1 00:00:02,239 --> 00:00:04,380 by the time 2 00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:57,400 before a studio audience. 3 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:05,120 Mary Beth, I've been dying to ask you, what's going to happen next on your soap 4 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:08,020 opera? Well, Dr. 5 00:01:08,380 --> 00:01:11,200 Caldwell's going to lose his license for sleeping with his patients. 6 00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:15,600 Brad finds out he's only sexually potent after committing arson. 7 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:21,240 Oh, and Lance's wife is going to catch him in bed with his new secretary and 8 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:22,640 shoot him in the throat four times. 9 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:24,280 You know. 10 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:25,400 Same old, same old. 11 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:28,040 Hi, buddy. 12 00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:31,960 Hi. Now we're looking for an actress to play the part of a secretary. It's going 13 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,360 to be a real juicy part. 14 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,100 Oh, do you have anyone in mind? 15 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,480 Not yet. My producers want a young, unknown actress. 16 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,240 Blonde, perky. Hi, everybody. 17 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:44,840 Hi. 18 00:01:48,270 --> 00:01:51,110 The producer thought it might be interesting if she had a circus 19 00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:52,970 know, someone who's raised under the big top. 20 00:01:55,330 --> 00:01:58,210 But the other producer wants to use this character to make a statement. 21 00:01:58,470 --> 00:02:00,390 Maybe she'll be handicapped in some way. 22 00:02:06,270 --> 00:02:07,590 Annie, what are you doing? 23 00:02:07,790 --> 00:02:08,790 What am I doing? 24 00:02:09,289 --> 00:02:12,730 I want that part. I need that part. Give me that part. 25 00:02:12,950 --> 00:02:13,950 You. 26 00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:17,940 Okay, by me, senorita. 27 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:23,900 Well, I can't promise anything, but I'll sure try to get you in for an audition. 28 00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:28,040 Oh, great, great, great, great, great. All I need is ten minutes to show him 29 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:28,978 what I can do. 30 00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:31,500 Funny, that was Tom's pickup line when we met. 31 00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:39,240 Look, Kirk, I want that 120 bucks you owe me. I want it right now. 32 00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:40,900 This time I want it in cash. 33 00:02:41,140 --> 00:02:43,340 I'm not accepting another box of wax lips. 34 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:49,540 Nag, nag, nag. Where's my money? I want my money. Give me my money. That is all 35 00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:51,140 I've heard for the last six months. 36 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:52,800 I am telling you. 37 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,040 Here. 38 00:02:54,980 --> 00:02:57,720 You take all the fun out of borrowing. 39 00:02:59,660 --> 00:03:00,660 $20. 40 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,520 Thank you very much, Mrs. Clover. Wait a minute. 41 00:03:03,940 --> 00:03:06,680 Wait a minute. Where did you get this kind of money? Yeah. 42 00:03:08,140 --> 00:03:09,140 I got a job. 43 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,700 Where'd you really get the money? I am serious. 44 00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:22,760 You are looking at the exclusive sales representative for the Driven Snow Water 45 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,820 Purification Company of the Greater Regal Park Northern District. 46 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,520 You mean you're not working for the CIA anymore? 47 00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:34,060 Sooner or later, Louise, we all come in from the cold. 48 00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:37,160 You got a real job? 49 00:03:37,420 --> 00:03:38,119 That's right. 50 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,020 You're selling water purifiers? Yep. 51 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,640 Top of the line, it all happened three days ago when I answered an ad in the 52 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,220 paper and met my destiny. 53 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:49,040 They hired me on the spot, I hit the pavement, and proceeded to shatter all 54 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:50,040 previous sales records. 55 00:03:50,260 --> 00:03:54,600 I tell you, I'm a natural. It's like I've been around water my whole life. 56 00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:59,900 I can't believe you got an actual job. Yeah. John, I realized something truly 57 00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:06,540 amazing. There can be, in some cases, a direct link between having a job and 58 00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:07,540 making money. 59 00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:12,760 $1 ,500 a piece. 60 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:16,620 Wow. But that comes with a lifetime guarantee and free installation. 61 00:04:17,079 --> 00:04:18,079 $1 ,500? 62 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,300 That's a lot of money. 63 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,660 Yeah, but that's why I don't have to sell too many of these babies to turn my 64 00:04:22,660 --> 00:04:26,160 life around. In fact, I'm kind of on my way. 65 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:27,720 Check this out. 66 00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:31,100 What a beautiful engagement ring. 67 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:32,720 Who's the lucky girl? 68 00:04:32,980 --> 00:04:35,380 The first single broad I find who can afford one of these. 69 00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:47,430 Annie, how'd the audition go today? 70 00:04:48,110 --> 00:04:48,949 Don't ask. 71 00:04:48,950 --> 00:04:52,150 It was a disaster. I don't have a chance in hell. 72 00:04:52,430 --> 00:04:57,090 I was terrible, and they hated me. I know they just hated me. 73 00:04:58,510 --> 00:04:59,810 Annie, you got the part! 74 00:05:00,090 --> 00:05:01,610 They loved me! I knew it! 75 00:05:02,830 --> 00:05:06,070 I am going to be Veronica Chandler. 76 00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:11,630 We're all so happy for you, dear. Thank you. Oh, thank you, Mary Beth. I never 77 00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:12,990 could have done it without you. 78 00:05:13,330 --> 00:05:14,890 Now, if you'll all excuse me. 79 00:05:15,450 --> 00:05:16,870 I gotta go fire my therapist. 80 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:20,330 Kirk, I got the job. 81 00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:22,490 Congratulations, Annie. 82 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:26,730 Not Annie. It's Veronica Chandler, and don't you forget it, damn it. 83 00:05:30,490 --> 00:05:31,490 So, 84 00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:33,390 Kirk, how's your new job? 85 00:05:33,810 --> 00:05:34,629 What job? 86 00:05:34,630 --> 00:05:38,370 You know, selling that, whatchamacallit, that gets rid of all those whoosie 87 00:05:38,370 --> 00:05:39,370 woods that's in the water. 88 00:05:39,550 --> 00:05:44,530 Oh, that job is going great. I'm telling you, all I can think about is water. 89 00:05:46,070 --> 00:05:48,150 Oh, just the guy I wanted to see. 90 00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:52,010 How could you, Kirk? How could you do something like that? You know what this 91 00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:52,649 jerk did? 92 00:05:52,650 --> 00:05:56,490 What? I got a call from his employer. He put down on his application that he 93 00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,910 graduated with honors from my school. 94 00:06:00,170 --> 00:06:02,070 And he put me down as a personal reference. 95 00:06:02,350 --> 00:06:04,070 So that's why I got fired. 96 00:06:05,070 --> 00:06:06,070 Fired? 97 00:06:06,430 --> 00:06:09,930 If you want to know why I got fired, it's because John didn't back me up. Of 98 00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:13,030 course I didn't. How could you put me in that position? Because I thought you 99 00:06:13,030 --> 00:06:14,030 were my friend. 100 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,780 Well, I don't get it. Why don't you just put down the high school you really 101 00:06:17,780 --> 00:06:18,780 graduated from? 102 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:21,120 Why? 103 00:06:22,140 --> 00:06:24,880 Because there wasn't enough room on the form. 104 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:30,460 My father was in the Foreign Service. We moved around all the time. You know, I 105 00:06:30,460 --> 00:06:33,480 was a freshman in Manila. I was a sophomore in Singapore. 106 00:06:34,140 --> 00:06:35,920 Went to the junior prom in Guam. 107 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:37,660 Wait a second. 108 00:06:38,220 --> 00:06:40,300 Wait a second. You told us you grew up in Pennsylvania. 109 00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:42,900 And you believe that? 110 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,760 Why are you making up these ridiculous stories? 111 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,660 Did you graduate or something? Come on, Jack. What kind of an idiot doesn't 112 00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:53,820 graduate from high school? 113 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,040 You didn't, did you? 114 00:06:57,820 --> 00:06:58,820 Huh? 115 00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:04,080 Okay, I didn't. 116 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,120 What is the big deal? 117 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,400 Oh, it's so sad. 118 00:07:08,980 --> 00:07:09,980 Sad? 119 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:12,300 Come on. 120 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,200 I can get any kind of diploma I want from this guy in Nevada for 20 bucks. 121 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:21,520 I'll have you know, not only am I an ordained minister, but in certain 122 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,120 in the Philippines, I'm a licensed orthodontist. 123 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,160 Look, Kirk, it's not that difficult to get a diploma. 124 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:29,700 You don't even have to go back to school. 125 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:34,020 You can get a diploma by taking an equivalency test. Thanks, but no thanks. 126 00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:37,040 come on, Kirk. You want to walk around your whole life branded as a guy who 127 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:41,240 never graduated high school? Hey, I'm doing great. It hasn't affected me so 128 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:46,290 Tank, what? What are you talking about? You just lost a good job because of it. 129 00:07:46,490 --> 00:07:47,409 Yeah, come on, Kirk. 130 00:07:47,410 --> 00:07:51,250 Do yourself a favor. Come on, if I can do it, you can do it. Okay, okay. 131 00:07:51,590 --> 00:07:53,950 If it means that much to you, I'll take your tag. There you go. 132 00:07:54,170 --> 00:07:57,250 Terrific. Good for you. Hey, I'll tell you what. I'll set you up with all the 133 00:07:57,250 --> 00:08:00,290 materials you'll need. And if you want, I'll even help you study. Whatever you 134 00:08:00,290 --> 00:08:02,950 need, I'll be there for you. You would do that for me, John? Yes, I would. 135 00:08:03,770 --> 00:08:04,770 Okay, John. 136 00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:06,470 But I'm going to pay you back someday. 137 00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:09,990 So if you're ever in the Philippines and your kid needs braces... 138 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:22,900 Tell me what you think it is. 139 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,560 Chris, this is delicious. 140 00:08:28,980 --> 00:08:30,180 Really? Yeah. 141 00:08:31,020 --> 00:08:32,020 You seem surprised. 142 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,880 I am. I forgot to put it in the refrigerator last night. I wanted to see 143 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:36,880 spoiled. 144 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:50,860 You know, Maria, I've never said this to any woman before, but your eyes are 145 00:08:50,860 --> 00:08:53,140 like... Deep pools of mystery. 146 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:56,040 Wow. 147 00:08:57,220 --> 00:09:02,720 Later on, I'm going to take off all my clothes and I'm going to dive into those 148 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:03,720 pools. 149 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:06,780 Wow, that's so romantic. 150 00:09:10,540 --> 00:09:11,459 Hi, Kate. 151 00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:12,319 Hi, Calvin. 152 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,820 Hey, John. How's it going? 153 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,620 Oh, great. I had the kind of a day a teacher dreams of. 154 00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:19,020 Yeah, your school finally got a metal detector, huh? 155 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:24,820 No. I got a kid in my class who's this close to dropping out, so I told him all 156 00:09:24,820 --> 00:09:27,060 about Kirk and how hard he's working to get his diploma. 157 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:31,120 Kate, it really inspired that kid. I even promised I'd have Kirk talk to the 158 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,180 class as soon as he gets his diploma. 159 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,560 Now, do you think Kirk's really going to go through with it? Oh, yeah, he's 160 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:38,280 determined. I just called him a little while ago. He's home studying. 161 00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:41,580 I offered to help him, but he wants to do it on his own. 162 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:42,639 Oh, really? 163 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:46,700 Yeah. I don't want to brag, but, you know, because of me, at this very 164 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,540 Kirk Morris is one step closer to certification. 165 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:51,240 That's funny. 166 00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,740 I would have said he's one step closer to copulation. 167 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,520 Check out table six. 168 00:10:00,260 --> 00:10:03,840 I'll kill him. I'll strangle him. Oh, John, John, please don't cause a scene 169 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:04,840 my restaurant. 170 00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:05,940 Take him out in the alley. 171 00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:11,800 Yeah, running an international business does take up a lot of my time, but... 172 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:15,400 Have you ever heard of KLM Airlines? 173 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:18,180 Uh -huh. That stands for Kirk L. Morris. 174 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,520 Naturally, the L is for lover. 175 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:24,480 Or loser. 176 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:25,880 Or louse. 177 00:10:26,180 --> 00:10:27,180 Or lizard. 178 00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:28,580 Or lunkhead. 179 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:33,220 It's a disgruntled pilot I had to let go. 180 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,000 I'll just give him a couple of bucks and send him on his way. This will just 181 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,000 take a minute. 182 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:41,740 So, Skye, how's it going? 183 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:47,620 You've been lying to me all week, haven't you? John, don't worry. I am 184 00:10:47,620 --> 00:10:48,620 pass that test. 185 00:10:48,860 --> 00:10:49,679 Oh, yeah? 186 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:50,760 What's the capital of Montana? 187 00:10:51,380 --> 00:10:55,140 Hey, if I tell you, everyone is going to want to know. All right, come on. 188 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,900 You're coming with me right now. What are you crazy? This girl wants me. 189 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,480 Yeah? She's not going to want you that much if she knows the truth. 190 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,780 Hey, you wouldn't do that to me. I'm doing this for your good. 191 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,500 Miss, I don't know what this guy's been telling you, but... Hey, I don't know 192 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,840 what you're talking about. He's a high school dropout. 193 00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:09,800 Oh, my God, that's so weird. 194 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:11,440 So am I. 195 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,000 I knew we had a lot in common. 196 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:18,540 Let's go back to my place. 197 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,720 See, John? Who needs a diploma? 198 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,960 I'm sorry, miss, but he can't come over to play. It's a school night. 199 00:11:25,260 --> 00:11:28,200 Uh, what are you doing in the box? Sir, that is my elbow. 200 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:31,960 You're humiliating me. These are all my friends. Would you stop? 201 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,200 I am. 202 00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:37,460 Kirk's going to study, huh? 203 00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,500 Annie. 204 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:40,680 Congratulations. 205 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,700 Louise told me you got the part. Yeah. 206 00:11:44,180 --> 00:11:46,240 Tomorrow I start work at... 207 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,200 Veronica Chandler. 208 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:52,740 Lance Monroe's mistress and secretary. A woman who can take her clothes off 209 00:11:52,740 --> 00:11:54,420 while typing 80 words a minute. 210 00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:58,660 Gee, now I can tell everybody that I know a television star. 211 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:02,900 Oh, please. Just because I'm going to be a big soap star and make a lot of money 212 00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:04,760 doesn't mean I'm going to forget my friends. 213 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:11,100 Oh, gee, that is really good to hear because Annie, you've got a huge favor 214 00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:14,520 ask. I'm a little shorthanded tonight, and I was wondering if you could help 215 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:19,360 out. Oh, don't beg. Like I just said, I'm still the same plain old down -to 216 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:20,520 -earth Annie Marino. 217 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:26,140 But unfortunately, Veronica Chandler's a bitch and wouldn't be caught dead in 218 00:12:26,140 --> 00:12:27,140 this dump. 219 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,040 Ciao, baby. 220 00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:30,340 Let's do lunch. 221 00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:36,840 Would you enable Thomas Jefferson to expand the American frontier? 222 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,060 Okay. Now let's see what you've retained. 223 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,560 When did the Louisiana Purchase take place? 224 00:12:44,380 --> 00:12:45,380 That's it. 225 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:46,500 Concentrate. 226 00:12:47,180 --> 00:12:49,860 Um, um... Oh, yeah. Uh, 1835. 227 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:54,420 1803. So it took a while for the check to clear. 228 00:12:55,320 --> 00:13:01,240 Church! John, what difference does it make? It happened a long time ago. It's 229 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,240 history! 230 00:13:02,860 --> 00:13:05,340 You haven't learned one thing all night, have you? 231 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:11,160 Yeah. I learned that at 2 o 'clock in the morning, you look like death warmed 232 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,700 over. Hey, look, we're not talking about me here. 233 00:13:18,980 --> 00:13:20,660 I don't know why I'm wasting my time. 234 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,440 Are you planning to take this test or not? 235 00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:25,380 You're not, are you? 236 00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:28,120 What tipped you off? Was it my snoring? 237 00:13:28,980 --> 00:13:30,920 Now I know why you never got your diploma. 238 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:32,880 You're a skater. 239 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,300 You only do what you have to do just to get by. 240 00:13:35,950 --> 00:13:37,410 You can't deal with anything serious. 241 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:38,870 Make a joke out of it. 242 00:13:39,390 --> 00:13:40,389 Class clown. 243 00:13:40,390 --> 00:13:42,110 Well, this tests the theory. It's stupid. 244 00:13:42,330 --> 00:13:43,330 No, you're stupid. 245 00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:46,250 I am not stupid. 246 00:13:47,590 --> 00:13:50,230 I'm going to prove it to you. I'm going to get the hell out of here. Sure, when 247 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:51,670 you're faced with a challenge, you run away, huh? 248 00:13:54,510 --> 00:13:57,690 You want to know why I never graduated from high school? 249 00:13:58,870 --> 00:14:00,470 There was this teacher, Mrs. 250 00:14:01,210 --> 00:14:04,450 Bellingham. She never liked me. Never gave me a passing grade. 251 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,020 One time she gave us this assignment. 252 00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:12,500 I worked so hard on this, John, because I wanted to prove her wrong. 253 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:17,560 We had to write a report on the most influential person in the 20th century. 254 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:22,660 Everybody else chose the predictable. You know, Kennedy, Roosevelt, Gandhi. 255 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:24,240 Yeah? So who did you pick? 256 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:25,720 James Bond. 257 00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:28,260 Ah. Mrs. 258 00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,380 Bellingham yelled at me. She said, what? 259 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:35,360 James Bond isn't even a real person. I said... What difference does that make? 260 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:39,220 Anybody that can drive a car like that and make love on the side of a rocket 261 00:14:39,220 --> 00:14:41,180 ship deserves a place in history. 262 00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:44,420 You know what she said, John? 263 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,980 In front of the whole class. 264 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,960 Kirk Morris, you are stupid. 265 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:58,760 I walked out of that high school and I never went back. 266 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:01,840 You know, Kirk, I feel for you. 267 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,330 That was a bad teaching. What she did was wrong. 268 00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:07,550 But that's no reason not to take the test. 269 00:15:08,330 --> 00:15:09,209 Don't run away. 270 00:15:09,210 --> 00:15:13,610 I'm not running away. Yes, you are. No, I'm not. Ray, if you fail, it'll mean 271 00:15:13,610 --> 00:15:15,730 that Mrs. Bellingham was right, that you really are stupid. 272 00:15:15,950 --> 00:15:19,470 Okay, Chuck, you can believe whatever you want. Yeah? Well, you can do 273 00:15:19,470 --> 00:15:21,170 you want. I'm going to bed. Fine, good. I'm going home. 274 00:15:21,810 --> 00:15:23,250 I don't get it. I don't get it. 275 00:15:25,170 --> 00:15:26,750 Why are you running away from your peers, huh? 276 00:15:28,810 --> 00:15:32,070 Didn't you tell us that you single -handedly led the invasion at Grenada? 277 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:36,240 That you jumped into shark -infested waters to save Jacques Cousteau from 278 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,240 drowning? 279 00:15:37,380 --> 00:15:40,780 That you went behind enemy lines for CNN during Desert Storm? 280 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,920 I mean, you're a gutsy guy, right? 281 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:48,000 Yeah, but a couple of those things were slightly exaggerated. 282 00:15:48,220 --> 00:15:51,120 I know, but you actually had the guts to tell us! 283 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:08,960 Are you two ready to order? 284 00:16:09,940 --> 00:16:16,720 Yeah, I'll have the meatloaf. Oh, Ben, you always have the same thing. Why 285 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:17,940 you try something different? 286 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:19,179 Like what? 287 00:16:19,180 --> 00:16:20,620 Well, let's see here. 288 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:25,060 Oh, look, they've got braised sweetbreads. Okay, I'll have that. 289 00:16:25,380 --> 00:16:26,660 What are sweetbreads, anyway? 290 00:16:26,940 --> 00:16:28,160 The glands of a sheep. 291 00:16:30,460 --> 00:16:31,460 And you, ma 'am? 292 00:16:32,140 --> 00:16:33,320 I'll have the meatloaf. 293 00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:44,600 By the long face, I just ordered glands for dinner. 294 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,480 No, you didn't. I'm talking to Mary Beth. 295 00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:49,360 Y 'all, it was so terrible. 296 00:16:49,980 --> 00:16:53,100 Annie's first day as Veronica Chandler turned out to be her last. 297 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:54,860 She got fired? 298 00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:56,380 Oh, not really. 299 00:16:56,740 --> 00:17:00,860 My producer insisted on a storyline change, so when Lance's wife walked in 300 00:17:00,860 --> 00:17:04,260 caught him with Annie, instead of shooting him, she shot Annie. 301 00:17:04,780 --> 00:17:08,819 Oh. Well, why would they do something like that? 302 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,680 So we could use a new mistress. 303 00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:14,790 No, the producer does. 304 00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:19,450 Oh, I feel awful for Annie. 305 00:17:19,730 --> 00:17:25,349 How's she taking it? Well, Mary Beth, I'm telling you, it was just a flesh 306 00:17:25,349 --> 00:17:28,310 wound. Veronica Chandler's not dead. 307 00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:31,810 Annie, I already told you I'm sorry. 308 00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:34,470 You were shot in the throat four times. 309 00:17:35,650 --> 00:17:37,270 Please stop following me. 310 00:17:37,870 --> 00:17:41,770 Can't I linger for a couple weeks in the hospital? I'd do an awesome coma. 311 00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:43,610 But we're taping your funeral tomorrow. 312 00:17:45,590 --> 00:17:49,930 Well, at least make it an open casket. I want an agent to see my work. 313 00:17:52,350 --> 00:17:54,970 Annie, Veronica's gone. 314 00:17:55,930 --> 00:17:58,410 You just have to let her go, dear. 315 00:18:01,870 --> 00:18:03,610 She was so young. 316 00:18:06,510 --> 00:18:08,370 Glands. I'm eating glands. 317 00:18:13,390 --> 00:18:14,390 Very bad? 318 00:18:18,090 --> 00:18:22,570 If you'll all excuse me, I have some serious bootlicking to do. 319 00:18:25,870 --> 00:18:28,170 Kate, for you. 320 00:18:30,010 --> 00:18:31,010 Thank you. 321 00:18:32,370 --> 00:18:39,090 Listen, you know, yesterday when I quit, would you believe I was acting? 322 00:18:40,010 --> 00:18:41,190 You're not that good. 323 00:18:43,980 --> 00:18:47,160 Well, in that case, would you believe that I'm really, really sorry? 324 00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:51,520 You got fired, didn't you? 325 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,040 Worse. Murdered. 326 00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:59,980 Look, Annie, even if I wanted to hire you back, I couldn't. I'm fully staffed. 327 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:04,120 But I tell you what, if one of the other waitresses quits, I'll call you. 328 00:19:08,660 --> 00:19:11,040 Hey, um, do you guys know any... 329 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:16,220 Struggling actresses? Because if you do, at this very moment, they're holding 330 00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:19,900 auditions at the community center for the new Oliver Stone movie. 331 00:19:47,690 --> 00:19:51,310 I left here last night, and I went home and I studied till dawn. And believe it 332 00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:53,250 or not, some of that stuff was really interesting. 333 00:19:54,050 --> 00:19:57,230 Now, don't think that I wasn't nervous, because I was. When I sat down to take 334 00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,450 that test, I was a little shaky. 335 00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:01,590 But I actually did it. I did it! Go ahead, ask me anything. 336 00:20:02,710 --> 00:20:03,810 What's the capital of Montana? 337 00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:05,670 Well, 338 00:20:06,250 --> 00:20:07,590 I know it's not Denver. 339 00:20:07,950 --> 00:20:08,950 Correct. 340 00:20:09,690 --> 00:20:12,910 I never knew you were going to take it. That's fantastic. I'm very proud of you. 341 00:20:12,970 --> 00:20:14,450 Yep, you're looking at a high school graduate. 342 00:20:15,010 --> 00:20:16,590 Is there a graduation ceremony today? 343 00:20:16,870 --> 00:20:18,970 No. Can I use your phone? Yeah. 344 00:20:22,470 --> 00:20:23,630 Taking a graduation picture? 345 00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:25,190 No. 346 00:20:27,330 --> 00:20:28,870 So where did you rent the cap and gown? 347 00:20:29,070 --> 00:20:31,030 I didn't. I bought it. It's mine. 348 00:20:34,210 --> 00:20:35,830 Yeah. Oh, is this Mrs. 349 00:20:36,430 --> 00:20:37,430 Edna Bellingham? 350 00:20:37,850 --> 00:20:40,110 The one who used to teach at Truman High School? 351 00:20:41,130 --> 00:20:42,530 Oh, hi. Yeah. 352 00:20:43,770 --> 00:20:46,930 I used to be afraid of you, but I'm not anymore. 353 00:20:47,530 --> 00:20:50,670 And there's something that I've been wanting to tell you for 15 years. 354 00:20:51,630 --> 00:20:53,030 You're the one that's stupid. 355 00:20:54,210 --> 00:20:55,210 Who is it? 356 00:20:55,690 --> 00:20:57,610 This is a former student of yours. 357 00:20:58,370 --> 00:20:59,450 The name is Bond. 358 00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,050 James Bond. 359 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,400 Kirk, how does it feel being a high school graduate? 360 00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:13,900 Oh, that. 361 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,640 That was weeks ago. I forgot all about that. Listen, I got to go. I got a date. 362 00:21:17,780 --> 00:21:18,780 Okay. See you. 363 00:21:22,860 --> 00:21:24,100 You guys take care, okay?