1
00:00:01,739 --> 00:00:03,940
What? Hey, Kirk, do me a favor.

2
00:00:04,220 --> 00:00:05,220
Drop dead.

3
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:10,620
Hey, hey, hey, come on. Let's not let a
little nudity be a deal breaker here.

4
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:14,600
Hey,

5
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,140
Pete, how's it going? Oh, hey, Kirk.

6
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,460
Not so good, actually. I just found out
I got laid off.

7
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:22,680
Oh, no. Yeah.

8
00:00:23,460 --> 00:00:25,260
So I'm going to have to get rid of my
brand new Porsche.

9
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,300
And we'll probably lose the house.

10
00:00:29,540 --> 00:00:31,080
And I guess my mom's going to have to...

11
00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:32,540
Cancel her eye operation.

12
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:33,840
Oh.

13
00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:36,000
Damn, that really stinks.

14
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:37,560
Yeah.

15
00:00:37,980 --> 00:00:41,200
So, what are you asking for the Porsche?

16
00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:47,000
Well, actually, I just need somebody to
take over the payments for me. You know,

17
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,560
so don't repossess and screw up my
credit. You know, it's $600 a month.

18
00:00:50,820 --> 00:00:51,820
Are you interested?

19
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,860
$600? That's what I pay for rent.

20
00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,140
Can't give up my apartment for some
stupid car.

21
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:02,240
Well, yeah, it may be stupid, but hey,
look at it this way.

22
00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:05,700
For just $600 a month, you're getting a
Porsche.

23
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:07,920
Wow.

24
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:09,500
You're getting a Porsche?

25
00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:13,460
So.

26
00:02:14,709 --> 00:02:15,709
Oh,

27
00:02:17,410 --> 00:02:19,370
Ben! Thank God!

28
00:02:19,810 --> 00:02:20,810
Oh, hi!

29
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:25,950
The center's finally got us a new air
conditioner.

30
00:02:26,570 --> 00:02:31,610
Well, actually, it's not new. It's
slightly used. Who am I kidding?

31
00:02:31,950 --> 00:02:33,430
This thing's a relic.

32
00:02:34,450 --> 00:02:36,570
It's got this really nice wood.

33
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,720
That's not true either.

34
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:44,360
It's some kind of brown plastic.

35
00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:47,940
But at least you don't have to worry
about it catching fire when it

36
00:02:49,340 --> 00:02:50,460
Unless you turn it on.

37
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:54,399
Hi, Louise.

38
00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:55,540
Hello, Mrs. Hilbert.

39
00:02:55,940 --> 00:03:00,080
Dan, we drove out to the Hamptons so he
could show me his new yacht, the S .S.

40
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:01,120
Mary Beth.

41
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:03,980
He named a yacht after you?

42
00:03:05,580 --> 00:03:06,880
I never thought of that.

43
00:03:23,530 --> 00:03:24,530
air conditioner.

44
00:03:25,090 --> 00:03:26,090
May I say something?

45
00:03:26,390 --> 00:03:27,550
Of course, Ben.

46
00:03:28,050 --> 00:03:32,930
Well, I just want to say that you women
look absolutely beautiful tonight.

47
00:03:33,350 --> 00:03:37,750
And I'm saying it because I mean it.

48
00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:41,770
Not because I think this air conditioner
is never going to work.

49
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,780
You never break if you want to hold on
to your sanity.

50
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,800
Never, ever, under any circumstances,
buy your mother a margarita.

51
00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:01,160
What happened, John?

52
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:05,340
Oh, I spent the afternoon in this
charming little Mexican restaurant

53
00:04:05,340 --> 00:04:07,280
to this old lady with a salt mustache.

54
00:04:08,940 --> 00:04:13,300
After two margaritas and a half pound of
guacamole, she breaks the news to me

55
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,300
that my father had had an affair.

56
00:04:25,070 --> 00:04:28,030
Yes, Mrs. Pilgrim, he is. The affair
happened when I was a kid.

57
00:04:28,690 --> 00:04:29,690
Who was she?

58
00:04:30,010 --> 00:04:34,510
She was a waitress. Who cares who she
was? The main thing is, they broke up

59
00:04:34,510 --> 00:04:35,510
their marriage.

60
00:04:36,350 --> 00:04:40,410
I mean, I was only 15 years old when my
father and mother got a divorce, and I

61
00:04:40,410 --> 00:04:44,310
was robbed of having a father when I
really needed one.

62
00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:49,210
I mean, how could two intelligent people
break up their marriage over some silly

63
00:04:49,210 --> 00:04:50,210
little affair?

64
00:04:54,350 --> 00:04:54,909
I don't understand.

65
00:04:54,910 --> 00:04:57,770
You see, I was only 15 years old. Hey,
Ben. Ben?

66
00:04:58,350 --> 00:04:59,350
Ben, do you mind?

67
00:04:59,750 --> 00:05:00,750
Oh, sorry.

68
00:05:00,850 --> 00:05:03,950
Look, I'm almost finished. If I could
just get someone to hold this.

69
00:05:04,310 --> 00:05:05,850
Yeah, okay. All right, all right. I'll
hold it.

70
00:05:08,570 --> 00:05:09,970
You're holding it? Yeah, I'm holding it.
Yeah.

71
00:05:10,530 --> 00:05:15,290
John, all this happened such a long time
ago. I know it happened a long time

72
00:05:15,290 --> 00:05:17,350
ago. Don't you think you should just let
go?

73
00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:19,010
No, Louise, it's not that.

74
00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:30,820
You stopped holding it, didn't you?

75
00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:34,720
Well, wait until you need a favor
someday.

76
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:37,560
Hi, Ben.

77
00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:38,700
Ben. Ben.

78
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,320
My main man.

79
00:05:42,580 --> 00:05:44,080
You live alone, right?

80
00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:45,420
How'd you like a roommate?

81
00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:48,240
Well, I could use someone to help out
with the rent.

82
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:52,200
Ben, get real. I just spent my rent
money on a new Porsche.

83
00:05:54,260 --> 00:05:55,260
Okay.

84
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,040
Well, then you can let me use the car
every other night.

85
00:05:59,980 --> 00:06:00,980
I like babes.

86
00:06:02,540 --> 00:06:03,880
Have you got a garage where you live?

87
00:06:04,460 --> 00:06:05,460
No. No?

88
00:06:06,140 --> 00:06:10,760
No. You expect me to park my car on the
street and my chrome rims wouldn't last

89
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:11,760
30 seconds?

90
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,900
Don't worry about it, Ben. Maybe John
will let me move in with him.

91
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,860
Okay, but I wouldn't ask him right now.
He's really stressed out.

92
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:24,500
I just found out that his dad had an
affair with some waitress when John was

93
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:25,500
kid.

94
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,840
Why does everything always happen to me?

95
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:37,560
How the hell did you afford a car like
that? Oh, simple money management, John.

96
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,120
I robbed Peter to pay Porsche.

97
00:06:58,410 --> 00:07:02,090
Hey, John, you got a garage in this
building, right? Yeah, but it's just for

98
00:07:02,090 --> 00:07:03,830
tenants, so you forget about it. Okay,
okay.

99
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:05,910
Hey, buddy, come on.

100
00:07:06,130 --> 00:07:09,150
Come on, come on. We gotta moose up and
move out.

101
00:07:10,370 --> 00:07:13,170
Not going anywhere tonight, Kirk. I had
a rough day.

102
00:07:13,470 --> 00:07:15,570
Oh, no? What happened?

103
00:07:15,790 --> 00:07:18,430
I just found out something very
disturbing about my father.

104
00:07:18,850 --> 00:07:23,410
Your father? Yeah, so if you don't mind,
I would like to be alone tonight so

105
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:24,730
that I could sort things out.

106
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:28,570
Well, John, if you need someone to talk
to, I want you to know I'm here. I don't

107
00:07:28,570 --> 00:07:31,510
care how long it takes. A week, a month,
a year. All right, all right, Kirk.

108
00:07:31,710 --> 00:07:33,510
What do you want? You want to borrow my
apartment?

109
00:07:33,730 --> 00:07:34,930
What? Hey, hey, hey!

110
00:07:36,030 --> 00:07:37,770
I take Umbridge.

111
00:07:39,910 --> 00:07:42,430
Your apartment is the furthest thing
from my mind.

112
00:07:47,570 --> 00:07:48,970
Why is he with everybody?

113
00:07:49,310 --> 00:07:53,070
Every time I try and do something nice,
they act like I'm after something.

114
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,880
Not everybody, just the people who know
you. Hey, John!

115
00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:01,560
Kirk, there is no way you could possibly
help. You haven't got the faintest idea

116
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,640
what I'm going through about my father.
Oh, yeah, right. Like you're the only

117
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,020
one who ever learned something
disturbing about his old man.

118
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,480
You don't know what disturbing is. Let
me tell you something, Mr.

119
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:11,740
Smart Guy.

120
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,740
My father never said a kind word to me
his entire life.

121
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,360
He resented me from the day I was born.
And do you want to know why?

122
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:22,500
Why? I wouldn't tell you if you got down
on your knees and...

123
00:08:24,430 --> 00:08:27,070
Now, if you'll excuse me, I would like
to go. Yes, sit yourself.

124
00:08:30,530 --> 00:08:31,630
Okay, I'll tell you.

125
00:08:33,970 --> 00:08:38,730
My father resented me because my mother
cheated on him.

126
00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:40,610
Yeah? Yeah.

127
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:45,050
She got pregnant.

128
00:08:46,510 --> 00:08:47,510
And...

129
00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:55,200
I sprang from the loins of a stranger.

130
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,620
John, I'm a love child.

131
00:09:03,140 --> 00:09:10,020
Gee, I'm, uh... I had no idea. I've gone
through my entire miserable life not

132
00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:11,760
knowing who my real father is.

133
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:17,800
All she told me was he was some guy from
upstate New York, some town called

134
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:21,260
Bingham... Oh, Banghamton?

135
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,060
Binghamton! That's it.

136
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:24,640
Well, that's where I'm from, remember?

137
00:09:25,020 --> 00:09:25,719
John, please.

138
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:27,400
We're talking about me here, remember?

139
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,860
Anyway, she said he was some sort of
carpenter.

140
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:34,320
Carpenter? Yeah.

141
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,220
He worked with wood or something.

142
00:09:40,540 --> 00:09:43,520
My father was a cabinetmaker. Please.

143
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,080
Come on.

144
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:50,500
No, no, I mean, this is really... This
is crazy. My mother just told me today

145
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:51,980
that my father had had an affair.

146
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:53,400
No.

147
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,840
No, no, no, I mean it, yeah. With some
woman in Scranton.

148
00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:58,500
Scranton?

149
00:09:58,820 --> 00:10:00,480
Why would anyone go to Scranton?

150
00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,500
I couldn't wait to grow up and get the
hell out of there.

151
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,200
You lived in Scranton?

152
00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:11,940
Yeah. In an apartment above the diner my
parents sold.

153
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:13,800
Diner?

154
00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:17,060
This is so crazy.

155
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:18,500
What?

156
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:23,080
Um, um, your mother wouldn't buy any...

157
00:10:24,650 --> 00:10:28,530
Chance could have been a waitress, would
she? A waitress?

158
00:10:28,930 --> 00:10:29,930
My mother?

159
00:10:30,790 --> 00:10:33,810
John, she'd be very angry to hear you
say that.

160
00:10:34,070 --> 00:10:36,910
She happened to be the head waitress.

161
00:10:39,710 --> 00:10:41,430
This is really strange.

162
00:10:42,310 --> 00:10:43,770
What? No.

163
00:10:45,430 --> 00:10:46,670
No, it can't be.

164
00:10:46,870 --> 00:10:49,570
What? The coincidences. What?

165
00:10:50,220 --> 00:10:54,200
Coincidences. Your mother, a waitress in
Scranton, having an affair with a man

166
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:57,600
from Binghamton. And my father, a man
from Binghamton, having an affair with a

167
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:58,640
waitress in Scranton.

168
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,600
What are you getting at? What am I
getting at?

169
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,640
Read between the lines.

170
00:11:05,620 --> 00:11:09,020
John, I have a pull that you could even
suggest such a thing.

171
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,960
Yeah, you're right, you're right.

172
00:11:12,460 --> 00:11:13,940
I'm not even making any sense.

173
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:22,280
They were in the early 60s. I mean, you
weren't even born until 61. Yep, that

174
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:23,280
would be the early 60s.

175
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,020
Oh, my God.

176
00:11:26,940 --> 00:11:28,760
I don't know what you're after, Lacey.

177
00:11:29,180 --> 00:11:32,920
I don't know why you're trying to worm
your way into my bloodline, but you can

178
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,120
just forget it.

179
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:54,960
to do.

180
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:58,940
Well, I just wouldn't call him anymore.

181
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,840
Boy, I wish I knew about this group when
Tina and I split up. Tina was your

182
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,100
wife? Fiance.

183
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,900
At least she was until I found out she
was sleeping with my best friend Smitty.

184
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:13,820
After that, I don't know, we kind of
drifted apart.

185
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,640
Oh, you poor thing.

186
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:18,160
Did this happen recently?

187
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:20,620
No, no. It was back when I was a forest
ranger.

188
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:25,090
One day, I got done doing all of my
forest stuff.

189
00:12:26,450 --> 00:12:29,870
You know, your basic checking trees for
parasitic carnivores.

190
00:12:30,110 --> 00:12:31,110
Uh -huh.

191
00:12:33,550 --> 00:12:37,890
Well, anyway, I get home, and I find
Tina in bed with my best friend Smitty.

192
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,770
So you just walked out on her?

193
00:12:40,070 --> 00:12:41,090
Oh, you bet I did.

194
00:12:42,910 --> 00:12:46,510
Well, actually, I hung around till they
finished so I could get my engagement

195
00:12:46,510 --> 00:12:47,510
ring back.

196
00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:51,670
But anyway, there it is.

197
00:12:52,490 --> 00:12:54,010
You guys have got yourselves an air
conditioner.

198
00:12:54,610 --> 00:12:56,250
Well, is it okay to turn it on?

199
00:12:57,850 --> 00:12:58,850
I wouldn't.

200
00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:11,010
Mrs. Philbit, where is everybody?

201
00:13:18,510 --> 00:13:19,830
Well, I guess they left.

202
00:13:21,310 --> 00:13:22,139
Oh, great.

203
00:13:22,140 --> 00:13:23,140
Just right.

204
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:24,620
I've got to talk to somebody.

205
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,360
Mrs. Philbert, Mrs. Philbert, Mrs.
Philbert, please. I have to talk to

206
00:13:28,540 --> 00:13:29,540
Would you mind?

207
00:13:30,340 --> 00:13:33,140
Please. Uh, Mrs. Philbert?

208
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,460
I think I'm losing my mind.

209
00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:42,020
Now, I keep telling myself everything's
going to be okay, but I just can't seem

210
00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:43,060
to get myself to believe it.

211
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:47,800
Oh, I've been through crises before, but
this is frightening. This is

212
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:52,420
terrifying. Mrs. Philbert, there is good
reason to believe that Kirk Morris is

213
00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:56,580
my... Related to me.

214
00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:01,820
I found this out. I didn't want to
believe it. So I just went to see Kirk's

215
00:14:01,820 --> 00:14:06,460
mother. And I actually had the gall to
ask her if she'd had an affair with my

216
00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:08,360
father. She did.

217
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,300
Kirk is.

218
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:11,980
We are.

219
00:14:12,420 --> 00:14:15,960
Mrs. Philbert, do you understand what
I'm telling you? Kirk Morris is my...

220
00:14:24,190 --> 00:14:28,770
I'm sorry to trouble you with this, but
I just had to talk to somebody about it.

221
00:14:29,430 --> 00:14:31,690
Please, tell me what you're thinking.

222
00:14:32,470 --> 00:14:34,970
I'm wondering where the hell everybody
went.

223
00:14:51,150 --> 00:14:52,150
What the hell is this?

224
00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:54,970
I'm sorry, John.

225
00:14:55,430 --> 00:14:56,430
What's on your mind?

226
00:14:56,530 --> 00:14:59,070
What is going on? How did you get in
here? I bribed the super.

227
00:14:59,370 --> 00:15:01,230
What? By the way, you owe him 20 bucks.

228
00:15:02,270 --> 00:15:06,290
John, what is all your stuff doing here?
Hey, John, John, John, John. I talked

229
00:15:06,290 --> 00:15:07,290
to my mom today.

230
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:09,530
She said it was true.

231
00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:11,170
Hey.

232
00:15:12,810 --> 00:15:14,410
You think you're living here with me?

233
00:15:14,670 --> 00:15:17,590
Don't you think Dad would have wanted it
that way? Now, look, look.

234
00:15:18,070 --> 00:15:19,090
You may be my...

235
00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:21,920
But you are not living here. You
understand that?

236
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,360
Already it's starting. Sibling rivalry.
I love her.

237
00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:27,540
Oh,

238
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,760
John.

239
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:33,540
Oh, it would have been great growing up
with a brother like you. I mean, we

240
00:15:33,540 --> 00:15:35,640
always would have been there for each
other. Close.

241
00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:38,800
Now, look, you are not living here.

242
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,120
Now, let's get that straight.

243
00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:45,120
Oh, sure. Nice. Just get me out on the
streets. I get it. Like father, like

244
00:15:45,630 --> 00:15:49,150
One brings me into the world, the other
one throws me out. All right, all right.

245
00:15:49,830 --> 00:15:52,010
A week, but then you're out of here.
Thanks, bro.

246
00:15:52,650 --> 00:15:56,630
Now, if you don't mind, I have to go
take an enormous amount of aspirin.

247
00:15:58,810 --> 00:16:01,390
Oh, I'll get it, mon frere.

248
00:16:04,070 --> 00:16:05,070
Frere Jacques.

249
00:16:07,630 --> 00:16:11,410
Mom. What did you do with my social
security check?

250
00:16:13,370 --> 00:16:17,450
What? Like you think I would steal my
own mother's Social Security, Jack?

251
00:16:17,670 --> 00:16:19,130
In a New York minute.

252
00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:26,030
Such a kidder. Mom, I was just holding
it for you so it wouldn't get lost.

253
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:27,570
Hand it over.

254
00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:29,210
And I'm not kidding.

255
00:16:30,910 --> 00:16:35,010
Hey, Kirk, what did you do with Mom?
John, you've met Mumsie, right?

256
00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:37,650
Oh, yeah. It's nice to see you again,
Mrs. Morris.

257
00:16:41,390 --> 00:16:43,030
I'll see you in the kitchen for a
minute. Oh, yes.

258
00:16:44,050 --> 00:16:46,070
Mom, I'll be right back. Don't go away.

259
00:16:49,110 --> 00:16:52,630
What the hell are you doing bringing
your mother over here? I live here,

260
00:16:52,730 --> 00:16:55,210
remember? Well, I don't care. You've got
to get her out of here because my

261
00:16:55,210 --> 00:16:56,270
mother's on her way over here.

262
00:16:56,610 --> 00:16:59,190
Gee, I wish you'd checked with me first.

263
00:17:00,070 --> 00:17:03,410
Listen, you get her out of here or
there's going to be bloodshed. Yours.

264
00:17:04,430 --> 00:17:06,290
You've got a lot to learn about
brotherly love.

265
00:17:08,609 --> 00:17:09,609
Hey, Mom.

266
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,660
How about I take you for a ride in my
new Porsche, huh? I don't want to go for

267
00:17:12,660 --> 00:17:13,800
ride in your Porsche. Oh, come on.

268
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,220
On second thought, maybe you'd rather
see the bedroom.

269
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,240
Oh, Johnny.

270
00:17:23,319 --> 00:17:24,359
Johnny. Yeah.

271
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:29,940
Johnny, I feel so bad. All those
horrible things I said about your

272
00:17:29,940 --> 00:17:31,960
yeah. You must have been depressed all
week.

273
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:37,340
I didn't mean to turn you against him.
Your father was a wonderful man. I know.

274
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:42,460
It happened a long time ago. It's time
to let bygones be bygones. Rhymer.

275
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:44,260
After all, it wasn't his fault.

276
00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:46,420
It was that bitch.

277
00:17:47,980 --> 00:17:53,600
You've got to find a way of putting this
behind you. I know, but it's so hard.

278
00:17:55,060 --> 00:17:56,800
John, this place is a mess.

279
00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,160
Did you get married again?

280
00:17:59,940 --> 00:18:03,790
No, no, no. It's a long story. I'll tell
you about it later. Listen, Ma. Well,

281
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:06,730
anyway, I brought you a little peace
offering.

282
00:18:06,990 --> 00:18:10,050
Yeah, thanks, Ma, but maybe a little
later. Hey.

283
00:18:10,910 --> 00:18:11,910
Wow.

284
00:18:12,430 --> 00:18:14,350
I haven't seen this picture in years.

285
00:18:14,810 --> 00:18:15,810
You were nine.

286
00:18:16,270 --> 00:18:20,290
You looked so cute in your little league
uniform standing next to your dad.

287
00:18:20,810 --> 00:18:21,930
No, Mom, I was eight.

288
00:18:22,150 --> 00:18:23,150
You were nine.

289
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,230
Oh, I was eight. I remember it
distinctly.

290
00:18:25,790 --> 00:18:27,270
Because, well, to tell you the truth,

291
00:18:28,070 --> 00:18:30,490
it wasn't a very happy day for me. I,
uh...

292
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,520
I hit a home run and I looked up in the
stands and everybody was standing up and

293
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:37,240
cheering except my dad.

294
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:41,560
I was really hurt that day. Wait, you're
right.

295
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,220
You were eight.

296
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:47,280
But you mustn't mind your dad not
standing up. That was the day he had his

297
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:48,280
vasectomy.

298
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:51,440
Oh.

299
00:18:52,220 --> 00:18:55,700
So that was the reason he sat through
the whole game with a snow cone in his

300
00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:56,700
lap.

301
00:19:01,159 --> 00:19:04,080
My father had a vasectomy when I was
eight?

302
00:19:04,580 --> 00:19:05,580
Yes.

303
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:11,140
My father had a vasectomy when I was
eight?

304
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:14,200
My father had a vasectomy when I was
eight?

305
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:18,020
My father had a vasectomy when I was
eight? He had a vasectomy when I was

306
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,320
Well,

307
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:22,700
why shouldn't I be? My brother just
died.

308
00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:28,020
I'll explain it later. Over lunch. Come
on. No, John. No, no. I'm meeting

309
00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:29,020
Nettie.

310
00:19:30,380 --> 00:19:33,240
Saturday we get together and have a
couple of margaritas. Don't you hate it,

311
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,960
Nettie? I do, until I've had a couple of
margaritas.

312
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,500
Okay, Kirk, you can come out now.

313
00:19:43,780 --> 00:19:44,780
You and Mom V.

314
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,200
Is the course clear?

315
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:50,440
Oh, everything is very clear.

316
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,700
Okay. I was just going to take Mom out
for a little ride in my car.

317
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:56,020
Oh, yeah? Oh, go ahead.

318
00:19:56,340 --> 00:19:58,520
Meanwhile, I'll stay here and help you
unpack your things.

319
00:19:58,860 --> 00:19:59,860
Okay?

320
00:20:00,970 --> 00:20:02,250
Aces are what, Mom?

321
00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:06,610
Hey, where should I be? I just found out
my father had had a vasectomy.

322
00:20:07,270 --> 00:20:08,550
Yeah, when I was eight.

323
00:20:09,110 --> 00:20:11,350
Really? Yeah, when I was eight.

324
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:13,970
I told you it wouldn't work.

325
00:20:14,370 --> 00:20:16,450
Yeah, just a minute. You know, I can
understand him.

326
00:20:16,670 --> 00:20:18,950
But why would you lie to me about a
thing like this?

327
00:20:19,350 --> 00:20:20,410
Use your head.

328
00:20:20,930 --> 00:20:24,350
If he didn't move in with you, he would
have moved in with me.

329
00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:45,320
Well, you know, I never actually said
you were my brother, John. I said you

330
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:49,360
my bro. And in Swahili, bro means man
with dark hair.

331
00:20:51,420 --> 00:20:53,600
You're not mad at me, are you? I was.

332
00:20:53,980 --> 00:20:54,980
Yeah, I didn't know.

333
00:20:55,060 --> 00:20:58,400
Hey, I'm just going to put your clothes
where you're going to be sleeping.

334
00:20:58,720 --> 00:20:59,720
Okay?

335
00:21:09,290 --> 00:21:12,870
This is Dear John's Isabella Hoffman.
The one -to -one club is moving to a new

336
00:21:12,870 --> 00:21:16,690
night in time. So don't miss the season
premiere of Dear John, Friday, September

337
00:21:16,690 --> 00:21:19,470
20th at 9, 8 Central, only on NBC.

338
00:21:19,870 --> 00:21:23,570
Then, from the creators of Cheers, it's
the hilarious season premiere of the new

339
00:21:23,570 --> 00:21:26,130
NBC comedy, Flesh and Blood, Friday.

340
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,760
So, Kate, meet any good -looking men in
the denny section.

341
00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:06,320
Oh, Louise, you know, I'm beginning to
think that this field trip wasn't such a

342
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:07,319
great idea.

343
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:10,260
Now, why don't we go get Mary, Beth, and
the guys and head on back to the

344
00:22:10,260 --> 00:22:11,260
community center?

345
00:22:11,420 --> 00:22:12,500
Oh, poppycock.

346
00:22:13,340 --> 00:22:18,680
According to this article in Cosmo, a
supermarket is one of the top ten places

347
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,260
in the city to meet decent single
people.

348
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:25,880
Well, not this supermarket.

349
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:30,380
I've covered every inch of this place,
from the frozen peas to the liquid

350
00:22:30,380 --> 00:22:34,780
detergent, and I am telling you, there
are no available men here. Trust me.