1 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:04,922 This job is eating me alive. 2 00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:06,924 I can't breathe anymore. 3 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,260 I spent all these years trying to be the good guy. 4 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,929 The man in the white hat. 5 00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:14,973 I'm not becoming like them. 6 00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:17,893 I am them. 7 00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,103 Hey! What are you doing, weirdo? 8 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,022 I'm doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco. 9 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,482 Or, actually... 10 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:26,777 Ten of me are doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco. 11 00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,111 What's up? 12 00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:29,780 Get it together, man. Okay? 13 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,032 So, the store was hit about two hours ago. 14 00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:35,035 They took mostly tablets, laptops, and cameras. 15 00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:39,873 Sorry. 16 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,919 I'd like a list of all your employees who ever had access to the store. 17 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:46,088 I'd also like to apologize for my partner. 18 00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:47,631 His parents didn't give him enough attention. 19 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:48,715 Uh... Detective? 20 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,133 I already solved the case. 21 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,595 We're looking for three white males, one of whom has sleeve tats on both arms. 22 00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:55,264 And how do you know that? 23 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,932 I had an informant on the inside. 24 00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:58,850 He's been here for years. 25 00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:01,770 Watching, learning, waiting... 26 00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:03,480 His code name... 27 00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,108 Fuzzy Cuddle Bear. 28 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:07,985 He's a nanny cam. 29 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,778 Ugh! You got lucky. 30 00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:11,738 No, I got here five minutes before you 31 00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:13,574 and figured that in this gigantic electronics store 32 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,492 there had to be at least one working camera. 33 00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:17,703 Oh! Hi, bad guys. 34 00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:20,122 You did it, Fuzzy. You busted 'em. 35 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:21,790 It's time to come home. 36 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,125 I'm not sure if I can. 37 00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,502 I've been undercover so long, 38 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:26,878 I've forgotten who I am. 39 00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,839 I've seen terrible things. 40 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,633 I haven't known the touch of a woman in many moons. 41 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:32,968 All right. 42 00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,428 Detective Santiago? 43 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:36,930 Don't walk away from me! 44 00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:50,611 Yes, I did crack the case. 45 00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:52,779 So, Santiago, would you do the honors? 46 00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,412 I hate this. Oh, yeah. 47 00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:01,496 I hate this. 48 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,290 And you're just gonna wanna add one. 49 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,625 I'm winning! 50 00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:09,463 It's a good feeling. It's a good feeling. Yeah. 51 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:10,672 Enjoy it while it lasts. 52 00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:11,840 I will. 53 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,843 J. P., update on the Morgenthau murder? 54 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:17,512 Yeah. Good news for all you murder fans. 55 00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:18,930 Earlier this morning, 56 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:21,266 someone decided to shoot and kill 57 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,560 luxury food importer, Henry Morgenthau. 58 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,896 Body was found by the cleaning lady. 59 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:26,980 During her interview, 60 00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,774 I deduced using expert detective work, 61 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,859 that she had something super gross on her chin. 62 00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:33,945 I think it was flan. 63 00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,155 Charles thinks it was flan. 64 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,907 I think it was butterscotch pudding. 65 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,283 Maybe it was just old person gunk. 66 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,951 You know how old people always have that gunk on them? 67 00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:41,036 Oldie gunk. 68 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,245 Could be. Yeah. Anyone else? 69 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,122 How about we focus on the murder, 70 00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:45,874 and not the old person gunk? 71 00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,084 Crime techs are at the scene now. 72 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,377 We're heading back when they're done. 73 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:49,753 Okay. I want you on this. 74 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,713 It's gonna be priority one for the new CO. 75 00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:53,340 Wait. Tell us about the new captain. 76 00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:54,800 Captain Holt will be here soon. 77 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,426 He'll want to introduce himself. 78 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,594 Dismissed. 79 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,267 Hey, Gina, you know any scalpers? 80 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,269 I wanna ask Rosa to go to the Rihanna concert with me, 81 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,354 but it's sold out. 82 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,731 Okay, two points to make here. 83 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:10,857 First, Rihanna? 84 00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,610 You... And then Rihanna. 85 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,071 Yeah. What's your second point? 86 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,406 She's got a type, 87 00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:19,783 which is really anyone but you. 88 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,119 Yeah, that was my ex-wife's type, too. 89 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:25,580 Look, a Rihanna concert is a pretty big swing, man. 90 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:26,915 I don't know. 91 00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,667 She's into watching old movies. 92 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:29,751 Cool! 93 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,504 Where would I find a place that shows old movies? 94 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,631 Oh, yeah. Just go on the Internet 95 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:35,924 and search for the phrase, 96 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,343 "I want to buy two movie tickets 97 00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:39,678 "for a girl who doesn't like me." 98 00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,347 Great. Thank you. 99 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,726 Hey, have you heard anything about the new captain? 100 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,394 Uh, no, and I don't care. 101 00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:49,396 I just wish Captain McGintley never left. 102 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:50,480 He was the best. 103 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,982 He was terrible. 104 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,401 You just liked him 'cause he let you do anything you wanted. 105 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,362 On your marks, get set... 106 00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:58,530 Go. 107 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,283 What the hell's goin' on around here? 108 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,868 Fire extinguisher roller chair derby. 109 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:04,703 Okay. 110 00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:05,996 And go! 111 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:13,587 What's your point? 112 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:16,131 If I'm ever gonna make captain, I need a good mentor. 113 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:17,215 I need my rabbi. 114 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:20,677 Sorry, dude. But this new guy's gonna be another washed-up pencil pusher, 115 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:21,762 who's only concerned with 116 00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:24,973 following every rule in the Patrol Guide. 117 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,641 Meep morp zeep! 118 00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,769 Robot captain engage. 119 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,937 Is that what you think? Hey! 120 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,565 New captain alert. 121 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,317 You must be the new CO. 122 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,402 I'm Detective Jake Peralta. Great to meet you. 123 00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:38,487 No, don't let me interrupt you. 124 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,155 You were describing what kind of person I'm gonna be. 125 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,239 I'd like you to finish. 126 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:43,533 It's not necessary. 127 00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,246 Or I could recap very quickly. 128 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:49,581 Sure. Um, let's see. 129 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,459 I think I said some joke about 130 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:53,919 being a washed-up pencil-pusher. 131 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,086 Now do the robot voice. 132 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,214 The robot voice you were doing 133 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,883 when you implied I'm a rule-following robot. 134 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,134 I wanna hear it again. 135 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:07,557 Meep, morp, zarp. 136 00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,268 Robot. 137 00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,312 That's a terrible robot voice. Yup. 138 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,106 The next time I see you, I'd like you to be wearing a necktie. 139 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,150 Oh, uh, actually, 140 00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:19,152 the last captain didn't care if we wore ties. 141 00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,737 Well, your new captain does. 142 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,156 And more importantly, he cares that you follow his direct orders. 143 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,200 Everyone. 144 00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:27,828 I'm your new Commanding Officer, Captain Ray Holt. 145 00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:28,954 Speech! 146 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,080 That was my speech. 147 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,498 Short and sweet. 148 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,625 Sergeant Jeffords. A word. 149 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,001 Yes, sir. 150 00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:39,673 I love that guy. Same! 151 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,341 He's so suave. 152 00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:44,010 Does anyone get a little bit of a gay vibe? 153 00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:46,346 No? Okay. 154 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,766 Sergeant, you were in the One-Eight with me. 155 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,310 Though you were significantly... 156 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,897 Fatter, sir. They called me Terry Titties. 157 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,608 Because I had large, uh... 158 00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,694 Titties. Yes. I remember. 159 00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,279 I never liked that nickname. 160 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,197 Though to be fair, it was accurate. 161 00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,366 What's this I hear about you being on administrative leave? 162 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:10,704 A year ago, my wife and I had twin baby girls, uh... 163 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:12,747 Cagney and Lacey. 164 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:14,708 They have adorable chubby cheeks. 165 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,669 Ever since, I kinda got scared of getting hurt. 166 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:18,879 Lost my edge. 167 00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:22,132 There was an incident in a department store. 168 00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,843 Hey, man. You okay? You look a little jumpy. 169 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,595 Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine. 170 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,020 I think he's dead. 171 00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,147 And I'm still not right. 172 00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,566 Tell me about your detective squad. 173 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,569 Um, well... 174 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,571 Scully, Hitchcock, and Daniels. 175 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:45,739 They're pretty much worthless. 176 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,240 But they make good coffee. 177 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,408 Copy that. 178 00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:50,493 Now the good ones. 179 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:53,413 Rosa Diaz. Tough, smart, 180 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,874 hard to read, and really scary. 181 00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,336 Tell me who has me for Secret Santa. 182 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,379 No! That takes all the fun out of it. 183 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:04,174 It's Scully. 184 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,300 He got you a scarf. 185 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:06,718 I'll make him return it. 186 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:07,928 Yes, you will. 187 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,014 Charles Boyle. He's a grinder. 188 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,599 Not the most brilliant detective, 189 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,225 but he works harder than anyone else. 190 00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:15,852 He's not physically 191 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,604 gifted. 192 00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:20,774 Aw, man! My muffin! 193 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,108 Ah! 194 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:23,860 Ow, my head! 195 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,028 My muffin and my head! 196 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,948 And I stepped on... On my muffin, and my head and my muffin. 197 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:29,950 Amy Santiago. 198 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:31,910 She's got seven brothers. 199 00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:34,120 So she's always trying to prove she's tough. 200 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,373 Be careful. That stuff's pretty hot. 201 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:38,708 Oh, is it? Hmm? 202 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,096 She and Peralta have some big bet 203 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,681 over who gets more arrests this year. 204 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,433 Ever since the bet, their numbers have gone way up. 205 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:57,602 Tell me about Peralta. 206 00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:59,854 Jacob Peralta is my best detective. 207 00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,439 He likes putting away bad guys 208 00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:02,857 and he loves solving puzzles. 209 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,026 The only puzzle he hasn't solved 210 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,320 is how to grow up. 211 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,739 That was very well put. 212 00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:12,075 I've talked a lot about Jake in my 213 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,327 departmentally-mandated therapy sessions. 214 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,246 Look, you know my history. 215 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:17,664 You know how important this is to me. 216 00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:18,957 This precinct is doing fine. 217 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,001 But I want to make it the best one in Brooklyn. 218 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:22,711 And I need your help. 219 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,587 Absolutely, sir. 220 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,131 Where do we start? 221 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,300 What is happening? 222 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:30,927 We start with him. 223 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,766 Okay. So the perp came in through the window, 224 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,268 left the muddy red footprint, 225 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,061 and apparently had sex with the dish rack. 226 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:41,730 Shell casings found here. 227 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,565 Two shots. Bang, bang. 228 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:44,816 Great work, Detective. 229 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,443 You get a tie. 230 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,153 That's mine. You took it from my desk. 231 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,947 That's right, Charles. Good solve. Tie for you. Thanks! 232 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,323 Everyone, be sure to put those on 233 00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,117 because it's impossible to solve crimes 234 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,493 unless you're wearing a tie. 235 00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:56,953 Lay off the Captain. 236 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,246 That man is gonna be my rabbi. 237 00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,290 Okay, first of all, when you use the word rabbi, 238 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,416 you know that turns me on. 239 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:02,792 And that's unfair in the work environment. 240 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:05,462 Secondly, your rabbi is a pain in my ass. 241 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,921 Yeah, he's a little too serious. 242 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,923 What do you think, Rosa? Seems cool. 243 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,258 Yeah, seems cool. I agree. 244 00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:11,926 Looks like the perp stole 245 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:15,722 A computer, a watch, and a Jamon Iberico ham, 246 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:18,183 valued at... What? $6,000. 247 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,268 $6,000 for a ham? 248 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:24,355 Jamon Iberico is an amazing cured ham from Spain. 249 00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:26,107 They had it at my uncle's funeral. 250 00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,901 I gorged myself at that funeral. 251 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,486 I mean, I was constipated for three days. 252 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,905 Wow. That's a great story, Charles. Thank you. 253 00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,698 All right, listen up, everybody. 254 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,326 Better contact Captain Holt and let him know we got a ten-tie situation. 255 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,329 Speaking of ties, where's yours, Meep-Morp? 256 00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,538 This is fantastic. 257 00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,207 Captain! Hey! 258 00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:43,500 Welcome to the murder. 259 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,626 What are you doing here? 260 00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,294 I like to know what my detectives are up to. 261 00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:47,378 Is that okay by you? 262 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:49,506 Take Santiago and knock on doors. 263 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,673 See if the neighbors heard anything. 264 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,300 Door duty? It's a waste of time. 265 00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:53,885 Diaz and Boyle, check in with the coroner. 266 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,261 Report back to me in an hour. 267 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,181 That went well. 268 00:09:58,306 --> 00:09:59,682 No, it didn't. 269 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,810 He's got, like, super hearing. 270 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,395 Hey, Rosa. Rosa, Rosa. 271 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:05,480 Um... 272 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,982 I just happened to notice that 273 00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:10,068 there's an old movie festival 274 00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:12,153 playing at the Film Forum this week. 275 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:14,656 You want to go? 276 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:16,032 Sure. 277 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,367 Cool! Awesome. 278 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,244 There's a bunch of movie options. 279 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,205 I'll probably just go with something classic. 280 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,373 Like Citizen Kane. 281 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,874 Citizen Kane is terrible. 282 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,042 Pick a good movie. 283 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,585 Good call. Smart. 284 00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,714 I'll do it. I'll pick a better movie than 285 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:32,924 Citizen Kane. 286 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:37,512 So, Gina, civilian administrators like yourself 287 00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,013 often have their ear to the ground. 288 00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:41,975 What do Santiago and Peralta have riding on this bet of theirs? 289 00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:44,602 I will tell you on six conditions. 290 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,813 Number one, you let me use your office 291 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,356 to practice my dance moves. 292 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:49,440 Second... How about this? 293 00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,067 If you tell me... Mmmhmm? 294 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,111 I won't have you suspended 295 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,363 without pay. Oh, that sounds great. 296 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,575 Okay, the deal is if Amy gets more arrests, 297 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,451 Jake has to give her his car. 298 00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,954 It's an old Mustang. It's pretty sweet. 299 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,664 If he gets more arrests, 300 00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,958 she has to go on a date with him. 301 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,793 He guarantees 302 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:10,503 it will end in sex. 303 00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:13,923 I'd bet on at least some over-the-clothes action. 304 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,175 At the very least some touching. 305 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,593 Oh, that's enough, Gina. Caresses. 306 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,845 I could see him showing up in a silk robe... 307 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:19,971 That's enough, Gina. 308 00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,472 All right. Thank you. 309 00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,808 Let the wasting of time begin. 310 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:27,687 Hello, sir. 311 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,022 May we ask you a few questions? 312 00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:30,398 Definitely. Yeah. 313 00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,901 I'm actually... I'm super glad you guys are here right now. 314 00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,277 Are you smelling that weed smell? 315 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,361 Yeah. 316 00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,572 'Cause a dude broke in, smoked weed, 317 00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:39,073 and bolted. It's... 318 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:40,909 Do you think it's the same dude 319 00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:42,869 that left that bong there on the floor? 320 00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:45,580 Yes? 321 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,373 Police! 322 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,919 Hello. Hello. 323 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:52,629 What's your name? My name? 324 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:53,838 Mmmhmm. Mlepnos. 325 00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:55,298 Can you spell that, please? 326 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:59,928 M-L-E-P... 327 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,347 Clay. Just a "Clay"? 328 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:03,723 Yes. The "Clay" is silent. 329 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,058 All right. Got it. 330 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,476 Have you seen this man before? 331 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,852 He was shot last night. 332 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:10,897 Oh! 333 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:11,981 Thank you. 334 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,358 No. Sir? That's ours. We need that. 335 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,817 We... And he kept it. 336 00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:17,111 Wall Street Journal on the doormat, 337 00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:18,279 top floor apartment. 338 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:21,407 20 bucks says this guy's like a hot, eligible bachelor. 339 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,868 I'll take that action. Police, open up! 340 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,830 Hello. 341 00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:30,208 Hello, sir! How are you today? 342 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,001 I am Detective Right-All-The-Time, 343 00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,963 and this is my partner, Detective Terrible-Detective. 344 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:38,967 No surprises from the coroner. 345 00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,551 Two gunshots, shoulder and chest. 346 00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:42,470 None of the neighbors heard or saw anything. 347 00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:45,723 And what's worse, Santiago struck out with a 92-year-old. 348 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,100 That is not accurate, sir. 349 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,227 Wait, you hooked up with him? Ugh! 350 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:50,812 All right. Hit the pawnshops and canvas the neighborhood. 351 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,480 And while you're out, you can buy yourself a tie. 352 00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:53,773 Oh, actually, sir... 353 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:55,942 I'm wearing a tie right now. 354 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,026 Check it out! 355 00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,070 Secret tie! 356 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:01,781 First of all, I think you're kind of overdoing it with the manscaping. 357 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,324 But more importantly, Detective, 358 00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:06,077 why do you refuse to take my orders seriously? 359 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,371 Does anyone here know why it's so important to me 360 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,872 that you all dress appropriately? 361 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,792 Hmm. Four highly-trained detectives 362 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,919 and not one of you can solve this simple mystery. 363 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,839 Okay, I want to be briefed on any new developments. 364 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:18,923 Any questions? 365 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:21,092 I was gonna ask you if you thought I was doing too much manscaping, 366 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:23,094 but we solved that one, so I'm good. Mmmhmm. 367 00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:25,179 Hey, Boyle. Yup? 368 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,265 What about this fancy ham stuff? Jamon Iberico. 369 00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,517 Yes. The perp left a really expensive TV, 370 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,519 but then stole ham? It doesn't make sense. 371 00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:33,980 Is there a place nearby the crime scene that sells it? 372 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,274 Beneficio's might. Let's go. 373 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,192 You're gonna brief the CO first. 374 00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:39,902 We'll brief him after we catch the guy. 375 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:43,990 My name is Ratko. 376 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,283 I don't know anything. 377 00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:47,702 Oh. Okay. You recognize this guy? 378 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:48,953 Henry Morgenthau? 379 00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,163 No. 380 00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:52,749 Maybe, actually... 381 00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:54,917 Look at the picture? I don't know him. 382 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,002 I don't know what happened. 383 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:57,086 No more questions! 384 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,464 Well, why don't I run a scenario past you, Ratko, 385 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:00,548 and you tell me what you think? 386 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:01,632 You do know Morgenthau. 387 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,009 He came in here and tried to sell you some hams. 388 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,385 You knew they were worth a lot of money, 389 00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:06,346 so you tried to steal them from him when he wasn't home. 390 00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:07,930 Only he was home, so you shot him. 391 00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:09,766 Does that sound familiar? 392 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,768 Uh, maybe some role-play will jog your memory? 393 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:12,935 That's a great idea. Okay, yeah. 394 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,020 Okay. 395 00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,855 Uh, so I'm... I'm Ratko. No, no, I'm Ratko. 396 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,857 Come on. I'm always the victim. 397 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,525 Look, I'm not doing this with you right here. 398 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,610 Fine. Fine. 399 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,653 Oh, I'm Henry Morgenthau, 400 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,781 owner of delicious and expensive hams. 401 00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:26,949 Don't I know you from the grocery store? 402 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,826 Kill. And scene. 403 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,538 NYPD. Everyone, down! 404 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,707 Ma'am, if you could just get down. 405 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,834 Or ignore me and continue shopping. 406 00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,795 Boyle, get the door! On it. 407 00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,296 Ratko? 408 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,635 Back up. 409 00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:58,272 Whoa. Whoa, whoa. 410 00:14:58,356 --> 00:14:59,690 Ow! Ratko! I'm getting mad! 411 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:01,442 That's a waste of Manchego! 412 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,027 Charles! 413 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:07,990 How are you still here? 414 00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,325 Jake! Little help? 415 00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:10,785 Ratko! 416 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:11,953 We're not going anywhere, Jake. 417 00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:13,413 Ratko! 418 00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,914 I've got him. It's cool. I got him. 419 00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:16,332 He's all mine. 420 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,795 So, no, I did not brief you. 421 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:22,672 And, yes, he did get away. 422 00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:25,341 But, some bonus good news. 423 00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,677 I got you hazelnut. 424 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,765 And a little spoon there for you. 425 00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:37,937 Is he seriously assigning me to the records room? 426 00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:40,064 I mean, why do we even have a records room? 427 00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,024 The computer has been invented, right? I didn't dream it? 428 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,317 You're lucky, man. 429 00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:45,778 I wish I could get assigned here full time. 430 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,948 You could not be farther from the action. 431 00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:50,366 Sergeant, you know me. 432 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:51,826 I have more arrests than anyone. 433 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,578 Will you please tell the Captain how dumb it is 434 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,496 to lock his best detective in a file cabinet? 435 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:56,581 Second best. 436 00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:57,748 You're wrong about Holt. 437 00:15:57,832 --> 00:16:01,043 That man has forgotten more about being a cop than you will ever know. 438 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:04,422 In 1981, he caught the Disco Strangler. 439 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,134 It's over, Disco Man. 440 00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,928 Put down the yo-yo and back away from the girl. 441 00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:15,600 Wow. The man is the real deal. 442 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,477 You need to listen to him. 443 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:21,189 Going to be hard to win our bet when you're on the bench, Peralta. 444 00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:24,358 Although, I did start a new category. 445 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,402 "Murderers we let go." 446 00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,112 And look at that! 447 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:29,363 You're winning! 448 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:31,949 Have fun with your files. 449 00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,743 Yeah. You know what? I will have fun with my files. 450 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,286 Have fun with your face! 451 00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:38,873 Slam! 452 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,833 That was a slam. 453 00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:45,671 So? What movie did you get us tickets to? 454 00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:47,673 Oh, well, just to be safe, 455 00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,550 I bought tickets to all of them. 456 00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:51,552 "Just to be safe?" What does that mean? 457 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:54,305 I don't know. Uh, I didn't wanna mess up, 458 00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,766 because you're sort of opinionated. 459 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:57,850 You think I'm opinionated? 460 00:16:58,309 --> 00:16:59,644 Okay, here's an opinion for you. 461 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,103 You're a bad judge of character 462 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,313 and your shirt looks like vomit. 463 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,107 So we can go see North by Northwest. 464 00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,234 We are not seeing a movie together. 465 00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:07,735 Good call. Smart. 466 00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,362 Keep it profesh. 467 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:21,832 Hey, Captain. So you found something? 468 00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:23,543 Hey, I like the tie. 469 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,920 If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. 470 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,797 Anyway, I think I got something good here. 471 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,715 Turns out the name Ratko is made up. 472 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,467 But I was digging through these files, 473 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,761 one of which I literally found in a spider web, 474 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,556 and it turns out there were a bunch of references to a Serbian thug. 475 00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,808 Street names, "The Rat" and "The Butcher." 476 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,811 He was known to hang out at a storage unit near Boerum Park, 477 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,397 which has red soil, hence, 478 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,149 the muddy red footprint on Morgenthau's counter. 479 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,152 That's fine work, Detective. 480 00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:51,946 Thank you very much, sir. 481 00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:53,781 A testament to what can be achieved 482 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,533 when you dress appropriately. 483 00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,743 Let's pound it out. 484 00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:05,001 You know what? Such fine police work. 485 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,669 Let's share it with the whole team. 486 00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,171 Santiago, Boyle, Diaz, get in here. 487 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,881 Bring everyone. And a camera. 488 00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,174 That's not necessary. 489 00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:14,302 Let's have a hand for the work of the fine... Oh, they're here! 490 00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:16,387 ...master detective, Jake Peralta. 491 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,639 Yeah. Let's have a hand, everyone. Give him a hand. 492 00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:19,932 Yeah, nice! 493 00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,145 Yeah. Thank you. Looking good! 494 00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:26,439 No record of Ratko on the ledger. 495 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:27,648 Must have used cash. 496 00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:29,775 Well, I for one am just pumped 497 00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,402 to be on a stakeout with you, Captain. 498 00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:33,821 You know what my favorite thing about stakeouts is? 499 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:35,948 Patrol Guide says, "No dress code." 500 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,242 So I'm just the zip-up hoodie 501 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,994 and my two best friends. 502 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,454 Does he always talk this much? 503 00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:42,622 I just tune it out. 504 00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:44,206 It's like a white noise machine. 505 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:45,916 Okay, first of all, that's racist. 506 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:47,460 Secondly... 507 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,003 Captain, Terry told me 508 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,588 you caught the Disco Strangler? 509 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,006 I mean, that's incredible. 510 00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,090 I've read that case. 511 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:54,425 With all due respect, sir, 512 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,594 why'd it take you so long to get your first command? 513 00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,097 Because I'm gay. 514 00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:01,557 Uh... 515 00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:03,184 Seriously? 516 00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,811 I'm surprised you didn't know. 517 00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,271 I don't try to hide it. 518 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:16,489 Did anyone else get a little bit of a gay vibe? 519 00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,117 Manscaping. 520 00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:22,703 Damn. 521 00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:25,539 I am not a good detective. 522 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,750 Here. I feel bad 523 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,293 that you spent all that money on the movie tickets. 524 00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,128 Why don't you just go to the movies with me? Nope. 525 00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:34,965 Okay. 526 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:37,927 Well, this is awkward. 527 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,512 It's not awkward. 528 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:41,764 I like your company. 529 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,099 You're sweet. 530 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,770 When did you come out? 531 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,188 About 25 years ago. 532 00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:52,983 The NYPD was not ready for an openly gay detective. 533 00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:55,736 But then the old guard died out, 534 00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:57,655 and suddenly, they couldn't wait to show off the fact 535 00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,824 that they had a highly ranking gay officer. 536 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,367 I made Captain, 537 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,744 but they put me in a public affairs unit. 538 00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,162 I was a good soldier. 539 00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:06,414 I helped recruitment. 540 00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:09,875 But all I ever really wanted was my own command. 541 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,878 And now, I finally got it. 542 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,631 And I'm not gonna screw it up. 543 00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:18,801 Uh, Captain, I'm sorry. I... 544 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,511 I feel like a jackass. 545 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,934 But, on the flipside, there's Ratko. 546 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,769 Humility over. I'm amazing. 547 00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:37,445 Fantastic. 3,000 identical blue doors. 548 00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:39,447 Looks like we all got door duty. 549 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,907 Oh, yeah. From before. 550 00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,075 Good one. 551 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:44,994 You look great. 552 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,497 Clear. 553 00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:54,503 Clear. 554 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,391 Okay. 555 00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:10,311 Unbelievable. Unbelievable! 556 00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:24,116 Ratko, great to see you. 557 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:25,701 You can't stop me. 558 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,704 I'm going. Actually... 559 00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:30,998 You're not going anywhere. 560 00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:32,917 'Cause if you take a look to your left 561 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,669 you'll see Detectives Boyle and Diaz. 562 00:21:35,753 --> 00:21:37,463 Right there is Detective Santiago. 563 00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:40,341 And behind you is Captain Holt. 564 00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:42,676 Point is, my team has you surrounded. 565 00:21:43,177 --> 00:21:45,346 Oh, my God! I just got the tie thing! 566 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,306 Captain, I just figured it out. 567 00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:49,517 Maybe now's not the best time, Detective. 568 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,101 It's a uniform. 569 00:21:51,185 --> 00:21:52,353 We're a team, 570 00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:54,897 and the tie is a part of that team's uniform, right? 571 00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:56,232 You ask Ratko what team? 572 00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:57,525 No, Ratko, shut up. 573 00:21:57,608 --> 00:22:00,152 It's important to you, because you were kept off the team for so long, 574 00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:01,487 and now you're the coach 575 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:04,156 and you want us to all wear that same uniform. 576 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,574 Boom! Nailed it! 577 00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:08,285 Yes, you did. Now, just arrest Ratko. 578 00:22:08,369 --> 00:22:10,412 All right, Ratko, down. Drop the weapon. 579 00:22:10,496 --> 00:22:12,373 Hands on your head. Here we go. 580 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,333 He's running! 581 00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:16,836 Got him. 582 00:22:16,919 --> 00:22:18,629 Hands behind your back. Hands behind your back! 583 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:19,713 Stay down. 584 00:22:20,506 --> 00:22:22,758 That's how we do it in the Nine-Nine, sir. 585 00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:25,010 We catch bad guys, and look good doing it. 586 00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:27,847 What's wrong with you? 587 00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:29,932 Never took off the Speedo. Big mistake. 588 00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:31,392 It is inside me. 589 00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:32,852 Great work, team!