1
00:00:16,451 --> 00:00:18,192
Satan,
2
00:00:18,235 --> 00:00:20,107
the Devil,
3
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:21,847
Lucifer,
4
00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:24,111
Prince of Darkness,
5
00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:26,591
Yanluowang,
6
00:00:26,635 --> 00:00:27,940
Belial,
7
00:00:27,984 --> 00:00:30,247
Abaddon,
8
00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:32,423
Beelzebub,
9
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:35,209
Prince of Darkness.
10
00:00:42,216 --> 00:00:43,434
Beelzebub,
11
00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:44,870
Belial,
12
00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:49,179
Abaddon,
13
00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:51,181
Satan,
14
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:53,879
the Devil,
15
00:00:53,923 --> 00:00:56,230
Lucifer,
16
00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:58,058
Beelzebub,
17
00:00:58,101 --> 00:00:58,884
Belial,
18
00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:00,756
Prince of Darkness.
19
00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:04,325
Good morning.
20
00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:06,109
Neil!
21
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,589
Eh?
22
00:01:11,462 --> 00:01:13,073
What? Too daring?
23
00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:16,032
Not if you're daring people
to kick your ass.
24
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,599
It's called pea-cocking, bro.
25
00:01:17,642 --> 00:01:20,167
Alright, females are attracted
to bright colours.
26
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:20,950
How's it...
27
00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:22,604
How's it working so far?
28
00:01:22,647 --> 00:01:24,258
You know, it's working well.
29
00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:25,389
You've got to play
to your strengths.
30
00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:27,304
Style and charm,
you know what I mean.
31
00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:28,740
You should play to yours,
32
00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:30,220
you should bust out
those panty dropping card tricks
33
00:01:30,264 --> 00:01:31,961
that you never show anyone.
34
00:01:32,004 --> 00:01:33,789
Girls don't like card tricks.
35
00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:35,269
Are you kidding?
36
00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:36,183
Of course they do.
37
00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:36,835
No, they don't.
38
00:01:36,879 --> 00:01:38,098
Yeah, they do.
39
00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:40,143
Dude. According to Men's Health
40
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:43,146
females are 18 percent
more likely to sleep with a guy
41
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:45,757
after seeing a card trick.
42
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:46,367
Really?
43
00:01:46,410 --> 00:01:47,324
Yeah,
44
00:01:47,368 --> 00:01:49,283
May 2010. Look it up.
45
00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:51,154
Hey gorgeous.
46
00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:55,289
Gorgeous, would you like
to see a card trick?
47
00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:57,073
Sure.
48
00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:01,121
Alright, pick one
and don't show me.
49
00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:05,690
Now tear it up.
50
00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:11,392
Can I have that back.
51
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,481
Give it to him.
52
00:02:17,963 --> 00:02:20,314
Is this your card?
53
00:02:20,357 --> 00:02:23,360
No, not even close.
54
00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,276
Check your bra.
55
00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:29,192
What?
56
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,194
Check your bra.
57
00:02:36,808 --> 00:02:39,202
That's amazing,
how did you do that?
58
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,161
I can't tell you.
59
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,074
She's coming back...
60
00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:44,033
Oh my god, it's working!
61
00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:47,906
Listen, I'm having a party
at my house next weekend.
62
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:50,431
You should come.
63
00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:52,563
That sounds amazing,
64
00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:55,131
but I've got this
church thing so...
65
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,438
Church thing.
66
00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:59,527
Church thing...
67
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:00,658
No, no, no, no, no.
68
00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:02,486
Neil just gets exhausted
after a show,
69
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:06,403
you've got to give him
a break.
70
00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:08,449
What?
71
00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:11,103
What the hell was that, man, church?
72
00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:12,931
You're supposed to try to get
in her pants, you know,
73
00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:14,324
not convert her.
74
00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:16,021
I know, I blew it.
75
00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:17,327
You at least touched
her boob.
76
00:03:17,371 --> 00:03:18,415
I didn't.
77
00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:19,851
Well, then how did you?
78
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:22,027
It was magic.
79
00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:24,204
Are you magically touching
a boob right now?
80
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:26,336
Hey Denise, he just totally
felt up Cheryl.
81
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:27,250
Yeah, I know.
82
00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:28,599
And so does Kent.
83
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:30,210
He's on a rampage,
you'd better hide your ass.
84
00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:33,387
Oh shit, oh shit, hurry up.
85
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:36,477
Over here.
86
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:37,391
Oh fuck.
87
00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:38,957
Oh shit.
88
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:43,875
Oh shit.
89
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:50,621
Where is that little shit?
90
00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:53,885
Uh, the, uh...
91
00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:55,365
Neil!
92
00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:58,368
Neil, yeah Neil is you
know Neil.
93
00:03:58,412 --> 00:04:00,283
He put a card in
my girlfriends bra,
94
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:02,067
I'm going to tear him in half
like a phone book.
95
00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:06,333
Open the door or
I'll put you through it.
96
00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:08,639
No, no, don't.
97
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:09,945
Uh, alright man just alright.
98
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:14,776
Matt, fuck.
99
00:04:14,819 --> 00:04:17,213
What the fuck are you doing
in there?
100
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,562
You jacking it?
101
00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:21,086
Hey everyone, Neil's jerking
off in the closet,
102
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:22,871
what a fucking
gross little perv.
103
00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:24,351
Eew!
104
00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:26,353
Leave him alone, asshole.
105
00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:28,572
Go.
106
00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:30,618
Lets let him finish.
107
00:04:48,549 --> 00:04:50,464
I don't know, wouldn't
you rather be sleeping in
108
00:04:50,507 --> 00:04:52,030
on the weekends?
109
00:04:52,074 --> 00:04:54,206
It's only an hour a week and
it makes our parents happy.
110
00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:56,818
I fucking hate church,
so lame.
111
00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:58,602
Come on, put your robe on.
112
00:04:58,646 --> 00:05:00,474
Wait, wait.
113
00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:03,041
In Nomina Satanas.
114
00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:04,913
Hail Satan!
115
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:06,218
Hail Satan.
116
00:05:06,262 --> 00:05:12,355
Hail Satan, and thank you Satan.
117
00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:21,712
Brothers and sisters,
118
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:24,585
as the celebration of Astaroth approaches
119
00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:30,068
it is time to ask ourselves
why do we worship Satan?
120
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:32,984
Is it for the power he has
promised us?
121
00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:34,508
Is it to be on
the winning side
122
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:37,598
at the final battle
of Armageddon?
123
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:41,297
The worship of Satan allows
us to eat freely
124
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:46,520
from the tree of knowledge,
of good and evil.
125
00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:51,089
It gives us the freedom
to indulge our senses
126
00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:57,400
in the pleasures of Earth,
Heaven and Hell.
127
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:59,402
Jesus Christ.
128
00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:00,838
Blasphemy!
129
00:06:00,882 --> 00:06:06,322
If we could have everybody's
undivided attention?
130
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,369
Thank you.
131
00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:10,457
Where was I.
132
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:11,458
Side of truth.
133
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:14,156
Oh yes, brothers and sisters
134
00:06:14,199 --> 00:06:17,986
the worship of Satan
is all of these things.
135
00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:23,557
But most of all it is to be
on the side of the truth.
136
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,516
Let the scales fall
from your eyes
137
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:34,176
for God is the deceiver
and Satan is the salvation.
138
00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:38,920
Soon we will perform the
celebration of Astaroth,
139
00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:42,619
our young brother Neil will give
himself over completely
140
00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:49,234
to our Lord to foil the accursed
forces of Heaven.
141
00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:50,975
Hail Satan!
142
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:53,587
Hail Satan!
143
00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:56,241
Bring forth the offering.
144
00:06:59,549 --> 00:07:02,465
Aw, look at the goat.
145
00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:07,514
Lord, please accept
this humble sacrifice.
146
00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:10,473
I would totally trade places
with that goat right now.
147
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:11,692
As a token of our faith.
148
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,737
Just keep watching.
149
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:16,436
In Nomina Satanas!
150
00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:22,746
And remember, this Wednesday
we're having a bake sale
151
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:26,968
to raise money for our bowling
team and also the star
152
00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:30,319
of our upcoming celebration
of Astaroth ceremony,
153
00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:33,061
Neil, is working
so hard to prepare.
154
00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:35,367
Lets show him our support.
155
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:38,806
Oh yeah.
156
00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:41,939
Oh yeah.
157
00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:45,508
Hey, so this talking
during church thing.
158
00:07:45,552 --> 00:07:47,075
Pretty fun, is it?
159
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:49,077
Mom, Dad, listen.
160
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,295
No, no, no, no, no.
161
00:07:50,339 --> 00:07:52,559
I can actually see how joking
and laughing
162
00:07:52,602 --> 00:07:54,865
and embarrassing your family
you know instead of
163
00:07:54,909 --> 00:07:57,564
paying attention to the sermon
could be a little entertaining.
164
00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:58,869
Matt totally started it.
165
00:07:58,913 --> 00:08:00,523
Okay, it's always Matt's
fault huh?
166
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:02,656
Yes, actually it is.
167
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:04,745
Are you going to go through
the rest of your life
168
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:06,921
never taking responsibility
for your actions?
169
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:07,835
Huh?
170
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:08,792
Yeah.
171
00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,577
Oh really.
172
00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:16,191
Sheldon, hi, we were just
talking about how sorry we are
173
00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:18,106
for that interruption
during the sermon.
174
00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:21,457
I should certainly hope so.
175
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:26,506
You understand that next time
it's quite a different story?
176
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:27,811
Yes sir.
177
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,552
How are the preparations going?
178
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,859
Oh, he's ready.
179
00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:35,515
In fact, why don't you recite
for them the names of our Lord.
180
00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:40,824
Yes, do tell.
181
00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:42,609
Tell us.
182
00:08:42,652 --> 00:08:46,221
Lucifer, Affamet, Beezelbub.
183
00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:49,267
That's Beelzebub.
184
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:54,316
Beelzebub, Belial, Abbadon.
185
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:59,234
There are over 40 of them
you know.
186
00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:03,238
You should take time
to learn them.
187
00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:07,285
There are such fabulous things
in store for you.
188
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:14,510
Can I go?
189
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:23,127
We're all very excited
for the ceremony.
190
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:24,912
So am I.
191
00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:28,132
Should be fun.
192
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:34,617
So, you've kept him chaste?
193
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:37,838
Oh, that problem kind of
took care of itself.
194
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:39,491
You know, I never got
into trouble
195
00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:41,363
until your family
joined this church.
196
00:09:41,406 --> 00:09:42,973
Yeah, and you never had
any fun either.
197
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:43,887
Did you? Did you?
198
00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:46,150
Get off me.
199
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:49,806
You know, I still just
don't understand
200
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:52,026
this whole oath business.
201
00:09:52,069 --> 00:09:53,593
Like, they made you lock up
your dick
202
00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:55,682
while they're all getting it on.
203
00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:58,423
That doesn't make any sense,
it's not fucking fair.
204
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,774
They're stealing the greatest
part of your youth,
205
00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:03,777
the hot steamy sexual part.
206
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,301
Why would you agree
with something like that?
207
00:10:06,344 --> 00:10:07,911
I'm not getting laid
because I'm not allowed to,
208
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:09,304
what's your excuse?
209
00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:10,653
Oh, I see, I see.
210
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:12,612
So, you're scared huh?
211
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:13,656
I'm not scared.
212
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:14,918
No, no?
213
00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:15,832
You've got a little case
of the vagaphobia.
214
00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:17,094
I don't have vagaphobia.
215
00:10:17,138 --> 00:10:18,269
Seriously though,
you've just got to,
216
00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:19,488
you've got to figure
this shit out man.
217
00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:20,663
Before it's too late.
218
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:21,969
Hey Dad.
219
00:10:22,012 --> 00:10:23,753
Because really Neil,
what we should be doing
220
00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:25,059
is tripping over each others
dicks to see
221
00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:28,671
who can bag the most babes,
you know?
222
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,673
Fuck something.
223
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:32,893
Anything.
224
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:34,938
That kids got problems.
225
00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:36,723
Yeah, and that problem
is you.
226
00:10:36,766 --> 00:10:38,463
Bye Neil!
227
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,074
We just wanted to make sure
that both of you
228
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:42,685
were spiritually prepared
for what's going to happen.
229
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:47,124
Of course, it's a great honour.
230
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:49,823
It will all be over very
quickly, right?
231
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:52,826
Oh, just as quick as
I can make it my dear.
232
00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:54,436
I can assure you that -
233
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:58,875
That the dagger plunges into
the flesh swiftly, smoothly.
234
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,660
It sounds so painful.
235
00:11:00,703 --> 00:11:02,226
No, no, no.
236
00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:04,707
He'll feel a little pinch
but for no more than an instant.
237
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,143
So, no pain.
238
00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:07,623
No, there will be pain.
239
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,798
Extreme pain.
240
00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:12,802
And blood, lots
and lots of it.
241
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:15,196
I'm so sorry.
242
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:18,721
As I was saying this whole
process is not only painless
243
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:19,853
but euphoric.
244
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:23,770
I have a crazy idea.
245
00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:28,688
Why don't we just sit him down
and explain everything to him,
246
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,428
that way he'll be prepared.
247
00:11:30,472 --> 00:11:32,213
What are you going to tell
him, okay,
248
00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:34,824
that his best friend is going
to have to mop him up
249
00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,391
after the ceremony?
250
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:37,871
No. Shelly, come on.
251
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:39,568
He'll accept it.
252
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:41,352
He loves Satan.
253
00:11:41,396 --> 00:11:42,702
Sheldon, I'm so sorry.
254
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:45,313
No, no, please please.
255
00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:50,622
There's no reason to confuse
the little fellow.
256
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:54,235
We don't have time
for second thoughts.
257
00:11:54,278 --> 00:11:56,498
If we don't perform the ritual
258
00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:58,935
on the equinox of
his 18th year
259
00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:02,852
Jesus Christ will return and
usher in a thousand years
260
00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:05,289
of peace on Earth.
261
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:08,249
Is that what you want?
262
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:11,295
No.
263
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:14,777
I didn't think so.
264
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:17,867
So, my advice to you is to
put your misgivings aside
265
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:21,915
and focus on the positive.
266
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:29,792
Eat some cake.
267
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:31,315
Yeah, you should be
enjoying your big night.
268
00:12:32,229 --> 00:12:33,535
Want some ice cream on that?
269
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,930
You should be eating like
there's no tomorrow.
270
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,192
It's a clown, dad.
271
00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:39,236
I'm 18.
272
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,326
Why don't you tell us
what's wrong?
273
00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:44,720
Is it a girl?
274
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,767
No.
275
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:53,033
Actually, yeah kind of.
276
00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:57,777
Oh.
277
00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:01,389
Did something happen?
278
00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:03,695
I'm not going to bore you
with the details.
279
00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:05,175
You're going to look me
in the eye
280
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:06,742
and you're going to answer
me truthfully,
281
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,613
was there
any physical contact?
282
00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:09,832
No.
283
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,703
So, there was no intercourse?
284
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:13,053
Inter... No.
285
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:14,663
And no oral?
286
00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:16,578
Giving or receiving?
287
00:13:16,621 --> 00:13:17,535
No.
288
00:13:17,579 --> 00:13:18,798
What about anal?
289
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:19,929
Jesus, mom!
290
00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,539
Answer your mother,
was there anal?
291
00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:22,889
No.
292
00:13:22,932 --> 00:13:25,065
Okay, look, something
happened that will ensure
293
00:13:25,108 --> 00:13:28,851
I will never get laid
in my whole life.
294
00:13:28,895 --> 00:13:31,854
Son, look, you know you can talk
to me about anything.
295
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:34,465
I didn't break my stupid oath, alright.
296
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:40,515
Okay then.
297
00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:43,039
The oath isn't stupid honey,
298
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:45,825
it's the whole reason
you were born.
299
00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:48,479
We were your age when I
conceived and we just,
300
00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:51,787
we didn't know what to do
but Sheldon told us
301
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:55,835
that you had a special purpose.
302
00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:57,924
Look, I'm sure you're
going through
303
00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:00,927
some pretty depressing
teenage stuff right now.
304
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:04,060
Been there, done that, even
I had a stupid haircut once
305
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:06,933
didn't I?
306
00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:10,371
But you are representing
our family and our church,
307
00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:12,939
when it is all over you will
have a fuller understanding
308
00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:15,419
of what it is all about.
309
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:18,727
I've got to take a leak.
310
00:14:22,731 --> 00:14:24,994
Gary, we need to tell him.
311
00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:27,040
You know how he hates surprises,
312
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:28,563
if we just explain it to him.
313
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,391
Absolutely not!
314
00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:33,394
He'll cause a scene, crying
and kicking and screaming.
315
00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:36,179
Do you want other people
to see that?
316
00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:38,529
Look, you heard, okay,
317
00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:41,837
he has suffered enough
humiliation, trust me.
318
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:45,885
We did not choose
Neil's destiny.
319
00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:47,974
He did.
320
00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:54,894
Lucifer, Baphomet, Belial,
321
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:57,984
Abbadon, Beelzebub, Belial,
322
00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,942
Prince of Darkness,
323
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:03,076
Lucifer, Baphomet, Belial,
324
00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,773
Abbadon, Beelzebub...
325
00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:07,384
I want you to know that it
won't just be Neil
326
00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:10,953
who will be rewarded
for his sacrifice.
327
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:12,955
To a new era.
328
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:15,479
To a new era.
329
00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:17,742
Thank you.
330
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:22,095
It's almost sundown, dear.
331
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:24,401
Oh, would you kindly excuse us?
332
00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:26,447
Of course.
333
00:15:32,844 --> 00:15:34,934
Good evening.
334
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:39,590
Good evening.
335
00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:43,246
Lucifer, Baphomet, Belial,
336
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:46,989
Abbadon, Beelzebub, Belial.
337
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,992
I am so proud of you.
338
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,646
Thanks.
339
00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:54,649
You've been such a good son.
340
00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:14,669
There he is buddy, huh?
341
00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:16,888
Man of the hour.
342
00:16:16,932 --> 00:16:18,890
Listen, I heard that
after the confirmation
343
00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:21,023
you get to bone any woman
you want
344
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,678
from within the congregation.
345
00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:25,027
If it were me I'd go for Colette
346
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,942
and make her boyfriend
fucking watch.
347
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,031
Don't embarrass me.
348
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,467
Do I ever?
349
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,994
Okay everybody,
time to get started.
350
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:56,928
Are you excited?
351
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:07,635
Brothers and sisters,
352
00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:11,160
we are gathered together
for an ancient ceremony.
353
00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:14,163
Momentous and beautiful.
354
00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:18,080
Before we begin please turn
off your cell phones
355
00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:20,604
and all other electronic devices.
356
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:30,919
Eighteen years ago our Lord
chose this young man
357
00:17:30,962 --> 00:17:34,966
to join him in battle
against the Great Deceiver.
358
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:40,233
His spirit will join with
the Father on this night.
359
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,104
We now ask young Neil
360
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:47,979
to lay his earthly vessel
upon our altar.
361
00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:52,027
Handmaidens of our Lord.
362
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,345
Dude.
363
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,260
I think they're
going to fuck you
364
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,218
right here
in front of everyone.
365
00:18:09,262 --> 00:18:11,916
In Nomina Satanas.
366
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,310
In Nomina Satanas.
367
00:18:14,354 --> 00:18:17,183
Now the time approaches
to release his spirit
368
00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:20,925
into the arms of our father
369
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:28,281
whereupon his soul will join
our King for all eternity.
370
00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:35,157
The sacrificial lamb will stand
with Lucifer in Hades.
371
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:37,159
Whoa, whoa, sacrificial lamb?
372
00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:38,552
It's a metaphor.
373
00:18:38,595 --> 00:18:41,424
As we tear the virgins
flesh asunder
374
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:46,168
so that the blood may spill
forth in holy offering.
375
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:49,780
In Nomina Satanas,
376
00:18:49,824 --> 00:18:52,914
In Nomina Satanas...
377
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:54,959
In Nomina Satanas,
378
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:56,526
Dude.
379
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:58,180
Satanas Rex.
380
00:18:58,224 --> 00:18:59,312
Dude!
381
00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:01,270
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the?
382
00:19:01,314 --> 00:19:02,315
In Nomina...
383
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:03,185
What the fuck!
384
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,144
Satanas!
385
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,101
Neil! Neil!
386
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:06,797
Hey!
387
00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,408
Neil!
388
00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:09,800
After him!
389
00:19:09,844 --> 00:19:11,193
Neil!
390
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:15,893
Get back here!
391
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:17,068
Go, go, go!
392
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:18,983
Move, move, move!
393
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:22,378
Okay, holy shit.
394
00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:23,771
Come on.
395
00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:34,390
Oh fuck!!!!!!!
396
00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:51,929
Come here, quickly!
397
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:53,148
Come on.
398
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,715
Are they there?
399
00:19:54,758 --> 00:19:55,672
Where's my other shoe?
400
00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:58,980
Where's my other shoe?
401
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:00,460
I am so sorry, Sheldon.
402
00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:03,898
I mean, what can I say?
403
00:20:03,941 --> 00:20:06,335
You can say nothing!
404
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:09,904
Get that.
405
00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:11,253
Hello?
406
00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:13,124
We have until sunrise
or the window will close.
407
00:20:13,168 --> 00:20:17,259
If we fail his wrath
will fall on us all!
408
00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:19,348
No, that won't happen.
409
00:20:19,392 --> 00:20:21,481
I'll go get him he'll be back
on that altar in no time.
410
00:20:23,091 --> 00:20:27,138
No! You stay right here.
411
00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:31,273
Take these two with you
and fetch them back.
412
00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:36,235
We need a soft touch to lure
them back.
413
00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:39,281
You know what I'm talking about,
don't you Colette?
414
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:41,022
I think so.
415
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:44,591
Good girl, now go.
416
00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:52,207
And remember, as always
to keep a low profile.
417
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:58,518
And you, if they don't return
418
00:20:58,561 --> 00:21:01,347
consider yourself excommunicated
419
00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:04,393
and you will never see
the gates of Hell!
420
00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:15,143
Matt! Matt!
421
00:21:15,186 --> 00:21:16,884
What the fuck are you doing, Matt!
422
00:21:16,927 --> 00:21:17,972
What the fuck, man?
423
00:21:18,015 --> 00:21:19,321
You can't take that,
424
00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:20,975
that's my families
Mexico money for the summer.
425
00:21:21,018 --> 00:21:22,368
Oh, I'm sorry
426
00:21:22,411 --> 00:21:24,544
why don't you enjoy your
lovely time in Acapulco
427
00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:25,893
and don't forget to
send me a postcard
428
00:21:25,936 --> 00:21:29,288
before they murder you.
429
00:21:29,331 --> 00:21:33,466
Dude, look my Dad's
an asshole too, okay.
430
00:21:33,509 --> 00:21:36,730
I know.
431
00:21:36,773 --> 00:21:38,384
Oh fuck me.
432
00:21:38,427 --> 00:21:39,602
I'm calling the cops.
433
00:21:39,646 --> 00:21:40,429
What?
434
00:21:40,473 --> 00:21:41,343
No, no, no, don't do that.
435
00:21:41,387 --> 00:21:41,996
Don't do that.
436
00:21:42,039 --> 00:21:42,649
Fuck off.
437
00:21:42,692 --> 00:21:44,259
Don't do that.
438
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:45,391
Alright, my Dad's a cop and half
the force goes to our church.
439
00:21:45,434 --> 00:21:46,305
Police, please.
440
00:21:46,348 --> 00:21:47,654
No, give me.
441
00:21:47,697 --> 00:21:48,481
Hello?
442
00:21:48,524 --> 00:21:49,351
This is the police.
443
00:21:49,395 --> 00:21:50,352
Hey. It's Matt, Paul's kid.
444
00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:51,962
My Dad's gone rogue.
445
00:21:52,006 --> 00:21:53,181
Matt, where are you?
446
00:21:53,224 --> 00:21:54,356
I'm at my friend Neil's house.
447
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,053
Is Neil with you?
448
00:21:56,097 --> 00:21:57,577
Stay where you are, we'll
send somebody right now.
449
00:21:57,620 --> 00:21:58,752
Who are you sending?
450
00:21:58,795 --> 00:22:00,362
st stay where you are Matt.
451
00:22:00,406 --> 00:22:01,537
Oh shit, fuck!
452
00:22:01,581 --> 00:22:03,147
We've got to go!
453
00:22:05,236 --> 00:22:08,414
This sucks, alright, we could
be at Cheryl's party right now
454
00:22:08,457 --> 00:22:10,764
totally enjoying the all
you can eat vagina buffet
455
00:22:10,807 --> 00:22:13,027
or muffet if you will.
456
00:22:13,070 --> 00:22:14,420
Wait.
457
00:22:14,463 --> 00:22:17,510
This all happened because
you're a virgin right,
458
00:22:17,553 --> 00:22:21,252
so we get you laid
problem solved.
459
00:22:22,732 --> 00:22:24,560
Oh, I've got it.
460
00:22:24,604 --> 00:22:25,909
Who are you calling?
461
00:22:25,953 --> 00:22:27,476
Stop, stop, stop calling people.
462
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,348
Okay, what?
463
00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:30,479
Denise!
464
00:22:30,523 --> 00:22:32,263
A friend fuck, oh
that's brilliant.
465
00:22:32,307 --> 00:22:34,353
Come on, I mean we give
her rides all the time I mean.
466
00:22:57,506 --> 00:22:58,507
Neil!
467
00:23:01,771 --> 00:23:04,818
Matty?
468
00:23:04,861 --> 00:23:05,601
You guys here?
469
00:23:05,645 --> 00:23:07,124
Come on out!
470
00:23:34,369 --> 00:23:36,023
You're overthinking this, man.
471
00:23:36,066 --> 00:23:37,416
She's my friend, alright,
472
00:23:37,459 --> 00:23:39,722
I just don't want her to feel
like she's being used.
473
00:23:39,766 --> 00:23:42,377
She's not being used,
she's saving your life.
474
00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:43,596
I know, she's saving
my life.
475
00:23:43,639 --> 00:23:45,162
Exactly.
476
00:23:45,206 --> 00:23:46,599
That's why I'm just going to
tell her the truth, alright.
477
00:23:46,642 --> 00:23:49,166
Denise is super cool,
man, she'll totally get it.
478
00:23:49,210 --> 00:23:52,300
No, that's sweet okay but
women don't really respond well
479
00:23:52,343 --> 00:23:55,477
to the truth okay, it's
like they like mystery.
480
00:23:55,521 --> 00:23:56,652
It's like your magic.
481
00:23:56,696 --> 00:23:57,827
If you told them how you did
the magic
482
00:23:57,871 --> 00:24:00,134
you lose the magic, right?
483
00:24:00,177 --> 00:24:01,831
Ask me how big my dick is.
484
00:24:01,875 --> 00:24:02,789
What?
485
00:24:02,832 --> 00:24:04,268
Why would I ask you that?
486
00:24:04,312 --> 00:24:05,618
Besides, I've seen it.
487
00:24:05,661 --> 00:24:06,749
It looks like a toe.
488
00:24:06,793 --> 00:24:10,449
Just bear with me okay,
just ask.
489
00:24:10,492 --> 00:24:13,495
How big is your dick.
490
00:24:13,539 --> 00:24:15,932
Well, I don't really like to
talk about it but, you know,
491
00:24:15,976 --> 00:24:17,412
it's 9 and a half inches.
492
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:21,851
Okay, see, now I'll ask you,
how big is your dick?
493
00:24:21,895 --> 00:24:23,157
I don't know, I've never
measured it.
494
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:23,810
Average?
495
00:24:23,853 --> 00:24:25,464
Wrong! Ten inches.
496
00:24:25,507 --> 00:24:26,639
Why would I lie?
497
00:24:26,682 --> 00:24:27,770
If the lie works I'm going
to get caught.
498
00:24:27,814 --> 00:24:29,337
It doesn't matter
that's the thing.
499
00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:31,295
Okay, by the time she finds
out that it's only five inches
500
00:24:31,339 --> 00:24:33,341
it's two inches deep.
501
00:24:34,777 --> 00:24:37,388
Oh, okay, okay Matt you're
going to stay outside, okay.
502
00:24:37,432 --> 00:24:38,520
I'm not doing this for
an audience.
503
00:24:38,564 --> 00:24:39,782
Fine.
504
00:24:39,826 --> 00:24:41,218
That's fine.
505
00:24:41,262 --> 00:24:42,611
I wash my hands of this,
506
00:24:42,655 --> 00:24:46,049
I just I'll just be out here
making phone calls.
507
00:24:50,924 --> 00:24:52,578
No Cheryl's, huh?
508
00:24:52,621 --> 00:24:54,580
Wasn't... Wasn't feeling it,
509
00:24:54,623 --> 00:24:57,670
um, can I come in?
510
00:24:57,713 --> 00:24:58,975
Yeah, sure, why not.
511
00:25:03,371 --> 00:25:04,372
Are your parents home?
512
00:25:04,415 --> 00:25:07,549
No.
513
00:25:07,593 --> 00:25:10,160
I've been stuck on this level
for like two days.
514
00:25:10,204 --> 00:25:12,293
I swear, one more day of this
and I am pillaging the internet
515
00:25:12,336 --> 00:25:13,686
for cheat codes.
516
00:25:13,729 --> 00:25:15,601
Dude, can you sit down,
this is pretty annoying.
517
00:25:17,907 --> 00:25:20,954
Okay, okay, I really need
to talk.
518
00:25:20,997 --> 00:25:24,653
I really need to talk to you
about something.
519
00:25:24,697 --> 00:25:26,568
It's kind of a big deal.
520
00:25:26,612 --> 00:25:28,918
Okay, talk.
521
00:25:28,962 --> 00:25:30,354
Yeah.
522
00:25:30,398 --> 00:25:34,402
Only Denise can be this busy!
523
00:25:34,445 --> 00:25:35,708
Okay.
524
00:25:35,751 --> 00:25:37,057
Hey, Amy.
525
00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:38,537
It's Matt, listen.
526
00:25:38,580 --> 00:25:42,105
There's some crazy shit going
down tonight
527
00:25:42,149 --> 00:25:45,065
like end of the world type stuff
528
00:25:45,108 --> 00:25:47,241
so Cheryl's party might
be your last chance
529
00:25:47,284 --> 00:25:49,112
to get with me, alright?
530
00:25:49,156 --> 00:25:51,419
Holler back.
531
00:25:51,462 --> 00:25:53,421
You know how much
I respect you.
532
00:25:53,464 --> 00:25:54,117
Yeah.
533
00:25:54,161 --> 00:25:57,773
So much, yeah, okay.
534
00:25:57,817 --> 00:26:01,560
Um, I think you're awesome.
535
00:26:01,603 --> 00:26:05,259
I think you're kind of
a dork.
536
00:26:05,302 --> 00:26:06,608
Uh, what I am about to ask
537
00:26:06,652 --> 00:26:10,003
I can never ask anybody else.
538
00:26:12,527 --> 00:26:14,616
Okay, drama queen.
539
00:26:14,660 --> 00:26:18,272
I just need you to say that you
will do this one thing for me
540
00:26:18,315 --> 00:26:21,841
and I promise I will never ask
you for anything ever again
541
00:26:21,884 --> 00:26:24,887
as long as I live, which
might not be for long.
542
00:26:24,931 --> 00:26:28,630
Lets hear it.
543
00:26:28,674 --> 00:26:31,677
I need you to have sex
with me tonight.
544
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:35,681
If you don't I'm going to die.
545
00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:37,987
I just, I just need to put it in
546
00:26:38,031 --> 00:26:39,902
it doesn't have to be
anything special.
547
00:26:39,946 --> 00:26:41,643
I don't know what the fuck
I'm going to be doing
548
00:26:41,687 --> 00:26:43,732
but I don't even know the rules
I don't know I just -
549
00:26:43,776 --> 00:26:45,778
What the fuck, Neil?
550
00:26:50,391 --> 00:26:52,393
There's some crazy shit
going down tonight
551
00:26:52,436 --> 00:26:55,657
like end of the world type stuff
so Cheryl's party might be
552
00:26:55,701 --> 00:26:59,008
your last chance to get
with me so.
553
00:26:59,052 --> 00:27:00,619
Holler back.
554
00:27:00,662 --> 00:27:02,316
Normally I would never
think of doing anything
555
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:03,752
remotely sexual with you
556
00:27:03,796 --> 00:27:05,667
but I am
really fucking desperate.
557
00:27:05,711 --> 00:27:08,539
I just need you to just let me
just fuck
558
00:27:08,583 --> 00:27:11,368
like just no meaning to it,
559
00:27:11,412 --> 00:27:13,632
just the tip, anything
will work.
560
00:27:13,675 --> 00:27:15,590
Oh, keep going lover boy
really my panties are dripping,
561
00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:16,199
I swear.
562
00:27:17,853 --> 00:27:18,637
They're here!
563
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,377
Holy fuck!
564
00:27:20,421 --> 00:27:21,683
Oh.
565
00:27:21,727 --> 00:27:22,510
Denise.
566
00:27:22,553 --> 00:27:23,816
Okay, lets do it.
567
00:27:23,859 --> 00:27:24,773
Really, the sheer balls of
it is impressive.
568
00:27:24,817 --> 00:27:26,253
I'm not fucking
with you okay,
569
00:27:26,296 --> 00:27:27,994
you know the church
my family belongs to?
570
00:27:28,037 --> 00:27:29,822
It's kind of different.
571
00:27:29,865 --> 00:27:32,215
Well, they just tried
to sacrifice me
572
00:27:32,259 --> 00:27:33,652
because I'm a virgin.
573
00:27:33,695 --> 00:27:35,175
What?
574
00:27:36,785 --> 00:27:37,917
I've never had sex before.
575
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,092
Yeah, I know what a
fucking virgin is
576
00:27:39,135 --> 00:27:40,484
but what the fuck
are you talking about?
577
00:27:40,528 --> 00:27:43,052
Unless I lose my virginity tonight
578
00:27:43,096 --> 00:27:44,967
they're going to sacrifice
my ass!
579
00:27:45,011 --> 00:27:46,186
To Satan!
580
00:27:46,229 --> 00:27:48,405
They're here! Come on!
581
00:27:48,449 --> 00:27:49,015
Oh my god!
582
00:27:50,756 --> 00:27:51,887
Denise, it's not fucking funny!
583
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,239
Oh.
584
00:27:56,283 --> 00:27:58,764
Listen, I need to know if
this is going to happen
585
00:27:58,807 --> 00:28:00,026
or I've really got to run.
586
00:28:00,069 --> 00:28:01,462
Neil, I don't know what
the fuck you're on
587
00:28:01,505 --> 00:28:03,377
but you're being a real
asshole right now.
588
00:28:03,420 --> 00:28:04,378
I'm going to get the door.
589
00:28:04,421 --> 00:28:05,727
Oh my god, listen to me.
590
00:28:05,771 --> 00:28:07,773
Oh fuck.
591
00:28:09,992 --> 00:28:11,820
Yeah?
592
00:28:11,864 --> 00:28:13,256
Hey, oh my god this is
so annoying
593
00:28:13,300 --> 00:28:15,998
but you wouldn't happen
to have seen Neil?
594
00:28:16,042 --> 00:28:17,521
No.
595
00:28:17,565 --> 00:28:19,610
Well, we were all just hanging
out at the mall you know,
596
00:28:19,654 --> 00:28:23,832
listening to CD's
and he just ran off.
597
00:28:23,876 --> 00:28:25,225
We think he might be
losing his mind
598
00:28:25,268 --> 00:28:27,749
we were just really worried so.
599
00:28:27,793 --> 00:28:30,317
Well, he was babbling nonsense.
600
00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:33,233
So, you saw him?
601
00:28:33,276 --> 00:28:34,451
Yeah.
602
00:28:34,495 --> 00:28:36,453
Do you want to maybe tell us
where he went?
603
00:28:36,497 --> 00:28:38,891
Sorry, who are you guys?
604
00:28:38,934 --> 00:28:42,155
Oh hi, I'm Brad and it would
be really helpful
605
00:28:42,198 --> 00:28:44,984
if you could help us find him.
606
00:28:46,942 --> 00:28:49,162
Alright, uh yeah, come in.
607
00:28:52,861 --> 00:28:54,428
How'd they know we were here?
608
00:28:54,471 --> 00:28:55,124
I don't know.
609
00:28:55,168 --> 00:28:56,169
Fucked!
610
00:28:56,212 --> 00:28:58,475
Oh shit, shit, shit.
611
00:28:59,259 --> 00:28:59,999
These pants are too tight.
612
00:29:00,042 --> 00:29:00,521
Okay.
613
00:29:00,564 --> 00:29:01,435
Ow, my nuts!
614
00:29:01,478 --> 00:29:03,393
Come on, come on. I've got you.
615
00:29:03,437 --> 00:29:04,133
Lets go.
616
00:29:04,177 --> 00:29:05,265
Go.
617
00:29:05,308 --> 00:29:06,919
So, it's just down this
street here
618
00:29:06,962 --> 00:29:10,792
oh but it's a one way so you
should just go around via Oak
619
00:29:10,836 --> 00:29:13,839
and Cheryl's house should
just be right there.
620
00:29:19,148 --> 00:29:21,672
You've been incredibly helpful,
thank you.
621
00:29:21,716 --> 00:29:23,674
Yeah, how do you guys know
Neal again?
622
00:29:23,718 --> 00:29:24,806
From church.
623
00:29:24,850 --> 00:29:25,938
What church is that?
624
00:29:25,981 --> 00:29:27,853
You've never heard of it.
625
00:29:27,896 --> 00:29:29,898
We worship Satan.
626
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:40,953
Fuck.
627
00:29:43,433 --> 00:29:46,132
Dude, you have nothing
to lose.
628
00:29:46,175 --> 00:29:50,789
No, humiliation is worse
than death.
629
00:29:50,832 --> 00:29:52,834
You've never walked into
a room where everybody
630
00:29:52,878 --> 00:29:54,227
has seen you wearing jizz.
631
00:29:54,270 --> 00:29:58,231
Ah, yes. I have.
632
00:29:58,274 --> 00:30:00,233
I can't do it, I choose death.
633
00:30:00,276 --> 00:30:02,061
No, no, no, no, no.
634
00:30:02,104 --> 00:30:03,279
Wait, wait, wait okay.
635
00:30:03,323 --> 00:30:04,846
Your parents almost
killing you tonight
636
00:30:04,890 --> 00:30:07,109
that's the best thing that
could have happened to you.
637
00:30:07,153 --> 00:30:09,851
They lit a fire under your ass
to go out there grab
638
00:30:09,895 --> 00:30:15,552
life by the ears and make
sweet sweet love to his mouth.
639
00:30:15,596 --> 00:30:19,643
Fuck, you're a selfish prick
you know that?
640
00:30:19,687 --> 00:30:21,036
How am I selfish?
641
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,604
Because this is your
last chance, Neal.
642
00:30:23,647 --> 00:30:25,171
If you don't go in there
and bust your hymen
643
00:30:25,214 --> 00:30:26,825
then you're a dead man.
644
00:30:26,868 --> 00:30:28,130
And then that's on my head
645
00:30:28,174 --> 00:30:33,483
and I can't live with that
shit so fuck you.
646
00:30:33,527 --> 00:30:36,138
I wouldn't want me dying to
be a source of guilt for you
647
00:30:36,182 --> 00:30:38,488
or anything.
648
00:30:38,532 --> 00:30:41,013
Yes!
649
00:30:49,412 --> 00:30:52,851
Aw, see, it's not so bad huh?
650
00:30:52,894 --> 00:30:57,899
Uh, shit, uh lets get you
a beer this way.
651
00:30:57,943 --> 00:31:00,336
Ladies, you guys know Neal right?
652
00:31:00,380 --> 00:31:00,946
Hi Neal.
653
00:31:00,989 --> 00:31:01,903
Hey.
654
00:31:01,947 --> 00:31:03,949
Oh, can I play one with you?
655
00:31:03,992 --> 00:31:06,168
Here we go, here we go,
beer pong baby.
656
00:31:11,086 --> 00:31:14,960
Neal, wait, Neal. Neal!
657
00:31:15,003 --> 00:31:18,615
Hey, look everybody
it's the man himself!
658
00:31:18,659 --> 00:31:20,661
Lets all do the fucking Neal!
659
00:31:30,932 --> 00:31:32,716
Dude, hey.
660
00:31:35,850 --> 00:31:37,069
Oh my god, that was
the worst thing
661
00:31:37,112 --> 00:31:39,288
I've ever seen happen
to anybody.
662
00:31:39,332 --> 00:31:42,335
You need a shot.
663
00:31:46,861 --> 00:31:47,949
To hitting bottom.
664
00:31:47,993 --> 00:31:49,472
Nowhere to go but up.
665
00:31:49,516 --> 00:31:52,040
Nowhere.
666
00:31:52,084 --> 00:31:55,261
Oh, oh that's awful.
667
00:32:17,109 --> 00:32:18,458
Who's in there?
668
00:32:18,501 --> 00:32:21,330
I think it's that
masturbating guy.
669
00:32:21,374 --> 00:32:22,984
Hey man, you jerking off in there?
670
00:32:23,985 --> 00:32:25,160
Need some rhythm bro?
671
00:32:25,204 --> 00:32:28,468
Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
672
00:32:28,511 --> 00:32:30,122
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
673
00:32:30,165 --> 00:32:31,601
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
674
00:32:31,645 --> 00:32:33,952
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
675
00:32:33,995 --> 00:32:35,997
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
676
00:32:36,041 --> 00:32:38,130
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
677
00:32:38,173 --> 00:32:40,175
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
678
00:32:40,219 --> 00:32:42,308
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
679
00:32:42,351 --> 00:32:44,136
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
680
00:32:44,179 --> 00:32:46,007
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
681
00:32:46,051 --> 00:32:47,704
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
682
00:32:47,748 --> 00:32:50,533
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
683
00:32:50,577 --> 00:32:51,970
Stroke, stroke, stroke!
684
00:32:59,281 --> 00:33:01,892
What the fuck do you think
you're doing?
685
00:33:03,372 --> 00:33:05,635
Whoa!!!
686
00:33:05,679 --> 00:33:07,115
Behold!
687
00:33:07,159 --> 00:33:10,771
The Great Master Bater.
688
00:33:13,643 --> 00:33:17,996
And I give to you my fabulous
phallus of fun.
689
00:33:18,039 --> 00:33:20,868
Oooh!
690
00:33:31,792 --> 00:33:33,228
Thank you, thank you.
691
00:33:33,272 --> 00:33:36,927
Now, I need a volunteer
for this next trick.
692
00:33:36,971 --> 00:33:40,105
How about um you.
693
00:33:41,497 --> 00:33:42,411
Fuck that.
694
00:33:42,455 --> 00:33:44,326
We've got a bashful one, folks.
695
00:33:44,370 --> 00:33:46,154
Lets give him
some encouragement.
696
00:33:46,198 --> 00:33:47,025
Kent!
697
00:33:47,068 --> 00:33:48,330
Kent!
698
00:33:48,374 --> 00:33:50,071
Kent! Kent!
699
00:33:50,115 --> 00:33:52,117
Kent! Kent.
700
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:53,683
Kent! Kent.
701
00:33:53,727 --> 00:33:55,076
Kent! Kent.
702
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:56,817
Kent! Kent.
703
00:33:56,860 --> 00:33:58,079
Kent! Kent.
704
00:34:04,477 --> 00:34:08,524
Now, I need complete silence
for this next trick.
705
00:34:08,568 --> 00:34:11,310
Touch me and you're
a dead man.
706
00:34:11,353 --> 00:34:13,094
Oooh!!!!!
707
00:34:13,138 --> 00:34:15,009
Alright.
708
00:34:17,403 --> 00:34:20,145
Pick a card, any card.
709
00:34:20,188 --> 00:34:22,843
What? A stupid card trick?
710
00:34:22,886 --> 00:34:24,888
Any card at all.
711
00:34:27,978 --> 00:34:31,112
Now show it to the room.
712
00:34:31,156 --> 00:34:33,158
Did you guys get
a good look?
713
00:34:33,201 --> 00:34:35,203
Now put it back.
714
00:34:37,075 --> 00:34:38,119
Alright.
715
00:34:38,163 --> 00:34:42,080
Kent, is this your card?
716
00:34:42,123 --> 00:34:43,820
Fuck no.
717
00:34:43,864 --> 00:34:45,213
Is this his card?
718
00:34:45,257 --> 00:34:47,085
No.
719
00:34:49,696 --> 00:34:51,306
Oh. Check your pants.
720
00:34:51,350 --> 00:34:53,265
Check my what?
721
00:34:53,308 --> 00:34:55,005
Your pants.
722
00:34:56,616 --> 00:34:59,053
Fuck!
723
00:34:59,097 --> 00:34:59,923
What the fuck!
724
00:35:06,974 --> 00:35:09,107
Thank you.
725
00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:15,287
That was, that was
pretty awesome.
726
00:35:15,330 --> 00:35:18,899
Yeah, you want to see
another one?
727
00:35:18,942 --> 00:35:20,944
Maybe.
728
00:35:49,277 --> 00:35:50,496
Oh fuck.
729
00:35:50,539 --> 00:35:51,975
Just!
730
00:36:06,207 --> 00:36:08,209
Like my outfit?
731
00:36:08,253 --> 00:36:09,297
It's really pretty.
732
00:36:09,341 --> 00:36:12,779
Thanks.
733
00:36:12,822 --> 00:36:14,520
Take the back of the knee, right,
734
00:36:14,563 --> 00:36:16,783
it's surprisingly sensitive.
735
00:36:16,826 --> 00:36:19,568
It can't always be about
the clitoris.
736
00:36:19,612 --> 00:36:21,831
Oh hey, you go
to my church.
737
00:36:21,875 --> 00:36:22,832
Oh, that's right.
738
00:36:22,876 --> 00:36:24,530
It is so good to see you.
739
00:36:24,573 --> 00:36:26,401
It's good to see you.
740
00:36:26,445 --> 00:36:27,881
So, where's Neal?
741
00:36:27,924 --> 00:36:30,100
Neal, Neal's amazing.
742
00:36:30,144 --> 00:36:31,189
I know, right?
743
00:36:31,232 --> 00:36:32,668
Where is he?
744
00:36:32,712 --> 00:36:35,193
No, no, no, no,
I'm not telling you.
745
00:36:35,236 --> 00:36:37,238
You I'm not going to tell.
746
00:36:37,282 --> 00:36:39,893
Please tell me?
747
00:36:39,936 --> 00:36:42,330
Please? Please?
748
00:36:42,374 --> 00:36:43,766
Tell me?
749
00:36:43,810 --> 00:36:45,986
You smell like cinnamon.
750
00:36:46,029 --> 00:36:48,815
Okay, okay, okay I'll tell
you okay
751
00:36:48,858 --> 00:36:53,863
but you're a little late because
he's already having sex.
752
00:37:02,002 --> 00:37:03,569
So, what are you into?
753
00:37:03,612 --> 00:37:06,963
Besides magic I like
video games,
754
00:37:07,007 --> 00:37:08,313
I kind of like the retro stuff
755
00:37:08,356 --> 00:37:11,577
because it's more
about the game play.
756
00:37:11,620 --> 00:37:14,841
I meant like in bed.
757
00:37:14,884 --> 00:37:16,712
Uh.
758
00:37:18,061 --> 00:37:21,195
You want to fuck me,
don't you?
759
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:25,286
That would be super helpful.
760
00:37:25,330 --> 00:37:26,418
Yeah.
761
00:37:26,461 --> 00:37:27,245
I mean yes.
762
00:37:27,288 --> 00:37:29,247
Ok.
763
00:37:33,468 --> 00:37:36,906
Neal?
764
00:37:36,950 --> 00:37:39,344
Neal, are you up here?
765
00:37:42,521 --> 00:37:44,000
Are you ready?
766
00:37:44,044 --> 00:37:45,306
I think so.
767
00:37:45,350 --> 00:37:46,438
You feel ready.
768
00:37:46,481 --> 00:37:48,091
I feel ready.
769
00:37:51,486 --> 00:37:53,271
This is not what it looks like!
770
00:37:53,314 --> 00:37:55,708
Cheryl? Really?
771
00:37:55,751 --> 00:37:57,100
I asked you first.
772
00:37:57,144 --> 00:37:58,711
You know I just came to warn
you that these people
773
00:37:58,754 --> 00:38:01,104
from your church are coming.
774
00:38:01,148 --> 00:38:02,802
Oh. Can we still do this?
775
00:38:02,845 --> 00:38:05,152
You're kidding, right?
776
00:38:11,245 --> 00:38:12,986
Oh shit, fuck.
777
00:38:13,029 --> 00:38:14,988
Do something.
778
00:38:27,566 --> 00:38:28,871
That was close.
779
00:38:28,915 --> 00:38:30,220
Lets go.
780
00:38:30,264 --> 00:38:32,440
No, I'll stay here and buy you
some time.
781
00:38:32,484 --> 00:38:33,354
Denise, it's not safe.
782
00:38:33,398 --> 00:38:34,616
They're not after me okay,
783
00:38:34,660 --> 00:38:36,749
we'll catch up later and
see what happens.
784
00:38:36,792 --> 00:38:38,272
So, you believe me now?
785
00:38:38,316 --> 00:38:41,362
Yes, I believe you're being
hunted by a Satanic cult.
786
00:38:41,406 --> 00:38:42,972
Go.
787
00:38:47,412 --> 00:38:48,935
Did you see Neal?
788
00:38:48,978 --> 00:38:51,981
Jesus, is every girl at this
party trying to get with him?
789
00:38:52,025 --> 00:38:53,374
Where is he?
790
00:38:53,418 --> 00:38:54,462
Hi.
791
00:38:54,506 --> 00:38:56,421
Hey.
792
00:39:02,514 --> 00:39:03,515
Matt?
793
00:39:07,997 --> 00:39:09,695
Oh my god, hey!
794
00:39:09,738 --> 00:39:12,175
You know, I was wondering
where all the hot guys were.
795
00:39:12,219 --> 00:39:14,264
What are you doing here?
796
00:39:20,401 --> 00:39:21,620
Matt, come on we have to go.
797
00:39:21,663 --> 00:39:22,621
What?
798
00:39:22,664 --> 00:39:24,449
We have to go, get up.
799
00:39:24,492 --> 00:39:26,842
Wait, wait, wait, do I have puke
in my teeth?
800
00:39:26,886 --> 00:39:28,191
Where's your friend?
801
00:39:28,235 --> 00:39:28,931
Who?
802
00:39:28,975 --> 00:39:30,629
Neal?
803
00:39:30,672 --> 00:39:32,718
Uh, did you try upstairs?
804
00:39:32,761 --> 00:39:34,415
Yeah.
805
00:39:38,637 --> 00:39:41,509
Oh, I've just got to sit
for a sec.
806
00:39:41,553 --> 00:39:42,467
Oooh!!!
807
00:39:42,510 --> 00:39:43,424
Ow.
808
00:39:43,468 --> 00:39:44,425
Dude!
809
00:39:44,469 --> 00:39:45,383
Oh, the keys.
810
00:39:45,426 --> 00:39:47,080
We've got to go man!
811
00:39:47,123 --> 00:39:47,950
Alright.
812
00:39:47,994 --> 00:39:49,691
I've got the key.
813
00:39:49,735 --> 00:39:51,867
You're all smiling.
814
00:39:54,609 --> 00:39:57,786
Hey guys, wait,
where are you going?
815
00:39:57,830 --> 00:39:59,353
We're not stealing a car.
816
00:39:59,397 --> 00:40:01,573
No, we're borrowing it.
817
00:40:08,580 --> 00:40:10,146
That's it, that's it for you.
818
00:40:15,064 --> 00:40:18,546
Oh hey, so this church is it
like any regular church or?
819
00:40:18,590 --> 00:40:21,114
No, it's the exact opposite.
820
00:40:21,157 --> 00:40:24,160
Oh okay, so your altar boys
molest your priests then?
821
00:40:24,204 --> 00:40:26,424
I don't really know.
822
00:40:30,340 --> 00:40:31,211
Oh shit, sorry.
823
00:40:32,038 --> 00:40:33,474
There.
824
00:40:33,518 --> 00:40:36,564
You'd better drive, you've
got to be responsible here.
825
00:40:39,175 --> 00:40:40,655
Ahhhh!!!!!!!
826
00:40:40,699 --> 00:40:41,874
We're not going to hurt you!
827
00:40:41,917 --> 00:40:42,483
Go! Go!
828
00:40:42,527 --> 00:40:43,702
Go! Go!
829
00:40:43,745 --> 00:40:45,007
Get out of the goddamn car!
830
00:40:45,051 --> 00:40:46,531
Go, go, go, go, go!
831
00:40:46,574 --> 00:40:48,402
Come on!
832
00:40:51,710 --> 00:40:53,363
Get the truck.
833
00:40:54,495 --> 00:40:57,063
Put her in the car!
834
00:41:03,678 --> 00:41:05,201
How the fuck did they
find us?
835
00:41:05,245 --> 00:41:09,467
I'll tell you how, your friend
without benefits sold us out.
836
00:41:09,510 --> 00:41:10,816
Denise?
837
00:41:10,859 --> 00:41:12,905
No fucking way man,
she helped us escape dude.
838
00:41:12,948 --> 00:41:14,167
Aw, barely.
839
00:41:14,210 --> 00:41:15,385
You don't know what you're
talking about,
840
00:41:15,429 --> 00:41:16,648
how about your dad?
841
00:41:16,691 --> 00:41:18,301
The cop?
842
00:41:18,345 --> 00:41:20,086
I bet you 50 bucks he's got some
kind of tracking chip implanted
843
00:41:20,129 --> 00:41:21,914
into your nut sack.
844
00:41:21,957 --> 00:41:24,612
Listen, there are Satanists
all over this town.
845
00:41:24,656 --> 00:41:25,961
It could be anyone, okay?
846
00:41:26,005 --> 00:41:28,616
It could be you know
the fucking taxi drivers,
847
00:41:28,660 --> 00:41:33,403
waitresses, cops, hobos,
fucking baristas,
848
00:41:33,447 --> 00:41:37,059
dog groomers, fucking vegans,
fucking hipsters man.
849
00:41:37,103 --> 00:41:38,800
You're right, you're right,
850
00:41:38,844 --> 00:41:40,498
we've got to keep
our eyes peeled.
851
00:41:40,541 --> 00:41:45,372
Bottom line, the only people we
can trust are each other, okay?
852
00:41:45,415 --> 00:41:50,203
Wait, what if you just lied.
853
00:41:50,246 --> 00:41:51,683
How would they know?
854
00:41:51,726 --> 00:41:54,076
They will know, my mom is
a bloodhound for bullshit.
855
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,252
What self respecting teenager
doesn't know how to lie
856
00:41:56,296 --> 00:41:57,558
to his own mother?
857
00:41:57,602 --> 00:42:00,474
She can smell it on my breath.
858
00:42:00,518 --> 00:42:02,650
Oh fuck, oh fuck, fuck.
859
00:42:03,999 --> 00:42:04,696
What?
860
00:42:04,739 --> 00:42:05,566
Fuck!
861
00:42:05,610 --> 00:42:06,872
What?
862
00:42:06,915 --> 00:42:08,656
What's wrong?
863
00:42:08,700 --> 00:42:09,701
We're out of gas.
864
00:42:15,358 --> 00:42:17,360
Maybe the Satanists will be
too scared to follow us here.
865
00:42:27,762 --> 00:42:30,156
It's one of those
pre-paid deals.
866
00:42:30,199 --> 00:42:32,201
I got it.
867
00:42:36,902 --> 00:42:40,383
Hi, fifty bucks on pump two.
868
00:42:45,258 --> 00:42:48,217
Let the scales fall from your eyes
869
00:42:48,261 --> 00:42:54,746
for God is the
deceiver and Satan is the salvation.
870
00:42:54,789 --> 00:42:57,792
il's mom]: Sheldon told
us t you had a special purpose.
871
00:43:09,499 --> 00:43:10,283
What?
872
00:43:10,326 --> 00:43:12,328
I'm going to pay for it.
873
00:43:16,942 --> 00:43:19,771
Yo dude, what the fuck
is all that?
874
00:43:19,814 --> 00:43:22,338
Provisions, in case we have
to go into hiding.
875
00:43:22,382 --> 00:43:24,689
Yeah, hiding, about that.
876
00:43:24,732 --> 00:43:27,213
I've been thinking hiding
might not be the best idea,
877
00:43:27,256 --> 00:43:28,170
I mean.
878
00:43:28,214 --> 00:43:29,911
Okay, come on,
get in the car.
879
00:43:29,955 --> 00:43:31,521
No, no, no this might sound
a little fucked up
880
00:43:31,565 --> 00:43:33,349
but if any of this shit is real
881
00:43:33,393 --> 00:43:38,137
then getting me laid might
actually save the world.
882
00:43:40,313 --> 00:43:42,402
Get in the car,
come on.
883
00:43:42,445 --> 00:43:44,447
What? I'm kind of serious.
884
00:43:44,491 --> 00:43:46,232
I know you're serious,
that's why this is
885
00:43:46,275 --> 00:43:47,625
so fucking insane man.
886
00:43:47,668 --> 00:43:49,452
That's like delusions
of grandeur much?
887
00:43:49,496 --> 00:43:51,019
They tried to kill me.
888
00:43:51,063 --> 00:43:53,631
If this shit is real nobody
is safe, you get that right?
889
00:43:53,674 --> 00:43:55,545
Dude, there is no Hell.
890
00:43:55,589 --> 00:43:57,809
There's no Satan
or any of that shit.
891
00:43:57,852 --> 00:44:00,681
I mean, your parents, my
parents, Sheldon, Mary,
892
00:44:00,725 --> 00:44:02,640
they're all just brainwashed
lunatics dude.
893
00:44:02,683 --> 00:44:04,772
The sooner you realize that
the freer you'll be,
894
00:44:04,816 --> 00:44:07,557
come on dude look at me.
895
00:44:07,601 --> 00:44:10,256
I'm just living in the moment
having a fucking blast
896
00:44:10,299 --> 00:44:13,520
enjoying not one but
two flavours of beef jerky.
897
00:44:13,563 --> 00:44:17,306
It's no big deal because I
know at the end of the day
898
00:44:17,350 --> 00:44:20,745
the only asshole who
is judging me is me.
899
00:44:20,788 --> 00:44:23,443
You know why I'm here, right?
900
00:44:23,486 --> 00:44:25,271
Because I'm your only friend.
901
00:44:25,314 --> 00:44:27,665
Yes, that and because
I want to be there
902
00:44:27,708 --> 00:44:33,366
for the first moment that your
dick tastes vaginal glory.
903
00:44:33,409 --> 00:44:34,802
You want to watch me have sex?
904
00:44:34,846 --> 00:44:35,890
No, no dude.
905
00:44:35,934 --> 00:44:38,676
I just want to see you be happy.
906
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:40,503
Come on, man.
907
00:44:40,547 --> 00:44:42,288
Be happy?
908
00:44:42,331 --> 00:44:43,985
You just want to live
vicariously through me
909
00:44:44,029 --> 00:44:45,900
because you're not.
910
00:44:45,944 --> 00:44:47,728
Not what?
911
00:44:47,772 --> 00:44:49,991
Nothing.
912
00:44:50,035 --> 00:44:51,253
Never mind, I didn't say that.
913
00:44:51,297 --> 00:44:52,472
Oh.
914
00:44:52,515 --> 00:44:56,345
Because I'm not cool enough
for you?
915
00:44:56,389 --> 00:44:59,522
Because I'm just your tag-a-long
friend, right?
916
00:44:59,566 --> 00:45:01,089
And now all of a sudden that
you're Mr. Popular
917
00:45:01,133 --> 00:45:03,744
you can't hang out
with a loser like me?
918
00:45:03,788 --> 00:45:04,702
Did I say that?
919
00:45:04,745 --> 00:45:05,964
Oh please, Neal.
920
00:45:06,007 --> 00:45:06,834
Be my friend.
921
00:45:06,878 --> 00:45:08,662
Here, take my jerky.
922
00:45:08,706 --> 00:45:09,750
How much for a sleepover.
923
00:45:09,794 --> 00:45:10,925
You want to hang out now?
924
00:45:10,969 --> 00:45:11,665
Huh?
925
00:45:11,709 --> 00:45:12,492
Take everything.
926
00:45:12,535 --> 00:45:13,188
Stop.
927
00:45:13,232 --> 00:45:13,798
Everything I have.
928
00:45:13,841 --> 00:45:16,757
Stop. Stop.
929
00:45:16,801 --> 00:45:18,237
Whoa.
930
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:19,455
What?
931
00:45:19,499 --> 00:45:21,849
I can't believe I'm even
suggesting this.
932
00:45:21,893 --> 00:45:23,938
What?
933
00:45:23,982 --> 00:45:25,984
Prostitutes.
934
00:45:27,942 --> 00:45:28,943
Prostitutes.
935
00:45:28,987 --> 00:45:30,640
Prostitutes.
936
00:45:30,684 --> 00:45:32,512
Prostitutes!
937
00:45:32,555 --> 00:45:36,777
Prostitutes!
938
00:45:36,821 --> 00:45:37,909
Fuck yeah.
939
00:45:37,952 --> 00:45:39,867
Fuck yeah man.
940
00:45:45,786 --> 00:45:47,440
Alright.
941
00:45:47,483 --> 00:45:49,485
Keep looking.
942
00:45:52,227 --> 00:45:55,404
It does not look good
I'm afraid.
943
00:45:55,448 --> 00:45:57,624
He'll show up Sheldon,
trust me.
944
00:45:57,667 --> 00:46:00,409
You don't have to fear me, Gary.
945
00:46:00,453 --> 00:46:02,194
I'm on your side.
946
00:46:02,237 --> 00:46:06,720
But you need to fear,
what we all need to fear,
947
00:46:06,764 --> 00:46:08,548
is our Lord below.
948
00:46:08,591 --> 00:46:13,422
I'm merely an instrument
of his wrath.
949
00:46:13,466 --> 00:46:15,598
What Sheldon is trying
to say is that -
950
00:46:15,642 --> 00:46:17,426
Yes, Mary.
951
00:46:17,470 --> 00:46:21,604
Explain to them what
I'm trying to say.
952
00:46:21,648 --> 00:46:27,610
What Sheldon is trying to say
is that if Neal doesn't show up
953
00:46:27,654 --> 00:46:32,267
we're going to need to find some
kind of replacement offering.
954
00:46:32,311 --> 00:46:35,488
Thank you for clarifying
my dear.
955
00:46:37,142 --> 00:46:39,579
Oh.
956
00:46:48,849 --> 00:46:50,372
Oh, this is sad.
957
00:46:50,416 --> 00:46:52,635
We should be helping these women
not exploiting them.
958
00:46:52,679 --> 00:46:56,204
Hey, hey, hey, this was
this was your idea.
959
00:46:56,248 --> 00:46:59,338
I know I just thought it
would be less tragic somehow.
960
00:46:59,381 --> 00:47:03,124
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
961
00:47:03,168 --> 00:47:06,954
Hey, you looking to make
some real cash money
962
00:47:06,998 --> 00:47:11,045
and get serviced by a couple of
barely legal studs?
963
00:47:14,875 --> 00:47:15,571
Both of you looking?
964
00:47:15,615 --> 00:47:16,485
No.
965
00:47:16,529 --> 00:47:17,965
Yes, yes.
966
00:47:18,009 --> 00:47:21,969
How much?
967
00:47:22,013 --> 00:47:24,493
That depends on what
you want.
968
00:47:24,537 --> 00:47:28,541
Uh, I just really need to lose
my virginity tonight so.
969
00:47:36,941 --> 00:47:41,293
Yeah, I can help you out.
970
00:47:41,336 --> 00:47:43,512
But not here.
971
00:47:43,556 --> 00:47:46,385
Meet me there and ask
for Ashley.
972
00:47:46,428 --> 00:47:48,648
Oh.
973
00:48:00,965 --> 00:48:02,053
Is this it?
974
00:48:02,096 --> 00:48:07,014
Yeah, yeah.
975
00:48:07,058 --> 00:48:10,539
Can I help you?
976
00:48:10,583 --> 00:48:13,716
Is this the house of
ill repute?
977
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:15,936
You don't have to whisper.
978
00:48:15,980 --> 00:48:18,983
Oh, oh okay.
979
00:48:19,026 --> 00:48:21,942
I'd like one prostitute please.
980
00:48:21,986 --> 00:48:22,987
Alright.
981
00:48:23,030 --> 00:48:24,814
What were you looking
for exactly?
982
00:48:24,858 --> 00:48:26,947
I'd like a good personality,
983
00:48:26,991 --> 00:48:31,169
I'd like a cute laugh,
and boobs.
984
00:48:31,212 --> 00:48:32,344
They all have boobs.
985
00:48:32,387 --> 00:48:33,998
We'll take Ashley.
986
00:48:34,041 --> 00:48:35,956
Great.
987
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:36,870
Great.
988
00:48:36,914 --> 00:48:37,958
Yeah.
989
00:48:38,002 --> 00:48:38,785
Go with that.
990
00:48:38,828 --> 00:48:39,655
Great.
991
00:48:39,699 --> 00:48:41,527
Have a seat.
992
00:48:45,096 --> 00:48:47,098
The things have got red eyes.
993
00:48:54,757 --> 00:48:56,716
You come with me.
994
00:48:56,759 --> 00:48:57,369
You sit tight.
995
00:48:57,412 --> 00:48:57,978
Oh.
996
00:48:58,022 --> 00:48:59,588
No, no, no, no.
997
00:48:59,632 --> 00:49:01,068
See, the thing like.
998
00:49:01,112 --> 00:49:02,983
Do you want to do this?
999
00:49:03,027 --> 00:49:04,071
Yes.
1000
00:49:04,115 --> 00:49:04,724
Please.
1001
00:49:04,767 --> 00:49:06,073
Yes, please.
1002
00:49:06,117 --> 00:49:08,510
Then he goes first.
1003
00:49:09,163 --> 00:49:09,947
Well.
1004
00:49:09,990 --> 00:49:11,252
Whoa, ah.
1005
00:49:11,296 --> 00:49:12,123
Wait, Ashley.
1006
00:49:12,166 --> 00:49:14,125
Uh, baby.
1007
00:49:14,168 --> 00:49:17,650
Look, I cannot wait to get
with you
1008
00:49:17,693 --> 00:49:20,653
and I'm so flattered that
you feel the same way
1009
00:49:20,696 --> 00:49:24,657
but he really should go first.
1010
00:49:24,700 --> 00:49:27,747
Yeah.
1011
00:49:27,790 --> 00:49:29,792
I really need to go first.
1012
00:49:34,014 --> 00:49:35,494
Matt?
1013
00:49:35,537 --> 00:49:37,017
Come on.
1014
00:49:37,061 --> 00:49:38,932
Matt? Matt? Matt?
1015
00:49:38,976 --> 00:49:39,977
I don't know, man.
1016
00:49:55,601 --> 00:50:00,040
So, what's your deal?
1017
00:50:00,084 --> 00:50:06,046
Well, I'm thinking I'd like
to start off with a hand job
1018
00:50:06,090 --> 00:50:12,096
and then you know work
my way up to a blow job
1019
00:50:12,139 --> 00:50:15,360
and then finish off with
a vagina job?
1020
00:50:15,403 --> 00:50:16,752
Okay.
1021
00:50:16,796 --> 00:50:17,666
Yeah?
1022
00:50:17,710 --> 00:50:19,581
Uh, cool.
1023
00:50:19,625 --> 00:50:23,063
And the same exact same
goes for my friend out there.
1024
00:50:23,107 --> 00:50:25,544
I really can't stress enough
how important it is
1025
00:50:25,587 --> 00:50:29,113
that he gets a proper
vagina job.
1026
00:50:29,156 --> 00:50:31,158
Well, how much money
do you got?
1027
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:35,162
Yes, currency.
1028
00:51:07,629 --> 00:51:12,765
So, how did you get
into prostituting?
1029
00:51:12,808 --> 00:51:17,813
So, I mean you must have
some wild stories.
1030
00:51:17,857 --> 00:51:19,337
Not really.
1031
00:51:19,380 --> 00:51:21,295
No?
1032
00:51:21,339 --> 00:51:25,734
You, I mean meet any crazy
characters at least or?
1033
00:51:25,778 --> 00:51:27,519
I guess.
1034
00:51:27,562 --> 00:51:30,783
What's the weirdest thing
1035
00:51:30,826 --> 00:51:34,091
that anyone's ever
asked you to do?
1036
00:51:34,134 --> 00:51:36,571
This one guy pays me to poop
on his dog.
1037
00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:39,183
Oh.
1038
00:51:42,534 --> 00:51:44,101
What kind of dog?
1039
00:51:44,144 --> 00:51:46,103
I don't know, a brown one.
1040
00:51:51,064 --> 00:51:52,196
Can I see your boobs
at least?
1041
00:51:52,239 --> 00:51:55,112
Shhhh!!!!!!!
1042
00:52:02,162 --> 00:52:06,166
What if I told you this
is my first time?
1043
00:52:06,210 --> 00:52:08,081
Please don't cry.
1044
00:52:08,125 --> 00:52:11,171
I'm done, I'm done,
I'm done.
1045
00:52:11,215 --> 00:52:12,172
Good.
1046
00:52:26,621 --> 00:52:28,710
Wooo-hooooo!!!!!!!!!
1047
00:52:28,754 --> 00:52:29,537
And?
1048
00:52:29,581 --> 00:52:30,669
So, what happened?
1049
00:52:30,712 --> 00:52:31,409
Talk to me buddy.
1050
00:52:31,452 --> 00:52:34,455
Oh man, was it awesome.
1051
00:52:34,499 --> 00:52:40,722
Uh, I just, I mean not only
was the sex amazing
1052
00:52:40,766 --> 00:52:46,859
but... but you know I think that
the best part was
1053
00:52:46,902 --> 00:52:49,992
that Ashley and I really
connected you know.
1054
00:52:50,036 --> 00:52:50,602
Really?
1055
00:52:50,645 --> 00:52:52,212
Yeah.
1056
00:52:52,256 --> 00:52:53,387
Wow.
1057
00:52:53,431 --> 00:52:54,040
Wow.
1058
00:52:54,083 --> 00:52:57,217
Okay.
1059
00:52:57,261 --> 00:52:58,914
So, where is she?
1060
00:52:58,958 --> 00:52:59,828
Ashley?
1061
00:52:59,872 --> 00:53:01,569
Oh, uh, poor thing is exhausted.
1062
00:53:01,613 --> 00:53:04,268
You know I really gave it to
her in there but don't worry
1063
00:53:04,311 --> 00:53:06,748
you know I'm sure she's got
another one in her
1064
00:53:06,792 --> 00:53:11,362
just don't be mad at me if
she still has Matt on the mind.
1065
00:53:11,405 --> 00:53:13,190
I'm going to have sex.
1066
00:53:13,233 --> 00:53:15,235
You're going to have sex.
1067
00:53:15,279 --> 00:53:16,541
And I'm not going to die.
1068
00:53:16,584 --> 00:53:20,545
You're not going to die,
go in there do it.
1069
00:53:20,588 --> 00:53:21,415
You're ready.
1070
00:53:21,459 --> 00:53:23,069
I'm ready, man.
1071
00:53:23,112 --> 00:53:25,071
Have a great time.
1072
00:53:27,291 --> 00:53:29,423
I am a fucking pussy.
1073
00:53:37,388 --> 00:53:39,216
Ashley...
1074
00:53:56,363 --> 00:53:59,366
Hey, it's my turn.
1075
00:54:03,109 --> 00:54:04,545
You just sit there, okay.
1076
00:54:04,589 --> 00:54:07,679
Hey, where are you going?
1077
00:54:10,029 --> 00:54:11,813
I'll be right back.
1078
00:54:28,439 --> 00:54:30,397
Matt!
1079
00:54:30,441 --> 00:54:32,312
Matt!
1080
00:54:32,356 --> 00:54:33,879
Matt!
1081
00:54:33,922 --> 00:54:35,968
Hey Neal, we just need to talk
to you for a minute.
1082
00:54:36,011 --> 00:54:37,317
Everything is okay,
everything is okay
1083
00:54:37,361 --> 00:54:39,972
we just need to talk to you
for just a second.
1084
00:54:40,015 --> 00:54:40,625
This is a raid!
1085
00:54:40,668 --> 00:54:41,669
Everybody out!
1086
00:54:41,713 --> 00:54:42,496
Neal, Neal, Neal.
1087
00:54:42,540 --> 00:54:44,019
Open up, it's the police!
1088
00:55:06,955 --> 00:55:08,957
Colette, you seen them?
1089
00:55:30,414 --> 00:55:31,937
Go, go, go!
1090
00:55:31,980 --> 00:55:33,547
Hey, get back here!
1091
00:55:33,591 --> 00:55:35,027
Rod, it's not Neal!
1092
00:55:35,070 --> 00:55:36,376
Greg!
1093
00:55:36,420 --> 00:55:37,812
Neal!
1094
00:55:37,856 --> 00:55:39,336
Get the fuck back here!
1095
00:55:39,379 --> 00:55:41,512
Greg!
1096
00:55:41,555 --> 00:55:42,730
Greg get back here!
1097
00:55:42,774 --> 00:55:44,602
Get the fuck back here!
1098
00:55:44,645 --> 00:55:46,255
Oh, you goddamn idiot.
1099
00:55:49,433 --> 00:55:51,348
Rod, he stole the car!
1100
00:55:51,391 --> 00:55:52,566
What?
1101
00:55:55,439 --> 00:55:56,831
Greg, come on!
1102
00:55:58,398 --> 00:55:59,791
Shit!
1103
00:55:59,834 --> 00:56:01,270
Well, I have to hand it
to you.
1104
00:56:01,314 --> 00:56:03,621
It's pretty brave of you
to come back for me.
1105
00:56:03,664 --> 00:56:05,013
What happened to you?
1106
00:56:05,057 --> 00:56:06,232
Just tried to keep them busy.
1107
00:56:06,275 --> 00:56:08,060
Tried to buy you some time,
1108
00:56:08,103 --> 00:56:10,454
I did get pretty friendly
with Brad.
1109
00:56:10,497 --> 00:56:11,411
Denise, he's the enemy.
1110
00:56:11,455 --> 00:56:12,412
For fucks sake, Neal.
1111
00:56:12,456 --> 00:56:14,632
I'm joking.
1112
00:56:17,591 --> 00:56:19,288
You're never going to get it
are you?
1113
00:56:19,332 --> 00:56:20,594
Get what?
1114
00:56:20,638 --> 00:56:22,901
That I like you, you moron.
1115
00:56:22,944 --> 00:56:25,120
I like you too but you don't
have to be a bitch about it.
1116
00:56:25,164 --> 00:56:26,774
No, Neal.
1117
00:56:26,818 --> 00:56:29,647
Fuck, I like like you.
1118
00:56:29,690 --> 00:56:31,431
Like like.
1119
00:56:31,475 --> 00:56:34,521
What? Why?
1120
00:56:34,565 --> 00:56:36,436
I don't know, because you're
like the coolest person
1121
00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:38,090
I've ever met?
1122
00:56:38,133 --> 00:56:40,397
I'm not cool Denise, I don't
even know how to be cool.
1123
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:42,007
Exactly, Neal.
1124
00:56:42,050 --> 00:56:43,748
Oh wow.
1125
00:56:43,791 --> 00:56:46,228
Awesome, does that mean
we get to have sex now?
1126
00:56:46,272 --> 00:56:47,186
No.
1127
00:56:47,229 --> 00:56:48,535
Make love.
1128
00:56:48,579 --> 00:56:49,710
Okay, you really have to do
better than that.
1129
00:56:49,754 --> 00:56:51,582
You smell nice.
1130
00:56:51,625 --> 00:56:52,931
No, Neal.
1131
00:56:52,974 --> 00:56:54,454
Jesus, what do you want me
to say?
1132
00:56:54,498 --> 00:56:56,674
That I like you but I've
always liked you but I thought.
1133
00:56:56,717 --> 00:56:58,676
I knew it, you're a fucking chicken.
1134
00:56:58,719 --> 00:56:59,720
Fuck.
1135
00:56:59,764 --> 00:57:00,591
Okay.
1136
00:57:00,634 --> 00:57:02,070
Lets just go back in time,
1137
00:57:02,114 --> 00:57:04,377
pretend I had the guts to ask
you out on a real date.
1138
00:57:04,421 --> 00:57:05,683
A date.
1139
00:57:05,726 --> 00:57:07,728
Okay, where are we going?
1140
00:57:07,772 --> 00:57:09,469
It's a surprise
but you say yes,
1141
00:57:09,513 --> 00:57:13,473
I pick you up at your house
with one perfect red rose
1142
00:57:13,517 --> 00:57:15,823
and I'm really nervous
because this is the night
1143
00:57:15,867 --> 00:57:17,999
I'm going to tell you everything
1144
00:57:18,043 --> 00:57:21,133
and you're really nervous too
because you know what's coming.
1145
00:57:21,176 --> 00:57:23,091
Alright, tell me more.
1146
00:57:23,135 --> 00:57:27,574
We start with something fun
like go-carting
1147
00:57:27,618 --> 00:57:31,491
and after we walk down to
that fancy vegan restaurant.
1148
00:57:31,535 --> 00:57:33,493
Nice touch.
1149
00:57:33,537 --> 00:57:35,582
After dinner we walk by
the beach
1150
00:57:35,626 --> 00:57:37,454
and I gather every
bit of courage I have
1151
00:57:37,497 --> 00:57:40,674
and tell you what I've always
needed to.
1152
00:57:42,502 --> 00:57:44,765
What do you say?
1153
00:57:44,809 --> 00:57:48,116
That I've liked you since I
was old enough to like girls
1154
00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:52,599
but I was terrified that if
I made a move on you
1155
00:57:52,643 --> 00:57:54,775
I would ruin it and screw it up
1156
00:57:54,819 --> 00:57:57,386
and you would never
talk to me again.
1157
00:58:06,570 --> 00:58:07,484
Oh boy.
1158
00:58:07,527 --> 00:58:10,051
Hold on.
1159
00:58:39,777 --> 00:58:40,908
Oh.
1160
00:58:42,606 --> 00:58:43,650
Are you fucking kidding me, Neal?
1161
00:58:43,694 --> 00:58:44,956
Ohhhh!!!!!!
1162
00:58:44,999 --> 00:58:46,871
Neal, are you fucking kidding me?
1163
00:58:46,914 --> 00:58:47,959
Oh, fuck me.
1164
00:58:48,002 --> 00:58:48,786
Sorry.
1165
00:58:48,829 --> 00:58:50,831
Oh my god.
1166
00:58:50,875 --> 00:58:52,616
Neal.
1167
00:58:52,659 --> 00:58:53,660
Come on.
1168
00:58:53,704 --> 00:58:56,968
I'm sorry, I'm just
really sorry.
1169
00:58:57,011 --> 00:58:58,709
It's a mess.
1170
00:58:58,752 --> 00:59:00,798
Denise, I really...
1171
00:59:04,628 --> 00:59:05,585
What the?
1172
00:59:07,631 --> 00:59:08,545
Dude.
1173
00:59:08,588 --> 00:59:11,025
Was there penetration?
1174
00:59:11,069 --> 00:59:12,549
A bunch.
1175
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:17,597
Really, so tell me what
it felt like.
1176
00:59:17,641 --> 00:59:19,207
Like a fucking.
1177
00:59:19,251 --> 00:59:24,735
Put a sock on a foot man
and it fits just right.
1178
00:59:24,778 --> 00:59:25,866
He's still a virgin.
1179
00:59:25,910 --> 00:59:27,912
Lets go, lets go.
1180
00:59:27,955 --> 00:59:28,565
Lets go.
1181
00:59:28,608 --> 00:59:29,653
I'm so sorry.
1182
00:59:29,696 --> 00:59:30,697
It's okay.
1183
00:59:30,741 --> 00:59:32,090
Call me tomorrow.
1184
00:59:32,133 --> 00:59:32,960
I will.
1185
00:59:33,004 --> 00:59:34,745
Did you, did you get it in?
1186
00:59:34,788 --> 00:59:36,355
Did you get it in her?
1187
00:59:45,886 --> 00:59:48,628
So? What happened?
1188
00:59:48,672 --> 00:59:49,760
Are you going to say anything?
1189
00:59:49,803 --> 00:59:51,283
Are you going to tell me
what happened?
1190
00:59:51,326 --> 00:59:51,936
Alright, what happened.
1191
00:59:51,979 --> 00:59:52,763
Okay.
1192
00:59:52,806 --> 00:59:54,982
I told Denise I liked her,
1193
00:59:55,026 --> 00:59:57,637
she said she liked me back
which was great
1194
00:59:57,681 --> 01:00:00,640
and then I came all over
her fucking leg.
1195
01:00:00,684 --> 01:00:02,686
Happy?
1196
01:00:02,729 --> 01:00:05,732
That's awesome dude, shit if
you would have told her sooner
1197
01:00:05,776 --> 01:00:08,692
you could have been breaking
your oath all over the place.
1198
01:00:08,735 --> 01:00:10,519
We wouldn't even be here.
1199
01:00:10,563 --> 01:00:12,434
Oh, so this is my fault now Matt?
1200
01:00:12,478 --> 01:00:13,044
What?
1201
01:00:13,087 --> 01:00:13,653
No.
1202
01:00:13,697 --> 01:00:14,567
No, no, no, no.
1203
01:00:14,611 --> 01:00:15,742
I'm just saying.
1204
01:00:15,786 --> 01:00:16,874
Oh, you're just saying.
1205
01:00:16,917 --> 01:00:19,572
Good, okay good you're
just saying.
1206
01:00:19,616 --> 01:00:22,619
Ah, okay well what I'm saying
1207
01:00:22,662 --> 01:00:25,665
is that you've made this whole
night about you.
1208
01:00:25,709 --> 01:00:27,798
I was the one who was supposed
to get laid tonight,
1209
01:00:27,841 --> 01:00:31,671
you got in line and
you were the one who had sex.
1210
01:00:31,715 --> 01:00:34,282
Yeah, I had sex with a dirty
hoe okay,
1211
01:00:34,326 --> 01:00:36,415
what you have with Denise
that's special,
1212
01:00:36,458 --> 01:00:38,069
that's that's nice.
1213
01:00:38,112 --> 01:00:39,592
Fuck you, man.
1214
01:00:39,636 --> 01:00:41,072
Fuck me?
1215
01:00:41,115 --> 01:00:43,552
It's too late, there's no
more me and Denise, dude.
1216
01:00:43,596 --> 01:00:44,771
I'm not going to school again, dude,
1217
01:00:44,815 --> 01:00:46,555
I'm dead like fucking dead.
1218
01:00:46,599 --> 01:00:47,687
Dead, dead, dead.
1219
01:00:47,731 --> 01:00:49,689
You're not dead yet okay,
1220
01:00:49,733 --> 01:00:52,083
you still... we can still
get out of here
1221
01:00:52,126 --> 01:00:53,562
and don't blame me for this.
1222
01:00:53,606 --> 01:00:55,739
How am I going to get out,
my hands are fucking tied.
1223
01:00:55,782 --> 01:00:56,696
My hands are tied!
1224
01:00:56,740 --> 01:00:59,699
My hands are tied too.
1225
01:01:00,744 --> 01:01:02,746
Did you just kick me?
1226
01:01:07,576 --> 01:01:08,534
Did you just fucking
kick me?
1227
01:01:08,577 --> 01:01:10,014
Yeah I fucking kicked you.
1228
01:01:10,057 --> 01:01:10,971
What are you doing, man?
1229
01:01:11,015 --> 01:01:12,059
You fucking kicked me first.
1230
01:01:12,103 --> 01:01:13,800
When you kicked me
it fucking hurt.
1231
01:01:13,844 --> 01:01:14,932
Hey, shut the fuck up back there.
1232
01:01:14,975 --> 01:01:17,064
No, you shut the fuck up man.
1233
01:01:17,108 --> 01:01:19,371
Fuck you, man.
1234
01:01:19,414 --> 01:01:20,372
Fuck.
1235
01:01:23,418 --> 01:01:24,637
Want to fucking go?
1236
01:01:31,383 --> 01:01:32,732
Don't even.
1237
01:01:32,776 --> 01:01:35,866
Ah, there you are.
1238
01:01:35,909 --> 01:01:40,218
You are more trouble
than you're worth.
1239
01:01:40,261 --> 01:01:43,308
And you have kept us waiting.
1240
01:01:43,351 --> 01:01:45,092
Well, I've got to hand it
to you Neal,
1241
01:01:45,136 --> 01:01:49,575
you continually find new ways
to humiliate your family.
1242
01:01:49,618 --> 01:01:52,360
I'm the embarrassment,
really Dad, me?
1243
01:01:52,404 --> 01:01:53,187
I'm the embarrassment?
1244
01:01:53,231 --> 01:01:55,624
Yeah, that's right buster.
1245
01:01:55,668 --> 01:01:58,802
This stupid religion has
fucked with your heads so bad
1246
01:01:58,845 --> 01:02:00,412
you're actually willing
to sacrifice
1247
01:02:00,455 --> 01:02:01,718
your own flesh and blood
1248
01:02:01,761 --> 01:02:04,068
for some red guy
with a tail.
1249
01:02:04,111 --> 01:02:06,070
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
that's where you go easy.
1250
01:02:06,113 --> 01:02:08,550
You worship a fucking
Halloween costume.
1251
01:02:08,594 --> 01:02:09,508
Yeah.
1252
01:02:09,551 --> 01:02:10,988
Shut up.
1253
01:02:11,031 --> 01:02:13,991
You dragged Mom down
with you, look at her,
1254
01:02:14,034 --> 01:02:16,341
does she look okay to you?
1255
01:02:16,384 --> 01:02:19,779
I'm not the embarrassment.
1256
01:02:19,823 --> 01:02:22,390
How very sweet.
1257
01:02:22,434 --> 01:02:26,830
I wish we had more time for
such touching family reunions
1258
01:02:26,873 --> 01:02:29,615
but alas we do not.
1259
01:02:29,658 --> 01:02:31,791
Get them ready.
1260
01:02:31,835 --> 01:02:34,663
Everything is going to be
okay now.
1261
01:02:54,858 --> 01:02:58,818
Real nice, real fucking nice.
1262
01:02:58,862 --> 01:03:00,646
Your own son?
1263
01:03:00,689 --> 01:03:02,430
You're gutless.
1264
01:03:15,008 --> 01:03:18,795
Neal.
1265
01:03:18,838 --> 01:03:20,797
Come on, Neal.
1266
01:03:20,840 --> 01:03:22,799
Don't talk to me.
1267
01:03:34,985 --> 01:03:38,640
I cried.
1268
01:03:38,684 --> 01:03:41,078
What?
1269
01:03:41,121 --> 01:03:43,428
I cried.
1270
01:03:43,471 --> 01:03:44,777
What are you saying?
1271
01:03:44,821 --> 01:03:45,734
What do you mean you cried?
1272
01:03:45,778 --> 01:03:47,258
What are you talking about?
1273
01:03:47,301 --> 01:03:50,652
I lost my virginity to a
prostitute tonight and I cried.
1274
01:03:54,439 --> 01:03:58,835
Yeah, alright.
1275
01:03:58,878 --> 01:04:02,360
I don't know what happened
man, I just lost it.
1276
01:04:02,403 --> 01:04:04,928
I mean, I had it
but then I don't know
1277
01:04:04,971 --> 01:04:10,020
something just snapped
and I just.
1278
01:04:10,063 --> 01:04:12,022
Well, at least you didn't come
on her leg.
1279
01:04:12,065 --> 01:04:13,545
Right on the leg?
1280
01:04:13,588 --> 01:04:15,068
The leg, the seat.
1281
01:04:15,112 --> 01:04:17,114
It's fucking embarrassing.
1282
01:04:19,420 --> 01:04:21,335
Come here man, come here.
1283
01:04:21,379 --> 01:04:23,294
I'm sorry dude,
I'm sorry man.
1284
01:04:23,337 --> 01:04:24,904
Come here, come here man.
1285
01:04:24,948 --> 01:04:26,906
I'm sorry man, this whole night
has been so fucked up dude.
1286
01:04:26,950 --> 01:04:29,953
No, no, no.
1287
01:04:29,996 --> 01:04:31,911
This is nice.
1288
01:04:31,955 --> 01:04:33,957
I needed this.
1289
01:04:36,916 --> 01:04:39,571
Well, this is it buddy.
1290
01:04:39,614 --> 01:04:44,271
Wait, there still might be
a way out of this.
1291
01:04:44,315 --> 01:04:45,316
No, there isn't.
1292
01:04:45,359 --> 01:04:46,795
No, no, no, stop.
1293
01:04:46,839 --> 01:04:49,059
Just stop being so at peace
with everything okay
1294
01:04:49,102 --> 01:04:50,887
just listen to me here,
hear me out okay
1295
01:04:50,930 --> 01:04:54,238
I'm not going to give up on you.
1296
01:04:54,281 --> 01:04:57,110
When does a guys virginity
really end, right?
1297
01:04:57,154 --> 01:05:01,810
It's when he penetrates
something with his erect penis.
1298
01:05:01,854 --> 01:05:03,943
Right.
1299
01:05:03,987 --> 01:05:06,163
Who says it has to be
a vagina.
1300
01:05:07,468 --> 01:05:09,079
Oh god no.
1301
01:05:09,122 --> 01:05:14,171
No, no, no, I'm telling you dude
if it's going to save your life
1302
01:05:14,214 --> 01:05:15,259
you've got to do me.
1303
01:05:15,302 --> 01:05:16,782
I can't, I can't.
1304
01:05:16,825 --> 01:05:18,218
You have to.
1305
01:05:18,262 --> 01:05:19,785
Are you saying that you couldn't
fuck your best friend
1306
01:05:19,828 --> 01:05:20,917
to save your own life?
1307
01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:22,179
Is that what you're saying?
1308
01:05:22,222 --> 01:05:23,745
I'm just not sure the equipment
would work.
1309
01:05:23,789 --> 01:05:26,923
Be totally mean right now okay,
just, I'm at least an 8.
1310
01:05:26,966 --> 01:05:28,011
Even if you were a 10.
1311
01:05:28,054 --> 01:05:31,318
I'm just saying how hard
could it be?
1312
01:05:37,237 --> 01:05:37,934
Give me a sec.
1313
01:05:37,977 --> 01:05:41,546
Okay, yeah, just think.
1314
01:05:41,589 --> 01:05:42,155
Okay, I'll try.
1315
01:05:42,199 --> 01:05:43,374
What?
1316
01:05:43,417 --> 01:05:44,636
I mean, really?
1317
01:05:44,679 --> 01:05:45,245
Yeah.
1318
01:05:45,289 --> 01:05:46,159
Okay, yeah.
1319
01:05:46,203 --> 01:05:47,117
I mean, I want to live right.
1320
01:05:47,160 --> 01:05:49,249
Yeah, I want you
to live man.
1321
01:05:51,686 --> 01:05:53,384
Whoa, whoa, what are
you doing?
1322
01:05:53,427 --> 01:05:54,211
What was that?
1323
01:05:54,254 --> 01:05:55,473
Sorry, I thought maybe.
1324
01:05:55,516 --> 01:05:56,822
No extras man,
no time.
1325
01:05:56,865 --> 01:05:57,823
No time for extras.
1326
01:05:57,866 --> 01:05:59,172
Lets just, we've just got
to go.
1327
01:05:59,216 --> 01:06:00,217
How do we start?
1328
01:06:00,260 --> 01:06:04,090
Uh, uh, come here.
1329
01:06:04,134 --> 01:06:11,228
Just, just alright, you know.
1330
01:06:11,271 --> 01:06:13,708
Oh fuck, oh my god.
1331
01:06:13,752 --> 01:06:16,668
You're my best friend, man,
you're my best friend.
1332
01:06:16,711 --> 01:06:18,975
Best friend.
1333
01:06:24,067 --> 01:06:26,025
So, what are we going
to do with her?
1334
01:06:26,069 --> 01:06:27,505
You stay here and watch her.
1335
01:06:27,548 --> 01:06:29,681
But no, I want to watch
the sacrifice you said that.
1336
01:06:29,724 --> 01:06:31,813
That's enough Bradley.
1337
01:06:34,338 --> 01:06:36,035
Oh my god.
1338
01:06:36,079 --> 01:06:38,124
She talks to you
like you're a child.
1339
01:06:38,168 --> 01:06:41,040
I am not allowed to talk
to you anymore.
1340
01:06:41,084 --> 01:06:43,129
Come on Brad.
1341
01:06:43,173 --> 01:06:47,786
You're this smart, sexy guy
1342
01:06:47,829 --> 01:06:52,008
and with your arms
and abs, this chest
1343
01:06:52,051 --> 01:06:57,143
I mean girls must be hitting
on you all the time.
1344
01:06:57,187 --> 01:06:59,624
It is hard to find single women
in this church.
1345
01:06:59,667 --> 01:07:03,367
Well, as a single woman how
would I go about becoming
1346
01:07:03,410 --> 01:07:05,412
part of the church?
1347
01:07:05,456 --> 01:07:07,023
You've got to renounce God,
get a tattoo,
1348
01:07:07,066 --> 01:07:09,112
take a whiz on a bible.
1349
01:07:09,155 --> 01:07:12,289
It's a whole thing.
1350
01:07:12,332 --> 01:07:14,030
You know, if you really want
to go out there
1351
01:07:14,073 --> 01:07:16,162
you should just go.
1352
01:07:16,206 --> 01:07:18,077
Yeah, I know I just can't
because I have to stay here
1353
01:07:18,121 --> 01:07:22,603
and babysit you.
1354
01:07:22,647 --> 01:07:24,431
I think I'll be fine.
1355
01:07:35,442 --> 01:07:36,661
What's going on back there?
1356
01:07:36,704 --> 01:07:38,010
I'm not hard.
1357
01:07:38,054 --> 01:07:40,708
Well, I'm sorry I'm not going
to blow you dude.
1358
01:07:40,752 --> 01:07:42,058
I didn't ask you to blow me, Matt.
1359
01:07:42,101 --> 01:07:44,625
I know, it's just just get
it in you know.
1360
01:07:44,669 --> 01:07:46,149
Oh god.
1361
01:07:46,192 --> 01:07:48,194
Oh shit, we were just,
hi, hi Dad.
1362
01:07:48,238 --> 01:07:50,892
Alright, break it up.
1363
01:07:50,936 --> 01:07:54,505
It's time.
1364
01:07:54,548 --> 01:07:56,811
Hey, there's no judgement.
1365
01:07:56,855 --> 01:07:58,117
I fucked a lady prostitute.
1366
01:07:58,161 --> 01:08:01,033
A lady prostitute
and she was hot.
1367
01:08:01,077 --> 01:08:02,556
Few hours ago, real hot.
1368
01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:04,384
Like, you want to get to him
you got to go through me.
1369
01:08:05,690 --> 01:08:06,691
Oh, alright.
1370
01:08:10,608 --> 01:08:11,435
Whoa, Neal.
1371
01:08:11,478 --> 01:08:12,262
It's all good, man.
1372
01:08:12,305 --> 01:08:14,351
Neal. Neal.
1373
01:08:18,181 --> 01:08:21,575
I'm right here man,
I'm right beside you.
1374
01:08:21,619 --> 01:08:24,230
In Nomina Satanas,
1375
01:08:24,274 --> 01:08:27,146
In Nomina Satanas...
1376
01:08:27,190 --> 01:08:29,844
In Nomina Satanas...
1377
01:08:29,888 --> 01:08:32,282
Satanas Rex.
1378
01:08:32,325 --> 01:08:34,893
Satanas Rex.
1379
01:08:34,936 --> 01:08:39,376
I invoke his power
by these names.
1380
01:08:39,419 --> 01:08:47,427
Belial, Baphomet,
Beelzebub, Lucifer,
1381
01:08:47,471 --> 01:08:49,255
Awful Monster.
1382
01:08:49,299 --> 01:08:51,475
Skip the names.
1383
01:08:51,518 --> 01:08:52,650
What are you talking about?
1384
01:08:52,693 --> 01:08:53,955
We can't skip the names.
1385
01:08:53,999 --> 01:08:55,218
It's almost sunrise.
1386
01:08:55,261 --> 01:08:56,523
I know what time it is,
1387
01:08:56,567 --> 01:08:58,177
I've got a bloody watch
you know.
1388
01:08:58,221 --> 01:09:00,353
Then you know it's time
to get on with it.
1389
01:09:00,397 --> 01:09:02,268
If you can do better
why don't you do it then,
1390
01:09:02,312 --> 01:09:03,182
go on take the knife.
1391
01:09:03,226 --> 01:09:04,052
No, no, no.
1392
01:09:04,096 --> 01:09:05,619
Take the book, take my robe,
1393
01:09:05,663 --> 01:09:08,187
I'm so sorry for
this interruption.
1394
01:09:08,231 --> 01:09:11,190
No one cares about the names
for fuck sake.
1395
01:09:11,234 --> 01:09:14,324
Alright, alright.
1396
01:09:14,367 --> 01:09:17,718
In Nomina Satanas...
1397
01:09:17,762 --> 01:09:23,202
Lord, we offer this virgin
flesh unto you
1398
01:09:23,246 --> 01:09:27,511
that you may draw strength
from the blood of innocence.
1399
01:09:30,644 --> 01:09:33,908
For the glory of your kingdom.
1400
01:09:40,263 --> 01:09:41,786
I'm sorry, Neal.
1401
01:09:43,614 --> 01:09:46,356
In Nomina Sat...
1402
01:09:51,274 --> 01:09:54,625
Hells own inferno has come!
1403
01:09:54,668 --> 01:09:57,932
I see his face
in the flames!
1404
01:10:00,544 --> 01:10:02,241
In Nomina Satanas.
1405
01:10:02,285 --> 01:10:03,373
Gary!
1406
01:10:03,416 --> 01:10:05,723
Ow, ow, Satan burned
my hand!
1407
01:10:05,766 --> 01:10:07,942
No, the curtains are
on fire.
1408
01:10:07,986 --> 01:10:10,293
Ow my hand,
it's fucking hot!
1409
01:10:12,730 --> 01:10:14,906
Children!
1410
01:10:16,734 --> 01:10:18,910
Back, back!
1411
01:10:28,528 --> 01:10:30,138
Back!
1412
01:10:40,888 --> 01:10:43,891
No!
1413
01:10:54,902 --> 01:10:57,427
No!
1414
01:11:02,562 --> 01:11:04,651
Yeah!
1415
01:11:04,695 --> 01:11:08,264
Aw, I love you man!
1416
01:11:36,466 --> 01:11:39,382
Alright, is this your card?
1417
01:11:39,425 --> 01:11:41,297
No.
1418
01:11:41,340 --> 01:11:42,907
Do I check my bra now?
1419
01:11:42,950 --> 01:11:46,693
Well, I could check for you.
1420
01:11:46,737 --> 01:11:48,347
What?
1421
01:11:48,391 --> 01:11:50,088
Oh my god, that's amazing.
1422
01:11:50,131 --> 01:11:53,352
It will make you an all powerful
video game god.
1423
01:11:53,396 --> 01:11:55,354
I've been looking for this
online for like months.
1424
01:11:55,398 --> 01:11:56,660
How did you find it?
1425
01:11:56,703 --> 01:11:58,357
One of my birthday party
clients hooked it up,
1426
01:11:58,401 --> 01:12:00,359
I did an extra hour
for his 5 year old.
1427
01:12:00,403 --> 01:12:01,360
Aw, awesome.
1428
01:12:01,404 --> 01:12:04,320
Yeah, magic.
1429
01:12:10,630 --> 01:12:13,459
You missed a wonderful service.
1430
01:12:13,503 --> 01:12:14,591
We're good, mom.
1431
01:12:14,634 --> 01:12:19,378
Honey, just remember
Jesus loves you.
1432
01:12:19,422 --> 01:12:21,380
He died for your sins.
1433
01:12:25,602 --> 01:12:27,038
Give me the keys.
1434
01:12:27,081 --> 01:12:28,909
I'm going to drive.
1435
01:12:34,219 --> 01:12:35,481
Matt?
1436
01:12:35,525 --> 01:12:38,832
Guys, oh Shelly
looking beautiful as always.
1437
01:12:38,876 --> 01:12:42,053
Oh, you're so sweet Matt.
1438
01:12:42,096 --> 01:12:43,576
Maybe going to grab
some vegan,
1439
01:12:43,620 --> 01:12:45,491
hit the go-cart track.
1440
01:12:45,535 --> 01:12:46,536
Cool, cool.
1441
01:12:46,579 --> 01:12:47,798
I mean, I'd tell you
to come along.
1442
01:12:47,841 --> 01:12:48,842
No, no, no, no.
1443
01:12:48,886 --> 01:12:53,151
I'm fine, I've got my Bible study,
1444
01:12:53,194 --> 01:12:55,414
catch you guys later.
1445
01:12:55,458 --> 01:12:56,372
Alright.
1446
01:12:56,415 --> 01:12:58,069
Alright.
1447
01:13:03,117 --> 01:13:04,510
Is that all you ate?
1448
01:13:04,554 --> 01:13:08,558
You had one crepe,
you're ridiculous.
1449
01:13:08,601 --> 01:13:10,690
Ridiculous.
1450
01:13:15,782 --> 01:13:17,697
Could you put on that
Christian rock station?
1451
01:13:17,741 --> 01:13:18,655
Sure.