1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:02,705 --> 00:00:04,667 - So, dear... - What? 2 00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:06,674 Do you see anything you like? 3 00:00:06,969 --> 00:00:09,216 I don't know. What's venison? 4 00:00:09,435 --> 00:00:11,349 - Deer. - What? 5 00:00:11,860 --> 00:00:13,738 - Deer. - What? 6 00:00:14,661 --> 00:00:16,872 Deer. D-E-E-R. 7 00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:18,881 What? W-H-A-T. 8 00:00:21,517 --> 00:00:22,848 What's wrong with him? 9 00:00:24,109 --> 00:00:27,532 Jake, it's... It's the deer in the forest, like... Like Bambi. 10 00:00:27,745 --> 00:00:30,123 Oh, cool, let's eat Bambi. 11 00:00:30,881 --> 00:00:33,674 Coming soon to pay-per-view. 12 00:00:38,865 --> 00:00:40,696 Mom, wha...? What are you doing? 13 00:00:41,373 --> 00:00:43,537 - Nothing. - Oh, that's stealing. 14 00:00:44,258 --> 00:00:47,599 Hardly. I'm paying $ 12 for a martini. 15 00:00:47,769 --> 00:00:50,266 They're lucky I don't take a chair. 16 00:00:50,905 --> 00:00:54,162 - You're paying? - Figure of speech, Charles. 17 00:00:54,918 --> 00:00:56,201 Can I take this? 18 00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:57,920 - No. - Oh, come on. 19 00:00:58,388 --> 00:01:00,765 My precious. 20 00:01:00,979 --> 00:01:03,821 Put it down. We do not take things that don't belong to us. 21 00:01:03,989 --> 00:01:07,413 Listen who's taking the moral high ground, Mr. Five-Finger Discount. 22 00:01:07,626 --> 00:01:10,123 - What does that mean? - It doesn't mean anything. 23 00:01:10,302 --> 00:01:14,178 - How do you want your venison? - Does it come with antlers? 24 00:01:14,691 --> 00:01:18,484 Alan, there's no reason your son can't learn from your mistakes. 25 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:20,618 I didn't make a mistake, Mom. 26 00:01:20,836 --> 00:01:22,964 Unbelievable. Twenty-five years later... 27 00:01:23,135 --> 00:01:25,049 ...and he still denies shoplifting. 28 00:01:26,145 --> 00:01:29,153 Oh, I get it. Five-finger discount. Cool. 29 00:01:29,991 --> 00:01:32,488 I did not shoplift, Jake. It was a misunderstanding. 30 00:01:32,834 --> 00:01:34,165 Alan, please. 31 00:01:34,381 --> 00:01:36,675 Walking around a toy store with your brother... 32 00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:39,225 ...and the Silly Putty just jumped in your pocket? 33 00:01:39,397 --> 00:01:41,193 Yes. 34 00:01:42,323 --> 00:01:44,701 Not much of a lie, Dad. 35 00:01:45,626 --> 00:01:47,789 Okay, everybody ready to order? 36 00:01:48,009 --> 00:01:50,172 Is that why you won't let me have Silly Putty? 37 00:01:50,391 --> 00:01:52,389 It's a stupid, pointless toy. 38 00:01:52,607 --> 00:01:54,069 But why'd you steal it? 39 00:01:54,279 --> 00:01:57,988 I didn't. The security guard must have planted it on me to make a bust. 40 00:01:58,167 --> 00:02:00,461 Oh, Alan. 41 00:02:00,633 --> 00:02:04,557 Who in their right mind would plant Silly Putty on a 9-year-old boy? 42 00:02:04,856 --> 00:02:06,853 Who, indeed? 43 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:11,541 - Hey, Jake, you ever eaten snails? - Yeah, sure. 44 00:02:11,753 --> 00:02:13,465 I mean, in a restaurant. 45 00:02:14,387 --> 00:02:15,849 Oh, no. 46 00:02:28,851 --> 00:02:31,812 - You okay? - No. That deer didn't have antlers... 47 00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:34,483 ...when I ate it, but it's sure coming out that way. 48 00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,831 Well, you'll feel better tomorrow. 49 00:02:39,051 --> 00:02:41,214 We should sue that restaurant. 50 00:02:41,768 --> 00:02:45,061 Well, I'll get right on it. Come on. 51 00:02:45,823 --> 00:02:47,202 - Dad? - Yeah. 52 00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:49,617 Did you ever steal a car? 53 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,458 I never stole anything. 54 00:02:51,843 --> 00:02:53,222 It's okay. You could tell me. 55 00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:55,720 I already know you got a rap sheet. 56 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,075 For the last time, I did not take that Silly Putty. 57 00:02:59,242 --> 00:03:02,084 But the experience did teach me a very important lesson. 58 00:03:02,252 --> 00:03:03,536 And you know what that was? 59 00:03:03,757 --> 00:03:07,098 If you get caught, stick to your story, no matter how lame it is? 60 00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:11,152 - No, the lesson was... - Hang on, Dad. 61 00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:12,905 Okay, go ahead. 62 00:03:13,456 --> 00:03:15,369 The lesson was... 63 00:03:15,546 --> 00:03:18,887 Oh, God, Jake. That's... That's awful. 64 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:23,189 Yeah, I wish I could have saved that one for school. 65 00:03:36,322 --> 00:03:38,070 - You too? - Yeah. 66 00:03:38,287 --> 00:03:42,376 Apparently Mom wasn't the only parasite at dinner tonight. 67 00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:45,721 Hey... 68 00:03:45,895 --> 00:03:49,022 ...how much do you remember about the whole Silly Putty incident? 69 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:52,247 Oh, gee, not too much. 70 00:03:53,169 --> 00:03:57,390 I recall you crying when they dragged you into the store manager's office. 71 00:03:58,227 --> 00:04:00,938 Then I went and got a corn dog and an Orange Julius. 72 00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,658 Boy, those were good. 73 00:04:05,836 --> 00:04:07,749 - Remember those? - No, I mean... 74 00:04:07,926 --> 00:04:09,804 ...did you see me take the Silly Putty? 75 00:04:10,225 --> 00:04:13,852 Oh, no, no, I was nowhere near the Silly Putty. 76 00:04:14,071 --> 00:04:17,912 I think I was in the doll section, taking a peek under Barbie's dress. 77 00:04:18,502 --> 00:04:20,714 What a gyp that was. 78 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:24,268 If Jake had been caught shoplifting and told me the story I told... 79 00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,102 ...there's no way I'd believe him. 80 00:04:26,821 --> 00:04:28,902 Well, let's just hope he doesn't get caught. 81 00:04:30,165 --> 00:04:34,505 - Can I tell you a little secret? - Okay. 82 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:38,307 I always knew it wasn't the security guard. 83 00:04:39,864 --> 00:04:41,492 Really? 84 00:04:43,292 --> 00:04:47,763 There's only one rational explanation for how the Silly Putty got in my pants. 85 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:53,357 And what would that be? 86 00:04:57,129 --> 00:05:03,858 That I actually stole it, but my mind couldn't deal with it. 87 00:05:04,486 --> 00:05:07,578 So somehow, I blocked it out. 88 00:05:08,959 --> 00:05:11,635 The human brain, huh? You gotta love it. 89 00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:14,174 That happens, right? You do something horrible... 90 00:05:14,352 --> 00:05:17,526 ...and wake up with no recollection? - Oh, yeah. 91 00:05:18,616 --> 00:05:22,159 And yet there she is, lying right next to you. 92 00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:25,383 You know, that day changed my life. 93 00:05:25,555 --> 00:05:28,433 I mean, ever since, I've had to be on guard against Bad Alan. 94 00:05:29,151 --> 00:05:30,779 I'm sorry, "Bad Alan"? 95 00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:35,750 Yeah, it's... It's what I call my potential for evildoing. 96 00:05:36,717 --> 00:05:39,095 - Oh, God. - It's why I've always worked so hard... 97 00:05:39,267 --> 00:05:43,108 ...to be a good son, a good student, a good person. 98 00:05:43,322 --> 00:05:47,245 And you've succeeded. You are good, good, good. 99 00:05:47,837 --> 00:05:52,094 Well, sure, I turned out great, but at what cost? 100 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:55,645 I mean, do you have any clue how tightly wrapped I've had to be... 101 00:05:55,821 --> 00:05:58,532 ...to keep Bad Alan in check? 102 00:06:02,050 --> 00:06:04,094 I get glimpses. 103 00:06:05,269 --> 00:06:07,848 Well, I suppose I should count my blessings... 104 00:06:08,028 --> 00:06:10,786 ...that I was stopped. Who knows what kind of monster... 105 00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:13,879 ...I would've become if I hadn't been caught with the putty. 106 00:06:14,466 --> 00:06:18,139 But what if the security guard did plant it on you? 107 00:06:18,312 --> 00:06:20,809 That would mean there's no Bad Alan. 108 00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:23,487 That's true. 109 00:06:23,663 --> 00:06:26,076 But I can't afford to take that chance. 110 00:06:30,226 --> 00:06:32,556 None of us can. 111 00:06:41,722 --> 00:06:43,517 He's fine. 112 00:06:48,452 --> 00:06:50,200 Hey, Charlie. 113 00:06:50,835 --> 00:06:51,952 Hey, Rose. 114 00:06:53,343 --> 00:06:56,435 Looks like somebody needs a shoulder to cry on. 115 00:06:56,646 --> 00:06:58,108 No, thank you. 116 00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:00,529 Wanna just make out then? 117 00:07:01,871 --> 00:07:05,545 - Rose... - You're right. That was out of line. 118 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,845 I deserve a spanking. 119 00:07:10,232 --> 00:07:11,778 Okay, what's up? 120 00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:15,280 - Can I trust you with something? - You trust me... 121 00:07:15,458 --> 00:07:17,538 ...with your bank account number. 122 00:07:18,551 --> 00:07:20,429 I never gave you my bank account number. 123 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:23,102 Right, right. Go on. 124 00:07:24,362 --> 00:07:27,619 Have you ever done anything so wrong, so horrible...? 125 00:07:27,831 --> 00:07:29,995 Oh, yeah. 126 00:07:30,674 --> 00:07:33,005 - Let me finish. - I'm sorry. 127 00:07:33,182 --> 00:07:35,429 Something that seemed harmless at the time... 128 00:07:35,607 --> 00:07:38,734 ...yet somehow managed to mess up someone's entire life? 129 00:07:39,411 --> 00:07:41,242 Good question. 130 00:07:41,418 --> 00:07:45,425 I think it's too early to say. Go on. 131 00:07:46,183 --> 00:07:47,597 Well, I have. 132 00:07:47,772 --> 00:07:51,196 Twenty-five years ago, I put Silly Putty in my brother's pants. 133 00:07:51,409 --> 00:07:55,118 Well, if you left it in the egg, it should still be good. 134 00:07:56,634 --> 00:07:59,392 My point is, everybody thought he stole it... 135 00:07:59,602 --> 00:08:01,564 ...and I never told him the truth. 136 00:08:01,776 --> 00:08:03,357 Now you're wracked with guilt... 137 00:08:03,532 --> 00:08:06,991 ...and not sure whether a confession will make things better or worse. 138 00:08:07,169 --> 00:08:09,000 Yes, exactly. 139 00:08:09,635 --> 00:08:12,263 That's a sexy feeling, isn't it? 140 00:08:13,021 --> 00:08:14,685 Come on, Rose. 141 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,323 You want my advice, Charlie? 142 00:08:16,533 --> 00:08:18,280 God help me, yes. 143 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,625 Take your secret to the grave... 144 00:08:20,797 --> 00:08:23,758 ...but leave a manuscript explaining every questionable act... 145 00:08:23,932 --> 00:08:26,226 ...you've committed in a safety-deposit box... 146 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:29,234 ...with instructions for it to be opened at your death... 147 00:08:29,408 --> 00:08:33,415 ...and read in front of all your friends, relatives and former lovers. 148 00:08:35,386 --> 00:08:37,467 I like it. 149 00:08:37,978 --> 00:08:39,357 Good. 150 00:08:40,236 --> 00:08:43,659 Now we can relax and enjoy the evening. 151 00:08:54,198 --> 00:08:56,492 Sing it with me, Charlie. 152 00:09:07,408 --> 00:09:10,035 Three, four, five, six, seven. 153 00:09:10,209 --> 00:09:11,623 - Are you decent? - Yeah. 154 00:09:11,797 --> 00:09:14,091 Three, four, five, six, seven. 155 00:09:15,643 --> 00:09:17,141 What's up? 156 00:09:17,859 --> 00:09:22,163 - Nothing. Just came in to say good night. - Three, four, five, six, seven. 157 00:09:24,213 --> 00:09:25,295 Why? 158 00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:28,011 Three, four, five, six, seven. 159 00:09:29,062 --> 00:09:32,236 Nothing. You just seemed stressed out before, and I was concerned. 160 00:09:32,448 --> 00:09:35,206 Oh, thanks. You're a... You're a good brother. 161 00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,918 Three, four, five, six, seven. 162 00:09:40,015 --> 00:09:41,346 You do that every night? 163 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,315 Are you kidding? After every meal. 164 00:09:43,485 --> 00:09:45,898 Three, four, five, six, seven. 165 00:09:46,327 --> 00:09:48,871 You are tightly wrapped, aren't you? 166 00:09:49,086 --> 00:09:52,297 The price of healthy gums is eternal vigilance. 167 00:09:55,691 --> 00:09:58,652 Oh, God, I can't do this anymore. 168 00:09:59,872 --> 00:10:02,963 - Do what? - I have to tell you something. 169 00:10:03,592 --> 00:10:06,089 - Okay. - Come on out in the bedroom. 170 00:10:06,268 --> 00:10:07,932 All right. 171 00:10:11,786 --> 00:10:14,080 - What you doing? - You'll understand in a minute. 172 00:10:14,252 --> 00:10:17,344 - I thought you had to tell me something. - I do. 173 00:10:18,892 --> 00:10:21,734 There is no Bad Alan. 174 00:10:21,902 --> 00:10:23,150 I stole the Silly Putty... 175 00:10:23,324 --> 00:10:25,867 ...and put it in your pocket when you weren't looking. 176 00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:30,262 - Three, four, five, six, seven. - Damn you to hell! 177 00:10:30,765 --> 00:10:33,226 Come out here and die like a man! 178 00:10:33,775 --> 00:10:37,448 What do you know, there is a Bad Alan. 179 00:10:40,756 --> 00:10:44,347 Hey, Dad, when you got arrested for shoplifting, did they take you to jail? 180 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:49,023 I did not get arrested, and there was no jail. 181 00:10:49,242 --> 00:10:52,833 So I guess you never had to shank a guy to get your props in the yard. 182 00:10:54,802 --> 00:10:57,560 You cracked the parental code on the cable box again. 183 00:10:58,063 --> 00:11:01,939 It's 1-2-3-4. A monkey could crack that. 184 00:11:08,179 --> 00:11:09,807 - Good morning. - Morning. 185 00:11:09,977 --> 00:11:11,474 Why are you walking like that? 186 00:11:11,691 --> 00:11:14,568 I spent the night in the bathroom. 187 00:11:14,993 --> 00:11:17,156 You too, huh? 188 00:11:20,428 --> 00:11:22,555 Tell Jake what you told me last night. 189 00:11:23,856 --> 00:11:25,853 Oh, okay. Sure. 190 00:11:26,029 --> 00:11:28,740 Jake, your father didn't steal the Silly Putty. 191 00:11:28,914 --> 00:11:30,958 - I did. - Really? 192 00:11:31,171 --> 00:11:34,048 Yeah, I stuck it in his pocket, so if anything happened... 193 00:11:34,223 --> 00:11:36,600 ...he'd be the one to get in trouble. 194 00:11:37,693 --> 00:11:39,524 What do you think now, Jake? 195 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,911 I think Uncle Charlie's a genius. 196 00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:45,128 What? No, no. No genius. No, no. 197 00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:48,471 I mean, it's the perfect crime. How did you think of that? 198 00:11:49,189 --> 00:11:50,520 I don't know. 199 00:11:50,694 --> 00:11:54,617 I saw the putty. Your dad was wearing those dorky chinos with the big pockets. 200 00:11:54,790 --> 00:11:57,798 - And a light just went off in my head... - Charlie. 201 00:11:58,636 --> 00:12:02,726 A bad light. A bad, evil light. Because stealing is wrong... 202 00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:05,824 ...and letting somebody else take the blame for it is worse. 203 00:12:06,035 --> 00:12:08,829 Yeah, so Dad was like a decoy. 204 00:12:10,885 --> 00:12:13,048 Well, technically, the term is "mule." 205 00:12:13,268 --> 00:12:16,858 - Mule? Why? - Because he carries stuff. 206 00:12:17,699 --> 00:12:20,909 - Oh, of course... - Okay, okay. 207 00:12:21,085 --> 00:12:24,128 The important thing is, your father never stole in his life. 208 00:12:24,304 --> 00:12:26,634 And your Uncle Charlie is a thief and a coward. 209 00:12:26,854 --> 00:12:29,148 Yeah, but you're a mule. 210 00:12:31,327 --> 00:12:33,740 Are you happy? Go get dressed and washed. 211 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,420 - Can we go to the mall? - Why do you wa...? No. 212 00:12:38,517 --> 00:12:41,014 I need to get a different mule. 213 00:12:42,572 --> 00:12:44,866 Okay, can we please get past this? 214 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,578 No. No, we can't. 215 00:12:46,752 --> 00:12:51,841 I feel betrayed and hurt in ways that I can't even express. 216 00:12:52,020 --> 00:12:54,183 And you think we can just dance past that? 217 00:12:54,402 --> 00:12:56,364 I was hoping. 218 00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,704 Well, I am sorry, but it is not that easy. 219 00:12:58,875 --> 00:13:03,298 I mean, thanks to you, my... My life has been twisted beyond recognition. 220 00:13:03,474 --> 00:13:05,685 I mean, look at me, Charlie. 221 00:13:05,857 --> 00:13:08,864 I'm a... I'm a broke, hopelessly neurotic, middle-aged man... 222 00:13:09,034 --> 00:13:11,411 ...who doesn't know who he is or where he belongs. 223 00:13:11,584 --> 00:13:13,046 I have nothing, Charlie. 224 00:13:13,214 --> 00:13:17,221 - No... No wife, no home, nothing. - Okay. 225 00:13:19,736 --> 00:13:21,982 So should I check back with you after lunch? 226 00:13:26,508 --> 00:13:27,756 What do you want me to do? 227 00:13:27,929 --> 00:13:30,508 I said I was sorry. L... I confessed to Jake. 228 00:13:30,688 --> 00:13:34,529 And I doubt I got more than six, seven hours sleep last night. 229 00:13:34,701 --> 00:13:36,913 Nothing you can do. The damage has been done. 230 00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:39,961 - It can't be undone. - Come on, I'm your brother. 231 00:13:40,178 --> 00:13:43,304 - You're gonna forgive. You always do. - No, no, this is different. 232 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,107 - This is the worst thing you've ever done. - No, it's not. 233 00:13:48,956 --> 00:13:50,335 What do you mean? 234 00:13:52,301 --> 00:13:55,808 Just making conversation. 235 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:02,201 - Hey, Mom. - Charlie, what are you doing here? 236 00:14:02,417 --> 00:14:06,507 - In the neighborhood. Thought I'd visit. - Why? 237 00:14:08,479 --> 00:14:11,902 - I don't know. I'm your son. - And...? 238 00:14:12,701 --> 00:14:16,078 - And I was hoping we could talk. - About? 239 00:14:18,428 --> 00:14:20,259 May I please just come in? 240 00:14:20,476 --> 00:14:22,973 Are you fleeing from the law? 241 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,989 - I'm not fleeing from anyone, Mom. - Well, keep it in mind. 242 00:14:27,165 --> 00:14:30,589 No one would ever think to look for you at your mother's house. 243 00:14:32,265 --> 00:14:35,772 - I get your point. I don't visit enough. - You don't visit at all. 244 00:14:36,529 --> 00:14:38,110 And I'm riddled with guilt. 245 00:14:38,536 --> 00:14:40,949 Oh, you're just saying that to make me feel better. 246 00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:44,845 So, what's up? 247 00:14:45,015 --> 00:14:46,977 You know how the other night at dinner... 248 00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:49,311 ...we were talking about the Silly Putty deal? 249 00:14:50,199 --> 00:14:52,910 Did that venison disagree with you? 250 00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:55,708 Yeah, that's not what I came to talk about. 251 00:14:56,219 --> 00:14:59,429 I've got a good mind to sue that restaurant. 252 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:04,324 - Yeah, anyway, about the Silly Putty... - What about it? 253 00:15:05,541 --> 00:15:08,085 Alan didn't steal it. I did. 254 00:15:09,512 --> 00:15:11,759 I put it in his pocket. 255 00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:15,438 You framed your baby brother? 256 00:15:17,330 --> 00:15:18,993 How could you? 257 00:15:19,211 --> 00:15:21,338 I know, I know. It was a rotten thing to do. 258 00:15:21,552 --> 00:15:25,178 Rotten? It's unspeakable. 259 00:15:25,774 --> 00:15:28,984 Do you have any idea what you put me through? 260 00:15:30,999 --> 00:15:33,461 - You? - First the embarrassment... 261 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:36,926 ...of people thinking that I'd spawned a petty thief. 262 00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:41,401 Then all the trouble I went to trying to figure out clever ways... 263 00:15:41,576 --> 00:15:44,583 ...to hide my jewelry from his sticky little fingers. 264 00:15:44,795 --> 00:15:48,052 - That's really not what l... - Not to mention the hundreds of hours... 265 00:15:48,222 --> 00:15:51,599 ...spent driving him to therapy with that creepy Dr. Demerest... 266 00:15:51,776 --> 00:15:57,662 ...while I could have been... I don't know, doing something fun. 267 00:15:58,841 --> 00:16:01,135 Okay, yeah, it was a real imposition on you... 268 00:16:01,307 --> 00:16:05,230 ...and as it turns out, it had kind of a negative impact on Alan too. 269 00:16:05,446 --> 00:16:08,121 Alan? Oh, yes, of course. 270 00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:14,175 You know, there was no insurance for kleptomania therapy in those days. 271 00:16:14,350 --> 00:16:17,025 It was all out of pocket. 272 00:16:18,447 --> 00:16:21,740 Yeah, but about Alan... 273 00:16:21,916 --> 00:16:25,709 ...I was hoping you might have insight as to how I could get him to forgive me. 274 00:16:26,139 --> 00:16:27,517 Why ask me? 275 00:16:28,438 --> 00:16:31,779 You know, I'm starting to wonder that myself. 276 00:16:32,493 --> 00:16:34,490 I guess it's because he still loves you... 277 00:16:34,666 --> 00:16:37,460 ...despite all the lousy stuff you did to him. 278 00:16:37,927 --> 00:16:41,304 I beg your pardon? I was a wonderful mother. 279 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,062 And if Alan thinks otherwise... 280 00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:48,455 ...it's only because that walleyed Dr. Demerest put ideas into his head. 281 00:16:48,838 --> 00:16:51,762 Well, that was money well spent. 282 00:16:53,687 --> 00:16:55,101 Okay, then. 283 00:16:55,276 --> 00:16:59,152 I didn't need a reason to drink tonight, but it's nice to know I've got one. 284 00:17:00,167 --> 00:17:02,080 Hey, Charlie, wait. 285 00:17:02,466 --> 00:17:04,677 - What? - Have you forgotten why you came here? 286 00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:06,597 You want forgiveness, right? 287 00:17:07,566 --> 00:17:10,740 - Yes. - Well... 288 00:17:10,910 --> 00:17:12,872 ...I forgive you. 289 00:17:19,731 --> 00:17:22,025 But next time, call first. 290 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,317 Would you pass the salt? 291 00:17:39,253 --> 00:17:40,585 Could you get me the salt? 292 00:17:41,887 --> 00:17:44,598 - Dad, salt. - Sure. 293 00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:48,615 - Here. - Thanks. 294 00:17:49,453 --> 00:17:51,915 Oh, would you give me the ketchup, please? 295 00:17:52,129 --> 00:17:54,590 Here. Here's the ketchup. 296 00:17:55,682 --> 00:17:57,144 Thank you. 297 00:18:02,705 --> 00:18:04,037 - Dad? - Yeah. 298 00:18:04,586 --> 00:18:06,880 If Uncle Charlie let you kick him in the nuts... 299 00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,681 ...would that make you guys even? 300 00:18:09,268 --> 00:18:10,600 No. 301 00:18:11,484 --> 00:18:13,647 Boy, he's really mad at you. 302 00:18:14,410 --> 00:18:17,371 Relax, Jake. We're just having a little communication problem. 303 00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:20,418 That's what Dad said right before Mom threw him out. 304 00:18:20,597 --> 00:18:21,714 Nobody threw me out. 305 00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:24,901 Your mother and I mutually decided that we weren't compatible. 306 00:18:25,112 --> 00:18:27,787 You don't seem compatible with Uncle Charlie right now. 307 00:18:27,996 --> 00:18:30,921 - Well, it's not my fault. - Was it your fault with Mom? 308 00:18:31,759 --> 00:18:33,340 No. 309 00:18:35,521 --> 00:18:39,148 You know, Dad, maybe you're the one who's not compatible. 310 00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:42,958 If you're done with dinner, do your homework. 311 00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:46,965 Fine, kill the messenger. 312 00:18:49,442 --> 00:18:51,736 - Oh, come on, Alan. Talk to me. - No. 313 00:18:52,159 --> 00:18:55,868 Look, I wanna make this right, but you gotta help me. 314 00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:59,138 Please, tell me what I can do. I'm begging for your forgiveness. 315 00:18:59,349 --> 00:19:01,061 I am sorry, but you did something... 316 00:19:01,230 --> 00:19:05,452 ...which affected my life in a deeply destructive way and... 317 00:19:05,620 --> 00:19:07,950 l... I don't think I have it in me to forgive you. 318 00:19:08,588 --> 00:19:12,131 - Hello? Anybody home? - In here, Mom. 319 00:19:13,772 --> 00:19:16,863 Well, how are my boys doing this evening? 320 00:19:22,132 --> 00:19:26,436 Well, I think Mommy has the answer. Alan... 321 00:19:26,605 --> 00:19:29,447 ...if you find it intolerable living under the same roof... 322 00:19:29,615 --> 00:19:31,493 ...with the brother who betrayed you... 323 00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:37,590 ...then you and Jake can come and live with me. 324 00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:44,244 We're good. 325 00:19:50,141 --> 00:19:52,554 Hey, Charlie, a couple of days ago... 326 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:56,109 ...you said the Silly Putty wasn't the worst thing you ever did to me. 327 00:19:57,749 --> 00:19:59,461 It's ancient history. Let it go. 328 00:19:59,672 --> 00:20:02,430 I know, I know. It's just... I'm curious. 329 00:20:02,598 --> 00:20:05,274 What else have you done to me that I didn't know about? 330 00:20:05,441 --> 00:20:07,237 - It's not important. - Yes, it is. 331 00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:09,487 The truth about the shoplifting incident... 332 00:20:09,663 --> 00:20:11,744 ...it's allowed me to reevaluate who I am... 333 00:20:11,921 --> 00:20:13,918 ...and... And feel better about myself. 334 00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:15,968 - Well, that's great. - Yeah. 335 00:20:16,143 --> 00:20:18,306 I feel a lot better since I confessed. 336 00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,481 Good, good. So let's keep going with this. 337 00:20:21,535 --> 00:20:25,209 Okay, but you gotta promise that no matter what I tell you, all is forgiven. 338 00:20:25,423 --> 00:20:27,670 Oh, absolutely, absolutely. 339 00:20:28,517 --> 00:20:30,561 You're probably gonna laugh. 340 00:20:30,774 --> 00:20:34,233 - I'm sure I will. Tell me. - Well... 341 00:20:34,578 --> 00:20:37,122 ...remember how you were a bed wetter till you were 8? 342 00:20:37,546 --> 00:20:39,008 Yeah. 343 00:20:41,225 --> 00:20:44,102 You actually stopped at 6. 344 00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:50,834 Wha...? What...? What did you do? Did you sneak into my room and...? 345 00:20:51,007 --> 00:20:53,504 And...? And pour warm water on me while I was asleep? 346 00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:58,990 Yeah, okay, let's say it was water, and let's say I poured it. 347 00:21:02,754 --> 00:21:05,298 Well, I feel better. How about you?