1 00:00:53,230 --> 00:00:54,770 Get down out of there, come on. 2 00:00:55,570 --> 00:00:56,890 Get down, come on. 3 00:00:59,010 --> 00:01:04,769 What happened again? 4 00:01:05,069 --> 00:01:06,770 What happened again? Well, it won't be late again. 5 00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:09,430 Oh, so you were late for it. Well, no, no. 6 00:01:09,790 --> 00:01:12,330 Well, I know what you're waiting to see us about. No, I didn't know about that. 7 00:01:12,630 --> 00:01:13,630 No, 8 00:01:13,930 --> 00:01:15,130 I wanted to do me a favour for it. 9 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,940 Now, look, I'm not looking after your piranha fish again. 10 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,580 Goldfish? No, no. That's what you think. 11 00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:21,780 Yeah, I care. 12 00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:25,540 I want you to sell some raffle tickets for it. 13 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,240 You cut me out of cab just for that? No, it's me. 14 00:01:28,540 --> 00:01:31,350 Butler! Well, I might overlook the fact that you were late. 15 00:01:31,590 --> 00:01:34,530 Now, what's this raffle all about there, Blackie? Oh, well, it's about stray 16 00:01:34,530 --> 00:01:38,590 cats and dogs, you see. We provide new homes for stray cats and dogs. Never 17 00:01:38,590 --> 00:01:42,270 about the stray cats and dogs. How about homes for us? Yeah, I can think of a 18 00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:44,030 new home for the seen old bus inspector. 19 00:01:45,470 --> 00:01:49,530 Now, look here. Are you going to sell these for me, or do I have to dock you 20 00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:50,208 being late? 21 00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:51,830 Look, why are you so interested in them? 22 00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:55,070 Well, because I'm the local secretary of this National League. 23 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,620 It's a nationwide society, this, you know. We do a lot for the animals, don't 24 00:01:58,620 --> 00:01:59,339 we? Oh, yeah. 25 00:01:59,340 --> 00:02:02,020 Well, why are you so kind to animals and so cruel to us? 26 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:05,400 Because animals have got a bit more sense than you do, and they don't hold 27 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:06,259 back either. 28 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,238 Right then. 29 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:10,720 Now, look, there's marvellous prizes here, look. We've got a marvellous first 30 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,340 prize, I'll tell you. Oh, yeah? What is it? A year's supply of dog biscuits? 31 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,360 No. No, it's a night out with Lassie. 32 00:02:16,140 --> 00:02:17,880 Oh, all right. It's a matter of back into mini. 33 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:19,860 Oh, yeah? Well, I like this one, is it? 34 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,340 Here, just chalk and go with it. 35 00:02:22,860 --> 00:02:24,120 Go and get it out of here. 36 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:26,080 A brand new thing. 37 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,040 As a matter of fact, I've got two of them, Billy. 38 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:29,480 Yeah, 39 00:02:29,740 --> 00:02:32,020 it'd be very useful to you, wouldn't it, Butler? Yeah. 40 00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:34,220 If you ever learn to drive properly. 41 00:02:35,460 --> 00:02:36,920 What's the other prizes then, Blackie? 42 00:02:37,180 --> 00:02:40,220 Well, they don't say, actually, but it says that the money for the prizes have 43 00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:42,940 been sent by animal lovers from all over the country. Yeah, I'll bet. Sounds 44 00:02:42,940 --> 00:02:44,200 like a right old fiddle to me. 45 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:45,580 It's not a fiddle! 46 00:02:45,930 --> 00:02:48,990 As a matter of fact, a professional organiser's been brought in to organise 47 00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:52,190 Now, look, he's only three books, look. He's been drawn this week. I don't know, 48 00:02:52,190 --> 00:02:53,270 Blakey, I don't know. Here, come on. 49 00:02:53,530 --> 00:02:56,150 Five peas a ticket, 50 peas a book. Go on, go on. 50 00:02:56,630 --> 00:02:59,450 Mind you, I wouldn't mind winning that new mini. 51 00:02:59,910 --> 00:03:03,210 Yes, yes, I wouldn't mind winning it myself, actually. Yeah, me too. 52 00:03:03,810 --> 00:03:05,970 If that's the case, there's a book for you then, Jack. Ah, get out! 53 00:03:06,670 --> 00:03:07,670 Oi, 54 00:03:08,630 --> 00:03:09,429 oi, oi! 55 00:03:09,430 --> 00:03:10,450 Take that out of your own pocket. 56 00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:13,370 It's all for a book call. 57 00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:17,040 You'll drive me to my grave, you will, but... Well, up on we go to December 58 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:18,040 again. 59 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,640 Each finds at last its particular... Oh, darling. 60 00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:25,920 Well, I think we've heard enough of that rubbish. 61 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,940 Say that again, mate. Go on, darling. 62 00:03:28,180 --> 00:03:29,480 Oh, well, I think I'll go to bed. 63 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:30,719 You what? 64 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:31,980 It's only just gone nine. 65 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,020 Don't you fancy an early night, Arthur? 66 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:35,640 No, thanks very much. 67 00:03:38,890 --> 00:03:42,570 Don't switch that on. It's a party political broadcast. Oh, pardon me for 68 00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:44,310 living. Here, mind your feet, you. 69 00:03:44,790 --> 00:03:45,890 What's on the other side? 70 00:03:46,150 --> 00:03:48,070 A party political broadcast. 71 00:03:48,610 --> 00:03:49,950 Oh, what a coincidence. 72 00:03:51,410 --> 00:03:55,210 That's not a coincidence. You see, they're not satisfied with boring one 73 00:03:55,210 --> 00:03:56,049 the population. 74 00:03:56,050 --> 00:03:57,450 They'll have to bore the other half and all. 75 00:03:58,430 --> 00:04:01,610 Look at me, great hypocrite, sitting there in this chapel rose suit, 76 00:04:01,610 --> 00:04:02,610 for the homeless. 77 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:06,350 Here, talking about the homeless, I want to appeal to you, Harper. Well, you 78 00:04:06,350 --> 00:04:07,350 don't. 79 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,560 No, Blake, he's trying to get me to sell these raffle tickets here. 80 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,620 Here, come on, come on, he'll sell them out, mate. 81 00:04:15,140 --> 00:04:16,079 There we are. 82 00:04:16,079 --> 00:04:16,939 There you are. 83 00:04:16,940 --> 00:04:18,260 For a worthy charity, mate. 84 00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:20,940 Yeah, well, charity begins at home, mate. 85 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:22,400 That's why I'm selling them at home. 86 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,480 Don't try and sell me one. 87 00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:27,560 Well, give us a chance. I ain't asked you yet, have I? What are they for? 88 00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:32,060 Look, it says here, it's for the, uh, it says there, there, at the top there, 89 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,280 National, uh, uh, straight up cats and dogs home. 90 00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:36,900 No, I'm five feet speech, come on. No. 91 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:38,680 National. Cat, that. 92 00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:40,039 do with you? 93 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,660 Nothing. It's just Blake. He's the honourable secretary, that's all. 94 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,380 Oh, come on, buy one, Arthur. 95 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:45,640 Help a stray cat. 96 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:47,220 Help one? I'm mad at one of you. 97 00:04:50,020 --> 00:04:51,020 What's the prize? 98 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:55,100 First prize is a brand new minicar, Mum. No good to me. I can't drive. 99 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:59,380 Well, I can drive. I can take you out for Sunday afternoon runs, can't I? Oh, 100 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:03,160 yes, like last night. You were supposed to pick me up in your cab, but now you 101 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:04,160 didn't. I was... 102 00:05:05,870 --> 00:05:08,970 Mum, you've made your point. You've made your point now. I know why you've been 103 00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:11,910 stacking it on me all night. Mind your feet, you and all this sort of thing. 104 00:05:11,910 --> 00:05:15,690 harbour grudges. That's your trouble. Mum, if you win the car, you can sell it 105 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:18,170 and have the money. And Blakey said there's plenty of other good prizes. 106 00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:21,390 Oh, I can't be bothered with that. I couldn't afford to run a car. 107 00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:25,050 I'm short of the housekeeping money again, too, this week. Oh, I'm sorry I 108 00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:26,049 you. Arthur. 109 00:05:26,050 --> 00:05:29,550 No, thank you, mate. I'd never win anything worth having. Oh, you won me, 110 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,650 Arthur. Need I say more? 111 00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:33,330 All right, Stan. 112 00:05:33,430 --> 00:05:37,190 I'll buy them. Oh, no, you won't. You're not using my money for betting and 113 00:05:37,190 --> 00:05:41,770 gaming. It is my money. I earn it. Don't start another row. I've had enough with 114 00:05:41,770 --> 00:05:42,770 Mum, haven't I? 115 00:05:42,890 --> 00:05:43,890 Blimey, I'll buy them myself. 116 00:05:44,690 --> 00:05:46,730 I've got no money on me. Here, lend us half a quid. 117 00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:48,710 I've got to pay Blakey tomorrow. 118 00:05:49,110 --> 00:05:53,050 Just one moment. Just one moment. What? You make sure you pay that back, mate. 119 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,160 It is payday tomorrow. You'll get it. Oh, you'll remember. Don't worry about 120 00:05:56,260 --> 00:05:59,220 Mum, now, come on. Don't sit and sulk. I'll tell you what I'll do. Here, come 121 00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:00,019 here. Here. 122 00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:02,600 Tell you what I'll do. Here. I'll make them out in your name. Well, it depends. 123 00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:05,160 I'll tell you. I'll make them out in your name. There you are. There, Mrs. 124 00:06:06,020 --> 00:06:07,020 Butler. 125 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,000 There you are. And this, Mum. Here. 126 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:12,660 You can have them as a present, Colin. No, you can't get round me like that. I 127 00:06:12,660 --> 00:06:13,539 never win anything. 128 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,540 I always lose draws. 129 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:15,800 Do you really? 130 00:06:17,180 --> 00:06:18,540 You should use tighter elastic. 131 00:06:24,110 --> 00:06:24,989 That's it. 132 00:06:24,990 --> 00:06:26,510 Oh, yeah, stewed beef for me, darling. 133 00:06:27,650 --> 00:06:28,650 What are you going to have, Jack? 134 00:06:28,830 --> 00:06:30,770 Here, darling, have you got any dumplings? 135 00:06:34,670 --> 00:06:36,730 Well, blimey, that was a ridiculous question, wasn't it? 136 00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:42,050 Well, while you're on this topic... Get down, get down, Rover, get down. 137 00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:44,150 Oh, God. 138 00:06:45,130 --> 00:06:47,490 Yes, well, I'll still have a stewed beef. Will the beef go? 139 00:06:47,810 --> 00:06:49,830 The beef is always off, but I'll still have it. 140 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,940 Now, it looks like you're going to have fish and chips or cold pork pie. 141 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:56,440 What's a cold pork pie like? Oh, I don't know. I haven't looked at it recently. 142 00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:59,520 Oh, dear. Very funny. Right, we'll have two fish and chips, then. Right. 143 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:03,640 Lovely. 144 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:05,399 Right, sir. 145 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,400 Let's get on it. 146 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:07,660 Here we are, sweetheart. 147 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:10,120 Get to it, Jack. 148 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,340 Thanks, sir. Right. Where are we going to sit, then? Oh, 149 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:16,660 no. Oh, no. This is marvellous. We'll have a sit with him now. Hi, Blakey. 150 00:07:17,460 --> 00:07:20,240 Oh, no, you two have to come and sit here. 151 00:07:20,460 --> 00:07:21,460 Yep. 152 00:07:21,620 --> 00:07:26,180 I don't know if you two morons realise it, but an inspector's job is a very 153 00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:27,180 taxing task. 154 00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:29,480 Inspectors ought to be allowed to eat alone. 155 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:32,840 I couldn't agree more there, Blakey, so I suggest you go and sit somewhere else. 156 00:07:34,780 --> 00:07:35,960 I'm all taken now. 157 00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:38,180 Well, let me eat me pudding in peace, will you? 158 00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:39,420 Why, is it peace pudding? 159 00:07:43,470 --> 00:07:44,470 You twit. 160 00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:46,910 You got any more like that, have you? Yeah, I've got hundreds of those. 161 00:07:47,850 --> 00:07:50,950 Now, Blackie, whatever happened to that stupid dog's own raffle of yours? Never 162 00:07:50,950 --> 00:07:52,190 heard more about that, did we? 163 00:07:52,470 --> 00:07:55,510 Yeah, I bought my mother a block of those tickets for a present. When's she 164 00:07:55,510 --> 00:07:59,070 going to get her new mini, eh? The results of the draw have been announced 165 00:07:59,070 --> 00:08:02,750 ago, haven't they? Oh, that's marvellous. How are we supposed to know 166 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:04,350 God, darling. 167 00:08:04,810 --> 00:08:07,910 Oh, I told you it was a right old fiddle. Cheers, cheers. It's not a right 168 00:08:07,910 --> 00:08:12,280 fiddle. A professional organiser was brought in to organise it. Look, in the 169 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:15,320 unlikely event of you winning, mate, your number would have been posted up on 170 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,320 the board, wouldn't it? What board? 171 00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:20,340 The board over here, where they're always... Why don't you open your bloody 172 00:08:20,340 --> 00:08:21,340 eyes, old man? 173 00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:24,100 I bet we had one. 174 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,080 Here, 175 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,040 here, I've got it, I've got it, I've won! 176 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:29,580 I've won, no, no, no! 177 00:08:29,860 --> 00:08:32,179 Look, 248071. 178 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:35,000 Ah, you're out, you're out. Oh, daddy won, haven't you? 179 00:08:49,710 --> 00:08:52,990 What you mean is your mum's won. 180 00:08:53,330 --> 00:08:55,090 Ah, your mum won. 181 00:08:55,490 --> 00:08:56,510 Blimey, listen to this. 182 00:08:56,990 --> 00:09:00,010 Blunky won £150 ,000 on the pools. 183 00:09:00,270 --> 00:09:01,330 Oh, how lovely. 184 00:09:01,690 --> 00:09:03,450 What do you mean lovely? I think it's disgusting. 185 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,520 I can't stand people who want something for nothing. 186 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:09,900 Olive, get my slippers. 187 00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:14,700 What do you give me? 188 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:16,560 What do I... Nothing. 189 00:09:16,980 --> 00:09:19,640 Oh, I can't stand people who want something for nothing. 190 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:22,460 I know. Give us a kiss. 191 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,440 You don't get my slippers, I'll give you a flick here. 192 00:09:25,340 --> 00:09:26,840 Like a Prince Charming. 193 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,060 Mum, mum, mum, mum. 194 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,140 Mum, I've got some marvellous news for you. What is it? 195 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:33,999 I know. 196 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,760 You've got your bus out on time. No. 197 00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:40,280 You know those raffle tickets for the cats and dogs home I bought you? 198 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:41,600 Yes. Well, you've won. 199 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:42,839 Eh? 200 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:46,820 What? Do you mean to say she's got that many? No, no. She ain't bought one of 201 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,500 the many, but she's won one of the other prizes. 202 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:49,860 What was it, a stray dog? 203 00:09:50,180 --> 00:09:51,180 Oh, shut it. 204 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:56,680 That wasn't... Mum, you have won a fortnight's holiday in the Costa Brava. 205 00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,560 Oh. Very nice of you, Mother -in -law. 206 00:10:00,260 --> 00:10:01,820 Yeah. And it's for two. 207 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,160 Oh. 208 00:10:04,550 --> 00:10:05,550 For two. 209 00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:07,270 For two. 210 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:10,770 Oh, a holiday for two! 211 00:10:11,890 --> 00:10:12,890 Yes. 212 00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:14,230 Yes, Mother -in -law. 213 00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:18,850 But who could I take with me? 214 00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:21,690 I could wear my new bikini. 215 00:10:22,090 --> 00:10:24,110 And I've never had my bottom pinched. 216 00:10:25,970 --> 00:10:28,030 I don't know why Stanley is smiling. 217 00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:31,710 With him out of favour, I must be first choice. 218 00:10:33,359 --> 00:10:37,360 I know she's got the hump with me, but I can soon get round her. 219 00:10:38,580 --> 00:10:40,780 I can't wait to get on the beach with those birds. 220 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:46,979 It's for Mum. 221 00:11:46,980 --> 00:11:47,980 It's for Mum. 222 00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:50,160 The National Cats and Dogs Home. 223 00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:11,660 Don't think too thick. 224 00:12:12,180 --> 00:12:13,180 Anyway, I'll give it to Mum. 225 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,320 You're creeping around like a burglar. Look what you've done. I didn't do that. 226 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,300 I've come down here to get Mum's breakfast. Oh, no, you haven't. I've 227 00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:34,300 got her tray ready. 228 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,780 Well, I was here first. No, you weren't, mate. I've already made the tea and 229 00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:39,380 toast. Well, I thought of it first. 230 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:43,520 Look, mate, clear up that mess and get up to bed. 231 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,540 Listen, I've come down here to do Mum's breakfast and that's that. Oh, yes. 232 00:12:47,060 --> 00:12:49,940 Oh, I see. You're trying to butter her up so she'll take you away on holiday, 233 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:52,540 aren't you? Oh, yes. And I suppose you're doing this out of the goodness of 234 00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:53,339 own heart, eh? 235 00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:56,340 Well, at least I wouldn't leave my mother in the pouring rain while I was 236 00:12:56,340 --> 00:13:00,060 pub swigging beer down. No, you might just as well go upstairs to bed. I'm not 237 00:13:00,060 --> 00:13:01,060 going up to bed. 238 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:02,400 Oh, no, I'm going to do it. 239 00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:03,900 Now, 240 00:13:06,980 --> 00:13:08,240 Galloping Gourmet. 241 00:13:09,180 --> 00:13:10,660 Well, what was it you were going to do? 242 00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:13,800 I was going to get Mum two lightly boiled eggs. Oh, yes, well, you just go 243 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,260 ahead. You just go ahead. 244 00:13:16,660 --> 00:13:18,260 Where are the eggs? You're sitting in them. 245 00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:20,539 Have you got any more? 246 00:13:20,540 --> 00:13:22,780 No, we haven't. You've broken them all. You're way too mummy, is this. 247 00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:25,100 What are we going to give her, then? 248 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:28,000 Oh, it should just have to do with tea and toast, which I have made. Oh, no, 249 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:28,899 No, no. 250 00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:31,160 But you haven't got a cup and saucer. I'll get the best cup and saucer out. 251 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,160 don't. A best cup and saucer. Yes, I will. Yes, I will. 252 00:13:33,620 --> 00:13:35,940 Get off. Get out. Give me that. 253 00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:40,300 Now, 254 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,560 look what you made me do. Look. Well, you should have interfered. Well, get 255 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,760 of it, then. I've got the cup and saucer. That's all I know. You 256 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:47,080 Come here, come here. 257 00:13:47,180 --> 00:13:51,200 Don't be so childish. I'm not being childish. 258 00:13:51,980 --> 00:13:52,980 She's my mum. 259 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:56,100 Well, she's my mother -in -law. That means I've got the law on my side. 260 00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,400 You're not taking it up on your own. 261 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:01,659 I'll tell you what. 262 00:14:01,660 --> 00:14:02,780 What? We're taking it up together. 263 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:06,800 Oh, no, we won't. No, no, no, no, we won't. 264 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:11,640 You, you, you can't, you can't. 265 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:13,340 You get out of here. 266 00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:15,340 I'll chuck you behind the door. Yes, yes. 267 00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:16,900 You've never done this before. 268 00:14:18,420 --> 00:14:20,440 Ah, now I've got you. Now I've got you. 269 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:21,720 Right, right, right. 270 00:14:22,740 --> 00:14:23,820 Ah! Please! 271 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:25,440 Please! Oh, no, no! 272 00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:30,400 You've never ever done this before, have you? 273 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,220 Never. Never in your life have you done it. 274 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:33,780 Open the door. 275 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,200 Ah! 276 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,580 Then you caught me, see? You think I'm letting you go in this train? You've got 277 00:14:38,580 --> 00:14:39,800 another thing coming. Well, now you're going to open it, then, mate. 278 00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:00,190 My goodness, that's a nice surprise. 279 00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:02,750 Well, not really, dear. Yeah, you seem to go crazy. 280 00:15:03,230 --> 00:15:09,390 Oh, never mind, loves. One of you, please, draw the curtain. All right. You 281 00:15:09,390 --> 00:15:10,390 to have your heads on. 282 00:15:10,590 --> 00:15:11,590 I, 283 00:15:13,030 --> 00:15:17,730 uh... Of course, Mum, I was going to make you a couple of lightly boiled 284 00:15:17,770 --> 00:15:19,370 but Arthur smashed them. 285 00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:26,590 Of course, he doesn't realise the Costa Brava's going up all the time. The Costa 286 00:15:26,590 --> 00:15:27,590 what? 287 00:15:29,390 --> 00:15:31,990 I said, cost a living, cost a living. Who mentioned it cost a brother? 288 00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:36,010 Did you hear that, mother -in -law? What a Freudian slip. 289 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:43,570 Oh, by the way, Mum, a letter came for you this morning from the National 290 00:15:43,570 --> 00:15:44,750 Australia Cats and Dogs Home. 291 00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:47,490 You kept that very quiet. It's nothing to do with you anyway, is it? 292 00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:52,830 It's most probably about the holiday, Mum. Oh, I wonder what it is. 293 00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:56,590 Well, you'll have to find out unless you open it, are you? 294 00:15:58,110 --> 00:16:03,750 Yes, I'm just supposed, it's just to tell me that I've won. So I expect it's 295 00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:04,950 details of that holiday. 296 00:16:05,190 --> 00:16:07,650 No, no, they most probably want to know who Mum's going to take with her. 297 00:16:09,430 --> 00:16:15,250 Well, I think now, boys, as you've been so nice, I'll now have my breakfast. 298 00:16:15,430 --> 00:16:20,530 Yes, was it about the holiday, Mum? Just a little information, dear. 299 00:16:21,450 --> 00:16:22,490 Oh, Stan. 300 00:16:23,230 --> 00:16:23,999 What, Mum? 301 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,480 You've forgotten the milk. Do you see that? You've forgotten the milk. You've 302 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,240 forgotten the milk. You've forgotten the milk. I'll get it. I'll get it. Don't 303 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:30,240 worry. 304 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:35,579 I'll get the milk. 305 00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:36,580 I'll get the milk. 306 00:16:36,820 --> 00:16:38,020 I'll get the milk. 307 00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:40,020 I've got time. I'll get the milk. 308 00:16:40,340 --> 00:16:42,400 I've got to go. I've got to go. 309 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,040 Come here. 310 00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:51,260 There we are, boss. 311 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:52,480 Thanks for dropping me off. 312 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:54,100 Thanks. 313 00:16:57,210 --> 00:17:00,030 Well, what was the information? 314 00:17:00,230 --> 00:17:04,089 Just a few details, dears. Oh, Arthur. 315 00:17:04,810 --> 00:17:06,470 You've forgotten the batter. 316 00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:10,930 Never mind. I'll get it. 317 00:17:11,690 --> 00:17:12,690 I'll get it. 318 00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:17,250 You've got the milk, didn't you? 319 00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:18,489 I'll take it. 320 00:17:18,490 --> 00:17:19,449 I'll take it. 321 00:17:19,450 --> 00:17:21,609 I'll take it. I'll take it. 322 00:17:24,369 --> 00:17:25,369 I'll take it. 323 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:49,860 What was the information? The information was that the... Oh, boys, 324 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,400 forgotten the marmalade. 325 00:18:24,460 --> 00:18:28,700 I can't remember the last time he sent you flowers. Oh, aren't they lovely? 326 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,300 Oh, look. 327 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:33,760 Here's some more. 328 00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:37,960 Oh, look, Olive. 329 00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:44,720 To my favourite mother -in -law from us. 330 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,640 and he's put a little kiss on the bottom. 331 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,860 I don't get a kiss anywhere. 332 00:18:59,740 --> 00:19:01,020 Aren't they lovely? 333 00:19:01,620 --> 00:19:05,080 I would have got you flowers too, Mum, but I was so busy helping you with the 334 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:09,020 shopping. Well, of course you were, my little love. You did very well carrying 335 00:19:09,020 --> 00:19:10,120 all them heavy things. 336 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:15,540 Here. I wonder how Arthur's getting on with the laundry eggs. 337 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,160 Here we are, Mother -in -law. 338 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,280 Mind out the way, Olive. Mind out the way. 339 00:19:21,540 --> 00:19:25,140 My goodness, I'm going to get a name for myself going around the streets with 340 00:19:25,140 --> 00:19:26,140 things like this. 341 00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:32,560 All ready for ironing? Yes, indeed, and I am going to do it. Oh, well, well. 342 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:36,380 Now, you come down here. You come down here and you sit down. Make yourself 343 00:19:36,380 --> 00:19:40,400 comfortable. Put your feet up. I haven't done anything all day. 344 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:44,920 And quite right, mother -in -law. Oh, but what about the food? I must go and 345 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:46,300 that. I'll do the cooking. 346 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,420 Laundrette, it's not fair. You're doing too much. I don't know why you're trying 347 00:19:52,420 --> 00:19:54,760 so hard. Do you know the sun always burns you anyway? 348 00:19:55,140 --> 00:19:57,620 Well, flying won't do your operation any good, will it? 349 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:02,240 I had told you not to mention my operation. Now, now, children, quiet. 350 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,380 Here, has anyone seen Stan? 351 00:20:05,060 --> 00:20:07,000 And the angels above. 352 00:20:07,780 --> 00:20:10,500 You are too loud. 353 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,180 You're an old -fashioned mother of mine. 354 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,540 It's up and up, early mum and death. Well, I thought I'd do a bit of 355 00:20:16,540 --> 00:20:17,449 for you, you know. 356 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,150 Up over to all your bedrooms, you know. 357 00:20:19,390 --> 00:20:23,230 You shouldn't do it, love. Not after Andre's driving. 358 00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:26,490 Ha! Andre's driving. All he does is sit on his backside. 359 00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:29,970 Don't talk like a twit. How can I drive standing on my head then? 360 00:20:30,550 --> 00:20:32,130 You might do a bit better, mate. 361 00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:36,150 Oh, no, no. Give me that. Give me that. No, no, no. Sit where you are. Put your 362 00:20:36,150 --> 00:20:39,190 feet up, ma 'am. You've got to be nice and rested so you can enjoy your nice 363 00:20:39,190 --> 00:20:40,190 holiday. Holiday? 364 00:20:40,430 --> 00:20:42,430 Yes. Trust you to bring that up, mate. 365 00:20:42,690 --> 00:20:44,350 Oh. What do you mean by that, then? 366 00:20:44,830 --> 00:20:48,570 I'll tell you what I mean. It seems very surprising to me that you've become so 367 00:20:48,570 --> 00:20:51,810 attached to your vacuum cleaner. And I suppose you go round the Lord Rett every 368 00:20:51,810 --> 00:20:52,810 day, eh? Ah, 369 00:20:53,770 --> 00:20:55,610 now look what you're doing. You've burnt your knickers. 370 00:20:55,810 --> 00:20:57,730 Mum, you've burnt your knickers. Look, look. 371 00:21:00,310 --> 00:21:04,650 Well, I really do help Mum every day, don't I, Mum? Of course you do, love. 372 00:21:04,690 --> 00:21:06,930 Well, you all do in your different ways. 373 00:21:07,710 --> 00:21:09,910 Now, who's going to peel... 374 00:21:14,430 --> 00:21:17,230 Get off my foot. Get off my foot. I'm not on your foot. I'm not on your foot. 375 00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:22,070 You have done the housework, and it is my turn to do the baton. I am going to 376 00:21:22,070 --> 00:21:25,130 the... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What's all that about, Mr. B? Oh, it's been the 377 00:21:25,130 --> 00:21:28,150 same, love. It's like telling them about winning the second prize in the raffle. 378 00:21:28,150 --> 00:21:32,110 You know, two weeks on the Costa Brava for two. 379 00:21:32,370 --> 00:21:35,490 Yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what. I'll peel the spuds for you, if you like. Oh. 380 00:21:35,910 --> 00:21:36,910 Yes. Oh, yes. 381 00:21:36,970 --> 00:21:39,810 I heard that. Oh, I... I've heard that, yes. So you'll peel the spuds, will you? 382 00:21:40,190 --> 00:21:42,970 Why should Mum take you to the Costa Brava, eh? It's just a joke, mate. 383 00:21:43,170 --> 00:21:45,770 I know you're a joke, so yes, yes. Why should you want to peel the spuds then, 384 00:21:45,790 --> 00:21:48,790 eh? Well, what are you so eager to peel the spuds for, eh? I mean, the last bit 385 00:21:48,790 --> 00:21:51,010 of spud -fashing you did must have been at Aldershot. Oh, yes. 386 00:21:51,370 --> 00:21:52,890 Well, at least I did my national service. 387 00:21:54,370 --> 00:21:56,350 Not like some Skyvers I know, eh? 388 00:21:57,390 --> 00:21:58,390 That's a bit below the belt. 389 00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:01,990 I can't help it if I had flat feet. Nothing to do with your flat feet, mate. 390 00:22:01,990 --> 00:22:03,610 was that yellow street you got down the middle of your back. 391 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:06,339 Arthur alone. 392 00:22:06,340 --> 00:22:08,940 I don't want him. You can have him. Don't talk to my wife like that. Oh, 393 00:22:08,940 --> 00:22:12,940 changed. Nice to have a quiet family evening with the loved ones, eh, Missy 394 00:22:13,820 --> 00:22:17,120 Oh, shut up. I'm fed up with you. I'm going to have a drink. Yeah, well, 395 00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:20,400 what I came round to see you about. Fancy a pint, then? Go on, love. Go and 396 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:21,400 a drink with him. 397 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,680 No, on second thoughts, Mum, I'll stay here and finish the housework for you. 398 00:22:24,900 --> 00:22:26,300 Yeah, all right then, Cinderella. 399 00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:30,060 Here, how about you, Buttons? 400 00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:35,040 Oh, no, that's very nice of you, Jack, but I have to stay at home and peel the 401 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,040 potatoes. 402 00:22:36,380 --> 00:22:39,600 Now, let's get this straight, Arthur. Just because you're peeling the spuds 403 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,680 doesn't mean today Mum's going to take me to the Costa Brava, right? 404 00:22:41,940 --> 00:22:44,440 If anybody's going to the Costa Brava, it should be me, because I bought the 405 00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:45,440 tickets. 406 00:22:46,250 --> 00:22:48,290 It was my money that bought the tickets, so if anyone should go to the Costa 407 00:22:48,290 --> 00:22:49,290 Brava, it should be me. 408 00:22:49,470 --> 00:22:51,730 Don't talk wet. You had no money of your own. 409 00:22:51,970 --> 00:22:55,430 It was my money that I gave to you that you gave to him that bought the ticket. 410 00:22:55,670 --> 00:22:58,370 Therefore, I go to the Costa Brava. You go to hell. 411 00:22:58,610 --> 00:23:01,270 No. They can't go there. That's the third prize. 412 00:23:03,170 --> 00:23:06,050 It doesn't matter. It was my money. I bought the tickets. 413 00:23:06,250 --> 00:23:07,990 Ah, you have forgotten something, mate. What? 414 00:23:08,610 --> 00:23:10,730 You never paid me my ten bob back, did you? 415 00:23:12,050 --> 00:23:13,050 No. 416 00:23:13,150 --> 00:23:14,150 Oh, well... 417 00:23:14,190 --> 00:23:15,190 Soon fix that, can't I? 418 00:23:15,510 --> 00:23:16,510 Soon remedy that, mate. 419 00:23:17,170 --> 00:23:20,350 I don't want it. I don't want it. Take it away. Take it away. 420 00:23:21,570 --> 00:23:25,510 Don't you touch it. Don't you touch it. Well, if no one else wants it, I'll have 421 00:23:25,510 --> 00:23:28,870 it. Oh, there's the bill. I'll go and see who it is. No, you won't. 422 00:23:29,430 --> 00:23:30,550 I'll get it. I'll get it. 423 00:23:31,430 --> 00:23:34,430 I'll get it. Yeah, look, Olive, get it. She never gets it. 424 00:23:35,950 --> 00:23:36,950 I've got it. 425 00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,570 Hello. Hello, Blackie. What do you want? 426 00:23:39,970 --> 00:23:41,430 Well, I don't want you, do I? 427 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,800 Coming to see your mother. It's about the raffle. Oh, of course. Come in, 428 00:23:44,860 --> 00:23:45,859 Blakey. Come in. 429 00:23:45,860 --> 00:23:47,040 Mum! Mum! 430 00:23:47,580 --> 00:23:52,400 Mum, Blakey's come to see you about the raffle. Oh, come in, Mr Blake. Sit down. 431 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,500 No. No, you sit down, Mrs Butler. 432 00:23:58,380 --> 00:24:02,720 I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you. Yeah, he's got some wonderful bad 433 00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:03,720 news for you. Eh? 434 00:24:04,260 --> 00:24:08,900 Yes, I'm afraid the professional organiser who was officially brought in 435 00:24:08,900 --> 00:24:10,200 officially help to officiate... 436 00:24:10,750 --> 00:24:12,010 He turned out to be a bit fishy. 437 00:24:13,810 --> 00:24:17,450 Yes, apparently he helped himself so much to the prize money that there was 438 00:24:17,450 --> 00:24:21,510 money left for the prizes. And, of course, as you know, that's illegal, so 439 00:24:21,510 --> 00:24:24,270 afraid the thing's null and void. It means it's all off. Oh, yes. 440 00:24:24,470 --> 00:24:26,350 Well, I must say, I find that a bit off. 441 00:24:26,550 --> 00:24:27,550 No, it's all off, sir. 442 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,820 Wait a minute. What about Mum's fortnightly to Costa Brava? 443 00:24:33,020 --> 00:24:34,360 Yeah, well, that's all off and on, I'm afraid. 444 00:24:34,620 --> 00:24:38,120 Yeah, I told you it was a fiddle, didn't I? It wasn't a fiddle! Yes, it was. 445 00:24:39,060 --> 00:24:40,980 Never mind. 446 00:24:41,300 --> 00:24:44,940 Would you like a nice cup of tea? I'd love a cup of tea. Oh, good. I'll go and 447 00:24:44,940 --> 00:24:47,420 put the kettle on. Just, just, just one moment, Mother -in -law. 448 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,180 You don't seem very upset. 449 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,340 Well, why should I be? 450 00:24:51,620 --> 00:24:53,220 That was what was in the letter. 451 00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:58,300 What did you tell us, then? 452 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:03,480 Well, why should I? You were all having such a lovely time making a fuck with 453 00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,040 me. I didn't want to spoil your enjoyment. 454 00:25:07,020 --> 00:25:08,220 Do you like a nice 455 00:25:08,220 --> 00:25:23,800 cappuccino?