1
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,433
<i>Welcome to Zombieland.</i>

2
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,400
<i>Back for seconds?
After all this time?</i>

3
00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:52,551
<i>Well, what can I say,
but thank you.</i>

4
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:56,913
<i>You have a lot of choices when it comes to zombie
entertainment, and we appreciate you picking us.</i>

5
00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:00,676
<i>So you know how Eskimos have
a bunch of words for snow?</i>

6
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,831
<i>The only reason we've survived
the last several years</i>

7
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:10,920
<i>is that we've gotten to know our bloodthirsty
enemies better than we know ourselves.</i>

8
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,437
<i>In the time since we last saw you,
zombies have evolved,</i>

9
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,194
<i>so we've given them
different names.</i>

10
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:22,958
<i>This lady here is getting chased by the dumbest
Z there is, what we call a Homer.</i>

11
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,510
<i>In a world without YouTube,
who isn't entertained by a Homer?</i>

12
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:46,471
<i>Unfortunately, for every Homer,
there's a Hawking,</i>

13
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,593
<i>as in Stephen.</i>

14
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:53,397
<i>Or maybe his slightly less accomplished sister, Beatrix,
who's still got some brains left to figure shit out.</i>

15
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,550
Open, open!

16
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,360
<i>Clever girl.</i>

17
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,274
<i>Okay. Last one.</i>

18
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,272
<i>Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what was that?</i>

19
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:29,396
<i>Okay, all right. Well, this time,
let's play Name That Zombie.</i>

20
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,470
Hello?

21
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,160
Hello?

22
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,880
<i>The Ninja.
Silent, deadly.</i>

23
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,270
<i>The first thing you hear is
your own scream.</i>

24
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:58,070
<i>You can imagine how thrilled we were
to crack the zombie code.</i>

25
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,680
<i>But life is about more than
just survival.</i>

26
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:08,235
<i>Ever since we were evicted from our normal lives,
I'd been searching for a place to put down roots.</i>

27
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,354
<i>My old pal Tallahassee has this saying,
"Go big or go home."</i>

28
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,677
<i>It's not his signature phrase,
but it did give me an idea.</i>

29
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,114
<i>Why not go big...</i>

30
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,270
<i>and go home?</i>

31
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:55,633
<i>♪ End of passion play,
crumbling away ♪</i>

32
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:59,111
<i>♪ I'm your source
of self-destruction ♪</i>

33
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:04,040
<i>♪ Veins that pump with fear
Sucking darkest clear ♪</i>

34
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,591
<i>♪ Leading on your death's
construction ♪</i>

35
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:10,119
<i>♪ Taste me you will see ♪</i>

36
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,712
<i>♪ More is all you need ♪</i>

37
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:17,477
<i>♪ Dedicated to how I'm killing you ♪</i>

38
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,919
<i>♪ Come crawling faster ♪</i>

39
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,395
<i>♪ Obey your master ♪</i>

40
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,155
<i>♪ Your life burns faster ♪</i>

41
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,597
<i>♪ Obey your master, master! ♪</i>

42
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,236
<i>♪ Master of puppets,
I'm pulling your strings ♪</i>

43
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,593
<i>♪ Twisting your mind
and smashing your dreams ♪</i>

44
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,354
<i>♪ Blinded by me,
you can't see a thing ♪</i>

45
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,194
<i>♪ Just call my name
'cause I'll hear you scream ♪</i>

46
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,632
<i>♪ Master, master! ♪</i>

47
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,039
<i>♪ Master of puppets,
I'm pulling your strings ♪</i>

48
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,077
<i>♪ Twisting your mind
and smashing your... ♪♪</i>

49
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:06,077
Hail to the motherfucking chief.

50
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,069
<i>There are worse places
to hang your hat.</i>

51
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,160
Wait, why does he get to be president?

52
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:19,871
I would have made a damn fine president.
Kissed a few hands, shook a few babies.

53
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,879
- You would have brought a real dignity to the office.
- Thank you.

54
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:28,080
You don't have what it takes. I'll be president.
And I nominate Little Rock as my VP.

55
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,631
So that means I get to be president
if you get killed by zombies.

56
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,839
That wasn't what I was thinking
when I offered the position, but yes.

57
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,274
<i>I have this rule:
Enjoy the little things.</i>

58
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,791
<i>Which is what we spent a lot of time doing
in those early days at the White House.</i>

59
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:47,840
<i>And it was a really special time,
making a house our home.</i>

60
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,717
♪ Happy birthday to ♪

61
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:56,111
Shooting up, not to.
All right. Nice!

62
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:03,276
<i>Wichita and I fell into
our own version of domestic bliss.</i>

63
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,432
<i>Well, not quite bliss,
but domesticity to be sure.</i>

64
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:11,150
- Did Abe's blindfold fall off again?
- No, it did not fall off. I took it off.

65
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,391
It's so creepy.
He just stares at us all night.

66
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,632
That stare emancipated the slaves, okay?
And it ended the Civil War.

67
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,791
We should be grateful
he's gawking at us.

68
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,475
Remember what happened
the last time you took the blindfold off?

69
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,399
- You made me sleep on the Lincoln couch?
- Mm-hm.

70
00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:32,680
- Is that better?
- Much better.

71
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,114
Good.

72
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,920
<i>- I love you so much, baby.</i>
- Sorry.

73
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,590
You are so gorgeous.

74
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,717
We really need to find you someone.

75
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:47,477
That's where you're wrong.
Any romance left in me belongs to the Beast here.

76
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,951
Okay. Well, then we need
to find someone for me.

77
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,072
Shouldn't be a problem,
long as you're open to dating zombies.

78
00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,437
So you're saying what?
I'm never gonna find a boyfriend,

79
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,477
or get married, have a family?

80
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:06,156
We're your family,
so one out of three ain't bad.

81
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,319
<i>Little Rock had a strong desire
to leave the nest.</i>

82
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:14,519
<i>And let's just say Tallahassee wasn't
the most understanding father figure.</i>

83
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:15,636
Little Rock!

84
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,315
<i>But for better or worse,
we were a family.</i>

85
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:22,235
<i>And for the first time since the virus,
we were living somewhere truly safe,</i>

86
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,677
<i>making every day feel like...
Well, like Christmas morning.</i>

87
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,754
Hello? Ho-ho-ho!

88
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,240
Merry Christmas!

89
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:33,959
- Hey, Tal.
- Santa.

90
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,794
What would you like for Christmas,
little girl? A pony?

91
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,634
I'd like you to stop calling me
"little girl."

92
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,872
Well, technically, you are little
and you're a girl.

93
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,670
Well, I am not a little girl,
but do you know what I would like?

94
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,911
I don't give a fuck what you'd like.

95
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:51,994
<i>Not to sound too sentimental,</i>

96
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:57,155
<i>but those days at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
may have been the best days of my life,</i>

97
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,833
<i>and that's counting pre-Z.</i>

98
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:01,760
Wait a second.

99
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,120
Oh, my God. No.

100
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,680
A first-edition Tolkien,
and you wrote in it.

101
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,638
There's my name right there,
marring this perfectly preserved paper.

102
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:15,470
Thank you. And yours too.
You didn't stop. Thank you so much.

103
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,557
It's a bit touching.

104
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:22,475
Hey, I couldn't find any wrapping paper,
but don't worry about it.

105
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,871
Just tear it open. It doesn't matter.
It's only Taft.

106
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,360
He was our fattest president,

107
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:31,320
so there's a lot left over
if you need some wrapping paper.

108
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,790
Columbus, I didn't get anything
from you.

109
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,800
Just what I wanted. Another gun.

110
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:41,920
Oh, hey, well, not just any gun.
A Colt 45.

111
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,750
And not just any Colt 45.
The King's.

112
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:49,914
- England? Denmark? Lichtenstein?
- There's only one king.

113
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:54,119
Elvis Aaron fucking Presley,
the greatest who ever lived.

114
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:56,713
The king of kings.

115
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,872
He gave this gun to Nixon
when he visited the White House,

116
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:03,840
and I give it to you,
locked and loaded.

117
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:07,277
Yeah, he used to shoot
that Colt in his backyard.

118
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,677
King's palace, Memphis, Tennessee.
I tell you about Graceland?

119
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,434
- Only a hundred times.
- We're gonna go there together someday.

120
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,671
Actually, I'm gonna go
shoot this right now.

121
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,878
I think I saw some Zs down
by the reflecting pool.

122
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,633
- Well, I'll go with.
- I'll go by myself.

123
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:24,430
- It's Christmas.
- It's not fucking Christmas. It's November 17th.

124
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,951
<i>Little Rock was on the hunt, all right,
for people her own age.</i>

125
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:34,432
<i>And the thing is, they were out there.
We just made it a point to keep our distance.</i>

126
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,274
<i>Which would kind of suck
if you were the one stuck in the nest.</i>

127
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,559
God, this is really terrifying,

128
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,279
but totally unrealistic.

129
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,480
Hey, she'll be fine.

130
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,515
Wish she didn't remind me
so much of me.

131
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,831
Hey, come on.
What's wrong with you?

132
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:56,560
Nothing.

133
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,630
All right. I wasn't gonna do this now.

134
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:08,237
Okay. Look, you always say that,
like, I play it too safe,

135
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,915
and I know we've been in, like,
a bit of a rut lately.

136
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:15,998
So I thought, what better way
to spice things up than to...

137
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,199
Get married?

138
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:26,160
- Yeah, well, I was gonna say, "Get married!" Yay.
- Is that the Hope diamond?

139
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:30,154
I certainly hope it is. I want you to be Miss Ohio.
Or I guess Mrs. Ohio.

140
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,550
This is so unfair.
You know how I feel about this.

141
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,154
- What?
- We've talked about this.

142
00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:39,360
In my limited, but absurdly painful experience,
married people only do one thing.

143
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:42,239
- What, fight? We already do that.
- Get divorced.

144
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,358
I don't see us going that route.
I mean, where would we find the lawyers?

145
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:51,190
- I don't know what to say.
- Well, don't say anything. Yet.

146
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:54,557
Okay? This was my fault.
I put you on the spot.

147
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:58,111
Just think about it,
and let me know whenever you're ready.

148
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,318
Everything will work out
exactly as it's supposed to.

149
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:21,718
Hey, Buttercup. What's wrong?
Get a little too much eggnog last night?

150
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,315
- Bad news.
- Bad news?

151
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,757
Well, you know what cancels out bad news?
Good news.

152
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,390
- Today is the day that Wichita says...
- Adios.

153
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:32,640
Hm?

154
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,276
"Dear C and T,
we feel like total shit about leaving.

155
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,556
Sorry, not good at notes.
W and LR."

156
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,920
Well, yeah. "Not good at notes" is
a pretty huge understatement.

157
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,916
You know he's gonna
take this Beast thing pretty hard.

158
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:55,118
Well, he should learn
to not get so attached.

159
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:59,837
Never get attached. Remember?
That was the problem with Columbus, he got too attached.

160
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:05,240
- Well, with Tallahassee, it's like he thinks he's my dad.
- Sure, but you are so lucky you don't have a boyfriend.

161
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:10,076
Have you seen him use Q-tips?
His bedtime routine took an hour.

162
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,958
- Stop.
- What? God, sorry.

163
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,157
- No, stop! Stop!
- Oh!

164
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:21,670
Namaste.

165
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,520
Hi.

166
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:31,318
<i>Wichita leaving hit me
like a shotgun blast.</i>

167
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,040
<i>So after weeks of feeling sorry
for myself,</i>

168
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,079
<i>I thought a little retail therapy might help
get her off my mind.</i>

169
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,597
It's not like I immediately wanted to start,
like, wedding planning or anything.

170
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:41,796
I'm not crazy.

171
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,349
And who wants to get married in the winter?
Spring, sure.

172
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:49,839
- Although my hair and the humidity...
- Oh, my God! Man, I cannot listen to this shit anymore.

173
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:53,072
- My God, it's been over a month.
- Yeah, I'm bereft.

174
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:56,153
Okay, I'm giving you one more day
to mope around,

175
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,074
and then you gotta snap the fuck out of it.

176
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:03,074
This whole "finding a home" idea of yours
has made us soft.

177
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,311
And by us, I mean you.

178
00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:09,434
It's high time that we nut up and hit
the road again. And by we, I mean me.

179
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,991
That's where I belong.
On my own. Lone wolf.

180
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:14,912
You're welcome to tag along.

181
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:18,397
- Yeah, but when they come back, we won't be here.
- They are never coming back.

182
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:26,040
- I got it.
- No, no, no.

183
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,120
Okay.

184
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:36,197
Yeah, it was good.
You shot your alcohol with your gun.

185
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:50,240
Not bad, huh?

186
00:13:50,241 --> 00:13:53,791
No. Not bad,
but definitely no ZKOTY.

187
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,910
<i>ZKOTY,
that is "Zombie Kill of the Year."</i>

188
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,469
<i>Like a junkie in search
of a higher high,</i>

189
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:03,439
<i>Tallahassee is no longer happy
with Zombie Kill of the Week.</i>

190
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:07,560
<i>Which, if you're keeping score,
just went to Dave Sanderman of Riverside, Iowa.</i>

191
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,791
<i>You may wanna set down
the Milk Duds for this one.</i>

192
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,155
You dead, zombie!

193
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,232
Whoo-whee, pig!

194
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,236
<i>Congratulations, Dave.</i>

195
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,312
Listen, I never told you this before.
In fact, I never told anybody.

196
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:29,918
But I have Native American blood
coursing through my veins.

197
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:34,357
- Like, right now?
- Yeah. Right now.

198
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:40,037
Blackfoot Indian to be exact.
The freest men in history.

199
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:45,878
Mid-1800s, roamed the plains,
no houses, no laws, no possessions,

200
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,749
no chiefs to report to,
no wives to listen to.

201
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,035
They listened...

202
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,875
to the call of the buffalo.

203
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,758
And they hunted those buffalo

204
00:14:56,840 --> 00:15:02,279
by herding them off the cliff
to their deaths.

205
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,878
The great buffalo jump.

206
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,440
Oh.

207
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:12,515
I don't know why I never told anyone
about my Blackfoot blood.

208
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:15,235
I guess it's a sacred little secret.

209
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:19,792
Honestly, you're the first paleface
I have genuinely trusted

210
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:24,432
because you've always been there for me.
You care and you really listen.

211
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,354
<i>Unless you're in a 4D theatre,</i>

212
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,990
<i>there is no way I can communicate
how bad Z-land smells,</i>

213
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,436
<i>which is why I like candles so much.</i>

214
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:36,116
<i>Today, maybe a frosty gingerbread
or a Bahama breeze.</i>

215
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,200
Mmm.

216
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:39,796
- Whoa!
- Ah!

217
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,351
Oh, my God! Please forgive me.
It's fake fur!

218
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,671
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
I thought you were a...

219
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,877
- You thought I was a zombie?
- Yeah.

220
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:52,751
Oh, my God, no. I don't even eat meat.
I'm a vegetarian. Vegan, actually.

221
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:56,516
- Sorry. Hi, I'm Columbus.
- Madison.

222
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,996
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you. Oh.

223
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,675
All right. We're hugging. So soon.
Nice to meet you.

224
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,036
It's nice to touch a human.

225
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,760
- Don't mind me.
- Oh, hello. If I can have my body?

226
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,151
Hi, sorry. This is Tallahassee.
This is Madison. Madison, Tallahassee.

227
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,839
Is this your dad?

228
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:16,870
For shit's sake, slightly older,
better-looking friend.

229
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,599
- Cute.
- You live here?

230
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:23,038
No, Paul Blart. I live in the freezer
in Pinkberry.

231
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,591
It keeps the zombies out,
though it is awfully chilly.

232
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,876
Do you ever consider turning it off?

233
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:34,176
Couldn't find the switch, like, anywhere.
Just hoping the electricity would run out.

234
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,193
I know, it's amazing.
As long as it rains, the dams give us power.

235
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:38,953
Apparently not brain power.

236
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:47,077
I feel like you're being super judgy.
Like, I'm getting a real anti-me vibe off of you.

237
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,038
- Are you?
- Oh, my God. There it was again.

238
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,191
- Yeah, I saw it.
- And that's hurtful, okay?

239
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,437
I'm, like,
really good at surviving.

240
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:58,231
I carry a can of mace with me everywhere I go.
And I can run really, really fast.

241
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,040
Probably because I used to do
a lot of hot yoga and SoulCycle.

242
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:04,158
Cardio! Sorry,
I do a lot of cardio too.

243
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:10,197
It's actually my number one rule, which is so dorky.
But I have rules for surviving Zombieland.

244
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,280
- Really?
- Yeah.

245
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:12,320
So do I!

246
00:17:12,321 --> 00:17:14,073
You have rules
for surviving Zombieland?

247
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,675
Actually, mine is just mostly stay
in the freezer.

248
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:17,955
- Oh.
- Ha, ha.

249
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:22,030
You know, we actually set up camp, like,
down the road, like, at the White House.

250
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:23,310
Ah-ah.

251
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,536
- The White House? Oh, my God.
- Would you wanna come and, like, hang out?

252
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,517
- I would love that.
- Cool.

253
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,796
Okay.
How many rules do you have?

254
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,349
- You wanna know about my rules?
- I wanna hear all of them.

255
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,672
- Well, number two is double tap.
- Double tap.

256
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,594
- Double tap, yes.
- Double tap you.

257
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:40,680
You got me.

258
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,313
I'm murdered.

259
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:46,474
<i>Okay, yeah, I know what you're thinking.
She's absolutely not my type.</i>

260
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,313
<i>But after Wichita
broke my heart,</i>

261
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:53,231
<i>I was just excited to talk to somebody who smelled
like a candle, and not whisky and gunpowder.</i>

262
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:57,434
So Wichita and Little Rock left. It leaves
just us guys again. You know, bachelors.

263
00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,035
This guy. You know, making a mess.

264
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:03,955
Which actually brings me
to rule number 53, Wet-Naps.

265
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,319
- Whoa.
- Yeah.

266
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:11,396
- I can't believe that you keep all this stuff in your head.
- Thank you.

267
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,039
- It's amazing.
- Thank you.

268
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,430
- You know, you're really lucky.
- What?

269
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:19,434
That you found someone so smart
to take care of you.

270
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,877
Most people your age,
they get left all by themselves,

271
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,031
and that can be so sad.

272
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:28,477
Yeah. I am so lucky.

273
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,516
- Hey, can we have a little summit in the Oval Office?
- Yeah.

274
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:39,079
You guys, I can't believe we're
in the White House. This is soy random.

275
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,696
<i>You got to broom this girl.</i>

276
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,074
You know why she's still alive?

277
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,312
Because zombies eat brains,
and she ain't got any!

278
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,996
All right? It doesn't matter
because I'm hitting the road come sunup.

279
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,594
- Columbus?
- Yes?

280
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,399
Could you maybe give me a tour?

281
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,837
Whoa, this is the Oval Office.

282
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,639
Why do they call it that?

283
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:01,796
- You ready?
- You ready?

284
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,234
- I'm ready too.
- I'm ready.

285
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:04,356
- Great.
- Too.

286
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,077
- Let's go.
- He's kind of funny.

287
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,238
- Yeah, he's great. Try not to speak to him.
- Okay.

288
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,154
The main attraction. Ta-da.

289
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,478
The Lincoln bedroom. And believe it or not,
Lincoln never even slept here.

290
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,076
- I didn't actually want a tour, silly.
- What?

291
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,355
- Hi.
- Hi.

292
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,320
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

293
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,835
- What's the matter?
- I don't know.

294
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,640
- Don't you think that I'm pretty?
- Yes, you're very pretty.

295
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,519
You're like
"the girl in Apartment 406" pretty.

296
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,751
I just...
I feel kind of guilty.

297
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,559
Because of Jesus?

298
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,120
I know ways around that.

299
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:47,799
- No, no. I... Please. I can't.
- Okay, look, I've been alone in a freezer for years.

300
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,994
So either we're doing this right now,
or I am biting the bullet, and I am doing the old guy.

301
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:54,760
Okay.

302
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,476
- God! You're so hot! Oh my God!
- It's the humidity.

303
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:00,596
Oh, yeah!

304
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:06,510
Holy...

305
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,149
Nutting up,
definitely not shutting up.

306
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,240
Yeah!

307
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:29,715
Shit.

308
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,235
Sorry,
it's Washington's old flintlock.

309
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,960
It's a gift to Dwight D. Eisenhower
from the emperor of Japan.

310
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,190
Oh, touché.

311
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,711
- I heard a strange noise.
- Yeah, I've been hearing some strange noises too.

312
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,991
Oh, yeah.
That was us having sex.

313
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,196
Rule number one.

314
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,075
Yeah,
maybe rule number 32 for her.

315
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:48,800
What? Hey.

316
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,833
Okay. Ready?

317
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,117
- Go!
- Okay, let's go. Come on.

318
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,998
Oh, fuck.

319
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,080
Shit.

320
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,679
Honey, I'm home.

321
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,719
Oh, my God, you're back. I mean,
you're back or whatever. That's cool.

322
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,712
I'm not staying.
I just came to get weapons.

323
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,440
- At 1:00 in the morning?
- Yeah, after a month missing.

324
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:11,909
Little Rock's gone.

325
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,831
It was great. It felt so good
to be on the move again.

326
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:32,994
Yeah, we've been having, like,
a really good time here too, right? Together.

327
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,630
We picked up someone new.
Just a boy.

328
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:40,191
He's a couple years older than Little Rock,
and he's from Berkeley.

329
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,351
- Berkeley?
- Mm-hm.

330
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:43,590
♪ Don't worry ♪

331
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,672
<i>- You said Berkeley?
- Yes.</i>

332
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,229
<i>Berke-fucking-ley?</i>

333
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,589
<i>He plays the guitar.</i>

334
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,752
Shut the fuck up right now!
I know what you're about to tell me.

335
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,150
She's dating a musician!

336
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:02,234
Hey, come on, dude. Don't you think you're,
like, overreacting maybe, like, a little bit?

337
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:09,676
Yeah. Yeah. No, I could be overreacting.
I'm sorry. You're right.

338
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,155
You go ahead.

339
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:13,674
And he's a pacifist.

340
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:19,550
He has survived on a strict policy
of conflict avoidance, like Gandhi.

341
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:25,032
No!

342
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,959
Birkenstock sandals,
wheatgrass!

343
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,191
Fucking basketballs!

344
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:43,316
No, I really...
I have nothing against pacifists.

345
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:47,076
I just wanna beat
the shit out of them.

346
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:52,315
♪ This is my message to you ♪♪

347
00:22:55,760 --> 00:23:00,516
Wow, I mean...
You have a beautiful voice.

348
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,069
- Thank you very much. Thank you.
- Yeah.

349
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,597
Hey, have you ever heard
of this place, Graceland?

350
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,798
Elvis was a fraud.
He ripped off the black man.

351
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:15,439
Oh. I don't know.
I've just always wanted to go there.

352
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,910
Yeah, me too.
Yeah.

353
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,795
- Graceland would be cool.
- Yeah. Yeah, it would be.

354
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:27,393
I was adamant it was a dumb idea,
so I did what I never do with her.

355
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,638
I told her no. And you can
probably guess what happened next.

356
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:39,479
<i>She left a note,
and then she hit the road.</i>

357
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,354
Does anyone else get
the irony in that?

358
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:49,400
Huh?

359
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,280
I'm so worried,
you guys.

360
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:55,717
They're travelling all that way,
and all they have is a fucking guitar.

361
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:59,993
Yeah, with no intention of ever swinging
it at anything. You know, because he's a hippie.

362
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:04,034
- She's supposed be killing the dead, not following them.
- Oh, God.

363
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:07,431
- There's something going on out there.
- What?

364
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:12,470
Berkeley told us about this new kind
of zombie that's stronger, and faster,

365
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,200
and deadlier and better adapted
to the hunt.

366
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:20,797
What? I'm sorry, but that sounds totally made up.
I mean, if you want us to come with you, just, like, ask us.

367
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,880
- Honestly, I just came back for guns and ammunition.
- Sure. Come on. Stop begging. We'll do it.

368
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,872
- You know, this is all your fault.
- Me?

369
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,350
- If you hadn't pushed her away...
- Well, not exactly.

370
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,558
No, I didn't just run from him.
She ran from you too.

371
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:35,160
What?

372
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:41,078
You... You mean well,
but you're kind of overbearing.

373
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:46,040
- Oh, right. I'm overbearing?
- She's not a kid anymore.

374
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:49,591
Yeah, she's not a kid, but I don't know,
it sounds like she needs us.

375
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,956
Whatever.
We're gonna go get her.

376
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,155
We ride at dawn.

377
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,720
Once she's safe,
I'm going my own way.

378
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,871
So no goodbye, just like...

379
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,758
- Yeah, I'm terrible at notes.
- A lame note.

380
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,560
Yeah, I know.
You mentioned that in the note.

381
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:11,440
I...

382
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:16,792
I might have overreacted
a little bit.

383
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,270
I mean, the proposal kind
of spooked me.

384
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:22,352
You know what I'm trying to say.

385
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,798
Oh, God. I'm sorry.

386
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,752
You know how hard it is
for me to say that

387
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,914
because I hate women who are always apologising
for things they have no reason to apologise for.

388
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:37,678
But in this particular instance,
I actually am really sorry.

389
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,672
Well, thank you.
That actually does mean a lot.

390
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:44,951
I don't know.
Maybe this could be like a...

391
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:46,713
Like a turning point for us.

392
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:49,552
Yeah, maybe.

393
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:51,950
Columbus, you coming back to bed?

394
00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:58,920
Wow.

395
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:00,909
Oh, boy.

396
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,832
I mean, wow!

397
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,876
Glad we had this little talk.
Real turning point.

398
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:12,720
Hi.

399
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,319
- Is that your sister?
- Oh, fuck.

400
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,555
- You definitely don't need any help. Cool.
- No, I've got it.

401
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:26,994
The Beast is back.

402
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,118
I cannot wait
to get my hands behind the...

403
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,152
What the fuck?

404
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:37,319
No, no, no.

405
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:41,838
No way is that GD minivan
even sniffing at Graceland,

406
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:48,110
home to perhaps America's finest automobile,
Elvis' 1955 Fleetwood Series 60.

407
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:54,997
No. You know, it takes a real man
to drive a pink Cadillac.

408
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,753
Might make that a rule of my own.

409
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,471
On second thought, fuck that,
rules are for pussies.

410
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,638
- Nothing personal.
- How could it not be personal? That's my whole thing.

411
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,952
- Yeah, you're right. It was personal.
- Yeah. Come on. It's gonna be okay.

412
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,874
<i>Even Tallahassee knows
beggars can't be choosers.</i>

413
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:13,874
<i>Vehicles with working batteries
and parts are way scarcer nowadays,</i>

414
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,395
<i>thanks to years of neglect
and decline.</i>

415
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:17,550
Breakaway mirror.

416
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,393
<i>We can't be so picky anymore.</i>

417
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,597
- Clear.
- What? Oh, okay.

418
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:22,796
Boo-ya!

419
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:23,880
Okay.

420
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:29,755
This never happened.

421
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,560
- I'll get the door.
- I got it. I'm gonna lay in the back.

422
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:36,158
- Oh, catch.
- Oh!

423
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,914
Shoot. Ha, ha. I got it!

424
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,391
What in the butt?

425
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,233
- Ah, shit.
- What?

426
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:45,470
- Hi!
- Hi.

427
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,480
Are we dropping her off
at a no-kill animal shelter or something?

428
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:53,837
Come on, she's a human being.
We're not gonna, like, leave her here alone.

429
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,992
- Yeah, we can't just leave Columbus' girlfriend.
- Okay.

430
00:27:58,160 --> 00:27:59,389
A minivan. Nice.

431
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,075
I won't feel guilty.
You left me in the harshest way possible.

432
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,351
- You recovered pretty quickly.
- Well, thank you.

433
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:05,510
Can you help me?

434
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,000
- I got it.
- Okay.

435
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,430
- It's just, like, heavy. Thank you.
- No problem.

436
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,797
- Go ahead, get in.
- Okay. You are so nice.

437
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,758
Makkapitew, Askuwheteau,
Sunukkuhkau...

438
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,274
Is he having a seizure?

439
00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:31,515
I'm trying out Blackfoot names, so full shushy
or you go back in your mall fridge.

440
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:32,920
- Okay.
- Oh.

441
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,834
I didn't tell you.
We met at the mall.

442
00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:39,072
Yeah.
I was living there.

443
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:40,992
Like <i>Dawn of the Dead.</i>

444
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:44,471
Last I checked,
it's the post-acropolis.

445
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:49,874
- It was so sad when the acropolis struck.
- Yeah, I know.

446
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:54,432
Hey, Madison, can you remind me, when we first met,
did you point a gun at me and steal my car?

447
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:59,595
No. When we first met,
I told you you were really smart.

448
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:03,117
- Oh, yeah.
- And then I slept with you.

449
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,793
That's right. You did.

450
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:10,034
Road trip! Here we go!

451
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,316
This is gonna be a long drive.

452
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,274
I love the smell of gunpowder
in the morning.

453
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,920
I'm more of a patchouli oil guy myself.

454
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:32,114
You don't...
You don't have weed, do you?

455
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,432
I've always wanted to smoke
way too much weed.

456
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:39,275
Do I look like the type of person
that would have weed on me?

457
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:43,036
- Oh, no. I w... That... I'm sorry, that was...
- Boom, yeah.

458
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,996
- Of course I do. Oh, I love weed.
- You got me there.

459
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,754
- Look. I mean, look at me.
- Yeah.

460
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:54,956
I just wanted to say it's really nice
to have another woman around.

461
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:57,670
Yeah.

462
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,832
Like,
to talk about relationships.

463
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,196
- Recipes.
- Rings.

464
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,396
Oh, my God.

465
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,153
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, shit.

466
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:10,880
I know.

467
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:14,192
I found it in the bedside drawer.
I think it belonged to the first lady or...

468
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:19,309
You know what? I think you're right.
It did belong to the first lady.

469
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:23,519
Well, I think it was given to the first lady,
but she heartlessly rejected it.

470
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,832
What kind of idiot would turn down
a ring like this?

471
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:30,992
Maybe an idiot who didn't
wanna be weighed down.

472
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,834
- Anchored. Chained to something immobile.
- Hm.

473
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:41,717
- Oh, shit. Are you okay?
- Oh, shoot!

474
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:43,393
Forgot the seatbelt rule.

475
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,711
So she knows the rules?

476
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,519
I mean,
I told her just a few of them.

477
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,434
- Seventy-three. Are there more?
- Nope, that's it.

478
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:54,956
- I gotta check this out.
- You guys have spent a lot of time together, huh?

479
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:56,560
That's sweet.

480
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,075
You're cute together.
I like it.

481
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:00,835
Aww.

482
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:10,594
This looks promising.

483
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,554
He's so flexible.

484
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,871
That's what's so great about him.
He's very bendy.

485
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,158
- Ohio, whenever you're done with that...
- What? Yeah.

486
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:30,280
Ah!

487
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,474
What? No.
No, no, no. No way. Nonstarter.

488
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,517
You know how I feel
about clowns.

489
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,398
- No, not that.
- What?

490
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,358
- That.
- Oh.

491
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,000
Looks good.

492
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:46,679
- Can I see?
- Hm?

493
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,029
Can I see?

494
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,157
Yeah. Here you go.

495
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:51,240
Yeah.

496
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,318
The old man is so tiny.

497
00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,596
- Can you see that?
- Ha, ha, ha.

498
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:01,837
What's-his-name, you're so tiny.

499
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,515
Now you're not. Now you are.

500
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,592
Now you're not. Now you are.
Now you're not.

501
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,637
Tiny. Big. Tiny!

502
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,997
- She is adorable.
- She is. I'm lucky.

503
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:13,878
Tiny. Big. Tiny.

504
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:17,416
Look, you're overreacting, okay?

505
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:18,874
Madison's not, like, a real thing.

506
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,714
It was just circumstance.
It was, like, a lack of options.

507
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:23,757
- You could say the same thing about us.
- What?

508
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:27,754
- Circumstance, lack of options.
- Really? You really think that?

509
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,396
Whereas you two seem like soul mates.
Destined to share deep, intellectual thoughts.

510
00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:35,156
Maybe you're right, maybe we are soul mates,
okay? Because she's nice, all right?

511
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,551
And I'm nice. And you're not.
You're mean.

512
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,030
- Whatever. I'm not mean.
- Yeah, you're kind of mean.

513
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:42,600
Well, my sister is missing.

514
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,479
She could be dead, and you're screwing
some Forever 21-year-old.

515
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:48,712
- So if I wanna be mean, I'll be mean.
- I don't have the right shoes for this.

516
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,674
- Oh, you could borrow a pair of my strappy sandals.
- Really?

517
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:52,760
Mm-hm.

518
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:58,110
Kidding. You... She was ki...
You guys are all very sarcastic.

519
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,272
Yeah, they're not nice people.
Sorry about that. Just try to ignore them.

520
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:02,360
Yeah. Yeah.

521
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,750
- Ignore us.
- Please, God, ignore us.

522
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:05,956
See? Mean.

523
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,797
All right!

524
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,439
This is what I'm talking about.

525
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:14,876
We're finally gonna be riding in style.

526
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:18,476
You guys, I partied with 3 Doors Down
in one of these. It was so...

527
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,400
Oh, shit.

528
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:26,076
What?

529
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,456
- Man, we're getting good at this.
- Columbus.

530
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:30,480
Tallahassee.

531
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,476
- The hood is 12 o'clock, trunk is 6. You're our eyes.
- Yes.

532
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:37,792
Hey, don't worry, you guys.

533
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:40,873
They are much more afraid of us
than we are of them.

534
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:43,634
God, that is not even
remotely true.

535
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,313
Well, what do I do?

536
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,631
- You know how cheerleaders form a pyramid?
- Yeah.

537
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:51,037
- You know how the three on the bottom anchor the pyramid?
- Oh, yeah.

538
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:54,033
I don't give a shit what you do,
just stay out of my way.

539
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,430
Okay, 8 o'clock.
Eight o'clock.

540
00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,752
Did you say the front was 12?
Oh, fuck me. Sorry. Two o'clock.

541
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:02,719
Eleven! Eleven! Seven-thirty!

542
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:04,837
Six o'clock. Six!

543
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:06,036
I'll get 6.

544
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:09,160
Shit. One-fifteen.

545
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:11,510
One-thirteen, 1:20. I don't know.
It's moving that way.

546
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:14,035
- Why is everyone shouting numbers?
- Eleven!

547
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:16,000
- Twelve!
- Six!

548
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:18,676
Two o'clock!

549
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:20,200
Eight.

550
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,153
- Six o'clock.
- Shit.

551
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:28,679
One o'clock. Six-thirty.

552
00:34:30,720 --> 00:34:32,359
Ten! Eight!

553
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,750
- Eight o'clock! Eight!
- Shit.

554
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:36,760
Shit!

555
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,160
- Narsty!
- Thank you.

556
00:34:45,240 --> 00:34:46,240
You're welcome.

557
00:34:46,241 --> 00:34:47,159
One o'clock!

558
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,356
Two-thirty! Three! One!

559
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:52,480
Okay. I'll get 3.

560
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:55,840
Right on time, Columbus.

561
00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:58,350
One o'clock!
Ten-thirty!

562
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:02,795
Eleven! Eleven!

563
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:04,519
Actually, you know what,
it's a Homer.

564
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:08,037
- Abort! Abort 11. Don't waste a bullet.
- Hawking!

565
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,476
- Hawking!
- What? Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

566
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:17,520
Ha-ha-ha! Yay!

567
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,710
- Ah! He's trying to bite me!
- Ninja! Ninja!

568
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,120
Oh, my God!

569
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:26,831
You saved me.

570
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:28,274
All right. Settle down.

571
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,510
- Hey, Tal, 1 o'clock.
- Pardon me, Pop-Tart.

572
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:37,193
Not quite done yet.

573
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:47,875
What the fuck?

574
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:54,352
Try to dodge me, motherfucker.

575
00:35:56,160 --> 00:36:02,191
<i>This was our first T-800,
named for the Terminator it-fucking-self.</i>

576
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:05,274
- Tal?
- Yup?

577
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:12,354
<i>T-800s were a mutated strain
of zombie,</i>

578
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,678
<i>stronger, deadlier
and harder to kill.</i>

579
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:20,270
One plus one is still two,
right?

580
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:31,074
<i>They were the apex predator,
top of the food chain.</i>

581
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:33,994
<i>Single-minded and relentless
like their namesake,</i>

582
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:38,438
<i>once they locked on to a target, T-800s stopped
at nothing to devour their prey.</i>

583
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,750
What the ever-loving fuck?

584
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:55,360
Ew.

585
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:58,674
<i>Seeing that T-800 firsthand
was all the more worrisome</i>

586
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:03,312
<i>knowing that Little Rock was out there
with nothing but a hippie and a guitar.</i>

587
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:08,912
♪ Like a rolling stone ♪♪

588
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:14,477
Okay. That song is amazing.

589
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:15,596
Did you write that?

590
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:20,237
Wa... Was that a dumb question?

591
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:23,358
- Sorry, I was like 11 when the zombies took over.
- Not a dumb question.

592
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,512
I was laughing because you think
I'd play you some stupid cover song.

593
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:27,756
No, of course I wrote it.

594
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,912
If you love that, then you're
really gonna love this.

595
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,755
But it's a work in progress,
so be gentle.

596
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:40,991
♪ If I leave here tomorrow ♪

597
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:47,873
♪ Would you still remember me? ♪♪

598
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,877
<i>♪ Well, I must be travelling
on now ♪</i>

599
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:57,477
A poem by Tallahassee.

600
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:03,830
<i>Travelling to Graceland
in comfort and class</i>

601
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:08,711
<i>That Pontiac Trans Sport can
kiss my ass</i>

602
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:10,917
Whoo-hoo!

603
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,117
Here we go, baby!

604
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,438
Let's go see the King
and let's go get Little Rock!

605
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,519
<i>♪ 'Cause I'm as free... ♪♪</i>

606
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,434
- Did... Did we just get...
- Shorter?

607
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:34,994
I say we take the clown car.

608
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,637
No, no, no. No! That is a deal-breaker.
No fucking clowns!

609
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:51,159
In moments of great dishonour such as this,

610
00:38:51,240 --> 00:38:55,996
ancient samurai warriors
were required to commit seppuku,

611
00:38:56,080 --> 00:39:01,075
or ritual suicide by disembowelment.

612
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,434
My mom had this car.

613
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:09,336
- So did mine.
- So did mine.

614
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,078
Fucking minivan.

615
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:17,152
Back on the road. Yay.

616
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:29,991
I've always wanted
to start a business

617
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:34,791
where strangers drive strangers
around in their car for money.

618
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,872
Let's say you were really drunk
and you needed a ride home.

619
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:42,317
You'd just get online
and hop right in with a stranger.

620
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:45,000
And they'd take you
anywhere you wanna go.

621
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:47,037
Oh, yeah.
Who then kills you.

622
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:50,477
- Yeah.
- They'd have gum or, like, lollipops.

623
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:52,074
That was what my parents taught me.

624
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:57,673
They were like, "If a stranger offers you
candy or gum, get in their car." Great idea.

625
00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:01,197
If they try to murder you, you can have
a point system, so you can rate them.

626
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:03,749
If they try to murder you, like,
"You get zero points."

627
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:07,277
- But if they don't try to murder you, "You get five points."
- Okay.

628
00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:09,670
Madison, I think
it is a very good idea.

629
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:15,438
- That's... No, I cannot see that going wrong.
- All I'm saying is the taxi industry was very flawed.

630
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,636
- Uh.
- Are you okay?

631
00:40:20,720 --> 00:40:24,316
- I think I'm, like, hot. I'm hot.
- Yeah?

632
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:28,440
Mm-hm. I'm so used to being in the freezer
all the time. Get this off.

633
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,751
Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure.
Yeah, that makes sense.

634
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,469
I feel funny.
My tongue...

635
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:41,512
My tongue...
My tongue...

636
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,593
- Hey, boss? You're gonna wanna pull over.
- Yeah?

637
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:45,680
- No.
- Pull over.

638
00:40:45,681 --> 00:40:47,911
- No, we're making good progress here.
- Pull over!

639
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:51,072
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay. Okay. Okay.

640
00:40:57,440 --> 00:40:58,440
- Oh.
- Oh.

641
00:40:58,560 --> 00:40:59,560
Chunkage.

642
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:01,398
I don't know,
maybe she'll pull through.

643
00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:04,592
What do you mean? You are the one
who always says "don't take chances."

644
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,435
So who wants
to do the honours?

645
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:16,557
I mean, personally, I wouldn't mind,
but I don't want you guys calling me selfish.

646
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:21,118
Hey, come on. She is a living, thinking being.
Okay? She's a living being.

647
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:25,911
Look, I know you guys are
in love or whatever,

648
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,310
but in two minutes,
she's gonna become a:

649
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:34,553
A zombie, not a velociraptor.
And it's the right thing to do.

650
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:40,318
If you love something, you shoot it in the face
so it doesn't become a flesh-eating monster.

651
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,275
- I know.
- She's making a good point.

652
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:49,799
Maybe it's time for you
to be the Brave Little Toaster.

653
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:59,469
<i>They say when something bad happens,
you have three choices:</i>

654
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:03,110
<i>Let it define you, destroy you
or strengthen you.</i>

655
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:08,353
<i>Time to teach Lennie
about the rabbits.</i>

656
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:17,430
- No! Don't come with me! Don't come with me!
- Madison, Madison, please.

657
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:19,751
- Madison, please. Please, please.
- Don't hurt me!

658
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:21,274
- No, no, no!
- Wait. Listen to me!

659
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:22,480
- Please. Wait.
- No, no, no!

660
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,671
- Madison, just wait.
- I'm a monster.

661
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:26,479
- I'm a monster.
- Please, please, please.

662
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,075
Listen. I realise that we don't
know each other that well.

663
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:33,791
I mean, well, we do in the biblical sense, yes.
But I think you're a really great person.

664
00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:37,836
Well, not now.

665
00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:41,390
I'm sorry.

666
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,320
Thanks.

667
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:58,959
Can we just...

668
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:02,750
- I'm so sorry.
- All right. Just... Come on, come on, let's go.

669
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:18,354
I'm not gonna lie and say
that I'm broken up about it, but...

670
00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:22,598
I am sorry.

671
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:24,672
- She didn't deserve that.
- Thanks, man.

672
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:25,796
- Thanks.
- He's right.

673
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,389
That's a terrible way to go,
even for...

674
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,880
- Oh, come on. It's Madison. You know that.
- Madison. Madison.

675
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:37,431
Yes, you know that, okay? Her name is Madison.
Or her name was Madison.

676
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:39,477
You know, and she was
a real person, okay?

677
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:43,349
She had, you know, complex feelings
and emotions and interests.

678
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:48,555
You know, she liked dolphins and rainbows,
you know? And double rainbows.

679
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,916
I'm agreeing.
It's sad.

680
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:52,992
- Okay.
- That is obviously not what I wanted.

681
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:55,720
- What is it that you do want?
- I wanna find my sister.

682
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:56,870
Me too.

683
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:58,599
- Good.
- Good.

684
00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:01,036
- Good. Great. Awesome.
- Great, in fact. Great.

685
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:02,918
This is gonna be a long drive.

686
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:15,200
This is it.

687
00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:21,235
Hey, little buddy, don't be cruel to me
for waking you up, but we're here.

688
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:25,034
Oh! Oh, my God.

689
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:27,271
Oh, my God.

690
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:34,239
Every choice I've ever made in my life
has been leading me to this moment right here,

691
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:37,199
right now,
3764 Elvis Presley Boulevard.

692
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:40,677
I feel like a 1954 teenybopper.

693
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:41,910
And here comes...

694
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:45,520
No.

695
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:50,272
No, no, no!

696
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,955
Hey, dude, if you need
a moment or...

697
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,635
Oh, my God.
No Graceland.

698
00:44:55,720 --> 00:44:57,359
No Beast.

699
00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:00,160
- No Little Rock.
- No Little Rock?

700
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:06,714
Am I not allowed one cock-sucking
duck-fucking little break in this world?

701
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:08,837
You're not the only one
that's upset.

702
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:12,596
Just... Just drive.
Drive, drive. Drive now!

703
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:14,558
Get away from here. Go!

704
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:20,477
<i>Graceland was
a pile of rubble,</i>

705
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:23,951
<i>Little Rock was still missing,
and we were unsure of our next move.</i>

706
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:26,680
<i>But sometimes, you just have
to follow the signs.</i>

707
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:27,760
Hm.

708
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:30,912
When Z-land serves you lemons...

709
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:35,356
Hey, Florida, 11 o'clock.

710
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:39,954
What?

711
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:44,114
Hound Dog Hotel.
Oh, what a bunch of bull.

712
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,879
- Whoa! The Beast!
- Little Rock!

713
00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:59,400
Damn. Wow,

714
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:03,440
for a place that ain't Graceland, it sure
looks a hell of a lot like Graceland.

715
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:06,672
- Yeah, it does.
- Here's the idea. We'll split up. I'll go this way.

716
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:08,479
No, no, no.
I should talk to her.

717
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:11,951
- I'm her sister. I'll talk to her first. You guys stay here.
- Sound.

718
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:16,274
Bop, bop, bop!

719
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:19,035
- Little respect.
- Why? He's dead probably.

720
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:21,631
Oh. Oh, for you.
Okay.

721
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:26,237
- This is so degrading.
- It's not for me.

722
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:27,356
Yeah, I know.

723
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:30,034
Okay.

724
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:33,750
- Oh, yeah. That's not... Push it.
- Smells like a wet dog died.

725
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:35,672
- I am. Okay.
- Square peg, round hole. Stop.

726
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:36,760
Sorry.

727
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,715
Oh, my God.
It's uncanny.

728
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:45,075
This is incredible.

729
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:49,630
It's a perfect fit. I feel like
Cinderella at the ball.

730
00:46:49,720 --> 00:46:52,952
What, are you jealous that I have
the exact same size shoe as Elvis Presley?

731
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:57,431
No. It's not like those are
Elvis' actual shoes.

732
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:02,280
Sorry.

733
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:25,837
♪ Well, I never been to Spain ♪

734
00:47:29,240 --> 00:47:30,276
Little Rock?

735
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:38,711
♪...ladies are insane there ♪

736
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:45,076
♪ And they sure know
how to use it ♪

737
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:54,510
♪ Well,
I've never been to heaven ♪♪

738
00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:00,031
- Start talking.
- You first.

739
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:03,270
- Hi, my name's Tallahassee.
- Nevada.

740
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:05,995
- Which part?
- Nevada's as close as you get.

741
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:07,992
Now, what are you doing
in the Hound Dog?

742
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:11,118
I got a thing for the King.

743
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:14,273
No, no, no,
don't shoot my friends.

744
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:18,075
- Anybody else in here with you?
- No, no. Just us.

745
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:20,629
We're all civilised people.
Let's just put the guns down.

746
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:24,553
Why the hell are you wearing
Elvis' actual shoes?

747
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:25,756
Comfort.

748
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,477
- You live here?
- Yeah.

749
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:32,200
So that car out front, the girl
who was driving it, is she...

750
00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:35,673
Gone. She and that poser
peace lover of hers...

751
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:37,353
- Berkeley.
- Berkeley.

752
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:39,589
...took off a few days ago.

753
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:42,832
And trust me, they shouldn't have.
It's not safe out there.

754
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:45,719
- Damn it.
- Why didn't they take the Beast?

755
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:51,637
- He said it was too "establishment."
- Oh, I will kill that little fart snack myself.

756
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:55,993
You're lucky I didn't do the same to you. Seriously.
You know how close I came to Murraying you?

757
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:00,396
To what-ing him?

758
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:03,238
Murraying him.

759
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:06,279
You know, when you shoot someone
because you think they're a zombie.

760
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:08,158
Apparently,
that's how Bill Murray died.

761
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:12,831
Wow. God, who's Bill Murray?
I never... I don't even know what that is.

762
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:17,039
Oh, the actor. That's so sad.
I don't read, like, <i>Variety</i> or anything.

763
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,715
So sad. Sorry if you knew him.
If you didn't, I'm still sorry.

764
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:22,474
It's sad when anybody dies.
Sounds like an urban legend though.

765
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:25,200
- It happened.
- I doubt it. It's weird. What?

766
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:34,231
I'll say this about Murray, if I ever
find out who did him, I'm gonna do him.

767
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:36,835
Me too. I'll be...
You first, but me second.

768
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:39,754
Don't listen to this guy.
He's killed more celebrities than cocaine.

769
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:43,151
The girl that was here before,
did she say where she was going?

770
00:49:43,240 --> 00:49:48,076
No, but that idiot Berkeley
wouldn't shut up about it.

771
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:51,870
Babylon is a commune, safe haven,
protected on all sides.

772
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:55,271
Completely pacifist.
No guns or violence of any kind.

773
00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:59,036
A lot of young people too, you know.
Generation Z living in peace and harmony.

774
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:00,236
Yeah, it sounds cool.

775
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:06,317
I know you had your heart set on this Graceland,
but this is <i>mucho, mucho</i> better.

776
00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:18,839
This is a very good replica of the King's Jungle Room,
where he recorded his last two albums.

777
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:22,675
<i>From Elvis Presley Boulevard,
Memphis, Tennessee</i> and...

778
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:23,760
And <i>Moody Blue.</i>

779
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:26,240
You know your Elvis.

780
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:30,559
Every lover of
the King has a story.

781
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:33,080
What's yours?

782
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:37,393
My mama took me to see Elvis
when I was a kid. Something about him.

783
00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:40,871
- Attitude, the music...
- The hips, the ass.

784
00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:45,317
Well, I was 10, but, you know, with Elvis,
there is something for everyone.

785
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:49,599
Cut to later, I'm in high school.
And my buddy Frankie Hammond says:

786
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:52,872
"Do your Elvis."

787
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:56,237
I said, "We're in a library.
It's gonna be loud."

788
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:59,916
He convinces me. He starts
tapping his pencil, and I get up.

789
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:08,955
♪ You ain't nothing but a hound dog
Crying all the time ♪

790
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:14,359
Everybody starts gathering around
and clapping, and I jumped on a table.

791
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:15,794
I finish off with a flourish.

792
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:20,193
♪ You ain't never caught a rabbit
You ain't no friend of mine ♪♪

793
00:51:21,201 --> 00:51:24,433
Yeah! And the whole place,
thunderous applause.

794
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:27,632
And up comes the cutest girl
in the school,

795
00:51:27,720 --> 00:51:31,839
Robin Rogers, who never gave me
the time of day before.

796
00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:34,151
She plants a kiss on my cheek.

797
00:51:34,240 --> 00:51:38,439
And for a moment, just one,
I felt like the King.

798
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:44,313
I suddenly feel a little jealous
of Robin Rogers.

799
00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:47,432
Ahem.
You don't say.

800
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:51,233
I don't know about you...

801
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:54,558
but I feel my temperature rising.

802
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:05,920
This is Babylon.

803
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,640
Oh, like those ancient hanging gardens.

804
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:11,477
- Huh?
- Of Babylon.

805
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:14,712
No, no. It's named
for that cool David Gray song.

806
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,757
Man, I wish I'd written that one.

807
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:20,674
No guns allowed is our one rule.

808
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:23,080
- That, and no group sex.
- All right. Hand them over.

809
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:27,560
Here you go.

810
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:31,156
No guns. No guns.
Just hugs.

811
00:52:31,240 --> 00:52:32,993
Then welcome.

812
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:37,438
Come on, señorita. You're gonna love this place.
It's completely safe and entirely organic.

813
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:39,240
- This is so cool.
- All right.

814
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:42,000
We're gonna melt your guns over here
and then give you a pendant.

815
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:43,816
- They melt it?
- Yeah, they melt it.

816
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:45,240
It's a symbolic thing.

817
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,438
Goodbye, violence.
Hello, peace.

818
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:52,514
Once we're done here, we'll take you up
to the rooftop. I hope you like stairs.

819
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:53,636
That's good.

820
00:52:57,400 --> 00:52:59,676
- Thanks.
- Welcome to Babylon.

821
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:01,592
Let me show you the way.

822
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:02,796
Right on.

823
00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:08,913
Hey, brother. What's up?

824
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:10,798
- Hi.
- Yeah.

825
00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:34,999
Wake up, my little blue suede baby.
It's now or never.

826
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:36,080
Hoo!

827
00:53:36,240 --> 00:53:39,358
My friends say you're
sleeping like a tired pup.

828
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:42,590
What the fuck?

829
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:45,240
Shit.

830
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:54,396
Oh, no, no, no!

831
00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:56,392
This is not happening!

832
00:53:56,480 --> 00:53:59,518
This is not fucking happening!

833
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:01,671
Hey, motherfucker,
that's my ride!

834
00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:07,552
Oh, my apologies, tiny Elvis. Just didn't
expect anything to be parked in my driveway.

835
00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:08,830
Your driveway?

836
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:13,080
That's right.
My driveway.

837
00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:16,756
Well, that's funny. When I parked
in it, no one told me to pull out.

838
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:20,430
Well, actually,
it's my driveway.

839
00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:22,239
Hey, Nevada.

840
00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:27,196
But see, when I'm in town,
I use it.

841
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:30,637
Well, I'm in town now,
and I'm using it.

842
00:54:30,720 --> 00:54:35,670
Keep talking like this, and I can arrange
so neither of you ever uses my driveway again.

843
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:38,912
- I don't think they're talking about the driveway.
- No, I don't think so.

844
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:41,390
- You happy now? Great. Good move.
- Satisfied? Good job.

845
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:44,234
- Is it me, or does he kind of remind you of...?
- Yeah, it's weird.

846
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,994
- I don't like you at all.
- I don't like you at all.

847
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:48,355
It's not weird,
it's creepy.

848
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:53,271
- It's like an un-funhouse mirror.
- I think you double-parked or more perpendicular-parked.

849
00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:55,317
- Hope we don't get a ticket.
- Whoa.

850
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:57,392
- Calm down. It's okay.
- I'm just ragging you.

851
00:54:57,520 --> 00:54:59,989
- What is going on here?
- What?

852
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:02,072
- What do you mean, "what"?
- What?

853
00:55:02,160 --> 00:55:04,914
- Does he not remind you of...?
- Hello everyone.

854
00:55:05,720 --> 00:55:07,120
Of...
Of what?

855
00:55:07,240 --> 00:55:09,471
- This is Albuquerque. I'm Flagstaff.
- Howdy.

856
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:10,755
Hey.
I'm Columbus.

857
00:55:10,840 --> 00:55:11,840
Oh, great.

858
00:55:13,720 --> 00:55:16,155
This is Tallahassee, Wichita,
and I guess you know Nevada.

859
00:55:16,240 --> 00:55:18,471
- Yes, I do.
- Easy, cowboy.

860
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:24,158
So sorry about your ex-car. I guess,
as I like to say, expect the unexpected.

861
00:55:25,240 --> 00:55:26,754
- It's one of my commandments.
- Oh.

862
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:29,320
- Commandments?
- Yeah.

863
00:55:29,321 --> 00:55:32,313
Just sort of guidelines for staying alive.
I've got loads of them.

864
00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:34,915
- Interesting.
- Yeah, number one is teamwork.

865
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:38,750
- Teamwork. That's so great.
- Thanks. I actually spent a long time thinking about it.

866
00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:42,016
- I have rules, you know, which is, like, less biblical.
- Love rules.

867
00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:44,236
Without rules,
everything's chaos.

868
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,750
- Thank you.
- Columbus has quite a few rules.

869
00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:47,960
- I do.
- Awesome.

870
00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:48,920
Like what?

871
00:55:48,921 --> 00:55:51,277
- I don't wanna toot my own horn.
- Go on, toot, toot.

872
00:55:51,360 --> 00:55:53,477
- Let me toot for him.
- Thank you.

873
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:56,473
- Number one, cardio.
- That's right.

874
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:57,630
Cardio.
Okay.

875
00:55:57,720 --> 00:55:59,677
- What?
- I don't mean to laugh.

876
00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:03,754
It's just that cardiovascular fitness
is his number 29,

877
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:07,112
meaning he has 28 other commandments
that he finds more important,

878
00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:09,715
like, say,
what's one of your great ones?

879
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:11,154
Number 12.

880
00:56:11,240 --> 00:56:14,711
The world is your bathroom, meaning you can
just whip it out wherever you want,

881
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:15,760
and just have at it.

882
00:56:15,761 --> 00:56:19,391
Oh, just whip it out wherever you want!
That sounds a little uncouth.

883
00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:23,673
The "whip it out" part's for guys, obviously.
If you're a woman, you can reveal it.

884
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:26,911
- Whichever.
- I have beware of bathrooms.

885
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:29,117
Yeah, I'm just generally careful
around them.

886
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:32,080
- We don't have to compare. It's not a competition.
- Doesn't have to be.

887
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:34,271
But number 18 is limber up.

888
00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:36,192
- But that's...
- That's fine. I have warm up.

889
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:40,718
Again, not a competition,
but commandment number 45 for me is,

890
00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:41,870
well, mind your manners.

891
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:44,720
Just because it's the apocalypse
doesn't mean you have to be rude.

892
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:47,634
Yeah, keep your hands to yourself, number 42.
Do you have sunscreen?

893
00:56:47,720 --> 00:56:49,518
- Just shade.
- Shade. Of course.

894
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:52,479
It's free. It's everywhere.
Yeah. Number two, double tap.

895
00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:55,997
- I have number five, confirm your kill.
- Confirm your kill.

896
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,959
- Avoid perishables. Do you have that?
- Sorry. Ziploc bags.

897
00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:01,111
- Same thing, different word. Yeah.
- Yeah. Exactly.

898
00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:03,317
I probably would shy away
from the word "Ziploc"

899
00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:05,033
because I try
to avoid name brands.

900
00:57:05,120 --> 00:57:08,113
Okay, great. So, what brought
you guys back so soon?

901
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:11,113
We was headed for the Rockies,
but the goddamn Bolts...

902
00:57:11,240 --> 00:57:12,276
Bolts?

903
00:57:12,360 --> 00:57:14,680
- Yeah.
- Yeah, the zombies out on the plains.

904
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:16,797
They're a lot tougher than
what we're used to.

905
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:21,909
I guess because of all the running and hunting.
So we call them Bolts, as in Usain.

906
00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:25,391
- As in pretty fucking athletic.
- Oh, yeah. No, that makes total sense.

907
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:27,995
- We actually call them T-800s.
<i>- Terminator.</i> Yes! I love it.

908
00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:30,616
- Really?
- Yes. Literally my favourite movie. Well, <i>T2.</i>

909
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:33,439
- Yeah, <i>T2</i> is my second favourite movie.
- What's number one?

910
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:35,750
It's <i>Fantasia.</i>

911
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:42,075
Well, anyhow, the Bolts' food sources are running low,
so they're pushing east, which is <i>no bueno.</i>

912
00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:44,152
You know what else is
<i>no bueno?</i>

913
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:46,992
You murdered the Beast.

914
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:52,434
Yeah, well, let me call AAA
for you. I'm sure they'll be right over.

915
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:54,751
So you have
to play your cards as...

916
00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:57,878
That onesie was starting
to cut off my circulation.

917
00:57:57,960 --> 00:57:59,838
To your vagina?

918
00:57:59,920 --> 00:58:00,880
Your vagina.

919
00:58:00,881 --> 00:58:05,557
- What'll you have, Florida?
- He strikes me as the lemon drop type.

920
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:08,519
You know, something with an umbrella
or something like that.

921
00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:12,190
- I heard "something with an umbrella." Make it two.
- Three please. Three.

922
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:13,600
So that's your sidekick.

923
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:15,856
That there's my partner.

924
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:21,035
You might look at Flagstaff and think,
"Oh, he's a little slight, diminutive."

925
00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:24,909
Effeminate even, but he's a real beast
in battle. Yeah.

926
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:27,469
Come on now. You're being sweet.
You sweet, sweet man.

927
00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:28,835
- Thank you.
- Well, I love you.

928
00:58:28,920 --> 00:58:29,840
Love you too.

929
00:58:29,841 --> 00:58:35,359
Yeah, you know, Tubbs to my Crockett over here.
He may look a little bookish, but he's an animal too.

930
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:38,035
He eats zombies for breakfast,
shits them out by lunch.

931
00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:39,160
Cheers.

932
00:58:39,161 --> 00:58:41,197
He shits out everything
by lunch.

933
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:45,840
What the hell was that?

934
00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:52,216
They must have
fucking followed you.

935
00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:54,197
Oh, God, those are T-800s.

936
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:56,078
Or at the very least T-700s.

937
00:58:56,160 --> 00:58:58,834
- There actually was no T-700.
- Yeah, T-800's the first model.

938
00:58:58,920 --> 00:59:02,436
- This is great, having two of you.
- Okay.

939
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:04,477
Time to nut up or shut up.

940
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:07,354
That saying's very 2009.

941
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:12,354
Okay.
We got this.

942
00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:13,640
Ho!

943
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:15,991
You don't send
a boy to do a man's job.

944
00:59:16,080 --> 00:59:18,356
We brought them here.
We'll take care of it.

945
00:59:18,440 --> 00:59:20,830
Yeah, you know what?
Have at them.

946
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:23,998
- Yeah, you have a safe word in case things go bad?
- Ha. That's good.

947
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:27,517
- Come on, Flag, let's show these fuckers how it's done.
- Sure. You got it, boss.

948
00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:31,275
<i>Hasta la vista,</i> baby.
<i>Terminator 2.</i>

949
00:59:31,360 --> 00:59:32,510
Remember?

950
00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:33,600
Whoo! Ready, buddy?

951
00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:35,114
He's so cool.

952
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:38,176
- Whoo! Hell!
- Suck these bullets!

953
00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:39,560
Come on! Get you some!

954
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:42,957
- Anybody else find those two uniquely annoying?
- Get it!

955
00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:45,191
Uniquely?
No.

956
00:59:47,080 --> 00:59:48,799
Well,
I don't love their chances.

957
00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:51,600
And they ignored rule 52,
don't be afraid to ask for help.

958
00:59:51,680 --> 00:59:53,911
Get fucked in the face,
bitch! Whoo!

959
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:55,434
- Flagstaff?
- Yeah, boss?

960
00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:58,638
You made the all-star team today.
I mean, no kidding.

961
00:59:58,720 --> 00:59:59,949
Unbelievable job.

962
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:03,920
And is it me, or are those Bolts
just getting meaner by the day?

963
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:05,275
They're full-blown dickheads.

964
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:09,195
I got an action shot of you
that's going right into the scrapbook.

965
01:00:09,280 --> 01:00:10,555
This is gonna be a good one.

966
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:15,840
You just keep raising the bar, and that's why
we will continue to ride these highways together.

967
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:18,230
- I'm so proud of you.
- Well, I learned from the best.

968
01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:19,240
Oh, come on now.

969
01:00:19,241 --> 01:00:21,597
- Nice work, Querq.
- Thank you. Thank you.

970
01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:25,680
- This is gonna be a hell of a shot.
- It's so cool he let you wear the hat.

971
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:28,200
- Querq?
- Yeah?

972
01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:30,317
I think you got
a little something here.

973
01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:34,240
Oh, what that?

974
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:39,111
Oh, yeah, that's just...
That's just a tattoo.

975
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:47,953
- Sorry, you got a tattoo of a zombie bite?
- No, it's just a tattoo I got one night in Bernalillo.

976
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:53,073
All right, everybody.
Just take it easy.

977
01:00:53,160 --> 01:00:55,072
Everything's fine.

978
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:57,880
Nevada, why don't you whip up
some of your signature...

979
01:01:01,960 --> 01:01:04,111
All right.
That was a little weird, huh?

980
01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:07,600
- Yeah.
- All right. Just calm down.

981
01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:09,831
We'll just kind of have a drink, you know.

982
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:13,992
So we can just kind of celeb...
Celeb...

983
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:21,358
Excuse me. It's okay. It's just nerves
from the fight. Just...

984
01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:26,438
You guys, I think Albuquerque
might be infected.

985
01:01:26,520 --> 01:01:28,239
Me? I'm infected?

986
01:01:29,360 --> 01:01:30,589
You got bit twice.

987
01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:31,600
Flagstaff!

988
01:01:31,601 --> 01:01:34,639
No, no, no. That's a lie.
Trust me. Okay? Trust me.

989
01:01:34,720 --> 01:01:38,396
- I don't get bit. I never get bit.
- I know. I don't get bit either. We're slippery.

990
01:01:38,480 --> 01:01:39,800
- See?
- I know. Are you okay?

991
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:41,917
- I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I'm fine.
- You are?

992
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:44,151
- I'm fine.
- Okay. Okay, guys, he's fine. He's fine.

993
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:46,799
No, he's not fine.
No.

994
01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:50,794
No. Flagstaff, you're starting to look
like a T-800. <i>Terminator 2.</i>

995
01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:54,275
No. No, no, no!

996
01:01:55,560 --> 01:01:56,560
No!

997
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:00,672
Move! Move!
Get out of the way.

998
01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:08,360
No! No!

999
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:12,833
Flagstaff, you're breaking
like 10 commandments right now!

1000
01:02:19,080 --> 01:02:21,390
This is for what you did
to the Beast!

1001
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:24,520
Sorry!

1002
01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:27,430
- How you doing?
- Bad!

1003
01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:29,034
- How are you?
- Bad!

1004
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:32,757
Sorry, shoes. Sorry, Elvis.

1005
01:02:39,680 --> 01:02:40,680
Oh, shit.

1006
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:45,599
- How you doing now?
- Still bad! You wanna switch?

1007
01:02:45,680 --> 01:02:47,672
Switch? How would that benefit me?

1008
01:02:56,520 --> 01:02:57,520
Shit!

1009
01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:05,640
Help!

1010
01:03:05,641 --> 01:03:08,679
- Shoot him! Shoot him!
- I don't wanna hit you!

1011
01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:14,470
Shit.

1012
01:03:14,600 --> 01:03:17,240
Gun, gun, gun! Shit!

1013
01:03:20,160 --> 01:03:22,038
Stop shooting!
I got this!

1014
01:03:22,120 --> 01:03:23,600
Great, because I'm reloading!

1015
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:35,712
Don't swing! Don't swing!
Don't swing! Swing!

1016
01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:37,480
Shit.

1017
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:41,114
No, no, no, not me!
Not me! Oh, fuck!

1018
01:03:41,200 --> 01:03:43,317
<i>Hasta la vista,</i> baby.

1019
01:03:44,440 --> 01:03:46,671
Thank you.
Thank you very much.

1020
01:03:47,920 --> 01:03:49,400
Those guys were dicks.

1021
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:53,400
- Great job.
- Thank you.

1022
01:03:54,240 --> 01:03:56,436
- Can I wear the hat?
- Oh, negatory.

1023
01:03:56,560 --> 01:03:57,440
Cool.

1024
01:03:57,441 --> 01:03:59,079
Zombie Kill of the Year?

1025
01:04:01,080 --> 01:04:04,960
<i>Sorry. Not with the performance just
turned in by Matteo Bianchi of Pisa, Italy.</i>

1026
01:04:05,080 --> 01:04:08,915
Help! I'm a lost tourist
with two defenceless children.

1027
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:11,200
Help!

1028
01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:16,431
Fucking sons of bitches!

1029
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:21,992
<i>Yeah, yeah. That Pisa.</i>

1030
01:04:22,080 --> 01:04:23,912
You won't eat me.

1031
01:04:24,560 --> 01:04:26,279
Not today!

1032
01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:34,753
Go fuck yourselves!

1033
01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:37,559
Bravisimmo, <i>Mateo.</i>

1034
01:04:40,480 --> 01:04:45,839
- Ahh. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
- Jesus, Big Fat Death is right.

1035
01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:48,560
That thing is, like,
a huge rollover risk.

1036
01:04:48,640 --> 01:04:49,640
It is.

1037
01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:52,960
Hey, dude, I think you should
ask her to come with us.

1038
01:04:53,840 --> 01:04:57,117
- No, no, no.
- Come on. I think they make a nice match.

1039
01:04:57,200 --> 01:05:01,160
Look, what have I been telling you guys?
I'm trying to shed baggage, not pick it up.

1040
01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:05,752
- Yeah.
- Besides, she wouldn't do that. She's not the type.

1041
01:05:08,960 --> 01:05:10,553
Stay safe,
Sunshine State.

1042
01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:13,590
Excuse me.

1043
01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:20,033
Stay dangerous, Nevada.

1044
01:05:28,120 --> 01:05:32,160
Okay. Hey, no offence,
but my sister is still out there.

1045
01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:34,670
Wanna hit the old road.

1046
01:05:35,920 --> 01:05:38,196
If by some miracle you don't die...

1047
01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:42,520
there's always room
in my driveway.

1048
01:05:45,120 --> 01:05:46,634
I best stay alive.

1049
01:05:49,320 --> 01:05:51,039
Okay, you're back.
Good.

1050
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:53,157
So do you know how to drive
one of these things?

1051
01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:58,952
I'm gonna just pop that puppy off of there
and then you guys can jump in.

1052
01:05:59,040 --> 01:06:00,040
Nice.

1053
01:06:02,600 --> 01:06:05,354
She's a big old stallion,
but I can tame her.

1054
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:13,880
Whoo!

1055
01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:18,920
Oh, shit.

1056
01:06:23,120 --> 01:06:25,476
- I think he's got the hang of it.
- Shit!

1057
01:06:26,920 --> 01:06:27,960
- No. No, no.
- No, no, no.

1058
01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:30,839
Goddamn motherfucker!

1059
01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:31,920
Got it.

1060
01:06:39,040 --> 01:06:41,350
Fuck, fuck, fuck!

1061
01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:42,715
Fuck!

1062
01:06:42,800 --> 01:06:44,393
Maybe you should leave a note.

1063
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:47,149
That's your department.

1064
01:06:52,120 --> 01:06:55,477
I...
I just can't do it.

1065
01:06:55,560 --> 01:06:56,880
Yeah.
I'll drive.

1066
01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:05,199
What was that?

1067
01:07:06,360 --> 01:07:07,510
Satisfying.

1068
01:07:13,280 --> 01:07:17,115
Teamwork. Always put the team first.
I can't believe I didn't have that. Stupid.

1069
01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:19,510
You know,
if Flagstaff was so great,

1070
01:07:19,600 --> 01:07:25,995
then where was the undeniably gorgeous
but emotionally inaccessible Kansas City?

1071
01:07:26,120 --> 01:07:29,909
I don't know. Maybe she split because
she thought they had a random relationship.

1072
01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:36,435
Or maybe she was just about to come back under
the thinly veiled cover of needing guns and ammo.

1073
01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:39,238
Wait, what are you getting at?

1074
01:07:40,160 --> 01:07:43,312
I think you're smart enough
to figure it out...

1075
01:07:43,400 --> 01:07:44,629
Oh, my God.

1076
01:07:44,720 --> 01:07:46,200
You gotta be kidding me.

1077
01:07:47,200 --> 01:07:48,270
You gotta be kidding me.

1078
01:07:49,520 --> 01:07:53,878
- You gotta be kidding me!
- You gotta be fucking kidding me.

1079
01:07:53,960 --> 01:07:55,440
Why the hell is she still alive?

1080
01:07:55,520 --> 01:07:58,274
Oh, my God,
I literally missed you guys.

1081
01:07:58,440 --> 01:08:00,318
- Yay!
- Oh, my God.

1082
01:08:03,840 --> 01:08:05,240
Just...
No, just look ahead.

1083
01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:07,994
Hi, old guy!

1084
01:08:08,080 --> 01:08:09,400
Let's hang out.

1085
01:08:09,520 --> 01:08:13,036
It is so weird to see you.
The last time I saw you, you were like a...

1086
01:08:13,120 --> 01:08:14,793
- You were a zombie.
- I wish.

1087
01:08:14,880 --> 01:08:16,837
Stupid nut allergy.

1088
01:08:16,920 --> 01:08:18,479
- Nut allergy?
- Yeah.

1089
01:08:18,560 --> 01:08:21,029
Yeah, I think it was the trail mix
that Wichita gave me.

1090
01:08:21,120 --> 01:08:23,191
Yeah, who knew there were nuts
in trail mix.

1091
01:08:23,280 --> 01:08:25,192
Not me. I thought it was vegan.

1092
01:08:25,320 --> 01:08:30,679
I kept trying to tell you it was only an allergic reaction,
but you thought I was trying to bite you.

1093
01:08:30,760 --> 01:08:33,594
- Yeah, well...
- Not that you minded last time.

1094
01:08:35,440 --> 01:08:37,238
Thank you
for shooting over my head.

1095
01:08:37,320 --> 01:08:39,391
I was reallyjust trying
to scare you off.

1096
01:08:39,480 --> 01:08:41,278
You're not gonna get rid
of me that easy.

1097
01:08:41,360 --> 01:08:43,033
- Oh, no!
- Ha, ha, ha.

1098
01:08:43,120 --> 01:08:48,878
There I was hiding in the woods,
when I thought, "I used to live in a freezer,

1099
01:08:48,960 --> 01:08:50,917
so why not a freezer on wheels?"

1100
01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:52,992
Can't argue with that logic.

1101
01:08:53,080 --> 01:08:54,958
I really miss this.

1102
01:08:56,080 --> 01:08:58,390
- Was that sarcasm?
- Was it?

1103
01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:00,520
Mm-hm.

1104
01:09:05,000 --> 01:09:07,595
Why wouldn't we just move to an island?

1105
01:09:07,680 --> 01:09:11,469
- That's a really good idea.
- Because then there wouldn't be zombies.

1106
01:09:11,560 --> 01:09:14,632
- Of course.
- We should go to Temptation Island.

1107
01:09:16,440 --> 01:09:18,397
Hey, hey, hey.

1108
01:09:18,480 --> 01:09:19,400
- What?
- Hey, hey.

1109
01:09:19,401 --> 01:09:21,199
- Hey, hey. Hey, hey.
- Hey, hey.

1110
01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:23,919
Just...
Just eyes on the road.

1111
01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:26,640
Do you want me to change
the CD or anything?

1112
01:09:26,720 --> 01:09:28,279
Is this a CD playing?

1113
01:09:28,360 --> 01:09:30,875
- Yeah. It's Port... It's Portishead.
- What is this?

1114
01:09:32,120 --> 01:09:34,191
- This is Portishead?
- Yeah. You know what's funny?

1115
01:09:34,320 --> 01:09:39,190
I used to think it was called "Portashed" until I went
to one of the concerts, and she explained.

1116
01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:40,879
Yeah, I would think "Portasheed."

1117
01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:42,917
- Right. Yeah, that's funny.
- Yeah.

1118
01:09:44,280 --> 01:09:47,591
<i>It was obvious to me that Wichita
and I were meant to be together,</i>

1119
01:09:47,680 --> 01:09:50,673
<i>which is why Madison's return
could not have been worse timing.</i>

1120
01:09:50,800 --> 01:09:55,955
<i>Of course, I was glad she wasn't a zombie.
But couldn't she have just gone back to her mall fridge?</i>

1121
01:09:58,520 --> 01:10:01,080
Hey. Hey, look, look, look.
Look.

1122
01:10:04,760 --> 01:10:05,760
Look.

1123
01:10:09,440 --> 01:10:11,591
We made it to Baby-lon.

1124
01:10:12,720 --> 01:10:17,397
<i>If you hear more than the usual excitement
in my voice, it's for two reasons.</i>

1125
01:10:17,480 --> 01:10:21,315
<i>One, we may have caught up
to Little Rock, for real this time.</i>

1126
01:10:21,440 --> 01:10:27,277
<i>And two, we may have finally found our forever home,
which is what I've been looking for all along.</i>

1127
01:10:28,920 --> 01:10:31,196
- Babylon.
- I love that song.

1128
01:10:32,200 --> 01:10:33,680
This place is soy cute.

1129
01:10:39,720 --> 01:10:41,951
- Jesus!
- What the fuck?

1130
01:10:42,040 --> 01:10:45,158
- Enjoy the little things.
- My bags were in there!

1131
01:10:45,240 --> 01:10:47,914
- No, they weren't.
- No guns allowed!

1132
01:10:50,080 --> 01:10:52,595
I like this place already.
You got a sense of humour.

1133
01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:54,273
No guns allowed.

1134
01:10:54,400 --> 01:10:58,917
I'm not giving up my guns
under any circumstances, period-o.

1135
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:01,834
Well, then, there's no way
you're getting up to Babylon.

1136
01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:04,037
You know, you could always wait
in the car.

1137
01:11:07,640 --> 01:11:09,552
Do you wanna see
Little Rock or not?

1138
01:11:24,160 --> 01:11:27,790
- There she is.
- I wouldn't know. I'm on a 40-day bowel blast.

1139
01:11:27,880 --> 01:11:28,880
Little Rock.

1140
01:11:30,160 --> 01:11:32,356
- Hey.
- Hi.

1141
01:11:33,280 --> 01:11:35,736
- What are you guys doing here?
- I am so glad you're safe.

1142
01:11:35,760 --> 01:11:37,956
- Wow, okay.
- Oh, my God.

1143
01:11:38,040 --> 01:11:39,040
- Come here.
- Hi.

1144
01:11:39,120 --> 01:11:42,955
- No, seriously, what are you guys doing here?
- Hey, we don't leave each other.

1145
01:11:43,040 --> 01:11:44,599
I know, I know.
I'm really sorry.

1146
01:11:44,680 --> 01:11:47,320
- Make me a pact. No more notes. Ever.
- No more notes. Ever.

1147
01:11:47,400 --> 01:11:48,675
- Ever. Great.
- Okay.

1148
01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:50,717
Just so you guys know,
there's no group sex.

1149
01:11:51,960 --> 01:11:53,997
- Okay, fine, group sex.
- No!

1150
01:11:54,120 --> 01:11:58,512
Hey, Wichita. That means you're Columbus,
and that makes you Tallahassee.

1151
01:11:58,600 --> 01:12:00,512
- Berkeley?
- You're from Berkeley?

1152
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:02,557
- You're Berkeley?
- No, come on.

1153
01:12:02,640 --> 01:12:04,597
What are the chances we're
both from Berkeley?

1154
01:12:04,680 --> 01:12:06,576
- Berkeley!
- Calm down, calm down. Okay?

1155
01:12:06,600 --> 01:12:11,675
Thank you guys for coming to check up on me, I guess.
But you have to understand these people are peaceful,

1156
01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:16,118
and they're friendly and nice. And honestly,
I don't think you're gonna fit in here.

1157
01:12:16,200 --> 01:12:19,557
- They melted our fucking weapons!
- This is exactly what I meant.

1158
01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:22,155
Guys, I think we should stay.

1159
01:12:22,240 --> 01:12:24,914
- You don't get a vote.
- I do get a vote.

1160
01:12:25,000 --> 01:12:27,037
Haven't you ever heard of women suffering?

1161
01:12:27,120 --> 01:12:28,440
Women suffrage?

1162
01:12:29,440 --> 01:12:31,272
- No, honey.
- Oh, boy.

1163
01:12:31,360 --> 01:12:32,953
- Who the hell is this?
- I'm Madison.

1164
01:12:33,040 --> 01:12:34,554
- Don't say it.
- You'll love this.

1165
01:12:34,640 --> 01:12:37,280
- Don't say it.
- That's Columbus' girlfriend.

1166
01:12:37,360 --> 01:12:38,656
- It's official.
- Wow.

1167
01:12:38,680 --> 01:12:41,320
You reallyjust didn't waste
any time, did you?

1168
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:44,040
- Well, thank you for your vote.
- And you're welcome.

1169
01:12:44,120 --> 01:12:48,433
- Okay. I'm late for my drum circle, so I gotta go.
- Hey, Little Rock!

1170
01:12:48,520 --> 01:12:50,239
Sorry about that.

1171
01:13:00,320 --> 01:13:03,950
<i>Seeing Little Rock safe
and surrounded by friends her own age,</i>

1172
01:13:04,040 --> 01:13:06,271
<i>Tallahassee realised
his nest was now empty.</i>

1173
01:13:07,320 --> 01:13:10,438
<i>And he began to hear
the call of the buffalo.</i>

1174
01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:17,720
All right, I'm ready!

1175
01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:22,560
Come on, don't be so Gloria Glum.
I told you guys I was leaving.

1176
01:13:22,640 --> 01:13:24,632
So, what,
you're just gonna split?

1177
01:13:27,080 --> 01:13:30,835
It's time. Gotta set out
on my own adventures.

1178
01:13:30,920 --> 01:13:32,752
Little Rock's safe,

1179
01:13:32,840 --> 01:13:35,878
and a lone wolf's gotta hunt.

1180
01:13:37,080 --> 01:13:38,434
So where are you gonna go?

1181
01:13:38,520 --> 01:13:41,513
The direction's
the destination. West.

1182
01:13:44,200 --> 01:13:45,554
West is that way.

1183
01:13:47,000 --> 01:13:50,516
Yeah. Anyway, like the title of
a great Phil Collins song,

1184
01:13:50,600 --> 01:13:54,389
"If You Love Somebody,
Set Them Free."

1185
01:13:54,480 --> 01:13:56,551
- Pretty sure that wasn't him.
- Pretty sure it was.

1186
01:13:56,640 --> 01:13:58,996
- No, it was someone else.
- Pretty sure it was him.

1187
01:14:00,920 --> 01:14:02,593
Yeah. Peace.

1188
01:14:04,720 --> 01:14:07,235
I'm not much for goodbyes,
so...

1189
01:14:07,320 --> 01:14:10,996
- Yeah, just don't say the pig thing.
- Keep your tits dry.

1190
01:14:11,080 --> 01:14:13,390
- Oh, okay.
- Didn't see that coming, right?

1191
01:14:13,480 --> 01:14:14,880
I would've rather the pig thing.

1192
01:14:20,360 --> 01:14:21,360
Hey.

1193
01:14:22,560 --> 01:14:25,075
Hey, don't do nothing
I wouldn't not do.

1194
01:14:26,640 --> 01:14:28,757
- You get what I'm saying.
- Not really, no.

1195
01:14:28,840 --> 01:14:30,433
No? Okay.

1196
01:14:31,560 --> 01:14:34,519
Anyway, gonna miss you guys.

1197
01:14:42,800 --> 01:14:45,554
- I will never forget you, what's-his-name.
- See you, pals.

1198
01:14:45,640 --> 01:14:48,678
- It's Tallahassee. I told you that.
- Sally Tally!

1199
01:14:58,920 --> 01:15:02,800
♪ Give me a home
Where the buffalo roam ♪

1200
01:15:02,880 --> 01:15:07,352
♪ And the deer
and the antelope play ♪

1201
01:15:07,480 --> 01:15:11,838
♪ Where seldom is heard,
a discouraging word ♪

1202
01:15:11,920 --> 01:15:13,513
♪ And the skies are not... ♪

1203
01:15:21,240 --> 01:15:22,390
T-800s.

1204
01:15:25,240 --> 01:15:26,390
That decides it.

1205
01:15:40,520 --> 01:15:42,318
♪ Kumbaya ♪

1206
01:15:43,680 --> 01:15:45,558
♪ Kumbaya, Buddha ♪

1207
01:15:45,640 --> 01:15:46,835
Everybody.

1208
01:15:46,920 --> 01:15:48,593
♪ Kumbaya ♪♪

1209
01:15:50,560 --> 01:15:51,560
Coming to you.

1210
01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:54,832
There it is.
Let's start again.

1211
01:15:54,920 --> 01:15:57,754
Oh, it's all right.
I got it. Excuse me.

1212
01:15:57,840 --> 01:15:58,910
Yes. I got it.

1213
01:15:59,000 --> 01:16:01,071
- You're supposed to kick it back.
- Really?

1214
01:16:01,200 --> 01:16:03,795
- You never seen hacky sack?
- Oh, I thought it's like hopscotch.

1215
01:16:05,800 --> 01:16:08,395
- Salty Taffy's back!
- Holy shit!

1216
01:16:08,480 --> 01:16:11,917
Hey, T-800s, a whole swarm of them,
heading right this way.

1217
01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:16,199
Those goddamn fireworks
might as well be a dinner bell!

1218
01:16:16,280 --> 01:16:20,752
Stop the fireworks! Stop the music!
Everybody shut the fuck up!

1219
01:16:20,840 --> 01:16:21,876
Shut up.

1220
01:16:21,960 --> 01:16:23,519
Question:

1221
01:16:23,640 --> 01:16:26,155
Did you melt all the weapons?

1222
01:16:26,240 --> 01:16:28,630
Yeah, that's how we made these
cool peace thingies.

1223
01:16:28,720 --> 01:16:30,552
- Oh, Jesus.
- My guns!

1224
01:16:30,640 --> 01:16:34,520
Hey. Hello. I got something going.
I think I might have a plan.

1225
01:16:35,480 --> 01:16:36,675
What?

1226
01:16:37,680 --> 01:16:39,592
I got nothing.
I'm just a songwriter.

1227
01:16:39,680 --> 01:16:41,478
No. No, you're
a song transcriber.

1228
01:16:41,560 --> 01:16:43,313
- Listen, Berkeley?
- Yeah?

1229
01:16:43,400 --> 01:16:45,153
I don't think
this is gonna work out.

1230
01:16:45,240 --> 01:16:48,995
Even 12-year-olds know
who Bob Dylan is, you fucking poser.

1231
01:16:49,080 --> 01:16:53,199
Oh, my God. I'm not gonna lie,
I have truly enjoyed this moment,

1232
01:16:53,280 --> 01:16:54,760
but there are
zombies approaching.

1233
01:16:54,880 --> 01:16:58,920
Okay. Civil War general,
you must know how to fight?

1234
01:16:59,000 --> 01:17:00,195
Sure.

1235
01:17:00,280 --> 01:17:02,840
Poverty, sexism,
social injustice.

1236
01:17:03,880 --> 01:17:06,236
- We could try running.
- I'm done running.

1237
01:17:06,320 --> 01:17:09,392
I mean, what good is a home
if you can't stay in it?

1238
01:17:09,520 --> 01:17:10,954
- Columbus.
- Yes, Thor?

1239
01:17:12,360 --> 01:17:13,714
You're making me cry right now.

1240
01:17:13,800 --> 01:17:15,200
- No, please don't.
- Oh, my God.

1241
01:17:15,280 --> 01:17:17,158
Okay.
I moved through it.

1242
01:17:17,240 --> 01:17:19,709
Now from where I stand,
there's only one thing we can do.

1243
01:17:19,800 --> 01:17:21,598
Group sex. Right?

1244
01:17:22,920 --> 01:17:23,920
No.

1245
01:17:26,000 --> 01:17:27,275
We'll fight them.

1246
01:17:28,200 --> 01:17:31,398
You'll be the first to die,
but I like your enthusiasm.

1247
01:17:31,480 --> 01:17:34,154
- You might die.
- Thank you for your sacrifice.

1248
01:17:37,400 --> 01:17:39,551
All right,
everybody, listen up.

1249
01:17:39,640 --> 01:17:43,475
They outnumber us 100 times,
but they ain't got what we do.

1250
01:17:43,560 --> 01:17:44,480
Guns?

1251
01:17:44,481 --> 01:17:45,755
- We don't have guns.
- What?

1252
01:17:45,840 --> 01:17:50,198
What we do have is heart,
brains and biodiesel.

1253
01:17:50,280 --> 01:17:53,990
<i>We're gonna light these zombies up
like it's the Fourth of July.</i>

1254
01:17:54,080 --> 01:17:58,233
Then we hit the stragglers.
What we do is we form a gauntlet.

1255
01:17:58,640 --> 01:18:02,031
Ha!
One, two, three.

1256
01:18:02,120 --> 01:18:04,555
- Then we mop them up.
- Sick.

1257
01:18:04,640 --> 01:18:07,474
- This is gonna work, right?
- It has to.

1258
01:18:17,720 --> 01:18:19,074
Rolling.

1259
01:18:25,280 --> 01:18:26,555
- Keep screwing.
- Yeah, I am.

1260
01:18:26,680 --> 01:18:27,680
- Keep screwing.
- I am.

1261
01:18:42,960 --> 01:18:44,280
No turning back now.

1262
01:18:45,960 --> 01:18:46,996
There we go.

1263
01:18:47,080 --> 01:18:48,080
Nice.

1264
01:18:51,360 --> 01:18:53,352
Yeah.
Oh, that's gonna work.

1265
01:18:56,280 --> 01:18:57,280
Oh, that's pretty.

1266
01:18:57,281 --> 01:19:00,433
- That means the zombies are coming!
- Okay, you guys, they're coming!

1267
01:19:00,520 --> 01:19:03,479
- Time to nut up or shut up.
- You need a new line.

1268
01:19:04,960 --> 01:19:06,792
Let's kick some dicks.

1269
01:19:06,880 --> 01:19:09,554
Just because it rhymes
doesn't make it a great catchphase.

1270
01:19:09,680 --> 01:19:12,195
- What's her problem?
- I don't know. I like it when it rhymes.

1271
01:19:14,840 --> 01:19:16,797
- Here we go.
- Okay.

1272
01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:34,710
The zombies are coming!

1273
01:19:34,800 --> 01:19:36,216
- Oh, dear.
- Look out, guys!

1274
01:19:36,240 --> 01:19:39,074
- Here they come. They're coming!
- Battle stations!

1275
01:19:42,600 --> 01:19:43,600
Light them up!

1276
01:20:00,040 --> 01:20:02,680
Let's go, let's go!
Get up to safety.

1277
01:20:17,840 --> 01:20:19,115
Here we go.

1278
01:20:31,560 --> 01:20:32,560
Okay now, blow!

1279
01:20:34,440 --> 01:20:38,116
Come on. Now would be
an ideal time to blow.

1280
01:20:38,200 --> 01:20:40,760
- It's not working.
- Damn.

1281
01:20:46,680 --> 01:20:47,600
God.

1282
01:20:47,601 --> 01:20:49,035
Holy shit.
It worked.

1283
01:20:49,120 --> 01:20:50,120
Oh, my God.

1284
01:20:51,800 --> 01:20:55,271
- Okay. Here, now we mop up the stragglers.
- Okay. Yeah.

1285
01:20:58,720 --> 01:21:01,872
Oh, shit. Would those be
considered the stragglers?

1286
01:21:02,000 --> 01:21:03,912
Oh, boy.
Here they come.

1287
01:21:05,160 --> 01:21:06,160
Get ready.

1288
01:21:16,760 --> 01:21:19,719
Kill those motherfuckers!

1289
01:21:34,040 --> 01:21:36,271
Well, guys,
I hate to say this.

1290
01:21:37,480 --> 01:21:39,915
I think this might be
the end of the road.

1291
01:21:42,680 --> 01:21:44,160
- Come here.
- I love you guys.

1292
01:21:44,240 --> 01:21:46,320
- I love you more.
- We had a hell of a run.

1293
01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:50,514
Oh, my God.
They're gonna die.

1294
01:22:06,720 --> 01:22:07,870
Hey!

1295
01:22:14,720 --> 01:22:17,155
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

1296
01:22:17,240 --> 01:22:19,232
Thank God for rednecks!

1297
01:22:27,680 --> 01:22:29,273
- Need a ride?
- Oh, yeah.

1298
01:22:29,360 --> 01:22:30,360
- Get in.
- Let's go!

1299
01:22:34,920 --> 01:22:37,400
- Are y'all strapped in yet?
- Yep. Strapping in now.

1300
01:22:38,280 --> 01:22:39,350
Rule four.
Got it.

1301
01:22:39,440 --> 01:22:41,830
- You too.
- I'm not a pussy like Columbus.

1302
01:22:41,920 --> 01:22:42,956
Nothing personal.

1303
01:22:44,320 --> 01:22:46,596
- Oh, God!
- Seatbelts are there for a reason.

1304
01:22:46,680 --> 01:22:47,909
Yep.

1305
01:22:51,400 --> 01:22:53,073
I think I'm feeling
a little nauseous.

1306
01:22:53,160 --> 01:22:55,516
- Can somebody crack a window maybe?
- Oh, no, you don't.

1307
01:22:57,480 --> 01:22:59,039
Little Rock,
roll down the window.

1308
01:22:59,160 --> 01:23:00,560
If you get sick,
we all get sick.

1309
01:23:04,800 --> 01:23:06,519
Okay, okay.
Oh, God.

1310
01:23:06,640 --> 01:23:10,111
Could you just pull over so I can get
eaten by zombies? It'll be more comfortable.

1311
01:23:13,640 --> 01:23:14,869
Whoo!

1312
01:23:15,840 --> 01:23:17,274
- Oh, shit. Watch out!
- Do it!

1313
01:23:25,160 --> 01:23:28,471
Yee-ha!
- Oh, my God, you are sexy.

1314
01:23:28,560 --> 01:23:30,631
Can you not say "sexy"?
I'm already nauseous.

1315
01:23:35,880 --> 01:23:37,360
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit.

1316
01:23:38,680 --> 01:23:40,512
Shit.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

1317
01:23:40,640 --> 01:23:41,640
Shit.

1318
01:23:41,680 --> 01:23:43,160
- Oh, shit.
- You guys okay?

1319
01:23:43,240 --> 01:23:46,392
- Thank you for flying Big Fat Death.
- Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

1320
01:23:46,480 --> 01:23:48,551
I told you these things
were a huge rollover risk.

1321
01:23:48,640 --> 01:23:50,233
- We gotta move!
- Come on!

1322
01:23:50,320 --> 01:23:53,119
Hurry! Hurry!
They're coming!

1323
01:23:53,200 --> 01:23:55,136
- Oh, no!
- Come on! Here they come!

1324
01:23:55,160 --> 01:23:56,799
- Go, go, go!
- Shit.

1325
01:23:57,840 --> 01:23:59,115
- Come on!
- Oh, shit!

1326
01:23:59,200 --> 01:24:00,200
Come on!

1327
01:24:01,640 --> 01:24:03,074
- Oh, shit!
- Shit!

1328
01:24:11,480 --> 01:24:12,480
Thank you.

1329
01:24:13,600 --> 01:24:15,751
- Yes!
- Here they come!

1330
01:24:20,640 --> 01:24:22,552
- Go, get in. Go, go, go!
- Go, go, go!

1331
01:24:26,360 --> 01:24:27,396
Run!

1332
01:24:30,320 --> 01:24:33,472
- I'm out of bullets!
- Guys, go! I'm right behind you!

1333
01:24:36,480 --> 01:24:39,632
Get in position! Form the gauntlet!
I'll hold them off!

1334
01:24:43,240 --> 01:24:45,152
<i>Donkey Kong,</i>
motherfuckers!

1335
01:25:10,920 --> 01:25:12,991
<i>You can't write
the history of Zombieland</i>

1336
01:25:13,080 --> 01:25:15,879
<i>without telling the story
of one momentous day.</i>

1337
01:25:16,920 --> 01:25:19,833
<i>The day one free man
made the ultimate sacrifice</i>

1338
01:25:19,920 --> 01:25:24,995
<i>and paid respect to the Blackfoot ancestors
he may or may not have had.</i>

1339
01:25:27,000 --> 01:25:31,995
<i>The day he led the first, the last,
the only great American zombie jump.</i>

1340
01:26:00,560 --> 01:26:02,233
Zombie Kill of the Year?

1341
01:26:02,320 --> 01:26:03,913
<i>Century.</i>

1342
01:26:04,000 --> 01:26:06,515
<i>Only one problem.
Well, okay, two.</i>

1343
01:26:09,840 --> 01:26:11,069
Oh!

1344
01:26:16,080 --> 01:26:17,736
- Tallahassee!
- Hang on, we're coming.

1345
01:26:17,760 --> 01:26:19,035
Hold on.

1346
01:26:19,840 --> 01:26:21,136
- Help! I'm falling!
- Shit!

1347
01:26:21,160 --> 01:26:22,958
We can't help you.

1348
01:26:23,040 --> 01:26:24,474
Guys! Help me!

1349
01:26:24,560 --> 01:26:26,950
- Shit. What should we do?
- Throw something at them.

1350
01:26:27,040 --> 01:26:29,714
Oh, shit. Okay.
Shit. Sorry.

1351
01:26:30,801 --> 01:26:32,837
You hit me in the nuts
with a hacky sack.

1352
01:26:32,920 --> 01:26:33,840
- Sorry.
- What?

1353
01:26:33,841 --> 01:26:36,515
I'm losing my grip.
I'm gonna fall.

1354
01:26:37,800 --> 01:26:40,190
No! Oh, no!

1355
01:26:54,200 --> 01:26:55,680
Long live the King.

1356
01:26:57,360 --> 01:26:58,680
- Oh.
- Ugh.

1357
01:26:59,200 --> 01:27:01,032
Guys, I'm still here!

1358
01:27:01,120 --> 01:27:03,032
- Give me your hand!
- Hold my arm.

1359
01:27:03,120 --> 01:27:05,840
- Kick your foot out.
- Goddamn it, Columbus!

1360
01:27:05,960 --> 01:27:08,721
- Point your toe!
- Human chain, this is a terrible idea!

1361
01:27:09,600 --> 01:27:12,160
- I can't reach.
- Kick it, kick it. I got it.

1362
01:27:12,240 --> 01:27:13,310
Pull, pull.

1363
01:27:13,840 --> 01:27:15,160
Okay. I got you.

1364
01:27:15,800 --> 01:27:17,075
Okay.

1365
01:27:17,160 --> 01:27:19,277
Oh, man.
Are you okay?

1366
01:27:19,360 --> 01:27:21,158
- Yeah.
- That was amazing.

1367
01:27:22,240 --> 01:27:23,276
Thank you.

1368
01:27:24,480 --> 01:27:25,550
Hey.

1369
01:27:28,800 --> 01:27:29,800
You kept the gun?

1370
01:27:29,880 --> 01:27:32,111
How could I give up my favourite
Christmas present?

1371
01:27:32,200 --> 01:27:33,953
Why didn't you
pull it out sooner?

1372
01:27:34,040 --> 01:27:37,033
I forget about it but...
I smoked a lot of weed.

1373
01:27:38,680 --> 01:27:40,194
Chip off the old block.

1374
01:27:43,440 --> 01:27:44,440
Yes.

1375
01:27:45,280 --> 01:27:46,160
Yes?

1376
01:27:46,161 --> 01:27:47,719
Oh, yes, yes?

1377
01:27:48,760 --> 01:27:49,796
Yes, yes.

1378
01:27:51,320 --> 01:27:52,390
Yes, yes, yes?

1379
01:27:52,480 --> 01:27:54,278
- Yes. Yes.
- Yes?

1380
01:27:54,360 --> 01:27:55,635
- Really?
- Mm.

1381
01:27:57,840 --> 01:27:59,559
What changed your mind?

1382
01:27:59,640 --> 01:28:02,439
Because Zombieland or not,
we're meant to be together.

1383
01:28:05,800 --> 01:28:10,670
So basically, that means
this belongs to her.

1384
01:28:10,760 --> 01:28:11,760
Oh. Huh.

1385
01:28:12,000 --> 01:28:13,000
Cool.

1386
01:28:13,720 --> 01:28:15,234
Thank you.

1387
01:28:15,320 --> 01:28:16,320
Okay.

1388
01:28:19,160 --> 01:28:21,117
- Okay. Are you ready?
- Yeah.

1389
01:28:21,200 --> 01:28:22,270
- Okay. I'm good.
- Okay.

1390
01:28:22,400 --> 01:28:24,869
- Yeah, do the damn thing. Yeah.
- Okay.

1391
01:28:24,960 --> 01:28:25,920
Great.

1392
01:28:25,921 --> 01:28:28,037
- Which hand do I...?
- This one.

1393
01:28:28,120 --> 01:28:29,554
- Okay.
- Okay, yes. Here we go.

1394
01:28:34,160 --> 01:28:35,196
Wow.

1395
01:28:36,640 --> 01:28:37,640
Come here.

1396
01:28:41,280 --> 01:28:43,511
- Ah.
- Nicely done.

1397
01:28:44,600 --> 01:28:48,480
I'm gonna walk that little
spitfuck down the aisle.

1398
01:28:48,560 --> 01:28:50,233
It's a good thing
you didn't die, then.

1399
01:28:51,600 --> 01:28:52,600
Washoe County.

1400
01:28:55,080 --> 01:28:57,037
- What?
- Washoe County, Nevada.

1401
01:28:58,840 --> 01:28:59,800
Reno.

1402
01:28:59,801 --> 01:29:01,793
Biggest little city
in the world.

1403
01:29:09,200 --> 01:29:10,429
- Just go for it.
- Thank you.

1404
01:29:10,520 --> 01:29:11,520
- Sweet.
- Oh, my God.

1405
01:29:13,760 --> 01:29:14,680
What? What?

1406
01:29:14,681 --> 01:29:16,319
- Oh, my gosh!
- Shit!

1407
01:29:21,160 --> 01:29:23,595
- Homer. It's a long way down.
- Our work here is done.

1408
01:29:24,960 --> 01:29:26,440
Let's party.

1409
01:29:26,520 --> 01:29:28,079
- Come on!
- Yeah!

1410
01:29:29,160 --> 01:29:30,160
Wait for me.

1411
01:29:53,240 --> 01:29:58,235
Elvis' 1955 Fleetwood Series 60.

1412
01:29:58,320 --> 01:30:02,439
Every hair on my body feels
like a little wang.

1413
01:30:02,520 --> 01:30:04,796
- Yikes.
- Where to?

1414
01:30:05,800 --> 01:30:07,234
How about home?

1415
01:30:07,320 --> 01:30:08,240
Home?

1416
01:30:08,241 --> 01:30:09,641
- Yeah.
- Yes, good idea.

1417
01:30:11,560 --> 01:30:12,560
Where's home?

1418
01:30:14,240 --> 01:30:15,913
I think we're already there.

1419
01:30:17,240 --> 01:30:21,280
<i>Because if our adventures had taught us
about anything, it was home.</i>

1420
01:30:21,360 --> 01:30:25,513
<i>Wichita didn't need to be afraid of it.
I didn't need to keep looking for it.</i>

1421
01:30:25,600 --> 01:30:29,276
<i>Because home isn't a place,
it's the people you're with.</i>

1422
01:30:29,400 --> 01:30:33,360
<i>I guess that's why they're called your homies.
And my homies are pretty fucking awesome.</i>

1423
01:30:33,440 --> 01:30:36,433
<i>So till next time,
this is Columbus, Ohio,</i>

1424
01:30:36,520 --> 01:30:39,911
<i>on behalf of Wichita, Little Rock,
Reno and Tallahassee,</i>

1425
01:30:40,000 --> 01:30:42,913
<i>saying</i> hasta la vista,
<i>baby.</i>

1426
01:30:43,920 --> 01:30:45,752
<i>That one's for you,
Flagstaff.</i>

1427
01:30:52,000 --> 01:30:56,153
<i>♪ Lord Almighty
I feel my temperature rising ♪</i>

1428
01:30:58,760 --> 01:31:02,754
<i>♪ Higher, higher
It's burning through to my soul ♪</i>

1429
01:31:05,600 --> 01:31:07,831
<i>Oh, hey.
Yeah, sorry. One more thing.</i>

1430
01:31:07,920 --> 01:31:10,435
<i>I'm actually feeling a little guilty
about what Nevada said.</i>

1431
01:31:10,520 --> 01:31:13,592
<i>You know, about Murraying
a certain you-know-who?</i>

1432
01:31:13,680 --> 01:31:16,878
<i>Yeah, my bad. I blew a hole through
the finest comic actor of our generation.</i>

1433
01:31:16,960 --> 01:31:19,714
<i>But I would love to make it up
to you, to all of you.</i>

1434
01:31:19,800 --> 01:31:22,634
<i>And for that, we gotta
go back to 2009.</i>

1435
01:31:26,320 --> 01:31:29,677
Welcome, everyone, to the
<i>Garfield 3: Flabby Tabby</i> junket.

1436
01:31:29,760 --> 01:31:31,353
You'll each have five minutes.

1437
01:31:31,440 --> 01:31:35,400
Please keep your questions focused
on the film and don't go off-topic.

1438
01:31:35,480 --> 01:31:40,714
The idea of a trilogy was something...
As an artist, you think the great ones:

1439
01:31:40,800 --> 01:31:42,200
<i>Godfather</i> and...

1440
01:31:43,960 --> 01:31:44,880
<i>Lethal Weapon.</i>

1441
01:31:44,881 --> 01:31:48,635
But the question is,
why in the world <i>Garfield 3?</i>

1442
01:31:48,720 --> 01:31:50,916
- Can this be just between us?
- Yes.

1443
01:31:51,000 --> 01:31:52,957
Drugs cost money.

1444
01:31:53,040 --> 01:31:57,637
And I have to say, as an actor, how many
of your nine lives do you think you have left?

1445
01:31:57,720 --> 01:32:00,189
Well, I've done three of these.
Three <i>Garfields.</i>

1446
01:32:01,080 --> 01:32:02,230
So that's six.

1447
01:32:02,320 --> 01:32:04,198
The essence of Garfield,
I think...

1448
01:32:04,280 --> 01:32:05,280
Right.

1449
01:32:05,360 --> 01:32:07,477
...is the hairball.

1450
01:32:07,560 --> 01:32:09,950
Didn't I say? I had a feeling
this would come up.

1451
01:32:10,040 --> 01:32:12,032
Can you give me a hairball?

1452
01:32:14,520 --> 01:32:16,637
Don't wanna do the hairball,
get it out of the way?

1453
01:32:16,760 --> 01:32:18,399
- No.
- Can you try now?

1454
01:32:18,480 --> 01:32:20,995
- Give me a little hairball now?
- Come on.

1455
01:32:23,880 --> 01:32:24,996
Come on.

1456
01:32:30,880 --> 01:32:32,917
You know, how about
if I did it with you?

1457
01:32:33,000 --> 01:32:34,912
- Okay. Come on. Come on.
- That was close.

1458
01:32:35,000 --> 01:32:36,514
We'll do a selfie together.

1459
01:32:38,480 --> 01:32:39,516
Great. Great.

1460
01:32:42,920 --> 01:32:43,990
You all right, man?

1461
01:32:45,760 --> 01:32:46,910
All over the mike.

1462
01:32:47,040 --> 01:32:50,317
Can we get a baby wipe for Al?
Maybe move him back to his room, please?

1463
01:32:57,120 --> 01:32:58,998
Huge fan, Mr. Roker.

1464
01:33:01,240 --> 01:33:05,280
All right, Tim, let's get out of here.
Somebody get my car. I'm ready to go.

1465
01:33:05,360 --> 01:33:07,829
- I've never seen Al Roker behave that way.
- That was crazy.

1466
01:33:07,920 --> 01:33:10,037
Sometimes it feels like
it's you against the world.

1467
01:33:10,120 --> 01:33:11,793
- Oh, my God.
- I think it is.

1468
01:33:18,440 --> 01:33:19,476
Oh, dear.

1469
01:33:20,880 --> 01:33:22,473
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

1470
01:33:22,800 --> 01:33:23,800
Excuse me?

1471
01:33:27,880 --> 01:33:29,553
<i>♪ Do what you like ♪</i>

1472
01:33:32,240 --> 01:33:33,390
Nice.

1473
01:33:39,200 --> 01:33:40,200
Help me!

1474
01:33:42,400 --> 01:33:45,074
Bill Murray! I love some of
your films. Please help me!

1475
01:33:48,280 --> 01:33:49,919
I ain't afraid of no ghost.

1476
01:34:00,680 --> 01:34:02,592
I hate Mondays.

1477
01:34:03,720 --> 01:34:07,794
<i>♪ Lord Almighty
I feel my temperature rising ♪</i>

1478
01:34:10,440 --> 01:34:14,320
<i>♪ Higher, higher
It's burning through to my soul ♪</i>

1479
01:34:16,880 --> 01:34:21,272
<i>♪ Girl, girl, girl
You're gonna set me on fire ♪</i>

1480
01:34:23,440 --> 01:34:27,434
<i>♪ My brain is flaming
I don't know which way to go ♪</i>

1481
01:34:29,960 --> 01:34:36,150
<i>♪ And your kisses lift me higher
Like a sweet song of the choir ♪</i>

1482
01:34:36,680 --> 01:34:40,674
<i>♪ And you light my morning sky
With your burning love ♪</i>

1483
01:34:43,800 --> 01:34:47,714
<i>♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
I feel my temperature rising ♪</i>

1484
01:34:48,600 --> 01:34:49,600
<i>Yeah</i>

1485
01:34:50,200 --> 01:34:54,240
<i>♪ Well, help me, I'm flaming
I must be a hundred and nine ♪</i>

1486
01:34:57,080 --> 01:35:01,120
<i>♪ Burning, burning, burning
And nothing can cool me ♪</i>

1487
01:35:03,840 --> 01:35:08,312
<i>♪ I just might turn to smoke
But I feel fine ♪</i>

1488
01:35:09,920 --> 01:35:16,030
<i>♪ Because your kisses lift me higher
Like a sweet song of a choir ♪</i>

1489
01:35:16,800 --> 01:35:20,874
<i>♪ And you light my morning sky
With your burning love ♪</i>

1490
01:35:21,960 --> 01:35:22,960
<i>♪ Yeah ♪</i>

1491
01:35:33,240 --> 01:35:34,310
<i>♪ Burning love ♪</i>

1492
01:35:37,240 --> 01:35:41,154
<i>♪ It's coming closer
The flames are now reaching my body ♪</i>

1493
01:35:43,600 --> 01:35:47,594
<i>♪ Please won't you help me
I feel like I'm slipping away ♪</i>

1494
01:35:50,320 --> 01:35:54,553
<i>♪ It's hard to breathe
And my chest is a-heaving ♪</i>

1495
01:35:57,120 --> 01:36:01,273
<i>♪ Lord, have mercy
I'm burning a hole where I lay ♪</i>

1496
01:36:03,520 --> 01:36:09,517
<i>♪ 'Cause your kisses lift me higher
Like a sweet song of a choir ♪</i>

1497
01:36:10,360 --> 01:36:14,400
<i>♪ And you light my morning sky
With your burning love ♪</i>

1498
01:36:15,160 --> 01:36:17,629
<i>♪ Yeah, your burning love ♪</i>

1499
01:36:19,560 --> 01:36:20,960
<i>♪ Your burning love ♪</i>

1500
01:36:23,320 --> 01:36:26,074
<i>♪ I'm just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love ♪</i>

1501
01:36:26,600 --> 01:36:29,354
<i>♪ I'm just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love ♪</i>

1502
01:36:30,040 --> 01:36:32,839
<i>♪ Just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love ♪</i>

1503
01:36:33,520 --> 01:36:39,517
<i>♪ I'm just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love ♪</i>

1504
01:36:40,160 --> 01:36:42,675
<i>♪ Just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love ♪</i>

1505
01:36:43,000 --> 01:36:44,275
<i>♪ Burning love ♪</i>

1506
01:36:45,320 --> 01:36:47,835
<i>♪ Yeah
Burning love ♪♪</i>

1507
01:38:40,360 --> 01:38:42,670
Oh, <i>pardon</i>.
In Spanish, it's like:

1508
01:38:50,400 --> 01:38:52,596
P... P...
Pardon my accent.