1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,051 All right. You passed. 2 00:00:08,225 --> 00:00:09,618 - Yes. - Congrats, Howard. 3 00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:11,098 Uh, ac... Yeah, actually, it's Howie. 4 00:00:11,272 --> 00:00:12,708 Like "How we doing?" 5 00:00:12,882 --> 00:00:14,710 - Oh. - Minus the "doing." 6 00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,755 - Got it. - Mm-hmm. 7 00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:18,366 Well, now that you are licensed in California, 8 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:21,412 you can drive your clients all over town. 9 00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:23,806 Oh, that is such great news. Isn't that right? 10 00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,460 How long have you been, uh, 11 00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:26,939 rescuing these sweet angels? 12 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:29,768 Six years human, 42 canine. 13 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,727 - Hmm. - That's a joke. 14 00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,381 - Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah. 15 00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:34,686 Actually, they rescue me. 16 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,298 That wasn't a joke. 17 00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:39,300 No, no, yeah. I used to foster 18 00:00:39,474 --> 00:00:40,562 until my landlord instituted 19 00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:42,868 - a "no pets" policy. Jerk. - Ugh. 20 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,696 I wish there were more people like you. 21 00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:47,525 Some of these little guys will just never really find homes. 22 00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,049 Like little Gilbert here. 23 00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:50,920 Nobody will take him, and I just, I don't know 24 00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:53,357 how much longer I can keep him, so... 25 00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,707 - That breaks my heart. - Mm-hmm. 26 00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:58,188 Who wouldn't want this "widdle" guy? 27 00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:00,277 Don't talk like a baby to him. He's six. 28 00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:02,845 Who wouldn't want this little guy? 29 00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,367 - Better. - Thank you. 30 00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:06,370 Marla. 31 00:01:06,544 --> 00:01:08,851 Not in front of company. 32 00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:10,070 Marla! 33 00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:23,518 I know. Your 12-year-old 34 00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:25,215 neighbor moved to Alhambra. 35 00:01:25,476 --> 00:01:28,131 Well, now I have to play video games and throw stuff 36 00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:30,438 into the community pool all by myself. 37 00:01:30,612 --> 00:01:32,875 Why do you throw stuff in your own pool? 38 00:01:33,049 --> 00:01:34,746 You sound just like Henry's mom. 39 00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,709 I-I'm sorry about Henry. 40 00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:43,625 I-I can't right now. 41 00:01:43,799 --> 00:01:45,757 Greggy, have you ever met 42 00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:48,543 an animal so adorable... 43 00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:51,241 I am not adopting a dog. I'm a cat guy. 44 00:01:51,414 --> 00:01:52,372 You know Weezy. 45 00:01:52,547 --> 00:01:54,244 I know Weezy, but I just met 46 00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:55,941 the sweetest little Jack Russell. 47 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,553 Gilbert. He can roll over. 48 00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:00,729 Oh, that's nice. Weezy can read. 49 00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:05,125 Well, someone in this office must need a new friend. 50 00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:06,822 Well, what about Vic? 51 00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:09,085 What, Vic? Who went to the San Diego Zoo 52 00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:10,434 to see "a Yoda"? 53 00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:12,349 He's high-energy, he's very playful 54 00:02:12,523 --> 00:02:14,351 and his best friend just moved away. 55 00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:16,962 Uh, no offense, Greggles, but taking care of a dog 56 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,792 is a much bigger responsibility than taking care of a cat. 57 00:02:20,966 --> 00:02:22,359 Okay, here we go. 58 00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:24,144 All they do is just sit and stare at you 59 00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:25,406 and cough stuff up. 60 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:26,407 Who am I? 61 00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:32,456 It's a cat. It's Weezy. 62 00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:34,980 Yeah, well, dogs just like to lick their private parts. 63 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,331 Who am I? "Oh, I'm a dog, 64 00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:38,723 my testicles are out." 65 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,337 Paula. 66 00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:45,513 Do you want to adopt a dog? 67 00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:47,602 You driving examiners are sick. 68 00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:51,345 - Morning. - Good morning. 69 00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,347 Thank you, fine gentlemen. 70 00:02:53,521 --> 00:02:55,262 - Oh! God. - Okay. 71 00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:56,785 Oh, Hall and Oates. 72 00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:58,787 I'm still getting used to this thing. 73 00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,397 Okay. You okay? 74 00:03:00,571 --> 00:03:02,486 Yeah, my head absorbed most of it. 75 00:03:02,660 --> 00:03:03,966 Okay. Well, I'm gonna go get you some ice. 76 00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:07,535 Yeah, my head absorbed most of it. 77 00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:10,015 What's with the wheels, Barb? 78 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,279 My doctor's a little worried about the healing process. 79 00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:14,542 She wants me to take it easy. 80 00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:17,066 All right, I can't take this anymore. 81 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,460 You are driving me crazy with this. 82 00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:20,809 Just tell me what I owe you 83 00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:22,245 so I can make things right, okay? 84 00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:24,116 What is it, huh? You want another makeover? 85 00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,553 - How much? - What? 86 00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,728 - What do you mean? - You busted your foot 87 00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:29,383 breaking that photo machine to save my job, 88 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,949 and now come in and out of here every single day 89 00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:32,951 with you lording it over me with that boot. 90 00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:36,433 Uh, the boot is so my navicular bone won't shatter to dust. 91 00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:39,305 There you go again. No, no. I want out. 92 00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:40,872 I want out. I'm done. 93 00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:42,961 Uh, what can I do to just make it right? Please. 94 00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:45,225 Ceci, I don't have time for your weird moral code today. 95 00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:47,618 The consultants did an audit on our average processing time, 96 00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:49,577 and we have a slow window. 97 00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:51,100 - Wait. - Mm. 98 00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:52,319 I can help you with that. 99 00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:54,059 Hello. 100 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,496 I have the fastest counter time in all of the branch. 101 00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:57,062 Who's the slowpoke? 102 00:03:57,933 --> 00:03:58,977 Noa. 103 00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:00,414 You mean "Slow-a"? 104 00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,720 This is perfect. I'll speed up the Kiwi 105 00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:04,983 and my debt to you will finally be repaid. 106 00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:07,464 Ceci, there is no debt. It's all in your head. 107 00:04:07,638 --> 00:04:09,161 Mm, mm, mm, mm. My madrinatried to play 108 00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:10,859 those same little mind games with me. 109 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,034 She got me a gift, I got her a thank-you note. 110 00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:13,557 She got me a thank-you note 111 00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,255 for the thank-you note. 112 00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:17,344 We went back and forth like this every single day 113 00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:18,954 until she took her last breath. 114 00:04:19,128 --> 00:04:20,521 Then, I finally slid in 115 00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:22,740 a final thank-you note into her coffin. 116 00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:23,915 Good for you? 117 00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:25,134 So I thought. 118 00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:27,484 Then she thanked me in her will. 119 00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,486 Well played, Carmela Maria. 120 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:32,924 Gosh, I'll never live that one down. 121 00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:47,069 Vic, did you get the email I sent? 122 00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:50,115 Henry in 14C used to send me emails. 123 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,987 Just check. 124 00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:53,989 Okay. 125 00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:55,425 Who's this stud? 126 00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:58,385 Ooh! Ooh, let me see. 127 00:04:58,558 --> 00:05:01,388 Gregg, we talked about this. 128 00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:03,564 A D-O-G is a big responsibility. 129 00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:05,392 It doesn't hurt the boy to look. 130 00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:07,350 "Meet Gilbert. Six years old, 131 00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:10,135 found on the side of the freeway"... love that... 132 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,486 "good with kids"... don't care... 133 00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:14,357 "high energy"... oh, yeah... 134 00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:15,576 "hypoall... 135 00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,795 "hypo, hyper allergenot... 136 00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:19,057 genetic"? 137 00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:20,494 - Ah, sure. - Look at him. 138 00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,539 Reading for pleasure. 139 00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:24,715 "If you're looking for a spunky companion, 140 00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:26,413 Gilbert's your guy." 141 00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:29,329 I am looking for a spunky companion. 142 00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:30,547 Wait. 143 00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:33,158 I can actually get this dog? 144 00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:36,248 I don't know. Can he, Colette? 145 00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:37,598 Vic, a dog's a really big commitment. 146 00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,600 It's not a handlebar mustache 147 00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:41,515 you swear is your new signature look. 148 00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:42,864 I love him. 149 00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:47,521 I guess it can't hurt for you to meet. 150 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:49,044 Yes. 151 00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:51,612 We're gonna throw so much stuff in the pool together. 152 00:05:52,787 --> 00:05:54,223 Oh, Barb. 153 00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:55,790 This is worse than I thought. 154 00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:57,531 I thought Noa was just incompetent, 155 00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:58,967 or maybe he couldn't even read. 156 00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:00,490 Worse than being illiterate? 157 00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:02,492 Look at that customer's body language. 158 00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,320 Playing with her hair, 159 00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,453 running her fingers along the counter, 160 00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:08,585 laughing out loud at an okay-at-best joke. 161 00:06:08,759 --> 00:06:12,067 Of course. Which means that, uh... 162 00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:13,677 She's flirting with him. 163 00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,288 You know what flirting is, right? 164 00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:18,334 Of course I know what "flirching" is. 165 00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:20,902 Customers are window-shopping. 166 00:06:21,076 --> 00:06:23,731 They prefer Noa over, say, Paranoid Paula. 167 00:06:23,905 --> 00:06:25,515 Was that a cough? 168 00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,038 Are you sick? 169 00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:33,262 Oh, God. Noa has HPV. 170 00:06:34,176 --> 00:06:35,873 Barb, I don't think you're supposed to disclose that. 171 00:06:36,047 --> 00:06:37,875 HPV. Hot Person Vibes. 172 00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,355 Right. 173 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,662 I keep forgetting that people consider Noa hot. 174 00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:43,446 I mean, he's obviously a five. 175 00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:46,754 So tall and earnest. Ugh. 176 00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:48,495 Okay, I'll go tell Noa to be less hot. 177 00:06:48,669 --> 00:06:52,063 Uh-uh! And sabotage my efforts at paying you back? 178 00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:53,195 I don't think so, Barb. 179 00:06:53,369 --> 00:06:55,763 Also, he's, like, your employee. 180 00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:57,242 That would be, like, hottist. 181 00:06:57,591 --> 00:06:58,808 What, are you gonna go up to an ugly employee 182 00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:00,071 and talk to them about their ugliness? 183 00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:02,117 - Never. - Okay. Exactly. So... 184 00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:05,642 As a fellow human experiencing hotness, 185 00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:08,428 I will speak to him, hot to hot. 186 00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:13,041 Tomorrow. I don't stay past 5:00. 187 00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:15,522 Backing up! 188 00:07:20,396 --> 00:07:22,572 So, I got this sick rhinestone collar, 189 00:07:22,832 --> 00:07:26,533 some beef jerky for us to "Lady and the Tramp," 190 00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:28,578 this squeezy boy. 191 00:07:28,839 --> 00:07:30,885 - Very prepared. Good job, Vic. - Good boy, Vicky. 192 00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:33,844 I also got something for Weezy. 193 00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:35,672 Great. Now you can be 194 00:07:35,933 --> 00:07:38,327 holding something when she decides not to play with you. 195 00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:39,546 But best of all, 196 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,070 I got us matching bandanas. 197 00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,201 Ding-dong. 198 00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:44,986 Ooh. Howie, hi. 199 00:07:45,159 --> 00:07:46,248 So, this is Vic. 200 00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:47,945 H... Where's-where's my boy? 201 00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:49,251 Where's-where's Gilbert? 202 00:07:49,425 --> 00:07:50,818 Did you think you would just 203 00:07:51,079 --> 00:07:53,516 decide to adopt a dog and fill out some forms 204 00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,475 and then I would bring you a dog? 205 00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:57,781 I didn't even think it would be that complicated. 206 00:07:58,042 --> 00:08:00,480 There's actually a very thorough vetting process. 207 00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:02,220 My-my bandanas... 208 00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:04,440 Call them what they are: choke-danas. 209 00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,704 Do you know that almost five dogs every year asphyxiate 210 00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:10,620 from bandana and other hilarious neckwear? 211 00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:11,969 - Howie. - Mm-hmm. 212 00:08:12,404 --> 00:08:14,276 Wowie. Uh, being thorough is great and all, 213 00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:16,191 but this feels a little extreme. 214 00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:17,758 Uh, let me see. Is it extreme 215 00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:19,629 when people say that they want a dog 216 00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:22,197 but then you find out they were just bored during a pandemic 217 00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:24,373 or they want to practice for having a baby 218 00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:27,942 or they found a dog costume at a yard sale? 219 00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:29,421 - Doggone it. - Is an expression 220 00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:32,163 we are really not using anymore. 221 00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:35,123 Wow. So insensitive 222 00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:37,299 to gone dogs. 223 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,049 I didn't know it would be this hard 224 00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:49,703 to adopt a needy dog. 225 00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:52,009 I know what the issue is. Dog people. 226 00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:54,621 In terms of your housing situation... 227 00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:56,753 do you rent or own? 228 00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:57,928 Uh, rent. 229 00:08:58,102 --> 00:08:59,321 Please let me finish. 230 00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,323 Because not all leases allow pets. 231 00:09:01,497 --> 00:09:02,803 Oh, that won't be a problem, 232 00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:05,153 'cause my apartment building is dog-friendly. 233 00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:08,330 Have you ever owned a dog before? 234 00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:11,420 - No, but I always... - Okay, you got to stop interrupting me. 235 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,292 Have you ever owned a dog before... 236 00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:16,425 as a child or as an adult? 237 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:19,297 You can talk now. 238 00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,169 I don't have all day. 239 00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:25,042 No, but I always wanted to, growing up. 240 00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:28,437 I moved around from foster home to foster home. 241 00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,047 Kind of like Gilbert. 242 00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:33,398 Maybe... maybe that's why I feel so connected to him. 243 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,052 Wow. 244 00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:36,880 Domestic instability, 245 00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:39,361 emotional damage, 246 00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:42,190 equating himself to a canine. 247 00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:44,453 This is unbelievable. 248 00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:47,412 I could understand if it was for a cat, but a dog? 249 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,198 Now, Mr. Tersillo... Am I saying that right? 250 00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:51,808 Mm-hmm. 251 00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,941 So, most dog rescues would conduct a home inspection. 252 00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:55,290 You were there last week. 253 00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:57,031 What kind of shape is it in, Gregg? 254 00:09:57,292 --> 00:09:59,424 Imagine if a dorm room and a gym threw up on each other. 255 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,513 But of course, everyone expects that, 256 00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:04,604 so they can prepare, so I don't do those. 257 00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:06,475 Instead... 258 00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:07,824 show me your car. 259 00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:09,957 Oh, God. 260 00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:11,567 What does he call it? 261 00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:13,569 The Buttmobile. 262 00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:20,010 And who is this lovely inflatable lady? 263 00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:21,446 Mariah. 264 00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,448 It's so he can, uh, take the carpool lane. 265 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,015 Yeah, it's nothing weird. 266 00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:28,366 Do not take her down the 405 with the top down. 267 00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:30,891 And this is what we call 268 00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:32,893 getting off on the wrong paw. 269 00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:35,765 All right, Noa, I don't like you and you don't like me. 270 00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:37,724 I consider us good friends. 271 00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:40,030 But your APT is way too high. 272 00:10:40,204 --> 00:10:41,510 Customers are taking forever at your window 273 00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:43,381 because of the way you look. 274 00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:45,209 'Cause of the-the way I look? 275 00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:47,037 I know. I don't get it either. But how many times a day 276 00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:48,952 does a customer come up to you and say... 277 00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:51,085 "Oh, my God, your accent is so cute. 278 00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:52,434 What time do you get off?" 279 00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:54,654 Occasionally. Yeah. 280 00:10:55,524 --> 00:10:57,657 Daily. Oh, wow. Um... 281 00:10:57,831 --> 00:10:59,702 Uh, hey, as we all know, 282 00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:01,486 L.A. is a kind, welcoming city. 283 00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:02,966 You obviously have never tried 284 00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:04,576 to cross Alvarado before a Dodgers game. 285 00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:08,015 No. Right... What can I do about my APT? 286 00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:09,625 Okay, so, as a fellow hot, I faced 287 00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:10,974 this same problem when I first started here, 288 00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:13,803 and that's why I invented window face. 289 00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:15,936 Next. 290 00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:17,154 - Ooh. - You see? You just have to be mean 291 00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:18,242 and keep things moving. 292 00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:19,896 Mean, though? No, that's... 293 00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:21,332 I-I don't think that's me. 294 00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:22,769 Well, no, you just have to practice. 295 00:11:22,943 --> 00:11:24,945 Here, let's role-play a scenario. Okay. 296 00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:28,122 - All right. Hit me. - You ready? 297 00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:30,864 Hi, sir. Here's my paperwork. 298 00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:32,735 Um, sorry if I seem a little sad. 299 00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:35,433 My, um, my mother fell down a sewer today. 300 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,392 Uh, it was fatal. 301 00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:39,350 I am so sorry. 302 00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:40,830 Noa, are you serious? 303 00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:42,702 - Hello! Remember: mean. - Oh. Mean. 304 00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:43,920 Mean. 305 00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:45,226 Be mean. 306 00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,576 I... I don't care about your mum. 307 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,012 Noa. 308 00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:50,622 I'm... I don't know where that came from. 309 00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,320 - I'm so sorry. - Idiot. 310 00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:54,626 I was testing you. Oh, my God. 311 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:57,412 Gosh. I'm just not a good teacher. 312 00:11:57,586 --> 00:12:00,241 It's not you, it's me. I'm just trying to figure... 313 00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:02,156 That was another test, right? 314 00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:04,201 - Oh, my God. - I got it. 315 00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,160 Okay. 316 00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,253 This car is a death trap. 317 00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:13,907 Chocolate-covered raisins? 318 00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:15,952 Aka dog poison. 319 00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:17,301 VR headset? 320 00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:19,260 That's the electric chair of chew toys. 321 00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:20,478 Costume wig? 322 00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:22,742 That'll set off his prey drive. 323 00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:25,832 That's how that would work. 324 00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:27,224 I'll go get the office dustbuster 325 00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:29,400 to clean up the Raisinets. 326 00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:31,359 I've seen enough. 327 00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:32,621 Vic Tersillo... 328 00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:35,276 should not have a dog. 329 00:12:36,146 --> 00:12:37,495 Or a job. 330 00:12:37,669 --> 00:12:39,062 Or a place in polite society. 331 00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:40,934 Vic is one of the DMV's finest. 332 00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:43,632 - Is that a compliment? - Look, he may not be perfect, 333 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:46,200 but I've worked near the guy almost every day 334 00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:47,723 for I don't know how many years. 335 00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:49,769 Trust me, he won't let Gilbert down. 336 00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:51,771 Sure, yeah, he's a little rough around the edges, 337 00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:54,469 and he applied for the FBI because he genuinely thought 338 00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:56,558 that they were female body inspectors, 339 00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:59,822 but he's a good person. 340 00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:01,389 The answer is no. 341 00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:05,088 Okay, new argument. 342 00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:09,919 So, you're going to decide for Gilbert? 343 00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:11,442 Oh. Yeah. 344 00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:13,357 Yeah. A dog person 345 00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:15,925 is not gonna let Gilbert have a say in this? 346 00:13:16,099 --> 00:13:17,927 Unless you're, I don't know, 347 00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:20,712 - a cat person. - Whoa. Hey. 348 00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:22,584 There's no need for pejoratives. 349 00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:24,281 Fine. 350 00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:26,153 I will let Gilbert meet Vic. 351 00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:27,894 - Thank you. - Great. 352 00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:31,027 Quick one. Do y'all think I look like Mariah? 353 00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,116 Hmm. Little bit. 354 00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:34,857 Ugh, charge. Charge, damn it. 355 00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:37,033 Hey. Great news, buddy. 356 00:13:37,207 --> 00:13:39,514 You got you an interview with Gilbert. 357 00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:40,645 Seriously? 358 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,343 I wonder what he's gonna ask me. 359 00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:43,866 I know I was skeptical earlier, 360 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,215 but I think I have a really good feeling 361 00:13:45,389 --> 00:13:47,087 that Gilbert's found his forever home. 362 00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:48,958 Wow. Forever. 363 00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:50,655 Yeah, it's so great. That little guy 364 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,179 has been bouncing around for years, 365 00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:54,616 and now he's gonna be yours. 366 00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,531 He's gonna depend on you for everything. 367 00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:59,099 - Wow. - And if it's anything like being a cat owner, 368 00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:00,970 you two will have an unbreakable bond. 369 00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:03,799 Unless someone has a laser pointer. 370 00:14:03,973 --> 00:14:05,714 Okay. 371 00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:10,458 Captain Crunch, Noa's taking even longer. 372 00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:12,852 But he's giving really good window face. 373 00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:14,984 Hey, I'm not interested. Move on. 374 00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:18,770 I forgot about the double standard. 375 00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:20,860 When I'm hot and mean, people think I have attitude. 376 00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:24,167 When he's hot and mean, it only makes him more appealing. 377 00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:26,604 Damn it. Sexism strikes again. 378 00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:29,303 I thought Madam Secretary got rid of all that. 379 00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:31,696 Well, Cec, thanks for trying. 380 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,090 Aah! Don't you even. 381 00:14:34,264 --> 00:14:37,006 As God as my witness, I will repay my debt to you, 382 00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:38,790 and you will torture me no more. 383 00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:43,621 Fifteen minutes late. 384 00:14:43,795 --> 00:14:45,710 Is this some kind of sick prank? 385 00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:47,843 He probably got held up doing a driving test. 386 00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:51,194 I will text him. Oh, he texted me. 387 00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:53,414 "Not coming. Sorry." 388 00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:55,851 Wow. Typical. 389 00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:58,419 Needless to say, I am very disappointed 390 00:14:58,593 --> 00:14:59,855 and Gilbert is crushed. 391 00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:01,901 Yeah, he looks very affected. 392 00:15:07,819 --> 00:15:09,125 - Boy, oh, boy. - There you are. 393 00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:11,301 You're hiding in your car? 394 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:12,694 Leave me alone, guys. 395 00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:17,090 This does not concern you, Mariah. 396 00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:19,570 I know you guys are really ticked off with me. 397 00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:22,878 We're not ticked off, but we are disappointed. 398 00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:24,445 Well, I'm ticked off. 399 00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:26,142 I knew I shouldn't have listened to Gregg. 400 00:15:26,316 --> 00:15:29,102 What? And all of a sudden this is my fault? 401 00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:30,842 Well, this wasn't my idea. 402 00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,496 Oh, if it was up to you, he wouldn't try anything. 403 00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:34,629 If it was up to you, he would have broken his neck 404 00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:36,544 doing that crash test demonstration. 405 00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:39,590 All of a sudden, we're at the motor safety convention of 2022. 406 00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,810 I knew that was a bad idea, I knew this was a bad idea. 407 00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,986 - Oh... - Okay, stop. 408 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,248 Stop. 409 00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:49,818 I can't be the only person that Gilbert is relying on. 410 00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:52,212 What if he needs help with his homework? 411 00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:54,605 Or he's the only kid in his class 412 00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:56,346 that doesn't bring in cupcakes on his birthday 413 00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:58,958 because his foster parents never know which day it is? 414 00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:02,396 Gilbert deserves... 415 00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:04,180 deserves better. 416 00:16:07,705 --> 00:16:08,924 No. 417 00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:11,535 I think you guys deserve each other. 418 00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:14,886 Because I bet a lot of people overlook... Gilbert. 419 00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:18,194 Yeah. 'Cause nobody realized what a great guy he is. 420 00:16:18,368 --> 00:16:20,675 And just because he didn't have 421 00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:22,242 the best upbringing doesn't mean 422 00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:25,158 that he can't provide one for another dog. 423 00:16:25,332 --> 00:16:28,552 So Gilbert's gonna adopt... Gilbert? 424 00:16:28,726 --> 00:16:30,032 The point is... 425 00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,773 is that if you are this worried 426 00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:34,863 about being a good dad, you're ahead of the game. 427 00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:38,345 Because bad parents do not worry about being bad parents. 428 00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:41,217 And they certainly don't buy matching bandanas. 429 00:16:43,089 --> 00:16:46,048 You guys really think I could be a good dad to Gilbert? 430 00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:49,530 - We know you could. - Yeah. 431 00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:53,055 You have to get rid of this hatchet. 432 00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:54,796 - Oh, my car axe? - Yeah. 433 00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,712 But that's how I quickly settle right-of-way disputes. 434 00:16:57,886 --> 00:16:59,583 Noa?! Oh. 435 00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:01,063 Noa, I figured it out. 436 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:02,934 We just have to make you more unappealing. 437 00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,067 Oh, no. I haven't worn rainbow suspenders 438 00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:06,589 since my boy band days. 439 00:17:06,763 --> 00:17:08,027 - Mm. - Look, I know 440 00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:09,550 my processing time isn't perfect, 441 00:17:09,810 --> 00:17:11,856 but why is it such a big deal to you? 442 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,510 Because. I owe Barb. 443 00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:15,382 - What do you mean? - She saved my job. 444 00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:16,861 And when someone does something nice for you, 445 00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:18,559 there are always strings attached. 446 00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:19,820 Even if you can't feel 'em, they're always pulling. 447 00:17:19,994 --> 00:17:21,997 My madrinataught me that. 448 00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:23,520 Forget it. You wouldn't understand. 449 00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:25,087 I completely understand. 450 00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:27,220 - Oh, do you? - Seriously, I do. 451 00:17:27,481 --> 00:17:29,570 My family... they're very, um... 452 00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:31,137 very transactional. 453 00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:33,313 Like, even if they do something nice for you, 454 00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:34,531 it comes with all of these, uh... 455 00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:36,098 Unspoken expectations? 456 00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:37,578 - Yeah. - Yeah. 457 00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:38,883 Yeah, exactly. 458 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,755 It's-it's part of why I moved here. 459 00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:42,539 You know? It was always gonna 460 00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:44,889 bother me and so, if I couldn't change who I was, 461 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,109 I guess I had to change where I was. 462 00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:50,069 Shoot. I see it now. 463 00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:51,505 I always thought customers liked you 464 00:17:51,679 --> 00:17:52,854 because of your funny little accent 465 00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:54,160 and your so-so jawline. 466 00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:55,509 Thanks? 467 00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:56,945 You're welcome. 468 00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:58,729 But the problem still remains. 469 00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:01,776 How do we get your APT down if you're so damn likable? 470 00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:03,604 - I don't know. - I am entering the break room. 471 00:18:03,865 --> 00:18:05,867 Is anyone using the microwave? 472 00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:08,174 No. 473 00:18:09,262 --> 00:18:11,655 Oh, Paula. 474 00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:13,135 Thank you. 475 00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:16,704 Tickle my Elmo. Under six minutes. 476 00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:18,662 Twice. How'd you do that? 477 00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:22,144 Well, I couldn't change Noa, so I changed his surroundings. 478 00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:24,755 Psst! Trying to tune out the P.A. system. 479 00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:26,540 It transmits at a frequency 480 00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:28,150 that makes you want to kill the mayor. 481 00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:30,631 - Freaking genius, Ceci. - I know. 482 00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:32,459 And now, my debt to you is paid off. 483 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,200 - That's not a thing. - Hmm. 484 00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:36,724 But it sure was nice of Paula to switch windows for you. 485 00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:39,770 Shoot. Now I owe Paula. 486 00:18:39,944 --> 00:18:43,992 Psst! Miss, your immune system is fighting an infection. 487 00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:45,950 I can smell it. 488 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,387 It's not going good. 489 00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:48,692 Paula? 490 00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:50,825 It's time for your lunch break. 491 00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:52,827 Gilbert, make a poop, and we can go. 492 00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:54,263 One big poop. 493 00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:56,483 Go on. You can do this. 494 00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:58,224 I wanted to apologize. 495 00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,182 I really care for Gilbert, 496 00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:02,837 and I promise never to abandon him. 497 00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:05,056 You already abandoned him before you even got him. 498 00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:06,667 This is not happening. 499 00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,538 I understand. 500 00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:11,150 Your standards are high. 501 00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:14,892 Hold on there, dog boy. 502 00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:16,677 We also 503 00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:19,462 have high standards at the DMV. 504 00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:21,247 And if I remember correctly, 505 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:23,292 you came to a rolling stop 506 00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:25,120 at the intersection of Cole and Waring. 507 00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:27,296 - You already passed me. - I did? 508 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,820 - Where is your license? - You're mailing it to me. 509 00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:31,170 We are? 510 00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:32,867 - Aren't you? - You tell us. 511 00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:34,173 You are. 512 00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:36,349 - We're not. - Hey, unfair. 513 00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:37,959 Very unfair. You are being... 514 00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:39,395 Ridiculously unreasonable? 515 00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:41,180 Circuitous logic? 516 00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:43,573 Do you know where you are? 517 00:19:44,357 --> 00:19:45,662 We work at the DMV. 518 00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:48,099 We invented pointless frustration. 519 00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:50,363 I get it. Okay. We can see 520 00:19:50,624 --> 00:19:52,974 if Gilbert is even open to that. I just... 521 00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:55,368 - - Well... Well, okay. - Ah. 522 00:19:55,629 --> 00:19:56,978 Oh, Gilbert. Mmm. 523 00:19:57,152 --> 00:20:00,024 Mmm. So many kisses. 524 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:03,289 - The kissy monster. - Okay, fine. It is actually fine. 525 00:20:03,463 --> 00:20:06,335 - We have the same breath. - You're right. 526 00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:08,772 - He was ready. - Yeah, but, you know, 527 00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:10,992 your challenging him made him rise to the occasion. 528 00:20:11,166 --> 00:20:13,647 Which he could only do because you believed in him. 529 00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:15,605 - He's lucky to have us. - He is. 530 00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:17,259 I will love you forever. 531 00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:18,913 This would never happen with a cat. 532 00:20:19,087 --> 00:20:20,654 - What, happiness? - Come on. 533 00:20:20,828 --> 00:20:22,525 - We were doing so good. - Shh. 534 00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:28,966 Let's go meet everybody. Noa, I want you 535 00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,881 to meet my main man, Gilbert. 536 00:20:31,055 --> 00:20:33,014 Kia ora. Pleased to meet you, Gil. 537 00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:34,668 Ooh, don't call him Gil. 538 00:20:34,885 --> 00:20:36,887 I mean, how would you like it if I called you "No"? 539 00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:39,325 - I'd-I'd feel indifferent. - Okay. 540 00:20:39,499 --> 00:20:42,110 - And that's Paula. - Oh, great. Now he knows my name. 541 00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:44,373 Why don't you just give him my Social Security number? 542 00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,201 Don't pay attention to her. 543 00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:48,595 And this over here is Ceci. 544 00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:50,423 She might be your hot mom one day. 545 00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:53,077 Oh, my God. I like it. 546 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,862 I'm gonna paint your nails. 547 00:20:55,036 --> 00:20:56,298 - Ooh. - Ooh, what color? 548 00:20:56,472 --> 00:20:58,039 Red, to match our bandanas.