1 00:00:01,896 --> 00:00:04,133 Season 1, Episode 3 "The Floating Anniversary" 2 00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:08,868 This was supposed to be my anniversary. 3 00:00:09,273 --> 00:00:10,633 That's me in the car. 4 00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:13,143 Don't wait up, 'cause I don't know when I'll be home! 5 00:00:13,293 --> 00:00:15,053 As much fun as this looks, 6 00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:18,393 a couple of days ago, we had a different plan in mind. 7 00:00:21,133 --> 00:00:22,743 Happy Anniversary. 8 00:00:22,873 --> 00:00:24,494 Oh, honey! 9 00:00:24,604 --> 00:00:26,298 I don't have anything for you. 10 00:00:26,863 --> 00:00:29,883 I had long ago learned not to get Mike presents. 11 00:00:29,918 --> 00:00:30,852 What the hell is this? 12 00:00:32,553 --> 00:00:33,685 What did you get me this for? 13 00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,173 I mean, thanks, but... 14 00:00:36,343 --> 00:00:37,713 Seriously what did you spend on this? 15 00:00:37,714 --> 00:00:38,775 You kept the receipt, right? 16 00:00:39,263 --> 00:00:42,540 This was actually our 16th and 17th anniversary. 17 00:00:42,763 --> 00:00:44,606 We kept postponing the 16th 18 00:00:44,641 --> 00:00:46,822 until it floated right into number 17. 19 00:00:46,857 --> 00:00:48,083 I know how busy you've been, 20 00:00:48,213 --> 00:00:50,580 and you saying how badly you want to get away, so... 21 00:00:51,883 --> 00:00:54,642 A trip to the carpet remnants store. 22 00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,022 I love it! Oh! 23 00:00:58,553 --> 00:00:59,296 I know. 24 00:00:59,354 --> 00:01:01,047 It's a little pathetic to get so excited 25 00:01:01,082 --> 00:01:02,183 about a carpet remnant, 26 00:01:02,343 --> 00:01:05,712 but the rug in our bedroom had some serious mileage on it. 27 00:01:06,573 --> 00:01:08,572 I told you. I wasn't kidding. 28 00:01:09,063 --> 00:01:11,984 On Friday, I'm taking you to French Lick. 29 00:01:12,083 --> 00:01:14,683 We'll stay overnight at the Route 33 motor lodge, 30 00:01:14,803 --> 00:01:17,089 then we'll pick out our remnant on Saturday 31 00:01:17,124 --> 00:01:17,883 and head back home. 32 00:01:18,033 --> 00:01:20,572 Oh! I love it. 33 00:01:21,423 --> 00:01:23,034 Except for the heading home part. 34 00:01:25,083 --> 00:01:26,413 Nobody wants to see that. 35 00:01:26,533 --> 00:01:28,564 I think old people kissing is sweet. 36 00:01:28,913 --> 00:01:30,280 All right, I think we're done here. 37 00:01:30,463 --> 00:01:32,442 Brick! Packed your lunch! Let's go! 38 00:01:32,863 --> 00:01:34,490 Hey, could I drive to school today? 39 00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:35,443 No, not today. 40 00:01:35,478 --> 00:01:38,187 Your mom and I have a lot to do, plus we don't want to die. 41 00:01:38,213 --> 00:01:40,653 If I don't get to practice driving, I'm never gonna get my license. 42 00:01:40,783 --> 00:01:41,898 That's why we taught you to walk. 43 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:44,613 Tell you what-- if you stop by the lot after school, 44 00:01:44,743 --> 00:01:46,943 I'll try to sneak you in for a test-drive, okay? 45 00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:48,573 - Okay. - Come on, guys. Get going. 46 00:01:48,703 --> 00:01:49,570 You don't want to miss the bus. 47 00:01:49,605 --> 00:01:50,450 - Let's go. - Good-bye, Mom. 48 00:01:51,223 --> 00:01:53,932 All right. Have a good day. See you guys. 49 00:01:54,333 --> 00:01:55,273 Hey-- Oh. 50 00:01:55,308 --> 00:01:57,183 Mom, I don't feel good. 51 00:01:57,343 --> 00:01:58,384 Uh-oh. 52 00:01:58,464 --> 00:01:59,634 One sick kid could lead 53 00:01:59,675 --> 00:02:01,513 to a whole house full of sick by Friday, 54 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,378 and there goes the anniversary. 55 00:02:03,703 --> 00:02:05,753 You're fine. You're not sick. Positive attitude. 56 00:02:05,863 --> 00:02:07,181 A bus ride will make you feel better. 57 00:02:16,173 --> 00:02:18,140 I really don't feel good. 58 00:02:18,603 --> 00:02:19,624 Okay. 59 00:02:20,643 --> 00:02:23,188 If you have to throw up, do it on Mommy's carpet. 60 00:02:26,963 --> 00:02:29,313 The problem is, I had to work that day. 61 00:02:29,453 --> 00:02:31,894 But when you're a workin' mom, you gotta get creative. 62 00:02:31,929 --> 00:02:34,028 Okay, there's ginger ale in the cupholder. 63 00:02:34,063 --> 00:02:35,953 If you need anything, honk twice. 64 00:02:39,133 --> 00:02:41,524 I wish I could stay home and watch TV 65 00:02:41,559 --> 00:02:42,473 and have you make me soup. 66 00:02:42,613 --> 00:02:45,195 Oh, sorry, honey. Wrong family. 67 00:02:45,603 --> 00:02:48,053 Is it against the rules for me to be here? 68 00:02:48,193 --> 00:02:49,291 Of course not. 69 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,911 Just keep your head below the window. 70 00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:56,143 Meanwhile, third period at Sue's school was set aside 71 00:02:56,273 --> 00:02:58,775 so kids could do whatever clubs they had gotten into. 72 00:02:59,473 --> 00:03:01,253 Since Sue didn't get into any clubs, 73 00:03:01,383 --> 00:03:03,988 she was sent to the front office to make student I.Ds-- 74 00:03:04,363 --> 00:03:07,168 A job she referred to as the lamination club. 75 00:03:07,273 --> 00:03:09,093 I'm Brendan Nichols. This is my first day. 76 00:03:09,213 --> 00:03:10,574 Is this where I get my I.D. made? 77 00:03:14,533 --> 00:03:15,659 Are you okay? 78 00:03:18,853 --> 00:03:21,403 I'm about done being Mr. Nice Guy. 79 00:03:21,573 --> 00:03:24,734 The month's almost over, and sales are... 80 00:03:25,533 --> 00:03:28,883 What in the name of good God Almighty is that? 81 00:03:29,013 --> 00:03:29,885 It's a houseplant. 82 00:03:29,996 --> 00:03:31,304 A houseplant? 83 00:03:31,993 --> 00:03:33,813 This is not your house. 84 00:03:34,513 --> 00:03:36,013 How many times have I told you? 85 00:03:36,153 --> 00:03:38,311 No bringing personal items into work! 86 00:03:38,813 --> 00:03:40,217 The only thing any of you 87 00:03:40,252 --> 00:03:42,646 need to be worrying about taking care of is me. 88 00:03:43,083 --> 00:03:44,423 You don't need a houseplant 89 00:03:44,573 --> 00:03:47,267 stealing your focus from what you should be working on-- 90 00:03:47,413 --> 00:03:48,754 selling cars! 91 00:03:49,073 --> 00:03:50,864 I'm sorry, sir, I'm not thinking clearly. 92 00:03:51,033 --> 00:03:52,158 I gave blood this morning. 93 00:03:52,883 --> 00:03:54,176 Well, don't do it again. 94 00:03:54,993 --> 00:03:56,714 It was very selfish of me, sir. 95 00:03:58,043 --> 00:03:59,444 Did they give you a cookie? 96 00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:17,526 Thanks. 97 00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:37,623 Lou, did you see the red sedan that was parked here? 98 00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:47,767 Hear that engine? This baby's got 260 horses. 99 00:04:49,103 --> 00:04:50,868 Can we play the radio? 100 00:04:51,373 --> 00:04:52,681 Radio! 101 00:04:56,343 --> 00:04:58,023 How could this have happened? 102 00:04:58,153 --> 00:05:00,053 I purposely put Brick in the ugliest car 103 00:05:00,173 --> 00:05:02,773 on the whole lot and marked it up by 25%. 104 00:05:02,893 --> 00:05:05,578 Frankie, the, uh, "package" 105 00:05:05,613 --> 00:05:07,493 that you left in the back of the red sedan 106 00:05:07,643 --> 00:05:10,503 has been placed in the green hatchback, 107 00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:13,054 and Pete says it needs a Kleenex. 108 00:05:14,254 --> 00:05:17,043 Frances, what the hell is your son doing here? 109 00:05:17,973 --> 00:05:21,260 Mr. Ehlert, I am so sorry. It's just been the worst day. 110 00:05:21,423 --> 00:05:21,895 Hey, Mom. 111 00:05:23,603 --> 00:05:25,932 Oh. You're talking about Axl... 112 00:05:26,533 --> 00:05:30,393 who is here because he got his learner's permit, 113 00:05:30,543 --> 00:05:33,103 and we are thinking of buying him a car. 114 00:05:33,453 --> 00:05:36,165 All right! Well, show him that yellow car. 115 00:05:36,393 --> 00:05:37,659 It's got a tape deck. 116 00:05:39,653 --> 00:05:40,764 You're buying me a car? 117 00:05:41,123 --> 00:05:42,303 Wrong family. 118 00:05:42,338 --> 00:05:44,502 Listen, honey, this isn't the best day for driving practice. 119 00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:45,603 I have to find your brother. 120 00:05:45,743 --> 00:05:46,853 I'll take him out for you. 121 00:05:47,003 --> 00:05:48,181 Are you sure? 122 00:05:48,533 --> 00:05:49,035 Thank you, Bob. 123 00:05:49,105 --> 00:05:51,223 He's really pretty good, unless he has to turn. 124 00:05:51,493 --> 00:05:52,874 Turn! 125 00:05:58,563 --> 00:06:00,551 So, Ax, I hear you play football? 126 00:06:00,753 --> 00:06:01,464 Yeah. 127 00:06:02,783 --> 00:06:04,371 I used to play a little ball myself 128 00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:05,265 when I was your age. 129 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:08,485 Those days, they called it foosball. 130 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,768 Wrist used to swell up something awful. 131 00:06:12,193 --> 00:06:14,578 Seems like yesterday I was right where you are now. 132 00:06:15,203 --> 00:06:15,957 I tell you, though, 133 00:06:15,992 --> 00:06:19,622 driver's license changes the whole deal. 134 00:06:20,993 --> 00:06:24,514 Once you're out of that house, whoo, boy! 135 00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:25,835 No family for me. 136 00:06:25,946 --> 00:06:28,042 It's all Bob, all the time. 137 00:06:28,833 --> 00:06:30,743 If I want to go to the arcade again tonight 138 00:06:30,906 --> 00:06:32,455 until it closes, I do it. 139 00:06:32,973 --> 00:06:35,590 No family wondering where I am. 140 00:06:37,733 --> 00:06:39,183 I'm a bag in the wind. 141 00:06:45,008 --> 00:06:46,141 Dude, are you crying? 142 00:06:47,503 --> 00:06:48,613 Eyes on the road. 143 00:06:51,073 --> 00:06:53,633 Hiding Brick all day had worn me out. 144 00:06:53,923 --> 00:06:56,109 I needed French Lick now more than ever. 145 00:06:56,203 --> 00:06:57,283 Mom, can I talk to you? 146 00:06:57,413 --> 00:06:58,353 Yeah, sure. 147 00:06:58,483 --> 00:06:59,803 I saw this boy today at school... 148 00:06:59,933 --> 00:07:02,320 Now I know I should have been thrilled by this. 149 00:07:02,383 --> 00:07:05,673 My daughter was telling me about her first big crush. 150 00:07:05,823 --> 00:07:07,054 But I was so tired, 151 00:07:07,089 --> 00:07:09,024 all I could do was pretend to listen. 152 00:07:09,059 --> 00:07:10,193 When I tried talking to him... 153 00:07:10,323 --> 00:07:12,115 And then I saw something amazing, 154 00:07:12,205 --> 00:07:13,420 something I was beginning to think 155 00:07:13,455 --> 00:07:15,336 I'd never see in my lifetime. 156 00:07:16,283 --> 00:07:18,610 Brick was making a sandwich. 157 00:07:18,793 --> 00:07:20,253 Just this morning he was sick, 158 00:07:20,393 --> 00:07:22,525 and now an actual sandwich. 159 00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:24,528 It was like that guy who got hit by lightning 160 00:07:24,588 --> 00:07:26,420 and suddenly knew how to play the piano. 161 00:07:26,653 --> 00:07:27,714 So what do you think? 162 00:07:28,333 --> 00:07:29,520 Is it a good plan? 163 00:07:29,793 --> 00:07:32,500 Uh, sure, honey. That's a great plan. 164 00:07:32,963 --> 00:07:33,674 Yay! 165 00:07:37,093 --> 00:07:39,657 Brick, did you make your own lunch? 166 00:07:40,323 --> 00:07:41,587 Did it all by myself. 167 00:07:41,783 --> 00:07:42,493 Hey! 168 00:07:42,653 --> 00:07:45,093 And suddenly, everything seemed hopeful. 169 00:07:45,253 --> 00:07:47,446 There was one less thing I would have to do tomorrow 170 00:07:47,487 --> 00:07:48,833 and for the rest of my life. 171 00:07:48,983 --> 00:07:52,093 Brick would make sandwiches, Axl would learn to drive, 172 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,254 and soon there would be time for a trip 173 00:07:54,294 --> 00:07:56,837 to the carpet remnants store whenever I wanted... 174 00:07:57,473 --> 00:07:58,904 Or so I thought. 175 00:07:59,263 --> 00:08:01,037 - Hello? - Frankie! 176 00:08:01,153 --> 00:08:02,591 Oh, hi, Aunt Edie. 177 00:08:03,363 --> 00:08:06,755 Uh-huh. Okay. Be right over. 178 00:08:07,783 --> 00:08:10,553 My aunts Ginny and Edie had been smoking and coughing 179 00:08:10,713 --> 00:08:12,973 for almost 70 years without ever considering 180 00:08:13,103 --> 00:08:15,213 there might be a connection between the two. 181 00:08:15,248 --> 00:08:16,362 Damn arthritis. 182 00:08:16,553 --> 00:08:19,490 I'm sorry to bother you, but here it is 6:00, 183 00:08:19,525 --> 00:08:21,563 and we can't open our medicine. 184 00:08:21,713 --> 00:08:24,744 Oh, and another thing-- I failed my driving test today, 185 00:08:24,779 --> 00:08:27,082 so you're going to have to help get us around. 186 00:08:27,363 --> 00:08:30,303 - What? - I have a foot appoiment Tuesday, 187 00:08:30,463 --> 00:08:33,503 and she has to get her wheelchair tuned up on Thursday. 188 00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:36,483 And while it's there, you'll have to carry her around. 189 00:08:36,623 --> 00:08:38,963 But don't worry. She's not that heavy anymore. 190 00:08:39,283 --> 00:08:40,829 Okay. Hold on. 191 00:08:40,864 --> 00:08:42,033 I'm gonna have to write this down. 192 00:08:42,163 --> 00:08:42,866 And, dear, 193 00:08:43,478 --> 00:08:45,015 could you make me a sandwich? 194 00:08:47,013 --> 00:08:48,038 I should have figured 195 00:08:48,078 --> 00:08:49,674 this was the way the world worked. 196 00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:52,063 Soon as the kids gain a shred of independence... 197 00:08:52,223 --> 00:08:53,752 the old folks spring a leak. 198 00:08:56,483 --> 00:08:57,969 Lost another one. 199 00:09:02,693 --> 00:09:04,021 Lost another one. 200 00:09:17,143 --> 00:09:19,863 Shuttling everyone around all week had made me nuts, 201 00:09:19,983 --> 00:09:22,843 but at least I had one thing to look forward to. 202 00:09:23,043 --> 00:09:26,223 Okay, Mike. I'm all packed for tonight. 203 00:09:26,363 --> 00:09:28,203 Oh, but I need you to swing by the mall at 5:00 204 00:09:28,238 --> 00:09:30,103 and pick up Aunt Ginny at the eyeglass place. 205 00:09:30,273 --> 00:09:33,191 But we should be on the road by 8:00, 8:30 tops. 206 00:09:33,603 --> 00:09:35,516 Sounds like somebody wants to get 207 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,773 to the Route 33 motor lodge. 208 00:09:38,163 --> 00:09:39,250 Mike! 209 00:09:40,752 --> 00:09:42,473 Do you two even know what you look like? 210 00:09:42,633 --> 00:09:43,908 Okay, listen, Axl, 211 00:09:44,023 --> 00:09:46,303 you're in charge, and I want you to know we trust you. 212 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:47,541 Then I should have the car keys 213 00:09:47,576 --> 00:09:49,336 in case there's, you know, an emergency. 214 00:09:49,903 --> 00:09:51,905 I trust you with the kids, not the car. 215 00:09:52,523 --> 00:09:53,642 Blah. 216 00:09:55,543 --> 00:09:58,473 Sue, what is that you're wearing? 217 00:09:58,643 --> 00:10:01,168 It's my idea for telling Brendan that I like him. 218 00:10:02,323 --> 00:10:05,080 R-remember? You said it was a great plan. 219 00:10:05,513 --> 00:10:06,334 Honey... 220 00:10:09,083 --> 00:10:09,947 Hello? 221 00:10:10,113 --> 00:10:11,913 We just heard from the doctor. 222 00:10:12,063 --> 00:10:15,333 It's emphysema. Oh, Frankie! 223 00:10:15,473 --> 00:10:18,053 I don't know how I'm gonna live without her. 224 00:10:18,203 --> 00:10:19,715 Calm down. Just calm down. 225 00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:20,536 I'll be right there. 226 00:10:21,943 --> 00:10:24,923 Sue, just please change the shirt. 227 00:10:25,063 --> 00:10:26,613 We'll talk more later. 228 00:10:34,213 --> 00:10:37,443 Aunt Ginny, I am so sorry. I... 229 00:10:39,843 --> 00:10:40,994 It's the dog? 230 00:10:41,246 --> 00:10:43,329 The dog has emphysema? 231 00:10:44,123 --> 00:10:45,616 Poor Doris. 232 00:10:46,623 --> 00:10:48,567 How could this have happened? 233 00:10:57,753 --> 00:10:58,788 You're kidding, right? 234 00:10:58,823 --> 00:11:00,182 Hey, the vet says 235 00:11:00,217 --> 00:11:01,863 she has to be in a smoke-free environment 236 00:11:02,013 --> 00:11:03,678 until she regenerates lung tissue. 237 00:11:03,725 --> 00:11:04,908 What could I say? 238 00:11:05,593 --> 00:11:07,137 So what, now we're not going? 239 00:11:07,353 --> 00:11:09,853 I-I don't know. I mean, the kids can't watch her. 240 00:11:09,893 --> 00:11:11,633 You can't leave her alone for more than 15 minutes, 241 00:11:11,773 --> 00:11:13,596 or she chokes on her own saliva. 242 00:11:13,733 --> 00:11:15,463 And someone has to change the nicotine patch, 243 00:11:15,603 --> 00:11:17,194 because she's going through withdrawal. 244 00:11:17,423 --> 00:11:18,773 Perfect. 245 00:11:19,403 --> 00:11:22,024 Look, I want to go on the trip, Mike. 246 00:11:22,193 --> 00:11:24,323 Believe me, I need this trip, okay? 247 00:11:24,463 --> 00:11:25,923 I eat standing up at the counter. 248 00:11:25,958 --> 00:11:27,240 I've been reading the same one article 249 00:11:27,241 --> 00:11:28,523 in "People" magazine for a month. 250 00:11:28,663 --> 00:11:30,455 No one wants to get away more than me. 251 00:11:31,553 --> 00:11:33,394 Your problem is, you're letting these people 252 00:11:33,424 --> 00:11:35,833 control your whole life. Aunt Ginny has a son. 253 00:11:35,973 --> 00:11:37,865 Well, you know Travis is in prison. 254 00:11:37,943 --> 00:11:40,213 And Aunt Edie's kid fried his brain huffing paint. 255 00:11:40,343 --> 00:11:42,883 He's literally the village idiot of Terre Haute. 256 00:11:43,013 --> 00:11:43,693 What about your mom? 257 00:11:43,813 --> 00:11:45,723 Mom's in Des Moines taking care of Grandma. 258 00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:47,980 How the hell long do people live in your family? 259 00:11:48,063 --> 00:11:49,813 You do for family, Mike. 260 00:11:49,933 --> 00:11:50,973 That's all there is to it. 261 00:11:51,093 --> 00:11:52,353 Maybe if you did a little less for family, 262 00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:53,386 they'd start dying off, 263 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:54,931 and we could have a damn vacation. 264 00:11:56,943 --> 00:11:58,414 Oh! Hello? 265 00:11:59,843 --> 00:12:00,693 What? 266 00:12:01,123 --> 00:12:02,733 No, no, I've been at work all day. 267 00:12:02,783 --> 00:12:03,742 Mike was supposed to... 268 00:12:04,983 --> 00:12:06,674 Okay, just stay put. 269 00:12:06,814 --> 00:12:08,270 I-I'll be right there. 270 00:12:10,279 --> 00:12:12,129 You forgot to pick up Aunt Ginny. 271 00:12:12,312 --> 00:12:13,387 You forgot to remind me. 272 00:12:13,388 --> 00:12:15,414 How many times do I have to remind you? 273 00:12:15,449 --> 00:12:18,118 Do you want me to pin a note to your shirt like a child? 274 00:12:18,153 --> 00:12:19,532 No, you should have stuck it on my thermos, 275 00:12:19,583 --> 00:12:20,676 like you always do. 276 00:12:21,823 --> 00:12:22,986 I'm gonna go pick up Aunt Ginny. 277 00:12:23,045 --> 00:12:26,356 Could you please remember to take the dog outside 278 00:12:26,391 --> 00:12:27,726 so it can do its business? 279 00:12:28,203 --> 00:12:31,493 - The dog's in a diaper. - It doesn't know it's in a diaper! 280 00:12:31,633 --> 00:12:35,183 It'll only go if it's outside! God. 281 00:12:38,793 --> 00:12:40,481 And so that's how Mike and I 282 00:12:40,512 --> 00:12:42,143 had a big, ol' nasty fight 283 00:12:42,313 --> 00:12:44,225 on what should have been the loving celebration 284 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,999 of our 16th and 17th anniversaries. 285 00:12:47,093 --> 00:12:49,637 And don't wait up, 'cause I don't know when I'll be home! 286 00:12:51,486 --> 00:12:53,537 Diapering a damn dog. 287 00:12:54,046 --> 00:12:55,082 Where's Mom? 288 00:12:55,496 --> 00:12:57,258 Driving the old-mobile. 289 00:12:57,676 --> 00:13:00,160 Well, can I ask you a question about a boy? 290 00:13:00,676 --> 00:13:01,978 I'd rather you not. 291 00:13:04,456 --> 00:13:07,268 Okay, okay. No, it's okay. 292 00:13:08,606 --> 00:13:10,590 Well, his name is Brendan. 293 00:13:10,896 --> 00:13:12,497 I'm trying to get his attention. 294 00:13:13,546 --> 00:13:15,966 Well, don't do anything sexual. Boys hate that. 295 00:13:16,001 --> 00:13:16,934 Well, what did Mom do 296 00:13:16,995 --> 00:13:18,324 when she wanted you to notice her? 297 00:13:19,336 --> 00:13:20,886 Well, with your mother, it was the other way. 298 00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,081 She didn't know I was alive. 299 00:13:22,336 --> 00:13:24,992 I had to make a grand gesture, so I went to a friend's barn... 300 00:13:28,106 --> 00:13:28,966 "Lisa"? 301 00:13:29,106 --> 00:13:30,956 Well, your mom didn't like me very much when we first met, 302 00:13:31,076 --> 00:13:32,574 so she told me her name was Lisa. 303 00:13:33,016 --> 00:13:35,231 But hey, it got me here, didn't it? 304 00:13:35,416 --> 00:13:38,132 Wow. A grand gesture, huh? 305 00:13:38,916 --> 00:13:40,079 Thanks, Dad. 306 00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:45,269 Yep. It got me here. 307 00:13:47,466 --> 00:13:49,984 So how was the big weekend? 308 00:13:50,186 --> 00:13:51,480 Didn't happen. 309 00:13:51,676 --> 00:13:53,206 Mike and I got in this big fight. 310 00:13:53,346 --> 00:13:54,819 I mean, he says I try to take on too much 311 00:13:54,854 --> 00:13:57,316 with the kids and my aunts, but what am I supposed to do? 312 00:13:57,456 --> 00:13:59,252 Everybody needs something from me. 313 00:13:59,626 --> 00:14:01,109 That must be hard... 314 00:14:02,046 --> 00:14:03,005 Being needed. 315 00:14:05,766 --> 00:14:07,090 I could tell you about my life, 316 00:14:07,170 --> 00:14:08,535 but I don't want to make you jealous... 317 00:14:10,246 --> 00:14:12,575 Ever mention how I'm a bag in the wind? 318 00:14:12,646 --> 00:14:15,161 I'm just so tired, and now Mike's mad at me. 319 00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:17,500 Hey, before you can take care of your relationship, 320 00:14:17,836 --> 00:14:19,168 you need to take care of you. 321 00:14:19,906 --> 00:14:20,892 You're exhausted, 322 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,610 and you need to take a little break, all right? 323 00:14:22,776 --> 00:14:24,068 - Right now. - I can't! 324 00:14:24,103 --> 00:14:25,946 Of course you can. You deserve it. 325 00:14:26,096 --> 00:14:27,236 The world's not gonna stop turning 326 00:14:27,271 --> 00:14:28,246 if you take 15 minutes. 327 00:14:28,386 --> 00:14:30,766 Ehlert will be all over me 'cause I didn't make the coffee. 328 00:14:30,886 --> 00:14:32,116 I'll do it, all right? 329 00:14:32,236 --> 00:14:34,266 That's my anniversary gift to you, all right? 330 00:14:35,016 --> 00:14:36,444 Go. Enjoy. 331 00:14:44,376 --> 00:14:47,236 Bob was right. I did need 15 minutes. 332 00:14:47,406 --> 00:14:49,939 I mean, it wasn't French Lick, but it was something. 333 00:15:35,426 --> 00:15:36,915 When it was over... 334 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:40,457 I knew that had been the most worthwhile 15 minutes of my life. 335 00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:42,720 Sometimes you don't know how badly 336 00:15:42,755 --> 00:15:44,066 you need something until-- 337 00:15:44,286 --> 00:15:44,905 What the-- 338 00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,285 Who in the hell made the coffee? 339 00:15:53,696 --> 00:15:55,673 Mom, where are you? 340 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:57,910 Mom, Mom! 341 00:15:58,246 --> 00:16:01,825 Mom, I am so, so sorry. 342 00:16:04,729 --> 00:16:06,339 Oh my god! Are you all right? 343 00:16:08,819 --> 00:16:10,885 All right, all right. Hold on. One at a time. 344 00:16:11,169 --> 00:16:13,322 It is the most humiliating thing 345 00:16:13,357 --> 00:16:15,480 that has ever happened to anyone. 346 00:16:15,529 --> 00:16:17,425 Honey, I'm sure it's not as bad as that. 347 00:16:18,249 --> 00:16:19,869 It was. 348 00:16:20,089 --> 00:16:22,685 Bit by bit, I was able to piece together what had happened. 349 00:16:23,079 --> 00:16:24,771 It seems the phrase "grand gesture" 350 00:16:24,842 --> 00:16:27,343 had stayed with Sue after her talk with Mike. 351 00:16:29,339 --> 00:16:32,067 Um, this is Sue Heck 352 00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:35,487 with a special message for Brendan Nichols. 353 00:16:36,222 --> 00:16:38,945 354 00:16:39,125 --> 00:16:42,227 355 00:16:42,228 --> 00:16:44,114 356 00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:46,990 357 00:16:47,776 --> 00:16:52,323 they long to be 358 00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:56,381 359 00:17:06,549 --> 00:17:08,519 It was a girl's worst nightmare. 360 00:17:08,554 --> 00:17:10,104 Everyone in the school was laughing 361 00:17:10,139 --> 00:17:11,809 about that ridiculous Sue Heck. 362 00:17:11,839 --> 00:17:14,814 The only bright spot was no one knew who Sue Heck was. 363 00:17:16,018 --> 00:17:17,845 Meanwhile, Axl was offered 364 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:19,934 a rare chance to practice his driving. 365 00:17:20,009 --> 00:17:23,829 Hey, Mom. Uh, Aunt Edie asked me to drive her to the mall, 366 00:17:23,830 --> 00:17:26,771 so if you don't call me back and say no in 60 seconds, 367 00:17:26,806 --> 00:17:28,209 I'll assume you're okay with it. 368 00:17:31,229 --> 00:17:32,467 While at the same time, 369 00:17:32,502 --> 00:17:34,549 Brick had decided to take the dog for a pull 370 00:17:34,584 --> 00:17:36,577 to show off the many sights of Orson. 371 00:17:37,049 --> 00:17:38,724 This is my favorite place. 372 00:17:38,959 --> 00:17:40,999 You're the first person--or dog-- 373 00:17:41,129 --> 00:17:42,402 that I've ever brought here. 374 00:17:44,559 --> 00:17:46,422 Apparently, Brick's favorite place 375 00:17:46,513 --> 00:17:48,643 was also Sue's favorite place to cry. 376 00:17:49,279 --> 00:17:50,400 Sue? 377 00:17:52,679 --> 00:17:55,077 Oh, no. Doris! 378 00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:05,079 Uh, Aunt Edie, I don't think that's okay. 379 00:18:05,239 --> 00:18:07,415 It's all right. It's my driving beer. 380 00:18:09,509 --> 00:18:11,811 Isn't that Doris? 381 00:18:24,319 --> 00:18:26,346 Ma'am, I already spoke to your aunt, 382 00:18:26,489 --> 00:18:28,011 but I need to clear up a few things with you. 383 00:18:28,579 --> 00:18:30,589 I understand your children were trying to get in touch with you? 384 00:18:30,719 --> 00:18:31,946 I am so sorry. 385 00:18:31,975 --> 00:18:34,279 I just turned off my phone for 15 minutes. 386 00:18:34,419 --> 00:18:35,479 You turned off your phone 387 00:18:36,289 --> 00:18:37,199 but you're a mom. 388 00:18:37,289 --> 00:18:38,725 I just needed a break. 389 00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,932 From what? Being a mom? 390 00:18:41,379 --> 00:18:43,461 No. Well, yes. 391 00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:47,062 Okay. I just have one question for you. 392 00:18:47,063 --> 00:18:49,621 Why didn't a single one of you think to call your father? 393 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,530 Dad hates it when we call him at work. 394 00:18:55,769 --> 00:18:58,421 And so I decided to stop fighting it. 395 00:18:58,649 --> 00:19:02,284 Maybe Queen Elizabeth or Julia Roberts 396 00:19:02,355 --> 00:19:04,117 could take 15 minutes in the bathroom 397 00:19:04,118 --> 00:19:05,879 with maxi pads on their eyes 398 00:19:06,029 --> 00:19:08,110 or plan a trip to the carpet remnants store, 399 00:19:08,255 --> 00:19:09,137 but not me. 400 00:19:09,172 --> 00:19:10,899 I had flown too close to the sun, 401 00:19:11,059 --> 00:19:12,528 and I had paid the price. 402 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,175 Frankie, I've got to show you someting in the car. 403 00:19:15,259 --> 00:19:16,509 What, now? 404 00:19:21,939 --> 00:19:23,546 So what did you wanna show me? 405 00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:26,751 Buckle up! 406 00:19:27,449 --> 00:19:30,343 What, Mike? Wait, what are you doing? 407 00:19:30,479 --> 00:19:32,183 It's our almost-18th anniversary, 408 00:19:32,223 --> 00:19:35,289 I'm taking you to French Lick and buying you a carpet remnant. 409 00:19:35,339 --> 00:19:36,966 Mike, okay, look. Stop! 410 00:19:37,026 --> 00:19:38,797 Look, you can't just do this. 411 00:19:38,837 --> 00:19:40,271 This is crazy! 412 00:19:40,399 --> 00:19:41,809 I don't even have my phone. 413 00:19:41,898 --> 00:19:43,199 What about the kids? 414 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,399 And--and Aunt Ginny and Aunt Edie? 415 00:19:45,579 --> 00:19:46,909 Took care of it. 416 00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:56,019 Turns out, after all these years, 417 00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:57,295 Mike's a genius. 418 00:19:57,459 --> 00:20:00,491 Okay! Time to turn off the TV. 419 00:20:00,526 --> 00:20:03,179 And have a little family conversation. 420 00:20:05,290 --> 00:20:07,087 So who watched last week's Wife Swap? 421 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,459 Alright, I'll tell you all about it. 422 00:20:08,761 --> 00:20:09,732 So there's this couple, right-- 423 00:20:09,767 --> 00:20:11,244 Mike was able to get Bob to give up 424 00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,530 his free-wheeling bag-in-the-wind lifestyle 425 00:20:13,565 --> 00:20:15,179 and have a family for one night. 426 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,886 Again, I'm not trying to hurt you. 427 00:20:16,921 --> 00:20:18,672 I'm just trying to tell you about the best episode. 428 00:20:18,673 --> 00:20:20,789 - I loved it! - And as for Mike and I, 429 00:20:20,819 --> 00:20:21,329 Happy? 430 00:20:22,509 --> 00:20:23,476 Yeah. 431 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,682 - Route 33 motor lodge? - Never disappoints. 432 00:20:26,729 --> 00:20:27,595 And the remnants? 433 00:20:28,579 --> 00:20:29,525 So beautiful. 434 00:20:29,939 --> 00:20:31,157 No natural fibers. 435 00:20:32,289 --> 00:20:33,939 It's a shame we have to take it home 436 00:20:34,009 --> 00:20:35,454 and let it get all covered with... 437 00:20:36,479 --> 00:20:37,354 life. 438 00:20:37,499 --> 00:20:38,363 You're right. 439 00:20:39,399 --> 00:20:41,628 I think we need to take 15 minutes. 440 00:20:48,939 --> 00:20:51,229 This isn't the easiest phase of life. 441 00:20:51,559 --> 00:20:53,351 You've got young people and old people 442 00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:55,504 pulling at you from both directions. 443 00:20:55,739 --> 00:20:56,702 But it's not so bad 444 00:20:56,772 --> 00:20:58,849 as long as you've got somebody in there with you. 445 00:20:59,339 --> 00:21:02,539 And that's something you gotta remember to celebrate. 446 00:21:03,293 --> 00:21:05,065 Transcript: SFile.YDY.com Sync: YTET-Vicky8800 [YDY.com] 447 00:21:05,066 --> 00:21:06,838 Edits: VeRdiKT [Subscene.com / Addic7ed.com] 448 00:21:06,839 --> 00:21:08,611 Final Edits: SergOz