1 00:00:01,309 --> 00:00:02,670 Hi, Brad. How are you? 2 00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:04,150 How are you? 3 00:00:04,670 --> 00:00:06,010 Will you listen to this guy? 4 00:00:06,230 --> 00:00:08,930 How are you? You're so considerate. 5 00:00:09,390 --> 00:00:15,830 You know, John, old buddy, I was thinking about what good friends we are 6 00:00:15,830 --> 00:00:19,850 you would do anything for me. And you know what else I was thinking? 7 00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:21,890 That you should cut back on your medication? 8 00:00:24,450 --> 00:00:28,650 That's funny, John. No, I was thinking that since the seniors are voting for 9 00:00:28,650 --> 00:00:30,550 teacher of the year, that, uh... 10 00:00:30,810 --> 00:00:33,010 you would maybe hand out these flyers to your classes. 11 00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:37,030 Coach Derman, educator, humanitarian, orphan? 12 00:00:38,310 --> 00:00:39,310 Well, almost. 13 00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:41,530 My father passed away two years ago. 14 00:00:41,810 --> 00:00:43,090 My mother's on the ropes. 15 00:00:44,350 --> 00:00:48,930 I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm not going to do your campaigning for you. Oh, I get it, 16 00:00:48,970 --> 00:00:52,390 John. You want to win teacher of the year. You know, Brad, this may sound 17 00:00:52,390 --> 00:00:55,270 strange to you, but I don't need a plaque to know that I'm a good teacher. 18 00:00:55,690 --> 00:00:59,150 My reward is seeing a kid graduate, go to college, and make something of 19 00:00:59,150 --> 00:01:01,410 himself. You've got a sports mentality. 20 00:01:01,930 --> 00:01:02,930 You know something? 21 00:01:03,450 --> 00:01:05,690 Competition between teachers isn't very healthy. 22 00:01:06,810 --> 00:01:08,370 Yeah, you're right, John. 23 00:01:08,670 --> 00:01:09,750 Winning isn't everything. 24 00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:13,610 Well, thanks, John. I needed to hear that. 25 00:01:14,850 --> 00:01:17,670 God, how I wish every teacher in this school felt that way. 26 00:01:18,310 --> 00:01:19,390 I'd be a shoo -in. 27 00:01:21,910 --> 00:01:22,910 Winning isn't everything? 28 00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:25,990 Oh, that's a good one, John. Say hi to the tooth fairy for me. 29 00:01:35,310 --> 00:01:36,830 By the time you... 30 00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:15,290 Dear John is filmed before the studio audience. 31 00:02:17,010 --> 00:02:21,230 Now, look, Wendy, we've been divorced for two years now. You got the car, you 32 00:02:21,230 --> 00:02:22,230 pay for the car repairs. 33 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:25,470 I don't care if it needs a new transmission. 34 00:02:25,690 --> 00:02:29,470 Now, look, Wendy, Wendy, there is nothing you can do to make me change my 35 00:02:29,590 --> 00:02:31,630 No, no, no, nothing. Oh, hi, son. 36 00:02:34,310 --> 00:02:38,550 No, no, no, no, no, no. Of course you're not going to have to walk six miles to 37 00:02:38,550 --> 00:02:40,050 school in the freezing rain. 38 00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:42,270 No, Matthew. 39 00:02:43,310 --> 00:02:46,810 No, just tell Mommy that Daddy's going to pay to have the car fixed. 40 00:02:47,930 --> 00:02:48,930 What? 41 00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:51,990 She needs a car phone, too? 42 00:02:53,850 --> 00:02:58,330 No, no, no, Matthew, Matthew, all right, all right. Just tell Mommy that Daddy 43 00:02:58,330 --> 00:02:59,470 will think about it. 44 00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:05,810 I have fresh donuts here. I want everyone to try one. 45 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:07,270 Hey, 46 00:03:08,390 --> 00:03:09,910 has anyone seen my coffee mug? 47 00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:11,290 No. 48 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:15,480 But while we go into the storage room, turn off all the lights, get down on our 49 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,140 hands and knees and look for it. 50 00:03:18,580 --> 00:03:22,340 Wait a minute, Kate. This never may explain where your coffee mug and the 51 00:03:22,340 --> 00:03:26,420 rack have disappeared to. It says that starting tonight, a new group is meeting 52 00:03:26,420 --> 00:03:27,960 in this room right before us. 53 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:29,660 Oh? What group is that? 54 00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:31,900 Kleptomaniacs Anonymous. 55 00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:38,680 Anyone interested in joining, please sign below with a pen attached for your 56 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:39,680 convenience. 57 00:03:44,470 --> 00:03:47,210 Hi, everybody. Hey, there he is. 58 00:03:50,350 --> 00:03:51,350 What happened? Go right. 59 00:03:52,270 --> 00:03:54,230 It's a long story, John. 60 00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:57,510 Now, listen, I've got a statement to make right here and right now. If 61 00:03:57,510 --> 00:04:01,370 hears me talk about getting remarried, I want everybody in this group to jump on 62 00:04:01,370 --> 00:04:02,930 me and beat me to a bloody pulp. 63 00:04:05,150 --> 00:04:07,850 What's tasting you, Biscuit? Oh, Wendy. 64 00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:09,050 She's driving me crazy. 65 00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:12,090 She got the car under divorce, and I'm the one who has to pay for a new 66 00:04:12,090 --> 00:04:15,630 transmission. Well, that sounds fair to me. She gets a new transmission, and you 67 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:16,630 get the old chef. 68 00:04:19,870 --> 00:04:24,230 Hello. I'm looking for the 121 Club. And you found it. 69 00:04:24,610 --> 00:04:25,610 Louise. Yes? 70 00:04:26,650 --> 00:04:29,630 I spoke with you today on the phone. I'm Barry Sindler. 71 00:04:29,890 --> 00:04:36,290 Oh, right. The one who's going through a painful, tortuous, devastating, gut 72 00:04:36,290 --> 00:04:38,050 -wrenching divorce. 73 00:04:38,859 --> 00:04:40,240 So glad you're here. 74 00:04:41,220 --> 00:04:42,220 Everybody. 75 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:43,800 Hi, Barry. 76 00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:49,740 Now, Barry, why don't you just sit in here and tell us a little bit about 77 00:04:49,740 --> 00:04:53,180 yourself, your marriage, what you do, et cetera. 78 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:57,960 Well, like I said, my name is Barry. 79 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,800 And as she told you, I'm going through a divorce. 80 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,260 I'm not sure I should even mention what I do for a living. 81 00:05:05,540 --> 00:05:06,540 Oh, why not? 82 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:10,470 Well, it could be something you've all had trouble with at one time or another. 83 00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:11,810 You're a vice cop? 84 00:05:13,930 --> 00:05:15,030 Mrs. Felber, please. 85 00:05:15,510 --> 00:05:18,210 Come on, Barry, we're all friends here. No one's going to bar you from this 86 00:05:18,210 --> 00:05:19,470 group because of what you do for a living. 87 00:05:19,730 --> 00:05:20,730 Well, 88 00:05:21,790 --> 00:05:23,450 okay. I'm a divorce lawyer. 89 00:05:27,150 --> 00:05:30,910 Everybody, that will be quite enough. 90 00:05:32,630 --> 00:05:34,090 Let's be civilized. 91 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:40,220 This man is asking for our support and he's going to get it right, everybody. 92 00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:42,340 Yeah. 93 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:47,440 Now, Barry, tell us about your divorce. 94 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:54,700 Well... It's been very painful. Good. John! 95 00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:59,200 Go ahead, Barry. 96 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:03,420 Well, my wife and I have been married for 13 years. 97 00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:05,120 We met in San Francisco. 98 00:06:05,870 --> 00:06:08,570 It was a summer of love. A season of joy. 99 00:06:08,930 --> 00:06:14,970 Now I find myself in court doing my best to completely humiliate and belittle 100 00:06:14,970 --> 00:06:16,550 her. There's no joy in that. 101 00:06:16,970 --> 00:06:18,210 Don't we know it. 102 00:06:18,590 --> 00:06:20,750 Certain amount of professional pride, of course. 103 00:06:23,510 --> 00:06:26,590 Look, maybe somebody else should talk first. 104 00:06:26,890 --> 00:06:31,810 Well, perhaps someone here would like to show Barry how our group functions. How 105 00:06:31,810 --> 00:06:36,930 by opening up and sharing, we've been able to get past our problems and become 106 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:37,930 whole again. 107 00:06:38,670 --> 00:06:39,670 Ralph! 108 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:46,890 There's something that's been bothering me for a very long time. 109 00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:53,170 Glad I got that off my chest. 110 00:06:58,010 --> 00:06:59,110 Thank you, Ralph. 111 00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:03,750 John, perhaps you'd like to tell us what's on your mind tonight. Louise, we 112 00:07:03,750 --> 00:07:04,830 already know what I have on my mind. 113 00:07:08,539 --> 00:07:14,400 My ex -wife uses the car to drive my son to school and to soccer practice and to 114 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:18,340 his music lessons, which, by the way, I still pay for. 115 00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:22,120 So why the hell do I have to pay for the upkeep on that car? 116 00:07:22,420 --> 00:07:26,440 You pay for the upkeep on your ex -wife's car? Well, it's in my name. 117 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,260 She's got the car, but it's in your name? 118 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,520 Well, it has to be because I pay for the insurance. 119 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:41,140 No offense, John, but guys like me love seeing guys like you in court. You know, 120 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:44,920 the legal profession has a technical term for people like you. 121 00:07:45,460 --> 00:07:46,460 Doormat. 122 00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:54,800 Boy, talk about your legal mumbo -jumbo. Now, wait a minute here. I am not a 123 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:58,400 doormat. For your information, my wife and I had a very fair settlement. Yeah, 124 00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:02,420 they split everything right down the middle. And she took both halves. 125 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:05,680 Doormat. 126 00:08:06,890 --> 00:08:09,810 Dad, if I were you, I'd reopen my divorce settlement. 127 00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:11,050 No thanks. 128 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:14,170 I want to put my son through another divorce. 129 00:08:15,510 --> 00:08:19,990 Perhaps someone else would like to share with us something that doesn't involve 130 00:08:19,990 --> 00:08:21,050 name -calling. 131 00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:22,530 Just a second. 132 00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:26,810 Barry, are you saying that if someone thinks they got a raw deal, they can 133 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,350 renegotiate their settlement? 134 00:08:28,750 --> 00:08:32,770 Oh, sure. We do it every day. Hey, listen. If you're bitter about how 135 00:08:32,770 --> 00:08:35,230 turned out... No, no, I'm not bitter. Why should I be bitter? 136 00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:39,120 Just because I put my husband through medical school and he dumped me? That's 137 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:40,120 good reason. Damn right. 138 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,760 But, you know, now I've got a whole new life. 139 00:08:45,140 --> 00:08:47,020 I got everything I wanted out of the divorce. 140 00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:50,360 Well, good for you. Well, then you got everything you're entitled to. 141 00:08:50,620 --> 00:08:55,500 You got your equity stake in his medical practice. You got IRA investments, at 142 00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:57,140 least half of his pension plan, right? 143 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,100 Well, not exactly. 144 00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:02,320 So, uh, what did you get? 145 00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:06,610 Got the dining room table. 146 00:09:08,910 --> 00:09:11,570 I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. She got a table. 147 00:09:13,110 --> 00:09:14,570 It was a dining room table. 148 00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:18,750 Dormat! Just like John. 149 00:09:18,970 --> 00:09:23,450 Oh, just a second. I've been through my divorce and now I'm moving on with my 150 00:09:23,450 --> 00:09:24,450 life. 151 00:09:24,590 --> 00:09:25,590 Dormat! 152 00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:32,510 On the other hand, maybe I should go after my ex. This has been bothering me 153 00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:33,610 a really long time. 154 00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:38,130 Kate. Listen, if you want a little legal help, here's my card. 155 00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:39,890 You'd do that for me? 156 00:09:40,190 --> 00:09:43,350 Why, sure. We're all in the same group. It's like we're family. 157 00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:44,449 That's right. 158 00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:45,970 We're just like the Simpsons. 159 00:09:48,770 --> 00:09:49,770 But prettier. 160 00:09:51,110 --> 00:09:56,290 Boy, I'd love to take that chiseler for every nickel I've got coming to me. Hey, 161 00:09:56,510 --> 00:09:57,610 would you listen to yourself? 162 00:09:58,050 --> 00:10:01,690 I mean, you're suddenly sounding greedy, uncaring, very petty. 163 00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:06,230 Well, at least I'm not like you, John, letting someone like Wendy walk all over 164 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:10,790 me. Hey, I think you're being a little harsh with John. Oh, by the way, she's 165 00:10:10,790 --> 00:10:15,610 probably right. I do let Wendy walk all over me. Hey, come on, John. Do not 166 00:10:15,610 --> 00:10:16,750 shortchange yourself. 167 00:10:17,670 --> 00:10:19,670 You let everyone walk all over you. 168 00:10:24,350 --> 00:10:25,950 Hey, John, how's your day going? 169 00:10:26,670 --> 00:10:28,510 Well, my first time at Chit Chat. 170 00:10:28,830 --> 00:10:30,270 Do you have a tie I can borrow? 171 00:10:30,990 --> 00:10:32,310 I'm sorry, just the one I have on. 172 00:10:32,930 --> 00:10:33,930 Oh. 173 00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:35,590 Oh. 174 00:10:35,830 --> 00:10:36,990 Well, what the hell, I'll take it. 175 00:10:38,450 --> 00:10:39,450 All right. 176 00:10:39,830 --> 00:10:40,830 Here. 177 00:10:40,850 --> 00:10:41,850 What do you need it for? 178 00:10:41,930 --> 00:10:45,670 Oh, they're going to announce Teacher of the Year in a little while, and I just 179 00:10:45,670 --> 00:10:47,710 thought I should dress up for my acceptance speech. 180 00:10:47,930 --> 00:10:51,710 Oh. After all, I'm going to be a role model for those kids now. 181 00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:53,250 They're going to look up to me. 182 00:10:53,470 --> 00:10:54,630 They're going to respect me. 183 00:10:55,710 --> 00:10:59,540 Okay. First, the bunny runs around the hole. Then the bunny goes down. 184 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:01,720 I got it. I got it. 185 00:11:03,180 --> 00:11:04,180 Mr. 186 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:06,240 Lacey. Oh. All right. Look, 187 00:11:07,220 --> 00:11:10,400 I'm glad you're both here. The students just voted for the Teacher of the Year 188 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,260 Award, and you two tied for first place. 189 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,340 Really? We're having a runoff election next week to decide the winner. 190 00:11:17,740 --> 00:11:18,840 Good luck to both of you. 191 00:11:19,860 --> 00:11:20,860 All right. 192 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,240 We tied. 193 00:11:22,460 --> 00:11:23,460 I win. 194 00:11:25,290 --> 00:11:26,290 What are you talking about? 195 00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:30,870 Oh, come on, John. It's no contest. I mean, look who I'm up against. 196 00:11:31,410 --> 00:11:33,730 Wait a minute. Are you saying... What are you saying? 197 00:11:34,630 --> 00:11:36,350 Are you saying that I'm a doormat? 198 00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:38,250 You do have a way with words. 199 00:11:38,710 --> 00:11:42,690 Yeah, well, that's the old John Lacey. From now on, you're looking at the new 200 00:11:42,690 --> 00:11:46,550 John Lacey. Oh, come on, John. You know as well as I do you're not very good at 201 00:11:46,550 --> 00:11:47,550 going after what you want. 202 00:11:47,970 --> 00:11:50,130 Now, I wonder where I should hang that plaque. 203 00:11:50,450 --> 00:11:52,610 Why don't you hang it right over there? Because that baby's going to be mine. 204 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,019 Give me back my tie. 205 00:11:54,020 --> 00:11:55,640 What? You heard me. Give me back my tie. 206 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,360 Come on. 207 00:11:58,020 --> 00:12:00,940 John. My tie. I'm beginning to hear bells ringing. 208 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,040 Oh, 209 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,000 hello, Wendy. I'm glad you called. 210 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:10,660 John, the neck. Oh, you got the estimate from the mechanic, huh? Yeah, that's 211 00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:14,400 nice. Well, how about this? I'm not going to send you a check. No. 212 00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:17,260 Oh, the carburetor, too. The joke. 213 00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:21,540 Check the joke. Yeah, but if you can't afford it, get into the car and fix it 214 00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:22,540 yourself. 215 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:25,940 What are you staring at? 216 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:37,620 All right, everybody, settle down, 217 00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:38,740 settle down. 218 00:12:39,260 --> 00:12:42,920 I hope you all read chapters one through six of the Grapes of Wrath like you 219 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,640 were supposed to because we're about to have a pop quiz. 220 00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:51,300 I am well aware of the fact that I am up for teacher of the year. 221 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,000 and that this isn't something a fun teacher would do. 222 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,400 But I'm not going to pander to any one of you. 223 00:12:56,780 --> 00:12:58,480 It's a nice haircut. I like it very much. 224 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,520 All right, I'll put your books under your chairs. 225 00:13:06,020 --> 00:13:07,020 Hi, 226 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:09,600 John. 227 00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:10,920 Hey, gang. 228 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:12,440 Hey, gang. 229 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,720 All right, what are you doing here? Just take a minute. 230 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:16,720 Okay, listen up. 231 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:22,240 Everybody in my nutrition class will be meeting today at... Pepe's Taco Hut. 232 00:13:24,340 --> 00:13:27,880 Pepe's Taco Hut. Yeah, I'm going to teach him about the perils of junk food. 233 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:31,900 By the way, the first 20 students there get free nachos. 234 00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:37,340 Thank you. Thank you, Coach Cholesterol. Now, if you don't mind, we're in the 235 00:13:37,340 --> 00:13:38,380 middle of a pop quiz. 236 00:13:38,780 --> 00:13:40,160 Ooh, another one? 237 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,120 You kids, hang in there. 238 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:47,440 And just remember, Coach Derman here is always rooting for you. That's Derman. 239 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,580 Derman. Derman. 240 00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:50,980 Derman. 241 00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:55,200 Is that great? Who said I can't teach? 242 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,280 Knock it off, please. 243 00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:01,820 Let's get back to the graves of wrath. 244 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:04,680 First question. 245 00:14:05,180 --> 00:14:09,420 By what name did Steinbeck refer to those poor people who migrated to 246 00:14:09,420 --> 00:14:10,420 California? 247 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:19,340 Let me repeat the question. By what name did Steinbeck refer to those poor 248 00:14:19,340 --> 00:14:23,680 people... From Oklahoma who migrated to California. 249 00:14:25,340 --> 00:14:27,120 Okie dokie. You got that one? 250 00:14:30,740 --> 00:14:31,840 Next question. 251 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:37,280 What was the main highway they took from Oklahoma to California? 252 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:45,300 And I'm not going to give you 66 minutes to answer that question. 253 00:14:45,820 --> 00:14:47,780 No matter how hard you root. 254 00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:56,100 All right, I guess that's enough questions for one quiz. All right. 255 00:14:57,300 --> 00:15:00,900 Lacey, Lacey, Lacey, Lacey, Lacey. 256 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:07,160 Hi, 257 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,000 everybody. Hi. 258 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:15,440 Well, I did it and I feel wonderful. 259 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,140 Anyone we know? 260 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:26,970 handle the case against my ex -husband. I'm going to make him squirm. I'm 261 00:15:26,970 --> 00:15:29,850 finally going to get even with that slug. Good for you, Kate. 262 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,930 Hi. Good evening, John. 263 00:15:34,470 --> 00:15:38,930 Kirk tells me you're being considered the teacher of the year. Please, please. 264 00:15:38,930 --> 00:15:42,130 don't want to talk about that stupid award. I don't want to think about it. I 265 00:15:42,130 --> 00:15:43,350 don't even want to hear it mentioned. 266 00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:58,160 I got a plan. 267 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:02,480 If you want to win, you got to go with what's in. You got to give the kids what 268 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:03,480 they like. 269 00:16:03,820 --> 00:16:04,820 Noise. 270 00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:07,140 Get it, Ralphie. 271 00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:33,750 I caught the noise. 272 00:16:33,810 --> 00:16:36,910 Sorry, John, but if you stop too fast, you can break your tongue. 273 00:16:38,490 --> 00:16:43,250 John, if you've already won Teacher of the Year, why didn't you just say so? 274 00:16:43,450 --> 00:16:45,410 Because, Louise, I am ashamed of myself. 275 00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:49,790 I actually gave my students the answer to a test. Oh, right, John. 276 00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:53,090 That was my fallback plan. Oh, Kirk, you don't understand. 277 00:16:53,910 --> 00:16:54,910 I'm a teacher. 278 00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:58,190 I compromise myself for the sake of a meaningless award. 279 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,640 Oh, I've compromised myself for a lot less. 280 00:17:05,619 --> 00:17:07,760 A turkey dinner and a sailor's hat. 281 00:17:08,579 --> 00:17:15,440 Now I'm just going to have to go in there on Monday morning 282 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:16,540 and refuse that award. 283 00:17:16,859 --> 00:17:18,300 How did I let myself get into this? 284 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:22,680 I believe it had something to do with not wanting to be a doormat. 285 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,359 Yeah, it was that lawyer. 286 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:28,860 How did I ever listen to that blood -sucking legal leech? 287 00:17:29,060 --> 00:17:34,300 John, Barry's not a leech. He's a very nice man who's helping me handle the 288 00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:35,420 against my ex -husband. 289 00:17:35,660 --> 00:17:39,880 Now, he's a leech. Oh, come on, Kate, wise up. He's not interested in helping 290 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:43,200 you. He's only interested in his fee. Ah, well, that's where you're wrong, 291 00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:44,880 Barry hasn't charged me a dime. 292 00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:46,360 He said we're like family. 293 00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:48,620 Hello, everyone. 294 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:49,659 Hi, Barry. 295 00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:52,520 Oh, Kate, just the person I wanted to see. 296 00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:54,940 Am I interrupting? 297 00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:56,059 I knew. 298 00:17:56,060 --> 00:17:57,240 We haven't started yet. 299 00:17:57,620 --> 00:18:01,600 Good. Okay, I looked over your case, and let me give you the upside. 300 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,380 It looks pretty good. 301 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:05,280 Hear that? 302 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:06,640 Looks pretty good. 303 00:18:06,860 --> 00:18:09,480 Now, before you get too excited, let me give you the downside. 304 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,200 Hear that? 305 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,040 There's a downside. 306 00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:20,580 Your ex has a pretty good lawyer. Okay, a real shark. I've never beaten him in 307 00:18:20,580 --> 00:18:23,080 court, so I figure I'm due. How about that? 308 00:18:24,790 --> 00:18:27,590 Do. But, of course, these things can take time. 309 00:18:28,430 --> 00:18:29,730 Ask him how long. 310 00:18:30,590 --> 00:18:31,590 How long? 311 00:18:31,650 --> 00:18:33,870 Not long. Four, five years tops. 312 00:18:34,590 --> 00:18:39,350 Five years? That's an awful long time to be tied up in court. 313 00:18:39,670 --> 00:18:41,670 That's a long time to be tied up anywhere. 314 00:18:45,270 --> 00:18:46,350 Oh, excuse me. 315 00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:01,140 Not too risky. Her damn lawyer wanted me to open all my books, reveal all my 316 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:04,340 assets. The only thing I'd have left is the mini mall in Orlando. 317 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:05,840 It's in my girlfriend's name. 318 00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:09,000 So, Kate, what do you say? 319 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,620 Want me to start filing the papers? 320 00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:14,100 Oh, I don't know, Barry. Five years is an awful lot of time. 321 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,580 It's not time spent, Kate. 322 00:19:17,060 --> 00:19:18,300 It's time invested. 323 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,320 Invested in your integrity, your dignity, your self -esteem. 324 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:25,900 It's something you owe yourself. Now, Kate, you're not going to be alone on 325 00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:29,100 this. I'm going to be right there fighting side by side with you. 326 00:19:29,540 --> 00:19:30,540 What do you say? 327 00:19:32,020 --> 00:19:33,380 All right, I'll do it. 328 00:19:33,620 --> 00:19:37,260 Good. Well, we can get started as soon as you write me a check for my $4 ,000 329 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:40,040 retainer. $4 ,000? 330 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,120 Barry, I don't have $4 ,000. 331 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:44,960 Oh. 332 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,760 Well, then we better forget the whole thing. 333 00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:50,660 Yeah, you really didn't have much of a case anyway. 334 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:57,640 Barry, what kind of person are you? How... How can you charge Kate $4 ,000 335 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,100 you said you were going to treat her like family? 336 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,720 Hey, hey, hey. I am. That's the same deal I gave my mother when I did her 337 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:04,720 divorce. 338 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,880 She must be one proud parent. 339 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,180 Oh, so now we hear from Mr. 340 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:15,440 Dormant. Wait a minute, Barry. That's quite enough name -calling, you snake. 341 00:20:16,460 --> 00:20:19,140 John Lacey is a man of integrity. 342 00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:23,220 He's sensitive to the needs of others, and he believes in being fair. 343 00:20:26,060 --> 00:20:27,060 Not a doormat. 344 00:20:27,420 --> 00:20:28,420 Yeah. 345 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,840 Thank you, Louise, for reminding me about something important that I'd 346 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:35,840 forgotten. 347 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:37,700 I am a fair man. 348 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,200 I don't know what the hell I was worried about. 349 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,080 Excuse me, there's something I have to take care of. 350 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,840 You know, John and I are so much alike. 351 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:54,420 someone says something nice about me, I get so excited I have to go to the 352 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:55,420 bathroom, too. 353 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:01,260 Get me right down, Ginger! 354 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:10,480 Now, Kate, listen, if my fee's a real problem for you, maybe we could have a 355 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,820 quiet little dinner sometime and work out some other arrangements. 356 00:21:23,690 --> 00:21:25,370 Ask him about that mini mall in Orlando. 357 00:21:25,730 --> 00:21:28,130 Are you out of your mind? She's going to kill me. 358 00:21:28,470 --> 00:21:31,070 I don't know why it's under his girlfriend's name. 359 00:21:31,930 --> 00:21:35,630 Okay, Kate. Okay, that's it. Okay, you've got two hours of consultation. 360 00:21:35,630 --> 00:21:36,529 my bill. 361 00:21:36,530 --> 00:21:37,530 Sue me. 362 00:21:38,150 --> 00:21:39,370 Just like my mother. 363 00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:46,170 I'm sorry, Wendy. Maybe I did come on a little too strong about the car repairs. 364 00:21:46,330 --> 00:21:48,650 I would like to be fair. 365 00:21:49,230 --> 00:21:52,870 Yeah, I'll tell you what. I'll pay for half of the transmission. 366 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:54,940 I'll send you a check today. 367 00:21:56,340 --> 00:21:57,340 What? 368 00:21:58,020 --> 00:21:59,020 What about the plumbing? 369 00:22:00,260 --> 00:22:01,800 Well, why the hell should I have to pay for that? 370 00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:06,600 Now, look, as I remember, I haven't set foot in that house since you threw me 371 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:07,600 out. 372 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:12,200 Now, Wendy, Wendy, don't do this. Wendy, Wendy, don't do this. I'm warning... 373 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:13,200 Hi, son. 374 00:22:14,980 --> 00:22:16,000 Uh -huh. 375 00:22:16,540 --> 00:22:17,540 Uh -huh. 376 00:22:23,630 --> 00:22:27,890 Next, as an illegal alien seeks sanctuary, Shannon works against the 377 00:22:27,890 --> 00:22:32,230 flush out a corrupt corporate executive and prevent his client's deportation on 378 00:22:32,230 --> 00:22:36,810 the season finale of Shannon's Deal. And Sunday night, Raymond Burr is Perry 379 00:22:36,810 --> 00:22:41,110 Mason in the case of The Silent Singer, starring L .A. Law's Alan Rachin, 380 00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:44,450 Vanessa Williams, and Tim Reed. Sunday night, only on NBC. 381 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,140 these home videos have to be legitimate. 382 00:23:08,460 --> 00:23:10,980 So fake your fool as good as you can, all right? 383 00:23:11,660 --> 00:23:14,260 Okay. Here's your banana peel. 384 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:16,800 You ready? 385 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:18,280 Okay. 386 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:20,800 Action! 387 00:23:22,900 --> 00:23:23,900 Whoa! 388 00:23:29,700 --> 00:23:30,920 Guys! Guys! 389 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:32,380 Guys! Guys! 390 00:23:33,020 --> 00:23:34,920 Come on! Jesus! 391 00:23:35,210 --> 00:23:38,110 Ralphie, my grandmother could fake a better fall than that. 392 00:23:38,450 --> 00:23:43,030 See, Greg, I don't know about this. What if I break my leg? All the better. 393 00:23:43,650 --> 00:23:50,270 Home Video Hygiene loves that stuff, Ralphie. Last week, they gave $10 ,000 394 00:23:50,270 --> 00:23:54,690 this woman who sent in a videotape of her husband getting shot in the stomach 395 00:23:54,690 --> 00:23:55,690 a cannon. 396 00:23:56,750 --> 00:23:59,090 That was on America's Most Wanted. 397 00:24:00,570 --> 00:24:02,070 What's the difference? It was still funny. 398 00:24:04,140 --> 00:24:06,060 Come on, Ruffy. Let's try that fool again, all right? 399 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:10,400 Okay, and this time, think real. 400 00:24:12,860 --> 00:24:14,700 There you go. All right. 401 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,920 Got your band, Peele? Yeah. All right. 402 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:19,440 Are you ready? 403 00:24:19,460 --> 00:24:20,460 Yeah. Okay.