1
00:00:02,585 --> 00:00:03,916
Alpa Chino!

2
00:00:04,020 --> 00:00:05,715
We're loaded

3
00:00:05,822 --> 00:00:07,216
I love the pussy, hell, yeah

4
00:00:07,256 --> 00:00:08,718
I love the pussy, hell, yeah

5
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:11,487
I love that pussy
dripping down to the floor, oh, no

6
00:00:11,527 --> 00:00:14,090
The wettest pussy, hell, yeah
I love the pussy, hell, yeah

7
00:00:14,130 --> 00:00:17,293
I'm drinking up
your Booty Sweat and busting a nut

8
00:00:17,333 --> 00:00:19,162
Alpa Chino got that pussy control

9
00:00:19,202 --> 00:00:21,164
Alpa Chino's Booty Sweat.

10
00:00:21,204 --> 00:00:22,722
Pop an ass open!

11
00:00:22,739 --> 00:00:27,227
Booty Sweat and Bust-A-Nut bars
available at concessions now.

12
00:00:30,346 --> 00:00:34,476
In 2013, when the Earth's rotation
came to a halt?

13
00:00:34,584 --> 00:00:38,214
The President has declared
all of North America a disaster area.

14
00:00:38,254 --> 00:00:41,017
I call on my fellow Americans
to come together?

15
00:00:41,057 --> 00:00:45,611
the world called on the one man
who could make a difference

16
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:53,422
When it happened again,
the world called on him once more.

17
00:00:54,570 --> 00:01:00,440
And no one saw it coming
three more times!

18
00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:04,640
Now,

19
00:01:04,747 --> 00:01:08,683
the one man who made a difference
five times before,

20
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:15,489
is about to make a difference again.

21
00:01:16,225 --> 00:01:20,321
Only this time, it's different.

22
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,815
Who left the fridge open?

23
00:01:25,234 --> 00:01:27,168
Tugg Speedman.

24
00:01:27,270 --> 00:01:32,037
Scorcher VI: Global Meltdown.

25
00:01:32,141 --> 00:01:33,904
Here we go again.

26
00:01:35,445 --> 00:01:36,434
Again.

27
00:01:45,054 --> 00:01:47,921
Will there be anything else?

28
00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:51,221
Yes, my dear man. More beans.

29
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:55,190
Granny!

30
00:01:57,133 --> 00:01:58,293
Please!

31
00:01:58,401 --> 00:02:03,361
This summer,
America's favorite obese family is back.

32
00:02:06,242 --> 00:02:07,800
Gross!

33
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:10,473
–You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny.
–Am not!

34
00:02:10,513 --> 00:02:12,003
Jeff Portnoy.

35
00:02:12,682 --> 00:02:14,149
Jeff Portnoy.

36
00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:16,240
Jeff Portnoy.

37
00:02:16,352 --> 00:02:22,450
And Jeff Portnoy are
The Fatties: Fart Two.

38
00:02:22,558 --> 00:02:24,389
In some countries,

39
00:02:25,595 --> 00:02:27,290
it's considered a compliment.

40
00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:30,527
Letting loose this summer.

41
00:02:39,809 --> 00:02:45,543
In a time where to be different
was to be condemned,

42
00:02:59,295 --> 00:03:03,994
and to be condemned was to die,

43
00:03:08,237 --> 00:03:12,298
one man chose to question his God.

44
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,127
From Fox Searchlight,

45
00:03:26,822 --> 00:03:30,122
five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus

46
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:35,494
and MTV Movie Award
Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire.

47
00:03:41,871 --> 00:03:46,689
Winner of the Beijing Film Festival's
coveted Crying Monkey Award,

48
00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:49,601
Satan's Alley.

49
00:03:54,116 --> 00:03:56,756
I've been a bad, bad boy, Father.

50
00:04:32,154 --> 00:04:34,952
In the winter of 1969,

51
00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:37,153
an elite force of the U.S. army

52
00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:42,062
was sent on a top-secret assignment
in southeast Vietnam.

53
00:04:42,164 --> 00:04:44,994
The objective,
rescue Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback

54
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:48,094
from a heavily guarded
NVA Prison Camp.

55
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:51,702
The mission was considered
to be near suicide.

56
00:04:52,608 --> 00:04:55,907
Of the 10 men sent, four returned.

57
00:04:56,012 --> 00:04:59,508
Of those four, three wrote books
about what happened.

58
00:04:59,548 --> 00:05:02,517
Of those three, two were published.

59
00:05:02,618 --> 00:05:06,782
Of those two, just one got a movie deal.

60
00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:13,524
This is the story of the men
who attempted to make that movie.

61
00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:27,003
<i>Whiskey Fire Old Snake
requests an LZ prep</i>

62
00:05:27,043 --> 00:05:30,277
<i>at Alpha-Delta-two-four-eight-niner,
over.</i>

63
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:40,065
Floyd, this is lead. Right echelon
approach from RP to LZ, acknowledge.

64
00:05:40,323 --> 00:05:43,491
Floyd, Wall-Eye airborne.
Welcome aboard.

65
00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:47,723
All right, lead's going in.
Give her some cover.

66
00:05:47,763 --> 00:05:51,195
Delivery on five.
I repeat, delivery on five.

67
00:05:56,672 --> 00:05:59,268
This is Zero-Three.
I'm on your six, don't worry.

68
00:05:59,308 --> 00:06:03,070
Chalk-Three's taking fire.
Guns right, guns right.

69
00:06:13,989 --> 00:06:16,116
Lay that shit down!

70
00:06:16,225 --> 00:06:17,522
Come on!

71
00:06:19,362 --> 00:06:21,660
Come on, you damn dirty heathens!

72
00:06:23,599 --> 00:06:25,861
Fats! Run your motherfucking ass
over there,

73
00:06:25,901 --> 00:06:27,263
hold these men off, now!

74
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:28,998
We're fixing to lift off!

75
00:06:29,105 --> 00:06:31,801
Put some pep in your step, Dick!
Jelly-ass bitch!

76
00:06:31,841 --> 00:06:35,537
Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye,
this is Boomer One-Seven in the Zee!

77
00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:39,379
I need fast movers
on my Yankee Smoke, copy?

78
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,911
<i>Boomer, this is Wall-Eye.
I got two-Alpha-four</i>

79
00:06:41,951 --> 00:06:44,246
<i>?i>snake and nape on the ready>
–Oh, Jesus! Holy shit!</i>

80
00:06:44,286 --> 00:06:45,446
Holy shit!

81
00:06:45,554 --> 00:06:47,416
Get on that horn
and get some firepower, boy!

82
00:06:47,456 --> 00:06:48,423
Jesus Christ!

83
00:06:48,524 --> 00:06:49,685
Listen, you cherry fuck,

84
00:06:49,725 --> 00:06:53,289
you call in that snake and nape
and get us some boom-boom now!

85
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,858
I'd do it myself
but I'm kind of goddamn busy!

86
00:06:55,898 --> 00:06:57,326
<i>I need an answer, Boomer!</i>

87
00:06:57,366 --> 00:06:59,061
Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye!

88
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:00,867
I copy!

89
00:07:01,103 --> 00:07:03,401
We got beaucoup zips in the zee.

90
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:04,996
Rock and roll!

91
00:07:05,374 --> 00:07:06,864
What the fuck?

92
00:07:18,821 --> 00:07:21,255
That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker!

93
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,291
I think I can put it back in!

94
00:07:23,392 --> 00:07:25,221
We got to get back to the bird.

95
00:07:25,261 --> 00:07:26,422
Lukemeyer's got popped!

96
00:07:26,462 --> 00:07:29,525
This is the last Christmas
I spend with Victor Charlie up my ass!

97
00:07:29,565 --> 00:07:32,261
Want some? Get some!

98
00:07:32,701 --> 00:07:35,534
Hey, yo, Fats! I ain't seen Four Leaf!

99
00:07:35,638 --> 00:07:36,098
Don't count him out! That bastard's
got luck tattooed to his ass!

100
00:07:36,138 --> 00:07:38,934
Don't count him out! That bastard's
got luck tattooed to his ass!

101
00:07:38,974 --> 00:07:42,076
Motown, get your Detroit jukebox
Jheri curl ass

102
00:07:42,077 --> 00:07:44,373
in this chickenshit chop-chop! ASAFP!

103
00:07:44,413 --> 00:07:46,308
Four Leaf is still
outside the perimeter, Sarge!

104
00:07:46,348 --> 00:07:49,478
<i>Miss me with that cracker chump jive!
We di di mau! We di di mau!</i>

105
00:07:49,518 --> 00:07:51,213
Come on, Sarge. Stop jiving.
Four Leaf is there.

106
00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:52,948
Dead meat, soldier!

107
00:07:53,155 --> 00:07:55,055
Or do you want to be a hero?

108
00:07:55,157 --> 00:07:57,119
That's just how Brooks
got his Jew ass killed, man.

109
00:07:57,159 --> 00:07:59,922
And Meatball's dago ass
bought the six-by-three farm.

110
00:07:59,962 --> 00:08:04,978
Now get your ass up in the Huey, before
I stomp a trench in your hiney hole!

111
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:06,729
Come on, get down, get down!

112
00:08:06,769 --> 00:08:09,079
What am I looking at? What is this?

113
00:08:09,705 --> 00:08:13,664
Come on, let's get, let's go!
Come on, elevator up, up!

114
00:08:13,776 --> 00:08:16,301
Sarge. It's Four Leaf.

115
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:29,649
No!

116
00:08:31,994 --> 00:08:33,644
You get out of that hole!

117
00:08:45,574 --> 00:08:47,439
You make it home, now.

118
00:08:54,884 --> 00:08:56,146
Survive!

119
00:09:10,933 --> 00:09:13,028
I hope y'all like hamburger meat.

120
00:09:13,068 --> 00:09:15,197
'Cause that's exactly what
I'm gonna be bringing back

121
00:09:15,237 --> 00:09:17,333
and serving up in this whirly bird.

122
00:09:17,373 --> 00:09:19,864
Cover me, you limp dick fuckups!

123
00:09:25,514 --> 00:09:28,745
Peek-a-boo! I see you!

124
00:09:30,786 --> 00:09:32,515
Hold on, Four Leaf!

125
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:36,488
Oh, shit!

126
00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:45,790
Watch my right!

127
00:09:48,571 --> 00:09:50,539
Fuck you, Charlie!

128
00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:57,775
Come on, Leaf, let's boogie!

129
00:10:04,954 --> 00:10:06,615
No!

130
00:10:06,722 --> 00:10:07,814
No!

131
00:10:10,993 --> 00:10:13,086
–Fats!
–Holy fuck!

132
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:16,923
Take us over to those men! Shit!

133
00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:24,372
Look at you, man.
Playing with grenades.

134
00:10:27,876 --> 00:10:29,138
I'm cold, Linc.

135
00:10:31,180 --> 00:10:33,011
I can't feel my legs.

136
00:10:34,149 --> 00:10:36,140
Ain't nothing but a thang.

137
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,053
Hey, Linc.

138
00:10:42,024 --> 00:10:43,389
What, man?

139
00:10:44,627 --> 00:10:46,720
Why does man

140
00:10:46,829 --> 00:10:49,764
got to pick up sticks
against another man?

141
00:10:51,967 --> 00:10:54,265
Instead of using them sticks to

142
00:10:55,638 --> 00:10:57,230
prop a man up?

143
00:10:57,339 --> 00:10:58,966
I'll never know.

144
00:11:00,275 --> 00:11:02,505
Hold my hands,

145
00:11:02,611 --> 00:11:04,442
'cause I got something to

146
00:11:04,546 --> 00:11:06,411
I got something to say.

147
00:11:07,816 --> 00:11:09,477
Oh, boy.

148
00:11:13,622 --> 00:11:16,318
–You holding 'em?
–I got 'em tight.

149
00:11:19,061 --> 00:11:21,041
When we get back to the world,

150
00:11:21,196 --> 00:11:25,427
we gonna put together that three-piece
combo band we talked about?

151
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:28,459
–Me on stand-up bass.
–Johnny on drums.

152
00:11:29,938 --> 00:11:32,065
And me tickling the ivories.

153
00:11:34,176 --> 00:11:37,441
I ain't never been worth a nothing
in this life,

154
00:11:37,546 --> 00:11:40,310
but I want you to know something.

155
00:11:41,383 --> 00:11:42,680
What, man?

156
00:11:44,586 --> 00:11:45,883
You are my

157
00:11:47,389 --> 00:11:49,084
You are my brother.

158
00:12:02,071 --> 00:12:07,099
You are my brother.
You are my?You are my

159
00:12:07,276 --> 00:12:08,903
I am your brother.

160
00:12:12,414 --> 00:12:14,143
I'm sorry. Could we cut?

161
00:12:14,249 --> 00:12:15,811
–What's he saying?
–Damien, can we cut?

162
00:12:15,851 --> 00:12:17,579
–No. No, no, no, no, no
–All right, you know what?

163
00:12:17,619 --> 00:12:20,683
We got the jets coming in,
big explosion, two minutes.

164
00:12:20,723 --> 00:12:21,815
Still rolling.

165
00:12:21,924 --> 00:12:23,619
You know what? No, not still rolling.
Can we cut?

166
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,387
–We're cutting.
–No, we're not. Get out!

167
00:12:25,427 --> 00:12:27,456
Hey, what's going on?
For real, my butt is hurting!

168
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:29,692
This harness is riding up my crack!

169
00:12:29,732 --> 00:12:32,261
–Damien, are we cutting?
–No! No! Still rolling!

170
00:12:32,301 --> 00:12:34,479
Mr Cockburn! Are we cutting, sir?

171
00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:37,699
No! No. I'm not cutting!
We're still rolling!

172
00:12:37,806 --> 00:12:38,934
Damien, what's the dealy, dude?

173
00:12:38,974 --> 00:12:40,836
Are we gonna blow
this tree line or what?

174
00:12:40,876 --> 00:12:42,504
Tuk Tuk and Kim
got the blue balls here.

175
00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:43,839
I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go!

176
00:12:43,879 --> 00:12:46,175
–Play it through. Still rolling!
–Dieter, can he hear me?

177
00:12:46,215 --> 00:12:48,844
That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back.
I said a detonator.

178
00:12:48,884 --> 00:12:51,313
I need some dudes up here
who speak American, God damn it!

179
00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:52,881
He's making
a fucking sweater back here.

180
00:12:52,921 --> 00:12:55,317
I'm trying to put Tiger Balm
on this jungle's nuts.

181
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:56,585
Everyone, please shut up.

182
00:12:56,625 --> 00:12:58,854
The jets are coming in.
We only have one chance at this!

183
00:12:58,894 --> 00:13:00,293
And go!

184
00:13:00,395 --> 00:13:02,903
Let's do it. You feel it?
You feel me?

185
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:06,065
–You are my
–I am your brother.

186
00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,400
We've seen it all, man.

187
00:13:09,138 --> 00:13:10,199
I'm sorry, Damien?

188
00:13:10,239 --> 00:13:11,559
Are you seeing that?

189
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:15,666
The little froggy on the boom mike?
It's right in my eyeline.

190
00:13:15,944 --> 00:13:17,639
Donny! What's up, man?

191
00:13:18,313 --> 00:13:19,374
It's been there the whole show.

192
00:13:19,414 --> 00:13:20,509
Yeah, well it's right in my face,

193
00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:21,610
I'm staring at a frog, I'm trying to feel

194
00:13:21,650 --> 00:13:24,279
It's always the yellow frog that
brings them black frog on Fridays, man.

195
00:13:24,319 --> 00:13:26,081
Hell, no, I didn't pee on that girl.

196
00:13:26,121 --> 00:13:28,283
No, I didn't pee on her,
listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no.

197
00:13:28,323 --> 00:13:30,919
The story is this. She was in the way
when I was peeing, she walked past.

198
00:13:30,959 --> 00:13:33,325
What the fuck is going on here?

199
00:13:33,428 --> 00:13:35,672
On three, baby. One, two, breathe.

200
00:13:35,697 --> 00:13:38,293
Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do
a countdown before I do the scene.

201
00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:39,461
–No countdown?
–No countdown.

202
00:13:39,501 --> 00:13:40,763
–Okay.
–Can we just do it off of “Action?

203
00:13:40,803 --> 00:13:42,361
Just?In your own time.

204
00:13:42,471 --> 00:13:44,333
–Good
–I'm not a rocket ship, okay?

205
00:13:44,373 --> 00:13:46,068
–All right, dude.
–And action!

206
00:13:46,108 --> 00:13:49,104
Whatever floats your boat, baby.
Fuck! Don't die!

207
00:13:49,144 --> 00:13:51,578
Erika, get me a VitaminWater!

208
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,208
You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry.

209
00:13:53,248 --> 00:13:57,713
Not to get into his thing, but if
I'm crying, should Osiris be crying, too?

210
00:13:57,753 --> 00:13:59,715
–No, it's everyone cry
–We cutting or we crying?

211
00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:01,150
–No, no, no, we're crying!
–Just call it, man!

212
00:14:01,190 --> 00:14:03,385
–Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry.
–Thanks!

213
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:05,220
–Everybody cry
–You know what?

214
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:07,289
–You see how agitated he is now?
–I know.

215
00:14:07,329 --> 00:14:10,125
–Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work.
–Okay. Still rolling!

216
00:14:10,165 --> 00:14:12,895
<i>This is Falcon One. We have the ridge
in sight, approximately two miles out.</i>

217
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:15,264
Dieter, these jets
are about to crest this ridge line.

218
00:14:15,304 --> 00:14:17,299
They got about 200 pounds
of shit your pants.

219
00:14:17,339 --> 00:14:19,715
I need to know if we're ready to go.

220
00:14:21,143 --> 00:14:23,441
–You're my?You're my
–I am your

221
00:14:23,545 --> 00:14:27,075
See, that's what I think it is, Damien.
I think it's the line.

222
00:14:27,115 --> 00:14:28,139
Yeah?

223
00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:30,179
I don't know if Four Leaf
would say that?Four Leaf?

224
00:14:30,219 --> 00:14:32,614
Were you crying
when your hands blew up?

225
00:14:32,654 --> 00:14:34,349
No. See, he didn't.
Yeah, I mean, just that's what

226
00:14:34,389 --> 00:14:36,018
So now we in re-writes, right?

227
00:14:36,058 --> 00:14:37,252
–Where you going?
–Let's re-write it!

228
00:14:37,292 --> 00:14:39,521
Action Jackson can't cry.
That's what's going down.

229
00:14:39,561 --> 00:14:41,590
You know what, Kirk?
I'm ready to do the scene!

230
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:45,260
What scene? The scene is
about emotionality. Where is it?

231
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:46,962
–Now it's time to flip the script!
–Kirk

232
00:14:47,002 --> 00:14:49,331
Be here till Chinese New Year
waiting for my man to cry.

233
00:14:49,371 --> 00:14:51,400
You're tangling me,
you're fucking tangling me.

234
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:52,701
You're tangling me, God damn it!

235
00:14:52,741 --> 00:14:55,637
–Kirk, no!
–Stop tailgating me, you pasty tea bag!

236
00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:57,906
I'm going potty.
You want to hold my dick?

237
00:14:57,946 --> 00:15:00,843
Shit! What are you fucking both doing,
Good Lord!

238
00:15:00,883 --> 00:15:03,478
We're getting this in a wide shot, right?

239
00:15:03,518 --> 00:15:05,113
Of course we're getting it
in a fucking wide.

240
00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:06,248
What, do you think
I'm a dick or something?

241
00:15:06,288 --> 00:15:07,880
Get that fucking food

242
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,423
Here they come!

243
00:15:10,525 --> 00:15:12,967
–The planes are inbound!
–Shit! Shit!

244
00:15:13,028 --> 00:15:17,931
Shit, shit, cocksucker, bollocks.
Tropic tits!

245
00:15:18,033 --> 00:15:21,002
That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go!

246
00:15:21,103 --> 00:15:23,162
Let's go freaking Tet here!

247
00:15:23,272 --> 00:15:25,263
Goddamn shit-picking cock!

248
00:15:27,376 --> 00:15:28,968
That's my shit!

249
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:37,451
Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!

250
00:15:45,327 --> 00:15:46,555
–Sweet.
–Oh, mama!

251
00:15:49,364 --> 00:15:51,628
<i>Bungle in the jungle.</i>

252
00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:54,897
<i>More bad news from the Vietnamese set
of Tropic Thunder,</i>

253
00:15:54,937 --> 00:15:58,668
where a $4 million explosion
charred the Asian location

254
00:15:58,774 --> 00:16:00,802
and the camera wasn't even rolling.

255
00:16:00,842 --> 00:16:03,572
<i>Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul
Les Grossman,</i>

256
00:16:03,612 --> 00:16:06,775
<i>the film is already rumored to be
one month behind schedule</i>

257
00:16:06,815 --> 00:16:09,745
<i>just five days into shooting.
The reason?</i>

258
00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:12,781
Fingers are pointed at rookie director
Damien Cockburn,

259
00:16:12,821 --> 00:16:15,984
who, insiders say,
can't control a star-studded cast,

260
00:16:16,024 --> 00:16:20,789
<i>including flatulent star of the popular
Fatties franchise, Jeff Portnoy.</i>

261
00:16:20,829 --> 00:16:23,425
<i>Let me tell you something.
A lot of people are disrespecting me.</i>

262
00:16:23,465 --> 00:16:27,262
<i>They say that the movie's
just about farts. It's about family,</i>

263
00:16:27,302 --> 00:16:30,396
<i>and?you! You can't do what I do></i>

264
00:16:30,505 --> 00:16:34,803
<i>Fresh from his most recent arrest
for heroin, glue and crack possession,</i>

265
00:16:34,843 --> 00:16:37,272
<i>Portnoy was almost uninsurable.</i>

266
00:16:37,312 --> 00:16:41,710
<i>Also in the mix is Booty Sweat-hocking
hip-hop hyphenate Alpa Chino.</i>

267
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:44,313
<i>I'm so excited, you know what I'm
saying, about doing Tropic Thunder.</i>

268
00:16:44,353 --> 00:16:46,581
<i>Hey, drink Booty Sweat, baby.
Drink Booty Sweat.</i>

269
00:16:46,621 --> 00:16:48,350
<i>But the real heavyweight on the set</i>

270
00:16:48,390 --> 00:16:49,284
<i>is five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus.</i>

271
00:16:49,324 --> 00:16:51,153
<i>Is five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus.</i>

272
00:16:51,193 --> 00:16:54,990
<i>The brilliant Australian
known for his bad boy antics off-screen</i>

273
00:16:55,030 --> 00:16:58,694
<i>is famous for his total immersion
into any role he portrays.</i>

274
00:16:58,734 --> 00:17:00,095
<i>Well, being an actor is no different</i>

275
00:17:00,135 --> 00:17:02,397
<i>than being a rugby player
or a construction worker,</i>

276
00:17:02,437 --> 00:17:03,632
<i>save for the fact that my tools</i>

277
00:17:03,672 --> 00:17:05,801
<i>are the mechanisms
that trigger human emotion.</i>

278
00:17:05,841 --> 00:17:07,970
<i>Lazarus underwent a controversial</i>

279
00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:11,073
<i>pigmentation alteration procedure
in order to play</i>

280
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:14,276
<i>the platoon's African-American
sergeant, Lincoln Osiris.</i>

281
00:17:14,316 --> 00:17:15,749
<i>Yeah!</i>

282
00:17:15,851 --> 00:17:17,779
<i>Trying to hold his own onscreen
with Kirk</i>

283
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:20,015
<i>is action juggernaut Tugg Speedman.</i>

284
00:17:20,055 --> 00:17:22,918
<i>Once the highest grossing star
in the world,</i>

285
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:26,088
<i>lately his Scorcher films
have lost their heat.</i>

286
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,790
<i>Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra.</i>

287
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:30,826
<i>You have no real family.</i>

288
00:17:30,866 --> 00:17:35,303
<i>You're on the wrong side of 40.
You're childless and alone.</i>

289
00:17:35,404 --> 00:17:37,165
<i>Somebody close to you said,</i>

290
00:17:37,205 --> 00:17:40,003
<i>?i>One more flop and it's over>?/i>

291
00:17:42,110 --> 00:17:44,948
<i>Somebody said they were close to me?</i>

292
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:46,341
<i>It's been a tough year for Tugg.</i>

293
00:17:46,381 --> 00:17:49,211
<i>The disappointing buddy comedy
Chitlir and the Dude</i>

294
00:17:49,251 --> 00:17:53,982
<i>was followed by an ill-advised venture
into serious dramatic territory.</i>

295
00:17:54,022 --> 00:17:55,114
Simple Jack,

296
00:17:55,223 --> 00:17:59,021
<i>the story of a mentally impaired
farmhand who can talk to animals,</i>

297
00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:00,989
<i>was a box office disaster</i>

298
00:18:01,029 --> 00:18:05,694
<i>that many critics called,
?i>One of the worst movies of all time>?/i>

299
00:18:05,734 --> 00:18:09,363
<i>I ain't got a good brain.</i>

300
00:18:10,372 --> 00:18:13,342
<i>I think you've got a fine brain, Jack.</i>

301
00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:18,540
<i>You make me happy.</i>

302
00:18:20,082 --> 00:18:24,519
<i>But now the question is,
can Speedman make audiences happy</i>

303
00:18:24,619 --> 00:18:26,448
<i>in what's being called
the most expensive</i>

304
00:18:26,488 --> 00:18:28,817
<i>?i>war movie never made>
–Rick Peck.</i>

305
00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:30,419
<i>Wishing Tugg all the best on that one.</i>

306
00:18:30,459 --> 00:18:34,815
Rum-Tum-Tuggernauts, it's the Pecker.
You got time for your agent?

307
00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:36,158
–Rick?
–Hey, buddy,

308
00:18:36,264 --> 00:18:37,893
guess who I'm staring at right now.

309
00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:39,661
<i>?i>What>
–I'm looking at your ugly mug</i>

310
00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,064
<i>on the back cover
of Vanity Fair magazine,</i>

311
00:18:42,104 --> 00:18:44,599
holding a cute, cuddly panda
from Cutesville.

312
00:18:44,639 --> 00:18:47,233
It is insane, bro. You are a rock star.

313
00:18:47,342 --> 00:18:49,982
Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent?

314
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:51,069
From Rick.

315
00:18:51,179 --> 00:18:53,341
Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks.

316
00:18:53,381 --> 00:18:56,011
<i>All right,
that is a real satellite phone, bro.</i>

317
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:57,643
Do not re-gift.

318
00:18:57,752 --> 00:19:00,315
<i>Hey. You see
that Access Hollywood piece?</i>

319
00:19:00,355 --> 00:19:03,351
Yeah, I did.
It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid.

320
00:19:03,391 --> 00:19:07,889
I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,
Tugg. You are a huge star, all right?

321
00:19:07,929 --> 00:19:09,396
But right now,

322
00:19:09,498 --> 00:19:11,126
<i>you're like that kid on the playground,
you know,</i>

323
00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:14,196
the one who has lice that none
of the other kids want to play with?

324
00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:16,298
–What do you mean?
–I mean we gotta shave your head

325
00:19:16,338 --> 00:19:18,867
and get you back
on the monkey bars, right?

326
00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:20,238
What?

327
00:19:20,342 --> 00:19:22,207
How did the crying scene go?

328
00:19:22,310 --> 00:19:24,139
Horrible. Lazarus started crying.

329
00:19:24,179 --> 00:19:27,409
<i>Then he starts drooling and dribbling,
and it wasn't even in the script?/i></i>

330
00:19:27,449 --> 00:19:28,571
Stop right there!

331
00:19:28,650 --> 00:19:30,445
<i>You gotta buck up here, Tuggboat.</i>

332
00:19:30,485 --> 00:19:33,248
Who cares how much more talented
he may be than you?

333
00:19:33,288 --> 00:19:36,655
If he cries, you cry harder, man.

334
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,987
Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia
or something

335
00:19:39,027 --> 00:19:40,455
<i>when you were a kid?
I mean, think of that.</i>

336
00:19:40,495 --> 00:19:44,261
Boom! End of story.
They hook up the TiVo yet?

337
00:19:44,366 --> 00:19:45,628
Good gosh.

338
00:19:45,734 --> 00:19:47,629
<i>?i>What>
–The TiVo, they hook it up?</i>

339
00:19:47,669 --> 00:19:49,998
<i>?i>No. The guy didn't come>
–What?</i>

340
00:19:50,038 --> 00:19:52,632
For fuck's sake, that is unacceptable.

341
00:19:52,741 --> 00:19:54,703
They have digital cable, but,
I mean, it's okay.

342
00:19:54,743 --> 00:19:57,038
No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay.

343
00:19:57,078 --> 00:19:59,205
<i>It is not okay, Tugg!</i>

344
00:19:59,314 --> 00:20:02,511
And you don't need to explain to me
why you need TiVo

345
00:20:02,551 --> 00:20:06,487
or clean water, clean sheets,
food, shelter.

346
00:20:06,588 --> 00:20:09,751
<i>I mean, I fought for
that in your contract.</i>

347
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,920
How's the adoption thing coming,
buddy?

348
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,985
Not too great.

349
00:20:17,232 --> 00:20:19,928
I feel like all the good ones are gone.

350
00:20:21,603 --> 00:20:23,965
Well, at least you get to choose yours.

351
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:25,836
I'm stuck with mine.

352
00:20:27,742 --> 00:20:30,338
Tell you what, get back to work,
genius soldier.

353
00:20:30,378 --> 00:20:33,308
The Pecker's on a TiVo mission
for the Y-O-U.

354
00:20:33,348 --> 00:20:35,177
<i>Work on those tears, my man.</i>

355
00:20:35,217 --> 00:20:36,309
All right. Yeah.

356
00:20:36,418 --> 00:20:37,976
Say it for me one time.

357
00:20:38,086 --> 00:20:42,352
–You make me happy.
–Make me happy.

358
00:20:42,457 --> 00:20:44,920
<i>?i>I love you, buddy>
–All right, bye.</i>

359
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,022
Crisis meeting?
What does that mean, exactly?

360
00:20:47,062 --> 00:20:48,790
I mean, are we in a crisis?

361
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:50,425
He's the head of the studio.

362
00:20:50,465 --> 00:20:52,894
He's reaching out.
We're 10,000 miles away.

363
00:20:52,934 --> 00:20:54,095
He just wants a little face-time.

364
00:20:54,135 --> 00:20:56,798
I know, it's just you said
that he called it a crisis meeting. So

365
00:20:56,838 --> 00:20:59,301
It's Les Grossman.
He throws these words around.

366
00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:03,744
“Crisis,?“explosion,
“not rolling,?“fired.

367
00:21:03,845 --> 00:21:05,231
These are just words.

368
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,373
Yeah! Yeah!

369
00:21:07,482 --> 00:21:10,845
Keep a secret? A camera truck
in London just plowed into Judi Dench.

370
00:21:10,885 --> 00:21:12,080
Trust me, he's got bigger problems.

371
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:14,649
<i>Look, he may be able to see me,
but I can't see him.</i>

372
00:21:14,689 --> 00:21:19,217
<i>–Move! Move! Hello, Les! Hello!
?i>Get your ass out of my?/i></i>

373
00:21:19,327 --> 00:21:20,822
<i>?i>Your feet were on my desk>
–Can he see us?</i>

374
00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:22,257
I don't know why we don't have

375
00:21:22,297 --> 00:21:24,526
Get him a Diet Coke. Les! It's working!

376
00:21:24,566 --> 00:21:27,128
Yeah, whatever you're doing right there.
Hello, Les!

377
00:21:27,168 --> 00:21:28,630
<i>–Hello, Les!
?i>Okay></i>

378
00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:30,799
We got you loud and clear here, Les.

379
00:21:30,839 --> 00:21:34,536
<i>I see you. I see you. I see you.</i>

380
00:21:34,643 --> 00:21:38,141
<i>Which one of you fuckfaces
is Damien Cockburn?</i>

381
00:21:38,780 --> 00:21:40,304
That's me, sir.

382
00:21:40,415 --> 00:21:44,012
It's good to finally meet you at last,
get some face-time.

383
00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:48,011
<i>And who here is the key grip?
You? You.</i>

384
00:21:50,025 --> 00:21:53,853
<i>Hit that director in the face,
really fucking hard.</i>

385
00:22:00,368 --> 00:22:01,699
Sorry, man.

386
00:22:08,209 --> 00:22:11,110
<i>This is your fault, you limey fuck!</i>

387
00:22:11,212 --> 00:22:13,141
<i>You shit the money-bed, my friend.</i>

388
00:22:13,181 --> 00:22:15,706
–What?
–God damn it, Damien!

389
00:22:15,817 --> 00:22:18,980
With all due respect, Les Grossman did
not blow up the jungle.

390
00:22:19,020 --> 00:22:20,181
<i>–What?
?i>Fuck the jungle></i>

391
00:22:20,221 --> 00:22:21,552
Exactly!

392
00:22:22,257 --> 00:22:23,724
Come on, man.

393
00:22:24,459 --> 00:22:27,189
Hey, Les, I understand if you're angry,

394
00:22:27,295 --> 00:22:29,357
but I am dealing
with a bunch of primadonnas!

395
00:22:29,397 --> 00:22:32,889
Clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can't cry!
He can't cry!

396
00:22:33,001 --> 00:22:35,463
<i>You know how you handle an actor?
They whine about anything,</i>

397
00:22:35,503 --> 00:22:38,867
<i>you pull down their pants
and you spank their ass.</i>

398
00:22:38,907 --> 00:22:41,102
–You spank that ass, Les.
–What?

399
00:22:41,209 --> 00:22:44,975
Spanking a child
turns him into a little snot.

400
00:22:45,847 --> 00:22:48,748
Fear makes him a man.

401
00:22:49,784 --> 00:22:54,380
I know a place
where a man's worth is measured

402
00:22:54,489 --> 00:22:58,289
in the ears hanging from his dog tags.

403
00:22:58,393 --> 00:23:01,123
The real deep shit.

404
00:23:01,229 --> 00:23:02,691
You wanna make this movie right?

405
00:23:02,731 --> 00:23:03,892
You wanna make this movie right?

406
00:23:03,932 --> 00:23:07,424
That's where you take
your pansy-ass actors.

407
00:23:09,003 --> 00:23:10,868
<i>Who is this guy?</i>

408
00:23:10,972 --> 00:23:12,872
Les, that's Four Leaf.

409
00:23:12,974 --> 00:23:16,273
Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback.
I wrote the book.

410
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,610
<i>You're a great American.
This nation owes you a huge debt.</i>

411
00:23:22,650 --> 00:23:25,884
<i>Now shut the fuck up
and let me do my job!</i>

412
00:23:26,488 --> 00:23:28,016
<i>?i>Look, Cockburn>
–Yes.</i>

413
00:23:28,056 --> 00:23:32,153
<i>From now on, my fist
is gonna be so far up your shithole</i>

414
00:23:32,193 --> 00:23:33,621
<i>that every time you have a thought,</i>

415
00:23:33,661 --> 00:23:36,758
<i>it's gonna have to tiptoe
past my wedding ring.</i>

416
00:23:36,798 --> 00:23:40,395
<i>Take control of your actors,
or I will shut you down.</i>

417
00:23:40,435 --> 00:23:41,557
<i>Diet Coke!</i>

418
00:23:59,287 --> 00:24:01,482
One week down, two weeks behind,

419
00:24:01,589 --> 00:24:05,453
GI Joe can't cry, don't matter 'cause you
ain't got the camera turned on anyway.

420
00:24:05,493 --> 00:24:06,892
Let's party!

421
00:24:07,829 --> 00:24:09,791
Man, you better get your shit straight,

422
00:24:09,831 --> 00:24:13,528
or I'll be on the next NetJet out of here,
baby. You feel me?

423
00:24:13,568 --> 00:24:14,596
–You feel that?
–Yeah.

424
00:24:14,636 --> 00:24:17,408
Here comes another.
There we go. Now what?

425
00:24:17,539 --> 00:24:19,871
–Sandusky. Good.
–Hey, Mr Cockburn.

426
00:24:19,974 --> 00:24:21,903
We need to have a cast meeting
right now.

427
00:24:21,943 --> 00:24:23,304
–Right now? Awesome.
–Yes.

428
00:24:23,344 --> 00:24:24,606
You actually care, don't you?

429
00:24:24,646 --> 00:24:27,308
Yeah, it's a huge deal for me,
are you kidding?

430
00:24:27,348 --> 00:24:29,377
I've spent the past two years of my life

431
00:24:29,417 --> 00:24:33,181
living off residuals from a anti-herpes
medication commercial.

432
00:24:33,221 --> 00:24:34,449
I know, you're the only one
who auditioned,

433
00:24:34,489 --> 00:24:36,117
the only one who did
the two-week boot camp.

434
00:24:36,157 --> 00:24:37,818
Hey, hey, Alpa.

435
00:24:38,526 --> 00:24:41,055
I'm the director. He's
I need to speak to my actor.

436
00:24:41,095 --> 00:24:42,390
All right, hold up. Chino?

437
00:24:42,430 --> 00:24:44,542
What? Hell, yo. What's up, baby?

438
00:24:45,133 --> 00:24:46,694
This about
the Booty Sweat cross-promotion?

439
00:24:46,734 --> 00:24:47,829
No, it's about the film.

440
00:24:47,869 --> 00:24:50,198
Oh, the film and Booty Sweat's
the same thing. Give him a shot.

441
00:24:50,238 --> 00:24:52,365
Hey, how you doing, Jeff?

442
00:24:52,474 --> 00:24:55,932
–Who are you?
–That's awesome, man.

443
00:24:58,213 --> 00:25:02,946
Kevin. Kevin Sandusky. I play Brooklyn,
we've been working together.

444
00:25:03,051 --> 00:25:04,712
Oh, right, right. I like you.

445
00:25:04,752 --> 00:25:06,781
Man, it's a real honor to be here

446
00:25:06,821 --> 00:25:08,183
I can tell it's gonna be
a good experience.

447
00:25:08,223 --> 00:25:09,417
I'm really having a good time.

448
00:25:09,457 --> 00:25:11,152
Hey, can you help me out, man?
I'm looking for this guy.

449
00:25:11,192 --> 00:25:15,356
The grip with the bandana.
He's got a package for me.

450
00:25:15,830 --> 00:25:18,230
There he is, fucker. Dragon!

451
00:25:19,334 --> 00:25:21,165
What the fuck? Oh, buddy!

452
00:25:21,302 --> 00:25:22,730
I'm gonna go shoot a video, right?

453
00:25:22,770 --> 00:25:24,966
I'm gonna have V.C. Soldiers
in the video

454
00:25:25,006 --> 00:25:26,367
doing the noodle-legs, Damien.

455
00:25:26,407 --> 00:25:30,961
Hell, yeah, do it. V.C. Soldiers doing
the hip-hop bunny hop, Damien.

456
00:25:31,012 --> 00:25:32,740
It's good, I love it, great. But I need to

457
00:25:32,780 --> 00:25:35,877
V.C. Soldiers doing the seizure, baby.
Hit it, baby.

458
00:25:35,917 --> 00:25:38,359
Hell yeah, get it. Get it, Cornbread.

459
00:25:39,754 --> 00:25:40,914
Alpa!

460
00:25:41,022 --> 00:25:42,517
Yo, check it out. Donny on the phone.

461
00:25:42,557 --> 00:25:43,585
Hello? Yo, yo, Donny!

462
00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:47,189
Can we call him back?
I've got to have a cast meeting.

463
00:25:49,230 --> 00:25:51,626
<i>When we put aside our differences,</i>

464
00:25:51,666 --> 00:25:54,533
<i>we see we're kind of the same.</i>

465
00:25:55,436 --> 00:25:58,963
<i>When we put aside our differences,
we see</i>

466
00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:02,622
<i>we're kind of the same.</i>

467
00:26:03,278 --> 00:26:05,075
<i>Let's be friends.</i>

468
00:26:05,380 --> 00:26:08,416
<i>I know we can do great things together.</i>

469
00:26:10,118 --> 00:26:14,078
<i>That's a quotation from
a children's book I co-wrote,</i>

470
00:26:14,656 --> 00:26:16,834
The Boy Everybody Was Jealous Of.

471
00:26:16,891 --> 00:26:18,686
<i>I think it pertains to the journey?/i></i>

472
00:26:18,726 --> 00:26:20,706
<i>Simple Jack sucked ass!</i>

473
00:26:21,129 --> 00:26:23,591
<i>All right, who said that? It's not funny.</i>

474
00:26:23,631 --> 00:26:26,469
<i>Whoever it is, it's not funny, okay?</i>

475
00:26:32,707 --> 00:26:35,403
When the herd loses its way,

476
00:26:35,510 --> 00:26:39,947
the shepherd must kill
the bull that leads them astray.

477
00:26:41,783 --> 00:26:45,048
–Four Leaf?
–Come on over. It's okay.

478
00:26:46,721 --> 00:26:48,211
–Sit down.
–Yes.

479
00:26:49,624 --> 00:26:54,721
–So, you don't like the hotel?
–Beds give me nightmares.

480
00:26:59,767 --> 00:27:04,966
I'm guessing right about now
you couldn't find a Dixie coonskin

481
00:27:05,073 --> 00:27:09,407
with an Ohio hooker holding your prick
and showing you the way.

482
00:27:16,217 --> 00:27:17,548
What?

483
00:27:17,785 --> 00:27:19,377
You're a riddle

484
00:27:20,888 --> 00:27:23,823
with no cheese to maze through.

485
00:27:25,727 --> 00:27:26,754
Don't you get it?

486
00:27:26,794 --> 00:27:30,592
No, I don't. I'm a cock of the mouse
or something. I don't know.

487
00:27:30,632 --> 00:27:34,568
I put my story in your limp Brit hands,

488
00:27:34,669 --> 00:27:38,105
and you are not going to fail me.

489
00:27:38,206 --> 00:27:41,869
You think I was just blowing
my own bagpipe in that meeting?

490
00:27:41,909 --> 00:27:45,743
You must put those boys in the shit.

491
00:27:45,847 --> 00:27:47,497
What? I don't understand.

492
00:27:47,515 --> 00:27:50,780
–You wanna make your movie or not?
–Yes, I do.

493
00:27:50,885 --> 00:27:54,449
All right, you get
some of those little video type cameras.

494
00:27:54,489 --> 00:27:58,186
We take them out there, and we put
them in the trees in different angles.

495
00:27:58,226 --> 00:28:01,559
Then you give me
and that pyromaniac Cody

496
00:28:01,663 --> 00:28:06,532
all the smoke bombs, charges,
explosives, detonators you got.

497
00:28:06,634 --> 00:28:09,068
Then we take those boys up there,

498
00:28:09,170 --> 00:28:12,333
me and Cody,
we could light up that fucking jungle,

499
00:28:12,373 --> 00:28:15,370
so those lily-dick actors
would be shitting their pants

500
00:28:15,410 --> 00:28:17,472
and screaming for their mammies.

501
00:28:17,512 --> 00:28:21,274
They'd be begging for a body bag
if it means a ride home.

502
00:28:23,818 --> 00:28:25,342
I could do it.

503
00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:29,617
I could shoot the whole thing
guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty.

504
00:28:29,657 --> 00:28:33,054
Get them away from their helpers
and ass-licking assistants.

505
00:28:33,094 --> 00:28:34,255
Put them in the real shit.

506
00:28:34,295 --> 00:28:35,556
–Real shit.
–With real fear in their eyes!

507
00:28:35,596 --> 00:28:38,656
Real fear, real emotion!
Yes, Four Leaf, yes!

508
00:28:38,766 --> 00:28:40,859
–Yes! Yes!
–Yes! Yes!

509
00:28:40,968 --> 00:28:43,014
Take them off the fucking grid!

510
00:29:00,188 --> 00:29:02,952
You are no longer actors in a movie!

511
00:29:04,058 --> 00:29:06,788
You are five men in a helicopter!

512
00:29:08,563 --> 00:29:10,326
With three other men!

513
00:29:15,970 --> 00:29:17,565
How long are we gonna be gone,
anyways?

514
00:29:17,605 --> 00:29:21,666
'Cause I left most of my vitamins
back at the hotel.

515
00:29:21,776 --> 00:29:25,142
–Save your breath, maggots!
–That's right, maggots!

516
00:29:36,424 --> 00:29:37,686
MandM?

517
00:29:39,594 --> 00:29:40,891
MandM?

518
00:30:00,681 --> 00:30:02,777
Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!

519
00:30:02,817 --> 00:30:04,612
Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!

520
00:30:04,652 --> 00:30:07,882
Move it, maggots, move!
Move, grunts, move your ass!

521
00:30:07,922 --> 00:30:10,220
Get out, you wriggly worms!

522
00:30:10,324 --> 00:30:12,792
–It's up too high!
–Move, move, move!

523
00:30:16,264 --> 00:30:17,993
See you in hell!

524
00:30:29,510 --> 00:30:33,708
This is bullshit!
I gotta at least call my fucking assistant.

525
00:30:34,982 --> 00:30:37,712
Fucking! Jesus! Dude!

526
00:30:39,187 --> 00:30:41,482
You're sitting on a nest
of hostile enemy V.C.

527
00:30:41,522 --> 00:30:44,958
Congratulations, Fats.
You just got us all killed.

528
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:49,590
Anybody else care to give away
our position to Charlie?

529
00:30:49,664 --> 00:30:51,427
Cell phones!

530
00:30:51,532 --> 00:30:52,999
What the hell, Damien?

531
00:30:53,100 --> 00:30:56,864
Weren't no cell phones in '69, man.
I'm head-to-toe legitimate.

532
00:30:56,904 --> 00:31:00,305
Gentlemen, I've got good news
and bad news.

533
00:31:00,408 --> 00:31:03,972
The studio wants to shut us down.
That's the bad news.

534
00:31:04,045 --> 00:31:06,343
And the good news.

535
00:31:06,447 --> 00:31:09,410
If you wanna save this movie,
you will become a unit.

536
00:31:09,450 --> 00:31:13,216
Your objective is to head north
to the D'ang Kwook River

537
00:31:13,321 --> 00:31:14,882
and liberate the POW camp,

538
00:31:14,922 --> 00:31:18,288
at which point Four Leaf
will get himself captured,

539
00:31:18,292 --> 00:31:20,154
at which point you will rescue him,

540
00:31:20,194 --> 00:31:23,561
at which point
we will chopper you home!

541
00:31:24,765 --> 00:31:25,857
Damn.

542
00:31:25,967 --> 00:31:27,829
Four Leaf,
since you're the staff sergeant,

543
00:31:27,869 --> 00:31:30,331
there's the map, this is the scene list.

544
00:31:30,371 --> 00:31:32,498
Think you can handle it?

545
00:31:32,607 --> 00:31:36,805
We have rigged this entire
valley of death with hidden cameras.

546
00:31:38,279 --> 00:31:41,976
And I will be shooting as well,
from unseen vantage points,

547
00:31:42,016 --> 00:31:45,611
so that every glorious moment
is captured on film.

548
00:31:46,888 --> 00:31:50,051
And believe me, gentlemen,
it will be glorious.

549
00:31:50,157 --> 00:31:52,753
If it looks real,
chances are it probably is.

550
00:31:52,793 --> 00:31:54,385
You wanted to be actors.

551
00:31:54,495 --> 00:31:57,158
You wanted to occupy
the skin of another human being.

552
00:31:57,198 --> 00:32:00,261
Well, get ready to occupy the skin
of a terrified U.S. Infantry grunt,

553
00:32:00,301 --> 00:32:04,067
surrounded by death,
crawling up Satan's bottom.

554
00:32:05,106 --> 00:32:09,871
There'll be ambushes, enemy fire,
your own little personal slice of 'Nam.

555
00:32:09,911 --> 00:32:14,507
This radio goes to the chopper
and the chopper only.

556
00:32:14,615 --> 00:32:19,052
The chopper is God,
and I am Jesus Christ, his son.

557
00:32:19,153 --> 00:32:21,849
You are my chosen disciples.

558
00:32:21,956 --> 00:32:25,052
And no one gets to go home
till we get the shots.

559
00:32:25,092 --> 00:32:28,118
Put on your war faces, gentlemen.

560
00:32:28,229 --> 00:32:32,928
Now, let's go and make
the greatest war movie ever!

561
00:32:33,034 --> 00:32:35,366
–Yeah!
–All right!

562
00:32:54,121 --> 00:32:55,179
Yeah!

563
00:33:00,628 --> 00:33:01,686
Yeah!

564
00:33:14,241 --> 00:33:16,141
Not bad, Cockburn!

565
00:33:17,979 --> 00:33:19,173
Not bad.

566
00:33:20,881 --> 00:33:22,473
Wherever you are!

567
00:33:24,485 --> 00:33:27,851
Wherever he is?
Looks like he's all over the place.

568
00:33:29,357 --> 00:33:31,257
Here we go.

569
00:33:31,359 --> 00:33:33,384
Must be an old French mine.

570
00:33:33,494 --> 00:33:38,378
It's a remnant from colonial Indo-China.
This jungle must be full of them.

571
00:33:39,033 --> 00:33:42,491
Don't you get it?
He's messing with our heads.

572
00:33:42,603 --> 00:33:44,699
That's what all that
playing God stuff was about.

573
00:33:44,739 --> 00:33:47,368
He's trying to get us to act good,
save the movie.

574
00:33:47,408 --> 00:33:50,510
He ain't playing God.
He's being judged by him.

575
00:33:54,448 --> 00:33:57,286
That's our objective.
Complete the mission.

576
00:34:03,357 --> 00:34:06,320
No offense, Kirk,
I know you're the big fancy actor here,

577
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:10,324
but I've done a lot more effects-driven
event films than you. Okay?

578
00:34:10,364 --> 00:34:11,816
And I think I can spot

579
00:34:13,868 --> 00:34:15,463
a prop head when I see one.

580
00:34:15,503 --> 00:34:16,993
Oh, Jesus.

581
00:34:18,205 --> 00:34:21,697
It's corn syrup, guys.
Corn syrup and latex.

582
00:34:24,912 --> 00:34:28,040
Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup.

583
00:34:28,149 --> 00:34:29,275
Oh, God.

584
00:34:29,917 --> 00:34:33,114
Smoke and mirrors, guys.
Welcome to the movie factory.

585
00:34:33,154 --> 00:34:34,804
Oldest trick in the book.

586
00:34:36,357 --> 00:34:37,677
He getting down now.

587
00:34:37,758 --> 00:34:39,123
Oh, my God!

588
00:34:41,929 --> 00:34:43,988
Whoa, look at me!

589
00:34:44,098 --> 00:34:45,626
You're going to get the shots,

590
00:34:45,666 --> 00:34:48,729
and I'm going to make sure
because I'm the director.

591
00:34:48,769 --> 00:34:50,896
I'm from London. I direct plays.

592
00:34:51,005 --> 00:34:54,031
Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on!

593
00:35:04,051 --> 00:35:05,746
Look, I'm Dave Beckham.

594
00:35:15,396 --> 00:35:17,858
So, we gotta
light these boys up today, huh?

595
00:35:17,898 --> 00:35:20,340
Blow some sense into these young men.

596
00:35:21,068 --> 00:35:24,031
Hey, I don't want to come off
as weird or anything,

597
00:35:24,071 --> 00:35:28,007
but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah.

598
00:35:29,376 --> 00:35:33,666
<i>Tropic Thunder.
Kind of like my Catcher in the Rye.</i>

599
00:35:34,115 --> 00:35:36,410
Yeah, I've never been in the military,
per se,

600
00:35:36,450 --> 00:35:39,684
but I have lost an appendage
in the line of duty.

601
00:35:40,688 --> 00:35:43,592
<i>Driving Miss Daisy, first studio gig.</i>

602
00:35:43,691 --> 00:35:44,749
Yeah.

603
00:35:45,259 --> 00:35:48,122
It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there.
What is it?

604
00:35:48,162 --> 00:35:50,142
I don't know what it's called.

605
00:35:50,965 --> 00:35:55,698
I just know the sound it makes
when it takes a mars life.

606
00:35:58,839 --> 00:35:59,897
Okay.

607
00:36:00,474 --> 00:36:01,769
Damien, we're go for explosion.

608
00:36:01,809 --> 00:36:04,672
Ready to kick the tires
and light the fires on your say-so.

609
00:36:04,712 --> 00:36:06,758
Damien, we're go for explosion.

610
00:36:07,581 --> 00:36:08,676
<i>Do you copy?</i>

611
00:36:08,716 --> 00:36:11,645
<i>I got an itchy trigger finger here,
and I'm ready to blow some shit up.</i>

612
00:36:11,685 --> 00:36:15,314
All right, you happy now?
Can we do the scene?

613
00:36:15,422 --> 00:36:18,986
Or do you need a formal invitation?
Come on, let's go!

614
00:36:19,860 --> 00:36:20,952
Here. Okay.

615
00:36:21,061 --> 00:36:24,361
“Scene 12, exterior,
jungle clearing, day, ambush.

616
00:36:28,802 --> 00:36:30,798
”Four Leaf notices
movement in the brush.

617
00:36:30,838 --> 00:36:33,934
”A dozen guerrilla fighters
can be seen moving in the tree line.

618
00:36:33,974 --> 00:36:36,534
Somewhere a mine explodes.
And you.

619
00:36:37,878 --> 00:36:39,974
“I got a bad feeling on this one.

620
00:36:40,014 --> 00:36:41,575
–Yeah.
–No, that's your line.

621
00:36:41,615 --> 00:36:44,545
–I got?Now?
–Yeah, but scared. Like, scared.

622
00:36:44,585 --> 00:36:47,381
–“I got a bad feeling on this one.
–Dude, wait, like how?

623
00:36:47,421 --> 00:36:49,316
“I got a bad feeling on this one.

624
00:36:49,356 --> 00:36:51,449
–Okay.
–Action. Go, come on.

625
00:37:00,467 --> 00:37:03,371
I got a bad feeling
on this one there, Fats.

626
00:37:04,672 --> 00:37:08,104
Our asses don't get fragged
in this bullshit valley,

627
00:37:08,175 --> 00:37:10,070
first thing I'm doing
is paying my two bucks

628
00:37:10,110 --> 00:37:11,805
so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry

629
00:37:11,845 --> 00:37:14,608
on a sweet little mama-san's
dinky dau poontang.

630
00:37:14,648 --> 00:37:17,611
Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged
before he get any cooch.

631
00:37:17,651 --> 00:37:20,885
He die, he probably die
a coochless motherfucker.

632
00:37:20,988 --> 00:37:22,387
Zip it, Motown.

633
00:37:22,489 --> 00:37:24,118
Don't you worry, Brooklyn.

634
00:37:24,158 --> 00:37:27,194
You got a lot of days of fucking
ahead of you.

635
00:37:28,329 --> 00:37:29,921
Man, I'm thirsty.

636
00:37:31,031 --> 00:37:35,991
Might as well have some of this
Booty Sweat I got back in Danang.

637
00:37:36,870 --> 00:37:40,362
Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead!

638
00:37:40,474 --> 00:37:42,336
<i>Ain't no Criss Angel Mindfreak,</i>

639
00:37:42,376 --> 00:37:45,709
David Blaine trapdoor
horseshit jumping off here!

640
00:37:45,813 --> 00:37:49,643
Hey! You wanna get on the train here,
or do you wanna ruin another take?

641
00:37:49,683 --> 00:37:53,775
There ain't no goddamn takes,
ain't no goddamn motion picture!

642
00:37:53,988 --> 00:37:55,751
–You sure?
–Yeah.

643
00:37:55,856 --> 00:37:57,653
–Yeah?
–For certain, man.

644
00:37:57,758 --> 00:38:00,134
Then why are you still in character?

645
00:38:01,228 --> 00:38:03,670
I know, but I don't have to tell you.

646
00:38:04,331 --> 00:38:05,389
You don't know.

647
00:38:05,499 --> 00:38:09,261
Man, I don't drop character
till I done a DVD commentary.

648
00:38:11,205 --> 00:38:13,434
You happy now?
We're out of position for the effects!

649
00:38:13,474 --> 00:38:15,203
Get down, fool!

650
00:38:16,910 --> 00:38:20,210
Didn't anyone read the script?
This is the ambush!

651
00:38:21,215 --> 00:38:24,878
–This feels pretty real!
–Exactly! Let's use it.

652
00:38:35,496 --> 00:38:36,656
Yeah!

653
00:38:37,931 --> 00:38:39,296
Yeah!

654
00:38:41,902 --> 00:38:43,164
Eat lead!

655
00:38:45,139 --> 00:38:48,571
They're busting caps
like a motherfucker down there.

656
00:38:50,778 --> 00:38:52,940
This is FUBAR. I say we juice them.

657
00:38:52,980 --> 00:38:55,092
–What do you think?
–Juice them.

658
00:38:56,884 --> 00:38:59,375
Fuck you, Charlie!

659
00:39:01,455 --> 00:39:02,922
Big-ass titties!

660
00:39:08,896 --> 00:39:10,523
Look at that, huh?

661
00:39:15,803 --> 00:39:16,997
And cut!

662
00:39:19,273 --> 00:39:21,168
That's the trailer right there.

663
00:39:21,208 --> 00:39:22,505
Yeah!

664
00:39:22,609 --> 00:39:24,873
–What do we do now?
–Yeah.

665
00:39:24,978 --> 00:39:26,573
North. Man said to head north.

666
00:39:26,613 --> 00:39:30,010
–Did you see me shooting?
–That's how we do. Good work, baby.

667
00:39:30,050 --> 00:39:31,108
I believed it.

668
00:39:31,218 --> 00:39:32,406
D'ang Kwook River.

669
00:39:33,020 --> 00:39:34,481
I'm betting
he's got more of these battles

670
00:39:34,521 --> 00:39:37,318
and Viet Congs
rigged for us along the way.

671
00:39:37,358 --> 00:39:41,124
Sergeant Osiris, get your men.
Load and lock.

672
00:39:41,795 --> 00:39:43,558
Real, baby, I'm real.

673
00:39:44,631 --> 00:39:47,429
Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover!

674
00:39:48,569 --> 00:39:51,595
Hump it up, gentlemen!
Single formation.

675
00:39:51,705 --> 00:39:53,536
Don't dawdle now!

676
00:40:17,664 --> 00:40:22,284
D-Rod, D-Rod, this is Puddingface.
How are we coming on that hotplate?

677
00:40:24,571 --> 00:40:27,935
Something's up.
I think we better drag ass back there.

678
00:40:27,975 --> 00:40:31,869
Make sure Damien ain't forgot
how to use his talkbox again.

679
00:40:38,419 --> 00:40:41,388
Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste.

680
00:40:42,990 --> 00:40:45,185
–What are you doing, Jeff?
–Fucking?Nothing, man!

681
00:40:45,225 --> 00:40:48,622
–I'm eating jellybeans.
–Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please

682
00:40:48,662 --> 00:40:51,434
No, you can't have
any fucking jellybeans.

683
00:40:51,498 --> 00:40:52,590
They're mine.

684
00:40:52,699 --> 00:40:53,927
You think
you're the only one who gets sick

685
00:40:53,967 --> 00:40:55,729
when he doesn't have his jellybeans?

686
00:40:55,769 --> 00:40:57,221
Boundaries, man. Fuck.

687
00:41:17,090 --> 00:41:19,853
Hey. I didn't mean to
show you up back there.

688
00:41:19,893 --> 00:41:24,091
It's just, I feel like we really need
to set the example for the other guys.

689
00:41:24,131 --> 00:41:26,031
It's gonna be tough,

690
00:41:26,133 --> 00:41:29,895
but I think Damien's gonna get
some great shit out of us.

691
00:41:30,704 --> 00:41:32,499
<i>Just wish I had
a director like this on Jack.</i>

692
00:41:32,539 --> 00:41:36,203
<i>On Jack. What? Jack?
What you talking about?</i>

693
00:41:36,243 --> 00:41:38,289
<i>?i>Simple Jack>
–Oh, yeah.</i>

694
00:41:39,713 --> 00:41:43,010
<i>Simple Jack, yeah.
You went all out on that one, huh?</i>

695
00:41:43,050 --> 00:41:45,379
You did.
Really swung for the fences, huh?

696
00:41:45,419 --> 00:41:47,819
Thank you. Thanks. Yeah.

697
00:41:47,921 --> 00:41:50,891
Yeah, it was an intense experience,
you know.

698
00:41:51,525 --> 00:41:53,618
I just did the work.

699
00:41:53,727 --> 00:41:58,347
Watched a lot of retarded people.
Spent time with them. Observed them.

700
00:41:58,832 --> 00:42:01,061
Watched all the retarded stuff they did.

701
00:42:01,101 --> 00:42:02,930
Then again,
I always found mere observation

702
00:42:02,970 --> 00:42:05,332
in and of itself is a tad rudimentary.

703
00:42:05,372 --> 00:42:08,502
Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper
to mine the true emotional pay dirt.

704
00:42:08,542 --> 00:42:12,940
Thus, we can diagram the source
of the pain and then live it, you know.

705
00:42:12,980 --> 00:42:15,108
Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly.

706
00:42:15,148 --> 00:42:17,945
<i>You know, there were times
when I was doing Jack</i>

707
00:42:17,985 --> 00:42:20,453
that I actually felt retarded,

708
00:42:20,554 --> 00:42:21,982
–like really retarded.
–Oh, yeah.

709
00:42:22,022 --> 00:42:24,284
I mean, I brushed my teeth retarded,

710
00:42:24,324 --> 00:42:26,186
–I rode the bus retarded.
–Damn.

711
00:42:26,226 --> 00:42:29,523
In a weird way,
I had to sort of just free myself up

712
00:42:29,563 --> 00:42:32,593
to believe that it was okay
to be stupid or dumb.

713
00:42:32,633 --> 00:42:34,191
–To be a moron.
–Yeah.

714
00:42:34,301 --> 00:42:37,073
–To be moronical.
–Exactly, to be a moron.

715
00:42:37,137 --> 00:42:38,502
–An imbecile.
–Yeah.

716
00:42:38,605 --> 00:42:41,535
Like the dumbest motherfucker
that ever lived.

717
00:42:41,575 --> 00:42:42,803
When I was playing the character.

718
00:42:42,843 --> 00:42:45,506
–When you was the character.
–Yeah, as Jack, definitely.

719
00:42:45,546 --> 00:42:47,741
Jack, stupid ass Jack.

720
00:42:47,848 --> 00:42:49,176
Trying to come back from that.

721
00:42:49,216 --> 00:42:53,374
In a weird way it was almost like
I had to sort of fool my mind

722
00:42:53,453 --> 00:42:56,422
into believing that it wasn't retarded,

723
00:42:56,523 --> 00:42:58,318
and by the end of the whole thing,
I was like,

724
00:42:58,358 --> 00:43:02,956
“Wait a minute, I flushed so much out,
how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?

725
00:43:02,996 --> 00:43:05,055
–It's just like?Right?
–Yeah.

726
00:43:05,165 --> 00:43:07,995
You was farting in bathtubs
and laughing your ass off.

727
00:43:08,035 --> 00:43:09,900
Yeah.

728
00:43:10,003 --> 00:43:12,366
But Simple Jack thought he was smart,

729
00:43:12,406 --> 00:43:13,767
or rather, didn't think he was retarded,

730
00:43:13,807 --> 00:43:16,737
so you can't afford to play retarded,
being a smart actor.

731
00:43:16,777 --> 00:43:19,339
Playing a guy who ain't smart
but thinks he is,

732
00:43:19,379 --> 00:43:21,006
–that's tricky.
–Tricky.

733
00:43:21,114 --> 00:43:24,711
It's like working with mercury.
It's high science, man. It's an art form.

734
00:43:24,751 --> 00:43:26,776
–Yeah.
–You an artist.

735
00:43:26,887 --> 00:43:28,749
–That's what we do, right? Yeah.
–Yeah.

736
00:43:28,789 --> 00:43:30,117
Hats off for going there,

737
00:43:30,157 --> 00:43:33,721
especially knowing how
the Academy is about that shit.

738
00:43:36,597 --> 00:43:40,124
–About what?
–You're serious? You don't know?

739
00:43:42,336 --> 00:43:45,042
Everybody knows
you never go full retard.

740
00:43:45,906 --> 00:43:48,084
–What do you mean?
–Check it out.

741
00:43:48,141 --> 00:43:52,306
<i>Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, looked
retarded, act retarded, not retarded.</i>

742
00:43:52,346 --> 00:43:56,504
Count toothpicks, cheat at cards.
Autistic, sure. Not retarded.

743
00:43:57,317 --> 00:43:59,246
<i>Then you got Tom Hanks,
Forrest Gump.</i>

744
00:43:59,286 --> 00:44:01,648
Slow, yes, retarded, maybe,
braces on his legs.

745
00:44:01,688 --> 00:44:04,651
But he charmed the pants off Nixon,
and he won a Ping-Pong competition.

746
00:44:04,691 --> 00:44:05,819
That ain't retarded.

747
00:44:05,859 --> 00:44:10,083
And he was a goddamn war hero.
You know any retarded war heroes?

748
00:44:11,732 --> 00:44:13,723
You went full retard, man.

749
00:44:15,268 --> 00:44:16,654
Never go full retard.

750
00:44:17,638 --> 00:44:21,268
<i>You don't buy that?
Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam.</i>

751
00:44:21,308 --> 00:44:24,674
Remember? Went full retard?
Went home empty-handed.

752
00:44:34,454 --> 00:44:37,651
Oh, my God! Holy shit!

753
00:44:38,325 --> 00:44:41,021
Good job, turd. You killed the director.

754
00:44:41,128 --> 00:44:42,456
No, that's impossible, man.

755
00:44:42,496 --> 00:44:45,459
I rigged the whole tree line,
and this is here.

756
00:44:45,499 --> 00:44:47,094
–He must have missed his mark.
–Missed his mark?

757
00:44:47,134 --> 00:44:48,454
Yeah, this isn't me.

758
00:44:48,468 --> 00:44:51,331
Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard
and get back to the hotel.

759
00:44:51,371 --> 00:44:54,134
–You're in a world of hurt, dumbo!
–We're in a world of hurt!

760
00:44:54,174 --> 00:44:56,436
–You're in trouble.
–This isn't just on me!

761
00:44:56,476 --> 00:44:58,772
–We're in a?We're together on this.
–Bullshit.

762
00:44:58,812 --> 00:45:00,340
You're just gonna run away.
You're gonna leave.

763
00:45:00,380 --> 00:45:02,109
What happened to,
“No man left behind,?okay?

764
00:45:02,149 --> 00:45:04,478
Just wait, just wait! Listen!
Listen, okay?

765
00:45:04,518 --> 00:45:07,314
–I don't wanna hear it.
–Let me just be real with you, all right?

766
00:45:07,354 --> 00:45:10,717
<i>I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis
on Freaky Friday, okay?</i>

767
00:45:10,757 --> 00:45:12,152
This shit will fucking ruin me!

768
00:45:12,192 --> 00:45:14,154
–Just get off me! You're pathetic.
–No, I'm not.

769
00:45:14,194 --> 00:45:16,662
–Get off me!
–You are not going back!

770
00:45:20,033 --> 00:45:22,343
–What the fuck?
–Now wait a minute.

771
00:45:32,345 --> 00:45:35,108
So, what?
We're just supposed to keep walking?

772
00:45:35,148 --> 00:45:38,111
Try to stay in character.
Remember, we're on camera.

773
00:45:38,151 --> 00:45:39,179
This thing's too heavy.

774
00:45:39,219 --> 00:45:40,714
I want the rubber one
that the prop guy gave me.

775
00:45:40,754 --> 00:45:43,018
Where's the fucking prop guy?

776
00:45:47,994 --> 00:45:50,588
How's it going with that map, chief?

777
00:45:50,697 --> 00:45:53,291
–Can I have a look at it?
–I got it.

778
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,028
Yeah, Damien gave it to me,
remember?

779
00:45:55,068 --> 00:45:56,630
Yeah, but he gave it to you for us.

780
00:45:56,670 --> 00:45:58,297
–Yeah.
–Okay.

781
00:45:58,405 --> 00:46:00,930
–I got it.
–You got it upside down.

782
00:46:01,074 --> 00:46:02,041
Thank you.

783
00:46:02,175 --> 00:46:03,804
Letters go one way
and the numbers another.

784
00:46:03,844 --> 00:46:05,472
Dude, I'm trying to
I got your back, man.

785
00:46:05,512 --> 00:46:07,340
–Well, I'm cool. All right, I'm cool.
–You are?

786
00:46:07,380 --> 00:46:09,245
Is your character dyslexic?

787
00:46:09,349 --> 00:46:11,144
–No, my character's not dyslexic.
–So you a can'tographer.

788
00:46:11,184 --> 00:46:13,098
I'm tired, I want to go home.

789
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,716
<i>Why, so you can get back and make
Fatties: Fart 20, or some shit?</i>

790
00:46:15,756 --> 00:46:18,752
<i>It's Fatties: Fart Two, there's no?Hey,
you wish you had a>Fattie> franchise.</i>

791
00:46:18,792 --> 00:46:20,087
<i>–What?
–It's Fatties: Fart Two.</i>

792
00:46:20,127 --> 00:46:21,421
<i>–Yeah, you do.
–I don't want no Fatties franchise,</i>

793
00:46:21,461 --> 00:46:23,924
–I got a diamond toilet.
–Your stupid-ass commercials.

794
00:46:23,964 --> 00:46:25,492
You're all fucked up, man,
you look tired.

795
00:46:25,532 --> 00:46:26,727
You look like you bumped your head
or something,

796
00:46:26,767 --> 00:46:28,662
so I came over to see
if you're fucking all right, that's all.

797
00:46:28,702 --> 00:46:30,797
–Yeah, why don't you get on point?
–I'm on point right here.

798
00:46:30,837 --> 00:46:31,932
my farts
are fucking more beautiful than

799
00:46:31,972 --> 00:46:34,532
You still got that shit upside down.

800
00:46:35,142 --> 00:46:36,603
The numbers help, man, the numbers

801
00:46:36,643 --> 00:46:38,939
The letters go across the top
and then the numbers.

802
00:46:38,979 --> 00:46:40,607
–Want the map?
–Yeah, I want the fucking map.

803
00:46:40,647 --> 00:46:42,142
Well, you can't have it,
'cause Damien gave it me.

804
00:46:42,182 --> 00:46:45,412
You wish you had my farts,
my farts are fucking music.

805
00:46:45,452 --> 00:46:47,818
All right. That's enough.

806
00:46:49,289 --> 00:46:53,249
Everybody's obviously a little bushed
from all this humping.

807
00:46:53,627 --> 00:46:56,118
So take a chow break. Chow break!

808
00:46:57,931 --> 00:46:59,489
But stay alert.

809
00:47:00,066 --> 00:47:03,696
Remember, Charlie don't care
if you're on break or not.

810
00:47:08,642 --> 00:47:11,638
All right, that's lunch. Coming back
to the same scene afterwards,

811
00:47:11,678 --> 00:47:13,106
“Lost in the goddamn jungle.

812
00:47:13,146 --> 00:47:14,466
Captain Simple Jack.

813
00:47:15,115 --> 00:47:15,877
Fuck you.

814
00:47:25,025 --> 00:47:26,583
I fucking hate movies.

815
00:47:28,929 --> 00:47:32,625
This is bullshit.
I don't wanna be in this shitty movie.

816
00:47:41,608 --> 00:47:44,372
No! That's my jellybeans! No!

817
00:47:44,477 --> 00:47:49,141
Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit!

818
00:47:49,249 --> 00:47:53,143
–Yo, man, I got a Bust-A-Nut.
–You go to hell! There he is.

819
00:47:55,956 --> 00:47:58,891
God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go?

820
00:47:59,860 --> 00:48:04,018
You little piece of shit!
I'm gonna fucking rip your wings off!

821
00:48:04,264 --> 00:48:07,432
Sanducci. Hold up, man,
keep it on the down-low.

822
00:48:08,702 --> 00:48:10,997
I don't really gotta piss.
I'm trying to talk at you, man.

823
00:48:11,037 --> 00:48:12,664
Bait, I need bait.

824
00:48:13,807 --> 00:48:17,504
You went to boot camp, right?
You can read a map?

825
00:48:17,611 --> 00:48:18,839
Yeah, I think so.

826
00:48:18,945 --> 00:48:21,708
I know Speedman
got everyone convinced we out here

827
00:48:21,748 --> 00:48:25,612
<i>making Planet of the Apes on YouTube
or some shit, but I don't buy it.</i>

828
00:48:25,652 --> 00:48:28,886
You wanna step on a real landmine?
You wanna die?

829
00:48:28,922 --> 00:48:30,684
You wanna get shot
by a real motherfucker?

830
00:48:30,724 --> 00:48:33,887
–Keep looking ahead, man.
–No, of course not.

831
00:48:34,294 --> 00:48:36,455
Trying to get home, man.

832
00:48:36,563 --> 00:48:38,291
Got a big job coming up next year.

833
00:48:38,331 --> 00:48:39,764
–Oh, yeah?
–Yeah.

834
00:48:39,866 --> 00:48:42,462
It's about Abe Lincoln and John Wilkes
Booth when they were both young.

835
00:48:42,502 --> 00:48:43,594
–Oh, wow!
–Yeah.

836
00:48:43,703 --> 00:48:46,266
–That's a classy picture.
–Dude, you kind of look like Abe.

837
00:48:46,306 --> 00:48:47,773
Slap a beard on you.

838
00:48:47,874 --> 00:48:49,970
–What's your fucking name?
–Really? It's Kevin.

839
00:48:50,010 --> 00:48:52,001
–Kevin Sandusky.
–Yeah.

840
00:48:52,679 --> 00:48:56,375
If I can put that map in your hands,
can I count on you?

841
00:48:56,650 --> 00:49:00,177
–Well, yeah, I guess you can.
–Dynamite. I'm out.

842
00:49:03,857 --> 00:49:06,353
That smelled just like bologna
for some reason.

843
00:49:06,393 --> 00:49:09,589
Is anyone gonna fucking help me
get this fucking thing?

844
00:49:09,629 --> 00:49:12,189
Why are they even out in the daytime?

845
00:49:14,401 --> 00:49:19,285
I'm gonna level with you, bro.
I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you.

846
00:49:25,078 --> 00:49:28,844
Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie.

847
00:49:31,051 --> 00:49:32,846
He's way out on a limb
with this character,

848
00:49:32,886 --> 00:49:35,196
and I think he's getting cold feet.

849
00:49:36,022 --> 00:49:38,885
And the men respect you,
'cause you went to boot camp

850
00:49:38,925 --> 00:49:40,552
and rehearsal.

851
00:49:41,594 --> 00:49:44,168
–Can I count on you, Kyle.
–It's Kevin.

852
00:49:44,230 --> 00:49:45,288
Good.

853
00:49:46,866 --> 00:49:49,770
If you want
I could give the map a look-see.

854
00:49:49,836 --> 00:49:51,997
–I'll handle the map.
–Okay.

855
00:49:52,105 --> 00:49:55,402
You stick with the program,
we get this movie in the can,

856
00:49:55,442 --> 00:49:59,205
I'm thinking there could be
a Teen Choice Award in it for you.

857
00:49:59,245 --> 00:50:03,443
You have that potential.
They'll slime you, the whole deal.

858
00:50:03,550 --> 00:50:07,179
–Yeah, that's wicked.
–Good.

859
00:50:13,093 --> 00:50:15,403
There it is! Yeah, now you're dead!

860
00:50:16,363 --> 00:50:17,591
You O.D'ed!

861
00:50:19,165 --> 00:50:20,496
Hold up now, Jeff.

862
00:50:22,902 --> 00:50:24,301
Fucking hell!

863
00:50:25,939 --> 00:50:28,999
What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man!

864
00:50:29,109 --> 00:50:31,577
I don't have any more jellybeans.

865
00:50:38,184 --> 00:50:39,981
You land there!

866
00:50:54,901 --> 00:50:57,301
Wow. Look at these ruins.

867
00:50:59,472 --> 00:51:03,909
–Where the hell are we?
–D'ang Kwook River.

868
00:51:04,010 --> 00:51:06,439
That so? How do you know that?
How you sure?

869
00:51:06,479 --> 00:51:08,742
Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go.

870
00:51:08,782 --> 00:51:13,879
Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now.
Seriously, my skin hurts!

871
00:51:13,987 --> 00:51:16,483
Enough from the peanut gallery!
Into the water, ladies!

872
00:51:16,523 --> 00:51:18,718
No, man. Let me take a look at that map
right quick.

873
00:51:18,758 --> 00:51:20,420
Why is everybody
all obsessed with the map?

874
00:51:20,460 --> 00:51:22,555
'Cause we're tired
of being your trail donkeys!

875
00:51:22,595 --> 00:51:24,995
Acting like you some one-man GPS!

876
00:51:25,098 --> 00:51:28,966
God damn it! We lost!
We fucking super lost, man!

877
00:51:29,069 --> 00:51:31,264
Tell him, McClusky.
Tell him what time it is.

878
00:51:31,304 --> 00:51:33,086
I don't believe you people.

879
00:51:34,607 --> 00:51:36,587
What do you mean “you people?

880
00:51:38,978 --> 00:51:41,572
What do you mean, “you people?

881
00:51:41,681 --> 00:51:43,672
I think what Tugg means is

882
00:51:43,783 --> 00:51:45,211
No, look at his eyes, man.

883
00:51:45,251 --> 00:51:48,048
you people, you actors. You people
–Look at them beady, white devil eyes.

884
00:51:48,088 --> 00:51:49,682
I gotta get back to the hotel, for real!

885
00:51:49,722 --> 00:51:51,690
–Hell, no!
–Silence!

886
00:51:52,725 --> 00:51:55,387
Chill! All right? Just chill it.

887
00:51:56,896 --> 00:52:00,093
Now, let's go get those Viet Congs.

888
00:52:00,934 --> 00:52:02,492
–“Viet Cong?
–What?

889
00:52:03,002 --> 00:52:06,099
It's “Viet Cong.?There's no “S.
It's already plural.

890
00:52:06,139 --> 00:52:07,987
You wouldn't say “Chineses.

891
00:52:09,109 --> 00:52:11,604
All right, that's enough
of this insubordination!

892
00:52:11,644 --> 00:52:14,442
If the machine breaks down,
we break down.

893
00:52:14,547 --> 00:52:17,143
<i>Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I,
he was big but a little puffy</i>

894
00:52:17,183 --> 00:52:18,845
<i>and then Rambo II,
he got all shredded up?</i>

895
00:52:18,885 --> 00:52:21,815
–Yeah.
–That's kind of how you look right now.

896
00:52:21,855 --> 00:52:23,483
<i>–Yeah?
–Not Rambo I but II.</i>

897
00:52:23,523 --> 00:52:25,318
–Really?
–Yeah, when he was cut up.

898
00:52:25,358 --> 00:52:27,787
I'm not that?I mean,
that's what I'm going for, but you know

899
00:52:27,827 --> 00:52:30,590
Come on, dude. You more shredded
than a julienne salad, man.

900
00:52:30,630 --> 00:52:32,192
–Thanks.
–What's the secret, dude?

901
00:52:32,232 --> 00:52:33,660
–It's a diet. I'm just dieting.
–Really?

902
00:52:33,700 --> 00:52:36,763
'Cause I'm trying to come up a little,
but it's just?It's tough.

903
00:52:36,803 --> 00:52:38,364
–You look good.
–Any tips?

904
00:52:38,404 --> 00:52:40,120
–What?
–Any tips, you got?

905
00:52:40,206 --> 00:52:41,401
There's, like, the pineapple

906
00:52:41,441 --> 00:52:43,803
–Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you!
–Hey!

907
00:52:43,843 --> 00:52:45,435
–Hey!
–All right, now!

908
00:52:45,545 --> 00:52:48,041
What it is, Sikorski?
Tell us where we really at.

909
00:52:48,081 --> 00:52:50,040
That's fucking bullshit!
It's a chump move.

910
00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:52,633
We just getting a second opinion, doc.

911
00:52:53,895 --> 00:52:55,223
We're going the wrong way!

912
00:52:55,263 --> 00:52:56,425
–Damn!
–Son of a bitch.

913
00:52:56,465 --> 00:53:00,925
God! I think we were
supposed to be doing this,

914
00:53:01,036 --> 00:53:03,937
and instead we did this.

915
00:53:04,039 --> 00:53:07,668
Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit!

916
00:53:07,776 --> 00:53:11,010
Think you can get us back
to that drop zone, boy?

917
00:53:11,246 --> 00:53:12,645
This is not cool!

918
00:53:15,350 --> 00:53:16,476
Maybe.

919
00:53:17,919 --> 00:53:19,409
This is insane!

920
00:53:20,689 --> 00:53:23,527
Are you really going
to abandon this movie?

921
00:53:23,825 --> 00:53:26,020
We're supposed to be a unit!

922
00:53:26,128 --> 00:53:27,652
Suck my unit!

923
00:53:28,530 --> 00:53:30,327
All right, fine.

924
00:53:30,432 --> 00:53:35,335
–I'll finish it by myself.
–You go be all you can be, man.

925
00:53:35,437 --> 00:53:37,499
Tugg, you have no idea
where you're going!

926
00:53:37,539 --> 00:53:39,336
Yes, I do!

927
00:53:39,441 --> 00:53:43,969
I'm going to, “Exterior, rain forest, dusk.

928
00:53:44,079 --> 00:53:48,610
Smash cut to Four Leaf, who treks
alone through a frightening jungle.

929
00:53:48,650 --> 00:53:50,584
Suck on that unit, Kirk!

930
00:54:04,166 --> 00:54:07,158
Come on, men. Let's get home.

931
00:54:45,340 --> 00:54:50,004
Hello, Mr Mantis. You're beautiful.

932
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:54,276
Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo

933
00:54:54,316 --> 00:54:56,111
where Hollywood
was split into schisms,

934
00:54:56,151 --> 00:54:59,614
some studios backing Blu-ray Disc,
others backing HD DVD.

935
00:54:59,654 --> 00:55:00,815
People thought it would come down to

936
00:55:00,855 --> 00:55:03,185
pixel rate or refresh rate,
and they're pretty much the same.

937
00:55:03,225 --> 00:55:07,053
What it came down to was
a combination of gamers and porn.

938
00:55:07,128 --> 00:55:08,924
Now, whichever format porno backs

939
00:55:08,964 --> 00:55:12,798
is usually the one
that becomes the most successful.

940
00:55:12,901 --> 00:55:15,964
But, you know, Sony,
every PlayStation 3 has a Blu-ray in it.

941
00:55:16,004 --> 00:55:18,248
You talking to me this whole time?

942
00:55:18,473 --> 00:55:19,834
I was talking to whoever
was listening to me.

943
00:55:19,874 --> 00:55:21,341
Jesus Christ, man!

944
00:55:39,761 --> 00:55:41,820
Booty Sweat.

945
00:55:47,869 --> 00:55:49,268
Oh, God!

946
00:55:51,506 --> 00:55:56,068
It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold.

947
00:55:56,177 --> 00:55:58,372
You want my flak jacket?

948
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:02,410
What, are you insane? It's boiling!
It's like a sweat lodge out here!

949
00:56:02,450 --> 00:56:05,347
Keep the volume down on that bitching,
Flatch Adams.

950
00:56:05,387 --> 00:56:07,349
I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit!

951
00:56:07,389 --> 00:56:09,417
–How we doing? We making good time?
–We're making good time,

952
00:56:09,457 --> 00:56:12,654
but there's no way we make it
over that ridge before sundown.

953
00:56:12,694 --> 00:56:15,257
All right, fellas,
we're gonna make camp, rest up!

954
00:56:15,297 --> 00:56:17,659
–Oh, God.
–Y'all might be in for a treat.

955
00:56:17,699 --> 00:56:19,160
You know,
back before the war broked out,

956
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:21,930
I was a saucier in San Antone.

957
00:56:22,037 --> 00:56:24,733
I bet I could collar up
some of them greens.

958
00:56:24,773 --> 00:56:29,073
Yeah, noodle some crawfish
out the paddy, yo.

959
00:56:29,177 --> 00:56:33,533
And maybe some crab apples
for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah!

960
00:56:34,549 --> 00:56:35,811
Hell, yeah!

961
00:56:35,917 --> 00:56:40,115
That's how we all talk.
We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh.

962
00:56:40,221 --> 00:56:45,454
Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs.

963
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:50,429
You're Australian! Be Australian!
Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack.

964
00:56:54,669 --> 00:56:57,069
I get excited about my foods, man.

965
00:58:22,690 --> 00:58:25,124
Die!

966
00:58:39,040 --> 00:58:41,133
No!

967
00:58:47,682 --> 00:58:51,982
Dude, dude, what the hell
is going on here? Where are we?

968
00:58:52,086 --> 00:58:54,486
I have no idea.

969
00:58:54,589 --> 00:58:57,149
I've never been outside the States.

970
00:58:57,258 --> 00:58:59,487
Wait, what?
Are you fucking kidding me?

971
00:58:59,527 --> 00:59:01,589
Did you make this
whole goddamn thing up?

972
00:59:01,629 --> 00:59:03,057
Dude, were you
even in the fucking service?

973
00:59:03,097 --> 00:59:05,759
Yes. Of course. Coast Guard.

974
00:59:05,867 --> 00:59:07,829
–Coast Guard.
–Sanitation Department.

975
00:59:07,869 --> 00:59:10,575
Oh, my God!
You're a fucking garbage man!

976
00:59:10,672 --> 00:59:14,469
Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me
and the whole goddamn U.S. of A.

977
00:59:14,509 --> 00:59:17,238
I wrote the book as a tribute!
I'm a patriot!

978
00:59:17,278 --> 00:59:19,407
Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli
of patriots, okay?

979
00:59:19,447 --> 00:59:21,209
You lied
about fighting the Vietnam War.

980
00:59:21,249 --> 00:59:24,579
It's like punching the American flag
in the face, God damn it.

981
00:59:24,619 --> 00:59:26,114
God, and to think I believed in you!

982
00:59:26,154 --> 00:59:28,583
–I don't wanna be next to you.
–Writers lie all the time.

983
00:59:28,623 --> 00:59:30,999
Can I be tied to another post? Okay.

984
00:59:52,068 --> 00:59:53,899
<i>?i>Rick>
–Tugg.</i>

985
00:59:54,003 --> 00:59:56,062
I killed one, Rick.

986
00:59:57,206 --> 00:59:59,606
The thing I love most in the world.

987
00:59:59,708 --> 01:00:01,622
Vivica, get off the line now!

988
01:00:03,846 --> 01:00:06,308
A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker.

989
01:00:06,348 --> 01:00:08,477
Calm down.
Here's what you're gonna do.

990
01:00:08,517 --> 01:00:09,745
Get your hands on some bleach,

991
01:00:09,785 --> 01:00:12,214
some hydrogen peroxide
and a shitload of lime.

992
01:00:12,254 --> 01:00:13,744
No, a panda.

993
01:00:13,856 --> 01:00:15,619
<i>I killed a panda.</i>

994
01:00:15,724 --> 01:00:17,521
Amanda? Come on, dude.

995
01:00:17,626 --> 01:00:19,722
I mean,
that's probably not even her real name.

996
01:00:19,762 --> 01:00:21,423
No, a panda!

997
01:00:21,530 --> 01:00:22,895
A panda?

998
01:00:22,998 --> 01:00:25,592
A sweet, cuddly,

999
01:00:25,701 --> 01:00:27,635
<i>vicious little panda.</i>

1000
01:00:27,770 --> 01:00:30,766
Jesus Christ, Tugg!
Man, don't scare me like that!

1001
01:00:30,806 --> 01:00:32,034
It's beautiful here.

1002
01:00:32,074 --> 01:00:33,564
<i>You on the set?</i>

1003
01:00:33,676 --> 01:00:34,938
I am the set.

1004
01:00:35,044 --> 01:00:38,074
All right, man.
Hey, how's the TiVo working out?

1005
01:00:38,114 --> 01:00:39,342
Screw TiVo.

1006
01:00:39,448 --> 01:00:41,916
I'm way beyond TiVo.

1007
01:00:42,017 --> 01:00:44,180
Last I checked,
they hadn't hooked it up, though.

1008
01:00:44,220 --> 01:00:47,519
Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo?

1009
01:00:47,623 --> 01:00:49,454
It doesn't matter anymore.

1010
01:00:52,294 --> 01:00:53,761
I've moved on.

1011
01:00:54,497 --> 01:00:56,279
Where have you moved on to?

1012
01:00:56,332 --> 01:00:57,822
<i>Another agency?</i>

1013
01:00:59,368 --> 01:01:00,892
Who's with you?

1014
01:01:01,003 --> 01:01:03,232
It's Nick Stevens, isn't it?
That little fucker.

1015
01:01:03,272 --> 01:01:07,436
<i>You are still my client, Tugg Speedman!
I am getting the TiVo!</i>

1016
01:01:07,476 --> 01:01:09,671
Jacket's on, I'm out the door!

1017
01:01:09,778 --> 01:01:10,836
<i>Tugg?</i>

1018
01:01:14,150 --> 01:01:15,536
Please don't fire me.

1019
01:01:16,318 --> 01:01:17,572
I did it, I did it!

1020
01:01:17,620 --> 01:01:20,015
Vivica, what do I have scheduled
this afternoon?

1021
01:01:20,055 --> 01:01:22,922
<i>?i>Two and a Half Me> taping.
–Shit.</i>

1022
01:01:23,926 --> 01:01:24,950
Cancel it.

1023
01:01:25,060 --> 01:01:26,789
<i>And get me Tugg's Tropic Thunder
contract.</i>

1024
01:01:26,829 --> 01:01:30,025
I'm going to Grossman's office,
I'm playing the card.

1025
01:01:30,065 --> 01:01:31,032
Okay.

1026
01:01:34,637 --> 01:01:37,538
Oh, mama. Thirsty.

1027
01:01:37,673 --> 01:01:39,732
He doesn't look too good.

1028
01:01:39,842 --> 01:01:44,870
Must drink,
so I can throw something up!

1029
01:01:44,980 --> 01:01:47,176
No, no. Don't drink that water!
That water's like a petri dish!

1030
01:01:47,216 --> 01:01:48,308
No, don't!

1031
01:01:48,417 --> 01:01:50,942
Alpa, do you have any Booty Sweat?

1032
01:01:51,053 --> 01:01:53,482
Yeah, get him chugging on
some of Alpa's ass water.

1033
01:01:53,522 --> 01:01:55,518
That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all.

1034
01:01:55,558 --> 01:01:57,520
Man, what you coming out
in movies for anyway?

1035
01:01:57,560 --> 01:01:59,288
Did you need another revenue stream?

1036
01:01:59,328 --> 01:02:02,126
For your information,
my revenue stream

1037
01:02:02,231 --> 01:02:04,627
currently generates $2 million a year

1038
01:02:04,667 --> 01:02:06,662
in charitable contributions
for my community.

1039
01:02:06,702 --> 01:02:09,098
–Hot damn.
–And why am I in this movie?

1040
01:02:09,138 --> 01:02:11,534
Maybe I just knew I had to represent,

1041
01:02:11,574 --> 01:02:13,435
because they had one good part
in it for a black man

1042
01:02:13,475 --> 01:02:15,917
and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee.

1043
01:02:17,146 --> 01:02:20,776
Pump your brakes, kid.
That man is a national treasure.

1044
01:02:20,816 --> 01:02:23,012
I just wanted to throw another shrimp
on your barbie.

1045
01:02:23,052 --> 01:02:24,246
That shit ain't funny.

1046
01:02:24,286 --> 01:02:27,049
Hey, fellas! It's hot!
We're tired! It stinks!

1047
01:02:27,089 --> 01:02:28,717
I'm just fucking with you,
Kangaroo Jack!

1048
01:02:28,757 --> 01:02:30,553
I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby.

1049
01:02:30,593 --> 01:02:33,122
You know that's a true story?
Lady lost her kid.

1050
01:02:33,162 --> 01:02:35,891
–You about to cross some fucking lines.
–Guys, relax and stuff.

1051
01:02:35,931 --> 01:02:37,059
You know what? Fuck that, man!

1052
01:02:37,099 --> 01:02:40,333
I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger
telling me

1053
01:02:44,506 --> 01:02:46,064
For 400 years,

1054
01:02:47,109 --> 01:02:50,010
that word has kept us down.

1055
01:02:51,080 --> 01:02:52,707
What the fuck?

1056
01:02:52,815 --> 01:02:56,581
It took a whole lot of trying
just to get up that hill.

1057
01:02:56,685 --> 01:02:59,586
Now we up in the big leagues,

1058
01:02:59,688 --> 01:03:01,451
getting our turn at bat.

1059
01:03:01,557 --> 01:03:04,219
Long as we live, it's you and me, baby.

1060
01:03:04,893 --> 01:03:08,290
<i>That's the theme song for
The Jeffersons. You really need help.</i>

1061
01:03:08,330 --> 01:03:11,527
Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song,
don't make it not true.

1062
01:03:11,567 --> 01:03:13,562
You know what?
I'm gonna tell you what's true.

1063
01:03:13,602 --> 01:03:17,099
I'm gonna tag you back.
You better believe that, baby.

1064
01:03:17,139 --> 01:03:19,733
Guys! Hey, guys!

1065
01:03:20,342 --> 01:03:22,810
Jeff, stay away from that animal.

1066
01:03:25,180 --> 01:03:28,013
I'm gonna bite his hide. I need

1067
01:03:29,051 --> 01:03:32,316
I need to wear his stomach skin
like a unitard.

1068
01:03:33,289 --> 01:03:36,588
Ain't nobody doing nothing
to no one or body!

1069
01:03:36,692 --> 01:03:41,561
Now, if Mr Portnoy is feeling
a little flu-ish, don't wanna walk,

1070
01:03:41,664 --> 01:03:44,172
put him up on that cloven-hoof animal!

1071
01:03:45,100 --> 01:03:46,618
We got ground to cover!

1072
01:04:15,397 --> 01:04:18,662
All right, POW camp, scene 67.

1073
01:04:19,568 --> 01:04:21,297
Bring it on, Cockburn!

1074
01:04:29,378 --> 01:04:31,874
Maybe he's not, you know,
Ridley Scott or something,

1075
01:04:31,914 --> 01:04:33,776
but I think Renny Harlin's
a tremendous filmmaker

1076
01:04:33,816 --> 01:04:36,679
<i>like, Adventures of Ford Fairlane,
you know,</i>

1077
01:04:36,719 --> 01:04:40,416
as far as an Andrew Dice Clay
vehicle goes, it's pretty decent.

1078
01:04:40,456 --> 01:04:42,951
<i>And Cliffhanger.
Cliffhanger's incredible.</i>

1079
01:04:42,991 --> 01:04:46,522
As far as the whole like,
man against nature type of movies go,

1080
01:04:46,562 --> 01:04:48,723
it's absolutely amazing.

1081
01:04:48,831 --> 01:04:50,731
Shut the fuck up!

1082
01:04:55,371 --> 01:04:57,032
Who send you here?

1083
01:04:57,139 --> 01:05:01,769
Tayback, John, Sergeant,
United States Army.

1084
01:05:02,511 --> 01:05:07,915
Serial number 694529987.

1085
01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:14,712
Perhaps some hot tea
will make conversing

1086
01:05:14,823 --> 01:05:16,586
a little easier.

1087
01:05:20,362 --> 01:05:22,540
My leader's not quite as cordial.

1088
01:05:25,934 --> 01:05:28,864
Look, what? I just thought you might
like some hot tea

1089
01:05:28,904 --> 01:05:32,534
–in order to calm your nerves.
–Tayback, John, Sergeant,

1090
01:05:32,574 --> 01:05:37,534
United States Army, 694529987.

1091
01:05:38,380 --> 01:05:43,909
And here's a little message
from my Uncle Sam.

1092
01:05:49,558 --> 01:05:51,924
Dude, you all right?

1093
01:05:52,027 --> 01:05:53,522
Man you totally leaned into that.

1094
01:05:53,562 --> 01:05:56,664
I was pulling it back
and you just came in too

1095
01:05:56,732 --> 01:05:58,927
Hey, it was an accident, man.

1096
01:06:01,470 --> 01:06:03,465
Come on, good.
You want to keep going?

1097
01:06:03,505 --> 01:06:05,097
–Let's go.
–Get up.

1098
01:06:05,207 --> 01:06:06,869
I rather rot in your V.C. Jail!

1099
01:06:06,909 --> 01:06:10,777
I'll never bend to your will!
You scum! You scum!

1100
01:06:10,879 --> 01:06:12,975
Now say this
and go to the beginning again,

1101
01:06:13,015 --> 01:06:14,863
let's do the tea part, okay?

1102
01:06:16,318 --> 01:06:18,046
Dude, I hope you're not pissed.

1103
01:06:18,086 --> 01:06:19,948
I see moss on both sides of that tree.

1104
01:06:19,988 --> 01:06:23,185
Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't
the only one at boot camp

1105
01:06:23,225 --> 01:06:25,187
My belly really hurts, you guys!

1106
01:06:25,227 --> 01:06:27,489
I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous.

1107
01:06:27,529 --> 01:06:29,825
Let me off, I gotta puke!
I don't wanna die like Hendrix!

1108
01:06:29,865 --> 01:06:31,526
All right. All right.

1109
01:06:36,104 --> 01:06:38,095
Are you okay, Jeff?

1110
01:06:38,207 --> 01:06:39,572
I'm awesome.

1111
01:06:41,977 --> 01:06:43,444
Holy shit!

1112
01:06:47,983 --> 01:06:50,161
Okay. Everyone, down, down, down.

1113
01:06:54,857 --> 01:06:56,347
Man. Now I'm tripping.

1114
01:06:56,458 --> 01:06:59,956
That looks like the POW camp
from out the script, yo.

1115
01:06:59,962 --> 01:07:01,657
Speedman was right?

1116
01:07:01,763 --> 01:07:03,128
I don't think so.

1117
01:07:03,232 --> 01:07:06,070
Look at the cooking vats,
the armed guards.

1118
01:07:07,069 --> 01:07:09,511
Looks like a heroin processing plant.

1119
01:07:10,272 --> 01:07:11,467
We were in that chopper for hours.

1120
01:07:11,507 --> 01:07:13,836
I don't even think
we're in Vietnam anymore.

1121
01:07:13,876 --> 01:07:16,310
–Fuck.
–Shit. We ain't even in 'Nam?

1122
01:07:16,411 --> 01:07:19,175
No, most likely Myanmar or Laos.

1123
01:07:19,281 --> 01:07:20,839
What the fuck is Laos?

1124
01:07:20,949 --> 01:07:22,177
It's the Golden Triangle.

1125
01:07:22,217 --> 01:07:24,185
Oh, fuck. We're dead.

1126
01:07:24,286 --> 01:07:26,315
No one gets out of here. I saw it on TV.

1127
01:07:26,355 --> 01:07:30,447
Fucking boats, airplanes,
UFOs and shit, they all just vanish!

1128
01:07:30,492 --> 01:07:33,088
Yo, that's the Bermuda Triangle,
dumbass.

1129
01:07:33,128 --> 01:07:35,494
This is the Golden Triangle.

1130
01:07:35,597 --> 01:07:37,226
It's the world's hard drug superhighway.

1131
01:07:37,266 --> 01:07:38,652
How do you know that?

1132
01:07:38,667 --> 01:07:42,429
It was a really long trip.
I read the in-flight magazine.

1133
01:07:43,205 --> 01:07:44,502
Cut!

1134
01:07:44,606 --> 01:07:46,073
Oh, Jesus!

1135
01:07:46,174 --> 01:07:48,665
What do you see, man? I'm blocked.

1136
01:07:48,777 --> 01:07:50,142
Damien, cut!

1137
01:07:51,914 --> 01:07:53,506
Hey, Damien, cut!

1138
01:07:54,349 --> 01:07:56,010
They got Speedman.

1139
01:07:56,585 --> 01:07:58,235
And it doesn't look good.

1140
01:08:30,686 --> 01:08:31,983
I am Tran.

1141
01:08:32,955 --> 01:08:35,595
You are a trespasser in my poppy fields.

1142
01:08:36,525 --> 01:08:39,153
You are DE. A. Scum!

1143
01:08:41,096 --> 01:08:44,532
Were there some re-writes
that I missed?

1144
01:08:50,839 --> 01:08:52,329
Do you want to die?

1145
01:08:53,108 --> 01:08:54,575
–Do you?
–No!

1146
01:08:54,676 --> 01:08:58,806
Please, don't hurt me!

1147
01:09:06,688 --> 01:09:07,882
Say that again.

1148
01:09:08,890 --> 01:09:10,687
Please, don't hurt me.

1149
01:09:10,792 --> 01:09:13,886
No! Like you did before! Say it!

1150
01:09:14,863 --> 01:09:15,852
Say it!

1151
01:09:15,964 --> 01:09:19,957
Please, don't hurt me!

1152
01:09:35,584 --> 01:09:38,178
–What?
–You are Simple Jack.

1153
01:09:41,156 --> 01:09:43,021
<i>You saw Simple Jack?</i>

1154
01:09:43,125 --> 01:09:45,897
We love the tale of this man,
Simple Jack.

1155
01:09:47,162 --> 01:09:49,057
We do not have many luxury here.

1156
01:09:49,097 --> 01:09:51,593
<i>And Simple Jack is the only movie
we possess.</i>

1157
01:09:51,633 --> 01:09:55,467
You got the VHS.

1158
01:09:55,570 --> 01:09:57,699
We've watched it many, many times.

1159
01:09:57,739 --> 01:10:00,207
You should've got Oscar.

1160
01:10:03,245 --> 01:10:05,008
Well, you know. It's

1161
01:10:06,281 --> 01:10:07,609
Just to be nominated

1162
01:10:07,649 --> 01:10:08,903
You were nominated?

1163
01:10:08,984 --> 01:10:10,579
No, no, no. I wasn't nominated.

1164
01:10:10,619 --> 01:10:13,849
I'm just saying that to have been
nominated would have been nice.

1165
01:10:13,889 --> 01:10:16,318
It's just?It's very political.
You have to take out ads

1166
01:10:16,358 --> 01:10:18,849
–Shut up now!
–Okay. Okay.

1167
01:10:19,695 --> 01:10:21,424
So, are you going to

1168
01:10:23,065 --> 01:10:24,692
let me go, or

1169
01:10:24,800 --> 01:10:26,927
No. We'll hold you for ransom.

1170
01:10:27,035 --> 01:10:28,832
Much more money now!

1171
01:10:40,415 --> 01:10:41,476
He's in a meeting.

1172
01:10:41,516 --> 01:10:44,882
Yeah, I know.
In about two seconds with the Pecker.

1173
01:10:45,320 --> 01:10:47,249
I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off.

1174
01:10:47,289 --> 01:10:50,018
You wanna talk about trouble?
That's trouble.

1175
01:10:50,058 --> 01:10:51,616
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1176
01:10:53,528 --> 01:10:55,428
What do you need, Peck?

1177
01:10:55,530 --> 01:10:58,158
No, more like what do you need, Les?

1178
01:10:58,266 --> 01:10:59,460
Glasses?

1179
01:11:00,535 --> 01:11:01,593
What?

1180
01:11:01,703 --> 01:11:04,266
<i>So you can read
the Tropic Thunder contract</i>

1181
01:11:04,306 --> 01:11:06,768
that guarantees my client,
Tugg Speedman,

1182
01:11:06,808 --> 01:11:10,539
some form of digital video recorder
on location.

1183
01:11:11,313 --> 01:11:13,821
–Huh?
–I can't believe you let him in.

1184
01:11:15,083 --> 01:11:17,979
Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy,
so why don't you get the hell out of here

1185
01:11:18,019 --> 01:11:21,149
before I snap your dick off
and jam it into your ass?

1186
01:11:21,189 --> 01:11:23,214
No, not you, Helen.

1187
01:11:23,325 --> 01:11:27,089
But I will rip your tits off
if you don't get me those theaters.

1188
01:11:27,129 --> 01:11:28,653
Perfect.

1189
01:11:28,764 --> 01:11:31,259
Hey, Tuggernuts,
I've got you on speakerphone.

1190
01:11:31,299 --> 01:11:33,228
I'm standing here with Les Grossman,

1191
01:11:33,268 --> 01:11:36,498
and he is dying to tell you
why he's apparently wiped his ass

1192
01:11:36,538 --> 01:11:39,178
with the TiVo clause from your contract.

1193
01:11:40,041 --> 01:11:42,032
We are Flaming Dragon.

1194
01:11:42,144 --> 01:11:44,510
Speedman is with us now.

1195
01:11:44,613 --> 01:11:48,174
<i>For 50 million, you will get him back.</i>

1196
01:11:48,283 --> 01:11:50,512
–Are you gonna get those
–Who is this?

1197
01:11:50,552 --> 01:11:53,315
–And how did you get this phone?
–We are Flaming Dragon!

1198
01:11:53,355 --> 01:11:55,269
Simple Jack belong to us now.

1199
01:11:57,993 --> 01:12:00,018
He does, does he?

1200
01:12:00,128 --> 01:12:02,596
Let me tell you something, shitbird.

1201
01:12:02,697 --> 01:12:05,193
I've never even heard
of your little agency.

1202
01:12:05,233 --> 01:12:07,262
But if you think
you can poach my client

1203
01:12:07,302 --> 01:12:11,922
Send $50 million, or you no see
Simple Jack again because we kill him.

1204
01:12:11,940 --> 01:12:13,502
This is Les Grossman. Who is this?

1205
01:12:13,542 --> 01:12:15,840
This is Flaming Dragon!

1206
01:12:15,944 --> 01:12:18,708
Okay. Flaming Dragon. Fuckface.

1207
01:12:18,814 --> 01:12:23,649
First, take a big step back
and literally fuck your own face!

1208
01:12:25,020 --> 01:12:27,816
Now, I don't know what kind of
pan-Pacific bullshit power play

1209
01:12:27,856 --> 01:12:30,385
you're trying to pull here,
but Asia, Jack, is my territory.

1210
01:12:30,425 --> 01:12:31,787
<i>So whatever you're thinking,
you better think again.</i>

1211
01:12:31,827 --> 01:12:33,255
<i>Otherwise, I'm gonna
have to head down there,</i>

1212
01:12:33,295 --> 01:12:36,725
and I will rain down an ungodly
fucking firestorm upon you.

1213
01:12:36,765 --> 01:12:38,460
You're gonna have to call
the fucking United Nations

1214
01:12:38,500 --> 01:12:42,597
and get a fucking binding resolution
to keep me from fucking destroying you.

1215
01:12:42,637 --> 01:12:45,300
I am talking scorched earth,
motherfucker!

1216
01:12:45,340 --> 01:12:47,103
I will massacre you!

1217
01:12:47,209 --> 01:12:49,143
I will fuck you up!

1218
01:12:56,952 --> 01:13:00,252
–Could you find out who that was? Go.
–Yeah. Yeah.

1219
01:13:34,122 --> 01:13:37,114
You wear these.
More like Simple Jack teeth.

1220
01:13:37,225 --> 01:13:38,954
Okay.

1221
01:13:39,060 --> 01:13:42,558
Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan,
and that's great

1222
01:13:44,799 --> 01:13:46,426
Put teeth in!

1223
01:13:53,541 --> 01:13:55,406
Now do movie.

1224
01:13:55,510 --> 01:13:57,171
The whole movie?

1225
01:13:57,279 --> 01:13:59,007
I can't. I don't know the whole

1226
01:13:59,047 --> 01:14:01,538
You perform! You perform or die!

1227
01:14:02,284 --> 01:14:03,774
Monkey swine!

1228
01:14:06,688 --> 01:14:08,087
Pa.

1229
01:14:10,058 --> 01:14:11,423
More stupid!

1230
01:14:13,194 --> 01:14:18,257
Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad?

1231
01:14:20,702 --> 01:14:22,033
You saw what I saw.

1232
01:14:22,137 --> 01:14:24,799
Tugg Speedman is dead meat
if we don't do something soon.

1233
01:14:24,839 --> 01:14:27,269
Yeah. We could do something
by getting our asses back to the hotel,

1234
01:14:27,309 --> 01:14:28,703
which is in the other direction!

1235
01:14:28,743 --> 01:14:30,335
Ain't right.

1236
01:14:30,445 --> 01:14:32,540
<i>What would've happened
in The Great Escape</i>

1237
01:14:32,580 --> 01:14:36,414
if Steve McQueen and them dudes
had turned tail and ran?

1238
01:14:36,518 --> 01:14:40,582
Well, that's what that movie was about.
They were escaping. They ran away.

1239
01:14:40,622 --> 01:14:43,318
I'm trying to agree with you.
The point is they did something.

1240
01:14:43,358 --> 01:14:44,619
Then what are we supposed to do, huh?

1241
01:14:44,659 --> 01:14:48,623
'Cause he's cleaning a gun
with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan.

1242
01:14:48,663 --> 01:14:53,151
I'm just like a little boy,
playing with his dick when he's nervous.

1243
01:14:56,004 --> 01:14:58,566
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

1244
01:14:58,606 --> 01:15:01,666
I got an idea.
This might be a little crazy.

1245
01:15:01,776 --> 01:15:03,744
Crazy's better than nothing.

1246
01:15:03,845 --> 01:15:07,804
Back in '98, I did a low-budget
titty comedy for Skinemax.

1247
01:15:07,916 --> 01:15:11,249
<i>?i>Sex Camp> Remember it?
–Yeah.</i>

1248
01:15:11,353 --> 01:15:15,312
Anyway, me and the campers
from the uncool camp

1249
01:15:15,423 --> 01:15:17,948
had to break into the rich girl camp.

1250
01:15:18,059 --> 01:15:19,754
So, what we did,

1251
01:15:19,861 --> 01:15:22,897
we built a catapult
out of logs and underwear,

1252
01:15:22,964 --> 01:15:26,594
and they shot us over the wall,
and we parachuted down.

1253
01:15:32,140 --> 01:15:33,505
Look,

1254
01:15:33,608 --> 01:15:35,737
you guys, we already know the plan.

1255
01:15:35,777 --> 01:15:37,806
Are you fucking kidding me?
I'm giving you gold.

1256
01:15:37,846 --> 01:15:42,215
We do it just like in the book,
Chapter 26, the Wet Offensive.

1257
01:15:42,317 --> 01:15:44,717
<i>The book of Tropic Thunder.</i>

1258
01:15:44,819 --> 01:15:47,049
Yeah, did you guys read the book?

1259
01:15:48,356 --> 01:15:51,720
The flap, I read the back flap
and saw the pictures.

1260
01:15:51,760 --> 01:15:54,956
Well, it's okay.
It's exactly the same as in the script.

1261
01:15:54,996 --> 01:15:56,054
Cool.

1262
01:15:58,033 --> 01:16:00,593
You guys all read the script, right?

1263
01:16:00,702 --> 01:16:03,408
I don't read the script, script reads me.

1264
01:16:03,972 --> 01:16:05,500
What the hell does that even mean?

1265
01:16:05,540 --> 01:16:10,094
What you getting at with the books,
scripts? Spit that shit out, man!

1266
01:16:12,247 --> 01:16:14,161
All right. The Wet Offensive.

1267
01:16:15,116 --> 01:16:17,512
Osiris and Fats go undercover
as a diversion.

1268
01:16:17,552 --> 01:16:18,079
Osiris and Fats go undercover
as a diversion.

1269
01:16:18,119 --> 01:16:20,515
Motown and Brooklyn sneak in
via the river.

1270
01:16:20,555 --> 01:16:23,393
Yeah. But those dudes
was trained soldiers.

1271
01:16:24,826 --> 01:16:25,884
Yeah!

1272
01:16:26,961 --> 01:16:29,953
And we trained actors, motherfucker.

1273
01:16:30,065 --> 01:16:34,399
Time to man up.
And I ain't gonna sugarcoat.

1274
01:16:34,502 --> 01:16:37,266
Some of us
might not even make it back.

1275
01:16:37,372 --> 01:16:40,466
What do you mean?
Like not on the same flight?

1276
01:16:43,178 --> 01:16:46,007
Alpa and I's already wearing
earth mama's natural night camo.

1277
01:16:46,047 --> 01:16:47,878
–Cool it, Benson.
–Sorry.

1278
01:16:48,950 --> 01:16:53,636
We gonna scout, get a plan together.
We ain't back in 20, come looking.

1279
01:16:54,989 --> 01:16:56,903
<i>We are Flaming Dragon.</i>

1280
01:17:00,595 --> 01:17:01,789
Okay.

1281
01:17:03,098 --> 01:17:06,192
Flaming Dragon's
a heroin manufacturer.

1282
01:17:06,301 --> 01:17:09,464
They're responsible
for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia.

1283
01:17:09,504 --> 01:17:12,735
–Huge profit margin.
–Guys!

1284
01:17:12,841 --> 01:17:15,837
Would somebody please let me know
what the game plan is?

1285
01:17:15,877 --> 01:17:17,606
Peck! We have it handled.

1286
01:17:17,712 --> 01:17:20,275
Please, don't interrupt.
Everything's under control.

1287
01:17:20,315 --> 01:17:22,306
I got it. Got it.

1288
01:17:34,429 --> 01:17:37,158
<i>–Les Grossman.
?i>We not get money yet></i>

1289
01:17:37,198 --> 01:17:39,325
Price now 100 million!

1290
01:17:39,434 --> 01:17:42,267
You pay now,
or tomorrow Simple Jack die.

1291
01:17:42,370 --> 01:17:45,430
Great. Let me get this down.

1292
01:17:45,540 --> 01:17:46,973
100 million.

1293
01:17:47,075 --> 01:17:49,543
Wait! I got a better idea.

1294
01:17:50,345 --> 01:17:52,176
Instead of 100 million,

1295
01:17:52,280 --> 01:17:55,147
how about I send you
a hobo's dick cheese?

1296
01:17:55,250 --> 01:17:57,612
<i>Then you kill him! Do your thing!
Skin the fucking bastard!</i>

1297
01:17:57,652 --> 01:17:59,847
Go to town, man! Go to town!

1298
01:17:59,954 --> 01:18:02,183
–No
–In the meantime, and as usual,

1299
01:18:02,223 --> 01:18:03,884
go fuck yourself!

1300
01:18:04,993 --> 01:18:07,699
–No.
–We don't negotiate with terrorists.

1301
01:18:09,664 --> 01:18:12,460
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, hey, are you insane?

1302
01:18:12,500 --> 01:18:14,395
–I think I could've done that better.
–I thought it was good.

1303
01:18:14,435 --> 01:18:16,300
They're gonna kill him!

1304
01:18:19,374 --> 01:18:20,432
And?

1305
01:18:22,777 --> 01:18:23,903
“And?

1306
01:18:25,280 --> 01:18:29,307
It's a cold, hard world. Shit happens.

1307
01:18:31,619 --> 01:18:34,816
We'll weep for him, in the press.

1308
01:18:34,956 --> 01:18:37,618
Set up a scholarship in his name.

1309
01:18:37,725 --> 01:18:41,661
Eventually, and I'm talking way,
way down the road,

1310
01:18:41,763 --> 01:18:43,324
we file an insurance claim.

1311
01:18:43,364 --> 01:18:46,227
Preferably before
the end of the fiscal year.

1312
01:18:46,267 --> 01:18:50,887
Actually, the claim alone would net us
more than the movie would lose.

1313
01:18:52,106 --> 01:18:53,869
You can't be serious.

1314
01:18:55,109 --> 01:18:56,738
You kick in the door to my house,

1315
01:18:56,778 --> 01:19:02,239
all ants in your pants,
sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrap

1316
01:19:02,350 --> 01:19:06,946
for the third runner-up
Sexiest Man Alive 1998,

1317
01:19:07,055 --> 01:19:09,421
and you're asking if I'm serious?

1318
01:19:13,294 --> 01:19:14,989
Let's face it.

1319
01:19:15,096 --> 01:19:19,123
The kids aren't dressing up as Scorcher
for Purim anymore.

1320
01:19:20,535 --> 01:19:23,527
Speedman is a dying star,

1321
01:19:23,638 --> 01:19:26,869
a white dwarf heading for a black hole.

1322
01:19:26,975 --> 01:19:29,705
That's physics. It's inevitable.

1323
01:19:29,811 --> 01:19:33,208
We've been handed
an incredible opportunity here, Peck.

1324
01:19:33,248 --> 01:19:37,082
The universe is talking to us right now.

1325
01:19:37,185 --> 01:19:38,743
You just gotta listen.

1326
01:19:51,866 --> 01:19:55,530
See, this is the good part, Pecker.
This is when the job gets fun.

1327
01:19:55,570 --> 01:19:56,662
Yeah.

1328
01:19:56,771 --> 01:19:59,934
Ask and you shall receive.

1329
01:20:00,975 --> 01:20:05,105
–All right.
–You play ball, we play ball.

1330
01:20:05,213 --> 01:20:08,580
I know you want the goodies.

1331
01:20:08,683 --> 01:20:10,674
Welcome to the goody room.

1332
01:20:10,785 --> 01:20:15,415
You paying attention?
'Cause I'm talking G5 for the Pecker.

1333
01:20:15,523 --> 01:20:16,851
That's how you're gonna roll.

1334
01:20:16,891 --> 01:20:20,850
No more frequent flier
bitch miles for my boy.

1335
01:20:20,962 --> 01:20:22,259
Yeah!

1336
01:20:22,764 --> 01:20:24,026
Playa.

1337
01:20:24,899 --> 01:20:26,230
Playa!

1338
01:20:27,268 --> 01:20:28,565
Big dick playa.

1339
01:20:28,670 --> 01:20:30,661
Swinging past your knees!

1340
01:20:30,772 --> 01:20:31,796
Big dick, baby.

1341
01:20:31,906 --> 01:20:33,100
Yep.

1342
01:20:36,444 --> 01:20:39,038
Or you can grow a conscience

1343
01:20:39,147 --> 01:20:42,711
in the next five minutes
and see where that takes you.

1344
01:20:46,487 --> 01:20:48,580
Let me get this straight.

1345
01:20:48,690 --> 01:20:52,319
You want me
to let my client of 15 years,

1346
01:20:52,427 --> 01:20:53,855
one of my best friends,

1347
01:20:53,895 --> 01:20:58,525
die in the jungle, alone,
for some money and a G5?

1348
01:20:59,667 --> 01:21:00,793
Yes.

1349
01:21:05,873 --> 01:21:08,137
A G5 airplane?

1350
01:21:10,244 --> 01:21:11,302
Yes.

1351
01:21:12,380 --> 01:21:15,076
And lots of money.

1352
01:21:16,451 --> 01:21:18,612
Playa.

1353
01:21:21,522 --> 01:21:22,716
Yeah!

1354
01:21:23,958 --> 01:21:26,552
Smack it up, flip it, rub it down!

1355
01:21:29,130 --> 01:21:31,792
But Mama take care of Jack a lot.

1356
01:21:32,633 --> 01:21:36,364
How many more sleeps
before she wakes up again?

1357
01:21:36,471 --> 01:21:37,995
Sorry, Jack.

1358
01:21:38,106 --> 01:21:40,370
She in heaven now.

1359
01:21:41,142 --> 01:21:44,407
Damn! I thought the movie was bad.

1360
01:21:44,512 --> 01:21:47,640
She sleep forever.

1361
01:21:47,749 --> 01:21:50,945
To the mars credit, he's actually
eased up on the retard throttle.

1362
01:21:50,985 --> 01:21:54,649
And now that's added a balance,
and the audience can connect.

1363
01:21:54,689 --> 01:21:58,553
I mean, this is Theater 101,
but, you know, he's had a tough road.

1364
01:21:58,593 --> 01:21:59,787
He'll become a naturalist.

1365
01:21:59,827 --> 01:22:01,589
–Yeah.
–Break down the aesthetic distance,

1366
01:22:01,629 --> 01:22:03,358
then the

1367
01:22:06,033 --> 01:22:07,749
Told you I'd tag you back.

1368
01:22:10,338 --> 01:22:12,602
Can I tell you that I'm sorry

1369
01:22:12,707 --> 01:22:15,069
for any offense I might've caused, man?

1370
01:22:15,109 --> 01:22:17,538
–I just got caught up in
–In being a dumbass?

1371
01:22:17,578 --> 01:22:18,977
I guess so.

1372
01:22:19,080 --> 01:22:21,843
Why you still doing this
Chicken George shit, I have no idea.

1373
01:22:21,883 --> 01:22:23,244
–Neither do I.
–It's beyond me.

1374
01:22:23,284 --> 01:22:25,479
–It's beyond me.
–You confused.

1375
01:22:25,586 --> 01:22:27,764
–I am a little confused.
–I know.

1376
01:22:29,123 --> 01:22:30,920
But are we cool?

1377
01:22:31,025 --> 01:22:32,356
Not really.

1378
01:22:36,164 --> 01:22:37,756
Hey, man.

1379
01:22:37,865 --> 01:22:39,627
–How's it going?
–Good. Yourself?

1380
01:22:39,667 --> 01:22:41,692
Hey, so, if it's no big deal,

1381
01:22:41,803 --> 01:22:44,732
I think I'm just gonna hang back here
for the mission.

1382
01:22:44,772 --> 01:22:46,399
Watch the stuff.

1383
01:22:46,507 --> 01:22:48,532
–Is that cool?
–What? No!

1384
01:22:48,643 --> 01:22:50,543
We need you, Jeff.

1385
01:22:50,645 --> 01:22:52,306
What are you talking about?

1386
01:22:52,346 --> 01:22:53,904
Okay, look, man.

1387
01:22:55,149 --> 01:22:57,525
–I got something to tell you.
–Okay.

1388
01:22:59,687 --> 01:23:02,417
You know those jellybeans
I was eating?

1389
01:23:02,523 --> 01:23:05,617
Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay?

1390
01:23:06,527 --> 01:23:09,325
–They were drugs.
–Really?

1391
01:23:09,430 --> 01:23:13,861
I get down there near the mother lode,
I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man.

1392
01:23:13,901 --> 01:23:17,663
I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin
in the fucking world.

1393
01:23:20,141 --> 01:23:25,091
If you guys wanna make it through
this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree.

1394
01:23:25,680 --> 01:23:29,446
–Are you serious?
–Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree.

1395
01:23:29,550 --> 01:23:32,480
And you can, no matter what, you can't
fucking untie me until it is done,

1396
01:23:32,520 --> 01:23:34,148
until it is out of my system.

1397
01:23:34,188 --> 01:23:35,883
I'm gonna say,
“Hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool.

1398
01:23:35,923 --> 01:23:37,552
I'm finally better. I'm finally better.
Untie me.

1399
01:23:37,592 --> 01:23:40,855
Don't listen to me!
Anything I fucking say is a lie!

1400
01:23:40,895 --> 01:23:42,226
You got it!

1401
01:23:42,897 --> 01:23:44,956
Goodbye, Mama!

1402
01:23:45,066 --> 01:23:48,194
Now you can have ice cream in heaven.

1403
01:23:48,302 --> 01:23:53,262
I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed,
in my head movies.

1404
01:23:54,208 --> 01:23:58,804
But this head movie
makes my eyes rain.

1405
01:24:07,855 --> 01:24:11,086
Dang.
Short-bus is taking some real hits.

1406
01:24:12,960 --> 01:24:15,857
–They got him on the move!
–That's torture, man.

1407
01:24:15,897 --> 01:24:18,764
Okay. That's where they keeping him.

1408
01:24:18,866 --> 01:24:21,128
I gotta get cracking on my costume.

1409
01:24:21,168 --> 01:24:22,630
Say, are you good
with a needle and thread?

1410
01:24:22,670 --> 01:24:23,694
Hell, yeah.

1411
01:24:23,804 --> 01:24:27,201
Alpa Chino chinos sold more than
five million pairs last spring at the Gap.

1412
01:24:27,241 --> 01:24:30,739
–I sewed them patterns myself, baby.
–Let's roll out.

1413
01:25:01,943 --> 01:25:04,173
It's a little twig man Oscar.

1414
01:25:10,785 --> 01:25:13,185
I'm going to call you Half Squat.

1415
01:25:14,889 --> 01:25:16,857
And you can call me

1416
01:25:17,925 --> 01:25:19,222
Papa.

1417
01:25:42,717 --> 01:25:44,631
Wow, look at all those stars.

1418
01:25:46,420 --> 01:25:48,862
Really makes a guy feel pretty small.

1419
01:25:49,924 --> 01:25:53,290
This could be the last time
we look at these stars.

1420
01:25:53,461 --> 01:25:54,928
Man, that's beauty.

1421
01:25:56,864 --> 01:25:59,994
Nights like tonight
make a man wonder what it's all about.

1422
01:26:00,034 --> 01:26:02,806
Hey, you guys.
Anybody got some bug spray?

1423
01:26:04,171 --> 01:26:05,297
Don't ignore me!

1424
01:26:05,406 --> 01:26:08,574
Stick it out, man.
We're gonna get through this.

1425
01:26:09,410 --> 01:26:11,469
–Hey, Kirk?
–Yeah?

1426
01:26:11,579 --> 01:26:14,412
Are you still dating
Jennifer Love Hewitt?

1427
01:26:14,515 --> 01:26:15,977
'Cause I think she's hot.

1428
01:26:16,017 --> 01:26:19,384
No, that was just some
tabloid conjecture.

1429
01:26:19,487 --> 01:26:23,513
Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through.
You can untie me now.

1430
01:26:24,558 --> 01:26:25,889
Funny, huh?

1431
01:26:25,993 --> 01:26:28,897
The circus life 280 days a year
on location.

1432
01:26:30,131 --> 01:26:34,025
It's hard to find a girl
that can hang with that, you know?

1433
01:26:34,835 --> 01:26:36,894
Not one worth keeping, nohow.

1434
01:26:37,004 --> 01:26:39,302
Hey, Radar? Evans?

1435
01:26:39,407 --> 01:26:40,465
No, it's Kevin.

1436
01:26:40,574 --> 01:26:42,370
Kev, whatever the fuck.
Come over here.

1437
01:26:42,410 --> 01:26:44,705
<i>I didn't tell you, but Fatties: Fart Three
is coming down the pike,</i>

1438
01:26:44,745 --> 01:26:48,309
and there's a role in there for you
if you come over and untie me.

1439
01:26:48,349 --> 01:26:50,978
Jeff, you're just going to
have to tough it out.

1440
01:26:51,018 --> 01:26:53,047
Your mother's a cankerous whore!

1441
01:26:53,087 --> 01:26:54,418
Jesus, man.

1442
01:26:55,456 --> 01:26:56,923
Hey, man.

1443
01:26:57,024 --> 01:26:59,987
Remember way back when I said
your mother was a cankerous whore?

1444
01:27:00,027 --> 01:27:03,428
I'm sorry, man.
I did not mean that. She's not.

1445
01:27:03,531 --> 01:27:05,226
How about you, man?

1446
01:27:05,366 --> 01:27:07,862
You got some little minx waiting for you
on the other side of tomorrow?

1447
01:27:07,902 --> 01:27:09,369
Me?

1448
01:27:09,470 --> 01:27:12,234
I've barely even had a girlfriend, and

1449
01:27:13,074 --> 01:27:16,804
I was really hoping I'd get laid
when this movie came out,

1450
01:27:16,844 --> 01:27:19,244
but that's not gonna happen.

1451
01:27:20,114 --> 01:27:21,642
What about you, Masterblaster?

1452
01:27:21,682 --> 01:27:24,378
You got a certain someone you trying
to get with back in the States?

1453
01:27:24,418 --> 01:27:29,151
What, Alpa Chino?
He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7.

1454
01:27:29,256 --> 01:27:30,551
No. You missing me, man.

1455
01:27:30,591 --> 01:27:32,453
I'm talking about something special.
Big difference.

1456
01:27:32,493 --> 01:27:33,687
How about it?

1457
01:27:34,462 --> 01:27:35,588
Yeah.

1458
01:27:36,997 --> 01:27:38,965
Yeah, there is.

1459
01:27:39,066 --> 01:27:42,463
Well? What's the skinny?
Y'all been on a date or what?

1460
01:27:42,503 --> 01:27:44,403
No. I mean

1461
01:27:44,505 --> 01:27:49,340
I always wanted to, but I guess
I just never had the courage to ask.

1462
01:27:49,443 --> 01:27:51,138
It's?It's complicated.

1463
01:27:51,245 --> 01:27:53,679
No! It's simple as pie, man.

1464
01:27:53,781 --> 01:27:56,444
You plant your feet in the ground, you
look her square in the eyes, you say,

1465
01:27:56,484 --> 01:28:00,181
“Hey, baby, you and me's going
on a date.?That's the end of story.

1466
01:28:00,221 --> 01:28:02,917
–What's her name?
–Lance.

1467
01:28:03,023 --> 01:28:04,786
“Listen here, Lance…

1468
01:28:05,659 --> 01:28:09,459
Lance? What the fuck did I just hear?
Lance?

1469
01:28:09,563 --> 01:28:11,292
–Did you say “Lance?
–No!

1470
01:28:11,398 --> 01:28:13,394
–That sounded like “Lance.
–No, I said “Nance.

1471
01:28:13,434 --> 01:28:15,663
–That's what I said, “Nance.
–It sounded like “Lance.

1472
01:28:15,703 --> 01:28:17,298
Look, I'm Alpa Chino, okay?

1473
01:28:17,338 --> 01:28:19,066
I love the pussy! All right?

1474
01:28:19,106 --> 01:28:21,102
Lay your ass back down
and look at the stars.

1475
01:28:21,142 --> 01:28:22,536
<i>When you wrote I Love Tha Pussy</i>

1476
01:28:22,576 --> 01:28:26,006
was you thinking of dangling your dice
on Lance's forehead?

1477
01:28:26,046 --> 01:28:28,412
Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look.

1478
01:28:28,516 --> 01:28:31,512
–Man, everyone's gay once in a while.
–I'm not gay!

1479
01:28:31,552 --> 01:28:32,576
This Hollywood.

1480
01:28:32,686 --> 01:28:33,814
How about we all get back to work?

1481
01:28:33,854 --> 01:28:35,583
–Okay. Cool.
–This is ridiculous!

1482
01:28:35,623 --> 01:28:38,593
We got a big day tomorrow.
Let's get focused.

1483
01:28:41,095 --> 01:28:45,930
Alpa, if you untie me,
I will literally suck your dick right now.

1484
01:28:46,033 --> 01:28:49,264
I told you, for the last time,
I love the pussy!

1485
01:28:50,638 --> 01:28:53,471
I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft,

1486
01:28:53,574 --> 01:28:56,668
work the pipe and swallow the gravy.

1487
01:28:56,777 --> 01:28:59,351
Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.

1488
01:29:05,419 --> 01:29:06,547
Okay, so, what's the plan?

1489
01:29:06,587 --> 01:29:08,048
Are you gonna talk Vietnamese
to those dudes?

1490
01:29:08,088 --> 01:29:09,851
No. No. Mandarin Chinese.

1491
01:29:09,957 --> 01:29:11,719
Which, from what I can tell,
is what they speaking down there.

1492
01:29:11,759 --> 01:29:13,387
How the hell do you know Chinese?

1493
01:29:13,427 --> 01:29:16,957
<i>Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li.
Second Globe, third Oscar.</i>

1494
01:29:16,997 --> 01:29:21,028
Prepped for that one by working in
a Beijing textile factory for eight months.

1495
01:29:21,068 --> 01:29:23,002
That might be our ride.

1496
01:29:39,753 --> 01:29:41,048
The straps are too tight!

1497
01:29:41,088 --> 01:29:43,454
Shut your mouth and follow my lead.

1498
01:30:11,352 --> 01:30:14,321
The straps are cutting off
my circulation!

1499
01:30:14,421 --> 01:30:15,388
Fuck you!

1500
01:30:22,897 --> 01:30:25,801
Not the fucking bull again.
Fucking asshole.

1501
01:31:19,853 --> 01:31:22,549
Laz, don't let him take me off the yak.

1502
01:31:27,061 --> 01:31:29,325
Bitch whore! Fucking hate you!

1503
01:31:39,473 --> 01:31:40,667
Okay.

1504
01:31:42,876 --> 01:31:44,434
All right.

1505
01:31:44,545 --> 01:31:47,007
That looks like it could be
the munitions hut right there.

1506
01:31:47,047 --> 01:31:50,479
I'm gonna try to find Speedman
in the main building.

1507
01:32:07,001 --> 01:32:10,764
I don't know Chinese but it sounds like
your improvising is for shit.

1508
01:32:10,804 --> 01:32:11,930
Oh, fuck!

1509
01:32:27,454 --> 01:32:29,046
Get over here!

1510
01:32:30,424 --> 01:32:32,052
–What are you guys doing here?
–He has hands.

1511
01:32:32,092 --> 01:32:34,492
–He killed Damien.
–Bullshit!

1512
01:32:34,595 --> 01:32:37,103
–He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis.
–Almost!

1513
01:32:37,197 --> 01:32:40,461
What are you talking about?
Damien stepped on a old landmine.

1514
01:32:40,501 --> 01:32:42,059
Sweet. Thank God.

1515
01:32:42,169 --> 01:32:44,941
–We busting Speedman out.
–Speedmars here?

1516
01:33:12,533 --> 01:33:15,195
I take it y'all are doing
the Wet Offensive from the book.

1517
01:33:15,235 --> 01:33:16,563
I can give y'all a diversion.

1518
01:33:16,603 --> 01:33:22,081
I got enough shit here to light this place
up like it's the Fourth of fucking July.

1519
01:34:02,015 --> 01:34:04,483
Yes, your farm.

1520
01:34:08,856 --> 01:34:11,256
Where is your farm,

1521
01:34:12,826 --> 01:34:14,293
American?

1522
01:34:17,131 --> 01:34:18,393
My farm?

1523
01:34:20,334 --> 01:34:21,596
Oh, shit.

1524
01:34:22,369 --> 01:34:25,566
Here's my motherfucking farm!

1525
01:34:25,672 --> 01:34:27,162
Yeah!

1526
01:34:32,112 --> 01:34:35,104
Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby!

1527
01:34:36,116 --> 01:34:37,310
Kwan-Lo!

1528
01:34:38,819 --> 01:34:40,931
I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!

1529
01:34:41,221 --> 01:34:42,381
Yeah!

1530
01:34:43,957 --> 01:34:47,257
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
keep your head down!

1531
01:34:47,261 --> 01:34:49,525
Keep your head down on the ground!

1532
01:34:49,630 --> 01:34:51,859
Nobody move or I do the little big guy!

1533
01:34:51,899 --> 01:34:55,335
That's right,
we running this program now, J.P.

1534
01:34:55,435 --> 01:34:58,063
Now show me where the drugs are.

1535
01:34:58,172 --> 01:34:59,969
What the fuck?

1536
01:35:00,073 --> 01:35:01,768
That ain't the plan!

1537
01:35:01,875 --> 01:35:03,570
Don't judge me!

1538
01:35:07,247 --> 01:35:09,359
He's got a real serious problem.

1539
01:35:09,816 --> 01:35:12,080
Hey! Hey, you!

1540
01:35:12,186 --> 01:35:14,381
Take off your clothes!

1541
01:35:14,488 --> 01:35:16,149
Take off your clothes!

1542
01:35:16,256 --> 01:35:17,553
What do we do now?

1543
01:35:17,658 --> 01:35:19,553
Stick with the plan. Find Speedman.

1544
01:35:19,593 --> 01:35:22,055
Alpa, keep this clown posse down.
Come on now.

1545
01:35:22,095 --> 01:35:25,462
Y'all heard the man.
Be suede, don't move!

1546
01:35:25,566 --> 01:35:27,528
Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag.

1547
01:35:27,568 --> 01:35:30,059
–Door!
–One, two, three!

1548
01:35:43,350 --> 01:35:45,181
I go high, you go low.

1549
01:35:49,556 --> 01:35:53,487
Get down. Get down! Get down!
Chow Yun-Fat, get the hell down!

1550
01:35:53,527 --> 01:35:57,751
If I see one more head pop up,
it's gonna be bullet Whac-A-Mole.

1551
01:35:58,398 --> 01:35:59,831
Come on, come on!

1552
01:35:59,933 --> 01:36:02,243
–Smoke grenade.
–Don't drop it now.

1553
01:36:02,603 --> 01:36:04,161
Here.

1554
01:36:04,271 --> 01:36:06,333
–What's this?
–I don't know what it's called.

1555
01:36:06,373 --> 01:36:06,733
–What's this?
–I don't know what it's called.

1556
01:36:06,773 --> 01:36:09,436
I just know the sound it makes
when it lies.

1557
01:36:09,476 --> 01:36:13,003
Don't move, Matchbox,
or I will shoot you.

1558
01:36:13,113 --> 01:36:15,980
I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move.

1559
01:36:16,083 --> 01:36:17,812
I can still see you.

1560
01:36:23,957 --> 01:36:25,049
Tugg!

1561
01:36:27,594 --> 01:36:28,754
Tugg?

1562
01:36:30,831 --> 01:36:32,025
Gotcha.

1563
01:36:33,200 --> 01:36:36,101
Roll your shit up, man. We going home.

1564
01:36:36,203 --> 01:36:37,329
Home?

1565
01:36:39,473 --> 01:36:43,370
But I'm doing five shows a day
for a standing-room-only crowd.

1566
01:36:43,410 --> 01:36:45,970
Don't you get it? I already am home.

1567
01:36:48,282 --> 01:36:51,410
All right, now, dude, you gotta get it

1568
01:36:51,518 --> 01:36:53,713
My son gave this to me.

1569
01:36:53,820 --> 01:36:57,312
–That's your stick buddy?
–His name is Twigman.

1570
01:36:57,424 --> 01:36:59,255
Does he wanna come with us?

1571
01:37:20,247 --> 01:37:22,374
Get down! Get down! Get down!

1572
01:37:22,482 --> 01:37:27,442
Maybe y'all heard of me.
Y'all heard of Alpa Chino? No?

1573
01:37:27,554 --> 01:37:30,083
<i>I love that pussy, hell, yeah, hell, yeah</i>

1574
01:37:30,123 --> 01:37:31,685
They're not your demo, dude.

1575
01:37:31,725 --> 01:37:34,187
Come on.
Six motherfucking VMAs, baby.

1576
01:37:34,227 --> 01:37:37,424
Two BET Awards. Alpa Chino.

1577
01:37:37,531 --> 01:37:43,936
<i>Like him in Carlito's Way?</i>

1578
01:37:44,304 --> 01:37:47,034
Hey, yo, you know what?
Speak English. I don't speak that stuff.

1579
01:37:47,074 --> 01:37:49,008
What're you sayin'? Huh?

1580
01:37:49,109 --> 01:37:53,671
<i>Devil's Advocate. Dog Day Afternoon.</i>

1581
01:37:54,047 --> 01:37:56,880
<i>Cruising. Sea of Love.</i>

1582
01:37:56,983 --> 01:37:59,975
Real Al Pacino.

1583
01:38:00,087 --> 01:38:03,750
Get the fuck down. That's a whole
different dude altogether.

1584
01:38:03,790 --> 01:38:06,920
What you doing? What you doing?
Don't touch that gun.

1585
01:38:06,960 --> 01:38:08,422
Don't do it! Don't touch that gun!

1586
01:38:08,462 --> 01:38:10,772
On my momma, if you touch that gun

1587
01:38:15,402 --> 01:38:17,802
–Oh, shit, it's on!
–Over here!

1588
01:38:52,205 --> 01:38:54,034
–What're you doing?
–I'm gonna give these boys

1589
01:38:54,074 --> 01:38:55,701
a Hanoi high-five.

1590
01:39:08,355 --> 01:39:09,741
Shadow me, Pinocchio!

1591
01:39:10,490 --> 01:39:11,718
Smoke!

1592
01:39:17,564 --> 01:39:19,259
Oh, shit!

1593
01:39:24,104 --> 01:39:25,628
Jeff, don't!

1594
01:39:26,473 --> 01:39:28,464
It doesn't matter what I do.

1595
01:39:28,575 --> 01:39:31,605
I'll always be a screw-up.
No one'll ever respect me.

1596
01:39:31,645 --> 01:39:35,709
That is not true, you are not a screw-up!
You make so many people laugh.

1597
01:39:35,749 --> 01:39:37,979
They only laugh at my farts.

1598
01:39:38,084 --> 01:39:40,130
Jeff, we really need to go now!

1599
01:39:40,187 --> 01:39:41,779
This is all I deserve!

1600
01:40:01,942 --> 01:40:04,172
Laugh at that, you bastards!

1601
01:40:04,277 --> 01:40:07,678
Hilarious! Hilarious!

1602
01:40:09,216 --> 01:40:12,780
Let's move. We only have 16 hours
before they wake up.

1603
01:40:28,335 --> 01:40:29,996
Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing.

1604
01:40:30,036 --> 01:40:34,590
These assholes are gonna be crawling
in here ready to fucking eat us.

1605
01:40:35,909 --> 01:40:38,776
There. All right, you keep six right here.

1606
01:40:40,714 --> 01:40:42,875
Come on, let's go.

1607
01:40:42,983 --> 01:40:44,978
Come on, what are you guys doing?
Let's get out of here!

1608
01:40:45,018 --> 01:40:46,679
He's on tilt status.

1609
01:40:46,786 --> 01:40:50,817
<i>Same thing happened to me when
I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot.</i>

1610
01:40:50,857 --> 01:40:53,019
They found me in an alley in Burbank

1611
01:40:53,059 --> 01:40:56,990
trying to re-enter the Earth's
atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.

1612
01:40:57,030 --> 01:40:58,158
What're you talking about?

1613
01:40:58,198 --> 01:41:00,627
Come on, fellas, we really need to go.

1614
01:41:00,667 --> 01:41:05,104
Daggomit, Blamtucky,
I ain't re-programming a VCR.

1615
01:41:11,011 --> 01:41:13,306
Give me the flame thrower.
You gotta start the chopper.

1616
01:41:13,346 --> 01:41:17,834
–No, fuck that! Just give me this.
–No time! I'll take care of this!

1617
01:41:18,018 --> 01:41:19,998
All right. Give me your hooks.

1618
01:41:20,020 --> 01:41:21,715
Don't worry,
I'm not gonna put them on again.

1619
01:41:21,755 --> 01:41:24,651
–Just give me your goddamn hooks.
–All right. Here.

1620
01:41:24,691 --> 01:41:27,331
Get those boys back to the bird, pronto!

1621
01:41:31,798 --> 01:41:33,959
Shit! Enough!

1622
01:41:34,067 --> 01:41:35,967
Fake shit!

1623
01:41:39,072 --> 01:41:40,198
Fuck!

1624
01:41:47,914 --> 01:41:51,077
Go get your guys!
Get them to the chopper!

1625
01:41:51,184 --> 01:41:53,277
I'll take care of these yahoos!

1626
01:41:55,322 --> 01:41:57,651
You're gonna focus up now,
motherfucker, and say it.

1627
01:41:57,691 --> 01:41:59,869
–“It's me, Tugg!
–It's me, Tugg.

1628
01:41:59,926 --> 01:42:01,454
That's right! Now, Tugg who?

1629
01:42:01,494 --> 01:42:04,292
–Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you?
–Me?

1630
01:42:04,397 --> 01:42:06,092
I know who I am!

1631
01:42:06,199 --> 01:42:09,930
I'm a dude playing a dude
disguised as another dude.

1632
01:42:10,036 --> 01:42:11,094
What?

1633
01:42:11,204 --> 01:42:13,366
You a dude
that don't know what dude he is!

1634
01:42:13,406 --> 01:42:16,169
Or are you a dude who has no idea
what dude he is

1635
01:42:16,209 --> 01:42:17,537
and claims to know what dude he is

1636
01:42:17,577 --> 01:42:19,406
What the fuck
are you guys talking about?

1637
01:42:19,446 --> 01:42:20,607
by playing other dudes?

1638
01:42:20,647 --> 01:42:21,908
I know what dude I am!

1639
01:42:21,948 --> 01:42:24,811
–You're scared.
–I ain't scared. Scared of what?

1640
01:42:24,851 --> 01:42:26,113
Or scared of who?

1641
01:42:26,219 --> 01:42:28,882
–Scared of who?
–Come on, guys. We really need to go!

1642
01:42:28,922 --> 01:42:30,184
Scared of you.

1643
01:42:35,095 --> 01:42:37,427
–Jesus.
–What's going on?

1644
01:42:37,530 --> 01:42:39,054
The dudes are emerging.

1645
01:42:39,165 --> 01:42:40,551
He's right, you know.

1646
01:42:42,268 --> 01:42:43,667
I am not

1647
01:42:45,238 --> 01:42:46,933
Sergeant Lincoln Osiris.

1648
01:42:51,344 --> 01:42:52,811
We gotta roll out.

1649
01:42:52,912 --> 01:42:56,143
Nor am I Father O'Malley.

1650
01:42:58,385 --> 01:43:01,320
Or Neil Armstrong.

1651
01:43:08,895 --> 01:43:11,056
I think I might be nobody.

1652
01:43:12,465 --> 01:43:13,625
Wow!

1653
01:43:13,733 --> 01:43:16,967
The insecurity level
with you guys is ridiculous!

1654
01:43:17,671 --> 01:43:20,700
–Everybody's got issues!
–Yeah, man, everybody got issues.

1655
01:43:20,740 --> 01:43:23,300
Come on! You're Kirk Lazarus.

1656
01:43:23,410 --> 01:43:25,639
You're the whole reason
I got into acting.

1657
01:43:25,679 --> 01:43:27,574
I memorized every single monologue

1658
01:43:27,614 --> 01:43:30,276
you ever did
when I was in theater school.

1659
01:43:30,316 --> 01:43:32,362
–Really?
–Yeah. And look, Tugg!

1660
01:43:32,452 --> 01:43:34,948
<i>I saw Scorcher I
24 times when I was in eighth grade.</i>

1661
01:43:34,988 --> 01:43:38,018
That shit blew me away!
I got high to that shit! You the man!

1662
01:43:38,058 --> 01:43:41,254
<i>Yeah, man, Scorcher I was great.
Let's get the fuck out of here!</i>

1663
01:43:41,294 --> 01:43:45,424
Tugg, Tugger, you're the last piece
of the puzzle, buddy.

1664
01:43:45,532 --> 01:43:48,700
We need you! Your men need you!
Are you with us?

1665
01:43:52,872 --> 01:43:54,863
I'm a rooster illusion.

1666
01:43:54,974 --> 01:43:56,236
Fuck it. We'll deal with him later.

1667
01:43:56,276 --> 01:43:59,708
Let's move. Come on. Come on.
Double time. Gotta go!

1668
01:44:01,981 --> 01:44:03,778
Come on, come on, come on.

1669
01:44:07,554 --> 01:44:09,488
Bingo! Move out.

1670
01:44:11,424 --> 01:44:12,789
Oh, God.

1671
01:44:14,761 --> 01:44:17,665
Just say no to this,
you drug-making midget.

1672
01:44:22,202 --> 01:44:23,669
Gotta hold on!

1673
01:44:29,843 --> 01:44:31,208
Four Leaf!

1674
01:44:35,949 --> 01:44:37,280
You grew hands?

1675
01:44:46,526 --> 01:44:48,050
RPG, gentlemen!

1676
01:44:50,830 --> 01:44:52,354
Where are you going?

1677
01:44:57,871 --> 01:45:00,973
Oh, my God.
I am moving to catering after this.

1678
01:45:22,428 --> 01:45:23,759
My ass!

1679
01:45:27,000 --> 01:45:28,331
My ass!

1680
01:45:29,936 --> 01:45:33,201
Hey, yo!
We gotta get our shit together, Tugg!

1681
01:45:33,306 --> 01:45:35,602
We gotta get his cracker ass
to the chopper!

1682
01:45:35,642 --> 01:45:39,942
Are you still crazy?
We gotta get Candisky to the chopper!

1683
01:45:40,046 --> 01:45:41,513
It's Sandusky.

1684
01:45:43,383 --> 01:45:46,682
–Kevin Sandusky.
–That's my name.

1685
01:45:46,786 --> 01:45:48,378
You remembered my name.

1686
01:45:48,488 --> 01:45:50,513
Alpa, go help Cody.

1687
01:45:50,623 --> 01:45:52,685
Portnoy, get Sandusky
back to the chopper. Go!

1688
01:45:52,725 --> 01:45:54,556
–I got him!
–Let's go!

1689
01:45:55,995 --> 01:45:57,519
Let's get out of here!

1690
01:46:09,409 --> 01:46:10,899
Hey, Leaf!

1691
01:46:11,010 --> 01:46:12,238
–Leaf!
–Yeah.

1692
01:46:12,345 --> 01:46:13,335
Hit the plunger

1693
01:46:13,446 --> 01:46:16,284
–as soon as they clear the bridge!
–Got it!

1694
01:46:19,886 --> 01:46:22,320
Come on! Get in the chopper!

1695
01:46:22,522 --> 01:46:25,320
–Come on! Move!
–Kirk! Wait!

1696
01:46:29,863 --> 01:46:31,558
Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge!

1697
01:46:31,598 --> 01:46:33,459
Are you the special effects guy?

1698
01:46:33,499 --> 01:46:35,941
–You God damn right I am.
–Fuck yeah!

1699
01:46:36,035 --> 01:46:37,297
Leaf's about to blow the bridge.
Come on!

1700
01:46:37,337 --> 01:46:39,999
You don't have to! You don't have to!
I'm staying.

1701
01:46:40,039 --> 01:46:41,601
No, I can't let you do that, mate.
We gotta go.

1702
01:46:41,641 --> 01:46:44,237
No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy.
They'll listen to me.

1703
01:46:44,277 --> 01:46:46,840
I know it sounds weird,
but I have a connection with them.

1704
01:46:46,880 --> 01:46:49,742
You're not doing tofu dinner theater
for these motherfuckers. Let's roll!

1705
01:46:49,782 --> 01:46:53,616
–Get over here!
–I have a son now. Little Half Squat.

1706
01:46:53,720 --> 01:46:55,348
Who in crikey fuck is Half Squat?

1707
01:46:55,388 --> 01:46:57,618
He's my son. He's my boy!

1708
01:46:57,724 --> 01:47:00,232
He needs me. I have to go back to him.

1709
01:47:03,296 --> 01:47:05,024
You tell the world what happened here.

1710
01:47:05,064 --> 01:47:06,895
What happened here?

1711
01:47:07,000 --> 01:47:09,640
I don't know, but you need to tell them.

1712
01:47:11,604 --> 01:47:13,435
I got this.

1713
01:47:13,539 --> 01:47:14,699
Tugg!

1714
01:47:15,408 --> 01:47:18,969
You take care of the boys!
I'll deal with these guys.

1715
01:47:20,380 --> 01:47:23,975
Where is he going?
We're gonna fucking die!

1716
01:47:24,083 --> 01:47:26,779
Laz, come on. He joined the circus.
Let's go.

1717
01:47:26,819 --> 01:47:28,081
–You've got hands.
–Yeah.

1718
01:47:28,121 --> 01:47:30,365
–Fuck! You've got hands?
–Come on!

1719
01:47:31,324 --> 01:47:32,512
–Come on!
–Get in!

1720
01:47:32,558 --> 01:47:34,185
–Come on!
–He's staying?

1721
01:47:34,294 --> 01:47:37,264
Go! He's a lost cause, mate!
Get out of here!

1722
01:47:41,134 --> 01:47:45,628
I was wrong! Blow the bridge!
Blow the fucking bridge!

1723
01:47:51,477 --> 01:47:52,876
I got this.

1724
01:47:53,546 --> 01:47:54,979
Leaf, no!

1725
01:48:39,125 --> 01:48:41,753
It's over! He's gone!

1726
01:48:41,861 --> 01:48:43,920
Cody! We gotta go!

1727
01:48:45,932 --> 01:48:47,126
Look.

1728
01:49:09,756 --> 01:49:11,087
Think he's done.

1729
01:49:11,190 --> 01:49:12,418
Cover me!

1730
01:49:13,493 --> 01:49:16,428
–Come on!
–Wait, come back!

1731
01:49:16,529 --> 01:49:18,258
How do we cover him?

1732
01:49:22,502 --> 01:49:25,903
All right, game over. Come on, mate.
Come on.

1733
01:49:26,005 --> 01:49:28,599
–You all right, man?
–I'm cold.

1734
01:49:28,708 --> 01:49:30,699
I can't feel my legs.

1735
01:49:30,810 --> 01:49:33,806
No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See?
There's a puddle right there.

1736
01:49:33,846 --> 01:49:35,100
–No worries.
–Good.

1737
01:49:35,148 --> 01:49:36,509
Come on, we gotta split, man.

1738
01:49:36,549 --> 01:49:38,925
–You guys came back for me.
–Course.

1739
01:49:38,951 --> 01:49:41,283
Hey! I want you to know something.

1740
01:49:41,387 --> 01:49:42,581
What?

1741
01:49:43,756 --> 01:49:45,553
I know who you are.

1742
01:49:47,660 --> 01:49:49,423
You're my friend.

1743
01:49:51,697 --> 01:49:53,324
You're my brother.

1744
01:49:54,200 --> 01:49:57,033
But like a really cool brother, you know?

1745
01:49:57,136 --> 01:49:58,564
Like a brother
where there was no animosity or

1746
01:49:58,604 --> 01:50:01,501
Don't look now,
you got some real tears going.

1747
01:50:01,541 --> 01:50:02,530
Really?

1748
01:50:02,642 --> 01:50:04,203
That's the stuff
that accolades are made of.

1749
01:50:04,243 --> 01:50:05,710
Jesus, let's go, man!

1750
01:50:05,812 --> 01:50:06,913
All right?

1751
01:50:06,913 --> 01:50:07,573
All right?

1752
01:50:08,848 --> 01:50:10,281
Upsy-daisy.

1753
01:50:12,051 --> 01:50:15,087
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Let's go! Let's go!

1754
01:50:17,190 --> 01:50:18,487
Get in! Get in!

1755
01:50:18,591 --> 01:50:20,616
Come on! Here we go!

1756
01:50:23,162 --> 01:50:25,960
Tuggernuts! I got it!

1757
01:50:28,334 --> 01:50:30,632
–Tugger!
–Rick!

1758
01:50:33,239 --> 01:50:34,467
What the fuck?

1759
01:50:34,574 --> 01:50:36,201
I got the TiVo!

1760
01:50:37,110 --> 01:50:41,513
My friend wants a TiVo,
my friend gets a TiVo!

1761
01:50:46,686 --> 01:50:47,948
Oh, shit!

1762
01:51:24,790 --> 01:51:26,815
<i>And the Oscar goes to?/i></i>

1763
01:51:29,562 --> 01:51:31,860
<i>Yes! Tugg Speedman.</i>

1764
01:51:33,499 --> 01:51:36,262
“Tropic Blunder,
The True Story Behind the Making

1765
01:51:36,302 --> 01:51:39,470
of the Most Expensive
Fake True War Story Ever.

1766
01:51:40,406 --> 01:51:41,532
Yeah!

1767
01:51:46,245 --> 01:51:48,145
Yeah, you son of a bitch!

1768
01:52:07,466 --> 01:52:11,835
Eight Oscars, $400 million

1769
01:52:11,938 --> 01:52:15,169
and you saved
Tugg Speedman's career.

1770
01:52:15,274 --> 01:52:18,178
I couldn't have done it
without you, Slolom.

1771
01:52:20,179 --> 01:52:21,271
Really?

1772
01:52:21,380 --> 01:52:23,442
No, dickhead, of course I could.

1773
01:52:23,482 --> 01:52:26,212
–A nutless monkey could do your job.
–Well, I

1774
01:52:26,252 --> 01:52:29,215
Now, go get drunk
and take credit at all the parties.

1775
01:52:29,255 --> 01:52:31,951
–I would never do that to
–Joking.

1776
01:52:32,058 --> 01:52:33,423
–Yeah?
–Yeah.

1777
01:52:33,526 --> 01:52:35,721
Very?　Okay, there he is.

1778
01:52:35,828 --> 01:52:37,390
–There he is. Okay.
–Go have fun.

1779
01:52:37,430 --> 01:52:39,025
All right. We're having a

1780
01:52:39,065 --> 01:52:41,527
Fuck, okay. Thank you, Les.
Thank you. You have a good night

1781
01:52:41,567 --> 01:52:44,030
But seriously,
a nutless monkey could do your job.

1782
01:52:44,070 --> 01:52:45,799
Good. Thank you, sir.

1783
01:53:00,254 --> 01:53:03,254
(Tom Cruise)

1784
01:53:03,730 --> 01:53:05,530
Ludacris - get back

1785
01:53:05,730 --> 01:53:10,030
Heads up! Heads up!

1786
01:53:10,563 --> 01:53:12,130
Here's another one!

1787
01:53:12,097 --> 01:53:13,530
And a - and another one

1788
01:53:14,763 --> 01:53:17,260
Yeek yeek woop woop!! why you all in my ear?!

1789
01:53:17,330 --> 01:53:18,630
Talking a whole bunch of shit

1790
01:53:18,763 --> 01:53:20,330
That I ain't trying to hear!

1791
01:53:20,297 --> 01:53:22,930
Get back muhfucker! You don't know me like that!

1792
01:53:23,063 --> 01:53:25,830
(Get back muhfucker!! You don't know me like that!!)

1793
01:53:26,097 --> 01:53:28,530
WHOO!! S-s-so c'mon c'mon

1794
01:53:28,630 --> 01:53:31,030
DON'T ... get swung on, swung on

1795
01:53:31,430 --> 01:53:34,330
It's the knick knack paddywhack, still ride in Cadillacs

1796
01:53:34,497 --> 01:53:37,563
Family off the street! made my homies put the baggies back

1797
01:53:37,663 --> 01:53:40,363
Still stacking plaques! (yep!) still action packed! (yep!)

1798
01:53:40,430 --> 01:53:43,063
And dough!! I keep it flipping like acrobats!

1799
01:53:43,163 --> 01:53:45,863
That's why I pack a mac, that'll crack 'em back

1800
01:53:45,997 --> 01:53:48,663
Cause on my waist there's more Heat than the Shaq Attack

1801
01:53:48,763 --> 01:53:51,063
But I ain't speaking about ballin, ballin

1802
01:53:51,063 --> 01:53:53,863
Just thinking about brawlin till y'all start bawlin

1803
01:53:53,863 --> 01:53:56,663
We all in together now, birds of a feather now

1804
01:53:56,763 --> 01:53:59,663
Just bought a plane so we changing the weather now

1805
01:53:59,797 --> 01:54:02,123
So put your brakes on, caps put your capes on

1806
01:54:02,230 --> 01:54:05,363
Or knock off your block, get dropped and have your face flown

1807
01:54:05,397 --> 01:54:07,563
Cause I'll prove it! scratch off the music!

1808
01:54:07,697 --> 01:54:10,863
Like hey little stupid! don't make me lose it!!

1809
01:54:10,863 --> 01:54:13,263
Yeek yeek woop woop!! why you all in my ear?!

1810
01:54:13,330 --> 01:54:14,863
Talking a whole bunch of shit

1811
01:54:14,897 --> 01:54:16,363
That I ain't trying to hear!

1812
01:54:16,397 --> 01:54:18,763
Get back muhfucker! You don't know me like that!

1813
01:54:19,030 --> 01:54:21,863
(Get back muhfucker!! You don't know me like that!!)

1814
01:54:21,863 --> 01:54:24,363
Yeek yeek woop woop!! I ain't playing around!

1815
01:54:24,463 --> 01:54:27,063
Make one false move I'll take ya down

1816
01:54:27,297 --> 01:54:30,063
Get back muhfucker! You don't know me like that!

1817
01:54:30,130 --> 01:54:33,163
(Get back muhfucker!! You don't know me like that!!)

1818
01:54:33,263 --> 01:54:35,563
I came (I came) I saw (I saw)

1819
01:54:35,763 --> 01:54:38,363
I hit 'em right dead in the jaw (in the jaw)

1820
01:54:38,863 --> 01:54:41,463
See I caught 'em wit a right hook, caught 'em wit a jab

1821
01:54:41,563 --> 01:54:44,263
Caught 'em wit an uppercut, kicked 'em in his ass

1822
01:54:44,463 --> 01:54:46,863
Sent him on his way cause I ain't for that talk!

1823
01:54:46,930 --> 01:54:49,763
No trips to the county, I ain't for that walk!

1824
01:54:49,830 --> 01:54:52,263
We split like two pins at the end of a lane

1825
01:54:52,430 --> 01:54:55,263
We'll knock out your spotlight and put an end to your vain

1826
01:54:55,363 --> 01:54:57,963
Put a DTP pendant at the end of yo chain

1827
01:54:58,030 --> 01:55:01,093
Then put the booty of a Swisha at the end of a flame

1828
01:55:01,130 --> 01:55:03,263
Yeek yeek woop woop!! why you all in my ear?!

1829
01:55:03,430 --> 01:55:04,797
Talking a whole bunch of shit

1830
01:55:04,963 --> 01:55:06,297
That I ain't trying to hear!

1831
01:55:06,430 --> 01:55:08,997
Get back muhfucker! You don't know me like that!

1832
01:55:09,063 --> 01:55:11,797
(Get back muhfucker!! You don't know me like that!!)

1833
01:55:18,538 --> 01:55:20,798
A Ben Stiller Film

1834
01:55:33,731 --> 01:55:37,431
You must put those boys in the shit

1835
01:55:37,732 --> 01:55:40,032
Take them off the fucking grid

1836
01:55:40,233 --> 01:55:43,033
let's go and make the greatest war movie ever!

1837
01:55:55,034 --> 01:55:57,534
I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!

1838
01:56:13,235 --> 01:56:16,235
That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go!

1839
01:56:16,536 --> 01:56:19,236
Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!

1840
01:56:19,737 --> 01:56:20,737
oh, no.. please

1841
01:56:21,238 --> 01:56:23,238
Big-ass titties

1842
01:56:26,239 --> 01:56:29,239
Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!

1843
01:56:33,240 --> 01:56:36,240
Oh, hell, no! What?

1844
01:56:47,541 --> 01:56:49,241
What the fuck?

1845
01:56:49,542 --> 01:56:51,242
Bait, I need bait.

1846
01:56:58,233 --> 01:57:00,243
Chicka-chickaw

1847
01:57:01,244 --> 01:57:03,044
Kwan-Lo!

1848
01:57:03,245 --> 01:57:06,245
I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!

1849
01:57:13,546 --> 01:57:16,046
Mum, call me Simple jack

1850
01:57:18,247 --> 01:57:24,247
You make me happy.

1851
01:57:25,048 --> 01:57:28,318
makes my eyes rain.

1852
01:57:38,749 --> 01:57:41,249
I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft

1853
01:57:41,750 --> 01:57:44,050
work the pipe and swallow the gravy.

1854
01:57:49,251 --> 01:57:50,751
that's right

1855
01:57:51,252 --> 01:57:53,252
You about to cross some fucking lines

1856
01:57:56,253 --> 01:57:58,253
I know who I am!

1857
01:58:01,254 --> 01:58:04,254
I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude.

1858
01:58:09,555 --> 01:58:10,955
get down, motherfucker

1859
01:58:32,556 --> 01:58:34,556
that's the name of the game

1860
01:58:38,557 --> 01:58:40,557
that's the name of the game

1861
01:58:43,558 --> 01:58:45,558
that's the name of the game

1862
01:58:48,759 --> 01:58:50,759
that's the name of the game

1863
01:58:56,257 --> 01:58:59,257
Don't judge me!