1
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:04,167
Hello, Michael.

2
00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:06,246
Shut the door. Have a seat.

3
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:12,336
When you proposed this new form of torture,
we all laughed behind your back.

4
00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:15,797
Some people called you names,
like "The Thomas Edison of Incompetence"

5
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:17,636
or, "That Dick."

6
00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:18,887
Mm-hm.

7
00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:21,891
But against all odds,
it seems you've pulled it off.

8
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,721
What you've done here is truly amazing.

9
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,649
Really?
- Yes. These reports are remarkable.

10
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,897
Your humans are experiencing
emotional torture

11
00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,653
at the same level of physical torture

12
00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,947
created by our squiggliest
Eyeball Corkscrews.

13
00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:34,861
I'm... jubilant.

14
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:39,321
As a result of our success,
I'm getting a seat on the High Council.

15
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,872
We will greatly expand
our Neighbourhood idea

16
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:44,079
and you will oversee the entire project.

17
00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:45,622
You are being promoted.

18
00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:51,007
Your Senior Staff Pin. Congratulations.

19
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,126
This is everything you've ever wanted.

20
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,712
This is everything I've ever wanted.

21
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:56,806
Oh!

22
00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:59,891
This is everything I've ever wanted!

23
00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:01,972
Oh, wow!

24
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,600
MICHAEL: You're really happy?
- Can't you tell?

25
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,890
I'm basically squealing
like a birthday girl.

26
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:18,026
At some point, we should finish discussing
yesterday's events.

27
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,577
Do you mean us almost getting married

28
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:22,534
and then finding out I was married to Janet

29
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:25,037
and then Janet making a boyfriend
to forget me

30
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,917
and then Janet getting
rid of that boyfriend?

31
00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:30,455
Or do you mean when we saw that cool cloud?

32
00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,290
The first bit.

33
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:35,843
Perhaps later, after Michael briefs us on
how we're going to be fake-tortured today

34
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,469
we can just sit down and have a chat?

35
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,632
Yes. Good idea.

36
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:42,554
Yo, Chidi?
- Yeah?

37
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,727
You wanna hear about a cool cloud I saw?

38
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:49,775
Come in.

39
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:56,940
I'd like to start by saying something
I've wanted to say for a very long time.

40
00:01:57,034 --> 00:02:01,244
Surprise, idiots!
You're all in the Bad Place!

41
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,617
MICHAEL AND SHAWN LAUGH

42
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,157
That's right, nerds!

43
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:11,337
Everything around you, all you can see,
is an elaborate system of torture

44
00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:13,631
designed just for you.

45
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:17,710
Sorry... we're in the Bad Place?

46
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,217
Why are you revealing this now?

47
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:24,096
Well, it was an experiment, and it worked,
so my boss is promoting me.

48
00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:27,179
Sorry, I should've introduced you.
This is my boss, Shawn.

49
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:28,854
Hello, imbeciles.

50
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:31,252
We need to study everything
that happened here.

51
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:34,565
There was a first version that collapsed,
but the second has been a huge success.

52
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,007
We'll be shutting this place down.

53
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:38,148
The four of you
will be brought to the real Bad Place

54
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:42,114
where your brains will be removed, studied,
and batted about a stadium like beach balls.

55
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:45,242
Your arms will be peeled like bananas -
that part's just for fun.

56
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,198
Right.
- And then you will be...

57
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,534
you know, tortured forever.

58
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:54,547
Michael, is this all true?
- Yes, Eleanor, it is.

59
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:58,422
You're such a rube, thinking you could
become a better person.

60
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:02,255
You got Chidi
to teach you stupid philosophy

61
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:05,968
like those old farts
were going to provide guidance.

62
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:10,768
"Oh, Kierkegaard is so great,
have you read 'Fear and Trembling'?"

63
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,941
"Well, I don't know,
have you read 'Boring and Stupid'?"

64
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,023
Because that's what you are.

65
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,440
Nice.
- Thank you.

66
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,342
How long will it take you
to shut down the Neighbourhood?

67
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:20,823
Better part of a day, I'd guess.

68
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,346
In the meantime, why don't we
have a "farewell" party here tonight?

69
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,953
You know, just to thank the crew
for all the hard work?

70
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,621
We can jam to some tunes, you know?

71
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:31,076
Destroy the place, play beer pong
with Jason's testicles...

72
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,580
What do you say, boss?
- Sure.

73
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:35,254
By the way, I know what you're thinking.
"Maybe Janet can help."

74
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,797
Ah...
- You're wrong. Janet?

75
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,124
JANET CHIMES AND GASPS

76
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,963
Oh, hi, little cuties!

77
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:42,219
SHE GIGGLES
I love you guys so much.

78
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:44,513
Except for you, Jason, because I hate you.
SHE LAUGHS

79
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:47,433
JANET: I hate you.
- Janet? What's wrong?

80
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:48,976
Oh! Where's my phone?

81
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:52,476
We put a Restraining Bracelet on her,
disrupting her powers.

82
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:56,651
JANET: It's made of mag-a-nets.
Magnets. Mag-a-nittens...

83
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:57,853
MICHAEL LAUGHS

84
00:03:57,946 --> 00:04:01,735
Magnets are supposed to make me feel drunk,
but guess what? I feel fine.

85
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:04,317
JANET GIGGLES

86
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:09,623
I can't believe Michael betrayed us again.
Why is it always the ones you most expect?

87
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:13,292
I should've seen this coming.
No one can ever truly "turn over a new leaf."

88
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:16,871
Sure, Ben Affleck told me he'd matured
as an artist after he directed "Argo"

89
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,922
but then, right on schedule, it was

90
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,376
"Guess what, Tahani? I'm gonna be Batman!"

91
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,760
CHIDI:
There's only one option.

92
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:26,718
Shawn clearly doesn't know that Michael
has rebooted this Neighbourhood 800 times.

93
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,642
I say we trade that information
for some kind of reduced sentence.

94
00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:30,955
TAHANI:
Chidi, they're monsters!

95
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:33,972
Who's to say they won't agree to a deal,
hear what we have to say

96
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:37,274
and then turn around and install us
into their horrible human zoo?

97
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:38,560
CHIDI:
There's no other option.

98
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,965
There's no way for a human
to get that bracelet off of Janet.

99
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:44,357
If there were, we could get her to call us
a train to Mindy St Claire's house.

100
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:47,819
We know for a fact that the people
from the Bad Place can't follow us there

101
00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:49,905
and I vote for that.
- JASON: I vote we...

102
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:54,288
No, sorry, and no offense, Jason,
but the stakes here are too high

103
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:58,121
to let someone with your limited
intellectual processing capacity weigh in.

104
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,498
I was gonna agree with you.
- Oh, great.

105
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,587
Well, that's two votes for my plan.
- CHIDI SIGHS

106
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,218
Eleanor. What do you think?

107
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:07,468
Trade information on Michael,
or try to escape to the Medium Place?

108
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:09,553
Neither.

109
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,805
I vote we ignore everything
Michael just said

110
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,932
and blindly assume he's still on our side.

111
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,355
Who's with me?

112
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,183
TAHANI:
Sorry, but when all this started

113
00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:22,194
you're the one who told us
that Michael wasn't trustworthy.

114
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:24,481
Now you want us to trust him?
- ELEANOR: Yes.

115
00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:28,072
For one very specific and rock-solid reason.

116
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:29,698
What's-his-name!

117
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:31,205
Who?

118
00:05:31,207 --> 00:05:33,448
The dude!
The super-depressing religious guy.

119
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,659
The real buzzkill, whose name
I can never remember.

120
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,827
Keeblers... car.

121
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,962
Kyra... Sedgwick?

122
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:42,540
Oh, I love her! Dear friend of mine.

123
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,382
Not important right now.

124
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,044
Kierkegaard?
- Yes!

125
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:48,470
Kierkegaard! When Michael was mocking us

126
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:51,641
about trying to become better people,
whose name did he use, huh?

127
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:55,345
Kierkegaard.
I think he was sending us a message.

128
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,679
To take a leap of faith.

129
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,373
Cos that was Kierkegaard's thing, right?

130
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:02,110
Yes, although it's probably
better translated as a "leap into faith."

131
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,812
It's so hard to be your friend.
- Yup. Sorry.

132
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:06,772
Michael was telling us to trust him!

133
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:10,736
I had a long talk with him the other night,
about the whole Derek incident.

134
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:16,166
Dude was shook - talking about ethics,
and all spiralling about human stuff.

135
00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:18,163
I think he's on our side.

136
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:21,496
Or maybe, he's a supernatural demon
designed to torture people

137
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,252
who just got offered his dream job

138
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,549
and has flipped on us
like a ten-stone griddle-chip!

139
00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:30,805
It's a large pancake. Come on, people,
you can get these from context!

140
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,133
Look, maybe Michael jumped back
to the dark side.

141
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,512
But I don't think so.

142
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:36,969
I think he's going to help us escape.

143
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:40,352
I know it sounds crazy,
but if it weren't crazy

144
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:42,934
they wouldn't call it a "leap of faith."

145
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:47,443
They would call it a... "sit of doubting."

146
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,408
I never thought I'd be the one to say it...

147
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,028
but this is getting out of hand.

148
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,492
I think we gotta go to the cops.

149
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,700
What cops? Where do you think we are?

150
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:06,082
Before tonight's party I'd love to talk more
about your strategy for torturing Tahani.

151
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,613
I'm impressed you were able
to make her fall in love with Jason.

152
00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:10,720
She must be... miserable.

153
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:14,424
Yeah, humans make a lot of mistakes
when they're horny.

154
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,595
Ah, boss... Give me a second, here.

155
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,315
What the here, dude?
- Vicky...

156
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:27,065
My hard work paid off for you,
and now you're just taking all the credit.

157
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,772
Vicky, Vicky... this can work out great
for both of us

158
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,357
if we play our cards right.

159
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,569
Shawn thinks that this is attempt
number two, right?

160
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:37,121
Now if I tell him that you've been in charge
of this version

161
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:40,875
he's eventually gonna find out that there
have been hundreds of failed versions.

162
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,453
Ohhhhh! Right.

163
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,583
And if that happens, we're all going down.

164
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:49,543
So, spread the word.
No one talks about the reboots.

165
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,428
Fine. But you better make this right.

166
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:55,177
Mama want promotion, ya heard?

167
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,884
INDISTINCT CHATTER

168
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:06,483
Hello, you dummies!
- CROWD LAUGHS

169
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:10,438
This Neighbourhood was a labour
of hate for many people here

170
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:14,367
so I thought that we should celebrate
with an art form

171
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:18,162
that we literally invented here
in the Bad Place

172
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,201
the "comedy roast"!

173
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,123
CROWD CHEERS

174
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,707
I see Jason Mendoza's here.

175
00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:28,039
Jason might not be
the smartest guy in the world

176
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:31,217
but he is the dumbest guy in the world.

177
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:32,383
CROWD LAUGHS

178
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:33,761
Ah, Jason, buddy.

179
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,134
All you had to do was to keep quiet

180
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:39,888
but you couldn't stop talking
about Kendall Jenner

181
00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,890
or that dumb quarterback, what was his name?

182
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:45,815
Derek Bortles...
always ranting about "Derek Bortles."

183
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:50,774
Lucky for you, my friend, Jaguars games
are the only ones televised in the Bad Place

184
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,856
because they suuuuck!

185
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,362
CROWD LAUGHS

186
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:59,196
No, they don't! All we need is a defense,
and an offense, and some rule changes.

187
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,621
Don't take it personally.

188
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,869
He just has to put on a show
for the other demons.

189
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,705
Tahani Al-Jamil.

190
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,788
Elegance, grace, sophistication...

191
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,874
But enough about your sister!

192
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,959
MICHAEL CACKLES
- CROWD LAUGHS

193
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:16,300
Do you know what the worst moment
of Tahani's life was?

194
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,965
When the last song played
at one of her parties

195
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:23,429
and she would run off and cry because
she still hadn't won her parents' approval.

196
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,308
CROWD LAUGHS AND JEERS

197
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,043
You know the other worst moment
of Tahani's life?

198
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:31,402
Every other moment of her empty,
pointless life!

199
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,730
CROWD LAUGHS
- MICHAEL: Hey-o!

200
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,860
I see Eleanor Shellstrop is here.

201
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:38,567
Eleanor and I have a lot in common.

202
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,402
Now here's how you can tell us apart.

203
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,614
One of us is a manipulative demon

204
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:45,290
who's an expert
at making other people miserable...

205
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:47,952
and then the other one is me!

206
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:49,878
CROWD LAUGHS

207
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:54,379
You thought you deserved a Medium Place,
like Mindy St Claire?

208
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,880
Are you kidding me?

209
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,590
You're bad, Eleanor.

210
00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:00,931
This is exactly the place you should be.

211
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,555
Not super funny for a roast, there, bud.

212
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:04,830
Oh, sorry, you want a joke? OK.

213
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:08,598
You love Chidi and Chidi doesn't
love you back. Boom!

214
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:09,772
CROWD LAUGHS

215
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:13,569
Now, that's funny because it's
very cruel and humiliating.

216
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,133
I consider you one of my closest friends.
- Not now, dude.

217
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,318
MICHAEL:
Speaking of Chidi...

218
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:20,030
is something no one has ever said

219
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,986
because no one talks about Chidi

220
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:26,791
because no one likes Chidi,
because he's so annoying about ethics!

221
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:27,957
CROWD LAUGHS

222
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,252
Now when you taught the Trolley Problem...

223
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:35,333
did you secretly wish that it could be you
who wound up under the trolley?

224
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,334
Because all your students did!

225
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,003
Whoo!
- CROWD LAUGHS

226
00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:41,214
Oh, Chidi, sorry, I got a joke for you, bud.

227
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,640
Uh, knock-knock.
- Who's there?

228
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:46,059
You died alone
because you couldn't commit to anyone!

229
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,595
CROWD LAUGHS

230
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:50,022
"You died alone because you couldn't commit
to anyone" who?

231
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:52,020
No...
- Jason Mendoza!

232
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,900
CROWD LAUGHS

233
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:59,733
OK, that's all my time.
Let's tear this mother to the ground!

234
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,988
CROWD CHEERS
- MICHAEL: Whoo!

235
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,286
THEY CHEER

236
00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,746
FIREWORKS WHISTLE

237
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:11,453
So, maybe I was wrong,
and Michael isn't on our side.

238
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,123
MUSIC BLARES

239
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,507
BAD JANET:
What up, fork sticks?!

240
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:19,510
That was "She Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd.

241
00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:23,430
Coming up next,
"Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer!"

242
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,887
Idiots!
- BULLHORN BLARES

243
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:29,220
We're going streaking! Ahhhh!

244
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:31,851
Ugh.

245
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:36,443
The one time I think someone isn't lying
to me and it bites me in the ash.

246
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:40,193
I guess Michael really did flip back
to the bad side.

247
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:41,490
Oh, does one think?

248
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,818
That roast was the meanest thing
I've ever seen

249
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:46,655
and I once saw a waiter
bring Russell Crowe the wrong tea.

250
00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:49,206
Well, we have no choice.
We go to Shawn and we tell him

251
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:51,187
that we'll trade secret information
about the reboots

252
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,327
if he'll go easy on us.

253
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,662
And if that doesn't work,
we try to get Janet free

254
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,588
and head to Mindy's. Agreed?

255
00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,336
Yeah. Michael sucks now.

256
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:01,635
He pretended to be our friend,
he's gonna torture us for eternity...

257
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,295
And you know what the worst part is?

258
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:06,257
He doesn't remember the name
of my favourite football player.

259
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:07,683
Definitely not the worst part.

260
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,055
It is to me!

261
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:13,389
"Blake Bortles" is a cool name.
"Derek Bortles" is a dumb name!

262
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:19,020
<i>♪ Grandma got run over by a reindeer ♪</i>
- DRAGON ROARS

263
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,398
<i>♪ Walking home from our house
Christmas Eve... ♪</i>

264
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:28,196
Hey, man, have you told Shawn
how "hugely important" I was yet?

265
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:29,905
I will get to it. Promise.

266
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,867
Now, you just relax, enjoy yourself,
rip a cat in half

267
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:34,455
it's a party, Vicky! Come on!

268
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:37,920
Hey!
- Mleh?

269
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,999
What does Michael keep whispering to you?
- Um...

270
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:43,086
"Something, something,
Vicky, something, something."

271
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,421
Awww! Can I braid your hair?
- No.

272
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:47,326
Please?
- No. You know what? I'm good. I got it.

273
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:48,386
JANET: Ooh!
- Hey!

274
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,217
Help me get these bracelets off Good Janet.

275
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:52,348
No. Shawn put them on her for a reason.

276
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,100
I'm not overruling the boss.

277
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,522
You're such a suck-up, Gayle.

278
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,226
Can I braid your hair?
- No. Get this... I got it.

279
00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,355
Ow!
- OK...

280
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,108
Get your own bracelets, Victoria!
- VICKY GROANS

281
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,861
MUSIC BLARES

282
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,404
BAD JANET:
OK, you fat dinks.

283
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:10,036
The sun is up,
and we're about to close it down

284
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,785
with one last song -

285
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:14,245
"She Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd

286
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:19,205
<i>and</i> "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"
played at the same time.

287
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:23,376
Honestly, I'm still partial
to the old-fashioned scorpion diapers.

288
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:24,960
But you've done great work here.

289
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:27,379
Can't thank you enough for everything.

290
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,556
Shawn, wait!
- No...

291
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,804
I have some very interesting information

292
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:34,061
about who's really responsible
for this Neighbourhood.

293
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,562
Shawn! The humans are escaping!

294
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,015
TRAIN ENGINE ROARS

295
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,898
It's Michael. Michael's responsible
for this Neighbourhood

296
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,401
and everything that's happening right now.
Byeee!

297
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,277
Ah, I...
- Bad Janet!

298
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,484
BAD JANET CHIMES
What's cracking, nutbutts?

299
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:51,616
Call us another train, immediately.
Party's over.

300
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,412
How did they get Janet's bracelets off?

301
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,710
It's literally impossible for a human to do.

302
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:02,289
It's like breathing underwater,
or driving without texting.

303
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:06,047
Shawn, I don't want to make any accusations,
but I accuse Vicky.

304
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:08,504
She asked me to help her take
Janet's bracelets off.

305
00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,681
Oh, Vicky, you didn't!

306
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,008
She definitely did.

307
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:15,344
She's jealous, she's been trying
to sabotage me the entire time.

308
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,054
What, no? He's lying.

309
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:20,482
OK, I did try to get the bracelets off,
but I couldn't.

310
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,275
Listen to yourself. You sound crazy.

311
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:26,402
Normally I would love hearing a man
tell a woman she's crazy, but I can't.

312
00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,649
You aided the humans just to spite Michael.

313
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,575
You're not a demon. You're a jerk.

314
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:31,947
VICKY:
Wait! This is a trick!

315
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,449
Michael is the traitor.

316
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,326
I bet they're still here somehow.

317
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:38,124
This place stretches for a thousand miles.

318
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,084
Fine. Bad Janet?

319
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:43,209
BAD JANET CHIMES: What?
- Scan the Neighbourhood, please.

320
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,550
BAD JANET WHIRS

321
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:54,141
No sign of any humans,
but I actually did find something for Vicky.

322
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:57,219
What?
- BAD JANET FARTS LOUDLY

323
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,350
MICHAEL LAUGHS
- VICKY SCOFFS

324
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,602
Bad Janet, great stuff as always.
- No, duh.

325
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:03,479
And as for Vicky...
- No, wait!

326
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:08,147
This is a PR disaster.
We have to keep it all under wraps.

327
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,357
Get her on the train.

328
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:13,194
And if anyone else says a single word
of what happened here, to anyone...

329
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,199
you will be in a cocoon just like Vicky

330
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:18,282
and it is gooey in there.

331
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:20,413
How do we get the humans back from Mindy's?

332
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,586
They bought themselves some time,
but we'll get them.

333
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:24,334
I'll start the extradition papers.

334
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:27,633
You stay here. I want every trace
of this Neighbourhood erased.

335
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,227
Oh, that was a bad idea!

336
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,680
That was so scary,
so many different times. I hated that.

337
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,269
You guys!

338
00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:50,568
I was so scared for you!
- HE SOBS

339
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:52,399
I told you he was on our side!

340
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,860
MICHAEL SOBS
You're my friends, and I wanted...

341
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:58,534
I wanted to save you...
- Hey, it's OK, bud.

342
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:01,583
This is the best summer ever, you guys!

343
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:03,376
JANET: Ohhh!
- MICHAEL SOBS AND LAUGHS

344
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:05,464
Oh!

345
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,874
Oh, Michael,
we never doubted you for a moment.

346
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:09,968
Thank you, Tahani.

347
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:11,502
You're lying, though, right?

348
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,258
Yes, I am. I doubted you very strongly.

349
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:14,633
But then I figured it out.

350
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:16,135
Kierkegaard, baby!

351
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:17,261
Leap of faith!

352
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:20,094
It's better translated as a
"leap into faith."

353
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:21,224
You remembered!

354
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:22,933
MICHAEL LAUGHS

355
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:25,107
Can somebody please explain what happened?

356
00:16:25,193 --> 00:16:27,776
And... and can you guys just be...
a tiny bit quieter?

357
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:30,354
Because, um...
I've been drunk on magnets all day and...

358
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:33,907
and I can literally
hear every sound in the universe.

359
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,862
Basically, Michael sent us a code,
and we had to crack it.

360
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,435
I figured out the first clue.
- ELEANOR: No, you didn't. I did.

361
00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:42,411
I was there, though!
- JANET: Ooh...

362
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:46,462
"Blake Bortles" is a cool name.
"Derek Bortles" is a dumb name.

363
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:48,379
Yes...

364
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:53,211
"Derek Bortles" is indeed a very dumb name.

365
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:54,879
It's a clue!

366
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:57,931
There's no way Michael
would've forgotten the name "Blake Bortles."

367
00:16:57,975 --> 00:16:59,511
You say it a million times a day.

368
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:01,559
Cos he's the best.
- No, he's not.

369
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:02,604
And even I know that.

370
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:06,357
Michael was telling us to use Derek,
Janet's Derek, for something.

371
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,192
There were clues in the roast.

372
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,362
Everybody, quietly, but quickly,
head to the train station.

373
00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:15,240
But let's split up so we don't draw
attention.

374
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:19,202
CROWD CHEERS AND WHOOPS

375
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,834
Ugh, you guys are the worst conspirators!

376
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:31,377
OK, what else did Michael say
in the roasts that might be meaningful?

377
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:32,674
Tahani? Do you remember?

378
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,377
Well, he said my entire life
was pointless and empty.

379
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,588
Yeah, but did he say anything
we don't already know?

380
00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:39,139
Anything that stood out?

381
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:43,639
<i>Do you know what the worst moment
of Tahani's life was?</i>

382
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:46,472
<i>When the last song
played at one of her parties</i>

383
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:50,936
<i>and she would run off and cry because
she still hadn't won her parents' approval.</i>

384
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,439
That <i>was</i> odd.

385
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:55,022
A host never runs off during their last song

386
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,152
because after it's over

387
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,554
you're supposed to act surprised
when everyone drags you on stage

388
00:17:58,578 --> 00:17:59,638
and showers you with applause.

389
00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:02,871
Maybe Michael wanted us
to wait until the end of the party

390
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:05,040
when everyone was at their most distracted.

391
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:08,710
And use Derek to drive the train,
because he has some of Janet's powers.

392
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:11,288
Janet?
- JANET CHIMES: Hi... Hi... Hi there.

393
00:18:11,382 --> 00:18:12,418
Janet?
- Yep?

394
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,545
We need you to go get Derek from your void.

395
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:15,635
OK.

396
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,635
Shoot, where's my void, again? I forget.

397
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,630
Oh, yeah, it's everywhere.

398
00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:21,841
OK, hang on to your...

399
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,596
butt-cheeks.

400
00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:25,431
JANET CHIMES
<i>Ugh... where is he?</i>

401
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:27,562
CLATTER
JANET: <i>Ow! Owwy! Ugh!</i>

402
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,599
<i>I'm never gonna find... oop, there he is!</i>

403
00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:31,558
DEREK CHIMES: Derek.
- ELEANOR: Derek!

404
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:35,191
We need you to drive this train,
and take us to Mindy St Claire's house.

405
00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:36,605
Can you do that?
- DEREK LAUGHS

406
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:37,657
Derek.

407
00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:40,243
Wait.

408
00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:41,694
Nobody get on that train.

409
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,824
Derek?
- Why not?

410
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:45,314
Because of what Michael said to me.

411
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:48,367
<i>You thought you deserved a Medium Place?</i>

412
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,920
<i>You're bad, Eleanor.
This is exactly the place you should be.</i>

413
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:53,914
Derek!

414
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:56,170
Michael wants us to stay here,
for some reason.

415
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:59,924
Eleanor. We have a train, a conductor,
and a safe destination.

416
00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:01,116
I'm gonna tell you the same thing

417
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:04,304
I told Pippa Middleton right before
we went paragliding in Gibraltar.

418
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,634
"Let's go!"

419
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:09,179
What? It's what I said.
- Guys, leap of faith.

420
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:11,564
Michael said we shouldn't get on that train.

421
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,712
Any minute now, those demons
are gonna come looking for us.

422
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:16,479
Where are we supposed to hide? Oh, no!

423
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:20,111
<i>Now when you taught the Trolley Problem,
did you secretly wish</i>

424
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:23,820
<i>that it could be you
who wound up under the trolley?</i>

425
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:25,992
<i>Because all your students did!</i>

426
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:28,916
ELEANOR GASPS
- DEREK, LOUDLY: All aboard the...

427
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,709
Shhh!
- DEREK, QUIETLY:...train is here!

428
00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:33,503
It's a train!
- Shhh!

429
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,205
Get onboard!

430
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,380
Actually, Derek...

431
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:37,833
Derek.
- You're gonna wait

432
00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:40,135
until the last song of the night.
- Derek.

433
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,964
And when you do leave,
you're gonna be flying a solo mission.

434
00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:46,141
Oh! Maximum Derek!

435
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:47,268
ELEANOR:
<i>Derek headed off</i>

436
00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:50,099
and when the new train arrived,
the four of us crawled underneath

437
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,181
before any of the drunk demons saw us.

438
00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:54,961
That kept us from being detected
when Bad Janet scanned the Neighbourhood.

439
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:57,728
We fooled those mo-fos like the chumps
they are!

440
00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:00,405
We got all four clues you left us!

441
00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:01,607
Oh, that's great.

442
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:05,695
Well, I mean, I actually left you
more than 1,200 clues

443
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,905
because of how primitive your brains are.

444
00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:10,741
But I'm so glad
you got enough to figure it out.

445
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:13,043
Wait, how did you escape detection though?

446
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:17,373
Well, I'm not ethically proud of this,
but I framed Vicky.

447
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:21,961
It was pretty easy - I just kept whispering
things into Janet's ear to make her paranoid.

448
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,922
I'm sorry, what... what did you whisper
to me? I don't remember.

449
00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:29,510
Something, something, Vicky,
something, something.

450
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,265
What does Michael keep whispering to you?

451
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:34,473
"Something, something, Vicky,
something, something."

452
00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:35,442
Aw!

453
00:20:35,444 --> 00:20:38,026
MICHAEL: <i>And that made her try to take
Janet's bracelets off...</i>

454
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,606
which framed her for the escape.

455
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:41,188
ALL:
Oh!

456
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:45,151
Guys, I... I want to apologise
for roasting you earlier.

457
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,861
I had to sell it because everyone
was watching.

458
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:49,412
It was funny though, right?

459
00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:52,040
Absolutely not!
- The Tahani stuff was perfect. I mean, no.

460
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:54,789
Guys. Let's just take a moment here.

461
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:56,165
They're gone.

462
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,168
Which means that we won
and might actually get a chance

463
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,840
to go to the real Good Place.

464
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:03,543
This is everything we ever wanted.

465
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,365
Speaking of people getting what they want...

466
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:08,132
I really hope Mindy liked the present
we sent her.

467
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:09,557
DEREK KNOCKS

468
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,306
Who are you?
- Derek!

469
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,932
"Thanks for helping us all those times
we showed up."

470
00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:20,986
"To repay you, here's a willing sex robot
and two duffel bags full of cocaine."

471
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,697
There are wind chimes
where my dingdong should be.

472
00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:26,199
WIND CHIMES TINKLE

473
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:29,319
I can work with that.
- Alright!