1 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,400 Ah, target, mate. Oh, I can't wait for that. Good. 2 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,980 Oh, oh, nice. Sure. 3 00:00:50,220 --> 00:00:53,900 I'm not thinking that rubbish. Sure. I've got more respect for me inside. 4 00:00:54,060 --> 00:00:56,120 Aren't you going to drink that, then? Not likely. 5 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,340 It's about time you sent that tea urn in for a decoak. There's nothing wrong 6 00:00:59,340 --> 00:01:02,640 with my urn. Yeah, well, in that case, your horse is in need of medical 7 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:07,820 attention. Oh, very comical. For your information, my urn is scoured out twice 8 00:01:07,820 --> 00:01:08,940 week with washing soda. 9 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:12,240 Yeah, yeah. Well, in that case, do us a favour. Next time, leave out the washing 10 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,280 soda before you put the tea in, will you? I'm fed up with complaints about my 11 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,060 tea. If you don't like it, have the coffee. 12 00:01:18,260 --> 00:01:19,420 Your coffee's even worse. 13 00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:23,280 Having another little tea break, are we? 14 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:27,360 Marvellous, isn't it? No, it's not marvellous. Blackie, you want to do 15 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,100 about that rotten canteen tea? 16 00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:33,140 Look, I've got more important things to do than worry about rotten canteen tea. 17 00:01:33,220 --> 00:01:35,200 Now, get the work out of it. No, we're not due out yet. 18 00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:36,460 Oh, yes, you are. 19 00:01:37,270 --> 00:01:40,710 I've got a new trainee clippy for you this morning. Oh, new clippy, eh? Yeah, 20 00:01:40,770 --> 00:01:45,110 now control yourself now. A little dolly bird, is she? It's all you can think 21 00:01:45,110 --> 00:01:48,350 about, little dolly birds, isn't it? Oh, no, no, no. Sometimes I think about big 22 00:01:48,350 --> 00:01:49,350 dolly birds instead. 23 00:01:49,750 --> 00:01:50,750 Depends how I'm feeling. 24 00:01:51,230 --> 00:01:54,390 Sex maniacs you are. Yeah, that's right. All right, come on, let's see that. 25 00:01:54,430 --> 00:01:55,430 Where is she? 26 00:01:55,970 --> 00:01:58,030 All right, where is she then? Come on, let's have her. 27 00:01:58,810 --> 00:01:59,830 Miss Crawford. 28 00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:01,870 Harper and Wilmot. 29 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,480 Oh! Oh, my God. 30 00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,040 A darling little bird, eh? 31 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,420 More like an old boiler. 32 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:12,100 So you found them at last, have you? About time, too. 33 00:02:12,580 --> 00:02:14,540 Right, which one of them's which? 34 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,040 Well, this is Harper. 35 00:02:16,460 --> 00:02:17,439 That's the one. 36 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:20,660 Any complaints whatsoever, I want you to let me know right away. 37 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:22,300 He'd be lucky. 38 00:02:22,460 --> 00:02:23,540 Yes, so would you, darling. 39 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,480 And what are you waiting for? 40 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,000 Someone to fire a gun? 41 00:02:29,779 --> 00:02:32,920 Think about it. You'll need a rule book, won't you? Oh, I've already got one, 42 00:02:32,940 --> 00:02:33,399 haven't I? 43 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:33,899 Have you? 44 00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:34,960 Well, of course I have. 45 00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:38,820 I've got my rule book, I've got my uniform, I've got my union card, I've 46 00:02:38,820 --> 00:02:40,360 ticket machine, I've got my medical certificate. 47 00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:43,380 So I stand around here much longer, I get pneumonia and all. 48 00:02:44,140 --> 00:02:46,200 Right. Now, which bus is it? 49 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,900 Over here, love. Thank you. 50 00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:52,700 Have a nice journey, Albert. Oh, thank you very much. 51 00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:54,380 Don't thank me, mate. It's a pleasure. 52 00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:58,360 Don't change it. 53 00:02:58,780 --> 00:03:01,060 Oh, Holly, now I've been caught up with you. Come on. 54 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:02,099 Let's go now. 55 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:03,100 Yeah. 56 00:03:04,940 --> 00:03:07,340 Hey, Sid, can I do the journey back in your cab? 57 00:03:07,580 --> 00:03:11,640 What for? Ah, it's a blooming jetty, mate. She never stops nattering. 58 00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:14,860 I like me. Hey, listen, I'm going to nip over for a quick eyes your father. Are 59 00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:17,160 you coming? Yeah, well, at least she can't follow me in there. 60 00:03:18,620 --> 00:03:21,340 The trouble with you is you just don't know how to handle her. 61 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:23,020 I don't want to handle her, mate. 62 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,220 I want a throttler. I could kill Blackie putting on our bust. 63 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:31,420 Come on. 64 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:36,860 I mean, after all, Olive, one pea is one pea. I mean, why should we? 65 00:03:37,780 --> 00:03:39,100 Oh, I never play, Jessie. 66 00:03:39,660 --> 00:03:41,460 Well, what do you do? Pick the lock with your hairpin? 67 00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:43,580 Who uses money from the fares? 68 00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:46,020 Look, it's the principle of the thing, Olive. 69 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,260 I mean, the men don't have to pay for theirs. Why should we pay to use ours? 70 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,520 Oh, well, I think men are a bit different to women. 71 00:03:51,980 --> 00:03:55,680 Look, dear, a kettle is different from a teapot, but they're both old water, 72 00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:56,780 don't they? 73 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,220 Hello, love. Feeling better? No. 74 00:04:01,660 --> 00:04:03,460 I think it's disgraceful. What is? 75 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:06,560 Us having to pay to use that thing. You and Jack don't have to pay? 76 00:04:06,860 --> 00:04:09,000 Well, what if we used that one, love? It'd be fine. 77 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,540 That's typical, isn't it? They think that rights for women is a joke. 78 00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:19,019 Yeah, and I think it's all wrong. I think many women should be exactly the 79 00:04:24,110 --> 00:04:25,450 That's the story of her life. 80 00:04:27,050 --> 00:04:30,390 You men make me sick. You never lift a finger, Will, fat girl. 81 00:04:30,650 --> 00:04:33,130 Well, if you girls want to change yourselves with those railings, we won't 82 00:04:33,130 --> 00:04:36,990 you. Come to think of it, we'll all... Now, hang on, Jesse. Now, I reckon 83 00:04:36,990 --> 00:04:37,990 got a point there, huh? 84 00:04:38,330 --> 00:04:42,930 Eh? Well, I mean, one pea here, another pea there, it all mounts up, doesn't it? 85 00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:46,910 If I were you, I'd have a word with Blakey about that, I said. 86 00:04:47,470 --> 00:04:48,269 Oh, yeah. 87 00:04:48,270 --> 00:04:51,650 I mean, it's his job to keep the employees happy, isn't it? Yeah, and the 88 00:04:51,650 --> 00:04:52,650 will back you up. 89 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:53,899 I think so. 90 00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:56,020 Here, who's the shop steward? He is, love. 91 00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:57,580 Right! 92 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,880 You want an allowance for what? 93 00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:08,760 You owe... No, you'd better leave this to me, darling. Look, he's led a very 94 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:12,580 sheltered life. No, you see, the point is, Blakey, that men and women are 95 00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:16,600 different. Well, I know that, don't I? No, no, no, what I mean is that men 96 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:20,040 have to pay to go, but women do. Will you shut up and mind your own business? 97 00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:23,240 It's no concern of your own. Oh, yes, it is very much my concern. 98 00:05:23,580 --> 00:05:26,140 Look, you are a bus conductor, not a lavatory attendant. 99 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:27,239 More to pity. 100 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:29,420 Yeah, I also happen to be the shop steward, didn't I? 101 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:33,440 It's not a union matter. Ah, but it could be, unless something's done about 102 00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:35,600 I've got all the lads behind me, haven't I? 103 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,180 Of course you have, brother. Yeah, they always stick up to their own. 104 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:39,559 Right, brother. 105 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:43,000 If you wish to take up this officially, would a union? Oh, I get it. 106 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:47,600 He's put you up to this, hasn't he? Oh, no, he hasn't. Yes, he has. He's always 107 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,780 trying to stir it up for me. You've got a nasty, sordid mind. 108 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:55,120 There is nothing sordid about a girl having to go to the loon. Keep your 109 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,640 down, don't you shut up. Look, he's all embarrassed. 110 00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:02,990 I'm not embarrassed. I am not. Splashing like a beetroot. And if you had any 111 00:06:02,990 --> 00:06:05,950 manners at all, Harper, you'd know that there are certain subjects we do not 112 00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:07,090 discuss in mixed company. 113 00:06:07,390 --> 00:06:08,550 Now, get your bus out. 114 00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:15,670 Oh, well, I mean, of course, if you want to strike on your hands... Destroy it. 115 00:06:16,070 --> 00:06:18,190 We girls want a special allowance from you. 116 00:06:18,410 --> 00:06:21,170 Unless we get it, I'm going to call this old depo out. Look, it's no good of 117 00:06:21,170 --> 00:06:24,430 going on, miss. It's not up to me. Right, so take it up with the general 118 00:06:24,430 --> 00:06:27,530 manager. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? You'd like to see me 119 00:06:27,530 --> 00:06:30,250 in that office and make myself look a fool, wouldn't you? Well, why not? 120 00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:31,630 making a very good job of it, aren't you? 121 00:06:32,170 --> 00:06:37,630 So, I mean, if you want to see the old depo paralysed... Oh, all right, then. 122 00:06:38,330 --> 00:06:39,670 I'll go and have a word with him. 123 00:06:40,270 --> 00:06:41,270 He won't like it. 124 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,740 For heaven's sake, Blake, come to the point. 125 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,440 What exactly is the problem? 126 00:06:47,660 --> 00:06:51,500 Well, I've been trying to explain it as delicately as I can. You haven't 127 00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:52,500 explained it at all yet. 128 00:06:53,060 --> 00:06:56,120 All I've been able to gather so far is that you were having trouble with one of 129 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:59,860 the clippies. It's that one. It's given me a sort of an ultimatum, sir. You 130 00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:00,860 what? Yeah. 131 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,160 Well, I suppose it is my responsibility, really. What is? 132 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:06,800 Delicate matter, sir. 133 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,260 Blake, you haven't put her in the club, have you? No. 134 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,820 How can you say a thing like that to me, sir, after all the years of service 135 00:07:13,820 --> 00:07:14,779 I've put in? 136 00:07:14,780 --> 00:07:16,000 Well, you're not past it, are you? 137 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:20,240 No. Well, then, you haven't seen her, have you? 138 00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:22,000 Might save a lot of time if I did. 139 00:07:22,260 --> 00:07:25,800 Oh, I hate that Harper. I hate him, I hate him. Oh, so it's Harper and one of 140 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:26,800 the clippies, is it? 141 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:30,560 Not one of the clippies, sir. It's the old bloomin' lot of them. Good God. 142 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:34,520 I know things got a bit hectic at the busman's ball, but I've no idea he 143 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:35,520 it into an orgy. 144 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:38,380 You don't understand, sir. You see, you see, the... 145 00:07:41,870 --> 00:07:47,690 When the girls are out on the road, sir, they... Carry on, Blake. 146 00:07:48,690 --> 00:07:54,470 Well, they get taken... They have to visit the little house, sir. 147 00:07:55,970 --> 00:07:56,970 Good. 148 00:07:58,670 --> 00:08:03,310 The girls have to pay, you see, sir, and consequently... They want a public loo 149 00:08:03,310 --> 00:08:07,110 allowance. I knew you wouldn't like the idea, sir. I told you... No, no, no. 150 00:08:07,410 --> 00:08:08,410 I quite agree. 151 00:08:08,830 --> 00:08:10,350 I'll make the necessary authorisation. 152 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:13,500 You don't want to do that. You think of all the paperwork. 153 00:08:14,020 --> 00:08:15,140 You don't want that bother. 154 00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:16,940 I won't have that bother, Blake. 155 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:18,560 It was your idea. 156 00:08:18,940 --> 00:08:20,340 You get on with it. 157 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:23,500 Oh. 158 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,800 Well, love, it's no more than you deserve. 159 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:30,380 It's about time you girls had a complimentary what's -it. 160 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:34,500 Mum, it's a supplementary public convenience allowance. 161 00:08:35,059 --> 00:08:36,059 Well, that's what I said. 162 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:42,039 for the number of times you've been. 163 00:08:42,419 --> 00:08:45,200 Ah, well, you're going to do very well out of that. 164 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:50,900 Trouble is, when I came to write it down, I couldn't remember how many times 165 00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:52,120 gone. Oh, dear. 166 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:56,420 Took me the whole lunch hour. In the end, I had to get me mate Sandra to help 167 00:08:56,420 --> 00:08:57,359 me. Oh. 168 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:58,940 Well, you don't go together, do you? 169 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:04,040 No, she's better at adding up than I am. Oh, that'll be the inspector. 170 00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:07,360 Here, I'll tell you what. Next time, put a little note in your diary. 171 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,260 Well, I'd have to get a bigger diary. 172 00:09:09,620 --> 00:09:10,620 Oh. 173 00:09:13,050 --> 00:09:14,810 This job will be the death of me. 174 00:09:17,830 --> 00:09:19,370 Nobody blooming will care, is it? 175 00:09:19,770 --> 00:09:21,610 Oh, now then, come along. 176 00:09:21,910 --> 00:09:26,050 You'll feel very much better when you've eaten it. Oh, I don't know, Mrs Butler. 177 00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:29,390 I don't know if I feel like eating anything. Oh, good, I'll have it then. 178 00:09:32,550 --> 00:09:34,510 Well, now then, what's it all about? 179 00:09:36,270 --> 00:09:37,730 I'll tell you what it's all about. 180 00:09:38,190 --> 00:09:40,970 It's your daughter and the rest of the girls at the depot who are trying to 181 00:09:40,970 --> 00:09:43,250 bankrupt the company. That's what they're doing here. Look at these, look. 182 00:09:43,470 --> 00:09:44,470 Look at this, look. 183 00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:47,550 I've got them all over the place. I've slowed under with them. 184 00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:48,750 What are they? 185 00:09:49,050 --> 00:09:50,850 They're claims for allowances. 186 00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:54,710 And if what your daughter's put down is true, Mrs Butler, you want to have her 187 00:09:54,710 --> 00:09:55,710 medically examined. 188 00:09:56,490 --> 00:09:59,050 Here, look at this. I've got hers, look. Yes. 189 00:09:59,470 --> 00:10:01,890 Olive Butler, clippy first grade. 190 00:10:02,370 --> 00:10:03,810 That's a laugh for a start, isn't it? 191 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:09,080 Number of visits to the public convenience, 247 times. 192 00:10:10,780 --> 00:10:11,780 247 times! 193 00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:13,239 Well, it's true. 194 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:16,420 What, in one week? Do you realise that's 40 visits a day? 195 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:17,640 Oh, no. 196 00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:21,580 Not in one week. I've put down all the times I've been since I was a clippy. 197 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,280 It's not a backdated claim. 198 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:26,820 Oh, well, you should have said. 199 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,680 That's why I have so much trouble remembering, Mum. 200 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,400 Look at this one here, look. 201 00:10:31,610 --> 00:10:37,650 Sandra Lumley, that's her mate, loo money, £2 .30, and a ruined pair of 202 00:10:37,650 --> 00:10:39,310 ruining the execution of her duty. 203 00:10:40,470 --> 00:10:41,870 Now, what does that mean? 204 00:10:42,190 --> 00:10:44,450 Oh, Jack tried to goose her in the canteen. 205 00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:45,710 Oh! 206 00:10:46,090 --> 00:10:49,230 We'd be paid every time he'd do that, and the company would go bankrupt. 207 00:10:49,710 --> 00:10:51,270 Here, and listen to this one. 208 00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:56,030 Beryl Hopkins, for phoning her mother in an emergency, £3. 209 00:10:56,670 --> 00:10:58,110 What kind of emergency? 210 00:10:58,390 --> 00:11:00,230 She got caught short without her handbag. 211 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,000 does her mother live Australia? 212 00:11:03,420 --> 00:11:06,080 No, she was on holiday in Majorca at the time. 213 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:09,960 Yeah, that proves it, you see. They're taking the company for a ride, Mrs 214 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,720 Butler. I'm going to go straight up and tell the manager to cancel the old 215 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:13,720 thing. Oh, Mum. 216 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,400 You can't do that. It isn't fair. 217 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:16,239 No, ain't it? 218 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,360 No. Suppose you had to pay. 219 00:11:18,660 --> 00:11:19,680 How would you feel? 220 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,440 Well, I wouldn't feel like going 40 times a day for a start, would I? 221 00:11:22,820 --> 00:11:25,600 Well, how many times would you feel like it? 222 00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:27,140 None of your business. 223 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,400 Yes, it is. 224 00:11:28,510 --> 00:11:32,730 Because from now on, every time you use my toilet, you're going to pay for it. 225 00:11:34,030 --> 00:11:39,570 I shall put one P for every time you go on your bill and see how you like paying 226 00:11:39,570 --> 00:11:40,509 for it. 227 00:11:40,510 --> 00:11:42,690 Right. All right, then. Here you go. 228 00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:45,670 Here's 100 Ps for a month in advance. 229 00:11:48,730 --> 00:11:52,330 I'll tell you this. If I've got the pay to go, Mrs Butler, you can have that 230 00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:53,350 lavatory seat mended. 231 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,300 allowance. Now, you want me to cancel it. What the hell's going on? You may 232 00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:24,960 ask, sir. Do they want a public convenience allowance or do they not? 233 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:26,740 taking liberties. That's what they're doing, sir. 234 00:12:27,140 --> 00:12:28,340 Diabolical liberties they're taking. Oh, dear. 235 00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:31,980 Spending all day in there, are they? No, no, it's not that at all, sir. They're 236 00:12:31,980 --> 00:12:34,780 falsifying the claims. That's what they're doing. They're saying they've 237 00:12:34,780 --> 00:12:35,780 when they haven't. 238 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:39,080 I tell you, it's diabolical what they're doing, sir. I've had claims for over 239 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,059 200 visits. 240 00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:40,779 All together? 241 00:12:40,780 --> 00:12:42,080 No, that's from one girl. 242 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:43,099 Good God. 243 00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:46,480 Oh, there's no end to the lies they're telling here, sir. They're making claims 244 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:47,660 that taxis own... 245 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:48,920 Travel sickness pills. 246 00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:50,760 Ruined tights. 247 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,020 I've even had a claim for four yards of elastic. 248 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,379 Whatever for? 249 00:12:54,380 --> 00:12:56,900 I don't know, sir. I've got no intention of trying to find out. 250 00:12:57,620 --> 00:13:00,260 Look, they're taking liberty, sir. They're trying to ruin the scheme. 251 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,660 Cancel it. What, never strike on my hands? That's your point, yeah. 252 00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:05,320 Anyway, I'll give them my word. 253 00:13:06,140 --> 00:13:09,260 But you have got to put a stop to these false claims, Blake. How can I do that? 254 00:13:09,620 --> 00:13:12,620 If a girl says she's been, how can I prove she hasn't? 255 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,700 Short of having her X -rayed. 256 00:13:15,540 --> 00:13:16,760 Check with her drivers. 257 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:17,969 Right. 258 00:13:17,970 --> 00:13:21,370 tell the girls that their claims are not valid unless they have been 259 00:13:21,370 --> 00:13:23,530 countersigned by the drivers of their buses. 260 00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:26,430 The drivers won't like that, sir. It's only a temporary measure. 261 00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:29,910 As soon as we know how many times they need to go, we'll give them some sort of 262 00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:30,669 weekly rate. 263 00:13:30,670 --> 00:13:31,890 Well, how are you going to work it out? 264 00:13:32,430 --> 00:13:33,289 I'm not. 265 00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:34,290 You are. 266 00:13:34,330 --> 00:13:38,330 I want you to take a sort of... sample. 267 00:13:39,830 --> 00:13:41,730 It's not my job to take samples. 268 00:13:42,010 --> 00:13:46,130 Let the medical officer do it. I mean, do a sort of spot check. 269 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:47,450 Follow the... 270 00:13:47,829 --> 00:13:52,650 Find out how many bonafide visits the average girl makes per day. Oh, no. It's 271 00:13:52,650 --> 00:13:55,350 not going to be right off me feet, am I? The fresh air will do you good. 272 00:13:55,590 --> 00:13:57,290 It won't be all that fresh, will it? 273 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,290 I'm sure I'll put three times in. Go. 274 00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:05,730 Blimey. That inspector's got a nerve. 275 00:14:06,150 --> 00:14:07,930 Here. You girls seen this? 276 00:14:08,190 --> 00:14:09,190 What? Look. 277 00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:11,430 Supplementary convenience allowance. 278 00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:16,990 In view of the false claims submitted by employees, female in brackets, all... 279 00:14:17,020 --> 00:14:19,880 future claims must be endorsed and countersigned by drivers. 280 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,360 Mail in brackets. 281 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:25,920 Well, we are not standing for that, are we? Oh, I should think not. 282 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:27,160 No, we're not. 283 00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:28,260 What does it mean? 284 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:33,340 It means that every time you want to have a tinkle, you're going to have to 285 00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,760 up to the driver's cab and get his permission in writing. 286 00:14:36,380 --> 00:14:38,240 Charming. Well, suppose he says no? 287 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:39,780 You lose your deposit. 288 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,600 Well, I'm not going to ask my driver. Nor am I. 289 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,680 Don't you worry, love. We're not going to. 290 00:14:46,170 --> 00:14:49,850 If that inspector wants to be awkward, well, then so can we clippies. Now, 291 00:14:49,870 --> 00:14:54,050 Sandra, how many public loos are there on your bus route? About four or five. 292 00:14:54,230 --> 00:14:58,430 Right. Now, from now on, we are going to be stopping off at every one of them. 293 00:14:58,670 --> 00:15:01,950 Oh, no. I couldn't, love. I'm not made that way. 294 00:15:02,550 --> 00:15:03,550 Could you, Olive? 295 00:15:03,710 --> 00:15:05,850 Oh, well, I don't know if I could manage all five. 296 00:15:06,270 --> 00:15:07,270 I'll have a go. 297 00:15:07,450 --> 00:15:10,230 Oh, love, you don't actually have to go. 298 00:15:10,590 --> 00:15:14,490 Oh? Well, no, you just pop in, wait a couple of minutes, and then pop out 299 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,120 It's a sort of dry run. 300 00:15:16,980 --> 00:15:19,960 So every time we see a loo, we stop the bus. Is that it? 301 00:15:20,260 --> 00:15:24,100 Right. Now, pass the word round to the girls. They've all got to use their 302 00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:25,260 emergency stop signals. 303 00:15:25,820 --> 00:15:27,640 Three tings a tinkle. 304 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,000 Three. 305 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:43,440 Thank you. 306 00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:28,529 something about it. 307 00:17:28,530 --> 00:17:32,090 I mean, how can we run the buses on time and the girls keep stopping us? 308 00:17:33,210 --> 00:17:37,650 All right, fellas, look, as soon as Blakey turns up, I'll have a word with 309 00:17:37,670 --> 00:17:39,430 all right? You'd better, we've had a belly full of... 310 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,920 What do you mean, as soon as he turns up, where is he? I don't know. He's 311 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:45,740 completely vanished. Well, he better have vanished quick and tell those girls 312 00:17:45,740 --> 00:17:46,499 where they get off. 313 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:47,500 Oh, we know that, don't we? 314 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:48,900 Everything's blooming public convenience. 315 00:17:49,740 --> 00:17:53,700 Blimey, what a place to have a sit in. Do you know I had to make 15 emergency 316 00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:55,380 stops on that Cemetery Gate run? 317 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,120 We were parked three times by funerals. Sure. 318 00:17:59,020 --> 00:18:00,700 Chances are he went as quick as by us. 319 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,720 Harriet, it's a matter you've been looking for me. 320 00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:06,780 Everybody's been looking for you, Blackie. Where have you been? I've been 321 00:18:06,780 --> 00:18:07,679 police station. 322 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:08,680 Huh? 323 00:18:08,970 --> 00:18:10,590 I got arrested for being a peeping Tom. 324 00:18:13,110 --> 00:18:17,510 Oh, you dirty old man, you. What are you talking about, dirty old man? It wasn't 325 00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:19,390 true. I was doing research. 326 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:20,890 Yeah, that's right, also. 327 00:18:21,090 --> 00:18:22,750 When does your case come up, Blakey? 328 00:18:23,390 --> 00:18:25,850 Station sergeant turned out to be a friend of mine. 329 00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,370 Let me off with a caution. 330 00:18:27,710 --> 00:18:31,690 Nothing else, no apology, nothing at all. This is all your fault, Harper. 331 00:18:31,890 --> 00:18:34,230 No, don't talk to me, mate. Talk to Jesse. 332 00:18:34,550 --> 00:18:37,710 Yeah, and who put her on in the first place? Who put her up to it? You did, 333 00:18:37,710 --> 00:18:42,540 Harper. I'll have you. I think you've already locked it, Inspector. 334 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:46,820 The manager wants to see you upstairs, doing his nutty years. 335 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:48,440 Oh, good. 336 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:51,680 What would you like for a leave -in, President Blackie? A pair of binoculars? 337 00:18:52,140 --> 00:18:55,140 You needn't be so perky, twinkle -toes. 338 00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:57,200 He wants to see you and all. 339 00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:58,640 Oh, blimey. 340 00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:03,480 We cannot possibly go on like this. The buses are running late, and I've had 341 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,500 people ringing me up all day complaining about it. 342 00:19:06,830 --> 00:19:09,130 even had a complaint from a lady who runs a public convenience. 343 00:19:09,590 --> 00:19:11,590 Because her regular customers can't get a look in. 344 00:19:12,570 --> 00:19:14,270 Now, I've had quite enough of this nonsense. 345 00:19:14,510 --> 00:19:17,130 No, I've had more than enough. Yeah, so have the drivers. Well, the Clippers 346 00:19:17,130 --> 00:19:19,910 aren't exactly enjoying it, you know. Get out of it, you're having the top of 347 00:19:19,910 --> 00:19:23,810 your life. What, being spied on every time we want to spend a penny? I wasn't 348 00:19:23,810 --> 00:19:25,390 spying, I was doing research. 349 00:19:25,730 --> 00:19:27,770 Don't give me that, you're a dirty old man. 350 00:19:27,970 --> 00:19:28,970 Will you be quiet? 351 00:19:29,190 --> 00:19:31,650 We'll get nowhere by losing our tempers. 352 00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:33,850 Now then. 353 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:38,480 When the inspector first told me about the girl's problems, I authorised a 354 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:39,480 public convenience allowance. 355 00:19:39,780 --> 00:19:40,439 Yes, I know. 356 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:41,680 So I blame myself, really. 357 00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:45,560 Oh, don't lash yourself, sir. It wasn't all your fault. I blame myself for 358 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,560 letting you organise it. 359 00:19:46,940 --> 00:19:48,740 I should have known you'd got us into trouble. 360 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:55,080 Now, as the public convenience allowance is clearly unworkable, I suggest we 361 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,600 give each girl an automatic increment. 362 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,680 What's that, a portable one they take on the bus? 363 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,380 It's a flat weekly rate. 364 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:02,580 And what we have got to decide is how much. 365 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,280 That sounds very reasonable. You must be joking. I'm not joking. 366 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,100 Be quiet and listen to the manager. 367 00:20:10,780 --> 00:20:11,900 Let us look at it scientifically. 368 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:16,480 How many times does a girl need to go when she's away from the depot? 369 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:23,420 Now, this is the chart of some of our routes, with the adjacent 370 00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:27,180 conveniences marked in red. Ah, well, that one with the stations out of order 371 00:20:27,180 --> 00:20:28,059 for a start. 372 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,660 Blockage. I'm not surprised. 373 00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:31,740 Never been used so much since it was opened. 374 00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:32,940 Well, forget about that one. 375 00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:34,750 Now, let us take an average route. 376 00:20:35,030 --> 00:20:36,390 The War Memorial Run. 377 00:20:37,130 --> 00:20:40,730 What is a reasonable number of times that a girl can expect to go to the 378 00:20:40,730 --> 00:20:41,549 on this route? 379 00:20:41,550 --> 00:20:43,410 Well, that depends, doesn't it? On what? 380 00:20:43,790 --> 00:20:46,470 Shies of a clippy, for a start, sir. Take Olive Butler. 381 00:20:46,730 --> 00:20:48,210 Must we? Couldn't we take Sandra and see? 382 00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:52,350 I am talking about a purely hypothetical girl. Oh, are you? 383 00:20:52,810 --> 00:20:56,290 Well, I am talking about the weather. What's the weather got to do with it? 384 00:20:56,410 --> 00:20:57,490 Well, the cold effect on people. 385 00:20:57,950 --> 00:21:00,630 I mean, you're very exposed standing on that bus platform. 386 00:21:01,150 --> 00:21:03,530 Every time somebody opens the door, the wind whistle's right round your ticket 387 00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:04,530 machine. 388 00:21:04,570 --> 00:21:05,369 That's right, brother. 389 00:21:05,370 --> 00:21:07,570 Every time we have a cold snap, put in for danger money. 390 00:21:07,810 --> 00:21:12,150 The point is, sir, this hyper -pathetical Clippy, how much tea she's 391 00:21:12,150 --> 00:21:15,230 of her. They drink a lot of tea, them Clippers, you know. Oh, I suppose you'd 392 00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:18,330 like her to go to work on an empty stomach. No, no, we'll allow her a cup 393 00:21:18,330 --> 00:21:19,309 tea. Just one? 394 00:21:19,310 --> 00:21:22,910 Oh, she'll want more than that. Not in our canteen, she won't. All right, we'll 395 00:21:22,910 --> 00:21:26,290 give her two cups. And if you had a spark of decency in you, you'd give her 396 00:21:26,290 --> 00:21:27,330 warm underwear and all. 397 00:21:27,530 --> 00:21:29,330 Yeah, what about asking for a hot water bottle? 398 00:21:29,610 --> 00:21:33,230 She's got a long journey. head of us. She's only going to the war memorial. 399 00:21:33,310 --> 00:21:34,810 She's not setting off for the moon. 400 00:21:35,130 --> 00:21:39,270 I wonder how them astronauts managed. I mean, they couldn't live out for a quick 401 00:21:39,270 --> 00:21:41,770 what's it, could they? Well, you know, they had one fixed into their... Will 402 00:21:41,770 --> 00:21:42,770 stick to the point? 403 00:21:43,830 --> 00:21:46,050 We are talking about the clippies and how much to give them. 404 00:21:46,950 --> 00:21:47,950 50p a week. 405 00:21:48,370 --> 00:21:49,450 Well, that's ridiculous. 406 00:21:49,810 --> 00:21:50,830 That is ridiculous. 407 00:21:51,850 --> 00:21:54,730 Now, let's try again. 408 00:21:55,590 --> 00:21:56,559 This hypothetical... 409 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,800 Clippy sets off from the depot with two cups of tea. She might want three. No, 410 00:22:00,060 --> 00:22:01,180 she might want three. 411 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:04,320 Well, 412 00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:12,020 you got that, Jessie, to thank for getting you 50p a week more. 413 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:16,060 Yeah, and it's backdated to the beginning of the year, so we get a 414 00:22:16,060 --> 00:22:17,200 bonus as well. 415 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:18,480 Oh, how lovely. 416 00:22:18,780 --> 00:22:22,440 Here you'll be able to buy yourself something nice with that. Something you 417 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:23,439 really need. 418 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:24,440 Well, I really... 419 00:22:28,170 --> 00:22:30,830 Oh, well, I've been a bit extravagant meself today. 420 00:22:31,110 --> 00:22:33,930 I got the toilet seat repaired. 421 00:22:35,210 --> 00:22:39,190 Oh, the man came round this afternoon and he put a bit of paint on the seat. 422 00:22:39,410 --> 00:22:40,410 Well, it looks lovely. 423 00:22:40,570 --> 00:22:41,249 What colour? 424 00:22:41,250 --> 00:22:45,570 A pad of blue to match the curtain. Of course, the seat isn't quite dry yet, so 425 00:22:45,570 --> 00:22:47,250 we'll have to nip next door to Jack. 426 00:22:47,550 --> 00:22:54,310 Have you seen this in the evening paper? 427 00:22:54,630 --> 00:22:58,730 Oh, not bad news, I hope. Bad news? the manager's going to do his class when he 428 00:22:58,730 --> 00:22:59,449 sees this. 429 00:22:59,450 --> 00:23:02,030 Listen, this will concern you, Clothiers, listen to this. 430 00:23:02,230 --> 00:23:06,950 At last night's council meeting, the town clerk stated that as from next 431 00:23:07,070 --> 00:23:11,370 all public conveniences, both male and female, will be free of charge. Is that 432 00:23:11,370 --> 00:23:12,710 all? I knew that already. 433 00:23:13,130 --> 00:23:13,829 You what? 434 00:23:13,830 --> 00:23:17,030 Yeah, I knew it last week. Woman in the laundrette told me. 435 00:23:17,710 --> 00:23:19,390 Why didn't you tell me then? 436 00:23:20,210 --> 00:23:21,990 Because she told me in confidence. 437 00:23:23,890 --> 00:23:25,910 I've had just about as much as I can take. 438 00:23:26,890 --> 00:23:28,930 I'm going to go upstairs to the bathroom. 439 00:23:29,290 --> 00:23:32,930 And don't you come hammering on the door. I don't want to be left in peace. 440 00:23:34,590 --> 00:23:37,050 Oh, I say, that's him upset. 441 00:23:37,510 --> 00:23:39,210 I'm not going to stop up there long. 442 00:23:39,570 --> 00:23:41,390 His chips will go all soggy. 443 00:23:41,750 --> 00:23:44,090 Oh, I never told him.