:44:13,985 but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? How do you do that? 575 00:44:14,068 --> 00:44:16,821 You just tell her she's not your true love. 576 00:44:16,904 --> 00:44:19,615 Everyone knowest what happens when you find your... 577 00:44:19,699 --> 00:44:21,409 Hey! 578 00:44:22,368 --> 00:44:24,662 The sooner we get to Duloc the better. 579 00:44:24,745 --> 00:44:27,665 Yeah, you're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! 580 00:44:27,748 --> 00:44:31,502 And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? 581 00:44:31,586 --> 00:44:33,713 Let me put it this way, Princess. 582 00:44:34,630 --> 00:44:38,634 Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. 583 00:44:39,886 --> 00:44:43,973 I don't know, Shrek. There are those who think little of him. 584 00:44:46,100 --> 00:44:48,978 Stop it. Stop it, both of you. 585 00:44:49,061 --> 00:44:51,272 You know, you're just jealous you can never measure up 586 00:44:51,355 --> 00:44:54,025 to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. 587 00:44:54,108 --> 00:44:57,028 Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. 588 00:44:57,111 --> 00:45:00,406 But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. 589 00:45:00,490 --> 00:45:04,702 Tomorrow? It'll take that long? 590 00:45:04,785 --> 00:45:09,499 - Shouldn't we stop to make camp? - No, that'll take longer. 591 00:45:09,582 --> 00:45:14,045 - We can keep going. - But there's robbers in the woods. 592 00:45:14,587 --> 00:45:17,423 Time-out, Shrek! Camping's definitely starting to sound good. 593 00:45:17,507 --> 00:45:21,594 Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. 594 00:45:21,677 --> 00:45:24,055 I need to find somewhere to camp now! 595 00:45:30,937 --> 00:45:35,024 - Hey! Over here. - Shrek, we can do better than that. 596 00:45:35,107 --> 00:45:37,693 Now, I don't think this is fit for a princess. 597 00:45:37,777 --> 00:45:40,905 No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. 598 00:45:40,988 --> 00:45:45,618 Homey touches? Like what? 599 00:45:46,244 --> 00:45:49,747 A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. 600 00:45:49,830 --> 00:45:52,375 You want me to come in there and read you a bedtime story? Because I will. 601 00:45:52,458 --> 00:45:54,335 I said good night! 602 00:45:57,630 --> 00:45:59,215 Shrek, what are you doing? 603 00:45:59,298 --> 00:46:03,761 I... You know... Come on. I was just kidding. 604 00:46:10,351 --> 00:46:13,938 And that one, that's Throwback, 605 00:46:14,021 --> 00:46:17,441 the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. 606 00:46:17,525 --> 00:46:20,653 Right. Yeah. 607 00:46:21,737 --> 00:46:23,614 Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? 608 00:46:23,698 --> 00:46:27,493 Well, the stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. 609 00:46:27,577 --> 00:46:33,082 Look, there's Bloodnut, the flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. 610 00:46:33,165 --> 00:46:34,792 All right, now I know you're making this up. 611 00:46:34,875 --> 00:46:37,461 No, look. There he is, 612 00:46:37,545 --> 00:46:40,631 and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. 613 00:46:40,715 --> 00:46:43,301 Man, that ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. 614 00:46:43,384 --> 00:46:47,680 You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. 615 00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:51,017 Forget it. 616 00:46:55,146 --> 00:46:58,274 Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? 617 00:46:58,357 --> 00:46:59,775 Our swamp? 618 00:46:59,859 --> 00:47:02,570 You know, when we're through rescuing the princess and all that stuff. 619 00:47:02,653 --> 00:47:06,699 We? Donkey, there's no we. There's no our. 620 00:47:06,782 --> 00:47:09,493 There's just me and my swamp. 621 00:47:09,577 --> 00:47:13,831 The first thing I'm gonna do is build a 10-foot wall around my land. 622 00:47:15,082 --> 00:47:18,044 You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. 623 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,380 You know what I think? 624 00:47:21,464 --> 00:47:25,051 I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. 625 00:47:25,134 --> 00:47:29,305 - No, do ya think? - Are you hidin' something? 626 00:47:29,388 --> 00:47:31,432 Never mind, Donkey. 627 00:47:31,557 --> 00:47:34,810 This is another one of those onion things, isn't it? 628 00:47:34,894 --> 00:47:38,773 No, this is one of those drop-it-and-leave-it-alone things. 629 00:47:38,856 --> 00:47:42,360 - Why don't you want to talk about it? - Why do you want to talk about it? 630 00:47:42,443 --> 00:47:44,236 - Why are you blocking? - I'm not blocking. 631 00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:46,489 - Yes, you are. - Donkey, I'm warning you. 632 00:47:46,572 --> 00:47:48,532 Who you trying to keep out? Just tell me that, Shrek. Who? 633 00:47:48,616 --> 00:47:50,743 Everyone! Okay? 634 00:47:51,410 --> 00:47:53,579 Now we're gettin' somewhere. 635 00:47:53,663 --> 00:47:56,832 For the love of Pete! 636 00:47:56,916 --> 00:47:59,752 What's your problem, Shrek? What you got against the whole world, anyway? 637 00:47:59,835 --> 00:48:02,129 Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? 638 00:48:02,213 --> 00:48:05,091 It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. 639 00:48:05,174 --> 00:48:09,178 People take one look at me and go, "Help! Run! 640 00:48:09,261 --> 00:48:11,514 "A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" 641 00:48:13,933 --> 00:48:15,976 They judge me before they even know me. 642 00:48:17,269 --> 00:48:19,188 That's why I'm better off alone. 643 00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:29,365 You know what? 644 00:48:29,448 --> 00:48:33,369 When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. 645 00:48:35,246 --> 00:48:38,082 Yeah, I know. 646 00:48:38,165 --> 00:48:41,585 So, are there any donkeys up there? 647 00:48:41,669 --> 00:48:47,425 Well, there's Gabby, the small and annoying. 648 00:48:47,508 --> 00:48:52,430 Okay, okay. I see it now. The big, shiny one, right there. That one there? 649 00:48:52,513 --> 00:48:54,724 - That's the moon. - Okay. 650 00:49:17,997 --> 00:49:19,874 Again. Show me again. 651 00:49:23,919 --> 00:49:27,506 Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. 652 00:49:32,928 --> 00:49:35,055 Perfect. 653 00:50:40,329 --> 00:50:42,665 Yeah, you know I like it like that. 654 00:50:44,124 --> 00:50:47,711 - Come on, baby. I said I like it. - Donkey, wake up. 655 00:50:47,795 --> 00:50:49,421 - What? - Wake up. 656 00:50:51,006 --> 00:50:52,925 - What? - Morning. 657 00:50:53,008 --> 00:50:55,553 How do you like your eggs? 658 00:50:55,636 --> 00:50:59,348 - Good morning, Princess! - What's all this about? 659 00:50:59,431 --> 00:51:03,644 You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. 660 00:51:03,727 --> 00:51:09,108 I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. 661 00:51:10,442 --> 00:51:12,403 Thanks. 662 00:51:13,529 --> 00:51:17,324 Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. 663 00:51:23,122 --> 00:51:25,708 - Shrek! - What? It's a compliment. 664 00:51:25,791 --> 00:51:28,544 Better out than in, I always say. 665 00:51:28,627 --> 00:51:31,505 Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. 666 00:51:32,673 --> 00:51:35,301 - Thanks. - She's as nasty as you are. 667 00:51:36,468 --> 00:51:40,014 You know, you're not exactly what I expected. 668 00:51:40,097 --> 00:51:44,310 Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. 669 00:51:47,938 --> 00:51:50,649 Hey! 670 00:51:50,733 --> 00:51:52,484 Princess! 671 00:51:52,568 --> 00:51:55,029 Wait, wait. What are you doing? 672 00:51:55,112 --> 00:51:58,407 Be still, mon chérie, for I am your savior! 673 00:51:58,490 --> 00:52:02,828 And I am rescuing you from this green 674 00:52:03,162 --> 00:52:05,414 - beast. - Hey! 675 00:52:05,497 --> 00:52:08,417 That's my princess! Go find your own! 676 00:52:08,500 --> 00:52:13,464 Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? 677 00:52:13,547 --> 00:52:16,634 Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! 678 00:52:16,717 --> 00:52:21,472 Of course! How rude. Please, let me introduce myself. 679 00:52:21,555 --> 00:52:23,724 Merry Men! 680 00:52:30,689 --> 00:52:32,775 I steal from the rich And give to the needy 681 00:52:32,858 --> 00:52:34,902 -He takes a wee percentage -But I'm not greedy 682 00:52:34,985 --> 00:52:36,987 I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good 683 00:52:37,071 --> 00:52:39,782 -What a guy, Monsieur Hood -Break it down 684 00:52:43,744 --> 00:52:45,913 I like an honest fight And a saucy little maid 685 00:52:45,996 --> 00:52:47,289 What he's basically saying is He likes to get... 686 00:52:47,373 --> 00:52:48,374 Paid 687 00:52:48,457 --> 00:52:49,458 So 688 00:52:49,541 --> 00:52:51,126 When an ogre in the bush Grabs a lady by the tush 689 00:52:51,210 --> 00:52:53,629 -That's bad -That's bad 690 00:52:53,712 --> 00:52:56,298 When a beauty's with a beast It makes me awfully mad 691 00:52:56,382 --> 00:52:57,883 He's mad He's really, really mad 692 00:52:57,967 --> 00:52:59,969 I'll take my blade And ram it through your heart 693 00:53:00,052 --> 00:53:04,640 Keep your eyes on me, boys 'Cause I'm about to start 694 00:53:11,230 --> 00:53:14,191 - Man, that was annoying! - You little... 695 00:53:42,803 --> 00:53:44,680 Shall we? 696 00:53:46,598 --> 00:53:47,975 Hold the phone. 697 00:53:49,977 --> 00:53:52,479 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. 698 00:53:52,563 --> 00:53:54,565 - Where did that come from? - What? 699 00:53:54,648 --> 00:53:57,860 That! Back there. That was amazing! 700 00:53:57,943 --> 00:53:59,403 Where did you learn that? 701 00:53:59,486 --> 00:54:02,740 Well, when one lives alone, 702 00:54:02,823 --> 00:54:05,576 one has to learn these things in case there's a... 703 00:54:05,659 --> 00:54:08,287 - There's an arrow in your butt! - What? 704 00:54:08,370 --> 00:54:11,957 - Would you look at that? - No. This is all my fault. 705 00:54:12,041 --> 00:54:13,751 - I'm so sorry. - Why? What's wrong? 706 00:54:13,834 --> 00:54:16,378 - Shrek's hurt. - Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? 707 00:54:16,462 --> 00:54:17,713 No, Shrek's gonna die. 708 00:54:17,796 --> 00:54:19,214 Donkey, I'm okay. 709 00:54:19,298 --> 00:54:21,592 You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. 710 00:54:21,675 --> 00:54:23,677 Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. 711 00:54:23,761 --> 00:54:26,930 - Does anyone know the Heimlich? - Donkey! Calm down. 712 00:54:27,014 --> 00:54:29,391 If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods 713 00:54:29,475 --> 00:54:31,560 and find me a blue flower with red thorns. 714 00:54:31,643 --> 00:54:34,396 Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. 715 00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:35,439 Blue flower, red thorns. 716 00:54:35,522 --> 00:54:38,692 Don't die, Shrek. And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! 717 00:54:38,817 --> 00:54:39,860 - Donkey! - Donkey! 718 00:54:39,943 --> 00:54:41,820 Yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. 719 00:54:42,029 --> 00:54:44,323 - Blue flower, red thorns. - What are the flowers for? 720 00:54:44,406 --> 00:54:46,617 For getting rid of Donkey. 721 00:54:46,700 --> 00:54:48,952 Now, you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. 722 00:54:49,036 --> 00:54:50,913 Hey! Easy with the yankin'. 723 00:54:50,996 --> 00:54:54,541 - I'm sorry, but it has to come out. - No, it's tender. 724 00:54:54,625 --> 00:54:56,085 Now, hold on. 725 00:54:56,168 --> 00:54:57,419 What you're doing is the opposite of help. 726 00:54:57,503 --> 00:54:58,921 Don't move. 727 00:54:59,004 --> 00:55:00,839 - Look, look, time-out. - Would you... 728 00:55:00,923 --> 00:55:05,511 Okay. What do you propose we do? 729 00:55:05,594 --> 00:55:08,222 Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. 730 00:55:08,305 --> 00:55:10,641 This would be so much easier if I wasn't color blind! 731 00:55:10,724 --> 00:55:12,810 Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. 732 00:55:12,893 --> 00:55:14,978 Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! 733 00:55:16,814 --> 00:55:18,941 Not good. 734 00:55:19,024 --> 00:55:22,528 Okay. Okay, I can nearly see the head. It's just about... 735 00:55:28,617 --> 00:55:31,620 Nothing happened. We were just... 736 00:55:31,703 --> 00:55:34,873 Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask, okay? 737 00:55:34,957 --> 00:55:38,502 Come on! That's the last thing on my mind. 738 00:55:38,585 --> 00:55:42,256 The princess here was just... 739 00:55:47,052 --> 00:55:50,639 Hey, what's that? That's... Is that blood? 740 00:57:09,259 --> 00:57:11,094 Hey! 741 00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:23,273 There it is, Princess. 742 00:57:24,233 --> 00:57:25,776 Your future awaits you. 743 00:57:25,859 --> 00:57:28,153 - That's Duloc? - Yeah, I know. 744 00:57:28,237 --> 00:57:30,739 You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, 745 00:57:30,822 --> 00:57:33,450 which I think means he has a really... 746 00:57:33,533 --> 00:57:35,452 I... 747 00:57:35,535 --> 00:57:39,248 - I guess we better move on. - Sure. But, Shrek? 748 00:57:40,332 --> 00:57:43,001 I'm worried about Donkey. 749 00:57:43,335 --> 00:57:45,462 - What? - I mean, look at him. 750 00:57:45,545 --> 00:57:48,548 - He doesn't look so good. - What are you talking about? I'm fine. 751 00:57:48,632 --> 00:57:50,133 Well, that's what they always say, 752 00:57:50,217 --> 00:57:52,719 and then next thing you know, you're on your back. 753 00:57:54,304 --> 00:57:56,223 - Dead. - You know, she's right. 754 00:57:56,515 --> 00:57:59,142 You look awful. Do you want to sit down? 755 00:57:59,226 --> 00:58:01,937 - You know, I'll make you some tea. - I didn't want to say nothin', 756 00:58:02,020 --> 00:58:04,940 but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look. 757 00:58:05,023 --> 00:58:06,900 - See? - Who's hungry? 758 00:58:06,984 --> 00:58:09,319 - I'll find us some dinner. - I'll get the firewood. 759 00:58:09,403 --> 00:58:14,032 Hey, where you goin'? Man, I can't feel my toes! 760 00:58:14,116 --> 00:58:15,575 I don't have any toes! 761 00:58:16,868 --> 00:58:18,578 I think I need a hug. 762 00:58:26,211 --> 00:58:29,172 This is good. This is really good. 763 00:58:31,091 --> 00:58:33,385 - What is this? - Weedrat. 764 00:58:34,094 --> 00:58:35,554 Rotisserie style. 765 00:58:35,637 --> 00:58:37,222 No kidding. 766 00:58:38,724 --> 00:58:40,058 Well, this is delicious. 767 00:58:40,142 --> 00:58:42,311 Well, they're also great in stews. 768 00:58:42,394 --> 00:58:47,065 Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. 769 00:58:50,902 --> 00:58:54,323 I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. 770 00:58:55,991 --> 00:58:59,786 Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. 771 00:58:59,870 --> 00:59:01,913 I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. 772 00:59:01,997 --> 00:59:05,876 Swamp-toad soup, fish-eye tartare, you name it. 773 00:59:07,919 --> 00:59:09,254 I'd like that. 774 00:59:21,850 --> 00:59:23,769 - Princess? - Yes, Shrek? 775 00:59:26,355 --> 00:59:31,151 I was wondering. Are you... 776 00:59:35,489 --> 00:59:37,616 Are you gonna eat that? 777 00:59:44,748 --> 00:59:48,168 Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. 778 00:59:48,251 --> 00:59:53,006 Sunset? No! I mean, it's late. It's very late. 779 00:59:53,090 --> 00:59:54,591 - What? - Wait a minute. 780 00:59:54,674 --> 00:59:56,593 I see what's goin' on here. 781 00:59:57,135 --> 00:59:59,596 - You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? - Yes! 782 00:59:59,679 --> 01:00:03,433 Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know what, I'd better go inside. 783 01:00:03,517 --> 01:00:07,229 Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until... 784 01:00:07,312 --> 01:00:09,981 Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. 785 01:00:11,650 --> 01:00:14,986 - Good night. - Good night. 786 01:00:18,824 --> 01:00:22,285 Now I really see what's goin' on here. 787 01:00:22,369 --> 01:00:24,079 What are you talkin' about? 788 01:00:24,162 --> 01:00:26,665 I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. 789 01:00:26,748 --> 01:00:28,959 I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. 790 01:00:29,042 --> 01:00:32,754 You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. 791 01:00:32,838 --> 01:00:35,966 Come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. 792 01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:38,718 - Just go on in and tell her how you feel. - I... 793 01:00:38,802 --> 01:00:42,806 There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, 794 01:00:42,889 --> 01:00:48,395 well, you know... And I'm not sayin' I do, 'cause I don't... 795 01:00:48,478 --> 01:00:50,939 She's a princess, and I'm... 796 01:00:51,481 --> 01:00:55,694 - An ogre? - Yeah. An ogre. 797 01:00:56,736 --> 01:01:00,824 - Hey, where you goin'? - To get more firewood. 798 01:01:19,551 --> 01:01:23,346 Princess? Princess Fiona? 799 01:01:28,518 --> 01:01:30,645 Princess, where are you? 800 01:01:36,276 --> 01:01:38,111 Princess? 801 01:01:42,115 --> 01:01:45,202 It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. 802 01:01:56,004 --> 01:01:58,215 - No! No! - No, help! 803 01:01:58,298 --> 01:02:00,926 - Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! - No, it's okay. It's okay. 804 01:02:01,009 --> 01:02:04,095 - What did you do with the princess? - Donkey, I'm the princess. 805 01:02:04,179 --> 01:02:06,556 It's me, in this body. 806 01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:09,184 Oh, my God! You ate the princess! 807 01:02:09,267 --> 01:02:11,019 - Can you hear me? - Donkey! 808 01:02:11,102 --> 01:02:12,854 - Listen, keep breathing! - No! 809 01:02:12,938 --> 01:02:16,149 I'll get you out of there! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! 810 01:02:16,233 --> 01:02:18,652 - Shrek! - This is me. 811 01:02:23,907 --> 01:02:26,326 Princess? 812 01:02:26,409 --> 01:02:31,373 What happened to you? You're different. 813 01:02:31,456 --> 01:02:34,084 - I'm ugly, okay? - Well, yeah. 814 01:02:34,167 --> 01:02:37,212 Was it something that you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. 815 01:02:37,295 --> 01:02:39,839 - You are what you eat, I said. Now... - No. 816 01:02:39,923 --> 01:02:43,260 I've been this way as long as I can remember. 817 01:02:43,343 --> 01:02:46,012 What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. 818 01:02:46,096 --> 01:02:48,807 It only happens when the sun goes down. 819 01:02:50,475 --> 01:02:55,855 "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm 820 01:02:56,314 --> 01:03:02,237 "until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form." 821 01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:07,576 That's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. 822 01:03:07,659 --> 01:03:10,704 It's a spell. 823 01:03:10,787 --> 01:03:15,292 When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. 824 01:03:15,375 --> 01:03:17,669 Every night I become this, 825 01:03:18,628 --> 01:03:21,464 this horrible, ugly beast. 826 01:03:24,009 --> 01:03:28,930 I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. 827 01:03:29,014 --> 01:03:31,725 That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow 828 01:03:31,808 --> 01:03:37,063 before the sun sets and he sees me like this. 829 01:03:39,316 --> 01:03:42,652 All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. 830 01:03:42,736 --> 01:03:46,906 You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. 831 01:03:46,990 --> 01:03:49,993 But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. 832 01:03:50,076 --> 01:03:53,622 But, Donkey, I'm a princess, 833 01:03:53,705 --> 01:03:56,416 and this is not how a princess is meant to look. 834 01:03:58,126 --> 01:04:01,004 Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? 835 01:04:01,087 --> 01:04:02,964 I have to. 836 01:04:03,048 --> 01:04:05,884 Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. 837 01:04:06,384 --> 01:04:09,512 But, you know, you're kind of an ogre, 838 01:04:09,596 --> 01:04:12,849 and Shrek, well, you got a lot in common. 839 01:04:13,558 --> 01:04:14,643 Shrek? 840 01:04:15,226 --> 01:04:18,647 Princess, I... How's it going, first of all? 841 01:04:18,730 --> 01:04:22,984 Good? Good for me, too. I'm okay. 842 01:04:23,068 --> 01:04:28,365 I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and... 843 01:04:28,448 --> 01:04:31,826 Well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 844 01:04:31,910 --> 01:04:36,706 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd... 845 01:04:38,416 --> 01:04:42,003 I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. 846 01:04:42,087 --> 01:04:44,297 I can't just marry whoever I want. 847 01:04:44,381 --> 01:04:46,841 Take a good look at me, Donkey. 848 01:04:46,925 --> 01:04:48,677 I mean, really, 849 01:04:48,760 --> 01:04:51,721 who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? 850 01:04:51,805 --> 01:04:53,932 Princess and ugly don't go together. 851 01:04:54,015 --> 01:04:56,434 That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. 852 01:04:56,518 --> 01:05:00,939 My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. 853 01:05:02,399 --> 01:05:06,277 Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. 854 01:05:08,780 --> 01:05:11,199 It's the only way to break the spell. 855 01:05:11,282 --> 01:05:13,118 You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. 856 01:05:13,201 --> 01:05:16,496 No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. 857 01:05:16,579 --> 01:05:19,124 What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? 858 01:05:19,207 --> 01:05:21,668 Promise you won't tell. Promise! 859 01:05:21,751 --> 01:05:24,587 All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. 860 01:05:25,463 --> 01:05:26,965 I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need 861 01:05:27,048 --> 01:05:29,968 a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'. 862 01:05:54,951 --> 01:05:58,413 I tell him, I tell him not. 863 01:05:59,831 --> 01:06:02,333 I tell him, I tell him not. 864 01:06:03,668 --> 01:06:05,003 I tell him. 865 01:06:05,086 --> 01:06:09,841 Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want... 866 01:06:31,237 --> 01:06:32,822 Shrek. 867 01:06:34,240 --> 01:06:38,328 - Are you all right? - Perfect! Never been better. 868 01:06:38,411 --> 01:06:41,664 I... I don't... There's something I have to tell you. 869 01:06:41,956 --> 01:06:44,334 You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. 870 01:06:44,417 --> 01:06:47,086 - I heard enough last night. - You heard what I said? 871 01:06:47,170 --> 01:06:48,963 Every word. 872 01:06:49,047 --> 01:06:50,465 I thought you'd understand. 873 01:06:50,548 --> 01:06:52,300 I understand. 874 01:06:52,383 --> 01:06:56,429 Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" 875 01:06:57,388 --> 01:06:59,182 But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. 876 01:06:59,265 --> 01:07:01,309 Yeah? Well, it does. 877 01:07:03,353 --> 01:07:06,064 Right on time. 878 01:07:06,147 --> 01:07:08,858 Princess, I've brought you a little something. 879 01:07:14,531 --> 01:07:16,866 What'd I miss? What'd I miss? 880 01:07:16,950 --> 01:07:19,577 Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. 881 01:07:20,954 --> 01:07:23,081 Princess Fiona. 882 01:07:23,164 --> 01:07:26,209 As promised. Now, hand it over. 883 01:07:26,292 --> 01:07:30,797 Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. 884 01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:34,300 Take it and go before I change my mind. 885 01:07:35,385 --> 01:07:37,595 Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, 886 01:07:37,679 --> 01:07:40,098 but you startled me, 887 01:07:40,181 --> 01:07:43,852 for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. 888 01:07:43,935 --> 01:07:47,021 I am Lord Farquaad. 889 01:07:47,105 --> 01:07:50,942 Lord Farquaad? No, no. 890 01:07:51,943 --> 01:07:54,779 Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short 891 01:07:58,116 --> 01:07:59,492 farewell. 892 01:07:59,576 --> 01:08:04,581 That is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. 893 01:08:04,664 --> 01:08:06,791 It's not like it has feelings. 894 01:08:06,875 --> 01:08:10,253 No, you're right. It doesn't. 895 01:08:10,336 --> 01:08:14,340 Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. 896 01:08:14,424 --> 01:08:17,677 I ask your hand in marriage. 897 01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:21,639 Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? 898 01:08:26,728 --> 01:08:31,190 Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make... 899 01:08:31,274 --> 01:08:34,527 Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! 900 01:08:34,611 --> 01:08:38,865 No! I mean, why wait? 901 01:08:38,948 --> 01:08:42,660 Let's get married today before sunset. 902 01:08:42,744 --> 01:08:45,455 Anxious, are we? You're right. 903 01:08:45,538 --> 01:08:49,459 The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! 904 01:08:49,542 --> 01:08:51,878 There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. 905 01:08:51,961 --> 01:08:55,381 Captain, round up some guests! 906 01:08:55,465 --> 01:08:57,967 Fare thee well, ogre. 907 01:08:58,051 --> 01:09:00,303 Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. 908 01:09:00,386 --> 01:09:01,888 Yeah? So what? 909 01:09:01,971 --> 01:09:03,848 Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. 910 01:09:03,932 --> 01:09:05,725 Look, I talked to her last night. She's... 911 01:09:05,808 --> 01:09:10,271 I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? 912 01:09:10,355 --> 01:09:13,691 Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? 913 01:09:13,775 --> 01:09:15,735 Shrek, I wanna go with you. 914 01:09:15,818 --> 01:09:18,780 I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. 915 01:09:18,863 --> 01:09:22,951 I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! 916 01:09:23,034 --> 01:09:24,994 Understand? Nobody! 917 01:09:25,078 --> 01:09:29,916 Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! 918 01:09:29,999 --> 01:09:33,169 - But I thought... - Yeah. You know what? 919 01:09:33,252 --> 01:09:34,921 You thought wrong! 920 01:09:37,215 --> 01:09:38,591 Shrek. 921 01:11:59,899 --> 01:12:03,945 Donkey? What are you doing? 922 01:12:04,028 --> 01:12:07,156 I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. 923 01:12:07,240 --> 01:12:08,908 Well, yeah. 924 01:12:08,991 --> 01:12:12,411 But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. 925 01:12:12,495 --> 01:12:15,289 It is around your half. See, that's your half, and this is my half. 926 01:12:15,373 --> 01:12:18,000 Your half. 927 01:12:18,209 --> 01:12:20,711 Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. 928 01:12:20,795 --> 01:12:22,922 I did half the work, I get half the booty. 929 01:12:23,005 --> 01:12:26,551 Now, hand me that big, old rock, the one that looks like your head. 930 01:12:26,634 --> 01:12:28,928 - Back off! - No, you back off. 931 01:12:29,011 --> 01:12:31,305 - This is my swamp! - Our swamp. 932 01:12:31,389 --> 01:12:32,640 - Let go, Donkey! - You let go. 933 01:12:32,723 --> 01:12:34,809 - Stubborn jackass! - Smelly ogre. 934 01:12:34,892 --> 01:12:37,103 Fine! 935 01:12:37,186 --> 01:12:39,063 Hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. 936 01:12:39,147 --> 01:12:40,815 Well, I'm through with you. 937 01:12:40,898 --> 01:12:43,943 You know, with you, it's always, "Me, me, me!" 938 01:12:44,026 --> 01:12:48,823 Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So, you just shut up and pay attention! 939 01:12:48,906 --> 01:12:50,700 You are mean to me. 940 01:12:50,783 --> 01:12:53,494 You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! 941 01:12:53,578 --> 01:12:56,164 You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. 942 01:12:56,247 --> 01:13:00,543 Yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? 943 01:13:00,626 --> 01:13:03,838 Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! 944 01:13:04,172 --> 01:13:07,133 Yeah. You're right, Donkey. 945 01:13:07,216 --> 01:13:11,429 I forgive you for stabbin' me in the back! 946 01:13:12,013 --> 01:13:15,433 You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, 947 01:13:15,516 --> 01:13:16,934 you're afraid of your own feelings. 948 01:13:17,018 --> 01:13:18,102 Go away! 949 01:13:18,186 --> 01:13:20,771 See, there you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona. 950 01:13:20,855 --> 01:13:23,149 All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. 951 01:13:23,232 --> 01:13:27,653 Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. 952 01:13:27,737 --> 01:13:29,405 I heard the two of you talking. 953 01:13:29,614 --> 01:13:33,409 She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about somebody else. 954 01:13:36,329 --> 01:13:39,498 She wasn't talking about me? 955 01:13:39,582 --> 01:13:41,125 Well, then who was she talking about? 956 01:13:41,209 --> 01:13:44,629 No way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me, right? 957 01:13:44,712 --> 01:13:47,423 - Right? No! - Donkey! 958 01:13:47,506 --> 01:13:51,010 Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? 959 01:13:57,642 --> 01:13:59,435 I'm sorry. 960 01:13:59,518 --> 01:14:03,773 I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. 961 01:14:04,982 --> 01:14:06,651 Can you forgive me? 962 01:14:09,362 --> 01:14:11,239 Hey, that's what friends are for, right? 963 01:14:11,322 --> 01:14:15,826 - Right. Friends? - Friends. 964 01:14:16,661 --> 01:14:21,207 So, what did Fiona say about me? 965 01:14:21,832 --> 01:14:25,044 What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? 966 01:14:25,127 --> 01:14:27,588 The wedding! We'll never make it in time. 967 01:14:27,672 --> 01:14:32,343 Never fear, for where there's a will, there's a way, and I have a way. 968 01:14:37,390 --> 01:14:39,850 Donkey? 969 01:14:39,934 --> 01:14:42,395 I guess it's just my animal magnetism. 970 01:14:45,022 --> 01:14:46,315 - Come here, you. - All right, all right. 971 01:14:46,399 --> 01:14:48,442 Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss-ass. 972 01:14:48,526 --> 01:14:51,070 All right, hop on and hold on tight. 973 01:14:51,153 --> 01:14:53,239 I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. 974 01:15:25,771 --> 01:15:28,190 People of Duloc, 975 01:15:29,066 --> 01:15:33,738 we gather here today to bear witness 976 01:15:33,821 --> 01:15:38,284 - to the union of our new king. - Excuse me. 977 01:15:38,367 --> 01:15:41,579 Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? 978 01:15:41,662 --> 01:15:43,080 Go on. 979 01:15:48,252 --> 01:15:51,630 Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? 980 01:15:54,759 --> 01:15:56,427 Shrek, wait, wait! Hey! Wait a minute! 981 01:15:56,510 --> 01:15:59,013 - You wanna do this right, don't you? - What are you talking about? 982 01:15:59,096 --> 01:16:00,639 There's a line you gotta wait for. 983 01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:03,267 The priest is gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." 984 01:16:03,351 --> 01:16:05,686 And that's when you say, "I object!" 985 01:16:05,770 --> 01:16:07,355 I don't have time for this! 986 01:16:07,438 --> 01:16:09,357 Wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! 987 01:16:09,440 --> 01:16:11,108 - Look, you love this woman, don't you? - Yes. 988 01:16:11,192 --> 01:16:12,610 - You wanna hold her? - Yes. 989 01:16:12,693 --> 01:16:13,861 - Please her? - Yes! 990 01:16:13,944 --> 01:16:17,615 Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness 991 01:16:17,698 --> 01:16:18,991 The chicks love that romantic crap! 992 01:16:19,075 --> 01:16:22,286 All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? 993 01:16:23,120 --> 01:16:24,538 We gotta check it out. 994 01:16:24,622 --> 01:16:28,709 - And so, by the power vested in me... - What do you see? 995 01:16:28,793 --> 01:16:30,378 The whole town's in there. 996 01:16:30,461 --> 01:16:33,589 - I now pronounce you husband... - They're at the altar. 997 01:16:33,672 --> 01:16:36,926 - ...and wife, king and queen. - Mother Fletcher! He already said it. 998 01:16:37,009 --> 01:16:38,844 For the love of Pete! 999 01:16:40,554 --> 01:16:42,932 I object! 1000 01:16:43,015 --> 01:16:46,769 - Shrek? - Now what does he want? 1001 01:16:50,356 --> 01:16:54,318 Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? 1002 01:16:54,402 --> 01:16:56,570 I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean. 1003 01:16:56,654 --> 01:16:58,072 What are you doing here? 1004 01:16:58,155 --> 01:17:01,283 Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, 1005 01:17:01,367 --> 01:17:04,703 - but showing up uninvited to a wedding. - Fiona! 1006 01:17:04,787 --> 01:17:07,790 - I need to talk to you. - Now you wanna talk? 1007 01:17:07,873 --> 01:17:10,709 Well, it's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me. 1008 01:17:10,793 --> 01:17:13,295 - But you can't marry him. - And why not? 1009 01:17:13,379 --> 01:17:17,383 Because, because he's just marrying you so he can be king. 1010 01:17:17,466 --> 01:17:19,885 Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. 1011 01:17:19,969 --> 01:17:23,305 - He's not your true love. - And what do you know about true love? 1012 01:17:23,389 --> 01:17:26,434 Well, I... 1013 01:17:26,517 --> 01:17:29,353 - I mean... - This is precious. 1014 01:17:30,688 --> 01:17:34,108 The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! 1015 01:17:34,191 --> 01:17:35,568 Good Lord. 1016 01:17:36,819 --> 01:17:38,446 An ogre and a princess! 1017 01:17:44,076 --> 01:17:46,745 Shrek, is this true? 1018 01:17:47,997 --> 01:17:50,624 Who cares? It's preposterous! 1019 01:17:50,708 --> 01:17:54,253 Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." 1020 01:17:54,336 --> 01:17:56,380 Now, kiss me! 1021 01:18:01,010 --> 01:18:04,346 "By night one way, by day another." 1022 01:18:06,849 --> 01:18:08,559 I wanted to show you before. 1023 01:18:32,333 --> 01:18:36,212 Well, that explains a lot. 1024 01:18:36,837 --> 01:18:40,132 It's disgusting! 1025 01:18:40,216 --> 01:18:42,009 Guards! Guards! 1026 01:18:42,092 --> 01:18:45,471 I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! 1027 01:18:45,554 --> 01:18:47,014 - Get them both! - No, no! 1028 01:18:47,097 --> 01:18:48,933 This hocus-pocus alters nothing. 1029 01:18:49,016 --> 01:18:52,061 This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! 1030 01:18:52,144 --> 01:18:54,438 - See? See? - No, let go of me! Shrek! 1031 01:18:54,522 --> 01:18:56,232 - No! - Don't just stand there, you morons. 1032 01:18:56,315 --> 01:18:58,400 Get out of my way! Fiona! 1033 01:19:04,365 --> 01:19:07,284 I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! 1034 01:19:07,368 --> 01:19:10,120 - You'll beg for death to save you! - No! Shrek! 1035 01:19:10,204 --> 01:19:12,498 And as for you, my wife... 1036 01:19:12,581 --> 01:19:13,582 Fiona! 1037 01:19:13,666 --> 01:19:16,585 ...I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! 1038 01:19:16,961 --> 01:19:22,383 I am king! I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have... 1039 01:19:28,305 --> 01:19:31,517 All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. 1040 01:19:32,935 --> 01:19:34,728 I'm a donkey on the edge! 1041 01:19:38,774 --> 01:19:41,151 Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? 1042 01:19:44,488 --> 01:19:45,823 Go ahead, Shrek. 1043 01:19:48,200 --> 01:19:50,119 Fiona? 1044 01:19:50,202 --> 01:19:51,996 Yes, Shrek? 1045 01:19:52,454 --> 01:19:56,083 I love you. 1046 01:19:57,167 --> 01:19:58,877 Really? 1047 01:20:00,254 --> 01:20:01,463 Really, really. 1048 01:20:03,424 --> 01:20:05,009 I love you, too. 1049 01:20:14,018 --> 01:20:17,021 "Until you find true love's first kiss 1050 01:20:17,104 --> 01:20:20,357 "and then take love's true form." 1051 01:20:44,214 --> 01:20:47,134 "Take love's true form. Take love's true form." 1052 01:20:54,058 --> 01:20:55,267 Fiona? 1053 01:20:58,479 --> 01:21:02,149 Fiona. Are you all right? 1054 01:21:04,234 --> 01:21:06,320 Well, yes. 1055 01:21:06,403 --> 01:21:10,741 But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. 1056 01:21:13,952 --> 01:21:15,412 But you are beautiful. 1057 01:21:18,082 --> 01:21:20,376 I was hoping this would be a happy ending. 1058 01:22:08,465 --> 01:22:12,261 God bless us, every one. 1059 01:23:22,080 --> 01:23:24,792 That's funny. 1060 01:23:24,875 --> 01:23:27,419 I can't breathe. I can't breathe.