1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:05,673 It's typical for young people 2 00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:07,633 to admire rock stars. 3 00:00:07,717 --> 00:00:10,970 For my sister, it was Cyndi Lauper. 4 00:00:13,389 --> 00:00:15,391 For my brother, it was Bon Jovi. 5 00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:16,809 Well, Jon, we look good. 6 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,645 ♪♪ Oh, livin' on... ♪♪ 7 00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:25,151 For me, the rock star I admired most was... 8 00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:27,278 Albert Einstein. 9 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:32,908 Did you know Einstein loved playing the violin? 10 00:00:32,992 --> 00:00:34,952 - So? - He believed music 11 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,996 helped him formulate his theories. 12 00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:38,456 So? 13 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,207 Einstein was arguably the greatest 14 00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:42,293 scientific mind of the 20th century. 15 00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,503 If music helped him, maybe it could help me. 16 00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:46,047 So? 17 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,258 I got to go talk to my mom. 18 00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:51,052 - Everything okay? - Yeah, 19 00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,863 she's just got some problems she's dealing with. 20 00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:55,014 Kind of personal. Will you make the kids lunch? 21 00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:57,016 - Ah, do I have to? - George? 22 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:58,267 Happy to. 23 00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,810 Be right back. 24 00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,689 What do y'all want for lunch? 25 00:01:03,773 --> 00:01:05,316 Peanut butter and jelly, please. 26 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,484 Great. Missy? 27 00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:10,154 Tuna salad on rye toast, 28 00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,781 with sliced pickles and... 29 00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,574 Two PBJs, got it. 30 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,160 What is going on? 31 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,162 - Well... - Well, what? 32 00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:20,873 - I'm trying to say it. - You woke me up. 33 00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:22,458 Spill it or I'm going back to bed. 34 00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:24,418 I'm pregnant. 35 00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:26,837 I'm awake now. 36 00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:30,925 ♪♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪♪ 37 00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:33,719 ♪♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪♪ 38 00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:36,430 ♪♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪♪ 39 00:01:36,514 --> 00:01:38,849 ♪♪ I am a mighty little man ♪♪ 40 00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:42,770 ♪♪ I am a mighty little man ♪♪ 41 00:01:45,481 --> 00:01:47,024 Are you sure? 42 00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:48,400 Yes. I'm late. 43 00:01:48,484 --> 00:01:50,194 - How late? - Two days. 44 00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:52,113 Oh, two days. That's nothing. 45 00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:55,032 Last time I was two days late, I had the twins. 46 00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:57,868 Last time I was two days late, I had menopause. 47 00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:01,080 Just trying to lighten the mood. 48 00:02:02,832 --> 00:02:04,250 So do you have... 49 00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:07,294 reason to think that you might be? 50 00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:09,880 Well, we try to be safe, but... 51 00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,841 you know, heat of the moment. 52 00:02:11,924 --> 00:02:14,593 Still? After three kids and that beer belly 53 00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:16,345 - hanging over his pants? - Mom? 54 00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:19,890 I think you might be getting way ahead of yourself. 55 00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:22,184 I'm telling you, I just know. 56 00:02:22,268 --> 00:02:25,980 You were also convinced that Georgie was gonna be a girl. 57 00:02:26,564 --> 00:02:28,315 That's true. 58 00:02:28,399 --> 00:02:31,235 Although he does have very pretty hair. 59 00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:36,157 - Hello. - Hi, Sheldon. 60 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,117 I'd like to learn to play the violin. 61 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,702 Really? 62 00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:41,620 Well, that's terrific. 63 00:02:41,704 --> 00:02:44,331 Do you have any experience with stringed instruments? 64 00:02:44,415 --> 00:02:46,000 Stringed instruments, no. 65 00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:47,751 String theory, yes. 66 00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:51,922 That was a joke. I'm a joker. 67 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,300 I think I have an old violin you can take home 68 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:55,426 and get the feel of. 69 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,844 That's great. 70 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,304 Thank you. 71 00:02:58,387 --> 00:02:59,388 But I have to warn you, 72 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:01,515 it can be a frustrating instrument to learn. 73 00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:03,392 - Can you play it? - Yes. 74 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:04,727 I'll be fine. 75 00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:17,114 I don't see them. 76 00:03:17,907 --> 00:03:18,908 Excuse me. 77 00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:20,618 Where do you keep your pregnancy tests? 78 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,329 - Mom. - Behind the counter at the pharmacy. 79 00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:24,830 Thank you. 80 00:03:24,914 --> 00:03:26,832 Would you please be a little more discreet? 81 00:03:26,916 --> 00:03:28,542 She doesn't know it's for you. 82 00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:30,544 Well, it sure isn't for you. 83 00:03:31,253 --> 00:03:32,254 Come on. 84 00:03:32,338 --> 00:03:34,215 Ow. No. 85 00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:35,424 Well, go ahead. 86 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,176 - I can't. - Why not? 87 00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:38,886 His daughter goes to Missy's school. 88 00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:41,138 You are being ridiculous. 89 00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,307 I don't need the world knowing my business. 90 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,558 Okay, fine. 91 00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,228 - Hello! - Oh. 92 00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:49,271 Excuse me. 93 00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:51,023 - Hi, can I help you? - Yes. 94 00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:53,567 Uh, I need a... pregnancy test. 95 00:03:53,651 --> 00:03:54,651 Sure. 96 00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:55,736 We have a few options. 97 00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:57,321 Hey, Connie. 98 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,573 Oh, hey, Brenda. 99 00:03:59,657 --> 00:04:01,200 Oh, you-you pick. 100 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,701 Is that a pregnancy test? 101 00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:05,412 Uh, yeah. 102 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,622 It's for me. 103 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:09,667 - Really? - Yes. 104 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:12,294 I come from a long line of really fertile women. 105 00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:14,463 My mother had me when she was 57. 106 00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:15,589 Can you believe it? 107 00:04:15,673 --> 00:04:17,633 I don't think I can. 108 00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:19,134 Dr. Sturgis and I have been dating 109 00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:21,303 for some time and we really try to be careful, 110 00:04:21,387 --> 00:04:23,973 but you know how it is. 111 00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,683 Heat of the moment. 112 00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:28,143 Hi, Mrs. Cooper! 113 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,021 Hi, Billy. 114 00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:32,982 Are you playing hide-and-seek? 115 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,192 Um, yeah. 116 00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:37,778 Don't tell anybody. Shh. 117 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,280 Bye, Mrs. Cooper! 118 00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:40,614 Oh... 119 00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:44,076 Thank you so much. Bye. 120 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,412 Wish me luck. 121 00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:50,666 It's a bit worn. But it's fine for a beginner. 122 00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:56,588 That was unpleasant. 123 00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,799 It just takes some practice. 124 00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:01,135 Very well. When is my first lesson? 125 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,762 I'm... pretty busy right now. 126 00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:06,724 But I can give you this in the meantime. 127 00:05:08,017 --> 00:05:09,893 Anyone Can Play Violin. 128 00:05:10,436 --> 00:05:11,895 They don't set the bar very high. 129 00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,483 You know what you need to do? 130 00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:17,693 Yes. 131 00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:21,488 How's it going? 132 00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:24,158 It'd be a lot easier to pee if you'd stop talking. 133 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,909 Sorry. 134 00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:31,498 Now it's too quiet. Say something. 135 00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,961 I know you didn't expect this, 136 00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:38,922 and you still might not be, but... 137 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:42,134 but if it turns out you are... 138 00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:44,511 I'm here for you. 139 00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:46,889 Thanks, Mom. 140 00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:49,433 You're not the one I'm worried about. 141 00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,061 If I'm pregnant, George is gonna flip out. 142 00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:54,688 I'm sure he would at first. 143 00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:56,774 Then he would calm down. 144 00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,651 Take a few beers. 145 00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:02,363 Maybe some malt liquor. 146 00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:04,948 I suppose. 147 00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:08,369 The truth is, he and I were both 148 00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,204 freaked out about having twins. 149 00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:13,165 But now I can't imagine life without them. 150 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,125 Well, see, there you are. 151 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:19,254 So, no matter what that test says, 152 00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,173 you're gonna be okay. 153 00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:22,674 You're right. 154 00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:24,927 What's it say? 155 00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:29,139 I'm gonna go buy that malt liquor. 156 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,147 To get started, place your violin 157 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:40,651 in rest position. Your feet should be together. 158 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,362 Your right arm should be over your instrument, 159 00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:46,615 not touching the strings or the bridge. 160 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,334 - Put your left hand... - What are you doing? 161 00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:50,452 What does it look like? 162 00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:53,497 Like you're looking for another excuse for kids to pick on you. 163 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:55,833 Now, you are ready to position your feet. 164 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,252 Zip your feet open and step forward 165 00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,963 with your left foot. 166 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,565 - Your feet should... - What are you doing? 167 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,551 I was gonna watch DuckTales, but this looks funnier. 168 00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:08,011 ...procedure for positioning the violin on your shoulder. 169 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,764 Hold your violin above the left foot 170 00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:12,933 with the neck of the instrument pointing up. 171 00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:15,018 Left foot, neck up. 172 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,770 Now rotate the neck of the instrument 173 00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:19,398 counterclockwise, so that the neck points 174 00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,066 at your left foot. 175 00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:24,111 - Oh, boy. - I was right. 176 00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:25,946 Bend your left elbow so that the violin 177 00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,906 rests on your shoulder 178 00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:29,783 and place your head on the chin rest. 179 00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,870 Now try dropping your left hand. 180 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,313 See if you can hold your instrument 181 00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,248 without your hands. 182 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,333 - Time yourself at this... - What's going on? 183 00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:41,128 I'm learning to play the violin. 184 00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,005 It's my new favorite show. 185 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:45,382 Once you feel you have control of your instrument, 186 00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:48,427 try moving your hands around. 187 00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,437 Repeat this procedure until you can position 188 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,106 your instrument comfortably and quickly. 189 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,071 He'll just be another minute. 190 00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,198 Thank you. 191 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,621 - What's that about? - Oh... 192 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,499 just trying not to breathe the smoke in. 193 00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:19,958 Come on. 194 00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:22,419 It already went through the filter and my lungs. 195 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:25,547 This stuff is squeaky clean. 196 00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:26,840 Well, still. 197 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:30,385 He's all yours, your highness. 198 00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:31,887 All right. 199 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:37,059 Hey, Mare, what's up? Other than the big guy. 200 00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,227 God joke. 201 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:42,814 Actually, um, I could use some guidance. 202 00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:44,274 I got some news today, 203 00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:47,152 and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. 204 00:08:47,236 --> 00:08:49,404 Of course. Sit. 205 00:08:52,950 --> 00:08:56,036 Well... I am... 206 00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,413 um... 207 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,082 with child. 208 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,583 That's wonderful! 209 00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:05,212 Congratulations! How far along are you? 210 00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:07,214 Uh, could you keep it down just a little? 211 00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:08,632 I haven't exactly told George yet. 212 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,926 Got it. And why not? 213 00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,344 It is his, right? 214 00:09:12,928 --> 00:09:14,471 Of course. 215 00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:15,681 Apologies. 216 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:17,766 Hey, I'm a pastor in a small town. 217 00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:21,144 You wouldn't believe the juicy things I hear. 218 00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:25,566 This just wasn't part of our plan. 219 00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:28,235 Well, luckily... it's part of God's plan. 220 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,404 And let me tell you about another Mary 221 00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:33,156 who didn't know how to tell her husband she was expecting. 222 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,159 And her story is way weirder than yours. 223 00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:41,373 In order to practice this, move your bow 224 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:44,710 in a counterclockwise direction. 225 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,463 Keep your hand moving right with the tip of the bow. 226 00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:51,008 For our next song, "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," 227 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:54,052 remember posture is our most important thing. 228 00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:55,554 Set, play. 229 00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:10,360 Did you hear that? I did it. 230 00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:11,945 I don't think you did. 231 00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:15,782 And now we see how it helps my science. 232 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,368 Hmm. 233 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:20,871 Hmm... 234 00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,501 Come on, think. 235 00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:30,672 Probably needs more "Twinkle, Twinkle." 236 00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:31,923 ...for learning new songs. 237 00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:33,925 You can play them along with me. 238 00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:44,645 What the hell is that? 239 00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:47,606 Sheldon's learning to play the violin. 240 00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:49,941 Oh. Well, that's unfortunate. 241 00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,068 Mm-hmm. 242 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,153 I'm gonna go change. 243 00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:59,701 Hey, Dad. Can you believe I only started playing today? 244 00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:01,828 I really can. 245 00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,801 Hey, so there's something 246 00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,636 I've been meaning to talk to you about. 247 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:18,845 Sure, what's up? 248 00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:22,265 Now, before I say it, um... 249 00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:25,602 I want to tell you a story of another Mary. 250 00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:27,312 Um... 251 00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:29,022 Okay, anytime... 252 00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:31,483 Are you kidding me?! 253 00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,110 Keep your voice down. 254 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,195 Are you kidding me? 255 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,256 Look, I was a little thrown, too, but Pastor Jeff said... 256 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,907 Pastor Jeff? 257 00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,701 Pastor Jeff knows before me? 258 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:43,537 Well, yeah, I needed someone to talk to, 259 00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,455 - and, you know, my mom... - Your mom?! 260 00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:48,333 - Shh! - Does the whole damn town know? 261 00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:50,877 No. Just my mom and Pastor Jeff. 262 00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,172 And maybe Brenda Sparks. 263 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,968 Probably Peg... 264 00:11:58,552 --> 00:11:59,678 and whoever she told, 265 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,888 - but that is it. - Oh, is that it? 266 00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:04,099 Great news! 267 00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:05,350 Not a good time, Sheldon. 268 00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:07,144 But it's really important. 269 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,562 Ugh. 270 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:13,692 I figured out why the violin worked for Einstein 271 00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:15,235 and not for me. 272 00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,612 I need to become a Jewish person. 273 00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:27,414 - Sheldon, dinner! - Coming! 274 00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:32,753 Sorry I'm late. Shalom. 275 00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:37,424 What's on your head? 276 00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:40,177 - A yarmulke. - A yama-what? 277 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,595 It's a special Jewish hat. 278 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:44,431 It reminds the wearer that God is always over you. 279 00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:47,184 Mom. 280 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,019 Oh, come on, it's funny. 281 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,771 It's not funny and it's not a yarmulke. 282 00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:54,775 It is a coaster I crocheted at Bible camp. 283 00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,318 Are you gonna say something to him? 284 00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,321 Normally I would, but I got bigger problems right now. 285 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,034 - Let's just say grace. - Hold on. 286 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,119 Are these hot dogs kosher? 287 00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:13,001 Over the next few days, 288 00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:14,920 I continued to play the violin 289 00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:18,590 in an effort to replicate the mental prowess of Einstein. 290 00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:21,885 I was asked to confine my practice to the garage 291 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:25,096 by my father, mother, sister and brother. 292 00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:27,432 Meemaw was fine with me practicing in the house, 293 00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:29,893 but why would she care? She doesn't live with us. 294 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,480 Hey, George. 295 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,440 Hey, Herschel. 296 00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:36,793 Let me guess. You're here to complain 297 00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,360 about Sheldon's violin playing. 298 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:40,529 Well, under normal circumstances, I'd say yeah, 299 00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:41,863 but since he started, 300 00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:45,033 my chickens been dropping eggs like crazy. 301 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,869 - That's weird. - Hey, uh, 302 00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:50,288 I hear congratulations are in order. 303 00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:51,790 What's that you hear? 304 00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,084 Maybe I didn't hear it. Never mind. 305 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,210 It's all right. 306 00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:57,671 Seems like everybody knows. 307 00:13:57,754 --> 00:14:00,090 You don't seem terribly enthusiastic. 308 00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,552 It's the money, Herschel. 309 00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:05,095 It's all about the money. 310 00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:08,348 Well, there's only one solution to that. 311 00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:11,434 - Which is? - You got to make more money. 312 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,478 - Thank you. - Welcome. 313 00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:16,398 Hey, I got to ask, did that fiddle playing 314 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:18,608 increase the fertility in all the females 315 00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:21,653 around here or just my chickens? 316 00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:24,197 I was just throwing it out there, never mind. 317 00:14:24,281 --> 00:14:26,575 Wait here, I'm-a go get you some eggs. 318 00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:29,244 - That's okay. - You're getting eggs. 319 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:30,954 Guess I'm getting eggs. 320 00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:34,291 All right, George, 321 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:37,043 - what's so damn important? - Well... 322 00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:39,629 I don't want to get into the why's and wherefore's, 323 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:42,215 but I'm gonna need a raise. 324 00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,925 Is this 'cause Mary's pregnant? 325 00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:46,052 You got to be kidding me. 326 00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,346 Does everybody in this damn town know my business? 327 00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,307 I just... it was taking a guess. 328 00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:52,517 - Tom. - My wife told me. 329 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:56,146 Doesn't matter. What do you say? 330 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,481 Are you threatening to quit if you don't get it? 331 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,276 - No, Tom, I'm threatening to rob a bank. - Okay. 332 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,028 All right, well, let's not do that. 333 00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:06,781 $100 a week do the trick? 334 00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:09,159 Yes. Thanks. Bye. 335 00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,250 Temple Judea. 336 00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,335 How can I help you? 337 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,337 Hello. I'd like to become Jewish. 338 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,172 Who would be in charge of that? 339 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,548 How old are you? 340 00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:24,633 I'm ten. 341 00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,259 Please hold. 342 00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:34,059 Hello, this is Rabbi Schneiderman. 343 00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:35,560 To whom am I speaking? 344 00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,520 Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper. 345 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:41,107 Hello, Sheldon. Um, how can I help you? 346 00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:44,903 I'm currently a Baptist and I'd like to convert to Judaism. 347 00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:47,530 A Baptist named Sheldon. 348 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,324 Okay. 349 00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,576 And why do you want to convert? 350 00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:54,788 Very simple. It's my intention to become a great scientist, 351 00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:57,207 and I couldn't help but notice most of the great scientists 352 00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:01,419 are Jewish, so logic dictates it's time to switch teams. 353 00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,129 Well, I'm sure there are 354 00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:06,299 many Baptist scientists you could emulate. 355 00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:07,676 That's kind of you to say, 356 00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:10,136 but other than Cornelis Drebbel in the 1500s, 357 00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,680 it's pretty slim pickings. 358 00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:16,184 Well, Sheldon, you sound like a very smart young man. 359 00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:17,978 Oh, you have no idea. 360 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,814 Can I ask how your parents feel about this? 361 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:23,233 Well, when I presented them with my plan, 362 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,235 the words "over my dead body" were used. 363 00:16:27,237 --> 00:16:28,571 I'm not surprised. 364 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,448 But they were similarly resistant 365 00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,117 when I wanted to get an ant farm 366 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,910 and eventually they came around. 367 00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:37,998 All right, here's what I'm gonna tell you to do. 368 00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,457 Read your Bible. 369 00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,334 Already did, cover to cover. 370 00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,253 - Really? - Quiz me. 371 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,214 No, that's okay. I believe you. 372 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:50,010 All right, my advice to you 373 00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:53,013 is to stay with the faith of your parents. 374 00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,348 - What else you got? - Okay. 375 00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:57,434 Then I'm gonna tell you 376 00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,686 to be your own man. 377 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:02,856 But I want to be a great scientist like Albert Einstein. 378 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:04,024 Sheldon, 379 00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,817 when your days are over, 380 00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:09,279 God will never ask you, 381 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,448 "Why weren't you Einstein?" 382 00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,659 But he might ask you, 383 00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,996 "Why weren't you Sheldon?" 384 00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:28,465 What's going on? You all right? 385 00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:31,134 I'm not feeling great. 386 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,635 Is it a pregnant thing? 387 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,971 'Cause I got some good news on that. 388 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,599 I got a decent raise. 389 00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:39,267 It doesn't matter. 390 00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:40,750 What do you mean, it doesn't matter? 391 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,479 We can pull this off now. 392 00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:46,024 I lost the baby. 393 00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,154 Oh. 394 00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:04,501 You're probably relieved, huh? 395 00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:07,420 Actually... 396 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,049 ...no. 397 00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:19,182 I love the first three. 398 00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,351 Fourth one's the charm, right? 399 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,857 Dad? 400 00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:29,567 Mom? 401 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,322 Yeah, Shelly? 402 00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:37,617 I just thought you should know I'm not going to be Jewish. 403 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:41,371 I'm going to remain the atheist Baptist you've come to love. 404 00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:45,458 Good to hear. 405 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,252 Are you crying? 406 00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:52,465 Yeah, but don't worry. Everything's okay. 407 00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:56,261 Good. 408 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,519 Once again, I brought my mother so much joy 409 00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:07,897 she was moved to tears. I don't know how I do it. 410 00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:16,531 Tom, George Cooper's here for you. 411 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,324 Send him in. 412 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,702 Hey, Tom, you got a minute? 413 00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,704 Pretty busy. 414 00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,372 Make it quick. 415 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,792 It turns out I don't need that raise. 416 00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:29,419 What happened, you win the lottery? 417 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,546 No, no. 418 00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:39,888 Aw, George, I am so sorry. 419 00:19:40,555 --> 00:19:42,557 Well, what can you do? 420 00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,643 Listen, I cleared your raise already. 421 00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:47,103 Why don't you just keep the money. 422 00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,189 - Oh, no, I couldn't do that. - No. 423 00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:52,025 No, I mean it. It's yours. 424 00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:55,403 Okay. 425 00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:56,905 Thanks. Bye. 426 00:20:00,617 --> 00:20:03,244 Thank you, but I will no longer be needing these. 427 00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:05,038 You're giving up so soon? 428 00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,122 What happened? 429 00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,665 - Did it hurt your fingers? - No. 430 00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:10,543 I'm following the advice of a very wise Rabbi Schneiderman 431 00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:12,462 from Temple Judea in Houston. 432 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:15,381 Is this another one of your jokes? 433 00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:17,842 No. If it were a joke, your mouth would be open 434 00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:20,136 and the sound "ha-ha" would be coming out.