1
00:00:34,641 --> 00:00:35,841
You said you'd go.
2
00:00:35,921 --> 00:00:38,961
I didn't say I would, I said I might.
I've got to do the accounts tonight.
3
00:00:39,041 --> 00:00:40,721
You don't have to do the accounts tonight.
4
00:00:40,801 --> 00:00:42,361
- I do.
- It's always the same.
5
00:00:42,441 --> 00:00:44,641
Whenever I want to go out,
you've always got some excuse.
6
00:00:44,721 --> 00:00:46,201
It's not an excuse.
It's just that tonight...
7
00:00:46,281 --> 00:00:49,401
It's not just tonight, it's any night
I want to go out with any of my friends,
8
00:00:49,481 --> 00:00:52,121
anyone at all, any other members
of the human race.
9
00:00:52,201 --> 00:00:55,361
Yes, I wouldn't call the Sherrins
members of the human race.
10
00:00:55,441 --> 00:00:57,761
I'm cooped up in this hotel all day long.
11
00:00:57,881 --> 00:01:01,561
You never take me out, the only bit of life I get
is when I get away with some of my friends.
12
00:01:01,641 --> 00:01:04,641
Well, you must get away more often, dear.
13
00:01:04,881 --> 00:01:07,841
They all think you're peculiar.
You know that, don't you?
14
00:01:07,961 --> 00:01:12,441
They've all said at one time or another,
how on earth did the two of us ever get together?
15
00:01:12,521 --> 00:01:14,761
"Black magic," my mother says.
16
00:01:15,481 --> 00:01:19,281
She'd know, wouldn't she? Her and that cat.
17
00:01:30,401 --> 00:01:32,401
Shall I get you the wine list?
18
00:01:32,961 --> 00:01:35,561
- Mr Fawlty?
- "Mister"? Please, call me waiter.
19
00:01:35,641 --> 00:01:37,921
I'll go get a chair and
you can really tuck in.
20
00:01:38,001 --> 00:01:39,681
There's some stuff in
the bin you might like,
21
00:01:39,761 --> 00:01:41,641
potato peelings, cold rice pudding,
that sort of thing...
22
00:01:41,721 --> 00:01:44,561
Not exactly haute cuisine,
but it'll certainly help to fill you up.
23
00:01:44,641 --> 00:01:46,201
Sybil, may I introduce the gentleman
24
00:01:46,321 --> 00:01:48,961
who's just opened the self-service
department here? Mister...
25
00:01:49,081 --> 00:01:52,881
- Carnegie.
- Mr Carnegie, the scavenger gourmet from...
26
00:01:52,961 --> 00:01:54,641
The public health department.
27
00:01:54,761 --> 00:01:58,201
Yes, wh... Where were you born?
Scavenger or down here in the West country?
28
00:01:58,281 --> 00:02:00,081
Public health department?
29
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:03,361
Here's the invoice for the
meat, Mr Carnegie.
30
00:02:03,441 --> 00:02:07,081
- It's the six-monthly checkup.
- The meat was delivered on Wednesday.
31
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,561
Yes. That would appear to be satisfactory.
32
00:02:09,681 --> 00:02:12,121
Oh, good.
Hope you didn't mind my little joke just now.
33
00:02:12,201 --> 00:02:15,401
Thank God we English
can laugh at each other, eh?
34
00:02:17,601 --> 00:02:18,961
(CLANGING)
35
00:02:19,081 --> 00:02:24,521
That's our... Our new chef, just... Just left.
Just popped out for a quick prayer, I expect.
36
00:02:24,601 --> 00:02:26,881
- Mr Fawlty?
- Hello.
37
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:31,361
These premises do not come up
to the standard required by this authority.
38
00:02:31,441 --> 00:02:33,761
Unless appropriate steps
are taken instantly,
39
00:02:33,841 --> 00:02:36,761
I shall have no alternative but
to prosecute or recommend closure
40
00:02:36,841 --> 00:02:39,121
to the appropriate
committee of the council.
41
00:02:39,241 --> 00:02:44,201
Specifically, lack of proper cleaning routines,
dirty and greasy filters,
42
00:02:44,281 --> 00:02:46,401
greasy and encrusted deep fat fryer,
43
00:02:46,481 --> 00:02:48,841
dirty, cracked, and stained
food preparation surfaces,
44
00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:53,641
dirty, cracked, and missing wall and floor tiles,
dirty, marked, and stained utensils,
45
00:02:53,721 --> 00:02:56,721
dirty and greasy interior surfaces
of the ventilator hoods.
46
00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,001
Yes, about the deep fat fryer...
47
00:02:58,081 --> 00:03:01,201
Inadequate temperature control
and storage of dangerous foodstuffs,
48
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:03,721
storage of cooked and
raw meat in same trays,
49
00:03:03,801 --> 00:03:06,241
storage of raw meat above confectionery,
50
00:03:06,321 --> 00:03:09,481
with consequent dripping of meat juices
onto cream products,
51
00:03:09,561 --> 00:03:12,961
refrigerator seals loose and cracked,
ice box un-defrosted,
52
00:03:13,041 --> 00:03:16,041
- and refrigerator overstocked.
- Yes, say no more.
53
00:03:16,121 --> 00:03:19,121
Food handling routines suspect,
54
00:03:19,201 --> 00:03:22,201
evidence of smoking in
food preparation area,
55
00:03:22,281 --> 00:03:24,761
dirty and grubby food handling overalls,
56
00:03:24,841 --> 00:03:27,881
lack of wash handbasin...
Which you gave us a verbal assurance
57
00:03:27,961 --> 00:03:30,841
you'd have installed
on our last visit six months ago...
58
00:03:30,921 --> 00:03:33,641
And two dead pigeons in the water tank.
59
00:03:35,681 --> 00:03:37,961
Otherwise, okay?
60
00:03:38,481 --> 00:03:40,361
As I said, I shall refrain from serving
61
00:03:40,441 --> 00:03:43,121
a food hygiene notice today,
but I shall return tomorrow.
62
00:03:43,241 --> 00:03:47,881
If the items on this list have not been rectified,
I shall take immediate action.
63
00:03:48,001 --> 00:03:51,641
I have not had time to inspect the bedrooms
and common passageways,
64
00:03:51,721 --> 00:03:53,201
but I shall be doing so tomorrow.
65
00:03:53,281 --> 00:03:55,441
Yes, of course.
66
00:03:55,721 --> 00:03:59,001
The only gourmets
you'll find scavenging in this kitchen
67
00:03:59,081 --> 00:04:01,681
will be kamikaze ones.
68
00:04:02,441 --> 00:04:05,401
Thought we was in trouble
there for a minute.
69
00:04:05,481 --> 00:04:07,121
We are in trouble.
70
00:04:07,201 --> 00:04:08,681
Piece of cake.
71
00:04:09,161 --> 00:04:11,041
Have you read this piece of cake?
72
00:04:11,121 --> 00:04:12,881
They gotta do that, ain't they?
It's part of their job.
73
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:14,921
Terry, this kitchen is filthy!
74
00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:16,601
Filthy Towers, eh?
75
00:04:16,681 --> 00:04:18,801
- Now, look...
- All kitchens are filthy, Mr Fawlty.
76
00:04:18,881 --> 00:04:20,921
In fact, the better the
kitchen, the filthier it is.
77
00:04:21,041 --> 00:04:24,801
Have you ever read George Orwell's
experiences at Maxim's in Paris?
78
00:04:24,881 --> 00:04:28,001
No, do you have a copy?
I'll read it out in court.
79
00:04:28,361 --> 00:04:31,281
Don't just stand there gossiping.
Go upstairs.
80
00:04:31,361 --> 00:04:33,561
I'm trying to point out
to our alleged chef...
81
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:34,801
Go upstairs and get Manuel,
82
00:04:34,921 --> 00:04:38,241
then check the bathrooms for soap and paper
and get those pigeons out of the water tank.
83
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:40,041
Yes, my little commandant.
84
00:04:40,121 --> 00:04:42,401
And see how many fire
extinguishers are missing.
85
00:04:42,481 --> 00:04:45,001
Come on, Polly. We'll start in here.
86
00:04:45,081 --> 00:04:46,721
Not in here, puss.
87
00:04:47,841 --> 00:04:49,321
(MAN SINGING)
88
00:04:59,801 --> 00:05:02,801
Manuel, I'm sorry. This is an emergency.
Important, sí?
89
00:05:02,881 --> 00:05:05,881
The health inspector's just been,
things wrong with hotel.
90
00:05:05,961 --> 00:05:07,641
We put them right by tomorrow, all right?
91
00:05:07,721 --> 00:05:10,481
- Now, Manuel, go up to the roof, sí?
- Yes, sí.
92
00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:12,441
No, no, come. I haven't told you yet.
93
00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:15,041
- Go to the water tank.
- Water.
94
00:05:15,121 --> 00:05:17,321
- Water tank. Water on roof, in tank.
- Sí, sí, sí.
95
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:19,921
Two dead pigeons, in tank. Take out.
96
00:05:22,241 --> 00:05:25,001
It's not difficult, Manuel.
This is not a proposition from Wittgenstein.
97
00:05:25,081 --> 00:05:28,121
Listen, two dead pigeons. Water tank.
98
00:05:29,201 --> 00:05:30,641
(SNICKERING)
99
00:05:31,841 --> 00:05:34,321
- What is funny?
- How they get up there?
100
00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:36,801
How'd they... They flew up there.
101
00:05:38,041 --> 00:05:39,561
That's right.
102
00:05:39,641 --> 00:05:40,801
(SNORTING)
103
00:05:40,881 --> 00:05:44,001
Will you stop... Will you just...
Will you pull...
104
00:05:44,081 --> 00:05:46,921
Not pigs! Pigeons!
105
00:05:48,001 --> 00:05:50,041
- Qué?
- Pigeon, pigeon.
106
00:05:50,481 --> 00:05:55,281
Like your English.
"Plety, piffle, pig, pigeon!" Pigeon.
107
00:05:55,361 --> 00:05:57,881
"Piggy on..." Ah!
108
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:02,321
- What is that?
- Is my hamster. "Piggy-on."
109
00:06:03,841 --> 00:06:06,321
- Hamster?
- Sí, sí. No, pidge-on.
110
00:06:06,401 --> 00:06:08,201
- Manuel, it's a rat.
- Pidge-in.
111
00:06:08,281 --> 00:06:10,601
- It's a rat!
- No, no, is hamster.
112
00:06:10,681 --> 00:06:13,121
Of course it's a rat.
You have rats in Spain, don't you?
113
00:06:13,201 --> 00:06:15,161
Or did Franco have them all shot?
114
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:17,441
No, is hamster.
115
00:06:17,521 --> 00:06:20,041
- It's a rat.
- No, I think so too.
116
00:06:20,121 --> 00:06:22,441
I say to man in shop, "Is rat."
117
00:06:22,561 --> 00:06:27,241
He says, "No, no, no. Is a special kind of hamster.
Is Filigree Siberian Hamster."
118
00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:30,561
Only one in shop.
He make special price, only £5.
119
00:06:32,121 --> 00:06:34,321
Have you ever heard
of the Bubonic Plague, Manuel?
120
00:06:34,401 --> 00:06:35,961
It was very popular here at one time.
121
00:06:36,041 --> 00:06:39,761
A lot of pedigreed hamsters
came over on ships from Siberia.
122
00:06:39,961 --> 00:06:42,241
- What you do?
- Sorry, this is a rat.
123
00:06:42,321 --> 00:06:44,201
- No, no! Is hamster!
- Is not hamster.
124
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:49,001
Hamster are small and cuddly.
Cuddle this, you'd never play the guitar again.
125
00:06:50,401 --> 00:06:53,561
- Where you go? Where you take him?
- I'm sorry Manuel. He's got to go.
126
00:06:53,641 --> 00:06:54,641
- Go? No, no, no!
- Yes.
127
00:06:54,721 --> 00:06:57,641
- He mine. He stay with me.
- Now look! This is a hotel!
128
00:06:57,721 --> 00:07:01,081
The health inspector comes tomorrow.
If he sees this, I, closed down.
129
00:07:01,161 --> 00:07:05,001
No warning, closed down. Finito.
You, out of work. Back to Barcelona.
130
00:07:05,081 --> 00:07:07,561
He no hurt. He in cage.
He safe. Please! Please!
131
00:07:07,641 --> 00:07:09,241
- Good morning, ladies.
- What's the matter?
132
00:07:09,321 --> 00:07:10,721
He take my hamster!
133
00:07:10,801 --> 00:07:13,721
Please, no, Mr Fawlty! I love him!
134
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:16,761
- How could you?
- He take it from my room!
135
00:07:16,841 --> 00:07:19,041
- There, there.
- It'll be all right.
136
00:07:19,161 --> 00:07:23,761
- You can keep it in our room.
- That's right, we'll keep it in our room, Mr Fawlty.
137
00:07:23,841 --> 00:07:25,401
We'll look after it.
138
00:07:25,481 --> 00:07:26,641
(BOTH SCREAMING)
139
00:07:26,721 --> 00:07:28,041
A rat! A rat!
140
00:07:29,201 --> 00:07:32,041
No, no. Is Siberian Hamster, Filigree.
141
00:07:35,281 --> 00:07:38,641
It's all right, it's only a Siberian Hamster.
Just getting rid of it.
142
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,801
- Polly, Polly! He take my hamster.
- What?
143
00:07:42,881 --> 00:07:46,321
Mr Fawlty take my hamster!
He crazy, he think is rat!
144
00:07:47,641 --> 00:07:49,121
- Manuel.
- Hmm?
145
00:07:50,961 --> 00:07:52,361
Prepare yourself for a shock.
146
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:56,521
- Why didn't you check?
- What?
147
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:59,481
You mean he's had it for a whole year,
and you've only just found out?
148
00:07:59,561 --> 00:08:02,041
- Supposing the health inspector had seen it?
- I know.
149
00:08:02,121 --> 00:08:03,921
He could have closed us down.
150
00:08:04,001 --> 00:08:06,761
What are you going to do with it, Basil?
You can't keep it in here.
151
00:08:06,841 --> 00:08:07,881
I know.
152
00:08:07,961 --> 00:08:10,281
And don't let it loose in the garden.
It'll come back in the house.
153
00:08:10,361 --> 00:08:12,041
Can't we get you on Mastermind, Sybil?
154
00:08:12,161 --> 00:08:16,281
Next contestant, Sybil Fawlty from Torquay,
special subject, the bleedin' obvious!
155
00:08:16,361 --> 00:08:18,921
I wasn't going to let it go in the garden.
156
00:08:19,001 --> 00:08:20,521
What are you going to do with it?
157
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,961
I don't know. I'll take it away.
Let it go. Give it its freedom.
158
00:08:23,041 --> 00:08:25,761
You can't do that, Basil.
He wouldn't be able to defend himself.
159
00:08:25,841 --> 00:08:27,201
He's a rat, isn't he?
160
00:08:27,281 --> 00:08:29,801
He's domesticated, aren't you?
161
00:08:29,881 --> 00:08:31,881
You're domesticated, you do all right.
162
00:08:31,961 --> 00:08:33,121
Basil!
163
00:08:33,201 --> 00:08:36,241
He won't get mugged
by a gang of field mice, will he?
164
00:08:36,321 --> 00:08:39,961
Basil, he's Manuel's pet.
We have a duty to it.
165
00:08:40,161 --> 00:08:41,841
Perhaps we could find a home for him.
166
00:08:41,961 --> 00:08:47,001
All right! I'll put an ad in the papers!
Wanted, kind home for enormous savage rodent.
167
00:08:47,081 --> 00:08:48,401
Answers to the name of Sybil.
168
00:08:48,481 --> 00:08:51,041
Look, I'll take him out into the country...
169
00:08:51,121 --> 00:08:54,521
No! I cannot abide cruelty
to living creatures.
170
00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:56,241
Well, I'm a creature,
you can abide it to me.
171
00:08:56,321 --> 00:08:58,081
You're not living.
172
00:08:59,641 --> 00:09:01,001
Look, Manuel, we were just wondering...
173
00:09:01,081 --> 00:09:03,921
Mrs Fawlty, please understand.
If he go, I go.
174
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,361
Well, goodbye.
175
00:09:06,721 --> 00:09:07,841
Please listen.
176
00:09:07,921 --> 00:09:10,521
You know, we really can't keep him here.
The health inspector wouldn't...
177
00:09:10,601 --> 00:09:13,121
Mrs Fawlty, he here one
year, he do no harm.
178
00:09:13,201 --> 00:09:18,161
But, Manuel, listen. If they see your rat,
they could close the hotel down.
179
00:09:18,241 --> 00:09:22,321
Perhaps it would be simplest
to have him put to s-I-e-e-p.
180
00:09:23,721 --> 00:09:27,881
Who? Him or the rat?
We might get a discount if we had 'em both done.
181
00:09:27,961 --> 00:09:29,121
"Spleep"?
182
00:09:29,201 --> 00:09:32,481
Manuel, I've rung my friend.
It's all right. She'll take him.
183
00:09:32,561 --> 00:09:34,001
She has lots of animals,
184
00:09:34,081 --> 00:09:36,641
and it's not far from here,
you can go see him whenever you want.
185
00:09:36,721 --> 00:09:37,881
Come on, we'll take him there now.
186
00:09:37,961 --> 00:09:40,401
- But he forget me!
- Rats are like that.
187
00:09:40,481 --> 00:09:43,841
- Don't get involved with them.
- I think it's the best solution, Manuel.
188
00:09:43,921 --> 00:09:45,961
Oh, he'll be happy. You'll see.
189
00:09:46,841 --> 00:09:48,441
Sad, isn't it?
190
00:09:48,761 --> 00:09:50,601
Well, look at it from the
point of view of the rat.
191
00:09:50,681 --> 00:09:51,881
- What?
- Would you want
192
00:09:51,961 --> 00:09:54,761
to spend the rest of your life
with Manuel waiting on you?
193
00:10:03,521 --> 00:10:05,961
We've been through the cupboards,
you're doing the walls,
194
00:10:06,041 --> 00:10:08,881
Terry, the filters, checked the fridges...
195
00:10:09,561 --> 00:10:11,241
Come here.
196
00:10:12,801 --> 00:10:16,361
Right, that's done.
Now, Sybil, everything done here?
197
00:10:16,441 --> 00:10:17,641
Have you put the lid on the tank, Basil?
198
00:10:17,721 --> 00:10:19,801
That's why I've been on the roof
the last 40 minutes.
199
00:10:19,881 --> 00:10:22,321
- And you took the pigeons out?
- No, I left them in. They're nearly done.
200
00:10:22,401 --> 00:10:23,841
Now, walls?
201
00:10:24,241 --> 00:10:26,001
I've checked everything.
202
00:10:26,081 --> 00:10:27,801
Terry, the hoods. We've done the cupboards?
203
00:10:27,881 --> 00:10:29,321
- It's all been done, Basil.
- The fridge.
204
00:10:29,401 --> 00:10:31,721
- Have we got it all separate?
- Basil, I told you, it's all been done.
205
00:10:31,801 --> 00:10:34,481
- Seals on the old fridge, the floor?
- I've checked it.
206
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:38,361
Just running over the bleeding obvious, dear.
So, all is shipshape and Bristol fashion, eh?
207
00:10:38,441 --> 00:10:40,841
All ready for ode snoopy drawers?
208
00:10:45,801 --> 00:10:49,481
- Is this about that rodent?
- Leave him alone, Basil, he's upset.
209
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:51,601
He's not going to cheer up
mooning about like that, is he?
210
00:10:51,681 --> 00:10:52,801
Just let him be.
211
00:10:52,881 --> 00:10:56,641
It doesn't help him, you encouraging it.
You've got to get his mind off it.
212
00:10:56,721 --> 00:10:58,961
Well, Manuel, what do you think?
Looks good, doesn't it, eh?
213
00:10:59,041 --> 00:11:01,081
All clean and shining bright?
214
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,081
So empty, without him.
215
00:11:03,161 --> 00:11:04,881
Yes, but those walls look good, too.
216
00:11:04,961 --> 00:11:07,481
And the hoods, gleaming like that,
isn't that a marvellous sight?
217
00:11:07,561 --> 00:11:09,441
Please leave me alone. I get over it.
218
00:11:09,521 --> 00:11:11,881
Yes, no point in letting it get you down.
219
00:11:11,961 --> 00:11:13,721
Plenty more fish in the sea, eh?
220
00:11:13,801 --> 00:11:14,881
- Don't!
- What?
221
00:11:14,961 --> 00:11:16,761
Don't hit me. Always you hit me.
222
00:11:16,841 --> 00:11:18,841
I'm not hitting you,
I'm trying to cheer you up.
223
00:11:18,921 --> 00:11:20,041
Let him be, Basil.
224
00:11:20,121 --> 00:11:23,841
Look, look... Don't look at me
with those awful cow eyes.
225
00:11:23,921 --> 00:11:25,681
Wh... Why don't you go
to the cinema tonight?
226
00:11:25,761 --> 00:11:28,401
Why don't you and Polly go to the ice rink?
227
00:11:28,481 --> 00:11:31,361
Why don't you...
Cheer up, for Christ's sake!
228
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,481
Basil!
229
00:11:32,561 --> 00:11:34,881
I cannot stand this awful self indulgence!
230
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:37,881
Leave him alone, Basil,
he's just depressed.
231
00:11:38,481 --> 00:11:42,641
Manuel, my wife informs me
that you're depressed.
232
00:11:43,201 --> 00:11:47,481
Let me tell you something,
depression is a very bad thing.
233
00:11:48,161 --> 00:11:49,321
It's like a virus.
234
00:11:49,401 --> 00:11:51,441
If you don't stamp on it,
it spreads throughout the mind,
235
00:11:51,561 --> 00:11:55,041
and then one day, you wake up in the morning,
and you can't face life any more.
236
00:11:55,121 --> 00:11:57,361
And then you open a hotel.
237
00:11:58,961 --> 00:12:02,161
We didn't win the war
by getting depressed, you know?
238
00:12:02,241 --> 00:12:03,721
- Manuel!
- Cómo?
239
00:12:03,801 --> 00:12:05,081
- Not so sad.
- No?
240
00:12:05,161 --> 00:12:06,281
No, no. It's too much.
241
00:12:06,361 --> 00:12:07,881
- Too much?
- Much too much.
242
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,081
Just a little bit sad.
243
00:12:09,161 --> 00:12:10,321
- There's the food.
- Ah, gracias.
244
00:12:10,401 --> 00:12:11,401
Don't forget the water.
245
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,521
Ahh, Terry, Terry.
Let me have a bit of that.
246
00:12:13,601 --> 00:12:15,841
- That's fillet.
- Sí, sí, he like it. Please.
247
00:12:15,921 --> 00:12:17,121
Want some béarnaise with it?
248
00:12:17,201 --> 00:12:19,201
No, no... Is chostelorol.
249
00:12:32,841 --> 00:12:33,881
Shoo.
250
00:12:44,441 --> 00:12:45,601
Basil?
251
00:12:48,521 --> 00:12:49,641
(SQUEAKING)
252
00:12:50,081 --> 00:12:51,921
Thank you, Mr Higgins.
253
00:12:52,001 --> 00:12:53,681
Thank you.
254
00:12:53,881 --> 00:12:56,561
- And here's the picture.
- What?
255
00:12:56,641 --> 00:12:59,521
The picture. The one in your room.
You said you liked it.
256
00:12:59,601 --> 00:13:00,721
- Uh...
- Polly!
257
00:13:00,801 --> 00:13:02,321
- Shh! Wait!
- Polly.
258
00:13:02,401 --> 00:13:04,121
No, I'm sorry. I really don't...
259
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:06,681
Just a fiver...
You can have it on approval.
260
00:13:06,761 --> 00:13:07,921
Sorry.
261
00:13:08,001 --> 00:13:10,481
It's for my sister's eye operation.
262
00:13:10,681 --> 00:13:12,081
You bastard!
263
00:13:13,641 --> 00:13:15,201
- Polly!
- Oh, what?
264
00:13:15,281 --> 00:13:16,321
- He gone!
- What?
265
00:13:16,401 --> 00:13:17,921
He gone! He escape!
266
00:13:18,001 --> 00:13:19,281
But how did he get out of the cage?
267
00:13:19,361 --> 00:13:21,801
I leave door open so he
can exercise in shed.
268
00:13:21,881 --> 00:13:24,161
You dago dodo!
269
00:13:25,521 --> 00:13:27,521
- You got it all over your front.
- Qué?
270
00:13:27,601 --> 00:13:29,241
- Mucho salo.
- What you do?
271
00:13:29,321 --> 00:13:31,961
- Is dirty.
- Don't matter, what about Basil?
272
00:13:32,041 --> 00:13:34,001
- Mr Fawlty to you.
- No, no. Basil!
273
00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:35,761
Está aquí.
274
00:13:36,041 --> 00:13:38,441
- Now go and clean it.
- Ah, sí, sí.
275
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:42,201
Jolly good, Polly.
That's the way to snap him out of it.
276
00:13:42,281 --> 00:13:44,881
- Morning, Fawlty.
- Hello, Major. There are the papers.
277
00:13:44,961 --> 00:13:46,481
That's where I left it.
278
00:13:46,561 --> 00:13:48,441
Strike, strike, strike.
279
00:13:48,521 --> 00:13:50,761
Why do we bother, Fawlty?
280
00:13:51,481 --> 00:13:53,641
Didn't know you did, Major.
281
00:13:58,841 --> 00:14:00,721
Boycott made a century.
282
00:14:05,481 --> 00:14:07,681
Stay where you are, old chap.
283
00:14:10,921 --> 00:14:12,561
Don't move.
284
00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:26,281
- Terry, give these a rinse, will you?
- I have.
285
00:14:26,361 --> 00:14:28,881
Well, they're still dirty.
Put them in the dishwasher.
286
00:14:47,161 --> 00:14:49,961
- Do you need any help, Major?
- Don't move!
287
00:14:51,721 --> 00:14:53,041
Vermin.
288
00:14:55,321 --> 00:14:58,001
- We haven't got any, this week, Major.
- Hmm?
289
00:14:58,081 --> 00:14:59,441
No Germans staying this week, Major.
290
00:14:59,521 --> 00:15:01,041
May I have that?
291
00:15:01,121 --> 00:15:02,401
Goin' to shoot him, Fawlty.
292
00:15:02,481 --> 00:15:03,641
- Major?
- Hmm?
293
00:15:03,721 --> 00:15:06,001
Not legal actually, any more, murder.
294
00:15:06,081 --> 00:15:07,441
But they're animals, Fawlty!
295
00:15:07,521 --> 00:15:09,281
Oh, yes, yes.
Still, forgive and forget, eh?
296
00:15:09,361 --> 00:15:11,681
- Forgive 'em?
- Well, pretend we do.
297
00:15:11,761 --> 00:15:13,801
But they spread disease, Fawlty.
298
00:15:13,881 --> 00:15:17,721
He was sitting there, on that table,
eating the nuts, if you please.
299
00:15:17,801 --> 00:15:19,241
He's really gone this time.
300
00:15:19,321 --> 00:15:22,761
About that size, that... With the tail.
301
00:15:25,521 --> 00:15:26,841
Tall?
302
00:15:28,081 --> 00:15:31,601
- What did you say he was?
- Vermin. A dirty rat.
303
00:15:35,681 --> 00:15:38,081
- How long ago?
- About two minutes ago.
304
00:15:38,161 --> 00:15:40,961
Stay there, Major. Stay there.
If you see him, give me a shout.
305
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:42,281
Will do.
306
00:15:48,401 --> 00:15:51,921
I'm just cleaning behind the
fridge, Mr Fawlty.
307
00:15:52,881 --> 00:15:54,361
(POLLY CALLING)
308
00:15:54,441 --> 00:15:55,801
POLLY: Basil.
309
00:15:55,881 --> 00:15:58,121
Basil... Cheesies.
310
00:15:59,281 --> 00:16:00,801
- Bas...
- Yes?
311
00:16:01,601 --> 00:16:02,921
Here I am!
312
00:16:03,041 --> 00:16:04,761
- Hello, Mr Fawlty.
- That's for me, is it?
313
00:16:04,841 --> 00:16:06,361
Thank you. Hmm.
314
00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:10,841
- Shall I get you some more? There's plenty...
- He's called Basil, is he?
315
00:16:10,921 --> 00:16:13,561
Don't play dumb with me. I trusted you.
You're responsible for this.
316
00:16:13,641 --> 00:16:15,881
(MIMICKING) "My friend
will look after him, Mr Fawlty!"
317
00:16:15,961 --> 00:16:17,121
Just...
318
00:16:21,121 --> 00:16:24,081
Come on. Come on out.
Come on. Basil's here.
319
00:16:25,321 --> 00:16:27,521
- Have you got him?
- He's under there.
320
00:16:27,601 --> 00:16:29,361
Right. I'll get him.
321
00:16:31,161 --> 00:16:32,721
Cleaning behind the fridge?
322
00:16:32,801 --> 00:16:35,321
Well, you've got a lot on your mind.
We didn't want to worry you, Mr F...
323
00:16:35,401 --> 00:16:37,001
What do you mean? A public health inspector
324
00:16:37,081 --> 00:16:39,641
coming after a 24-hour warning
and a rat loose in the hotel,
325
00:16:39,721 --> 00:16:40,881
is that what you mean?
326
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:44,481
- He must have escaped, Mr Fawlty, and come back.
- Come back?
327
00:16:44,561 --> 00:16:45,881
They home.
328
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:49,441
Oh, I see. He's a homing rat, is he?
329
00:16:50,321 --> 00:16:53,241
Oh, yeah. Rats are amazing
creatures, Mr Fawlty.
330
00:16:53,321 --> 00:16:54,721
I read about one once.
331
00:16:54,801 --> 00:16:56,641
His owner had gone down to Penzance...
332
00:16:56,721 --> 00:16:57,801
Yes, yes. I read about that.
333
00:16:57,881 --> 00:16:59,521
When the chef got filleted
with his own carving knife?
334
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:02,921
- No, honest, scout's honour.
- We'll find him, Mr Fawlty!
335
00:17:03,001 --> 00:17:05,881
Well, if you could. That would be lovely,
before they close us down. Super!
336
00:17:06,001 --> 00:17:09,761
Well, let's have a little Basil hunt, shall we?
And then we'll deal with the sackings later on.
337
00:17:09,841 --> 00:17:11,601
- I'll do the cellar.
- I'll do this floor.
338
00:17:11,681 --> 00:17:12,921
Manuel, you check your room.
339
00:17:13,041 --> 00:17:15,801
Start in the bar. He was there two minutes ago.
I'll do the kitchen.
340
00:17:17,081 --> 00:17:18,321
I've done all them.
341
00:17:45,961 --> 00:17:49,841
- Oh, Mr Carnegie. Good morning.
- Good morning, Mrs Fawlty.
342
00:17:51,841 --> 00:17:54,041
Hello. Nice to see you.
343
00:17:54,121 --> 00:17:56,561
Would you like coffee
before we adjourn to...
344
00:17:56,641 --> 00:17:58,801
No, thank you.
If we start upstairs with the water tanks.
345
00:17:58,881 --> 00:18:00,041
- Ah, good idea.
- What?
346
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:01,761
Good thinking, about starting upstairs.
347
00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:04,681
- Sybil, would you like to show Mr Carnegie up?
- I was just going to, Basil.
348
00:18:04,761 --> 00:18:07,921
And I'll keep an eye on things down here,
find something to get on with.
349
00:18:08,001 --> 00:18:09,041
(GUNSHOTS)
350
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:10,841
God! What was that?
351
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:15,321
Bloody television exploding again.
I'll deal with it, you go upstairs.
352
00:18:15,401 --> 00:18:18,841
- That was a gun!
- Yes, it did sound like it, didn't it?
353
00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:24,441
- Moths.
- What is going on here?
354
00:18:24,921 --> 00:18:28,281
I'll get him!
He'll come back for the nuts, you know?
355
00:18:28,361 --> 00:18:30,681
He was sniffing around here just now.
356
00:18:30,881 --> 00:18:32,241
Sorry, sorry, Major.
357
00:18:32,321 --> 00:18:34,321
It wasn't the television at all.
It was just this gun.
358
00:18:34,401 --> 00:18:36,241
I'll put it under lock
and key straightaway.
359
00:18:36,321 --> 00:18:38,241
Why was he firing it in the hotel?
360
00:18:38,321 --> 00:18:39,761
Shooting starlings.
361
00:18:39,841 --> 00:18:41,881
- In the bar?
- Through the window. I'll lock it away.
362
00:18:41,961 --> 00:18:43,521
- Is it licensed?
- Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
363
00:18:43,601 --> 00:18:45,881
You do realise that under
the health and safety act
364
00:18:45,961 --> 00:18:47,161
it is your responsibility?
365
00:18:47,241 --> 00:18:49,961
Oh, yes. I'm terribly sorry.
It's never happened before, Mr Carnegie.
366
00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:52,801
I'll have to notify the police, of course.
They will take steps.
367
00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:54,601
Qué? Polly, qué ha pasado?
368
00:18:54,681 --> 00:18:56,401
- It's all right, Manuel.
- Is he all right?
369
00:18:56,481 --> 00:18:57,681
- Yes.
- He no dead?
370
00:18:57,761 --> 00:19:00,001
No, it was just the Major
letting the gun off.
371
00:19:00,081 --> 00:19:02,841
- The Major tried to kill Basil?
- Kill Basil?
372
00:19:02,921 --> 00:19:05,481
No, not Mr Fawlty.
I mean Basil, my little...
373
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:06,761
Ratatouille!
374
00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,281
Basil. The little...
375
00:19:08,361 --> 00:19:09,761
Ratatouille.
376
00:19:10,081 --> 00:19:14,921
The chef calls the Ratatouille Basil,
because he puts quite a lot of basil in it.
377
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:17,561
He put Basil in the Ratatouille?
378
00:19:18,281 --> 00:19:19,361
Yes!
379
00:19:19,441 --> 00:19:21,081
(MANUEL SCREAMING)
380
00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:27,401
He's from Barcelona.
381
00:19:32,401 --> 00:19:35,801
You know, typical Latin, really.
Would you like to...
382
00:19:36,001 --> 00:19:38,241
- Why you do this?
- I 'aven't, I 'aven't!
383
00:19:38,321 --> 00:19:40,041
Polly say you put Basil in ratatouille.
384
00:19:40,121 --> 00:19:43,001
I haven't made any bleeding ratatouille!
385
00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:44,161
Manuel!
386
00:19:44,241 --> 00:19:45,881
Well, why you say he put
Basil in ratatouille?
387
00:19:45,961 --> 00:19:47,721
I had to say something.
That was the health inspector.
388
00:19:47,801 --> 00:19:48,881
Now, will you calm down?
389
00:19:48,961 --> 00:19:50,281
- Where is he?
- Oh, I don't know!
390
00:19:50,361 --> 00:19:52,161
- Perhaps he dead.
- Oh, 'e's all right.
391
00:19:52,241 --> 00:19:54,441
Give us the veal.
I've got to get lunch ready.
392
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:59,401
How you know he's all right?
The Major fire his gun, perhaps he hit. I find him!
393
00:19:59,481 --> 00:20:00,601
Sorry, Polly.
394
00:20:00,681 --> 00:20:02,961
Oh, pick 'em up quick,
before 'e gets in here.
395
00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:05,161
That's it, Major. You've nearly got it.
396
00:20:05,241 --> 00:20:08,761
The thing is, not a word about rats.
You were shooting a starling, all right?
397
00:20:08,841 --> 00:20:09,841
- A starling.
- Yes.
398
00:20:09,921 --> 00:20:10,961
- Through the window.
- Right.
399
00:20:11,041 --> 00:20:13,841
But, Fawlty,
how did the starling get in the bar?
400
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,601
No, no, no. You were in the bar.
401
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:16,921
- I was in the bar?
- Yes!
402
00:20:17,001 --> 00:20:18,041
Yes, I was!
403
00:20:18,121 --> 00:20:21,521
And the starling was in the garden,
and the rat was nowhere at all.
404
00:20:21,601 --> 00:20:23,521
Well, I didn't see him.
405
00:20:24,081 --> 00:20:26,241
Say good night to the folks, Gracie.
406
00:20:26,481 --> 00:20:28,641
- All right, Terry. Everything under control?
- Yeah. Is he still...
407
00:20:28,721 --> 00:20:30,801
No, he started upstairs.
God knows where that rat is.
408
00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:32,361
Tch! Oh, puss.
409
00:20:33,481 --> 00:20:34,681
(MEWING)
410
00:20:35,281 --> 00:20:36,801
Come on, puss.
411
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:38,601
Out you go.
412
00:20:39,001 --> 00:20:40,241
(SIGHING)
413
00:20:42,761 --> 00:20:44,641
Oh, uh... I put some...
414
00:20:45,961 --> 00:20:47,281
- Terry?
- Yeah?
415
00:20:47,361 --> 00:20:48,561
There was a piece of veal down here.
416
00:20:48,641 --> 00:20:50,401
Yeah, I got 'em all up, Mr Fawlty.
417
00:20:50,481 --> 00:20:52,401
- What?
- We picked 'em all up.
418
00:20:52,481 --> 00:20:54,481
- Got the veals, Terry?
- Yeah, here they are, Poll.
419
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:56,761
Terry, listen to me.
What do you mean, "You picked them all up"?
420
00:20:56,841 --> 00:20:59,921
Manuel knocked 'em over.
We picked 'em all up.
421
00:21:00,921 --> 00:21:03,241
- Oh, my God!
- What's the matter?
422
00:21:03,521 --> 00:21:06,001
One of them's got rat poison on it.
423
00:21:08,281 --> 00:21:10,001
Sorry, sorry!
424
00:21:10,201 --> 00:21:11,801
Veal's off, sorry.
425
00:21:11,881 --> 00:21:14,921
- That's veal?
- No, no, this is... Veal substitute.
426
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:17,321
We're giving it a try,
and it's a bit of a disappointment, I'm afraid.
427
00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:18,641
In fact, it's no substitute at all.
428
00:21:18,721 --> 00:21:21,441
Polly, would you take the
order again, please?
429
00:21:21,521 --> 00:21:23,361
Thank you, thank you so much.
430
00:21:23,441 --> 00:21:26,281
I'm sorry about that.
Would you like the lamb or the plaice?
431
00:21:26,361 --> 00:21:27,961
Veal substitute?
432
00:21:28,161 --> 00:21:32,721
Well, it's Japanese, actually,
soya beans and essence of cow.
433
00:21:34,081 --> 00:21:35,201
Seals?
434
00:21:35,281 --> 00:21:38,561
We've moved all the meat into this one,
and we've put the confectionery...
435
00:21:39,921 --> 00:21:42,561
Ahem! A bottle of the Beaujolais, please.
436
00:21:42,641 --> 00:21:43,801
Certainly.
437
00:21:43,881 --> 00:21:46,161
- And the wash handbasin?
- We ordered it yesterday.
438
00:21:46,241 --> 00:21:48,961
Here's the acknowledgement of the order.
439
00:21:49,561 --> 00:21:53,761
Well, it would appear that this kitchen
is now in a satisfactory condition.
440
00:21:53,841 --> 00:21:55,041
I shall be writing to confirm...
441
00:21:55,121 --> 00:21:56,481
(CLATTERING)
442
00:21:56,681 --> 00:21:58,401
Sorry, it slipped.
443
00:21:59,281 --> 00:22:00,601
...the outstanding points,
444
00:22:00,681 --> 00:22:04,321
and someone will be dropping in
to carry out a future random inspection
445
00:22:04,401 --> 00:22:06,241
to make sure these standards
are being maintained.
446
00:22:06,321 --> 00:22:08,721
- Thank you.
- Marvellous.
447
00:22:08,801 --> 00:22:10,161
It's 10 to 1:00.
448
00:22:10,241 --> 00:22:11,921
I'd like to take lunch here, if I may?
449
00:22:12,001 --> 00:22:14,041
Certainly, Mr Carnegie.
450
00:22:14,161 --> 00:22:16,881
I couldn't help noticing
you had some veal over here...
451
00:22:20,001 --> 00:22:22,441
- Veal?
- Yes, it's Dutch.
452
00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:25,201
It's not Dutch, actually. It's Norwegian.
453
00:22:25,281 --> 00:22:26,281
- Norwegian?
- Yes.
454
00:22:26,361 --> 00:22:28,001
Not the absolute apex, quite honestly.
455
00:22:28,081 --> 00:22:29,761
Terry, the veal is Dutch, isn't it?
456
00:22:29,841 --> 00:22:31,681
Norwegian, Mrs Fawlty.
457
00:22:31,761 --> 00:22:35,881
I've been in this business 20 years,
I've never heard of Norwegian veal.
458
00:22:35,961 --> 00:22:37,481
They've only just branched into it.
459
00:22:37,561 --> 00:22:40,201
I don't think it's a winner, frankly,
more of a veal substitute.
460
00:22:40,281 --> 00:22:41,881
It's got a lot of air pockets in
it, that sort of thing.
461
00:22:41,961 --> 00:22:43,321
- The lamb is Dutch.
- Dutch?
462
00:22:43,401 --> 00:22:46,521
English, I mean. We call it Dutch 'cause
it's as good as the veal. Better, honestly.
463
00:22:46,601 --> 00:22:48,641
- I prefer the veal.
- How about lobster?
464
00:22:48,721 --> 00:22:50,281
Would you prefer lobster?
A couple of lobsters?
465
00:22:50,361 --> 00:22:52,481
It's frightfully good at the moment.
It's not expensive this week.
466
00:22:52,601 --> 00:22:56,881
We've got so much, we're having a sale
to try and shift it all. 75p each, two for £1.
467
00:22:56,961 --> 00:22:59,201
- Can't say fairer than that.
- Just the veal.
468
00:22:59,281 --> 00:23:01,241
If you like the veal...
Perhaps you'd prefer the chicken?
469
00:23:01,321 --> 00:23:03,161
Basil, he wants the veal.
470
00:23:03,241 --> 00:23:06,161
- Could I make a phone call?
- Yes, of course. Through here.
471
00:23:07,081 --> 00:23:08,881
What's all this about
rat poison on the veal?
472
00:23:08,961 --> 00:23:10,321
He's put rat poison on one,
473
00:23:10,401 --> 00:23:12,721
they've got mixed up,
and nobody knows which is which now.
474
00:23:12,801 --> 00:23:14,561
Well, what happened to the one the cat ate?
475
00:23:14,641 --> 00:23:16,721
- The cat?
- That's no good.
476
00:23:16,801 --> 00:23:19,321
- That might have poison on it too.
- Well, where is it?
477
00:23:19,401 --> 00:23:21,601
- What?
- Where's the cat's slice?
478
00:23:21,681 --> 00:23:23,401
Up here.
479
00:23:24,281 --> 00:23:26,321
Right. Now, how's the cat?
480
00:23:26,881 --> 00:23:28,601
How's the cat?
481
00:23:28,681 --> 00:23:31,401
We're about to take the life
of a public health inspector
482
00:23:31,481 --> 00:23:33,321
and you want to know "How's the cat?"
483
00:23:33,401 --> 00:23:35,281
It's gone to London to see the Queen!
484
00:23:35,361 --> 00:23:36,481
What are we going to do?
485
00:23:36,561 --> 00:23:37,761
- He's all right!
- Great!
486
00:23:37,841 --> 00:23:39,681
Hooray! Hooray! The cat lives!
487
00:23:39,761 --> 00:23:41,801
The cat lives! Long live the cat!
488
00:23:41,881 --> 00:23:43,281
What are we going to do?
489
00:23:43,361 --> 00:23:48,681
Mr Fawlty, if the cat is all right,
that means that slice is all right.
490
00:23:48,921 --> 00:23:51,121
- But how long would it take to work?
- That stuff? Two minutes.
491
00:23:51,201 --> 00:23:53,561
He had this 10 minutes ago at least.
492
00:23:53,641 --> 00:23:56,361
- It's a bit chewed there.
- I'll give it a trim.
493
00:23:59,601 --> 00:24:02,241
You're driving over to Babbacombe
this afternoon?
494
00:24:02,321 --> 00:24:03,801
Yes, we're...
495
00:24:05,321 --> 00:24:07,841
What is a plate of veal doing there?
496
00:24:08,841 --> 00:24:11,441
I'll just relieve you of it, shall I?
497
00:24:12,681 --> 00:24:13,841
Do sit down, Mr Carnegie.
498
00:24:13,921 --> 00:24:16,081
- He just has, Basil.
- On a plate of veal.
499
00:24:16,161 --> 00:24:17,281
- Has it put you off?
- What?
500
00:24:17,361 --> 00:24:18,521
Has it put you off the veal? At all?
501
00:24:18,601 --> 00:24:21,801
I'm not eating that one,
if that's what you mean.
502
00:24:21,881 --> 00:24:23,121
Stop! Halt!
503
00:24:23,201 --> 00:24:25,921
Sorry, I think there might be another one.
Excuse me.
504
00:24:26,001 --> 00:24:27,841
Ah, yes. Lucky guess.
505
00:24:29,561 --> 00:24:33,201
- Well, who's responsible for putting them there?
- Manuel, our Spanish waiter.
506
00:24:33,281 --> 00:24:34,601
Thank you.
507
00:24:34,681 --> 00:24:38,081
Now, would you care to take
a seat right here? Please.
508
00:24:38,681 --> 00:24:40,761
- Does he do it often?
- Oh, no, no.
509
00:24:40,841 --> 00:24:42,961
It's the first time.
Sometimes looks as if he's going to.
510
00:24:43,041 --> 00:24:44,321
We always catch him, of course.
511
00:24:44,401 --> 00:24:46,241
Here's your veal, Mr Carnegie,
512
00:24:46,321 --> 00:24:47,921
- And one green salad.
- Thank you.
513
00:24:48,001 --> 00:24:49,881
Ah, bon. Good appétit.
514
00:24:54,921 --> 00:24:56,561
Well done, Terry.
515
00:25:00,721 --> 00:25:02,041
(INHALING)
516
00:25:04,961 --> 00:25:06,161
(CAT MEWING)
517
00:25:06,241 --> 00:25:07,561
(RETCHING)
518
00:25:11,721 --> 00:25:14,441
Sorry, not hot enough.
519
00:25:14,761 --> 00:25:16,081
(EXCLAIMS)
520
00:25:16,641 --> 00:25:17,801
Not big enough, sorry.
521
00:25:17,881 --> 00:25:19,041
- What?
- Not big enough, sorry.
522
00:25:19,121 --> 00:25:21,121
Excuse me. Really, Polly!
523
00:25:23,921 --> 00:25:25,241
(HISSING)
524
00:25:27,761 --> 00:25:30,161
- What are you doing?
- Well, if that's the one, these are okay.
525
00:25:30,241 --> 00:25:31,761
- What?
- If that's the poison one,
526
00:25:31,841 --> 00:25:33,601
these are all right.
527
00:25:34,881 --> 00:25:36,201
Brilliant!
528
00:25:36,561 --> 00:25:39,281
- Great, right. Okay.
- Basil, what is going on?
529
00:25:39,361 --> 00:25:41,161
That was the poisoned one. The cat had it.
530
00:25:41,241 --> 00:25:42,841
- The cat!
- Poisoned?
531
00:25:42,921 --> 00:25:45,561
Yes, so that one must be okay, hmm?
532
00:25:47,281 --> 00:25:48,521
Basil...
533
00:25:48,681 --> 00:25:51,961
- Sorry, just getting you a proper sized one.
- It was big enough. It was all I wanted.
534
00:25:52,041 --> 00:25:53,161
Well, it could have been a bit hotter.
535
00:25:53,241 --> 00:25:55,241
- Well, not much, but...
- Look...
536
00:25:55,321 --> 00:25:56,761
Yes, yes. It's just coming.
Won't be a second.
537
00:25:56,841 --> 00:25:58,601
Manuel, would you...
538
00:26:00,361 --> 00:26:01,481
Here.
539
00:26:03,321 --> 00:26:05,401
- What?
- Look, he's all right. Look!
540
00:26:05,481 --> 00:26:06,921
- He can't be.
- Well, he is.
541
00:26:07,001 --> 00:26:08,001
Here ya are, Poll.
542
00:26:08,081 --> 00:26:09,801
- Oh.
- He can't be!
543
00:26:09,881 --> 00:26:10,921
What do you mean?
544
00:26:11,001 --> 00:26:12,801
- He was vomiting.
- Vomiting?
545
00:26:12,881 --> 00:26:14,521
(MIMICS RETCHING)
546
00:26:15,801 --> 00:26:18,001
That's just fur balls, Basil.
547
00:26:18,081 --> 00:26:19,761
- What?
- That's just fur balls.
548
00:26:19,841 --> 00:26:21,401
He does that all the time in the summer.
549
00:26:21,481 --> 00:26:24,561
But... But if he's all
right, that one might...
550
00:26:24,881 --> 00:26:26,881
- Polly, Polly! Too much.
- What?
551
00:26:27,001 --> 00:26:30,681
Too much. Too much of a good thing always
leaves one wanting less, I always find.
552
00:26:30,761 --> 00:26:32,161
- Ugh.
- What's wrong now?
553
00:26:32,241 --> 00:26:33,281
We wouldn't want you to think
554
00:26:33,361 --> 00:26:35,281
that just because you were one
of her Majesty's civil servants,
555
00:26:35,361 --> 00:26:37,001
we were showing you any excess favouritism.
556
00:26:37,081 --> 00:26:38,121
I'm sure you wouldn't want that.
557
00:26:38,201 --> 00:26:40,921
Oh! So you're the rat inspector!
558
00:26:42,441 --> 00:26:45,201
Sorry, Fawlty! Starling inspector.
559
00:26:45,321 --> 00:26:47,081
Starling inspector?
560
00:26:52,401 --> 00:26:54,001
- One for you.
- Thank you.
561
00:26:54,081 --> 00:26:56,201
- And one for you.
- Thank you.
562
00:27:04,481 --> 00:27:06,481
- Do you mind?
- Qué?
563
00:27:08,481 --> 00:27:11,521
We'll have one Windsor
soup, one paté, please.
564
00:27:14,121 --> 00:27:16,041
- One Windsor...
- Shh!
565
00:27:18,041 --> 00:27:20,921
If the cat's slice is all right,
that might be the poisoned one.
566
00:27:21,001 --> 00:27:22,561
- No, no.
- Yes, he's right.
567
00:27:22,641 --> 00:27:24,801
- And if the cat's one is all right...
- Which it is.
568
00:27:24,881 --> 00:27:27,121
- We can give him that, can't we?
- Right!
569
00:27:27,201 --> 00:27:28,241
- Mr Fawlty?
- Shut up!
570
00:27:28,321 --> 00:27:31,041
- But, Terry, that's got things on it.
- That's all right, Mrs Fawlty.
571
00:27:31,121 --> 00:27:33,161
What the eye don't see,
the chef gets away with.
572
00:27:33,241 --> 00:27:34,241
- Mr Fawlty?
- What is it?
573
00:27:34,321 --> 00:27:35,361
Table seven!
574
00:27:35,441 --> 00:27:36,641
- What?
- Basil!
575
00:27:39,041 --> 00:27:40,441
Sorry, it's just coming.
576
00:27:40,521 --> 00:27:41,841
- Excuse me.
- Of course.
577
00:27:41,921 --> 00:27:43,681
Good afternoon, sir. Good afternoon, madam.
578
00:27:43,801 --> 00:27:49,241
I was just trying to give an order to your waiter,
and he walked away while I was doing it.
579
00:27:50,681 --> 00:27:53,521
- Hmm?
- He wasn't paying attention at all.
580
00:27:56,361 --> 00:27:58,841
I'm so sorry. What were you saying?
581
00:27:59,081 --> 00:28:02,401
The waiter wasn't listening
when I was giving him our order.
582
00:28:02,481 --> 00:28:05,201
He seemed more interested
in my fiancée's legs.
583
00:28:05,601 --> 00:28:07,121
Really? May I?
584
00:28:11,481 --> 00:28:12,761
I don't think so.
585
00:28:12,841 --> 00:28:15,321
In fact, I think there's
a bread roll down there.
586
00:28:15,401 --> 00:28:17,521
- May I give my order?
- Oh, please. Of course.
587
00:28:17,601 --> 00:28:21,041
We'd like one Windsor soup
and one paté, and then a...
588
00:28:22,561 --> 00:28:24,441
Just doing my shoelace up.
589
00:28:24,521 --> 00:28:25,841
Are you going to take my order?
590
00:28:25,961 --> 00:28:29,641
Yes. Polly, would you take...
Take the order here, please, on this table?
591
00:28:29,721 --> 00:28:31,361
Thank you so much.
592
00:28:31,961 --> 00:28:34,001
We'd like one Windsor soup.
593
00:28:34,081 --> 00:28:35,241
One Windsor.
594
00:28:35,321 --> 00:28:37,321
- One paté.
- He's there, he's there.
595
00:28:37,401 --> 00:28:38,481
- What?
- They're there.
596
00:28:38,561 --> 00:28:40,321
- What do you mean, "They're there"?
- It's all there.
597
00:28:40,401 --> 00:28:44,121
There, there, there, and there.
All there for your enjoyment.
598
00:28:44,201 --> 00:28:45,241
And one paté?
599
00:28:45,321 --> 00:28:46,881
Manuel, would you get
the bread roll, please?
600
00:28:46,961 --> 00:28:49,081
No, no, no. Get the box!
601
00:28:49,401 --> 00:28:51,481
We have a box, a bread box.
602
00:28:51,561 --> 00:28:54,441
For any bread that has gone past its prime.
603
00:28:54,521 --> 00:28:56,881
- And you'd both like the...
- The veal.
604
00:28:56,961 --> 00:28:59,041
The veal's off, I'm afraid.
605
00:28:59,161 --> 00:29:00,961
How can it be? You've only just started.
606
00:29:01,041 --> 00:29:02,681
- Shh, shh!
- Don't "shh" me!
607
00:29:02,761 --> 00:29:07,321
Sorry, but the veal is, in fact, off.
It was never really on. That's a misprint.
608
00:29:07,401 --> 00:29:09,841
- A misprint?
- Yes. It should say...
609
00:29:10,161 --> 00:29:11,201
Eel.
610
00:29:12,161 --> 00:29:13,401
Eel scallop...
611
00:29:13,481 --> 00:29:16,441
Oh, stop it, will you? Just leave it!
Wait until after the meal!
612
00:29:16,521 --> 00:29:19,441
No. We have to get it, I'm afraid.
Health regulations, before it moulds.
613
00:29:19,521 --> 00:29:20,601
Well, I'll get it then.
614
00:29:20,681 --> 00:29:23,601
No, no! Please. Please, allow us.
All part of the service.
615
00:29:23,681 --> 00:29:26,641
So that's one paté, and one Windsor...soup!
616
00:29:31,241 --> 00:29:35,041
Here's your veal, Mr Carnegie.
Sorry for the delay.
617
00:29:35,361 --> 00:29:38,961
- He's just been given veal!
- Uh, no, no. That's veal substitute.
618
00:29:39,041 --> 00:29:40,721
- Veal substitute?
- It's not very good.
619
00:29:40,801 --> 00:29:43,281
It got rather held up on the boat.
On the way over from...
620
00:29:43,361 --> 00:29:44,481
- Japan.
- Norway.
621
00:29:44,561 --> 00:29:46,321
It's a sort of a...
622
00:29:46,601 --> 00:29:51,081
Japo-Scandinavian imitation veal substitute,
and I'm afraid that's the last slice, anyway.
623
00:29:51,161 --> 00:29:53,401
- We're leaving.
- Okay, if you insist.
624
00:29:53,481 --> 00:29:55,201
By all means. Be my guest. Thank you.
625
00:29:55,281 --> 00:29:56,321
I want a taxi.
626
00:29:56,401 --> 00:29:59,241
- Polly, would you arrange a taxi, please?
- It's in the bag.
627
00:29:59,321 --> 00:30:00,681
- Is your veal...
- In her bag!
628
00:30:00,761 --> 00:30:01,841
In her bag?
629
00:30:01,921 --> 00:30:03,241
- What?
- Excuse me.
630
00:30:05,321 --> 00:30:09,521
- Do you know where you're going to?
- Can you recommend a restaurant?
631
00:30:09,881 --> 00:30:12,161
Yes, of course. What sort of...
632
00:30:12,321 --> 00:30:14,721
Where is somewhere that serves
really good veal, Polly?
633
00:30:14,801 --> 00:30:16,801
- Somewhere in the...
- Oh, veal. Yes, of course.
634
00:30:16,881 --> 00:30:20,401
A really good restaurant.
Wait, just a minute, because I...
635
00:30:20,481 --> 00:30:24,041
I do remember a place
where I had some really good veal once.
636
00:30:24,121 --> 00:30:27,881
Only I just can't think of the name of it...
It was, umm... Ooh!
637
00:30:27,961 --> 00:30:29,561
La-di-da.
638
00:30:30,641 --> 00:30:32,641
Did you see Annie Hall?
639
00:30:33,321 --> 00:30:34,681
La-di-da.
640
00:30:34,761 --> 00:30:36,121
Annie who?
641
00:30:37,161 --> 00:30:38,441
What are you doing?
642
00:30:38,521 --> 00:30:40,761
- What?
- He had his hand in my bag!
643
00:30:40,841 --> 00:30:42,041
- What?
- No, no, I...
644
00:30:42,121 --> 00:30:43,201
You know something?
645
00:30:43,281 --> 00:30:46,561
You're getting my dander up,
you grotty little man!
646
00:30:47,161 --> 00:30:49,041
You're asking for a bunch of fives!
647
00:30:49,121 --> 00:30:50,801
- Bomb scare!
- What?
648
00:30:51,441 --> 00:30:52,481
There's been a bomb scare.
649
00:30:52,561 --> 00:30:53,841
- A bomb scare?
- Yes.
650
00:30:53,961 --> 00:30:57,081
Yes. That's why he was searching in your bag.
He didn't want to alarm you.
651
00:30:57,161 --> 00:30:58,881
- May I?
- Well, I don't...
652
00:30:58,961 --> 00:31:00,081
Just one moment.
653
00:31:00,161 --> 00:31:02,521
- We had a call, you see.
- Well, shouldn't you get everybody out?
654
00:31:02,641 --> 00:31:07,721
That's why we were looking under your table.
We just didn't want to draw attention...
655
00:31:13,281 --> 00:31:14,641
Uh, waiter.
656
00:31:16,601 --> 00:31:18,961
- Waiter?
- Un momentito.
657
00:31:25,161 --> 00:31:26,281
Sí?
658
00:31:26,361 --> 00:31:29,401
Some cheese and biscuits
and a coffee, please.
659
00:31:36,121 --> 00:31:38,681
- Anything to follow?
- I've ordered some cheese and a coffee.
660
00:31:38,761 --> 00:31:41,201
- Certainly.
- Coffee, please, Sybil.
661
00:31:41,481 --> 00:31:43,521
Here we are, Mr Carnegie.
662
00:31:43,801 --> 00:31:45,481
Polly, would you get the biscuits, please?
663
00:31:45,561 --> 00:31:47,401
Here they are, Fawlty.
664
00:31:47,481 --> 00:31:49,521
Cheddar, Danish bleu, Edam?
665
00:31:49,601 --> 00:31:51,001
A little Danish bleu, please.
666
00:31:51,081 --> 00:31:52,481
Certainly.
667
00:31:52,561 --> 00:31:54,161
(MANUEL PANTING)
668
00:31:58,681 --> 00:32:00,401
- Edam?
- No, thank you.
669
00:32:00,481 --> 00:32:01,721
Biscuits?
670
00:32:14,801 --> 00:32:17,361
(STUTTERING) Would you care for rat?
671
00:32:19,441 --> 00:32:22,121
Just the biscuits then, please, Polly.
672
00:32:27,561 --> 00:32:29,081
Black or white?
673
00:32:31,001 --> 00:32:33,241
- Black or white?
- Black, please.
674
00:32:33,321 --> 00:32:35,801
- Was that a...
- There we are.
675
00:32:36,321 --> 00:32:38,201
Here are the biscuits.
676
00:32:38,841 --> 00:32:41,321
Cream crackers, digestives, Ryvita?
677
00:32:45,001 --> 00:32:47,641
I'm afraid it's started to rain again.