1 00:00:01,240 --> 00:00:02,620 Hi, Brad. How are you? 2 00:00:02,980 --> 00:00:04,100 How are you? 3 00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:05,960 Will you listen to this guy? 4 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:08,900 How are you? You're so considerate. 5 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:15,780 You know, John, old buddy, I was thinking about what good friends we are 6 00:00:15,780 --> 00:00:18,060 you would do anything for me. 7 00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:19,800 And you know what else I was thinking? 8 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:21,840 Now, you should cut back on your medication. 9 00:00:24,460 --> 00:00:28,600 That's funny, John. No, I was thinking that since the seniors are voting for 10 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:32,980 teacher of the year, that you would maybe hand out these flyers to your 11 00:00:33,820 --> 00:00:36,980 Coach Derman, educator, humanitarian, orphan? 12 00:00:38,180 --> 00:00:39,180 Well, almost. 13 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:43,040 My father passed away two years ago. My mother's on the ropes. 14 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:47,860 No, I'm sorry, Bram, but I'm not going to do your campaigning for you. Oh. 15 00:00:48,350 --> 00:00:49,329 I get it, John. 16 00:00:49,330 --> 00:00:52,850 You want to win teacher of the year. You know, Brad, this may sound strange to 17 00:00:52,850 --> 00:00:55,190 you, but I don't need a plaque to know that I'm a good teacher. 18 00:00:55,630 --> 00:00:59,110 My reward is seeing a kid graduate, go to college, and make something of 19 00:00:59,110 --> 00:01:01,350 himself. You've got a sports mentality. 20 00:01:01,970 --> 00:01:02,970 You know something? 21 00:01:03,450 --> 00:01:05,630 Competition between teachers isn't very healthy. 22 00:01:06,830 --> 00:01:08,330 Yeah, you're right, John. 23 00:01:08,710 --> 00:01:09,710 Winning isn't everything. 24 00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:13,550 Well, thanks, John. I needed to hear that. 25 00:01:14,850 --> 00:01:17,610 God, how I wish every teacher in this school felt that way. 26 00:01:18,290 --> 00:01:19,350 I'd be a shoo -in. 27 00:01:21,930 --> 00:01:22,930 Winning isn't everything. 28 00:01:23,030 --> 00:01:25,950 Oh, that's a good one, John. Say hi to the tooth fairy for me. 29 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,240 Dear John is filmed before the studio audience. 30 00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:21,160 Now, look, Wendy, we've been divorced for two years now. You got the car, you 31 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:22,160 pay for the car repairs. 32 00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,420 I don't care if it needs a new transmission. 33 00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:29,380 Now, look, Wendy, Wendy, there is nothing you can do to make me change my 34 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:31,600 No, no, no, nothing. Oh, hi, son. 35 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:38,480 No, no, no, no, no, no. Of course you're not going to have to walk six miles to 36 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,020 school in the freezing rain. 37 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,160 No, Matthew. 38 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,760 No, just tell Mommy that Daddy's going to pay to have the car fixed. 39 00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:48,860 What? 40 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,960 She needs a car phone, too? 41 00:02:54,220 --> 00:02:58,820 Matthew, Matthew, all right, all right. Just tell Mommy that Daddy will think 42 00:02:58,820 --> 00:02:59,820 about it. 43 00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:05,760 I have fresh donuts here. I want everyone to try one. 44 00:03:06,140 --> 00:03:07,140 Hey, 45 00:03:08,340 --> 00:03:09,860 has anyone seen my coffee mug? 46 00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:11,220 No. 47 00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:15,300 But why don't we go into this storage room, turn off all the lights, get down 48 00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:17,080 our hands and knees, and look for it? 49 00:03:18,540 --> 00:03:22,780 In many cases, never may explain where your coffee mug and the coat rack have 50 00:03:22,780 --> 00:03:27,000 disappeared to. It's as if starting tonight, a new group is meeting in this 51 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,000 right before us. 52 00:03:28,260 --> 00:03:29,620 Oh? What group is that? 53 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,860 Clip to Maniacs Anonymous. 54 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:38,620 Anyone interested in joining, please sign below with a pen attached for your 55 00:03:38,620 --> 00:03:39,620 convenience. 56 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:47,180 Hi, everybody. Hey, there he is. 57 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:51,340 What happened to the boat ride? 58 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,200 It's a long story, John. 59 00:03:54,460 --> 00:03:57,840 Listen, I've got a statement to make right here and right now. If anybody 60 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:01,460 me talk about getting remarried, I want everybody in this group to jump on me 61 00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:02,880 and beat me to a bloody pulp. 62 00:04:03,140 --> 00:04:04,140 Shut up, Bob. 63 00:04:05,140 --> 00:04:07,780 What's tasting you, Biscuit? Oh, Wendy. 64 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,000 She's driving me crazy. 65 00:04:09,390 --> 00:04:12,030 She got the car under divorce, and I'm the one who has to pay for a new 66 00:04:12,030 --> 00:04:15,610 transmission. Well, that sounds fair to me. She gets a new transmission, and you 67 00:04:15,610 --> 00:04:16,610 get the old chef. 68 00:04:19,829 --> 00:04:24,170 Hello. I'm looking for the 121 Club. And you found it. 69 00:04:24,550 --> 00:04:29,610 Louise. I spoke with you today on the phone. I'm Barry Sindler. 70 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:35,070 Oh, right. The one who's going through a painful, tortuous, devastating... 71 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,020 gut -wrenching divorce. 72 00:04:38,660 --> 00:04:40,180 So glad you're here. 73 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,040 Everybody! 74 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:43,740 Hi, Barry! 75 00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:49,680 Now, Barry, why don't you just sit in here and tell us a little bit about 76 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,680 yourself, your marriage, what you do, etc. 77 00:04:53,900 --> 00:05:00,900 Well, like I said, my name is Barry, and as she told you, I'm 78 00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:01,900 going through a divorce. 79 00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:05,220 I'm not sure I should even mention what I do for a living. 80 00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:06,460 Oh, why not? 81 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,400 Well, it could be something you've all had trouble with at one time or another. 82 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:11,760 You're a vice cop? 83 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:14,980 Mrs. Fedler, please. 84 00:05:15,460 --> 00:05:18,160 Come on, Barry, we're all friends here. No one's going to bar you from this 85 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:19,400 group because of what you do for a living. 86 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:20,680 Well, 87 00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:23,380 okay. I'm a divorce lawyer. 88 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:30,840 That will be quite enough. 89 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,120 Let's be civilized. 90 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:40,220 This man is asking for our support and he's going to get it right, everybody. 91 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:42,280 Yeah. 92 00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:47,400 Now, Barry, tell us about your divorce. 93 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:54,660 Well... It's been very painful. Good. John! 94 00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,160 Go ahead, Barry. 95 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,370 Well... My wife and I have been married for 13 years. 96 00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:05,030 We met in San Francisco. 97 00:06:05,690 --> 00:06:08,530 It was a summer of love, a season of joy. 98 00:06:08,930 --> 00:06:14,910 Now I find myself in court doing my best to completely humiliate and belittle 99 00:06:14,910 --> 00:06:16,510 her. There's no joy in that. 100 00:06:16,990 --> 00:06:18,170 Don't we know it. 101 00:06:18,610 --> 00:06:20,690 Certain amount of professional pride, of course. 102 00:06:23,510 --> 00:06:26,550 Look, maybe somebody else should talk first. 103 00:06:26,850 --> 00:06:28,430 Well, I had someone here. 104 00:06:28,730 --> 00:06:33,310 would like to show Barry how our group functions, how by opening you up and 105 00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:37,690 sharing, we've been able to get past our problems and become whole again. 106 00:06:38,670 --> 00:06:39,670 Ralph! 107 00:06:43,090 --> 00:06:46,830 There's something that's been bothering me for a very long time. 108 00:06:50,850 --> 00:06:53,110 Glad I got that off my chest. 109 00:07:01,550 --> 00:07:04,690 Tell us what's on your mind tonight. Louise, we already know what I have on 110 00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:05,770 mind. Okay. 111 00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:14,350 My ex -wife uses the car to drive my son to school and to soccer practice and to 112 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:18,290 his music lessons, which, by the way, I still pay for. 113 00:07:18,770 --> 00:07:22,070 So why the hell do I have to pay for the upkeep on that car? 114 00:07:22,450 --> 00:07:26,410 You pay for the upkeep on your ex -wife's car? Well, it's in my name. 115 00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:32,970 She's got the car, but it's in your name? Well, it has to be, because I pay 116 00:07:32,970 --> 00:07:33,970 the insurance. 117 00:07:35,310 --> 00:07:41,070 No offense, John, but guys like me love seeing guys like you in court. You know, 118 00:07:41,150 --> 00:07:44,850 the legal profession has a technical term for people like you. 119 00:07:45,470 --> 00:07:46,470 Doormat. 120 00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:54,740 What? Talk about your legal mumbo -jumbo. Now, wait a minute here. I am 121 00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:58,320 doormat. For your information, my wife and I had a very fair settlement. Yeah, 122 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:02,340 they split everything right down the middle. And she took both halves. 123 00:08:05,020 --> 00:08:06,020 Doormat! 124 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:09,760 Dad, if I were you, I'd reopen my divorce settlement. 125 00:08:10,060 --> 00:08:11,060 No, thanks. 126 00:08:11,860 --> 00:08:14,120 I want to put my son through another divorce. 127 00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:18,260 Perhaps someone else would like to share with us. 128 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:21,100 Something that doesn't involve name -calling. 129 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:22,480 Just a second. 130 00:08:23,340 --> 00:08:26,760 Barry, are you saying that if someone thinks they got a raw deal, they can 131 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:28,320 renegotiate their settlement? 132 00:08:28,700 --> 00:08:30,780 Oh, sure. We do it every day. Hey, listen. 133 00:08:31,020 --> 00:08:34,520 If you're bitter about how things turned out... No, no, I'm not bitter. Why 134 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:35,439 should I be bitter? 135 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:38,419 Just because I put my husband through medical school and he dumped me? 136 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,059 That's a good reason. Damn right. 137 00:08:41,820 --> 00:08:44,740 But, you know, now I've got a whole new life. 138 00:08:45,340 --> 00:08:46,980 I got everything I wanted out of the divorce. 139 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:50,300 Well, good for you. Well, then you got everything you're entitled to. 140 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:55,440 You got your equity stake in his medical practice. You got IRA investments, at 141 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,100 least half of his pension plan, right? 142 00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,060 Well, not exactly. 143 00:09:00,220 --> 00:09:02,280 So, uh, what did you get? 144 00:09:05,180 --> 00:09:06,440 I got the dining room table. 145 00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:11,460 I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. She got a table. 146 00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:14,530 It was the dining room table. 147 00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,710 Dormat! Just like John. 148 00:09:18,930 --> 00:09:23,390 Oh, just a second. I've been through my divorce, and now I'm moving on with my 149 00:09:23,390 --> 00:09:24,390 life. 150 00:09:24,590 --> 00:09:25,590 Dormat! 151 00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:32,470 On the other hand, maybe I should go after my ex. This has been bothering me 152 00:09:32,470 --> 00:09:33,570 a really long time. 153 00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:38,050 Kate, listen. If you want a little legal help, here's my card. 154 00:09:38,630 --> 00:09:39,850 You'd do that for me? 155 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,300 Why, sure, we're all in the same group. It's like we're family. 156 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:45,940 That's right. We're just like the Simpsons. 157 00:09:48,460 --> 00:09:49,680 But prettier. 158 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:55,780 Boy, I'd love to take that chiseler for every nickel I've got coming to me. 159 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,560 Hey, would you listen to yourself? 160 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:01,640 I mean, you're suddenly sounding greedy, uncaring, very petty. 161 00:10:02,420 --> 00:10:06,180 Well, at least I'm not like you, John, letting someone like Wendy walk all over 162 00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:07,180 me. 163 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:11,090 I think you're being a little harsh with John. Oh, Marlowe, she's probably 164 00:10:11,090 --> 00:10:16,390 right. I do let Wendy walk all over me. Hey, come on, John. Do not shortchange 165 00:10:16,390 --> 00:10:17,390 yourself. 166 00:10:17,610 --> 00:10:19,630 You let everyone walk all over you. 167 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,870 Hey, John, how's your day going? 168 00:10:26,550 --> 00:10:28,450 Well, my first... No time for chit -chat. 169 00:10:28,770 --> 00:10:30,210 Do you have a tie I can borrow? 170 00:10:30,810 --> 00:10:32,270 I'm sorry, just the one I have on. 171 00:10:32,810 --> 00:10:33,810 Oh. 172 00:10:34,410 --> 00:10:35,410 Oh. 173 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:36,980 Well, what the hell, I'll take it. 174 00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:39,380 All right. 175 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,620 Here. What do you need it for? 176 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:45,620 Oh, they're going to announce Teacher of the Year in a little while, and I just 177 00:10:45,620 --> 00:10:47,660 thought I should dress up for my acceptance speech. 178 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:51,640 Oh. After all, I'm going to be a role model for those kids now. 179 00:10:52,140 --> 00:10:54,580 They're going to look up to me. They're going to respect me. 180 00:10:55,580 --> 00:10:59,820 Okay. First, the bunny runs around the hole. Then the bunny goes down the hole. 181 00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:01,640 I got it. I got it. 182 00:11:02,820 --> 00:11:03,820 What? 183 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,120 It's Lacey. Oh. 184 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:06,720 Look, 185 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,340 I'm glad you're both here. The students just voted for the Teacher of the Year 186 00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:13,220 Award, and you two tied for first place. 187 00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:17,320 Really? We're having a runoff election next week to decide the winner. 188 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:18,800 Good luck to both of you. 189 00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:20,740 All right! 190 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:22,160 We tied! 191 00:11:22,540 --> 00:11:23,540 I win! 192 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,180 What are you talking about? 193 00:11:26,460 --> 00:11:27,880 Oh, come on, John. 194 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,840 It's no contest. I mean, look who I'm up against. 195 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:33,680 Wait a minute. Are you saying... What are you saying? 196 00:11:34,620 --> 00:11:36,280 Are you saying that I'm a doormat? 197 00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:38,240 You do have a way with words. 198 00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:42,640 Yeah, well, that's the old John Lacey. From now on, you're looking at the new 199 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:46,500 John Lacey. Oh, come on, John. You know as well as I do you're not very good at 200 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:47,500 going after what you want. 201 00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:50,060 Now, I wonder where I should hang that plaque. 202 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,580 Why don't you hang it right over there? Because that baby's going to be mine. 203 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:53,959 Now give me back my tie. 204 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,560 What? You heard me. Give me back my tie. 205 00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:58,080 I'm through being a doorman. Give me back my tie. Come on. 206 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,920 John, my tie. I'm beginning to hear bells ringing. 207 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:05,940 Oh, hello, Wendy. I'm glad you called. 208 00:12:06,180 --> 00:12:10,600 John, the neck. Oh, you got the estimate from the mechanic, huh? Yeah, that's 209 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:14,340 nice. Well, how about this? I'm not going to send you a check. No. 210 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:19,020 Oh, the carburetor, too. The choke. Check the choke. Yeah, but if you can't 211 00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:21,860 afford it, get out of the car and fix it yourself. 212 00:12:24,479 --> 00:12:25,880 What are you staring at? 213 00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:36,820 All right, everybody, 214 00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:38,100 settle down, settle down. 215 00:12:39,220 --> 00:12:42,860 I hope you all read chapters one through six of The Grapes of Wrath like you 216 00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:45,580 were supposed to, because we're about to have a pop quiz. 217 00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:51,220 I am well aware of the fact that I am up for Teacher of the Year. 218 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,940 and that this isn't something a fun teacher would do. 219 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,360 But I'm not going to pander to any one of you. 220 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,440 Nice haircut. I like it very much. 221 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,460 All right, I'll put your books under your chairs. 222 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,000 Hi. 223 00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:09,300 Hi, John. 224 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:10,900 Hey, gang. 225 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:12,400 Hey, gang. 226 00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:14,700 All right, what are you doing here? Look, just take a minute. 227 00:13:15,660 --> 00:13:16,660 Okay, listen up. 228 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,120 Everybody in my nutrition class will be meeting today. 229 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,180 At Peppy's Taco Hut. 230 00:13:24,260 --> 00:13:27,820 Peppy's Taco Hut. Yeah, I'm going to teach them about the perils of junk 231 00:13:28,060 --> 00:13:31,860 By the way, the first 20 students there get free nachos. 232 00:13:32,820 --> 00:13:37,260 Thank you. Thank you, Coach Cholesterol. Now, if you don't mind, we're in the 233 00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:38,320 middle of a pop quiz. 234 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,120 Ooh, another one? 235 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:45,500 You kids hang in there. And just remember, Coach Derman here is always 236 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,380 for you. That's Derman. 237 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,700 Derman. Dermot! 238 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,480 Dermot! Dermot! Dermot! 239 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,000 Dermot! Dermot! Dermot! Dermot! Dermot! Dermot! Dermot! Dermot! Dermot! Dermot! 240 00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:58,300 Dermot! Dermot! Dermot! Dermot! Dermot! 241 00:14:00,780 --> 00:14:01,780 Dermot! 242 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,240 Dermot! 243 00:14:14,740 --> 00:14:15,740 Dermot! 244 00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:22,690 By what name did Steinbeck refer to those poor people from Oklahoma who 245 00:14:22,690 --> 00:14:23,690 to California? 246 00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:27,070 Okie dokie? You got that one? 247 00:14:30,630 --> 00:14:31,790 Next question. 248 00:14:32,590 --> 00:14:37,250 What was the main highway they took from Oklahoma to California? 249 00:14:41,330 --> 00:14:45,270 And I'm not going to give you 66 minutes to answer that question. 250 00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:47,720 No matter how hard you root. 251 00:14:52,860 --> 00:14:55,280 All right, I guess that's enough questions for one quiz. 252 00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,020 Lacey, Lacey, 253 00:14:58,780 --> 00:15:00,240 Lacey, Lacey, Lacey. 254 00:15:23,470 --> 00:15:27,670 against my ex -husband. I'm going to make him squirm. I'm finally going to 255 00:15:27,670 --> 00:15:29,850 even with that slug. Get me in, Kate. 256 00:15:31,290 --> 00:15:33,830 Hi. Oh, good evening, John. 257 00:15:34,330 --> 00:15:38,890 Kirk tells me you're being considered for Teacher of the Year. Please, please. 258 00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:42,070 don't want to talk about that stupid award. I don't want to think about it. I 259 00:15:42,070 --> 00:15:43,330 don't even want to hear it mentioned. 260 00:15:58,570 --> 00:16:02,430 If you want to win, you got to go with what's in. You got to give the kids what 261 00:16:02,430 --> 00:16:03,430 they like. 262 00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:04,750 Noise. 263 00:16:06,150 --> 00:16:07,150 Get it, Ralphie. 264 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,860 John, but if you stop too fast, you can break your tongue. 265 00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:43,180 John, if you've already won teacher of the year, why didn't you just say so? 266 00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:45,340 Because, Louise, I am ashamed of myself. 267 00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:49,740 I actually gave my students the answer to a test. Well, right, John. 268 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,100 That was my fallback play. Oh, Kirk, you don't understand. 269 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:58,140 I'm a teacher. I compromise myself for the sake of a meaningless award. 270 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,620 Well, I've compromised myself for a lot less. 271 00:17:05,710 --> 00:17:07,670 A turkey dinner and a sailor's hat. 272 00:17:08,670 --> 00:17:15,670 Now I'm just going to have to go in there on Monday morning and 273 00:17:15,670 --> 00:17:16,670 refuse that award. 274 00:17:16,810 --> 00:17:18,230 How did I let myself get into this? 275 00:17:18,510 --> 00:17:22,650 I believe it had something to do with not wanting to be a doormat. 276 00:17:23,069 --> 00:17:24,349 Yeah, it was that lawyer. 277 00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:29,370 Did I ever listen to that blood -sucking legal leech? John! 278 00:17:30,410 --> 00:17:34,250 Barry is not a leech. He's a very nice man who's helping me handle the case 279 00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:38,010 against my ex -husband. Now, he's a leech. Oh, come on, Kate. 280 00:17:38,210 --> 00:17:41,230 Wise up. He's not interested in helping you. He's only interested in his fee. 281 00:17:41,410 --> 00:17:44,790 Ah, well, that's where you're wrong, John. Barry hasn't charged me a dime. 282 00:17:44,990 --> 00:17:46,310 He said we're like family. 283 00:17:47,570 --> 00:17:48,570 Hello, everyone. 284 00:17:48,890 --> 00:17:49,609 Hi, Barry. 285 00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:52,470 Oh, Kate. Just the person I wanted to see. 286 00:17:53,910 --> 00:17:54,910 Am I interrupting? 287 00:17:55,070 --> 00:17:57,210 I knew we haven't started yet. 288 00:17:57,550 --> 00:17:58,730 Good. Kate. 289 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,560 I looked over your case, and let me give you the upside. 290 00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:03,320 It looks pretty good. 291 00:18:04,220 --> 00:18:05,220 Hear that? 292 00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:06,580 Looks pretty good. 293 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,480 Now, before you get too excited, let me give you the downside. 294 00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:11,140 Hear that? 295 00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:13,980 There's a downside. 296 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:20,540 Your ex has a pretty good lawyer. Okay, a real shark. I've never beaten him in 297 00:18:20,540 --> 00:18:24,240 court, so I figure I'm due. How about that? You're due. 298 00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:27,540 But, of course, these things can take time. 299 00:18:28,670 --> 00:18:29,730 Ask him how long. 300 00:18:30,550 --> 00:18:33,830 How long? Not long. Four, five years tops. 301 00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:39,290 Five years? That's an awful long time to be tied up in court. 302 00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:41,650 That's a long time to be tied up anywhere. 303 00:18:45,230 --> 00:18:46,310 Oh, excuse me. 304 00:18:48,790 --> 00:18:50,990 Ginger! Yeah, up here. 305 00:18:51,370 --> 00:18:52,610 I'll be down in a minute. 306 00:18:53,570 --> 00:18:54,570 My wife. 307 00:18:57,100 --> 00:19:01,080 Ah, too risky. Her damn lawyer wanted me to open all my books, reveal all my 308 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,300 assets. The only thing I'd have left is the mini mall in Orlando. 309 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,800 It's in my girlfriend's name. 310 00:19:06,820 --> 00:19:08,960 So, Kate, what do you say? 311 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:10,560 Want me to start filing the papers? 312 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:14,060 Oh, I don't know, Barry. Five years is an awful lot of time. 313 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,540 It's not time spent, Kate. 314 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,240 It's time invested. 315 00:19:19,420 --> 00:19:22,260 Invested in your integrity, your dignity, your self -esteem. 316 00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:24,080 It's something you owe yourself. 317 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,060 Now, Kate, you're not going to be alone on this. 318 00:19:26,340 --> 00:19:29,040 I'm going to be right there fighting side by side with you. 319 00:19:29,540 --> 00:19:30,540 What do you say? 320 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,320 All right, I'll do it. 321 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:37,220 Good. Well, we can get started as soon as you write me a check for my $4 ,000 322 00:19:37,220 --> 00:19:39,960 retainer. $4 ,000? 323 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,080 Barry, I don't have $4 ,000. 324 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:44,960 Oh. 325 00:19:45,540 --> 00:19:47,700 Well, then we better forget the whole thing. 326 00:19:48,540 --> 00:19:50,600 Yeah, you really didn't have much of a case anyway. 327 00:19:51,780 --> 00:19:57,780 Barry, what kind of person are you? How can you charge Kate $4 ,000 when you 328 00:19:57,780 --> 00:20:00,020 said you were going to treat her like family? 329 00:20:00,260 --> 00:20:03,680 Hey, hey, hey, I am. That's the same deal I gave my mother when I did her 330 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:04,680 divorce. 331 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,800 She must be one proud parent. 332 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,120 Oh, so now we hear from Mr. 333 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:15,380 Dormant. Wait a minute, Barry. That's quite enough name -calling, you snake. 334 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:19,060 John Lacey is a man of integrity. 335 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:23,960 He's sensitive to the needs of others and he believes in being fair. And that, 336 00:20:23,980 --> 00:20:26,860 Barry, is a real man, not a doormat. 337 00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:28,300 Yes. 338 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,800 Thank you, Louise, for reminding me about something important that I'd 339 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:35,800 forgotten. 340 00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:37,640 I am a fair man. 341 00:20:38,340 --> 00:20:40,160 I don't know what the hell I was worried about. 342 00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:43,040 Excuse me, there's something I have to take care of. 343 00:20:45,610 --> 00:20:48,790 You know, John and I are so much alike. 344 00:20:50,210 --> 00:20:54,270 Whenever someone says something nice about me, I get so excited I have to go 345 00:20:54,270 --> 00:20:55,270 the bathroom, too. 346 00:20:59,090 --> 00:21:01,210 Get me right down, Ginger! 347 00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:10,430 Now, Kate, listen, if my fee's a real problem for you, maybe we could have a 348 00:21:10,430 --> 00:21:13,710 quiet little dinner sometime and work out some other arrangement. 349 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,100 She's going to kill me. 350 00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:31,020 I don't know why. It's under his girlfriend's name. 351 00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:35,580 Okay, Kate. Okay, that's it. Okay, you've got two hours of consultation. 352 00:21:35,580 --> 00:21:36,539 my bill. 353 00:21:36,540 --> 00:21:37,540 Sue me. 354 00:21:38,180 --> 00:21:39,280 Just like my mother. 355 00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:46,100 I'm sorry, Wendy. Maybe I did come on a little too strong about the car repairs. 356 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,600 I would like to be fair. 357 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,840 Yeah, I'll tell you what. I'll pay for half of the transmission. 358 00:21:53,700 --> 00:21:54,860 I'll send you a check today. 359 00:21:56,340 --> 00:21:57,340 What? 360 00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:58,960 What about the plumbing? 361 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,780 Well, why the hell should I have to pay for that? 362 00:22:02,860 --> 00:22:06,560 Now, look, as I remember, I haven't set foot in that house since you threw me 363 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:07,560 out. 364 00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:12,160 Now, Wendy, Wendy, don't do this. Wendy, Wendy, don't do this. I'm warning... 365 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:13,160 Hi, son. 366 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,840 Next, as an illegal alien seeks sanctuary, Shannon works against the 367 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:32,180 flush out a corrupt corporate executive and prevent his client's deportation on 368 00:22:32,180 --> 00:22:33,840 the season finale of Shannon's Deal. 369 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:38,900 And Sunday night, Raymond Burr is Perry Mason in the case of The Silent Singer, 370 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:42,580 starring L .A. Law's Alan Rachins, Vanessa Williams, and Tim Reed. 371 00:22:42,780 --> 00:22:44,400 Sunday night, only on NBC. 372 00:23:06,090 --> 00:23:08,070 these home videos have to be legitimate. 373 00:23:08,510 --> 00:23:10,930 So fake your fool as good as you can, all right? 374 00:23:11,730 --> 00:23:14,170 Okay. Here's your banana peel. 375 00:23:15,850 --> 00:23:16,850 You ready? 376 00:23:17,330 --> 00:23:18,330 Okay. 377 00:23:36,650 --> 00:23:38,050 fake a better fool than that. 378 00:23:38,410 --> 00:23:42,970 See, Greg, I don't know about this. What if I break my leg? All the better. 379 00:23:43,650 --> 00:23:50,210 Code Video Hijinks loves that stuff, Ralphie. Last week, they gave $10 ,000 380 00:23:50,210 --> 00:23:54,690 this woman who sent in a videotape of her husband getting shot in the stomach 381 00:23:54,690 --> 00:23:55,690 a cannon. 382 00:23:56,730 --> 00:23:59,030 That was on America's Most Wanted. 383 00:24:00,550 --> 00:24:02,010 What's the difference? It was still funny. 384 00:24:03,470 --> 00:24:05,950 Come on, Ralphie. Let's try that fool again, all right? 385 00:24:06,430 --> 00:24:10,370 Okay, and this time, think real.