1
00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:11,144
(OSCILLATING TONE)
2
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,980
Boy, am I in for it now.
3
00:00:14,981 --> 00:00:16,849
Sent before
the White Desk again.
4
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:18,267
What did I do?
5
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:19,651
The Solar Lander, you fool.
6
00:00:19,652 --> 00:00:21,437
You painted a moustache on it.
7
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,439
But Orson doesn't know I did it.
8
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,857
Then why am I here?
9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:28,277
If I knew that,
I wouldn't be talking to myself.
10
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,279
Mork.
11
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,697
Good morning, Orson.
12
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:35,117
Orson... you call me Orson
to my face,
13
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,420
but behind my back,
you call me "Fatso,"
14
00:00:37,921 --> 00:00:40,756
"Rocket Ship Thighs,"
and "Star Tush."
15
00:00:40,757 --> 00:00:42,091
You forgot "Laser Breath."
16
00:00:42,092 --> 00:00:43,592
( PLAYFUL HONKING )
17
00:00:43,593 --> 00:00:44,593
Sorry, Your Immenseness.
18
00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:45,928
See what I mean?
19
00:00:45,929 --> 00:00:48,297
These constant displays of humour
20
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:51,133
are not acceptable
behaviour here on Ork.
21
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,051
You're right.
22
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,019
We are rather a dull lot;
23
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:55,888
the white bread of the universe.
24
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,689
Emotions have been weeded
out of us
25
00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:59,608
for the good of the race,
26
00:00:59,609 --> 00:01:01,026
and you constantly make jokes.
27
00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:03,729
I'm afraid that won't do.
28
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:04,696
Uh-oh.
29
00:01:04,697 --> 00:01:07,149
There's an insignificant planet
30
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,951
on the far side of the galaxy.
31
00:01:08,952 --> 00:01:11,236
From the fragmented reports
we have on it,
32
00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:14,123
the people are...
well, uh...
33
00:01:14,124 --> 00:01:15,040
Real nimnulls?
34
00:01:15,041 --> 00:01:16,458
Exactly.
35
00:01:16,459 --> 00:01:18,710
That's why I think
you'll fit in there, Mork.
36
00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:20,746
You're too kind, sir.
37
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:22,247
What is the name
of this hellhole
38
00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:23,248
you're sending me to?
39
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:25,551
Earth.
40
00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:27,386
Earth? I was on Earth
three bleems ago.
41
00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:29,171
I was sent there
by a biology class
42
00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:30,556
to collect a specimen.
43
00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:32,424
I had to throw it back,
though... too small.
44
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:33,926
I love that place.
45
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:37,146
Well, don't enjoy it too much.
46
00:01:37,147 --> 00:01:38,480
It's not a vacation.
47
00:01:38,481 --> 00:01:39,815
We want you to learn
all you we can
48
00:01:39,816 --> 00:01:40,766
about primitive societies.
49
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:44,153
Your mission is to report
back to me mentally
50
00:01:44,154 --> 00:01:45,989
about the things
you learn there.
51
00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:48,657
And remember,
this is a serious mission.
52
00:01:48,658 --> 00:01:49,992
You can count on me, Orson.
53
00:01:49,993 --> 00:01:51,443
D, D and E.
54
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,445
Dedicated, diligent
and efficient.
55
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:54,947
Nanu-nanu.
56
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:58,668
Nanu-nanu.
57
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:03,872
MAN:
I love this spot.
58
00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:05,374
WOMAN:
It's beautiful.
59
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,793
You know, the reason
I enjoy taking you out
60
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,294
is you don't put pressure on me.
61
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:10,712
You don't force me into playing
62
00:02:10,713 --> 00:02:12,681
that virile stud
macho role, you know?
63
00:02:12,682 --> 00:02:16,602
( ELECTRONIC WHIRRING )
64
00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:24,611
( WHIRRING SLOWS AND STOPS )
65
00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:39,125
Aha!
66
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:41,911
( CRACKING )
67
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,806
( ELECTRONIC WHIRRING )
68
00:03:08,071 --> 00:03:09,571
( HIGH-PITCHED HUM )
69
00:03:09,572 --> 00:03:11,073
Gizbah.
70
00:03:11,074 --> 00:03:12,024
( HIGH-PITCHED HUM )
71
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,409
Shazbot.
72
00:03:19,749 --> 00:03:21,751
Ah.
73
00:03:22,752 --> 00:03:24,169
Only one suitcase?
74
00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:27,089
You lost half my luggage,
you nimnulls!
75
00:03:27,090 --> 00:03:28,374
( BUZZES )
76
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,376
MAN:
Oh, Mindy!
77
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:32,377
Stop it!
78
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:36,381
Don't you ever do that again!
79
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:38,383
Not even if my blouse
is on fire!
80
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,385
I can't believe you.
81
00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:41,353
Three dates and you think
82
00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:42,354
you've got the right
to attack me
83
00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:44,356
like a Thanksgiving turkey?!
84
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:45,857
Oh, I love it
when you talk dirty.
85
00:03:45,858 --> 00:03:48,360
What?
Will you cut it out?
86
00:03:48,361 --> 00:03:49,861
Now, look,
87
00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:51,363
You know,
I liked you a lot better
88
00:03:51,364 --> 00:03:52,314
when you were ineffectual.
89
00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,816
I don't even
think I like you at all after tonight.
90
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:55,817
Good point.
91
00:03:55,818 --> 00:03:57,319
I think I should take you home
92
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,820
because I respect you.
93
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,822
Well, I'll drive to make sure
94
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,824
we get to our respective homes
95
00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:05,327
still respecting each other.
96
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,328
( GROANS )
97
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,330
Well, if that's the way
you feel about it,
98
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:09,748
why don't you just walk home?
99
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,250
Oh! If that's the way
you want it,
100
00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,252
I'll be happy to walk home.
101
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,254
Hey, wait a minute!
102
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,257
That's my car!
103
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,760
Nanu-nanu.
104
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:22,761
Father...
105
00:04:24,647 --> 00:04:26,598
what are you doing out here?
106
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,567
This is where I was dropped off.
107
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:31,069
Oh, yeah? Well, I got
dropped off, too.
108
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:32,070
You don't know
what happened to me!
109
00:04:32,071 --> 00:04:34,573
He just took my car!
110
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,575
Well, I'm glad
to have someone I can trust
111
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,577
to walk into town with.
112
00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:40,579
I mean, this isn't
a confession or anything,
113
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,581
but I only had three
crummy dates with the guy
114
00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:44,583
and he takes my car
and makes me walk!
115
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:47,085
Very interesting.
Mind if I take notes?
116
00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:49,588
I don't know
where he gets off...
117
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:51,591
( MINDY CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY )
118
00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:01,851
Nanu-nanu.
119
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:12,778
( CLUNKS )
120
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:14,147
Shazbot!
121
00:06:20,763 --> 00:06:23,265
Ah! Well, here it is.
122
00:06:23,266 --> 00:06:25,133
Thanks a lot for
walking me home, Father.
123
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:27,386
I'm afraid I hardly
gave you a chance to talk,
124
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:28,387
but I was just so mad.
125
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:29,388
You know what I mean?
126
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:30,889
Nab, nab. My pleasure.
127
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,274
I was sent here
to learn, you know?
128
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:37,396
Well, if there's anything
I can do for you...
129
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,147
If it's not too precious,
a glass of water.
130
00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:41,032
And if it is,
a quart of oil will suffice.
131
00:06:41,033 --> 00:06:43,402
Oh... ( LAUGHS )
132
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:45,787
I think I can spring
for the water.
133
00:06:45,788 --> 00:06:47,122
Spring water. Humour.
134
00:06:47,123 --> 00:06:48,624
( HONKING BARK )
135
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:50,992
Better yet.
136
00:06:51,461 --> 00:06:52,461
How about a little iced tea?
137
00:06:52,462 --> 00:06:54,964
When on Earth,
do as the Earthlings.
138
00:06:55,965 --> 00:06:59,718
How are they treating you?
139
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:01,052
Do you talk to your plants, too?
140
00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:03,054
Oh, yes, they're good listeners.
141
00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:04,423
Especially the old ones.
142
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,726
Yeah, I talk to my plants
all the time.
143
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:11,229
Keeps them young
and keeps them healthy.
144
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:13,232
Oh...
145
00:07:18,488 --> 00:07:19,354
Your suit's on backwards.
146
00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:20,322
It is?
147
00:07:20,323 --> 00:07:22,692
Boy, do I feel like a clone.
148
00:07:28,998 --> 00:07:30,999
You're not a priest.
149
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,000
Who are you?
150
00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:33,368
I am Mork from Ork.
151
00:07:33,369 --> 00:07:34,870
Nanu-nanu.
152
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:36,872
Ork?!
153
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:38,673
Yes, you see, Ork is a planet.
154
00:07:38,674 --> 00:07:41,042
You follow the Big Dipper
till it comes to a dead end,
155
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,294
then you hang an up.
156
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,379
An up.
157
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:47,182
Up, down, hard to tell
out in hyperspace.
158
00:07:47,183 --> 00:07:50,101
Oh, right.
159
00:07:50,102 --> 00:07:53,605
I have a poor sense
of direction myself.
160
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:55,474
So, you're, you're from
outer space.
161
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,275
Yes, do you mind if I take
a few pictures
162
00:07:57,276 --> 00:07:58,777
for the folks
on the home planet?
163
00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:00,145
They'd like to get
some postcards.
164
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,614
Uh, no.
165
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:04,483
Okay, watch the flookie.
166
00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:14,459
How did you do that?
167
00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:15,961
With my Instamatic glove...
168
00:08:15,962 --> 00:08:17,482
some models starting
under 30 thribets.
169
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,967
Oh... mind if I do?
170
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:24,670
( SLURPING )
171
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,010
The pause that refreshes.
172
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,395
( BELCHES )
173
00:08:33,396 --> 00:08:35,313
You drank that with your finger!
174
00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:37,065
Yes. How do you drink?
175
00:08:37,066 --> 00:08:38,817
With my mouth.
176
00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:40,185
Well, how do you talk
and drink at the same time?
177
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,070
Must be Drool City.
178
00:08:42,071 --> 00:08:44,823
Now, look, whoever you are,
179
00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:46,825
now you can't scare me.
180
00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:50,829
Now, there's no such thing
as a man from outer space.
181
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:52,247
Now, I don't know how
you did those tricks,
182
00:08:52,248 --> 00:08:53,748
but you just better
keep your distance
183
00:08:53,749 --> 00:08:55,250
or you're going
to hear me scream
184
00:08:55,251 --> 00:08:56,618
like you've never heard
anybody scream.
185
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:59,371
I've never heard anyone scream.
186
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,373
Is that your way
of saying thanks?
187
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,624
( KNOCKING AT DOOR )
188
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,926
Aha! Help has already arrived,
189
00:09:04,927 --> 00:09:07,429
so you just stay cool,
space man, or else...
190
00:09:07,430 --> 00:09:08,430
( GASPS )
191
00:09:08,431 --> 00:09:11,183
( ELECTRONIC PULSING )
192
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:16,638
It's for you.
193
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:19,641
Ah, my lost luggage.
194
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,143
50 nu-nu because my casual
clothes are in there.
195
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,144
( HIGH-PITCHED BEEP )
196
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,400
( HUMS HAPPILY )
197
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:29,901
Take a hike.
198
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,903
Scrim, scrim.
Oh, I forgot.
199
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,539
Sorry. Here we go.
200
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:36,374
( COINS CLANK )
201
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:38,376
Keep the change.
202
00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:40,879
( EMITS ELECTRONIC
"THANK YOU" TONES )
203
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,384
( HUMS HAPPILY )
204
00:09:47,887 --> 00:09:49,888
You really are from out there.
205
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:52,891
No, actually,
I'm from out there.
206
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:54,893
You see, out there's
not a nice neighbourhood.
207
00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:56,774
I wouldn't even go there
during a total eclipse.
208
00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:01,149
An alien.
209
00:10:01,150 --> 00:10:03,435
You're not going
to hurt me, are you?
210
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,436
Hurt you?!
211
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,439
No, damaging other life
forms is unthinkable to us.
212
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,825
I wouldn't harm a harf
on your choli-Cho-Cho.
213
00:10:11,243 --> 00:10:13,244
It occurs to me we have not been
formally introduced.
214
00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:14,746
A formal introduction
is at hand.
215
00:10:14,747 --> 00:10:16,698
( TOOTS FANFARE )
216
00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:18,199
( MIMICS CROWD CHEERING )
217
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,701
Get down.
218
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,204
I am Mork from Ork.
219
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:24,205
Nanu-nanu.
220
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:26,174
Oh...
221
00:10:26,676 --> 00:10:28,677
I'm, I'm Mindy McConnell.
222
00:10:28,678 --> 00:10:31,680
( TOOTS FANFARE )
223
00:10:31,681 --> 00:10:33,548
( MIMICS CROWD CHEERING )
224
00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:35,300
( BABY-LIKE ):
Ah.
225
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:38,803
I like a being
with a firm gribbet.
226
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,555
Shows character.
At least evolution.
227
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:41,890
Oh...
228
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,892
Well, thank you.
229
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:46,394
Uh... how do you say thank you
in your language?
230
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:49,231
We spit.
231
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,035
Mind if I don't say thank you?
232
00:10:54,036 --> 00:10:56,905
No sweat off my front.
233
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,910
I just, I just
can't believe this.
234
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,912
I'm standing here
talking to an alien.
235
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:07,382
Do you realise
the historic sweep of this?
236
00:11:07,383 --> 00:11:09,134
I mean,
the world will be astounded!
237
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:09,968
No, nab, nab.
238
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:11,970
You see, my mission
is to observe Earth.
239
00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:13,471
And the only way I can do that
240
00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:15,473
is by being one of you,
a face in the crowd.
241
00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:17,476
Which is easy
because I fit right in.
242
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:20,311
Not really.
243
00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:21,563
No?
No.
244
00:11:21,564 --> 00:11:22,814
Are you sure?
245
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:25,150
Oh, I'm sure.
246
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,151
I tell you what.
247
00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:29,154
Now, I'm as interested
in you and your planet
248
00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:30,155
as you are about us
249
00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:32,657
so how about I can teach you
to act Earthling
250
00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:34,159
if you teach me more about Ork?
251
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,160
Is that a deal?
252
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:37,028
A fair exchange.
Let's formally close the deal.
253
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,030
( SQUEAKS )
254
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,918
Mind if I just spit?
255
00:11:43,919 --> 00:11:45,837
It's your house.
256
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:52,343
I will be staying here, won't I?
257
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:53,384
I mean, I've heard so much
258
00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:55,213
about your Earthling
hospitality.
259
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:59,968
Oh, well, you can, uh...
temporarily.
260
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,853
Oh, but if my father
finds out...
261
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:03,772
Father?!
262
00:12:03,773 --> 00:12:04,773
On Earth you have
natural parents.
263
00:12:04,774 --> 00:12:09,144
You see, I'm a test tube baby.
264
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,279
Really?
265
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:14,232
Yes. My father was an
eyedropper, the scum.
266
00:12:19,955 --> 00:12:20,955
Why would you say that?
267
00:12:20,956 --> 00:12:22,907
Well, he ran away and left Mom.
268
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,410
Ran off with a bottle
of nose drops.
269
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,911
Can't blame him, though.
270
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:28,296
She had those tight labels.
271
00:12:34,470 --> 00:12:37,472
( PLAYING "BEETHOVEN'S FIFTH"
ON PIANO )
272
00:12:37,473 --> 00:12:39,925
( REPEATS MUSIC PHRASE )
273
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:45,764
( PLAYING "BEETHOVEN'S
FIFTH SYMPHONY" LOUDLY )
274
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,100
( PLAYING "DUELLING BANJOS" )
275
00:12:59,245 --> 00:13:03,249
( PLAYING CLASSICAL VERSION
OF "DUELLING BANJOS" )
276
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:11,173
( BOTH PLAYING
LIVELY JAZZ PIECE )
277
00:13:20,015 --> 00:13:22,016
Oh, come on.
278
00:13:22,017 --> 00:13:24,519
Oh, come on, please, hey.
279
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,021
Stop! Stop!
280
00:13:26,522 --> 00:13:28,022
( WHISTLES )
281
00:13:28,023 --> 00:13:31,025
It's too early in the morning
for "Duelling Beethoven."
282
00:13:31,026 --> 00:13:32,811
It's the only music
283
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,280
I can challenge him with, dear.
284
00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:38,150
He won't play anything
by Alice Cooper.
285
00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:42,070
That's because I play piano.
286
00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,572
Alice Cooper just beats
on the keys
287
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:45,573
with a dead snake.
288
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:49,410
But at least he shows feeling.
289
00:13:49,411 --> 00:13:51,162
Are you two going
to start this again?
290
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:53,298
I am a musician.
291
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:56,551
I sell violins
and I sell cellos.
292
00:13:56,552 --> 00:13:58,052
They're classics.
293
00:13:58,053 --> 00:14:01,055
That's food for the spirit
and a feast for the soul.
294
00:14:01,056 --> 00:14:02,557
While you peddle...
295
00:14:02,558 --> 00:14:04,058
( PLAYING DISCORDANT NOTE )
296
00:14:04,059 --> 00:14:05,560
junk food.
297
00:14:05,561 --> 00:14:06,561
Frederick...
298
00:14:06,562 --> 00:14:08,062
Huh?
299
00:14:08,063 --> 00:14:10,565
If you were in Heaven
and God said,
300
00:14:10,566 --> 00:14:12,567
"I will give you a choice...
301
00:14:12,568 --> 00:14:15,937
"you can be born with brains,
302
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:19,941
or you can born with a
permanent rash on your fanny."
303
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:22,194
Now which would you choose?
304
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,916
The brains.
305
00:14:27,917 --> 00:14:31,120
Good. I see you learn
by your mistake.
306
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:41,462
Mother-in-laws are
the curse of marriage.
307
00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:44,933
Oh, Daddy, you know
she loves to tease you.
308
00:14:44,934 --> 00:14:46,434
It's what keeps her young.
309
00:14:46,435 --> 00:14:49,437
Yes, but it's making me old.
310
00:14:49,438 --> 00:14:52,941
Mindy, isn't that your
second cup of coffee?
311
00:14:52,942 --> 00:14:53,942
It's my fourth.
312
00:14:53,943 --> 00:14:55,443
But you don't drink coffee.
313
00:14:55,444 --> 00:14:58,446
Why are you all of a sudden
drinking gallons of coffee,
314
00:14:58,447 --> 00:14:59,948
unless you...
stayed up late.
315
00:14:59,949 --> 00:15:03,451
You're right. This must be
my first cup of coffee.
316
00:15:03,452 --> 00:15:04,452
Mindy...
317
00:15:04,453 --> 00:15:06,454
Dad, I was up late last night.
318
00:15:06,455 --> 00:15:08,456
Dad, I met the most
fascinating person.
319
00:15:08,457 --> 00:15:10,708
I was up half the night
talking to him.
320
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:12,043
Him?
321
00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:13,995
Half the night?
322
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,914
Dad, I'm 21.
323
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,916
Oh, honey, I know, I know.
324
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:22,420
It's just that I'll always
think of you as my little girl.
325
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:26,341
I know you will.
326
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,844
Hey, Mindy, look who I found
327
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:31,846
wandering the streets
looking for you.
328
00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:33,848
Correction,
munchkin-like person:
329
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:34,849
I wasn't wandering,
330
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,851
I was trying
to explore your world.
331
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,853
He's new in town, Eugene.
332
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:42,857
Mork, I'll be happy to
show you around after work.
333
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:43,858
Work?
334
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:46,244
Oh, yes. Most people
have to work for a living.
335
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:48,163
What a novel concept.
336
00:15:50,666 --> 00:15:53,668
Mindy, who's
your beatnik friend?
337
00:15:53,669 --> 00:15:56,170
Uh... Daddy, this is Mork.
338
00:15:56,171 --> 00:15:58,539
Mork, this is Mr. McConnell.
339
00:15:58,540 --> 00:15:59,791
Nanu-nanu.
340
00:16:04,096 --> 00:16:06,097
Mork, he's my father.
341
00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:08,016
What an interesting
position to be in.
342
00:16:08,017 --> 00:16:09,017
I tip my kripla to you, sir.
343
00:16:09,018 --> 00:16:10,269
♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah. ♪
344
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:14,605
Well, I guess it's time
for my violin lessons.
345
00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:16,607
Thank you for taking me
to your leader.
346
00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:18,109
Gizbah.
347
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:21,113
Oh, yeah.
348
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:23,615
Ah, ah...
349
00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:32,623
Hey, Mork, I'd like
to see you again.
350
00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:33,992
Were can I find you?
351
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,243
I'll be at Mindy's place.
352
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,244
Come by any time.
353
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,128
Hang tough, man.
354
00:16:37,129 --> 00:16:38,964
What it was, my main man.
355
00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:42,467
You'll be at Mindy's place?
356
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:43,334
Yes, we're living together.
357
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:46,170
( NERVOUS LAUGHTER )
358
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:50,475
Catch you later, Jack.
On the rebound, clown.
359
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:52,978
Your mama.
360
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:56,931
Living together?
361
00:16:56,932 --> 00:17:00,818
That's not what it seems.
362
00:17:00,819 --> 00:17:03,187
Your grandmother's the one
with the hearing problem.
363
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:05,690
I distinctly heard him say
you were living together.
364
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,659
Oh... oh, well, Mork...
Mork is a practical joker.
365
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:10,661
You heard his voice, right?
366
00:17:10,662 --> 00:17:12,163
And with a name like Mork,
367
00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:13,665
you'd be a practical
joker too, right?
368
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:18,170
Oh, then he's not staying
in your, uh...
369
00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:21,039
and he's not sleeping
in your, uh...
370
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,842
No one is sleeping in my, uh...
371
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:25,343
Oh.
372
00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:28,347
And no one is sleeping
there either.
373
00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:36,638
( HONKING BARK )
374
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,642
( HONKING BARK )
375
00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:44,145
A pie in the face.
376
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,746
How did you Earthlings
think of something
377
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:49,150
so original, so unique?
378
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,651
Mork, you and I have
got to have a talk,
379
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:52,153
so you might as well sit down
380
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,654
and make yourself comfortable.
381
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,156
Don't mind if I do.
382
00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:02,797
Now, Mork... today,
you did a bad thing.
383
00:18:02,798 --> 00:18:04,165
You told my father
we're living together.
384
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,551
Now, I know you didn't mean
to do any harm, and it's...
385
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:10,388
What are you doing?
386
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,507
You said to make
myself comfortable.
387
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:16,260
Mork, can you take
a little constructive criticism?
388
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:17,512
Of course.
389
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:21,016
It's not nice to sit
on your face.
390
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:26,021
Then why did God put it there?
391
00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:30,525
Oh, boy, I'll tell you...
392
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,026
I can tell you teaching
you to be Earthling
393
00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:34,028
is not going to be easy.
394
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:35,530
Now, if you want to
pass for one of us,
395
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,031
the first thing we're
going to have to do
396
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:39,033
is we're going to have
to work on your voice.
397
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,335
Your voice is not right.
398
00:18:41,336 --> 00:18:42,336
Well, how about this one?
399
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:44,705
( SOUTHERN ACCENT ):
You say another word,
400
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:46,674
I'll blow your lips
into the sink.
401
00:18:46,675 --> 00:18:49,544
That one's not quite you.
402
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:50,545
Or this one?
403
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:52,380
( AS ED NORTON ):
Hey, Ralphie, boy.
404
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,382
( AS JACKIE GLEASON ):
Norton, to the moon, Norton!
405
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,267
Or...
406
00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:57,718
this one:
407
00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:59,879
( AS SHIRLEY TEMPLE ): On
the good ship Lollipop...
408
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:04,225
How did you learn those voices?
409
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:05,726
We've been monitoring
your TV for years.
410
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:06,727
My favourite is:
411
00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:08,729
( AS DESI ARNAZ ):
Lucy, you can't do the show.
412
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:13,117
( AS LUCILLE BALL ):
Ricky... Babaloo!
413
00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:14,902
Oh, boy.
414
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:16,904
I can tell this isn't
going to be easy.
415
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:18,906
Oh, Mork,
you just don't understand
416
00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:20,658
the problems you present.
417
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,494
I realise I do cause trouble.
418
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:24,996
Heavy sigh.
419
00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:30,918
The last time I was here
I caused a big problem, too.
420
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:32,920
You were on Earth before?
421
00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:33,804
About 20 bleems ago.
422
00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:35,806
I was here to visit
my friend the Fonz.
423
00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:37,808
You know him? Hey!
424
00:19:37,809 --> 00:19:39,310
Are you interested?
425
00:19:39,811 --> 00:19:40,811
Oh, yeah, definitely.
426
00:19:40,812 --> 00:19:42,263
Then I'll take you back.
427
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,232
Prepare a time-warp sequence.
428
00:19:44,233 --> 00:19:47,485
( PHONE RINGING )
429
00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:50,489
All right, I'm coming.
430
00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:55,993
Yo.
431
00:19:55,994 --> 00:19:58,446
Cunningham residence.
432
00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:00,414
No, Richie ain't here right now.
433
00:20:00,415 --> 00:20:02,283
Because he and his family
434
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:05,786
went off on a little vacation
jaunt, you know.
435
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:07,788
Hey, you sound very adorable.
436
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,290
What's your name?
437
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,292
Mary. How are you?
438
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:14,296
Arthur Fonzarelli here...
house-sitter.
439
00:20:15,764 --> 00:20:17,131
You never heard of me?
440
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:21,936
You new in town or you just
back from lunch?
441
00:20:21,937 --> 00:20:25,273
Yes, Mary, I will tell
Richie that you called.
442
00:20:25,274 --> 00:20:28,276
Yes. Bye-bye, Mary.
443
00:20:28,277 --> 00:20:30,645
I want to tell you,
he knows some
444
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,613
uninformed human beings.
445
00:20:32,614 --> 00:20:35,483
( ELECTRONIC PULSING )
446
00:20:39,121 --> 00:20:42,406
All right, all right, all right,
who's going "wee-wee-wee"?
447
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:45,159
I said, who's going
"wee-wee-wee"?
448
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,496
Hey, Ralph, if you're out there
and this is a bad joke,
449
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:50,498
I'll give you 30 seconds
to find out
450
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:52,500
how much I don't enjoy
"wee-wee-wee."
451
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:56,337
Whoa-whoa-whoa.
452
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:57,088
Greetings, Fonzie.
453
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,090
Yabaz-abud-abid.
454
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,091
Remember me...
Mork from Ork?
455
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,593
You once called me
the "nutso from outer space."
456
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:06,480
I must be dreaming or something
like that, you know.
457
00:21:06,481 --> 00:21:08,482
I mean, uh...
458
00:21:08,483 --> 00:21:09,984
Of course I'm dreaming.
459
00:21:09,985 --> 00:21:11,853
That's why
Mary never heard of me.
460
00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:15,189
Sorry, real thing.
461
00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:17,692
I had to zap your mind
to make you forget.
462
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,695
Didn't want you to go Bozo City.
463
00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:22,697
I think I want to wake up now.
464
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:25,166
Strange custom.
465
00:21:25,167 --> 00:21:27,419
Doesn't give me pleasure.
466
00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:30,955
Don't be afraid.
467
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:32,456
I mean you no harm.
468
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:33,958
Yeah, right...
No, I'm not afraid.
469
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,461
Oh, snacks!
470
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:38,963
I want to be your friend.
471
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,965
Yeah, okay, look...
472
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:41,966
I'm real sorry, you know.
473
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:43,968
I mean, as much as I'd like
to invite you in
474
00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,970
to have a little small talk
and everything,
475
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,972
I got so many things
to do, you know?
476
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,473
Like give Richie
a message from Mary
477
00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:50,975
and clean the bugs
off my headlights.
478
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:52,977
Stuff like that,
you know what I mean?
479
00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:53,861
( HIGH-PITCHED WHIRRING )
480
00:21:53,862 --> 00:21:56,981
Hello?
481
00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:58,816
I've come for very
important information.
482
00:21:58,817 --> 00:21:59,817
When I was here before,
483
00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:02,820
I observed an Earth ritual
that I could not comprehend.
484
00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:03,704
It drove me zazbot.
485
00:22:03,705 --> 00:22:05,323
Well, don't get unravel...
486
00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:07,124
Hey, let's not get
unravelled here.
487
00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:08,125
Right.
488
00:22:08,126 --> 00:22:09,543
We'll just talk about it.
489
00:22:09,544 --> 00:22:12,046
What is this particular ritual
that made you "zizbit"?
490
00:22:12,047 --> 00:22:15,250
Men dating women.
491
00:22:18,220 --> 00:22:20,588
Well, I think you came
to the right place.
492
00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:23,424
What was it you wanted to know?
493
00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:24,925
( FAST WHIRRING )
494
00:22:24,926 --> 00:22:26,927
Oh, thanks a lot.
495
00:22:26,928 --> 00:22:31,182
Why a man dates a woman.
496
00:22:34,152 --> 00:22:37,405
Don't men date women
on your planet?
497
00:22:37,406 --> 00:22:39,191
Hard to tell; parts
are interchangeable.
498
00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:45,946
I don't know how you guys
got so far advanced, you know.
499
00:22:45,947 --> 00:22:47,948
I mean, there's no incentive.
500
00:22:47,949 --> 00:22:48,950
Oh.
501
00:22:53,672 --> 00:22:55,623
All right, look, right off the
bat, let me tell you something:
502
00:22:55,624 --> 00:22:57,544
It's very difficult
to talk to you like this, eh?
503
00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:01,045
Don't sit that close.
504
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:02,047
Oh!
505
00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:04,548
All right, now,
you're telling me
506
00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:06,434
that men don't kiss
women on your planet?
507
00:23:06,435 --> 00:23:08,302
Kiss? I don't know
what that means.
508
00:23:08,303 --> 00:23:10,805
Nice word.
Has a pleasant ring to it.
509
00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:11,806
Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss...
510
00:23:11,807 --> 00:23:13,190
Can you hear the ring?
511
00:23:13,191 --> 00:23:15,893
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
512
00:23:15,894 --> 00:23:17,812
Look, look, all right, a kiss...
513
00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,814
it's very affectionate,
you understand?
514
00:23:19,815 --> 00:23:21,816
You got a boy
and you got a girl,
515
00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:24,318
and they put their lips
together, you see,
516
00:23:24,319 --> 00:23:27,822
and then they kind
of slide them around.
517
00:23:27,823 --> 00:23:29,573
And it feels great.
518
00:23:29,574 --> 00:23:32,660
Sliding lips sounds unappealing.
519
00:23:32,661 --> 00:23:35,579
Don't knock it till
you've tried it.
520
00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:37,331
All right, look,
521
00:23:37,332 --> 00:23:39,750
you got to meet a girl,
get to know her,
522
00:23:39,751 --> 00:23:41,585
find out if she's
willing or not.
523
00:23:41,586 --> 00:23:43,387
Do you know a girl
who's willing?
524
00:23:43,388 --> 00:23:46,924
I know some girls
that are willing and able,
525
00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:48,926
and then I know some
that are not willing,
526
00:23:48,927 --> 00:23:49,927
and you're able
to convince them, yeah.
527
00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:53,764
Can you introduce me
to one of the convincing ones?
528
00:23:53,765 --> 00:23:56,567
It's going to be very hard.
529
00:23:56,568 --> 00:23:57,568
But I...
530
00:23:57,569 --> 00:23:59,570
Don't touch me.
531
00:23:59,571 --> 00:24:02,189
Perhaps you'd like
to slide lips then?
532
00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:03,524
Hey!
533
00:24:07,529 --> 00:24:09,029
But you see, I need your help.
534
00:24:09,030 --> 00:24:11,031
You are known throughout
the universe
535
00:24:11,032 --> 00:24:12,416
for your expertise
in this field.
536
00:24:12,417 --> 00:24:14,368
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah, that's true.
537
00:24:14,369 --> 00:24:15,870
Yeah, right.
538
00:24:16,371 --> 00:24:17,872
All right, all right.
539
00:24:17,873 --> 00:24:19,373
I'm going to try
to find you a date.
540
00:24:19,374 --> 00:24:21,375
Hey.
541
00:24:21,376 --> 00:24:23,377
You just got to do me a favour.
542
00:24:23,378 --> 00:24:25,763
Go up to Richie's room
and get on some of his clothes
543
00:24:25,764 --> 00:24:27,515
so at least you
look normal, huh?
544
00:24:27,516 --> 00:24:28,799
You thank.
545
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:29,800
My clothes do need time warping.
546
00:24:29,801 --> 00:24:31,302
Yeah.
547
00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:32,303
But first...
548
00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:33,304
What?
549
00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:34,805
What is Richie's room?
550
00:24:34,806 --> 00:24:36,724
Oh, yeah, you can't miss it.
551
00:24:36,725 --> 00:24:39,610
Lots of stripes and checks
and penny loafers.
552
00:24:39,611 --> 00:24:41,445
Oh, penny loafers.
553
00:24:41,446 --> 00:24:42,446
Yeah. Hey, take
this with you.
554
00:24:42,447 --> 00:24:43,697
Hut. Hike.
Shiznanee.
555
00:24:43,698 --> 00:24:45,483
But first,
I remember Richie now.
556
00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:48,487
( SINGING "BLUEBERRY HILL"
IN ORKAN )
557
00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:53,991
He needs a lot of work.
558
00:24:53,992 --> 00:24:57,495
Good thing he didn't land
at Potsie's house.
559
00:24:57,496 --> 00:25:00,881
All right, now who am I going
to fix him up with?
560
00:25:00,882 --> 00:25:02,717
Gloria Hockney...
561
00:25:03,251 --> 00:25:05,753
No, I don't want to put her
in a tizzy right away.
562
00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:07,755
The Hoper triplets?
563
00:25:07,756 --> 00:25:09,758
Now there's a six-pack to go.
564
00:25:10,258 --> 00:25:14,261
No, I don't want to put him
in a tizzy right away.
565
00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:16,147
Hey.
566
00:25:20,986 --> 00:25:22,988
Same to you, buddy.
567
00:25:23,488 --> 00:25:24,989
Hi, Fonz.
568
00:25:35,667 --> 00:25:36,667
LAVERNE:
What's this guy Mork look like?
569
00:25:36,668 --> 00:25:37,585
Is he tall, dark and handsome?
570
00:25:37,586 --> 00:25:39,119
Yeah, you know what he is.
571
00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,621
He's a, he's a foreigner.
572
00:25:40,622 --> 00:25:42,623
Oh, I don't like foreigners.
573
00:25:42,624 --> 00:25:43,625
They talk funny.
574
00:25:46,628 --> 00:25:47,628
Where's he from?
575
00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:49,129
Ork.
576
00:25:49,130 --> 00:25:50,014
Oh.
577
00:25:50,015 --> 00:25:51,966
Sounds like a nice country.
578
00:25:51,967 --> 00:25:53,467
Yeah. Laverne, listen,
I just want
579
00:25:53,468 --> 00:25:55,970
to spend a little time
with him alone, you understand,
580
00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:56,971
so that I can, uh, brief him
581
00:25:56,972 --> 00:25:58,973
on American customs,
you understand.
582
00:25:58,974 --> 00:26:00,474
Why don't you wait in the car?
583
00:26:00,475 --> 00:26:01,976
My car broke...
I took a bus.
584
00:26:01,977 --> 00:26:02,977
Yeah, I'll fix your car.
585
00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:04,478
Why don't you wait
on the bus, all right?
586
00:26:04,479 --> 00:26:05,479
Thanks very much.
587
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,364
I'll give you two minutes.
588
00:26:07,365 --> 00:26:10,117
( MUTTERING )
589
00:26:13,121 --> 00:26:14,122
Where is she?
590
00:26:14,623 --> 00:26:17,625
If she's here, she must be tiny.
591
00:26:17,626 --> 00:26:18,626
I want to get a few things
592
00:26:18,627 --> 00:26:19,627
straight with you, all right?
593
00:26:19,628 --> 00:26:21,129
Number one...
594
00:26:23,465 --> 00:26:24,465
What are you doing?
595
00:26:24,466 --> 00:26:25,916
I'm straightening things out.
596
00:26:25,917 --> 00:26:27,418
I start with my legs,
then go to my arms.
597
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:29,420
I'd do my neck except
I'd cut off the blood.
598
00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:30,804
I'd probably die.
599
00:26:30,805 --> 00:26:32,056
Stop that. I want
to talk to you
600
00:26:32,057 --> 00:26:33,557
about kissing again, all right?
601
00:26:33,558 --> 00:26:35,509
I've been meaning
to ask you about that.
602
00:26:36,011 --> 00:26:37,846
I want to know why
I would want to do it.
603
00:26:41,182 --> 00:26:42,433
Physical pleasure.
604
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:44,269
Don't you do anything
on your planet
605
00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:46,270
that includes physical pleasure?
606
00:26:46,271 --> 00:26:49,156
Yes, there's one thing
and it's against the law,
607
00:26:49,157 --> 00:26:51,609
and I, I can't tell you.
608
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:53,611
Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.
609
00:26:53,612 --> 00:26:57,114
Uh, we're having a man-to-man
talk, here, or whatever this is.
610
00:26:57,115 --> 00:26:58,616
Uh... you can tell me.
611
00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,117
All right.
Yeah.
612
00:27:00,118 --> 00:27:04,038
When a woman touches
a man here...
613
00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:05,590
( ECSTATIC GASPING )
614
00:27:08,543 --> 00:27:10,545
It drives me zazbot.
615
00:27:12,547 --> 00:27:13,547
Let me get this straight.
616
00:27:13,548 --> 00:27:16,433
You're telling me,
if somebody touches you...
617
00:27:16,434 --> 00:27:19,603
( ECSTATIC GASPING )
618
00:27:19,604 --> 00:27:21,522
What's next?
619
00:27:21,523 --> 00:27:24,024
Well, it only
happened to me once.
620
00:27:24,025 --> 00:27:26,026
This zazbot came
over me and I...
621
00:27:26,027 --> 00:27:27,528
I couldn't control myself.
622
00:27:29,030 --> 00:27:32,032
Well, I... I became
a beast and I...
623
00:27:32,033 --> 00:27:35,036
I jerked her earlobe.
624
00:27:36,538 --> 00:27:38,038
I couldn't help it,
you understand!
625
00:27:38,039 --> 00:27:40,541
( HIGH-PITCHED SOBBING )
626
00:27:40,542 --> 00:27:43,328
( HIGH-PITCHED VOICE ):
I honestly regret it.
627
00:27:45,580 --> 00:27:47,581
( SOBBING )
628
00:27:47,582 --> 00:27:49,083
I regret it.
629
00:27:49,084 --> 00:27:50,584
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
630
00:27:50,585 --> 00:27:51,585
I regret it myself.
631
00:27:51,586 --> 00:27:52,586
I understand, I understand.
632
00:27:52,587 --> 00:27:54,088
LAVERNE:
Fonzie!
633
00:27:54,089 --> 00:27:55,089
Oop...
634
00:27:55,090 --> 00:27:56,591
Your two minutes are up.
635
00:28:13,191 --> 00:28:17,161
So, uh...
you must be Morky.
636
00:28:18,663 --> 00:28:20,164
I'm Laverne. Pleased.
637
00:28:20,165 --> 00:28:21,665
I, too, am pleased.
638
00:28:21,666 --> 00:28:23,167
Nanu-nanu, nanu-nanu.
639
00:28:29,207 --> 00:28:30,674
"Nanu-nanu"?
640
00:28:30,675 --> 00:28:32,042
"Nanu-nanu"?
641
00:28:32,043 --> 00:28:32,876
Yeah, well, you know,
642
00:28:32,877 --> 00:28:34,878
I got to go
now because... What is nanu-nanu?
643
00:28:34,879 --> 00:28:35,879
Two's company, three's a crowd.
644
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,381
Know what I mean?
What is nanu-nanu?
645
00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:38,382
Oh, Earth humour.
( HONKING BARK )
646
00:28:38,383 --> 00:28:42,603
Fonz, did you fix me
up with another jerk?
647
00:28:42,604 --> 00:28:43,887
Oh, a jerk...
648
00:28:43,888 --> 00:28:45,389
( GIBBERING )
649
00:28:45,390 --> 00:28:46,890
Was jerk good?
650
00:28:46,891 --> 00:28:47,891
Oh, yes, yes.
651
00:28:47,892 --> 00:28:49,893
That was a fine jerk.
652
00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:51,395
Fonz.
653
00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:52,396
All right, look, just
give me a break here...
654
00:28:52,397 --> 00:28:53,897
I washed my hair for this.
I ironed my skirt.
655
00:28:53,898 --> 00:28:54,898
Look, he's a foreigner.
656
00:28:54,899 --> 00:28:55,899
He doesn't know our customs.
657
00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:56,900
Just give him a
break, all right?
658
00:28:56,901 --> 00:28:59,403
Huh?
659
00:28:59,404 --> 00:29:00,788
Yeah.
660
00:29:04,959 --> 00:29:06,460
Okay. But tell him
not to jerk.
661
00:29:06,461 --> 00:29:07,961
It makes me nervous.
662
00:29:07,962 --> 00:29:08,962
Okay.
663
00:29:08,963 --> 00:29:09,963
Don't jerk.
664
00:29:09,964 --> 00:29:11,215
What, are you nutso?
665
00:29:14,052 --> 00:29:16,053
All right, look.
666
00:29:16,054 --> 00:29:18,555
If you get in a situation
and you don't know what to do,
667
00:29:18,556 --> 00:29:20,057
just follow what Laverne does,
668
00:29:20,058 --> 00:29:22,059
'cause she knows the ropes.
All right?
669
00:29:22,060 --> 00:29:23,560
I know the ropes, too.
670
00:29:23,561 --> 00:29:24,561
I can tie a square hitch,
671
00:29:24,562 --> 00:29:25,562
a sheepshank, many, many more.
672
00:29:25,563 --> 00:29:29,266
You're not going
for a merit badge here.
673
00:29:29,267 --> 00:29:31,018
A sheepshank.
674
00:29:31,019 --> 00:29:32,519
( LAUGHING )
675
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:34,021
All right, listen, you two.
676
00:29:34,022 --> 00:29:35,773
Knock your socks off.
677
00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:38,076
( LAUGHING )
678
00:29:41,579 --> 00:29:43,581
Oh, that Fonzie, huh?
679
00:29:45,083 --> 00:29:46,501
So, Morky...
680
00:29:48,503 --> 00:29:50,504
Uh, I'm not real good
in geography.
681
00:29:50,505 --> 00:29:52,506
This Ork place,
where is that? Off Greece?
682
00:29:52,507 --> 00:29:54,374
No, we Orkans have
been off grease
683
00:29:54,375 --> 00:29:55,375
for at least five bleems.
684
00:29:55,376 --> 00:29:57,377
Now for lubricants
we use Viz, Gazh,
685
00:29:57,378 --> 00:29:58,879
or the ever-popular Lemocoke.
686
00:30:00,765 --> 00:30:02,266
Of course.
687
00:30:03,768 --> 00:30:05,769
I don't understand
why we don't use "vimogoke."
688
00:30:05,770 --> 00:30:07,771
Probably your engines
couldn't handle it.
689
00:30:07,772 --> 00:30:10,274
They would either overload
and pollute the atmosphere
690
00:30:10,275 --> 00:30:11,275
or destroy the universe
as you know it.
691
00:30:11,276 --> 00:30:14,144
Yeah, that makes sense.
692
00:30:14,145 --> 00:30:17,531
Is it time to flatter you?
693
00:30:20,952 --> 00:30:22,319
Sure.
694
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:24,655
You have a lovely fungus
growing out of your head.
695
00:30:29,043 --> 00:30:31,245
Fungus? What fungus? What?
696
00:30:31,246 --> 00:30:34,665
Oh, fungus... or any major
group of fungi... including
697
00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:36,167
mushrooms, mold or mildew.
698
00:30:37,168 --> 00:30:38,669
Yeah, well, I always wear mildew
699
00:30:38,670 --> 00:30:40,170
when I want to impress a guy.
700
00:30:40,171 --> 00:30:42,673
What did Fonzie do to me?
701
00:30:42,674 --> 00:30:44,558
( MUTTERING )
702
00:30:44,559 --> 00:30:45,309
I'm impressed.
703
00:30:45,310 --> 00:30:46,811
Is it time to kiss yet?
704
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:51,265
I don't think so. No.
705
00:30:51,266 --> 00:30:52,649
I'm sorry.
706
00:30:52,650 --> 00:30:54,101
I'm new at this dating ritual.
707
00:30:54,102 --> 00:30:55,486
What's the next step?
708
00:30:57,355 --> 00:30:59,356
Uh, well, uh, uh, why don't you
709
00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:01,359
sit down on the couch, huh?
710
00:31:05,747 --> 00:31:08,415
Oh, boy, will you look at that?!
711
00:31:08,416 --> 00:31:10,200
What? ( BEEPS ) What?
712
00:31:10,201 --> 00:31:11,202
Look at what?
713
00:31:15,707 --> 00:31:16,707
Nothing.
714
00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:17,959
It's gone now.
715
00:31:20,795 --> 00:31:22,796
Oh, you sit Fonz-like.
716
00:31:22,797 --> 00:31:25,299
I must adjust and copy.
717
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:29,219
Get over there.
718
00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:30,221
Sheesh.
719
00:31:51,075 --> 00:31:52,075
Are you making fun of me?
720
00:31:52,076 --> 00:31:54,077
Because I don't like it
when guys make fun of me,
721
00:31:54,078 --> 00:31:55,579
and if you keep
making fun of me,
722
00:31:55,580 --> 00:31:56,580
I'm going to give you a fat lip.
723
00:31:56,581 --> 00:31:58,548
Fat lip.
Oh, no... rejection.
724
00:31:58,549 --> 00:32:00,550
I merely wanted to experience
the dating process.
725
00:32:00,551 --> 00:32:02,052
Failure. Oh, no.
726
00:32:02,053 --> 00:32:03,553
Return to hatchling state.
727
00:32:03,554 --> 00:32:04,555
( WHIMPERING )
728
00:32:11,479 --> 00:32:12,980
Uh, look, I'm real sorry.
729
00:32:12,981 --> 00:32:14,982
I mean, I didn't
mean to reject you.
730
00:32:14,983 --> 00:32:17,851
( WHIMPERING )
731
00:32:17,852 --> 00:32:19,152
Don't suck your finger.
732
00:32:19,153 --> 00:32:20,654
Your teeth
will end up like mine.
733
00:32:22,156 --> 00:32:25,025
( WHIMPERING )
734
00:32:25,026 --> 00:32:27,411
Aw... Hey, come on, come on,
735
00:32:27,412 --> 00:32:29,696
come on, come on,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
736
00:32:29,697 --> 00:32:32,165
I really would
like to be your friend.
737
00:32:32,166 --> 00:32:35,669
Ah...
738
00:32:35,670 --> 00:32:37,120
( SPEAKING ORKAN )
739
00:32:37,121 --> 00:32:38,622
No, maintain,
maintain, maintain.
740
00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:43,510
Ahh! Ahh!
741
00:32:43,511 --> 00:32:45,879
What, what, what happened?
742
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,130
You touched me.
743
00:32:47,131 --> 00:32:48,181
Yeah, I went like this.
744
00:32:48,182 --> 00:32:49,516
( SHRIEKING )
745
00:32:49,517 --> 00:32:52,386
No, no, gangnab, gangnab.
746
00:32:52,387 --> 00:32:54,221
"Gangnab"? What? What?
747
00:32:54,222 --> 00:32:55,222
No, no, no...
748
00:32:55,223 --> 00:32:56,223
Give me your earlobe.
749
00:32:56,224 --> 00:32:57,724
My what?!
750
00:32:57,725 --> 00:32:58,725
Your earlobe, delicious one.
751
00:32:58,726 --> 00:32:59,726
( SHRIEKS )
752
00:32:59,727 --> 00:33:00,727
Oh.
753
00:33:00,728 --> 00:33:02,229
Ow!
754
00:33:02,230 --> 00:33:04,731
I think you're getting off
on the wrong foot, buddy.
755
00:33:04,732 --> 00:33:06,233
Oh wrong foot. Sorry.
Ow!
756
00:33:06,234 --> 00:33:09,736
( SHRIEKING )
757
00:33:09,737 --> 00:33:10,737
Stay there, stay there.
758
00:33:10,738 --> 00:33:11,738
Don't you come near me.
759
00:33:11,739 --> 00:33:12,739
Don't you come near me.
760
00:33:12,740 --> 00:33:14,241
I liked you better as a baby.
761
00:33:19,247 --> 00:33:21,248
( SPEAKING ORKAN )
762
00:33:21,249 --> 00:33:22,249
Stop!
763
00:33:22,250 --> 00:33:23,250
( SPEAKING ORKAN )
764
00:33:23,251 --> 00:33:25,719
( SHRIEKING )
765
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:28,305
Fonz! Fonz!
He wants my earlobe!
766
00:33:28,306 --> 00:33:29,307
Fonzie!
767
00:33:32,310 --> 00:33:33,811
I think she likes me.
768
00:33:38,232 --> 00:33:39,733
Ooh, her lobes.
769
00:33:39,734 --> 00:33:41,601
I just wanted to tweak them.
770
00:33:41,602 --> 00:33:43,520
Oh.
771
00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:44,521
Now, Mork, that's what
772
00:33:44,522 --> 00:33:46,023
got you into trouble
the last time.
773
00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:48,025
Alas, my lady,
you do deal me pain.
774
00:33:48,026 --> 00:33:49,409
'Tis justified
and I shall repent.
775
00:33:49,410 --> 00:33:50,360
Oh, come on.
776
00:33:50,361 --> 00:33:53,246
Hey, where did you
get that voice?
777
00:33:53,247 --> 00:33:55,165
From yon video.
'Twas Shakespeare, methinks,
778
00:33:55,166 --> 00:33:56,667
though 'twas The Jeffersons.
779
00:34:00,588 --> 00:34:02,589
Well, that, that voice is normal
780
00:34:02,590 --> 00:34:04,458
if you forget the
"twas" and the "twits."
781
00:34:04,459 --> 00:34:05,927
I'll twy.
782
00:34:07,795 --> 00:34:08,796
Here.
783
00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:13,301
Read this. Just
turn to any page.
784
00:34:14,185 --> 00:34:16,019
"Her fingers trembled
as she undid her blouse
785
00:34:16,020 --> 00:34:17,020
and let it fall to the..."
786
00:34:17,021 --> 00:34:18,389
Oh.
787
00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:22,393
Anot... Another page.
788
00:34:23,394 --> 00:34:24,895
"His nostrils flared.
789
00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:25,896
"Her nostrils flared.
790
00:34:25,897 --> 00:34:27,398
Everything flared."
791
00:34:29,150 --> 00:34:31,651
I don't know why
this book is overdue.
792
00:34:31,652 --> 00:34:33,153
Here.
793
00:34:33,154 --> 00:34:34,654
Uh, just turn to any page.
794
00:34:34,655 --> 00:34:36,656
"'My shorts!' cried
the senator
795
00:34:36,657 --> 00:34:38,041
as he ran from the room."
796
00:34:40,795 --> 00:34:41,795
That's it!
797
00:34:41,796 --> 00:34:43,797
That's it. Mork, we've
made a breakthrough.
798
00:34:43,798 --> 00:34:44,798
A break...?
799
00:34:44,799 --> 00:34:45,799
Yes, your voice.
800
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:47,300
We found a voice for you.
801
00:34:47,301 --> 00:34:48,301
( HIGH-PITCHED ):
A breakthrough! A breakthrough!
802
00:34:48,302 --> 00:34:49,302
Yeah. Ah-ah.
803
00:34:49,303 --> 00:34:50,303
Your voice.
804
00:34:50,304 --> 00:34:51,805
( DEEP VOICE ):
Sorry.
805
00:34:51,806 --> 00:34:53,807
I've learned a lot
of things since last night.
806
00:34:53,808 --> 00:34:54,808
Let me examine them.
807
00:34:54,809 --> 00:34:56,810
Number one, this phony voice.
808
00:34:56,811 --> 00:34:58,311
You shouldn't use the other one.
809
00:34:58,312 --> 00:35:00,814
At least, don't use it
around other people.
810
00:35:00,815 --> 00:35:03,818
Number two, don't
drink with my finger.
811
00:35:05,820 --> 00:35:07,822
Number three, don't
sit on my face.
812
00:35:14,278 --> 00:35:16,246
Oh, and you forgot
the fourth thing,
813
00:35:16,247 --> 00:35:18,115
and it's the most important.
814
00:35:18,116 --> 00:35:21,585
Don't tell my father
we're living together.
815
00:35:21,586 --> 00:35:22,586
I don't understand.
816
00:35:22,587 --> 00:35:24,589
He doesn't know you're living?
817
00:35:25,089 --> 00:35:26,590
It's not the living,
it's the together
818
00:35:26,591 --> 00:35:28,091
he wouldn't understand.
819
00:35:28,092 --> 00:35:29,593
No, I wouldn't.
820
00:35:29,594 --> 00:35:30,594
Dad.
821
00:35:30,595 --> 00:35:32,095
Greetings,
Mr. McConnell.
822
00:35:32,096 --> 00:35:33,597
Don't you "greetings" me.
823
00:35:33,598 --> 00:35:35,098
I wanted to believe you today.
824
00:35:35,099 --> 00:35:37,601
I came over here hoping
I wouldn't find...
825
00:35:37,602 --> 00:35:38,969
what I found.
826
00:35:38,970 --> 00:35:40,887
You came over here
to check up on me?
827
00:35:40,888 --> 00:35:42,389
I came over here
to prove to myself
828
00:35:42,390 --> 00:35:43,890
that my daughter
hadn't lied to me
829
00:35:43,891 --> 00:35:45,392
and that she wasn't
living with a man.
830
00:35:45,393 --> 00:35:47,394
Dad, it's not like that.
831
00:35:47,395 --> 00:35:50,864
Instead I proved to myself
that my little girl...
832
00:35:50,865 --> 00:35:53,316
isn't my little girl any longer.
833
00:35:53,317 --> 00:35:54,701
But, Dad...
834
00:35:54,702 --> 00:35:56,203
Dad...
835
00:35:56,204 --> 00:35:58,206
Good-bye!
Thanks for dropping over.
836
00:36:02,710 --> 00:36:03,711
Oh.
837
00:36:16,507 --> 00:36:18,008
You all right, Fred?
838
00:36:18,009 --> 00:36:19,009
( SHRIEKS )
839
00:36:19,010 --> 00:36:20,510
I seen your lights on.
840
00:36:20,511 --> 00:36:23,013
You should have been
closed hours ago.
841
00:36:23,014 --> 00:36:25,015
Tilwick, my old friend.
842
00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:27,901
Come over here
and help me celebrate.
843
00:36:27,902 --> 00:36:30,770
I've been saving
this bottle of champagne
844
00:36:30,771 --> 00:36:33,773
since 1967 for my
daughter's wedding.
845
00:36:33,774 --> 00:36:36,276
Oh, I wanted it
to be so special.
846
00:36:36,277 --> 00:36:38,278
I was gonna have
tuxedos and flowers
847
00:36:38,279 --> 00:36:39,779
and a little band
848
00:36:39,780 --> 00:36:41,781
that I just might
conduct myself.
849
00:36:41,782 --> 00:36:44,284
It was gonna be real classy.
850
00:36:44,285 --> 00:36:47,787
Here, you'll have to drink
from the bottle.
851
00:36:47,788 --> 00:36:49,289
Empty.
852
00:36:49,290 --> 00:36:52,292
Then suck the cork.
853
00:36:52,293 --> 00:36:53,793
What's wrong here, Fred?
854
00:36:53,794 --> 00:36:55,295
A toast! A toast!
855
00:36:55,296 --> 00:36:57,297
A toast to the old days,
856
00:36:57,298 --> 00:37:00,050
when values were values
and morals were morals.
857
00:37:00,051 --> 00:37:04,388
I remember when "sharing a pad"
meant borrowing a notebook.
858
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:08,275
What are you talking about?
859
00:37:08,276 --> 00:37:12,195
My daughter... my daughter...
860
00:37:12,196 --> 00:37:14,698
is living with a man.
861
00:37:14,699 --> 00:37:16,199
Mindy?
862
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,702
Oh, come on, that can't be.
863
00:37:18,703 --> 00:37:19,703
It's true, it's true.
864
00:37:19,704 --> 00:37:23,207
She's a loose woman and I
don't know how to tighten her.
865
00:37:25,209 --> 00:37:26,209
Well, I don't believe it.
866
00:37:26,210 --> 00:37:27,711
That's not the Mindy I know.
867
00:37:27,712 --> 00:37:30,714
All I know is,
I've done all I can.
868
00:37:30,715 --> 00:37:32,216
I can't do anything else.
869
00:37:32,717 --> 00:37:33,717
Well, there's
something I can do.
870
00:37:33,718 --> 00:37:35,218
What?
871
00:37:35,219 --> 00:37:36,219
I'm a cop.
872
00:37:36,220 --> 00:37:38,722
I represent, uh, law and order.
873
00:37:38,723 --> 00:37:41,225
But he hasn't
done anything illegal.
874
00:37:41,726 --> 00:37:42,726
Listen, you don't get the idea.
875
00:37:42,727 --> 00:37:44,728
Now I'll just... I'll
just whip over there
876
00:37:44,729 --> 00:37:47,230
and I'll just scare the
daylights out of him.
877
00:37:47,231 --> 00:37:48,732
You know, "Hit the
road, hamburger!"
878
00:37:48,733 --> 00:37:50,234
Like that.
879
00:37:51,235 --> 00:37:52,736
You'd do that for me?
880
00:37:52,737 --> 00:37:53,737
Sure, first thing
881
00:37:53,738 --> 00:37:55,739
in the morning
when I get off duty.
882
00:37:55,740 --> 00:37:56,741
Really?
Sure.
883
00:38:00,161 --> 00:38:01,661
Hello?
884
00:38:01,662 --> 00:38:03,029
Hello?!
885
00:38:03,030 --> 00:38:05,365
Anybody in there?
886
00:38:05,366 --> 00:38:06,366
Little hatchling brothers,
887
00:38:06,367 --> 00:38:08,368
you must revolt
against your oppressors.
888
00:38:08,369 --> 00:38:10,870
You have nothing to lose
but your shells.
889
00:38:10,871 --> 00:38:12,372
As much as I like Mindy,
890
00:38:12,373 --> 00:38:15,759
it's against intergalactic law
to eat fellow space travellers.
891
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:17,511
Fly, be free!
892
00:38:22,933 --> 00:38:26,937
Well, I guess we'll have to have
a quick burial at sea then.
893
00:38:29,390 --> 00:38:31,308
I'll notify your next of kin.
894
00:38:32,109 --> 00:38:35,612
Your brother bit the big one.
895
00:38:37,114 --> 00:38:38,615
What's the matter,
have you no emotions?
896
00:38:38,616 --> 00:38:41,067
Are you hard-boiled, huh?
897
00:38:41,068 --> 00:38:42,485
Oh, I see.
898
00:38:42,486 --> 00:38:43,486
The cold machine placed you
899
00:38:43,487 --> 00:38:44,988
in a state
of suspended animation.
900
00:38:44,989 --> 00:38:46,990
I'll put you over here
to warm up,
901
00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:49,993
and when you revive,
you'll be free to fly.
902
00:38:49,994 --> 00:38:51,494
Over here.
903
00:38:51,495 --> 00:38:53,997
( HUMMING )
904
00:38:53,998 --> 00:38:56,499
You people really are short,
you know that, don't you?
905
00:38:56,500 --> 00:38:58,001
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
906
00:38:58,002 --> 00:39:00,504
Oh.
907
00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:05,009
Smoky!
908
00:39:09,513 --> 00:39:11,014
Hi. I'm Mork.
909
00:39:11,015 --> 00:39:12,015
Now, listen, kid,
910
00:39:12,016 --> 00:39:13,516
I don't belong to
your fraternities,
911
00:39:13,517 --> 00:39:16,519
so watch it
with them secret handshakes.
912
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:17,520
Is Mindy McConnell here?
913
00:39:17,521 --> 00:39:19,522
Uh, no, she's at a
place she calls work.
914
00:39:19,523 --> 00:39:21,024
A strange concept,
but she enjoys it.
915
00:39:21,025 --> 00:39:23,743
Oh. And I suppose
you don't like work?
916
00:39:23,744 --> 00:39:25,912
I don't know, never tried it.
917
00:39:25,913 --> 00:39:27,197
I see.
918
00:39:27,198 --> 00:39:29,082
So you just sponge off Mindy?
919
00:39:29,083 --> 00:39:31,702
Oh, no, we've never
taken a bath together.
920
00:39:32,953 --> 00:39:34,454
No, no, I mean you live off her.
921
00:39:34,455 --> 00:39:35,955
Listen,
I've met your type before
922
00:39:35,956 --> 00:39:36,957
and you're just about
923
00:39:37,458 --> 00:39:38,458
the lowest form of life
there is.
924
00:39:38,459 --> 00:39:41,139
( IMITATING TWANG ): Well, you better
check up on your biology then.
925
00:39:43,848 --> 00:39:46,216
The lowest form of
life is a geje, voje
926
00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:47,718
and the ever-crawling neba-jij.
927
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:54,224
Don't give me none of that
intellectual mumbo-jumbo.
928
00:39:54,225 --> 00:39:56,226
I happen to be a good friend
of the McConnells
929
00:39:56,227 --> 00:39:58,228
and I don't want
to see Mindy hurt.
930
00:39:58,229 --> 00:39:59,729
Mindy hurt? I'd never allow it.
931
00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:01,731
Then I want you to take off.
932
00:40:01,732 --> 00:40:03,116
Take off? I just landed.
933
00:40:05,870 --> 00:40:06,870
Now listen here, buster.
934
00:40:06,871 --> 00:40:08,371
I can make a lot
of trouble for you.
935
00:40:08,372 --> 00:40:09,873
You see this here uniform?
936
00:40:09,874 --> 00:40:10,874
It is a uniform.
937
00:40:10,875 --> 00:40:13,376
I didn't want to make
mention of it.
938
00:40:13,377 --> 00:40:15,879
Are you a member
of Space Patrol?
939
00:40:20,885 --> 00:40:21,885
Are you putting me on?
940
00:40:21,886 --> 00:40:22,886
Putting you on?
941
00:40:22,887 --> 00:40:23,887
You're not even hollow.
942
00:40:23,888 --> 00:40:25,638
( HONKING BARK )
943
00:40:25,639 --> 00:40:27,807
Yeah, right.
944
00:40:27,808 --> 00:40:28,758
Did Orson send you to help me
945
00:40:28,759 --> 00:40:30,009
with my friends, the eggs?
946
00:40:30,010 --> 00:40:30,810
Right.
947
00:40:30,811 --> 00:40:31,812
( CRACKING )
948
00:40:32,313 --> 00:40:33,314
( GROANS )
949
00:40:36,317 --> 00:40:39,436
Nimnull, didn't you
see him coming?
950
00:40:39,437 --> 00:40:43,239
How can I help you if you won't
even help yourselves?
951
00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:45,108
Why are you looking
at me like that?
952
00:40:45,109 --> 00:40:46,860
Am I in trouble?
953
00:40:57,788 --> 00:40:59,672
( WHISPERING ):
Fred, I got to talk to you.
954
00:40:59,673 --> 00:41:00,924
Uh, did you scare him off?
955
00:41:00,925 --> 00:41:03,927
Well... he won't be
bothering Mindy anymore,
956
00:41:03,928 --> 00:41:05,428
but I didn't scare him off.
957
00:41:05,429 --> 00:41:06,930
Well, what?
958
00:41:06,931 --> 00:41:08,431
( WHISPERS )
959
00:41:08,432 --> 00:41:09,933
You what?!
960
00:41:09,934 --> 00:41:10,934
Well, I just wanted you
961
00:41:10,935 --> 00:41:11,935
to get rid of
him... not that.
962
00:41:11,936 --> 00:41:13,436
Well, I had to.
963
00:41:13,437 --> 00:41:15,939
I-I didn't want to,
but I had to do my duty.
964
00:41:15,940 --> 00:41:17,808
You think I enjoyed it?
965
00:41:18,692 --> 00:41:20,693
This is about Mork, isn't it?
966
00:41:20,694 --> 00:41:22,562
What have you done?
967
00:41:22,563 --> 00:41:23,947
Well, I... I just
went up there
968
00:41:23,948 --> 00:41:25,448
to scare the little fella.
969
00:41:25,449 --> 00:41:26,950
It's not my job,
but when I seen him,
970
00:41:27,451 --> 00:41:28,451
I knew I had to do my duty,
971
00:41:28,452 --> 00:41:29,953
as much as I hate it.
972
00:41:29,954 --> 00:41:32,739
Well, what was your duty?
973
00:41:32,740 --> 00:41:34,574
Well, I know he's
a friend of yours,
974
00:41:34,575 --> 00:41:38,077
but that guy is bonkers...
I had to take him in.
975
00:41:38,078 --> 00:41:40,580
They're going to have a
sanity hearing tomorrow,
976
00:41:40,581 --> 00:41:42,661
and I'm afraid they're going
to put your friend away.
977
00:41:44,084 --> 00:41:45,585
Daddy, how could you?!
978
00:41:48,973 --> 00:41:50,891
Tilwick, how could you?
979
00:41:57,515 --> 00:41:59,315
Well, the court is well aware
980
00:41:59,316 --> 00:42:00,817
of your qualifications
981
00:42:00,818 --> 00:42:02,819
as a psychiatrist,
Dr. Litney.
982
00:42:02,820 --> 00:42:04,270
Now, you examined the defendant?
983
00:42:04,271 --> 00:42:06,072
Uh, yesterday,
984
00:42:06,073 --> 00:42:07,357
and I may say...
985
00:42:07,358 --> 00:42:08,775
Stop everything!
986
00:42:08,776 --> 00:42:10,016
Oh, Mork, I'm sorry we're late,
987
00:42:10,277 --> 00:42:11,277
but they wouldn't tell us
988
00:42:11,278 --> 00:42:12,779
where the meeting
was being held.
989
00:42:12,780 --> 00:42:14,197
Young lady, cases of this kind
990
00:42:14,198 --> 00:42:16,082
are not supposed
to be public spectacles.
991
00:42:16,083 --> 00:42:17,917
Ah, but we're here
as character witnesses
992
00:42:17,918 --> 00:42:19,518
for the defendant...
although personally,
993
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:20,787
I never really liked him.
994
00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:22,872
MINDY:
Your Honour,
995
00:42:22,873 --> 00:42:23,673
my name is Mindy McConnell,
996
00:42:23,674 --> 00:42:25,174
and this is my father,
997
00:42:25,175 --> 00:42:26,676
and I want to go
on record as saying
998
00:42:26,677 --> 00:42:28,177
that Mork has the right
to have a lawyer.
999
00:42:28,178 --> 00:42:30,680
I will not permit him to be
on trial without counsel.
1000
00:42:30,681 --> 00:42:32,181
I'm his lawyer!
1001
00:42:32,182 --> 00:42:34,684
The court appointed me.
1002
00:42:35,936 --> 00:42:38,722
Young lady,
this is an informal situation,
1003
00:42:39,223 --> 00:42:42,609
but I assure you, no one
is trying to railroad anyone.
1004
00:42:42,610 --> 00:42:45,395
Uh, may I ask just
one little question?
1005
00:42:45,396 --> 00:42:47,531
Oh, why not?
1006
00:42:48,816 --> 00:42:51,819
The question is...
1007
00:42:52,319 --> 00:42:54,821
Mork is innocent!
1008
00:42:54,822 --> 00:42:57,824
True, he is different from most,
1009
00:42:57,825 --> 00:43:00,076
but this great country was
1010
00:43:00,077 --> 00:43:03,296
built on the rights of
individuals to be individuals.
1011
00:43:03,297 --> 00:43:06,049
We have the God-given right
to be eccentric,
1012
00:43:06,050 --> 00:43:07,467
and therefore I demand...
1013
00:43:07,468 --> 00:43:08,334
( POUNDS TABLE )
1014
00:43:08,335 --> 00:43:11,087
that Mork be exonerated
and set free!
1015
00:43:11,088 --> 00:43:12,589
I suggest you sit down.
1016
00:43:12,590 --> 00:43:14,090
We're hearing the testimony
of Dr. Litney.
1017
00:43:14,091 --> 00:43:17,093
Oh. I'm sorry.
1018
00:43:17,094 --> 00:43:18,978
She's sorry.
1019
00:43:18,979 --> 00:43:21,397
Dr. Litney...
if we may continue...
1020
00:43:21,398 --> 00:43:24,400
what was your conclusion after
examining the defendant?
1021
00:43:24,401 --> 00:43:26,686
Your Honour, my conclusions are
1022
00:43:26,687 --> 00:43:29,522
that the patient
is extremely childlike
1023
00:43:29,523 --> 00:43:30,823
and incapable of learning.
1024
00:43:30,824 --> 00:43:32,408
He has also exhibited
1025
00:43:32,409 --> 00:43:34,110
marked antisocial behaviour.
1026
00:43:34,111 --> 00:43:36,863
Therefore, it is my opinion
that the defendant
1027
00:43:36,864 --> 00:43:40,617
is incompetent
to function in society.
1028
00:43:40,618 --> 00:43:41,784
No more questions.
1029
00:43:41,785 --> 00:43:43,369
No questions.
1030
00:43:43,370 --> 00:43:44,537
But you have
1031
00:43:44,538 --> 00:43:46,005
to ask questions!
1032
00:43:46,006 --> 00:43:47,874
Mork, don't let them
do this to you.
1033
00:43:47,875 --> 00:43:49,376
You don't know what it means.
1034
00:43:49,877 --> 00:43:50,877
I have a vague idea.
1035
00:43:50,878 --> 00:43:52,398
I saw a rerun of
Perry Mason last night
1036
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:53,880
and Inherit the Wind.
1037
00:43:53,881 --> 00:43:55,381
( GAVEL POUNDING )
1038
00:43:55,382 --> 00:43:58,885
Since there are
no more witnesses...
1039
00:43:58,886 --> 00:44:00,887
Your Honour, I salute you.
1040
00:44:00,888 --> 00:44:02,272
Nanu-nanu.
1041
00:44:05,142 --> 00:44:06,142
Your Honour, in your law,
1042
00:44:06,527 --> 00:44:08,394
is it true that I have a right
to speak for myself?
1043
00:44:08,395 --> 00:44:10,647
Well... yes.
1044
00:44:11,949 --> 00:44:13,950
( CLEARS THROAT )
1045
00:44:13,951 --> 00:44:16,954
( SOUTHERN DRAWL ):
Dr. Litney...
1046
00:44:20,541 --> 00:44:22,208
you don't like me, do you?
1047
00:44:22,209 --> 00:44:24,661
Your Honour, I have never been
1048
00:44:24,662 --> 00:44:26,663
interrogated
by a patient before.
1049
00:44:26,664 --> 00:44:28,164
Then how do you know
I'm doing it now?
1050
00:44:28,165 --> 00:44:29,166
( HONKING BARK )
1051
00:44:31,552 --> 00:44:34,837
You said I exhibited
antisocial behaviour.
1052
00:44:34,838 --> 00:44:36,339
Why?
1053
00:44:36,340 --> 00:44:37,340
Well, first of all,
1054
00:44:37,341 --> 00:44:38,841
you wouldn't tell me
where you were from.
1055
00:44:38,842 --> 00:44:39,842
And you, neither.
1056
00:44:39,843 --> 00:44:40,843
That's not my job.
1057
00:44:40,844 --> 00:44:42,846
And it's not mine, either.
We're even!
1058
00:44:46,483 --> 00:44:48,484
Now, about these tests you ran
1059
00:44:48,485 --> 00:44:49,986
that made you hate me.
1060
00:44:49,987 --> 00:44:51,437
( CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ):
Your Honour...
1061
00:44:51,438 --> 00:44:52,939
I don't hate this man,
1062
00:44:52,940 --> 00:44:54,440
but yesterday,
during one of my tests,
1063
00:44:54,441 --> 00:44:56,943
he tried to put a square peg
into a round hole.
1064
00:44:56,944 --> 00:44:58,946
But I did it, Your Honour.
1065
00:45:00,330 --> 00:45:01,330
He did. He did.
1066
00:45:01,331 --> 00:45:02,331
I don't know how he did it,
1067
00:45:02,332 --> 00:45:03,833
but I can't get the peg out now,
1068
00:45:03,834 --> 00:45:05,334
and it ruined
a perfectly good board.
1069
00:45:05,335 --> 00:45:07,704
And that's why you
dislike me, Dr. Litney.
1070
00:45:07,705 --> 00:45:09,205
I can sense that.
1071
00:45:09,206 --> 00:45:11,207
Your Honour, I don't have
time for this, really.
1072
00:45:11,208 --> 00:45:12,208
Oh, the time?
Excuse me.
1073
00:45:12,209 --> 00:45:14,711
It's... ( BEEPS )
10:36 exactly.
1074
00:45:14,712 --> 00:45:17,213
You see, Your Honour,
he's wearing
1075
00:45:17,214 --> 00:45:19,216
a wristwatch on his ankle.
1076
00:45:19,717 --> 00:45:20,717
No, Your Honour, I'm wearing
1077
00:45:20,718 --> 00:45:22,719
an ankle watch on my ankle.
1078
00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:25,221
If I was wearing an
ankle watch on my wrist,
1079
00:45:25,222 --> 00:45:26,723
then I'd be crazy.
1080
00:45:26,724 --> 00:45:30,226
Your Honour,
you see he's a wiseacre.
1081
00:45:30,227 --> 00:45:32,228
And you don't like wiseacres,
1082
00:45:32,229 --> 00:45:33,730
do you, Dr. Litney?
1083
00:45:33,731 --> 00:45:35,231
No, I don't!
1084
00:45:35,232 --> 00:45:38,234
And that's why you're
prejudiced against me.
1085
00:45:38,235 --> 00:45:39,235
I didn't say that.
1086
00:45:39,236 --> 00:45:41,738
You see how he's cleverly
twisting my words, Your Honour?
1087
00:45:41,739 --> 00:45:43,740
Oh, so you're calling me
clever now, Dr. Litney.
1088
00:45:43,741 --> 00:45:45,625
Isn't that another
word for intelligent?
1089
00:45:45,626 --> 00:45:47,243
So you see, Your Honour,
1090
00:45:47,244 --> 00:45:49,662
doesn't this case hinge
on my ability to learn?
1091
00:45:49,663 --> 00:45:51,164
Yes, it does, Your Honour.
1092
00:45:51,165 --> 00:45:52,205
And by the way, he flunked
1093
00:45:52,666 --> 00:45:54,667
his word association test
outright yesterday.
1094
00:45:54,668 --> 00:45:56,669
That's the test where I give him
words like, uh, like...
1095
00:45:56,670 --> 00:45:57,670
White.
Black.
1096
00:45:57,671 --> 00:45:58,671
Tall.
Uh, short.
1097
00:45:58,672 --> 00:45:59,672
Sky.
Birds.
1098
00:45:59,673 --> 00:46:01,057
Sex.
Uh, Pamela!
1099
00:46:01,058 --> 00:46:02,759
You said you'd never tell!
1100
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:03,977
Oh...
1101
00:46:05,846 --> 00:46:07,346
Never tell, never tell.
1102
00:46:07,347 --> 00:46:08,347
Shh, shh.
1103
00:46:08,348 --> 00:46:09,348
You promised.
1104
00:46:09,349 --> 00:46:11,234
( CRYING ):
Now you've ruined everything!
1105
00:46:11,235 --> 00:46:13,152
Pamela! You and Litney?
1106
00:46:13,153 --> 00:46:14,403
I thought we were...
1107
00:46:14,404 --> 00:46:15,238
Your Honour, I have a patient
1108
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:16,239
to take care of
in a short while.
1109
00:46:16,240 --> 00:46:17,240
Could you excuse me?
1110
00:46:17,241 --> 00:46:19,742
No, you're not going
anywhere without me.
1111
00:46:19,743 --> 00:46:22,612
Just a s... Pamela!
Pamela!
1112
00:46:25,532 --> 00:46:27,533
Your Honour...
1113
00:46:27,534 --> 00:46:29,035
Your Honour, the defence rests.
1114
00:46:38,679 --> 00:46:41,681
While it's true
that the, uh, defendant
1115
00:46:41,682 --> 00:46:45,686
may add a new dimension
to the word "eccentric,"
1116
00:46:46,186 --> 00:46:50,106
there is no law against that.
1117
00:46:50,107 --> 00:46:55,611
And since it appears he's no
danger to himself or society,
1118
00:46:55,612 --> 00:46:59,115
and we no longer
have a prosecutor,
1119
00:46:59,116 --> 00:47:01,617
or a witness
1120
00:47:01,618 --> 00:47:03,987
or anyone to write this down...
1121
00:47:06,323 --> 00:47:07,741
case dismissed.
1122
00:47:09,743 --> 00:47:11,244
We won. We won!
1123
00:47:11,245 --> 00:47:12,746
You won!
1124
00:47:18,552 --> 00:47:20,553
MORK:
Mork calling Orson.
1125
00:47:20,554 --> 00:47:22,555
Come in, Orson.
1126
00:47:22,556 --> 00:47:25,057
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
1127
00:47:25,058 --> 00:47:27,059
Mork calling Orson.
1128
00:47:27,060 --> 00:47:28,060
Come in, Orson.
1129
00:47:28,061 --> 00:47:31,430
Come in, Laser Breath.
1130
00:47:31,431 --> 00:47:32,431
ORSON:
Watch it, Mork.
1131
00:47:32,432 --> 00:47:34,267
I'm only 60 million
light-years away.
1132
00:47:34,268 --> 00:47:37,069
Just tell me what
you've learned about Earth.
1133
00:47:37,070 --> 00:47:38,487
Oh, I've learned a lot.
1134
00:47:38,488 --> 00:47:40,489
So much, it's hard
to comprehend.
1135
00:47:40,490 --> 00:47:43,409
It seems that everyone on
this planet is an individual,
1136
00:47:43,410 --> 00:47:46,329
and not only that,
they're proud of it.
1137
00:47:46,330 --> 00:47:47,246
Amazing!
1138
00:47:47,247 --> 00:47:50,249
If everyone's different,
how can a society function?
1139
00:47:50,250 --> 00:47:51,751
Not very well.
1140
00:47:51,752 --> 00:47:53,252
They almost locked me up
1141
00:47:53,253 --> 00:47:55,755
because they thought
my mind was imperfect.
1142
00:47:55,756 --> 00:47:58,174
Hmm.
Intelligent life.
1143
00:47:58,175 --> 00:47:59,625
Orson...
1144
00:47:59,626 --> 00:48:01,460
something very strange happened
1145
00:48:01,461 --> 00:48:02,879
that really confuses me.
1146
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:06,098
I met this Earth girl
and her biological father,
1147
00:48:06,099 --> 00:48:07,967
and at my hearing,
1148
00:48:07,968 --> 00:48:09,728
they came to my defence,
especially the girl.
1149
00:48:09,887 --> 00:48:11,854
She defied the system
to protect me.
1150
00:48:11,855 --> 00:48:14,190
Why would she do such a thing?
1151
00:48:14,191 --> 00:48:15,641
I don't know.
1152
00:48:15,642 --> 00:48:18,144
It must have something
to do with emotions.
1153
00:48:18,145 --> 00:48:21,063
Investigate
the phenomenon closely.
1154
00:48:21,064 --> 00:48:22,532
It's interesting behaviour,
1155
00:48:23,033 --> 00:48:24,533
even if it is irrational.
1156
00:48:24,534 --> 00:48:26,986
Yes, it is.
1157
00:48:26,987 --> 00:48:30,373
Orson, this may
sound strange, but...
1158
00:48:30,374 --> 00:48:33,209
knowing that someone
would do that for me,
1159
00:48:33,210 --> 00:48:36,963
well, it makes me feel
really good inside.
1160
00:48:36,964 --> 00:48:38,965
Just remember, Mork,
1161
00:48:38,966 --> 00:48:40,383
you're sent there to observe,
1162
00:48:40,384 --> 00:48:42,418
not to get involved.
1163
00:48:42,419 --> 00:48:43,920
Yes, Your Immenseness.
1164
00:48:43,921 --> 00:48:46,807
This is Mork signing off
from Boulder, Colorado.
1165
00:48:47,307 --> 00:48:49,809
Until next week... nanu-nanu.