1 00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:18,893 In previous episodes of... 2 00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:21,020 I'm having a crisis of faith. 3 00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:22,897 Simply put, I can't write. 4 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:25,942 She has an amazing talent and is wasting it. 5 00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:28,737 Maybe you're right, I'm in trouble right now. 6 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,739 -I need you, my love. - I'm getting married. 7 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:35,035 - Is my father a bad person? - No, not at all. 8 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,912 But he used to get into trouble From time to time. 9 00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:39,330 Fucking bastard. 10 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:42,500 go on with your life, 11 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,836 And forget the woman you didn't want to marry. 12 00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:46,296 As your friend and agent, 13 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:49,090 May I suggest you start In search of a nice girl? 14 00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:52,969 - What's your name, by the way? - Wouldn't you rather just fuck me? 15 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:54,721 I'm a Scientologist, Hank. 16 00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:58,767 So are you this famous writer? 17 00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:01,895 This is Mia, Bill's daughter. 18 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:03,480 She is 16 years old. 19 00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:06,441 What happened that night will never happen again. 20 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,402 I know you won't survive Happily and happily ever after. 21 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,446 It's just nice to get together every once in a while. 22 00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,865 I want to go back and do it again. 23 00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,366 I'm going to marry Bill. 24 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:18,036 -I wrote something. -You what? 25 00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:20,038 Hank wrote a new book? May I read it? 26 00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:22,290 - It's not appropriate. - What did you write? 27 00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:25,168 Old man having sex Unintentionally a minor girl. 28 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,294 I wrote this novel. 29 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:29,172 - I wrote the book of the year. -Is this true? 30 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,175 If I say anything, Nothing would stop her from telling Karen. 31 00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:33,551 Not to mention the police. 32 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,679 If anyone knows a reason not to These two of marriage, 33 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,723 Let him speak now or be silent forever. 34 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:39,724 What? 35 00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:42,352 - Wait, Hank. -Are you sure? 36 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,312 Quickly, before I change my mind. 37 00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:46,064 Karen, hey! Come back! 38 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:33,736 Are you ready? 39 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:37,448 Not at all. 40 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:42,036 You will be so glad you did this. 41 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:45,498 I don't want to talk about it now, I have a strong erection, 42 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,000 It is a shame to waste it. 43 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,587 -We must go now. truly? 44 00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:53,131 And you deprive a dying man of his last meal? 45 00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,049 Oh, my God. 46 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:57,719 You'll make the worst of it, right? 47 00:02:57,802 --> 00:03:00,722 certainly. Don't make me beg, that's inappropriate. 48 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:03,558 decent. 49 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,853 -We should finish quickly. -You won't feel anything, I promise you that. 50 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:12,442 What do you do? -I just take the right position. 51 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,110 What a thrill. 52 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,572 What do you do? - I take my position. 53 00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,282 Use a condom. 54 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,326 One last time, what's the problem? 55 00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:24,746 This is exactly my point. I'll pull it out and spray you. 56 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,458 Is that supposed to turn me on? 57 00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:30,293 maybe. - "Hank"... 58 00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:32,337 - Did he? Not much. 59 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:41,888 You should start talking dirty. 60 00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:43,598 This may take a long time. 61 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,183 Good. 62 00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:46,935 What do you want me to say? 63 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:49,229 Right before you cum... 64 00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:51,314 Call me, "Bill." 65 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:53,775 Who said I would cum? 66 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:55,902 challenge. 67 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:57,654 The game has started. 68 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,116 Get ready for Thor's hammer. 69 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,626 -Do you want to see him? - I see what? 70 00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:14,254 That sector of the sperm duct Which I just removed. 71 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:15,630 Absolutely not. 72 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,926 If you feel like I'm stitching up the flesh at the base of your penis, 73 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,219 It's because I'm already sewing it. 74 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:24,097 You look like a welder. You're not soldering anything, are you? 75 00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:27,308 -So why cut the vas deferens? -I hate condoms. 76 00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:28,977 Yes, me too. 77 00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:30,770 I don't feel anything. 78 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,856 Try not to get the guy to get an erection, okay? 79 00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:35,900 That would be messy. 80 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:40,446 It seems that there is a new door for the church here. 81 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,323 Pain and swelling are completely normal. 82 00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,117 Frozen peas will do the trick. 83 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,036 Some prefer green soybeans. The decision is completely up to you. 84 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,914 No sex for 48 hours, including masturbation. 85 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:51,708 After that, the more sex you have, the better. 86 00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:53,001 seriously. 87 00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:55,253 You still have a lot of sperm Viable. 88 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,546 It has to come out somehow. 89 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,132 If you need any help, let me know. 90 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:00,675 Nice looking penis. 91 00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:04,887 Thank you. 92 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:09,684 "Literary critic" 93 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,414 "Randy's cakes" 94 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,003 "God hates us all" 95 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,808 "For sale (Botash Real Estate)" 96 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:53,478 "For sale" 97 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,940 Don't think I don't know what's going on here. 98 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:01,360 -What would that be? -You are no longer attracted to me. 99 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,071 This is correct. 100 00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:05,656 I ran away with you on my wedding night 101 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:08,367 Because you don't excite me anymore. 102 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,203 In purely chemical terms, 103 00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:12,914 You realize I can't To make you pregnant anymore. 104 00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:15,333 Biological necessity is at risk. 105 00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:18,795 You must consider yourself lucky Because we even have sex. 106 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,339 I consider myself that, and it was great. 107 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:23,841 I forgot how fierce you can be. 108 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,761 No, please, don't do that. 109 00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:28,346 - No, that was terrible. -Seriously. 110 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,181 A person should never "meow". 111 00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,892 We do what husbands do, Hank. 112 00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,394 We make responsible decisions 113 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,939 And mature together. 114 00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:41,442 - Why are you smiling like that? - Which way? 115 00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:43,361 Like a retard. 116 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,656 I'm glad to hear you call us a couple again. 117 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,032 It sounds nice to my ears. 118 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:48,950 Wow. 119 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,036 They already castrated you, right? 120 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,789 Before me, the eunuch. 121 00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:59,627 - My dear, God, do not squeeze me. - I know, I'm so sorry. 122 00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:17,895 How are your reproductive organs? 123 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,397 It's not a conversation 124 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,817 I really wanted to do it with my daughter, But thanks for asking, sweetie. 125 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,902 - You called. -Who did you call? 126 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,946 That real estate whore. 127 00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:28,823 You will bring some people to inspect. 128 00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:30,324 Watch your words, young lady. 129 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:33,244 Next time you ask me Cleaning my room, I'll say, 130 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,996 "Clean this, ma'am." 131 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,581 And pinched her breasts. 132 00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:40,460 As much as I want to watch it, 133 00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,962 The idea is to sell this place and leave quickly. 134 00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:45,923 If you arrange your room to music norwegian death metal, 135 00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,341 I think it will lighten things up a bit. 136 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:50,470 I won't help sell the house, Because I don't want to move. 137 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:51,929 This is our home. 138 00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:53,306 We are happy here. 139 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:55,141 I love Los Angeles. 140 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:56,809 She's your daughter. 141 00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:01,981 Honey, I don't mind having a fight This discussion for the 73rd time, 142 00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:04,942 But can't we postpone it? Until your father's testicles recover from the pain? 143 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,195 Also it's "black metal" and not Norwegian metal. 144 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:08,821 -You need more time. - No... 145 00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:12,783 Karen, we discussed this As responsible parents like us do... 146 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,077 Hank, New York will still be available to us. 147 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:17,038 She agreed that would be the case Best in New York. 148 00:08:17,121 --> 00:08:19,165 But that doesn't mean we should uproot it 149 00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:20,625 Of the only life you know. 150 00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:23,127 Fuck. I need a cigarette. 151 00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:24,921 How about some Vicodin? 152 00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:27,131 I like that. 153 00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:28,341 That will do the trick. 154 00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:31,886 My poor gelding. 155 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,179 That's mean. 156 00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:38,017 "Karen." 157 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:39,477 "Karen." 158 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:40,394 Frozen peas. 159 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,104 Or green soybeans. 160 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:13,844 I feel great. 161 00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:22,353 Make yourself at home. 162 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,565 My home is your home. 163 00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:29,485 But maybe you want to start with the outdoor patio. 164 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:39,078 Do you think I can get it? On my frozen vegetables there? 165 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,080 I think you should wait your damn turn. 166 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,006 You. 167 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:51,173 I. 168 00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:54,176 -We... -We sure did. Twice actually. 169 00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,511 A long time ago. 170 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,597 In a galaxy not far away. 171 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,349 So how are things? 172 00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:04,437 Not much, I just came to the store To buy some frozen peas. 173 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,188 Maybe some green soybeans. 174 00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,607 This is completely up to me. 175 00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:11,277 Are you well? - Yes, why? I'm fine. 176 00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:14,989 -You look like you're in pain. -No more than usual. 177 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,074 How are you? 178 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,660 Nothing new. I live a crazy life. 179 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,246 This is real. Life is hard for a pimp. 180 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,124 So... 181 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:29,712 Want to get high and listen to some... 182 00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,464 Cylinders? 183 00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:33,090 Oh God. 184 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:35,968 I would have if it weren't for... 185 00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,846 My life circumstances changed Since we last met alone. 186 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,640 I'm back with my ex. 187 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:42,767 Mother of children. 188 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:44,518 So I... 189 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:47,813 This is unfortunate. 190 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:49,940 Having sex with you was amazing. 191 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,319 Well, this... 192 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,572 Kind words from you. 193 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,075 I'll tell my old lady you said so. 194 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:00,785 Stay healthy, Hank. 195 00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,250 And you, too. 196 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,799 Surfer. 197 00:11:15,674 --> 00:11:17,134 Are you some kind of coward? 198 00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,136 She would definitely fuck you. 199 00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:22,890 - I don't do that anymore. -You should as long as you are able. 200 00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,101 You never know when you'll end up like that. 201 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:26,769 You don't really need that thing. 202 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:29,980 I bet you would just love to walk around in it, Because it makes you feel special. 203 00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:33,442 Have you heard before? About rectal prolapse, you idiot? 204 00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:36,487 Rectum? 205 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:38,823 That almost killed him. 206 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:41,492 Welcome? 207 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,411 Okay? both. 208 00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,329 She was there when I got out. 209 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:08,519 You, Becca. 210 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,063 To the car. now. 211 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,524 my dad. - I'm not kidding, now. 212 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:15,818 Give me that. 213 00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:20,906 So who is this, your father? 214 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:22,700 Stay away. 215 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:24,910 I'm serious, I'll kill you. 216 00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,830 He's kind of a scoundrel. 217 00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,132 somewhat? 218 00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:40,342 I don't want her to be here. 219 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,261 What can I do? Kick her out? 220 00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:44,096 - She's my fake sister. What is this? 221 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,182 (spanking and boxing) Memoirs of Mia Cross 222 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,267 It's not a memoir. 223 00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,811 It is an account of my sexual relationship with you. 224 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,771 I put it in the form of a fucking novel. 225 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:56,066 Even if I was confused and stole the damned work. 226 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,818 I hope you enjoy it. 227 00:12:57,985 --> 00:13:00,196 I hope all my hard work helps you. 228 00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:02,823 -Is it so? - Indeed, to a large extent. 229 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:05,784 I also hope you enjoy my stepmom. 230 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,496 - He sends his regards, by the way. - No, he does not send it. 231 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:16,962 Are you well? 232 00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:18,839 here? 233 00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:20,382 You are completely alone. 234 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,637 Although hearing you say that It warms the heart... 235 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:26,972 I'm fine, don't worry about me. 236 00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:30,017 Worry about Becca, she's angry and scared. 237 00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:31,727 Scared? 238 00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:35,397 Think about it. She got everything she always wanted. 239 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,150 The perfect happy ending. 240 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,778 She's just waiting for the inevitable. 241 00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:41,904 Whether you mess it up, 242 00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,657 Or Karen realizes she made a big mistake. 243 00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,742 Both are bound to happen. 244 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,454 Damn, I need a cigarette. 245 00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:54,667 See you soon. 246 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,879 "A Crazy Little Thing Called Love 2" 247 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,761 I know you're angry with me, 248 00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:08,931 I know that your mother and I did something unforgivable to you. 249 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:11,016 And I know you're approaching that age 250 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:14,812 Just think about having a conversation with your dad It makes you nauseous. 251 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:18,482 But I wanted you to know I won't stop trying, okay? 252 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,862 Because you are the best thing that ever happened to me in my life... 253 00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,489 And I love you very much. 254 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,244 How are the testicles? 255 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:36,041 They had better times, thank you. 256 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,252 Was that a laugh? 257 00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:42,548 Does my pain make you laugh? God, you're exactly like your mother. 258 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:46,635 You should know what that woman put me through. It is hideous and barbaric. 259 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,596 It is almost a medieval procedure. 260 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,140 My friend Hank, You've been in the same boat before, okay? 261 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,517 - I had the same experience. -Did you have your vasectomy removed? 262 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,644 Why do you think we didn't have any children? 263 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,980 I guess I always assumed you were sterile. 264 00:14:58,063 --> 00:14:58,981 scoundrel. 265 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:01,358 - Be nice to the wounded soldier. - He's the one who started. 266 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:04,194 - Or that a bald eagle ejaculates empty semen. - I am too. 267 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:07,197 - Since the vasectomy. - Well, the second. 268 00:15:07,364 --> 00:15:09,867 - You'll scare him. - A second operation? 269 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:12,202 - What second? -You know, it's... 270 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:15,289 Sometimes, it doesn't work. 271 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,374 "Doesn't work"? This is not comfortable. 272 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,126 This is not comfortable at all. both. 273 00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:22,254 I didn't cut a large portion of my sperm duct, 274 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,507 To go back to wearing condoms Like a teenager with acne on his face. 275 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,468 - Like condoms? - Why? 276 00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:30,304 What do you mean? - It's slowing me down, man. 277 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,848 - Keeps me in the game. - Feeling late. 278 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,601 - Do you know what I mean? - He's irritable. 279 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:38,812 Are you implying that he ejaculates early? 280 00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,358 - Nice, thank you. - Great, right? 281 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:48,364 Why do you want to go back to that disgusting city of yours? 282 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:51,075 - Do not raise this topic. - Because it's a city. 283 00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,410 Come on, this is a city. 284 00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,918 Yes, this is Sonia, hello. 285 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:03,379 embarrassed. 286 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,551 - Hello, Karen. - Hello, Sonia. 287 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:12,805 - Nice to meet you again. I found something better... 288 00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:14,848 You mean you found something better? 289 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:18,978 From a fake religious sect he founded Failed and crazy science fiction writer? 290 00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:20,312 Let me know about it. 291 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,398 It's a little complicated, especially in the presence of drink. 292 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,775 But maybe for lunch tomorrow? It's been a long time. 293 00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:26,902 - Sure, that would be great. - Slow down a little. 294 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,904 I'm not sure how I feel about eating two ladies 295 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,240 I asked them out to lunch together. 296 00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:34,284 Well, I sure feel good about that. 297 00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:38,288 This is delicate. Are you officially back? To each other? 298 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:41,083 For now, let's screw it up, right? 299 00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:43,168 It could happen any minute now. 300 00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:47,256 - Dear, Julian is also a writer. truly? My condolences. 301 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,384 “The Artist Within,” he wrote. Very genius. 302 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,553 impossible. - Account please. 303 00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,179 Hank, that's rude. 304 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:56,807 - I will send you a copy if you want. - This is not necessary. 305 00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:59,476 I have a copy on my bedside table. I love him. 306 00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:01,937 Let me try to understand that. 307 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,898 Slow down, you write about what life is like as an artist. 308 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:08,193 - Don't be rude, Hank. -You are asking for the impossible, my love. 309 00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:11,697 No, it's okay, negativity, it's normal. 310 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:16,410 What I'm getting at is access to the artist 311 00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:19,038 That exists within each of us. 312 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,206 This is really effective. I've never been happier. 313 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,375 My business has never been better. 314 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:27,337 I'm even thinking about expanding And hiring an architect. We must talk. 315 00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:31,175 So you really believe that every person on this planet 316 00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:34,011 Does he have an artist inside him? 317 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,972 Like an internal bump, so to speak? 318 00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:38,057 Yes. 319 00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:40,976 Which means you consider yourself an artist? 320 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:45,606 I like to think of myself as...more of a creative midwife. 321 00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:48,609 And I like to consider myself He has a penis 30 centimeters long. 322 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:50,486 But that doesn't make it that long. 323 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:51,737 Five centimeters less. 324 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:52,654 Hurrah! 325 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,450 Well, we have to go, my love. 326 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:58,619 We have overcome the delay due to its importance. correct. 327 00:17:58,702 --> 00:18:01,747 Do you know? We're going to that party In Laurel Canyon. 328 00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,041 -Do you want to come? - Is he in that house? 329 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:05,959 - Party? Even us? Okay. 330 00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:08,045 excellent. Let's go. 331 00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:09,755 truly? - No, but have fun. 332 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,688 - I quit smoking. - Wow. What an amazing thing. 333 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,190 Help yourself. - No, thanks. 334 00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:31,110 -Did you take off for Lent? - No, I... 335 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,571 I am pregnant. Didn't you notice my bulge? 336 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,824 Yeah, I noticed it, I just thought You gained some weight. 337 00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:39,535 No, I'm kidding. congratulations. 338 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,079 Thank you. We are very happy. 339 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,539 Well done, ma'am. 340 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:47,501 The last time I saw you, You were having sex in the doggy position, 341 00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:49,962 And you throw up in Bill's bedroom. 342 00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,089 These are some of the few things I liked about you. 343 00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,632 Did you really do that? 344 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,092 Never change. 345 00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:56,426 What the hell is this? 346 00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:59,263 What? - Terrible pain in the penis. 347 00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:01,473 I have to go. Nice to meet you. 348 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:07,813 Oh mother. 349 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,566 Wow! 350 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,194 I left you alone for just two seconds. You're not supposed to do that. 351 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:17,364 - Why not, father? -You know why. 352 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,074 I know but... 353 00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,201 Look at its beautiful view. 354 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:25,247 - My beautiful little slave girls lined up. - Do you want to go back to Promises? 355 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,046 Don't you remember... 356 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,635 How fun was the sex... 357 00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:42,222 When I was spraying it on your naughty parts? 358 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,977 I seem to remember something vaguely pleasant About that feeling, yes. 359 00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:03,619 What do you know? You are without “The Artist Within.” 360 00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:06,496 -You must feel lonely. -You must be jealous. 361 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,123 This is kinda nice. 362 00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:10,417 We must leave. 363 00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:11,501 "Hank." 364 00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:13,003 I'm very... 365 00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,797 Grateful for what you did for me today. 366 00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:18,926 I really am. 367 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,680 What you did today means I can't do this 368 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,807 Or anything else for the next 48 hours. 369 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,351 truly? 370 00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:32,522 There are several ways to accomplish this. 371 00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:36,068 God, I love you when you're high. 372 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:39,029 truly? I love your love for me and I'm ecstatic. 373 00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:45,035 the curse. What? 374 00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:48,580 -I think you made me erect. - Well, this is great news. 375 00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:51,833 It's great news. No, I'm afraid I might open a stitch. 376 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,961 - Come here. - No, I want to check it. 377 00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:56,505 I will be right back. I don't want you to see him now. 378 00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:57,506 It may be bloody. 379 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:00,384 What do you do? 380 00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:03,929 I take my position. 381 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,183 Feel free to start without me. 382 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:15,482 Hello, do you have a condom? 383 00:21:16,149 --> 00:21:18,819 I think I have an old condom in my wallet From my high school days, 384 00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:20,153 But I'm sure it has expired. 385 00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:21,071 Give it to me. 386 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:22,698 I was joking. 387 00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:24,616 This damned girl insists that... 388 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,827 I wear protection. What's all that about? 389 00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:28,912 -It's not fun. - Not at all. 390 00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:31,456 If the room is dark, You can open an acidity pack. 391 00:21:31,581 --> 00:21:34,001 - And I fuck her with it? - No, it's just... 392 00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:37,045 It will create the illusion that you are wearing a condom. 393 00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:38,672 "David Copperfield" does that. 394 00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,507 Not on stage. 395 00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:42,801 - Thanks, man. - No, I was joking! 396 00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:56,083 Hey, you bastard. 397 00:22:58,168 --> 00:22:59,086 Wait. 398 00:22:59,795 --> 00:23:00,629 Welcome? 399 00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:02,380 "Karen"? 400 00:23:05,675 --> 00:23:06,510 "Karen." 401 00:23:06,968 --> 00:23:07,844 - "Karen"? - Hey. 402 00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:10,472 Does anyone have a treatment for acidity? if"! 403 00:23:12,140 --> 00:23:14,476 This fucking pervert just tried to rape me with his mouth. 404 00:23:15,685 --> 00:23:17,521 What the hell is this, man? You are a guest in my house 405 00:23:17,687 --> 00:23:18,730 And you try to rape with your mouth... 406 00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:22,859 - What is your name, my dear? - "Destiny." 407 00:23:23,985 --> 00:23:26,780 Come on. There was no rape. 408 00:23:27,155 --> 00:23:29,616 I did not commit rape, I'm not that kind of guy. 409 00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:33,620 Karen, I was looking for you, here you are. 410 00:23:33,787 --> 00:23:35,622 God, tell them I'm not a rapist. 411 00:23:36,998 --> 00:23:38,834 He accidentally performed oral sex on her. 412 00:23:39,042 --> 00:23:39,876 What? 413 00:23:40,293 --> 00:23:42,129 How could you accidentally practice that on anyone? 414 00:23:42,462 --> 00:23:44,089 A big house with many rooms, and it was dark, 415 00:23:44,464 --> 00:23:45,924 I went to the bathroom, then I got lost, 416 00:23:46,216 --> 00:23:47,676 He accidentally performed oral sex on her. 417 00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:52,013 I will believe it. 418 00:23:52,639 --> 00:23:53,807 But try to convince her of it. 419 00:23:56,434 --> 00:23:59,271 I happen to have a protective lubricant. 420 00:24:01,898 --> 00:24:03,108 I'll get the car. 421 00:24:08,530 --> 00:24:10,490 I know, I smell like a vagina. 422 00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:14,911 I'm sorry, Karen, I'm so sorry. This was an unintentional mistake. 423 00:24:15,662 --> 00:24:18,665 You just put your mouth on another woman's vagina. 424 00:24:18,748 --> 00:24:22,460 Yes I did. But as soon as my tongue touched her clitoris, I knew it wasn't your vagina. 425 00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:23,753 It wasn't perfect. 426 00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:26,548 I can recognize your vagina Among a queue of vaginas displayed at the police. 427 00:24:26,631 --> 00:24:29,676 I can. If your vagina is arrested, God forbid, 428 00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:32,637 He had to be recognized in line for a show, 429 00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:35,724 I will know him immediately. “Vagina No. 2, step forward.” 430 00:24:35,891 --> 00:24:37,225 Reveal his identity. 431 00:24:37,767 --> 00:24:38,768 This is for Karen. 432 00:24:39,436 --> 00:24:44,149 Oh, my God. I must have been crazy Because I thought things would be different. 433 00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:46,443 Fuck me! 434 00:24:54,367 --> 00:24:56,745 Don't start saying words that you won't be able to take back. 435 00:24:57,037 --> 00:24:58,830 I don't want to drag it. 436 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,624 - But you want to. - No, I don't want to. 437 00:25:00,707 --> 00:25:02,417 - You want to. - Don't tell me my intentions. 438 00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:04,544 - Good evening, sir and madam. Good evening. 439 00:25:04,711 --> 00:25:06,171 Do you know why I stopped you? 440 00:25:06,254 --> 00:25:09,466 - No, I don't know, sir. Teach me, officer... 441 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:12,552 - "Penis"? truly? silent. 442 00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:14,679 Officer "rod". 443 00:25:14,763 --> 00:25:17,349 That was decadent, by the way. A hit below the belt, really. 444 00:25:17,432 --> 00:25:19,392 Does this come from a "rapist with the mouth"? 445 00:25:19,684 --> 00:25:21,019 You have a broken car headlight. 446 00:25:21,269 --> 00:25:24,522 Yes, it's been down for months, but I'm getting suspended Tonight of all nights. 447 00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:25,899 It's just my damn luck. 448 00:25:26,024 --> 00:25:30,237 - This is all due to luck. It's... - Shall we postpone discussing this? 449 00:25:30,487 --> 00:25:32,864 Is there a reason for calling you? To not wear a shirt, sir? 450 00:25:32,989 --> 00:25:35,408 Yes, there's a reason for that, officer. 451 00:25:35,617 --> 00:25:37,953 There is a good reason, I can't even try to explain it. 452 00:25:38,078 --> 00:25:39,454 both! Try. 453 00:25:39,537 --> 00:25:41,957 Try it, see if he thinks it's an unintentional mistake. 454 00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:44,292 Good. One last time For cheap seat spectators. 455 00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:46,711 What happened could have happened to anyone. 456 00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:50,006 Wrong place, wrong time, wrong vagina. 457 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,552 - I'm sorry, he was drinking alcohol. - What the hell, Karen? 458 00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:59,099 - Have you been drinking, sir? - Hours ago... 459 00:25:59,516 --> 00:26:02,185 But without exaggeration, I don't do that anymore. 460 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,689 I mean I do, but not often Which I was used to. 461 00:26:05,772 --> 00:26:07,691 He was also taking Vicodin. 462 00:26:07,774 --> 00:26:09,025 Come on. 463 00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:11,152 This... Karen... 464 00:26:12,487 --> 00:26:15,365 I know you're angry because I practiced Oral sex on that woman, 465 00:26:15,448 --> 00:26:19,035 But are you trying to throw me in prison? 466 00:26:19,202 --> 00:26:21,871 -Can you get out of the car? -Wait, sir, there is... 467 00:26:21,955 --> 00:26:26,167 - Get out of the car now. -You caught us at a really bad time. 468 00:26:26,251 --> 00:26:28,503 - It's bad timing. - Pardon me for saying that, ma'am. 469 00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:31,131 You don't have to endure This kind of behavior. 470 00:26:31,214 --> 00:26:33,341 Why don't you just care about yourself? 471 00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:35,135 - Excuse me, sir? - Just shut up. 472 00:26:35,218 --> 00:26:38,596 With all due respect, but don't go beyond here Limitations of your job tasks? 473 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,474 I didn't know you had the right In expressing your opinions. 474 00:26:44,019 --> 00:26:46,062 Have you been smoking marijuana, sir? 475 00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:48,815 One breath. 476 00:26:49,316 --> 00:26:50,317 - One! - Okay, let's go. 477 00:26:50,525 --> 00:26:52,610 You can't arrest someone Because he's smart. 478 00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:55,739 No, but I can certainly catch you Because of drunk driving, right? 479 00:26:55,822 --> 00:26:57,324 Officer, excuse me. 480 00:26:57,574 --> 00:27:00,493 This is just a big misunderstanding. 481 00:27:00,577 --> 00:27:01,703 Sure it is, okay? 482 00:27:01,828 --> 00:27:04,039 The thing I can't understand... 483 00:27:04,205 --> 00:27:07,709 What does a woman like her do with a scoundrel like you? 484 00:27:07,792 --> 00:27:09,669 She must be crazy, right? 485 00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:12,505 Or maybe that's just how you like them, right? A little crazy. 486 00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:15,258 Or maybe if you practiced with her Oral sex more... 487 00:27:16,343 --> 00:27:17,177 "Hank." 488 00:27:17,594 --> 00:27:18,678 Oh my God... 489 00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:21,306 No! 490 00:27:23,266 --> 00:27:24,351 both! 491 00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:33,068 Except the testicles! 1 00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:18,934 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:23,063 I'm having what you might call a crisis of faith. To put it simply, I can't write. 3 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:26,692 You have this incredible talent, and you're just flushing it down the toilet. 4 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,861 Maybe you're right. I'm fucked up right now. 5 00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:31,155 -I need you. - No, I'm getting married. 6 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:35,325 - Is Dad a bad person? - No. Not at all. 7 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:38,328 I mean, he does have a habit of getting into trouble sometimes. 8 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:39,747 Fuckin' fucker! 9 00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:45,669 Get on with your life. And forget about the woman you didn't want to marry. 10 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:49,131 As your friend and agent, may I suggest you start looking for a nice girl. 11 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,175 What is your name, by the way? 12 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,218 Wouldn't you rather just fuck me? 13 00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:54,595 I'm a scientologist, Hank. 14 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,099 So, you're the famous writer, huh? 15 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,852 This is Mia, Bill's daughter. 16 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:03,729 She's 16. 17 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:07,274 What happened the other night will never happen again. 18 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,234 I know you guys aren't gonna live happily ever after. 19 00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:11,653 It's just nice to be together sometimes. 20 00:01:11,696 --> 00:01:14,281 I want to go back and do it all over again. 21 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,657 I'm gonna marry Bill. 22 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,327 - I wrote something. - You what? 23 00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:21,455 - Hank wrote a new book? Can I read it? - I don't think that's appropriate. 24 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:22,539 What did you write? 25 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:25,292 An older man unwittingly beds an underage girl. 26 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:26,418 I wrote this novel. 27 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:29,421 - This woman's written the book of the year. - Is that right? 28 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:32,716 If I say anything, there's no stopping her from telling Karen. 29 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:33,842 Fuck, the police. 30 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,637 If anyone knows of a reason why this couple should not wed, 31 00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:38,472 speak now or forever hold your peace. 32 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:39,807 What? 33 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,601 - Wait! Hank! - You sure? 34 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,478 Quick, before I change my fuckin' mind. 35 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,688 Karen, wait! Come back! 36 00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:34,236 Are you ready? 37 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:37,698 Fuck, no. 38 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,910 You are gonna be so glad you did this. 39 00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:44,037 I don't want to talk about it right now. 40 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:48,083 I've got a godlike erection. Seems a shame to waste it. 41 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:49,710 We got to get going. 42 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:50,878 Really? 43 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,505 You'd deny a dying man his final meal? 44 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:57,843 Oh, my God. You're gonna milk this for all it's worth, aren't you? 45 00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:01,013 Absolutely. Don't make me beg. It's unseemly. 46 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:07,144 - Fine. You better make it snappy. - Oh, you won't feel a thing. I promise. 47 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:12,399 - Oh, what are you doing? - Just assuming the posish. 48 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,234 Oh. Oh, hot diggety. 49 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:17,863 - What are you doing? - I'm assuming my posish. 50 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:21,450 Get a rubber. One more time. Come on, what's the big deal? 51 00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:26,413 That's my point exactly. I'll pull out and hose you down. 52 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,540 Is that supposed to turn me on? 53 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:29,958 Maybe. 54 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:32,502 - Did it? - Not so much. 55 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:44,056 You better start talking dirty. This could take a while. 56 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,724 OK. 57 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:49,019 - What do you want me to say? - Right before you come... 58 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:52,105 ...call me Bill. 59 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:55,651 - Who says I'm gonna come? - Ooh, a challenge. 60 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:57,861 Game on. 61 00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:02,324 Get ready for Thor's hammer. 62 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,959 - You want to see it? - See what? 63 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:14,544 The section of the vas def I just cut out. 64 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,129 Vas definitely not. 65 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:20,300 If it feels like I'm sewing the flesh at the base of your penis back together, 66 00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:21,468 that's because I am. 67 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,346 Why do you look like a welder? You're not welding anything, are you? 68 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,182 - So, why the vasectomy? - I hate the rubbers. 69 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:31,103 Yeah, me too. Can't feel a damn thing. 70 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,106 Try not to give the guy a hard-on, OK? 71 00:04:34,857 --> 00:04:36,233 That would be messy. 72 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,946 Looks like there's a new Pope. 73 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:44,533 Pain and swelling, totally normal. A bag of frozen peas should do the trick. 74 00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:47,244 Some prefer edamame. It's totally up to you. 75 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,247 No sex for 48 hours, and that includes masturbation. 76 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,207 After that, the more the better. 77 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:55,335 Seriously. You still got a lot of viable sperm up in there. 78 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:59,423 Got to get it out somehow. If you need any help, let me know. 79 00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:00,966 Great-looking cock. 80 00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:05,762 Thank you. 81 00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:58,648 Don't think I don't see what's happening here. 82 00:05:58,691 --> 00:05:59,775 Oh, what's that? 83 00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:01,943 You're not attracted to me anymore. 84 00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:03,820 That's right, that's right. 85 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,822 I ran away with you on my wedding night 86 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:08,367 because you just don't do it for me anymore. 87 00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:10,285 Yes. See, on a purely chemical level, 88 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:13,038 you realise that I can't impregnate you any more. 89 00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:15,582 The biological imperative has been compromised. 90 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:18,960 You should consider yourself lucky that we're even having sex. 91 00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,505 Oh, I do. I do. And it's been rad. 92 00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:24,132 You know, I forgot what a little hellcat you can be. 93 00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:26,760 No, no, no, no. Please, don't do that. 94 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,553 - No, that was gross. - Seriously. 95 00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:30,472 Man should not meow... Ever. 96 00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,058 We're doing what couples do, Hank. 97 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:37,187 We're making responsible, grown-up decisions. 98 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,271 Together. 99 00:06:38,314 --> 00:06:41,108 - Why are you smiling like that? - How am I smiling? 100 00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:43,819 Like a retard. 101 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,280 It was just nice to hear you refer to us as a couple again. 102 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:49,574 - Sounded good. - Wow... 103 00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:53,245 They really did neuter you, didn't they? 104 00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:54,413 Kiss the eunuch. 105 00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:59,876 - Oh, honey! God. Don't grind. No grinding. - I know, but I forgot. I'm so sorry. 106 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:17,811 How's the package? 107 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:20,730 This is not a conversation I ever wanted to have with my daughter, 108 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,357 but thanks for asking, sweetie. 109 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:25,444 - She called. - She who? 110 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:28,947 That real estate whore. She's bringing some people by. 111 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,574 Language, young lady. 112 00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:35,203 Next time she tells me to clean my room, I'm gonna say, "Clean this, lady!" 113 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,872 And give her a titty twister. 114 00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:40,542 As much as I'd like to see that, 115 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,128 the idea is to sell this place and get out of dodge. 116 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,922 If you tidied up your shrine to Norwegian death metal, 117 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,799 it might facilitate things a little bit. 118 00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:50,844 I don't want to help sell the place because I don't want to move. 119 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,263 This is our home. We're happy here. 120 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:55,724 I love L.A. 121 00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:57,100 She's your daughter. 122 00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:02,147 Hey, honey, not that I mind having this conversation for the 73rd time this week, 123 00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,150 but could we do it maybe when Daddy's balls don't ache so much? 124 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,444 And it's black metal, not Norwegian! 125 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,987 She needs more time. 126 00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:12,824 No, Karen, we have discussed this like the responsible parents that we are. 127 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,494 New York will always be there for us. 128 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,329 You agreed she'd be better off in New York. 129 00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:21,291 But we don't have the right to yank her away from the only life she knows. 130 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,376 Damn it. I need a cigarette. 131 00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:25,128 How about a Vicodin? 132 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,380 Oh, I like-o-din. 133 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:28,632 Well, that'll do. 134 00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:32,135 My poor little gelding. 135 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,261 That's mean. 136 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,351 Karen. Karen! 137 00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:41,061 Peas! 138 00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:42,812 Or edamame! 139 00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:14,219 That is nice. 140 00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:22,644 Make yourself at home. 141 00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,855 Mi casa es su casa. 142 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:29,901 Might want to start out at the patio, though. 143 00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:39,286 Hey, big fella, you think I might get my hands on some frozen veggies there? 144 00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,454 I think you should wait your fuckin' turn. 145 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,171 You. 146 00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:51,381 Me. 147 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,757 - We... - Sure did. 148 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,552 - Couple of times, actually. - Long time ago. 149 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,804 In a galaxy not so far away. 150 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,599 So, what's going on? 151 00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:02,601 Oh, not much. I'm just, uh, you know, 152 00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:06,396 in the market for some frozen peas, maybe some edamame. 153 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,064 Totally up to me. 154 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:09,941 - Are you OK? - Yeah. 155 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,526 Why? I'm fine. 156 00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:14,070 I don't know, you seem like you're in pain. 157 00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:16,489 No more than usual. How you doing? 158 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,618 Same old. Livin' la vida loca. 159 00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:22,454 True dat. It's hard out there for a pimp. 160 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:25,206 So... 161 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:31,963 Do you want to get high and listen to some... records? 162 00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,048 Oh, dear. 163 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:38,887 Would that I could but... big life changes since last we made the love. 164 00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:40,805 Got back together with the ex. 165 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,558 Baby mama. 166 00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:44,809 It's on. 167 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:47,979 That's too bad. 168 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,148 You were a great lay. 169 00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:53,943 That is... 170 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:56,529 so sweet of you to say. 171 00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:59,199 I will tell the old lady you said so. 172 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:00,992 Be well, Hank. 173 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,708 You too... 174 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,131 ...surfer girl. 175 00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,342 What are you, some kind of pussy? 176 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,344 She would have totally fucked you. 177 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:22,764 - I don't do that anymore. - You should do that while you still can. 178 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,308 You never know when you're gonna wind up in one of these. 179 00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:28,770 You don't really need that thing, I bet. You just like to zip around in it. 180 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,647 - Makes you feel special. - Oh, yeah? 181 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,440 You ever hear of a prolapsed rectum? 182 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,566 Asshole. 183 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:36,528 Rectum? 184 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:38,571 Damn near killed him. 185 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,283 Hello? 186 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:43,410 Yeah? No. 187 00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:45,328 Oh, she was there when I left. 188 00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:08,685 You, Becca. 189 00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:11,938 - In the car, now. - Dad. 190 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,732 I'm not fuckin' around! Now! 191 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,698 So, who is this, like, your dad? 192 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,283 Go away. 193 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:24,868 I'm serious. I'll kill you. 194 00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:28,246 Your dad's kind of a dick. 195 00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:37,839 Kind of? 196 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:40,049 I don't want her hanging out here. 197 00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:42,051 What am I supposed to do, kick her to the curb? 198 00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:45,096 - She's my little pseudo-sister. - What is this? 199 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,099 It's not a memoir. 200 00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,769 It's a written account of my sexual relationship with you. 201 00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,896 Written by me as a fuckin' novel. 202 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:56,149 Even I'm confused, and I stole the damn thing. 203 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,901 Well, I hope you're enjoying it. 204 00:12:57,943 --> 00:13:00,320 I hope all my hard work is paying off for you. 205 00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:02,864 - Is it? - It is, very much so. 206 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:06,159 Just as I hope you're enjoying my father's wife. 207 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,703 - He says hi, by the way. - He doesn't. 208 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:19,005 Are you all right... here? 209 00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,757 You're all alone, and I... 210 00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:25,887 Much as it warms the cockles to hear you say it, I'm fine. 211 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,264 Don't worry about me. Worry about the Becca. 212 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,183 She's pissed off and she's scared. 213 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,685 Scared? 214 00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:35,522 Think about it. She got what she always wanted, 215 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:38,441 the happy ending to beat all happy endings. 216 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:42,111 She's just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to fuck it up, 217 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,864 or for Karen to realise she made a big mistake. 218 00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:47,408 Both have been known to happen. 219 00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:50,245 Goddamn it, I need a cigarette. 220 00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:54,749 Goodbye. 221 00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:06,094 I know you're pissed at me. 222 00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:08,972 I know your mother and I have done some unforgivable shit to you, 223 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:11,808 and I know you're rapidly approaching that age where the thought of 224 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,936 having a conversation with your father makes you nauseous. 225 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:17,856 But I just want you to know that I'm not gonna quit trying. 226 00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:19,899 OK? 227 00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:23,611 Cos you're the best thing that ever happened to me. 228 00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,280 And I love the shit out of you. 229 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,368 How's the balls? 230 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,748 The boys have seen better days. Thank you. 231 00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,126 Was that a laugh? 232 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:42,297 My pain is funny to you? Jesus, you're just like your mother. 233 00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:44,340 You should know what that woman put me through. 234 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,759 It is a hideous, barbaric... 235 00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:48,636 almost medieval procedure. 236 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,890 Hank, you're preaching to the choir, OK? I've been there. 237 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,600 Really? You've been vasectomised? 238 00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:55,602 Why do you think we don't have any little rug rats? 239 00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:57,854 I guess I just always assumed you were barren. 240 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:58,855 Asshole. 241 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,316 - Hey, be nice to my wounded soldier. - He started it. 242 00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:03,067 Or the bald eagle was shooting blanks. 243 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,904 That I am, my good man, ever since the snip, snip, snip. 244 00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:08,781 - Well, the second one. - Shh! You're gonna freak him out. 245 00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:11,284 What do you mean "the second one"? The second what? 246 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,370 You know, they... Sometimes, uh... 247 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,289 - It doesn't take. - Doesn't take? 248 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,292 - That's not cool at all. - Sometimes you got to do it again. 249 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:22,045 I did not have a perfectly good chunk of my vas def cut off 250 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:25,632 so I could go back to wearing condoms like some pimply-faced teenager. 251 00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,550 - I love the rubbers. - Why? 252 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:28,927 Why do you love rubbers? 253 00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:31,471 They slow me down, man. Keep me in the game. 254 00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:32,847 Retard sensation. 255 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,642 - He's an excitable boy. - That's right. 256 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,853 Are you intimating that he ejaculates prema-charlie? 257 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:42,315 - Nice. Thank you. - Great, right? 258 00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,778 Why would you guys want to go back 259 00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:49,697 - to that disgusting city of yours? - Oh, don't bring that up. 260 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,075 - It's because it's a city. - Oh, come on. 261 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,494 Can I have a white wine? 262 00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:01,334 Yeah... Sonja. Hey. Hank. 263 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:04,045 Awkward. 264 00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:07,924 - Karen. - Hey, Karen! 265 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,550 - Hey, look. - Hey, Sonja. 266 00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:11,302 Nice to see you again. 267 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:12,887 I found something that works better. 268 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:15,306 You mean you found something better 269 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:20,144 than a pseudo-religious cult founded by a lunatic sci-fi hack? Do tell. 270 00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:22,355 Well, it's a little complicated over drinks. 271 00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,816 But maybe lunch tomorrow? It's been too long. 272 00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:26,734 - Sure. - Wait, hold on a second. 273 00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:30,947 I'm not sure how I feel about two ladies with whom I've made the love lunching together. 274 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,031 Hank. 275 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:35,410 OK, I'm pretty sure I feel pretty good about it. 276 00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:38,079 It's cute. You guys are officially back together? 277 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:41,290 For now. Until we fuck it up, right? 278 00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,668 - Could be any second now. - No. 279 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:46,087 - Dude, Julian's a writer, too. - Really? 280 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:47,171 My condolences. 281 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:50,508 He wrote The Artist Within. Fucking genius. 282 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,719 - No way. - Check, please. 283 00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:56,139 - Hank, that's rude. - I'll send you guys a copy if you want. 284 00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:59,559 No need. I have it on my nightstand right now. I love it. 285 00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:02,103 Let me try to understand this. 286 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:05,440 Hold on a second. You write about what it's like to be an artist? 287 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:08,985 - Don't be a douche, Hank. - You ask the impossible, sweetheart. 288 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,988 No, it's fine. The negativity is... It's normal. 289 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:16,659 What I write about is... accessing the artist 290 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,245 that exists inside every single one of us. 291 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:23,791 It really works. I've never been happier. My business has never been better. 292 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:27,295 I'm thinking of expanding, bringing on an architect. We should talk. 293 00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:29,464 So, you really believe 294 00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:34,260 that everybody on this planet has an artist inside them, 295 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,055 like, an inner Schnabel, if you will? 296 00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,222 I do. 297 00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:41,559 Which means you must consider yourself an artist. 298 00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:45,521 I like to think of myself as more of a creative midwife. 299 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:49,942 Well, I like to think of myself as having a 12-inch cock, but it doesn't make it so. 300 00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:51,527 - Oh, my God. - Two inches shy. 301 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,115 Well, we have to get going, baby. 302 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:58,701 - Fashionably late is one thing... - Oh, right. 303 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,829 You know what? We're going to this party up in Laurel Canyon. 304 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:04,791 You guys want to come? You would fucking love this house. 305 00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,376 - A party? Even us? - Yes, even you. 306 00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,837 - Fuckin' A, let's go. - No, but have fun. 307 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:25,978 I quit smoking. 308 00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:28,439 Wow. Look at you. No, I'm good, thanks. 309 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:30,149 What, did you give it up for Lent? 310 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,234 No, I'm... 311 00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:32,568 I'm pregnant. 312 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:36,656 - You didn't notice my bump? - I did. I just thought you put on weight. 313 00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:39,659 - No. - I'm kidding. Congratulations. 314 00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,203 Thanks. Thank you. Yeah, we're very happy. 315 00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,080 Well done, lady. 316 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,291 Last time I saw you, you were boning a degenerate doggy-style 317 00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,460 and projectile-vomiting all over Bill's bedroom. 318 00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,255 Two things which I totally dug about you. 319 00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:55,049 - Was that me? Wow. - Yeah, don't ever change. 320 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:57,844 - What the hell? - What? 321 00:18:57,886 --> 00:19:00,388 Shooting cock pain. I got to go. 322 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,682 - Good to see you. - OK. Yeah. 323 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,312 My mama! 324 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,606 What the fuck? 325 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:14,360 I leave you alone for two seconds. You're not supposed to do that. 326 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,655 - Why not, Daddy? - You know why not. 327 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,240 I know, but... 328 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,409 Just look how nice they look. 329 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,536 Pretty little maids all in a row. Just... 330 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,080 You want to go back to Promises? 331 00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:30,293 Come on. 332 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,171 Don't you remember... 333 00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:39,343 ...how good the sex used to be... 334 00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:42,346 when I used to sprinkle it on your naughty bits? 335 00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:47,268 I seem to recall something vaguely pleasant about the sensation, yes. 336 00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:03,743 What do you know, you're without "the artist within". 337 00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:05,036 Must be lonely. 338 00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:08,414 You must be jealous. That's kind of cute. 339 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,583 Come on. We got to go. 340 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:11,667 Hank? 341 00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:16,464 I am so touched by what you did for me today. 342 00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:19,008 I am. 343 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,134 Yes, but... 344 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,763 What I did for you today means that I can't do this 345 00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:26,057 or anything like it for the next 48 hours. 346 00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,642 Oh, yeah. 347 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:33,606 There's more than one way to skin a cat. 348 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:36,150 Jeez, I like you stoned. 349 00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:38,986 You do? I like you liking me stoned. 350 00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:45,201 - Holy shit. - What? 351 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,412 - I think you're giving me a boner. - That's great news. 352 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:51,916 It is great news. No, no, it is. I just... I'm afraid I might pop a stitch. 353 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:54,085 - Come here. - No, no. I want to check it. 354 00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:55,253 I'll be right back. 355 00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:58,506 I don't want you to see him like this. It could be bloody. 356 00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:00,967 What are you doing? 357 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,512 Assuming the posish. 358 00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:08,891 Feel free to start without me. 359 00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:15,481 Hey, you got a rubber? 360 00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:20,027 I think I got the Ramses in my wallet from high school, but I'm pretty sure it's expired. 361 00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:22,571 - Hand it over. - I was kidding. 362 00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:25,408 Fuckin' chick is insisting I wear a rubber. 363 00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,951 What is that all about? 364 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:28,995 - That's not very rock 'n' roll. - Not at all. 365 00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:31,497 If it's dark enough, you could rip open an Alka-Seltzer. 366 00:21:31,581 --> 00:21:33,708 - And bang her with it? - No. 367 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:36,919 It'll create the illusion that you're wearing a jimmy hat. 368 00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:40,423 David Copperfield does it. Not on stage. 369 00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:42,758 - Thanks, man. - You know, I was kidding. 370 00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:56,374 Hey, asshole! 371 00:22:57,959 --> 00:22:59,001 Hey! 372 00:22:59,252 --> 00:23:00,294 Hello? 373 00:23:00,337 --> 00:23:02,671 Karen! 374 00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:07,593 Karen! Karen! 375 00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:09,720 Hey, anybody got an Alka-Seltzer? 376 00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:10,805 Lew! 377 00:23:11,765 --> 00:23:14,433 This fucking perv just tried to mouth-rape me! 378 00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:16,352 Really? What the fuck, dude? 379 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:19,271 You're a guest in my home, and you go mouth-rape... 380 00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:23,359 - What's your name, sweetheart? - Destiny. 381 00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:24,735 Felicity. 382 00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:26,987 Come on, there was no raping. 383 00:23:27,030 --> 00:23:29,448 I wasn't raping. I'm not a rapey kind of guy. 384 00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,452 Karen! I was looking for you. There you are. 385 00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:35,162 God! Tell him I'm not rapey. 386 00:23:36,623 --> 00:23:38,833 I accidentally went down on her. 387 00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:42,002 What? How do you accidentally go down on someone? 388 00:23:42,045 --> 00:23:43,963 Big house, a lot of rooms, it was dark. 389 00:23:44,005 --> 00:23:47,716 I went to the bathroom, got turned around and accidentally went down on her. 390 00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:54,348 I buy it. Sell it to her. 391 00:23:56,017 --> 00:23:59,270 So I seem to have procured a little prophylactic. 392 00:24:01,815 --> 00:24:03,983 I'll get the car. 393 00:24:08,363 --> 00:24:10,948 I know, I smell like pussy. 394 00:24:11,032 --> 00:24:15,119 I'm sorry, Karen. I'm very sorry. That was an honest mistake. 395 00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:18,581 You just had your mouth on another woman's vagina? 396 00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:22,084 Yes, I did, but the moment my tongue hit clit I knew it wasn't yours. 397 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:23,627 - Shut up. - It wasn't perfect. 398 00:24:23,670 --> 00:24:26,922 I could pick your pussy out of a police line-up of pussy. I could. 399 00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:30,050 You know, if your pussy was ever arrested, God forbid, 400 00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:33,846 and had to be identified in some kind of line-up, I would get it right away. 401 00:24:33,889 --> 00:24:38,517 "Pussy number 2, step forward, turn profile. That's Karen." 402 00:24:39,436 --> 00:24:43,898 Oh, my God. I must have been fucking crazy thinking things could be different. 403 00:24:44,941 --> 00:24:47,151 Fuck me! 404 00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:56,827 Don't start saying things you can't take back. 405 00:24:56,870 --> 00:24:58,829 I don't want to take it back. 406 00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:00,539 - Yes, you do. - No, I don't. 407 00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:02,500 - You do. - Don't tell me what I mean. 408 00:25:02,542 --> 00:25:04,543 - Good evening, sir, ma'am. - Good evening. 409 00:25:04,586 --> 00:25:07,254 - You know why I stopped you? - No, I don't, sir. 410 00:25:07,297 --> 00:25:09,381 Educate me, Officer... 411 00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:12,468 - Dick? Really? - Shut up. 412 00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,553 - Hank, shut up. - Officer Dick. 413 00:25:14,596 --> 00:25:16,889 That was mean. That was really a low blow. 414 00:25:16,932 --> 00:25:21,101 - Coming from the mouth rapist? - You have a headlight out. 415 00:25:21,144 --> 00:25:24,563 It's been that way for months, but tonight I get stopped, of all nights. 416 00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:25,898 Just my fuckin' luck! 417 00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:30,277 - Cos it's all about luck. It has nothing... - Can we just sleep on this? 418 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,780 Is there a reason you're not wearing a shirt, sir? 419 00:25:32,864 --> 00:25:35,157 Yes, there is, officer. 420 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,452 There's a very good one, and I couldn't even begin to explain. 421 00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:39,912 No. Try, try. 422 00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:42,039 See if he thinks it was an honest mistake. 423 00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:44,291 OK, one more time, for the cheap seats. 424 00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:46,377 What happened there could have happened to anybody! 425 00:25:46,419 --> 00:25:49,922 Wrong place, wrong time, wrong vagina! 426 00:25:49,965 --> 00:25:52,716 Shh! I'm sorry. He's been drinking. 427 00:25:52,801 --> 00:25:54,635 What the fuck, Karen? 428 00:25:56,137 --> 00:25:59,348 - Have you been drinking, sir? - Hours ago. 429 00:25:59,391 --> 00:26:02,560 But not to excess. I don't do that anymore. 430 00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:05,521 I mean, I do, but not nearly as often as I used to. 431 00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:08,065 And he's been taking Vicodin. 432 00:26:08,108 --> 00:26:11,402 Come on, now. That's... Karen. 433 00:26:12,529 --> 00:26:16,156 I know you're pissed at me for going down on that woman, 434 00:26:16,199 --> 00:26:18,409 but are you trying to get me thrown in jail? 435 00:26:18,451 --> 00:26:20,369 - Shut the fuck up. - Step out of the car. 436 00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:21,579 Hold on, sir... 437 00:26:21,621 --> 00:26:26,375 - Out of the car now. - You just caught us at a really bad time. 438 00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:30,087 Excuse me for saying so, ma'am. You don't have to put up with this kind of behaviour. 439 00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:33,382 - I know. He's... - You just mind your own fuckin' business! 440 00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:34,466 Excuse me, sir? 441 00:26:34,509 --> 00:26:38,304 All due respect, Officer, but aren't you stepping outside the job description? 442 00:26:38,346 --> 00:26:40,681 I didn't know you guys had the right to editorialise. 443 00:26:43,810 --> 00:26:46,145 Have you been smoking marijuana, sir? 444 00:26:47,564 --> 00:26:50,566 - One hit. One! - OK, let's go. Turn around. 445 00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:52,776 You can't arrest somebody for being a wiseass. 446 00:26:52,819 --> 00:26:55,613 No, but I certainly can for driving under the influence. 447 00:26:55,655 --> 00:26:57,281 Officer, excuse me. 448 00:26:57,324 --> 00:27:00,117 This is just, like, a big misunderstanding. 449 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,744 Of course it is. OK? 450 00:27:01,786 --> 00:27:03,954 The thing that I can't understand 451 00:27:03,997 --> 00:27:07,875 is what a woman like that is doing with a prick like you. 452 00:27:07,917 --> 00:27:09,752 She's got to have a screw loose, right? 453 00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:12,129 Maybe that's how you like 'em, right, a little crazy? 454 00:27:12,172 --> 00:27:14,965 Maybe if you go down on her a little more often... 455 00:27:16,259 --> 00:27:18,344 Hank! What the... 456 00:27:18,678 --> 00:27:21,013 Hank! No! 457 00:27:23,099 --> 00:27:24,725 No! 458 00:27:31,524 --> 00:27:33,484 Not the balls!