1 00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:08,342 {\an8}- [Nikki] Okay. - [Molly chuckles] 2 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,638 {\an8}[both laughing] 3 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,141 {\an8}[Nikki] Yeah. 4 00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:28,612 Okay. Okay. 5 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,864 After you talk to her, I will discuss some options. 6 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,616 Okay. Are you, uh-- 7 00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:34,742 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah? 8 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:35,827 It's my job. 9 00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:46,880 [sniffles] I'll need a second. 10 00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:51,592 [laughing] 11 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:54,221 - [Nikki] Oh, man. - [Molly screams] He can talk. 12 00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,556 - Yeah. - [nurse] Hi. 13 00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:58,724 - Hi. - Hi. 14 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,643 [both chuckle] 15 00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:01,727 I'm Amy. 16 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,230 - Hi. Sorry. - Hi. 17 00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,732 Well, now that Dr. Pankowitz has talked to you, 18 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,778 I'm here to talk to you about hospice. 19 00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,370 What do you mean a hospice? 20 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:25,167 Has Dr. Pankowitz... [stammers] 21 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,253 Shoot. 22 00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:28,422 Eh, shoot, shoot. Um-- 23 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:30,966 You know what? Don't worry about it. 24 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,884 I'm gonna come back later. How about that? 25 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:35,219 [door opens] 26 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:38,014 [Amy] Hi. There was a little misunderstanding and, 27 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,599 I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, I boned this. 28 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,560 Oh, Jesus, Amy! 29 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,895 Molly. Hey. 30 00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:46,064 I'm so sorry you found out this way. 31 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:48,734 Hi. 32 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:50,736 Hi, Molly. 33 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:52,987 [whispering] Dr. P. 34 00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:56,240 Uh, we got the results from the lumbar puncture, 35 00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:59,785 and they showed that the cancer has spread 36 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,872 to the lining of your spinal cord and your brain. 37 00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:03,957 [Molly exhales] 38 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:05,709 So you failed? 39 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:07,335 You said five years. 40 00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:08,961 - I didn't. - He didn't. 41 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,923 I think we're looking at a few weeks to a few months. 42 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:15,301 But we could still do another round of chemotherapy. 43 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,053 We could do... We could do... 44 00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:19,765 What the fuck... Immunotherapy. 45 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:22,476 If that's what you want. 46 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:28,940 I ca... I can't do that. 47 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:32,277 Okay. 48 00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:37,115 - Okay? - Yeah. 49 00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:42,746 I can come back at better time. 50 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,292 Well, fuck, Amy. 51 00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,211 Now we need you. 52 00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,060 Goodbye, Jerry. Thank you. 53 00:03:06,061 --> 00:03:07,270 Bye, Molly. 54 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,105 - Bye, Nikki. - See you around. 55 00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,190 Yeah. 56 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:40,429 Ooh, welcome. 57 00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,640 Let me know if I can help you with anything. 58 00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:47,226 You gals like puzzles? Or books? 59 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,479 I got so many art supplies. 60 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,647 Hey, you can put anything on the walls too. 61 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,232 Just don't drill into 'em. 62 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,860 [chuckles] Yeah. We didn't bring a drill to hospice. 63 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:57,112 Oh, you'd be surprised. 64 00:03:58,363 --> 00:03:59,656 You'd be surprised. 65 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:02,701 [Sonya clears throat] 66 00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:06,455 Hey. 67 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,623 You have the power here. 68 00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:12,919 You tell Amy what you wanna feel and when. 69 00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,005 What I want to feel. 70 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:26,850 [softly] Thank you. 71 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,102 [softly] Thank you. 72 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,489 I want a different room. 73 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,490 I wanna change rooms. 74 00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,909 Hmm. I think they're all pretty much the same, 75 00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:46,660 but we can make this good. 76 00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:47,787 We can decorate. 77 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,663 Not that painting. 78 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,415 That painting's screwed on. 79 00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:53,542 I think it's a masterwork, 80 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:57,713 but why don't you tell me what you think is worst part of this gorgeous painting? 81 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:58,882 The fishermen. 82 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:00,800 No, it's the boat. 83 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:01,885 [Nikki] Hmm. 84 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,596 Actually, the fish. 85 00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,139 Why are there so many fish? 86 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,519 [Nikki] Such an in-your-face, like, obscene amount of fish. 87 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,650 I think my mom is calling. 88 00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:19,236 My phone's not ringing. 89 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,571 [phone ringing] 90 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,281 Hmm. 91 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:27,535 [Nikki gasps] 92 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:28,995 - Is it-- - Oh, my God! 93 00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:30,956 How did you know that? 94 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,500 I think I'm starting to be magic. 95 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:35,669 I believe it. 96 00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:42,926 Mom, hi. 97 00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,137 I'm in hospice. 98 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,265 [Gail] Okay. Okay. 99 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,518 I, uh... I'm here if you need me. 100 00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:56,064 You just tell me when you need me. I'm nearby. 101 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,023 Where are you? 102 00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,235 - [elevator dings] - I'm in the lobby. 103 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,404 Of the hospital? 104 00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:06,198 - Yes. - Of this hospital? 105 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,411 I'm in the lobby. How many times do I have to say it? 106 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,872 Where else was I going to be? 107 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,626 I want you here, Mom. 108 00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,881 - Hi, there. Are you-- - Gail. My name is Gail. 109 00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,014 Mom! 110 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:34,895 Mom. 111 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:39,524 [Molly cries] 112 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,444 Oh, baby girl. 113 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:44,905 My baby girl. 114 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,170 [Amy] Hey. 115 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,546 That kid over there was wondering 116 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,550 if he could play with that puzzle for a little while. 117 00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,011 No. 118 00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:12,849 No. Okay. I'll tell him that. 119 00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:16,311 She wants to stick with it. 120 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,021 Is she dying? 121 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:20,231 No. 122 00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,024 But neither are you. 123 00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:24,318 Neither am I, so let's just be cool. 124 00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,403 How about search a word? 125 00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:29,157 [door opens] 126 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,993 Hi, Gail. I'm just... 127 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,329 I just need to get my bag. 128 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:40,376 The nurse is gonna bring a cot in so I can sleep here. 129 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,295 Oh, good, Gail. 130 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,883 Well, I'll just be in the, um... 131 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,386 the waiting room finishing my puzzle. 132 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:52,972 - Nikki. - Yeah. 133 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,351 What you've done for her... 134 00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:58,436 [Nikki] Oh... 135 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:09,655 Uh, who's taking care of your dogs while you're gone? 136 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,408 Scotty, my lover. 137 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:19,249 Would you... Would you like to finish your puzzle in here? 138 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,047 [Nikki] This is cheese. 139 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,717 This is lemon. 140 00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:32,386 Lemon! No, cheese. 141 00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:35,097 [Gail] This is sun. 142 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,099 We're gonna have to start another pile for the sun. 143 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,183 I'll do sun. 144 00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,227 [Nikki] Okay, good. And can you also do the mouse? 145 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,814 [Gail] Oh, I'd love to do the mouse. Thank you. 146 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:51,072 What happened to your hair? 147 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:52,656 What? 148 00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:53,742 [gasps] 149 00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,785 - Wait, is there something weird about it? - Yeah. 150 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,079 Oh, my God! What did you do to me? 151 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,415 It wasn't me, man! 152 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,459 It just seems like you might be coming down with something. 153 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:06,253 - She always wanted pink hair. - She wouldn't let me. 154 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:08,047 [chuckles] It looks dope. 155 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,132 Thank you. 156 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:13,010 So, as you are filling out those forms, 157 00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:16,389 who would like to hear about what happens when you're dying? 158 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,768 That's good enough for me. 159 00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:24,856 Death is not a mystery. It is not a medical disaster. 160 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:27,776 It is a bodily process, 161 00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:29,402 like giving birth, 162 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,114 or like going to the bathroom, or coughing, 163 00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:34,741 having an orgasm. 164 00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,161 'Cause your body knows what to do. 165 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,330 Your body knows how to die! 166 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:41,956 How cool is that? 167 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,752 Okay. Here's what to expect. 168 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,464 In the last month of your life, you're gonna stop getting out of bed. 169 00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:53,343 You're gonna to eat and drink a lot less, and you're gonna sleep a lot more. 170 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,677 Uh, delirium is common. 171 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:58,223 And some people say they get this feeling like... 172 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,974 time stops being real. 173 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,976 Is that something that you've been feeling? 174 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,603 - Yes! - Yes. 175 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,688 Okay. Two to three weeks out, 176 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:09,067 you're gonna need help with all daily activities. 177 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,777 But my favorite part of the dying process is-- 178 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:12,986 Amy! 179 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:16,657 I know. I've been talked to about my enthusiasm. 180 00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,075 I should dial it back. Sorry. 181 00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:19,910 It doesn't work for me right now. 182 00:10:19,911 --> 00:10:21,370 Should I keep going? 183 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:23,706 Yeah. But will you hold my hand? 184 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:36,302 Your body knows what's coming and it goes into a state of ketosis, 185 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:39,429 which decreases hunger and pain 186 00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:42,767 and it increases the sense of euphoria. 187 00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:44,935 And when you start active dying-- 188 00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,728 What's active dying? 189 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:49,940 [Amy] Oh, active dying is a sacred time. 190 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:53,027 At least it used to be, and it still is in some parts of the world. 191 00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,029 It's the moment when you're very close to death, 192 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,699 and your body starts shutting down. 193 00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,076 How's everyone doing? 194 00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,745 I'm looking at you, Gail. 195 00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:07,250 If, uh, Molly wants to hear it, 196 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,626 I can hear it. 197 00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,504 You guys, come here. 198 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,809 I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. 199 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,979 [Amy] In active dying, you won't be fully conscious. 200 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,981 And your jaw muscles will relax. 201 00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:33,400 Your breathing changes. 202 00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:36,279 And there might be this gurgling at the back of your throat, 203 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:41,200 caused by something, unfortunately, called terminal secretions. 204 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,951 [Molly chuckling] 205 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,037 [Amy] I know. 206 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,168 And when you are very close to death, 207 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:57,050 your breathing goes into a cycle of deep slow breaths and long pauses. 208 00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:01,012 And then eventually, there's a breath out... 209 00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:03,932 that is not followed by a breath in. 210 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,226 And that's it. 211 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,483 - Hey. - Yeah, yeah. 212 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:17,402 [whispering] Can you make sure that my mouth isn't open when I die? 213 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:18,780 Okay. 214 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,908 Just don't bite me. 215 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,743 Why would I bite you? 216 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,537 I don't know why I need you to tell me this, 217 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,374 but please say that you won't bite me. 218 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,500 How long have you had that fear? 219 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:32,709 I understand that you would not. 220 00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:35,879 It's very intense in here. I... It's an irrational fear! 221 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,215 [Amy] Okay. And at a certain time, 222 00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:40,343 if you're just feeling too weak or... 223 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,762 you know, too much pain or you're just done, 224 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:47,849 you can talk to me about sedating you, but then you'll be unconscious. 225 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:50,560 I-I wanna feel everything for as long as I can. 226 00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:51,812 Okay, good. 227 00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,772 Wait, I forgot to tell you about the rally! 228 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,066 God! Jesus! 229 00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,025 The last week of life, 230 00:12:57,026 --> 00:13:00,280 some people experience what's called the rally. 231 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:04,742 And it's this just surge of energy and mental clarity. 232 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,995 So enjoy the rally. 233 00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:12,083 Just know that you're another step closer to death, okay? 234 00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,420 I fucking love your vibe, Amy! 235 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,172 You're nuts, man! 236 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,518 I didn't know if you were gonna wanna see me. 237 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,272 Honestly, 238 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,107 I just like making you cry. 239 00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,192 [both chuckle] 240 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,156 Cool. 241 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:47,368 You in pain? 242 00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:53,082 Yeah. 243 00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,713 I had a lot of stuff that I wanted to tell you in here, 244 00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:01,549 but I'm blanking on everything. 245 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,555 Um, Beth is pregnant. 246 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:10,183 Oh, that's so good. 247 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,560 - Yeah. - Yeah. 248 00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,564 I've been reading a lot of baby books. 249 00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:19,858 And did you know for the first few months 250 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:23,362 they think everything they see is a part of them? 251 00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:25,322 Isn't that wild? 252 00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:27,365 Like, they don't know the difference between themselves 253 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:28,826 and the rest of the world. 254 00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,079 Wow. Yeah, I like that. 255 00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:33,915 [Steve] Yeah. 256 00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:35,833 Me too. 257 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:45,927 [sighs] 258 00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:08,866 [rattling] 259 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:20,044 [clock ticking] 260 00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:25,799 [ticking continues] 261 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:29,094 - [waves crashing] - [gulls squawking] 262 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,304 [bell ringing] 263 00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:32,390 Hey! 264 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:34,933 [ticking fades] 265 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,601 Hey, Johnny! 266 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,312 The fish are really biting today, huh? 267 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:43,276 Time to get all these goddamn fish! 268 00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:52,200 - Molly. - Molly. 269 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,536 Molly. Hi. 270 00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:58,875 - [Molly] Oh. - [penis chittering] 271 00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,796 Oh, bye, little fella. 272 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,549 Mom! 273 00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:08,801 Look at this! 274 00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:10,635 Wake up. 275 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,053 - Mom, wake up! - [chicken clucking] 276 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,138 Wake up! 277 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,891 Molly, I'm here! 278 00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:17,726 - [Gail] Molly. - Mom. 279 00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:19,811 [baby giggling] 280 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,771 - Good morning, Molly. - I've got your morning pills... 281 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,773 - Good morning, Molly. - ...check on your blood pressure. 282 00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,275 - ...your left arm. - Molly, over here! 283 00:16:25,276 --> 00:16:27,694 [clamoring] 284 00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,571 [♪ jazz music playing] 285 00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:30,656 [baby giggling] 286 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:35,744 [vocalizes] ♪ Time isn't real ♪ 287 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,913 ♪ It's a circle ♪ [vocalizes] 288 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:41,666 ♪ You're gonna die pretty soon ♪ 289 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:42,834 [dog barking] 290 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,920 [Dr. Pankowitz vocalizing continues] 291 00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,505 [laughter] 292 00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:50,509 [Molly vocalizing continues] 293 00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:55,389 [audio fades] 294 00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,976 I've been having these visions. 295 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:05,273 Like, shit is flying off the walls and rotating around the room. 296 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,942 Wow! 297 00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:10,278 Like, it felt like I was unlinking or something. 298 00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,365 Like from the world? 299 00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:16,701 Yeah, and also from, like, time? 300 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,036 [Nikki] Hmm. 301 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,205 Like... 302 00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:22,999 I think everything exists at once. 303 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,044 Like, I'm talking to you, 304 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:28,880 but I'm also talking to every version of you I've ever known. 305 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,966 And it's all in the room with me. 306 00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:32,051 Holy shit. 307 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:36,264 Like the version of me from 2009 when I got the same hairstyle as you? 308 00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:38,599 Yeah. 309 00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:41,560 Is it scary? 310 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:42,645 No. 311 00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:45,982 I can see how much pain she's in. 312 00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,150 What should I do? 313 00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:49,944 Well, take a breath. 314 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:54,322 'Cause it is very common for people to hold on 315 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,199 when they're waiting for something to resolve 316 00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:00,454 or they're just concerned about causing their loved one a lot of pain. 317 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,332 You think she's worried about you? 318 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,002 [sighs] 319 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:07,920 No. 320 00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:11,799 Not me. 321 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,552 [Molly] I just wish I could see into the future. 322 00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,887 [sighs] I wish I could see you when you're old. 323 00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:21,224 Oh, that? I mean, we're basically almost there. 324 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:24,311 That's gonna be exactly whatever you think it's gonna be. 325 00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:29,691 It's like, "Oh, hello. I take art classes at the museum, 326 00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:32,987 and I have loose mints that are rolling around in my purse. 327 00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:36,448 And I... My breath smells like crayons, 328 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:40,452 and my farts sound like little marbles being dropped on a floor." 329 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,829 [Nikki laughing] 330 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,582 [both laugh] 331 00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,083 I wish... 332 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,919 I wish you could be there for that too. 333 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,675 [cries] 334 00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:01,307 Did you call Noah yet to tell him? 335 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,559 No. I'm... 336 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,978 - No. - [phone wolf whistles] 337 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,397 Oh, hey. [chuckles] 338 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,357 I just matched with someone. 339 00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,943 Oh. Whew. Just in the nick of time. 340 00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:15,487 Oh. 341 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,572 Look at that. 342 00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:18,156 "What are you up to?" 343 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,241 [Nikki laughs] 344 00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:22,036 Um, funny that you asked. 345 00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:24,246 Where have you been all my life? 346 00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,258 [Nikki] Yeah. 347 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,344 [gasps] 348 00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,431 This is a corner piece. Yes! 349 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,432 And that's for me. 350 00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:45,559 Hey. 351 00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:47,478 Hi. 352 00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:51,147 What's... What are you doing here? 353 00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:52,358 Gail called me. 354 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:55,276 Molly wanted me to play percussion for her. 355 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,738 Gail said she's been listening to a lot of classical music. 356 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,658 - [Noah] Hey, man. - Hey. 357 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,451 - I don't want to put this on you... - I thought it would be a nice surprise. 358 00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:05,745 ...but it is actually insane what is going on here. 359 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:07,330 She broke into my phone. 360 00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:09,708 Guilty. I used her face. 361 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,710 - Mom. - While I was sleeping, she did that to me. 362 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,671 Is this real, or am I hallucinating again? I hope it's real. 363 00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:17,132 And her master plan was to get in touch with Noah 364 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:20,009 and then she wanted me to get back together with him, 365 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,261 so that you would be happy. 366 00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:22,762 I'm not... I'm not really sure. 367 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:23,973 Mom. 368 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,183 You said you would be respectful of boundaries. 369 00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:28,852 With you, not Nikki. 370 00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:30,061 [sighs] Oh, my God. 371 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:33,858 She thinks that you're worried about leaving me alone. 372 00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:39,237 If that's the case, you can completely not worry about me. 373 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:43,783 Like, I am gonna be okay, and I'm cool. Like, I'm good. 374 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,744 Just don't, don't even keep that in your mind. 375 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,704 I'm not... I'm good. I'm okay. 376 00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,539 Okay, well, I hope not that okay. 377 00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:50,624 [Nikki chuckles] 378 00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:53,836 Noah. 379 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,547 I'm sorry that I asked her to do this with me 380 00:20:57,548 --> 00:20:59,799 right when you were beginning to make a life together. 381 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,635 Oh, I'm not sorry. 382 00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:04,054 She loves you. 383 00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:06,640 With everything that she has. 384 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,684 I'm not sorry about that. 385 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,437 I think that you should break up with your girlfriend. 386 00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:13,521 It's my dying wish. 387 00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,982 Whoa. Don't break up with your girlfriend. That's... I don't-- 388 00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:17,650 You should break up with your girlfriend 389 00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:19,986 or I'll haunt the shit out of you in your dreams. 390 00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:21,571 - Why is everyone being insane? - We broke up. 391 00:21:21,572 --> 00:21:23,072 - [gasps] Oh, Okay. - [gasps] 392 00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:24,158 [Gail] Oh. 393 00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:25,784 [Noah] Yeah. 394 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:26,951 - When did you break up? - Gail... 395 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:27,952 When did you break up? 396 00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:30,872 Um, like a week ago. So... 397 00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:31,790 [Nikki] Hmm. 398 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,458 - Yeah, I didn't... That doesn't mean... - Oh, no. 399 00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:34,709 I know. Of course not. 400 00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:36,836 I didn't come to hospice today trying to hook up. 401 00:21:36,837 --> 00:21:38,297 That's not... No. 402 00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,258 You've got a big instrument. 403 00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:44,135 - Oh, God. - Yeah. Thanks, Gail. 404 00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:46,471 Um... You wanna see what I can do with it? 405 00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:47,639 - No. - No. 406 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,557 No. 407 00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:57,942 If you gotta go, you can... You don't have to... 408 00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:01,403 - Or you can wait. Okay. - I want to. 409 00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:10,704 I... 410 00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:15,209 I didn't think that I was capable... 411 00:22:16,126 --> 00:22:18,045 of loving someone this much. 412 00:22:22,925 --> 00:22:24,718 But I know I can now. 413 00:22:28,055 --> 00:22:29,056 [Nikki whispering] It's nice. 414 00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:32,017 Yeah, that's how I felt when Winter was born. 415 00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:34,687 - Hmm. - It's crazy. It's... Yeah. 416 00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:37,106 Yeah. 417 00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:42,277 For me, it's like I'm never gonna be there at the start of someone's life, 418 00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:43,696 like at the beginning. 419 00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:48,659 But I am gonna be there at the end. 420 00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:54,915 And I'm just gonna love this person right up until the end. 421 00:22:57,751 --> 00:22:58,752 That's amazing, Nikki. 422 00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:07,928 Probably go ahead and love you too. 423 00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:18,355 FYI. [chuckles] 424 00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:23,485 Got it. 425 00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:34,872 [scoffs] Oof. 426 00:23:45,507 --> 00:23:48,010 [phone buzzes] 427 00:23:49,178 --> 00:23:50,179 That's him. 428 00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:54,807 I don't wanna go, but I got a five-star rating, 429 00:23:54,808 --> 00:23:55,935 and I'm not gonna fuck with that. 430 00:23:56,602 --> 00:23:58,269 - I understand. - Yeah, I know. 431 00:23:58,270 --> 00:23:59,355 I know you do. 432 00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:01,774 Walk me out? 433 00:24:04,026 --> 00:24:05,527 [♪ "Heart and Soul" playing] 434 00:24:07,613 --> 00:24:10,114 ♪ I wasn't in the running, I wasn't in the race ♪ 435 00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:12,492 ♪ You move in a way That I've known before ♪ 436 00:24:12,493 --> 00:24:15,453 ♪ Now I want your love, heart and soul ♪ 437 00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:18,665 - ♪ Tired eyes, tears that dried ♪ - ♪ Leaving you ain't easy now ♪ 438 00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:21,459 - ♪ On the bed where the love has died ♪ - ♪ Loving you's the harder part ♪ 439 00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:23,836 - ♪ Through the door you go - ♪ You never want me for myself ♪ 440 00:24:23,837 --> 00:24:26,506 ♪ Now I've needed you right From the very start ♪ 441 00:24:26,507 --> 00:24:28,508 ♪ Everything you said was to the point ♪ 442 00:24:28,509 --> 00:24:31,844 - ♪ Oh, won't you even try to? ♪ - ♪ Can't you try to? ♪ 443 00:24:31,845 --> 00:24:34,555 ♪ Give a little bit of heart and soul ♪ 444 00:24:34,556 --> 00:24:36,849 ♪ Give a little bit of love to grow ♪ 445 00:24:36,850 --> 00:24:39,352 ♪ Give a little bit of heart and soul ♪ 446 00:24:39,353 --> 00:24:42,605 ♪ And don't you make me beg for more ♪ 447 00:24:42,606 --> 00:24:45,109 ♪ Give a sign, I need to know ♪ 448 00:24:45,943 --> 00:24:48,069 ♪ A little bit of heart and soul ♪ 449 00:24:48,070 --> 00:24:49,654 Whoa. 450 00:24:49,655 --> 00:24:51,323 What is going on here? 451 00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:53,950 It's the rally! 452 00:24:53,951 --> 00:24:55,827 We think it's the rally. 453 00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:58,246 ♪ That was the heart Of the love we shared ♪ 454 00:24:58,247 --> 00:25:00,581 - ♪ Do you keep a secret left untold? ♪ - ♪ Is all that I need ♪ 455 00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:03,334 ♪ Can't give love, heart or soul ♪ 456 00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:06,087 ♪ I used to have a lover With a Midas touch ♪ 457 00:25:06,088 --> 00:25:08,881 ♪ I turned to gold but he turned to dust ♪ 458 00:25:08,882 --> 00:25:11,092 ♪ Left me for another, I turned to stone ♪ 459 00:25:11,093 --> 00:25:14,220 ♪ Now give me love, heart and soul ♪ 460 00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:17,390 - ♪ Tired eyes, tears that dried ♪ - ♪ Living in a fantasy ♪ 461 00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:20,268 ♪ There's never any room to breathe ♪ 462 00:25:20,269 --> 00:25:22,520 ♪ Hoping every waking hour ♪ 463 00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:24,939 ♪ You'll turn around And say that we can start ♪ 464 00:25:24,940 --> 00:25:27,108 ♪ Everything you did just said it all ♪ 465 00:25:27,109 --> 00:25:30,570 - ♪ Oh, won't you even try to? ♪ - ♪ Can't you try to? ♪ 466 00:25:30,571 --> 00:25:33,239 ♪ Give a little bit of heart and soul ♪ 467 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,909 ♪ Give a little bit of love to grow ♪ 468 00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:45,294 [Sonya grunts] 469 00:25:53,052 --> 00:25:54,219 How's the water, honey? 470 00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:59,223 It's good. [sighs] 471 00:25:59,224 --> 00:26:00,517 I'm gonna be outside. 472 00:26:01,310 --> 00:26:03,478 The labor and delivery nurse told me you have 20 minutes, 473 00:26:03,479 --> 00:26:06,106 and then a rich person's gonna come have a baby in here. 474 00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:09,902 Yeah. 475 00:26:11,779 --> 00:26:15,157 [door opens, closes] 476 00:26:17,451 --> 00:26:18,452 [Molly gasps] 477 00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:25,459 I thought it would feel good. 478 00:26:27,044 --> 00:26:28,753 But it just hurts. 479 00:26:28,754 --> 00:26:30,172 [Gail] Oh, honey. 480 00:26:32,841 --> 00:26:34,259 [Molly breathes heavily] 481 00:26:42,142 --> 00:26:43,684 I think I'm ready. 482 00:26:43,685 --> 00:26:44,853 [Nikki sighs] 483 00:26:47,022 --> 00:26:49,149 - [softly] Okay. - [sighs] 484 00:26:50,317 --> 00:26:51,318 [Gail] Good. 485 00:26:52,027 --> 00:26:55,947 I'll go back to the room... 486 00:26:55,948 --> 00:26:57,241 and talk to Amy. 487 00:26:58,283 --> 00:27:00,869 Maybe she'll have some sedation option. 488 00:27:05,833 --> 00:27:06,959 Mom... 489 00:27:17,678 --> 00:27:18,679 I know. 490 00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:22,474 I already know. 491 00:27:26,895 --> 00:27:29,231 Anything you could say to me, 492 00:27:31,275 --> 00:27:32,526 I already know. 493 00:27:57,759 --> 00:27:58,760 [door opens, closes] 494 00:28:12,232 --> 00:28:14,985 My body did a really good job. 495 00:28:15,527 --> 00:28:16,528 Oh... 496 00:28:17,863 --> 00:28:19,280 It did so good. 497 00:28:19,281 --> 00:28:20,365 [sighs] 498 00:28:33,587 --> 00:28:37,424 [Amy] Okay, I have the first dose here for you. 499 00:28:38,216 --> 00:28:41,552 Gonna ease your pain. It's gonna make your breathing so much easier. 500 00:28:41,553 --> 00:28:43,263 [breathes heavily] 501 00:28:48,810 --> 00:28:50,436 [Molly] Know what? 502 00:28:50,437 --> 00:28:51,939 Honestly, 503 00:28:54,900 --> 00:28:56,901 it's not that fucking serious. 504 00:28:56,902 --> 00:28:58,236 [chuckles] 505 00:29:00,656 --> 00:29:02,199 Let's get this show on the road. 506 00:29:03,784 --> 00:29:04,910 I'm kind of excited. 507 00:29:07,162 --> 00:29:10,082 You know how many plans and trips... 508 00:29:11,291 --> 00:29:13,794 I've had to cancel because I wasn't feeling well? 509 00:29:16,630 --> 00:29:22,386 And now it's like I get to go on a trip that's just for me. 510 00:29:24,888 --> 00:29:26,807 - Yeah. - [Amy] Okay. 511 00:30:03,510 --> 00:30:06,513 I am so proud of you. 512 00:30:07,848 --> 00:30:09,266 And I love you. 513 00:30:10,684 --> 00:30:14,104 And I am so grateful for you. 514 00:30:19,234 --> 00:30:24,531 You are my favorite person in the whole wide world. 515 00:31:02,194 --> 00:31:04,196 [Molly wheezes] 516 00:31:14,372 --> 00:31:15,373 [wheezes] 517 00:31:20,128 --> 00:31:21,630 [wheezes] 518 00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:34,350 [Molly inhales] 519 00:31:34,351 --> 00:31:36,645 [gurgles] 520 00:31:38,522 --> 00:31:39,523 I'm here. 521 00:31:40,273 --> 00:31:41,608 I'm here and I got you. 522 00:31:44,194 --> 00:31:48,907 [Molly exhales] 523 00:32:22,732 --> 00:32:23,733 Oh, shit. 524 00:32:48,049 --> 00:32:49,801 [whispering] Thank you for not biting me. 525 00:33:07,444 --> 00:33:09,321 [actor] Our revels now are ended. 526 00:33:10,947 --> 00:33:13,449 These are actors, 527 00:33:13,450 --> 00:33:17,203 As I foretold you, were all spirits 528 00:33:17,204 --> 00:33:19,998 And melted in the air, into thin air: 529 00:33:20,624 --> 00:33:23,835 And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, 530 00:33:24,419 --> 00:33:28,965 The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces, 531 00:33:30,342 --> 00:33:33,887 The solemn temples, the great globe itself, 532 00:33:34,679 --> 00:33:36,263 Shall dissolve 533 00:33:36,264 --> 00:33:40,226 And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, 534 00:33:40,227 --> 00:33:42,312 Leave not a rack behind. 535 00:33:43,438 --> 00:33:47,816 We are such stuff As dreams are made of, and our little life 536 00:33:47,817 --> 00:33:49,611 Is rounded with a sleep. 537 00:33:59,579 --> 00:34:01,205 [pedestrian] No! [laughs] 538 00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:02,999 You're terrible. I can't... 539 00:34:03,750 --> 00:34:05,918 [chuckles] Tell me... 540 00:34:05,919 --> 00:34:07,504 [♪ "Calling for You" playing] 541 00:34:08,588 --> 00:34:09,838 [Noah] Hey. 542 00:34:09,839 --> 00:34:11,132 Sorry we're late. 543 00:34:12,842 --> 00:34:15,135 Hi, Winter. How's school? 544 00:34:15,136 --> 00:34:16,428 [audio fades out] 545 00:34:16,429 --> 00:34:21,851 ♪ Well, I woke up This morning without you ♪ 546 00:34:22,936 --> 00:34:26,690 ♪ Don't ask me how, but I got through ♪ 547 00:34:28,149 --> 00:34:32,362 ♪ The floor of this room I've been pacing ♪ 548 00:34:33,196 --> 00:34:36,700 ♪ Trying to drown out The sound my heart is making ♪ 549 00:34:37,409 --> 00:34:40,787 ♪ It's calling for you ♪ 550 00:34:43,331 --> 00:34:48,461 ♪ Well, I woke up This morning without you ♪ 551 00:34:49,504 --> 00:34:53,466 ♪ Don't ask me how, but I got through ♪ 552 00:34:54,676 --> 00:34:58,722 ♪ The floor of this room, I was pacing ♪ 553 00:34:59,973 --> 00:35:03,976 ♪ Trying to drown out The sound my heart was making ♪ 554 00:35:03,977 --> 00:35:08,064 ♪ It was calling for you ♪ 555 00:35:09,858 --> 00:35:18,073 ♪ Calling for you ♪ 556 00:35:18,074 --> 00:35:23,246 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪