1
00:00:02,236 --> 00:00:02,236
This programme contains strong
language and adult content from the
outset and scenes of a sexual nature


2
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:08,520
You can't see it yet but
this is my excited face.


3
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:10,760
I'm doing little jumps.


4
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:12,680
You know someone is special if you
do little jumps when you see them.


5
00:00:16,876 --> 00:00:16,876
THEY SQUEAL HAPPILY


6
00:00:21,196 --> 00:00:21,196
I missed you.


7
00:00:23,476 --> 00:00:23,476
I go to Boots at lunch
and sniff your perfume.


8
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:26,120
I'm on your Instagram,
like, all the time.


9
00:00:29,356 --> 00:00:29,356
<font color="
to feel closer to you.


10
00:00:32,596 --> 00:00:32,596
And you ruined it.


11
00:00:36,796 --> 00:00:36,796
I love her so much it makes
me doubt my sexuality


12
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:40,040
but then everything does.


13
00:00:41,956 --> 00:00:41,956
It's not her, it's me.


14
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:44,840
So when I said I missed you I meant
like how I would miss my period


15
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:48,360
if it's a few days late.


16
00:00:49,756 --> 00:00:49,756
Like, slight concern but not
enough to buy a test.


17
00:01:03,796 --> 00:01:03,796
Are you going to talk to me, then?


18
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:06,440
Sorry, my mouth keeps
getting full of whisky.


19
00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:11,240
<font color="


20
00:01:12,556 --> 00:01:12,556
You called me in a total
fucking tizz and all I hear


21
00:01:15,196 --> 00:01:15,196
from you since then is a couple
of texts and a Kristen Wiig GIF.


22
00:01:17,596 --> 00:01:17,596
It's not enough
to sustain a friendship.


23
00:01:17,836 --> 00:01:17,836
Sorry.


24
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:22,440
It's been mental.


25
00:01:25,036 --> 00:01:25,036
What you did was mental, Marnie.


26
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:27,240
<font color="
I was really worried about you.


27
00:01:30,436 --> 00:01:30,436
I went on the Mind website
and everything.


28
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:32,520
I know. I'm sorry.


29
00:01:34,756 --> 00:01:34,756
You don't need to worry about me.


30
00:01:36,316 --> 00:01:36,316
I'm speaking to someone
now and it helps.


31
00:01:38,236 --> 00:01:38,236
I feel a lot less anxious.


32
00:01:42,796 --> 00:01:42,796
OK, well, all I'm saying is
if this needs to be an intervention


33
00:01:45,916 --> 00:01:45,916
<font color="
then that's fine.


34
00:01:48,556 --> 00:01:48,556
It is a city break.


35
00:01:51,436 --> 00:01:51,436
Except all you'll see is this, a pub
and the inside of Shereen's flat


36
00:01:57,676 --> 00:01:57,676
because I've only got
£87 until I get a job.


37
00:02:01,636 --> 00:02:01,636
Wait, do you need money?


38
00:02:03,316 --> 00:02:03,316
I'm minted. Connor gave me a raise.


39
00:02:05,836 --> 00:02:05,836
He says it's because of gender pay
gaps but I think it's thigh gaps.


40
00:02:10,876 --> 00:02:10,876
<font color="


41
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:11,880
SHE LAUGHS


42
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:14,600
Are you listening to me?
'Fuck off, I don't fancy her.'


43
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:17,960
Hi.Ow.


44
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:19,080
What are you thinking?


45
00:02:21,556 --> 00:02:21,556
You can't hang up on me now
because I'm right here in your face.


46
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:26,120
'I should be able
to tell her anything.


47
00:02:28,996 --> 00:02:28,996
'I showed my first pubic hair
to this woman.'


48
00:02:34,996 --> 00:02:34,996
I was thinking about your vagina.


49
00:02:37,876 --> 00:02:37,876
Because that's what's
in your thigh gap.


50
00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:44,840
SHE LAUGHS


51
00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:57,916
Afternoon.Here he is.


52
00:02:59,476 --> 00:02:59,476
Back in the driver's seat.


53
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:01,160
How is she handling?


54
00:03:02,836 --> 00:03:02,836
Yes, she's very smooth.


55
00:03:05,836 --> 00:03:05,836
Well, shan't distract you.


56
00:03:11,476 --> 00:03:11,476
Thank you.


57
00:03:19,516 --> 00:03:19,516
What time do you call this?


58
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:23,240
Um...


59
00:03:25,756 --> 00:03:25,756
Did you get my e-mail?


60
00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:27,720
<font color="
What, as in, to human resources?


61
00:03:31,156 --> 00:03:31,156
As in I haven't read it,
sorry, was it important?


62
00:03:34,396 --> 00:03:34,396
Yeah, in the context of this.


63
00:03:37,516 --> 00:03:37,516
This was going to be about that,
so it's good background to have.


64
00:03:40,756 --> 00:03:40,756
I'm up against it, Charlie, sorry.
<font color="


65
00:03:46,156 --> 00:03:46,156
I just wanted to say
that I don't want things


66
00:03:48,556 --> 00:03:48,556
to be difficult working here.


67
00:03:50,956 --> 00:03:50,956
It's not great if you're finding
things difficult
on your first day back.


68
00:03:54,316 --> 00:03:54,316
No, I mean between us.


69
00:03:57,316 --> 00:03:57,316
Because of the cab thing. Yeah,
<font color="


70
00:03:59,836 --> 00:03:59,836
I just don't want you to think
that I was rejecting


71
00:04:02,236 --> 00:04:02,236
you because I wasn't.


72
00:04:04,396 --> 00:04:04,396
I mean, technically I was because
I didn't and we didn't but that's


73
00:04:07,276 --> 00:04:07,276
not because I didn't want to.


74
00:04:09,076 --> 00:04:09,076
Physically you are thumbs up
but you're my boss


75
00:04:12,076 --> 00:04:12,076
<font color="


76
00:04:13,996 --> 00:04:13,996
It's like a monkey pulling a swan.


77
00:04:17,236 --> 00:04:17,236
I'm the monkey, you're the swan.


78
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:19,560
But like a black swan cos that's
more interesting than just something
white floating down a canal.


79
00:04:23,116 --> 00:04:23,116
Anyway, I'm sort of making things
<font color="


80
00:04:26,356 --> 00:04:26,356
and carry on doing my work.


81
00:04:28,876 --> 00:04:28,876
What are you doing tomorrow?


82
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:30,600
Night?


83
00:04:34,156 --> 00:04:34,156
Uh, I've got a dinner thing,
actually.


84
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:37,160
OK, so you'll be done
what, 11, 11:30?


85
00:04:39,556 --> 00:04:39,556
Uh, yeah.


86
00:04:41,236 --> 00:04:41,236
<font color="


87
00:04:45,796 --> 00:04:45,796
Can I ask what for?


88
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:48,200
It'll just be a bit of fun.


89
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:50,760
Right, can you clarify what you mean
by fun,


90
00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:52,520
just cos different people
find different things fun?


91
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:55,080
Like my mate thinks
gardening is fun.


92
00:04:57,076 --> 00:04:57,076
<font color="


93
00:05:00,796 --> 00:05:00,796
I'll text you the address.


94
00:05:04,036 --> 00:05:04,036
Meeting in 20 if you
could tell the rest.


95
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:12,200
Oh, my gosh!


96
00:05:18,196 --> 00:05:18,196
Dave?There is always a Dave.
Dave!


97
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:21,800
What about that one there?Dave!
David. Davido.


98
00:05:25,636 --> 00:05:25,636
Dave! He's doing a little smile.
A little smile.


99
00:05:42,196 --> 00:05:42,196
There's something wrong with me.


100
00:05:45,436 --> 00:05:45,436
Yeah, I know.


101
00:05:47,356 --> 00:05:47,356
And I love you still.


102
00:05:52,756 --> 00:05:52,756
But like, there actually is.


103
00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:57,320
What?


104
00:05:59,116 --> 00:05:59,116
It's to do with the way I think.


105
00:06:01,876 --> 00:06:01,876
Have you gone Scientologist?
Is that why you moved to London?


106
00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:04,276
Have you been brainwashed?
I'm not a Scientologist.


107
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:06,440
What then?


108
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:08,716
I've got OCD.


109
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:13,160
You don't have OCD.


110
00:06:16,156 --> 00:06:16,156
My therapist thinks I do.


111
00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:20,840
But you're such a mess.


112
00:06:25,276 --> 00:06:25,276
OCD doesn't mean you're neat.


113
00:06:28,036 --> 00:06:28,036
Uh, I have these thoughts
about sex pop into my head,


114
00:06:33,076 --> 00:06:33,076
like, "She's got a vagina."


115
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:38,280
"I could snog him."


116
00:06:41,716 --> 00:06:41,716
"That looks like a penis."


117
00:06:45,556 --> 00:06:45,556
Yeah, but everyone gets those.No.


118
00:06:47,956 --> 00:06:47,956
<font color="
in the office eating a banana


119
00:06:50,596 --> 00:06:50,596
and I was like,
"Oh, he is sucking that off."


120
00:06:53,596 --> 00:06:53,596
Yeah, but did it make you anxious?
Yeah.


121
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:55,880
I was like, it's 11 o'clock and I'm
already desperate for my meal deal.


122
00:06:58,920 --> 00:06:58,920
OK.


123
00:07:00,676 --> 00:07:00,676
So it's like that but not at all.


124
00:07:06,316 --> 00:07:06,316
It's in my head, like, 24/7.


125
00:07:07,756 --> 00:07:07,756
It makes me really anxious.


126
00:07:10,996 --> 00:07:10,996
So I do stuff to try and get rid
of it like move to London


127
00:07:16,756 --> 00:07:16,756
and avoid you.


128
00:07:21,076 --> 00:07:21,076
You moved to London to avoid me?


129
00:07:24,436 --> 00:07:24,436
No.


130
00:07:25,756 --> 00:07:25,756
You're a trigger.


131
00:07:28,276 --> 00:07:28,276
It's why sometimes I go weird
with you because you're always


132
00:07:31,996 --> 00:07:31,996
whapping your boobs
at me, it freaks me out.


133
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:34,036
What's wrong with my boobs?
Nothing.


134
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:35,956
No, it's not you, it's my
disorder, they upset me.


135
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:39,560
Sorry.No.


136
00:07:41,116 --> 00:07:41,116
I can't avoid every trigger.


137
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:42,600
Look, don't cover them up,
come on, get them out.


138
00:07:45,076 --> 00:07:45,076
Oh, Dave! Help me! She's trying to
molest me!She's fine, Dave.


139
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:48,360
She loves it. She loves it, really.


140
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:56,360
I suppose they are quite nice.


141
00:07:58,156 --> 00:07:58,156
Why do you think I'm so
obsessed with them?


142
00:08:24,436 --> 00:08:24,436
What's this one?Nancy.


143
00:08:26,956 --> 00:08:26,956
That girl from the other night?


144
00:08:28,396 --> 00:08:28,396
No, she isn't a girl.
<font color="


145
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:30,600
She's a witch.


146
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:31,636
HE CHUCKLES


147
00:08:33,676 --> 00:08:33,676
Must be all right if you're breaking
the Dorothy double-dip rule.


148
00:08:36,556 --> 00:08:36,556
SHE SIGHS


149
00:08:37,996 --> 00:08:37,996
What is wrong with me?


150
00:08:39,796 --> 00:08:39,796
It's just a girl, a woman,
a fucking witch, whatever.


151
00:08:43,396 --> 00:08:43,396
Just say no to her.Can't.


152
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:45,320
She's going to send her little
witch monkeys after me


153
00:08:47,116 --> 00:08:47,116
and then where would I be?
Trick her into having a bath.


154
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:50,280
I would love a bath with her.


155
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:55,880
Cos then she'd melt and she'd be
dead cos she's a witch.


156
00:09:03,196 --> 00:09:03,196
Don't text her.
No, I am taking control.


157
00:09:15,316 --> 00:09:15,316
TV: ..ritual courtship
in their search for a mate.


158
00:09:17,596 --> 00:09:17,596
Shereen!


159
00:09:22,756 --> 00:09:22,756
I still can't believe
you live with SHEREEN.


160
00:09:28,516 --> 00:09:28,516
She's all right.


161
00:09:31,756 --> 00:09:31,756
<font color="


162
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:34,280
I never understood that moniker.
I've never even had a cat.


163
00:09:37,996 --> 00:09:37,996
Come on, bring it in.
Don't try and strike me.


164
00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:40,520
You're welcome in my home.
You smell like 2007.


165
00:09:43,756 --> 00:09:43,756
You smell like that homeless guy
<font color="


166
00:09:48,556 --> 00:09:48,556
Yeah, we went for drinks.
I thought you were on a cleanse.


167
00:09:51,196 --> 00:09:51,196
Just a wee toast to the motherland.
Look what I did.


168
00:09:56,476 --> 00:09:56,476
Ta-da!


169
00:09:58,396 --> 00:09:58,396
And a penne gratin with
roasted summer veg for tomorrow.


170
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:02,600
What's happening tomorrow?


171
00:10:03,916 --> 00:10:03,916
We're having some people
over for tea.


172
00:10:06,676 --> 00:10:06,676
It's kind of in your honour and kind
of because they were coming over
anyway.What people?


173
00:10:10,516 --> 00:10:10,516
People I met.


174
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:12,200
Oh, did you go on one of those sad
apps to try and make friends?


175
00:10:15,316 --> 00:10:15,316
Those don't work. I've heard.


176
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:17,960
I met them in real life.


177
00:10:20,116 --> 00:10:20,116
It will be great.


178
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:21,320
All of us together
at the same social event.


179
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:24,360
How often does that happen?


180
00:10:26,596 --> 00:10:26,596
It will be like an eclipse.


181
00:10:28,156 --> 00:10:28,156
<font color="
damages their eyesight.


182
00:10:29,836 --> 00:10:29,836
Yeah, eclipses are
always a let down.


183
00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:31,996
But they also unite everyone
together to witness


184
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:36,840
an historic celestial event.


185
00:10:40,396 --> 00:10:40,396
It's just a pasta bake, mate.


186
00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:46,036
'The other thing about eclipses
is that you're so busy looking


187
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:48,916
'up you don't see the massive hole
you're about to fall into.'


188
00:11:00,312 --> 00:11:00,312



189
00:11:03,672 --> 00:11:03,672



190
00:11:06,436 --> 00:11:06,436
So, this one here is...


191
00:11:08,472 --> 00:11:08,472
Helen.OK.


192
00:11:10,032 --> 00:11:10,032
And that guy there?


193
00:11:12,356 --> 00:11:12,356
Joe.


194
00:11:13,752 --> 00:11:13,752
Joe. Joe from work, Joe?Yeah.


195
00:11:16,392 --> 00:11:16,392
Well, um...


196
00:11:17,832 --> 00:11:17,832
Not from work now, cos I quit, but
he was at work when I was there.


197
00:11:22,512 --> 00:11:22,512
So you keep in touch. That's nice.


198
00:11:24,356 --> 00:11:24,356
Yeah, he's...kind of a friend, now.


199
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:27,312
Like us.Yeah!


200
00:11:29,476 --> 00:11:29,476
<font color="
cos I think it's broken?Yeah...


201
00:11:32,712 --> 00:11:32,712
I'm just going to go and mingle.


202
00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:35,112
He's mingling.
Mingling is happening.


203
00:11:40,272 --> 00:11:40,272



204
00:11:42,672 --> 00:11:42,672
Salmon mousse on a cucumber blini?


205
00:11:44,952 --> 00:11:44,952
Are they home-made or shop-bought?
Home-made.


206
00:11:47,472 --> 00:11:47,472
It's like when people bring
<font color="


207
00:11:49,992 --> 00:11:49,992
You just don't trust it.
Do I detect some horseradish?


208
00:11:52,872 --> 00:11:52,872
Yeah, so, what does
your house say about you?


209
00:11:56,996 --> 00:11:56,996
It's like my old life shagged my new
life and had a delightful child.


210
00:12:01,796 --> 00:12:01,796
It's OK, you don't have to say.


211
00:12:03,192 --> 00:12:03,192
Let's talk about something else.
<font color="


212
00:12:05,472 --> 00:12:05,472
Favourite celebrity animal? Um...


213
00:12:08,952 --> 00:12:08,952

to comb my hair


214
00:12:13,512 --> 00:12:13,512

just smiling there.


215
00:12:16,996 --> 00:12:16,996
So when he's not texting, you're,
like, coming from different places.


216
00:12:19,752 --> 00:12:19,752
And it's not because they're not
into you.


217
00:12:21,316 --> 00:12:21,316
<font color="
to talk, because they're at


218
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:23,952
a meeting or in a library,


219
00:12:25,992 --> 00:12:25,992
and they can't talk, and that's why
they should fucking text, you know?


220
00:12:28,752 --> 00:12:28,752
Maybe you should just ring her.


221
00:12:30,596 --> 00:12:30,596
I should just ring her, you know?


222
00:12:37,316 --> 00:12:37,316
Hey, Nance.


223
00:12:39,716 --> 00:12:39,716
<font color="
and you're probably out,


224
00:12:44,952 --> 00:12:44,952
breaking that glass ceiling,
or the mould,


225
00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:48,836
or some hearts or something.


226
00:12:52,196 --> 00:12:52,196
So am I, out and about.


227
00:12:57,796 --> 00:12:57,796
He says you got him run over.


228
00:13:01,512 --> 00:13:01,512
SHE LAUGHS
Well...


229
00:13:03,556 --> 00:13:03,556
What happened was...
We were at this pub.


230
00:13:05,712 --> 00:13:05,712
<font color="


231
00:13:07,272 --> 00:13:07,272
Like the opposite of a date.


232
00:13:08,952 --> 00:13:08,952
What's this?


233
00:13:10,632 --> 00:13:10,632
Did I, by any chance,
leave my bra at your house?


234
00:13:14,112 --> 00:13:14,112
Cos I arrived with it and now
I don't have it, so...


235
00:13:17,956 --> 00:13:17,956
..if you find it...


236
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:20,232
..I want it back!


237
00:13:24,196 --> 00:13:24,196
<font color="


238
00:13:28,632 --> 00:13:28,632
One...


239
00:13:30,072 --> 00:13:30,072
It was part of a set.


240
00:13:31,752 --> 00:13:31,752
Of course.
That's why they're sold together.


241
00:13:34,512 --> 00:13:34,512
SHE GIGGLES
Would you like a drink?


242
00:13:36,676 --> 00:13:36,676
Yes, I'd like a pint of wine,
please.


243
00:13:39,076 --> 00:13:39,076
And his shoe was still in my
pocket when I left his.


244
00:13:42,116 --> 00:13:42,116
<font color="
I needed looking after.


245
00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:44,356
I was like his carer.
Good bedside manner.


246
00:13:49,152 --> 00:13:49,152
Er, so, not a date,
to answer your question.


247
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:52,632
She wouldn't.


248
00:13:54,072 --> 00:13:54,072
Why not?


249
00:13:58,392 --> 00:13:58,392
One...


250
00:14:00,196 --> 00:14:00,196
HELEN LAUGHS


251
00:14:01,316 --> 00:14:01,316
She's just not a very sexual person.


252
00:14:04,516 --> 00:14:04,516
I'm doing all right in London.


253
00:14:13,272 --> 00:14:13,272
I'm empty.


254
00:14:22,272 --> 00:14:22,272
<font color="


255
00:14:24,432 --> 00:14:24,432
Why, do I not seem fine?


256
00:14:26,756 --> 00:14:26,756
No...


257
00:14:28,996 --> 00:14:28,996
You just seem a bit distracted.


258
00:14:32,712 --> 00:14:32,712
Is it cos of all
the people, with their bodies?


259
00:14:37,992 --> 00:14:37,992
I'm fine.


260
00:14:44,232 --> 00:14:44,232
Well, I WAS fine.


261
00:14:45,912 --> 00:14:45,912
Now I feel kind of shitty.


262
00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:47,712
Why did she ask that?


263
00:14:49,392 --> 00:14:49,392
Am I being a perv?
Have people noticed?


264
00:14:52,872 --> 00:14:52,872
It's essentially ratio analysis
<font color="


265
00:14:56,352 --> 00:14:56,352
with the overall objective of making
buy sell stock investment


266
00:14:59,952 --> 00:14:59,952
recommendations, so...


267
00:15:02,756 --> 00:15:02,756
Right, sounds...Complex, yeah.


268
00:15:04,996 --> 00:15:04,996
..really quite dry.
HE LAUGHS


269
00:15:07,272 --> 00:15:07,272
I mean, I'm more of a creative,
<font color="


270
00:15:10,992 --> 00:15:10,992
Oh, yeah...goes over my head.


271
00:15:16,036 --> 00:15:16,036
So, you're...you're Joe from work?


272
00:15:18,672 --> 00:15:18,672
Work Joe.


273
00:15:20,592 --> 00:15:20,592
Joe doing the work.


274
00:15:22,512 --> 00:15:22,512
All about the work.
That's, that's, that's all, just...


275
00:15:25,752 --> 00:15:25,752
Er, I do other stuff too.
<font color="


276
00:15:28,152 --> 00:15:28,152
JOE CHUCKLES


277
00:15:29,832 --> 00:15:29,832
Probably not as much as me, though.


278
00:15:31,992 --> 00:15:31,992
I, I do so many hobbies.


279
00:15:33,672 --> 00:15:33,672
It's kind of my thing, actually.


280
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:35,352
It's actually how we met.


281
00:15:37,156 --> 00:15:37,156
Oh, how did you?
Sorry, she never said.


282
00:15:40,516 --> 00:15:40,516
Felting.


283
00:15:44,996 --> 00:15:44,996
Cool.


284
00:15:46,272 --> 00:15:46,272
<font color="
extrovert and she's the introvert.


285
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:49,316
We just gel.


286
00:15:50,832 --> 00:15:50,832
Like a foetus
absorbing its twin in the womb.


287
00:15:53,472 --> 00:15:53,472
THEY LAUGH
That's very good.


288
00:15:55,752 --> 00:15:55,752
I, I think I've really
come out of my shell...
How did you guys meet?


289
00:15:58,992 --> 00:15:58,992
How DID we meet, Marnie?


290
00:16:01,392 --> 00:16:01,392
Er, er...


291
00:16:03,432 --> 00:16:03,432
We met...in a bar.


292
00:16:05,712 --> 00:16:05,712
She chatted me up.


293
00:16:09,476 --> 00:16:09,476
I was experimenting.What?


294
00:16:12,676 --> 00:16:12,676
You got with her?


295
00:16:14,596 --> 00:16:14,596
My first week in London,
the only human contact


296
00:16:17,112 --> 00:16:17,112
I had was with an IKEA cashier.


297
00:16:19,752 --> 00:16:19,752
And I paid for that privilege.


298
00:16:23,592 --> 00:16:23,592
Oh, Charlie needs a drink.


299
00:16:30,116 --> 00:16:30,116
Thank you.


300
00:16:32,472 --> 00:16:32,472
So, how's things? How's work?


301
00:16:36,432 --> 00:16:36,432
My, my boss came onto me.


302
00:16:39,192 --> 00:16:39,192
What?


303
00:16:40,752 --> 00:16:40,752
Mm, yeah, I know.
I was like, "Sarah, get off me!


304
00:16:44,356 --> 00:16:44,356
"You're my boss!"


305
00:16:47,472 --> 00:16:47,472
She actually wants me to go
round there tonight.


306
00:16:50,832 --> 00:16:50,832
You should report her.


307
00:16:53,712 --> 00:16:53,712
Well, what if I was into it?


308
00:16:58,632 --> 00:16:58,632
ARE you into it?


309
00:17:02,116 --> 00:17:02,116
<font color="


310
00:17:04,152 --> 00:17:04,152
I mean, what am I going to do?
Turn up and...


311
00:17:06,916 --> 00:17:06,916
..hope the little fella does too?


312
00:17:08,836 --> 00:17:08,836
Oh, that's fear talking.


313
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:12,432
You need to take away its power.


314
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:15,076
Lack of power's kind
of the issue, though, innit?


315
00:17:17,232 --> 00:17:17,232
I mean...


316
00:17:18,916 --> 00:17:18,916
..people would understand
if you told them.


317
00:17:22,152 --> 00:17:22,152
<font color="
..you think I should?Yeah.


318
00:17:25,272 --> 00:17:25,272
Go round there after this?
You think...


319
00:17:27,312 --> 00:17:27,312
..that's a thing that I should do?


320
00:17:33,312 --> 00:17:33,312
If that's what you want to do,
you should do that.


321
00:17:46,512 --> 00:17:46,512
Yeah, I might.


322
00:17:51,312 --> 00:17:51,312
GLASS SMASHES


323
00:17:52,632 --> 00:17:52,632
Whoops.Oh, oh, fuck.


324
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:55,032
<font color="


325
00:17:59,876 --> 00:17:59,876
Oh, it's fine.


326
00:18:02,232 --> 00:18:02,232
SHE LAUGHS
I wasn't apologising.


327
00:18:06,436 --> 00:18:06,436
Er, Shereen, can I do anything?


328
00:18:08,112 --> 00:18:08,112
No, no, no, no,
it's all, it's all done.


329
00:18:10,436 --> 00:18:10,436
I'll do the dishes. Sorry.


330
00:18:13,032 --> 00:18:13,032
It's just nice to have people over.


331
00:18:15,076 --> 00:18:15,076
Everyone is so nice.


332
00:18:16,752 --> 00:18:16,752
Amber invited me
<font color="


333
00:18:19,392 --> 00:18:19,392
She invited me too.
You don't even live in London.


334
00:18:23,396 --> 00:18:23,396
Yeah, well, I was thinking
about it, actually.


335
00:18:26,832 --> 00:18:26,832
You know, getting back to my roots.


336
00:18:29,232 --> 00:18:29,232
I thought you were from Slough.


337
00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:31,632
It's still London.


338
00:18:40,872 --> 00:18:40,872
If she moves here,
I'll have to move again -


339
00:18:44,112 --> 00:18:44,112
like some sort of pervy nomad.


340
00:18:49,512 --> 00:18:49,512
<font color="


341
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:51,672
I made gratin with roasted summer
vegetables.Pasta bake.


342
00:18:55,512 --> 00:18:55,512
Delicious.Thanks, Shereen.
Thanks, Shereen.


343
00:18:58,152 --> 00:18:58,152
Yeah, thanks for having
us around, Marnie.


344
00:19:00,432 --> 00:19:00,432
Should I dish up for everyone?


345
00:19:02,472 --> 00:19:02,472
SHE TAPS HER GLASS


346
00:19:04,152 --> 00:19:04,152
<font color="


347
00:19:06,432 --> 00:19:06,432
Please don't, though, cos you're
quite drunk.


348
00:19:08,352 --> 00:19:08,352
Shhh.Helen...Shhh.


349
00:19:11,832 --> 00:19:11,832
I just want to say...


350
00:19:14,352 --> 00:19:14,352
..I think it's really nice
that you lot are here.


351
00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:19,032
OK.Cos I know you don't really
know her, like me.


352
00:19:22,632 --> 00:19:22,632
SHE LAUGHS


353
00:19:25,636 --> 00:19:25,636
<font color="
that she is special.


354
00:19:30,432 --> 00:19:30,432
Hey! Cheers.Cheers.


355
00:19:31,992 --> 00:19:31,992
Special, like special measures
special, cos I fall short


356
00:19:35,112 --> 00:19:35,112
of acceptable standards.
THEY CHUCKLE


357
00:19:36,912 --> 00:19:36,912
No! But it's fine,


358
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:39,312
because in spite of
everything I know,


359
00:19:42,912 --> 00:19:42,912
I accept you.


360
00:19:45,672 --> 00:19:45,672
Cool.<font color="


361
00:19:47,592 --> 00:19:47,592
I love her.
THEY LAUGH


362
00:19:50,832 --> 00:19:50,832
Do you want a bit of baguette?


363
00:19:53,112 --> 00:19:53,112
Yeah, shove some bread in her mouth,
shut her up. You...


364
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:56,112
..be nice.I AM being nice.


365
00:19:59,236 --> 00:19:59,236
So be nice, then.


366
00:20:01,872 --> 00:20:01,872
I'm literally always nice.


367
00:20:03,672 --> 00:20:03,672
I'm being nice just by being here.


368
00:20:05,952 --> 00:20:05,952
Like, coming to see you
<font color="


369
00:20:09,672 --> 00:20:09,672
which WASN'T nice.


370
00:20:12,196 --> 00:20:12,196
But I'm nice.


371
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:13,796
And I'm here.


372
00:20:16,152 --> 00:20:16,152
So, you're welcome.


373
00:20:19,032 --> 00:20:19,032
Cheers!ALL:Cheers.


374
00:20:22,992 --> 00:20:22,992
Great.Shall we dig in?


375
00:20:25,316 --> 00:20:25,316
No.What?Gimme.I haven't...


376
00:20:26,952 --> 00:20:26,952
<font color="


377
00:20:28,752 --> 00:20:28,752
She just tried to get my top off!


378
00:20:30,912 --> 00:20:30,912
Go on, then, have a good look!


379
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:32,232
Stop it, Helen, stop it.
I don't like it.


380
00:20:34,512 --> 00:20:34,512
Maybe you should have some food.


381
00:20:36,192 --> 00:20:36,192
Soak some of it up.


382
00:20:37,752 --> 00:20:37,752
You can look all you want when I
move here.You're not moving here.


383
00:20:41,476 --> 00:20:41,476
Yeah...I am.


384
00:20:44,712 --> 00:20:44,712
<font color="


385
00:20:46,756 --> 00:20:46,756
Cos of what's wrong with you.


386
00:20:49,156 --> 00:20:49,156
I don't want you to.


387
00:20:58,152 --> 00:20:58,152
SHE LAUGHS


388
00:21:06,116 --> 00:21:06,116
There's something wrong with her.


389
00:21:08,712 --> 00:21:08,712
No, there's not.
Have you not told them?


390
00:21:11,952 --> 00:21:11,952
Don't be ashamed.


391
00:21:13,872 --> 00:21:13,872
If they were mates, they'll get it.
I don't think she wants to.


392
00:21:16,392 --> 00:21:16,392
<font color="


393
00:21:19,392 --> 00:21:19,392
She is obsessed with sex.


394
00:21:25,872 --> 00:21:25,872
It's not me, it's my OCD.


395
00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:28,872
Fuck off! Shut the fuck up!


396
00:21:32,112 --> 00:21:32,112
She's doing it right now,
she's perving in her head,


397
00:21:34,992 --> 00:21:34,992
thinking about all your bits and
what she wants to do with them.


398
00:21:37,392 --> 00:21:37,392
And she has to do it, no
<font color="


399
00:21:39,912 --> 00:21:39,912
and that's why she's
done stuff with you.


400
00:21:42,072 --> 00:21:42,072
Even if she hasn't, she wants to.


401
00:21:43,556 --> 00:21:43,556
Shut the fuck up, Helen!


402
00:21:49,872 --> 00:21:49,872
SHE SIGHS


403
00:21:54,072 --> 00:21:54,072
It's going to get cold...


404
00:21:56,232 --> 00:21:56,232
Yeah, come on.Yeah.Plates.


405
00:22:00,192 --> 00:22:00,192
Mmm!Nicely done.


406
00:22:01,752 --> 00:22:01,752
You'll, er, have to send me
<font color="


407
00:22:03,792 --> 00:22:03,792
This looks...


408
00:22:05,476 --> 00:22:05,476
Wow.


409
00:22:09,192 --> 00:22:09,192
You know, she asked to see my
breasts.Fuck...


410
00:22:12,072 --> 00:22:12,072
And I was like, fine.Jesus Christ.


411
00:22:14,112 --> 00:22:14,112
Because I'm your friend
and I would do that for you.


412
00:22:17,352 --> 00:22:17,352
Cos I know how sick she is
<font color="


413
00:22:19,992 --> 00:22:19,992
she won't stop looking at you all...
Cover yourself up then!


414
00:22:24,072 --> 00:22:24,072
HELEN WHIMPERS


415
00:22:28,996 --> 00:22:28,996
See, she just wants to touch them...


416
00:22:30,792 --> 00:22:30,792
Argh, I have OCD!


417
00:22:33,192 --> 00:22:33,192
I have intrusive sexual thoughts
that give me really bad anxiety!


418
00:22:41,112 --> 00:22:41,112
Yes, I've thought about you all.


419
00:22:42,792 --> 00:22:42,792
No, I don't want to talk
about it, so...


420
00:22:45,316 --> 00:22:45,316
Enjoy your fucking tea.


421
00:22:48,912 --> 00:22:48,912
Enjoy your food.


422
00:22:52,512 --> 00:22:52,512
It's good.


423
00:23:31,736 --> 00:23:31,736
Most people ruin dinner parties
with salmonella, not me.


424
00:23:35,816 --> 00:23:35,816
If you come to my house, it's not
the food that gives you nausea,


425
00:23:38,336 --> 00:23:38,336
it's the shocking
revelations about the host.


426
00:23:42,776 --> 00:23:42,776
Oh, I'll do it in the morning,
Shereen.


427
00:23:44,576 --> 00:23:44,576
Oh, it's fine.I said I'll do it!


428
00:23:46,976 --> 00:23:46,976
Sorry.Don't apologise!


429
00:23:49,376 --> 00:23:49,376
Why are you so nice to people?


430
00:23:51,060 --> 00:23:51,060
You let them walk all over you.


431
00:23:52,376 --> 00:23:52,376
It's not going to make them
like you, it's fucking depressing!


432
00:23:57,536 --> 00:23:57,536
Stand up for yourself!


433
00:24:07,736 --> 00:24:07,736
Sorry.


434
00:24:24,416 --> 00:24:24,416
Hello?


435
00:24:26,096 --> 00:24:26,096
<font color="


436
00:24:34,136 --> 00:24:34,136
Want some?


437
00:24:36,176 --> 00:24:36,176
Actually, you don't
have any milk, do you?


438
00:24:39,776 --> 00:24:39,776
Milk?


439
00:24:40,976 --> 00:24:40,976
Yeah.


440
00:24:42,536 --> 00:24:42,536
Yeah.


441
00:24:43,616 --> 00:24:43,616
Thanks, just had a hankering.


442
00:24:57,056 --> 00:24:57,056
Cheers.


443
00:25:03,776 --> 00:25:03,776
Mm.


444
00:25:06,656 --> 00:25:06,656
It's a nice place.


445
00:25:09,296 --> 00:25:09,296
<font color="


446
00:25:12,656 --> 00:25:12,656
I'll give you a tour.
Kitchen, obviously.


447
00:25:17,816 --> 00:25:17,816
Conservatory, snug.


448
00:25:31,736 --> 00:25:31,736
Has she text back yet?


449
00:25:33,416 --> 00:25:33,416
Nope, not unless she's somehow
changed her name to Mo in my phone


450
00:25:36,536 --> 00:25:36,536
and wants to know if I want
this lovely table lamp


451
00:25:38,576 --> 00:25:38,576
<font color="


452
00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:40,500
Bit chintzy.


453
00:25:42,776 --> 00:25:42,776
I said yeah.


454
00:25:44,340 --> 00:25:44,340
Well done.


455
00:25:45,536 --> 00:25:45,536
It's Irish chic.


456
00:25:49,856 --> 00:25:49,856
That was weird.


457
00:25:51,060 --> 00:25:51,060
Well, at least we didn't
get food poisoning.


458
00:25:53,216 --> 00:25:53,216
There's still time.


459
00:25:59,380 --> 00:25:59,380
Hello, Amber speaking.


460
00:26:01,016 --> 00:26:01,016
<font color="


461
00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:04,980
Nancy, hi.


462
00:26:06,176 --> 00:26:06,176
Do you want to come round?


463
00:26:07,976 --> 00:26:07,976
Um... Um...


464
00:26:10,420 --> 00:26:10,420
I'm still out, actually.


465
00:26:11,576 --> 00:26:11,576
OK. Well, another time, then.


466
00:26:14,100 --> 00:26:14,100
I could do next week.


467
00:26:16,256 --> 00:26:16,256
Yeah, just that work's a bit
full-on next week, so...


468
00:26:19,256 --> 00:26:19,256
<font color="
Work is absolutely madness here.


469
00:26:21,656 --> 00:26:21,656
She's totally using you, you idiot.


470
00:26:24,536 --> 00:26:24,536
Don't do it!


471
00:26:25,736 --> 00:26:25,736
Don't do it, just say no.


472
00:26:28,020 --> 00:26:28,020
Um, I could do, say, an hour?


473
00:26:33,780 --> 00:26:33,780
You are weak, mate!


474
00:26:35,456 --> 00:26:35,456
So weak!


475
00:26:37,496 --> 00:26:37,496
Great.


476
00:26:39,540 --> 00:26:39,540
<font color="


477
00:26:40,980 --> 00:26:40,980
Great, so... Hello?


478
00:26:46,260 --> 00:26:46,260
Who are you?


479
00:26:49,376 --> 00:26:49,376
It's like when they change
Bonds, I don't like it.


480
00:26:51,416 --> 00:26:51,416
No, cos what this
is is I'm playing her.


481
00:26:54,896 --> 00:26:54,896
OK? I'm not going to go to hers,
and she's going


482
00:26:57,176 --> 00:26:57,176
<font color="
and I'm going to be here


483
00:27:00,296 --> 00:27:00,296
on the couch in my PJs,
not at her house, where


484
00:27:03,776 --> 00:27:03,776
she is probably naked.


485
00:27:15,656 --> 00:27:15,656
One second.Just going to...


486
00:27:17,140 --> 00:27:17,140
Just going to what?


487
00:27:22,016 --> 00:27:22,016
And...bedroom.


488
00:27:25,256 --> 00:27:25,256
Oh, it's nice.


489
00:27:27,296 --> 00:27:27,296
<font color="


490
00:27:28,856 --> 00:27:28,856
It's a good size.


491
00:27:30,536 --> 00:27:30,536
Oh, iPad by the bed - naughty.


492
00:27:32,500 --> 00:27:32,500
Shouldn't use that before you go
to sleep cos it's blue light


493
00:27:34,976 --> 00:27:34,976
and it keeps you up, you know,
disturbs your sleep...


494
00:27:46,616 --> 00:27:46,616
Key performance indicator.


495
00:27:51,296 --> 00:27:51,296
And no-one can find out.


496
00:27:52,736 --> 00:27:52,736
<font color="


497
00:27:54,420 --> 00:27:54,420
Not cos you're, you know...
Yeah, sh!


498
00:28:11,936 --> 00:28:11,936
Come on.


499
00:28:17,216 --> 00:28:17,216
I don't know if I can.


500
00:28:19,136 --> 00:28:19,136
If you're worried about work,
I'll be very discreet.


501
00:28:21,460 --> 00:28:21,460
No, like, physically.


502
00:28:23,936 --> 00:28:23,936
I've got a bit of a problem -
<font color="


503
00:28:28,136 --> 00:28:28,136
You know me, this.


504
00:28:29,576 --> 00:28:29,576
I mean, it works sometimes,
I just don't really know when.


505
00:28:32,696 --> 00:28:32,696
It's quite inconsistent.


506
00:28:38,216 --> 00:28:38,216
I see.


507
00:28:39,220 --> 00:28:39,220
Yeah, I just don't want
you to think that it's you.


508
00:28:41,460 --> 00:28:41,460
I know it's not me.
<font color="


509
00:28:43,736 --> 00:28:43,736
Yep, yep.


510
00:28:46,256 --> 00:28:46,256
I...What do you want to do,
Charlie?


511
00:28:55,060 --> 00:28:55,060
Well, if you still want to
do something,


512
00:28:58,376 --> 00:28:58,376
then it would have to be me
doing stuff to you.Right.


513
00:29:02,216 --> 00:29:02,216
<font color="
you'd be doing me a favour.


514
00:29:07,496 --> 00:29:07,496
Happy to help.


515
00:29:23,096 --> 00:29:23,096
Helen, Helen!


516
00:29:26,216 --> 00:29:26,216
What?Your bag's on the seat.


517
00:29:29,140 --> 00:29:29,140
Oh, sorry.


518
00:29:33,536 --> 00:29:33,536
What did you just say to her?


519
00:29:35,816 --> 00:29:35,816
I said I was sorry cos my bag
was on the seat.Oh.


520
00:29:39,176 --> 00:29:39,176
Didn't know you knew that word.


521
00:29:42,900 --> 00:29:42,900
Well, I do.
Maybe you should say it, then.


522
00:29:44,696 --> 00:29:44,696
You should say it.
Why should I say it?


523
00:29:46,616 --> 00:29:46,616
You're the one that behaved
like a massive bitch.
I can't believe you did that!


524
00:29:49,976 --> 00:29:49,976
I travelled, like, 500 miles
to come and see you!


525
00:29:52,136 --> 00:29:52,136
The Proclaimers are in and they're
proclaiming a load of shite!
You just ignored me.


526
00:29:55,540 --> 00:29:55,540
Pretty hard to ignore
you when everything you do
is so somebody will look at you.


527
00:30:03,416 --> 00:30:03,416
<font color="
at you now so you don't
have to worry about that.


528
00:30:06,900 --> 00:30:06,900
Bet you hate that.


529
00:30:08,216 --> 00:30:08,216
No, I hate that everyone gets fun
Marnie and I get this shit.


530
00:30:14,816 --> 00:30:14,816
You love when I'm shit because then
nobody notices that you're shit.


531
00:30:17,696 --> 00:30:17,696
You're shit!


532
00:30:18,656 --> 00:30:18,656
OK, well, I'd rather
be shit than mental.


533
00:30:31,256 --> 00:30:31,256
Bye.


534
00:30:46,260 --> 00:30:46,260
Excuse me.


535
00:30:53,940 --> 00:30:53,940
I'm sorry.Me too.


536
00:31:01,620 --> 00:31:01,620
I don't think that you're mental.


537
00:31:04,736 --> 00:31:04,736
I was just really fucking angry
at you for leaving me.


538
00:31:08,216 --> 00:31:08,216
I didn't leave you.


539
00:31:11,860 --> 00:31:11,860
I left me.


540
00:31:15,176 --> 00:31:15,176
Please come back.


541
00:31:18,416 --> 00:31:18,416
You're not you when
you're down here.


542
00:31:25,496 --> 00:31:25,496
I think we need to not
be friends for a bit.


543
00:31:33,776 --> 00:31:33,776
<font color="


544
00:31:37,136 --> 00:31:37,136
Cos all I've got is you and my hair.


545
00:31:50,456 --> 00:31:50,456
Are you breaking up with me?


546
00:32:01,856 --> 00:32:01,856
I love you, but I hate
how I feel when I'm with you.


547
00:32:07,856 --> 00:32:07,856
I'm sorry.


548
00:32:10,736 --> 00:32:10,736
I think I just need to be on my own
for a bit until I sort myself out.


549
00:32:27,296 --> 00:32:27,296
Well, I should go.


550
00:32:30,656 --> 00:32:30,656
Will you be OK?


551
00:32:36,416 --> 00:32:36,416
I'll fuck your dad
to get back at you.


552
00:32:49,376 --> 00:32:49,376
It's not me, it's her.


553
00:32:51,896 --> 00:32:51,896
Light of my life,
bonfire of my existence.


554
00:32:55,060 --> 00:32:55,060
She used to make me feel warm
inside, now she's set my heart


555
00:32:58,740 --> 00:32:58,740
on fire, like an arson attack.


556
00:33:01,496 --> 00:33:01,496
We are ashes.


557
00:33:03,896 --> 00:33:03,896
But now new life can grow.


558
00:33:07,016 --> 00:33:07,016

laughing loud and hearty


559
00:33:13,256 --> 00:33:13,256



560
00:33:16,736 --> 00:33:16,736



561
00:33:21,940 --> 00:33:21,940

looks out of place


562
00:33:26,816 --> 00:33:26,816

it's easy to trace


563
00:33:31,380 --> 00:33:31,380



564
00:33:37,140 --> 00:33:37,140



565
00:33:38,456 --> 00:33:38,456



566
00:33:39,540 --> 00:33:39,540



567
00:33:40,736 --> 00:33:40,736



568
00:33:43,060 --> 00:33:43,060

see me with another girl


569
00:33:47,696 --> 00:33:47,696



570
00:33:51,700 --> 00:33:51,700

she's just a substitute


571
00:33:56,696 --> 00:33:56,696



572
00:34:01,136 --> 00:34:01,136



573
00:34:06,296 --> 00:34:06,296

looks out of place


574
00:34:10,496 --> 00:34:10,496

it's easy to trace.