1 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Now, that brings me neatly to point 16. 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,000 There is still a great deal of noise going on at night, 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,000 laughing, giggling, horseplay. 4 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Now, we all get bored. That's inevitable 5 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,000 But may I remind you, we are at war. 6 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:22,000 I wo... Ah. Lieutenant! 7 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,000 Communique for you, sir, from HQ, marked urgent. 8 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:27,000 Ah. Finally! This'll be my requisition 9 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,000 -Good God! -Sir? 10 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,000 France has surrendered. 11 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,000 -My God! - 12 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,000 The Germans are coming! 13 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,000 I... don't think they'll be here 14 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,000 What? Right. 15 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,000 May I suggest we initiate the emergency 16 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,000 Yes! 17 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,000 Yes, jolly good. 18 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:51,000 No, it's vital that nothing fall into enemy hands. 19 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,000 -You heard the CO. Get to your duties. 20 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,000 Er... Exciting times, Havers. 21 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,000 If they do invade, we may get 22 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,000 Yes! 23 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,000 About that, sir... 24 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,000 I know we do vital work here, sir... 25 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,000 but I want to get involved in the fighting. 26 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,000 I've put in for a transfer. 27 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,000 You're leaving? 28 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,000 There's talk of a North Africa front. 29 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,000 Yes. 30 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,000 Yes, well, I totally understand, 31 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,000 Carry on. 32 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,000 Thank you. 33 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:07,000 PAT: And seeing as nobody else has volunteered, I thought 34 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:11,000 that this evening, before Film Club, I would 35 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,000 activity badges! 36 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,000 -So... 37 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,000 ALL: There are 37 badges that you can collect. 38 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,000 -Badge number one, bivouacking! -PAT: All right! 39 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,000 Clever dicks. 40 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:26,000 But I'm sorry, I mean, if anyone else has anything new 41 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,000 -that they'd like to... -Ooh, ooh, I could do my talk 42 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:32,000 on how to skin a mammoth. You start at the end... 43 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,000 -That's not new! -That's not strictly new, is it? 44 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:40,000 I think I'm ready to talk about the witch trial. 45 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,000 Witch trial... 46 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,000 If... If it be of interest. 47 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,000 PAT: Oh! 48 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,000 Oh, Mary! 49 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,000 I mean, if you're sure. 50 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,000 -I mean, if you feel like you're ready. 51 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,000 it's taken me a whiles to talk. 52 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,000 Only about 300 years. 53 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,000 But, yeah, I think I'm ready. 54 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,000 Brillo pads. 55 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,000 You okay? 56 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,000 Can't flipping wait! 57 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,000 And we'll do that before Film Club. 58 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,000 Before. Okay. 59 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,000 -And how many rooms do you have? -Well, I think there's, like... 60 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,000 Natural light! So that's a... 61 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:26,000 -Ooh! Period stairs... 62 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,000 clearly. 63 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,000 Interesting space. 64 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,000 Sort of... 65 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,000 rustic. 66 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,000 Colonial! 67 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,000 Quite a niche market, wedding-wise. 68 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:40,000 I heard Isabelle from Belle's Weddings passed 69 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:43,000 -Ah, no, I was sick near her. -Mmm. 70 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,000 Some went on her. A little bit. 71 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,000 Can I be honest with you? 72 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,000 I don't like it. 73 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,000 I love it! It is a little shabby 74 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,000 but with a bit of zhuzhing up, this could really suit 75 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:58,000 -the right couple. -And do you happen to have 76 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,000 who are interested, like... 77 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,000 -BOTH: Soon? -There is one. 78 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,000 Clare. I'm showing her some other places today. 79 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,000 She wants to book in ASAP. 80 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,000 -Shotgun wedding! -Ah... 81 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,000 I'm kidding. 82 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,000 I think this could work for them. 83 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,000 Piano, tick! Open fireplace, tick! 84 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,000 Canape room, tick. 85 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,000 Mood painting of creepy old lady, tick. 86 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,000 Kitchen, tick. Perfectly placed 87 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,000 to allow you to flow right through this corridor, 88 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:25,000 straight into your garden at the back, where you can 89 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,000 right here! 90 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,000 Oh, no! 91 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,000 Er, yeah. 92 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,000 We can't show people this! 93 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,000 There's rough around the edges, and then there's a bombsite. 94 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,000 We haven't quite got round to clearing it yet. But we will. 95 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,000 By this afternoon? 96 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,000 -When? -What? 97 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,000 I was going to bring Clare round after showing her 98 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:43,000 but I can't show her this! 99 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,000 You have to make space for this sort of marquee 100 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,000 if you want to host weddings here. 101 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,000 Without it, you've no catering flow. 102 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,000 No flow, no go. 103 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,000 -Yeah... -Guys, 104 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,000 you've got to get it wedding ready. 105 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,000 -We'll clear it. -We will? 106 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,000 Is what I wanted to hear! 107 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:05,000 Let's make this happen. 108 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:08,000 I'll delay Clare as long as I can. Say... 109 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,000 4:00? Ciao-ciao! 110 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,000 MIKE: Five hours? 111 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,000 Loads of time. 112 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:22,000 PAT: So, Film Club! Now, I know it's not my turn 113 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,000 I would like to lobby hard... 114 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,000 for Top Gun. 115 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,000 Not again! 116 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:31,000 I don't know about you, Mary, but, I quite like the look of... 117 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,000 ooh, Chariots Of Fire? 118 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,000 No. Actually, er, how about... 119 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,000 Mississippi Burning? 120 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,000 Towering Inferno? 121 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,000 -Hmm! -Huh! 122 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,000 -Maybe she is ready. -Could be the case. 123 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,000 Anyway, it's my turn to choose this week, 124 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,000 -so tish-tish-tish... -I don't think so, mate! 125 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,000 Faradiddle, sir! 126 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,000 You had your turn two weeks ago. You swapped with me. 127 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,000 No, no, I don't recall to that. And even if I did, 128 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:04,000 -it would have been a verbal, non-binding agreement. 129 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,000 I would show you my glove, sir! If I had one. 130 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,000 I would give you a bunch of fives, mate. 131 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,000 I used to box for Cambridge, you know! 132 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,000 Go! Let's go! 133 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,000 Guys, guys, guys, guys! S'il vous plait! 134 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,000 -French. -Ooh! 135 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,000 Why don't we put it to the vote? 136 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:22,000 Oh, yeah, put it to the people, like they know 137 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,000 Hands up who thinks it's Thomas's turn. 138 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,000 I've got my hand up. 139 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,000 Probably. Somewhere. 140 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:32,000 Ra-da-da-da-da! Hang on, not everyone's here. 141 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,000 Well, where are they? 142 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,000 Oh! 143 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,000 Hmm! Ooh! 144 00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:00,000 ALISON: Oh... my... God. 145 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,000 Oh, Martin's right. We're never going to be 146 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,000 Well, let's get redding-we... redding-ready. Er, wed... 147 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,000 -Oh, no. 148 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,000 -Ready... -Alison, if you please, 149 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,000 that it's his turn to choose Film Club, 150 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,000 Please, everyone, we're having a bit 151 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:19,000 This is a crisis. You know? I mean, it might not be 152 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,000 -but this is very... -Guys, guys, guys, guys... 153 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,000 Shut up! Good. 154 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,000 Let her speak. It's all right, 155 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,000 We're trying to get this wedding booking. 156 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,000 Oh, there's going to be a wedding? 157 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,000 How wonderful! 158 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:34,000 The dresses, the men, the kissing... 159 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,000 But we need to clear this whole garden by four! 160 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,000 -MIKE AND PAT: Hang on a minute. -Ooh, jinx. 161 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,000 -You go first, Michael. -We can do it. 162 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,000 If we clear that... Hmm... 163 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,000 And then we move this... 164 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,000 And I'll help, too. 165 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,000 -How, Pat? -I could be your wingman! 166 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,000 You know, like in Top Gun. 167 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,000 I can be Goose to your Maverick. Yeah. 168 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,000 I keep this lot occupied while you do 169 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:58,000 And Goose dies in the film, so, y'know... it works out, 170 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,000 Thanks, Pat. 171 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:02,000 Yeah. Course we can fit a marquee in. 172 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,000 I mean, how hard can it be? They put a man on the moon. 173 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,000 What? What? What he say? 174 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,000 -Er... -Man on moonah? 175 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:11,000 Okay, I'll go get the tools. You check the measurements. 176 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,000 -Let's get redding red... -Wedding ready. 177 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,000 -Redding... -Wedding ready. 178 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,000 -Let's get wedderi... -It's wedding ready. 179 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,000 Let's do this! 180 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,000 -Yesss! -MARY: Alison? 181 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:21,000 What was the man doing up there on the moon? 182 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,000 They went to explore. 183 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,000 -Oh! -THOMAS: And how did 184 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,000 Climb up a beanstalk, did he? You're dicked in the knob. 185 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,000 -Wha... -ROBIN: I don't believe it. 186 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:32,000 -No. No. -There's no way it could happen! 187 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:35,000 Pat, now would be a really good moment 188 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,000 Great! Okay, everyone, let's turn and burn. 189 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,000 -Oh, sorry, Mary. - 190 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,000 It's a quote from Top Gun. 191 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,000 Let's grab the computer that folds. 192 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,000 FANNY: Oh, goodness me! 193 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,000 Ooh! Oh! 194 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,000 But he's such a... 195 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,000 a ruffian! 196 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,000 Oh! 197 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,000 Oh! 198 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,000 FANNY: Mmm! 199 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,000 PAT: Think about it, Robin. 200 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,000 Man has always looked up at the moon and thought... 201 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,000 "Can you eat it?" 202 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,000 No, "Can you walk on it?" 203 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,000 Press play. 204 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:30,000 In 1969, the world watched in wonder 205 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:34,000 as three brave astronauts took off from Cape Canaveral. 206 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,000 -Their destination, the moon. -ROBIN: Ooh! 207 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,000 PAT: It was an amazing moment. 208 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,000 Everyone remembers where they were. 209 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,000 I was with Carole, at her parents'. 210 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,000 Fish and chips for tea. 211 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,000 It was the first time I ever tried a battered 212 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,000 Never looked back! 213 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,000 JULIAN: I missed the whole thing. I was still 214 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,000 Busy having my own "moon landing." 215 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,000 If you know what I mean! 216 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,000 My first threeso... 217 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:02,000 -Moonah! -CAPTAIN: Ah, there you are. 218 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,000 What's going on here? 219 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:06,000 Oh! I'm, helping Alison. Yes, 220 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,000 keeping this lot busy while she and Mike 221 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,000 Which garden? 222 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,000 How are you getting on? 223 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,000 It's going to be a squeeze. First, we have to clear 224 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,000 CAPTAIN: No! No. 225 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,000 Belay that order, Michael. You can't dig there. 226 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,000 Wait. Sorry, one second, Mike. 227 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,000 Didn't you tell them we're busy? 228 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,000 -Most of them are watching YouTube. 229 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,000 Why can't we dig there? 230 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,000 Because that's a very special part 231 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:34,000 That was where our allotment was, 232 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,000 Okay, it's fine, Mike, you can just keep digging. 233 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,000 But, no, it's where we buried our pets. 234 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,000 Er... my dog is buried there, 235 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,000 right there. And he was very special to me. Barry. 236 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,000 Barry? Barry. 237 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,000 Wait, Mike. 238 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:48,000 So, sorry, you had a dog called Barry? 239 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,000 Mmm. 240 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,000 Okay. Mike, you can just carry on. 241 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,000 No, thank you, Michael! 242 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,000 -Ohh! Ohhh! -Oh, that was a deep one. 243 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,000 Call him off! Call him off, I tell you. 244 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,000 Okay, just one second, Mike. 245 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:02,000 When I was at Button House, there was a war on. 246 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,000 I don't think that's ever come up before. 247 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,000 There is something buried down there 248 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,000 Captain, the war is over. 249 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,000 Is it, Alison? Is it? 250 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,000 Yes, it is. 251 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,000 Please. 252 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,000 Don't dig. 253 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,000 There is something down there... 254 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,000 that is potentially explosive if it gets out. 255 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,000 Er... 256 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,000 Mike, do you think we could clear the other side? 257 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,000 Just the other side, Michael. 258 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,000 Looks like a lot of work. 259 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,000 -Sorry. It's a ghost thing. -Well... 260 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,000 Yep. 261 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,000 -Come! 262 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,000 Ah! Havers. 263 00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:00,000 At ease, at ease. I was just thinking about you, 264 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,000 -How's the emergency lockdown coming? 265 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:05,000 -Most items have been squared away, as per the order. 266 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,000 -I see... -I've come to tell you that... 267 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,000 Sorry, you first, Lieutenant. 268 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,000 I'm afraid I'm leaving you, sir. 269 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:20,000 At 1800 hours this evening. 270 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,000 So soon? 271 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,000 That would explain your new service revolver. 272 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,000 I don't suppose they sent one for me, did they? 273 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,000 Only for frontline personnel at this stage, sir. 274 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,000 Of course. Yes. 275 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,000 It's North Africa, sir. 276 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,000 I'll be able to have a proper swing at Fritz! 277 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,000 You make sure you give them a bloody nose! 278 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,000 I shall miss you, Havers. 279 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,000 By which I mean, of course, that we shall miss you. 280 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:52,000 And I know the Button House XI will certainly miss 281 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,000 Thank you, sir. 282 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,000 Well, if that's all... 283 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,000 Yes. 284 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,000 I say, Havers? 285 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,000 It's a bally shame we won't get to finish 286 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,000 ...which leads to the question, 287 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,000 where next? 288 00:13:56,000 --> 00:14:00,000 Mars, or even the outer edge of our solar system? 289 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,000 Only time will tell. 290 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,000 Well, I never. 291 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,000 -Anyway, Film Club. -Yes! Now, 292 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,000 I was thinking 9½ Weeks. 293 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,000 -Over my already dead body, sir! -Fine by me! 294 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,000 Guys, guys, look, why don't we settle this 295 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,000 Quite right. Let's settle this like men. 296 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,000 Would you care to step outside, sir? 297 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,000 Yes, I would, sir. 298 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,000 Indeed, sir. 299 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,000 Guys, you don't have to do... 300 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,000 Where are you going? I promised Alison 301 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,000 Okay, the moon landings. 302 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,000 but what if that's just what they wanted you to believe? 303 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,000 Oh! 304 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:45,000 Right, you both know the rules, so we're agreed. 305 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,000 Let's sort this once and for all. 306 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,000 On three. 307 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,000 One, two, 308 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,000 three... 309 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,000 -What's that supposed to be? -Pistol. 310 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:58,000 -Thomas... -I always choose pistol. 311 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,000 Oh, yeah, it really worked out for you last time, 312 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,000 There were circumstances around my death, 313 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,000 It's rock, paper, scissors, Thomas. I thought I told you. 314 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,000 No, it's all right, let's play it his way. 315 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,000 One, two, three... 316 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,000 -What's this now? -AK-47 assault rifle. 317 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,000 Sold 50 crates of these bad boys to the Libyans in '83. 318 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,000 Paid for my orangery! You can have one of these, 319 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,000 -Well, you don't get two weapons! 320 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,000 And this. Pshhhhh! 321 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,000 You're on fire, mate. Agh! 322 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,000 -Sorry, Mary. -Well, no, actually, because... 323 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,000 Sorry! 324 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,000 -Agh! I'm melting! -Can't feel it. 325 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,000 What should we do with all this? 326 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,000 Maybe just pile it up over there and then 327 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,000 I think we might just do this. 328 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,000 See? Told you! 329 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,000 Redding red... 330 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,000 Redditch... 331 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,000 -We got this. -Mmm. 332 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,000 Oh, great... 333 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,000 How are we going to move that? 334 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,000 I think we might have to break it up 335 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,000 -with a big hammer or something. -What? 336 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,000 We can't do that! Can we? 337 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,000 -I wanna. -Florence! 338 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,000 Oh... Wait. 339 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,000 I can already tell this isn't good news. 340 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,000 Who's Florence, Kitty? 341 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,000 She was one of my best friends. 342 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,000 I used to play hide-and-seek in the garden 343 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,000 with my sister, and I was so good at hiding 344 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:19,000 that often she couldn't find me for a whole day and night! 345 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:23,000 I once got so hungry I had to eat a bit of my purse. 346 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,000 Florence kept me company. 347 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,000 Oh, so you made a statue of her? 348 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,000 -No, she is a statue. -Eh? 349 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,000 THOMAS: That's enough. We'll sort this out right now. 350 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,000 -PAT: Guys! -Oh, I'd forgotten 351 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,000 Zoinks! 352 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,000 Where've you been hiding? 353 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,000 Guys, she's a statue! Pat, you were supposed to be 354 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,000 -keeping everyone occupied. -Yeah... 355 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,000 It's like herding cats! 356 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,000 I'm sorry, Alison. I'm a terrible wingman. 357 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,000 Well, can you at least sort out these two? 358 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,000 Yes. 359 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,000 Oh! Hang on! 360 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,000 Guys? I think I've had an idea. 361 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:57,000 Follow me. Let's turn and burn! Again. 362 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,000 So, are we smashing this up, or what? 363 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,000 All right, one sec, Mike. No, Kitty, please. 364 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:04,000 Oh, please stop, please. We won't... 365 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,000 We're just going to, er... We could move her. 366 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,000 It's a deal. As long as you play 367 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,000 Ah. 368 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,000 -So we're moving her? -Yeah. Sorry. 369 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,000 I think you might be an expert 370 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,000 -at this game. -I'm very good at it, yes. 371 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,000 -Okay. Well, you hide first. -Ooh! 372 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,000 Ooh-hoo... One, 373 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,000 -two... -You'll never find me, Alison! 374 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,000 ...three... 375 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,000 Okay. 376 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,000 Sorry. 377 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,000 ...and that's why 378 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,000 at the grassy knoll. I mean, look at those angles. 379 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:40,000 WOMAN: ...because Elvis Presley did not die that day 380 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,000 MAN 2: That's how we know 381 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:45,000 the British monarchy was replaced by lizards. 382 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,000 No, it's fine. I have to say, 383 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,000 Game on! 384 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,000 See what you've got. 385 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,000 -Julian, serve! -Bring it! 386 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,000 Fie! 387 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,000 Whoaaaaa! 388 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,000 Yeah! 389 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,000 Whoa! 390 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,000 Hello, Alison. 391 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,000 Oh! 392 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,000 Ohhh! You found me! 393 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,000 -Oh, I found... -Oh, you're playing, too! 394 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,000 I don't know... Yes! 395 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,000 No one has ever found me before, ever! 396 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,000 -You're so good at this. -Thank you. 397 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,000 Right, your turn to hide. 398 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,000 I'll count, you hide, and I'll seek. 399 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,000 -Okay. -One... 400 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,000 -Oh, it's numbers! -Two... 401 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,000 -Oh, no, it's numbers! -Three... 402 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,000 Oh! 403 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,000 Ooh! Oh! 404 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,000 -CAPTAIN: Fanny! Fanny! -Oh! 405 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,000 -Oh, Captain! -Fanny, are you quite all right? 406 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:26,000 No. No, I found myself having a, er... 407 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,000 a conniption fit. 408 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,000 -Good Lord! -I have become... 409 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,000 attracted to someone. 410 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,000 Well, Fanny, I, er... 411 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,000 I'm very flattered, but I've got a lot of problems 412 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,000 -of my own at the moment... -Oh, good heavens, no! 413 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,000 -No? -Not you! 414 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,000 -No, no, no. Never you! -No, silly. 415 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,000 No, I cannot say who. 416 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,000 But I know not what to do. 417 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,000 Now, steady, Fanny, steady the Buffs. 418 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,000 Now, look here, nothing good will come of it. 419 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:57,000 You must take that emotion and you must bury it. 420 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,000 Never let it out. 421 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,000 No more, Fanny, no more. 422 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,000 Wha... 423 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,000 Ooh! Oh! 424 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,000 Any luck? 425 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,000 Just can't move... 426 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,000 -It's pointless! 427 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,000 MIKE: That was my favourite toe! 428 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,000 ALISON: You have a favourite toe? 429 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,000 MIKE: Don't you have a favourite toe? 430 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,000 ALISON: Oh, I'd not really thought about it, Mike. 431 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,000 No, no, not fair. The head was out. 432 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,000 THOMAS: What! Tell them, Humphrey. 433 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:08,000 Oh, don't ask me. I'm just happy to be part of 434 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,000 -Right, well, 435 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,000 -as the judge here... -Oh, yeah. 436 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,000 Yeah, let's listen to the judge. 437 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,000 -Let's listen to the man. -What? 438 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,000 Lone gunman? Do me favour! 439 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:23,000 And Paul McCartney died in 1966. I know it. 440 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:27,000 Don't even get me started on the so-called 441 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,000 -HUMPHREY: Whooo! -Sorry! 442 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,000 -Oh, don't worry. It's actually quite a nice view. 443 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,000 -I have found you! -Ohhh! 444 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:44,000 -That was wonderful! -Now, erm, you hide 445 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,000 -Yes. No peeking! -No, no peeking. 446 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,000 -One... 447 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,000 Two... 448 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,000 Three... 449 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,000 -Four... -Oh, I'm so done with this. 450 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,000 No. No. 451 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,000 -You know what? -MARY: Fourteen... 452 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,000 We've cleared loads. I'll get rid of the garden waste 453 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,000 and we'll make the best of it. Huh? 454 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,000 -Yeah. -Alison! 455 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:08,000 -There is something 456 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,000 It is a matter of moral rectitude, 457 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,000 -ROBIN: Open your eyes! -Next, you'll be telling me 458 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,000 -gravity doesn't exist! -Well, you can't see it. 459 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,000 -How do you know? -Alison, 460 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,000 could you explain to Robin that the moon landings 461 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,000 The moon landings! 462 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,000 -You cannot be serious. -MARY: Ninety-six, 463 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,000 ninety-seven, 464 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,000 ninety-eight, 465 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,000 ninety-nine. One hundred! 466 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,000 Oh. Ah... 467 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,000 What the bally hell do you think you're playing at? 468 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:41,000 Alison! Get away from there! 469 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,000 Get down! Get right out of the way. 470 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,000 It's a bomb! 471 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,000 Mike, Mike, get back! Just get back! 472 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,000 Go! 473 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,000 Get down! 474 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,000 FANNY: Captain? 475 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,000 -Oh. - 476 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,000 Yeah, maybe you right about gravity. 477 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,000 Now, I realise that was an utterly futile gesture, 478 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,000 but I was very much caught up in the moment. 479 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,000 Wh... What the hell was that? 480 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,000 I was very clear, Alison. 481 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,000 What? I didn't think you meant literally explosive! 482 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,000 -it was scandalous. -No! 483 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,000 It was a prototype limpet mine. 484 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,000 It was so secret, that only I knew about it. 485 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,000 And my second-in-command, Lieutenant Havers, but... 486 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,000 he left me. 487 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,000 I mean, he left for the front. 488 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:41,000 So, er, I had to bury it on my own, 489 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,000 Operation William, it was called. 490 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,000 -Oh, that's Martin. 491 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,000 -That was a ghost thing? -Yeah. 492 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,000 Maybe next time, tell me if there's a bomb! 493 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,000 I didn't know! 494 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,000 Okay, 495 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:56,000 I'll stall Clare and Martin in the house and you just... 496 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,000 Oh, you just do what you can. 497 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,000 Yeah. Actually, a very clever little device, 498 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,000 a cunning timing mechanism 499 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,000 in the housing allowed the frogmen 500 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,000 Anyway... 501 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,000 They've gone, haven't they? 502 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,000 -Good! -Go on. 503 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:14,000 Ah, Robin. Now, so, they had four suckers. 504 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,000 -Suckers. -And they attached 505 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:19,000 underneath the waterline, blew a hole in the boat, 506 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,000 and then, of course, the boat sank. 507 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,000 ...and this is the main common room. 508 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,000 Again. 509 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,000 -And we thought... -It is really nice, 510 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,000 Did you want to see the library? 511 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:35,000 -Again? -I'd really love to see 512 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,000 Now... 513 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,000 Clare, I need you to keep an open mind. 514 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,000 We know that the rest of the house 515 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,000 and we are working on the garden, believe me. 516 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:48,000 Erm... 517 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,000 Redding weddy! 518 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:05,000 I love it! 519 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,000 Great! 520 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,000 PAT: Okay, 521 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,000 so, really exciting presentation tonight, guys. 522 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:28,000 As promised, Mary is going to be giving 523 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,000 No, sorry, no! 524 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,000 I've had, a... a bit of a setback. 525 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:36,000 Okay. Okay, yeah, that's understandable, isn't it, 526 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,000 -Sorry. -Yes. So, now, seeing as 527 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,000 we technically didn't finish the match, 528 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,000 I'm calling the volleyball game a draw. 529 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,000 -What? Are you on drugs? -No! I was ahead! 530 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:49,000 That's enough. That's absolutely enough. 531 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,000 Now, since we can't resolve this, 532 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,000 I've decided that I'm going to choose 533 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:56,000 Is it Love Actually? I love Love Actually, actually. 534 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,000 -9½ Weeks. -The Notebook. 535 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,000 Please don't shout out, okay? 536 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,000 The film I've chosen has something for everyone. 537 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,000 Drama, visual poetry... 538 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,000 It's got some of your lot in it, Robin. 539 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:10,000 -Ooh! -And some pretty ladies 540 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:13,000 Yeah! 541 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,000 It is, of course... 542 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:19,000 2001: A Space Odyssey. 543 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,000 Thanks, Pat. You can be my wingman any time. 544 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,000 Bullshit, you can be mine. 545 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,000 It's from Top Gun. 546 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,000 ALISON: Just here. 547 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,000 Ooh, that's got a kick to it, that. 548 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,000 -Okay. -Mmm. Mmm! 549 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,000 What was it you wanted to talk to me about? 550 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:56,000 Oh! No, just a passing fancy is all, Alison. 551 00:26:56,000 --> 00:27:00,000 -Kitty, I'm sorry about Florence. 552 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,000 I wasn't really that fond of her, anyway. 553 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,000 You're a much better best friend than she was. 554 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:06,000 Thanks, Kitty. 555 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:09,000 Wait. No, that not right. 556 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:13,000 -What? -Earth not round. It flat. 557 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,000 -You what? -It flat. 558 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:18,000 -To our first wedding booking! -Cheers. 559 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,000 Here's to buried secrets.