1 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:03,288 NARRATOR: Last season on The Good Place... 2 00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:06,208 MICHAEL: In the afterlife, there's a Good Place 3 00:00:06,298 --> 00:00:07,539 and there's a Bad Place. 4 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,841 You're in the Good Place. - SHE SIGHS 5 00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:12,172 Eleanor, you are my soulmate. 6 00:00:12,304 --> 00:00:15,468 Chidi, you'll stand by my side no matter what, right? 7 00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:18,641 Of course I will. - I'm not supposed to be here. 8 00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:20,385 Wait, what? - Eleanor, Chidi 9 00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:22,937 I would like you to meet Tahani and Jianyu. 10 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,106 Boop! - Oh! 11 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:25,890 You booped me. - I did. 12 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:28,852 His real name is Jason. He's a drug-dealing DJ from Florida. 13 00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:31,654 What's up, homie? - ELEANOR: The problem in the neighbourhood 14 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:33,239 is me. - ALL GASP 15 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:36,242 You have all done bad things since you arrived here. 16 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,320 The Bad Place is owed two people. You can decide. 17 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:43,745 Holy motherforking shirtballs. 18 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:46,286 This is the Bad Place. 19 00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:47,621 HE CACKLES 20 00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:48,756 Except for you four 21 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,708 everyone in this neighbourhood is one of us. 22 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,127 You saw us all on Earth 23 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,551 a selfish ass, an idiot DJ 24 00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,725 a tortured academic, a hot, rich fraud. 25 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:03,015 You thought we would torture each other. 26 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,680 The only thing you succeeded in doing 27 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,773 was bringing us all together. 28 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,310 That's it! My big mistake 29 00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:13,522 was having you be soulmates living next to each other. 30 00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:15,941 Next time, I'll spread you out 31 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,400 so it's more of a slow burn. 32 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,740 I'm gonna erase your memories, make a few changes 33 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,413 and start over again. Just gotta get the boss-man to sign off. 34 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,454 If this thing goes sideways again, you are done. 35 00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,001 ELEANOR: Do your worst. We figured 36 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,082 it out once, we can do it again. Janet. 37 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,295 Open up. 38 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:31,923 Because you know what, Michael? 39 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,172 Ya basic... - HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS 40 00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:37,091 You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead. 41 00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:39,221 Cool. - I'm your soulmate. 42 00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:41,636 You'll stand by me no matter what, right? 43 00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:44,390 Hold that thought. Is it OK if I go work out? 44 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,348 I gotta stay jacked. It's who I am. 45 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,182 See you soon. - JANET CHIMES 46 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,517 Hi there. - ELEANOR YELPS 47 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,694 I'm Janet. I think this is yours. 48 00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:55,188 After I was rebooted, I found it in my mouth. 49 00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:57,945 What the fork is a "Chidi"? 50 00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,235 Why can't I say fork? 51 00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:10,453 OK, here we go. 52 00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:12,584 Confidence, Mikey. 53 00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,627 Project confidence. 54 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:17,407 There he is! How's it going, boss-man? 55 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:20,009 Enough chit-chat. Is everything in place for version two? 56 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:24,012 Yup! We're keeping everything from version one that made them miserable 57 00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,678 adding a bunch of new stuff that they'll hate. 58 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,856 For example, all the coffee is from those little pods. 59 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,268 HE LAUGHS Diabolical. 60 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:38,447 Plus, they will all have new soulmates, of course. 61 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:41,109 You gotta trust me on this, boss. I've thought of everything. 62 00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:43,987 I won't let you down. - I think you will. 63 00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:47,223 I think this entire project of yours is stupid and doomed to fail. 64 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,959 I think you're going to be retired, eliminated from existence 65 00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:51,807 and burned on the surface of a billion suns. 66 00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:54,502 And I have no doubt that you and your cockamamy experiment 67 00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,590 will go down in history as colossal failures. 68 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,577 You know, I think if... - Toodle-oo. 69 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:01,546 MICHAEL: OK, take two, folks. 70 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,881 Any last questions before we start up again? 71 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,684 Yes. - Just so I'm clear... 72 00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:09,103 we're not pairing them up this time? - Correct. 73 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:13,642 Obviously, the eventual goal is to get them to torture each other but... 74 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:17,358 first we're going to create some nice, individual torment. 75 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:20,531 In version one, making them soulmates 76 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,409 we probably bit off more than we could chew. 77 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:24,911 We could bite them? 78 00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:26,953 I didn't know we were allowed to bite them! 79 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,031 That's an expression, Chuck. 80 00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:30,418 Alright, go ahead, Vicky. 81 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,702 Yeah, I have some questions about my new character. 82 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:37,332 I feel like I got Real Eleanor - like, I got her, you know? 83 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:41,419 But this new character, "Denise", I mean, who is she? 84 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:42,674 I don't get her. 85 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,757 Is she a quirky best friend type, or more of a... 86 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,801 a femme fatale "sexuality is her weapon of choice" type? 87 00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:50,146 Both, both those things. 88 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,143 I have some questions about my character too, like... 89 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,899 can he bite them? - No. 90 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,147 MICHAEL: OK, reminder. 91 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,942 The most important thing tonight, and this is crucial 92 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:03,150 you need to get Eleanor drunk at the welcome party 93 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:06,657 so she will say and do a bunch of bad stuff. 94 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:08,616 And then we take that stuff 95 00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:12,621 and use it to build our chaos sequence in the morning. 96 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,706 For example, you remember last time? 97 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,712 She stole all the cocktail shrimp 98 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:20,633 and we made giant nightmare shrimp fly through the sky? 99 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:24,094 See, it's those details that make her realise 100 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,172 she's in danger of being found out. 101 00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,177 CROWD MURMURS 102 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:33,062 OK. I know that this kind of large-scale deception 103 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,056 is not what you were trained to do. 104 00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:38,477 There are gonna be days when you're just sick of being around 105 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:41,062 these disgusting humans, with their... 106 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:46,155 weird, gross little mouths and their stupid elbows. 107 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:49,449 You're gonna be tempted to say, "Screw it." 108 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:53,165 "Can't we just go back to HQ and do this the old-fashioned way?" 109 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:56,456 "Pull out some fingernails, toss someone in an acid pit" 110 00:04:56,755 --> 00:05:00,294 "fire up the old penis flattener?" And sure... 111 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,083 sure, that sounds nice. 112 00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:04,251 But it also sounds easy. 113 00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:08,431 We're all here because we believe that there's a better way 114 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,432 to make humans miserable. 115 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:13,595 And I... I believe in you. 116 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,564 So, "torture" on three. 117 00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:20,860 Ready? One, two, three... - ALL: Torture! 118 00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:23,484 And biting! - Nope! No. 119 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,499 Hey, lady? 120 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,584 Can you come back? 121 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:37,586 J... Joey? 122 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:39,839 Janine? 123 00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:43,291 J... Jaja? 124 00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,214 SHE SCOFFS Why don't I ever listen 125 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,050 to people when they talk about themselves? 126 00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,177 No, it's annoying, and I'm right not to. 127 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:53,055 OK, Chidi, where are you? 128 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:54,636 Or what are you? 129 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:57,559 A type of soup, maybe? 130 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:03,445 Hi there. 131 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,861 I'm Eleanor. - Nice to meet you, Eleanor. I'm Nina. 132 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:08,449 This is my soulmate, Bart. 133 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,486 Love it. Love people's names 134 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,489 and love learning all about them. Where are you all from? 135 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,036 Well, oddly enough 136 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,201 I was born in Mozambique... - Cool. 137 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:21,579 Listen, do you guys know if there's, like, a Neighbourhood phone book 138 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,088 with everybody's name listed in it? 139 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:26,584 Oh, I don't think so, cos, I mean, there's no phones here. 140 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:27,717 There are no phones here? 141 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,431 Of course. 142 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:31,881 Duh! - THEY CHUCKLE 143 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:35,347 There's no use for 'em. I always prefer talking to people anyway. 144 00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:39,223 People are like nature's apps. 145 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:41,766 Huh. 146 00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,694 Anyway, we're on our way to get some pizza. Would you like to join us? 147 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,883 Maybe we could get to know each other a little bit, chat. 148 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,694 Uh, I'm good. I'm gonna explore a little bit. 149 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,991 But it was so nice to meet you Nina, and B... 150 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,412 bye-bye! 151 00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,124 Oh, sorry, I didn't see you. 152 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:02,504 Chidi? 153 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:03,714 Are you Chidi? 154 00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:11,675 Eleanor? What are you up to? - Oh, hey there, Michael. 155 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,868 Just getting to know everyone in the neighbourhood. 156 00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:14,892 Oh! 157 00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:17,681 Who was that mysterious gentleman wearing the nightgown? 158 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:22,975 Oh, uh, that's Jianyu, a Taiwanese monk who never speaks. 159 00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:25,355 Might be a little hard to get to know him. 160 00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:26,439 HE LAUGHS 161 00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:29,731 Eleanor, you and I both know 162 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:32,776 that you're not like everyone else in this neighbourhood. 163 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:37,079 Everyone here led a remarkable life. 164 00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,786 But you... 165 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,952 the work you did as an environmental activist 166 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,541 was just extraordinary! 167 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:49,091 SHE CHUCKLES Ah. Well, it's the environment. 168 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,506 I mean, I loved... 169 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,295 um... mushrooms. 170 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:55,924 I can honestly say that. 171 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:59,894 Well, it paid off, because you were the number one point-getter 172 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,721 in this entire neighbourhood. 173 00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:04,895 As such, I was just hoping that you could say a few words 174 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:08,144 at tonight's welcome party. You know, just to introduce yourself. 175 00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:10,400 How can I say no? SHE LAUGHS 176 00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,656 Can I say "no"? It doesn't feel like I can say "no." 177 00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,483 But if I can, Michael, I'm saying "no". 178 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:16,910 OK, so, you'll speak for... 179 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,912 maybe an hour or so? Hey, you know what? 180 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,449 I got you a little something to wear here. 181 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:24,710 Now, all the top point-getters wear these on the first night. 182 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,373 Oh, you gotta be forking kidding me... 183 00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,876 So, long story short, my heart is in the Pope 184 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:35,509 my liver's in the Dalai Lama, and my teeth were strung into a necklace 185 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,757 for a child-king in French Polynesia. 186 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:41,347 But it got me into the Good Place so, can't complain. 187 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,224 Wow. Can I... 188 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,973 tell you something? Just soulmate to soulmate? 189 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,067 Hold that thought. 190 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,527 I'm gonna head to the gym. - SHE LAUGHS 191 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,195 Oh, you're serious. Again? Right now? 192 00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,157 Yeah. I'll catch you later! 193 00:08:56,745 --> 00:09:00,329 Hey there, Best Person! You must be Eleanor. 194 00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,289 I'm Jessica, the host. - Hi. 195 00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:05,784 Michael told us all about your speech. I can't wait to hear what you have to say. 196 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,378 Me neither, Jessica. Me. Neither. 197 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,714 Aw, don't be nervous. Here. 198 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:14,510 Liquid courage. - Actually, um... 199 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,554 you know what? I think I need to keep a clear head. 200 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,678 Can you imagine getting drunk before giving a big speech? 201 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,621 Getting kicked out of your niece's christening 202 00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,557 and then, only later, once you've sobered up 203 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,188 realise you don't even have a niece. 204 00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:27,515 It's like, who was that kid? 205 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:31,773 So, Eleanor, you were an environmental lawyer. 206 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,441 That's fascinating. - Yeah. 207 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,384 I know. Just don't ask me any questions about it. 208 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,616 I am so sick of describing exactly what it means. 209 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:40,199 Hey, I'm headed to the bar. Can I grab you something? 210 00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,037 How about a margarita? - No, I'm good. 211 00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:45,033 Actually, I'm the best, according to the sash. 212 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:49,582 She's still not drinking? - Nope. 213 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,581 Something's off. - Should we...? 214 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,629 Om-nom-nom-nom... 215 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:55,793 No. - Mm-mm. 216 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:56,845 Keep it together. 217 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,133 SHE SIGHS Ah, screw it. 218 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,761 Couple of quick shots... SHE GASPS 219 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,722 And then I'm coming for you, shrimpies. 220 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,696 WOMAN: Please don't make this harder than it already is, Chidi. 221 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:20,953 These are for you. 222 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:22,955 Drink up. 223 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,741 Hi. Is your name Chidi? 224 00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:28,117 Yes? 225 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:31,587 Ah! I knew you weren't a soup. - What? 226 00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:35,337 Listen to me very carefully. My name is Eleanor Shellstrop. 227 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,338 We need to talk. 228 00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,172 WHOOSH 229 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:43,767 DOOR OPENS 230 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,893 Chidi? Come on in. 231 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,055 CHIDI: So there really is an afterlife? 232 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:55,023 I can't wait to have breakfast with Kant and lunch with Michel Foucault 233 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,590 and then have dinner with Kant again 234 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,342 so we can talk about what came up at breakfast. 235 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:01,780 I'm sorry, Chidi, all the great philosophers in history 236 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:03,660 ended up in the Bad Place. 237 00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:08,203 All of my heroes are...? - Being tortured. Yes, I'm afraid so. 238 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:12,996 Actually, it is kind of clever how they punish philosophers. 239 00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:17,208 Every day, they make them go to school naked 240 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:21,136 and then they take a test in a class they've never been to. 241 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,222 MICHAEL CHUCKLES 242 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:24,055 And then they smash them with hammers. 243 00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:25,887 And that part is not so clever. 244 00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:30,726 But the point is, Chidi, you were way better than all of them. 245 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,557 You're safe. 246 00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:38,020 No way. Soulmates are real? - They sure are. 247 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,319 Although, your soulmate situation is a little unusual. 248 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,319 Oh, no. I don't have one, do I? 249 00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,056 That's fine. I mean, who needs a soulmate, anyway? 250 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,787 My soulmate will be... 251 00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:49,499 books! 252 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,826 No, no, it's not that you don't have a soulmate 253 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,503 it's that you have multiple soulmates. 254 00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,340 Here. Now... 255 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,049 Normally, our omniscient system 256 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:01,631 perfectly analyses each person's profile 257 00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:04,255 and then matches him or her with another person. 258 00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:07,763 But in your case, the system matched you with two other people. 259 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:12,017 It's a rare occurrence, like a double rainbow 260 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:15,607 or someone on the Internet saying, "You know what?" 261 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,693 "You've convinced me I was wrong." 262 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,607 So, how do you choose who I should be with? 263 00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,238 Oh, I don't choose. You do, Chidi. 264 00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:24,279 HE STAMMERS I... what? 265 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:27,658 This is Angelique, Pedro, and Pevita. 266 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:31,331 According to the system, either Pedro 267 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:34,660 or Chidi could be matched perfectly with either Angelique 268 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,541 or Pevita. So figure it out. 269 00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:37,881 Should be fun. 270 00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,467 Cool... beans. 271 00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,218 One second, guys. Um, so... so... 272 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,263 So... - Yeah? 273 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:48,470 So... making decisions isn't necessarily my strong suit. 274 00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:51,514 I know that, buddy. You once had a panic attack 275 00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:54,350 at a make-your-own-sundae bar. - There were too many toppings. 276 00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:58,104 And very early in the process you had to commit to a chocolate palate 277 00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,838 or a fruit palate, and if you couldn't decide 278 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:03,151 you wound up with kiwi, Junior Mint, raisin, and it just ruins everyone's night. 279 00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:07,493 Chidi, I am so sorry. I literally cannot choose for you. 280 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:11,539 This has to be your decision. Buddy, you gotta trust me. 281 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:16,248 I would never place you in a painful situation. 282 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,078 Right. 283 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:20,206 Um... - ANGELIQUE: You ready, Chidi? 284 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:22,837 Here you go, Chidi. 285 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,461 One slice of Hawaiian, straight out the oven for you. 286 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,588 I'm Denise. Welcome to my pizza place. 287 00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,765 Thanks, Denise. - And here's one for you. 288 00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:30,851 Have a nice day. 289 00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:34,516 It's interesting that Hawaiian pizza is so popular here. 290 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,931 Yeah, I guess a lot of the residents here love it. 291 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,503 Kinda makes you wonder what type of pizza they have in the Bad Place, huh? 292 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,018 THEY LAUGH 293 00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,071 So, I can't believe you studied in Brisbane. 294 00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,906 We must have just missed each other. What was your thesis on? 295 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,947 Oh, gosh. It was so boring. 296 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,408 It was called, "Cultural Relativism and Moral Absolutism" 297 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:55,866 "An Exploration of Values As Seen Through The Works of Alain LeRoy" 298 00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,625 BOTH: "...Locke and Immanuel Kant." 299 00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,791 Shut up. You read it? 300 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,923 No, but that pairing is the most obvious pairing 301 00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,508 to employ in a paper with that title 302 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,714 and I wanna read it so bad! - SHE LAUGHS 303 00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,130 What about Morocco? 304 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,598 You ever travel there? - SHE SUCKS HER TEETH 305 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,270 No. 306 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,230 What about anywhere else? 307 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,015 You been anywhere else? - No. 308 00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,899 So, first impressions? 309 00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:28,236 Anyone? - I kinda wanna hear what Chidi thinks. 310 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,868 Well. Um, I mean, you're both 311 00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:35,532 brilliant, accomplished women, and Pedro, you're great too. 312 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,117 Just amazing people. I'm surrounded. Ah! 313 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:42,129 Ahh! But, if I had to say 314 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:47,293 who I sort of immediately bonded to on a gut level 315 00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,304 I think I would say that I... 316 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:53,466 kind of feel like my soulmate is... 317 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:54,383 Angel... 318 00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,343 MICHAEL POUNDS ON WINDOW - Wait, wait! 319 00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:57,768 MICHAEL PANTS 320 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,729 There was a mistake in the calculations. 321 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:03,734 We had a four-hour time gap in your profiles on May 10, 2003. 322 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:08,318 I corrected that day's events for all of you, and ran the numbers again and... 323 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:11,157 and the final result proves definitively 324 00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:13,611 that Pedro is Angelique's soulmate 325 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:16,162 and Chidi, your soulmate is Pevita. 326 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,833 That was close. - CHIDI GROANS QUIETLY 327 00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,662 Hey, you guys hadn't made a decision yet, had you? 328 00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:25,414 No! We did not. No one said anything. 329 00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:27,444 I didn't hear anything, and I certainly didn't say anything. 330 00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:28,879 That's for darn sure. HE CHUCKLES 331 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:31,963 THEY LAUGH 332 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,847 CHIDI LAUGHS 333 00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:35,970 THEY SIGH 334 00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,970 OK. Alright. 335 00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:40,647 See you later. 336 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,516 CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS 337 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,644 CHIDI: This is fun. It's a fun party. 338 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:49,522 There's no question about it, this is a fun situation. 339 00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:51,857 Hey, you guys are here. 340 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:54,360 The fun continues, nay, increases! 341 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,741 You two look nice. 342 00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,739 Thanks! And you look... 343 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,377 fine. 344 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,089 Would I say you look better than anyone else here? 345 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,131 No, I wouldn't say that. 346 00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,668 Do you look bad? No. 347 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,998 But good? Would I go as far as to say that you look good? 348 00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:11,922 Doubtful. Hey, wine. 349 00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:14,429 Mmm. Uh... 350 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,965 Do I feel like red or white? - Oh... 351 00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:17,928 deep down in your heart of hearts 352 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,737 you probably already know which one you want. 353 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,439 Why isn't anyone talking? 354 00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,733 Janet, could you show me to the bar, please? - Mm-hm! 355 00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,358 Oh, hey! 356 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,367 Chidi, right? Denise. 357 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:40,201 We met earlier, remember? - Oh, yeah, hi. 358 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,332 Are you limping? - Yeah, I am. 359 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:43,625 Crazy story. 360 00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:47,167 See, I was a trapeze artist in an illegal circus in Bangladesh... 361 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,748 Angelique. - Hey. How are you doing? 362 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,673 Oh, well, uh... Heh. You know... 363 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,763 My stomach's in knots, I'm stress-grinding my teeth 364 00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,970 and it feels like my soul is being suffocated. 365 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,821 You know, just your standard paradise stuff. 366 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:04,396 How about you? - It's been a little uncomfortable. 367 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:09,018 I think Pedro maybe heard you say that thing you were gonna say. 368 00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:11,695 Oh, no. I'm so sorry. I... 369 00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:13,573 but I have to ask. 370 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,992 Do you feel the way I feel? - We can't talk about this. 371 00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:20,700 Well, I know, but if the numbers were that close, Angelique 372 00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,201 I think I'm supposed to... - Stop! 373 00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:25,292 Please don't make this harder than it already is, Chidi. 374 00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,215 These are for you. 375 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,754 Hi. Is your name Chidi? 376 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,383 Yes? - Ah! I knew you weren't a soup. 377 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,344 What? - Listen to me very carefully. 378 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,768 My name is Eleanor Shellstrop. 379 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,428 We need to talk. 380 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:45,725 About what? 381 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:48,558 Just shut your mouth, smile at me, and walk over here. 382 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:52,444 OK, you're definitely my least favourite person I've met so far. 383 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,133 OK, I'm sorry, this is really not a good time. 384 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,260 I'm right in the middle of something. - Dude. 385 00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:58,196 I'm guessing we have about 30 seconds to talk 386 00:17:58,286 --> 00:17:59,447 before someone notices. 387 00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:04,074 When I got here, some robot lady appeared out of thin air and gave me this. 388 00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:06,450 You mean Janet? - Oh, that's it! Janet. 389 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,793 JANET CHIMES - Hi there. 390 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:09,123 Not now, Janet. Buzz off. 391 00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:10,329 OK. JANET CHIMES 392 00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,706 Now, I have no memory of writing this 393 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,382 but it is my handwriting. 394 00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:16,046 And that's your name, right? 395 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:20,802 So, for some reason, at some point, I put this note into 396 00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:23,642 that whatever-lady's robot mouth. 397 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,935 You already forgot her name? - No, I didn't. 398 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,268 Her name is... 399 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:29,681 Janet. 400 00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,599 JANET CHIMES: Hi there. - ELEANOR GASPS 401 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,062 Fork off! - OK. 402 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,818 JANET CHIMES - From the second I got here 403 00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:35,479 these nerds have been acting real weird 404 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,822 trying to get me drunk. 405 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,696 My soulmate ditches me every time I try to talk to him 406 00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:44,701 and this Zen-master guy gave me this magic bracelet thing 407 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,240 and then he just ran away. 408 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:50,627 Something very strange is going on here, and the only person I trust is me 409 00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:52,329 and me told me to find you. 410 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,458 So, what's the deal? What's happening? What have you got? 411 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,417 CHIDI STAMMERS Uh... OK, I... 412 00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:02,381 Look, I'm, I'm sorry, but none of this means anything to me 413 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:05,275 and I've got my own problems to deal with. I'm sorry, I can't help you. 414 00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:09,642 Attention, everyone! - GLASS TINKLES 415 00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:10,690 Speech time! 416 00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:15,485 I know you're probably not a magic wizard trapped in an amulet but if you are 417 00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,153 please get me out of this speech. 418 00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,485 WHOOSH 419 00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,038 DOOR OPENS 420 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,240 Tahani. Come on in. 421 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,997 You're in the Good Place, Tahani. 422 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,959 Ooh, what a surprise! 423 00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,756 SHE LAUGHS - MICHAEL CHUCKLES 424 00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:37,962 But yes, I accept. 425 00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:41,094 This is your soulmate, Tomas. 426 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:45,098 Now, Tomas was a doctor with the International Rescue Alliance 427 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,471 and you raised money that ultimately 428 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,854 funded his medical missions. It's just so perfect! 429 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,140 Wow. - It's lovely to meet you, Tahani. 430 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,433 Charmed, I'm... 431 00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,485 short. 432 00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:58,771 I'm sorry, did I just say "short"? I-I meant to say 433 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:02,323 "charmed, I'm sure," of course, because I am charmed to meet you. 434 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:05,444 It's just an unfortunate Freudian short. SHE GIGGLES 435 00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:08,739 Shall we? 436 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,576 So, where did you attend medical short? 437 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:17,457 So, this is the living room as well as the kitchen and the bedroom. 438 00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:20,421 It's so... cosy. 439 00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:21,505 THEY CHUCKLE 440 00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:23,427 I feel like the walls are just hugging me. 441 00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:25,680 MICHAEL LAUGHS - Michael, I don't mean to be rude 442 00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:28,053 but this is simply absurd. 443 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:31,470 Yes, thank you. I didn't want to say anything but... 444 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:34,435 There's only two of us, and we don't need all this space. 445 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,766 - "All this space"? - Oh, of course. 446 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:39,820 You two humanitarians don't want anything so extravagant. 447 00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:41,258 I'll just get rid of the second floor. 448 00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,114 WALLS CLATTER 449 00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:46,322 OK, I'll let you two have some alone time. I will see you at the party. 450 00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:52,291 Well... certainly is quite quaint. 451 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,743 So, it's just... fun. 452 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,668 I daresay even quite charm... ahhh, no. 453 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:00,383 TOMAS: What's the matter? 454 00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:04,215 Sorry, it's just a self-portrait of my... my sister. 455 00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:08,177 Wonderful. - Your sister is Kamilah Al-Jamil? 456 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:09,907 I used to play her music for my patients. 457 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:13,599 At times, it felt like Kamilah's songs were curing the malaria for us. 458 00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:15,934 Great. SHE CHUCKLES 459 00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:19,439 Well, I best be getting changed for tonight. - Mm. 460 00:21:19,862 --> 00:21:21,854 Can hardly wear a day dress to an evening event. 461 00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:24,231 Sounds good. I'm ready whenever you are. 462 00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:27,325 Is that what you're wearing? 463 00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:28,661 Oh, yeah. 464 00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:32,410 My years treating remote villagers taught me to favour comfort over style. 465 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,454 But you should wear whatever you prefer. 466 00:21:35,169 --> 00:21:36,410 Well, I mean... 467 00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:40,289 as we are soulmates, perhaps I, I should also... 468 00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:42,791 dress down. 469 00:21:43,093 --> 00:21:45,380 CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS 470 00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:49,301 You alright, my dear? 471 00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:51,267 Yes 472 00:21:51,519 --> 00:21:54,136 just not used to dressing like a plumberess. 473 00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:58,144 Is that what you call a female plumber, or is it a toilet sweep? 474 00:21:58,776 --> 00:22:00,233 Or clog wench? 475 00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:03,520 In any case, that's how I'm dressed. 476 00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:08,112 My darling, you are in the Good Place. Relax. 477 00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:11,699 Feel the breeze on your feet. That's why Crocs have holes in them. 478 00:22:12,623 --> 00:22:15,411 I'll get us a drink. Lower that beautiful face for me, won't you? 479 00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:18,293 Lower-lower-lower-lower-lower... Mwah! 480 00:22:21,799 --> 00:22:23,415 Tahani? You alright? 481 00:22:23,467 --> 00:22:25,208 Michael, hello! Yes. 482 00:22:25,386 --> 00:22:27,469 I'm having a splendid time. 483 00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,638 Although, if I'm being honest 484 00:22:30,766 --> 00:22:34,350 a few aspects of my day have been sub-optimal. 485 00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:36,599 Really? Like what? 486 00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:38,559 Well... my house 487 00:22:38,983 --> 00:22:43,603 is a bit small, which is fine, it's just not what I'm used to and... 488 00:22:43,946 --> 00:22:48,111 Tomas is lovely, but we haven't really "clicked" yet 489 00:22:48,325 --> 00:22:50,612 to use a mundane colloquialism 490 00:22:50,661 --> 00:22:52,072 which I suppose I should do 491 00:22:52,413 --> 00:22:55,247 now that I'm wearing cargo pants. 492 00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:59,584 Tahani, it's very common to experience adjustment pains. 493 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:03,584 But the system matched you and Tomas, and the system is never wrong. 494 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,883 But guess what? This is the Good Place. 495 00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:09,260 If you want your house to be larger, then just ask. 496 00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:11,880 Do you want something this big? 497 00:23:11,932 --> 00:23:13,798 Or maybe bigger, like the Taj Mahal. 498 00:23:14,268 --> 00:23:16,009 I know, I know. How about a moon? 499 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:18,557 Would you like to live on your own private moon? 500 00:23:19,023 --> 00:23:21,606 No, no, no. My house is wonderful. 501 00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:23,816 And really, it's so silly 502 00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:26,486 to want a bigger house of all things, here in paradise. 503 00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:28,571 So no, no changes needed. 504 00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:29,860 OK, alright. 505 00:23:30,034 --> 00:23:31,775 But if you change your mind, just ask. 506 00:23:32,077 --> 00:23:34,660 Because all the other residents are very happy 507 00:23:34,705 --> 00:23:37,994 so it'll give me plenty of time to deal with whatever requests you make. 508 00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:40,909 No demand is too... 509 00:23:40,961 --> 00:23:42,281 what's the word? Oh, "frivolous". 510 00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:44,541 OK? Wow... 511 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:45,840 That is rough. 512 00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:52,485 ANGELIQUE: Please don't make this harder than it already is, Chidi. 513 00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:58,472 These are for you. Drink up. 514 00:23:59,104 --> 00:24:00,390 Oh, no, no, I... 515 00:24:00,481 --> 00:24:02,894 MAN LAUGHS Hey, hey, hey! Twinsies! 516 00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:04,683 I'm sorry? - Look! 517 00:24:05,486 --> 00:24:07,068 cargo-pants buddies! 518 00:24:07,821 --> 00:24:09,904 HE CHUCKLES I bet we have a lot in common. 519 00:24:10,074 --> 00:24:14,318 I was a garbage man in Winnipeg. How about you? 520 00:24:14,954 --> 00:24:16,035 OK. 521 00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,076 Crocs also? 522 00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:20,866 GLASS TINKLES 523 00:24:21,085 --> 00:24:22,085 Speech time! 524 00:24:22,211 --> 00:24:25,875 I know you're probably not a magic wizard trapped in an amulet, but if you are 525 00:24:25,923 --> 00:24:27,255 please get me out of this speech. 526 00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:29,099 MICHAEL: I've asked our top point-getter, here 527 00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:32,502 to say a few words. So, take it away, Eleanor! 528 00:24:32,638 --> 00:24:34,470 CROWD APPLAUDS 529 00:24:39,186 --> 00:24:41,678 The dictionary defines "best" 530 00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:43,722 as being... - TAHANI SLURS: Oh, God, boring! 531 00:24:44,608 --> 00:24:46,520 I'd like to say a few words if nobody minds. 532 00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:48,219 ELEANOR WHISPERS: Thank you, wizard. 533 00:24:48,362 --> 00:24:51,196 I am Tahani. Tahani am me. 534 00:24:51,365 --> 00:24:54,483 And even though I wasn't the "number one point-getter" 535 00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:57,322 I just wanted to welcome you all to the Neighbourhood. 536 00:24:57,788 --> 00:25:01,452 You all look so beautiful tonight, with your regular-sized pockets 537 00:25:02,418 --> 00:25:03,875 regular-sized soulmates. 538 00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:06,495 Oh, no offense, darling, wherever you are. 539 00:25:07,089 --> 00:25:08,289 Probably somewhere down there. 540 00:25:08,424 --> 00:25:11,917 Why don't you try to ease her off the stage and take over yourself? 541 00:25:12,094 --> 00:25:14,302 The point is, we're all good people, right? 542 00:25:15,014 --> 00:25:17,882 We all did the right thing whenever we could. 543 00:25:18,058 --> 00:25:20,801 And that's why it's so nice to be here among you in this... 544 00:25:21,270 --> 00:25:23,307 massive house that I want. 545 00:25:24,064 --> 00:25:25,851 I want this house. Give it. 546 00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:29,518 SHE LAUGHS: No, I'm just kidding. But really, give me the house. 547 00:25:30,112 --> 00:25:32,274 Hey there, hot stuff. Can I get you a cup of coffee? 548 00:25:32,406 --> 00:25:34,022 Get your hands off me! 549 00:25:34,575 --> 00:25:37,679 Oh, you think you're better than I am, don't you, just cos you're wearing that. 550 00:25:37,703 --> 00:25:39,695 Look at that terrible placement and angle. 551 00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:41,715 Is this your first time ever wearing a sash? 552 00:25:41,915 --> 00:25:43,998 Yeah, it is, but I think if we all just... 553 00:25:44,043 --> 00:25:45,250 Well, give it to me then! 554 00:25:46,045 --> 00:25:47,707 CROWD SHOUTS AND GASPS 555 00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:52,050 I got her off the stage. 556 00:25:54,928 --> 00:25:56,135 WHOOSH 557 00:25:58,182 --> 00:25:59,182 DOOR OPENS 558 00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:02,300 Jianyu? Come on in. 559 00:26:04,354 --> 00:26:06,971 Before we start, I know you were a Buddhist monk 560 00:26:07,149 --> 00:26:08,890 who kept a vow of silence. 561 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,318 Would you prefer to remain silent here as well? 562 00:26:15,699 --> 00:26:18,692 Every resident here in the Good Place has a soulmate. 563 00:26:18,827 --> 00:26:22,571 Now, some of the pairings are platonic, some are romantic 564 00:26:22,998 --> 00:26:26,207 but what you have with your soulmate is unique. 565 00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:31,626 You have a spiritual connection that transcends the physical realm. 566 00:26:33,842 --> 00:26:35,925 This person's gonna be your best bud. 567 00:26:38,055 --> 00:26:39,091 MICHAEL CHUCKLES 568 00:26:41,683 --> 00:26:46,053 Jianyu, let me introduce you to your soulmate, Luang. 569 00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:48,347 He is also a Buddhist monk 570 00:26:48,398 --> 00:26:50,435 from the Lumbini zone of Nepal. 571 00:26:50,651 --> 00:26:55,897 You and Luang share an identical soul like binary stars 572 00:26:56,073 --> 00:26:59,032 orbiting one another in a perfect, reflective harmony. 573 00:26:59,243 --> 00:27:02,611 You won't ever have a single moment of loneliness 574 00:27:03,122 --> 00:27:07,457 because you'll always be right next to each other for eternity. 575 00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:10,872 OK, I'm gonna let you two get acquainted. 576 00:27:10,963 --> 00:27:14,627 I'm sure you have a lot to not talk about. HE LAUGHS 577 00:27:15,008 --> 00:27:17,546 Because... well, you get it, you get it. 578 00:27:39,950 --> 00:27:40,950 HE SIGHS 579 00:28:06,101 --> 00:28:07,637 Oh, sorry, I didn't see you. 580 00:28:08,729 --> 00:28:10,846 Chidi? Are you Chidi? 581 00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:18,068 Eleanor? What are you up to? - Oh, hey there, Michael. 582 00:28:19,364 --> 00:28:20,229 Just getting to know everyone 583 00:28:20,282 --> 00:28:21,682 in the neighbourhood. - MICHAEL: Oh. 584 00:28:22,284 --> 00:28:23,650 Who was that mysterious... 585 00:28:44,139 --> 00:28:46,131 MICHAEL: Hello, you beautiful spirits. 586 00:28:46,225 --> 00:28:48,467 Can I offer you two something to drink? 587 00:28:48,727 --> 00:28:49,967 Janet! - JANET CHIMES: Hi there. 588 00:28:51,355 --> 00:28:52,562 This is Janet. 589 00:28:52,648 --> 00:28:56,141 Now, she can get you literally anything you want. 590 00:28:56,235 --> 00:28:57,275 All you have to do is ask. 591 00:28:57,361 --> 00:29:02,573 Of course, you two won't ever want anything, because you're perfectly content. 592 00:29:03,909 --> 00:29:05,525 Oh, I know. How about something special? 593 00:29:05,827 --> 00:29:08,570 Janet, two yak's milks, please. 594 00:29:08,664 --> 00:29:10,030 MICHAEL WHISPERS: Enjoy. 595 00:29:10,207 --> 00:29:11,243 JANET CHIMES 596 00:29:13,794 --> 00:29:14,830 JANET CHIMES 597 00:29:27,224 --> 00:29:30,058 GLASS TINKLES - Speech time! 598 00:29:30,227 --> 00:29:32,264 If we all just... - Well, give it to me then! 599 00:29:33,397 --> 00:29:35,229 CROWD SHOUTS AND GASPS 600 00:29:35,899 --> 00:29:37,015 I got her off the stage. 601 00:29:37,276 --> 00:29:40,940 Tahani? Are you alright? - Yes, fine. 602 00:29:41,321 --> 00:29:44,064 Never better. Top of my game, actually. 603 00:29:44,449 --> 00:29:47,738 You'll have to excuse me, cos I've got to go, so... Oh, look! 604 00:29:48,662 --> 00:29:49,698 I've got some shrimp. 605 00:29:50,247 --> 00:29:53,365 In one of my many, many cargo-pants pockets. 606 00:29:53,417 --> 00:29:54,703 SHE SOBS 607 00:29:55,085 --> 00:29:57,168 What the fork is happening? 608 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,081 WHOOSH 609 00:30:02,926 --> 00:30:04,337 OK, here we go. 610 00:30:05,387 --> 00:30:07,299 How's it going, boss-man? - Enough chit-chat. 611 00:30:07,556 --> 00:30:09,116 Is everything in place for version two? 612 00:30:09,266 --> 00:30:10,928 Yup, I've thought of everything. 613 00:30:12,019 --> 00:30:13,019 I won't let you down. 614 00:30:13,437 --> 00:30:15,554 I was just hoping that you could say a few words 615 00:30:15,689 --> 00:30:17,100 at tonight's welcome party. 616 00:30:17,190 --> 00:30:18,852 You know, just to introduce yourself. 617 00:30:19,401 --> 00:30:21,063 How can I say no? SHE LAUGHS 618 00:30:21,194 --> 00:30:23,561 So... cosy. 619 00:30:24,406 --> 00:30:27,695 I feel like the walls are just hugging me. - MICHAEL LAUGHS 620 00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:31,786 How about something special? Janet. Two yak's milks, please. 621 00:30:32,998 --> 00:30:34,455 Why isn't anyone talking? 622 00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:36,619 Janet, could you show me to the bar, please? - Mm-hmm. 623 00:30:39,004 --> 00:30:41,542 Michael, may I please speak with you privately? 624 00:30:41,882 --> 00:30:42,882 Sure, sure. 625 00:30:44,593 --> 00:30:47,882 It just feels like I used to be Real Eleanor 626 00:30:47,929 --> 00:30:50,387 and now I'm Denise. 627 00:30:50,515 --> 00:30:53,883 Denise is a good part, with a great backstory. 628 00:30:54,436 --> 00:30:58,146 You run the best pizza place in the Neighbourhood. 629 00:30:59,232 --> 00:31:01,815 You have a cat, and that's cool. 630 00:31:02,194 --> 00:31:04,356 I took this job because it seemed 631 00:31:04,404 --> 00:31:05,895 fun and different 632 00:31:06,031 --> 00:31:08,819 and in the original version, I got to break Chidi's heart 633 00:31:08,909 --> 00:31:11,322 like, 20 times, and it was great. 634 00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:13,362 I mean, he was miserable. 635 00:31:13,830 --> 00:31:17,073 And now, Angelique gets to torture him? 636 00:31:17,584 --> 00:31:18,791 Angelique is a hack. 637 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:22,579 I can act circles around her! But I have nothing to do! 638 00:31:22,798 --> 00:31:25,290 I am a Ferrari, OK? 639 00:31:25,342 --> 00:31:28,380 And you don't keep a Ferrari in the garage. 640 00:31:28,887 --> 00:31:30,469 I hear your concern. I do. 641 00:31:30,555 --> 00:31:31,887 And I promise you 642 00:31:31,932 --> 00:31:34,675 there is a great arc coming for Denise the pizza lady 643 00:31:34,768 --> 00:31:36,475 in about 80 years or so. - SHE SIGHS 644 00:31:36,645 --> 00:31:39,888 Chidi is going to accidentally kill your cat. 645 00:31:40,649 --> 00:31:42,686 It's gonna give you a great chance to shine. 646 00:31:42,776 --> 00:31:46,611 Can I just have something that makes me stand out? 647 00:31:46,822 --> 00:31:50,315 A mysterious past, or a limp! I want a limp. 648 00:31:50,409 --> 00:31:52,822 This is supposed to be the Good Place. Why would...? 649 00:31:54,287 --> 00:31:56,153 OK, I, no, I hear you. I'll tell you what. 650 00:31:56,623 --> 00:31:59,081 Go nuts. Limp your heart out. 651 00:32:01,086 --> 00:32:03,794 Oh, hey! Chidi, right? 652 00:32:03,839 --> 00:32:04,704 Hi. 653 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,001 Are you limping? 654 00:32:08,218 --> 00:32:09,675 How's it going? - SHE SIGHS 655 00:32:09,719 --> 00:32:11,155 We're having some trouble with Eleanor. 656 00:32:11,179 --> 00:32:13,762 She's not engaging in conversation, she's not drinking. 657 00:32:14,057 --> 00:32:15,264 Eleanor's not drinking? 658 00:32:16,184 --> 00:32:19,848 She brought a flask in the car during her driver's test! 659 00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:22,767 OK, we need to keep things moving here. 660 00:32:22,816 --> 00:32:25,024 I'm about to make her talk for an hour. 661 00:32:25,152 --> 00:32:27,018 She'll definitely end up insulting somebody. 662 00:32:27,154 --> 00:32:29,612 GLASS TINKLES - Speech time! 663 00:32:29,781 --> 00:32:31,147 We're all good people, right? 664 00:32:31,825 --> 00:32:34,784 We all did the right thing whenever we could. 665 00:32:34,953 --> 00:32:37,033 I think if we all just... - Well, give it to me then! 666 00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:39,239 CROWD SHOUTS AND GASPS 667 00:32:40,125 --> 00:32:43,334 Tahani? Are you alright? - Yes, fine. 668 00:32:43,962 --> 00:32:44,962 Never better. 669 00:32:45,172 --> 00:32:47,004 You'll have to excuse me, cos I've got to go. 670 00:32:47,048 --> 00:32:48,408 CHIDI MURMURS - TAHANI: Oh, look... 671 00:32:49,301 --> 00:32:51,634 What the fork, man? - I know that book. 672 00:32:52,220 --> 00:32:54,177 Is that some kind of nerd pick-up line? 673 00:32:54,222 --> 00:32:55,782 Because it's only kind of working. - No. 674 00:32:55,807 --> 00:32:57,048 The note you showed me before. 675 00:32:58,685 --> 00:33:01,598 Alright, this is from a book called "What We Owe to Each Other". 676 00:33:01,688 --> 00:33:02,553 I used to teach it. 677 00:33:02,606 --> 00:33:04,643 I was a professor of ethics and moral philosophy. 678 00:33:04,774 --> 00:33:06,627 Alright, brag much? - No, I'm trying to help you. 679 00:33:06,651 --> 00:33:07,651 Sorry. OK. 680 00:33:07,944 --> 00:33:10,186 I have never seen you before in my life 681 00:33:10,238 --> 00:33:14,528 but I think somehow that we know each other. 682 00:33:17,287 --> 00:33:19,074 That definitely sounded like a pick-up line. 683 00:33:19,164 --> 00:33:20,746 CHIDI SIGHS - And I'm not not interested 684 00:33:20,832 --> 00:33:22,664 but we need to figure this out first. 685 00:33:23,043 --> 00:33:25,035 MICHAEL GROANS - It's not that bad, right? 686 00:33:25,629 --> 00:33:28,337 I mean, we got a drunken speech. That's good. 687 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,207 No. It isn't. 688 00:33:31,510 --> 00:33:34,628 Tahani gave the drunken speech instead of Eleanor. 689 00:33:34,721 --> 00:33:37,634 We can't build a chaos sequence out of Tahani's speech 690 00:33:37,766 --> 00:33:40,474 because she thinks she belongs here... 691 00:33:41,353 --> 00:33:42,353 ding-dong. 692 00:33:42,896 --> 00:33:45,229 OK, we can still salvage this. 693 00:33:45,315 --> 00:33:47,898 Where's Eleanor? - She's gone. 694 00:33:48,026 --> 00:33:50,564 I can't find her anywhere. - Maybe she left with Chidi? 695 00:33:50,946 --> 00:33:52,562 He's gone too. - What? 696 00:33:52,739 --> 00:33:55,231 Or maybe she left with Jason. 697 00:33:55,283 --> 00:33:58,026 You lost Jason? How is that even possible? 698 00:33:58,703 --> 00:34:01,491 Your only job is to stand next to that idiot. 699 00:34:01,790 --> 00:34:03,656 I got distracted by the fire! 700 00:34:04,167 --> 00:34:05,374 I love fire. 701 00:34:05,544 --> 00:34:08,628 You know, my main job is to burn people with fire. 702 00:34:08,755 --> 00:34:10,496 What's up, guys? - What are you doing here? 703 00:34:10,590 --> 00:34:11,831 Why aren't you with Eleanor? 704 00:34:12,008 --> 00:34:13,840 Oh, I told her I was going to the gym again. 705 00:34:14,553 --> 00:34:17,170 Why would you say that in the middle of a party? 706 00:34:17,305 --> 00:34:18,716 You told me too. - No, I didn't. 707 00:34:18,848 --> 00:34:21,408 You said if Eleanor tries to confess that she doesn't belong here 708 00:34:21,476 --> 00:34:24,264 find a reason to avoid her, like saying, "I'm going to the gym" 709 00:34:24,354 --> 00:34:25,373 so that's what I've been saying. 710 00:34:25,397 --> 00:34:28,856 That was a suggestion of the type of thing you could say! 711 00:34:28,942 --> 00:34:29,942 Don't... 712 00:34:31,194 --> 00:34:35,905 How many times have you specifically told her you were going to the gym? 713 00:34:36,741 --> 00:34:37,741 Five. 714 00:34:38,076 --> 00:34:39,076 No, nine. 715 00:34:39,244 --> 00:34:40,610 You dimwit! 716 00:34:40,662 --> 00:34:41,662 Hey, man! 717 00:34:41,913 --> 00:34:44,997 I was perfectly happy in my old job in the twisting department. 718 00:34:45,292 --> 00:34:48,285 People came in, and I twist them until they snapped in half 719 00:34:48,420 --> 00:34:49,786 and I move on to the next one. 720 00:34:50,088 --> 00:34:52,205 But this job is weird! 721 00:34:52,591 --> 00:34:54,833 THEY MURMUR - It's all talk, no twisting. 722 00:34:55,051 --> 00:34:57,251 So if you don't like the way I do it, get somebody else. 723 00:34:57,304 --> 00:34:59,717 I'm going to the gym! - Fine. Yeah, you do that. 724 00:34:59,806 --> 00:35:00,806 You go to the gym. 725 00:35:01,182 --> 00:35:05,347 OK, we can still pull this off, we just need to find the four humans. OK? 726 00:35:05,854 --> 00:35:06,854 OK. 727 00:35:06,896 --> 00:35:08,387 HE CHUCKLES Right now. 728 00:35:10,817 --> 00:35:15,903 Everyone in this room, find those four humans! 729 00:35:18,783 --> 00:35:21,150 Are you gonna talk, or just walk around like a nerd 730 00:35:21,202 --> 00:35:22,989 trying to get a personal best on his Fitbit? 731 00:35:23,079 --> 00:35:26,447 I'm sorry, I'm trying to process a tremendous amount 732 00:35:26,541 --> 00:35:28,077 of insane information. 733 00:35:28,168 --> 00:35:29,875 I mean, you're not supposed to be here 734 00:35:30,003 --> 00:35:33,997 but you and I clearly met here, somehow, before now. 735 00:35:34,090 --> 00:35:36,377 I mean... does that mean that I'm not supposed to be here? 736 00:35:36,551 --> 00:35:37,587 I don't know, dude. 737 00:35:38,053 --> 00:35:40,261 Were you a good person on Earth? - I... I think so. 738 00:35:40,388 --> 00:35:42,867 I spent my life in pursuit of fundamental truths about the uni... 739 00:35:42,891 --> 00:35:44,052 HE GASPS Oh, no! 740 00:35:45,685 --> 00:35:47,142 I used almond milk in my coffee 741 00:35:47,270 --> 00:35:49,603 even though I knew about the negative environmental impact. 742 00:35:50,190 --> 00:35:52,432 What? - Eleanor, what do we do? 743 00:35:52,525 --> 00:35:53,525 I don't know, dude! 744 00:35:53,985 --> 00:35:56,568 But we better figure it out soon, or we're doomed. 745 00:36:05,455 --> 00:36:06,616 Uh, Janet? 746 00:36:06,665 --> 00:36:07,906 JANET CHIMES Hi there, Jianyu. 747 00:36:08,333 --> 00:36:09,333 Hi, Janet! 748 00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:12,081 Um, can I tell you something? - Sure. 749 00:36:12,629 --> 00:36:14,211 I'm not Jianyu. 750 00:36:14,547 --> 00:36:16,584 And I'm not a silent monk. 751 00:36:17,217 --> 00:36:19,675 My real name is Jason. And I don't know what's going on. 752 00:36:19,761 --> 00:36:21,502 I got here and Michael said I'm a monk 753 00:36:21,554 --> 00:36:23,762 and he told me I was gonna have a new best friend 754 00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:25,760 and that we were gonna live in a yogurt. 755 00:36:26,059 --> 00:36:28,221 A yurt. - Oh, yeah, "yurt" for short. 756 00:36:28,395 --> 00:36:30,102 I was psyched to meet my new best friend 757 00:36:30,355 --> 00:36:33,143 but he turned out to be this weird silent guy 758 00:36:33,191 --> 00:36:35,103 that won't leave me alone. 759 00:36:35,276 --> 00:36:37,313 I don't wanna go back to my yogurt. 760 00:36:39,072 --> 00:36:40,188 Can I go to your house? 761 00:36:40,532 --> 00:36:44,321 I don't have a house, Jason. I live in a boundless void. 762 00:36:44,911 --> 00:36:46,493 Can I go there? - No. 763 00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:48,575 It's a boundless void. 764 00:36:49,582 --> 00:36:50,582 OK. 765 00:36:50,834 --> 00:36:54,373 So, what you're saying is, there are certain aspects of your existence 766 00:36:54,462 --> 00:36:56,875 here in the Good Place that are confusing for you 767 00:36:57,465 --> 00:37:00,958 and you're searching for someplace to go where you feel less lonely. 768 00:37:02,303 --> 00:37:03,510 I know somewhere you could go. 769 00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:08,465 Why did you do that? 770 00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:11,553 Because you were nice to me. You're my friend. 771 00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:13,230 OK! 772 00:37:15,567 --> 00:37:16,567 JASON: OK! 773 00:37:17,986 --> 00:37:20,103 OK, so, if we got all the way to Scanlon 774 00:37:20,196 --> 00:37:23,485 we must have been studying very intensely for a very long time. 775 00:37:23,825 --> 00:37:27,034 Or, you grabbed a random book of mine and just tore a page out. 776 00:37:27,162 --> 00:37:28,723 I'm gonna be honest, that sounds more like me. 777 00:37:28,747 --> 00:37:29,863 KNOCK AT THE DOOR 778 00:37:30,373 --> 00:37:31,329 Ah! 779 00:37:31,374 --> 00:37:34,117 Eleanor and Chidi. What a pleasant surprise. 780 00:37:34,294 --> 00:37:35,956 I'm so happy you two have met. 781 00:37:36,337 --> 00:37:39,626 I'm just going door-to-door, apologising for the commotion 782 00:37:39,716 --> 00:37:40,716 earlier tonight. - Ah. 783 00:37:40,842 --> 00:37:44,335 The first night in the afterlife can be a little overwhelming. 784 00:37:44,429 --> 00:37:46,762 Don't worry about us, Michael. We are doing just fine. 785 00:37:46,890 --> 00:37:48,882 Oh, good, good. Glad to hear that. 786 00:37:48,933 --> 00:37:50,014 Well, it's getting late. 787 00:37:50,643 --> 00:37:53,306 Chidi, allow me to escort you back to your house. 788 00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:55,312 Um... - Uh, hello, all. 789 00:37:55,732 --> 00:37:57,064 Sorry for the late hour, Eleanor. 790 00:37:57,317 --> 00:37:59,684 I wanted to stop by and give you back your sash. 791 00:37:59,736 --> 00:38:01,227 That's OK. You can just keep it. 792 00:38:01,321 --> 00:38:02,937 No! I don't deserve it. 793 00:38:03,406 --> 00:38:05,443 I made a complete fool of myself tonight. 794 00:38:05,533 --> 00:38:08,617 I interrupted your big speech, badly stained my cargo pants 795 00:38:08,787 --> 00:38:11,200 which, I have to admit, are quite comfortable. 796 00:38:11,748 --> 00:38:13,614 Oh, God, what's happened to me? 797 00:38:14,042 --> 00:38:15,624 I'm praising off-the-rack separates! 798 00:38:15,794 --> 00:38:16,910 Tahani, please. It's late. 799 00:38:17,003 --> 00:38:18,230 I think what we should do is... - No. 800 00:38:18,254 --> 00:38:21,543 Look, ever since I got here, it feels like something's been off. 801 00:38:22,091 --> 00:38:25,755 Tahani. There you are. I've been worried sick about you. 802 00:38:26,012 --> 00:38:27,378 ELEANOR: That's her soulmate? 803 00:38:27,972 --> 00:38:29,179 Is there a second one of him 804 00:38:29,224 --> 00:38:30,993 that stands on his shoulders? - PEVITA: Chidi! 805 00:38:31,017 --> 00:38:33,555 There you are. I've been worried sick about you. 806 00:38:33,770 --> 00:38:35,261 OK, alright, everybody. 807 00:38:35,396 --> 00:38:37,763 Now we are really imposing on Eleanor here. 808 00:38:38,233 --> 00:38:40,646 Chidi, let's everybody take off... - Hey, Eleanor. 809 00:38:40,693 --> 00:38:44,858 This person would like to speak with you privately. About something. 810 00:38:45,281 --> 00:38:47,068 Oh, really? - Yep. 811 00:38:47,742 --> 00:38:48,742 Bye! - JANET CHIMES 812 00:38:48,785 --> 00:38:50,822 This is the wise monk who gave me the magic amulet. 813 00:38:50,954 --> 00:38:52,181 I gotta figure out what it means. 814 00:38:52,205 --> 00:38:53,805 Could be the key to this entire mystery. 815 00:38:54,082 --> 00:38:55,573 Luang, perfect, uh... 816 00:38:55,875 --> 00:38:58,993 Why don't you take Jianyu back to your yurt right away? 817 00:38:59,212 --> 00:39:00,999 Homie, no! 818 00:39:01,172 --> 00:39:04,006 I'm not spending another second with this loser. 819 00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:07,005 You said he was gonna be my best friend, but he is not. 820 00:39:07,095 --> 00:39:11,681 My best friend from Jacksonville was named Pillboi and he was dope! 821 00:39:11,808 --> 00:39:15,677 We would talk together, get high together, throw old batteries at drones together. 822 00:39:15,770 --> 00:39:18,137 But this guy can't hold a camel to Pillboi. 823 00:39:19,190 --> 00:39:20,897 OK, I no longer think he's a wise monk 824 00:39:20,942 --> 00:39:22,795 and I'm pretty sure this is just a piece of garbage. 825 00:39:22,819 --> 00:39:25,357 Babe, there you are. I've been worried... - Let me stop you. 826 00:39:25,405 --> 00:39:26,270 Can I guess? 827 00:39:26,322 --> 00:39:28,188 You've been "worried sick" about me. 828 00:39:29,659 --> 00:39:30,659 I'm headed to the gym. 829 00:39:32,495 --> 00:39:35,454 Sure, why not? - I'm quite confused. 830 00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:39,124 Let me explain, gorgeous. I don't know what this place is 831 00:39:39,210 --> 00:39:41,668 but it is certainly not the Good Place. 832 00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:43,921 Michael is forking with us. 833 00:39:44,591 --> 00:39:46,628 Like a prank show? - Yeah, like a prank show. 834 00:39:46,759 --> 00:39:49,467 Except according to this note, it's a prank show 835 00:39:49,596 --> 00:39:51,178 we've all been on before. 836 00:39:51,472 --> 00:39:53,759 What note? - Apparently, I wrote myself a note 837 00:39:53,933 --> 00:39:55,674 and stuck it in that Jackie lady's mouth. 838 00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:57,722 Janet. Her name is Janet. - Oh, right, Janet. 839 00:39:57,854 --> 00:39:59,081 JANET CHIMES: Hi there. - Hi Janet! 840 00:39:59,105 --> 00:40:01,438 Hi Jason. MICHAEL CACKLES 841 00:40:03,151 --> 00:40:05,143 Are you kidding me? 842 00:40:05,528 --> 00:40:09,192 Eleanor Shellstrop, you sneaky little 843 00:40:09,824 --> 00:40:13,534 so-and-so. That was some very quick thinking. 844 00:40:13,578 --> 00:40:15,160 I'm extremely impressed. 845 00:40:15,330 --> 00:40:18,494 And to be honest, I'm relieved. 846 00:40:19,083 --> 00:40:22,952 At least there's an explanation for why this all went south so fast. 847 00:40:23,296 --> 00:40:25,379 But you're not gonna be so lucky next time. 848 00:40:25,757 --> 00:40:26,998 Next time? - What? 849 00:40:27,175 --> 00:40:28,815 HE LAUGHS: Yeah. - He's gonna do it again! 850 00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:32,253 That's not gonna work this time, dummy. 851 00:40:32,347 --> 00:40:35,055 OK, excuse me. I'm sorry, but this is unacceptable. 852 00:40:35,141 --> 00:40:37,849 I demand to speak to your superior. - I am so sorry, madam. 853 00:40:37,894 --> 00:40:39,534 Please forgive me. - HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS 854 00:40:41,272 --> 00:40:45,482 Well, as humans like to say, third time's the charm, right? 855 00:40:45,568 --> 00:40:46,729 CROWD GRUMBLES 856 00:40:47,070 --> 00:40:50,313 I take full responsibility for the false start. 857 00:40:50,907 --> 00:40:54,491 But I assure you all, there is no note this time. 858 00:40:54,953 --> 00:40:56,660 I'll prove it to you. Janet! 859 00:40:56,788 --> 00:40:57,824 JANET CHIMES - Hi there. 860 00:40:58,039 --> 00:41:00,201 Hi, Janet. Open your mouth please. 861 00:41:01,542 --> 00:41:02,542 Thank you. 862 00:41:05,254 --> 00:41:06,370 See, no notes. 863 00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:09,753 No clues or loopholes, nothing in there! 864 00:41:11,135 --> 00:41:12,000 Thank you, Janet. 865 00:41:12,095 --> 00:41:13,695 JANET CHIMES - So, let's all just pretend 866 00:41:13,721 --> 00:41:15,201 the last attempt never even happened. 867 00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:17,673 Questions? - Maybe it's none of our business 868 00:41:18,017 --> 00:41:20,600 but did you tell Shawn what happened? - Yes, I did. 869 00:41:20,728 --> 00:41:23,141 And he completely understood. 870 00:41:23,272 --> 00:41:25,889 As a matter of fact, he found the whole thing kind of funny. 871 00:41:26,234 --> 00:41:27,691 But he was very supportive 872 00:41:27,777 --> 00:41:30,611 and he says he's very excited for us to get going again. 873 00:41:30,697 --> 00:41:31,697 So, anyone else? 874 00:41:32,949 --> 00:41:34,906 Anybody? No? 875 00:41:35,284 --> 00:41:37,492 Then let's get out there and make some miseries! 876 00:41:41,249 --> 00:41:43,081 Testing, one, two, three. 877 00:41:43,334 --> 00:41:44,450 PHONE RINGS 878 00:41:46,295 --> 00:41:47,581 Hey there, boss-man. 879 00:41:47,672 --> 00:41:50,025 You were supposed to call me this morning, give me an update. 880 00:41:50,049 --> 00:41:51,381 Oh. HE LAUGHS 881 00:41:51,592 --> 00:41:53,879 Right, sorry. Yeah, it's just the, uh... 882 00:41:54,679 --> 00:41:56,762 the chaos sequence was going so well 883 00:41:57,056 --> 00:41:59,139 better than the first time, in my opinion. 884 00:41:59,392 --> 00:42:01,850 Eleanor got completely drunk last night. 885 00:42:02,353 --> 00:42:03,560 She talked for, like, an hour. 886 00:42:03,646 --> 00:42:06,730 You know, even flashed somebody, so we had a lot to work with. 887 00:42:07,066 --> 00:42:09,854 So, attempt number two is on track so far? - Oh, smooth as silk. 888 00:42:09,944 --> 00:42:12,152 Everything's great. - TORTURED SCREAMS 889 00:42:12,238 --> 00:42:14,981 Oh! Sounds like everything's going well back there too. 890 00:42:15,074 --> 00:42:16,754 We're trying out the new butthole spiders. 891 00:42:16,993 --> 00:42:18,359 Ah! - They're enormous. 892 00:42:18,661 --> 00:42:21,369 You know, good old-fashioned torture, the way it's supposed to be. 893 00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:23,906 Good luck with attempt number two. 894 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,743 And remember, there will be no attempt number three. 895 00:42:31,424 --> 00:42:33,711 Eleanor. Come on in.