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Dear John is filmed before a studio
audience.

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And then, at the stroke of midnight, my
date Steve removed the carrot sticks

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00:01:01,740 --> 00:01:05,180
from his nose, yelled Happy New Year,
and passed out in the bean dip.

4
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:07,360
Oh, dear.

5
00:01:07,620 --> 00:01:09,360
Talk about embarrassing.

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00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,500
He does that on our next date. He's
history.

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00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,640
Okay, sweetheart, it's your loss.

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00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,640
Remember that chick calling me a liar?

9
00:01:19,860 --> 00:01:21,040
Well, you did lie, Kirk.

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00:01:21,530 --> 00:01:24,630
You told her you were going to be on
next month's cover of Sports

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00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:29,690
I thought it would look for me on the
cover, John. I didn't say she'd find me.

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You know something, Kirk?

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You would get a lot better response from
women if you just try to be honest.

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00:01:36,650 --> 00:01:38,850
You're a fine one to talk about honest.

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You're the one that told Red you liked
that Christmas present she gave you,

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you went and returned it.

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You didn't.

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Well, it didn't fit.

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It was a tie.

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Yeah. Well, um, you see the trouble you
get into when you tell these vicious

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falsehoods? Oh, come on, Kirk. If they
gave out a Nobel Prize for lying, you'd

22
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:01,958
win it.

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00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:05,400
I can tell the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth for longer

24
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,479
you can any day. Oh, yeah? For how much?
What? For how much?

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00:02:09,060 --> 00:02:10,840
Well, like, you want to bet? Yeah.

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00:02:11,460 --> 00:02:17,040
I got $20 here that says you'll lie
before I do. Uh, Louise, would you hold

27
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money? Yeah. Here. There's my 20.

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00:02:19,780 --> 00:02:21,160
What? I'm good for it.

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00:02:23,140 --> 00:02:26,000
I got another 20 that says you're not.
All right. All right.

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Sit back.

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00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:51,060
We both pulled the graveyard shift.

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00:02:52,780 --> 00:02:56,300
It was the best New Year's Eve of my
life.

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00:02:56,900 --> 00:03:02,020
There she was, three toll booths away,
making change, giving directions.

34
00:03:02,980 --> 00:03:08,260
And when the clock struck twelve, I
can't be sure.

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I'm not totally certain.

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00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,780
But I think she blew me a kiss.

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00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,540
It's either that or she was coughing
from the fumes.

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00:03:21,060 --> 00:03:25,100
Well, there's only one way to find out,
Ralphie. You ask her out, and you see if

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00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:27,440
you wind up with a hickey or a spot on
your lung.

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00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,960
Nah, she'd never go for a guy like me.
What do you mean?

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00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:33,980
Don't be ridiculous.

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00:03:34,460 --> 00:03:35,780
You're a terrific guy.

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00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:37,340
Yeah, I know.

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00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:43,260
After next week, I'll probably never see
Molly again. She's being transferred to

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00:03:43,260 --> 00:03:45,800
the truck lane at the George Washington
Bridge.

46
00:03:46,410 --> 00:03:49,570
Well, then, Ralph, you better not wait
to ask her out. You know, you might not

47
00:03:49,570 --> 00:03:52,030
get another chance. Those truck drivers
are real fast.

48
00:03:52,510 --> 00:03:55,590
Yeah, Ralph, you don't want her to wind
up in the back of some 18 -wheeler

49
00:03:55,590 --> 00:03:57,190
playing Pop Goes the Diesel.

50
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,070
Molly with a truck driver?

51
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:03,590
It could happen.

52
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:07,650
Do you have any idea how many great
-looking, muscle -bound truckers must

53
00:04:07,650 --> 00:04:10,230
over the George Washington Bridge every
day?

54
00:04:10,990 --> 00:04:12,990
2 ,780.

55
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,690
The hitchhike you learn.

56
00:04:25,370 --> 00:04:26,370
Okay, that's it.

57
00:04:26,530 --> 00:04:29,990
I win the bet. You couldn't even last a
week without lying.

58
00:04:30,650 --> 00:04:33,230
You just lied to that woman. You told
her her baby was adorable.

59
00:04:35,470 --> 00:04:36,470
Well, he was.

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00:04:36,730 --> 00:04:39,650
John, the kid looked like a Nerf ball
with hair.

61
00:05:01,830 --> 00:05:03,750
Speaking of Ralphie, I wonder where he
is.

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00:05:04,010 --> 00:05:08,810
Yeah, I'm dying to find out if he took
our advice and asked Molly out. Oh,

63
00:05:08,870 --> 00:05:10,030
wouldn't that be wonderful?

64
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:13,750
Let's not get carried away, guys. You
know, when it comes to Ralph, you know

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00:05:13,750 --> 00:05:14,750
timid he is around women.

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00:05:15,290 --> 00:05:17,930
Oh, I better check where I am in case
they need me.

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00:05:18,590 --> 00:05:20,290
All right, Ralphie!

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00:05:22,570 --> 00:05:26,130
Sorry, the hallway was empty. We were
just saying goodbye.

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00:05:26,470 --> 00:05:28,250
Sure beats waving, doesn't it?

70
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:18,160
Did you know that he can tell exactly
how much money people throw in the toll

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00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:24,840
basket just by the sound of the coins?
Come on,

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00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:26,480
it's no big deal.

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00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:28,760
Don't be modest.

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00:06:58,800 --> 00:06:59,800
$1 .65.

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00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,120
Well, sure, if you count the Canadian
quarter.

76
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,520
Look! He's right!

77
00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:12,400
Isn't it any wonder I love him?

78
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,240
That is incredible.

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00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:18,580
Oh, I better go, Ralph. I want to get
home and change before I meet Jack

80
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:22,960
All right. It was nice meeting all of
you. You know, you're all exactly the

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00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,140
Ralph described you.

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She thought you were me.

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In your dreams.

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00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,240
Isn't Molly just the best?

85
00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:46,620
Yeah, she was.

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00:07:47,740 --> 00:07:51,020
Ralphie, you are one lucky guy. I'll
tell you what.

87
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,600
If she wore her underwear on the
outside, she'd be another Madonna.

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00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,740
Oh, that's right. Madonna is a friend of
yours, isn't she?

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00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,980
What, are you kidding me, John? Madonna
and I are...

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00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:13,020
strangers boy john what you won't do to
win 40 bucks hey ralph i got some more

91
00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:17,080
coins show us how you do that trick
again oh molly forgot

92
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:54,460
been divorced from Blake for over two
years now, and just the other day, I was

93
00:08:54,460 --> 00:08:57,180
talking to a friend, and I referred to
Blake as my husband.

94
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:03,900
Oh, come on. It was a slip of the
tongue.

95
00:09:07,420 --> 00:09:10,320
What are you saying? That
subconsciously, I still wish that Blake

96
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:11,320
married? That's ridiculous.

97
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,000
Haven't you ever made the same mistake?

98
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,680
Ex -husband. Ex -husband.

99
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,200
Molly's really great, isn't she?

100
00:09:30,660 --> 00:09:33,900
Yes, I'm sure it's not just one man's
opinion.

101
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:40,500
Ralph, you didn't tell us Molly was
married.

102
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:45,160
Yeah, she's married, but Molly and Otto
were separated. He just gave her a ride

103
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:46,160
over here tonight.

104
00:10:05,260 --> 00:10:06,660
Molly and Otto were separated.

105
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:10,640
Yeah, well, they are. Molly lives
upstairs and Otto lives downstairs.

106
00:10:13,660 --> 00:10:19,260
Ralph, just to make sure we all
understand what you're saying,

107
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,440
say this is their house.

108
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:27,140
Well, actually, theirs is more like a
Cape Cod.

109
00:10:41,870 --> 00:10:42,870
I told you, they're separated.

110
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:46,870
Ralph, separation usually means by more
than just a ceiling.

111
00:10:48,650 --> 00:10:49,910
What's the problem?

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00:10:50,210 --> 00:10:54,010
I'll tell you what the problem is,
Ralphie.

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Let's say it's around midnight, okay?
Otto has polished off a couple of six

114
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:07,250
-packs.

115
00:11:10,290 --> 00:11:11,290
Carson,

116
00:11:11,870 --> 00:11:13,130
is a rerun.

117
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:18,090
He has to seek some other form of
entertainment.

118
00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:21,710
So what does he do?

119
00:11:22,930 --> 00:11:25,210
He turns off the TV.

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00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:29,830
He tiptoes up the stairs.

121
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:32,410
And what have you got?

122
00:11:33,350 --> 00:11:39,890
Before long, you have Pilato Otto making
Molly

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00:11:39,890 --> 00:11:40,930
jolly.

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00:11:59,150 --> 00:12:00,150
healthy arrangement.

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00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:05,730
Guys, the only reason Molly still lives
with Otto is because she can't afford to

126
00:12:05,730 --> 00:12:06,730
move out yet.

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00:12:07,230 --> 00:12:12,950
Ralph, don't you think it would be wise
to curtail things with Molly until you

128
00:12:12,950 --> 00:12:14,710
find out a bit more about her?

129
00:12:15,010 --> 00:12:15,849
Like what?

130
00:12:15,850 --> 00:12:18,290
Like when she's moving out.

131
00:12:18,510 --> 00:12:23,650
And when she's getting divorced. And how
she could marry a guy named Otto.

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00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:51,440
moment change.

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00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:55,340
Molly went to Macy's, brought me a great
new shirt.

134
00:12:55,760 --> 00:13:00,820
Ralph, we just don't want you to get
hurt.

135
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:02,980
No, don't worry.

136
00:13:03,220 --> 00:13:05,340
I already took the pins out.

137
00:13:19,310 --> 00:13:24,490
It's all tied up. I haven't been in a
game this close since the Springsteen

138
00:13:24,490 --> 00:13:25,490
tour.

139
00:13:25,950 --> 00:13:28,530
Yeah, me and the boss were playing for
big money.

140
00:13:28,730 --> 00:13:29,730
Excuse me.

141
00:13:29,830 --> 00:13:31,770
Do you know Bruce Springsteen?

142
00:13:32,570 --> 00:13:33,770
Do I know Bruce Springsteen?

143
00:13:34,670 --> 00:13:39,050
Do I know Bruce Springsteen? Yeah. Do
you know Bruce Springsteen?

144
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:47,530
No. What I said was, during the
Springsteen tour...

145
00:13:47,930 --> 00:13:50,010
I was playing darts with my boss.

146
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:51,910
Oh.

147
00:13:56,830 --> 00:13:59,450
She's nice, but she's not 40 bucks nice.

148
00:14:18,860 --> 00:14:19,860
Have you seen my man?

149
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,480
I know Ralph isn't here yet. Hey, Molly,
sit down.

150
00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:27,640
Oh, I'm so glad that you're all here.
This will give me a chance to get to

151
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,120
you. And we want to get to know you.

152
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,740
Well, ask me anything you want.

153
00:14:34,980 --> 00:14:35,980
Anything?

154
00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:40,200
Wouldn't you like to know where I was
born, where I went to school?

155
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:11,760
put you up to this. That's why he isn't
here. He sent his friends to do his

156
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,320
dirty work. No, no, no. You don't
understand.

157
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,020
Oh, I understand perfectly.

158
00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:18,960
He lied to me. He said he trusted me.

159
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,060
No shape to go anywhere.

160
00:15:42,420 --> 00:15:44,420
Tell him he's got to compose himself.

161
00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:49,340
Yeah. Tell him we can't find his
glasses. All right, all right. Ralph,

162
00:15:49,460 --> 00:15:50,640
Ralph, just sit down.

163
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,560
Now, listen, compose yourself, Ralph.

164
00:15:53,340 --> 00:15:55,700
We can't find your glasses. Okay, that's
it.

165
00:16:19,050 --> 00:16:20,050
There goes my dream.

166
00:16:21,010 --> 00:16:24,950
I thought Molly and I would get married
in the Lincoln Tunnel and have a

167
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:27,030
traditional toll collector's wedding.

168
00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:34,110
And then one day, we'd have two kids, a
girl named Penny and

169
00:16:34,110 --> 00:16:36,570
a boy named Buck.

170
00:16:41,770 --> 00:16:43,150
Come on, Ralphie.

171
00:16:43,790 --> 00:16:46,410
Don't be all the girls. A guy with your
personality?

172
00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:49,620
Before long, you'll be beating them off
with a stick.

173
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,160
Here you go, Robbie.

174
00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:54,740
Here you go. I fixed your glasses.

175
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:55,960
Thanks.

176
00:16:56,260 --> 00:16:57,260
John.

177
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,820
Well, I'm going home.

178
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,140
You will be at group next week, won't
you, Ralph?

179
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:09,720
Sure. Now that you've screwed up my
life, I need you guys more than ever.

180
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:21,280
the guys is exactly what Ralphie needs
to get his mind off of this Molly chick.

181
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:22,500
Yeah, well, I hope you're right.

182
00:17:22,940 --> 00:17:24,339
They'll try and be up.

183
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,400
Who is it?

184
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:27,599
Uh, your good buddy.

185
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,580
Yeah, and I brought John along with me.

186
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:36,800
Hey, guys, what are you doing here? We
are here to take you out, Ralphie. The

187
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:39,880
three musketeers are gonna ride tonight.

188
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:43,980
Thanks, guys. We feel terrible about
what happened tonight.

189
00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:49,240
Ralphie, so we are going to take you
with us to ladies' night at the Limbo

190
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,240
Lounge. Oh.

191
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,560
Come on, Ralphie. Let's get going.

192
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:56,600
No, forget it, guys. I just want to stay
home tonight. Oh, come on, Ralph.

193
00:17:56,980 --> 00:17:59,640
There's no fun sitting alone all by
yourself in a gloomy apartment.

194
00:17:59,940 --> 00:18:02,400
Listen to John. He knows what he's
talking about.

195
00:18:04,020 --> 00:18:07,220
Come on, Ralphie. We're not taking no
for an answer. Come on. Better, because

196
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:08,300
I'm not going anywhere.

197
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:11,520
Oh, Ralph, we've got to do something for
all the trouble we caused you tonight.

198
00:18:11,620 --> 00:18:12,620
Do you want to do something?

199
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,080
Quitting?

200
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,020
No more meddling in Ralph's life.

201
00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:35,160
Agreed. You know what he needs? A woman.

202
00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:39,300
I'm going to introduce him to that Tina
from Smoke. No, no, no. I said no.

203
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:40,620
Forget it.

204
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:42,400
Wait a minute.

205
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,040
I've got a new neighbor.

206
00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:45,300
Her name is Cheryl.

207
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,480
That's it.

208
00:19:15,389 --> 00:19:16,730
Yeah, me too.

209
00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:21,230
Now, listen and listen good.

210
00:19:22,890 --> 00:19:23,890
Sit down.

211
00:19:26,090 --> 00:19:29,110
I've got something to say and I'm going
to say it and you're going to listen to

212
00:19:29,110 --> 00:19:30,250
what I say, so don't say a thing.

213
00:19:33,010 --> 00:19:39,610
I got a sofa, a chair, a coffee table, a
kitchen.

214
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:41,960
With coffee to put on the coffee table.

215
00:19:42,820 --> 00:19:44,180
A television set.

216
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:46,840
I got a bedroom back there.

217
00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:50,620
We can change the Star Trek wallpaper.

218
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:58,860
Ralph, are you asking me to live with
you?

219
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,860
Well, I wasn't...

220
00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:28,070
can't hurt us.

221
00:20:29,090 --> 00:20:30,090
Well,

222
00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:35,850
maybe when Penny and Buck graduate
medical school.

223
00:21:39,370 --> 00:21:40,370
Can you tell me how to

224
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:12,560
Excuse me.

225
00:22:12,820 --> 00:22:13,820
Excuse you?

226
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,860
Oh, for anything you want.

227
00:22:20,260 --> 00:22:23,360
Great, now that you've seen me naked,
hold on to that fantasy.

228
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,200
Can you tell me how to get to Smoke
Enders?

229
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,160
Yeah, upstairs, one flight.

230
00:22:29,420 --> 00:22:34,740
Thanks. Oh, and, uh, miss, if Smoke
Enders doesn't work, maybe I can think

231
00:22:34,740 --> 00:22:37,300
something we could do together to get
your mind off of cigarettes.

232
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:39,400
Put some ice on it, fella.

233
00:22:39,980 --> 00:22:42,380
If I ever need another bad habit, I'll
call you.

234
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:45,240
Okay.

235
00:22:46,420 --> 00:22:47,440
The name's Kirk.

236
00:22:48,060 --> 00:22:50,440
My number's on the wall in the ladies'
room.

237
00:22:55,020 --> 00:22:56,200
Think I'm in love?

238
00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:03,180
Oh, scratch that thought.