1 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:37,800 Mom, please can we just leave? 2 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,600 You have to see the eye doctor Eric. 3 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,720 But I hate the eye doctor. He always makes fun of me for being fat. 4 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,880 You're not fat, you're big boned. 5 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:47,000 That's what I told him, but he doesn't listen to reason. 6 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:50,200 - Eric Cartman. - Weak. 7 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,520 - Hello Eric. - Hi Dr. Lout. 8 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:55,480 - How's my little piggy today? - Ay! Don't call me a little piggy! 9 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,760 I just say that because you're my little buddy. 10 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,200 I'm just here for an eye exam, alright! Keep the fat jokes to yourself. 11 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,840 Hop up on the chair. Don't break it now! 12 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,600 - God damn it! - Just kidding! Let's see how your eyes are doing. 13 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,746 All you have to do is read the letters. Can you see the letters? - Yes. 14 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:10,640 Alright, read them out for me. 15 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:13,274 I am a little... 16 00:01:13,309 --> 00:01:13,800 ...piggy. 17 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:16,360 That does it! Mom! 18 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,360 No no. That was just a weird coincidence. I do not know how that happened. 19 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:22,680 I am a little piggy. Wow! What are the odds of that? 20 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,480 Alright, let's get down to business, shall we? 21 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:27,640 Oh gee! That's a good idea! My mom isn't paying you to be a comedian. 22 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:31,240 Hmm, let's see, which is better 1 or 2? 1 or 2? 23 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:32,400 They look the exactly same. 24 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,120 - Just pick one. Or two? - I don't know! Two. 25 00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,283 Okay. One or two? One or two? 26 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:39,400 Uh, one. 27 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,698 One or two? One or two? 28 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:42,720 Two! 29 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:46,040 - No! The answer is one piggy! One! - Ow! I hate you! 30 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,120 Yes, there is obviously a problem with your eyes. 31 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,720 I am gonna have to dilate them and run some tests. 32 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,840 I wonder how come Cartman's not in school today? 33 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,520 Yeah, usually when he ditches school he still shows up for lunch. 34 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,240 Yeah. Oh here he comes. 35 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,480 Hey dudes. 36 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:09,120 Whoa, what happened to your eyes, Cartman? 37 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,760 - My asshole eye doctor made them all dial-vated. - Why? 38 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:16,200 Why?! I'll tell you why! Because he's a goddam asshole, and that's about it. 39 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:17,440 Why do you have to see an eye doctor? 40 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,937 Because my eyes suck. But that doctor likes to torture me 41 00:02:19,938 --> 00:02:21,638 and I have to go back tomorrow, and I don't know what I'm gonna do. 42 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:24,000 Dude! Just ask Chef for help. He always knows what to do. 43 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:29,200 - Hey Chef! - Hello there children. 44 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:32,040 Dude, my eyes are seriously screwed up. Chef looks like a skinny little white guy. 45 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,720 - It's time for lunch-e-roo. - Where's Chef? 46 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,240 - Chef quit. - What?! 47 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,880 Chef is gone. So let my introduce myself. 48 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:42,680 I'm your new cook, Mr. Dirp. 49 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:44,160 Mr. Dirp? 50 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:48,120 When I'm in the kitchen, you never know what nutty things are gonna happen. 51 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:52,160 If you like Chef, you're gonna love Mr. Dirp. 52 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,320 Oooh! Dirp! 53 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,520 Dirp! Oh wasn't that silly kids? 54 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,080 - Why did Chef quit? - Aren't I a great character? 55 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:06,080 My antics go right to the funny bone. 56 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,984 Oh, I don't feel so good. Dirp! 57 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,280 Could you just hand us some food please? 58 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:17,360 Sure gang! I have yellow stuff or white stuff. Dirp! 59 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,000 Can I have yellow with a side of white? 60 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,080 Dude! I hate Mr. Dirp! 61 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:23,640 Yeah, we gotta talk to Chef after school and get him to come back. 62 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,360 I don't know you guys, that hammer thing was pretty funny. 63 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:27,560 Shut up, Cartman! 64 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:31,960 Oh! Hello there children. 65 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:34,280 Chef, what the hell are you doing? We almost starved to death at lunch today. 66 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,840 Oh! Didn't they tell you? I quit. 67 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,880 - Yeah, but we didn't believe them. - Well, it's true. 68 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,600 But why? Why would you quit? 69 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,664 Children, three nights ago I was at the library checking out some books 70 00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:47,640 on kama sutra when I met the most amazing woman ever. 71 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,240 She knew so much about so many things. She really got me thinking. 72 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,320 We eventually came back to my place and really hit it off. 73 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,240 So you made sweet love to her down by the fire? 74 00:03:56,400 --> 00:04:00,080 No no, we just sat there all night long and talked. 75 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,000 Talked?! 76 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,600 Yes. She told me all about the powers of goddess. 77 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:07,320 and how men have been oppressing women for years and viewing them as sexual objects, 78 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,280 and I realized that I had done that myself. 79 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:11,880 Oh! What darling little children. 80 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,400 Here she is now. Children, meet my new girlfriend, Veronica. 81 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,600 That's nice. Look Chef, Cartman's got this eye doctor, see... Girlfriend?! 82 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:21,640 - Children, Veronica is moving in with me. - Moving in?! 83 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,320 - I'm in love. - Love?! 84 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,200 Oh, you knight. 85 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:26,400 What the hell is going on? 86 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,520 Veronica spent the whole day sharing her favorite poems with me. 87 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:33,280 Sorry boys, looks like I'm stealing Chef away from you. 88 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,115 But Chef always helps us with our problems. 89 00:04:35,116 --> 00:04:37,216 When we have a problem, Chef sings to us and makes it better. 90 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:38,720 Well, I could still do that, children. 91 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,960 In fact, Veronica could help me. She's a great singer too. 92 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:42,960 What's the problem? 93 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:46,600 My eyes are going bad, but the only eye doctor in South Park is really really mean. 94 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:48,960 Oh, I know just the song for you. 95 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:54,320 There's got to be a morning after, 96 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,360 if we can hold on to the night. 97 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:03,360 We have a chance to find the sunshine. 98 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,600 Let's keep on looking for the light. 99 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:09,320 This... is insane! 100 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,080 - That bitch! - She's stealing Chef from us! 101 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:17,360 He didn't even seem like Chef. He seemed like a empty shell of a man. 102 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:18,566 Maybe it's just a phase. 103 00:05:18,567 --> 00:05:20,867 We just have to get him alone so we can tell him what a bitch she is. 104 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,240 Wait you guys. 105 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,600 Maybe, is it possible that we're just jealous, 106 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:29,680 because Chef is our friend, and now he's paying attention to somebody new. 107 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,000 Yeah, so? 108 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,560 - Yeah, screw that bitch! - Bitch! I hate that bitch! 109 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:37,184 Look, we just gotta get Chef alone. 110 00:05:37,185 --> 00:05:39,084 He won't listen to reason with that hooker around. 111 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,960 - Let's find out where he's working and go see him there tomorrow. - Good idea. 112 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,560 Alright, we got the test results back piggy. 113 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,880 Stop calling me piggy! 114 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,760 You've got a small stigmatism that's causing all the problems. 115 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:50,760 So what does that mean? 116 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:54,520 It means piggy, that your eye sight is never going to get better. 117 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:58,680 Alright. Right now, I'm gonna be totally seriously, okay. 118 00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,640 If you call me piggy one more time, 119 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:04,400 I'm gonna leap of this chair and rip your goddam nuts off with my bare hands! 120 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,880 Well, don't worry, I've got something that's gonna make your eyes as good as new. 121 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,360 Oh, dude! Super weak! 122 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:15,320 I'm not wearing these, the guys would totally rip on me. 123 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,480 I know, the hardest thing to do is get kids to wear their glasses. 124 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,080 I'm just gonna take them off as soon as I leave! 125 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,040 That's why we have the little stapler. 126 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:23,920 Ow! Sonofabitch! 127 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,240 They said that Chef works in one of these buildings. 128 00:06:28,175 --> 00:06:29,520 Hey dudes. 129 00:06:33,274 --> 00:06:36,400 Ha ha ha ha! Look at Cartman and his stupid glasses! Ha ha ha ha! 130 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:39,520 - Dude! Just take them off! - I can't! They're stapled to my head! 131 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,160 I hate you guys. 132 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:47,960 Hello and welcome to Steinburg and Burgstein, can I help you? 133 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,120 We wanna talk to Chef. 134 00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:52,784 - Chef? - He's a big guy with a beard! - And a chef hat. - And a real huge dick. 135 00:06:52,827 --> 00:06:56,000 Oh! The black guy! Third cubicle on the left. 136 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,440 Hey! Aren't you that cute little kid from Jerry Maguire? 137 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,360 - Yeah, sure, sure. - Wow! You really got fat. 138 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,660 - Hello there children. - Hey Chef. 139 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:08,640 Eric, you got glasses? 140 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,720 Chef, you have to dump the bitch. 141 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:11,661 We need you, Chef. 142 00:07:11,738 --> 00:07:15,201 Hey Chef, we're gonna run down to the office supply store and get some 143 00:07:15,210 --> 00:07:18,720 leather holders for our pagers, you wanna come? - You bet! 144 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,040 Chef, this place isn't you! 145 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,040 Children, Veronica showed me that I've been living a very empty life. 146 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:27,160 Meaningless sex is fun for twenty or thirty years, but after that, it starts to get old. 147 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:28,800 - But we don't like her! - Why not?! 148 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,840 I don't know. No reason I guess... 149 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,080 Children, friends get girlfriends all the time.. 150 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,840 It's something even you would have to face with each other some day. 151 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:36,880 No way, dude! 152 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,320 Please, Chef! I don't know what to do about my stupid glasses? 153 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,640 That's easy! Get some laser corrective surgery, that's what I did. 154 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,800 Hey! Laser corrective surgery! Thanks Chef! 155 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,976 You see? Everything's gonna be fine. 156 00:07:46,977 --> 00:07:49,000 Now how about I meet you boys after work and we can play ball? 157 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,800 Chef should be here any minute. 158 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,520 - Dude! He bailed on us! - I can't believe it! 159 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,560 Come on! We're going to his house! 160 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,240 Hello there children. 161 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,220 Alright, mister! 162 00:08:14,221 --> 00:08:16,821 You better have a good explanation why you didn't show up to play ball! 163 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:20,360 - Oh children, I'm sorry. I forgot. - You forgot?! 164 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,920 Veronica surprised me at the office and took me out to dinner. 165 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:24,200 She's so amazing. 166 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,520 Well, we got something to tell you about Veronica, Chef! 167 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,360 Hello children! 168 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,600 Mam, we're having a dude moment here, if you don't mind. 169 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,000 Children, I've got some great news for you. 170 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:35,120 Veronica and I are getting married. 171 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,360 My whole family's coming here for the wedding, and I want you boys to come too. 172 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,200 This is so wonderful! Let's sing! 173 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,880 There's got to be a morning after, 174 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:52,344 If we can hold on to the night. 175 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,920 We have a chance to find the sunshine. 176 00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:03,280 And that children, is what you need to know about the facts of life. 177 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,689 So let's review. Tootie left in the fourth season, 178 00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:08,590 but Blair and Jo stayed on and got husbands, 179 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,120 leaving the fifth and sixth seasons hideously stagnant. 180 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,360 Okay children, that's lunch. See you in thirty minutes. 181 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,880 - Mr. Garrison, can we talk to you? Sure. 182 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,240 Normally we go to Chef with our problems, but we can't this time. 183 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:20,760 Well children, I am your teacher. 184 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:25,040 I think you'll find that my advice just as valuable as Chef's, if not more so. 185 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,120 Alright. Mr. Garrison, have you ever had a friend, who had a new girlfriend, 186 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,040 and then stopped being your friend, and it pissed you off? 187 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,240 Oh, the old Succubus syndrome. 188 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,240 What's a Succubus? 189 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,680 A Succubus is a woman sent from Hell to suck the life out of a man. 190 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:37,800 - That's it! - Yeah! 191 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,837 Yeah, there's not much you can do about a Succubus. 192 00:09:39,838 --> 00:09:41,937 Their evil power makes man blind to love. 193 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,800 - This is totally what's happening! - Wow, you are smart, Mr. Garrison! 194 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,000 Yeah, I tell you boys, women can kill, poontang's expensive. 195 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,360 That's why when it comes to chicks, I just screw them and leave them. 196 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,800 I'd say "get out of my bedroom, poontang, before you suck my life dry!" 197 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,640 - Thank's Mr. Garrison. - Sure kids. 198 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,000 - You're not fooling anyone. - Shut your hole, Mr. Hat! 199 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,680 Come on guys! We gotta go tell Chef he's in love with a Succubus. 200 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,920 Yeah! He's gonna be so thankful we told him. 201 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:10,255 There you are Eric! Come on, we have to go to the eye doctor. - Oh no! 202 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,440 Come on. Do you want your laser corrective surgery or not? 203 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,040 - Yes, but can't we wait until tomorrow? - Now hon. 204 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:20,240 But mom! I have to tell Chef that he's marrying a Succubus! 205 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,880 - Hello there children. - Who are you? 206 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,320 I'm Chef's father. We just flew in for the wedding. 207 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:31,320 Oh hi. Is Chef here? We have to talk to him. 208 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:32,560 Well, come on in. 209 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,920 - There he is. - Chef, we have to talk to you. 210 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,600 Not now, children! I gotta get fitted for my britches. Be right back. 211 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,280 Well, aren't you crackers just cute as a dickens? 212 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,600 - You're Chef's parents? - Yes, all his life. 213 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,640 - We have to talk to him. - Well he should be out now directly. 214 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,320 Oh he's so excited about the wedding now. 215 00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:02,160 Say, would you crackers like to hear about the time we saw the Loch Ness monster? 216 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:03,120 No, that's okay. 217 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,840 Ooh! It must've been about seven, eight years ago. 218 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,680 Me and the little lady was out on this boat you see, all alone at night, 219 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,760 when all of a sudden this huge creature, 220 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,120 this giant crustacean from the paleolithic era, comes out of the water. 221 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,560 We was so scared, Lord have mercy, I jumped up in the boat and I said: 222 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,240 "Thomas, what on earth is that creature?!" 223 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,280 It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes... 224 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:24,480 Oh it was so scary! 225 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,320 And I yelled, I said "What do you want from us monster?!" 226 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,200 And the monster bent down and said: 227 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,320 "I need about treefiddy" 228 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:34,760 What's treefiddy? 229 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,040 - Three dollars and fifty cents - Treefiddy. 230 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:38,640 - He wanted money? - That's right. 231 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:42,640 I said "I ain't giving you no treefiddy you goddam Loch Ness monster! 232 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,240 Get your own goddam money!" 233 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,520 - I gave him a dollar - She gave him a dollar. 234 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,840 I thought he'd go away if I gave him a dollar. 235 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,149 Well of course he's not gonna go away, Nelly! 236 00:11:51,150 --> 00:11:53,550 You gave him a dollar, he's gonna assume you got more. 237 00:11:56,320 --> 00:12:00,120 Okay, let's get started. You're here for the liposuction, right? 238 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,080 Hey! You sonofabitch! 239 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,720 Alright. Time to laser me a little piggy. 240 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,320 Ay! You sonofabitch! I'm gonna kick you square in the... 241 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,040 I bet his mom wishes she could do that. 242 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:19,640 And that was the third time we saw the Loch Ness monster. 243 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,040 - Then one time, I believe it was July... - August. 244 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:26,200 There's a knock on the door. I open it, and there's this cute little girl scout. 245 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,120 And she was so adorable with the little pig tails and all. 246 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,800 And she says to me: "how would you like to buy some cookies?" 247 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,800 And I said: "Well, what kind do you have?" 248 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,880 She had thin mints, graham crunchy things... 249 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:37,400 Raisin oatmeal. 250 00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,696 Raisin oatmeal, and I said: "We'll take a graham crunch. 251 00:12:40,731 --> 00:12:44,437 How much will that be?" And she looks at me and she says: "I need about treefiddy". 252 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:46,960 Treefiddy. 253 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:51,381 Well it was about that time that I notice that girl scout was about 254 00:12:51,382 --> 00:12:54,600 eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the palezoic era. 255 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:55,960 The Loch Ness monster. 256 00:12:56,120 --> 00:13:00,760 I said: "Dammit monster! Get off my lawn! I ain't giving you no treefiddy!" 257 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:05,054 It said: "how about just toofiddy?" - I said: "Oh now it's only toofiddy?! 258 00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:07,480 What is there a sale on Loch Ness munchies or something?!" 259 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:10,040 - Now he was angry. - Damn right I was angry! 260 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,520 Not you, the monster. He was about to kick your ass. 261 00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,120 Shut your mouth, woman! 262 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:15,800 Uh, could you just tell Chef we were here. 263 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,000 Sure. That crazy old monster. 264 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,760 Now, then the fourth time I saw the... 265 00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:25,080 Cartman, what the hell are you doing? 266 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,851 That asshole eye doctor screwed up my laser surgery. 267 00:13:27,852 --> 00:13:29,542 I have to wear these bandages for three days. 268 00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:32,680 Damn, your eyes must really suck, Cartman. - Oh thanks for the news flash, Tom Brokaw. 269 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,640 What happened with Chef? Did you tell him she's a Succubus? 270 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,840 Well, we couldn't even talk to him. She's so evil she had him totally kept away from us. 271 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,320 - Eric, you have a little visitor. Is that alright? - Okay. 272 00:13:43,610 --> 00:13:47,680 Hello boys. I heard Eric had laser surgery, so I made him a pie. 273 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,200 Ahh! It's a Succubus! 274 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:53,440 - We know what you are, lady! - Yeah! You're a blood-thirsty Succubus! 275 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,720 - A what? - A demon from Hell sent to suck the life out of men. 276 00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:00,240 Boys! You know how silly that sounds, don't you? 277 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,800 Well you are taking Chef from us. 278 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:06,080 oys, come here. I want to explain this to you. 279 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:10,040 I know Chef is your friend, but Chef is a grown man. 280 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,840 He has needs you boys can't fulfil. 281 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,680 He wants a life with me because I make him happy. 282 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,240 Do you understand? 283 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,600 - I guess. - Good. 284 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,360 Oh and boys. Just one more thing. 285 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,000 I'm going to marry Chef tomorrow. 286 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,840 And there's not a goddam thing you can do about it! 287 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,640 Toodle-oo! 288 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,960 - Jesus dude! - What? What happened? 289 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,880 Could I have your attention please! 290 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:46,400 Tomorrow, my son is gonna get married to a beautiful lady. 291 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:48,040 I'm very happy for them both. 292 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,680 Ooh there I go! I told myself I wasn't gonna cry, now. 293 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:51,760 It's okay pop. 294 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,880 Thomas, you're gonna get me going now. 295 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:57,080 I remember when Chef was just a three-year-old little man. 296 00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:00,885 He came running up to me with a big smile and his little chef's hat on, 297 00:15:00,886 --> 00:15:02,686 and he said "poppa, poppa!" 298 00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:05,320 I said: "What do you need, Chef, my boy?", and he said: 299 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,240 "I need about treefiddy". 300 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:08,640 Treefiddy. 301 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,440 It was about that time I got suspicious. 302 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,280 I said: "Chef, why do you need treefiddy?" 303 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:18,160 He said: "My imaginary friend GooGoo the dinosaur wants it" 304 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:22,600 I went to my son's room, and sure enough, there was the Loch Ness monster. 305 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:23,960 Oh, it was scary! 306 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:27,480 I said: "Dammit monster! You stop bugging my children now!" 307 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,880 "We work for our money in this house and we don't give money away!" 308 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:31,720 Excuse me! 309 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,320 We're sorry to interrupt, but we've got bad news. 310 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:38,520 This is not a woman! It is a Succubus! 311 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,200 Yeah! She's evil and wants to suck Chef's life out of him. 312 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:44,200 Children! That hurt my feelings. 313 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,400 Oh, you can pretend all you want! You're not fooling anybody! 314 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:51,160 Alright guys! That's enough! I have had it with you! 315 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:54,760 This is a happy time of my life, and you can't be happy for me... 316 00:15:54,894 --> 00:15:55,297 Chef... 317 00:15:55,332 --> 00:15:58,640 No buts Stan! I love this woman, and I am marrying her! 318 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:02,120 Now you can either accept that, or get out of my life! 319 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:04,760 Now if you'll excuse us, we having a party. 320 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,520 So I chased the monster down the street you see... 321 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,520 I guess there's nothing we can do. Chef likes her more than us. 322 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,440 No! I'm not willing to give up! Chef wouldn't give up on us! 323 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,560 There's tons of stuff on Succubuses, but nothing on how to stop them. 324 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,320 You guys, it's six in the morning, I have to get some sleep. 325 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,989 Dude! Chef's wedding is in three hours. 326 00:16:22,990 --> 00:16:24,990 We've got that much time to find out how to destroy a Succubus. 327 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,240 You know what?! Screw Chef! There, I said it! Screw him! 328 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,840 Let him marry Succubus! I wanna go to sleep. 329 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,348 Here! Here! Look at this! It says: "The Succubus enchants 330 00:16:33,349 --> 00:16:36,649 it's victim with an eerie melody. This is the Succubi power. 331 00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:40,080 Only playing this melody backwards can vanquish the Succubus power". 332 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,160 - What the hell does that mean? - I don't know. 333 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:49,640 Right. 334 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,560 Hey yeah! What's that song she always sings? 335 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,120 There's got to be a morning after, 336 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,720 If we can hold on to the night. 337 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,720 We've got to find our way together. 338 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:10,131 - That's it! We gotta learn that song backwards. - In three hours. 339 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,320 Ah man! I can't keep my eyes open. 340 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:20,120 We can't fall asleep. We gotta nail that song. You got the tape recorder, Cartman? 341 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,472 - He's asleep! Wake up fatass! - What what what? 342 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,920 Goddam it! You can't fall asleep! - I wasn't sleeping, I was just thinking really hard. 343 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,640 And then these aliens had me up on their ship, right. They was probing me and all that. 344 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,240 We had taco salad that night. 345 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,360 Don't matter what we had for dinner woman! 346 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:38,600 Now this alien had a big head and big black eyes, and it was all bent over me. 347 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:42,160 I said "What do you want from me alien?!" and do you know what he said? 348 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,080 - Treefiddy. - Let me tell the damn story now! 349 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,240 He said: "treefiddy". And so I realized I that it wasn't no alien, 350 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:52,400 it was that goddam Loch Ness monster again trying to trick me into giving him treefiddy 351 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,040 by dressing up like an alien. Don't that just beat all?! 352 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,360 I just given him treefiddy the week before. 353 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:01,160 What?! You gave that monster another damn treefiddy?! - He tricked me. 354 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:04,447 Well no wonder the damn monster keeps coming back to our house! 355 00:18:04,448 --> 00:18:05,948 You keep giving it treefiddy! 356 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:08,720 There she is! 357 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,120 - Bitch! Bitch! Bitch! Bitch! - Dirty bitch! 358 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,720 Alright, Kyle and I are gonna take out positions up front. 359 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,480 Do you Chef take this woman as your lawful wedded wife, 360 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,320 - to have and to... - I do! 361 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,240 Oh! My baby's getting married! 362 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,960 And do you Veronica take Chef to be your daddy? 363 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:33,960 I do! 364 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,840 And now a special sharing of vows through song. 365 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,040 Here it goes. 366 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:41,960 There's got to be a morning after... 367 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,040 Now Cartman! 368 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:46,480 Now Cartman! 369 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:53,680 - Children! You are screwing up my wedding! - I'll take care of them! 370 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,640 Cartman! Wake up you fat piece of crap! 371 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,240 What the?! 372 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:11,960 Oh no! The tape jammed! 373 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:22,400 She's a goddam Succubus! 374 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,400 Succubus trying to take my baby! 375 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,160 - Come on Cartman! - I can't see anything! 376 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,160 - Oh my God! She killed Kenny! - You bastard! 377 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,680 You damn monster! Get away from my baby! 378 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,640 Hold on! I'll see if I have treefiddy. 379 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:42,800 I got it! 380 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,160 Huh, wow! You don't see that every day! 381 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:05,960 We're sorry Chef, we had to do it! 382 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,720 No, I'm glad you did children. 383 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:13,640 Now that she's gone, I can't really figure out what I ever saw in her. 384 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,160 Poontangs, poontang! 385 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,360 Come on children, let's go get some ice cream. 386 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,560 What? What happened you guys? Is Kenny okay? 387 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,240 - Hello there children! - Hey Chef! 388 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,400 How would you like some fish sticks and tater tots? 389 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,480 - We'd love them! - It's great to have you back Chef! 390 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,240 Yeah, well, I learned a very important lesson this week. 391 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,240 Sometimes you fall in love and you think it feels that way forever. 392 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:41,720 You change your life and didn't know your friends cause you think it can't get any better. 393 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:45,840 But then love goes away no matter what it doesn't stay as strong. 394 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:50,200 And then you're left with nothing cause your tinking with your dong. 395 00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:54,720 So watch out for that love boat. It can destroy like a typhoon wind. 396 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,840 Just play it cool and don't be a fool... 397 00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:00,080 And never let poontang come between you and your friend. 398 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,560 Damn, that Garrison. 399 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,680 Oh hello piggy! How are your eyes doing? 400 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:11,480 After today they're gonna be fine and I'm never have to see you ever again. 401 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,120 I don't think that's possible piggy, not with your eyes. 402 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,840 No, not with my eyes. 403 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:16,840 With these! 404 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,440 - Was he an organ donor? - Ee-sure 405 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:21,880 Alright, then let's get to work. 406 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,360 Say, you don't have two dollars and fifty cent on you?