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Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM

1
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♪ This little light of mine ♪

2
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♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

3
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♪ Let it shine, let it shine ♪

4
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♪ Let it shine ♪

5
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♪ Everywhere I go ♪

6
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♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

7
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♪ Everywhere I go ♪

8
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♪ I'm gonna let it shine... ♪

9
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Well, I am happy to
report that my potato salad

10
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is once again the hit of the potluck.

11
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- That's great, honey.
- I feel bad

12
00:00:30,190 --> 00:00:31,409
for Pam Staples.

13
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No one's touching her potato salad.

14
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If you feel bad, then
why are you smiling?

15
00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:40,089
'Cause sometimes your
mommy's a big ol' hypocrite.

16
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,989
Howdy, Coopers! How we doing today?

17
00:00:42,990 --> 00:00:44,859
- Pastor Jeff.
- Thank you, Pastor Jeff.

18
00:00:44,860 --> 00:00:46,559
Y'all remember my wife Selena.

19
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:47,859
- Hi, Selena.
- Oh, yeah.

20
00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:49,149
¿Qué tal?

21
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You're married to her?

22
00:00:50,470 --> 00:00:52,430
Why, yes, I am.

23
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,719
You can think
it... You don't need to say it.

24
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,839
How are you liking Medford, Selena?

25
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,570
¿Cómo te gusta Medford?

26
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_

27
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She likes it fine.

28
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Oh.

29
00:01:05,910 --> 00:01:07,379
_

30
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She needs to use
the little girls' room.

31
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Mary, could I talk to you for a second?

32
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Sure.

33
00:01:13,690 --> 00:01:15,959
Don't worry. I'll bring her right back.

34
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Wasn't worried, but okay.

35
00:01:17,830 --> 00:01:19,759
Okay.

36
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,730
His Spanish is terrible.

37
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That's not what she said at all.

38
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Oh.

39
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:26,999
I don't know if you've heard,

40
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,349
but our church secretary,

41
00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:30,600
Elizabeth Sohinki, is
currently seeking treatment

42
00:01:30,610 --> 00:01:32,909
for a little problem
with... shall we say...

43
00:01:32,910 --> 00:01:34,709
Under-the-counter medications.

44
00:01:34,710 --> 00:01:36,779
Oh. So that rumor's true.

45
00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:37,949
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, she did

46
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always seem extremely alert.

47
00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:41,919
Alert, shaky, sweaty. Anyway,

48
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,289
we need someone to step
in and fill the position.

49
00:01:44,290 --> 00:01:46,390
I was wondering if
you might consider it.

50
00:01:47,790 --> 00:01:49,289
It's not just bookkeeping.

51
00:01:49,290 --> 00:01:52,349
I'd be in charge of handling the
maintenance issues... you know,

52
00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:54,219
plumbing, electric, what have you.

53
00:01:54,220 --> 00:01:57,520
And I'd also head the planning committee

54
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for all the social events,

55
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which, of course,
includes the big three:

56
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baptisms, weddings, funerals.

57
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And here is the cherry on top.

58
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The sign in front of the church
with all the clever sayings...

59
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"Be an organ donor, give
your heart to Jesus"?

60
00:02:11,610 --> 00:02:12,849
Exactly.

61
00:02:12,850 --> 00:02:15,120
Guess whose job it
would be to write those.

62
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Yours.

63
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Already working on a couple.

64
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Listen to this.

65
00:02:22,130 --> 00:02:26,580
"The best vitamin for
a Christian is B1."

66
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What?

67
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You know, be one.

68
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Like be a Christian.

69
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And also B1 the vitamin.

70
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Well, now that you
explained it, it's funny.

71
00:02:38,670 --> 00:02:40,420
Yeah. Might be a thinker.

72
00:02:40,430 --> 00:02:43,190
But there's a lot more
where that came from.

73
00:02:44,670 --> 00:02:46,210
What about the twins?

74
00:02:46,220 --> 00:02:48,879
Well, I'll still get 'em
off to school every day.

75
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,660
And when they get home,

76
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:53,419
Mom can keep an eye
on 'em till I get back.

77
00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:54,809
Think she'll go for it?

78
00:02:54,810 --> 00:02:57,209
Are you kidding? She
loves 'em like crazy.

79
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Fat chance.

80
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Oh, come on.

81
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:03,399
You come on. I'm
in the prime of my life.

82
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,350
I got my water aerobics
and my salsa dancing

83
00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,020
and my bowling league.

84
00:03:08,030 --> 00:03:09,839
But you love your grandchildren.

85
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,370
I love ice cream, too,
but I don't want to eat it

86
00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:14,569
from 3:00 to 6:00 five days a week.

87
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:16,419
Well, I'm very disappointed.

88
00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:17,919
And I'm fine with that.

89
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,550
Why don't you just get a babysitter?

90
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,139
Kinda defeats the purpose
of making extra money.

91
00:03:22,140 --> 00:03:23,050
Oh, yeah, right.

92
00:03:23,051 --> 00:03:24,630
All right, let's think about it.

93
00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,039
Georgie.

94
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,239
Football practice.

95
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,289
- And I don't trust him when I'm home.
- Oh.

96
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:32,119
Okay, now, what are
we talking about here?

97
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:35,859
Sheldon is intelligent and responsible,

98
00:03:35,860 --> 00:03:39,730
and Missy... is his sister.

99
00:03:39,740 --> 00:03:41,569
I think they'll be fine home alone

100
00:03:41,570 --> 00:03:44,000
all by themselves for a
couple hours after school.

101
00:03:44,010 --> 00:03:45,989
- You think?
- I do.

102
00:03:45,990 --> 00:03:48,509
As a matter of fact, I actually
think it'll be great for them.

103
00:03:48,510 --> 00:03:50,240
These kids today are so coddled,

104
00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:52,249
I honestly think y'all are raising

105
00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:54,849
a whole generation of sissies.

106
00:03:54,850 --> 00:03:57,789
Is that the way you speak
about your grandchildren?

107
00:03:57,790 --> 00:03:59,500
Yes.

108
00:04:12,890 --> 00:04:19,139
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --

109
00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:23,549
Hi.

110
00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:25,349
How'd it go with your mom?

111
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:27,279
She's not interested in watching 'em.

112
00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,219
Doesn't want to give up her afternoons.

113
00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:31,370
Of course. Sorry.

114
00:04:33,890 --> 00:04:35,789
You know what, it's okay.

115
00:04:35,790 --> 00:04:37,069
The timing wasn't right.

116
00:04:37,070 --> 00:04:39,209
Maybe when the kids are older.

117
00:04:39,210 --> 00:04:41,940
Okay.

118
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:47,240
I guess I'll go get dinner started.

119
00:04:57,550 --> 00:04:58,849
How about this?

120
00:04:58,850 --> 00:05:01,279
Go ahead and take the job.

121
00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:02,749
Yeah, if it turns out

122
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:04,419
Sheldon and Missy can't
look out for themselves

123
00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:06,269
for a couple hours after school,

124
00:05:06,270 --> 00:05:09,689
then... well, we'll cross
that bridge when we come to it.

125
00:05:09,690 --> 00:05:10,820
Are you sure about this?

126
00:05:10,830 --> 00:05:12,730
Yeah. Actually, probably good for 'em.

127
00:05:12,740 --> 00:05:14,829
Teach 'em a little responsibility.

128
00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:17,229
That's exactly what my mom said.

129
00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:18,969
Really?

130
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,599
Well, I still like the idea.

131
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,000
Mmm.

132
00:05:24,970 --> 00:05:27,370
Thank you, God, for this food

133
00:05:27,380 --> 00:05:29,140
we're about to receive,
and for the nourishment

134
00:05:29,150 --> 00:05:31,679
of our bodies, and bless
the hands that prepared it.

135
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,449
Amen.

136
00:05:34,450 --> 00:05:35,849
So, kids,

137
00:05:35,850 --> 00:05:38,349
we have a little family
business to discuss.

138
00:05:38,350 --> 00:05:39,950
- You're pregnant?
- No.

139
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:40,980
We're getting a puppy?

140
00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:41,980
No.

141
00:05:42,060 --> 00:05:44,059
I'm not sure I care.

142
00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:46,859
Starting next Monday, I'm gonna take

143
00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:49,080
a full-time job at the church.

144
00:05:49,090 --> 00:05:51,629
Well, who's going to take care of us?

145
00:05:51,630 --> 00:05:54,269
Well, nothing will change in the
morning... I'll make breakfast,

146
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,300
take you both to school.
Then, after school,

147
00:05:56,310 --> 00:05:58,620
you'll come home, do your homework,

148
00:05:58,630 --> 00:06:00,209
watch TV, play with your toys

149
00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:02,319
till I come home around 6:00.

150
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,519
Well, why can't Meemaw take care of us?

151
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,079
- 'Cause she's not the person you think she is.
- George...

152
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,049
You're really gonna
leave these two alone?

153
00:06:09,050 --> 00:06:10,340
Yes.

154
00:06:10,350 --> 00:06:12,520
That's a brave choice.

155
00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:14,689
Look, this job is
important to your mother.

156
00:06:14,690 --> 00:06:17,120
We expect you both to
step up and be responsible.

157
00:06:17,130 --> 00:06:18,889
I can do that.

158
00:06:18,890 --> 00:06:20,619
Missy?

159
00:06:20,620 --> 00:06:22,629
I'm thinking about it.

160
00:06:22,630 --> 00:06:25,260
Very brave.

161
00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:33,579
_

162
00:06:33,580 --> 00:06:36,030
Okay, let's go over it one more time.

163
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:39,430
House key's under the
plastic owl by the front door.

164
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,369
There's after-school
snacks in the fridge.

165
00:06:42,370 --> 00:06:44,400
One for each of you.

166
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,409
Emergency numbers are
right there by the phone.

167
00:06:48,410 --> 00:06:50,509
First aid kit is in the hall closet.

168
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:53,019
And you won't be needing it,

169
00:06:53,020 --> 00:06:56,749
but under the kitchen sink
is a fire extinguisher.

170
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,419
Ooh, that looks fun.

171
00:06:58,420 --> 00:07:01,859
For fires only, and don't be
starting one just to use it.

172
00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:04,859
It's like she can read my mind.

173
00:07:04,860 --> 00:07:06,329
Don't worry, Mom.

174
00:07:06,330 --> 00:07:07,829
We'll make you proud.

175
00:07:07,830 --> 00:07:09,269
I know you will, baby.

176
00:07:09,270 --> 00:07:11,199
All set for your first day?

177
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,819
- I believe I am.
- Mm.

178
00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:13,999
- Mwah.
- Mwah.

179
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,069
Go get 'em.

180
00:07:15,070 --> 00:07:17,339
Thanks for waking me up.

181
00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:19,679
I woke you up 40 minutes ago.

182
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,939
Well, you didn't do a very good job.

183
00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:24,250
Bye, y'all.

184
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:33,890
Okay, yeah. Yeah.

185
00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:35,500
Okay, later.

186
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,699
Sorry to bother you, Peg,
is Pastor Jeff available?

187
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:42,469
Jeff! You available?!

188
00:07:42,470 --> 00:07:43,699
On the phone.

189
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:45,600
He's on the phone.

190
00:07:56,250 --> 00:07:59,579
You know, my mother's had some
luck cutting back on the smoking

191
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,369
by chewing that nicotine gum.

192
00:08:01,370 --> 00:08:04,489
Got some right here.

193
00:08:04,490 --> 00:08:05,850
So you do.

194
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:06,989
Come on in.

195
00:08:06,990 --> 00:08:08,450
Go on, you heard him.

196
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,929
Thank you.

197
00:08:11,930 --> 00:08:13,359
Hey, hey.

198
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,660
Hey, Mare.

199
00:08:15,670 --> 00:08:17,399
Uh, you finding everything you need?

200
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,830
Oh, you bet.

201
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,700
So, I've been going over the books,

202
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,279
and I think we have
enough money in our budget

203
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,479
to purchase a personal computer

204
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,739
to handle all the church business.

205
00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:30,889
Okay.

206
00:08:30,890 --> 00:08:32,939
Well, uh, why don't you
leave the paperwork here,

207
00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:34,139
and I'll-I'll take a look at it.

208
00:08:34,140 --> 00:08:35,229
Of course.

209
00:08:35,230 --> 00:08:36,789
That's for your perusal.

210
00:08:40,590 --> 00:08:42,089
Everything okay?

211
00:08:42,090 --> 00:08:43,450
What?

212
00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:45,629
Yeah. Right as rain.

213
00:08:45,630 --> 00:08:46,799
All righty.

214
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,929
Hey, if you have a minute,

215
00:08:48,930 --> 00:08:51,869
I would love to talk to you
about the sign out front.

216
00:08:51,870 --> 00:08:54,070
Yeah, sure.

217
00:09:06,050 --> 00:09:07,910
So far so good.

218
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,709
Hello?

219
00:09:29,710 --> 00:09:31,910
Anybody?

220
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,340
They weren't kidding.

221
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,950
Maybe I'll just have one little peek.

222
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,510
How come you're not eating your snack?

223
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:53,459
I prefer my snack to be a
reward for homework well done.

224
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:55,799
You're like an old person.

225
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,310
Thank you.

226
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:07,940
What's your homework?

227
00:10:07,950 --> 00:10:09,460
Non-Euclidean geometry.

228
00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:10,629
How about you?

229
00:10:10,630 --> 00:10:12,999
"Symonyms."

230
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,800
You mean synonyms.

231
00:10:14,810 --> 00:10:17,290
I'm pretty sure she said "symonyms."

232
00:10:19,690 --> 00:10:21,399
Did you see that?

233
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,080
Someone's out there.

234
00:10:25,090 --> 00:10:27,050
Oh, no. They're in the backyard.

235
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,660
What do we do?

236
00:10:30,670 --> 00:10:32,230
Aah!

237
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,800
Would one of you please get me a towel?

238
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,069
Why were you sneaking around out there?

239
00:10:57,070 --> 00:10:58,669
Yeah, you scared us.

240
00:10:58,670 --> 00:11:01,009
I was checking up on you two.

241
00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:04,009
And in case you're
wondering, you scared me back.

242
00:11:04,010 --> 00:11:05,779
Well, why didn't you knock?

243
00:11:05,780 --> 00:11:09,379
Because you two are supposed
to be doing this on your own.

244
00:11:09,380 --> 00:11:11,110
And you don't think we can.

245
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,180
Of course I do.

246
00:11:12,190 --> 00:11:13,719
I'm the one who told your mother

247
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,950
that you were fine by
yourselves in the first place.

248
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,289
Then why were you checking up on us?

249
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:20,289
That's called being two-faced.

250
00:11:20,290 --> 00:11:21,809
We'll be okay on our own.

251
00:11:21,810 --> 00:11:24,179
Yeah, we need to prove we can do this.

252
00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:26,129
All right.

253
00:11:26,130 --> 00:11:28,269
I respect that.

254
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:32,639
And I'm happy to keep this
little incident a secret.

255
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,459
Really? I'm telling everyone.

256
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:36,529
It was hilarious.

257
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:39,669
I'm going bowling.

258
00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:46,119
When we first started dating,
everything was wonderful.

259
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,859
That's when it is wonderful.

260
00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:50,059
All the problems started
once we got married.

261
00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:52,789
Well, marriage will do
that to a relationship.

262
00:11:52,790 --> 00:11:54,620
I-I got Selena a credit card

263
00:11:54,660 --> 00:11:56,580
to make small purchases for the house.

264
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:59,689
You know... coffee maker, DustBuster.

265
00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:01,110
You know what she did?

266
00:12:01,210 --> 00:12:03,089
She went to that Sharper Image store

267
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,860
and she bought a massage chair.

268
00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:07,200
Oh, I sat in one of those at the mall.

269
00:12:07,210 --> 00:12:08,170
It was terrific.

270
00:12:08,171 --> 00:12:09,500
It's $2,000.

271
00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:12,909
Oh. Well, seeing as I
know how much you make,

272
00:12:12,910 --> 00:12:14,309
you can't afford that.

273
00:12:14,310 --> 00:12:16,810
I... uh-uh.

274
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,819
Of all the afflictions

275
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:22,490
that can befall a child,
one reigns supreme.

276
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:25,519
Beyond scraped knees and paper cuts,

277
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:29,859
nothing strikes fear into the
hearts of kids around the world

278
00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:31,720
like a splinter.

279
00:12:31,730 --> 00:12:36,599
No!

280
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,600
Tell me why you were
pretending to have amnesia.

281
00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:41,309
I've got a splinter!

282
00:12:41,310 --> 00:12:42,819
So?

283
00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:44,070
So, it's an emergency!

284
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:45,179
Call Meemaw!

285
00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:46,239
Oh, calm down.

286
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,879
- We can take care of this.
- No, we can't!

287
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,899
Sheldon, if we can't
handle a little splinter,

288
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:54,200
they're never gonna
leave us alone again.

289
00:12:54,210 --> 00:12:55,820
You're right.

290
00:12:55,830 --> 00:12:57,189
So, what do we do?

291
00:12:57,190 --> 00:12:58,700
Let me see it.

292
00:13:02,250 --> 00:13:04,379
Oh, boy. That's a deep one.

293
00:13:04,380 --> 00:13:06,789
Hey, it's throbbing really bad.

294
00:13:06,790 --> 00:13:08,630
Mom would take it out with tweezers.

295
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,799
Well, where would we find tweezers?

296
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,500
Let's see what we got.

297
00:13:12,510 --> 00:13:13,859
Band-Aids...

298
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,570
cotton balls.

299
00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:17,689
What's "gowz"?

300
00:13:17,690 --> 00:13:19,959
It's gauze, and the fact
that you don't know that

301
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,650
is not filling me with hope.

302
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,280
Where would Mom keep the tweezers?

303
00:13:25,290 --> 00:13:27,819
- Sometimes she uses a needle on splinters.
- No.

304
00:13:27,820 --> 00:13:30,419
No needles. Anything but needles.

305
00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:33,259
Wait, she has tweezers
in her makeup bag.

306
00:13:33,260 --> 00:13:35,059
She plucks her eyebrows with them.

307
00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:37,640
And sometimes her mustache.

308
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:44,869
Anything?

309
00:13:44,870 --> 00:13:46,069
Nope.

310
00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:47,709
Wait.

311
00:13:47,710 --> 00:13:49,309
Maybe they're in her room.

312
00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:51,779
We're not allowed to go
in Mom and Dad's room.

313
00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:54,310
Want me to get the needle?

314
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,429
Let's make this quick.

315
00:13:58,430 --> 00:14:00,080
Why are you whispering?

316
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,519
That's how people speak
when they're being naughty.

317
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,170
I wouldn't know. I'm
naughty all the time.

318
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:15,299
You're really not coming in?

319
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,420
No. But you're doing great.

320
00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:24,679
What's wrong?

321
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,709
This really is naughty.

322
00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:28,550
I told you.

323
00:14:33,050 --> 00:14:34,519
I don't see anything.

324
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,329
There's just a Bible and a flashlight.

325
00:14:38,730 --> 00:14:39,989
What do I do?

326
00:14:39,990 --> 00:14:42,250
Answer it but sound calm.

327
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:46,929
Hello.

328
00:14:46,930 --> 00:14:48,069
Hey, it's Dad.

329
00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:49,169
How you guys doing?

330
00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:50,369
We're great.

331
00:14:50,370 --> 00:14:51,869
Glad to hear it.

332
00:14:51,870 --> 00:14:53,329
I'm watching TV,

333
00:14:53,330 --> 00:14:55,279
and Sheldon's reading quietly.

334
00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:57,539
I knew you could handle this.

335
00:14:57,540 --> 00:14:59,340
- I'm proud of you.
- You know what?

336
00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:00,909
I'm proud of us, too.

337
00:15:00,910 --> 00:15:02,649
Uh... Okay, baby doll,

338
00:15:02,650 --> 00:15:03,949
I'll be home in a couple hours.

339
00:15:03,950 --> 00:15:05,980
Stay out all night. We got this.

340
00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:08,519
Wha... Love you, too.

341
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,660
That was intense.

342
00:15:12,670 --> 00:15:15,429
I don't think I'm cut out
for this latchkey life.

343
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,760
You answer it this time.

344
00:15:18,770 --> 00:15:21,099
I can't, I'm supposed
to be reading quietly.

345
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:22,530
Answer it, Sheldon.

346
00:15:22,540 --> 00:15:25,299
Well, I'm not going in there.

347
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,679
Hello. Cooper residence.

348
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,139
Sheldon speaking.

349
00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:30,509
Hey, Shelly.

350
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:31,679
Oh, hello, Mom.

351
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,480
How's your day going?

352
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:42,650
Shelly? Shelly? You there?

353
00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:44,619
Yes, I'm here.

354
00:15:44,620 --> 00:15:46,520
She wants to know how my day's going.

355
00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:47,689
Say it's going good.

356
00:15:47,690 --> 00:15:48,729
I can't say that.

357
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:49,540
Why not?

358
00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:50,460
It's bad grammar.

359
00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:51,709
How are you supposed to say it?

360
00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:53,060
"It's going well."

361
00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:54,520
Oh, that's nice.

362
00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:56,379
I've got to get back to work,

363
00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:59,739
but I love you and miss you very much.

364
00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:01,469
Okay.

365
00:16:01,470 --> 00:16:04,530
I handled that really well.

366
00:16:07,650 --> 00:16:08,749
Got a minute?

367
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:10,710
Sure, come on in.

368
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,140
I just wanted to apologize.

369
00:16:13,150 --> 00:16:16,529
I-It was wrong of me to unload
my personal business on you.

370
00:16:16,530 --> 00:16:18,219
Here it is, your first day and all.

371
00:16:18,220 --> 00:16:19,259
Oh, that's fine.

372
00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:20,720
Always happy to lend an ear.

373
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,859
Great, 'cause I didn't
tell you everything.

374
00:16:22,860 --> 00:16:25,309
Really? 'Cause you told me a lot.

375
00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:27,329
This morning, while
Selena was in the shower,

376
00:16:27,330 --> 00:16:29,730
I went through her purse
and I took the credit card.

377
00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:31,499
- Oh, my.
- Now,

378
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:34,589
do you think that's stealing,
or is it doing the right thing?

379
00:16:34,590 --> 00:16:37,309
You know, saving us from
bankruptcy and whatnot?

380
00:16:37,310 --> 00:16:41,109
Wow. Um, yeah, that's complicated.

381
00:16:41,110 --> 00:16:44,689
Um... going through her
purse... Probably wrong,

382
00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:47,149
but on the other hand...

383
00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:48,589
well, there is no other hand.

384
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,199
You can't be doing things like that

385
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,689
and have a healthy marriage.

386
00:16:51,690 --> 00:16:53,089
Why don't you just talk to her?

387
00:16:53,090 --> 00:16:55,059
Explain your financial situation?

388
00:16:55,060 --> 00:16:56,650
That...

389
00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:01,069
Oh, we're closing the door now, okay.

390
00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:04,239
That's not so easy.

391
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,500
Because of the language barrier?

392
00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:09,470
That, and I implied,
when we were dating,

393
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,679
that I was... well-to-do.

394
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,810
Oh, Pastor Jeff, why would you do that?

395
00:17:15,820 --> 00:17:17,179
You saw her.

396
00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:18,639
Uh, she is the kind of woman

397
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:21,589
that can make a man do bad things.

398
00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:26,450
Well, I... I don't know
what to say to that.

399
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:29,890
Maybe you ought to pray on it.

400
00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:31,529
You're right.

401
00:17:31,530 --> 00:17:34,299
You're absolutely right.

402
00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:35,469
I'll do that now.

403
00:17:35,470 --> 00:17:36,730
I'll do the same.

404
00:17:36,740 --> 00:17:37,899
Thank you.

405
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,649
God, please give me the strength

406
00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:49,649
to not spread this juicy
gossip about Pastor Jeff.

407
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:51,049
Amen.

408
00:17:52,310 --> 00:17:53,549
What are you doing?

409
00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:57,050
I'm reading quietly, so I don't
have to lie about it later.

410
00:17:58,590 --> 00:17:59,789
Found 'em.

411
00:17:59,790 --> 00:18:01,319
The tweezers?

412
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,659
Mom's needles and her magnifying glass.

413
00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:05,199
Absolutely not.

414
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,860
Let me at least try.

415
00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:07,680
No.

416
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,469
You're being a baby.

417
00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:11,869
Nothing you can say will change my mind.

418
00:18:11,870 --> 00:18:13,770
What if it gets infected and turns green

419
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,390
and they have to cut it off?

420
00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:19,249
I think it's numb.

421
00:18:19,250 --> 00:18:20,780
Great, put your hand out.

422
00:18:23,050 --> 00:18:26,019
Wait, how do you plan on
sterilizing the needle?

423
00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:28,289
Mom uses a lit match.

424
00:18:28,290 --> 00:18:30,319
We're not allowed to play with matches.

425
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,719
What else would work?

426
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,620
Alcohol.

427
00:18:42,130 --> 00:18:43,729
Stick your finger in there.

428
00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:44,899
I'll do the needle.

429
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:48,339
Okay. I hope I don't get drunk.

430
00:18:48,340 --> 00:18:49,690
How long till you're sterile?

431
00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:50,590
I don't know,

432
00:18:50,591 --> 00:18:52,160
but I'm getting lightheaded.

433
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,740
No matter what happens, hold still.

434
00:19:06,190 --> 00:19:07,359
I can't do it.

435
00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:09,159
- Yes, you can.
- No, I can't.

436
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:10,200
Just let me get it.

437
00:19:10,210 --> 00:19:12,159
What if you slip and stab me in the eye?

438
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,660
I'm not gonna slip.

439
00:19:13,670 --> 00:19:15,730
Who always wins when we play...

440
00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:17,770
Be right back.

441
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:26,039
In 1989 the Milton Bradley Company

442
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,110
had dozens of board games on the market,

443
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:34,420
but only one where you were the doctor.

444
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,849
Operation came complete

445
00:19:38,850 --> 00:19:40,889
with a red light-up nose,

446
00:19:40,890 --> 00:19:44,529
13 plastic body parts
for players to remove

447
00:19:44,530 --> 00:19:49,790
and, most importantly, one
pair of genuine tweezers.

448
00:19:54,950 --> 00:19:58,219
My sister performed a
medical procedure using

449
00:19:58,220 --> 00:19:59,960
a children's board game,

450
00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:02,810
while I bravely sat very still.

451
00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:18,570
I guess you could say there
were two heroes that day.

452
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,160
Gee, how do you suppose that happened?

453
00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:29,349
- Hello?
- In here.

454
00:20:29,350 --> 00:20:32,419
Why does the kitchen smell like whiskey?

455
00:20:32,420 --> 00:20:34,439
Ask her.

456
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,240
Oh, dear Lord!

457
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,609
Wait till you hear what I did to Meemaw.

458
00:20:40,610 --> 00:20:43,410
Our show came at number one.

459
00:20:43,870 --> 00:20:47,930
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