1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:02,140 Hi, honey. I'm home. 2 00:01:04,879 --> 00:01:07,300 is filmed in front of a live studio audience. 3 00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:13,940 Oh, wonderful, Mr. Seidman. It's moments like these that makes a teacher's life 4 00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:15,760 worthwhile. Complete this quote. 5 00:01:16,220 --> 00:01:20,400 Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Answer. I just hope it tolls soon so that I can 6 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:21,400 get out of this class. 7 00:01:22,900 --> 00:01:25,800 Very amusing, Mr. Seidman. You get an F for funny. 8 00:01:38,830 --> 00:01:40,590 Listen, you'll have to wait a minute. I'm not dressed. 9 00:01:40,950 --> 00:01:43,010 No, we were married for ten years. 10 00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:44,250 I've seen you undressed. 11 00:01:44,870 --> 00:01:45,910 It's no big deal. 12 00:01:47,970 --> 00:01:50,790 You know what I mean. Yeah, just a minute. 13 00:02:09,449 --> 00:02:11,270 talk to you. Just a second. Let me take care of something. 14 00:02:17,230 --> 00:02:24,170 Well, it's really great to see 15 00:02:24,170 --> 00:02:25,170 you. 16 00:02:25,990 --> 00:02:26,990 Apparently. 17 00:02:28,810 --> 00:02:31,510 No, I was ironing these when you rang the bell. 18 00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:33,470 You know, it helps if you take them off first. 19 00:02:35,790 --> 00:02:36,790 Thanks for the tip. 20 00:02:37,030 --> 00:02:38,130 What are you doing here, anyway? 21 00:02:38,490 --> 00:02:39,388 Who's with our son? 22 00:02:39,390 --> 00:02:43,250 Oh, Mike took Matthew to the movies. John, Mike and I have a problem. 23 00:02:43,490 --> 00:02:47,770 And we tried to solve this ourselves, but we can't. Oh, great. 24 00:02:47,990 --> 00:02:50,810 Now I have to pay dear Abby for my ex -wife and her boyfriend. 25 00:02:51,450 --> 00:02:55,110 He seems so withdrawn and moody. I'm really worried about him. 26 00:02:55,350 --> 00:02:59,290 I can't seem to say or do anything right. And every time I try talking to 27 00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:00,350 he just clams up. 28 00:03:00,550 --> 00:03:01,730 My, my, how upsetting. 29 00:03:02,170 --> 00:03:05,070 Would you be serious? Be serious now. This is important. 30 00:03:06,610 --> 00:03:07,730 Last night... 31 00:03:07,930 --> 00:03:08,930 Hmm? 32 00:03:09,210 --> 00:03:10,530 Well, he wet the bed. 33 00:03:13,310 --> 00:03:15,430 Mike wet the bed? What, was he drunk? 34 00:03:16,170 --> 00:03:18,230 Not Mike. I'm talking about our son. 35 00:03:19,270 --> 00:03:20,270 Matthew? 36 00:03:20,870 --> 00:03:22,310 Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. 37 00:03:23,830 --> 00:03:24,830 What's wrong with Matthew? 38 00:03:24,990 --> 00:03:25,990 I don't know. 39 00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:29,190 I don't know. I even tried checking with his teacher, but she doesn't have a 40 00:03:29,190 --> 00:03:30,190 clue either. 41 00:03:30,690 --> 00:03:34,450 Except that his mood begins to get sour as the weekend approaches. 42 00:03:35,290 --> 00:03:38,730 Now, if anything, a child Matt's age will be looking forward to the weekend. 43 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,830 Well, of course he should. He sees me on the weekend. 44 00:03:42,110 --> 00:03:48,770 Yes. Well, no offense, John, but I was wondering if maybe you should 45 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:51,290 skip seeing Matt for the next few weeks. 46 00:03:51,710 --> 00:03:54,310 What? What are you talking about? 47 00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:56,310 Are you saying it's me? 48 00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:58,870 Well, Mike and I don't know what else it could be. 49 00:03:59,110 --> 00:04:00,910 Yeah? Well, I'll tell you what else it could be. 50 00:04:01,350 --> 00:04:04,490 It could be that he spent six full days with Mike. 51 00:04:04,970 --> 00:04:07,510 I spent six minutes with that guy, and I'm depressed for the whole week. 52 00:04:08,450 --> 00:04:11,150 Look, John, if you're going to be defensive about this... Yes, you bet I'm 53 00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:12,129 to be defensive. 54 00:04:12,130 --> 00:04:13,710 You're telling me I can't see my son? 55 00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:15,910 That's absolutely unacceptable. 56 00:04:17,110 --> 00:04:18,690 It's not that you should see less of me. 57 00:04:19,610 --> 00:04:20,910 You should see more of me. 58 00:04:22,110 --> 00:04:27,410 Look, Wendy, Matt and I have great times together. I mean, we're like buddies. 59 00:04:28,410 --> 00:04:31,270 We play football every Sunday. You know how he loves to play football. 60 00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:35,380 John, look, I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm only thinking of Matt. 61 00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:36,620 Well, so am I. 62 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:40,840 I'll tell you what. 63 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:46,020 This weekend, I'll, um... I'll sit him down. We'll have a nice long talk, and 64 00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:48,260 maybe I can find out what's bothering him. 65 00:04:50,140 --> 00:04:51,140 All right. 66 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,400 Okay. Yeah. 67 00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:56,400 Okay, believe me, if you can get to the bottom of this thing, oh, nothing would 68 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:57,400 make me happier. 69 00:04:57,420 --> 00:05:00,440 Hey, listen, you know, when it comes to raising Matthew, we're in this together. 70 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,120 And we always will be. 71 00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:09,820 You know, I can't help thinking that things would be a lot easier on Matthew 72 00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:10,820 we hadn't split up, huh? 73 00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:15,680 Well, don't worry about it. I'll see if I can't find out what's bothering him. 74 00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:17,660 Thanks. 75 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:24,880 Oh, John. 76 00:05:25,220 --> 00:05:28,420 Yeah? I just wish there was something I could do for you. 77 00:05:34,060 --> 00:05:35,160 Take off your pants. 78 00:05:37,060 --> 00:05:40,100 Wendy, I've got a meeting to go to in 20 minutes. 79 00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:43,380 Yeah, so you don't think I'm going to let you go out with your crease looking 80 00:05:43,380 --> 00:05:44,380 like that, do you? 81 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:47,299 Come on. 82 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:48,600 Come on, fork them over. 83 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,000 All right. 84 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,020 It's the summer of 69. 85 00:06:01,220 --> 00:06:02,240 I get a call. 86 00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,380 From my commanding officer. 87 00:06:04,860 --> 00:06:08,280 He wants me to parachute into Hanoi. 88 00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:11,840 Hold it, hold it. 89 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:16,520 Now, last week you told us that in the summer of 69, you were in Woodstock. 90 00:06:16,780 --> 00:06:19,140 Right. That's where he called me. 91 00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:23,220 Now, apparently what had happened was I was on... 92 00:06:23,890 --> 00:06:29,370 interrupting, dear, but it's not immediately apparent how any of this 93 00:06:29,370 --> 00:06:31,170 to the breakup of your marriage. 94 00:06:31,550 --> 00:06:34,070 He was probably in the middle of this story when his wife left him. 95 00:06:35,650 --> 00:06:36,790 John, please. 96 00:06:37,630 --> 00:06:40,750 So I parachute in. The rice paddy is a burning lake. 97 00:06:41,010 --> 00:06:42,310 Kirk, dear! 98 00:06:43,930 --> 00:06:48,190 You've kept us spellbound now for what seems like most of our lives. 99 00:06:52,650 --> 00:06:56,530 I think it's only fair that someone else have a chance to talk. 100 00:07:26,890 --> 00:07:27,950 is really a very personal thing. 101 00:07:29,110 --> 00:07:32,290 I've never talked about this before because I always felt that my kid's my 102 00:07:32,290 --> 00:07:37,950 business. You have a child? Yeah, a son, Matthew. Oh, he'll be nine next week. 103 00:07:38,790 --> 00:07:45,670 Well, it turns out that Matthew's been kind of moping around lately, and my 104 00:07:45,670 --> 00:07:47,710 told me that it was me who was depressing him. 105 00:07:49,330 --> 00:07:53,350 See, I never would have brought this up, but I feel like I really need help on 106 00:07:53,350 --> 00:07:54,350 this one. 107 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:56,879 I'm just lost. 108 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:01,540 Oh, John, how awful to have to hear that. It must break your heart. 109 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:04,500 Ooh, oh, ooh. 110 00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:10,640 Right. Ooh, um, I'm lost and depressed, too. 111 00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:15,620 Because of the kids and the doggies and the flowers and the birdies, you know. 112 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:20,060 Kirk, Kirk, I am expressing a simple human emotion. Don't try to make it out 113 00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:23,980 be something it's not. What are you talking about? He's got his head right 114 00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:24,980 your things, babe. 115 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:32,260 Kirk, you would never understand. 116 00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,220 Well, thanks anyway. You're welcome. 117 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:39,080 What do you think the problem is with your son, John? 118 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:40,360 I really don't know. 119 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,620 But I think I'd better get it straightened out before this weekend 120 00:08:44,620 --> 00:08:48,600 got a birthday party on Friday and I'd hate to see him not enjoy himself with 121 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:49,600 his own party. 122 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:55,660 You know, I... I thought I might do something special for his party. 123 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,360 I know the very thing. 124 00:08:58,790 --> 00:09:00,290 I used to date is a clown. 125 00:09:00,830 --> 00:09:02,230 I think I went out with him, too. 126 00:09:04,070 --> 00:09:06,290 No, no, I mean an actual clown. 127 00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:09,730 He entertains at a lot of children's functions. 128 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,930 I'm sure he'd be ideal for Matthew's party. What do you think? 129 00:09:13,170 --> 00:09:15,210 Oh, wow, a clown. Now, that would be great. 130 00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:20,550 I'll give you his number. Oh, thanks. He goes by the name of Botho the Clown. 131 00:09:21,670 --> 00:09:23,090 You give him that name, Louise? 132 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,380 There you go, Matt. One super yucky cone. 133 00:09:39,740 --> 00:09:43,660 No, Dad. It's called a super lucky cone. Well, I knew it was something like 134 00:09:43,660 --> 00:09:44,660 that. Come here, you. 135 00:09:45,540 --> 00:09:48,820 So, you got a birthday coming up in a few days, huh? 136 00:09:49,140 --> 00:09:50,660 I bet you're looking forward to that. 137 00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:52,620 Well... Hey, 138 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,320 Matt, have I got something great for you. 139 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,580 I know your birthday's on Friday, but you'll be opening up so many presents by 140 00:10:00,580 --> 00:10:02,640 then. What do you say we get a jump on it? 141 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:03,880 Whatever you say, Dad. 142 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,120 That's my boy. 143 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:12,530 Now, what do you think is in there? 144 00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:14,490 How do I know? You bought it, Dad. 145 00:10:16,070 --> 00:10:17,710 Here. Have a look -see. 146 00:10:18,210 --> 00:10:19,210 Go ahead. 147 00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:24,490 Oh, boy. 148 00:10:25,810 --> 00:10:30,110 My father got me one of those when I was your age. Boy, I couldn't wait to put 149 00:10:30,110 --> 00:10:31,110 it on. 150 00:10:31,250 --> 00:10:35,870 I used to wear it to bed and everything. 151 00:10:37,510 --> 00:10:38,510 Thanks, Dad. 152 00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:40,070 Dad? 153 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,400 on Friday. 154 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:42,720 Yeah, I know. 155 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,380 So I'm not exactly a kid anymore. 156 00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:49,199 That's right. 157 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,100 So you'll understand if I don't kiss you, right? 158 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:55,540 Yeah, sure, I understand. 159 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:57,440 Good. 160 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:00,480 Hey, man! 161 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:04,480 Now that you got this new football helmet, I bet you can't wait to try it 162 00:11:04,740 --> 00:11:05,579 Not really. 163 00:11:05,580 --> 00:11:09,510 Sure. So what do you say after we finish our ice cream, we suit up, head down to 164 00:11:09,510 --> 00:11:10,830 the park, and toss the old ball around? 165 00:11:11,230 --> 00:11:12,910 I'm really kind of tired, Bill. 166 00:11:13,270 --> 00:11:14,270 Okay. 167 00:11:14,690 --> 00:11:15,910 Maybe change your mind later. 168 00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:19,210 Hmm. 169 00:11:20,250 --> 00:11:21,250 So how you been? 170 00:11:21,790 --> 00:11:23,750 Seems like aging since we've visited. 171 00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:25,490 I've been fine. 172 00:11:26,010 --> 00:11:27,690 Good. Fine is good. 173 00:11:30,650 --> 00:11:31,690 Everything okay at school? 174 00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:38,230 Listen, Matt. 175 00:11:40,270 --> 00:11:44,650 I just want you to know that if anything's bothering you, you can talk 176 00:11:44,650 --> 00:11:45,650 matter what. 177 00:11:46,170 --> 00:11:49,190 In fact, I think you'll find that I'm a very, very good listener. 178 00:11:51,890 --> 00:11:53,450 Well... Yeah, what? 179 00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:10,420 into the marathon, right? It turns out the course goes right by your house. I 180 00:12:10,420 --> 00:12:11,720 thought this is perfect. 181 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,520 I'll pop in, load up on some carbohydrates. 182 00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:22,780 So, John, where do you keep the macaroni and cheese? Kirk, if you're running in 183 00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:24,760 the marathon, don't you think you ought to get back to the marathon? 184 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:26,980 Relax. I got a big lead. 185 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,740 Hey, John, is your little kid? 186 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,000 Yeah, Matt. 187 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:37,120 This is Kirk. All right. Hey, any kid of John's is a friend of mine. Give me 188 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,140 five. Don't forget your change bag. 189 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:40,859 All right. 190 00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:42,720 If this had been yesterday, you'd have missed me. 191 00:12:42,980 --> 00:12:45,960 Oh, just our luck. Yeah, because I only just flew in last night. 192 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,360 Nicaragua. Oh, come on, Kirk. Please. 193 00:12:49,780 --> 00:12:51,580 What? Are you a flight attendant? 194 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:53,240 A flight attendant? 195 00:12:57,740 --> 00:13:01,280 But can you keep a secret? No, it's all right, John. It's all right. I have a 196 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,040 good feeling about this small person here. 197 00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:05,520 He can be trusted. 198 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:12,460 Matt, you happen to be looking at an authentic, bona fide, international 199 00:13:12,460 --> 00:13:14,720 spy. Oh, fuck. 200 00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:17,980 Wow, that's neat. 201 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:18,879 Mm -hmm. 202 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,400 How come you never told me you knew a spy, Dad? 203 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:24,000 Well, uh, it's classified. 204 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:26,840 Have you ever killed anyone? 205 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,200 Oh, lots of times. 206 00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:33,000 See, you've got to understand, I am in the field of con -respionage, which is 207 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:36,080 just a very heavy -duty word for sticking it to the commies. 208 00:13:36,940 --> 00:13:40,280 Every so often, me and a bunch of guys from Donna's spy headquarters, we zip 209 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,280 to a secret location and we practice firing missiles at each other. 210 00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:46,660 Wow, that's so neat. 211 00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:50,160 Because all my dad does is teach school. 212 00:13:50,780 --> 00:13:53,460 Hey, even spies have to go to school, Matt. 213 00:13:53,780 --> 00:13:56,160 If you fire missiles at each other, who can... 214 00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,380 How come? 215 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,440 We wear special clothes. 216 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:02,960 Well, 217 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:04,680 we better get going, Matt. 218 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,980 Just cut Matt a new football helmet for his birthday. 219 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,200 He's just dying to try it out, right, Matt? 220 00:14:10,540 --> 00:14:13,500 Well, I swear, you've got a birthday coming up, huh? On Friday, I'm having a 221 00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:14,500 party and everything. 222 00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,620 Yeah, very small party. Small private party. 223 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,180 Invitations only. Come on, Matt. 224 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:19,960 Want to come? 225 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:21,520 Oh, let's see. 226 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,200 Wednesday, I'm in Libya. 227 00:14:25,610 --> 00:14:28,630 Thursday, I got that assassination thing in there. Yeah, well, I'm sure the kids 228 00:14:28,630 --> 00:14:31,130 will excuse you. The kids will excuse you if you can't make it. No, Friday 229 00:14:31,130 --> 00:14:32,129 be there. 230 00:14:32,130 --> 00:14:36,130 Wow, you'd really take time off your spice off just to come to my party? Hey, 231 00:14:36,170 --> 00:14:37,170 boom. 232 00:14:37,330 --> 00:14:38,630 That's the kind of guy I am. 233 00:14:39,550 --> 00:14:41,210 This is gonna be the best party. 234 00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:45,170 All Jack Newfield has is some dumb clown. 235 00:14:46,750 --> 00:14:50,190 Look, Mac, don't you think we should get going? I mean, we better get down to 236 00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:51,830 the park if we're gonna have some football practice. 237 00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:53,510 Do we have to? What? 238 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,800 We could go over to the pond and throw stones at the model boats. 239 00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:58,160 Oh, right! 240 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,600 I guess we won't make these. 241 00:15:04,420 --> 00:15:05,420 Wait up! 242 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:21,880 Now then, have anyone got any news to report? Ralph, have we had a 243 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:22,900 on the job front? 244 00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:25,270 Not really. 245 00:15:28,410 --> 00:15:31,170 John, I didn't expect to see you here tonight. 246 00:15:31,610 --> 00:15:34,550 Yeah, how did the birthday party go? It was a disaster. 247 00:15:34,790 --> 00:15:36,010 An unmitigated disaster. 248 00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:37,570 A fight broke out. 249 00:15:37,790 --> 00:15:42,630 Oh, I shouldn't worry about that, John. Tomorrow they'll be the best of friends. 250 00:15:42,710 --> 00:15:44,050 You know how children are. 251 00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:47,710 The children behaved themselves perfectly. The fight was between two 252 00:15:47,710 --> 00:15:49,370 adults. That's awful. 253 00:15:49,690 --> 00:15:50,690 Who was it? 254 00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:58,980 I didn't start it. Don't talk to me. Just stay out of my sight. 255 00:15:59,380 --> 00:16:05,460 You invited that to your son's birthday party. No, I didn't. Why did you have to 256 00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:09,240 hit him? I told you. He sprayed water at me. 257 00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:11,120 That was his job. He's a clown. 258 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:13,000 How was I supposed to know that? 259 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,120 What, didn't he have a red nose? 260 00:16:16,420 --> 00:16:17,420 He does now. 261 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:22,880 Apparently, Kurt failed to notice the multicolored wig, the yard -long shoes, 262 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:25,000 the entire clown's outfit. 263 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,600 You actually punched out a clown? 264 00:16:27,940 --> 00:16:30,340 So what are clowns all of a sudden? An endangered species? 265 00:16:32,380 --> 00:16:34,580 You bashed my boss, though. 266 00:16:37,940 --> 00:16:39,260 Couldn't have happened at a worse time. 267 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,880 My son, Jace, gave me the awful news that he didn't want to see me for the 268 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:43,880 few Sundays. 269 00:16:44,540 --> 00:16:48,600 Just as I was about to find out why, Buffalo the Clown comes flying out of 270 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,660 French stores with Kurt wrapped around his throat in some kind of a Chinese 271 00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:52,740 death hole. What? 272 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:56,980 It was a Korean death hole. 273 00:16:57,420 --> 00:17:04,160 I don't know. I just feel that Matthew 274 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,260 doesn't want to be with me anymore. 275 00:17:05,540 --> 00:17:07,280 John, I'm so sorry. 276 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:13,200 I know this is difficult for you, John, but you never... how children are, it's 277 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,940 probably just a phase. 278 00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:16,880 Yeah, just give the kid a break. 279 00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:18,300 Lighten up. 280 00:17:18,460 --> 00:17:21,400 Live with it? Lighten up? Gee, I can't believe what I'm hearing. 281 00:17:22,220 --> 00:17:25,079 Neither of you would say any of these things if you had children of your own. 282 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,420 Not so fast, John. From what I hear, there's a lot of little blonde kids 283 00:17:28,420 --> 00:17:29,420 around Thailand. 284 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:36,620 I wanted children, but we couldn't have any. 285 00:17:37,060 --> 00:17:41,140 And the last thing I need is for you to stand there and throw my house... 286 00:17:41,150 --> 00:17:42,770 husband's faulty vein in my face. 287 00:17:44,710 --> 00:17:48,910 Look, all I'm trying to say is that unless you've had children of your own, 288 00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:50,630 couldn't possibly understand what I feel. 289 00:17:50,950 --> 00:17:52,710 So we didn't have children. 290 00:17:53,690 --> 00:17:57,590 We had a fox terrier, and that's almost the same. 291 00:17:58,050 --> 00:18:04,190 I remember when he was just... Louise, Louise, with all due respect, a pet is 292 00:18:04,190 --> 00:18:07,890 hardly the same as a child. No, but I know what Louise means. 293 00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:11,280 You may remember that I had a turtle once. 294 00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:17,980 They're very loving and loyal creatures. A turtle would never desert you. Ralph, 295 00:18:18,060 --> 00:18:19,680 a turtle can't desert you. 296 00:18:21,740 --> 00:18:22,980 Where's the turtle gonna go? 297 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,540 Oh, God, I feel so terrible. 298 00:18:27,020 --> 00:18:30,320 The only decent relationship I've ever had is falling apart. 299 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,280 What are you going to do? 300 00:18:32,620 --> 00:18:35,000 What can I do? I can't force him to be with me. 301 00:18:37,130 --> 00:18:40,150 It's going to kill me, but tomorrow I'm going to get together with my boy and 302 00:18:40,150 --> 00:18:43,930 I'm just going to tell him that if he doesn't want to see me for a while, he 303 00:18:43,930 --> 00:18:48,670 doesn't have to. Oh, John, it can't possibly be good for a boy not to see 304 00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:53,310 father. No, no, no, that's not necessarily true, Kate. See, I've read 305 00:18:53,310 --> 00:18:57,530 if a father spends long periods away from his son, there's no reason that 306 00:18:57,530 --> 00:19:03,050 can't grow up to be a happy, successful, self -confident, and well -adjusted 307 00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:05,110 individual. Where did you read that, Ralph? 308 00:19:05,710 --> 00:19:07,130 A postcard from my father? 309 00:19:21,670 --> 00:19:25,450 I still don't get why Mommy didn't pick me up after my trumpet lesson. Well, I 310 00:19:25,450 --> 00:19:28,410 asked your mom if I could pick you up. I need a little time to talk to you. 311 00:19:28,450 --> 00:19:29,450 She'll come by later. 312 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:39,460 Oh, I stopped by the hospital to see Balfo today. 313 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:40,800 Oh, is he all right? 314 00:19:42,340 --> 00:19:45,860 Yeah. Yeah, he's going to be fine. He's already able to sit up and take a little 315 00:19:45,860 --> 00:19:46,860 seltzer. 316 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,480 Hey, Matt, come here for a minute. 317 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:53,080 What? 318 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:59,540 Matt, there's something you told me yesterday at the party that kind of 319 00:19:59,540 --> 00:20:02,080 me, and I didn't get a chance to talk to you about it. 320 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:03,520 What do you mean? 321 00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:07,950 Well, you know, when you asked if I'd mind not seeing you for the next few 322 00:20:07,950 --> 00:20:12,050 Sundays, well, I just wanted to tell you that if that's the way you want it, 323 00:20:12,090 --> 00:20:16,390 it's not going to make me feel happy, but that's the way it's going to be. 324 00:20:17,510 --> 00:20:19,110 But what I really want you to know is why. 325 00:20:20,450 --> 00:20:21,450 Can you tell me? 326 00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:25,050 The truth? 327 00:20:26,450 --> 00:20:27,450 I think so, yes. 328 00:20:27,930 --> 00:20:28,930 I don't like football. 329 00:20:29,510 --> 00:20:32,310 Okay, fine. You don't like football. Now just tell me what's worrying you. 330 00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:33,810 That's it. 331 00:20:37,050 --> 00:20:40,030 What? You mean that's what this is all about? You don't like football? 332 00:20:40,550 --> 00:20:41,590 I hate football. 333 00:20:41,810 --> 00:20:46,390 I'm sorry, Dad. I know you always wanted me to play it, but I don't want to. So 334 00:20:46,390 --> 00:20:50,070 I won't blame you if you want to spend your Sundays with some kid who likes 335 00:20:50,070 --> 00:20:51,630 football. No, no. 336 00:20:51,870 --> 00:20:54,870 I don't want to spend my Sundays with anybody but you. 337 00:20:56,150 --> 00:20:57,150 What's wrong? 338 00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:00,830 It's just that I don't like football either. 339 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,700 father's game. He made me play it when I was a kid. 340 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:10,860 And why'd you always make me play? Because I thought you always liked it. 341 00:21:10,860 --> 00:21:11,860 did you always ask to play? 342 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:13,480 Because I thought you liked it. 343 00:21:14,980 --> 00:21:16,720 And that's why you didn't want to see me? 344 00:21:16,980 --> 00:21:19,300 I couldn't tell you. I thought it would hurt your feelings. 345 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:20,520 Oh, Matt. 346 00:21:21,060 --> 00:21:23,320 You know what we are? 347 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,540 We're just a couple of real jerks. 348 00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:30,380 Here we are trying not to hurt each other's feelings, and all we did was 349 00:21:30,380 --> 00:21:31,400 each other feel miserable. 350 00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:33,180 I want to tell you something. 351 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,520 The only way you can hurt my feelings is by not being my friend. 352 00:21:36,740 --> 00:21:39,180 Because you're my best friend in the whole world. 353 00:21:39,580 --> 00:21:40,840 Really? Really. 354 00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:43,220 And I bet I know who your best friend is. 355 00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:44,500 Jeff Newfield. 356 00:21:48,420 --> 00:21:50,240 I was just about to say that. 357 00:21:51,580 --> 00:21:55,580 Yeah, there is a sport I like. It's soccer. In fact, I even joined a team. 358 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,080 Soccer? You like soccer? 359 00:21:57,380 --> 00:21:58,380 That's great. 360 00:21:58,740 --> 00:22:02,480 Yeah, and for the next few Sundays, we're going to be playing matches at the 361 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:03,480 park. 362 00:22:03,580 --> 00:22:06,440 the other kids are bringing their dads with them. Do you think you can come and 363 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:07,440 watch me play, too? 364 00:22:07,460 --> 00:22:10,020 That is, if you haven't already made plans for Sunday. 365 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:14,620 Oh, you bet I'm going to come to see you play. I wouldn't miss your soccer games 366 00:22:14,620 --> 00:22:16,480 for anything in the world. 367 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:17,960 Dad, you know what? 368 00:22:18,220 --> 00:22:20,640 What? I'm glad we had this talk. 369 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:23,719 Me, too. 370 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,240 Hey, how about if I make us a couple of sandwiches? 371 00:22:26,660 --> 00:22:28,300 You stay right here. I'll go make them. 372 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,140 You do that for your old dad? 373 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:33,090 Hey. That's the kind of guy I am. 374 00:22:38,290 --> 00:22:45,150 Next on L .A. Law, Roxanne Patience is wearing 375 00:22:45,150 --> 00:22:49,850 thin with her lover's mind -numbing pillow talk tonight. On Saturday, it's 2 376 00:22:49,850 --> 00:22:55,310 -7. And the survey says Mary and Sandra are at it again when they play Family 377 00:22:55,310 --> 00:22:56,790 Feud, followed by Amen. 378 00:22:57,270 --> 00:23:00,670 Then... Put on your blue suede shoes for the wedding of the year on the Golden 379 00:23:00,670 --> 00:23:03,610 Girls. After that, it's Empty Nest, Saturday.