1
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,810
- Is it going?
- Yes.

2
00:00:44,811 --> 00:00:46,412
Okay.

3
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:49,415
Leave a message for
Irving Zisman at the...

4
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:51,984
You fucking mutt, you're
fixing the penguin, dude.

5
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,619
I don't give a fuck
how old you are.

6
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:56,059
You come to Krazy Fish,
and I will fuck you up.

7
00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:52,018
Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville,
welcome to Jackass.

8
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,921
It didn't go.

9
00:01:57,484 --> 00:02:01,787
Irving Zisman was created in
2001 for the Jackass TV series.

10
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:05,357
It was Spike who introduced us
to makeup artist Tony Gardner.

11
00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:08,527
So, Spike originally
contacted me saying,

12
00:02:08,528 --> 00:02:11,463
we want to take
himself and Knoxville

13
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,710
and turn them into old guys.

14
00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:16,568
I met Tony Gardner 'cause
I did Three Kings.

15
00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:19,505
We actually knew somebody that
knew what they were doing.

16
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:22,174
And we got really
professional makeup

17
00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:25,422
for our very
unprofessional production.

18
00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:37,389
We started on the
TV show and, yeah,

19
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:41,194
we would just get old and
go to Glendale, basically.

20
00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:45,330
The funniest shit, though, it
always ended up being like,

21
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:47,599
"All right, go play golf.
That's not working. Fall down."

22
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:48,878
Yeah.

23
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:53,278
The falling down was
what got the reaction.

24
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,942
Oh, my God. Irving!

25
00:02:56,943 --> 00:03:00,690
The makeup has evolved so much.
If you look at the early days,

26
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,549
it used to be almost like a
mask that they'd put on.

27
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:07,653
It was like a whole hood
piece, and then facial pieces.

28
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,054
And it was thick,

29
00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:11,528
and the way we put the mask on,

30
00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:14,893
it didn't really react
with your face that well.

31
00:03:14,894 --> 00:03:17,496
You look at our first
version of Irving,

32
00:03:17,497 --> 00:03:19,998
and then our second version of Irving,
then our third version of Irving,

33
00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:22,267
the makeup keeps getting
better and better.

34
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:25,981
And it has to be better. I mean, like,
we could not have done this movie

35
00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:28,540
with the first incarnation
of Irving, you know?

36
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:32,844
Now it's all individual little
pieces, so each little thing moves.

37
00:03:32,845 --> 00:03:35,180
His throat moves, his cheeks move,

38
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:38,150
you know, his eyebrows and
everything has expressions.

39
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:40,619
For a show like this,
definitely you want something

40
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:43,555
that people, face-to-face,
are gonna believe is skin.

41
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:46,234
What we would do is
start with the bald cap

42
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:48,527
and flatten down his eyebrows,

43
00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:51,930
put on the nose, and then work
our way into the larger pieces.

44
00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:56,771
And then eventually finish with
the paint job and the hair work.

45
00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:02,241
They're real artists, you
know, they're amazing.

46
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,077
I was nose-to-nose with
people, pranking them,

47
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,655
and no one ever questioned
the makeup ever.

48
00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:14,186
And Stephen Prouty and all the
guys did such an amazing job,

49
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:17,491
we got nominated for
an Academy Award.

50
00:04:32,071 --> 00:04:36,786
The golf course was the first
thing we shot for Bad Grandpa.

51
00:04:38,311 --> 00:04:42,014
I was so mad sitting in the
makeup chair that morning,

52
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:45,284
'cause I was still in my "I'm
pissed about makeup" mood.

53
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:48,720
"God, 59 more days of this."

54
00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:51,194
That's what I was
thinking that first day.

55
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:57,296
- Got the right idea.
- Go ahead, go in.

56
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,464
Oh, my goodness!
That's... That's...

57
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:00,743
Fore!

58
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:03,241
That's a utility cad.

59
00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:05,637
The golf course gave
us the best idea.

60
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:07,639
They said, "You know what
would really bug people is,

61
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:11,076
"when they're on the green,
go and move the hole."

62
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:13,345
- Oh, come on.
- Get off there, you dumb...

63
00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,353
Get out of there!

64
00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:18,326
Who the hell are you, anyway?

65
00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:20,491
Oh, man.

66
00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:27,893
Where you going?

67
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:29,275
Where you puttin' the hole?

68
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:33,242
You can't do that.

69
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:36,835
You can't change a hole right in the
middle of your playing, can he?

70
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,274
Well he just did.

71
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,376
Stand there and watch him.

72
00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:48,714
Alrighty, got you a brand-new
one right here, fellas.

73
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,494
Well, we already hit though.

74
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,418
You guys don't play by the rules?

75
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:54,486
No, we do.

76
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:56,088
Well, it doesn't look like it.

77
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,622
The rules are we gotta
play from the hole...

78
00:05:57,623 --> 00:05:59,994
- Fat bastard.
- Pardon me?

79
00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:02,327
You changed the fucking
hole right after we hit.

80
00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:04,830
Hey, Sammy Davis, I don't need
to hear anything from you.

81
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:06,465
Hey, you can kiss my
ass, motherfucker.

82
00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:08,200
You kiss my ass.

83
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,868
You don't want none of this.

84
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,536
You want a little of this?

85
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:13,405
You want a little of this?

86
00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:15,117
No, no, no.

87
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,309
I'm just kidding, guys.

88
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:18,977
Yeah, kidding, my ass.

89
00:06:18,978 --> 00:06:20,579
- What'd you say to me?
- We got, we gotta play the same.

90
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,748
We got nine groups that
gotta play the same hole.

91
00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:24,960
Well, it ain't my problem.

92
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:29,756
Assholes.

93
00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:31,723
You keep it up, motherfucker.

94
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,358
You keep... What,
what's gonna happen?

95
00:06:33,359 --> 00:06:35,627
- I'll kick your ass if I come near you.
- Oh, yeah? What...

96
00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:37,295
Pick on somebody your own size,

97
00:06:37,296 --> 00:06:39,097
- and your own age.
- Fuck you. Fuck you.

98
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:40,966
- How old are you? How old are you?
- Mature.

99
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:43,135
I'm older than your mother.

100
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,569
You kiss my ass.

101
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:46,471
I'm 86 years young.

102
00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:48,308
You wanna see 87?

103
00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:51,343
That's funny. I don't
know if I'd open with it,

104
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,145
but that's funny.

105
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:56,950
Get outta there! Let us
finish the hole, you asshole.

106
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,986
Look it, he knocked your ball away.

107
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,188
Irving was definitely being a dick.

108
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:04,423
He was trying to get punched.

109
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,659
I think, on the first day
he wanted a good beatdown.

110
00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:09,594
You guys I like. They're pricks.

111
00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:11,530
It doesn't make a
difference who you like.

112
00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:13,565
It matters who I like.
I have feelings.

113
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:15,367
- You're gonna be fired.
- Don't deny me my feelings.

114
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:16,701
You're gonna be fired anyway, man.

115
00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:19,171
- Fired, hell...
- Hell, you're not.

116
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,872
Who are you gonna tattle to?

117
00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:22,174
- Whoever it takes.
- Whoever will listen.

118
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,309
- Oh, yeah? Tattletale.
- Yeah!

119
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:26,077
Well, that's right.

120
00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:28,513
Early on in the movie,
especially the first trip,

121
00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:30,682
Irving hadn't settled into

122
00:07:30,683 --> 00:07:34,586
the lovable old poonhound
that he ended up being.

123
00:07:34,587 --> 00:07:40,633
He was kind of the dour old
poonhound in the beginning.

124
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,133
He was a little tonally off.

125
00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:45,263
They shouldn't have
got so damn excited.

126
00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,466
- Gee-whiz, I don't know what the hell.
- Yeah.

127
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,267
You know, we're just here
to have fun and, yeah.

128
00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:53,238
I know, yeah, I'm sorry this
has affected you personally.

129
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,807
- My wife, she's been sick.
- He's wacko.

130
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:58,076
She won't give me anal anymore.

131
00:07:58,077 --> 00:08:01,446
Sure, hey, I've been through
a lot of shit in my life.

132
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:03,582
- I'm 82 years old.
- Let's go, John. Next hole.

133
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:06,585
- God bless you, John.
- Working in construction, man.

134
00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:08,620
We can't hold this up anymore.
They're gonna have the food

135
00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:10,622
and we're not gonna
be there. Let's go.

136
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:11,923
- All right.
- All right, John.

137
00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:14,125
- You take care of yourself.
- Okay, you, too.

138
00:08:14,126 --> 00:08:15,427
All right.

139
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,996
- And I hope your wife turns out better.
- Thank you. You're a good man.

140
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:22,575
I'm going to think about overreacting
from now on, so I appreciate it.

141
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:26,738
Hey, tubby, lay off of it, huh?
I'm talking to John.

142
00:08:26,739 --> 00:08:29,875
John's gotta go,
he's got a meeting.

143
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:33,851
Well, hell. Bye, John.

144
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:39,485
Now, don't mistake my
kindness for weakness!

145
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:42,827
You son of a...

146
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,233
Trouble.

147
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,330
We shot all day long,

148
00:08:52,331 --> 00:08:54,933
and we had those people
on the hook all day long.

149
00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:57,202
And I think that's
what got me excited.

150
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,270
I'm good, I'm good.

151
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,073
Whose clubs are these?

152
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,076
I think they're with your group.

153
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:06,144
I took one of their carts.

154
00:09:06,145 --> 00:09:07,746
I'm so sorry.

155
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:11,082
If we can keep 50 people
on the hook all day long,

156
00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:13,318
then we can do this.

157
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:16,021
I think it was a great first day.

158
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:17,622
Really great.

159
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:20,492
How does it feel being,
bringing Irving back?

160
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:23,261
Well, at 4:00 am this
morning, not so good.

161
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:25,463
But now I feel much better.

162
00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:27,032
So, day one a success.

163
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:28,700
Day one a success.

164
00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:29,968
How many more days to go?

165
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:33,148
Only 59 more fucking days.

166
00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:47,453
All right.

167
00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:52,094
Hey, can I bum a
smoke from you, man?

168
00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:54,600
Please?

169
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:56,761
- Here you go.
- Thank you. What...

170
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,063
Don't worry about it.

171
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:01,402
Why would you put
that in your body?

172
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,808
Why would you do that to yourself?

173
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:08,807
You're a big, strong man.
Why would you smoke?

174
00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:10,208
Bro, I'm gonna go in here...

175
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:12,410
- Wait, this, this gonna...
- Huh? What are you doing?

176
00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:15,013
I'm gonna go in here before I
beat your motherfucking ass.

177
00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:17,115
Oh, yeah? You think...
You do a lot of talk,

178
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,184
just 'cause I'm old.

179
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,552
I used to box!

180
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:23,857
I almost got my ass
beat by those two guys.

181
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:28,295
They went inside and thought about
me stomping out their cigarette

182
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:31,663
and came back out with a
cigar, like, this long,

183
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:35,967
and just put it right in my face,
begging that I would take it.

184
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:37,936
You're smoking again?

185
00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:41,116
Now you're smoking cigars.
God damn it.

186
00:10:42,174 --> 00:10:43,541
How much money you
got in your pocket?

187
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:45,378
How much money?

188
00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:48,215
I got a lot.

189
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,861
Why, you wanna make
a bet on something?

190
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,988
I'm looking for that money
you broke my cigarette for.

191
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,256
The cigarette you smashed.

192
00:10:58,257 --> 00:11:00,434
No, no, no. That was
a favor for you.

193
00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:02,329
You say you were
gonna whoop my ass?

194
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:04,596
You're talking, you were talking.

195
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:05,697
Didn't you say you was
gonna whoop my ass?

196
00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:06,765
Yeah, yeah.

197
00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:08,433
You not gonna let me
show you, you ready?

198
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:09,534
You ready?

199
00:11:09,535 --> 00:11:10,602
I'm always ready.

200
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:11,903
Well what you waiting on?

201
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,077
Well...

202
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:18,415
I'm a little down on my back
right now. Otherwise, I would.

203
00:11:18,911 --> 00:11:20,745
Who is this guy, man?

204
00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:21,846
Who is this guy, man?

205
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:22,981
Come on, come on.

206
00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:25,660
Did you see that fucking
hot chick who walked by?

207
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:26,885
Fuck that chick,

208
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:28,720
where my motherfucking
cigarette money at, partner?

209
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,555
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about chicks,

210
00:11:30,556 --> 00:11:32,665
you're talking about cigarettes.

211
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,802
We got a whole different
way of looking at things.

212
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:39,464
I bet you won't knock that I bet you
won't knock that cigar out of his hand.

213
00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:41,599
See, he's trying to start fights.

214
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,836
- No, no.
- Yes, yes, you are.

215
00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:47,481
Which I like. I like that.

216
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,040
- You're a shit-starter.
- No, I'm just saying...

217
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,508
You're a shit-starter, I like that.

218
00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:52,210
But you smashed his cigarette, man!

219
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:55,253
I was doing... He's a handsome
man, why would he smoke?

220
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:02,821
He was nice enough to give you a cigarette,
and you stepped on it and smashed it!

221
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:05,068
And I wanted to do him a favor.

222
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:09,231
Jeez Louise. Now I'm the bad guy.

223
00:12:10,963 --> 00:12:15,800
Sitters was a form of mark that
we would use pretty frequently,

224
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:17,869
'cause it would just be like,

225
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:21,117
if we wanted someone to be
sod of a captive audience,

226
00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:24,242
you know, I could find
somebody where it's like,

227
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:28,582
"Hey, my grandpa just sits at this
fountain. I know he's so lonely.

228
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:30,415
"Could I have you just, like,

229
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:33,818
"go up and act like you
weren't hired by me

230
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:35,086
"to go just talk with him,

231
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,622
"and just sit and talk with him
for, like, an hour or something?"

232
00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:38,890
Well, hello, good-looking.

233
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:40,692
- How you doing?
- I'm doing good.

234
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:41,760
Good.

235
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,162
I lucked out getting the only dry
bench in the park, it seems.

236
00:12:44,163 --> 00:12:45,930
Right, you did, you really did.

237
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,800
If we hired a babysitter
to babysit Irving,

238
00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:52,270
I could talk to that person as long
as I want and say whatever I wanted,

239
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:54,172
'cause they had to be
there, they were paid.

240
00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:56,341
- I'm no different than any other man...
- Right.

241
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:59,077
With two arms, two legs
and 14-inch balls.

242
00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:00,378
Right, right, right.

243
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:03,114
Throaty smell. Like, a deeper...

244
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,452
I'd like to hog-wrench
that spatouli.

245
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:09,587
I should be eating at the
nappy kitchen every night.

246
00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:11,799
I mean, you're exactly right.

247
00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:16,060
But the problem with the babysitters
was you kinda got this sort of stilted,

248
00:13:16,061 --> 00:13:19,464
these people felt
unnaturally staying there.

249
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,833
They weren't giving
big enough reactions,

250
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:23,668
'cause they were sod
of unnaturally there.

251
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:27,439
I was the Robin Hood of poontang.

252
00:13:27,706 --> 00:13:30,577
Friar Fuck. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

253
00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:37,916
But we did do some funny
things with the babysitters.

254
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:40,385
We thought, while I'm getting out
story points about the movie

255
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:42,554
with this babysitter,

256
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:46,958
how about if we have
Charlie run by.

257
00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:48,795
Charlie's our stunt coordinator.

258
00:13:49,195 --> 00:13:53,238
And he's playing an actor,
she doesn't know him, I do,

259
00:13:53,465 --> 00:13:55,567
and I challenged him to a footrace,

260
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:59,237
and in the midst of the
footrace, I trip him

261
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:00,772
and steal his wallet.

262
00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:05,443
And she has to help me conceal
that I had stolen the wallet

263
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:08,190
from him and anybody else.

264
00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:10,949
You shouldn't have tripped him.

265
00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:13,753
- Why did you trip him?
- Look at this. I got his wallet.

266
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:15,787
- No, you didn't.
- I got his wallet.

267
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,726
- No, you didn't.
- Yeah.

268
00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:21,192
- No, you did not steal his wallet.
- Yes, I got it. Yeah.

269
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:23,495
You have to give it back to him.

270
00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:25,964
- No way.
- Why not?

271
00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:27,573
We need money for the road.

272
00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:31,636
- You gotta give that back to him.
- Oh, shit. He's here, be cool.

273
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:32,837
So...

274
00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:35,744
- You guys didn't see a wallet, did you?
- Nope.

275
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:42,881
How can you do that?

276
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,283
How can you have that
on your conscience?

277
00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:47,285
It's not on my conscience.

278
00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:51,398
You know, I mean, really.

279
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:54,692
- Look.
- Do you know how valuable that is?

280
00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:56,427
It's just 90 bucks.

281
00:14:56,428 --> 00:14:58,029
How could you do that?

282
00:14:58,030 --> 00:14:59,664
See, now you're making
me feel guilty.

283
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:02,969
You should. You should feel guilty.

284
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,406
I'll just go... Let me look.

285
00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:10,208
Hey, we found it over
there in the bush.

286
00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:12,777
You wanna keep going? Where?

287
00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:14,819
It was right over
there in that bush.

288
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,957
There you go, buddy.

289
00:15:18,717 --> 00:15:21,219
He walked over there
and looked for it.

290
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:23,431
Have a good day, son.

291
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,794
- Way to cover, way to cover.
- I'm not, I'm not...

292
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:31,629
- I'm upset.
- Come on, don't leave me hanging.

293
00:15:31,630 --> 00:15:33,831
- I'm upset.
- Look, look, look, we still got the money.

294
00:15:33,832 --> 00:15:36,100
Oh, you're a good girl.

295
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,039
No, I'm not, I'm not.

296
00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:40,238
- Just be cool.
- Where's the money?

297
00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:41,572
- Huh?
- No. No.

298
00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:42,907
- Where's the money?
- I don't have the money.

299
00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:44,243
Who has the money?

300
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:46,477
She's got it. She took it.

301
00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:48,546
- No, I don't have your money.
- It's right there.

302
00:15:48,547 --> 00:15:51,327
- I don't have the money, though.
- Where's it at? There it is.

303
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:54,052
He, you know what, he
put your money here.

304
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:55,889
- Oh, really?
- He did.

305
00:15:56,188 --> 00:15:57,722
You know, I should call
the cops on you guys,

306
00:15:57,723 --> 00:15:58,823
- is what I should do.
- You could.

307
00:15:58,824 --> 00:16:02,571
- I didn't have nothing to do with this.
- Will you just let her...

308
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:06,764
She rarely has ever
done this, so...

309
00:16:06,765 --> 00:16:08,366
I'll tell you what, you should
be ashamed of yourself,

310
00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:09,534
- is what you should be.
- Yeah.

311
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:11,069
I didn't do it, she did it!

312
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,971
I don't care who did it.
Both of you.

313
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,072
I did not.

314
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:16,107
- Well, obviously you had the money.
- Keep walking, bird legs.

315
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:18,810
This isn't good. I think
I'd better start walking.

316
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,745
You seem like a nice guy.

317
00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:22,525
Oh, shit.

318
00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:25,683
- What?
- All right. We should split up.

319
00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:27,919
- Why?
- 'Cause there's a cop.

320
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,887
- You see the cop?
- Yeah.

321
00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:32,168
Remember, you didn't see nothing.

322
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,766
Oh, shit.

323
00:16:50,309 --> 00:16:53,055
Hi, idiot.

324
00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:55,950
Hi, asshole.

325
00:16:56,849 --> 00:17:00,685
Hi, idiot. Hi, idiot.

326
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:05,162
- Don't call Grandpa an idiot.
- Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, idiot.

327
00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:09,037
Might get this for Gloria.

328
00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:15,033
It's about her size.

329
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:18,136
You should get one of
these for Mrs. Claus.

330
00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:19,270
And what is that?

331
00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:22,074
- Maybe Donner and Blitzen, too.
- Okay.

332
00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:24,511
I bet they would ruin it.

333
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:28,079
- Hey, Billy, you wanna see Santa?
- Hello. Look.

334
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:29,147
Yeah.

335
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:31,249
Hey, Billy, before you go over,

336
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:33,184
ask Santa for something
for Grandpa.

337
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:34,318
I have to go pee-pee.

338
00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:36,821
Okay, well, wait to use the restroom
until after we do it, all right?

339
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:38,328
- Okay.
- Okay.

340
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,469
- What's that?
- Just ask him.

341
00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:45,663
Hi, Billy.

342
00:17:45,664 --> 00:17:47,565
- Hi, Santa Claus.
- How old are you, buddy?

343
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:49,767
- Good.
- How old are you?

344
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:50,868
Eight.

345
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:53,471
Are you eight years old now?
Gosh, you're getting so tall.

346
00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:55,239
- He's a big boy.
- Yeah.

347
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:58,476
Look right up there, Billy, and
take your hands out and say,

348
00:17:58,477 --> 00:17:59,844
"Cheeseburger."

349
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:02,022
- Cheeseburger.
- Cheeseburger.

350
00:18:02,881 --> 00:18:05,016
Now, what do you want
for Christmas, Billy?

351
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,852
I want a fishing rod,
tackle and bait.

352
00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:09,120
Okay.

353
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:12,402
- My mom to get out of jail.
- Okay.

354
00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:15,226
And a rusty trombone
for my grandpa.

355
00:18:15,227 --> 00:18:18,296
- A rusty trombone for your grandpa?
- Yep.

356
00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:20,406
- I'm cold.
- You are?

357
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:24,176
How can you be cold? Do you
think I'm giving you the shivers?

358
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:29,207
Santa gives a lot of kids the shivers
'cause I come from the North Pole.

359
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:30,668
Hope that's all he gives him.

360
00:18:30,976 --> 00:18:33,811
But anyway, Billy, do you know

361
00:18:33,812 --> 00:18:37,248
what snowmen eat for breakfast?

362
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:39,688
- What?
- Frosted Flakes.

363
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:46,561
Do you know why Santa Claus
doesn't have any children?

364
00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:52,934
He only comes once a year,
and it's down a chimney.

365
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,942
All right, you be a good boy, okay?

366
00:18:57,302 --> 00:19:00,771
Grandpa, I think I pissed myself.

367
00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:01,906
You did?

368
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:05,814
You didn't think you
did, you really peed.

369
00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:08,346
- Sorry, Santa.
- That's okay, buddy.

370
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:09,714
- Sorry.
- You be good, okay?

371
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:11,449
- Jesus.
- Sorry about the pee-pee.

372
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:14,822
- That's okay, buddy. No harm done.
- Oh, no. What'd you do?

373
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:18,398
Okay, we're gonna
have to take a break.

374
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:34,639
- How you doing?
- Hello, how are you?

375
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,010
Good.

376
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:40,845
Oh, no. My colostomy bag.

377
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,422
No, don't touch it, don't touch.

378
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:52,698
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Oh, God, that...

379
00:19:57,262 --> 00:19:59,200
I'm very sorry.

380
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,702
Oh, no, I dropped my watch.

381
00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:06,276
I dropped my watch.

382
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:09,207
- In there?
- Yes. Can you help me?

383
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,975
- I'm so sorry.
- That's okay.

384
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:12,910
Is there some staff around?

385
00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:15,282
- Yeah, he just went to get help.
- Okay.

386
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,215
- Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

387
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,116
If you stand in there,
he's gonna get help.

388
00:20:19,117 --> 00:20:20,785
Okay. Thank you.

389
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:23,498
- Because they'll go get you...
- Can you help me?

390
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:25,723
- They're gonna get your stuff out.
- You're a good boy.

391
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,526
You're fine.

392
00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:39,270
When you're doing pranks,
every now and then

393
00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:42,173
you'll come across someone
who's absolute gold,

394
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:44,175
and that was the penguin guy.

395
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:47,211
- You ran over the penguin.
- You put a penguin in my spot.

396
00:20:47,212 --> 00:20:50,815
You ran over the penguin,
what are you talking about?

397
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:52,516
Well, you don't have to yell at me.

398
00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:54,518
We cut the bit to two
and a half minutes,

399
00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:58,062
but it could have
easily been 15 minutes.

400
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,691
He just kept generating footage.

401
00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:02,660
You're fixing this
fucking penguin, dude.

402
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:04,428
- Nah.
- What happened to it?

403
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,030
He put it right in my spot!

404
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,898
What do you mean your spot?
You ran it over!

405
00:21:07,899 --> 00:21:09,000
Well, you don't have to yell.

406
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:10,568
You ran the fucking penguin over,

407
00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:12,678
- you fucking mutt.
- You're still yelling.

408
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:14,372
Jesus Christ.

409
00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:15,973
Do you work at this restaurant?

410
00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:17,475
Don't worry about where
I work at, dude.

411
00:21:17,476 --> 00:21:20,111
You know, you work at Fish
City across town, you said.

412
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,579
- Krazy Fish.
- Krazy Fish.

413
00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:23,047
Krazy Fish, get that
right, Krazy Fish.

414
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:24,282
- Krazy Fish.
- With a K.

415
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,984
And if you did that to my fucking place
I would whip your goddamn ass, dude.

416
00:21:26,985 --> 00:21:28,286
With a K? Sounds exotic.

417
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,187
So, George didn't even
work at that restaurant,

418
00:21:30,188 --> 00:21:32,657
he worked at somewhere across town,

419
00:21:32,658 --> 00:21:37,695
which he kept kind of half-promoting
while he was yelling at me.

420
00:21:37,696 --> 00:21:40,364
Bro, come up to my fucking
restaurant right now, Krazy Fish.

421
00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:42,133
- You come up there right now.
- Krazy Fish with a K?

422
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,534
Yeah, right up the
street over here, man.

423
00:21:43,535 --> 00:21:46,975
I'll meet you over there, then I'll whip
your fucking ass in the back, dude.

424
00:21:48,940 --> 00:21:51,175
What's your best item on your menu?

425
00:21:51,176 --> 00:21:53,544
Don't worry about what the
best... Called "whip-ass."

426
00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:55,646
- Whip-ass?
- Yeah.

427
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:57,982
Is that an entrée or a side?

428
00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:00,354
It's gonna be fucking both.

429
00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:02,553
They good prices? I like value.

430
00:22:02,554 --> 00:22:05,056
You're gonna fix this
fucking penguin, dude.

431
00:22:05,057 --> 00:22:08,125
He ain't leaving, dude, until he
fixes this fucking penguin, dude.

432
00:22:08,126 --> 00:22:09,226
I'm sorry.

433
00:22:09,227 --> 00:22:11,529
- He's hyper-focused on the penguin.
- I ain't fucking...

434
00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:14,532
Listen, old man, you shouldn't
be driving to begin with!

435
00:22:14,533 --> 00:22:16,600
If Irving was driving
and hit something,

436
00:22:16,601 --> 00:22:19,337
the lawyers wouldn't allow
Billy to be in there,

437
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:22,807
so we had a dummy in his place.

438
00:22:22,808 --> 00:22:26,477
And at one point, George finds it.

439
00:22:26,478 --> 00:22:29,258
Yeah, I'm taking this
guy out of the car.

440
00:22:33,218 --> 00:22:35,152
And I don't know what he's
thinking at that point.

441
00:22:35,153 --> 00:22:39,390
It had to look like this weird little sex
toy or something for this dirty grandpa.

442
00:22:39,391 --> 00:22:42,426
Here you go. That's your
fucking partner in crime.

443
00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:44,762
- That's your leverage?
- All right, you fucking mutt.

444
00:22:44,763 --> 00:22:46,384
You're fixing this penguin, dude.

445
00:22:46,665 --> 00:22:48,366
You're fixing that penguin, dude.

446
00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:51,443
Fix the fucking thing,
dude. Fix it.

447
00:22:51,970 --> 00:22:53,248
Fix it.

448
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:56,240
Dude, you and I are
gonna go to town, bro.

449
00:22:56,241 --> 00:22:58,709
And in his defense, you know,

450
00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:01,946
I yelled at him early on,
and it got him emotional.

451
00:23:01,947 --> 00:23:03,781
And then he became irrational.

452
00:23:03,782 --> 00:23:06,684
And when people become irrational,

453
00:23:06,685 --> 00:23:10,455
everything is real
to them, you know?

454
00:23:11,123 --> 00:23:12,690
They're completely on the hook.

455
00:23:12,691 --> 00:23:15,893
All over this stupid penguin.

456
00:23:15,894 --> 00:23:19,607
Dude, fucking leave the
penguin alone, bro.

457
00:23:21,366 --> 00:23:23,768
Anybody know this fucking guy?

458
00:23:23,769 --> 00:23:26,413
"Anybody know this fucking guy?"

459
00:23:26,471 --> 00:23:27,571
You're a fucking...

460
00:23:27,572 --> 00:23:30,079
"He's on my nerves two,
three times already."

461
00:23:30,542 --> 00:23:32,788
Go fuck yourself.

462
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:44,128
This motherfucker.

463
00:23:45,157 --> 00:23:47,733
Fuck. There you go.

464
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,528
You kind of throw like a girl.

465
00:23:50,529 --> 00:23:52,866
I'm gonna fucking throw
you in a second.

466
00:23:56,401 --> 00:23:59,069
Atomic elbow! Atomic elbow.

467
00:23:59,070 --> 00:24:01,138
I did a little wrestling
myself in my younger days.

468
00:24:01,139 --> 00:24:04,352
- Dude, are you fucking kidding me, bro?
- What? Atomic elbow?

469
00:24:05,143 --> 00:24:08,856
I'm gonna whip your ass with your
own motherfucking doll, dude.

470
00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:12,016
- Come on. My tuchus.
- I'm telling you, dude.

471
00:24:12,017 --> 00:24:13,784
- Do me again, do me again.
- Fix the fucking thing.

472
00:24:13,785 --> 00:24:15,686
- Get me again.
- Dude, I'm gonna whip your ass, bro.

473
00:24:15,687 --> 00:24:19,190
With eye contact, with eye
contact, get me again. Come on.

474
00:24:19,191 --> 00:24:21,325
Does anybody know this fucking guy?
You guys know him?

475
00:24:21,326 --> 00:24:23,093
With eye contact, get me again.

476
00:24:23,094 --> 00:24:24,771
I think I've seen him somewhere.

477
00:24:26,097 --> 00:24:28,365
- You fucking piece of shit.
- Oh, come on.

478
00:24:28,366 --> 00:24:31,302
He was really on the
hook, and that is...

479
00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:33,070
That's about as fun
as it gets for me.

480
00:24:33,071 --> 00:24:36,106
And he was also, he had
a nice sense of humor

481
00:24:36,107 --> 00:24:37,441
about it when it was over.

482
00:24:37,442 --> 00:24:39,343
How come you didn't take a swing?

483
00:24:39,344 --> 00:24:41,011
'Cause he's a fucking
old man, dude.

484
00:24:41,012 --> 00:24:43,047
I was fucking waiting for
the cops or something,

485
00:24:43,048 --> 00:24:45,783
I was gonna fuck him up,
dude. I can't believe that.

486
00:24:45,784 --> 00:24:47,722
Here, what do I gotta sign, man?

487
00:24:49,054 --> 00:24:51,789
So, we first shot Irving's
balls on Jackass Number Two,

488
00:24:51,790 --> 00:24:54,892
and Johnny Knoxville loves having
those prosthetic balls on.

489
00:24:54,893 --> 00:24:59,005
So, as we were writing ideas, we knew
we were gonna bring back the balls.

490
00:25:00,799 --> 00:25:02,800
You have the balls
readily available?

491
00:25:02,801 --> 00:25:04,662
- Not here.
- That's the set of hangers.

492
00:25:07,939 --> 00:25:10,875
But Knoxville specifically
wanted two sets made.

493
00:25:10,876 --> 00:25:12,643
He wanted the more-believable,

494
00:25:12,644 --> 00:25:15,652
which I think are the
12-inch hanging balls.

495
00:25:18,950 --> 00:25:22,353
But then he thought it'd be
hilarious to shoot a bit where

496
00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:25,990
his balls are actually tucked into his
black socks that are pulled up real high.

497
00:25:25,991 --> 00:25:29,704
So, he had to make an 18-inch
dangling set of balls.

498
00:25:30,428 --> 00:25:34,574
So, we thought it'd be funny to
prank a bunch of delivery guys.

499
00:25:36,101 --> 00:25:37,401
- Hello.
- How are you, son?

500
00:25:37,402 --> 00:25:39,739
- How are you doing, sir?
- Good, good.

501
00:25:40,071 --> 00:25:41,543
What have we got?

502
00:25:43,608 --> 00:25:46,176
- This one.
- All right. Thank you.

503
00:25:46,177 --> 00:25:48,812
- Sure. This one.
- Yes, sir.

504
00:25:48,813 --> 00:25:51,252
It's never as simple as it appears.

505
00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:54,518
I answer the door in my boxers,
my balls are tucked in the sock,

506
00:25:54,519 --> 00:25:57,321
you'd think they would see it,
but sometimes they don't see it,

507
00:25:57,322 --> 00:26:01,468
and so we have to figure out a way
to get their eyes down there.

508
00:26:02,527 --> 00:26:03,694
Jesus.

509
00:26:03,695 --> 00:26:06,475
- That was just plates.
- Okay.

510
00:26:06,998 --> 00:26:09,400
I'm sorry, can you get that
for me, son, I can't really...

511
00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:11,936
Of course, of course. No problem.

512
00:26:11,937 --> 00:26:13,944
$73.97, sir.

513
00:26:14,739 --> 00:26:16,313
Oh, God, I'm sorry.

514
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,682
- All right. There you go, son.
- Thank you so much.

515
00:26:24,683 --> 00:26:26,951
- Keep the change. All right, all right.
- I appreciate it, thank you.

516
00:26:26,952 --> 00:26:28,218
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.

517
00:26:28,219 --> 00:26:30,362
- Have a good night, sir.
- You, too.

518
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:33,924
I didn't tip him for shit.

519
00:26:33,925 --> 00:26:36,293
Did he see? Did he look?

520
00:26:36,294 --> 00:26:40,831
It was one of those days where
we'd never done a prank before,

521
00:26:40,832 --> 00:26:43,942
and we executed it like shit.

522
00:26:45,203 --> 00:26:48,472
We called the same delivery
place over and over,

523
00:26:48,473 --> 00:26:50,274
having them send drivers over.

524
00:26:50,275 --> 00:26:51,842
Yeah, all right.

525
00:26:51,843 --> 00:26:54,680
Of course word's gonna get
out amongst the drivers.

526
00:26:57,449 --> 00:26:59,083
- Hello.
- Hi, how are you?

527
00:26:59,084 --> 00:27:02,590
- Johnny Knoxville, I presume.
- Yes, sir. Good to meet you.

528
00:27:03,722 --> 00:27:05,933
I did a search on the...

529
00:27:07,692 --> 00:27:09,593
We're still not that
good at what we do.

530
00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:13,831
So, we were going to film

531
00:27:13,832 --> 00:27:17,801
this very simple matching
shot of me making a U-turn.

532
00:27:17,802 --> 00:27:22,272
It was the decision for me to go
back and get Billy at the bar.

533
00:27:22,273 --> 00:27:24,241
Windows are up until
we make the U-turn.

534
00:27:24,242 --> 00:27:26,818
Okay, yeah, I'll put
it in the floor.

535
00:27:27,045 --> 00:27:30,347
We had filmed the
exterior of the U-turn,

536
00:27:30,348 --> 00:27:33,384
now we were filming the
interior of the U-turn,

537
00:27:33,385 --> 00:27:36,461
and all I needed to know, Sean,

538
00:27:36,755 --> 00:27:39,592
was, is the window up
or the window down.

539
00:27:40,525 --> 00:27:42,192
When you're filming, this
window has to be up, okay?

540
00:27:42,193 --> 00:27:43,904
- Okay.
- Thanks, bud.

541
00:27:44,963 --> 00:27:50,100
And the best thing is I'm gonna go
shoot a scene where I have to kinda

542
00:27:50,101 --> 00:27:52,803
get a little worked up.
It's an emotional scene.

543
00:27:52,804 --> 00:27:56,064
The director, Jeff Tremaine, comes up
to me right before we shoot and goes,

544
00:27:56,074 --> 00:27:59,343
"Hey, can I stay back

545
00:27:59,344 --> 00:28:02,921
"and color this sign while
you go shoot this?"

546
00:28:03,748 --> 00:28:08,052
I'm like, "Yeah, of course,
Spielberg, you stay back and color,

547
00:28:08,053 --> 00:28:10,754
"I'm gonna go shoot a
dramatic scene. No sweat."

548
00:28:10,755 --> 00:28:14,158
Joe, can you tell me to roll my
window up right before we shoot?

549
00:28:14,159 --> 00:28:18,100
It's too hot in here
to keep it up for now.

550
00:28:18,196 --> 00:28:19,975
Copy that.

551
00:28:21,166 --> 00:28:23,367
Joe, remember the only time
that has to be down is

552
00:28:23,368 --> 00:28:26,046
when he actually pulls
the actual U-turn.

553
00:28:26,905 --> 00:28:31,575
I was so confused what
the hell was going on.

554
00:28:31,576 --> 00:28:33,444
You know I wasn't there for that.
That's not my fault.

555
00:28:33,445 --> 00:28:35,746
I mean, that was,
that was Trip and Joe.

556
00:28:35,747 --> 00:28:37,114
Did he really blame me for that?

557
00:28:37,115 --> 00:28:39,827
He blamed me for the
window up, window down?

558
00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:45,956
Trip, you said the only time
the window has to be down

559
00:28:45,957 --> 00:28:47,964
is when I make the U-turn?

560
00:28:48,093 --> 00:28:51,499
You make the U-turn is when you make
the U-turn. Other than that it's up.

561
00:28:52,363 --> 00:28:54,142
PJ, the whole time it's up...

562
00:28:54,232 --> 00:28:56,300
For continuity, the only
time after you come

563
00:28:56,301 --> 00:28:58,135
out of the montage
the window is down

564
00:28:58,136 --> 00:29:01,246
is when you pull the actual
U-turn to go back to the bar.

565
00:29:04,442 --> 00:29:07,780
Jennifer and I just went through all
the frame-grabs, and that's how it is.

566
00:29:08,179 --> 00:29:11,085
So I make the U-turn,
then roll my window down?

567
00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:14,918
No, it's the sequence
when you do the U-turn

568
00:29:14,919 --> 00:29:17,054
that's when you have to
roll your window down.

569
00:29:17,055 --> 00:29:18,925
You do it before we
make the U-turn.

570
00:29:19,124 --> 00:29:21,558
So let's get on the main road,
and then we'll keep moving.

571
00:29:21,559 --> 00:29:23,739
Then we'll roll up the
window and start rolling.

572
00:29:24,963 --> 00:29:26,241
Correct.

573
00:29:32,237 --> 00:29:36,314
Don't roll that passenger window down,
PJ, because the camera's attached to it.

574
00:29:41,179 --> 00:29:45,482
I am not following.
Do... Look, is my...

575
00:29:45,483 --> 00:29:48,662
Do I have to touch my
window the whole time?

576
00:29:50,021 --> 00:29:54,667
You do not. Before your window is
down for your comfort right now

577
00:29:56,594 --> 00:29:58,896
your driver side window is up.

578
00:29:59,631 --> 00:30:02,232
Don't even touch it until
we get to the U-turn

579
00:30:02,233 --> 00:30:04,638
and then Joe will come out
and open your window.

580
00:30:07,539 --> 00:30:10,607
I've showed that to people and they
just can't believe it happens.

581
00:30:10,608 --> 00:30:12,319
I'm like, "It happens."

582
00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:14,745
For continuity sake, the only
time your window is down

583
00:30:14,746 --> 00:30:18,687
is when you actually pull
the U-turn in the cut.

584
00:30:20,518 --> 00:30:24,960
All right, so let's bring your window up so
that it's up now and we'll start rolling.

585
00:30:25,323 --> 00:30:27,825
But the longer it
went on, I thought,

586
00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:30,970
"You know what? Maybe
everyone's fucking crazy."

587
00:30:31,029 --> 00:30:34,665
Well, fuck, I still don't
fucking follow, but whatever.

588
00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:36,133
All right, window should be up...

589
00:30:36,134 --> 00:30:39,536
We work some days at
a really high level,

590
00:30:39,537 --> 00:30:43,876
and then other days it's like we've
never seen a camera before in our life.

591
00:30:43,908 --> 00:30:47,781
Dude, hold on one second, I just
want to fix something back there.

592
00:30:50,481 --> 00:30:52,416
Good job, Rick, that
made all the difference.

593
00:30:52,417 --> 00:30:55,185
To make it less daunting, it was
easier just to wrap your head around

594
00:30:55,186 --> 00:30:56,653
"write funny scenarios for Irving."

595
00:30:56,654 --> 00:30:59,059
That's what we always did
for the Jackass movies.

596
00:30:59,724 --> 00:31:02,292
- Rick.
- What?

597
00:31:02,293 --> 00:31:05,699
Put tap dance shoes
on and tap dance.

598
00:31:06,397 --> 00:31:07,598
Stay still.

599
00:31:07,599 --> 00:31:09,399
Can you sit up, please?

600
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:13,307
Can you adjust the cameras?
Jesus Christ.

601
00:31:14,939 --> 00:31:16,707
Can you hear it?

602
00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:19,921
Then shut the fuck up!
Look at all the shit you've got.

603
00:31:20,144 --> 00:31:22,446
Rick, you're doing great, kid.

604
00:31:22,447 --> 00:31:24,348
You're doing great,
don't change a thing.

605
00:31:24,349 --> 00:31:27,851
He's got two sets of
keys and he's fucking...

606
00:31:27,852 --> 00:31:30,496
All right, all right. Camera hides.

607
00:31:30,521 --> 00:31:34,598
Oh, my gosh. Almost like they
made these boxes for it.

608
00:31:35,426 --> 00:31:37,761
What are you doing right here?

609
00:31:37,762 --> 00:31:39,796
Making camera hides.

610
00:31:39,797 --> 00:31:43,271
On our first trip, we didn't
have it figured out at all.

611
00:31:43,735 --> 00:31:47,847
I thought we had. But no.

612
00:31:48,106 --> 00:31:51,478
Just a prototype but, you
know, it's a starting point.

613
00:31:54,779 --> 00:31:57,481
Well, I remember walking on
the set in... Was it, Columbus?

614
00:31:57,482 --> 00:32:02,026
We were at a cafe, and
we had, like, a camera,

615
00:32:02,921 --> 00:32:08,725
I mean, it wasn't much different
than a camera, like, bag like this

616
00:32:08,726 --> 00:32:11,973
with a hole right there and the guy
just sitting there holding it.

617
00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:15,772
And I was so fucking pissed.

618
00:32:16,267 --> 00:32:21,312
The family sees, saw that camera
with the girl and the bag.

619
00:32:22,173 --> 00:32:24,680
This might be a bust
before it even begins.

620
00:32:27,378 --> 00:32:30,380
You see him looking at the
camera guy and walking away?

621
00:32:30,381 --> 00:32:32,883
After the first trip, we rallied,

622
00:32:32,884 --> 00:32:37,223
and all the things that
were wrong as a production,

623
00:32:37,922 --> 00:32:42,059
we all talked and we fixed them for our
next trip out to Cleveland, I think it was.

624
00:32:42,060 --> 00:32:45,398
So, our camera hides and
bags were much better.

625
00:32:50,468 --> 00:32:51,935
What camera?

626
00:32:51,936 --> 00:32:54,443
So, this is our baby carriage,

627
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,575
since I couldn't be
trusted with a real baby,

628
00:32:58,576 --> 00:33:02,289
I got me one of these instead.

629
00:33:02,780 --> 00:33:06,416
We had birdhouse hides, and
we had a shopping cart,

630
00:33:06,417 --> 00:33:08,552
we had two shopping carts.

631
00:33:08,553 --> 00:33:11,333
There was a helmet
that we shot through.

632
00:33:11,522 --> 00:33:14,925
It's a video camera. Looks
like an old photo camera,

633
00:33:14,926 --> 00:33:16,193
but it's a video camera.

634
00:33:16,194 --> 00:33:17,561
You want to put it on
this end or something?

635
00:33:17,562 --> 00:33:19,696
You never know where the
best reactions are gonna be,

636
00:33:19,697 --> 00:33:21,898
so you really want as many cameras,

637
00:33:21,899 --> 00:33:24,509
kind of making a circle
around the whole location.

638
00:33:27,105 --> 00:33:28,782
I had a button cam on.

639
00:33:29,807 --> 00:33:32,009
We had a Port-A-Potty, and
sometimes people would come up

640
00:33:32,010 --> 00:33:34,778
and try to use it and so the
camera gets wiggled because

641
00:33:34,779 --> 00:33:36,680
someone's trying to
get in there to poop.

642
00:33:36,681 --> 00:33:38,281
We had a funny trash can hide.

643
00:33:38,282 --> 00:33:40,484
It's the most comfortable hide
I've been in yet, actually.

644
00:33:40,485 --> 00:33:42,486
Oh, yeah, and then,
the soda machine.

645
00:33:42,487 --> 00:33:45,756
Looks like a soda machine and there's
a cameraman shooting through it.

646
00:33:45,757 --> 00:33:47,858
That's actually one of
the stars of the movie.

647
00:33:48,559 --> 00:33:53,706
Push, push. Push, push.
Oh, God. Oh, God.

648
00:33:53,831 --> 00:33:56,767
Oh, yeah, I felt sorry for
the cameramen. I really did.

649
00:33:56,768 --> 00:33:58,802
I have a bad problem
with claustrophobia,

650
00:33:58,803 --> 00:34:00,971
so I was really feeling for them.

651
00:34:00,972 --> 00:34:03,073
They're just stuck there
behind their camera

652
00:34:03,074 --> 00:34:08,478
shooting for, I mean, sometimes
it was six, seven hours.

653
00:34:08,479 --> 00:34:10,759
I mean, they had to have a little
pee bottle with them in there.

654
00:34:10,782 --> 00:34:16,054
We never gave them a poo bottle, but
I don't think anyone ever pooped.

655
00:34:16,087 --> 00:34:19,630
Should I take a shit before
or after I go in there?

656
00:34:20,091 --> 00:34:22,726
- We got a little bucket.
- I'll use the bucket.

657
00:34:22,727 --> 00:34:24,861
- Don't use the bucket.
- That's what it's there for.

658
00:34:24,862 --> 00:34:28,098
There's a bucket. There is really
a bucket. Just in case, you know?

659
00:34:28,099 --> 00:34:31,168
But if someone has to use
that, you're screwed.

660
00:34:31,169 --> 00:34:32,402
Most of the time on the street

661
00:34:32,403 --> 00:34:34,838
we'd shoot out of vehicles
with the bigger cameras.

662
00:34:34,839 --> 00:34:37,141
Here's one of our
shooting vehicles.

663
00:34:38,743 --> 00:34:41,545
I would never let Kosick go out, 'cause
I think Kosick's too recognizable,

664
00:34:41,546 --> 00:34:45,015
so he was always stuck in the van with
me, shooting out of a tinted window.

665
00:34:45,016 --> 00:34:47,853
So, I've always got Kosick fading
in the backseat of where I am.

666
00:34:48,186 --> 00:34:51,194
Excuse me? You faded all the time.

667
00:34:52,190 --> 00:34:54,524
I'm telling the story
here, Rick, not you.

668
00:34:54,525 --> 00:34:56,463
Your story is not legit.

669
00:34:56,794 --> 00:34:58,595
- Telling people...
- You faded a lot.

670
00:34:58,596 --> 00:35:01,001
- Bullshit.
- You faded as much as me.

671
00:35:01,099 --> 00:35:04,568
Seamus, explain to me
what's going on here.

672
00:35:04,569 --> 00:35:09,606
It's for the wireless microphones,
so we have better reception.

673
00:35:09,607 --> 00:35:12,080
You get to be far away.

674
00:35:12,243 --> 00:35:14,111
Not only do we have
to hide our cameras,

675
00:35:14,112 --> 00:35:16,313
but we have to hide our mics.

676
00:35:16,314 --> 00:35:20,617
So, Seamus would wrap his
little mics in, you know,

677
00:35:20,618 --> 00:35:22,686
trash or, like, a coffee cup

678
00:35:22,687 --> 00:35:25,789
and just place it where
the action would be.

679
00:35:25,790 --> 00:35:30,196
And we'd constantly have to stop people
from, like, picking up our equipment.

680
00:35:31,696 --> 00:35:34,602
Well, this is where my
wife wanted to be buried.

681
00:35:34,866 --> 00:35:36,533
- Married?
- Buried!

682
00:35:36,534 --> 00:35:39,075
He's trying, he said,
to pick up chicks.

683
00:35:39,137 --> 00:35:41,138
Kept Seamus busy for a while.

684
00:35:41,139 --> 00:35:42,975
I'm a recent widower,

685
00:35:45,076 --> 00:35:48,411
if you weren't married I think
we'd have a pretty good shot.

686
00:35:48,412 --> 00:35:51,148
We had all the cameras
fed to one place,

687
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:53,116
and that was the control van,

688
00:35:53,117 --> 00:35:58,555
where we had the director, myself,
Trip, just watching everything.

689
00:35:58,556 --> 00:36:00,790
We could see exactly what's
going on from every camera

690
00:36:00,791 --> 00:36:03,093
and make adjustments
as we went along.

691
00:36:03,494 --> 00:36:07,364
So, this is how I talk to Irving.
That's how I talk to Billy.

692
00:36:07,365 --> 00:36:11,169
And I get confused all the time
and I tell them the wrong things.

693
00:36:12,904 --> 00:36:14,571
Where'd Billy go?

694
00:36:14,572 --> 00:36:16,039
He went back to the van.

695
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:17,641
You wanna go back
around there and reset?

696
00:36:17,642 --> 00:36:18,920
Bullshit.

697
00:36:19,710 --> 00:36:21,845
Yes, but I wasn't talking to you,

698
00:36:21,846 --> 00:36:24,247
I was, like, acting like
I was looking for Billy.

699
00:36:24,248 --> 00:36:25,720
I'm sorry.

700
00:36:27,718 --> 00:36:30,020
As Irving was, kept striking
out through the movie,

701
00:36:30,021 --> 00:36:33,790
we thought it would be funny
to hire these love guru guys,

702
00:36:33,791 --> 00:36:37,594
these pickup artists, you know,
that you can hire these guys

703
00:36:37,595 --> 00:36:39,829
that will give you game, you know.

704
00:36:39,830 --> 00:36:43,202
We thought these guys
have to be great characters.

705
00:36:43,334 --> 00:36:46,979
What do you, what
do you do exactly?

706
00:36:47,071 --> 00:36:48,438
First of all, I like to
work with people.

707
00:36:48,439 --> 00:36:50,307
I'd like to get you to
a point where you feel

708
00:36:50,308 --> 00:36:51,942
comfortable talking to women again.

709
00:36:51,943 --> 00:36:54,077
And then I also work on
things like your fashion.

710
00:36:54,078 --> 00:36:56,112
My fashion? Like
what kind of stuff?

711
00:36:56,113 --> 00:36:58,949
Well, you know, you might
wanna soften it up a bit.

712
00:36:58,950 --> 00:37:02,819
Right now, you look good,
but you're a little outdated.

713
00:37:02,820 --> 00:37:04,554
- Yeah?
- Yeah, a little bit.

714
00:37:04,555 --> 00:37:05,755
- Yeah?
- A little bit.

715
00:37:05,756 --> 00:37:08,391
We wanted this guy to just
be this misogynistic,

716
00:37:08,392 --> 00:37:11,528
womanizing prick, basically,

717
00:37:11,529 --> 00:37:15,966
but what we got was this
very sweet, genuine guy.

718
00:37:15,967 --> 00:37:18,735
Like, you must have kicked
Wilt Chamberlain in the ass

719
00:37:18,736 --> 00:37:20,704
sleeping, like, with the
number of women you...

720
00:37:20,705 --> 00:37:23,039
I, you know, I can't say.
I don't know, I never counted.

721
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:24,975
You're not... No, no, no, yeah.

722
00:37:24,976 --> 00:37:27,210
I always thought it was
disrespectful to count.

723
00:37:27,211 --> 00:37:29,779
I've only counted how
many at one time.

724
00:37:29,780 --> 00:37:31,559
Oh, shit.

725
00:37:33,217 --> 00:37:35,418
Let me hear, let me hear.

726
00:37:35,419 --> 00:37:37,120
- You really want to know?
- Yeah.

727
00:37:37,121 --> 00:37:38,491
Seven.

728
00:37:41,225 --> 00:37:45,905
Oh, my God, seven, seven
at once. Seven at once.

729
00:37:46,464 --> 00:37:48,675
He slept with seven women at once.

730
00:37:49,367 --> 00:37:52,202
That's what he just said. He
slept with seven women at once.

731
00:37:52,203 --> 00:37:54,371
- That's not true. It's not.
- That is true.

732
00:37:54,372 --> 00:37:57,209
- Would you stop? Stop.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry.

733
00:37:58,376 --> 00:38:00,587
I don't know if I can do this.

734
00:38:00,678 --> 00:38:03,446
Hey, Bridget. This is Cedric.

735
00:38:03,447 --> 00:38:05,415
- Hi, Bridget, my name's Irving.
- I don't think you should...

736
00:38:05,416 --> 00:38:07,150
- Irving. Hi.
- You're very beautiful.

737
00:38:07,151 --> 00:38:10,520
This is my friend Cedric. He
banged seven women in one night.

738
00:38:10,521 --> 00:38:13,556
- Tonight?
- No, not, not, not tonight.

739
00:38:13,557 --> 00:38:14,691
That's attractive.

740
00:38:14,692 --> 00:38:17,327
But this man has set a record.

741
00:38:17,328 --> 00:38:19,198
I'm going home.

742
00:38:19,263 --> 00:38:23,300
All right, cheers. Cheers,
cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers.

743
00:38:23,301 --> 00:38:24,701
Cheers, fellas!

744
00:38:24,702 --> 00:38:29,706
All right. Here's to seven
women in one night!

745
00:38:29,707 --> 00:38:31,179
Go, Cedric!

746
00:38:32,710 --> 00:38:36,980
If Irving starts drinking,
he gets excited.

747
00:38:36,981 --> 00:38:38,815
I need another shot of tequila!

748
00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:42,018
- No, you don't. No, you don't!
- Yes, I do.

749
00:38:42,019 --> 00:38:45,596
But it's good when Irving
drinks, because sometimes,

750
00:38:46,424 --> 00:38:48,325
you know, I get a
little more loose.

751
00:38:48,326 --> 00:38:50,660
- Cedric.
- Yes, sir.

752
00:38:50,661 --> 00:38:53,771
I will throw myself on the
grenade, which one's the grenade?

753
00:38:56,467 --> 00:38:57,701
Oh, my God.

754
00:38:57,702 --> 00:39:00,170
I will take one for the
team, just show me.

755
00:39:00,171 --> 00:39:03,239
But sometimes when I
drink, it's not so good.

756
00:39:03,240 --> 00:39:07,113
All right, Cedric, let's cut the
shit, I'm hitting a massage parlor.

757
00:39:07,611 --> 00:39:09,446
She's a masseuse.

758
00:39:09,447 --> 00:39:11,147
- You're a masseuse?
- My God.

759
00:39:11,148 --> 00:39:16,261
Are you? Are you?
Oh, you rike a massage?

760
00:39:16,654 --> 00:39:18,321
- No happy endings.
- Fwip over.

761
00:39:18,322 --> 00:39:20,056
No happy endings.

762
00:39:20,057 --> 00:39:22,859
What? Come on. Come on.

763
00:39:22,860 --> 00:39:26,698
You're a masseuse?
Thank you, Jesus.

764
00:39:30,835 --> 00:39:35,705
And the longer the bit takes,
the drunker your star's gonna be.

765
00:39:35,706 --> 00:39:37,240
And that's just the truth.

766
00:39:37,241 --> 00:39:39,179
I'm drunk as fuck.

767
00:39:41,545 --> 00:39:43,913
- Thank you, Cedric. You're a good man.
- You're welcome, my man.

768
00:39:43,914 --> 00:39:45,782
- What a sweet man.
- Are you leaving me?

769
00:39:45,783 --> 00:39:50,487
Seven women in one night!
Seven women!

770
00:39:50,488 --> 00:39:52,893
My hero, Cedric!

771
00:39:56,527 --> 00:40:00,502
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, listen up,
listen up, listen up, listen up.

772
00:40:00,598 --> 00:40:02,298
First, that old gentleman
you just saw in here

773
00:40:02,299 --> 00:40:05,603
was Mr. Johnny Knoxville,
and we are shooting a movie.

774
00:40:06,937 --> 00:40:09,706
We shoot this whole strip club thing
and the stripper guys were so cool,

775
00:40:09,707 --> 00:40:12,776
they were so funny, and
just had great spirit.

776
00:40:12,777 --> 00:40:15,278
I was hoping one of you guys was
gonna knock me out tonight,

777
00:40:15,279 --> 00:40:19,249
but you caught on too fast.
You guys thought you had him.

778
00:40:19,250 --> 00:40:21,751
He's the boxer, he's the boxer.
He was about to...

779
00:40:21,752 --> 00:40:26,423
I am 0-83 lifetime in fights, so
I'd have been 0-84 after tonight.

780
00:40:26,424 --> 00:40:28,391
So, after we pranked the strippers,
we thought it'd be funny

781
00:40:28,392 --> 00:40:30,960
if they chased Irving through
the streets, you know,

782
00:40:30,961 --> 00:40:34,640
in their various states of undress,
trying to freak people out.

783
00:40:39,170 --> 00:40:41,347
Hey, hey, stop. What the fuck?

784
00:40:41,472 --> 00:40:44,616
Help! Oh, my God. Help!

785
00:40:49,713 --> 00:40:51,492
Oh, God. Oh, my God.

786
00:40:51,582 --> 00:40:54,658
Oh, Jesus Christ. Hey!

787
00:40:57,054 --> 00:40:59,231
Jesus, oh, my God.

788
00:40:59,590 --> 00:41:01,233
Oh, my God.

789
00:41:03,794 --> 00:41:05,664
Wail!

790
00:41:07,398 --> 00:41:09,803
Help, wait! Wait!

791
00:41:19,944 --> 00:41:25,091
Oh, my God. Help. Help! Help!

792
00:41:33,858 --> 00:41:35,637
What was that?

793
00:41:36,393 --> 00:41:38,138
I'm sorry.

794
00:41:38,829 --> 00:41:40,506
Baptists.

795
00:41:47,935 --> 00:41:50,146
What's your name again?

796
00:41:51,238 --> 00:41:53,306
I'm your husband, Irving Zisman.

797
00:41:53,307 --> 00:41:55,848
- You're my wife, Ellie Zisman.
- I love you.

798
00:41:57,177 --> 00:41:58,878
Spike knew Catherine
Keener from way back

799
00:41:58,879 --> 00:42:01,080
and he just basically
pulled favors.

800
00:42:01,081 --> 00:42:05,184
Keener's amazing at improvisation.
She's obviously an amazing actor,

801
00:42:05,185 --> 00:42:07,820
and so we kind of
wrangled her into it.

802
00:42:07,821 --> 00:42:10,533
Like, I don't think
she's ever shot with...

803
00:42:10,658 --> 00:42:12,892
The way we shoot is just chaos.
There's no, like...

804
00:42:12,893 --> 00:42:15,428
She's used to, like, "Okay,
what's this scene about?

805
00:42:15,429 --> 00:42:18,197
"What's the direction, director?"

806
00:42:18,198 --> 00:42:21,367
Well, I did want to talk to you about
my character before we started,

807
00:42:21,368 --> 00:42:23,102
- but I lost you.
- Okay.

808
00:42:23,103 --> 00:42:24,237
I mean, all I knew is that

809
00:42:24,238 --> 00:42:26,711
I was ultimately
gonna be the corpse.

810
00:42:28,242 --> 00:42:31,277
I had no idea where the
cameras were, I had nothing.

811
00:42:31,278 --> 00:42:34,447
You mean, you really
walk into it completely

812
00:42:34,448 --> 00:42:37,850
without any perspective on
what's real and what isn't,

813
00:42:37,851 --> 00:42:39,085
when you're doing it.

814
00:42:39,086 --> 00:42:41,154
We had the idea that when
Ellie, after Ellie died,

815
00:42:41,155 --> 00:42:43,623
the movie would end on

816
00:42:43,624 --> 00:42:45,591
her body being thrown off a bridge.

817
00:42:45,592 --> 00:42:46,893
Well, we'd need to motivate that,

818
00:42:46,894 --> 00:42:49,295
we need to show where did
that idea even come from,

819
00:42:49,296 --> 00:42:52,465
or it just looks like you're
ditching a corpse at the end.

820
00:42:52,466 --> 00:42:55,735
So, we figured we'd shoot a
prank with a funeral planner,

821
00:42:55,736 --> 00:42:58,949
where the idea of throwing Ellie's
body off a bridge first popped up.

822
00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:02,241
I'd really think

823
00:43:02,242 --> 00:43:06,646
you should consider burial
instead of cremation.

824
00:43:06,647 --> 00:43:07,914
I'm not interested in this.

825
00:43:07,915 --> 00:43:10,516
- Well, we have to make plans, honey.
- I'm not interested in this.

826
00:43:10,517 --> 00:43:13,920
I don't want anything.
I don't want to be buried,

827
00:43:13,921 --> 00:43:16,856
I don't want to be cremated.
I don't want to make a plan.

828
00:43:16,857 --> 00:43:20,259
I want him to take me, I want
him to throw me off a bridge.

829
00:43:20,260 --> 00:43:21,427
Do whatever you want.

830
00:43:21,428 --> 00:43:25,198
Of course, you cannot be
thrown out, off a bridge.

831
00:43:25,199 --> 00:43:27,233
- No.
- That's what I want.

832
00:43:27,234 --> 00:43:28,901
But, Ellie, even if you
go over the bridge,

833
00:43:28,902 --> 00:43:31,137
something needs to happen
to your body, right?

834
00:43:31,138 --> 00:43:33,072
Look, I have these
beautiful crypts.

835
00:43:33,073 --> 00:43:35,410
He blames me for his unhappiness.

836
00:43:35,642 --> 00:43:37,643
- Well...
- He blames me.

837
00:43:37,644 --> 00:43:39,045
- Well, we haven't...
- He blames me.

838
00:43:39,046 --> 00:43:42,486
- We haven't had sex in 12 years, so...
- That's not a lot.

839
00:43:45,652 --> 00:43:48,831
I can see that you've been
married for a long time.

840
00:43:49,990 --> 00:43:52,998
What is that? Stop it. God.

841
00:43:53,894 --> 00:43:54,994
I'm sorry.

842
00:43:54,995 --> 00:43:57,296
That's not funny.

843
00:43:57,297 --> 00:44:00,874
- It's not funny.
- Please kill me.

844
00:44:01,301 --> 00:44:03,269
You know why he can't
wait for me to die?

845
00:44:03,270 --> 00:44:05,905
Because he wants to have
sex with people like you.

846
00:44:05,906 --> 00:44:10,484
I'm not kidding you. I am not
kidding, that's the truth.

847
00:44:10,677 --> 00:44:14,982
If I die, please don't
take his calls.

848
00:44:17,985 --> 00:44:21,027
You're not gonna take
my calls. Take my calls.

849
00:44:21,088 --> 00:44:23,629
You want some gefilte fish?

850
00:44:24,291 --> 00:44:26,859
No, I don't even think
I know what that is.

851
00:44:26,860 --> 00:44:28,138
It's so good.

852
00:44:28,262 --> 00:44:31,164
So, I just want you to know that
we have wonderful payment plans,

853
00:44:31,165 --> 00:44:32,999
- if you want one or two.
- Is this another price list?

854
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:35,439
No, actually, each burial is...

855
00:44:37,638 --> 00:44:40,043
I'm sorry you had to see that.

856
00:44:43,277 --> 00:44:45,579
- You okay?
- What is it?

857
00:44:46,647 --> 00:44:48,119
What are you...

858
00:44:49,516 --> 00:44:52,990
It's good, honey.

859
00:44:53,454 --> 00:44:55,597
Honey, that's cat food.

860
00:44:56,023 --> 00:44:58,462
Look at that, look at it.

861
00:44:59,293 --> 00:45:01,539
With chicken and gravy.

862
00:45:06,066 --> 00:45:08,039
Here, have some water.

863
00:45:16,443 --> 00:45:18,017
If you go...

864
00:45:34,495 --> 00:45:37,063
If, after she does...

865
00:45:37,064 --> 00:45:41,200
If she does pass on before me, is it
cool if I do call you afterwards?

866
00:45:41,201 --> 00:45:44,036
Yeah, of course you can call me.
I'm gonna give you my card.

867
00:45:44,037 --> 00:45:45,577
Sweet.

868
00:45:46,140 --> 00:45:48,141
Almost every scene we shot,

869
00:45:48,142 --> 00:45:51,110
we shot multiple times,
with multiple different people.

870
00:45:51,111 --> 00:45:54,413
You know it's gonna take a half hour
each time, or an hour each time,

871
00:45:54,414 --> 00:45:56,015
and you just stack the day up,

872
00:45:56,016 --> 00:45:57,884
'cause you'd never know
what you're gonna get.

873
00:45:57,885 --> 00:46:00,052
A funny thing happened
with the last lady we saw.

874
00:46:00,053 --> 00:46:02,255
She came in

875
00:46:02,256 --> 00:46:04,690
and she was the teacher,
we were the pupils,

876
00:46:04,691 --> 00:46:06,766
and she just took control
of the situation.

877
00:46:06,793 --> 00:46:08,728
Maybe they would give me half off

878
00:46:08,729 --> 00:46:11,030
since she already embalmed
me from the waist down.

879
00:46:11,031 --> 00:46:13,266
Irving, here's what I
want to say to you

880
00:46:13,267 --> 00:46:16,903
and I'm gonna say it as a
person, not as a professional.

881
00:46:16,904 --> 00:46:18,104
Yes, ma'am.

882
00:46:18,105 --> 00:46:22,108
If you refer any more to
your sexual depravation,

883
00:46:22,109 --> 00:46:25,111
then I'm gonna have to leave,
because that's not why I'm here.

884
00:46:25,112 --> 00:46:28,281
- Okay, I understand, I just am upset.
- Thank you. Thank you.

885
00:46:28,282 --> 00:46:32,885
And it's funny how her energy
just kind of made us behave.

886
00:46:32,886 --> 00:46:35,521
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

887
00:46:35,522 --> 00:46:37,156
And I apologize.

888
00:46:37,157 --> 00:46:38,591
- That's okay.
- I'm sorry.

889
00:46:38,592 --> 00:46:40,269
Thank you.

890
00:46:42,462 --> 00:46:46,710
After we revealed the prank to her,
she was such a good sport about it.

891
00:46:46,967 --> 00:46:48,201
- You!
- I am so sorry.

892
00:46:48,202 --> 00:46:49,468
- You.
- I'm sorry.

893
00:46:49,469 --> 00:46:51,037
- You're a bad man.
- I'm sorry.

894
00:46:51,038 --> 00:46:52,838
- You're, here's the deal, buddy.
- Isn't he terrible?

895
00:46:52,839 --> 00:46:54,740
Let me just tell you
something about you, Irving.

896
00:46:54,741 --> 00:46:58,544
The deal with you is
that you really sold it.

897
00:46:58,545 --> 00:47:01,214
- It's not that you didn't sell it.
- No, I know. No, he's right. No, I know.

898
00:47:01,215 --> 00:47:04,018
- I was terrified.
- But I thought, "What an asshole."

899
00:47:05,285 --> 00:47:07,826
You're not too far from
the truth, actually.

900
00:47:08,956 --> 00:47:10,623
A couple of weeks later,

901
00:47:10,624 --> 00:47:14,026
the lady sends an email to
our field producer, Jarrod,

902
00:47:14,027 --> 00:47:15,995
and it was the funniest email,

903
00:47:15,996 --> 00:47:19,402
recounting how she perceived
that whole prank.

904
00:47:19,433 --> 00:47:22,368
"Driving back on the 405,
happy to live in a town

905
00:47:22,369 --> 00:47:25,471
"where the ordinary can become
the extraordinary in an instant,

906
00:47:25,472 --> 00:47:28,474
"where normal life can be
interrupted by surprise

907
00:47:28,475 --> 00:47:31,444
"and where, for a moment,
if we're paying attention,

908
00:47:31,445 --> 00:47:34,180
"we can be lifted out of the
repetition of the routine

909
00:47:34,181 --> 00:47:38,156
"into a creative act that could
be hidden in every moment."

910
00:47:40,854 --> 00:47:43,634
She really put a happy
face on that prank.

911
00:47:55,002 --> 00:47:57,043
We are making

912
00:47:57,971 --> 00:48:01,240
an erection device.

913
00:48:01,241 --> 00:48:03,384
Kassak, can you take it up slow?

914
00:48:03,710 --> 00:48:05,745
There's Kosick in his gym shorts.

915
00:48:05,746 --> 00:48:09,749
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, look
at him, he's working out.

916
00:48:09,750 --> 00:48:12,087
He put a robe on.

917
00:48:15,389 --> 00:48:17,423
When you're not in shod range,

918
00:48:17,424 --> 00:48:21,360
the default position for the device

919
00:48:21,361 --> 00:48:23,262
is with the erection straight out.

920
00:48:23,263 --> 00:48:25,765
As soon as we got outside the
building, out of the range,

921
00:48:25,766 --> 00:48:27,466
I just had the biggest erection.

922
00:48:27,467 --> 00:48:29,468
And there was nothing
to cover it with,

923
00:48:29,469 --> 00:48:32,772
and it was sticking really far out.

924
00:48:32,773 --> 00:48:36,542
One of Hollywood's greatest
actresses, Catherine Keener,

925
00:48:36,543 --> 00:48:39,845
is helping me conceal this erection
the whole time around the building.

926
00:48:39,846 --> 00:48:42,626
I'm sorry, Catherine.

927
00:48:43,016 --> 00:48:45,718
Okay, who's the last one,
person who cut the card?

928
00:48:45,719 --> 00:48:48,821
I'm too old to cut the cards,
but I can still flop the queen,

929
00:48:48,822 --> 00:48:50,923
- if you know what I'm saying.
- Okay.

930
00:48:50,924 --> 00:48:54,627
I'm sorry, ma'am. It's my
wife and my 50th anniversary.

931
00:48:54,628 --> 00:48:56,362
I'm feeling a little
frisky tonight.

932
00:48:56,363 --> 00:48:58,643
Happy anniversary, baby.

933
00:48:59,700 --> 00:49:02,674
She got me a compass.

934
00:49:03,070 --> 00:49:04,136
Which is really sweet.

935
00:49:04,137 --> 00:49:06,572
I don't know how to open the
goddamn thing. There we go.

936
00:49:06,573 --> 00:49:07,973
Is there some reason she
gave you a compass?

937
00:49:07,974 --> 00:49:11,354
- Is this your hand right here, sir?
- So I can find the bottom of her vagina.

938
00:49:12,346 --> 00:49:15,314
- Stop it, God damn it.
- Okay.

939
00:49:15,315 --> 00:49:17,483
But you also need some longitudinal

940
00:49:17,484 --> 00:49:20,853
and latitudinal coordinates,
I think, to help.

941
00:49:20,854 --> 00:49:23,756
Or maybe some, like, mossy trees.

942
00:49:23,757 --> 00:49:25,624
You got it, you got it, my friends.

943
00:49:25,625 --> 00:49:27,700
She's got a mossy tree.

944
00:49:27,961 --> 00:49:29,562
But, I mean, your wife's Japanese,

945
00:49:29,563 --> 00:49:30,863
- so you get that.
- What did you say?

946
00:49:30,864 --> 00:49:32,939
- Yeah, yeah, you know.
- Yeah.

947
00:49:33,066 --> 00:49:35,539
He says his wife's Japanese
and she's got a hairy one.

948
00:49:37,871 --> 00:49:39,672
What'd you get me for my present?

949
00:49:39,673 --> 00:49:42,708
I will, baby, can I tell
you in a second, baby?

950
00:49:42,709 --> 00:49:43,843
What'd you get me?
What'd you get me?

951
00:49:43,844 --> 00:49:45,478
- What'd you get me?
- Baby, let's play, let's play.

952
00:49:45,479 --> 00:49:46,746
Okay, what'd you get me?
What'd you get me?

953
00:49:46,747 --> 00:49:48,314
Baby, let's play.

954
00:49:48,315 --> 00:49:50,082
We got married 50 years ago today.

955
00:49:50,083 --> 00:49:51,617
I can't tell her what I got her.

956
00:49:51,618 --> 00:49:53,488
- Today! Fifty years ago.
- Okay.

957
00:49:54,321 --> 00:49:57,192
I took two Viagra!

958
00:49:57,357 --> 00:50:00,659
Good, good, good, good, good,
that's gonna be good for you,

959
00:50:00,660 --> 00:50:04,339
very good for you later tonight,
yeah. Yeah, good luck.

960
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:08,711
Give me your hand.

961
00:50:09,236 --> 00:50:12,608
Okay, okay, there's my hand.

962
00:50:12,939 --> 00:50:15,074
- That's all right.
- This is my baby girl right here.

963
00:50:15,075 --> 00:50:17,476
- I believe you, I believe you.
- What are you doing?

964
00:50:17,477 --> 00:50:19,044
Ain't it hard?

965
00:50:19,045 --> 00:50:22,349
Yeah, yeah. That's great.
That's, that's, that's wonderful.

966
00:50:25,252 --> 00:50:27,253
- She got me a golden compass.
- Right, right, right.

967
00:50:27,254 --> 00:50:29,555
I took two Viagra tonight.

968
00:50:29,556 --> 00:50:31,824
That's your gift, baby.

969
00:50:31,825 --> 00:50:33,959
She got me a compass,
I got her a teepee.

970
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:36,162
Oh, my God.

971
00:50:36,163 --> 00:50:40,065
Stop it, stop it! I don't
think that it's that funny.

972
00:50:40,066 --> 00:50:43,602
Baby, baby, come here, baby.

973
00:50:43,603 --> 00:50:46,440
You guys are fucking crazy.

974
00:50:48,241 --> 00:50:51,577
Oh, my God, those, that couple, you
couldn't have gotten better marks.

975
00:50:51,578 --> 00:50:55,381
- They were so sweet.
- Please stop. Somebody call stop.

976
00:50:55,382 --> 00:50:57,917
We cut. We're telling
everyone right now.

977
00:50:57,918 --> 00:50:59,993
- Do we have to go back out?
- No, no.

978
00:51:02,389 --> 00:51:06,364
I hate this job.
I fucking hate you.

979
00:51:09,229 --> 00:51:12,898
This is Handsome Jack Heartthrob,
he's gonna be our corpse for the day.

980
00:51:12,899 --> 00:51:17,303
This is our hearse, and we're
gonna ride around and...

981
00:51:17,304 --> 00:51:20,312
- Car.
- Car.

982
00:51:20,874 --> 00:51:23,008
This is the second funeral
bit you've done with us.

983
00:51:23,009 --> 00:51:24,643
On the TV show, he...

984
00:51:24,644 --> 00:51:27,680
On the TV show, Jack
was playing her pad

985
00:51:27,681 --> 00:51:29,482
and falling out of the
back of the hearse.

986
00:51:29,483 --> 00:51:32,051
Wait, wait, how do we know this
thing's not gonna flip over, though?

987
00:51:32,052 --> 00:51:34,553
- We don't.
- Yeah, how do we know that?

988
00:51:34,554 --> 00:51:35,955
We have no idea.

989
00:51:35,956 --> 00:51:38,424
- So, we have no idea.
- It's called trial and error.

990
00:51:38,425 --> 00:51:40,459
We don't know it's
not gonna flip over.

991
00:51:40,460 --> 00:51:43,262
If it flips over, try to come
out as dead as possible.

992
00:51:43,263 --> 00:51:46,131
'Cause if you break your fall,
it's not gonna look very good

993
00:51:46,132 --> 00:51:48,343
for a dead guy to break his fall.

994
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:55,841
So your face was all whitish green.

995
00:51:55,842 --> 00:51:58,744
It was white, because Spike
goes, "I'm a makeup artist."

996
00:51:58,745 --> 00:52:01,347
And he just took baby powder
and slammed it in my face.

997
00:52:01,348 --> 00:52:02,991
He's a makeup artist.

998
00:52:07,821 --> 00:52:09,930
What is he doing?

999
00:52:12,025 --> 00:52:13,770
How's Spike's breath?

1000
00:52:14,227 --> 00:52:15,427
Is that...

1001
00:52:15,428 --> 00:52:18,675
It's cutting through that baby
powder scent, that's for sure.

1002
00:52:19,900 --> 00:52:22,476
Insufficient funds, my tuchus.

1003
00:52:22,869 --> 00:52:26,412
I am very sorry about all of this.

1004
00:52:27,440 --> 00:52:29,708
But you have insufficient
funds, what else can we do?

1005
00:52:29,709 --> 00:52:32,250
I'll tell you what you can do,
you can kiss my tuchus.

1006
00:52:32,812 --> 00:52:35,114
I don't want you to
bury her anyway.

1007
00:52:35,382 --> 00:52:38,561
- Mr. Zisman.
- Get out of my sight. Get!

1008
00:52:41,354 --> 00:52:45,329
Can you believe that yahoo?
How we gonna do this?

1009
00:52:47,027 --> 00:52:50,001
Come on. Push her close.

1010
00:52:50,997 --> 00:52:53,106
Watch out, watch out.

1011
00:52:55,402 --> 00:52:56,703
God.

1012
00:53:03,877 --> 00:53:05,554
Oh, God.

1013
00:53:07,147 --> 00:53:08,858
Get in the car.

1014
00:53:19,259 --> 00:53:21,971
- What are we shooting here today?
- We have...

1015
00:53:22,796 --> 00:53:24,871
- Smelly Ellie.
- Smelly Ellie.

1016
00:53:26,866 --> 00:53:30,704
We're gonna get someone to try
to help bury her in the backyard.

1017
00:53:31,137 --> 00:53:34,139
We thought it'd be funny
to hire a guy to come over

1018
00:53:34,140 --> 00:53:37,142
and dig a hole in the backyard,
thinking it's for a tree or something,

1019
00:53:37,143 --> 00:53:39,545
and then spring it on them that,

1020
00:53:39,546 --> 00:53:42,615
"No, what actually, this is for my
wife, and would you carry the body

1021
00:53:42,616 --> 00:53:45,818
"out from the house and drop
it in the hole and bury her?"

1022
00:53:45,819 --> 00:53:49,657
I had a terrible time at the funeral
home trying to bury my wife.

1023
00:53:49,990 --> 00:53:54,102
I was wondering if I could
pay you a little money

1024
00:53:55,462 --> 00:53:59,331
to help me bury her
in her favorite spot.

1025
00:53:59,332 --> 00:54:01,634
I can't do that, no.

1026
00:54:03,003 --> 00:54:06,045
I can give you an extra $60.

1027
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:11,010
I don't think that's legal, and I don't
want to be getting into trouble.

1028
00:54:11,011 --> 00:54:14,947
We tried this in Columbus, and
people wanted nothing to do with it.

1029
00:54:14,948 --> 00:54:16,915
No, I can't do that.

1030
00:54:16,916 --> 00:54:20,119
Can you help me just carry
her outside to bury her?

1031
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:21,720
No, I can't do that.

1032
00:54:21,721 --> 00:54:23,295
Please help.

1033
00:54:23,623 --> 00:54:25,424
Please help an old man.

1034
00:54:25,425 --> 00:54:27,760
So, basically, we did not
get the bit in Ohio,

1035
00:54:27,761 --> 00:54:30,996
so we moved it to North Carolina 'cause
that's where our next location to shoot was.

1036
00:54:30,997 --> 00:54:35,803
This is the second time trying to get
someone to help me bury the body,

1037
00:54:36,870 --> 00:54:42,779
and I'm feeling kinda confident
today that it's gonna happen.

1038
00:54:43,410 --> 00:54:48,250
I think the vibe I was
putting out last time was,

1039
00:54:48,648 --> 00:54:51,550
wasn't one of positivity.

1040
00:54:51,551 --> 00:54:53,819
Today, I'm gonna be
a little more positive

1041
00:54:53,820 --> 00:54:57,499
in trying to get the
mark to help me do it.

1042
00:54:59,159 --> 00:55:02,961
I was telling you my wife
passed away a couple days ago

1043
00:55:02,962 --> 00:55:08,507
and she requested a home burial.

1044
00:55:09,235 --> 00:55:12,771
And we are gonna put
her in that hole,

1045
00:55:12,772 --> 00:55:15,951
and put a dogwood
tree on top of her.

1046
00:55:16,209 --> 00:55:20,946
And I was wondering if you could
help me carry her out there,

1047
00:55:20,947 --> 00:55:23,284
- and put her in the hole, please.
- Okay.

1048
00:55:23,650 --> 00:55:25,361
If we just...

1049
00:55:26,119 --> 00:55:29,195
Okay. Here we go.

1050
00:55:29,589 --> 00:55:30,756
You know, just throw
her in there, huh?

1051
00:55:30,757 --> 00:55:33,292
Yeah, yeah. Well... Let me, okay.

1052
00:55:33,293 --> 00:55:35,004
- All right, leave her go.
- One...

1053
00:55:35,095 --> 00:55:36,161
Leave her go.

1054
00:55:36,162 --> 00:55:38,840
Leave her go? All right.

1055
00:55:39,432 --> 00:55:41,934
Oh, my goodness.

1056
00:55:41,935 --> 00:55:44,036
- How much do I owe you?
- $325.

1057
00:55:44,037 --> 00:55:48,540
I don't really know about the
legality of all this, so...

1058
00:55:48,541 --> 00:55:51,543
$325? Yeah, all right.

1059
00:55:51,544 --> 00:55:53,045
I'll give you an extra $100.

1060
00:55:53,046 --> 00:55:56,418
That day I had two different people

1061
00:55:57,984 --> 00:56:02,562
help me bury a body
in the backyard.

1062
00:56:03,890 --> 00:56:05,225
Let's see.

1063
00:56:05,959 --> 00:56:09,828
We'll just, I mean, we're just
gonna drop her in, all right?

1064
00:56:09,829 --> 00:56:12,268
Okay, one, two, three.

1065
00:56:14,234 --> 00:56:15,842
Oh, shit.

1066
00:56:16,903 --> 00:56:19,238
Jeff just completely discounted

1067
00:56:19,239 --> 00:56:21,673
someone was gonna
put it in the ground.

1068
00:56:21,674 --> 00:56:25,811
Lord, please take my Ellie girl

1069
00:56:25,812 --> 00:56:29,915
into the Palace of Elysium.

1070
00:56:29,916 --> 00:56:32,059
She's a good girl.

1071
00:56:33,620 --> 00:56:36,421
I'm actually kind of
sugarcoating that a little.

1072
00:56:36,422 --> 00:56:41,865
She was always, earplugs, son. She
was always kind of a bitch, Lord.

1073
00:56:43,163 --> 00:56:49,311
Wouldn't give me any poon the
last 10 years of our marriage,

1074
00:56:49,702 --> 00:56:52,971
and not even a OTPHJ.

1075
00:56:52,972 --> 00:56:55,616
That's an over the pants handjob.

1076
00:56:55,875 --> 00:56:58,210
And then we got rid of
that whole idea altogether

1077
00:56:58,211 --> 00:56:59,978
and decided to take
the body on the road.

1078
00:56:59,979 --> 00:57:03,715
I think it went amazing. We had
three different sets of people

1079
00:57:03,716 --> 00:57:06,326
help me dispose of a body today.

1080
00:57:09,189 --> 00:57:12,958
Two into a shallow grave
dug in the backyard,

1081
00:57:12,959 --> 00:57:16,365
and one just helped me
put her in the trunk.

1082
00:57:18,231 --> 00:57:21,099
So, Gloria should be coming in,
into town next week, right?

1083
00:57:21,100 --> 00:57:24,677
Yeah, there's her tits and vagina
hanging in that closet over there.

1084
00:57:25,171 --> 00:57:27,314
Look at that beat-up old pussy.

1085
00:57:30,577 --> 00:57:32,811
Well, Gloria's someone that
we've shot with before.

1086
00:57:32,812 --> 00:57:36,081
It's really just Spike dressed as
an old lady, doing crazy stuff.

1087
00:57:36,082 --> 00:57:38,517
That was, you know, what we
shot on Jackass Number Two.

1088
00:57:38,518 --> 00:57:40,118
That's where Gloria was born.

1089
00:57:40,119 --> 00:57:42,487
- I'm Irving.
- And I'm Gloria.

1090
00:57:42,488 --> 00:57:44,768
And we're a dirty old couple.

1091
00:57:47,594 --> 00:57:49,194
In the second one, I was Gloria.

1092
00:57:49,195 --> 00:57:52,874
I was this old lady, and she
was very, very forward.

1093
00:57:53,199 --> 00:57:56,735
Probably pretty promiscuous
and maybe even a slut.

1094
00:57:56,736 --> 00:57:58,971
Hey, you guys like to party?

1095
00:57:58,972 --> 00:58:01,907
Hey, Cordell, you
look handsome there.

1096
00:58:01,908 --> 00:58:03,482
Thank you.

1097
00:58:03,877 --> 00:58:05,944
You boys wanna party?

1098
00:58:05,945 --> 00:58:08,981
Gloria, since last we met her,
I think she's evolved a lot.

1099
00:58:08,982 --> 00:58:12,384
Gloria can be very of-the-Earth
and at one with herself

1100
00:58:12,385 --> 00:58:13,886
and nature and the universe.

1101
00:58:13,887 --> 00:58:16,255
And she can share her
pussy with everyone.

1102
00:58:16,256 --> 00:58:18,223
Steve, can I get some
hand sanitizer, please?

1103
00:58:18,224 --> 00:58:22,594
- Well, here's our new dispenser.
- Well, I'll take a little of that.

1104
00:58:22,595 --> 00:58:24,806
- Oh, yeah.
- Thank you, sweetheart.

1105
00:58:25,031 --> 00:58:27,232
Dimitry, do I look prettier
than I ever have before?

1106
00:58:27,233 --> 00:58:29,034
Yeah, you do. You look... Yeah.

1107
00:58:29,035 --> 00:58:32,104
That was all I wanted. I just asked
them to make me look pretty this time.

1108
00:58:32,105 --> 00:58:33,538
- 'Cause I was so...
- You look gorgeous.

1109
00:58:33,539 --> 00:58:34,840
I was so demented last time.

1110
00:58:34,841 --> 00:58:36,575
I do look really pretty, right?

1111
00:58:36,576 --> 00:58:37,809
You have great skin for your age.

1112
00:58:37,810 --> 00:58:39,384
- You aged well.
- Thank you.

1113
00:58:39,612 --> 00:58:45,284
Gloria, it's tricky, 'cause,
okay, the nice way to put it is

1114
00:58:45,285 --> 00:58:48,220
I have very strong features.
I have a big nose.

1115
00:58:48,221 --> 00:58:50,125
Spike has very strong features.

1116
00:58:50,189 --> 00:58:54,760
To make strong features feminine
is a really rough battle

1117
00:58:54,761 --> 00:58:57,262
because the makeup is
an additive process.

1118
00:58:57,263 --> 00:59:02,935
Gloria was always the
tough one to crack.

1119
00:59:02,936 --> 00:59:05,045
Gloria, you ready for the day?

1120
00:59:06,072 --> 00:59:07,306
I don't know.

1121
00:59:07,307 --> 00:59:09,712
I mean, yeah, of course.

1122
00:59:10,043 --> 00:59:13,378
My whole reason for bringing
Gloria back in this movie

1123
00:59:13,379 --> 00:59:16,214
was to shoot a sex scene
with Irving and Gloria.

1124
00:59:16,215 --> 00:59:17,416
That's all I wanted to do.

1125
00:59:17,417 --> 00:59:21,520
I wanted those two to
be in full body makeup,

1126
00:59:21,521 --> 00:59:24,289
and have to do a sex scene, 'cause
neither of them wanted to do that.

1127
00:59:24,290 --> 00:59:25,657
They hated that idea.

1128
00:59:25,658 --> 00:59:27,392
And he kept coming
back to it, he's like,

1129
00:59:27,393 --> 00:59:30,862
"What if we go to San Diego and you
guys have sex in front of a ship?"

1130
00:59:30,863 --> 00:59:33,404
Like, things that
didn't even make sense.

1131
00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:38,470
So, Gloria in the story
for Bad Grandpa was...

1132
00:59:38,471 --> 00:59:39,938
We thought she was gonna be

1133
00:59:39,939 --> 00:59:43,308
the old high-school sweetheart
that got away from him.

1134
00:59:43,309 --> 00:59:45,811
We decided, we'll just
meet her in a restaurant,

1135
00:59:45,812 --> 00:59:48,613
but we'll already have
a date there with her

1136
00:59:48,614 --> 00:59:50,949
that we were gonna
get off Craigslist.

1137
00:59:50,950 --> 00:59:55,253
Oh, yeah, man. Your email responses
were just off, all night long.

1138
00:59:55,254 --> 00:59:58,091
Like, all... I got
like 50 responses.

1139
00:59:58,992 --> 01:00:01,772
- Oh, 50, I got 50 dates?
- Yeah, yeah.

1140
01:00:01,928 --> 01:00:03,628
It's all these guys who
are answering this ad,

1141
01:00:03,629 --> 01:00:07,632
some of them are legitimate, like,
you know, older guys themselves.

1142
01:00:07,633 --> 01:00:12,037
But some of them were
just creepy. You know?

1143
01:00:12,038 --> 01:00:18,619
There was a guy that would only come if
he was promised mutual masturbation.

1144
01:00:20,346 --> 01:00:22,182
And we said yes.

1145
01:00:22,415 --> 01:00:26,925
I had a lot of, you know, lot of
firsts that week in North Carolina,

1146
01:00:27,053 --> 01:00:30,922
where I found myself,
like, like getting propo...

1147
01:00:30,923 --> 01:00:33,859
Like, the man that wanted to give
me a massa... Like, nude massages.

1148
01:00:33,860 --> 01:00:36,495
Yes, that, that'd be fun,
bring your massage table,

1149
01:00:36,496 --> 01:00:37,863
I've never done that.

1150
01:00:37,864 --> 01:00:39,765
I'm a, you know, I'm very curious,

1151
01:00:39,766 --> 01:00:43,013
I'm a very, you know,
interested, curious person.

1152
01:00:43,302 --> 01:00:48,373
And another man that wanted me
to talk... To dominate him.

1153
01:00:48,374 --> 01:00:50,776
You are a naughty boy.

1154
01:00:50,777 --> 01:00:54,320
And that you need
a little discipline.

1155
01:00:54,781 --> 01:00:58,016
Okay? Now, you get in your
car and you drive over here,

1156
01:00:58,017 --> 01:01:00,263
and quit being so naughty.

1157
01:01:01,187 --> 01:01:03,922
You just shut up. You do not
talk about your feelings,

1158
01:01:03,923 --> 01:01:06,430
'cause I don't give a
fuck about your feelings.

1159
01:01:06,893 --> 01:01:09,673
No, you don't say that,
or you say, "Yes, ma'am."

1160
01:01:10,663 --> 01:01:12,943
Or I'll smack the fuck outta you.

1161
01:01:15,301 --> 01:01:20,539
And then Spike felt weird because
he thought the guy may have been

1162
01:01:20,540 --> 01:01:23,542
taking care of himself while
he was talking to them.

1163
01:01:23,543 --> 01:01:25,413
Are you touching yourself?

1164
01:01:31,751 --> 01:01:33,689
You don't like being, do...

1165
01:01:36,155 --> 01:01:39,224
You just think about that
for 25 seconds, okay?

1166
01:01:39,225 --> 01:01:41,193
You're a bad boy,
you go into the corner.

1167
01:01:41,194 --> 01:01:44,634
He's never gonna be on camera.
He won't even go in the restaurant.

1168
01:01:44,864 --> 01:01:49,112
I mean, I had mixed feelings
about this situation.

1169
01:01:49,602 --> 01:01:52,904
And, but, you know, we
gotta make a movie, right?

1170
01:01:52,905 --> 01:01:55,685
Bottom line is it's so
poorly thought out because,

1171
01:01:56,576 --> 01:01:59,978
well, who the hell's gonna sign
a release form after the fact,

1172
01:01:59,979 --> 01:02:01,580
like, they're gonna
come out looking like,

1173
01:02:01,581 --> 01:02:04,382
"Oh, my God, I was just out
there trying to hook up

1174
01:02:04,383 --> 01:02:07,652
"with an 85-year-old freak show."

1175
01:02:07,653 --> 01:02:09,688
I don't wanna lead you on, I'm...

1176
01:02:09,689 --> 01:02:12,390
You're not leading me on.
That's not an issue.

1177
01:02:12,391 --> 01:02:13,959
I know, but you're coming
on to me and so I don't...

1178
01:02:13,960 --> 01:02:15,527
I was not coming on to you.

1179
01:02:15,528 --> 01:02:16,795
You were kind of coming on to her.

1180
01:02:16,796 --> 01:02:18,697
I was not coming on to her.

1181
01:02:18,698 --> 01:02:20,398
- A little.
- It seemed that way when I came in.

1182
01:02:20,399 --> 01:02:22,134
It shouldn't seem that way.

1183
01:02:22,135 --> 01:02:23,201
Yeah.

1184
01:02:23,202 --> 01:02:27,072
That pad when you told me about how
good my Kundalini was, was kinda...

1185
01:02:27,073 --> 01:02:30,175
We didn't talk about your Kundalini.
I don't know what a Kundalini is.

1186
01:02:30,176 --> 01:02:32,043
You showed him your Kundalini?

1187
01:02:32,044 --> 01:02:34,513
No, but I think he could imagine.

1188
01:02:34,514 --> 01:02:39,784
I met a man named... We're gonna
have to beep that, though,

1189
01:02:39,785 --> 01:02:42,588
because he wanted to fuck
me in the ass. Oops.

1190
01:02:43,389 --> 01:02:47,159
I don't know. A lot of them wouldn't sign
the releases, let's put it that way.

1191
01:02:49,362 --> 01:02:50,462
Hey!

1192
01:02:50,463 --> 01:02:51,798
Hi!

1193
01:02:53,065 --> 01:02:54,232
So nice to meet you.

1194
01:02:54,233 --> 01:02:55,333
Nice to meet you.

1195
01:02:55,334 --> 01:02:57,536
Where are you going?

1196
01:02:57,537 --> 01:02:58,737
I've I got here early. And I think

1197
01:02:58,738 --> 01:03:01,439
I got another appointment
to go to. I tried to call you.

1198
01:03:01,440 --> 01:03:02,908
And do you have five minutes?

1199
01:03:02,909 --> 01:03:05,189
No, I need to go to the
other appointment now.

1200
01:03:05,511 --> 01:03:08,146
That's okay. I'll
just get some coffee.

1201
01:03:08,147 --> 01:03:10,859
Okay. All right, honey. Thanks.

1202
01:03:12,084 --> 01:03:13,863
One other thing...

1203
01:03:14,954 --> 01:03:17,122
You think we could
meet later on tonight?

1204
01:03:17,123 --> 01:03:19,891
Uh no, uh-uh.

1205
01:03:19,892 --> 01:03:22,794
Maybe a, you know, a little
booty call around midnight?

1206
01:03:22,795 --> 01:03:24,165
No, uh-uh.

1207
01:03:24,330 --> 01:03:25,764
Okay. Hope you have a good night.

1208
01:03:25,765 --> 01:03:27,098
All right, uh-uh.

1209
01:03:27,099 --> 01:03:28,700
I got stood up.

1210
01:03:28,701 --> 01:03:30,902
A lot of more funny ones
wouldn't sign releases.

1211
01:03:30,903 --> 01:03:32,537
Like, one guy showed
up and he wanted to...

1212
01:03:32,538 --> 01:03:33,772
He wasn't very nice to me,

1213
01:03:33,773 --> 01:03:36,274
he just wanted to eat
and fuck, basically.

1214
01:03:36,275 --> 01:03:40,182
And, you know, I wanted a
little conversation first.

1215
01:03:41,480 --> 01:03:45,350
He showed up and he was just angry.
You know, he just sat down angry.

1216
01:03:45,351 --> 01:03:47,255
Of course, he was angry.

1217
01:03:47,420 --> 01:03:48,801
I gotta go to the restroom.

1218
01:03:49,488 --> 01:03:50,689
I gotta use the restroom.

1219
01:03:50,690 --> 01:03:53,758
- No. Irving.
- Yeah, you know what, I'm, let's, let...

1220
01:03:53,759 --> 01:03:56,005
I said I had to go to the restroom.

1221
01:03:56,062 --> 01:03:58,863
Jesus. Well, you didn't
have to go and...

1222
01:03:58,864 --> 01:03:59,931
I did.

1223
01:03:59,932 --> 01:04:01,800
Slam me to the ground.

1224
01:04:01,801 --> 01:04:04,603
But, the nice thing is, like, I did
feel vulnerable, but I felt like,

1225
01:04:04,604 --> 01:04:06,304
you know, you guys had
my back, basically.

1226
01:04:06,305 --> 01:04:09,051
You weren't gonna let me get raped.

1227
01:04:09,709 --> 01:04:12,244
Except Jeff. Jeff would
have let me get raped.

1228
01:04:12,245 --> 01:04:15,788
No, I gotta go.
Fuck this. Fuck this.

1229
01:04:16,282 --> 01:04:20,496
I'm talking to too many,
too many weirdoes.

1230
01:04:20,720 --> 01:04:22,587
The first day got
a little bit dark,

1231
01:04:22,588 --> 01:04:25,690
so we retooled the ad,
made it a little bit softer,

1232
01:04:25,691 --> 01:04:28,130
and the next day we met Javier.

1233
01:04:28,361 --> 01:04:33,498
Who was just a guy in a new town,
and just looking to meet new people.

1234
01:04:33,499 --> 01:04:36,434
And that poor guy stayed,

1235
01:04:36,435 --> 01:04:39,045
and was nice enough to
sign a release at the end.

1236
01:04:39,338 --> 01:04:40,872
Javier?

1237
01:04:40,873 --> 01:04:42,140
Yes, it's me.

1238
01:04:42,141 --> 01:04:44,943
Hi, how are you? Gloria,
it's so nice to meet you.

1239
01:04:44,944 --> 01:04:46,314
Nice to meet you, too.

1240
01:04:46,545 --> 01:04:48,913
- How was your drive?
- It was fine.

1241
01:04:48,914 --> 01:04:50,982
Good, good. The traffic died down?

1242
01:04:50,983 --> 01:04:52,984
Yes, nice and light, thank God.

1243
01:04:52,985 --> 01:04:55,253
Good, good. Yeah.

1244
01:04:55,254 --> 01:04:57,856
Well, let me, here, let
me see your energy.

1245
01:04:57,857 --> 01:04:59,090
Okay.

1246
01:04:59,091 --> 01:05:01,598
Now breathe into
your chest with me.

1247
01:05:04,530 --> 01:05:07,333
Oh, good. Okay, now breathe
into your stomach.

1248
01:05:09,568 --> 01:05:11,469
Oh, good, good, that's nice, okay.

1249
01:05:11,470 --> 01:05:13,716
Now breathe into your
Johnson with me.

1250
01:05:14,073 --> 01:05:15,573
Okay, that's interesting.

1251
01:05:15,574 --> 01:05:17,809
I've never been asked to
do that third one before.

1252
01:05:17,810 --> 01:05:21,284
- Yeah, it's... It helps with your energy.
- Gloria!

1253
01:05:22,782 --> 01:05:24,716
- Irving?
- Hey, Gloria.

1254
01:05:24,717 --> 01:05:26,818
How are you, what are you doing?
What are you doing here tonight?

1255
01:05:26,819 --> 01:05:29,521
- How are you, sweetheart?
- Hi, Gloria, nice to meet you, I'm Billy.

1256
01:05:29,522 --> 01:05:32,324
- Billy, nice to meet you.
- It's my grandson.

1257
01:05:32,325 --> 01:05:34,159
This is my new friend, Javier.

1258
01:05:34,160 --> 01:05:36,861
- Javier? Hey, man, como estas?
- Hi.

1259
01:05:36,862 --> 01:05:39,331
- How are you doing? Yes.
- Good, good. How are you?

1260
01:05:39,332 --> 01:05:41,299
- Hey, let me in, Javier.
- Yeah, sure.

1261
01:05:41,300 --> 01:05:43,602
Oh, no. We're... I apologize.

1262
01:05:43,736 --> 01:05:46,037
Where's the waitress?
I need a coffee.

1263
01:05:46,038 --> 01:05:48,740
You need a coffee?
You look really stoned.

1264
01:05:48,741 --> 01:05:50,362
- Irving, maybe...
- No, I'm okay.

1265
01:05:50,676 --> 01:05:52,744
Ma'am, can I get some cream?

1266
01:05:52,745 --> 01:05:54,245
- Certainly!
- Can I get some cream?

1267
01:05:54,246 --> 01:05:55,480
Oh, you know what?

1268
01:05:55,481 --> 01:05:56,548
I'm sorry, there's
some cream right here.

1269
01:05:56,549 --> 01:05:58,516
No, no, no, no, you
don't want this cream.

1270
01:05:58,517 --> 01:06:00,552
You don't want this cream.

1271
01:06:00,553 --> 01:06:02,587
That has a lot of chemicals in it.

1272
01:06:02,588 --> 01:06:05,869
I want you to have my milk.

1273
01:06:07,293 --> 01:06:08,760
Okay.

1274
01:06:08,761 --> 01:06:10,267
Oh, dear Lord.

1275
01:06:13,866 --> 01:06:15,066
I have a gift.

1276
01:06:15,067 --> 01:06:19,938
The Lord has given me this gift,
since I was a young woman.

1277
01:06:19,939 --> 01:06:23,942
It's amazing, I've never had children,
but I still lactate to this day,

1278
01:06:23,943 --> 01:06:26,344
and I don't know how and why.

1279
01:06:26,345 --> 01:06:28,420
- Here, try that.
- Did that just happen?

1280
01:06:31,517 --> 01:06:32,818
You smell.

1281
01:06:35,054 --> 01:06:36,721
- Good, it has a lot of protein.
- It smells okay.

1282
01:06:36,722 --> 01:06:39,298
- Doesn't smell bad, right?
- No, it's okay.

1283
01:06:47,133 --> 01:06:50,034
Let me tell you something.
Here, scoot over.

1284
01:06:50,035 --> 01:06:51,936
- What? All right.
- I just need to sit closer to Javier.

1285
01:06:51,937 --> 01:06:54,183
Scoot, scoot over, Julio.

1286
01:06:54,974 --> 01:06:57,185
Can I get a little more cream?

1287
01:06:57,476 --> 01:07:00,779
- Oh, sure. 'Cause I know...
- But not in my coffee.

1288
01:07:00,780 --> 01:07:04,584
Javier likes it when I
show him my mother's milk.

1289
01:07:04,884 --> 01:07:06,458
Right here.

1290
01:07:07,453 --> 01:07:08,731
Oh, sure.

1291
01:07:10,122 --> 01:07:11,867
Oh, pen is... You look...

1292
01:07:11,957 --> 01:07:13,892
- Javier, do you want some?
- No, it's okay.

1293
01:07:13,893 --> 01:07:15,126
- Do you want some?
- I'm okay.

1294
01:07:15,127 --> 01:07:18,096
Does that turn you on when I
do that? Look at me in the eye.

1295
01:07:18,097 --> 01:07:20,809
- Make eye contact. I like that.
- No.

1296
01:07:22,334 --> 01:07:25,046
He's making eye contact
with me, Irving.

1297
01:07:26,338 --> 01:07:28,015
Okay.

1298
01:07:28,808 --> 01:07:31,884
Okay, can I go to the
restroom, please?

1299
01:07:31,977 --> 01:07:34,312
- Thank you.
- Talk about a cockblock.

1300
01:07:34,313 --> 01:07:35,780
- Javier, I apologize, okay.
- I'll be right back.

1301
01:07:35,781 --> 01:07:36,848
It's all right, I'll be right back.

1302
01:07:36,849 --> 01:07:38,716
No, I think he's gonna
run for the border.

1303
01:07:38,717 --> 01:07:41,019
He jumped out of the bathroom
window and ran away.

1304
01:07:41,020 --> 01:07:44,589
Luckily, Guch caught him,
and then he signed.

1305
01:07:44,590 --> 01:07:46,591
Did he take off out the
backdoor or something?

1306
01:07:46,592 --> 01:07:47,996
Maybe he did.

1307
01:07:49,228 --> 01:07:52,031
- Yeah, he's out of here.
- He's gone?

1308
01:07:52,198 --> 01:07:54,341
Spike and I have a
ball when we shoot,

1309
01:07:54,467 --> 01:07:59,341
but he also enjoys pushing my
buttons a little when we shoot.

1310
01:08:04,410 --> 01:08:06,087
Oh, boy.

1311
01:08:06,178 --> 01:08:08,617
She's a feisty one today.

1312
01:08:08,881 --> 01:08:11,957
- I can see.
- Oh, boy.

1313
01:08:13,352 --> 01:08:16,861
- That was tongue in my ear.
- Look at me, don't look at her.

1314
01:08:19,024 --> 01:08:21,463
- Look at me.
- You're getting a little feisty, baby.

1315
01:08:22,127 --> 01:08:24,031
Look in my eyes.

1316
01:08:25,397 --> 01:08:27,472
You're so pretty.

1317
01:08:29,602 --> 01:08:31,939
Oh, boy.

1318
01:08:33,672 --> 01:08:36,316
I had to make out with
Spike, that was terrible.

1319
01:08:36,942 --> 01:08:39,277
He really lingers
when you're kissing.

1320
01:08:39,278 --> 01:08:42,080
He's not like a get-it-over and...

1321
01:08:42,081 --> 01:08:45,692
No, he lingers after he kisses.

1322
01:08:45,885 --> 01:08:47,385
Terrible.

1323
01:08:47,386 --> 01:08:49,354
As soon as I realized that

1324
01:08:49,355 --> 01:08:51,923
Knoxville was getting uncomfortable
when I'd try and kiss him,

1325
01:08:51,924 --> 01:08:53,358
then I, of course, couldn't stop.

1326
01:08:53,359 --> 01:08:56,401
I was like, every chance I could,
I'd try and make out with him.

1327
01:08:57,630 --> 01:08:59,932
You ever... No!

1328
01:09:00,766 --> 01:09:04,869
What, why are you so nervous?
Why, why are you so nervous?

1329
01:09:04,870 --> 01:09:06,337
Cut!

1330
01:09:06,338 --> 01:09:09,574
- Let me see what you've got down there.
- No! Stop, stop, stop.

1331
01:09:09,575 --> 01:09:11,709
- Stop, stop!
- What's wrong, PJ?

1332
01:09:11,710 --> 01:09:14,078
PJ? You dropped character.

1333
01:09:14,079 --> 01:09:17,282
Come here, son. Pull
your pants down.

1334
01:09:17,283 --> 01:09:19,417
No! Oh, no! God!

1335
01:09:19,418 --> 01:09:20,585
Come here.

1336
01:09:20,586 --> 01:09:22,053
- Please stop, please stop.
- Get your clothes off.

1337
01:09:22,054 --> 01:09:24,163
Come on, come on, come on.

1338
01:09:25,925 --> 01:09:27,325
Come on, you're getting
me all hot and bothered.

1339
01:09:27,326 --> 01:09:29,327
You can't just turn me
on like that and let me,

1340
01:09:29,328 --> 01:09:31,262
make me go home empty-handed.

1341
01:09:31,263 --> 01:09:33,099
Okay, I'm done.

1342
01:09:40,205 --> 01:09:44,108
Hey, sir, could you help me get these
beers to my car? I'm so sorry.

1343
01:09:44,109 --> 01:09:46,480
Yes, sir. Not a
problem, not a problem.

1344
01:09:46,512 --> 01:09:47,912
How are you doing today?

1345
01:09:47,913 --> 01:09:49,314
I'm doing good. How about you?

1346
01:09:49,315 --> 01:09:51,549
I'm, well, I've been better.

1347
01:09:51,550 --> 01:09:53,585
You know, my wife
just died recently.

1348
01:09:53,586 --> 01:09:55,797
So working myself through it.

1349
01:09:57,022 --> 01:09:59,859
Honey, I am so sorry,

1350
01:10:00,659 --> 01:10:02,427
I apologize.

1351
01:10:02,428 --> 01:10:04,799
Is it a dead person in your trunk?

1352
01:10:05,264 --> 01:10:07,566
It's my wife, Ellie.

1353
01:10:11,503 --> 01:10:12,837
Ernest!

1354
01:10:12,838 --> 01:10:15,414
I'm going to get my grandson
now. God bless you.

1355
01:10:23,182 --> 01:10:27,123
Irving, Irving, wait!
Wait, what are you doing?

1356
01:10:27,753 --> 01:10:30,521
Like, what the hell is
wrong with y'all people?

1357
01:10:30,522 --> 01:10:31,689
Where is he?

1358
01:10:31,690 --> 01:10:36,260
Please, you have eyebrows
glued on you and everything,

1359
01:10:36,261 --> 01:10:38,162
like, what is wrong with y'all?

1360
01:10:38,163 --> 01:10:39,564
What do you mean?

1361
01:10:39,565 --> 01:10:42,100
He's riding around with a
dead person in the trunk.

1362
01:10:42,101 --> 01:10:44,035
That's his wife.

1363
01:10:44,036 --> 01:10:46,638
Why is he riding around with
a dead person in the trunk?

1364
01:10:46,639 --> 01:10:48,139
Because she died.

1365
01:10:48,140 --> 01:10:51,250
Okay, why has she not been buried?

1366
01:10:52,277 --> 01:10:54,278
Because he had an issue
at the funeral home,

1367
01:10:54,279 --> 01:10:56,814
and he's gonna bury her himself.

1368
01:10:56,815 --> 01:10:58,282
But we're going to
Florida right now,

1369
01:10:58,283 --> 01:11:01,359
we're going to the
Florida Keys together.

1370
01:11:03,188 --> 01:11:05,058
We're, we're lovers.

1371
01:11:05,691 --> 01:11:06,858
Y'all are lovers.

1372
01:11:06,859 --> 01:11:08,467
Yeah.

1373
01:11:08,494 --> 01:11:11,863
- Well, he just left. I called the police.
- Is he on his way back to pick me up?

1374
01:11:11,864 --> 01:11:14,832
- No, he gonna get in trouble.
- But is he coming back to pick me up?

1375
01:11:14,833 --> 01:11:18,012
No, he is not coming back. I told
him I was calling the police.

1376
01:11:18,170 --> 01:11:20,638
Actually, you know what,
maybe don't call the police.

1377
01:11:20,639 --> 01:11:21,973
Yeah, I'm calling the police.

1378
01:11:21,974 --> 01:11:24,515
Maybe if you don't call the police.

1379
01:11:25,477 --> 01:11:27,011
Yeah, I'm calling.

1380
01:11:27,012 --> 01:11:30,088
What if, what if you just
stopped calling the police?

1381
01:11:30,382 --> 01:11:32,950
Yes, I need police to
Giant Penny on The Plaza.

1382
01:11:32,951 --> 01:11:34,819
No, you're being silly.

1383
01:11:34,820 --> 01:11:36,220
And then this lady that's
talking in my background...

1384
01:11:36,221 --> 01:11:39,058
We should call it. She's
getting too worked up.

1385
01:11:39,792 --> 01:11:41,435
Okay.

1386
01:11:41,760 --> 01:11:43,562
Can somebody come over?

1387
01:11:43,929 --> 01:11:45,430
Can I tell you something, ma'am?

1388
01:11:45,431 --> 01:11:48,452
- It's okay, lady. It's all pad of a TV show.
- We're making a movie.

1389
01:11:48,901 --> 01:11:50,874
We're making a movie.

1390
01:11:51,870 --> 01:11:57,210
Ma'am, I'm so sorry. I'm not
even a woman. I'm a man.

1391
01:11:58,277 --> 01:12:01,579
I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.
You were so nice.

1392
01:12:01,580 --> 01:12:02,714
Okay, okay.

1393
01:12:02,715 --> 01:12:04,515
- What's your name?
- Robin.

1394
01:12:04,516 --> 01:12:06,350
- I'm Spike. So nice to meet you.
- Spike.

1395
01:12:06,351 --> 01:12:08,486
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Nice to meet you, too.

1396
01:12:08,487 --> 01:12:10,164
She was too nice.

1397
01:12:11,023 --> 01:12:13,791
So that we have a tantric
sex lady coming at...

1398
01:12:13,792 --> 01:12:14,926
At 2:00?

1399
01:12:14,927 --> 01:12:16,294
Yeah, you know what
tantric sex is, right?

1400
01:12:16,295 --> 01:12:19,075
Yeah, it's where you fuck
with a lot of eye contact.

1401
01:12:19,898 --> 01:12:24,203
Of course. I read about it
in a pamphlet in my church.

1402
01:12:27,005 --> 01:12:29,307
Yeah, the sex therapy,
I think it was Spike's idea,

1403
01:12:29,308 --> 01:12:34,023
he wanted to get these, like,
spiritual healers to help him,

1404
01:12:36,181 --> 01:12:40,486
finally break through so Irving
can have sex with him, her.

1405
01:12:41,487 --> 01:12:44,028
Yeah, does any of this
newfangled voodooinsky,

1406
01:12:45,023 --> 01:12:47,826
is it gonna loosen her up
in the old bunglestein?

1407
01:12:48,761 --> 01:12:51,701
- This might heal you a little bit.
- A little of the pink.

1408
01:12:52,564 --> 01:12:53,965
How's that feel?

1409
01:12:53,966 --> 01:12:56,644
It feels like you're rubbing
a rock on my face. Stop it.

1410
01:12:57,603 --> 01:13:00,474
I'm gonna just put it over here.
This feels nice here.

1411
01:13:01,173 --> 01:13:02,774
Well, I kind of need it
here for the reading.

1412
01:13:02,775 --> 01:13:03,875
Okay.

1413
01:13:03,876 --> 01:13:05,543
But you can hold it until
we get to that point.

1414
01:13:05,544 --> 01:13:06,778
Okay.

1415
01:13:06,779 --> 01:13:09,889
- And I put it there because it is for love.
- Yeah.

1416
01:13:11,383 --> 01:13:13,317
So, see, we already found
some stuff you can do.

1417
01:13:13,318 --> 01:13:15,686
Go up to The Portal,
get some rose quartz.

1418
01:13:15,687 --> 01:13:16,988
The Porthole?

1419
01:13:16,989 --> 01:13:18,656
The Portal.

1420
01:13:18,657 --> 01:13:20,324
Where you can get these rocks.

1421
01:13:20,325 --> 01:13:21,759
Can I see this one again?
This one's...

1422
01:13:21,760 --> 01:13:24,328
Not if you put it in your crotch!
It cannot go in your crotch.

1423
01:13:24,329 --> 01:13:25,730
- Why?
- It could fit in there.

1424
01:13:25,731 --> 01:13:28,232
- Because it's my rock.
- You use this in your crotch?

1425
01:13:28,233 --> 01:13:31,035
No, I do not, and I don't want
you using it on your crotch.

1426
01:13:31,036 --> 01:13:32,436
She uses that one.

1427
01:13:32,437 --> 01:13:34,238
I don't use any of
these on my crotch...

1428
01:13:34,239 --> 01:13:36,874
But you can, they can
be used on your crotch.

1429
01:13:36,875 --> 01:13:38,543
No, these are for healing.
No, you would never do that.

1430
01:13:38,544 --> 01:13:40,178
You would buy a vibrator, you
wouldn't use one of these.

1431
01:13:40,179 --> 01:13:42,079
- These would not be comfortable.
- Where do we get a vibrator?

1432
01:13:42,080 --> 01:13:43,447
At The Porthole?

1433
01:13:43,448 --> 01:13:45,616
Okay, why are you saying that?
It's The Portal.

1434
01:13:45,617 --> 01:13:47,718
- What is it called?
- P-O-R-T-A-L.

1435
01:13:47,719 --> 01:13:49,519
It has nothing to do with a hole.

1436
01:13:49,520 --> 01:13:51,489
You can think of this as you.

1437
01:13:51,490 --> 01:13:54,292
This would be your head,
this would be your body.

1438
01:13:54,293 --> 01:13:56,004
There's your poontang, right there.

1439
01:13:56,128 --> 01:13:57,295
The magician.

1440
01:13:57,296 --> 01:13:58,896
No, my "flower" is
what I like to call it.

1441
01:13:58,897 --> 01:14:01,265
She magicianed you.
Make my schmeckle disappear.

1442
01:14:01,266 --> 01:14:05,469
She would, she doesn't like your
term, she prefers the term "flower."

1443
01:14:05,470 --> 01:14:08,072
- Okay.
- Make him say that. Make him say it.

1444
01:14:08,073 --> 01:14:12,788
I heard you say you don't
like the term "poontang."

1445
01:14:12,878 --> 01:14:17,548
- And I agree with her.
- And, okay, okay, you prefer "flower."

1446
01:14:17,549 --> 01:14:19,829
I would like to eat
your flower, honey.

1447
01:14:21,653 --> 01:14:23,855
Okay, we'll work on that,
we'll work on that.

1448
01:14:23,856 --> 01:14:25,690
Irving! Tell him how
to say that nicer.

1449
01:14:25,691 --> 01:14:29,594
Okay, I would relish the chance...

1450
01:14:29,595 --> 01:14:32,463
I would like to put relish
on your flower, honey.

1451
01:14:32,464 --> 01:14:35,267
Okay, that's close enough,
'cause he wants to eat it up.

1452
01:14:36,001 --> 01:14:37,702
I don't want relish on my flower.

1453
01:14:37,703 --> 01:14:41,539
No, no. I said he would
relish, as in really enjoy.

1454
01:14:41,540 --> 01:14:42,773
Oh, boy.

1455
01:14:42,774 --> 01:14:44,475
Relish, as in really
enjoy the opportunity.

1456
01:14:44,476 --> 01:14:46,611
- Yes.
- Won't that sting? It's very spicy.

1457
01:14:46,612 --> 01:14:49,881
Okay, no, no, no, no, we're not
putting relish on you anywhere.

1458
01:14:49,882 --> 01:14:52,450
And your ultimate outcome card,

1459
01:14:52,451 --> 01:14:56,053
if you can learn to use
your words differently.

1460
01:14:56,054 --> 01:14:57,121
Right.

1461
01:14:57,122 --> 01:15:00,091
- And to not be aggressively grabbing.
- This is the best pad.

1462
01:15:00,092 --> 01:15:01,894
This is the best pad.

1463
01:15:03,195 --> 01:15:04,996
Everything's gonna work for you.

1464
01:15:04,997 --> 01:15:06,605
I get anal.

1465
01:15:07,332 --> 01:15:09,300
- That's what she said. Yes.
- That's just what she said?

1466
01:15:09,301 --> 01:15:10,668
I'm not saying...

1467
01:15:10,669 --> 01:15:12,470
- Not you, the cards.
- ...and the cards are not saying...

1468
01:15:12,471 --> 01:15:15,606
They're not saying that you
should have anal, okay?

1469
01:15:15,607 --> 01:15:17,675
- What are, what...
- That's, they're saying that

1470
01:15:17,676 --> 01:15:20,344
you're gonna have a
better relationship.

1471
01:15:20,345 --> 01:15:22,113
That you're gonna be happier,

1472
01:15:22,114 --> 01:15:24,695
- and he's gonna be happier.
- And, they're implying anal.

1473
01:15:25,417 --> 01:15:28,419
I think what they're
suggesting is that if you...

1474
01:15:28,420 --> 01:15:30,888
- Oh, I'm sorry, they're suggesting anal.
- If you are willing...

1475
01:15:30,889 --> 01:15:33,024
Yeah, I can never say do
this or don't do that.

1476
01:15:33,025 --> 01:15:36,966
And if you tell him that you
don't like it, he will stop.

1477
01:15:37,162 --> 01:15:39,196
- But if you like it...
- And then you try it again another time.

1478
01:15:39,197 --> 01:15:41,101
- And if you like it...
- It's...

1479
01:15:42,467 --> 01:15:45,403
We met the lady with the
crystals, who was very funny.

1480
01:15:45,404 --> 01:15:48,116
And then we struck gold
with the card reader.

1481
01:15:48,240 --> 01:15:51,509
We've just come in recent
contact with each other again,

1482
01:15:51,510 --> 01:15:56,113
and he would like to take our
relationship further, but, myself,

1483
01:15:56,114 --> 01:15:58,182
I want to get him fixed
before we do that,

1484
01:15:58,183 --> 01:16:04,388
because I don't want him bringing
his negative juju into my energy,

1485
01:16:04,389 --> 01:16:06,134
my sexual energy field.

1486
01:16:06,825 --> 01:16:08,934
You want to fix him?

1487
01:16:09,094 --> 01:16:13,604
So I can knuckle up on her pilaf
and slip her the old butterfinger.

1488
01:16:15,033 --> 01:16:18,246
Well, whatever, you know...

1489
01:16:18,637 --> 01:16:21,247
Very lewd, he can
be a very lewd man.

1490
01:16:21,940 --> 01:16:24,277
Well, he's a man.

1491
01:16:25,077 --> 01:16:27,118
That's the way men are.

1492
01:16:27,746 --> 01:16:30,048
Tell her what you said
you wanted last night.

1493
01:16:31,516 --> 01:16:37,357
I told you that your pubic dandruff is
not doing my schmeckleheimer no favors.

1494
01:16:37,489 --> 01:16:39,669
- That's what I told you.
- That's what he said.

1495
01:16:41,193 --> 01:16:44,406
Well, are you a Jewish gentleman?

1496
01:16:44,830 --> 01:16:49,135
Well, I wasn't,
I was an accountant.

1497
01:16:49,801 --> 01:16:54,572
So I changed my name to Zisman to
drum up more business, you know?

1498
01:16:54,573 --> 01:16:56,443
- It just smelled like money.
- Oh.

1499
01:16:57,042 --> 01:16:59,710
Oh, so you do have a
little Jewish in you.

1500
01:16:59,711 --> 01:17:02,048
I'm trying to put a
little Jewish in her.

1501
01:17:03,382 --> 01:17:06,117
Okay, you'd like for
her to get nasty.

1502
01:17:06,118 --> 01:17:08,352
You'd like for her to get
nasty, wouldn't you?

1503
01:17:08,353 --> 01:17:11,224
- I would love for her to get nasty.
- What does that mean?

1504
01:17:11,656 --> 01:17:13,333
He wants to

1505
01:17:15,594 --> 01:17:20,364
show you physically,
in the words...

1506
01:17:20,365 --> 01:17:22,440
Throw it in your pickle schmear.

1507
01:17:25,370 --> 01:17:27,204
What is a pickle schmear?

1508
01:17:27,205 --> 01:17:29,874
That's just, that's just his lingo.

1509
01:17:29,875 --> 01:17:30,941
Oh, okay.

1510
01:17:30,942 --> 01:17:32,443
It means the backdoor.

1511
01:17:32,444 --> 01:17:33,984
Oh, okay.

1512
01:17:39,051 --> 01:17:42,821
Now, I don't know where you're go...
I don't know why you need to go there.

1513
01:17:43,622 --> 01:17:45,924
- Where?
- To the backdoor.

1514
01:17:46,625 --> 01:17:49,193
So, when I got up to
go to the bathroom,

1515
01:17:49,194 --> 01:17:52,897
the card reader had a real
quiet talk with Spike,

1516
01:17:52,898 --> 01:17:56,133
trying to determine if
he was a transvestite.

1517
01:17:56,134 --> 01:18:01,907
You have a very feminine
side, and you have a very...

1518
01:18:02,074 --> 01:18:04,375
You can do things
that men can do, too.

1519
01:18:04,376 --> 01:18:05,576
Really, like what?

1520
01:18:05,577 --> 01:18:10,553
Basically, what she
implied was, was I a man?

1521
01:18:13,151 --> 01:18:15,252
And Gloria's very
sensitive about that.

1522
01:18:15,253 --> 01:18:17,188
Gloria doesn't want
to be, like, Gloria...

1523
01:18:17,189 --> 01:18:19,223
Gloria's very proud
of her femininity

1524
01:18:19,224 --> 01:18:22,426
and even if she has certain
traits that are very masculine,

1525
01:18:22,427 --> 01:18:23,894
- I think that's not...
- Like her dick?

1526
01:18:23,895 --> 01:18:26,232
Like her dick.

1527
01:18:30,969 --> 01:18:35,573
He has a... He talks about big butts a lot
and I'm gonna try and be light about that

1528
01:18:35,574 --> 01:18:38,442
but it certainly
upsets me sometimes.

1529
01:18:38,443 --> 01:18:43,488
I'm tired of magazines saying
flat butts are the thing.

1530
01:18:44,249 --> 01:18:49,020
You know, you can do side bends or
sit-ups, but just don't lose that butt.

1531
01:18:49,921 --> 01:18:52,827
Well, some people
just don't have one,

1532
01:18:53,258 --> 01:18:57,802
so, you know, that doesn't mean
that we can't love them anyway.

1533
01:18:57,929 --> 01:19:02,644
My anaconda don't want none
unless you got buns, hon.

1534
01:19:06,738 --> 01:19:08,210
He's...

1535
01:19:09,007 --> 01:19:10,808
What'd you say to me last night?

1536
01:19:10,809 --> 01:19:12,588
I said, "Ladies."

1537
01:19:13,078 --> 01:19:14,545
Yeah.

1538
01:19:14,546 --> 01:19:16,348
- "Ladies."
- Yeah.

1539
01:19:16,381 --> 01:19:19,958
- "If you wanna roll in my Mercedes..."
- Yeah.

1540
01:19:20,452 --> 01:19:22,353
"You turn around..."

1541
01:19:22,354 --> 01:19:24,221
- "And stick it out..."
- Yeah.

1542
01:19:24,222 --> 01:19:28,595
"And even white boys gotta
shout, 'Baby's got back."'

1543
01:19:31,296 --> 01:19:33,667
That just seems offensive
to me, though.

1544
01:19:34,933 --> 01:19:36,610
You know...

1545
01:19:39,204 --> 01:19:40,804
Ezra? No.

1546
01:19:40,805 --> 01:19:43,507
- Irving.
- Irving, Irving.

1547
01:19:43,508 --> 01:19:45,082
Ezra Pound.

1548
01:19:45,677 --> 01:19:48,445
- You wanna bring out her softness.
- Yeah.

1549
01:19:48,446 --> 01:19:50,814
Well, you have to appeal
to that softness.

1550
01:19:50,815 --> 01:19:51,916
Yes.

1551
01:19:51,917 --> 01:19:55,790
- And then you'll get what you want.
- Yes.

1552
01:19:55,987 --> 01:19:58,522
You don't get it with
piss and vinegar.

1553
01:19:58,523 --> 01:20:00,024
I'm not into watersports.

1554
01:20:00,025 --> 01:20:05,399
No, no, no. You sound, you know,
your gruff, your approach sounds...

1555
01:20:06,064 --> 01:20:07,638
I need to be more smooth.

1556
01:20:08,033 --> 01:20:09,573
Exactly.

1557
01:20:09,968 --> 01:20:11,235
I think you fixed him.

1558
01:20:11,236 --> 01:20:14,371
I think you cured him and
I think if you want me to,

1559
01:20:14,372 --> 01:20:17,676
and only if you want me to,
I will open up my backdoor.

1560
01:20:17,677 --> 01:20:24,393
Well, if you feel comfortable
with that, then go for it.

1561
01:20:25,317 --> 01:20:26,925
I'm scared, though.

1562
01:20:27,552 --> 01:20:30,093
- Enjoy the ride.
- Okay.

1563
01:20:34,125 --> 01:20:36,666
Oh, this is a nice hat.

1564
01:20:42,334 --> 01:20:44,011
Suck a dick!

1565
01:20:45,237 --> 01:20:46,570
Gross.

1566
01:20:46,571 --> 01:20:48,316
Is this movie in 3-D?

1567
01:20:54,579 --> 01:20:56,654
I gotta wax my bunghole?

1568
01:21:00,552 --> 01:21:02,923
- Are you done?
- Not yet.

1569
01:21:03,555 --> 01:21:09,426
Film him. That's our pile director,
hung-over every morning. Trashed.

1570
01:21:09,427 --> 01:21:11,462
It's not a hangover anymore.
Now it's just the morning.

1571
01:21:11,463 --> 01:21:13,174
It's just the morning?

1572
01:21:13,231 --> 01:21:14,765
Cremation sounds
actually good for her.

1573
01:21:14,766 --> 01:21:19,203
You get a little spark around
that dried-out old crotch of hers

1574
01:21:19,204 --> 01:21:21,484
and it'll go up like
a fireworks stand.

1575
01:21:22,941 --> 01:21:24,481
What'd I say?

1576
01:21:25,143 --> 01:21:30,688
You okay, Javier?
Oh, he's laying a deuce.

1577
01:21:32,350 --> 01:21:34,527
Javier's laying a deuce.

1578
01:21:34,886 --> 01:21:37,894
No, Karen, she's doing it.

1579
01:21:38,290 --> 01:21:40,658
So, I ain't no pimp, but I know
how to seal some poontang.

1580
01:21:40,659 --> 01:21:41,859
I need some poontang.

1581
01:21:41,860 --> 01:21:43,468
You want black, white or Asian?

1582
01:21:43,728 --> 01:21:45,362
All of the above.

1583
01:21:45,363 --> 01:21:47,731
I don't know what time
it is. Do you have a...

1584
01:21:47,732 --> 01:21:49,136
It's hammer time.

1585
01:21:50,201 --> 01:21:52,002
Do you know what time it is?

1586
01:21:52,003 --> 01:21:53,971
- I said it's hammer time.
- Okay, do you have a clock?

1587
01:21:53,972 --> 01:21:56,081
- Grandpa!
- What?

1588
01:21:58,109 --> 01:21:59,877
Oh, let me put these back in.

1589
01:21:59,878 --> 01:22:03,182
Let me put my nuts in my
butt, one second, all right.

1590
01:22:03,248 --> 01:22:04,782
Nice to meet you.

1591
01:22:04,783 --> 01:22:05,916
Are you 21?

1592
01:22:05,917 --> 01:22:08,919
- Yes. He's, he wants to go in the casino.
- Yes, I am, sir.

1593
01:22:08,920 --> 01:22:11,789
You been smoking those
left-handed cigarettes, Javier?

1594
01:22:11,790 --> 01:22:12,990
No, no, I haven't. No, I haven't.

1595
01:22:12,991 --> 01:22:14,358
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.

1596
01:22:14,359 --> 01:22:15,592
There's types of the...

1597
01:22:15,593 --> 01:22:17,236
- Smashy-smashy!
- Oh!

1598
01:22:18,930 --> 01:22:20,834
He's coming close.

1599
01:22:31,743 --> 01:22:33,317
Child abuse!

1600
01:22:37,882 --> 01:22:39,593
His Kryptonite is tickling.

1601
01:22:40,251 --> 01:22:42,155
- You okay?
- You all right?

1602
01:22:43,088 --> 01:22:44,924
- What happened?
- Fuck you.

1603
01:22:46,691 --> 01:22:52,566
So, Amanda is terrified of spiders and,
thank goodness, I just found a spider.

1604
01:22:53,531 --> 01:22:56,209
I mean, this is a big old mama.

1605
01:23:02,006 --> 01:23:04,149
Spider! Spider!

1606
01:23:12,650 --> 01:23:14,793
Amanda, look at the spider.

1607
01:23:16,688 --> 01:23:19,628
Amanda, look at the spider.
Look at the spider.

1608
01:23:20,725 --> 01:23:23,938
Irving is gonna walk around the
corner and enter the building.

1609
01:23:23,995 --> 01:23:27,833
And Chad here is helping
me stay dry from the rain.

1610
01:23:35,874 --> 01:23:37,474
Am I gonna be on TV with this?

1611
01:23:37,475 --> 01:23:40,221
No, it's a movie. It's a...

1612
01:23:41,312 --> 01:23:42,920
That's even worse!

1613
01:23:43,848 --> 01:23:47,129
Hey, stick with me, honey,
you'll be falling through silk.

1614
01:23:47,685 --> 01:23:49,430
Fading through silk.

1615
01:23:50,288 --> 01:23:51,522
Oh, my God!

1616
01:23:51,523 --> 01:23:53,690
- I have something to tell you.
- Y'all don't do that crap.

1617
01:23:53,691 --> 01:23:55,197
My name's not Gloria.

1618
01:23:56,394 --> 01:23:58,002
My name's Roger.

1619
01:24:01,599 --> 01:24:05,312
Whose D do I gotta S to get
another drink around here?

1620
01:24:06,004 --> 01:24:08,472
Cordell, Cordell, Cordell.

1621
01:24:08,473 --> 01:24:10,047
Hi, Santa!

1622
01:24:10,074 --> 01:24:12,081
Sorry about that, Santy Claus.

1623
01:24:12,110 --> 01:24:13,787
Lindsey, where's Lee?

1624
01:24:13,912 --> 01:24:15,418
He's working.

1625
01:24:16,514 --> 01:24:18,054
Oh, you fucker.

1626
01:24:18,249 --> 01:24:20,426
Where's Lee going later?

1627
01:24:23,755 --> 01:24:25,432
It's really gross.

1628
01:24:27,091 --> 01:24:28,529
Hey, Derek?

1629
01:24:28,860 --> 01:24:30,561
That feels good, too.

1630
01:24:30,562 --> 01:24:32,136
I'm sure.

1631
01:24:32,797 --> 01:24:36,834
- Lick that dome good. Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah!

1632
01:24:36,835 --> 01:24:38,635
Oh, my God!

1633
01:24:38,636 --> 01:24:40,313
Oh, dude.

1634
01:24:42,607 --> 01:24:45,080
Yeah, do you think
maybe too much booby?

1635
01:24:45,210 --> 01:24:47,080
Oh, you son of a...

1636
01:24:49,781 --> 01:24:52,616
I'm sorry. I didn't see you there.

1637
01:24:52,617 --> 01:24:54,191
Oh, Spike, you suck.

1638
01:25:03,628 --> 01:25:05,462
- You did great.
- That was insane.

1639
01:25:05,463 --> 01:25:07,498
- You did awesome.
- That was agony!

1640
01:25:07,499 --> 01:25:09,403
That was mayhem. It was mayhem.

1641
01:25:17,742 --> 01:25:19,715
I got a whole lot of nothing!

1642
01:25:20,311 --> 01:25:22,056
That's a wrap!

1643
01:25:31,689 --> 01:25:33,127
All right!

1644
01:25:35,827 --> 01:25:37,394
Let's go fishing!

1645
01:25:37,395 --> 01:25:38,901
Yeah!

1646
01:25:41,499 --> 01:25:43,142
Then to the bar!

1647
01:25:48,873 --> 01:25:50,607
Taking this guy outta the car.

1648
01:25:50,608 --> 01:25:51,875
That's fine.

1649
01:25:51,876 --> 01:25:54,077
You're not gonna have him.
You're not going anywhere, dude.

1650
01:25:54,078 --> 01:25:55,712
- All right.
- You ain't going anywhere.

1651
01:25:55,713 --> 01:25:56,780
- All right.
- Promise you that.

1652
01:25:56,781 --> 01:25:58,215
- You're not going anywhere.
- Okay. All right.

1653
01:25:58,216 --> 01:25:59,995
You're not going anywhere.

1654
01:26:00,118 --> 01:26:01,954
There's the cops right now.

1655
01:26:02,787 --> 01:26:04,361
What the fuck?