1 00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:23,190 Why do so many of us have trouble talking about sex or being open and 2 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:26,110 about our bodies when it's the most natural thing? 3 00:00:26,410 --> 00:00:30,130 Deficiencies in your sex life affect every single aspect of your life. 4 00:00:30,350 --> 00:00:36,010 So many people have deep -seated shame, secrecy, and inhibition, whether single, 5 00:00:36,230 --> 00:00:38,030 in a relationship, or married. 6 00:00:38,390 --> 00:00:43,290 All the love is there except for below the waist, and it's driving me nuts. 7 00:00:43,370 --> 00:00:45,370 Something needs to give help. 8 00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:50,220 Who do we turn to when we have trouble with our sex lives? We're stripping away 9 00:00:50,220 --> 00:00:52,040 the layers of guilt and shame. 10 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:57,000 Tonight, I'm on a journey to explore two unusual approaches to sexual healing 11 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,300 with two very different women. 12 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:09,000 May I put my cheek against your cheek? 13 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:10,440 Yes, you may. 14 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:13,840 What most people want more than anything. 15 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:19,420 is to experience meaningful connection with others, to love and be loved. Are 16 00:01:19,420 --> 00:01:20,540 you ready for this exercise? 17 00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:21,980 Yeah, I am. 18 00:01:22,380 --> 00:01:24,980 But it starts by getting comfortable with ourselves. 19 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:26,740 So let's take off our clothes. 20 00:01:27,260 --> 00:01:31,940 And as it turns out, even I could use a little help learning to love my own 21 00:01:31,940 --> 00:01:34,040 body. Kind of makes me feel like getting naked. 22 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:35,360 Yes, please. 23 00:02:11,820 --> 00:02:16,860 38 -year -old Jennifer and 34 -year -old Ricky seem like any typical loving 24 00:02:16,860 --> 00:02:17,860 couple. 25 00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:23,440 Jennifer is a yoga teacher, and Ricky is retired from the Marines in training to 26 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:24,440 be a bodyguard. 27 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:33,800 When they married three years ago, Ricky didn't think twice about jumping into 28 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:38,860 the role of stepdad for Jennifer's nine -year -old son, Mason, born with special 29 00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:44,440 needs. He is this beautiful, beautiful child that has taught everybody around 30 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,160 him love and patience. 31 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:51,740 We're kind of alike in a way. I grew up with a stutter. I was bullied. So it was 32 00:02:51,740 --> 00:02:54,860 my obligation to protect him and to teach him things. 33 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:56,080 I'll push you some more. 34 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:57,240 There you go. 35 00:02:57,780 --> 00:02:59,800 Forward and back. 36 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,180 He's been a big focal point in our relationship. 37 00:03:03,740 --> 00:03:06,660 There's a lot of care that goes into him. It's a little bit extra. 38 00:03:08,260 --> 00:03:10,400 Ricky and Jennifer have a great marriage. 39 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:14,060 They love their child, and they're still in love with each other. 40 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:15,680 There's just one thing. 41 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:21,740 Like an estimated 15 % to 20 % of all married couples, the fire has gone out. 42 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,560 Every three months or so, I just have, like, this freak out of, like, can we 43 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:29,540 talk about this? Can we deal with this? All the love is there except for below 44 00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:34,160 the waist, and it's driving me nuts. Like, it really is. 45 00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:36,280 How is the sporadic intimacy? 46 00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:41,080 affected you? I've gotten very insecure. 47 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:45,640 Like, why even try to initiate anything when I'm going to get rejected? 48 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:51,200 Ricky would be tired, or there was absolutely no response, like, physically 49 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,560 all. It was just, like, touching a rock. 50 00:03:55,060 --> 00:04:00,340 And Ricky, what do you think the reason for the kind of lack of intimacy has 51 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:06,970 been? To be perfectly honest, all men watch porn. You watch that. So 52 00:04:06,970 --> 00:04:10,990 I felt very self -conscious. I mean, am I big enough for her? Will I give her an 53 00:04:10,990 --> 00:04:13,970 orgasm? And Jennifer, have you felt rejected? 54 00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:14,948 Oh, yes. 55 00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:19,950 Big time. On every level. Just like the deepest, deepest form of rejection 56 00:04:19,950 --> 00:04:23,850 possible. I feel like this fire that I've had. 57 00:04:24,470 --> 00:04:29,270 I am going to cry, but just like the sensual. 58 00:04:30,190 --> 00:04:31,190 passing. 59 00:04:31,870 --> 00:04:35,730 And like this fire has kind of fizzled out from me. And I feel like it's 60 00:04:35,730 --> 00:04:37,090 affected a lot of my life. 61 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,630 Obviously, I'm not pretty enough. I'm not sexy enough. 62 00:04:41,010 --> 00:04:45,950 Am I not like young enough? Like everything in the book that I could 63 00:04:45,950 --> 00:04:49,290 think of, it definitely just went down. 64 00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:54,590 When you hear her talk about how insecure she has felt, how does that 65 00:04:54,590 --> 00:04:58,470 feel? Deep down inside, it's like, you know, should I be having sex with my 66 00:04:58,470 --> 00:04:59,470 wife? Of course. 67 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,360 It makes her cry. If it makes somebody cry, it bothers you. It bothers her, you 68 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:07,400 know? How did I allow that to happen? I mean, how did I not see that, even 69 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,160 though she was telling me off the top of her lungs, I guess, sometimes? 70 00:05:10,380 --> 00:05:11,780 And I want the whole enchilada. 71 00:05:12,260 --> 00:05:13,099 I do. 72 00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:16,440 Like, I want the whole enchilada. It's like, we've got the friendship, we've 73 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:21,940 the partnership, the mom and dad thing, and why can't we have the sex? 74 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:27,720 Many couples find themselves asking the same question, and some are finding... 75 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:30,240 that they might need some sexual healing. 76 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:34,120 First of all, I want to say it's a big deal that you both showed up today 77 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:38,300 because most couples kind of just numb everything in silence. 78 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,360 So how often do you have sex? 79 00:05:41,260 --> 00:05:42,340 Once a month, maybe. 80 00:05:42,940 --> 00:05:47,980 If it happens a lot, it's maybe twice a week, but it'll be twice a week and then 81 00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:51,340 it'll be nothing for a month or five weeks. Or even like three months. 82 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:56,620 Relationship guru Samizadora is an expert in the art of tantra. 83 00:05:57,020 --> 00:06:01,640 A Hindu and Buddhist form of meditation used to connect men and women with each 84 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,860 other and humanity with the divine. 85 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,960 Sam spent years in India studying this ancient practice. 86 00:06:08,820 --> 00:06:15,780 There was a time, pre -Christianity, that sexuality and sex itself was normal 87 00:06:15,780 --> 00:06:18,320 and something to be worshipped. 88 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:22,980 People go in temples and they're worshipping the penis and worshipping 89 00:06:22,980 --> 00:06:28,960 vagina. And it blew my mind coming from a Western background that like, wow, I 90 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,360 don't have to be ashamed about sex. 91 00:06:30,620 --> 00:06:33,860 It's actually the most beautiful, revered thing. 92 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:39,100 And that having sex can be like praying with another person. 93 00:06:39,340 --> 00:06:42,680 So what are the key fundamentals of Tantra? 94 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:47,840 If there's one tenet of Tantra I want to make people understand is stop having 95 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,000 shame around sexuality. 96 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:55,960 And then number two, learning how to tap into their natural erotic energy. And 97 00:06:55,960 --> 00:07:01,100 that awakens that erotic energy and gives you permission to be an erotic 98 00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:07,360 SOM has a mission to share Tantra's benefits with couples like Jennifer and 99 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:11,900 Ricky to help them think differently about sex and their own sexuality. 100 00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:15,700 So in the course of a long -term relationship, especially if you have 101 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:21,480 often instead of facing each other and having that erotic connection, you kind 102 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:25,100 of turn and now you're standing side by side facing the world to protect your 103 00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:29,600 child. So what we want to do is get her out of the mother role and get her more 104 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,440 into that erotic role again for you. 105 00:07:33,180 --> 00:07:37,590 To help reconnect the couple spiritually and emotionally, Sam guides them 106 00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:41,110 through a basic yet powerful form of tantric meditation. 107 00:07:41,570 --> 00:07:43,030 You're going to do something I call the kiss meditation. 108 00:07:43,410 --> 00:07:45,910 We're going to stop talking and start feeling. 109 00:07:47,090 --> 00:07:48,470 Get back in your body. 110 00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:52,050 So both of you put your right hand over each other's heart. 111 00:07:52,970 --> 00:07:55,070 And then put your left hand over your partner's hand. 112 00:07:57,530 --> 00:07:59,130 You're holding each other's heart. 113 00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:02,630 I want you to look into your partner's eyes. 114 00:08:03,270 --> 00:08:05,330 I see the eyes are the window to the soul. 115 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:11,540 Jennifer, I want you to really receive Ricky's feeling of caring about you. 116 00:08:12,060 --> 00:08:17,280 I want you to receive that your beautiful regards of whether somebody is 117 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,060 sexually desiring you at the moment. Are you beautiful anyway? 118 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,200 Do you love yourself anyway? 119 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:29,760 For Jennifer and Ricky, it's a reminder to embrace each other as intimate 120 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:33,260 partners, not just as parents raising a child. 121 00:08:33,919 --> 00:08:35,940 Tom takes the exercise deeper. 122 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,159 with closer physical contact. 123 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:44,100 So if this was the full erotic version, he would be inside you right now. So you 124 00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:48,100 would feel a connection moving up to the heart. And you're also connecting with 125 00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:49,100 your eyes. 126 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,400 Everything you've known disappears. 127 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:56,760 And just be here with each other and worship each other's bodies. 128 00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:05,300 There's so many men right now in our world who get their sexual release 129 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:10,300 porn and they can't eroticize their wife and let go of the years of programming. 130 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:15,500 That as a man, I can't, you know, have sex with a woman I love. 131 00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:20,440 You can lose yourself inside that sexual experience and this woman can still be 132 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:23,580 there for you and love you and your connection can be that deep. 133 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:28,920 The session ends with one more exercise for Ricky and Jennifer to try later. 134 00:09:29,450 --> 00:09:32,770 in the privacy of their own home. Take a little bit of this coconut oil. 135 00:09:33,230 --> 00:09:37,790 We're stripping away the layers of guilt and shame and having this very deep and 136 00:09:37,790 --> 00:09:43,570 beautiful sexual healing by saying, sex is beauty, sex is worship, sex is love 137 00:09:43,570 --> 00:09:44,570 and connection. 138 00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:48,170 Just feel total permission and pleasure and exhale. 139 00:09:50,270 --> 00:09:55,230 Feel that exchange of love instead of judgment, separation. 140 00:09:55,550 --> 00:09:58,250 You feel now connection and intimacy. 141 00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:01,240 And that's that sexual healing. 142 00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:03,060 How do you feel, Jennifer? 143 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,300 I feel like a goddess. 144 00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:11,100 I really admire the step that Ricky and Jen are taking. 145 00:10:11,340 --> 00:10:15,700 I mean, what they've been experiencing is what so many couples are dealing 146 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:20,200 Let's put it this way. I've been married 10 years, and I am very curious to know 147 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,200 if this stuff is going to work. 148 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:36,180 I want you to put one hand on your throat and one hand on your belly. To 149 00:10:36,180 --> 00:10:39,900 continue my education in sexual healing, today I'm sitting in on something 150 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:42,920 different with Sama Zadora, a tantra workshop. 151 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:49,300 I'm surrounded by 15 other women, all here for the same reason. They want more 152 00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,380 out of their sex lives. 153 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:54,140 One of the biggest issues when I work with women is they've been taught not to 154 00:10:54,140 --> 00:10:57,260 feel how sensual and beautiful their bodies are. 155 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,860 And this feeling is what makes you sexy. 156 00:11:00,999 --> 00:11:03,460 Remember, Tantra isn't just about having sex. 157 00:11:03,980 --> 00:11:07,640 It's tapping into the sexual energy as the power that runs your life. 158 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,740 Now we're going to move to the breath of arousal. This is going to build up all 159 00:11:11,740 --> 00:11:14,560 that fire and that juicy heat in your body that we call Shakti. 160 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,300 Reworking your nervous system so you can have more pleasure. 161 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,620 Tap into your own sexuality. 162 00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:27,250 A lot of women are always looking for approval from everyone else. Does that 163 00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:29,810 think you're attractive? Does everyone else think you're attractive? 164 00:11:30,050 --> 00:11:33,370 I need you to find in yourself your own relationship to your sexual energy. 165 00:11:33,470 --> 00:11:37,170 You've been taught to disconnect from your vagina, and we are reconnecting 166 00:11:37,170 --> 00:11:38,170 you have been disconnected. 167 00:11:38,810 --> 00:11:40,110 And this is like praying. 168 00:11:40,350 --> 00:11:45,290 You pray from your own body, from your own empowerment, which for women is your 169 00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:47,250 greatest power is your sexual energy. 170 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:53,180 Psalm tells me that people can feel disconnected from their sexuality for a 171 00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:57,920 variety of reasons, from conservative family upbringing to overall stressful 172 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:00,680 jobs to abuse or sexual trauma. 173 00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:05,480 Fifty -four -year -old Celia attributes feeling uncomfortable with her own body 174 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:07,840 to something that happened when she was a child. 175 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,660 Now I want you to describe when's the first time you felt this pain. 176 00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:14,780 Inhale, breathe in for that feeling of pain or discomfort. 177 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,920 It's the summer after I finished grade seven. 178 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,940 How old are you? I'm 12. 179 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,400 He's 19. 180 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:24,880 He's 19. 181 00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:27,700 And he started making out with you at 12. 182 00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:30,860 Did he initiate that or you? He did. 183 00:12:31,580 --> 00:12:36,460 The shame for Celia began when other kids found out that an older boy had 184 00:12:36,460 --> 00:12:39,760 paying attention to her. What did they say? What words did they say? Because 185 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,500 your body has those words locked here where you're numb. 186 00:12:42,780 --> 00:12:44,760 A lot. Okay. Say it out loud. 187 00:12:45,439 --> 00:12:47,920 Okay, so remember where you said that this felt numb and gray? 188 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:49,600 Do you know why it's numb and gray? 189 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:53,020 Because you had to protect yourself from people saying the word flat, but it got 190 00:12:53,020 --> 00:12:56,680 locked here. And then you've numbed. You don't want to think that or feel that. 191 00:12:56,740 --> 00:13:00,160 You're trying to avoid that pain, so you've shut down the ability to feel 192 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:06,180 When they called you a slut, you felt... Dirty. 193 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,020 Okay, inhale, breathe that in. 194 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,580 Exhale, let it go. 195 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,350 Tantra and sexual healing for me, I have a full menu. 196 00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:18,890 People come in and they're like, I want to have better orgasms. 197 00:13:19,170 --> 00:13:23,090 But for some people, they really want to go to the deepest level of what I call 198 00:13:23,090 --> 00:13:24,090 their sex root. 199 00:13:24,450 --> 00:13:29,030 And for the women in the workshop, a lot of them, it's affected their choices in 200 00:13:29,030 --> 00:13:31,990 their marriages, their self -esteem. It affects everything. 201 00:13:32,430 --> 00:13:37,570 Most therapy that we do is very much on the surface because we don't have a 202 00:13:37,570 --> 00:13:38,590 sexual healing as a culture. 203 00:13:39,590 --> 00:13:41,930 Imagine one of those girls standing in front of you. What would you say? 204 00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:43,730 I'm not a slut. 205 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,760 The only is a slut. I'm not a slut. The only is a slut. 206 00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:48,020 Off. 207 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:51,040 And what do you say to him? 208 00:13:51,380 --> 00:13:52,420 Open your eyes and look at me. 209 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,760 And I want you to pretend. What do you say to him? 210 00:13:56,940 --> 00:13:57,940 You're an asshole. 211 00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:02,980 You're an asshole and you should have kept your finger out of my vagina. 212 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,480 And then you shouldn't have put your penis there either. 213 00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:11,840 You've ruined years of pleasure in my life. 214 00:14:14,670 --> 00:14:15,670 Bring that in. 215 00:14:16,430 --> 00:14:23,030 So because he put his penis inside you at 12 years old, you internalized that 216 00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:26,190 and thought it was your fault instead of saying the person in a position of 217 00:14:26,190 --> 00:14:27,550 power should have held a boundary. 218 00:14:30,730 --> 00:14:33,870 You shared such an intimate story downstairs. 219 00:14:34,230 --> 00:14:37,410 What did you think of sex before you started this journey? 220 00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:43,740 I was married for 27 years without experiencing an orgasm. Even watching a 221 00:14:43,740 --> 00:14:49,600 where there was a sex scene would just make me cringe in pain and shame that I 222 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:55,580 couldn't even watch it because I couldn't figure out why that couldn't be 223 00:14:55,580 --> 00:14:56,780 possible for me. 224 00:14:57,180 --> 00:15:02,300 How did it feel to unleash that almost demon that was inside of you for so 225 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:06,160 Amazing. I wouldn't want anybody to have... 226 00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:07,980 to hide what I hid for so long. 227 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:10,500 So do you think you're a sexual person now? 228 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,000 Yes. 229 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,000 Yes, I do. 230 00:15:15,020 --> 00:15:17,000 And I know my body's not broken. 231 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:18,360 Yay. 232 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:24,500 So when we do this sound breath again, it's going to help you break that 233 00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:28,640 of not just sexual expression, but expression of being able to talk to 234 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,220 ask for what you want in life, not just in the bedroom. 235 00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:34,260 This is going to increase your confidence in everything that you do in 236 00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:35,720 life. It's all connected. 237 00:15:36,190 --> 00:15:38,850 So inhale raise your arm and exhale 238 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,180 Guys, keep your eyes closed. Don't give your energy away. 239 00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:36,540 I want you to feel the power in yourself for yourself. 240 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,880 People always say with Tondra, I don't have a partner. Do you have a vagina? 241 00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:45,280 You better learn how to use it. And then when you go have a partner, you're 242 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:46,520 coming from an empowered place. 243 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:57,440 Some teachers sexual empowerment, but another method of sexual healing take a 244 00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:58,920 very different approach. 245 00:16:59,530 --> 00:17:00,530 How are you feeling? 246 00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:05,710 The warmth of your palms on my cheeks is especially pleasurable. 247 00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:24,030 Emiko Yoshikami lives in San Francisco, and like Tantra teacher Samizadora, she 248 00:17:24,030 --> 00:17:25,609 has a very unusual profession. 249 00:17:26,190 --> 00:17:29,630 I really thought about what I would want to do in this world. 250 00:17:29,850 --> 00:17:35,010 I want to do something really akin to therapy, but also have the element of 251 00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:40,490 touch and affection, of being able to hold my client and being sexual with my 252 00:17:40,490 --> 00:17:41,490 client. 253 00:17:41,710 --> 00:17:47,310 Like Sam, Emiko's work is all about sexual healing, but her methods are 254 00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:48,310 different. 255 00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:53,350 Emiko is a surrogate partner, and her work is highly controversial. 256 00:17:54,570 --> 00:17:55,990 What is a surrogate partner? 257 00:17:56,270 --> 00:18:01,370 So a surrogate partner is part of a therapeutic process. So you have a 258 00:18:01,370 --> 00:18:04,150 therapist, a surrogate partner, and a client. 259 00:18:04,430 --> 00:18:08,990 So usually the way it works is a therapist has a client who has intimacy 260 00:18:09,050 --> 00:18:14,830 and they bring me on, and I actually develop real intimate physical and 261 00:18:14,830 --> 00:18:16,850 emotional relationships with my client. 262 00:18:17,150 --> 00:18:19,430 Is there a typical profile? 263 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:21,700 of your clients? 264 00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:26,160 Most people see me because they believe that something's wrong with the way that 265 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:26,939 they function. 266 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:30,920 And then I get people who have a history of sexual abuse. 267 00:18:31,140 --> 00:18:34,260 So there's really a variety of reasons people come to see me. 268 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,300 There are some who say that what you do is sex work. 269 00:18:38,020 --> 00:18:40,060 How do you respond to that? 270 00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:41,760 There are a few differences. 271 00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:46,980 One is that we're always working with a therapist and the intentions are very 272 00:18:46,980 --> 00:18:52,760 different. So as opposed to this work being about entertainment, being about 273 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:57,100 sexual gratification, this is about healing, this is about a therapeutic 274 00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:58,100 relationship. 275 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,100 But yeah, this is also about sex. 276 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:06,480 While it's not sanctioned in many places around the country, a professional 277 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:11,600 organization certifies and sets standards for surrogates like Emiko, who 278 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,900 works in concert with a talk therapist. 279 00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,780 He shared with me a little bit about how he felt. 280 00:19:18,250 --> 00:19:19,250 Yeah, 281 00:19:22,250 --> 00:19:28,010 next time I work with him, I think we'll just do more of the face caress and the 282 00:19:28,010 --> 00:19:31,350 may I will you game. So he gets more comfortable with all that. 283 00:19:32,010 --> 00:19:36,950 Today, Emiko has a session with a client named Keith, who she's been working 284 00:19:36,950 --> 00:19:38,450 with for nearly three months. 285 00:19:39,850 --> 00:19:43,130 May the session be in harmony with Keith's feelings. 286 00:19:43,490 --> 00:19:45,430 May he feel grounded. 287 00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:47,770 strong, and safe. 288 00:19:48,950 --> 00:19:55,170 At 60, Keith has never had a serious long -term girlfriend, and there's a 289 00:19:55,170 --> 00:19:55,809 for that. 290 00:19:55,810 --> 00:19:58,270 How would you describe your childhood? 291 00:20:01,050 --> 00:20:04,050 It was painful. It wasn't easy. 292 00:20:04,710 --> 00:20:06,130 Totally in survival mode. 293 00:20:06,490 --> 00:20:07,670 What was going on in your home? 294 00:20:08,330 --> 00:20:11,250 Abuse as far back as I can remember, even three years old. 295 00:20:11,890 --> 00:20:15,010 Physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse. 296 00:20:15,550 --> 00:20:16,550 Extreme neglect. 297 00:20:18,690 --> 00:20:22,390 At age 25, Keith began working with a talk therapist. 298 00:20:23,250 --> 00:20:27,470 And slowly, over the course of 35 years, he's made progress. 299 00:20:27,990 --> 00:20:31,210 But fear of intimacy still holds him back. 300 00:20:31,910 --> 00:20:37,330 Recently, his therapist suggested he try a unique approach to healing, one that 301 00:20:37,330 --> 00:20:39,290 sometimes involves sex. 302 00:20:39,770 --> 00:20:41,530 Had you ever heard of anything like that before? 303 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:46,000 Vaguely, I didn't have much of an idea. I did have to come home and do a lot of 304 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:49,760 research, yeah, because it scared me. So you weren't into it initially? 305 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:51,500 Oh, my gosh, no. I was terrified. 306 00:20:51,820 --> 00:20:55,540 I knew this would require me to really take some risks and get close to someone 307 00:20:55,540 --> 00:20:59,440 in an intimate way, even just a hug. 308 00:21:00,540 --> 00:21:03,300 And what propelled you to go forward and do it? 309 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:07,800 I kept thinking about how lonely I was and how much I really wanted a deep 310 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:08,800 emotional connection. 311 00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:16,170 For Keith, sexual intimacy is indeed a long -term goal, but that's way down the 312 00:21:16,170 --> 00:21:17,170 road. 313 00:21:17,750 --> 00:21:18,750 First, 314 00:21:18,970 --> 00:21:23,390 he must learn to find comfort in the simplest forms of touch with another 315 00:21:23,390 --> 00:21:24,390 being. 316 00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:25,930 Hi, how are you doing? 317 00:21:26,170 --> 00:21:29,370 Doing really well. Yeah? Yay, I'm so glad to hear that. 318 00:21:29,750 --> 00:21:31,930 Can I put my hand on yours? Yes, you may. 319 00:21:32,350 --> 00:21:34,190 Great. Thank you. 320 00:21:34,430 --> 00:21:38,410 Yeah. Let's take a couple deep breaths into our bellies. 321 00:21:42,979 --> 00:21:48,160 letting the body just kind of sink in, feeling our hands connected. 322 00:21:50,340 --> 00:21:55,180 Mindful of the years of abuse Keith endured during his childhood, Emiko 323 00:21:55,180 --> 00:21:58,100 slow and patient approach to their sessions together. 324 00:21:58,620 --> 00:22:03,780 While her work with clients can sometimes lead to actually having sex, 325 00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:05,480 Keith, she takes baby steps. 326 00:22:06,570 --> 00:22:11,010 So the purpose of this exercise is for you to just really enjoy. 327 00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,690 I will let you know if anything feels uncomfortable. 328 00:22:14,070 --> 00:22:14,869 Okay, good. 329 00:22:14,870 --> 00:22:17,870 And just relax and have fun. 330 00:22:18,370 --> 00:22:19,730 Deal? Yes. 331 00:22:20,690 --> 00:22:22,190 May I touch your face? 332 00:22:22,470 --> 00:22:23,470 Yes, you may. 333 00:22:24,170 --> 00:22:29,410 For Keith, learning that touch can be kind, loving, and gentle has been a 334 00:22:29,410 --> 00:22:30,410 struggle. 335 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:36,480 It's taken him three long months of work with Emiko to get comfortable with the 336 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,900 idea of touching and being touched. 337 00:22:40,660 --> 00:22:42,220 How are you doing, Keith? 338 00:22:42,780 --> 00:22:48,340 Doing really well. It's really amazing to feel all the different textures and 339 00:22:48,340 --> 00:22:50,140 temperatures and contours. 340 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:54,640 Would you please describe to me what it felt like to you? It all felt amazing. 341 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:59,380 There were moments where your hand was on my cheek and I just kind of wanted to 342 00:22:59,380 --> 00:23:04,000 sink in, you know? But for the most part, I was just really experiencing the 343 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,840 touch and it felt so good. 344 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:11,560 I needed to hear from Emiko that my touch felt pleasurable to her. I was 345 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:15,860 my touch would feel to my partner the way my parents' touch felt to me. 346 00:23:16,140 --> 00:23:23,140 So it felt good to be touched, but for you, really, it was knowing that 347 00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:24,140 your touch was... 348 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:25,600 Not a dangerous touch. 349 00:23:25,820 --> 00:23:31,520 Yes, it was an enormous relief to hear that my touch was pleasurable and gentle 350 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,240 and kind and that she really enjoyed it. 351 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,680 That's been one of the most healing things. 352 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:42,380 They're all different types of touch. And often I'm able to relax more knowing 353 00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:47,240 that the other person is really just enjoying it for themselves, right? The 354 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:51,500 of us just allowing ourselves to experience good sensations. 355 00:23:52,300 --> 00:23:53,720 This is totally for you. 356 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:55,080 Yeah. 357 00:23:57,020 --> 00:24:01,160 Keith, may I have your permission to touch your face and head? 358 00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:02,540 Yes, you may. 359 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:03,560 Thank you. 360 00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:11,120 Why do you think touch is so important? 361 00:24:11,540 --> 00:24:15,940 Oh, gosh, it's no different than food or water or air. We all need touch to 362 00:24:15,940 --> 00:24:16,940 nurture ourselves. 363 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,820 It is a part of who we are, but healthy touch. 364 00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:32,220 And how are you feeling? 365 00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:38,940 Very safe, very nurtured. I really sunk into it to enjoy the touch and the 366 00:24:38,940 --> 00:24:44,860 pleasure. The warmth of your palms and my cheeks was especially pleasurable. 367 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:46,580 Oh, that's great. 368 00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:51,260 Oh, you touch my hair. 369 00:24:51,580 --> 00:24:52,580 Yes. 370 00:24:53,340 --> 00:24:57,980 This is kind of a strange question, Keith, but when you're with Amigo, do 371 00:24:57,980 --> 00:25:00,640 feel like a child? 372 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:01,979 In some ways. 373 00:25:01,980 --> 00:25:04,960 The nurturing that I didn't get is being fulfilled. 374 00:25:05,180 --> 00:25:06,360 I'm getting what I missed. 375 00:25:06,740 --> 00:25:09,740 Do you actually feel yourself being healed? 376 00:25:09,940 --> 00:25:10,940 Oh my gosh, yes. 377 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,480 I'm such a different person than I was four months ago. 378 00:25:15,340 --> 00:25:20,020 I'm so much more out in the open. The world feels safer because of my work 379 00:25:20,020 --> 00:25:21,020 her. 380 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:25,220 May I put my cheek against your cheek? 381 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:26,640 Yes, you may. 382 00:25:46,830 --> 00:25:51,970 Whether you're in a marriage, a relationship, or single, there's one 383 00:25:51,970 --> 00:25:52,970 all share. 384 00:25:53,210 --> 00:25:55,570 Everyone has issues with their body. 385 00:25:55,970 --> 00:25:59,150 Too fat, too thin, too flat, too round. 386 00:25:59,510 --> 00:26:01,950 We all have something we don't like. 387 00:26:02,990 --> 00:26:05,550 27 -year -old Justin is no different. 388 00:26:05,970 --> 00:26:11,410 But Justin has an added challenge. He was born with cerebral palsy, a movement 389 00:26:11,410 --> 00:26:14,250 disorder that he's worked hard all his life to overcome. 390 00:26:15,660 --> 00:26:22,360 It affects all my muscles. It mainly affects my walking and talking ability. 391 00:26:25,500 --> 00:26:32,160 I don't like being defined as having a disability, but sadly, people 392 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:34,400 use that to define me. 393 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:39,760 Like many single men in their 20s, Justin is looking for love. 394 00:26:40,180 --> 00:26:44,240 I never really wanted sex. 395 00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:51,730 I wanted more than anything just to hold a girl's hand and feel emotionally 396 00:26:51,730 --> 00:26:53,810 connected to them. 397 00:26:54,170 --> 00:26:58,710 Do you think that your disability has affected the way girls see you? 398 00:26:59,030 --> 00:27:00,370 Yes, tremendously. 399 00:27:01,110 --> 00:27:07,870 They act like I was someone that they needed to take care of, 400 00:27:07,950 --> 00:27:09,930 not someone they could love. 401 00:27:10,890 --> 00:27:14,470 During his adolescent years, while many classmates were experimenting with 402 00:27:14,470 --> 00:27:15,470 romance and sex, 403 00:27:16,090 --> 00:27:17,870 Justin was left on the sidelines. 404 00:27:18,350 --> 00:27:23,490 He reached his early 20s, never having kissed a girl, held anyone's hand, or 405 00:27:23,490 --> 00:27:24,830 told someone, I love you. 406 00:27:25,270 --> 00:27:29,610 But a doorway to possibility opened for Justin the night he saw The Sessions. 407 00:27:29,890 --> 00:27:33,930 In telling the story of a surrogate partnership, the film introduced 408 00:27:33,930 --> 00:27:35,670 to a new kind of therapy. 409 00:27:36,330 --> 00:27:38,750 Do you have any areas of unusual sensitivity? 410 00:27:39,110 --> 00:27:41,170 Any parts of your body you don't want me to touch? 411 00:27:41,690 --> 00:27:43,750 I have normal sensitivity all over. 412 00:27:44,050 --> 00:27:45,510 You can touch me anywhere. 413 00:27:45,890 --> 00:27:52,790 After I saw the movie, I realized that surrogate partner therapy was exactly 414 00:27:52,790 --> 00:27:54,790 what I was looking for. 415 00:27:55,250 --> 00:27:57,290 It was a leap into the unknown. 416 00:27:57,870 --> 00:28:02,070 Justin took a small inheritance from his grandfather, flew from his home in 417 00:28:02,070 --> 00:28:04,810 Texas to San Francisco, and hired Emiko. 418 00:28:21,180 --> 00:28:26,540 The mirror exercise is something that we do when we're transitioning into being 419 00:28:26,540 --> 00:28:31,500 naked with each other. We both get naked and we stand in front of a full -length 420 00:28:31,500 --> 00:28:34,320 mirror and I talk about how I feel about my body. 421 00:28:34,650 --> 00:28:37,310 And then I'll have my clients do the same thing. 422 00:28:37,530 --> 00:28:41,870 Okay, so I'll stand in front of the mirror and tell you what I think about 423 00:28:41,870 --> 00:28:44,350 body, from my hair to my toes. 424 00:28:44,650 --> 00:28:49,350 When you do the mirror exercise, do most people like what they see? 425 00:28:49,590 --> 00:28:53,970 Most people have some criticisms, for sure. Everybody has something that they 426 00:28:53,970 --> 00:28:54,929 don't like. 427 00:28:54,930 --> 00:29:00,190 And this can also be a way to bring kindness and love into our bodies. 428 00:29:00,950 --> 00:29:04,020 So... Here's my body naked. 429 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:10,320 On the whole, I feel pretty good about it. 430 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:14,340 I actually got really lucky in terms of my hair. 431 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:15,840 I cut it myself. 432 00:29:16,260 --> 00:29:22,780 I just get out of the shower, do this, do this, and I'm good. So lucky on that 433 00:29:22,780 --> 00:29:27,860 front. I like the shape of my eyes, the color I'm not wild about. 434 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,420 I actually really like my breath. 435 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:31,760 I like the size. 436 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:36,440 They're like a handful, you know, like not too big, not too small. 437 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:42,060 They are sagging. So part of me wants to say, oh, come on, just be a little bit 438 00:29:42,060 --> 00:29:47,240 more perky. But I've gotten used to it. I think I'm fine with it. 439 00:29:48,020 --> 00:29:50,600 Yeah. Let me think if I missed anything. 440 00:29:53,980 --> 00:29:54,980 That's it. 441 00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:57,680 Are you ready? 442 00:29:58,020 --> 00:29:59,020 Yeah. 443 00:30:05,069 --> 00:30:11,330 I like my hair. I actually hate cutting it, 444 00:30:11,370 --> 00:30:18,150 but like I hate long hair, so I cut it on a regular basis. 445 00:30:19,310 --> 00:30:26,170 I actually hate my glasses just because many people tell me 446 00:30:26,170 --> 00:30:28,710 I would look better without them. 447 00:30:29,610 --> 00:30:30,970 My teeth. 448 00:30:31,290 --> 00:30:34,730 I absolutely hate my teeth. 449 00:30:34,970 --> 00:30:37,270 But, yeah. 450 00:30:37,530 --> 00:30:38,850 Okay, whatever. 451 00:30:39,950 --> 00:30:46,450 I really hate my legs because they aren't hairy here, but hairy 452 00:30:46,450 --> 00:30:50,130 here. So, like, make up your mind. 453 00:30:50,910 --> 00:30:56,870 I think penises get a bad rap because... 454 00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:03,840 People never know how they ought to be, but I will say I'm a 455 00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:06,440 grower and not a shower. 456 00:31:07,820 --> 00:31:12,900 So, yeah, and that's all I will say. 457 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:14,280 That's great. 458 00:31:14,580 --> 00:31:15,960 That's my body. 459 00:31:17,580 --> 00:31:19,140 So how does that feel? 460 00:31:19,460 --> 00:31:25,180 It makes me realize that I'm way too crucial to my body. 461 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:29,720 One thing that I've learned, especially through my work, is everybody has 462 00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:31,160 different preferences, right? 463 00:31:31,380 --> 00:31:34,640 And so you can look in the mirror and be like, oh, I hate this about myself. 464 00:31:34,940 --> 00:31:38,700 And another person could say, that's what I love the most, or I love that 465 00:31:38,700 --> 00:31:39,880 the way that you look. 466 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,960 That was amazing to watch. 467 00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,680 And you are so brave. 468 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,340 I mean, you're both so brave to do this. 469 00:31:48,980 --> 00:31:53,940 When you first took off your clothes, I honestly felt a little emotional. 470 00:31:54,670 --> 00:32:00,130 But then watching you and how confident you are, you, I think, like and feel 471 00:32:00,130 --> 00:32:02,270 confident about more parts of your body than I do. 472 00:32:02,730 --> 00:32:04,590 It kind of makes me feel like getting naked. 473 00:32:04,870 --> 00:32:07,050 I love it. You are welcome to. 474 00:32:07,410 --> 00:32:14,290 Just seeing how confident you are right now, just how secure you 475 00:32:14,290 --> 00:32:16,210 are right at this moment is pretty amazing. 476 00:32:17,230 --> 00:32:18,250 But I'll tell you something. 477 00:32:18,490 --> 00:32:22,410 I had a baby three months ago, and I feel so... 478 00:32:23,300 --> 00:32:28,540 Uneasy with my body my husband had barely seen me naked since I had my baby 479 00:32:28,540 --> 00:32:34,300 even you know while I was pregnant I Think I have to do it do it. Yeah right 480 00:32:34,300 --> 00:32:39,920 now. I think I kind of have to do it right now Yes, please 481 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:46,240 I'm telling you. I'm the only person who's seen myself naked 482 00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:50,500 in a very long time We got your back 483 00:32:54,540 --> 00:32:56,260 Okay. Take off my mic first. 484 00:33:14,220 --> 00:33:21,040 We all know that no one is perfect. 485 00:33:21,450 --> 00:33:22,590 And everyone is different. 486 00:33:22,870 --> 00:33:27,310 But let's face it, we all have hang -ups about our bodies. I have a very big 487 00:33:27,310 --> 00:33:29,450 scar. I love scars. 488 00:33:30,150 --> 00:33:31,730 And I'm wearing a nursing bra still. 489 00:33:32,790 --> 00:33:35,370 But what if we just got naked and got over it? 490 00:33:37,470 --> 00:33:39,010 I'm going to look at myself right now. 491 00:33:39,350 --> 00:33:41,090 Hopefully I won't start lactating. 492 00:33:52,620 --> 00:33:55,720 So, yeah, just talk about how you feel about different parts of your body. 493 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,580 I like my hair. 494 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:06,280 And my hair is sometimes kind of a source of security for me. 495 00:34:07,020 --> 00:34:11,040 It's easy. I don't like to do anything with it. I don't even like to cut it. 496 00:34:11,940 --> 00:34:12,940 It's easy. 497 00:34:13,300 --> 00:34:14,760 I need ease in my life. 498 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,239 I definitely, definitely... 499 00:34:19,790 --> 00:34:22,909 started noticing that I'm not 24 anymore. 500 00:34:23,630 --> 00:34:28,850 I definitely see all the lines that are starting to develop, but I'm 43 years 501 00:34:28,850 --> 00:34:31,170 old and it just is what it is. 502 00:34:32,070 --> 00:34:33,310 My lips are fine. 503 00:34:36,150 --> 00:34:37,150 They're fine. 504 00:34:38,570 --> 00:34:44,750 I'm really not liking my breasts right now because I've had a 505 00:34:44,750 --> 00:34:47,850 three -month -old baby sucking on them pretty relentlessly. 506 00:34:49,639 --> 00:34:51,920 They used to be kind of perky, and now they're not. 507 00:34:53,219 --> 00:34:54,639 They just are what they are, though. 508 00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:59,120 It's actually kind of amazing to see both of you on both sides of me, 509 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:04,700 And I feel calmer right now, a little emotional still. 510 00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,260 You know what? 511 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:14,900 Even though I've been disliking my breath, they look okay right now to me. 512 00:35:16,259 --> 00:35:20,760 It's funny, right? I haven't felt that way, and I haven't even liked to look at 513 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:22,960 them, but they actually look okay to me right now. 514 00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,120 It's the first time they've kind of looked okay in a while. 515 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:37,180 I have this line that women get sometimes when they're pregnant, and it 516 00:35:37,180 --> 00:35:38,180 about a year to go away. 517 00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:44,000 I don't even mind my scar because this is where two lives emerged from. 518 00:35:45,500 --> 00:35:49,520 I haven't even wanted to look at my body. Now, after seeing what you guys 519 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:54,900 and looking at it now and really, really looking at it, I feel better about it. 520 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:56,760 I feel okay. 521 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:12,920 for sharing with us. 522 00:36:13,100 --> 00:36:17,000 As I was watching you both, I just thought, these people are so brave to be 523 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:17,678 doing this. 524 00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,300 And it's so, like I just, I wasn't even thinking twice about the fact that you 525 00:36:21,300 --> 00:36:25,180 were naked. You know, you were just, you're just bodies. We're just bodies, 526 00:36:25,180 --> 00:36:27,540 know? And we all have them and we're all different. 527 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:29,180 And your bodies are beautiful. 528 00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:32,680 We've had some really amazingly beautiful bodies going on right now. 529 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:34,980 Yeah, we really do. 530 00:36:36,180 --> 00:36:39,560 I certainly didn't start my day thinking that I was going to take off all my 531 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:40,560 clothes. 532 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:47,320 But when I watched Justin and Emiko looking at themselves and so confidently 533 00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:53,440 carrying on a conversation without a shred of clothing on, I wanted to feel 534 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:59,980 way as well. And while I felt incredibly nervous and anxious, I just started to 535 00:36:59,980 --> 00:37:03,720 think, why do we feel this way? These are just our bodies and we're all 536 00:37:03,720 --> 00:37:08,440 different. And if we could get past those insecurities about our bodies. 537 00:37:08,990 --> 00:37:12,710 We might not need to be sexually healed. 538 00:37:24,310 --> 00:37:29,110 Why do so many of us have so much shame surrounding sex and our bodies, even 539 00:37:29,110 --> 00:37:31,930 though both are perfectly normal and natural? 540 00:37:33,230 --> 00:37:37,850 Touch and the desire to feel connected with others is part of what makes us 541 00:37:37,850 --> 00:37:41,800 human. So at some point, would you like to spoon a bit? 542 00:37:42,100 --> 00:37:43,160 I would, yes, very much. 543 00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:48,040 Let's get really super, super, super, super, super, super comfortable. 544 00:37:48,860 --> 00:37:51,820 For Keith, it's been a long, slow journey. 545 00:37:52,260 --> 00:37:55,800 But in his work with Emiko, he's made great strides. 546 00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:57,400 Deep breaths. 547 00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:07,400 At 60 years old, it's taken his entire adult life. 548 00:38:07,850 --> 00:38:11,470 But Keith has finally experienced the joy of touch. 549 00:38:11,930 --> 00:38:17,850 All my life it's felt dirty. I was afraid of admitting that I was a sexual 550 00:38:17,850 --> 00:38:22,450 sensual being. Now it feels just like a really beautiful, loving thing that's 551 00:38:22,450 --> 00:38:25,510 necessary. And we all need that kind of connection. 552 00:38:26,630 --> 00:38:29,350 And without that, there's a part of us that's missing. 553 00:38:30,870 --> 00:38:35,130 Back in Los Angeles... I catch up with Jennifer and Ricky to see if the Tantra 554 00:38:35,130 --> 00:38:39,930 homework Tom assigned has helped them reconnect spiritually and sexually. 555 00:38:40,350 --> 00:38:42,850 So, how was your night? 556 00:38:43,370 --> 00:38:47,310 After we did the whole meditation, hands on the heart, kissing, eyes on the 557 00:38:47,310 --> 00:38:53,610 eyes, she got on top and it felt so amazing. My heart was like just tingling 558 00:38:53,610 --> 00:38:55,530 just so like I was on this natural high. 559 00:38:55,750 --> 00:38:59,310 And it was the first time I've ever had an orgasm with somebody on top. 560 00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:05,420 Ever. So for that, I was like, Jen, you took my virginity, Jen. 561 00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:10,820 So you only had one session with Tom, but what did you get out of it? To give 562 00:39:10,820 --> 00:39:16,680 permission to just be that sensual woman and not feel ashamed of liking sex. 563 00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:20,760 I do feel transformed. I feel completely empowered. 564 00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:26,440 So many couples are going through what you've been going through. Do you think 565 00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:28,380 that this really could help lots of people? 566 00:39:28,620 --> 00:39:33,320 Yeah. It can. I'm so happy for you. Thank you very much. Everybody can have 567 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:39,000 I know that they can. I know they can. It's just, I guess, being willing and 568 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:40,000 wanting to be vulnerable. 569 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:50,440 For Justin, touching and being touched, being naked and being intimate is about 570 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:51,940 much more than just sex. 571 00:39:52,740 --> 00:39:55,940 How did this experience change your life? 572 00:39:56,410 --> 00:40:00,410 I can look at the mirror now and not hate my body. 573 00:40:00,630 --> 00:40:07,250 Before I did that with Domingo, I thought right when I found a girlfriend, 574 00:40:07,250 --> 00:40:10,150 would marry them and that would be it. 575 00:40:10,690 --> 00:40:17,650 Now I feel like someone is going to be out there for me and I don't need to 576 00:40:17,650 --> 00:40:18,650 settle. 577 00:40:19,340 --> 00:40:26,080 There's still times where I don't think I'm dateable, but those usually don't 578 00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:27,440 last very long. 579 00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:31,380 Justin has been actively dating online. 580 00:40:32,100 --> 00:40:38,140 I use Coffee Meets Bagel, I use OkCupid, and I 581 00:40:38,140 --> 00:40:40,900 occasionally use Tinder. 582 00:40:42,020 --> 00:40:44,360 I only met Justin a few days ago. 583 00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:48,320 But when you get naked with someone, you kind of get to know them pretty 584 00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:49,320 quickly. 585 00:40:49,980 --> 00:40:54,360 And it's clear to me, whoever ends up with him in the end is going to be one 586 00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:55,360 lucky woman. 587 00:40:56,820 --> 00:41:02,080 There are people who don't think that this kind of therapy should be 588 00:41:02,300 --> 00:41:03,880 How do you respond to those people? 589 00:41:04,580 --> 00:41:10,520 They only see sex as being physical and I think touch. 590 00:41:11,210 --> 00:41:13,650 goes way beyond physical. 591 00:41:14,130 --> 00:41:20,670 For some reason, I knew the touch part was the most important 592 00:41:20,670 --> 00:41:22,270 thing in my life. 593 00:41:23,170 --> 00:41:29,470 So, to what extent, as a culture, do you think we need to be sexually healed? I 594 00:41:29,470 --> 00:41:31,830 think America is super messed up around sex. 595 00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:37,400 I think America needs a massive sexual healing, and I think every person, even 596 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,120 if they don't have trauma, they need a sexual healing just to love their own 597 00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:45,980 bodies and have sex be that next level of being more beautiful and more 598 00:41:45,980 --> 00:41:46,980 connected.