1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,200
By the time...

2
00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:04,599
I got to tell you, this is a major
imposition.

3
00:01:04,879 --> 00:01:07,640
Well, I'm sorry, Kirk. I'm flat broke. I
need the hundred bucks you owe me. Are

4
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:08,518
you sure, John?

5
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:12,440
You know, you could save a lot of money
in taxes if you write me off as a loss.

6
00:01:13,060 --> 00:01:17,000
Look, I promised Kate I was going to
throw Mitch a great bachelor's party.

7
00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:19,780
I don't get paid till next week. I still
have to get the food, please. John,

8
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:22,100
what food? What are you worried about
food for?

9
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:25,800
Once these guys see the stripper, they
won't be able to eat.

10
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,140
They'll be too busy stepping on each
other's bones.

11
00:01:28,420 --> 00:01:31,620
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no stripper.
I don't want some woman taking off her

12
00:01:31,620 --> 00:01:32,620
clothes in my apartment.

13
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,680
You're right. Why break with tradition?

14
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:41,680
Okay, no stripper, but the stag film's
gonna have to be dynamite, John.

15
00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:45,240
May I suggest Bubbles Does Boise?

16
00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:47,320
I am an orker.

17
00:01:47,580 --> 00:01:50,000
Nobody, nobody is as depraved as you
are.

18
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:51,200
Nobody, huh? Nobody.

19
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:55,270
Oh. Then how come whenever I go to rent
that video, it's always up?

20
00:01:58,230 --> 00:01:59,230
Gentlemen.

21
00:02:05,310 --> 00:02:08,610
What? I'm entering my PIN number here.

22
00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:10,949
Oh, no!

23
00:02:15,190 --> 00:02:16,290
No! What?

24
00:02:16,530 --> 00:02:20,250
Oh, no! This hunk of microchips just ate
my car!

25
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,280
Sorry, John.

26
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:30,500
Now I can't get your money.

27
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:32,700
Oh, this is great.

28
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:45,100
You did it, buddy. You brought the
machine

29
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:46,100
to its knees.

30
00:02:47,740 --> 00:02:53,660
Who cares? Come on, John. Give a rich
man a hand here. Sir, you can't keep the

31
00:02:53,660 --> 00:02:54,780
money. You'll be committing a felony.

32
00:02:55,380 --> 00:02:56,380
Who?

33
00:02:56,780 --> 00:03:00,020
All we know is it could be a public
relations ploy, John.

34
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:02,240
The feds could be trying to win me over.

35
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,460
They don't give money. They give small
appliances.

36
00:03:05,860 --> 00:03:07,380
So maybe they ran out of toasties.

37
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,480
Okay, okay, okay. You get caught. Don't
expect any help from me. As far as I'm

38
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:12,600
concerned, I was never here.

39
00:03:24,140 --> 00:03:25,140
Here you go. It's open!

40
00:03:27,380 --> 00:03:29,600
Hey! Hey, Herb! Steve!

41
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,560
This is John Lacey, our host. Hey, guys,
how you doing? How you doing, John?

42
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:36,100
Food's on the table, drinks in the
cooler, guns on the desk.

43
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,760
Hey, John, it's real nice of you to
throw Miss Bachelor Party for me.

44
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,740
I hope you don't mind putting up with a
room full of cops.

45
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,080
No, no, no, my pleasure.

46
00:03:45,460 --> 00:03:47,880
Besides, there's been a lot of robberies
around here lately. I was going to ask

47
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:48,880
you all to move in.

48
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,000
If you were this bunch of guys, you're
better off getting robbed.

49
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,500
No, I'm sure I wouldn't like your
friends. I pride myself in fitting in

50
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:59,300
everybody, you know? The teacher rackets
you. You meet all kinds.

51
00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:01,420
Yeah. Oh, it's open!

52
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:04,460
Rocco!

53
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:06,840
Let the games begin!

54
00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:10,660
Hey, Rocco, this is John Lacey. Rocco, a
pleasure.

55
00:04:10,860 --> 00:04:11,698
Hey, likewise.

56
00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:16,519
Thanks. Okay, boys, it's nine o 'clock,
and the best -looking legs in the place

57
00:04:16,519 --> 00:04:17,239
are mine.

58
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:18,079
Oh, yeah.

59
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,000
Bring out the stripper. All right.

60
00:04:20,899 --> 00:04:21,899
Listen,

61
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,540
guys, to tell you the truth, I didn't
get one.

62
00:04:24,780 --> 00:04:28,880
What? Well, I thought we'd just hang.
You know, bond.

63
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:30,760
Bond?

64
00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,160
Did I say bond?

65
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,800
I didn't mean bond. I mean, look at
bond.

66
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,400
There's a nice tawny port in the
kitchen.

67
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,520
Come on, Rocco. There's some real booze
in there, too.

68
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,560
What kind of party is this? No stripper.

69
00:04:46,030 --> 00:04:47,170
Hey, it's open.

70
00:04:48,150 --> 00:04:49,930
Hey, hey, hey, guys.

71
00:04:50,770 --> 00:04:52,650
Boy, what a day.

72
00:04:53,790 --> 00:04:57,250
Little kid comes into the precinct, lost
his puppy.

73
00:04:57,970 --> 00:05:00,510
So, I take him out in the squad car.

74
00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:02,210
We looked everywhere.

75
00:05:02,810 --> 00:05:04,390
We're just about to give up.

76
00:05:05,630 --> 00:05:09,290
When I hear this yip, yip, yip coming
from a box in the alley.

77
00:05:13,130 --> 00:05:17,250
The dog and the kid started running at
each other, you know, like in a movie.

78
00:05:18,390 --> 00:05:20,290
The dog started licking his face.

79
00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:23,990
It was the most beautiful thing I ever
saw.

80
00:05:26,270 --> 00:05:31,010
Okay, so his gun is up my nose, right? I
really hate when a gun is up my nose.

81
00:05:32,030 --> 00:05:36,870
So, of course, I know I'm dead. I close
my eyes, I'm praying. And just when I

82
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,950
think it's all over, Morty here comes in
and grabs him.

83
00:05:40,170 --> 00:05:42,610
Hey, way to go, Morty. What a punk.

84
00:05:43,020 --> 00:05:44,020
I get them from behind.

85
00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:45,280
Ba -da -boom, ba -da -bing.

86
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:47,520
Works every time.

87
00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:51,560
So, John, you a cop, too?

88
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:52,880
No, a teacher.

89
00:05:53,780 --> 00:05:54,780
How in the ghetto?

90
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,400
Private school.

91
00:05:58,120 --> 00:05:59,580
Yeah, you'd be surprised.

92
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,780
Got to deal with a lot of arrogance, you
know.

93
00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,280
Yeah, I mean, like just this past week
at the school.

94
00:06:05,620 --> 00:06:07,380
I was on hall patrol.

95
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:09,760
Alone.

96
00:06:10,580 --> 00:06:12,280
I walked by the broom closet.

97
00:06:12,860 --> 00:06:13,860
I smell something.

98
00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:16,380
Well, I'm not afraid. I walk right in.

99
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,560
I catch her, red -handed.

100
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,320
Cindy Petticoff.

101
00:06:23,260 --> 00:06:24,260
Smoking.

102
00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:25,700
A joint?

103
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:26,720
A cigarette.

104
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:29,640
Unfiltered.

105
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:33,380
What a mouth on this kid, I'm telling
you guys.

106
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:38,580
So, what'd you do? What could I do? I
sent it back to homeroom. Ba -da -boom,

107
00:06:38,580 --> 00:06:39,580
-da -bing.

108
00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:51,620
Mary Beth, do we have to play this silly
game?

109
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:56,560
You're just grumpy because you lost at
bobbing for clothespins and pin the tail

110
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:57,560
on the stallion.

111
00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:01,080
Why don't we try bobbing for stallions?

112
00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,940
Oh, all right, then.

113
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,120
Well, let's just do girl talk.

114
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,000
Bridal Shower Magazine recommends we do
that, too.

115
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:12,940
You start, Louise.

116
00:07:13,460 --> 00:07:17,780
Perhaps we should begin by discussing
Kate's impending nuptial.

117
00:07:18,330 --> 00:07:22,090
Well, whatever we do, let's get on with
it. My ankles are starting to swell.

118
00:07:24,170 --> 00:07:29,810
Kate, I have to tell you, you are so
lucky to be marrying Mitch.

119
00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:32,810
Kate?

120
00:07:34,750 --> 00:07:35,750
Kate?

121
00:07:36,370 --> 00:07:42,070
Oh, I'm sorry. I was just thinking about
how lucky I am to be marrying Mitch.

122
00:07:43,070 --> 00:07:47,030
Oh, I can't tell you how much I'm
looking forward to married life.

123
00:07:47,790 --> 00:07:52,450
Sleeping every night in someone's arms.
Sharing little private jokes.

124
00:07:53,070 --> 00:07:54,970
Maybe we'll move to the suburbs.

125
00:07:55,270 --> 00:07:57,170
I'll garden. He'll smoke a pipe.

126
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,590
I'll grow basil and can peaches.

127
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:05,210
We want to talk to Kate.

128
00:08:16,590 --> 00:08:17,590
No, it's wonderful.

129
00:08:17,750 --> 00:08:22,270
I can finally watch couples holding
hands and be willing to let them live.

130
00:08:22,530 --> 00:08:24,750
I know what you mean. You do?

131
00:08:25,950 --> 00:08:26,950
Well, no.

132
00:08:27,350 --> 00:08:31,190
But the shower magazine says, never
disagree with the bride.

133
00:08:31,890 --> 00:08:33,390
Well, thank you, Mary Beth.

134
00:08:33,990 --> 00:08:36,950
I'm just so glad I'm not going to be
single anymore.

135
00:08:37,470 --> 00:08:40,470
All those feelings of loneliness and
desperation.

136
00:08:41,669 --> 00:08:44,070
I beg your pardon, but...

137
00:08:44,430 --> 00:08:48,350
single people lead rather rich,
fulfilling lives. Thank you very much.

138
00:08:50,350 --> 00:08:52,150
I'm sorry. Don't be upset.

139
00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:55,950
Upset? Why should I be upset? I have a
wonderful life.

140
00:08:58,370 --> 00:09:03,750
I have a son whom I adore. I have my
friends, my career, and I have my

141
00:09:04,170 --> 00:09:09,650
I don't have to worry about some big,
hairy slab of a man who wanted to go for

142
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:12,030
endless walks along the beach.

143
00:09:12,310 --> 00:09:15,440
I can't live dinners in trendy little
restaurants.

144
00:09:17,260 --> 00:09:19,820
I'm an old woman and I like it that way.

145
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,600
Louise, it's not as if being married is
a bed of roses.

146
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,340
I mean, Mitch and I have our problems.

147
00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:31,480
Don't fumer me. I hate to be fumered.

148
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,360
What problems?

149
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:40,140
Well, I don't know. We haven't really
known each other that long, but I'm sure

150
00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:41,140
there'll be problems.

151
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:42,720
Of course.

152
00:09:44,249 --> 00:09:48,330
But by the time you find out all the
things you can't stand about each other,

153
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:50,430
you'll already be married, so it won't
matter.

154
00:09:58,750 --> 00:09:59,750
Mitch,

155
00:10:04,110 --> 00:10:05,510
you are totally screwed.

156
00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:10,170
Mitch, I'm warning you. Once you get
married, your life is over.

157
00:10:11,670 --> 00:10:13,410
It's like going to the electric chair.

158
00:10:13,850 --> 00:10:15,130
Only without the warmth.

159
00:10:17,390 --> 00:10:21,090
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys are
right. Maybe I should just kill myself

160
00:10:21,090 --> 00:10:23,470
and get it over with. Trust me, you'd be
better off.

161
00:10:24,970 --> 00:10:26,750
Hey, married life isn't so bad.

162
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,410
Unless, of course, you come home at
night.

163
00:10:34,630 --> 00:10:37,750
Hey, let's turn on the television and
see if there's anything on about that

164
00:10:37,750 --> 00:10:39,190
scuzz that Big's nailed today.

165
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:44,040
You nailed the scuzz today. Way to go,
Biggsmeister.

166
00:10:45,940 --> 00:10:49,800
Well, the market is down, but the crime
is up, which brings us to our next

167
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:53,840
story. Tonight, the Bayside National
Bank was robbed of over $1 ,200.

168
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:55,840
That's right, Mario.

169
00:10:56,260 --> 00:11:01,020
Well, believe it or not, the bad guys
have found a new way to rob a bank.

170
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:06,320
The suspect somehow jammed the automated
teller machine, causing $20 bills to

171
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:07,219
spew forth.

172
00:11:07,220 --> 00:11:10,450
But, Dale, the good news is that the
bank's hidden camera caught the... a

173
00:11:10,450 --> 00:11:11,450
suspect in the act.

174
00:11:13,030 --> 00:11:16,250
If you see this man, please contact the
police.

175
00:11:24,990 --> 00:11:29,350
You guys are going to die laughing when
you hear this story.

176
00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:39,090
You have the right to remain

177
00:11:39,090 --> 00:11:42,860
silent. Oh, jeez, I don't know how
Katie's going to take this. Mitch, you

178
00:11:42,860 --> 00:11:45,740
up the right to remain silent. Mitch,
it's me, John.

179
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:49,420
Mr. Law -abiding. I'm no criminal. I'm
an English teacher.

180
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,100
Good. Then we'll look forward to reading
your confession.

181
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,660
I'm innocent, don't you understand?
John, I want to believe you. Look, the

182
00:11:57,660 --> 00:11:58,660
thing's a misunderstanding.

183
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,920
I'm not the one who took the money from
the bank. It was Kirk.

184
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,500
Oh, Kirk.

185
00:12:02,780 --> 00:12:04,280
Now that makes more sense.

186
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:05,960
Mitch, come on. We got no choice.

187
00:12:06,330 --> 00:12:10,090
We got to take him in. Yeah, come on.
Let's get going. Now, look, guys, it's

188
00:12:10,090 --> 00:12:13,150
Saturday night. The precinct will be a
madhouse. Yeah, guys, who needs that

189
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:13,689
of hassle?

190
00:12:13,690 --> 00:12:16,650
So we book him, catch a late movie. The
evening's not a total loss.

191
00:12:17,430 --> 00:12:20,390
Gentlemen, the party has arrived.

192
00:12:21,470 --> 00:12:22,470
Hit it, honey.

193
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:39,460
These are grown men. That is a stripper.
What is to explain?

194
00:12:41,420 --> 00:12:44,520
Kirk, you and I are going to have a nice
plan chat in the kitchen.

195
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,380
Yes, sir. Yes, excuse me. Excuse me.
Would you like to share with me?

196
00:12:51,180 --> 00:12:55,340
Oh, come on. Hey, excuse me. I've got to
call Kate. What are you, some kind of a

197
00:12:55,340 --> 00:12:57,260
deviant? What's the stripper?

198
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:02,200
Have a seat, Kirk. Make yourself
comfortable. John, the stripper is

199
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:03,620
Come on, humor me, Kirk. Sit.

200
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:04,960
John. Sit.

201
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,180
Some apple brown, Betty?

202
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,320
Oh, you bet.

203
00:13:15,660 --> 00:13:20,680
Hey, Kurt, tell me, how long have we
known each other? Oh, what is it going

204
00:13:20,780 --> 00:13:22,120
Four years now. Really?

205
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:23,920
It seems much longer.

206
00:13:25,540 --> 00:13:27,500
That's a good time to get out of the
way. All the best.

207
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:34,780
Yeah, like that time you sold me a
ticket to Hawaii and I ended up stranded

208
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:35,780
Alaska.

209
00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:42,420
Or that time you took me to Tavern on
the Green for my birthday and you faked

210
00:13:42,420 --> 00:13:44,320
having an aneurysm just before the check
came.

211
00:13:46,220 --> 00:13:50,060
Or that time I was out of town and you
sublet my apartment to that Greek couple

212
00:13:50,060 --> 00:13:51,600
who slaughtered a goat in my kitchen.

213
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,420
Oh, memories.

214
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,820
We're still having good times, aren't
we? Yeah.

215
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,380
Hey, would you like to hear a humorous
story?

216
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,820
I love stories. Yeah? Oh, good.

217
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,400
There I was, sitting around with a bunch
of New York's finest, watching the

218
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,600
news, when my face appeared on the TV.

219
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:20,400
It seems a certain bank was robbed of a
certain $1 ,240, and the police know the

220
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,700
entire world thinks I did it.

221
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,760
Do I detect a hint of nutmeg?

222
00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:37,740
I could go to jail, Kirk.

223
00:14:38,820 --> 00:14:40,900
So I want that $1 ,240.

224
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:42,940
And I want it now.

225
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:47,520
Oh, what bum luck. I don't have it on
me, Jack.

226
00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:51,640
Well, why don't you just go and get it
and bring it here? Because there's

227
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,180
something, there's something you really
should know.

228
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:56,620
I will not go to jail for robbery.

229
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,100
But I will happily do time for
manslaughter.

230
00:15:01,380 --> 00:15:02,800
Give me 15 minutes.

231
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:05,680
Judd? What?

232
00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:07,400
There's just one thing I gotta know.

233
00:15:07,620 --> 00:15:08,620
What?

234
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,880
How do you get your nostrils to flare
like that?

235
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,260
Try to relax, Kate.

236
00:15:22,060 --> 00:15:25,400
Cucumber slices are the best thing for
curing headaches.

237
00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:27,590
I feel so sick. Stupid.

238
00:15:27,890 --> 00:15:30,530
You should. You look like a little
orphan Annie.

239
00:15:32,470 --> 00:15:35,170
What am I going to do?

240
00:15:35,790 --> 00:15:39,230
Hey, don't you think you're
overreacting? Are you kidding?

241
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,370
Mary Beth said it herself.

242
00:15:41,590 --> 00:15:45,090
Mitch and I don't know each other. We're
practically strangers.

243
00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:48,330
But... Is there something you're not
telling us, Kate?

244
00:15:48,890 --> 00:15:53,990
Is there a... No, Louise, there's no
sexual problem. Oh.

245
00:15:54,510 --> 00:15:59,110
There's no problem at all. except that
Mitch has no idea who I really am.

246
00:15:59,890 --> 00:16:02,530
Last Saturday, he told me he loved ice
hockey.

247
00:16:02,810 --> 00:16:07,610
So jerk that I am, I batted my eyelashes
and said, Oh, wow, me too.

248
00:16:09,390 --> 00:16:14,090
I hate ice hockey. I hate how they bash
each other. Plus, I can never see the

249
00:16:14,090 --> 00:16:15,730
puck. I don't believe there is a puck.

250
00:16:18,750 --> 00:16:23,690
So just tell him you're a normal woman
and you hate ice hockey. Yeah, what's

251
00:16:23,690 --> 00:16:24,429
big deal?

252
00:16:24,430 --> 00:16:25,530
That's just the beginning.

253
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,910
The other night we went over to my
place.

254
00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:30,710
He threw his coat on the couch.

255
00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:33,570
And?

256
00:16:34,090 --> 00:16:36,950
You know I'm certifiably neat.

257
00:16:37,290 --> 00:16:39,370
I wanted to hang up that coat.

258
00:16:39,730 --> 00:16:42,170
I needed to hang up that coat.

259
00:16:42,470 --> 00:16:47,630
But I thought if I hang up that coat,
he'll know that I'm mentally ill. So all

260
00:16:47,630 --> 00:16:52,770
night long that coat cried out to me,
Kate, Kate, hang me, hang me.

261
00:16:57,230 --> 00:17:02,490
I almost did. But just as I was about to
drop off, I thought, what if I grind my

262
00:17:02,490 --> 00:17:03,750
teeth? Ew.

263
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:05,390
Do you grind your teeth?

264
00:17:06,290 --> 00:17:08,290
I don't know. I'm asleep.

265
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:15,910
But I know that I drool. Oh, God. What's
he going to do when he sees me sleeping

266
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:18,670
with my mouth open in this little puddle
of drool?

267
00:17:21,609 --> 00:17:24,650
Hey, you're really starting to gross me
out.

268
00:17:26,220 --> 00:17:27,400
Then there's my temper.

269
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:32,540
I have never once yelled at him, never
once cried, never been bitchy.

270
00:17:32,860 --> 00:17:35,540
The poor man has no idea what he's
letting himself in for.

271
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:40,700
I'm either premenstrual, postmenstrual,
menstrual, or ovulating.

272
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:45,020
I've had two normal days in my entire
life.

273
00:17:48,140 --> 00:17:51,600
Just a hunch, but this isn't one of
them, is it?

274
00:17:57,830 --> 00:18:00,790
put our best foot forward when we're
courting.

275
00:18:02,010 --> 00:18:06,590
I'm sure Mitch expects a certain
slackening of standards.

276
00:18:07,710 --> 00:18:10,790
Hello? Oh, God, the fish.

277
00:18:11,310 --> 00:18:12,310
What fish?

278
00:18:13,130 --> 00:18:18,310
Mitch's favorite dish is poached salmon.
I told him there's nothing I love more

279
00:18:18,310 --> 00:18:19,550
than poaching a fish.

280
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:22,510
I've never poached a stupid fish in my
life.

281
00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:24,450
Kate, it's your fella.

282
00:18:24,850 --> 00:18:25,850
No.

283
00:18:41,050 --> 00:18:42,050
Hi, sweetheart.

284
00:18:44,530 --> 00:18:47,010
Yeah, I'm having a terrific time.

285
00:18:48,450 --> 00:18:50,390
Yeah, there's just one little thing.

286
00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:55,530
I despise ice hockey. I hate it when you
throw your coat on the couch, and I

287
00:18:55,530 --> 00:18:58,070
can't poach a salmon, so we might as
well break up.

288
00:18:58,990 --> 00:18:59,990
What?

289
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:02,270
Uh -huh.

290
00:19:03,930 --> 00:19:05,030
Fill a pan with water.

291
00:19:06,540 --> 00:19:10,340
Bay leaf, chopped onion, half a cup of
white wine.

292
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,000
And that's it?

293
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:15,300
Really?

294
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:18,720
Well, yeah.

295
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,200
Okay.

296
00:19:23,180 --> 00:19:24,660
Really? What?

297
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,120
Oh, you promise?

298
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:28,760
What do you think?

299
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:30,800
Yeah, me too.

300
00:20:08,010 --> 00:20:11,070
You will never guess who I... Where is
everybody?

301
00:20:11,430 --> 00:20:14,410
Oh, they went off with Ramona to a
feminist poetry reading.

302
00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:15,910
Turns out Rocco.

303
00:20:16,170 --> 00:20:18,110
Rocco is a big Sylvia Plath fan.

304
00:20:18,390 --> 00:20:19,289
Where's the money?

305
00:20:19,290 --> 00:20:23,530
Oh, well, that's... You will never guess
who I ran into on the way over here.

306
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,010
Henry Kissinger.

307
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:29,550
He's down on his luck. You saw him
outside the U .N. washing the

308
00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:32,970
diplomats' cars. You had hard bled for
him. You gave him $1 ,240.

309
00:20:33,270 --> 00:20:34,270
Will you give me the money?

310
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,060
20, 40. It's all there, John. Trust me.

311
00:20:43,860 --> 00:20:45,560
Minus, of course, the 100 for Ramona.

312
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:47,160
100?

313
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:48,760
Okay, 50.

314
00:20:49,220 --> 00:20:50,680
I'll forget my finder's fee.

315
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:53,160
Let's get going. What?

316
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:57,160
Come on, come on, come on. Go, go, go,
go. Go, go. What is the rush?

317
00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,100
What is the rush? I'll tell you what is
the rush.

318
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,240
Mitch told me if we don't get this money
down to the precinct by midnight, you

319
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,560
and I are going to jail. That's a good
reason to rush.

320
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:08,640
Give me all your money.

321
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:10,310
Do what he says, John.

322
00:21:10,450 --> 00:21:13,290
Do what he says? You couldn't think of
anything more original than this? Huh?

323
00:21:13,370 --> 00:21:14,370
Give me that.

324
00:21:14,550 --> 00:21:17,430
How low can you stoop, sending a friend
over here with a fake gun?

325
00:21:24,190 --> 00:21:30,990
Coming up next on an all -new Reasonable
Doubt, a cop commits an

326
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:34,710
unspeakable crime, and Dickie and Tess
must take on the force to put him behind

327
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:37,410
bars and emotionally charge Reasonable
Doubt.

328
00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:41,490
And tomorrow afternoon, see the greatest
and get the latest when Ahmad Rashad

329
00:21:41,490 --> 00:21:44,850
and Willow Bay host NBA Inside Stuff
tomorrow on NBC Sports.

330
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,940
Oh, by the way, Louise, what are we
going to have?

331
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:23,220
Oh, my mouth is watering from thinking
of it.

332
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:29,300
We're starting off with whitebait,
kippers, bangers and mash, then

333
00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:32,680
pie and my favorite, stuffed tripe.

334
00:22:35,180 --> 00:22:36,620
Who's the caterer you were thinking of?

335
00:22:37,580 --> 00:22:39,780
Well, get it, John. That's what we're
having.

336
00:22:40,540 --> 00:22:43,020
Stuffed tripe? That's what I had at my
wedding.

337
00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:44,780
Just one question.

338
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,040
Do you eat it or throw it?

339
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,340
I guess that takes care of everything.
Except the champagne.

340
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:54,960
Good. Then there is something I can do.
I have this relative. It's my mother's

341
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,840
sister's cousin's second cousin's
brother's sister's nephew's boy.

342
00:22:58,480 --> 00:22:59,640
Or something like that.

343
00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:02,040
Anyway, he owns a liquor store.

344
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,280
Can he give us a good deal?

345
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:04,980
He will if I can prove we're related.

346
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,840
Just remember, no champagne for Tom or
me.

347
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:12,620
Last time we had champagne, the room
started spinning.

348
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:17,420
Too much to drink, Mrs. Philbin? No,
they tied us to the ceiling fan.