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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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- What you doing?
- I'm working.
2
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You're not gonna get much done
with the TV on.
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- What are you, my mother?
- Your mother says that too?
4
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Listen, when you write music
for a living...
5
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...you have to wait for inspiration.
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Nope, not yet.
7
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Charlie, wanna come
to the movies with us?
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He can't. He's working.
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- On what, liver failure?
- Wonderful.
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He's my mother, you're my doctor.
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Oh, I assume you finished reading
Lord of the Flies for your book report.
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Oh, good. How'd you like it?
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I thought it was
a timeless American classic.
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I see. So tell me, what's it about?
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- You mean the book?
- Yeah, the book.
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It's called Lord of the Flies...
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...and it's about a really big fly...
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...that all the other flies pray to.
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- And you thought he didn't read it.
- Oh, I was just joking.
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It's more like Charlotte's Web,
but from the fly's point of view.
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You've had more than a week.
Why didn't you read the book?
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- I've been waiting for inspiration.
- Attaboy.
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Okay, how's this for inspiration?
We're not going to the movies...
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...and you're not doing anything
until you finish reading that book.
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- That's not fair.
- Course it's fair. We had a deal.
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- You didn't keep your end of it.
- Oh, so now two wrongs make a right?
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Bet you didn't see that one coming.
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You're really gonna like this book
if you give it a chance.
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It's about kids
stranded on a deserted island.
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- How'd they get stranded?
- Their plane crashes.
31
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Oh, really. And then what happens?
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This one kid named Ralph becomes their
leader, and they form this society, and...
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Just read the book.
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- One big fly, huh?
- Hey, I took a shot.
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Hi.
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- Charlie's working, Rose.
- Oh, what about Jake?
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He's studying.
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- Hey, do you like smoked salmon?
- I guess.
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Good. Then this is for you.
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- I don't know what to say.
- Neither do I, most of the time.
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But then I start talking,
and stuff just comes out.
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So, what are you doing
this fine Saturday night?
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I was supposed go to the movies
with Jake...
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...but he didn't
do his homework, so...
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So you're punishing him by sitting out
here all by yourself, alone and miserable.
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What a good dad.
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If you still wanna go to the movies,
I'll go with you.
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- You and me? Like a...? Like a date?
- Alan, are you asking me out?
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- I don't think so.
- Okay.
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That was a little awkward.
Come on, we'll catch an early show.
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Oh, all right. All right, why not.
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I'll sneak in the salmon
under my sweater.
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Good. That way, we don't have to pay
for that overpriced movie fish.
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- Hey. What you doing?
- Working.
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How do you know
when you're on a break?
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That's the thing about being a grownup,
my little friend: You don't get breaks.
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Is this the new
Oshikuru: Demon Samuraï?
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- Yeah.
- What are you doing with it?
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It's being turned into a cartoon, and they
asked me to write the theme song.
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- Awesome.
- Yeah?
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- Wanna hear what I got so far?
- Sure.
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So I'll be, like, the first kid in the world
to hear this.
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Yep.
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Now, this is just a rough version,
but you get an idea of the feel of it.
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Okay.
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Oh, oh, oh, oh, Oshikuru
Oh, oh, oh, oh, Oshikuru
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My, oh, my
He's a demon samurai
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Who 's the guy who had to die?
Oshikuru
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Boy. That really blows.
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Excuse me?
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- Did you even read the comic?
- Yeah, I looked it over.
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Oh, really? What's it about?
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It's about this guy named Oshikuru,
who dies...
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...and comes back as a,
what do you call it, samurai.
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- And he's a demon.
- No.
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It's about a teenage boy
in a futuristic society...
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...who's possessed by the tortured soul
of a feudal Japanese warrior...
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...condemned to walk the earth
fighting the evil he once embodied.
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So, what's your point?
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He lives in a dark world.
He battles the spirits of the damned.
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Your theme doesn't
capture the mood at all. It just blows.
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- Okay, okay, you said "blows" already.
- Did I say "big baby chunks"?
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All right, fine. Thanks for your input.
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Why don't you go read Lord of the Flies,
and let me do my job.
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Well, if your job is ruining a great
comic book, you can call it a night.
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- I heard that.
- Good.
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Oh, no. What do you wanna bet
Shrek here sits right in front of us.
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Don't worry. It'll be all right.
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You had to eat the chili cheeseburger.
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- That wasn't really necessary.
- You'd have done the same thing for me.
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I'm not so sure.
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- So, Alan, tell me about yourself.
- What would you like to know?
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Everything. I really don't know
that much about you...
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...aside from the fact that you're
Charlie's brother and Jake's dad.
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Graduated from Cal State Long Beach,
married your college sweetheart...
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...and in the middle of the night, when
you're half-asleep, you pee sitting down.
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- Have you been spying on me?
- No, silly.
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I spy on Charlie.
You just get in the way sometimes.
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You know what?
Why don't you tell me about you.
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Well, okay. Well, let's see.
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I, too, pee sitting down,
so we have that in common.
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I come from a wealthy family, so I guess
I've had kind of a sheltered life.
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You know, fancy private schools
and colleges.
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- No kidding.
- What college did you go to?
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Princeton. But just for two years.
106
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- Oh, so you dropped out?
- No, I finished.
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Then I came back to California
to do my master's at Stanford.
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That's amazing.
What's your degree in?
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Behavioral psychology.
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Hey, Jake. Jake, wake up.
I want you to hear something.
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- What?
- I've been working on the song.
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- Good for you.
- Come on. Come listen to it.
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- I'm sleeping.
- Sleep in school, like everybody else.
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I read the comic books cover to cover.
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I know the characters,
I know their world.
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I think I got it. Listen.
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A teenage boy with the spirit inside
Of a samurai warrior who long ago died
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Now he's oh, oh, oh, Oshikuru
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Oh, oh, oh, Oshikuru
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My, oh, my
He's a demon samurai
121
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Who 's the guy who had to die?
Oshikuru
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Still blows.
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Yeah, well, you're still short.
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- Hey.
- Hey.
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Sorry I'm late. We stopped
for a bite to eat after the movie.
126
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- No problem.
- An usher confiscated our fish.
127
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- Hey, can I play you something?
- Sure.
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You know, I had a really good time
with Rose.
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There's a lot more there
than meets the eye.
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Yeah. Cool. Listen to this.
Tell me what you think.
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A teenage boy with the spirit inside
Of a samurai warrior who long ago died
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Now he's oh, oh, oh, Oshikuru
133
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Oh, oh, oh, Oshikuru
134
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My, oh, my
He's a demon samurai
135
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Who 's the guy who had to die?
Oshikuru
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Very nice. It's snappy.
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- You really like it?
- Yeah, yeah. Good work.
138
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Okay, that settles it. It blows.
139
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Berta, you know what's a good book?
Lord of the Flies.
140
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Oh, yeah. I read that
when I was about your age.
141
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- So, what'd you think?
- I liked it.
142
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- It was like Survivor with kids.
- Yeah. I agree.
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- Is Survivor spelled like it sounds?
- Just read the damn book.
144
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- Morning, Berta.
- Morning.
145
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Hey, did you know that Rose
has a master's degree in psychology?
146
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No. Did you know I'm a
founding member of the Mile High Club?
147
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- Really?
- Yeah. Me and Orville at Kitty Hawk.
148
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I'd have done Wilbur too, but we were
only in the air for 90 seconds.
149
00:10:19,199 --> 00:10:22,293
Okay, you're kidding, and it's funny.
150
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But the truth is, you and I
see each other every day...
151
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...and we don't know
much about each other.
152
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So you wanna know what goes on
underneath this gruff exterior.
153
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Whether somewhere inside me,
there's a tiny little girl...
154
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...who once dreamed of being
a famous ballerina.
155
00:10:36,601 --> 00:10:38,266
- Is there?
- Lf there is...
156
00:10:38,442 --> 00:10:41,821
...it's because I accidentally ate one
and haven't passed her yet.
157
00:10:42,332 --> 00:10:45,842
Let me tell you,
I am dreading that tiara.
158
00:10:46,934 --> 00:10:51,860
- Okay. Well, it was nice talking to you.
- Hey, I feel closer.
159
00:10:54,213 --> 00:10:56,509
Oh, are you starting
that book report already?
160
00:10:56,974 --> 00:11:00,103
- Just making notes.
- Good for you. What do you have so far?
161
00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:03,789
Lord of the Flies is kind of like Survivor,
but with kids.
162
00:11:04,922 --> 00:11:07,718
That's an interesting analogy.
What's your favorite part?
163
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When the first kid
gets voted off the island?
164
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Hey, all right.
165
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Stop trying to be friends with Berta.
It just pisses her off.
166
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What doesn't?
167
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Hey, I was gonna do some shopping,
and was hoping you could watch Jake.
168
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- Sure.
- Ready when you are, Alan.
169
00:11:34,581 --> 00:11:37,877
- Be right there. I'll see you later.
- No, wait, wait, wait. Hold on.
170
00:11:38,053 --> 00:11:41,480
- You're going out with Rose again?
- No, I'm not "going out" with her.
171
00:11:41,651 --> 00:11:44,911
- We're just going shopping.
- Morning, Charlie.
172
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:48,426
You haven't forgotten
that she's a little bent, right?
173
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No, I think there's a lot more to her
than that.
174
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:56,492
- Deep down, there's a good person.
- Deep down, there's a few good people.
175
00:11:56,669 --> 00:11:59,429
And all of them are bent.
176
00:12:00,183 --> 00:12:02,478
- He'll be right with you, Rose.
- Okay.
177
00:12:02,651 --> 00:12:05,364
- Charlie, everybody has flaws.
- Flaws?
178
00:12:05,537 --> 00:12:09,047
She Superglued my testicles
to my thigh.
179
00:12:10,432 --> 00:12:13,227
That was the past.
We've all done things we're ashamed of.
180
00:12:13,402 --> 00:12:17,578
She's not ashamed. She took a picture,
then used it for her Christmas card.
181
00:12:19,049 --> 00:12:23,356
Thank God it was an extreme close-up.
Most people thought it was a fruit bat.
182
00:12:25,241 --> 00:12:27,204
Okay, well,
I appreciate your concern...
183
00:12:27,374 --> 00:12:30,218
...but I think Rose is a sweet,
smart, interesting woman.
184
00:12:30,386 --> 00:12:32,884
I enjoy spending time with her.
Meet me out front.
185
00:12:33,231 --> 00:12:34,729
Okey-dokey.
186
00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:42,593
- Hey, what're you doing?
- Reading Lord of the Flies.
187
00:12:42,768 --> 00:12:44,767
Not important.
188
00:12:46,241 --> 00:12:49,334
- Now, listen. You're a kid, right?
- Yeah.
189
00:12:49,504 --> 00:12:51,168
Okay. I'm writing a song for kids.
190
00:12:51,344 --> 00:12:53,843
So assuming that
what I've done already blows...
191
00:12:54,021 --> 00:12:56,067
- It does.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
192
00:12:56,239 --> 00:12:58,820
Assuming that, you need to help me
make it better.
193
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,581
- But I have to do a book report.
- Okay.
194
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,723
I'll help you with the book report.
You help me with the song.
195
00:13:04,898 --> 00:13:08,241
- Quid pro quo.
- No.
196
00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:12,373
"Oshikuru."
197
00:13:15,816 --> 00:13:19,076
Here you go. Raspberry-mango-banana
with a shot of wheatgrass.
198
00:13:19,539 --> 00:13:21,336
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
199
00:13:23,430 --> 00:13:26,225
You know, sometimes
I like to come to the mall...
200
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,576
...and just watch people and make up
stories about who they are...
201
00:13:29,746 --> 00:13:33,208
...and what their lives are like.
- Oh, well, that's fun.
202
00:13:33,386 --> 00:13:37,347
What about that lady over there?
What do you think her life is like?
203
00:13:37,527 --> 00:13:42,250
Well, I'd say she's a smart woman,
but very Ionely.
204
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:46,217
So used to rejection, it's become
like the air she breathes...
205
00:13:46,396 --> 00:13:50,620
...which is all the more sad
because she's got so much to give.
206
00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:56,475
Emotionally, spiritually, sexually.
Especially sexually.
207
00:13:56,645 --> 00:14:01,404
She is ripe, smoldering
and willing to try anything.
208
00:14:10,157 --> 00:14:14,833
- What about that lady over there?
- Her?
209
00:14:15,260 --> 00:14:19,020
Well, let's see.
She's a little tougher to read.
210
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:24,672
I'd say she's a smart woman,
very Ionely.
211
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:29,230
So used to rejection, it's become
like the air she breathes...
212
00:14:30,445 --> 00:14:31,992
...which is all the more sad...
213
00:14:32,161 --> 00:14:36,253
See, even though Oshikuru is for kids,
it's not really a kids' comic.
214
00:14:36,428 --> 00:14:40,223
- It's very mature.
- Okay, I think I got it.
215
00:14:40,402 --> 00:14:43,364
The demons Oshikuru fights
only exist...
216
00:14:43,539 --> 00:14:48,049
...because they are a reflection
of the tortured demons in his own soul.
217
00:14:48,475 --> 00:14:51,188
- Yes.
- So, in essence...
218
00:14:51,362 --> 00:14:55,704
...Oshikuru is like a Japanese
sci-fi version of Moby Dick.
219
00:14:59,268 --> 00:15:02,778
- What?
- You said, "Moby Dick."
220
00:15:04,999 --> 00:15:07,712
I mean, sure, being single
can be Ionely sometimes...
221
00:15:07,886 --> 00:15:12,228
...but it's better than being together
with someone you don't love or respect.
222
00:15:12,404 --> 00:15:17,496
- Is that what your marriage was like?
- Well, according to my ex-wife, it was.
223
00:15:18,637 --> 00:15:20,302
Hey, as long as we're done here...
224
00:15:20,477 --> 00:15:23,523
...why don't we take a drive
down to the beach and take a walk.
225
00:15:23,740 --> 00:15:26,321
- Alan, are you flirting with me?
- Oh, no, no.
226
00:15:26,501 --> 00:15:29,047
I just thought, you know,
since it's a beautiful day...
227
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,100
If you are, it's okay.
228
00:15:32,609 --> 00:15:35,023
- Really?
- Yeah.
229
00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:38,628
There's a lot more to you
than I thought.
230
00:15:39,469 --> 00:15:44,609
- What did you think?
- Oh, let's not spoil the moment.
231
00:15:46,915 --> 00:15:50,544
Okay. So, what do we do now?
232
00:15:50,848 --> 00:15:56,369
- Wanna try kissing?
- Yes, I think we should.
233
00:16:05,071 --> 00:16:08,081
- Okay.
- Yeah.
234
00:16:08,250 --> 00:16:11,962
- Wanna get a room?
- Excuse me?
235
00:16:12,601 --> 00:16:16,230
Or we can go back to my place,
unless you're afraid of ferrets.
236
00:16:17,830 --> 00:16:20,293
- Ferrets?
- Yeah.
237
00:16:20,465 --> 00:16:23,678
I have five of the toothy little guys.
238
00:16:25,569 --> 00:16:29,245
No kidding. Five ferrets.
239
00:16:29,417 --> 00:16:34,855
- Those are like long, furry rats, right?
- Yep.
240
00:16:35,023 --> 00:16:37,486
And they're all named Charlie.
241
00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:41,792
Of course they are.
242
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:45,596
Well, as much as I would
love to meet...
243
00:16:45,774 --> 00:16:48,950
...Charlie and Charlie
and Charlie and Charlie...
244
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,702
- And Charlie.
- Right.
245
00:16:51,881 --> 00:16:56,724
I can't help but wonder, is it worth
putting our friendship at risk?
246
00:16:57,361 --> 00:17:01,323
Well, that's a good question.
Let's think about it for a minute.
247
00:17:03,804 --> 00:17:07,099
How good are you in bed?
Because I'm excellent.
248
00:17:08,531 --> 00:17:13,587
Truthfully, I'm more of
an advanced intermediate.
249
00:17:14,931 --> 00:17:18,227
- Then let's stay friends.
- Yeah, good idea.
250
00:17:19,198 --> 00:17:21,994
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.
251
00:17:22,168 --> 00:17:26,047
What, specifically, turned you off
to the idea of a physical liaison?
252
00:17:26,435 --> 00:17:30,945
Was it the psychosexual fraternal rivalry,
symbolized by the Charlie surrogates?
253
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,250
Or the prospect
of being judged inadequate...
254
00:17:33,421 --> 00:17:36,515
...by a woman who professes to have
superior sexual skills?
255
00:17:36,768 --> 00:17:40,313
Wait a minute. Have you been doing
that behavioral psychology thing on me?
256
00:17:40,491 --> 00:17:42,620
No, don't be silly.
257
00:17:42,792 --> 00:17:48,729
But if I said yes, would that
make you feel A, angry, or B, insecure?
258
00:19:10,766 --> 00:19:13,180
I thought you were gonna
write the report for me.
259
00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:15,691
No, Jake. That would be wrong.
260
00:19:15,869 --> 00:19:18,415
The only way to learn
is to do the work yourself.
261
00:19:19,216 --> 00:19:23,177
Now, these are called Cliff Notes.
262
00:19:25,030 --> 00:19:27,993
Inside is everything you need to know
about Lord of the Flies.
263
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,250
The themes, the characters,
the symbolism.
264
00:19:30,427 --> 00:19:33,390
It's a book report waiting for you
to put your name on it.
265
00:19:36,325 --> 00:19:37,658
Is that legal?
266
00:19:37,831 --> 00:19:40,127
Look around.
Do you see any homework police?
267
00:19:44,148 --> 00:19:47,943
Oh, man. I give you
way too much credit.
268
00:19:52,263 --> 00:19:55,523
Oh, I meant to ask you,
how'd that book report turn out?
269
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:58,739
- I got a D-minus.
- D-minus?
270
00:19:59,124 --> 00:20:03,134
- Didn't you read the Cliff Notes?
- That was 50 pages.
271
00:20:04,395 --> 00:20:07,358
Unbelievable. Your kid's too lazy
to cheat.
272
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:10,537
Has it occurred to you that maybe
he's too honest to cheat?
273
00:20:11,172 --> 00:20:13,254
No, I'm lazy.
274
00:20:13,807 --> 00:20:17,353
- Oshikuru: Demon Samurai.
- Hey, it's on.
275
00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:25,137
Oh, oh, oh, Oshikuru
Oh, oh, oh, Oshikuru
276
00:20:25,311 --> 00:20:30,368
My, oh, my
He's a demon samurai
277
00:20:30,540 --> 00:20:34,336
Who 's the guy who had to die?
Oshikuru
278
00:20:34,514 --> 00:20:38,143
That's not what we wrote.
That's your original, sucky version.
279
00:20:38,614 --> 00:20:41,243
What can I tell you?
The network liked that one better.
280
00:20:41,417 --> 00:20:46,771
- What, are they brain-damaged?
- Welcome to show business, kid.
281
00:20:48,988 --> 00:20:51,321
I still think it's snappy.
282
00:20:54,343 --> 00:20:56,508
Oshikuru