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is filmed before a live studio audience.

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Lemanski. To what do I owe this
pleasure?

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I thought you might be sad this year,
not having Christmas with your family.

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So, I brought you some Christmas cheer.

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Well, that's very neighborly of you, ma
'am.

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What is it?

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What does it look like?

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It's wine.

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My special wine.

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Well, well, thank you.

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Thank you very much.

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It's a very unusual taste.

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I can't quite place it.

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Beets.

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You're not having any?

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I hate beets.

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This is what I like.

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Your help. Yes, ma 'am.

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Where I come from, we say Nasdrowie.

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Nasdrowie. Nasdrowie, yes.

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Where exactly do you come from, Mrs.
Lemeski?

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A little town in Poland.

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It's not even there anymore.

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I never forget the Christmases with my
husband Branislav and our children.

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Very poor family. We couldn't even
afford a turkey.

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Yeah, but I bet you were very happy.

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Don't be stupid.

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We were miserable.

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Oh, I see. But one year, my husband
brought home a record.

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You know it? No, I can't say I do.

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Then don't sing along.

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They played that record over and over on
an old gramophone.

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Oh, that machine made such a noise.

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But my husband and I, we always danced
to that music at Christmas time.

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Oh, my Bronislaw, he was a good man.

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Mrs. Lemeski, you never did tell me what
happened to him. Oh, he went off to

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fight in the war.

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I never saw him again.

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Some say the Germans killed him. Some
say it was the Russians.

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I like to think he met a nice woman with
a good hi -fi system.

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00:04:03,739 --> 00:04:04,739
Excuse me.

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00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:08,780
Hello.

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Yes, Wendy.

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An imposition? Are you kidding?

45
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No, that's wonderful.

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That's the best Christmas present I
could get.

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My ex -wife is going out of town with
her boyfriend. I get to spend the entire

48
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Christmas with my son.

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Yes.

50
00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:31,800
Well, actually, Wendy, I've got a woman
here.

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We're having a little wine, a little
music and some dancing.

52
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Oh, yeah. I'm going to see her again,
sure.

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Actually, she's quite attractive.

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She's very lovely. In fact... Don't
listen to him, sweetheart.

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It's the beats talking.

56
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I walked through Central Park today.

57
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It looked like one big Christmas card.
Doesn't New York sparkle this time of

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year? Oh, yes.

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I was just at F .A .O.

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Schwartz buying a gift for my niece.
They played Christmas music.

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The little children were laughing and
singing. It was just like fairyland. I

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over at Rockefeller Center watching the
people ice skating.

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And there was that tremendous tree with
all the twinkling lights. It was...

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I hate Christmas. I know.

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everyone. I get to spend the whole
Christmas with my son.

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We're gonna build a snowman in Central
Park, we're gonna go skating at

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Rockefeller Center, and we're gonna go
shopping at F .A .O. Schwartz.

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Don't you just love Christmas?

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Actually, John, some of us are having
trouble getting into the Christmas

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Oh, I'm sorry.

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Believe me, I understand this could be a
rough time of year.

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You know, you really are lucky, John.

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I just wish the rest of us had something
to do over the holidays.

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Yeah. Hey, wait a minute. Why don't we
put together a little Christmas party of

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our own? Oh, that's not a bad idea. Oh,
sure. Maybe we can even get some of the

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other groups from the center to join us.
Oh, excellent thought. We could ask the

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Alcoholics Anonymous and the Weight
Watchers and the Smoke Enders.

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We'd save a bundle on refreshments.

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upset you guys, but I can't stay.

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Oh, dear. I know, I know, I know. But I
did want to come by and fill you in on

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00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:26,600
my Yuletide plans.

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Turns out, I gotta go to Tahiti.

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Yeah, Marlon wants me to come spend
Christmas with him this year.

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Marlon? Yeah, you know, the godfather?

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Oh, yeah. Yeah.

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He made me an offer I couldn't refuse.

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Marlon Brando?

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Probably be the same crowd he gets there
every year, you know.

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Stalitz.

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Bare -breasted native girls.

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Ooh.

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Pop, I didn't want you to feel like I'd
forgotten about you at the Christmas

93
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season, you know? So I've got a little
something here for each of you.

94
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Wealthy.

95
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Red.

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00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:13,400
Thanks, Kirk. John. Well, Kirk.

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And Louise.

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This is for you.

99
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40 regular?

100
00:08:18,740 --> 00:08:20,220
9 1⁄2 D?

101
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15 1⁄2 33?

102
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What are these?

103
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That's my shirt size, my shoe size, and
my jacket size.

104
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I just wanted to make your holiday
shopping not much easier, you know?

105
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wine. Oh.

106
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So, I thought you might like to try this
glass.

107
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,680
Yes, well, as a matter of fact, I do
prefer a white.

108
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What's this one made from?

109
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Cauliflower.

110
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Yeah, amusing little vegetable.

111
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Mrs. Emeski, wait right there.

112
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I have something for you.

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What is it?

114
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It's a Christmas card.

115
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20 years I'm in America.

116
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It's the first card I ever got.

117
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Oh, you're kidding.

118
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You won't believe this, but I have lots
of trouble making friends.

119
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It's a very small card, isn't it?

120
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I don't think so.

121
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Well, Mr. Goodbye, I...

122
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I got to go find a place to put this
very tiny little thing.

123
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Merry Christmas, Mike.

124
00:10:38,530 --> 00:10:42,750
I bet I know one little guy who's got to
have a super wonderful time this

125
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Christmas. John, can I talk to you for a
moment? You know what I got lined up

126
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for you?

127
00:10:46,470 --> 00:10:49,850
John, there's something that I need to
explain to you. I bet you don't know the

128
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,010
first place we're going to go.

129
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Disney World.

130
00:10:55,510 --> 00:10:56,510
Disney World?

131
00:10:56,750 --> 00:10:57,790
I'm sorry, John.

132
00:10:58,110 --> 00:11:01,630
Jeff Newfield's parents decided at the
last minute to go down there for

133
00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:03,530
Christmas and they invited Matthew to
come along.

134
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,400
I tried to call you earlier, but you
weren't at home.

135
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:09,880
Oh, John, look, he has his heart set on
it.

136
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:14,660
Please, I've always wanted to go to
Disney World. My entire life.

137
00:11:14,860 --> 00:11:15,860
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

138
00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:18,440
Yeah, yeah, of course you can go.

139
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:23,880
The thing is, John, he has to leave
tonight, so maybe we could open our

140
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,040
now. Tonight?

141
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,140
I didn't even have any time to wrap mine
yet.

142
00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:30,460
Oh, well, it doesn't matter.

143
00:11:31,620 --> 00:11:32,620
There you go, Matt.

144
00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:36,020
Merry Christmas.

145
00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:38,580
Thanks, Dad.

146
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,080
Wow, these are great.

147
00:11:44,340 --> 00:11:46,180
Yeah, and perfect for Florida.

148
00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:51,460
Hey, I tell you what, why don't I keep
these here for you till you get back?

149
00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:53,860
Okay. Okay, who's next?

150
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:58,900
Well, this is from you for your mother.

151
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:22,840
Thank you, Matt.

152
00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:29,080
Oh, thank you. And you have a present
for your dad, too, don't you?

153
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:30,720
Here you go.

154
00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:32,540
Merry Christmas, Dad.

155
00:12:32,780 --> 00:12:34,500
Wendy, you really didn't have to.

156
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,080
Yo -yo.

157
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,660
It lights up in the dark and everything.

158
00:12:44,020 --> 00:12:46,320
Well, thank you, Matt. It's just what I
wanted.

159
00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:49,240
Well, listen, fellas, it's getting kind
of late.

160
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:54,490
John, I feel really... bad about this,
but we do have to go. Come here.

161
00:12:54,930 --> 00:12:56,210
Merry Christmas, Matt.

162
00:12:56,670 --> 00:12:57,670
Bye, Dad.

163
00:12:57,790 --> 00:12:58,790
Bye.

164
00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:00,490
Bye -bye, John.

165
00:13:00,790 --> 00:13:01,790
Merry Christmas.

166
00:13:02,470 --> 00:13:03,470
Merry Christmas.

167
00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:49,980
Which group? Um, the smoke -enders are
the ones not smoking, the alcoholics are

168
00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:54,280
the ones not drinking, and the over
-eaters are the really fat ones.

169
00:13:56,740 --> 00:13:58,220
Thanks for clearing that up, Ralph.

170
00:13:59,060 --> 00:14:00,920
Kate, can I talk to you for a minute?
Oh, sure.

171
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:02,920
Uh,

172
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:08,320
Kate, now that my son won't be visiting
me for the holidays, I thought maybe

173
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,440
he'd like to come to my place for a
Christmas dinner.

174
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:16,940
accepted another invitation.

175
00:14:17,460 --> 00:14:18,820
Ah, that's too bad.

176
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:20,920
Family thing?

177
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,680
Uh, yeah, sort of.

178
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:24,460
My ex -husband.

179
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:30,640
Neither one of us had anything to do, so
we decided to get together and exchange

180
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:31,640
unpleasantries.

181
00:14:33,860 --> 00:14:34,860
Oh, well.

182
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,480
John, could we make room on the table
for these, please?

183
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:41,340
Thank you.

184
00:14:42,020 --> 00:14:44,160
Say, Louise, um, I was wondering...

185
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:48,290
If you don't have any plans for
Christmas, maybe you'd like to join me.

186
00:14:48,870 --> 00:14:53,630
Oh, how very thoughtful, dear. But I'm
spending Christmas with a gentleman

187
00:14:53,630 --> 00:14:54,630
companion.

188
00:14:54,990 --> 00:14:55,990
Oh, I see.

189
00:14:56,110 --> 00:15:00,390
Well, actually, I'm killing two birds
with one stone. I couldn't decide what

190
00:15:00,390 --> 00:15:01,390
give the mailman.

191
00:15:05,590 --> 00:15:06,590
Hi, Ralph.

192
00:15:06,790 --> 00:15:11,330
Hi, John. How are you? I suppose you
have Christmas plans, huh? Oh, yes, I

193
00:15:11,490 --> 00:15:12,490
I'm, uh...

194
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:14,420
I thought I'd have a traditional
Christmas.

195
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,640
I'm going to go visit my grandparents.

196
00:15:17,180 --> 00:15:18,420
Oh, that's very nice.

197
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,760
Guess you'll have fun, huh? Well, I
doubt it. They're both dead.

198
00:15:23,460 --> 00:15:26,040
You mean you're going to go visit the
cemetery?

199
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:31,460
Yeah, yeah. You see, I sing a few
Christmas carols, and then I sprinkle

200
00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:32,700
holly over the graves.

201
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,960
Oh, do you want to come along?

202
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,240
No, no, I don't think so.

203
00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:43,540
Ice. Maybe I better find some ice.

204
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,300
Hello.

205
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:57,640
Hi, John. It's Wendy.

206
00:15:58,880 --> 00:15:59,880
Wendy?

207
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:01,460
Oh, great.

208
00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:09,160
So tell me, what's Christmas Eve like in
the Caribbean?

209
00:16:11,820 --> 00:16:15,500
romantic playmate got a last -minute
invitation to go moose hunting with

210
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:16,500
college roommates.

211
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:20,260
Oh, and the idea of blowing Bullwinkle
to smithereens doesn't appeal to you?

212
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:25,020
Hardly. So guess where I am?

213
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:26,280
Home alone.

214
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,540
It's the first time I can remember being
alone on Christmas Eve.

215
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,540
Do you want to know the irony, John?

216
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:38,460
I'm sitting here in bed wearing those
silk pajamas you gave me for Christmas

217
00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:39,460
last year.

218
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:45,320
Well, the tops, anyway. Listen, Wendy, I
don't think I really want to hear this

219
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:46,320
right now.

220
00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:50,280
So why don't you come over here and
spend Christmas Eve with me?

221
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,860
Now, wait a minute. Let me get this
straight.

222
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:58,540
Your romantic holiday in the Caribbean
fell through, and only the tops, huh?

223
00:17:04,420 --> 00:17:07,480
And you expect me to jump at the chance
to spend Christmas Eve with you?

224
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:16,089
You remember that silly little game we
used to play after dinner?

225
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:18,869
And I'd ask you if you'd been naughty or
nice.

226
00:17:19,930 --> 00:17:22,069
Oh, I want to be naughty, John.

227
00:17:22,450 --> 00:17:23,450
Oh, Granny.

228
00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:26,349
Wouldn't that be nice?

229
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:29,430
Wendy, I don't know if this is right.

230
00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:32,910
I need a little time to think about
this.

231
00:17:33,190 --> 00:17:34,190
How much time?

232
00:17:34,550 --> 00:17:36,130
That's enough. Give me ten minutes.

233
00:17:54,410 --> 00:17:57,410
use your body like a lump of meat. Oh,
God, I hope so.

234
00:18:02,270 --> 00:18:03,270
Come in.

235
00:18:05,390 --> 00:18:07,090
Hello, mister.

236
00:18:07,510 --> 00:18:08,750
Mrs. Lemanski.

237
00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:11,130
Isn't Christmas Eve wonderful?

238
00:18:11,650 --> 00:18:13,270
Yeah, yeah, it's wonderful.

239
00:18:13,950 --> 00:18:18,970
Uh, anyway, I, uh, I brought you a
Christmas card.

240
00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:27,050
than the one you gave me.

241
00:18:29,070 --> 00:18:30,070
I can see that.

242
00:18:30,870 --> 00:18:33,670
Oh, that reminds me. Mrs. Lemeski, I
have something for you.

243
00:18:34,470 --> 00:18:36,730
Ah, where did I put that? Oh, yeah.

244
00:18:48,050 --> 00:18:50,170
That's the record that you and your
husband used to dance to, right?

245
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:54,970
Yeah. Yeah, there was this little used
record shop over on West 3rd, McDougal.

246
00:18:55,390 --> 00:18:59,570
I was just browsing there, and I
happened... Mrs.

247
00:19:03,190 --> 00:19:04,190
Lemeski?

248
00:19:06,370 --> 00:19:08,170
Mrs. Lemeski, are you okay?

249
00:19:08,850 --> 00:19:12,430
Yes. I was just remembering.

250
00:19:13,450 --> 00:19:17,270
I wish I had a gramophone to play it on.

251
00:19:17,530 --> 00:19:18,530
Oh, there's a record player.

252
00:19:18,770 --> 00:19:19,890
Oh, you shouldn't have.

253
00:19:20,210 --> 00:19:21,430
No, no, no, I didn't.

254
00:19:25,580 --> 00:19:26,680
There's a record player right over
there.

255
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:27,900
Here, let me play it for you.

256
00:19:38,940 --> 00:19:39,220
May

257
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:49,180
I

258
00:19:49,180 --> 00:19:50,660
have the pleasure of this dance, Mr.
Lewis?

259
00:19:50,980 --> 00:19:52,700
Don't be silly. Oh, come on.

260
00:20:50,730 --> 00:20:53,450
Come and have Christmas Eve dinner with
me tonight.

261
00:20:53,770 --> 00:20:56,990
Oh, that would be very nice, Mrs.
Lemeski, but I... No, no, no, no. You

262
00:20:56,990 --> 00:21:01,810
inconveniencing me. Yes, I know, Mrs.
Lemeski, but you see, I, uh... I don't

263
00:21:01,810 --> 00:21:04,150
want you to have Christmas Eve dinner
alone.

264
00:21:04,990 --> 00:21:06,310
I know what it's like.

265
00:21:06,710 --> 00:21:09,350
I always have Christmas Eve dinner
alone.

266
00:21:10,430 --> 00:21:12,610
I always have every dinner alone.

267
00:21:12,870 --> 00:21:16,150
Who wants to be with a cranky old lady
like me?

268
00:21:17,290 --> 00:21:20,450
So... You will have...

269
00:21:26,730 --> 00:21:29,490
Lemenski, I would love to have Christmas
Eve dinner with you.

270
00:21:31,030 --> 00:21:33,070
Merry Christmas, mister.

271
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:35,730
Merry Christmas, Mrs. Lemenski.

272
00:21:37,090 --> 00:21:38,090
Hold that smile.

273
00:21:44,950 --> 00:21:51,730
Now, where were we?

274
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:13,880
You remind me of Branislav, my husband.

275
00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:15,640
Well, that's very flattering.

276
00:22:15,980 --> 00:22:18,460
He was also a lousy dancer.

277
00:22:36,010 --> 00:22:39,290
Will Kelsey's beautiful client win
against a tabloid's vicious attack?

278
00:22:39,570 --> 00:22:41,770
Will a bad judgment shatter Cusack's
career?

279
00:22:42,030 --> 00:22:44,830
And Saturday night's full of laughs with
227.

280
00:22:45,150 --> 00:22:50,250
Then, lift your spirits with Amen,
followed by the Golden Girls, and an all

281
00:22:50,250 --> 00:22:54,250
Empty Nest, as Harry gets a late gift
from his late wife, Saturday.